Muse

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his birthday and all of my nieces and nephews were there and it was so cute explaining to them that there is a baby in my belly and that they're going to have a cousin, aka a new friend coming soon. And my little nephew is like staring at my stomach incessantly with just like pure curiosity and excitement and asking like, what's the name going to be? And asking if like if he is allowed to touch my belly. It's all very cute. And so, yeah, I anyways, life is lifing and all is pretty good. Call Her Daddy is brought to you by Airbnb. So sports are usually Matt's territory, but when it comes to soccer, you guys know, you know what? I'm all over it. So safe to say I am very excited for the FIFA World Cup coming to L.A. The last time I went to a global sporting event was during the Olympics. And honestly, the trip became so much more than just going to different games in Paris. I just remember Matt and I ended up booking the cutest apartment one weekend on Airbnb to explore different parts of France. One night after dinner, instead of I remember rushing home, we stopped in this tiny little local bar, ended up sitting next to a couple from I think they were from Madrid. And we just started talking and somehow found out that they also worked together and they had golden doodles. And we were like, oh, my God, this is meant to be. And then when Matt and I got back to the apartment that night, we opened a bottle of wine, sat on the balcony, talking for hours about all of the random moments that somehow end up becoming the best part of traveling. It was one of those trips where you come home and you just feel like you actually lived in a space instead of just visiting it. And that is what I love so much. about Airbnb. During the FIFA World Cup, people from all corners of the world come together. They're swapping jerseys, grabbing drinks after the match, maybe debating who actually has the best goalie, like whatever it is. And Airbnb makes it easy to stay together under one roof. You get to live in neighborhoods that actually feel local and experience a city beyond just the tourist spots. Airbnb, the world is meant to meet. Call Her Daddy is brought to you by ritual let me tell you a little something I love summer oh I love summer so much but when I tell you I get so excited for my plans and then I'm like oh my god but then I'm gonna eat and I'm gonna be out and then I'm gonna oh my god am I gonna have digestion issues am I gonna get bloated am I gonna have discomfort all of it we don't need to live like that okay don't let your gut keep you from living your best life ladies with rituals symbiotic plus you only need one

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probably burned the first batch you know we didn't get to see that part um or maybe it actually ended up tasting like shit but we just see the super quick easy couple step meal to make after work um and that is annoying even the fitness videos they look perfect they're sucking in the lighting is hitting perfectly they don't show the gasping for air in between takes I just I know this isn't a new concept I just feel like it's like shouting in my face recently like we're just constantly consuming content that says look how amazing my life is and oh by the way I barely even tried like look how I barely even like I barely put effort into this look how easy this was for me and I don't know I just feel exhausted from it it's toxic and it's just a filtered lie and this isn't just obviously social media it's definitely heightened there but I feel like this goes back. It actually reminded me, it's almost like going back to childhood. Stay with me. Okay. You're like, Alex, we don't always have to take it back to childhood. Yeah, we do. hold on do you guys remember the kid in school who would sit down for an exam ace it and be like oh my god I didn't even study for me the kid was Connor and I was like Connor and then meanwhile you're up you stayed up till like 2 a.m flashcards everywhere sweating through your t-shirt on your way to the test and maybe maybe by the grace of god you gotta be plus maybe honestly probably a maybe even a C, okay? And I was reflecting back on my drive home, thinking about like, whoa, why did we grow up feeling embarrassed for being the person who studied? Why did we validate the person who bragged about doing the bare minimum and still had some success or the same level of success as the person who actually tried? I feel like to some degree, we have carried that exact same energy straight into our adult lives and yes most visibly onto social media and then I couldn't help but think we've also carried it into modern dating for all my single girlies out there this one's for you I want to take accountability trust me I was the number one culprit I would say don't call her daddy and I it's not that I actually don't agree with it because it does work but it was like pretend you don't care it looks so much cooler I've literally said it before the person who cares least in the relationship holds all the power and it sucks because that shouldn't be the case but somehow it is in dating we can get so caught up in playing these psychological games where whoever you know takes longer to text back wins and if you show excitement you're desperate and if you plan a nice date oh my god well you should just end it all you're just doing way too

much so everyone then walks around wearing this like armor of like yeah we're just hanging out but like whatever I don't really care and it's a complete defense mechanism because if you act like you don't care then if it fails you don't have to face the humiliation of the rejection you can end up just saying like well I wasn't even trying anyways but as I've gotten older I've realized it is a very miserable way to live your life like yes without a doubt in dating it does work temporarily the guy may find you more interesting and elusive and confusing and distant so it makes him want you more because the chase is so fun who doesn't love the fucking chase but then in the end you just played a game pretending to be something that you're not all to win the guy that now doesn't even really know who you are and then to some degree you have to keep up this facade that is by no means enjoyable or fulfilling and I listen I have always always said when it comes to dating it is so important that you know your audience and you know what your end goal is if I was watching this podcast and I was in college I would be like all I'm taking from this Alex is like play the game ignore him make him want me because that is so applicable and relatable to your life in that moment and like if you were just trying to get your friends invited by the hot athlete to the party oh my god without a doubt honey you should act away you should be so cool you should so act like you don't care get in there it definitely works every time but I do think it's important to note because I do think as the daddy gang we are all you know evolving and we're growing. And I have some daddy gang that are older with me. Okay. It's not all just high school and college people watching this, even though I know you're here. So that's why I'm also saying like, girl, if you want to get invited to the party, oh, leave them on red, then text them back the next day. Like make it so confusing for sure. But it is a very temporary solve. And when you are at a young point in your life, a temporary solve is the perfect solve because nothing really is actually you want it to last like I don't actually fucking like the frat boy but I want to go to ki-fi tonight like hello and so this temporary solve I just think you need to be like aware of because eventually you do need to live your life and most of us care about our life and our happiness obviously and the short-term wins depending where you're at in your life and the circumstances when it does become all-encompassing and it becomes a part of your life in this like really major way that's in my opinion when you actually start to lose because then you are just being disingenuous to a degree that is beyond unfulfilling I feel like my college self would like slap me in the face right now I'm like shut up

I don't want to hear that so fair Alex keep doing what you're doing lock in those extensions put the self tanner on put the fake eyelashes on and do your fucking thing girl but I'm just at a different place in my life. Right. So that is not. is applicable to me anymore me being cool and elusive and like doing all that it does it it's not helping me at all I'm just getting I would just get annoyed and be like why why am I doing this like I don't need to go to kai fi tonight I don't want to go hook up with the frat bro like huh like he's my husband and I want him to understand what I'm directly fucking saying to him so it's circumstantial also let's say you are that person who actually does just have things fall in their lap like you win the game you get the guy you get the job and you don't really have to lift a finger for certain things in your life totally great to some degree but what skills did you build what resilience do you have some to some capacity someone could argue nothing zero the person who tries who sometimes fails who gets their heart broken who burns the dinner who has to rewrite the resume five times that person is inevitably building character and I'm not saying again if you are someone where like something comes easy to you like bitch just like go but if everything in life is just like I didn't really try to just have a like okay that's well that's also no fucking fun right I don't know I think when you focus entirely on making the outcome look effortless, because most of the time it is, you are essentially completely bypassing the actual point of life, which is the messy, uncomfortable, beautiful process of learning and growing. And so I think we need to stop glamorizing these people online and in life who are pretending it was just so easy and great if it actually was for them, but life isn't easy. So maybe the one thing that they're showing online, maybe it was actually easy for them, but you aren't seeing the other 10 things that they really struggled with. And I think it's important to talk about the psychological toll of all of this shit because it is one thing to look at an effortless video and think, okay, that is objectively fake. It's a whole other thing when you are lying in bed at 11 p.m., you are scrolling and you see someone launching a business or meal prepping for the entire month or doing a 5 a.m. workout routine. And they look flawless, not a drop of sweat, no eye bags, just pure productivity. What does that do to our brains? It makes us feel like absolute fucking garbage. We look at them and we think, wait, why am I struggling so hard just to just do the bare minimum? You feel like a failure because your real life has friction. Your house is messy when you cook.

You look like a drowned rat after you worked out. You actually have to cry sometimes when you are stressed about your career. You're not just girl bossing so fucking close to the sun 24-7. And so when other people make productivity look easy, not just possible, but legit like easy work, it weaponizes their success against your self-esteem. It makes you feel like you missed the memo on how to be a human being who can just do it all and then some little sprinkle, boom. And so inevitably we start thinking that because it's hard for us, we must be doing something wrong or we're just lazy pieces of shit. Why can't I get it together? How are they doing that? And I'll tell you why. Because you were at work all day and you had a hard day and then you came home or you were at home working hard all day and then work stopped and work could have been being a mother or work could have been a full-time job and then you had to feed yourself or you had to feed your family and the last thing you want to do is cook an aesthetic meal you just want something to literally feed your body and your hunger you don't have time to put on the aesthetic cute workout outfit okay you're throwing on your ripped college old t-shirt and some shorts with a couple holes in them and you are just proud that you made it to the goddamn gym. And a lot of times, maybe you're not making it to the gym because of the real day you had, the emphasis on the real day. And yeah, it needs to end with maybe decompression on the couch and not the perfect meal and the workout and the matching fucking set that goes with it. You want to eat your snacks, you want to watch your favorite TV show and you want to black out the hard day that you just had. That is closer to real life than almost anything. I also think, and I don't know, this could be a stretch, but I do think that this topic kind of ties into the mythical exhausting archetype of the cool girl. The cool girl is just like the ultimate embodiment of effortlessness, right? She's hot, but she obviously doesn't. try that hard to wear too much makeup. She's successful, but she never talks about working. And if she does like, oh, it just happened easily. And by making it all look so effortless, she's never been busier. She is grinding it out. And again, like cool, great. But please, can we not forget how much effort is going into the effortless image we are all consuming? guys I'm telling you it was a really productive drive like I was like boom because I was like I need to hear this so then I was like I think the daddy gang needs to hear this so here's my opinion because now it's like okay wait so what do we do my opinion what is actually cool what is genuinely attractive is trying and is evolving and that can be so messy and unsexy

and unglamorous and really hard and really exhausting but it is so much cooler to meet someone who says yeah I am trying this new thing and honestly I kind of suck at it right now or like it's really hard and I'm working through it but I'm figuring it out that takes a secure ego that is someone I personally want to follow and learn from and be friends with and so the next time you see someone making life look so effortless and you start to feel that wave of shame that we feel every time we open our phones and we see the perfect aesthetic and all the 10-step program, I want you to actually just flip the script. Just remind yourself that you are living in the real world. You are doing the heavy lifting. You are experiencing trial and error, and you are actually changing and growing. You are not living to quickly capture something on your phone for everyone else to give you validation over. How do you feel about yourself? If you were never able to open the internet again if you were never able to post a video again how would you feel about yourself do you feel good are you happy with your life that's all that fucking matters so I also think keeping in mind and maybe this is just like me getting older grandma Cooper coming through but this is not the shit that at 80 years old we are going to be showing our grandchildren or our friends and our families. Like, guys, look at this picture I took and like, look how aesthetic my shoes were in this photo. And it so gave cool girl. Oh my God. Look at that. No. It will be the stories about life and living and failing and the struggles you overcame. When you think about the things you are proudest of achieving in your life so far, did they come from an effortless moment or did they come from a time where you worked your fucking ass off or you survived something really hard and now you get to look back and be so proud of yourself for all of the hard work you put in because you tried and you care and that is the least embarrassing thing I truly think you own it be proud of it be proud of who you are for putting yourself out there be proud of your life that is fucking cool and I think that makes you way more fucking interesting so again this isn't to like just shit on the internet but it is to put in perspective for ourselves of like what we are consuming is potentially causing us more anxiety and more harm than good and you need to be able to differentiate your real life from just like something that you think maybe scrolling is going to alleviate your stress from the day and it's actually only going to make you so much more stressed. And so I think that we have to force ourselves to wake up because like I said, when we're 80, we're going to look back and be like, fuck, I spent so much fucking time on that thing. I'm like, what? And so to make sure we're curating

our pages of like people we actually feel like we get uplifted from and storytellers and creators. Again, I get it. We're not going to just fucking throw our phones into the ocean. And if you are that person, babe, honestly, so much power to you. But there is a line that I think we can start to straddle between being so more aware of like calling it what the fuck it is. Social media and all of it creates addiction. Most of us are living and breathing with an addiction. and it is not our fault this has been a these are billion trillion dollar companies and in an industry that is profiting off of this and so I think when you then when you zoom in to your life and you're sitting at home and you're miserable after work and you're just feeling like fuck my day was so hard my boss was an asshole I like I'm not making the amount that I want at my job or my co-workers are being assholes or am I at the right position and oh by the way I have to now go deal with my family this weekend and I'm so stressed about that we feel and I do believe in the beginning days of social media this was the truth we feel like the internet will actually bring us reprieve and it will cause us to feel so much relief because it will take us out of our day-to-day just like sometimes we feel when we watch a movie or we read a book but that is so different it is endless it is comparison and you are watching essentially a version of your life just looking 10 times fucking better because of the curation because of the people behind these machines and so we have to try to remember that and that's I don't know I know this is such a heavy frustrating topic because then it feels like and then we're going to get in bed tonight and we're just going to keep scrolling but I do think if you are someone who is struggling with your mental health if you are struggling with comparison if you are struggling with jealousy if you are struggling with self-worth if you are struggling with not feeling great about where you're at in your career your personal life your financial life any of it the internet is only going to make you feel worse about it and so you really need to try to find a will and a way to disengage to some degree. Like I will say, so I deleted TikTok off of my phone for almost a month and I re-uploaded it because I wanted to post these two videos that I was posting on Instagram. I wanted to post them there for work and I posted them for work and then I went to my for you page and I was like I can handle this like I'm just gonna I'm just gonna and then 30 minutes goes by and I was like no no no I can't handle this and

I'm telling you guys my dopamine levels like I was immediately more triggered in a bad mood things I was seeing I was just like oh like I don't like this I don't like the way I'm feeling and there was such a happiness I realized I had been feeling from not engaging in that world and I will say even TikTok versus Instagram, like for me, like TikTok, I feel like started as this really positive app. And now it's just like all these like really, um, like the comment sections are so hateful. I'll see a girl making a video about food and I'm like, really guys, I'm like trying to fucking cook. Okay. I like, I don't want to talk about it, but I'm like trying to cook and I've been trying to cook and I'm like getting into these so many reps to bees. I saw this woman who made this like dumpling thing oh my god you guys it looks so good it's like it's like an easier way to make dumplings and I fucking love dumplings then I go to the comment section and I'm appalled people are commenting on her shirt and her hair and her outfit and telling her that she's a fucking hypocrite because the last time that she had said that she didn't really like using soy sauce and she was more of a whatever sauce and I'm like oh my god I need to get out of here I literally need to get off the internet like I'm so scared I'm so scared by these comment sections it's so terrifying out there seeing this poor girl trying to make dumplings. And then all of a sudden she's getting crucified because like people are saying her hair looks electrocuted and they're saying that she is like, what? And I was like, I need to delete the app again. And so I was like, I'm just going to re-upload it every time I want to upload a video and then I'm removing it from my phone. And I have been reading, I've been rereading Throne of Glass. Oh my God, there's so many books in the series which also like pro tip but like if you're really trying to get off of social media find a series because that I'm just like in my series right now I'm loving it there's so many books in that series and I am like a kid in a candy store every night I get in bed I don't scroll on social media and I'm just reading and I'm not saying that I'm you know 100% healed from all of the addiction that I too have in my veins, but I am trying to actively, I said this to my therapist, I would consider myself a smart person. And so shame on me if I have a situation in front of me that is essentially my own version of a study. When I am on TikTok and I am scrolling for longer than a minute, my mental health is not as positive as it was before I opened the app. That is a fact. When I spend more than a minute to an hour reading books, my mental health is five times better

because I feel inspired and I feel intellectually stimulated and I feel like I'm in this brilliant world building that this author created for me and I'm vocabulary wise expanding my palette like all of this and so I would be an idiot then right if I then chose at night to pick up my phone and do the thing that makes me feel like shit Thank you. rather than going for the book. Right? So why is it so fucking hard? Why is it so hard then? Because it's not just the phone. It is the social pressure that we feel. It is so hard to feel like you are not in it. It's so hard to feel like also you want it. You have to put way more fucking effort into reading. You can be so brain dead when you are scrolling on social media, but somehow you're brain dead so you're getting nothing out of it and although we say like no I got some for sure I've learned like a couple things off social media but the negative outweighs the positives right and so it's like how are we going to force ourselves to only engage with things that make us happy damn it's a cruel world out there daddy gang call her daddy is brought to you by sofi the all-in-one finance app to bank borrow and invest daddy gang say goodbye to account fees and give your bank balance a glow up with sofi high yield savings account. Get over eight times the national average savings rate and up to a $300 welcome bonus when you sign up with eligible direct deposit. Sign up at SoFi.com slash call her daddy. SoFi checking and savings offered through SoFi Bank and a member FDIC term supply. Call Her Daddy is brought to you by Clorox. Oh, you know, trying to keep your house clean. It's like one day a week. You're like, I'm going to get this place together. And then all of a sudden the rest of the week. You're like, wait, oh my God, I need to keep it clean, but I don't want to spend all that time cleaning. Introducing Clorox disinfecting wipes. Okay. Boom. That is where you will be cleaning. This is your ride or die. Let me tell you something. You think, oh, I can't take that much time to clean. You don't need to. You just need Clorox disinfecting wipes because just one Clorox wipe tackles up to 50 feet of cleaning. I remember my entire childhood, my mother would whip out that box and immediately my house would smell incredible you don't need to spend tons of time or millions of products to clean your house with Clorox wipes it's just one and done even with sticky icky messes we are talking kitchen bathroom literally anywhere okay anywhere you need to clean up this is what you need to be using these wipes are perfect for

multitasking if you're like oh my gosh I need to do this right now yeah you do because daddy gang what are we waiting for plus the gentle lemon scent is so light and fresh that smell when I came home from school oh Lori got the house together shop Clorox disinfecting wipes now at walmart.com slash Clorox wipes in the spirit of I don't even know let's answer some questions so there has been so much conversation in my dms recently and I didn't even know where to start today so I'm we're gonna go all over the place okay first question I'm in my 30s and still going through dating at this point a lot of the dating pool is either divorced or divorced with kids I found a really great guy I think but I never pictured myself dating someone with kids and trying to keep an open mind advice okay I love this question because I think that as we continue to progress in our life we have these genuine ideas of what we think we're gonna end up with We have these people in our heads from a young age sometimes of like, this is my guy or this is my girl and this is what they're going to be like. And then life happens and you maybe don't get the job you thought or your life changes and all this. And there's so much that ends up not going the way that you planned. And then all of a sudden you're like, should I just try so hard to force what I thought I wanted when I was younger? Or should I look at my life at where it is now and accept it and embrace it and enjoy it? And I think for you, it's like, if you are finding that all these men that you end up going out with are divorced, like, amazing. And who cares, right? And so I think there's like a, there's a stigma, right? And maybe that means though that this person is, couldn't be more open and knows exactly what they want. And especially if they have kids, listen, I completely understand there are going to be some people where they're like, it just wouldn't be for me. I wouldn't want to be a stepmother. I do think that it seems like you are open to dipping your toes in. And I think as long as you're open with the person that you're dating and you say, listen, I have never dated someone or it's very, very few that I've dated that have a kid. And I, I have to be really upfront. Like I need to just see how this progresses and goes as I'm sure you also need to, I know you're not going to just, you know, introduce me to your child immediately, but I want to, I want. to be respectful to the dynamic and be upfront and honest that like I don't know how I fully feel yet but I want to explore this but I want to put that on the table immediately I think people have so much respect when you're just like upfront from the very beginning because then you never hit anything you were never dishonest and you were never misleading so get after it girl okay please ensure this is anonymous babe I got you um I don't know what to do I'm in college and I have four roommates and three of them are in long-term healthy relationships and the other one is

constantly in and out of situationships. I am the only one who is chronically single and they never want to go out or do anything fun. And if they do, they always bring their boyfriend. I just want my friends back. What do I do? Okay. I have to say, instead of being like, I just want my friends back. What do I do? I think you have to number one, accept your friends for where they are at in their life we're not mad that they have boyfriends right but we are frustrated that it has disrupted the dynamic that you are used to with your friends totally understandable what I would say to you though is I feel like sometimes when we are the one single friend in a group dynamic where all of our friends are in relationships we convince ourselves like we are the ones who are lacking or there's something wrong with us and it's like just because you're single that doesn't mean there's anything wrong with you if anything you could argue you're not settling you're not going to put up with the bare minimum you are someone who is like you know what I mean like don't I not that you're saying that but I just want you to remind yourself of that so what I would say is almost similar to date nights that all of your friends and relationships are doing you need to be doing single nights for yourself with other single women your schedule is just as important and valuable as your friend's schedule with their romantic partners. The single friend should not be looked at as someone who is like, oh, well, your life is less complicated. And so therefore you should bend and, you know, to our rules and to our schedules. Absolutely not. You are a human being who has needs and who has wants and who has a life. And so you need to treat yourself just the same. Like when they have date nights and you're like rolling your eyes, it's like no no no say they always do date nights on Thursdays who knows that's your single night and or doesn't need to be on Thursdays it could be wherever you want but like pour into yourself and realize that your time is as precious as theirs so we need to get you some single friends and I think then it will make you less frustrated by the obvious shift and the kind of like hole that you're feeling with your non-single friends because if you were like out vibing dancing all night you had some drinks you met up with people you and your single friends had a crazy night then when the next night everyone's cuddled up with their boo and you're like fucking hung over whatever you're like so happy to be at peace you're like hey Brad can you grab oh yeah grab me the uh grab me some popcorn yeah you're like literally in between all the couples and you couldn't be happier because you're like great I can have literally like my my big pants on my cozies I'm watching the movie with everyone and I don't want any of the men that I was just with last night to be here it's my night off if anything when you're hanging out with them you're like oh this is mama's night off babe that's how I think you need to think about it okay this is a great question and this I think was very um relatable a lot of people wrote in to me just

about struggling with the dynamic after college moving home so let's get into it someone wrote in and said I am trying to decide if I want to move back home with my grandma to save money to study in London next year. I'm 26 and have lived alone for a long time. And I feel like it's embarrassing to move in with my family, although it's a greater, although it's for a greater purpose. Should I do it? Absolutely. And, and here's what I will say. Sacrifice is not embarrassing and having a goal is not embarrassing. This is a temporary situation that fits into a plan that you have for yourself that is prioritizing yourself and so yes it's a sacrifice but it is for the greater good of a goal that you want for yourself and sometimes the plan includes things that are not going to be as glamorous and that is okay the fact that you will then get to be in London and you're going to put yourself in the position to go to London and to study and to experience a new culture and meet new people imagine how incredible when you go out to dinner with new friends or you're on a date and you get to say like I sacrificed for a year so I could come here and experience this how much sweeter is that going to taste so I understand listen the feeling of moving in and back with your parents girl I like I hear you I am so there I get it we are all going to feel insecure we're going to be like oh my god I I'm living with family right now but you have your plan and that's all that matters and you don't have to convince people of your plan like anyone listening that's so frustrated because maybe you're not where you're at in life right now and it does pertain to you living at home and you're saving and you're trying you're trying and you understandably it fucking sucks it fucking sucks if you're going on a date and you're like I live with my parents I so hear you but I also want you to give yourself more grace to just realize like you are someone who is resilient and you are working your ass off to have a great life for yourself and that is going to be the situation sometimes and so be easier on yourself um yeah I think girl you're going to London but first you're going to grandma's house and that's okay call her daddy is brought to you by sofi the all-in-one finance app to bank borrow and invest daddy gang say goodbye to account fees and give your bank balance a glow up with sofi high yield savings account. Get over eight times the national average savings rate and up to a

$300 welcome bonus when you sign up with eligible direct deposit. Sign up at SoFi.com slash Call Her Daddy. SoFi checking and savings offered through SoFi Bank and a member FDIC term supply. Call Her Daddy is brought to you by Clorox. Oh, you know, trying to keep your house clean. It's like one day a week. You're like, I'm going to get this place together. And then all of a sudden the rest of the week. You're like, wait, oh my God, I need to keep it clean, but I don't want to spend all that time cleaning. Introducing Clorox disinfecting wipes. Okay. Boom. That is where you will be cleaning. This is your ride or die. Let me tell you something. You think, oh, I can't take that much time to clean. You don't need to. You just need Clorox disinfecting wipes because just one Clorox wipe tackles up to 50 feet of cleaning. I remember my entire childhood, my mother would whip out that box and immediately my house would smell incredible you don't need to spend tons of time or millions of products to clean your house with Clorox wipes it's just one and done even with sticky icky messes we are talking kitchen bathroom literally anywhere okay anywhere you need to clean up this is what you need to be using these wipes are perfect for multitasking if you're like oh my gosh I need to do this right now yeah you do because daddy gang what are we waiting for Plus the gentle lemon scent is so light and fresh. That's smell. When I came home from school, ooh, Lori got the house together. Shop Clorox Disinfecting Wipes now at walmart.com slash Clorox Wipes. Someone said, my fiance will not sit down and talk to me about future finances. What do I do? He keeps saying, quote, we'll figure it out, but will not sit down and discuss with me. I have tried so many times. girl okay some people may not like this but this is my personal advice you need to go to your fiance you need to put the ring take it off of your finger and you need to put it down on the table and you need to say I cannot with good conscience no matter how much I love you no matter how much I want to move forward and get married and I love our relationship I cannot get married if we do not have an adult mature conversation about our finances. I can't get married if you can't have that one conversation with me. And I have tried multiple times to do this. I have been denied every single time I have tried to do this. And if you can't do that for me, I don't understand how we have a future here because life is going to be about a lot of uncomfortable situations and a lot of uncomfortable conversations in a marriage and if you can't meet me here and you can't sit down and have a face-to-face eye contact honest conversation then what foundation have we built I just am so I don't know like I get so protective especially

for women when it comes to finances like it freaks me out because you're not being dramatic If someone is actively avoiding having a conversation with you in a relationship, that is your business. You are trying to plan for your life. You cannot let this person essentially gaslight you into thinking that like, oh, you know, we'll figure it out. Lori Cooper, my mother, always said this to me. And I hope people can hear this and honestly know it's only coming from a loving place when I say and when she says. something that bothers you in your relationship will only get 10 times worse when you get married. If you think that dating, oh, well, when we get married, he won't do that. No, no, no, no. He'll do it and it will only get worse unless you are actively working to solve something, unless you are actively in couples therapy together or there is an honest, earnest effort from him. Other than that, like this is going to be your life, girl. And so you need to hold strong in we ain't moving forward until I get some answers. And if you're not comfortable with that then I'm not comfortable with this. Don't let that bitch gaslight you. Okay this was a topic that sadly was very common so I want to touch on this. Someone wrote in and said hi daddy I am currently on the phone with one of my friends discussing how to go about an intervention with one of our friends over drinking because she has become a full-blown alcoholic. We're in our 20s and love going out and having fun but it has gotten so out of hand and she is now drinking every day around the clock by herself and hiding alcohol in her closet even though she lives alone anyways we've tried to talk to her about it before but it turns into a giant fight every single time and we don't know what else to do we love her so much but we genuinely are so worried that she was going to drink herself to death any advice would be amazing oh that is so hard and I'm really sorry because I just feel like there's something so hard about addressing alcoholism when you are at that young age in your life when you are in your teens or your 20s even your 30s where like I don't know I feel like you hear alcoholics and it's like the dad or the this and like addressing it in your early 20s it just feels like no they don't have a problem and so the fact that enough friends around this person are like we are scared for this person's life that is so serious but also recognizing fuck being a friend is so hard because you're like you can't force this person to do anything you can't force this person to get help and I think what's so hard about addicts is you don't want to completely abandon them and and I know the frustration when it's like we've tried and we've tried and we've tried and they don't take your help and sometimes it's like just being there and trying and trying and trying is what is actually

going to save the person's life even as exhausting it is and I'm not saying it is your responsibility like it's such a hard complicated situation and I obviously don't have all the details but I would say my advice is I think because you're in a friend group it probably is really really tough of like let's say it was after night out and you guys then go to her like there is an element of ganging up on even though you're not doing it intentionally this is such a wound this person clearly cannot see and is not able to identify right now I think that sometimes weirdly in these situations maybe writing a letter would be the most effective to start it and writing a really heartfelt letter maybe from all of you maybe from one of you again you know your friend better I don't know you would have to kind of assess the situation but I do think you can set a boundary and this is where it obviously gets so complicated with addicts where it's like you don't want to leave this person you don't want to abandon them and also you deserve to live your life you're clearly in your early 20s you guys are having fun you're going out and I can only imagine as someone who has experienced someone in my early 20s who was around me with extreme addiction it was I don't even know the word like it was one of the hardest things that I have ever experienced in my life because you don't know what to do and when you are that young you shouldn't know what to do you're in a position right now where it's like what the like what you're seeing things probably when you're out with this person and so I think you could eventually say and it feels like it probably has gotten to this point the way that you're writing in that I'm reading it's like you guys have had interventions before I don't think you're far off from saying listen we are in pain watching you be in pain it is hurting us to watch you hurt yourself and we we can't keep doing this cycle and so we want to spend time with you we love you as a friend we would love to continue to like hang out but we want to do it in a way that doesn't involve alcohol we would love to do whether we do workout classes in the morning or we go for brunch or we go shopping or we go to the park or we all go on walks like we want to try to be there with you but we can't keep doing it when alcohol is involved and we love you and and we're sorry it has gotten to this point but like we can't keep we can't keep doing this oh man i'll end on that one that's I just feel like it's so hard and I guess that's what life is right it's like everyone is coming from their own situation and their perspective and and I feel for her and I feel

for you and that fucking sucks because there's never kind of a right answer when it comes to that stuff so I mean I've had a lot of people I feel like write in recently about alcoholism and and even if it's your partner right like how to handle and a lot of people understandably have such a like I just said a hard time naming it right with alcohol it's one thing with drugs I think drugs it is so much easier to be like oh you're an addict you're using but with alcohol because it is so social and it's a part of culture to a capacity depending on where you live and who you're friends with it's so much harder to call it what it is and it is an alcohol problem most at the time, if you are going out with someone, if you're going out with your partner, if you're going out with your friend and it constantly turns into they over drink, they have an alcohol problem. If they are constantly ruining nights because they cannot control themselves, they have an alcohol problem. If you are, like you just said, catching this person drinking alone, like that is an alcohol problem. And so it then does start to, you know, seep into everyone's lives that is associating with this person and that is when relationships get ruined and so to live under the same roof whether it's a you know a partner or something there are steps you can take and you can be there for someone but then at some point being there for someone also does change from being there trying trying trying to being there from a distance and being supportive but also being supportive of yourself and your own mental health and recognizing that sometimes no matter what you do it is not going to help that person like what the fuck is the thing you can bring the horse to water but you can't force the horse to then drink the water they've got to do that on their own so oh I didn't mean to end with a negative but I've got a I've got a large Sunday girls okay I got a lot to do today um just like a lot of like chores and I've got I'm gonna do laundry I got to go get run some errands got to go shopping I got to take my dogs on a walk I got to feed this baby um yeah there's a lot to do there's a lot to do and there's a lot to do for all of us so daddy gang I love you guys so much I hope that was an enjoyable Sunday session and you know more car thanks brought to Sunday sessions here for you got you um I love you guys so much. And I will see you fuckers on Wednesday. Goodbye.

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