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Hi, everyone. It's me, Stephanie Wilder-Taylor. This is Drunkish. Listen, whether you've just quit drinking, you're thinking about quitting drinking, you're never going to quit drinking, and you just like hearing stories about people who quit drinking, there's something here for you. And before I tell you about my guests, plural, please give me a five-star rating wherever you download your podcasts. And also go to YouTube and follow the show so you can see what everyone looks like and all the hard work of making these clips and videos will pay off. Now, I would like to tell you about my two guests. I am so excited to have Sarah Kaufman Bradstreet, who was on, you may remember, a few months ago, and she's from the podcast No More Wasted Days, and my friend Casey McGuire, who was one of my very first guests on this show, and she is from the Hello Someday podcast. They are both amazing women, sober coaches, and you can find links to their websites, their Instagram, and all their good stuff in the description of this show. So let's do it. Okay. We are here. I'm going to, I'm doing this again. Take two. I'm here with Casey. I'm here with Sarah. I'm really excited about this as, as I was saying, but I threw it out. So it's, that's, it's not of interest to any of you guys, but, um, Casey, you were one of my first podcast guests. You were in my first four. That is awesome. I love it. And then you were giving

me some compliments. I want you to start. Okay. I was totally complimenting you because I said this in one of your first episodes, but you were so instrumental in my sober journey, like light bulb moment never happened before. And talking about sober parenting, when I had my kids and my son is 18 now, which blows my mind, I'm 10 years sober. So you can see that eight year age gap. But when I had my son, I was like, mom, wine culture on steroids. I bought your books. Sippy cups are not for Chardonnay. Naptime is the new happier. I freaking gifted them to all of my friends. Cause I was like, this is how we're going to get through motherhood. And I was worried about my drinking. I had read for the first time drinking a love story when my son was six months old. And so I was like hiding it on my Kindle, like, Oh damn, I think I have an issue with drinking. I walk into the office and this is 18 years ago, go down and get my coffee and bagel. I'm hung over, but I was hung over every day. And on the front of the newsstand, there is the article, the famous article, New York times, right? Yeah. Style section. Yes. But it was on the front page. It was like queen of mommy happy hour gets sober. And I would, I like, I owned all your books and I gifted them and I was like oh fuck you know like shit and so I like bought the newspaper I like went online and like copied it into a word doc and I was so sneaky about it but like the first time I was ready to stop drinking five years later I still like had you top of mind I still had that word doc so I like found your website I found don't get drunk Fridays I found and like this was 13 years ago so when we I started my pod I was like fangirling you and was like Stephanie

please come on you don't know who I am anyway I love that and I hadn't heard of you but yeah when my I guess when

the book came out, when drunkish came out, my, uh, PR person was like, yeah. And, and she told me, she was like, Casey, like red sippy cups. And really, and I was like, oh, great. Cause I was being kind of picky back then, which is a ridiculous. I was like, I am a podcaster. I'm not going to just do any podcasts, like stop throwing me people that have like, you know, have had like 40 listens on their podcasts. I can't be wasting my time. But she was like, yeah. And I, I looked, I looked you up and I was like, no, she sounds really cool. And it was

really fun doing her. And you helped me find my first online sober group. There'd be a feedback when it was like a Yahoo. I mean, I go back with you. You had no idea who I was, but like

instrumental, but I love that. You know, it's funny because I, I read, and we talked about this the first time you were on, but I read drinking a love story also way before I was sober. And I would, I would read or see like movies. I remember seeing like when a man loves a woman. And my thought was always like, I never related in that way. I was always like, wow, sucks for them. Have to quit. I'm so glad I don't have a problem. Cause that sounds really hard.

It's like, no, no, thank you. Well, it's interesting to me that Casey said that because I found Stephanie on for crying out loud. And it was the same way you would talk about your sobriety, but not an in your face way. And when you would talk about it, I would think all of her stories sound like me. Like you would talk about how you would get in fights with your husband and then you wouldn't remember what you were fighting about the next morning. So then you would have to pretend to be mad at him still the next morning. And I was like, oh, that's me. And I was like, Stephanie's an alcoholic. She had to quit like the state, like, oh, that sucks to be her, I'm glad I'm not an alcoholic. And then I kept, you know, listening and it's for crying out loud is not a sobriety podcast at all. It's parenting podcast in quotation marks, parenting podcast, but it's like, um, just hearing you talk about it in that way. It was always in the back of my head. Like, I think I have a problem. I think I have a problem. And I would always come back to, well, Stephanie quit drinking and she's really funny. And if she's still really funny and she quit drinking. I can quit drinking and I'm still going to be really funny. I was really worried. I was going to lose like my whole personality if I quit drinking. So it's the same thing where I was like, I, and then when you came out with drunkish, I was the same way going and I'm so scared to email her. You know what? I'm really picky. I didn't have her on my podcast until this year. Cause I was just so in my head about like, I can't message her. She's way too busy. Yeah. And way too big and important. All of our conversations. We're just talking about

you are way too busy. Exactly. You know what? I'm the busiest non-busy person. Do you guys know what I mean? Are we all like ADHD where sometimes I'm just like, oh my God, I have so much to do. I'm so overwhelmed. And then the second I don't have anything to do, I'm very anxious and literally like laying on my bed, doing nothing, going, oh my God, my life is horrible. I'm not doing anything. You know what I mean? Yeah. Yeah. It's very all or nothing. Um, what I was going to say is we all have in common the getting sober after we had kids. Cause I know a lot of people that were sober and then they had kids and I, I kind of, I'm a little jealous of that. And for me, my timing seemed, um, very unfortunate because, you know, I got sober. My, I had 18 month old twins and a four-year-old. And I look back and I just go, wow, that seems like a mistake. You know, I mean, it was, it was the, the timing is when it is, but like, wow, did I have some white knuckling at nights of just, you know, it's really painful when I think about being newly sober and dealing with, you know, a kid who had some health issues, you know, my daughter Sadie was born really small Um, and then her twin was regular sized and having sort of more regular, like eating regular every. And I just remember Sadie not sleeping and laying. I mean, I wrote about this in my book, but like laying next to her crib in a beanbag chair going, fuck my life. I want a glass of wine so bad. Like that was some of the times that I really, you know, missed drinking and, um, how

old are your kids Casey were eight your kid I well the first time I tried to stop drinking I love that I'm like twice um the first time my son was five and then I you know did really well for like four months and then I got pregnant with my daughter and then I was like oh my god I'm fixed I'm so much better I'm so much happier and

Thank you.

So I was like, I can moderate on a date night with my husband. So yeah, that didn't work very well. I went back to drinking and it took me 22 months of like daily hangovers and real worry about my drinking to stop again. So the last time I stopped, very similar to you, except for like no twins. My daughter was 22 months old and my son was eight. So I also have the like toddler tantrum, screaming up in the middle of the night. getting sober. Um, but we can talk about it. I actually, it helped me, um, when I was putting her to bed and that was my safe space after dinner. But like, Sarah, how old were your kids?

My kids were eight. I have twins and I always am always asking, like not asking them. I'm always curious if they remember me as a drinker and they kind of do. And I think some of it is from pictures just because like I, they obviously have memories from like, you know, probably three to eight, but I always am like, gosh, once I quit, I just wish I would have done it sooner because it became so much easier. And I did like, I did their baby days because I stopped nursing or stopped attempting to nurse because it wasn't working at like four months when they were four months. And I started drinking pretty regularly again. And it just, my drinking slowly escalated over time. And I had so many days where I was hungover with them and just being like, oh my God, parenting is so hard hungover. But was I going to quit? No. It was just, and it was the same thing over and over being hungover, parenting, feeling miserable. And then when I quit, I became such a more patient mom. And I just thought, oh my gosh, I, I never thought like I was a terrible mom when I was a drinker, but I just was really doing my kids a disservice. And I always thought, oh, I'm so fun when I drink and I probably become so spunky to them, but now I can probably see that I was, you know, not a safe mom for them being that way.

yeah I I mean my kids don't remember me drinking but I it's very interesting like and I've asked them I've well Sadie and Xander have of course no memories of it and I don't really but and I and LB doesn't either and she was four and she has a lot of memories of being a kid so in my mind I'm like, well, I guess I successfully hit it. And I'm very grateful that we weren't at an age where I could show up to something drunk or embarrass her or anything like that. Um, but you know, I do have the, I have the memory of driving drunk with them in the car. So I, I carry that shame still, you know, it, listen, it all could have been worse. I could have continued doing that and i'm so grateful i got sober when i got sober at cox your internet and mobile price won't

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But I was curious how you guys handle talk. Cause now, so, so wait, so Sarah, your kids are 18. They're 15. They're 15. Okay. And Casey, your oldest is 18. Okay. And my twins are 18. So we all have teenagers. And I'm very curious as to how I want to hear from both of you, how you've discussed your sobriety with your kids, how early you started talking to them about it, how open you've been about your past. So Casey, let's start with you.

Hey, this is super interesting, because I just hit 10 years in February. And my daughter is a Pam, right? She's 12 now. So she has been on my podcast before. She's always asking me when she can come back. She like gets on and she's like, like, and subscribe. She wants, she wants to blow up. But my son, you know, is just.

just more contained. And so for my 10 years, I was a little nervous. And I was just like, hey, would you want to come on my show to talk about having a sober mom? And it was amazing. I'm so glad we had that conversation. But I stopped when he was eight. He was 18. And so I asked my audience, I mean, my women in my groups, and I was like, what do you want me to ask him? And what came back over and over? Because they all had like, I have an eight-year-old, I have a nine-year-old, I have a seven-year-old was, does he remember? And what does he remember? And so I actually wasn't going to ask that because I didn't want to know the answer. Um, but I did. And it was so cool. He was like, mom, I really don't, I don't remember you drinking. He was like, I have so many memories of the last decade of you being an incredible mom. I was like, all right, you're buttering me up, but I'll take it. Um, Um, but, um, but I don't, I don't remember you drinking. And like you said, I have so many memories of me drinking, like his first birth, a fifth birthday at like Great Wolf Lodge nightmare, um, all these things, but he really was so complimentary to me. He's like, oh yeah, I tell my friends, you're a sober coach and a podcaster and they think it's cool. And I'm like, you do like, I would think it might be embarrassing. but he was like, no, absolutely not. So that was cool. I, you know, was pretty in my family. I told everyone that I was doing a hundred day health challenge. Cause I was like a daily drinker. I couldn't make it more than four days. So like no one was going to notice that I wasn't drinking. So I definitely told my husband, didn't tell him anything else about that. uh, my son knew, um, he was eight. And so I, um, you know, celebrated my milestones, right. I was like, I hit, you know, 30 days. I hit a hundred days. Um, when I made it a year, Mike and Hank made me a cake and like decorated and stuff. And then I remember when I hit a thousand days um they I still have it in my office they got this big glass like vase and went to a home improvement like home decor place and filled it up with a thousand little like glass blue glass little um pebbles and like put a little flag in there I mean it was so cool so he was part of that he remembers doing that. But yeah, but I wasn't like, I didn't call myself an alcoholic. I didn't, but everybody knew that I used to drink a shitload and I had stopped. So long before I became a sober

coach, he knew that I had stopped drinking. He knew I didn't drink anymore. He knew I felt better. My husband still drinks, so it wasn't demonized, but he knew all about like, oh yeah, drinking, like hangovers awful for me, not a good thing. It's addictive. Um, and my daughter, like by the time she could remember stuff, I was a podcaster and we like talk about everything. So she's like, oh my God, I know everything. Like she wants to be a like moderator in my group. And I'm like, absolutely not. I mean, obviously that's ridiculous. She's like, mom, I'm sober longer than you are I have 12 years and I know everything about this I was like get out girl I love that

I'm sober longer than you mom that sounds like something my daughter would say Sarah what about you what about your experience so for talking to my kids it's funny my husband quit drinking at the same time I did we both quit together and um we didn't say anything to the kids for a long time well for like I don't know I say a long time it's probably two weeks but in early sobriety that feels like a long time right and we started kind of wondering if they noticed if they knew and I think we told them I don't remember when it was but somewhere between a month and three months we were kind of like we quit drinking and we think we're not gonna drink anymore like we were very like do you have any questions and they're eight they're like no they're just like uh yeah no that's okay, great. But I feel like I've been the mom that's like, since they've watched me share my story so much on social media, my daughter sounds similar to Casey's son, where she's proud of me and shares my social media with her friends. And I'm like, oh my gosh. And she goes, oh, they think you're so cool, mom. They're like, she's sober and she's a liberal and she talks about it. And I'm like, okay. Like now my son, I bet he doesn't tell anybody. And I can tell he's my kid who is definitely

gearing up to try things out. Like he is excited to try it out and you can just kind of tell. And I think I can tell because he's, he's mine. I'm like, it's, I'm very nervous about all of it. So I definitely talk honestly to them. And I do think that's one thing that my parents did not do. My grandpa on my mom's side died of alcoholism, essentially. He died of a stroke, but it was because of his heavy drinking. And I feel like that was never talked about to me. And so I try to be really honest with him and say, you know, both your mom and dad, we couldn't control our drinking and I can't control myself with any substance. So it's highly likely that you will be the same, unfortunately. And I've talked to him a lot. Like if the longer you can hold out, the more likely you'll be able to be a normie. And I always tell him, I'm like, God, I'd give anything to be a normie. So, and I think my daughter hears it. I think my son is going to, you know, he's going to do his own thing, but who knows? I don't know. And I don't think there's a right or wrong way to do it, obviously, but I just try to stay really honest with them and really factual with them and say, these were the things I didn't know about alcohol until I quit. And these were the signs I didn't notice in me until I quit. Now I don't get into the nitty gritty and talk about blackouts and all that but I definitely I try to be honest and then the one we talk a lot about the fact that I also smoked weed and I just quit that this is my bombshell moment Casey I just quit weed like a year and a half ago completely and so I've probably started talking to them honestly about that just a few months ago and kind of saying and it's legal in our state well, it's legal in both of your states too. So it, I just kind of say that, that was my first thing I did was smoking weed and it was the hardest to do it. So I just am always like, as long as you can to hold out, but I just know there's no right or wrong way to do it.

What about, um, and I want to come back to this topic too, cause I have some stuff, I have some stories too. But as far as like a lot of parents feel that they want to introduce their kids to drinking because they're worried about their kids, you know, having their first drinking experience, like out at some party. And so they're, they think like, Oh, I want to introduce like normal drinking. Like let my kids have normalize having like a glass of wine at home. Um, I'm looking at both of your faces and you're not in agreement. And I'm totally with you guys. I'm like, that's a crazy, absolutely fucking not. But my husband has even felt, you know, I don't think it's a crazy thing to think. I think people that don't understand or don't experience alcoholism or addiction maybe do see that as a good thing. And I am with you guys, or, you know, definitely Sarah, with what you've said, feeling like as long as you can hold out, you have less a chance. And my son has no interest in drinking. my daughter my younger daughter has tried it my older daughter is in college and I think of you sometimes Casey with how much drinking you did in college and I know she drinks a lot and I've worried about it and I don't think she she's not irresponsible and she's aware of her drinking and I've been very open with her and I in fact I'll come back to that but I think that if your kid is not drinking. Like why, why introduce them? Why be like, well, I don't want you experiencing it at college without me. So I'll introduce you to it now. I'm not for it, but what do you guys

think? Oh, I'm, I'm a hard no on that. And I've had my family actually go and I pour them a little sip of wine. And that was really hard because I didn't want to be like the no, like absolutely not I think I let them both have a sip of like I was like they can have a sip of your wine but no they can have their own glass and that was just this Thanksgiving. Granger knows when you're a

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is a part of me that's like, I don't want to be such a hard ass. And like, but I just I just don't think there's any reason for alcohol. Like I know where I stand on it and I don't think it's a good things. So I don't think we don't have it in our house. And I don't think it's something they need to try with me. And also who wants to drink with their mom? That's what I always tell them.

So it's interesting. So I know Hank drinks sometimes. I mean, he's a senior in high school and he's got senioritis. Now, luckily his school is super nerdy. So they've tried to have parties in the past and they've been total bust. Like, so, like, I don't think he's gone crazy. Like I have, I'm always like, dude, make better choices. And I did. And he's like, I'd like to make some bad choices. Um, but he's, he's got a different personality. I was always like all or nothing. You know, I was, I just loved lighting up my brain. Like for me, blackout was like part of the goal because anything could happen, which not a great strategy in retrospect. But one thing that's interesting is that, you know, on the show, just because this was the most in-depth conversation we'd had, I was like, what do you feel like you can always come to me and dad about? And I expected him to say something else. And he was like, actually drinking. I feel like I can talk to you guys about anything. I feel like you're rational about it, which is hysterical because I'm a sober coach and he's literally a principal at my son's school. Um, and he's just like, yeah, you're, you're, I can talk to you about it. And so I'm always like, no, I do not provide alcohol to him. Um, I do know that when they go to prom and they sleep over at someone's house they they probably drank luckily at their freaking prom like they bought all this alcohol and the girl hosting the party locked her keys in the trunk with all the alcohol like it's hysterical how many bad luck things they've had um but he tells me about it and I think that's good he you know what I like about it is the idea that he knows the warning signs like I have told him enough stories and enough shit about drinking that I think he would recognize if things were going bad I also am very very clear I'm like consent is a thing if you're with someone they might be walking around talking saying they're into it they may not remember it do not fuck around you know all this kind of stuff I'm like please please please never drink and drive never you know, get in a car with anyone who has been drinking, like all that shit that I did not care about when I was in college, like did not know about, did not care about. Um, anyway, that's

how we talk about it. I am such a hard ass, which is hilarious about drinking and driving. I mean, it's not funny, but I'm saying given how much drinking and driving I've done in my life, I'm not, I'm not proud of it. I don't want to seem flippant, but like, Oh my God, like as a full adult. I was doing so much because in my mind, I always thought I was fine. I wasn't a person who was like, Oh, I drive better when I'm drunk. I wasn't like that. I just never thought I was drunk. I would fight you to the death to be like, I'm sober. And even when I, when I would get home, not remember stuff from the night before. Uh, but I feel like there is no excuse to drink and drive now. Cause there's Uber and I have told my kids, my same thing as you guys were saying, I'm very understanding. So I've, I, I was very open with my kids about my own story. I was open, especially with my older daughter. Cause my, she was kind of a prude. Um, she was very late to start any kind of partying or dating or anything. And I said to her, you are, you may not think so right now, but you are going to experiment. You are going to drink and it's going to happen before you're, while you're still in high school. I said, and I just want you to know that like, that's okay. But like, also I don't want you to do things because you feel pressured to do it. I, and if you do drink, you can call me and I will, you know, one of those typical lifetime movie, I was like, no questions asked. I will come get you. Um, I mean, sure, there are going to be questions asked. It's never really happened, but I've told her as soon as she had her license and was driving at night and driving other people.

was like, I don't care if it's a half a drink, you will not get behind the wheel of the car. And I said, and I will find out like, if that happens, anything happens, you will never drive again. They will. I was just, I put the fear in them. I was like the police, you will get pulled over. You will lose your license. It will, I will not pay for your car insurance. I was like, Hey, you know, I mean, obviously you can tell people you could kill somebody, you could kill yourself. but my thing is always like i don't care where you are you can just leave your car and uber and we'll go back and get your car so much easier and then it's a hard line because it's not about like if you feel like you've had too much to drink or if you've you know it's just like if you've had anything to drink you do not drive and i even though my older daughter's over 21 and so if there's not a zero tolerance you know if you're under if you're under 21 and you have one drink and you're below 0.08 which is the legal limit here you will still lose your let you will still get a DUI because they have a zero tolerance so for my younger ones it's one thing but for my older one I still have to say listen we bought your car it's still in our name and you will if I ever find out that you had one drink and we're driving the car I'll just

I'll take the car back. I'm not, by the way, I did not know that about zero tolerance. So I'm going to, my son's going to go to college in California. And I'm, I'm definitely telling him that he won't have a car there anyway, but still. Yeah. I mean, I've had a friend and that

happened to me that it happened to a friend of mine. Her son was under 21. He was two weeks away from his 21st birthday. Uh, and he got pulled over for not for drinking for speeding. And, uh, he got cited for the alcohol use, even though he was under 0.08. They're super low. I think it was like 0.01. Like it was so low, but he'd had alcohol in the system, zero tolerance, had to

get a lawyer, the whole thing. My kids are just getting ready to start driver's ed. So they have to take the little written test first. And that was one of the things. And it was, it was so funny because my daughter is all like, did you know that even if, and my son's like, what? Even if you like, he goes, no, no, no. He's like, it's 0.08. I was like, how does he know this? And then he's like, so I could still have, I'm like, no, it's not 0.08 for you. And then I was like, and I know, because when I was in high school, a party that I was at got broken up and the cops were like, we're going to breathalyze all of you. And if you have any alcohol, it's going to be an issue. And we were all sitting there thinking, I thought it was 0.08. Like, oh my God, we're all going to be in so much trouble. And he was like, oh. So I was just like, no, because my dumb ass already thought that back in high school. So now you need to know this. And that's, I'm the same way. We live out in the country too. And where they would go to hang out with friends would be a 30 minute drive on a windy highway. And I'm always like, if you drink, just call me. And they're always like, oh, you'd be so mad. You talk about gas money. And I was like, I'm not going to be mad. I'm just going to come get you. And I was like, and I'll actually probably be really proud of myself because I'm a sober mom and I'm actually available to you at any hour of the night. And I

haven't been drinking. I remember I wrote this in drunkish, but I remember my first really proud moment was a new year's Eve. And I was at a friend's house, all of our kids, like most of my group of friends are our friends because our kids are around the same age, our older ones. Anyway, the whole group of them were going to celebrate New Year's Eve at somebody's house and all the kids. And then I was with all the adults and a lot of the adults who are all very responsible drinkers, but felt like they couldn't drink, you know? And I was like, you know what? All the kids were going to have to be picked up after midnight. And I was like, well, I don't drink. So I will be the one I, so I was the one they were all like, are you sure? And I was the one who went out. I picked up a car full of kids. I probably had like seven kids in my car at the time. I think I was still driving a minivan. Uh, anyway, and I remember driving after, you know, it was like one o'clock in the morning and I was taking everybody's kids home. And I was like, Who would have thought?

Thank you.

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Who would have thought I would be the sober one, you know? And you're like, this is so amazing. And who would have thought you would be proud of it? Like you'd be like, oh, you can call me. I'll be sober.

Yeah. Well, in my mind, and I think this goes to what we're talking about. Before I got sober, I really believed that all moms drank. I just thought that's what we do. Like who would not, what kind of crazy person wouldn't want to have a glass of wine at the end of the day to take the edge off. And in my mind, that's what I thought I was doing at first. You know, I'm having a couple glasses of wine. I'm feeling more like myself. It, the day kind of melts away a little bit and I feel relaxed and, and, and like, I can do this. And what person wouldn't want that feeling? That's crazy. Because in my mind, we all felt the same. Like if I wasn't drinking. I felt edgy and irritable and overwhelmed. And this is really hard. And who would do this? Who would do this to themselves on purpose and just have a baby? And I felt very much like nobody told me how hard this was going to be. And maybe my personality just isn't cut out for this. And I'm, I'm too creative and I'm, I'm too much like I'm too edgy and I'm too this and I'm to that and I can't do it. And wine cut that voice down. So the idea of not drinking was so crazy to me. It was so like, I mean, it really had to be proven to me that I just can't do it safely. I went kicking and screaming. I was like, I am not an alcoholic. I did not admit I was an alcoholic as both of you probably know the whole first year. I don't think I would say the alcoholic. Cause I had to in meetings. I felt like I had to, but I didn't really believe it. I didn't believe it for a full year. I was just like, I am not like other people. I just don't want to drink. Cause I don't want to risk anybody's life.

You know, it took interesting. Sorry. Um, when you were, when you were talking about going, kicking and screaming me too. And also I felt once I had kids that it was like rebellion against being an adult. And I equated drinking like, oh no, I drank. I mean, I thought it was like some metaphor for I'm still cool and I'm still fun. I thought it was my reward because like 80% of my freedom went away. I mean, I worked, so I took my kid to daycare. I worked all day. I used to take guitar lessons and go to Pilates and go hang out with my friends. Nope. Had to pick up my kid before daycare closed, come home, get them fed. Like this is humbling and not fun. You know, like I can only do Lego so many freaking times, but if I had a glass of wine in my hand, I could do Legos. Then I was like multitasking and it was fun. Um, so I thought it was part of my personality. I thought it was rebellion against, you know, I was not one of those moms who were like putting the sign on the door, like don't ring the doorbell baby is sleeping. Like somehow those moms, I was like, no offense if you're listening and you're one of those moms, but I totally judged you. I was like, Oh my God. You know, like I was determined that having kids was not going to infringe on my life. And of course it did. And the way that I tried to prove that it didn't infringe on my life was drinking. And it, you know, at the end of the day, it made everything harder. Um, I, I love that. I have the contrast between eight years of my son and me drinking heavily other than that one year when he was five. And my daughter from two on not drinking. So like, I actually have the comparison of three, four, five, six, seven drinking and not drinking. If you're listening, it is way easier, but I get it. Yeah. When you say like, you

couldn't, the pretend games didn't want to play pretend without alcohol. I'm like, I so feel that because I was always like, nobody told me that playing with your kids was going to be so boring. I was a teacher like I should have known. And the same like when Stephanie said to nobody told me this was going to be so hard. And

everybody tells you parenting is going to be hard. And we all think we're going to be way better at it than those people. Like I was always like, yeah, but I'm a teacher. So I'm actually going to be really good at it. And newsflash, it's been still the hardest thing I do. And I still every day go, I'm pretty sure I'm not cut out for this gig. Like this, I don't know about this. But yeah, drinking made it so much harder. And I really thought it was the thing making it fun. And I I really relate to Casey saying like, it, it gave me a thing. It gave me a hobby because you lose yourself a lot and you lose yourself overnight. And that's what doesn't, isn't well explained. And you wouldn't believe it anyway.

Well, your husband doesn't, I don't know if you guys sense this. We both worked, his life changed 20%. My life changed 80% and he did thought it was equal. And I had so much resentment around that.

Yeah. And then you're kind of like, well, I guess the only fun thing I have now is drinking. And, and it was like, I could do it at home. I could drink and play cards with my husband. And, you know, and there was this voice in my head all the time being like, it's still not safe for your kids. What if you need to get one of them to the hospital? And I was always like, well, I'm going to have to call an ambulance. Like in my brain, I was just like, well, I won't be able to drive. like and and my drinking brain was totally okay with that and now my sober brain is like what the hell are you thinking but it is it's hard it's I know we all have different stories of like and when Stephanie talks about drinking and driving with your kids in the car I did that too I didn't and it was always a small distance I would I could make up an excuse no problem or I'd be like well

I hadn't drank that much I still got in the car I thought I was fine and looking back and sometimes I did not think I was fine, but I thought I was okay. You know, looking back zero chance, I was fine all those times. Yeah. Like I'm, I'm jealous of people that are able, that

are sober before they have kids because you don't have those moments. But then I meet women who are like, well, you know, I'm jealous of you because my kids are grown and now I'm choosing to quit drinking. And so I, that's the game of like, you can't go back and play. What if I would have done

it sooner? It's never too late though. Cause I have to say, I meet a lot of women. I meet grandmas who say that their kids who have kids won't let them around, won't let them take care of their grandkids because they drink. You know, I've met women who have gotten sober in their sixties in their seventies and are still so grateful that they were able to like mend some of those relationships or be trusted with their grandkids, you know? And I always say it always improves your life. I can't imagine anybody quitting drinking and then being like, I'm so

sad. I quit drinking. Like, why did I do that? I mean, maybe at first that are sad people.

well, but I never thought I would be somebody I, I mean, truly. And I, you know, I, we're all in agreement here, but, and this is really for the people who are sober, curious or on the fence. I did not think I was that bad. I thought what I thought was, and again, it's all in retrospect, In retrospect, I was that bad. At the time even that I quit, and I quit at 42, so I was no spring chicken. I'd done a shit ton of drinking. I still thought there's probably still a chance that I could get control of this, and maybe someday I will. But the problem is not that I drink too much, not that I drink every single night and can't take a night off. These were all problems I was having. That was not the problem. The problem was that I was just a little too unpredictable. And I was like, if I can't predict, if I say that I'm not going to drink and drive, and then I did it anyway, then that, then I can't drink. I've lost, I like, I took away my own drinking privileges, but I didn't think, Oh, I'm an alcoholic. Like what you picture is an alcoholic. I didn't think I was like Meg Ryan's character. And when a man loves a woman, I was like, I'm not going to be passing out in the shower and crashing the shower door. I don't need to go to rehab. Like none of it looking back. I'm like, I wish we, I wish, I wish we did have like a blood test. So you could just, you know, I wish we had better questions, you know, cause the 20 questions that, uh, I found in the first time I went to an AA meeting, they weren't, they didn't really fit me. You know, that's why I tried even in my book to write some other questions that you could ask we need to update this shit so that people could go oh it doesn't have to look like what you think it has to look like you can still really improve your life and you don't even have have to be an alcoholic to quit drinking. Yeah. You don't have to lose everything. Yeah, absolutely. One thing that I think let me get away with it for a very long time is my husband who still drinks, but like, you know, normally, um, always took care of me. And like, if we went out to dinner, I would drive there. There was, cause I get car sick, still drive everywhere, even if we go anywhere together. But it was not a question who was going to drive home. I never drove home. I would always like fall asleep in the car using quotation marks. I would pass out. I couldn't pay the babysitter.

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I, you know, drank a lot, but he always made it OK, made it safe for decades. You know, we had gotten together when we were 22, 23, first job out of college. And I always drank a ton. And I would even say to him when I stopped when I was 40, I mean, I'm 38, you know, throwing up in the middle of the night, red wine, super classy. But I was like, you knew who you married. Like, you know, my girlfriend and I were like, love me, don't judge me, which is such a cop out. And he was like, yeah. and I kind of thought you might have grown out of it between I don't know 22 and 40 I was like oops

you're like well I kept it going and I'm the same way as Stephanie where I didn't even admit I had it and I couldn't admit I had a drinking problem I didn't do it until like two years of being alcohol free I was like I I was a I was a person who I quit drinking without AA like so I thought that meant that you didn't have a problem. And I say that in a sarcastic way, because I really am like, I should have taken it so much more seriously. And then all of a sudden, I was like, you had a drinking problem. Like two years into sobriety, I looked and thought, oh, yeah, no, I'm an alcoholic. I can't go back. And it actually makes it easier for people who are afraid to put a label on it. It actually makes it a lot easier when you just say, yeah, no, I'm just a person who can't handle their alcohol. And, uh, it, it's very helpful. And my husband enabled me in the sense that we both just party together and we met each other partying. I remember when I was on dating apps, I was on match.com and eHarmony and I met him on eHarmony and we just partied together. And I thought, Oh my God, I'm not going to like him anymore when we don't party together. and luckily we still don't like each other but it was such one of us would say more about that

though like at the very beginning I'm really interested in that like did you have some issues with intimacy when you first quit were you like oh gosh who is this person

no actually like I feel like everything got a lot better with intimacy just because I was a person who would be all like oh you're gonna get the night of your life tonight when I was like one wine glass in. And then once I was three wine glasses in, I was like, I hope he doesn't remember that night of your life thing. I don't want to do that. And then I would continue to drink. And then if there was sex, it was very sloppy sex where you'd wake up the next day and go, oh my God,

that was. Or like, have you guys ever done the thing where you wake up the next day and you're like, did we have sex last night? Yeah, we would, we would ask each other because we had both been

drinking. And I'd be like, did we have sex last night? And he'd be like, yeah. And he'd be like,

it wasn't. And he was always like, at one point in sobriety, he was like, well, you never rip off my shirt anymore. And I was like, first of all, that happened once. And second of all, I was like, yeah, babe, no offense. I don't remember it. Like you told me about it the next day.

and like he was like actually I wasn't that comfortable sometimes when I was like I was coming in and out of consciousness like again not like I didn't initiate it this is what I'm telling my son I'm like I don't give a shit what she says like she may be walking around talking and like completely out of it um but he was like yeah sometimes I'm just like dude she falls asleep in the middle of it. And the seconds ago, I got all over it. Yeah. Sex is way better. Sober.

Oh my God. Most embarrassing, most embarrassing thing I said in my book and I was like really debating it. And I asked my husband, but because early on in our relationship, I got really drunk and fell asleep mid, mid blowjob and we called it taking a cock nap. Yeah. So he told me about it the next day. Of course I didn't remember. And I literally wrote that in the book and people relate, which I mean, come on. You were like, you know what? You got to have a blowjob. You're

welcome. You're like, that's a lot. Okay. It's like a joke with all my sober friends. They're like, if you can just give your husband a three minute blowjob, he's really happy. And we were all like, okay, if we all just remember that it's only three minutes. So sometimes I'm even like, I'm going to set a timer, Ryan. And he's like, oh, just take all the fun out. You're like three minutes is better than no minutes, babe. Exactly. So, I mean, you know, you fall asleep in the middle. No, I'm just, sex is, that was one of the perks too, that I wasn't expecting. I thought it was going to be weird. It was like, I, I got to newly date my husband and I thought it was kind of exciting and kind of fun. And, and it was just a million times better. I was like, Oh, sex actually works when you're both sober and all the parts aren't numb. Uh, yeah, no, I, I highly recommend

sober sex if you haven't done it. I do feel kind of bad for people though, that are single that quit drinking. It's gotta be a little bit hard. I guess you have to just, you have to date

sober people. Oh yeah. That's always what I tell people. And in my community, I'm like, I would just, there's, I mean, there's apps where you now, where you can say like, I'm sober. I want to meet

other sober people. Yeah. So I'm like, it's actually a possibility now. It's hard if you're used to, like I say, as someone who has never dated, oh my God, anyone knew since I was 22. So take this with a grain of salt, but I've talked to a lot of people who are sober and dating. And I think it's really hard at first because you think drinking helps you flirt and relax and all these things. And it really turns off your ability to see red flags. It really gets you in situations with people that you may not like that much and people who drink a lot, like they're just as someone who used to drink a lot, they're not tuned into you. They are tuned into drinking. Um, so yeah, like, I think at the end of the day, it's like sober sex. You might be uncomfortable at first and then it's better. I think the same thing I've heard about sober dating, but I have also heard that the fear is that it really limits your pool,

your dating pool yeah but it would be more quality people that's what I always tell people not in that same thing not that I know because I dated as a drinker and I do think I dated some major losers because I was very willing to be like well I mean he's not that bad and I think now I'd be like yeah I mean also I'm just an old lady so if I had to date now I'm like I probably just wouldn't but you're young and cute. What are you talking about? You know, I've got my husband. I always tell him, I'm like, if you die, I think I'm just going to be asexual. That sounds pretty good. And then I get my own flag. It's like. March in a parade. It'll all get that excitement elsewhere. I get a month. He's like, oh my God. But I am like, I just really think about the guys I dated And I, even that I go, would I have settled for that? Would I have just like the amount of, it was almost this desperation. And I am not, I am not that person. I'm, I don't settle for much in my life. And I can't believe I did that when I was dating. And not that I think alcohol was all to blame for that. I think that's like a whole therapy session I would need to do. But I do think it allows you when you're sober to see those red flags, to see those things and say no it's the same thing when people say well do you lose friends when you quit drinking you're like well only the crappy ones yes I finally go oh my god I can't believe I was

friends with that person. Yes. Well, this has been so great, you guys. And I want both of you to take turns and plug all your stuff. You guys have a lot going on. Casey.

Oh, yeah. Well, thank you. I love talking to you guys. And I can't believe that I have not met Sarah before. Right. All right. We're going to keep in touch. This is awesome. Love you. So my podcast is the Hello Someday podcast for sober, curious women. You can find out all of my info on hellosomedaycoaching.com. And I do a big Sober Summer 100 program that is awesome. And if you're interested in that, you can go to sobersummer100.com. Good timing for that.

Yeah. Yeah. So, and I'm at no more wasted days on all of my social media and it's all no underscore more underscore wasted underscore days. And then you can find me on no more wasted days.co with options to work with me. I do a 30 day alcohol free challenge and I will do a 100 day alcohol free challenge that will actually start in August is when my next one is happening. and then I have my ongoing community of people who are at all different levels of their alcohol-free journey and we're called the Daymakers and you can find that all at nomorewasteddays.co

and I have the No More Wasted Days podcast.

I love it. God, ladies doing something, making a positive difference in this world. I love both of you guys. Both of you guys are a couple of my favorite guests and you can go back and listen to both of their episodes. Casey has an episode from like one of my first ones and Sarah, maybe a couple months ago was your episode. Uh, and I think you can go and find me on their podcast. If you go back and look, if you want to hear their whole story, which is really, really good. Anyway, thank you guys again. I'll put all the description, all your stuff in the description of the show. I appreciate everybody. You can also go watch the show on YouTube. Uh, all right. Drunkish out. Life is good, life is good again.

Life is good, life is good again. Get in my dark this time. You've got me feeling like... At Cox, your internet and mobile price won't change for five years. That's five New Year celebrations, five Valentine's Days, five Fourth of July's, five Halloweens. five Thanksgivings, and five summers that go by too fast. Through it all, your price stays the same with our five-year Price Lock Guarantee. Cox, a step ahead. Requires 2 gig speeds and gig unlimited mobile. Taxes and fees excluded from Price Lock. Mobile data speeds reduced after 20 gigs.