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This episode of Chrisley Confessions 2.0 is brought to you by Booking.com. Booking.com offers a wide array of hotels and vacation rentals across the U.S. so you can find exactly what you're looking for. There's something for everyone, even those who are impossible to please. Find exactly what you're booking for. Booking.com. Booking.yeah. Book today on the site or in the app. Welcome to another episode of Chrisley Confessions, as Todd does 2.0.

how are you today darling i'm good how are you well if i was any better i'd have a twin and

you'd do both of us oh my god no this world can only handle one that's what i am so i am super excited to delve into something um it seems like every conversation that you and i have with other parents of adult children, it always circles back to raising adult children. And so today we're talking about what it really looks like to raise adult children, letting go, staying connected, setting boundaries, and learning when to speak and when to stay quiet.

Well, clearly I have mastered none of those.

Right. But I think I think everybody's in the same boat. And I think that's why I'm so excited to do this episode, because we can only speak for us. We can only speak for what has worked, what hasn't worked. And we can only speak to how we're navigating this in this in this current time. Like we are navigating it as we speak. Right. And I think there's so many people who are in our same boat and they don't really know what to do, because let's face it, we've never raised adult children. You've never raised adult children until you've raised adult children. Right.

Well, I mean, I guess I could look at it from two sides. I guess I could say if you're having to raise adult children, then somewhere along the way of raising the children, you maybe didn't get something right. and i'm speaking about us in general right um because i look back on how we raised our children and clearly we didn't get a lot of shit right because ours has stepped outside of their raising

more times than they stayed in it right but i don't and i agree with that to a certain degree but i also feel like that when i say raising adult children i think it just means for me continuing as a parent with adult children how that changes not necessarily raising even though we are um but it's the dynamics it's the relationships it's how how your relationship evolves once they become quote unquote adults well i think that for me i have had to learn

to look at our children, not as my children anymore, but as fellow adults or, you know, people that are, but they're still your children. They are still your children, but as adults and I would, without my 28 months sabbatical, I don't know that I would have ever gotten to the place that I'm at right now. I've done my job. Right. I have raised my children. Right. Um, I have done everything in my power, whether it was right or wrong. Right. It was always done with the right intentions. Right. I didn't I did not have my first child when I had my first child. It didn't that child did not come with a handbook. Right. So I had to learn. And you really were a child having a child. Well, I was 21. And that's really a child having a child. The so, you know, then I had my second one 14 months later. And so hopefully I was a little bit better with the second one than I was with the first one. And then I believe I was way better with the third.

one and then certainly better with the fourth one. And then with the fifth one, I think that I was just, I was older and more mature and things didn't bother me the way that they bothered me. You know, when I was 21 years old, when I was trying to prove to everyone that I could do everything and get it all right at the same time. Right now, I feel like that we've done, we've done what we can do. Right. As parents, we raised our children to the best of our ability. Right. I think that when you have adult children, that your door needs to be open. Right. As long as whoever's coming through that door is going to treat that as a safe as a safe space, one that is to be respected and to be cherished, because it's a blessing for a for an adult child to be able to come home to their parents and sit down and have a heartfelt conversation and say, Mom, did you ever go through this? I'm going through this situation or dad, I'm going through this situation. Um, but we have raised this generation, I believe is truly one of the most selfish, lazy generations that's ever been raised. I agree. And I think that you have siblings that are so jealous of each other that they bring so much heartache into the household because as a parent, you're trying to be the peacekeeper.

I am the peacekeeper of the whole family. You know that. That has my role. I don't know how I got stuck with it, but I did. I am the peacekeeper when it comes to you and the kids, the kids and the kids, the kids and other people. Because, of course, I want peace. I want peace between my children.

But is it really peace if you have to bend every time on what your core values are? Is it peace because the situation calmed down because you gave them what they wanted or did you voluntarily sacrifice your peace in order for them to find?

Well, I do think you do that as a parent. No, I'm not. I think you do that. I don't. I don't.

I don't believe you should. I do not believe that as an adult, I don't believe that as an adult that you owe someone else your peace.

No, I don't think that you owe it.

Because I think that that breeds resentment.

I don't think that you owe it. No, I don't. I don't. I can remember back, and I probably talked about this before, but I can, I mean, it's so vivid. I can remember being in the grocery store with the four kids. And when I say the four kids, I'm meaning Lindsey Kyle, Chase Savannah, right? And Chase and Savannah were just babies. I want to say Savannah was like a newborn, and Chase was one, and so they were like, what, six and seven? And I can remember having them all four in the grocery store and walking through that grocery store thinking, what have I done?

I think that's normal.

What have I done? I can't do this. Like, there's no way I have these four kids that I am raising every day. I can't do this. And I look back now and it was the easiest time ever because that was physically exhausting to me.

But the reason that was that you can look back now and say that was the easiest time is because you're past that. Right. You're now going into uncharted territory, which is what you was doing in the grocery store that day with all four of them. That was uncharted territory. It's easy to look back after you've overcome something and say, right, that was the easiest time.

Right. Well, and that again, that was physically exhausting. Now I feel like it's emotionally exhausting.

Absolutely.

Because, you know, as parents, we're learning that our opinion is not is no longer the final word. Well, it's not the final word. We watch our adult children make decisions that we don't agree with, you know, that and even more so not agree with. Yes, we watch that. But we also it's like we can see what's going to happen. We know what's going to happen either because we've lived it or because we've been on this earth long enough to know what the end result is going to be. And it's like, and you say, it's not going to work out. It's not going to work out. And, you know, then you get labeled as, oh, you're just a Debbie downer. You don't want this for me. You don't want me to be happy. No, I can see how this is going to work out. I know it, but I know it as good as I'm sitting here right now that it's not going to work out. But they're going to bust a gut and do it. It just doesn't matter.

Well, for me, and again, I do think that this is where you and I are at a different place with this. I don't give a shit anymore. I don't care. If you want to go out here and act trashy as hell, if you want to go shack up with this one and you want to do this with this one, go do you. Right. Because it's no longer a representation of how you were raised. Right. It's a representation.

representation of your lack of good judgment. Right. That is what it is. So I'm in a place now to where I'm willing to let mine catch those sins. Right. But how do you stay supportive instead of always being reactive? I think that you stay supportive first off by protecting your peace, because if, if you come in my house to where everything was calm, diptyque candles going, and we have created our space of calmness and you come in and you turn it upside down, you got to go because you've now disrespected my peace. Right. Now, if you come in and accept this space as being a nurturing, caring, safe place for you. Right. And you're going to respect that. Right. Then I want to have a conversation with you.

But don't you think, and I'm not just saying this about our children. I'm saying this about people in general. Most of the time people say, okay, they want your input. They want your opinion. But really, if it doesn't go with their narrative, then they really don't want it.

And then they resent that you took the time to give it to them. Right. I mean, you sit and say to me, because folks, listen, if I'm done, I'm done. I'm not coming back to revisit it. i am done with certain situations in my life right that bothers you because you can't be done

right i can be done with certain things and certain people yes but you can't be done with

our kids no no and i can no i can be done with your bullshit right i'm not going to keep listening to you doing the same shit over and over and over and the end result is the same every time Right. So that means you're stuck on stupid. Right. So you need to be getting some mental help. Right. And I'm not your therapist. And you're not taking up my whole damn day. You're not consuming my life anymore. I raised you. I did as much or more than any daddy that I know of. Right. So I don't owe you anything else after that time that you go out here and start making these stupid ass decisions. Right. You're not going to come in here because we, our kids is the same as everybody else's. it's why i said when the show that was out with sally fields brothers and sisters it was the best description of our family yeah i really felt that way yeah because you had you had the oldest sister and then you had the youngest sister and those two were constantly doing this then you had the other you had the older brother and you had the younger brother and they was doing this And who was stuck in the middle? The mama, Sally. And you and my mother and Sally Fields are exactly the same. Because if Chase is bitching about Savannah to you, mm-hmm, mm-hmm. But Chase, you don't mean that. Savannah beeps in. What are you doing? Talking to Chase. Oh, I'm sure he was talking shit about it. No, Savannah, he wasn't. Chase, you're still there. Yes, that was Savannah. No, I did not tell her. And you're going to stop. I don't do that. I tell them, shut the hell up.

This is my thing. If it doesn't further, if it doesn't make the situation better, why do I need? Because I know he's just spouting off.

But sometimes you just need to blow it up and get it over with.

No, because at the end of the day, I know they're just mad or they're just frustrated. And they're just they just want to be heard for a minute. Why would I go tell them everything?

I'm not saying you're telling me everything. I don't tell them what the other ones are saying. I say to both of them and have to all of them, shut the hell up talking about your sibling when you've done sorrier than what you're accusing them of.

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so i think again as i was doing some research just on this topic because it has been brought to us and we have talked about it with many people um roughly one in three adults ages 18 to 34 live with their parents in the u.s studies show that this trend rose dramatically after covid and has remained historically high. This same generation. Adult sons are slightly more likely than daughters to live at home. About 35 to 38 percent of men ages 18 to 34 lives with their parents compared to 28 to 30 percent of women. And around 50 to 60 percent of parents with adult children provide some form of financial support meaning renter housing a cell phone bill car insurance groceries health insurance blah blah blah you know i need a 20 here 50 here whatever and i do think this is true you know because it's all relative it's all relative to what you can do whether it's you know getting your mama to venmo you five dollars you know if that's what you got I feel like parents still try to do anything they can do to help their kids.

We know that because we're still doing it.

Exactly. But I feel like it's just so different than when we were their ages.

Because we had too much pride to call our parents and say, we can't make this house payment. We can't make this car payment. Right. We can't pay our child's nursery bill. Right. We were too proud. Right. So we got up and got our ass on a job. Right. These and no one this generation is not to blame for being sorry. Right. We are. We are. Because we we literally gave that generation.

everything that we wish we had had yeah and now we look back and say what we didn't had is what gave us the desire to be able to go out here and get it yeah they don't know how to hunt they're sitting at the kitchen table waiting on us to walk in and bring what we killed right right and you

know we've said it before moving out used to be like the norm you couldn't wait to get old enough so that you can move out and be on your own and have a job and have your own money and you know and I've said this before, and we've talked about it, a lot of parents will say, well, we did it at 22. But also, the financial reality of being 22 today looks very different than it did when we were 22.

So you're saying that because rent is more. I'm just saying, it does look differently. Well, everything looks differently. It looked differently when I was out here trying to pay a house payment, and my mom and daddy's first house payment was $98. Right, yeah.

And mine was six hundred. Right. I do. I agree. But what I'm saying is I do think it's a different time. And in certain ways, I think because they've been exposed to so much more, it makes it more difficult. But I also on the flip side, I'm kind of like stuck in the middle because also on the flip side, when I say, OK, well, you know, they're only twenty five. But I look at where I was at 25 exactly that i was raising four children at 25 you know i was married um i think i don't know i don't know if it's just and i kind of went down a rabbit hole of this that is adulthood delayed today or is it just redefined i think that's a very first of all i can answer that for you both ways is adulthood redefined is it delayed today is adulthood delayed today meaning what we considered adults back then we don't consider them adults now you know why i know what you mean

why because i was educated enough to figure out figure that shit out is adulthood delayed yeah you know why adulthood is delayed because we've delayed because we've delayed it we honey it's okay that you fail that class. Mom and daddy will pay for you to take another one. Yeah. So at the end of the day, this generation, our government society as a whole, and what went on in our own homes has created this because we have become a country that says there's a reason why you can't do this. Rather than you saying, but I can do this. It's become so easy for people. The government says, you know what? You're not making enough to buy this house. Well, let's go to the builder and say, we're going to limit you on how much you can charge for this house. You can't afford to buy these groceries. Let's limit the producer who paid for the fertilizer, the farm help, the time that it took to grow it, we're going to limit what you can charge for this.

It's almost like dumbing it down.

Exactly. And so you want to talk about other countries, how they shit on us as far as education goes. Look at China. Look at China. They ain't over there making excuses. Now, listen, I'm not a China supporter, but they're not over there making excuses for their people being sorry as hell.

And not being educated

is not an option. I mean, education is so important that they're willing to send their kids over here and let them become citizens to get an education so they can go back to their country and take what they learned over here and bring it over there. Right. I was like, oh shit, do I have a class today? I mean, it's like totally not what I want to do. Screw that shit. You, if you are too sorry to go to class, get your ass on the job.

Right.

If you are able to go out here and screw and have kids, have them in your own home. Right. You support that situation. If you want to get married, i've said this forever to our children marry up marry up because you marrying beneath you and you lazy as hell that means you got one lazier than you down there marry up well i think the

bible says you should marry and be equally yoked yeah so you don't need one sorry one you don't

need two sorry ones. If you're going to have one sorry one, you got to have an overachiever. Right. And then hopefully this one up here will bring, unfortunately, this is what happens. The overachievers up here, the underachievers here, this one right here, this one rises and this one has to come down. I know I have dealt with it my whole life. Whatever. That is not true. But I just feel like that I was talking to a friend of mine the other day, and it's so sad to see these kids today with the entire.

entitlement that they have. Yes. Yes. Because, you know, and, and these kids, they got more damn shit wrong with them than anybody that me and you ever went to school with combined. Right. You're right. I mean, I've never seen such shit going on. Yeah. Well, I am, I'm, I'm emotionally, I'm not in a well space. So I can't, why is this house emotionally? I'm not in a well space to clean why does the car have no gas and emotionally i'm not in a well enough space to go to gas and

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Your parents don't owe you anything after you're grown and gone. They owe you nothing. You should be a joy to your mom and daddy. They should be able, when they see you pulling their driveway, they should say, oh my, I mean, running out the door getting their grandkids. They should not say, shit, here they are. Here they are. You know there's going to be some shit. That's not, you've not brought them, Joey. No. They've sacrificed their whole life to educate you, to make sure you had the best that they could afford to give you, to create a safe space for you. And I feel like that a lot, a reason a lot of these kids act the way that they do today is because they have been given a safe space to act the way that they act.

Yeah. Yeah. You're right. So, right. And folks, we're not saying anything on here today. I mean, we really are referencing ourselves. We're not like in certain things.

I'm referencing ourselves, but I'm also referencing so many people that reach out to me that want advice or personal friends that have the issues.

What I'm trying to say is we're not sitting here thinking our kids are perfect and everybody else is not.

I just said we raised some of the trashiest that hit the streets. Right. So I'm not sitting here talking about it. No. No. Mine. Now, I was trashy, folks. I'm not going to sit here and lie. I was a hoe. I was a dirty hoe. but i'm not anymore but a hoe can call a hoe a liar can identify a liar yeah i agree so i can identify so my thing is is what i'm saying is that and i just said this to a friend of mine yesterday day before yesterday i said these kids have no shame no now i was you know i mean i was a, you know, not a holy roller back in the day. Right. Um, but there wasn't nobody. We didn't have Facebook. We didn't have anything. So we had the phone on the wall. Right. So nobody knew who you screwed tonight before, unless you told it. Right. And our generation wasn't going and telling everything. Right. Exactly. Today, if you have a conversation with somebody within three seconds, if they said something you didn't like, you posted that shit. Right. And I do think that is

one of the horrors of social media is people feel like they have to overshare they have to tell everything now you know yourself i am a vault i do not tell no i don't think i think you tell

more lately than than that is not true yeah i think you talk more lately than you have in the past you've guys you've gotten older things have loosened up that is not true you asshole

so he's making me curse that's not true i am very much a vault people will tell you you know yourself if you tell me don't repeat something i do not repeat that's exactly right i will hold it and if it's not going to better a situation it's not going to help stuff i'm not going to say it just to be saying that i'm just not going to say it but i do think there's always going to be that with financially you're always going to have those kids that are always needing

but you also the dynamics with kids right is that the jealousy amongst siblings yes we didn't have that no i didn't have that no i mean i never one time thought about being jealous of my brother

right but don't you think too it's because we were the oldest in our family i think that plays I just have never been jealous of anybody, though. Right. Me either. I mean, I hadn't.

I mean, in my mind, I always looked better. In my mind, I always was dressed better. Well, man. Yeah. So when you create your own universe, you ain't got nothing to be jealous about.

Right. Right. But I do think that as your children become adults, I do think, and you said this a little bit earlier, the relationship does kind of have to shift. So there's a few talking points I just want to hit. I want to see what you think.

um calling and texting frequency so i don't feel like do you feel like like with savannah or with chase that you call and text and keep up as much as you used to no right no you know and i think as as they just get older i've got my own life now right right and i do think that has come with time for so long your life was your kids and that was it that's right so you spent every waking moment, making sure you talk to one of them or you heard from this and you was doing this for that one. And now I do think you're in just in a different place in your life.

That's correct. It doesn't mean that I love them any less. And as you know, I will stop whatever I'm doing to do whatever they need me to do. Right. But I have also come to a place in my life that if you are not interested in hearing what I have to say about a situation, right. And you're going to do it anyway then in my opinion i don't feel like i need to give you my whole day of talking about this shit you're going to do what you want to do right so you go on and do what you're going to do but don't you bring that shit back to our front porch because we're not cleaning it up and you know that i have still i've been steadfast with that right do you think that

parents should track their adult children's location?

I just, you know, I don't do it anymore. I think that it's a good thing because of the society that we live in. Yeah. That you should all know each other's locations. Right. And my thing is, is that if you're not willing to share your location with your parents, you're doing some shady shit. Yeah. I agree. Because do I give a shit that you care that I'm at home? Right. Do I care that you see on my phone, my location that I'm having that I'm having my hands and feet done or that I'm getting a massage or that I'm over at Nordstrom shopping or whatever? I don't care if you know where I am. Right. Because I'm not doing anything that I care if you know. I think when you say I'm not going to let you have my location, it's because you're ashamed of your parents knowing what you're actually doing.

Yeah, I agree. And this is a little bit different for us because we have been in the public eye, but public versus private family issues. Don't you think that that more people just in general, certain things should be kept within the family as private?

And I think that anything that has to do with your family should be kept private. That is not for public consumption.

Right. Yeah. And I do think that being in the public eye, like us, we signed up for a show. We gave up a certain level of our anonymity because of that. So we basically said, here you go. But I do feel like there are still some things that we should and we can keep to ourselves.

Well, there's a lot of stuff that we've been, that we're keeping to ourselves right now. Right. And that we, because we have fiercely protected those things.

Right, right. When do you let things go?

In what regard?

Just when do you let things go in dealing with your adult children?

I think when you realize that there's going to be no change and that nothing good comes out of moving this forward, then you let go. You lay it down and you walk away. I've done that.

Right. Can relationships recover after major conflict?

You know, I think that every relationship can recover as long as you have God at the center of it. I can say personally that for me, I have a peace that I have never had before. And that is because I've turned loose of certain things in my life. And when you hold on to something so tightly that the grip that you have on it becomes toxic to you. Yeah. That your life just is chaos. Right. And when you, it's almost like holding a snake. You know, if you're holding that snake and squeezing it so tight just so it won't bite you, You're going to keep holding it because as long as you're holding it, it can't bite you. Right. It's not until you turn it loose that you got to worry. Yeah. That's the fear that you have in your mind. Right. It took me a long time to realize that being a parent is sometimes not enough to a child. your view of how much you have loved and dedicated and whatever i literally was saying

this because i had written this down adult children often see their childhood differently than parents remember it to be well i think i agree with that i agree with that you know because

we've experienced we have experienced and there have been times i've heard i've heard all of them i'm talking all of them from the oldest to the youngest say certain things that when they were growing up right or how they felt about a situation or something and i can honestly tell you like where it was so different than what you're saying than what i was then the way i remember it and the way that it was meant to be right but but i guess ultimately and you've said this it's how

someone takes something and how someone feels it's how it's how someone perceives the situation right but your perception is not always reality right right so you know if i whipped your ass because you took alcohol to school yeah then the perception is you got your ass beat because daddy doesn't love me no you was a boy you was a drunk in training right so i wore your ass out yeah if you was caught smoking cigarettes on the top of a 30 000 square foot house your perception is daddy whipped my ass because i climbed on the roof no smoking weeda i whipped your ass because you

climbed on the roof to smoke a marlboro yeah with it with an eight-year-old right so no let's not let's just call it what it is right okay i want to take a minute to share something really important to me and that's good girl rx a female focused health and wellness company created by my daughter savannah as women we so often put everyone else first and ignore our own health or we're just told to push through instead of being truly listened to what i love about good girl rx is that it's built around real medical care and compassion through their telehealth platform women can meet virtually with licensed medical providers who take the time to review your health history and goals. If it's clinically appropriate, your provider may discuss personalized treatment options, including GLP-1 medications like trizapatide, as well as wellness therapies such as NAD. Everything is determined by a doctor and tailored to the individual. As a mother, it means everything to me that this company was created to help women feel supported instead of judged. Everyone's journey is different, results vary, and not everyone qualifies. But having access to licensed physicians who truly listen can make all the difference. If you're ready to take a step toward prioritizing your health, visit goodgirlrx.com and use code CONFESSIONS15 for 15% off at checkout. Medical care is provided by licensed physicians.

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is perfectly clear right i know every situation that has happened in my life right now because you need to clean up the facts surrounding the lie that you're telling. Right. So that you can be the victim. Right. That is not perception. Right. That is manipulation. Right. You're trying to manipulate the situation. Right. But it doesn't change the fact of what the reality of the

situation is. Because you've actually had this happen in your own relationship with your mother as a mother and child where you have talked about things that happened in your childhood and she has a completely different recollection.

I don't think she has a different recollection. She knows she knows what has happened and what has not happened. She knows that. But sometimes the truth is more painful to accept than the reality of the situation is. Right. So for me, and you've, you've been with me now for 30 years, you know, that I do not run from the truth. Right. I want it told. I want, I want, I want to live by what this fact is. Right. And I did not have that. Mine was okay. Okay. Todd, it's over with just, just shut up about it and move on. I can't do that. I'm not built that way. When a situation happens, I have to talk about it. We have to dissect it and I have to figure out why this happened and how was I in the middle of this. Some of my children are that way. But for me, you're not going to tell me that I was a bad parent to you because I know what kind of parent I was. You're not going to tell me that I was a bad provider to you because I know what kind of provider I was to you. You're not going to tell me that I love this one more than I loved you because you're looking for an excuse for your.

bad behavior. Right. So I'm not doing that. If you feel like that with me as your father, that I was not a good provider, a protector, a nurturer, and that I loved you with all of my heart. So if you feel like that, I did not meet those parameters that I need you to step away from me. Right. Cause I need for you to get into a place to where you feel whole and happy and at peace with yourself. Because obviously you just said, I couldn't provide you those things as a child. So you go on with your life, go with God's speed, because I've raised you. I've done my part. Right. The Bible says that when you become an adult, that you are to marry, that you are to cling to your husband, you are to cling to your wife, and leave your family. Go on. Go do that.

I'm at peace with that. For those people, because there's a lot of people that listen to our podcasts that are in our same position they've got adult children but there's a lot of people that are listening that they have toddlers they have babies what would you have done differently as a parent if you could tell them or tell your younger self when you had just starting out from from lindsey and kyle to chase and savannah to grayson and chloe what would you have done differently as a parent less i would have done less

less from the perspective of less of worrying about them looking perfect all the time the image being perfect right um less of giving monetarily right because i feel like that i get that well i don't feel like i know it to be a fact that we gave our children way more than what they should have ever been given um i would have i would have insisted that my children work get on jobs early, you know, when they were 14, 15 years old, whatever the guideline was, whether it was bagging groceries at Publix or, you know, working at a drive-thru at Burger King because it would not have killed them. What I would have done less was making my children feel that my life existed because of theirs. It gave them a lot of power. It gave them too much power with me and they used it against me. Yeah. Um, so I would not, I would not do that. Right. I would allow my children to see me as a human being, as someone who had their own life and that who loves them genuinely loves them with all of their heart and soul and to understand how they fit in a life that I had. Right. Not me making them my whole life. Right. Because that's a burden that you place on a child as well. Yeah. For a child to feel like that. I am everything he has. Right. And it's not, it's not, it was not, it was never comfortable for me. Right. I just became so used to being uncomfortable. Right. That's all you knew. That's all that I knew. So for me, I would say less every, in every aspect, it would have been less. Right. Well, what's one thing that you feel like you got right? I don't know. I'm still trying to figure that out. I really don't know. I don't know that I think that because all of our children have have had snarky comments to make because they all have entitlement issues. What would I say that I did right? I think that I would say that that I got it right when they because all of my children know that they can come home. All of my children, even though they're grown, know that if they need something and they're in dire straits, they can come to me. So I guess the thing that I got right was that they all, is that they know, that they know in their core that I love them with all of my heart and soul and that I'm there if you need me. So I guess I got that right.

What's one thing you wish someone had told you early on?

don't lose who you are trying to be everything to someone else

it's pretty good that's pretty good um so before we do some questions that um some people have have written in i want to just say this little thing that I saw it said love changes as children age parenting never really ends sometimes sometimes silence is wiser than criticism adult children still need encouragement your children may outgrow your rules but they never outgrow needing your love

I would agree with that I really would agree with that I don't think that any of us should ever outgrow love.

Right.

You don't stop being a parent when your kids grow up. You just learn to love them differently. I know that that is a fact because I love our children differently today than I've ever loved them. You know, so many people, you know, and it's been it's just was the dynamic of the show that, you know, everyone said I love Savannah more than any of our other children or what have you. And I always laughed about that because I never felt that. I mean, I never felt like I loved any of them more than I did the other. I will say that each of them have met me at different markers on my journey. Each child met me at a different place in my life. and I could never be the dad to Chase that I am to Grayson. I could never be the dad to Lindsay that I was to Chase because I was at a different, I was at a different place in my journey. And I feel like that, I feel like that, that my love is so deep and so pure for, for my children and for you and for my mother that it's, it's the safest place for me because I know there is no, there is no contamination there because I know that it comes from a pure well of nothing but great intentions. But I, but I, folks, let me just tell you something. I am not, I am not afraid of getting old. I am not ashamed of being 58. Um, I'm not ashamed of having gray hair. Um, I am at the greatest place I've ever been in my life because I now realize that it's my life. It doesn't belong to anyone else. We've raised our children. Um, do I want to be a wonderful grandparent? Yes, I do want to do that because I've never had that opportunity to have that, to have that particular role. Um, so I look forward to that. Um, but I look forward to helping raise a healthier generation than what you and I have raised. Yeah. And I feel like that I'm at a place to where it's okay. If my grandchild messes this up, it's okay. If, if my grandson did this or my granddaughter did that, that's okay. Because I've now lived 58 years to know that everything that they're going to do is going to be okay. Right. But when you're young, having children, you don't know if it's going to be

okay. Right. It's the same as the shopping trip to the grocery store with four kids. And you said, I don't think I can do this. Right. I had that same feeling. Yeah. I had the same feeling, Judy, when I would, when I would come home and how everybody would be in chaos and screaming and yelling. And I'd be like, I don't want to do this. It's not that I couldn't. It was like, I didn't want to do it. But that only lasted for a minute. And then I realized I can't imagine not having this. So for me, I love my children differently today than I ever have. Um, I love them in a way that I'm okay with letting go. I'm okay with letting my children go and do what they're going to do and know that I'm going to still love them. I may not like the decisions that they make. I don't have to accept the consequences of their decisions. That's, I think, a little bit of where you and I, we have a little bit of rubbing of the edges there. Right. Because you are still at a place to where you will carry the mistakes of our children. Right. I won't do that anymore. And I would have thought you would have gotten there quicker than what you have being older than me. Yeah. But, um, you know, if I could give you any advice, what I would say to you is, is that with me being five years older than you, carrying the burden of someone else's decisions makes you better to where you can still love your child. You can still be friends with your friend, but you don't have to carry their burden. Yeah. Yeah, that's true. And self-inflicted burdens, I'm damn sure not. gonna carry right now you know just a shit run of luck i might help you lift a little bit right but you go out here and keep creating your shit ton of bad luck yeah no you like it you like what you're doing you like wallowing in the gutter right so i'm gonna let you get i'm gonna let you get good messy so you can appreciate the cleanup right but i'm again i keep going back to it and and call it selfish call it whatever you want to i'm just at a good place i'm at a good place in my life um i'm at a good place with you i'm i just am at a good place i'm at a great place with my lord and savior because i have a i have probably the best relationship i've ever had in my faith because i know who i am i know what i'm doing and i know what i'm gonna do and

I don't know I just um if you could do something different in the way that we've raised our

children what would you do I would have probably handled it differently in the fact that that they knew that they were my everything So kind of the same thing. You know, they knew it. And I do feel like they use that.

Well, it empowers a child to manipulate.

Right. Right. Because they know that I love them so much.

And think about the burden that you place on that child for them being your everything.

Right. Like they know that I love them so much. But I do think some of them use that against me at times.

No, they all have.

Yeah, they have.

I think it's also I want to say this before we end this podcast. To all the parents that are out there listening, sometimes your best will never be good enough. Yeah. But if your best is truly your best, it's all you could ever offer. Yeah. And you can't be held responsible for not being able to give someone something you don't have to give.

Yeah. But I do think once you know better, you got to do better.

100%. And, you know, not every parent and child, every relationship with that, a parent has with a child is different because every child is different. And again, every parent is different at various phases of their life. Right. So you can't a child can't expect for a parent to have done the same thing with their siblings as what they did with you. um and it's not fair for you to be able to say that as a child right um and not every child is meant to be your best friend yeah to show up at every christmas or every thanksgiving or every birthday sometimes certain children are not meant to be your everything in your every day and your every day certain kids are not going to show up at christmas every year or thanksgiving or your birthday or mother's day or father's day or whatever. And that's okay. That's okay. And you as a parent don't have to show up for them every day. I think that certain end of every individual, whether it's a parent or a child, deals with life the way that they need to deal with it in order for them to survive. And you are never going to convince someone else that their truth is not their truth.

That's true.

Because if someone has created their own narrative and that's what they have lived on because it made them feel more comfortable than acknowledging the truth, you will never convince them that their narrative is the wrong narrative.

Right.

So with me, I don't give a shit what you say. You think I was a sorry parent? Okay. You think I didn't let you wear certain things? Okay. Whatever it is that I did that you don't like, I did it for a reason. Right. And I did it for the, in my mind at that time, what I did was what I thought was best. And as the parent, I got to make that decision. Now you as a child, as an adult child, you now get to make the decision that what you did with me is not what I'm going to do with mine. Right. Right. Yeah. And I as the adult parent can say your child, do it your way. Right. But understand if your child is unruly, my grandchild is unruly, has no respect for my home and is you've raised them opposite of the way I've raised you. This house hadn't changed. Right. Yeah. This house

house hadn't changed right yeah so you've heard that saying as for me and as for me in my house we're gonna serve the lord yeah okay well as for me in my house we're gonna abide by the rules that todd still has because it's still my house right right so i just i i just am not i'm just not at a place where i'm gonna fight with people anymore right i mean i will cuss you out if you say some stupid shit on instagram but other than that i just don't care enough about people in general to argue with you you don't bring enough into my life that's positive for me to fight with you right so if i lose this five percent of positivity that you bring in my life it ain't gonna shift the needle right now you know if you're bringing me 90 positivity and you walk away i might be in my feelings until six or seven o'clock that night right and then i will have already come back and say, okay, well, screw them. I'm going to move on. Right. But I just am not going to wallow in your self-pity. Right. Your trauma is not going to be my trauma. And I think another thing is that kids look at this generation, they've all got trauma. Every damn one of them has got trauma, but they never stopped to think about the trauma that their mom and daddy has suffered. Yeah. They don't stop to think about the trauma that, you know, a parent has gone through in their life that has that has literally shaped the way that they have raised them right right and why

they did i don't think they stopped to think about why they did so why your parent did what they did was because a that's all they knew or because it had been done to them or because of trauma that they've experienced and until you have walked in those shoes i don't think you can tell and i it amazes me at the kids adult kids that will have comments and and try to say things about parenting when you've never parented an adult that's half of them never even parented a child you got to love

all these females out here no no no we're not just saying females i'm gonna let me finish it's always a female talking shit on social media about how you need to parent a child and you go to their profile and they got a chihuahua bitch your your child eats out of a bowl you're not gonna tell me how to raise my child right yeah you didn't do this with your child and that's created trauma Uh, bitch got a nose ring and purple hair.

Yeah.

What, what caused it for you? Yeah, I agree. So you're not going to give me advice. You're right. No one's going to, I will take advice from someone that's raised five children. Right.

Yeah. I'll take advice. And that's ahead of me in the game.

That's right. If you, if you're, if yours is doing better than what mine's doing, I want to sit at your table. Absolutely. Absolutely. But if yours is eating boogers on the bus, no, no, I'm not, I'm not coming to your table.

OK, we got to answer some some questions that people have written in for. OK, so, OK, this is one. And these are just random. They're all over the board. OK, would you go back to give Bible studies to the inmates? Would you go back in that capacity to teach a class or do a Bible study?

No, I don't think that I think that I serve them better by just walking on the edge. OK, I don't think that I don't think that I am equipped to go and teach you the Bible.

right when i'm still trying to bust you out yes okay i agree okay uh this one's no question just keep doing what you're doing thank you lorraine um when will you be moving that's another question well and what's taking you to texas so those are kind i can go hand in hand

we're going to be filming in texas um and because of this wonderful new bill that governor greg abbott passed with this $350 million incentive for film and television. That was our financial catalyst to move there. But A, I get more property there. I get more land there. I love Tennessee. I want to be very clear that I love Tennessee. Nashville proper has gotten a little bit too extreme for me Right. I don't like our mayor. But I love the people in Texas. And you know that. Yeah. I genuinely feel good. I was coming out of again. This is going to shock the hell out of y'all. I was at Hudson House this week and I was in so many people would come by and they would be walking towards my table. And, you know, this other person I was having lunch with was sitting here and I was sitting here. So they would come this.

way towards me, and they would look at me, and they would tilt their hat, or they would say, Mr. Chrisley, love to see you here. And waited out in the parking lot until I came walking out, got out of their cars, asked for their picture. Mr. Chrisley, welcome to Fort Worth. We love you. We're happy to have you. I love that. And I'm not living in Fort Worth, but I was in Fort Worth at the Hudson House. But I would live in Fort Worth because I love Fort Worth, and I love the Fort worth people. I went to the stockyard for the first time and, um, and I love the people there. Um, I just, I love Texas. So it just, it's a good fit for me right now. Okay. So Jessica Olson 304,

Julie, you carry yourself so well. You have a great personality and attitude. Thank you. How do you do it? She has a husband like me. I am heavily medicated. No, I'm not. I'm not. Lies. You know, I just try to be my true authentic self. And I feel like I do a pretty good job of that is like what you see is what you get.

And well, that just depends on what night of the week you do role play a lot.

Shut up. I always and I have always taken a lot of pride in being your wife, your partner and being the mother to my children. And I've never I don't feel like I've lost sight of that. um okay scouts mama says want you two to know watching you guys has helped me out of dark times by giving me a laugh love you i love that we love you too um sandy scene says loved all of julie's pj sets on chrisley knows best can she come out with her own line thank you so much but I think I'm going to leave that to my friend Mallory, who has In My Sundays.

In My Sundays, folks, because let me just tell you something.

Because I did. I had pajamas for years on Chrisley Knows Best before Mallory had her line, and I wore pajamas all from everywhere, right? And I have been able to give a lot of those away, especially to women who are going through breast cancer, because all my pajamas buttoned up the front, if you notice. But now, it's just in my Sundays. And she stays in them everyone in our house stays in my son yes um no question this is from bray trisha no question julie your hair looks amazing i love it thank you thank you i want to thank tyler stampley he is uh my hairdresser who has uh keeps this great brought her back from the dead keeps this gray covered, if you know what I mean. He does do an amazing job. I'm trying to think if I'm going to do a new do, a new cut. So I have actually been talking to a hairdresser that used to do our hair for years that we love, Shannon. So I don't know. She's bringing Shannon back from

the past so that shannon can get her haircut laid out right okay this is from sun sea 93

what changes have you seen in each other and your marriage since being released

uh the change that i changes that i have seen in you are probably i kind of think that you you're back in your nor in your normal routine yeah so you know you're you have gone back to exactly what you've always done um but i also believe that you have that you recognize the significance of being present in a conversation more okay okay thank you um okay what about me it was asking a question about Tide.

Okay, go ahead.

No, you tell me.

What changes have I seen? I think you have, and we talked about, you talked about it at great length during this podcast. You have taken back your life, I feel like, in so many ways. Just, you know, figuratively and literal. literally um you have uh you know from working out focusing on yourself in that way uh but just in a lot of ways and it and it's taken me some getting used to um but i completely respect it and i and i feel like that it will help me to get to that place so i like that um

I feel like that I feel like, again, that that is and I'm glad that you've.

notice that because i feel that way right i feel like for the first time in my life i have made

myself a priority right right uh someone asking someone is asking uh who's someone lunas of litchfield um how's nana your mother you never talk about her anymore are y'all still living in

the same house well luna where the hell have you been you obviously are not watching this podcast

every week or you would see q-tip up in here nanny is with us she's with us every day she's in our home with us every day and it's really she's doing good right i mean she's doing great listen she's going to be 82 she's doing great christmas tree before after thanksgiving well you always have hours up for thanksgiving we normally do yeah and i feel like you know Thank you, Tim, who always makes sure that it looks amazing. But he gets so busy and I don't want to wait till later. I'd rather.

But you've always had hours up for Thanksgiving.

Yes.

And, you know, somebody that I that I learned that from was Dot Abbott. Dot was this woman who, well, she's Bill Abbott's mother, my friend and that I grew up with. and dot was always the epitome to me of sophistication yes she always did things the right way and her taste was good um her timing was impeccable right and so i learned a lot from watching her going to bill's house and seeing how things were done right and her tree was always up

and i think it's funny because even now when we are looking in texas you know at properties and houses you always say oh my gosh but your christmas tree could go here because i've never We always think about those things.

I've never been big on that. I mean, you know, I just. But I am very big on that. I know it's a big thing for you. Right. So, you know, the property that we have zoned in on now that we can both agree that we're in love with. Yes. As soon as I saw this one room, I was like, oh, my God, that's where her tree goes.

Yeah.

And then I looked at you and said, but you have room for four more. So and I told you, we're not doing we're not doing five or six trees anymore. where we're doing one tree and you said, yeah, okay. That's not true. Okay, Todd.

And on that note, I hope that this podcast truly helps you wherever you are on your parenting journey. And listen, even if you're not on your parenting journey.

Stay the hell out of somebody else.

You have parents. So that's a journey as well. So I hope that it is able to give you some comfort in knowing that we're kind of all in this boat together.

No, I'm not in the boat with nobody.

We are. so i just pushed all of mine over until next week good luck and god bless god bless this episode of chrisley confessions 2.0 is brought to you by booking.com booking.com offers a wide array of hotels and vacation rentals across the u.s so you can find exactly what you're looking for there's something for everyone even those who are impossible to please find exactly what you're booking for booking.com booking.yeah book today on the site or in the app

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