Muse

Here's an interesting question. What if one small act of generosity became one of the most meaningful parts of your month? At Children Incorporated, sponsoring a child helps remove the barriers that poverty creates so children can stay in school and build brighter futures.

And perhaps that's the surprising thing about generosity. It changes everyone involved. Learn more at childrenincorporated.org. That's childrenincorporated.org. You can focus on exercise, nutrition, all the things you're supposed to do for your health. But if you are not sleeping well, it is very hard to feel refreshed.

Especially when you wake up overheated in the middle of the night, that completely affects my sleep. Which is why I love the ChiliPad 2.0 by Sleep Me. It is a water-based mattress topper that controls your sleep temperature and works with your existing mattress. And if one person sleeps hot and the other sleeps cold, and that's Adam and me, each side can have its own temperature setting, which is amazing.

Yeah, and I also love that it automatically starts when you get into bed, so it feels seamless. Visit www.sleep.me slash Gretchen to get up to $255 off your ChiliPad 2.0 with code Gretchen. This special offer is available for happier listeners and only for a limited time. Order it today with free shipping and try it out for 30 days. You can return it for free if you don't like it with their sleep trial. Visit www.sleep.me and see why cold sleep is your ultimate ally in performance and recovery. I'm Gretchen Rubin, and this is A Little Happier. Years ago, during the question and answer period at a book event from my book, Happier at Home, a woman raised an issue that had many people in the audience nodding in agreement. She said, my 80-year-old mother lives with me, and she's a very negative person. She's always complaining. I try to be positive and helpful, but nothing I say helps. I suggest all sorts of things to help cheer her up. Why don't you take a class? Why don't you go for a walk? Why don't you call your old neighbors? but she just says, no, no, no. What should I do? Well, it turns out there's a term for this kind of person, a help-rejecting complainer. According to a paper called Complaining by Robin Kowalski and Janet Erickson, in the fascinating, if uninvitingly titled volume, Aversive Interpersonal Behaviors, a help-rejecting complainer is someone who complains as a way to seek help and support, but then rejects any help that's offered. Whenever anyone tries to make a constructive suggestion, why don't you try this? Could you do that? The help rejecter insists that the advice is useless. In fact, help-rejecting complainers sometimes seem proud to be beyond help. People often find help rejecters annoying because first, the help rejecter wants constant attention, and two, it's very frustrating when attempts at help are constantly refused. If you're facing a help-rejecting complainer, it can be useful just to realize this category of behavior. If you're dealing with a help-rejecting complainer, don't expect to make any headway by dreaming up creative new suggestions to help. Don't wear yourself out. A better way to engage with a help-rejecting complainer is to mirror their feelings by saying, that sounds frustrating, or, I can understand why you're upset. And then asking what the complainer intends to do. That way, the complainer is put in the position of coming up with a possible solution. If no solution is possible, just acknowledge the complaint and move on. If you feel overwhelmed by their complaints, then you can say something like, I wish I had more time to get into this with you, but I really need to get back to whatever. Of course, we should try to help a person who needs

help, but sometimes our efforts to help will just drain and distress us without benefit to anyone else because that person isn't going to accept any help. And of course, for all of us, there are times when we want to vent, but we don't really want to hear any advice about what to do. I've that it can be helpful to ask someone, do you need to be helped, heard, or hugged so you know how to respond to them appropriately? Or if you're the one wanting to vent, it can be helpful to tell someone what response you're looking for. When we're dealing with other people, it can be very helpful to reflect on the question, what does this person really want from me? What can I give? And what do I, in my turn, want from this moment of engagement? The more insight we have, the better are we.

relationships can become. I'm Gretchen Rubin, and I hope this makes your week a little happier.

Abercrombie Baby and Toddler is launching their first ever fall denim collection. Get ready to match your mini all season long in baggy, straight leg, and bootcut jeans. Plus, details like pull-on and adjustable waistbands make getting your little one ready easier than ever. Shop Abercrombie Baby and Toddler in the app or the official Abercrombie Kids site.