Muse

big deal alert Prime Day is here with all the best deals you've been waiting for Prime Day delivers more than great prices it delivers that big deal feeling I've never had that feeling but I'm having it now so upgrade your clunky old vacuum cleaner I hate my vacuum cleaner camp your soap with the new skin care thing everyone's talking about try on some low rise jeans which are apparently back in style I will not be doing that shop Prime Day deals now through June 26th. Ever invest in something that seemed incredible at first but didn't live up to the hype?

Yeah, like all the time.

Yeah, I did that with an all-potato restaurant.

Oh, no.

Marketers know that feeling. They optimize for the numbers that look great, like impressions, but then they don't see revenue. You know what I'm talking about, don't you, Sonia?

Oh, yeah, all the time.

Yeah, LinkedIn has a word for that, bullspend.

Bullspend.

Yeah. Instead, you can get the highest ROAS of major ad networks with LinkedIn ads. Cut the bull spend. Advertise on LinkedIn. Spend $250 and get a $250 credit. Go to LinkedIn.com slash Conan. Terms apply. Hey there. Welcome to Conan O'Brien Needs a Friend. I'm joined as always by Sona Movsassian. Hello. This is kind of a special moment in our podcast because we, at the moment, are in a car in Morocco. Sona and I are in the backseat of the car.

Yep.

Blay is in the front seat shooting us, I think, for video capture. And Rashid is our driver. Hello, Rashid. Hello. Rashid is helping us out. He's driving, and I may occasionally ask Rasheed for any kind of help we might need, like content or humor.

That's good.

Yeah. So here's the story. Shooting an episode, along with Sona, of Conan O'Brien Must Go visited a fan who lives in Casablanca.

Yeah.

So we flew into Casablanca, right? And we shot there for, what, two days?

Yeah. We were there for two nights.

And we hung out with our fan Who was very cool And we had a good time with him

Can you say his name Are we allowed to

Yeah go ahead

Yeah he's a cool guy

What did you say can we say his name

I don't know We can talk openly And say all the things

Well yeah we're safe We're far from America In the backseat of a car Driving through the desert So you can say whatever you want

Okay, I didn't know how much of the episode you wanted to discuss because I should have asked questions before we recorded. Yeah, this is okay. I was talking about how we do it, and I just started.

You started making yourself laugh really hard. I was going to launch into, you know, why we're here, where in the country we are, some of the customs and traditions, but you, seconds before we started recording, started laughing really hard, and I asked you why, and you said because there was that famous song, right? this is how we do it and then you said online there was a guy whose name is how we do it right and why don't you tell us son when you're when you control it when you get yourself under

control there's a picture of this guy he's just a guy and his name is howie his first name is howie and his last name is do it yep and then it just has the song looping that's just saying this is

how we do it right um and how long were you how long were you watching that for

it's not how long i watched it one time it's how many times do i watch it okay in like a week and

what made you start laughing about this now in in deep in morocco near the algerian border

i don't know okay i have no idea but it was also um somebody sang the song and it makes me instantly think of that i'm sorry you know what oh wow that's cool we were almost almost hit the

car ahead of us anyway i'm sorry that was not rashid's fault because the car ahead of us hit the brakes no and um it was a mom walking her child across the street yeah which is illegal she shouldn't have to do that okay normal so let me give everyone now that we got this is how we do it out of your system. Flew into Casablanca, right? Then we finish up with the fan, and it's time to go to the desert, okay? Here's, I thought, was a funny part of the whole situation. We're at the airport in Casablanca, and we can't leave because somehow our papers weren't in order, and we couldn't get on our plane, so we were stuck in Casablanca because we didn't have our papers, Rick. Of course, a nod to the famous film, Casablanca. And what's the whole plot of Casablanca? No one can leave because they don't have their exit visas. They're trapped. And so I kept going up to the officials and saying, you've got to help me, Rink. You've got to help me, Rink. Like Peter Lorre. And they didn't know what I was talking about.

Oh, they didn't know?

No, they didn't know. And I was jailed for a while.

Oh, maybe if you went as Ilsa, they would have been like...

You know what? That was my mistake. I should have dressed up as Ilsa.

Yeah, that would have been nice.

Or else Humphrey Bogart. yeah she yeah she you know just said yeah she yeah no you should have done that we were there for what four hours yeah but we were only supposed to be there 20 minutes and anyone who knows me knows i can do peter laurie going i need my papers we hide my papers i can do that for four hours easily i could have been for three days you could and you know what when people don't get something i'm doing i love it and i do it i go twice as hard i know yeah i know do you ever

get tired of your own bits oh god no is there ever a time when you're like oh this i've been

doing this for a long time no no no i'm always just so happy to be trapped inside this guy okay what a weird way to put it finally we get out of casablanca right we get out of casablanca and we fly we take a plane and we fly for i don't know 45 minutes an hour, way to the east, right near the border, because we want to have that sweet Sahara sand look, you know, the classic look of camels and dunes. What was the name of the place we stayed, Blay?

It was in, for the desert, this is Mirzogad.

Mirzogad.

Mirzogad. Mirzogad. Mirzogad. Mirzogad.

We stayed in Marzoga, and we hung out there, and it was incredibly hot. So hot that our camera equipment could fry. Yeah. Melt down if we didn't keep it cool enough. And boy, did we found a place I'm never supposed to hang out, didn't we?

Oh, my God.

I mean, it was 105 in the shade. It was incredible.

Just the elements are working against your biology. Yeah. And I saw it in real time.

Yeah, but it was fine, and it's beautiful.

Yeah, it is.

And you and I had some adventures there. We had a very special treatment that will be featured in the show where we get buried in sand, you and I, which is incredibly hot when they first do it, and you think you're going to die. And then your body shuts down, and you don't feel it anymore. So that was fun. It shut down? Yeah, I died for a while. They had to resuscitate me.

That did not happen to me.

I was medevaced to a hospital in Aspen, Colorado, and then flown back to the chute. So that's why this remote is taking us over nine years to shoot. Then, today was the day where we need to drive, because we're now making our way to Marrakech.

Yeah.

So to get to Marrakech is a very long drive. We are on our way to Kwarazate. Kwarazate. Is that right, Rashid?

Kwarazate, yes. Kwarazate.

I think the way I said it was more accurate, Rasheed.

Oh, my God.

It's so rude of you to correct me. Do I correct you when you say Newton North or Brookline High?

Two things he's never said in his life and will never say.

He says, hey, let's go over to Roxbury and let's get a roast beef sandwich at Buzzy's Roast Beef. I don't start parsing his pronunciations. Anyway, we are going to fly from Khorizate to Marrakesh. Then we'll be in Marrakesh and we'll shoot there. Yeah. And Marrakesh is going to have, that's going to be a little more luxe, I think. It's going to be a lot of shops and bazaars and stores. Yes. Maybe I'll buy you something.

A lot. You can buy me a lot of stuff.

Well, no, I can't. I don't have a lot of money.

Oh, okay.

Very famously, I've not done well.

I'll just charge it to the show.

You can't.

I just want a lot of stuff I want a bag, I want stuff for the boys I want something for TAC I want stuff for my house

I'm just going to end that now I'm just going to end that now So we are on our way to Marrakesh and that got me thinking it would be great if we could sing a song in the car about going to Marrakesh and then of course there's that Crosby Stills Nash song

I thought you were going to say this is how we do it

No, that was my second thought but not my first thought. You know, Bley, you know this song. All aboard that train, meet America, all aboard. Well, listen, I bring it up for a reason. I've never liked that song.

Oh, no. I don't love that song, and it's the only song I know that's about Marrakesh, and so I thought we should come up with our own song about Marrakesh.

Okay.

And then maybe we can use it on this travel show.

Oh, that sounds fun.

And if it catches on, we own the rights.

Yeah, if it catches on. You know I'm tone deaf, but it's okay. I'll do my best.

Yeah, so what are you thinking? Any ideas for a song on our way to Marrakesh?

Marrakesh, oh, Marrakesh. It's a land of things to buy.

You weren't kidding when you said toned up. I forgot. Really bad. You can't...

Oh, Marrakesh.

What?

What are you doing? What are you contributing to this?

You sound like you're not even that interested in Marrakesh. Like Marrakesh passed you. It's nearby. It's kind of across the street. You don't really want to say hi to Marrakesh. She went, oh, Marrakesh. Do you know what I mean? You don't want to stop and chat with Marrakesh. It's supposed to be revelatory. Marrakesh, like, dissed you at a party. You got some beef with Marrakesh, but you still kind of like Marrakesh, but you're not ready to talk yet. That's the way you just greeted Marrakesh.

Maybe it's a diss track to Marrakesh. Yo, this is Marrakesh. Marrakesh can suck it.

Okay, you don't want to do that. No, no, no, I don't want to go with that. Not what we're in the country.

And I don't mean it because I'm actually really excited.

You know the great thing about you, Sona? No one listens to anything you're really saying. That's so true. They sort of, they get the gist, but no one would be offended, even living in Marrakesh.

When I first started singing the Oh, Marrakesh one, that was me kind of trying to do Oh, Canada, but with Oh, Marrakesh. And it didn't work. But what's yours?

Moving along, along to Marrakesh. Moving along, along to Marrakesh. Marrakesh, I put my troubles on the back of a camel. Moving along, I gotta go to Marrakesh. Break down.

No, when you beatbox, you kill it. No, no, no, no. Also, what genre was that?

I don't know.

It started folky and then you started doing a beatbox. And that doesn't make sense.

Okay, hold on. Well, sometimes you're supposed to mix genres. And that creates a whole new genre. And then you're remembered forever.

Oh, you're being an innovator.

Yeah. Well, anyway, we'll think about that. I don't know that between us we're going to come up with a song for Marrakesh. Marrakesh. I don't know if we're going to come up with a Marrakesh. Marrakesh. Hey, I want to have a sesh in Marrakesh. Yeah. Isn't that short for sesh and sesh?

Sesh, yeah. I want to have a sesh. But what kind of sesh?

Sex sesh. I want to have a sex sesh in Marrakesh. I want to have... Hey, Rashida's laughing. Rashida, do you like this? I want what's that you like it I'm going to have a sex session in marriage he loves it

I don't think anyone's ever called it a sesh before well you know a sex sesh

a sex sesh is you're having you're hooking up you're knocking boots but you're also keeping records for your tax attorney you're monitoring the time you're making sure that any suggestions made during sex or kept and sent to an inter-office memo. I'm going to have a sex sesh in Marrakesh.

It's the least sexiest song I think I've ever heard.

Well, but one of the least sexiest, not the least sexiest, so that means it's kind of sexy.

What? Oh, I guess, yeah. No, it's just not, it's just a bad song.

Support for today's episode comes from Square, The system powering like half the places you go, hello. Yeah. If you've ever tapped to pay and thought, whoa, that was fast, it was probably Square. Whether you're selling lattes, cutting hair, detailing cars, or running a design studio, Square hopes you run your business without running yourself into the ground. Square is the platform behind the scenes of so many businesses you already love. It gets them connected to a system to make payments, manage inventory, run payroll, send invoices, track it all in one place. This isn't just a point of sale. Square includes hardware that works in person and on the go. I mean, it's incredible. I see Square all the time when I go out there.

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Peyronie's disease, also known as PD, is a condition that isn't talked about often, but it's more common than many men realize. Some men may even feel embarrassed or reluctant to bring it up. PD may involve a buildup of scar tissue that forms under the skin of the penis, which can cause a noticeable curve with a bump during an erection. That curve can lead to pain during intimacy. It also may affect a man's confidence and mental health. It also can lead to frustration, depression, lowered self-esteem, and even withdrawal from sexual activity and physical intimacy. If you notice a curve with a bump down there, it might be PD. The good news is it's treatable. A urology specialist can diagnose Peyronie's disease and talk through treatment options. To learn more, visit talkaboutpd.com. I was at the airport. I was waiting in one of those long lines. And I kept saying, hey, let me through. I'm Conan O'Brien. And they said, shut up. You'll wait in line. And I went, oh, okay. That's so sad. It's a really good story. But I was hungry. I didn't have a snack with me. You got to keep, and I didn't want to lose my place in line and go try and find something.

I know.

That's when you got to have Nutri-Grain on you.

You got to always have a snack in your bag. And when it's a Nutri-Grain, it's perfect.

It's perfect because it's the right size. It's handy. It's also nutritious. Yes. Okay. You can go anywhere. It's made with 10 grams of whole grains, 10 vitamins and minerals. These guys are obsessed with 10s. And no high fructose corn syrup. Nutri-Grain nourishes and it hits the spot with delicious flavors. They got strawberry, apple cinnamon, blueberry flavors. I just had a blueberry back in the snack area.

Yeah.

With a little bit of a glass of milk.

You earned it. Nice job.

Nice job. Find nutritious and always delicious Nutri-Grain bars at your favorite store or online retailer today and look for new Nutri-Grain Crunchy bars in stores near you. Oh, I'll get that crunchy, I will. So much I'm looking forward to this summer. Me too. You know what I'm talking about? First of all, July 4th is going to be the 250th anniversary of the United States of America. That's a big deal. And just as important, some pretty big soccer games headed our way. Sport. I don't want to get too specific, but let's say some pretty big soccer games are coming our way.

On a global scale.

On a global scale, that's all we'll say. So much to celebrate this summer, so you got to keep a classic with Miller Lite. Miller Lite has been a true American Pilsner and the original Lite beer since 1975. Were you even alive then, Summer?

No, I was not.

Yeah. I think that's good because you couldn't handle the beginning of the Miller Lite era. No. It's too iconic. Okay. Here's my summer, okay? Yeah. Hang with my buddies. Yeah. Hey, this is a really good iconic soccer game that's happening that unifies all the different nations of the world. Mm-hmm. What is it? I don't have time to tell you, but let's have some Miller Lite. Clean, finished, refreshing, easy to drink. And when it's hot outside, nothing feels better going down than an icy, cool Miller Lite. It's an all-American summer and it starts with all-American beer, Miller Lite. Go to millerlite.com slash Conan to find delivery options near you or you can pick up some Miller Lite pretty much anywhere they sell beer. Miller Time, celebrate responsibly. Miller Brewing Company, Milwaukee, Wisconsin. 96 calories and 3.2 carbs per 12 ounces. What do you think so far? What are your observations about Morocco?

First of all, I love how they drive. I think Americans are a little uptight. But these guys, you know, if someone's in front of them and they're driving slow, they just pass them.

Yeah, even if cars are coming in the other direction. Even if everyone's killed, they still don't mind.

Yeah, oh, oh, God.

Another thing that I have noticed, food is great. I mean, Moroccan food is always great. Every meal has been... Every meal we have is fantastic.

Toit! And then I realized on this trip I love camels. Camels are cool

They're very smart They seem like they're very soulful And man, you're up so high When you're on a camel, it's fantastic

I almost fell off getting on and off

That would have been good It would have been good footage If you were falling off Because we could play it, you falling and then Backwards and then falling off again and backwards And put sound effects on it

I don't know why that's what you think of How about like Oh, I'm so glad you didn't it's nice that you didn't fall off yeah it's really funny to put a sound effect to someone

not falling off a camel that's hilarious how you doing up there well i'm perfectly comfortable and i'm sitting very steady on this camel that's not funny uh come on you can't do that yo-yo sound um i didn't think i would enjoy the desert as much as i loved your if you had done america's funniest home videos but all the videos were a kid walking very carefully around a pool and not falling um someone walking in with a tray of meatballs and none of them fall off yeah but you put funny sound effects to it yeah there's some

meatballs and they look just fine as they set them down on the table and nothing bad happens

wouldn't that be a great america's funniest film videos you just make normal mundane videos yeah

oh there's there's grandpa on the uh there's grandpa on the diving board and oh that was a nice simple dive and he seems fine i'm gonna have a sex session in marisette wait gonna have a sex

I don't like how you're doubling down on this song, the sex-sesh in Marrakesh. It doesn't even roll off the tongue. Can you say it three times fast?

Going to have a sex-sesh in Marrakesh. Going to have a sex-sesh in Marrakesh. Going to have a sex-sesh in Marrakesh.

You said sex-sesh. That's not...

Going to have a sex-sesh in Marrakesh. Going to have a sex-sesh in Marrakesh. Going to have a sex-sesh in Marrakesh. Okay, that was good. Not bad. Yeah, not bad. This will catch on. It will be huge. No, it won't. Do your Trump where you go, it's going to be huge. It's good.

My trouble is, oh, it's going to be huge.

Yeah, terrible.

It's going to be huge.

What?

It's going to be huge.

You are the worst impressionist.

I really am bad.

Yeah.

But you know what? I commit. I try. You do it.

No, I can't do it. He's not a big enough figure. And he's not, I don't think enough people sort of know how he talks or find him ridiculous. So how can you do an impression of someone like that? Oh, I just did. But okay. You can't do it. That's fine. We're rolling along. rolling along we're on our way to the next flight this has been a lot of travel but you know what i've noticed when we sit down and have the food yeah i keep thinking the same thing and i'm i keep saying sona is this what it's like in your family because it's lots of plates that are filled with various dips and breads and everyone reaches in and gloop gloop gloop and i thought this must be very much your home and everyone's sort of shouting and having fun i mean our crew you were

asking this question i couldn't tell if you were like making fun of no no no or if you were actually

saying it. You are Armenian. I am. You are not Moroccan. Yes. But I've noticed that there are certain similarities. There's baba ganoush which you love. There's various flatbreads. There's a lot of fresh, wholesome vegetables. Yeah. And of course the chickens are amazing.

Yeah, they're so good. But it just

made me think of your family.

It's like a collection of little plates and dips in bread and then the main dishes. Yes. In that way, yes. And are we loud? Yeah.

You guys are very loud.

Okay. Well, like you guys weren't loud. Six kids.

Nothing like you. You're the loudest person. You're the loudest mammal I've encountered. I'm including other, you know, I'm just, that's incredible.

I, no.

I once tried. Am I? I am. I am pretty loud. I once tried to help a bear that was screaming for its life out of a bear trap. And you were twice as loud as that bear. And when I let the bear out of the trap It attacked me Because it was my trap I set the trap

I'm moving on I had a hard time believing you and your Five siblings Were like precious sitting Eating your ham and your potatoes And your boiled food

Each one of us had our own ham and it hung on a rope Above where we sat at the table So there were six kids My mom and my dad And my grandmother So that's nine hams hanging from nine ropes around a circular table in the kitchen on Kennard Road in Brookline.

And like oxygen, oxygen masks falling from an airplane.

In an emergency, a ham would drop down and we'd all bat at it and. And then, you know, it was like that scene in the first Jurassic Park where when it's over, the person on the roof would raise the hams and they would come up and it was just bones and pieces of metal twisted cage. I just added the cage in there.

You were allowed to, but we're allowed.

We've drifted. Anyone who's tuning in right now has no idea that we're in the backseat of a car driving through the desert in Morocco on our way to Marrakesh.

Yeah, if you're just tuning in to this podcast.

If you're just tuning in. Well, I don't know how it works.

How do you not know how it works? It's been like eight years that you've been doing one.

Picasso didn't understand how the paints were made. He used the medium in a masterful way and defined a generation. Really created 20th century art. So I think I'm doing the same thing with whatever this is. I don't even have to know what it is. But we're in Morocco, and this is cool. I've never been to Marrakesh. Have you?

I've never been to Africa.

Oh, that's right.

I've never been to Africa, and I haven't traveled with you since, like, 2017, I think.

That's right. It's been fun having you. I will say that. You've been a great addition. I miss this. We've been having a really good time, and I think you couldn't come for a long time because your kids were so little. Yes. Now they're old enough.

timing with him the other day and I got on and they get they know who I am obviously and I mean I'm their their their godfather yeah um I'm gonna make them an awful they can't refuse isn't that funny that's pretty topical yeah that's good um that's very topical yeah uh and it's all the rage

right now that's a movie godfather yeah use all your powers use all your skills I don't want his I don't seem like this. Is that Trump?

That's my Trump. Use all your powers. Use all your skills. I'm the economy. You know what's funny? I'm doing political comedy right now. Yeah, I know. And it's very edgy. Yeah. And also, the New York Times is going to love it because it's very smart and incisive.

You know what? Yeah. You know what I'm going to do to Iran? I'm going to make them an offer they can't refuse.

Right? That's good. I mean, that's, I'm going to get all of the best prizes for being smart.

But they can refuse it, and they have refused it.

Listen, but that's part of, oh, this is, I can't believe I'm a satirist now.

Yeah, you are. Okay.

I'm pretty incisive.

But yeah, no, you're their godfather. They saw you. They were really excited. They love their Uncle Conan.

But what I'm saying is they can now handle you taking off, so maybe you'll come on more trips.

Yeah. I would love to come on more trips. This was, this has been so fun. It's nice. It's nice for me to get away.

And how does Tank do looking after the kids when you're gone?

He's great. He's such a good dad, and he's able to handle it. He's on top of it. He feeds them, gets them ready for school, takes them all by after-school stuff.

The kid's getting boring. When you said feeds them, I was like, okay, now we're going to get down the list of meeting basic human needs. He waters them. He makes sure that—

How nervous was Liza every time she left you alone with your children?

do you think she left me alone with the kids once no no she would not i won't blame her i would use them for bits and they would be lost i'd say i don't know where they were the whole bit was they get on the bus and i don't know where it's going that's the bit liza so no liza's an incredibly smart woman and that's the last thing she would ever do yes um yes and here's the thing oh wow Wow. Rashid, so Rashid peeks around the truck. Look at this. Then he guns it and passes the truck. Now, Rashid, have you ever had a close call where you came around to go forward and then you almost got nailed? What do you say? He doesn't want to talk about it?

Wait, when do you go off-road? Off-road, no. Today, no. Oh, okay. Today, no. Have you ever gotten close to an accident?

accident for last night or what no last night no one said last night rasheed you just you just blew your cover rasheed you're wanted for a hit and run

looking for you no under the front of the car last night rasheed you would be terrible in

police questioning sir do you anything about uh a crime last night murder last night me the sorority rasheed oh my god all right rasheed you're gonna have to be a regular part of the podcast now you're coming with us to los angeles yay you're gonna live with sona and tack and all of her relatives you'll sit at a long table we don't all live in one house please you know you will that's not how it works you guys sleep in a bunk bed that's 13 13 beds tall your dad's on the top right he puts little weights on his mustache so it unfolds over the side of the bunk bed um i love gil you know that but he has a mustache it's ridiculous um don't say it's ridiculous what gil's mustache is not ridiculous no no he's a handsome man he's a good guy but it makes him very easy. I can become Gil at any time by just sticking a napkin under my nose and saying, Sona, Sona. It's one of my better things that I do.

Is it better? Is it one of your better things? It's my best impression.

It's better than my Trump. I'm going to make it off where I can't refuse. I only do that because the movie is so new. Alright, Sona, we're going to wrap it up. But this is exciting. People are going to hear this back home. Yeah. I'm going to lower the window and you're just going to hear what it's like outside in Morocco. You can hear the desert. Listen.

Wow. I'm sorry. Me talking about tech feeding the kids was boring?

I'm trying to be international here. Hold on a second. There's a, uh-oh, there's a policeman, and he's looking at me holding the microphone out the window. Oh, wait, he's scrolling through his phone. We're okay. Anyway, I put the microphone out the window, and it's just air passing over a microphone. I didn't really think that through. But I thought it was still fascinating and worthwhile.

experiment uh okay well Sona I love this trip I can't wait for people to see what we've been up to yes and uh let's continue with your regularly scheduled podcasts and remember gonna have a success in America right no I like mine better okay peace out Conan O'Brien needs a friend

with Conan O'Brien, Sonam Avsessian, and Matt Gourley. Produced by me, Matt Gourley. Executive produced by Adam Sachs, Jeff Ross, and Nick Liao. Theme song by The White Stripes. Incidental music by Jimmy Vivino. Take it away, Jimmy. Our supervising producer is Aaron Blair, and our associate talent producer is Jennifer Samples. Engineering and mixing by Eduardo Perez and Brendan Burns. Additional production support by Mars Melnick. talent booking by paula davis gina batista and brit con you can rate and review this show on apple podcasts and you might find your review read on a future episode got a question for conan call the team coco hotline at 669-587-2847 and leave a message it too could be featured on a future episode you can also get three free months of sirius xm when you sign up at siriusxm.com slash conan and if you haven't already please subscribe to conan o'brien needs a friend wherever fine podcasts are downloaded.

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