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ever invest in something that seemed incredible at first but didn't live up to the hype yeah like all the time yeah i did that with an all potato restaurant oh no marketers know that feeling they optimize for the numbers that look great like impressions but then they don't see revenue you know what i'm talking about oh yeah all the time yeah LinkedIn has a word for that, bullspend.

Bullspend.

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Hi, my name is Eric Andre. And I feel like sandpaper As Conan O'Brien's friend How are you sandpaper? I don't know, I realized last time I said moist So I was about to say moist again And then I was like, no you already did that with a joke And then I was like, what's the opposite of moist?

Fall is here, hear the yell Back to school, ring the bell brand new shoes walking loose climb the fence books and pens i can tell that we are gonna be friends i can tell that we are gonna be friends hey there welcome to conan o'brien needs a friend

i am joined by sona moussesian hey sona hi matt gorley how are you sir hi good thanks i'm going to attempt something that has very low odds of working yeah and i'll explain why i thought hey maybe we should talk about world cup um it's a huge thing massive biggest sporting event in the world it's uh involves 48 countries which being hosted by canada mexico usa but here's the problem i don't think anyone here in this podcast right now just the three of us really cares about the world that's not true it is true it's not true i don't think you care at all i'm sorry it's the only sports i ever watch every four years i really enjoy the only sports i ever watched

I know, yeah, you're not selling it. You guys know that I don't care about sports.

I actually love it, too, because soccer players are hot. They're really attractive. And that's why you watch, right? That's why I watch.

When you're watching with your boys, you go, I'd do that, guy.

Yeah, and I high-five him. I'm like, right, boys? He can be your dad.

Yeah.

Bad.

Oh, my God. You guys want a brother? That's just, come on, man. Clean it up, Sona.

I love tack, too. I don't want to.

Oh, no, too. Oh, that's nice. Oh, my heart also has warmth for the father of my children. Okay, I shouldn't say that. What I'll say is, I wouldn't say the three of us are well-versed in talking about World Cup. Correct. And we are recording this, I think, three weeks ahead of time. So we don't know where in the World Cup certain teams will be, who will be eliminated, what's going on. So we're really attempting something that I think is difficult on maybe seven different levels. Yeah. And. What's that? Do you say several or seven? He mixed both on seven different levels. Yeah. Well, sorry.

Sorry, I didn't let it slide. I'm sorry.

I was going to let it go. No, no. I have a hard time when I talk about the sports of soccer. Oh, that's right. You didn't let that go. Fuck you. Hit him. Hit him hard. So what I'm going to do is I'm going to ask Eduardo to really help us out here because Eduardo, this, uh, this is something that's very near and dear to your heart. You need to supply the passion here. Okay. You need to supply the passion because I'm not going to get it from anywhere else on this table. All right. So let's talk about it. We're a couple of weeks in. What do you think has happened by this point? Who's been eliminated? Man. Come on. All right. So I'll tell you that going into this, the top five countries predicted to compete for the final is argentina spain france portugal and maybe germany or england

give or take one of them. It's the same as it almost always is without Brazil. But where are the Dutch? The Dutch are actually considered a dark horse in this tournament. Yeah, that's what I thought. Great question.

No, no, I did know that the Dutch, and it's funny because when you think someone's saying, where are the Dutch? You'd be like, oh, he's making a joke. No, I'm not. They're very good. Yes. And they could come out of nowhere. Wouldn't that be fantastic if the Dutch were still in play?

I wouldn't be surprised if they're making a deep run.

So if we're looking into our crystal ball,

that's a good prediction.

And if you're listening right now and the Dutch are out of it, that's on eduardo okay i believe sure i'll take anyway okay so go ahead tell us more uh yeah it's being hosted by three different countries all north americans what does that mean when they say hosting it uh yes that's where the actual events are taking place correct but does it they also have to you know when you hear host sometimes you think they have to supply food drinks that kind of thing hosting the olympics man you're not hosting it for game night i know i'm just trying to do a new thing where when you host you really should be a host you shouldn't charge for food and drink and there should be ambiance and music there should be music you should uh it's just an idea i had awkward banter in the beginning yes yeah exactly and then people should say hey knock it off if it goes after 10 um every spectator has to send a

thank you note well speaking about thank you notes are huge speaking of after 10 the cool thing about this one for us that live here in the states or in north america the times are like reasonable

times for us to watch so i don't have to go to a pub at three in the morning to watch croatia play against Orlando.

Correct. There'll be games starting at noon and the last game will be like at 7 o'clock at night. Yeah. Cool fight. Yeah. It's full days of soccer.

It's the dream. Let me ask you something and this is something because I'm a patriot. America's getting better. Aren't we getting better? I know it's a long road but what does America have to do to really be competitive in world soccer? That's a good question, I think. It's a great question. Thank you.

They have taken a lot of steps forward and a couple small steps back So this one, it's a crapshoot. USA, some of us wouldn't be surprised if they're still in it at this time in three weeks. Some of us wouldn't be surprised if they're actually eliminated. Where do you fall, Eduardo? What do you think? I'd be surprised if they're still in it at this point in three weeks. That's not to say that they're not good. I just-

Is it one of those things where it's just, it's, we didn't, in other countries, it's just such a part of the culture and it's not as much here. And maybe you, is this a graph that's never going to completely take, Meaning, will we ever be really competitive with Argentina, with Spain, some of these other countries?

No, I think we will get there. I think it's just taking a lot longer. I think we're competing as like the fourth major sport. Well, now fourth major sport. At one point, it was like the fifth or sixth major sport in this country. It's slowly turning.

I think pickleball has slowed us down. I agree. I think the excitement around pickleball, I think we were starting to gain. and then everybody who was really starting to get interested in soccer or as of course others say football they pickleball came around and now I think it's that has added another hundred years I agree we should ban pickleball there's a lot of overlap I don't like that it competes are you going to a game I hope so also what's that game where on your iPhone you put Heads Up Heads Up that's what we were playing a lot I think Heads Up put us back another hundred years and you're just getting settlers of Catan as well

I think what's that Settlers of Catan. What is that? It's this famous board game that everybody played for like 10 years.

There's like bartering.

Wheats and textiles.

Oh, I love it when people come over and we have some wine and we all start bartering. I probably would. I probably would. I shouldn't be negative about it. But I do think that heads up.

Yeah.

Something of Catan.

You can get Catan, but not settlers.

Remember the hard one. I thought it was Chris Catan. I thought. and pickleball and then pickleball i think those things have probably destroyed our chances of being competitive in what i call football and which eduardo calls soccer um uh yeah i just i i'm but anyway that's what's happening i resolve almost every year to pick a team and really get involved and really follow soccer so you're gonna pick yeah who's your pick you gotta go with the dutch now uh i don't have to go with the dutch what was the figure speech that's true and i think a worthwhile figure of speech, to be honest with you. Do you know any soccer players? Do I know them? I mean, personally, I'm very good friends. I don't know the sport very well, but I'm very good friends with most of the players. Oh. Messi was at my house like three weeks ago. Okay. He was. He comes by a lot. You guys are not hanging out. What are you talking about? Why would you find that hard to believe? He loves my house and he always wants to go over to Sandler's house. And I'm like, what do you need Sandler for? I'm here. Okay. And he's like, Sandler, I'm much more famous than you. And I said, why are you talking in that stilted way um and he said you're trying to do an argentinian yeah and he said you know so little about me you do stilted accent that's what he said this is all true he said your impression of me belies the fact that we are not friends and you don't know me in real life

That's what he said to me. And then I said, belize the fact. Why are you speaking in broken English? And then saying belize the fact. And he said, this is a terrible riff. Don't do it on the podcast. No, I'm going to do it severing times. Yeah, I'm going to do it severing.

And severing.

Okay, that's funny. That's funny.

That's when you misspoke, remember? I don't remember. I don't remember.

It's so seldom. It barely happens at all. It barely happens at all. Oh, my God. It done happened. He's dying right in front of us. Hey, can I ask you a question? Sure. this is really dark but let's say something were to happen to me there was a medical event oh god and then later on the doctor said didn't you hear it in the podcast the degeneration of his neuromuscular ability to speak do you want to hear something darker you've asked this question i know but aren't you guys gonna i know what i've asked it before but i'm begging you guys to please pay attention oh no when i misspeak don't giggle say are you okay conan we're trying

to move it along and let it happen. Yeah, get me to the grave a little faster.

And you can all do your pity episode. Oh, we're so sorry about Conan. Ka-ching. It's going to be a Thursday episode. Oh, on a Thursday we talk about Conan's passing. Oh my God, that would be great. And then stick around, we're getting together the cast of Facts of Life. Oh, that'd be cool.

I know. Can you name them all?

Can I name them all? Yeah. Tootie, Joe.

No, they're real names, you rookie.

What? I want to hear their show names Tootie, Joe, Blair God, this show meant a lot to you

It didn't, but I do know the theme Natalie

This is weird walking in here I'm not kidding you I was singing Facts of Life I wonder if that will come up on the show today Stop it, Matthew I'm not saying I'm psychic I'm saying I'm close

Were you watching it recently? No, it just came to my head

Can I say something a lot of our listeners think this thing is so well crafted they must write it ahead of time and really work out the architecture of it and i want to say that um i think this podcast episode proves that that is not the case america's screwed because the soccer team we they are you know we were just talking about soccer world cup and then it's facts of life and then you're singing the song you take the good

you take the bad you take them both and then you have the facts of life the facts of life You take the good, you take the bad, and then what?

You take them all, and then you have...

You take the good, you take the bad, you take...

Them all?

No, wait, you said it. You take it all. You take the good, you take the bad, and there you have the facts of life.

And there you have, I said, yeah.

When the world never seems to be living.

Don't act like you don't know this.

No, but what I'm saying is I don't know this song.

No, you take the good, you take the bad, you take them both, and there you have.

Oh, you take them both? Oh, that's right. That makes more sense grammatically.

I don't feel how that makes sense is lyrics. You know what song did make sense? Charles was in charge.

Okay.

Charles in charge of our days and our nights. Charles in charge of our wrongs and our rights.

That doesn't make sense. That doesn't make sense either. No, why is the nanny in charge of your days and your nights?

And you're like your moral compass of your wrongs and your rights.

It's too much responsibility for him.

Anyway, that's our World Cup wrap up.

Yes!

What a mess. Into Eric Andre. All right. My guest today is a hilarious comedian and host.

That was an intro. Oh, my God.

Of the Eric Andre show on Adult Swim. What a mess. Now you can see him in the new.

This is what people come for. And this is what we promise. And this is what we deliver. And I don't regret it.

Now you can see Eric, our good friend, in the new Netflix movie, Little Brother, a movie he made with Mr. John Cena.

I will also say this is appropriate for this interview. It really is.

Because it's all, the wheels have come off this trolley many times. I always love when Eric stops by. Eric Andre, welcome. Here's why I love having you on the podcast. You are a cartoon character. You're not a real person. And I am a cartoon character. I'm not a real person. And when we're together, I'm just happy.

Because. And the rest of America's annoyed. Annoyed and miserable at the shenanigans.

But you don't live in the real world. And whenever I, you just don't. You just don't. You think I stand out? You are, you're an insane cartoon character. You bounce off walls, you crash through ceilings. Yeah. To the delight of everyone.

Well, my comedy hero is Gonzo from The Muppet Show. I had this VHS tape growing up. It was called, it was a Clipse episode of The Muppet Show that Gonzo hosted in a Hugh Hefner vest. And his wife was that chicken. Remember, he had a chicken for a wife. And he hosted this thing. It was called like The Weirdest Sketches on, it wasn't called The Weirdest Sketches.

on The Muppet Show, but it was like the weirdest parts of The Muppet Show. It had a more elegant title than what I'm saying. And it was just a clip show and he was like Dick Clark slash Hugh Hefner and he intro'd all the weirdest clips from The Muppet Show and I would watch that VHS like over and over and over. Formative. I haven't thought about that. For me,

it was Warner Brothers cartoons, but I always thought, well, that's the highest form of comedy is people getting stretched out, elongated, people looking to Cameron going, uh-oh, and then falling. Yeah. And then I would walk away like an accordion And those are the, I just willed myself to be one of those people. The reality is you'd have a horrible and painful death. Yes. There would be no comedic value. Yes, Eric, I would, but the coroner would say, oh my God, we just looked at the x-rays of his body. It's a, it's a accordion, you know? And then they would, they would push on each side of my body and would go like.

Weird Al Yankovic would be like Conan, Conan, Conan, Conan, Conan, Conan.

so uh for all those reasons i'm delighted you're here i really am i don't want to leave you had

to forcibly remove me last time i did this is my favorite pocket you're you're one of my favorite human beings oh that's so nice when i look in then why the angry mail all the time from you

uh well i hope you die and then you sign your name yours truly well eric andre

why do you write those to me and your return address is on them and they're filled with anthrax i don't know that's what that is yeah i thought it was powdered sugar you know celebrities they're not well um i'm not a celebrity i still drive an uber but um wait as a passenger or no as a as a driver okay as a it wasn't a good joke that also died in my

mouth there's a tombstone on my molar here lies uber joke you'd be a great uber driver or a terrible one who wouldn't stop talking but i would love it if you picked me up in an uber that would

be so much fun i what do you do when they start chatting you up or back in the day yellow cabs when you were in new york city when they start chatting it's gonna sound weird to people would you would you lean in and chat or would you just be like i think they want him to stop no no this

is this is what's weird this is what's weird and i hope this doesn't put people off of me but when i call an uber i did i bought one of those plexiglass separators and i have it it's heavy and i carry it with me and i call an uber when i get in i quickly attach it you have one for each make and model i say i look up which car they're going to be they're like oh it's going to be a toyota four by four and i go like i know which one is for the toyota four by four i know which one is for, you know, I mean, literally every kind of SUV. Your house is like a plexiglass factory. That's all it is. And I quickly shout to my son, and this is, I won't let him go to college. So he just is the guy that, he is my caddy for plexiglass separators. And I'll just say things like, it's a, you know, it's a Subaru Outback. And he's like, got it. What year? And I'll go, 98. And then he rushes in. So that's kind of a dick move. And they always get very like what the fuck and i'm like shut up i don't want to talk to you and then i actually drill into their seats and they don't like that you go uh-uh-uh sushi wishy no talkie walkie now what do you do because i would imagine we're probably similar spirits that you like to talk to

people you like talking to anyone not in not in the not in the uh not in the cab not in the uber Well, it depends on my mood. Sometimes I'm catching up on work and I'm locked in. And I got my laptop on my lap or I'm doing work on the phone. What, are you building a rocket?

I'm locked in. I'm getting the specs for re-entry. You got to get just the right. What the hell are you locked in on? I'm trying to write jokes.

I'm trying to write ideas. Okay. You've worked in this business. Really?

I've never sat down

and written a joke. I just go, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

That's not your,

you wrote on legacy shows, Simpsons. I did, I did. But I was never,

in my defense, I did, but I was never locked in. No, I get it, I get it. I'm just giving you shit because it's fun. You know, we're good guys. We're guys hanging out and I'm giving you shit. You're harassing me. I'm harassing you. I'm harassing you.

You're constantly harassing me. You show up at my house. I don't know how you got my address. I think you looked at the paperwork. I look at the return address

on your hate mail um it's funny because the last time i saw you i was doing a club here in la and you were about to go on and it's the same thing if i'm about to go on i had my i'm not

gonna say ginger you get that too often i have my redhead friend from australia very funny comedic actor reese mitchell and instantly you guys locked eyes And you went over to them and you went, when's the last time you got your skin checked? And you guys talked about skin for like 30 minutes. And then you went up and you're like, I got to get ready for the Oscars. It was like a match made. They saw each other. And it was like, they were instant best friends. And they just talked about skin health.

And you kept trying to talk. That's like what two widows do when they've lost a husband or something. That's right. That's right. How are you managing?

i'm getting by and instantly there was no hesitation he like you looked into reese's eyes and you just went right and you you gave him like a dermatologist number yeah you guys

and it was like i had him take off his shirt and i did a very close exam with those special glasses and that special light and i did not like what i saw um yeah but it's funny how you didn't let me

answer rude by the way what how i am in an uber and i am very rude in an uber no i i don't usually like to talk well i like to talk if the person's interesting but it's a crapshoot so the risk i do a risk assessment yeah and sometimes the person knows when to stop talking and start talking and sometimes they're interesting and stuff you're interested in sometimes it's a crazy person yeah so you do a little bit of risk assessment so i don't because i don't want that like you know three percent of them that are batshit crazy there was a guy as soon as i get in got in his car within 10 seconds he's like i love fentanyl man oh that's my problem and i go i go well oh yeah i'm listening to some tunes am i you see my headphones i was like that's i'm sorry that's horrible and he's like god i just quit though i just quit i go oh when a couple of days ago and he's pulling up to my house so I'm like great now this guy has my home address and I'm like this is an office it looks like a house that I live in it's an office I'm going to work at the end of the day it's kind of a weird job and I can't tell you anything about it because I don't like the fact that you're my personal information and he was telling me he's like the patches are better than shooting it up but shooting it up with the patch but I'm through with that shit man and I was like

oh so he's been driving you

yeah

he's been in charge

of whether you live or die yeah yeah yeah so i uh i'm i'm plagued by that uber driver and my heart goes out to his his uh afflictions but uh i was trapped and we were in like the thick of traffic like we're in west hollywood at like 5 p.m so it was like the slowest what would take like 20 minutes to get back to my house took like an hour and a half you know and it was the longest

afternoon of my life yeah it was rough i always say this if the driver's been weird and they pull to my house, I always say, it's been nice talking to you. By the way, we're selling my house tonight. To Eric Andre. To Eric Andre. Who, by the way, loves visitors. Has a stash of fentanyl. Keeps vintage fentanyl.

He keeps his fentanyl right by his loose cash. He's got the loose cash room and the fentanyl room. and a bedroom that's it not even a kitchen in there anyway oh well yeah i always say to people when they pick me up from my house or if it's a guy that like the amazon guy recognizes me or the ups guy i go i just go yeah i'm airbnb in this place pretty trippy uh anyway yeah think

about the address why is there a mural of you on the garage oh that's why i airbnb yeah to do a

self-portrait on the garage yeah um is this what you want to talk about we are so ADD I don't think we ever make a single point I looked away from you for a second and I forgot who the

guest was and then I'm Harrison Ford and the good news is I then I looked over at you and I was happy that you're here so it's nice to see you by the way You know, when it comes to health and wellness, you have to trust what you're putting in your body. You can't just grab anything, close your eyes and jam it in your mouth hole. That's not the way to go. Yeah. Whether you're tackling fitness goals, a wellness routine or shopping for family essentials, iHerb is one-stop shop for vitamins, supplements, sports nutrition, personal care, and even grocery baby and pet products. They do it all. For nearly 30 years, iHerb has delivered authentic wellness products sourced directly from trusted brands and authorized partners to more than 15 million customers worldwide. And if something doesn't meet your expectations, iHerb makes it right with easy returns and simple refunds. Visit iHerb.com and use code Conan for 20% off your order.

Big news, Sona. Yeah? Did you know T-Mobile recently partnered with the National Park Foundation?

No way!

Yep, they're making it easier to stay connected so you're free to wander.

Well, that's really cool.

And I love a national park, I really do.

I do too.

Now, there's one thing you have to have if you're doing that, good signal. It's a priority. Do you know what I mean? You got your maps, your music, this podcast. Yeah. So take America's best network plus their off-grid satellite coverage with you. look, we're all a little spoiled, but we like to have access to all our stuff and suddenly you don't have it because of a bad single. That's when I throw my phone into the Grand Canyon. Oh, okay. Literally filled half the Grand Canyon with phones. Then I got T-Mobile and never had to chuck them again. You know? Good. So wander over to T-Mobile.com and switch best based on analysis by Ookla of speed test intelligence data for 2H 2025. Wow, that's some sentence. T-Satellite with capable device in most outdoor areas in U.S. where you see the sky. That's important. You got to see the sky. Service may be limited or unavailable. Included with experience beyond or $10 per month. Auto renews. Cancel any time. That was probably meant to be said by a robot really quickly, but I just did it slowly so you could really understand. Disclaimer. Please do not throw your phone into the Grand Canyon. FX is the Bear. the Emmy award-winning series returns for its final season. With no money, the threat of a sale, and a torrential storm in their way, the team bands together to achieve one last service. Can they finally earn that coveted Michelin star? FX's The Bear, the final season. All episodes now streaming on Hulu. I'm curious if, because you have such, and I want to talk about this too, you have such a serious music background. I was reading up on you today. No, but, no, but. Sorry. Sorry. So far, you've shouted two things at me. Rude and boring. Sorry. No, but I get that myself. It's very hard to be. You just. Like, bring it back to serious. Well, this is going to stay serious long. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But I love that you just dropped an album, and it's called Film Scores for Films That Don't Exist. Yeah. It's a classical album. You wrote film scores for movies that aren't real. Yeah. And I was listening to it today. A bunch of us were listening to it, and it's legit. It's really good. Yeah, thanks. Thank you. It's really good. I'm flattered by that. Thank you. And then I was like, well, wait. I know that you played jazz bass, and you're serious. You studied at Berklee School of Music. But I didn't realize when you were a little kid, and you started playing tuba when you were really young.

Yeah, I played piano at five, tuba in sixth grade, and cello and bass in high school.

Yeah. Yeah. And then, so this is just something that was in you. I went to school in Boston.

I went to Berklee College of Jazz, daddy-o. And I played the Seinfeld theme over and over again for four years. Yeah. And I flicked a dime under a lamppost.

That was a course.

i shot a apple off my wife's head or whatever william s burroughs did you know about that and he killed her right he killed his wife and then when the cops come he goes we were playing william tell the game where you shoot an apple yeah of the head it was more of like uh i think he was like the laziest excuse for homicide i'm sorry i made your podcast so dark no no this is

people love true crime podcasts so we're gonna become one briefly but that's what i always heard is the police show up and he went we were playing and his wife's lying there with a bullet in her head he's like we were playing william tell and i tried to shoot an apple off her head didn't work

out but she can't arrest me yeah and the cops were like that's legally like i mean that's solid sorry we bothered you yeah yeah yeah so wait so he ostensibly killed her and then went to the

refrigerator got an apple and placed it by her head i don't even know if he just said i ate the apple oh yeah oh there wasn't even an apple no i don't know all of us are talking about this thing and guess what kind of true crime podcast is this this is the best kind where people just shoot off

their mouths about a crime that maybe didn't even happen and i'm gonna right now say eric doesn't know what the fuck he's talking about i don't know what i'm talking about we both just kind of heard

this thing i also got self-conscious because i was about to make the same jazz jokes that i made on your podcast last time so i was like oh what's another beatnik i haven't covered no one william s burrows and then i heard your audience everyone's butthole dried out at that uh every at that moment interesting and adam can they were all moist until that can we say that on your

podcast we can you puritan adam sack will confirm this no one's ever listened to more than one of these podcasts we have a huge huge number of people but we're just working our way through earth's population but no

No one's ever, after listening to one, listened to another. Wow. Repeat away. It's a very strange way of getting an audience.

Repeat your stories at will. We got a verdict on William S. Burroughs. It really happened. It's dark.

You're about to look up some dark.

1951 in Mexico City, William S. Burroughs shot and killed his wife. And said he was playing William Tell. And how did he get off then? He didn't. He was convicted.

Oh, he was.

Oh, I thought they were like, hey. So did he go to prison for a long time? He was convicted of culpable homicide in Mexico, but served only 13 days in jail before his brother secured his release on bail. Well, murderers, if you're going to murder your wife, do it in the U.S. Go on down to Mexico. Wow. He was later convicted in absentia, receiving a two-year suspended sentence. What?

Doesn't seem that bad for killing your wife. Yeah. I'm just going to say, message to all murderers out there, keep that William Tell thing in your back pocket. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Keep an apple and the William Tell story. in your back pocket and maybe do it with a bow and arrow too just to really legitimize it you came into a bank took all the money and shot someone it was a William Tell game yeah in a bank

I barely know what William Tell is beyond a guy that shot an apple off of somebody's head with an arrow beyond that I couldn't tell you I couldn't tell you a single thing about William Tell what era I know he wrote an overture that's it there is an overture for William Tell was William Tell a fictional character You went to Harvard, smarty pants. You tell us. Daddy Warbucks. That would be work if you're rich. I meant like an egghead. Einstein. There you go. Einstein's better.

I'm off my game today, Conan. You are so off your game. You're just a big mess. And it's delighting me. You run for the Knicks, Mr. Boston? Yeah, I am. You know why? You know why? Are you okay rooting for the Knicks right now? I am okay rooting for the Knicks because I think it's a good thing for New York. I spent a lot of time in New York. They haven't had a title since 73. I'm very happy for them. I really am.

There are Celtics fans listening to you right now. I know. What a sellout. Yeah.

Piece of shit human being. How dare he. That's my Boston accent, by the way. What Celtics fan has ever committed violence? Look it up. I don't think it's happened. I think I'm on safe ground.

You're very Boston, historically, very safe sports fans. I'm happy for the Knicks. I am.

No, you can't be.

You just know there's like three guys in Dorchester right now pissed at you. There's a guy in Alewife right now pulling his hair out like, Bonin, you're a Celtics fan and nothing else. Nothing else. I can't do, I can do a Braintree accent, but not a Quincy or an Alewife. But a Burlington Air in Nashua. Can you do those? I can do Tewksbury and Andover, but I can't do Worcester.

Pretty good, pretty good.

And when it comes to Massachusetts, I only do region by region. My accent work. I'm the Fred Armisen of Massachusetts.

Oh, I thought of something today that would be funny. And you'd have been good at this, too. This would be a great thing for you. But I was convinced I should do this. When we record this, I don't know when this airs, but the Knicks are up two games. They're looking for a sweep, possibly. They're headed back to Madison Square Garden. It's just like a huge thing. And all these, you know, hardcore Knicks fans who've been there for years, like chalamet's hardcore nick fan ben stiller spike lee has been in every knicks game since they created basketball and i thought it'd be really funny if i dressed up in all this knicks regalia and somehow forced my way in and did one of those things that some celebrities do where they act like i've been a fan all along but they're just there for the gravy yeah and people i love ideas where people would hate me so much but somehow i get a decent ringside like courtside seat and i'm like yeah yeah and i keep going over to chalamet and trying to high-five him and stiller and i've just got nick's goggles and a goofy foam hat and we're number one people would be so justifiably mad and then in interviews i don't know who any of the players are i'm not even sure how the game is played hey they were shooting against that basket in the first half What are you over there for? And when do they hit a home run already? Yeah. And then I'm like, go Knicks. Go Knicks. Wouldn't people get so mad? And if you were with me. I got these tickets for free.

F-R-E-E, free. I even had the money and the fentanyl patches. Hello. I called WME and I said, make it happen.

Get me in to see the Knicks win the World Series of Basketball. what a dick move yeah yeah i don't know i'm fine you must be fascinated by those things because

that's been making people i've been i've been i haven't told anybody this i've been photoshopping fake injuries of knicks players and sending them to my friends who are diehard knicks fans I've been Photoshopping fake TMZ articles like Brunson tore his ACL this morning with Today's Date and texting him to my friends who are diehard Knicks fans. And they're like, I swear to God, Eric, like your voodoo, whatever you think is funny right now, it is not funny. You are not. And the more angry they get, the more I'm I'm cranking out these fake Photoshopped articles of injured Knicks players right now.

Yeah. Yeah. And I'm losing. I'm losing friends. so bad yeah but also just to like i mean yes to say things like what you text people early in the morning why was brunson operating a wheat thresher in the first place yeah yeah wait what i don't

know why would they trade josh hart to the pistons now between game two and game three of the finals they're gonna trade them okay it's their team and my friends are pulling their their hair out well

Of course, they take everything with a... I try to... I mean, I think I do stuff like that all the time where I'm just deadly serious. And I can still convince you, Sona.

I know, I fall for it. But you guys both seem to like humor that only you think is funny.

Yeah, that's a problem.

I'd be much richer if... I'd have Kevin Hart's bank account, hopefully, if I didn't have that affliction. I forgot you got to do comedy for other people. I still don't see it that way.

make it a money i still don't see it that way i'm still a if you like this you can have some

and if you don't get out of my store i'll talk to ali wong and she's like on a private jet on her way to play like a soccer stadium in qatar and i'm doing like the chuckle hut and coyote bladder mississippi like passing out flyers outside of the venue i'm like man i should

probably start writing jokes that uh more than three people like also i i really yeah i i got some pretty good laughs falling 15 feet onto some spikes and then there's a recovery time by the

way do you have lifelong injuries no no no no i mean you should bring the jackass guys in here

those guys are yeah very injured they're like evil knievel when johnny knoxville starts going through some of his injuries it actually makes my stomach queasy it's like he's been here and i love the guy but he's i mean he broke his penis he broke it yeah and he had a catheter yeah yeah

yeah yeah yeah and his eyeball fell out and that one movie and he had like back in i had injuries and i used to brag about them but when i started hanging out with those guys i'm like oh dear lord it sounds like how they like england would torture people in like the year 1133 like whenever you read about the dark ages you're like god damn england really hated people so how

did you, your tongue got torn out and then shoved up your ass until it was back where your tongue goes? You know, what stunt were you doing where that happened?

England was, England was being quite rude for, I'd say a thousand years to their own people and all their neighbors. Rude. Rude. Rude. To the French, to the Irish. They were being less than polite. Yeah.

They were a little cranky for a couple of thousand years.

then they got it out of their system yeah yeah then they chilled then they went to india and africa and they chilled out then they were cool then they were chill then they were chill and australia they were quite rude to the world um england you made i'm taking england down a peg on this show i won't be silenced you will be silenced love you england i'm pandering to your irish whatever irish you have in you because you could be a little scottish too there's no i'm a hundred percent you're a hundred percent yeah I was trying to pander to you and you didn't take the bait. I was like, England sucks, right? Because guess what? Hey, March 17th is coming up next year. Your favorite holiday.

I was trying to tee it up for you. Have you ever seen me wear green on St. Patrick's Day, Sonia? Never, never, never.

I at least thought you would be like, I hate the British.

Because real Irish people don't like Irish people. I always, yeah, we're just, it's a thing. We just don't. We hate everyone equally. That's good. I think it's good. It's good.

That's healthy.

I want to ask you about it. I'm going to change the subject, and I'm going to do something that's semi-professional, but don't hate me for it.

You drew a naked picture of me, and I feel very uncomfortable every time you look down at it.

You made a movie. You made a movie that's coming out.

And there's Jeff Epstein's emails at the bottom of your notes. J-E-E vacations at Gmail. With my body drawn.

I keep trying to book a flight on his plane, and he won't get back to me. Hello? you made a movie called little brother very funny movie with you and mr john cena and you do there's a lot of you uh it's very funny but doing very physical stuff yes and i pray to god you have a body double for these things because there's some truly cartoonish

please tell me there's someone who looks a lot like you who's getting thrown into a wall at 600 miles an hour

this can neither be confirmed nor deny I'm like Tom Cruise I'm taking it to the grave and yes of course I paid a 25 year old Puerto Rican guy to fly through glass I'm in my 40s now I'm not you know I injured myself enough on my own show I need a little help now

I need a little help what I seem to remember is you made this movie with John Cena and you guys are very funny together, but I think John Cena once seriously injured you, didn't he?

Poor John. So he, in reality, he did not. He did, we did a stunt that went awry. This is like back in 2000, I believe?

No, no, 2000. Yeah, I was kidding. I was trying to see how healthy you are now. No, it was 2020. Was this 2020? I think it was 2020. You're from the show Golden Girls, right?

I'm talking to Blanche Dubois. I love your work. I love your podcast. I remind you. Your questions are all over the place. Kindness of strangers.

Look, I'm just not a... You have a Blanche DuBois quality about you. I'm just realizing now. I do. I was very beautiful in my youth.

That's what people...

Yeah, you're just a randy old woman. Now I'm a randy old lady. And I'm flitting around my New Orleans apartment.

It was Boca Raton, Florida, where the show took place, fictionally.

Are you talking Streetcar? Yeah, I'm doing Streetcar. And you're doing Golden Girls. Oh, you're talking Streetcar? Yeah. I'm talking Golden Girls. Is it Dubois or is it Devereaux? Devereaux. It was Blanche Devereaux.

On Golden Girls? On Golden Girls. I was correct. Who's Blanche Dubois?

Blanche Dubois is on Streetcar. Blanche Dubois is on Streetcar. It's a Streetcar named Messiah. No. So I was right and you're wrong.

That's Vivian Lee, right? The actress. Yes. The fictional character is Blanche Dubois? Yes. My entire life, up till this moment, I thought Blanche Dubois was the redhead on Golden Girls.

I do get why. They both have French last names.

This might be... Their names are almost identical until the last couple syllables. What is it? It's Blanche Devereaux? Devereaux.

I was living in a broken joke for five minutes, and you did nothing to help me. This entire podcast is one of the... It's like seven garden hoses that are hopelessly gnarled together. And one of them's leaking. and we're trying to untangle them to figure out which one to turn off the water, but we can't. And there's just water everywhere.

We're still in that jalopy with the triangle wheels. We were just asking.

I really loved how long he was talking about the Golden Girls and how long you were talking about a streetcar named John Zuckerberg.

But we were vibing, man. We had Riz. I don't know what that means, but we don't know either.

You quoted it.

I have to say, I have to come clean here. I got off a plane very recently from Morocco. That's your excuse for everything, O'Brien. My mind is not working. And you know what? Yours isn't working either, and I don't think you have an excuse. And together, we're just a big, hot mess. And I'm very happy. I don't care. This is a disaster.

Why were you in Morocco?

I do some business there. Yeah, you're smuggling hash. Again, I could neither confirm or deny. I'm Tom Cruise

if he was smuggling hash. No, no. What did you ask me? You said something about John Cena.

You know, this is like a cop. Oh, your travel show. This is like a cop who pulls a guy over, but the cop and the guy are both drunk. Can't see your wallet. Wait, wait. You have to step out of the airplane. It's a car. Wait, what? We're just two big messes interrogating each other. I don't know who's in charge here anymore.

Oh, I didn't know Blanche Dubois wasn't the one for the Golden Girls. I watched Golden Girls when I was young with my grandma because I lived in Bunkertown, Florida. I watched Streetcar Named Desire with my grandmother over and over again

because I was very closeted.

I just wanted to clear the air.

That liquid has been here for ages.

We don't know. Is that Guinness? Yeah, I'm having a Guinness right now.

That's my other problem. What did you really ask?

I truly can't remember.

I am going to say this very clearly. I changed.

Let me tell you what's going on.

John Cena in 2020. Oh, yeah. He threw me through you. Okay.

So he threw me. It's not much of a story. He threw me through a shelf on the Eric Andre show. I destroy the set every time. And I found out he was a big fan of the show. So we had him come in. He grabs me. He's like, ah! He grabs me. He throws me through a shelf. That part of the stunt was fine. By our department, we forgot the sandbag down the shelf. And it had a metal frame. And even beforehand, my stunt coordinator was like, that thing's got a metal frame you gotta be careful i don't like that prop i don't like that prop you said i don't like that prop i go blah blah blah dude i don't pay you to think dog

Now show me those abs, daddy. And then Sina threw me through the thing. He did the stunt properly. I went through the thing properly, but then the thing went over. And it was the only season of Eric Andre's show I got rid of all my body hair on purpose. I bicked my head bald. I waxed my pubic hair that you can't even see on TV. Alana Glazer goes, you have to blur your crotch. Why did you wax your pubes? That doesn't even translate. I go, oh yeah, I don't know. I didn't even think about it. These are the things professionals talk about.

I have one question. Yes, Alana. Why did you wax your pubes? That's a good point.

So I didn't have, my hair works like antennas. Like I know when stuff's coming because I have big hair. You have big hair. So I didn't feel it coming. And the thing went over and boom, gave me a big Fred Flintstone. And I got a concussion. I got dizzy. I was talking about things that didn't make any sense. And I went to the hospital and got a Katsuka. And then you immediately booked a podcast. Then I came here. That was 10 minutes before I showed up. Yes, it wasn't your fault. The craziest trip to Morocco ever. I'm trying to pitch a travel show right now. I pitched to the network you're on. And because of you, they go, we already have a travel show. And I go, Conan stole my idea that I stole from Anthony Bourdain. Yes.

Trust me. Listen, you can have my travel show. I will give it to you but you still have to call it Conan O'Brien must go but it's with you and we don't even explain it to anybody and you get all the money and the glory and I just am like yep and people are like what is that why is it Conan O'Brien must go

for five minutes you were my Newman I was like oh Brian oh he's after me oh he's nipping at my heels I'm eating canned beans by fucking candlelight I'm like oh i switched my ssri by five milligrams by like a like this much in which direction i went up i go maybe i just go up a little bit and now my brain is like so i called my psychiatrist today i go and i think i gotta take the elevator back down I'm sweating you should have I'm on like 55 peptides I'm gonna be ripped by the end of this interview but I'm gonna have pendulous breasts like Vivian Lee in Streetcar Named Desire like Vivian Lee in Golden Girls you guys wanna train SSRIs by the end of this why don't we do a little Russian roulette

you can be on what I'm on I got on him pretty late for a guy with my affliction that's how I feel I gutted it out for a really long time what do you think that is pride I'm like why did I wait so long I know in my case it was just nope you don't take anything to make life easier if anything you do things to make life harder so I hair shirted it and I just was like hair shirt means you're just like that's not a phrase yeah you wear a hair shirt I collapsed it I collapsed it. That's how old monks used to wear it to do, like, self-punishment, right? Yes. It's a kind of— Oh, oh.

Putting on a hair shirt. It's like Irish Catholic repression. It's like, repress everything or self-anesthetize. Was it like that kind of thing? Yeah. I like reducing you to a stereotype. That's what I'm trying to do. You are reducing me to a stereotype, only it's exactly true. You're right.

Hey, Celtics, right? England, bad. Celtics, good. I keep pandering to you. And I do live under a magical mushroom in the forest.

Why am I pandering to your eyes?

No, putting on a hair shirt is this phrase, but basically I think that's what I was doing was saying, something that makes life a little easier for you, fuck that. It's supposed to be hard. And I did that well past the age when I should have been doing that. And you're in your 90s now, so what are we talking about? You know, I didn't like that. Okay, yes. Did I fight in World War II? Yes. Was I old then? Yeah. I went into the battle at 35 years old. And you fought for the Japanese. I fought for the Japanese because I said, the cars they make in 20 years are going to be fucking amazing. I should have done my homework. Anyway, another Guinness. I'm sweating. You are. You're a big mess. But, watch this. But I did climax several times. What's going on here? Don't I just throw garbage at me? No, she's throwing you some Kleenex so you can wipe the sweat for yourself.

You can slide it like a bartender, but it's just like a saloon. I just see giant. And it's empty. Oh, no, there is one in there. Why? I was like, do you want me to throw that out for you? No. Do you have recycling? Budgets are tight. I worry that if I do that, I'll have patches of tissue all over my head, which will be worse. Oh, no.

You made a movie with John Cena.

It's called Little Brother. You guys are really funny together. Thank you. I've been trying to talk about it the whole time,

but you're all over the place. We get it, dude. You went to Morocco. But now you're back in the USA. A country with absolutely zero problems, baby.

Hey! Don't you dare make political commentary here. Don't you dare.

I didn't say a word. USA, USA, USA. Do they got that chant in your little Moroccan paradise? No, they don't. No, they don't. Thank you. I chant USA to every foreign country I go to. And they like it? Oh, they love it. Tell me more of this, USA. I dress like Uncle Sam.

Star-spangled top hat outfit. This goes back to the beginning of the pod. When I talked about the worst Halloween costume I ever had. My mom, God bless her soul. But she said, I'll take care of it. And she got me an Uncle Sam costume. And it was like 1970, height of Vietnam, 1973. Watergate. And I'm like, I've got this, and we've talked about it years ago on the podcast. Yeah, we bought it. Do you have an image of it? You got to put a picture of it. Yeah, we did, I think, find one, yeah.

Put a picture on, put a nude image of yourself on the screen right now. I'll get some clicks. Let's see what you're working with. All right, well, I think you'll be quite pleased. that yours isn't like that. I want to see what you put your wife through. I'm going to say twice a year. Why, she's crying.

Oh, you're so far off. We hit the big tree. Sora, why are you just laughing along? Why can't you jump in and say, that's not true, he's very sensual. Why would I say that? Just from what you've heard. You're supposed to have my back on these things. Don't I hear he's super sensual?

Wait, wait, wait. Can we talk about my movie, Conan? I don't want to.

Dude, help me out, dog. You guys are funny together. I'm trying to plug a thing here. Why don't I do it? Because you're in no state. You're crashing. You took the wrong pills. You need to get a real...

I only have five milligrams of Zoloft, dude. I'm partying, dog. Isn't it funny? In your 20s, you're like texting your friends, get me Coke, get me Molly, get me mushrooms. In your 40s, you're like, get me Propecia, Zoloft, Wellbutrin.

Something to moisten my gums. What? Is that a thing? You bet it is. What? What? You make this movie. It's very funny. Thank you. And my curiosity is, you guys must have known beforehand that you do well together. I mean, clearly he had been on the show. He had thrown you through a bookcase.

but i love john well he well we're totally opposite yes the way we look the way we behave so i knew like instantly that's a recipe for a good comedic duo yeah and um i love his work ethic and he's got comedic chops you look at him and he's this giant lumberjack it's like he should he doesn't make sense he shouldn't exist but he does he knows mandarin fluently do you know what He plays virtuoso, like piano, like concert piano. He's the most interesting man in the world. And, like, he's just, he's got comedy chops. It's not fair. No, it's not. Man, you have to have comedy chops, or no one will talk to people across the street. I'm a very good athlete. And a male model. But anyway, no. I look like Staphalovagus. Yeah. you told me last time i was on the pod you told me you had gray teeth growing up that's what i that's what it clicked because you are a handsome man and you're tall you're tall and you are a handsome man but as soon as you said you had great dead great teeth in front of my mouth i go that's why he's a comedian i was like there are plenty of other reasons i was a comedian but the great

teeth they help you need those things as a child people are surprised when i like i tell them i

meditate and i do my homework and i got like straight a's in school they're like what yeah They think I dropped out of, like, fourth grade and just, like, ate candy until, like, now. They think I'm just like, I eat a gummy worm sandwich every morning. They think I go home and I'm just like... Which, yes, I do do some of that.

But you know what I'm talking about. Well, I know, except I really do those things at home, and I don't meditate. So I could use more Eric, you know? You want to snort some Lexapro, dog? Which one are you on? I'm on a... new one oh really i'm just on straight prozac oh old school old school i mean it's prozac and my prozac was developed in the 50s oh you have vintage you have like uh yeah an artisanal it's very hard yeah it says use doc connor's prozac and you run out a lot yeah more effort prozac yeah it says goes well with cigarettes um yeah when you started did the demons just go

and you were like oh i didn't have to live like that for that long it was annoying

what was that all about but uh no i credit andy richter andy richter's the one that said you know why don't you get some take the help yeah and and it doesn't change who you are or anything i thought it would that's the other thing that's why i didn't do that's why i was

i was like i won't be comedic yes that's what i thought and and clearly i'm right because i'm a bit of mess this entire podcast but i was like it'll change my personality i don't want to be like catatonic i thought i was going to be like jack nicholson when he gets electroshock therapy and one flew over the cuckoo's nest just like like vegetabled yeah and i was like i can't that'll ruin me but i was um i guess that's part of it yeah anxiety yeah obsessive compulsive thought loops depression i'm really just bringing this podcast down no i think i won't let you plug the

very movie i'm in we're not plugging that anymore we're now plugging lexapro eric andre you are what i want to be when i grow up you're just you're you're just uh i so love being around you you're so super serious like i just i've always loved you all the times you came on my show crashing through things uh and um you're just a force for good so i'm super happy for you i'm happy if you made this i mean and again there's not just the movie there's also this this album that just tickles me film scores for films that don't exist you're such a hyper talented guy and please come back and make even less sense next time because these are my favorite These are my favorite episodes. They really are. They're good. Peace out, Tupac. Credits.

Conan always says, peace out, Tupac, whenever he ends anything. Yeah.

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you guys want to do a review the reviewer well i think the answer is yes okay great yeah always say yes just as we planned it yes this is where i go to apple podcasts i find a review for the podcast and we can talk about it or review that podcast so we have uh katie jordan wolf the title is ghost of christmas hell five star review if conan had wanted my five stars so bad he could have just called instead of haunting my dreams like the ghost of christmas hell guys i'm still reeling i can't get the cackling image out of my head from a nightmare i had last night I guess the spirit of Conan won't rest until I rate the damn podcast and Ghost of Christmas held me in my horrific vision. Conan was the villain of Terminator 2 Judgment Day with, and this might be the most disturbing visual of the whole thing, a shaved head. He was like a cackling joker slash Lex Luthor in a too tight suit and staring at me with his beady little eyes. Anyway, thank you, Conan, for this awful image that will haunt me till the day I die. and I will probably somehow linger after I'm long dead buried in the minds of my descendants I will honor Christmas in my heart and try to keep it all the year here take your five stars you ruthless animal and stop visiting my dreams

oh my god what is her first name

Katie Katie

first of all great writing yeah great writer really funny and help me because you know these things the villain in Terminator 2 is that the policeman who can who has liquid who can turn into liquid it's the evil T-1000 T-1000 Don't act like, don't, don't do that. What, don't do what? It's a T-1000. It's the evil T-1000.

It's a nerd assist. He's helping out. Thank you. I'm helping out. Yeah. Okay. Nerd assist. Slam dunk. There we go.

Alley-oop. Nerd alley-oop. Any hoops. Awful. What an awful thing.

I can't believe we're inventing these terms.

So I was shaved head. I wonder what a Freudian psychologist would say about, you know, what does it mean? I'm there cackling. Yeah. I've got a shaved head. I don't know what that means.

You kind of are T-1000-y in a way. You're lithe and nimble. You can slip through jail bars and things. Yes, yes.

First of all, I am primarily made of liquid metal. But also, yes, I can shapeshift. I'm a shapeshifter, a mind grifter, a high plains drifter. There's nothing I can't do. There's no gum I won't chew.

Oh, God.

I see myself very much in that role. So I think it's cool and correct that Katie identified me that way.

Don't you want to be Arnold Schwarzenegger? No?

No. That's awful. Because then you have to be governor of California. And I think the state is ungovernable. We're going to find out. There's a big thought that California should be split up into smaller states.

What?

Yeah.

No.

Because it's too big. It's too big. No one seems to be able to run this place.

The north, the central, and the south?

Yeah. I think there should be three different states.

Oh, so you do subscribe to this.

I'm just going to go with it because it's good for the podcast for me to have a strong opinion. I think it should be subdivided. I think it should be three states. What would you name them? Cala, Forn, and Ia. Oh.

Yeah, I live in the state of Forn.

For Ia. What is Ia?

I'm in Forn, but we're headed down to Ia for Christmas. I live in Forn, but I vacation in Ia. Yeah. Yeah, some people believe that that's what should happen.

Some people believe it should secede from the union too. Where do you fall on that?

Well, because we are the world's fourth largest economy. Interesting. No, I don't think so.

Okay.

But I will change that opinion if it gets us more content for the podcast. I'll do whatever it takes. So for me to have a strong opinion, do we secede? I mean, I guess, but then that raises all of its own problems. We could be attacked by Utah on the night, and you don't want that.

Utah? Yeah.

I think we could take Utah.

I don't know. Our army, I don't know how our army would do.

And also, remember, if we're split into three, then that's a... Oh, you're saying, if we're three... Are we three different countries?

No, I think if we secede, we're one.

So what are you for? Us breaking into three and staying? Oh, I'm not getting in. You're not dragging me into this. Well, you are California born and bred, so you have to weigh in on this. I love my state. You're an immigrant, so you...

What? I'm not an immigrant. You can't vote. She's born the town over from me. I can vote. Immigrants can vote. What? Conan! Yes, we can. First of all, I'm not an immigrant. Yay! I got her! I got her to admit! I was birthering you long before Trump was birthering Obama. It's hurting your status now. Don't brag about it. You know what?

I got you uncertain.

I was born here. I was born in Montebello.

Well, which is it? You keep changing your story.

Stop. I'm saying, I'm trying to teach you that immigrants are allowed to vote and it's okay. And I'm not an immigrant.

Well, I'm glad because I think they should be. And I'm glad we've now changed it so they can. Oh, wow.

Okay, good. You're so brave. You're so brave. And whenever that passed, that's great. Yeah.

I'm for it. I am for it. And I'm glad that finally that's the way we're doing things. Well, Katie, I hope we answered your question.

I know. What are you? You totally went off topic. I brought up Arnold Schwarzenegger. You started bringing up breaking the state into three parts.

Well, which is it? Do you want it to be three different states or do you want it to be one that secedes from the United States? It's own country.

I want to keep us together. I think we're stronger together. So I'd like to be our own country.

Okay.

I would love to have a passport that's just like California.

Yeah. And it says chill, dude.

Yes.

In Latin on the top.

What is chill, dude, in Latin?

I don't know. I'm not even going to try it. Yeah. Dorme.

Brosephus.

Brosephus.

Yes. Hey, you know what? That's a you word. That's a you.

We're going to legitimize your citizenship for that. You know what? Sona, welcome to America.

Don't do an accent when you say it.

Everyone says it's America.

This is awful. You know what? It's okay to be an immigrant. That's a strong stance I'm taking.

I love immigrants, and I'm so glad that you are here now. I love that you're here now

okay

she used to listen to me on Radio Free Europe when she was growing up

in the country of Montebello in the country of Montebello

nestled in between Serbia and I gotta get out of here

Jesus Christ

I'm gonna secede from this podcast yes yes you are a villain let's break this podcast up into three distinct states

this is why people are dreaming or having dreams of you as a villain

I am a villain

If you listen to this podcast, you are a villain.

I am an arch-villain.

Yeah.

I'm the Joker and the Riddler all combined. Yeah, that's true. Peace out, Tupac.

Conan O'Brien Needs a Friend. With Conan O'Brien, Sonam of Sessian, and Matt Gourley. Produced by me, Matt Gourley. Executive produced by Adam Sachs, Jeff Ross, and Nick Liao. Theme song by The White Stripes. Incidental music by Jimmy Vivino. Take it away, Jimmy. Our supervising producer is Aaron Blair, and our associate talent producer is Jennifer Samples. Engineering and mixing by Eduardo Perez and Brendan Burns. Additional production support by Mars Melnick. Talent booking by Paula Davis, Gina Batista, and Britt Kahn. You can rate and review this show on Apple Podcasts, and you might find your review read on a future episode. Got a question for Conan? Call the Team Coco hotline at 669-587-2847 and leave a message. It, too, could be featured on a future episode. You can also get three free months of Sirius XM when you sign up at SiriusXM.com slash Conan. And if you haven't already, please subscribe to Conan O'Brien Needs a Friend wherever fine podcasts are downloaded.

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There sure is.

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