Muse

My friend was like, where are you meeting all these crazy women from? Okay, see there? Tell us about the crazy women. Nope, because when you talk about, they pop up. I can walk out of here and something like, hey, girl. I'm like, oh, jeez. Yeah. It's like Candyman. You can't, don't, don't. Nope. I'm not talking about. Right, right. Nope, nope, nope, nope.

This episode of IMO is brought to you by Progressive Insurance. How are you?

I am good. Gosh, I'm so ready for like real summer to happen.

I know, I know.

We never know when these things are going to air, But as our taping, it's still spring and it's not warm enough.

But we're in L.A., so it's warm enough for me. It's a whole different kind of temperature than Wisconsin.

What's going on in Milwaukee? Is it snowing?

No, it's not snowing. It's not snowing, but it is not as warm as it is here.

So you still got coats out?

40s, 50s. Yeah, coats, sweatshirts. We're probably at the sweatshirt stage now. As soon as it hits 50, everybody will be in shorts.

It would be in flip-flops and, you know, going to the pool.

That's right.

Going to the pool. That was always the crazy thing about Chicago. It would be 30 below, and the minute it hit, like, 37, people were like, open the window.

Yes. Yes.

It's summertime. Oh, my gosh. Yeah, we're so, we're just victims of the cold.

I know. Yeah.

I know.

Every time I come to L.A., I'm like, why don't we live here?

I know.

Why?

Well, yeah, why?

I know. I know.

I guess it's two kids. Two kids still in high school.

Once they get out, we are.

You two, hurry up. Finish your education. Free your father and your mother from the cold.

Those two. A lot of basketball.

Oh, my gosh.

Every weekend.

Every weekend. It just seems to be too much.

No, it's not. I'm really having fun coaching them.

Well, that's you. How are they? Are they enjoying you coaching them?

Well, Austin enjoys me coaching his team. Your oldest. My 16-year-old.

Yes.

The oldest of the youngest. The oldest of the young crew. He enjoys me coaching. The younger one enjoys me coaching everybody but him. No, I'm just kidding. Aaron doesn't mind being coached, but he used to hate it when I coached him. Is he getting better about being coached? Yeah, he's much better.

See, this is why I always take up for the youngest sibling. You just can't, you know, you got to give him a minute to fit, you know. You do. You got to give him some space to, like, decide how he wants to order himself in the household with an older sibling.

Yeah, we laugh because he is a reincarnation of you.

That's my boy. He is a reincarnation of you. I love Austin, but Aaron's my boy because we're the youngest. It's like me, Aaron, Sasha. Leslie doesn't count. She's the only girl. She's the only girl, but she's the youngest of the oldest.

Of the oldest, yeah.

But she's a little old lady, so she doesn't count.

But Aaron, everybody's mood depends on Aaron's mood. Just like you. As it should be. Wake up. If he's grumpy, the whole house is grumpy. If he's happy, we're all happy.

Well, then you should just make him happy.

Okay. You sound like grandma. All right. Let's get down to business.

We have one of my favorite people, even though she talks about me. That's White House correspondence thing. We're going to have a conversation about that.

Well, I got to tell you, you know, you and I both saw Legacy.

Yes. Wanda Sykes' new Netflix special.

It's so good. And it's so good that when I, this is my first time meeting Wanda. I see her and I'm like start giggling when I'm looking at her because I'm thinking about Legacy cracking me up.

Well, let's do a proper introduction. Get her out here.

Well, Wanda Sykes is an Emmy-winning stand-up comic writer, actress, and producer who has been entertaining audiences for over 20 years. Can you believe that?

20 years. That's a long time.

Her new Netflix special is called Legacy, which both you and I saw. And we cannot wait to talk to her about all things Wanda. Please welcome Wanda Sykes.

There she go.

Welcome.

I am old. How are you? All right.

Oh, that's okay. Come on in. That's what happens. Take a seat. They're just in the way.

See, Wanda, you're such a little bitty person. You just slid in there. I slid right in.

She slid right in.

How you doing?

I'm doing well. Thank you. Thanks for having me here. That's so good. Thanks for being here.

Let's just clear up this White House correspondence. Okay, let's do that.

Let's do that.

Let's do that.

So you claim that I was talking to you too much. I didn't say too much.

But you were a little chatty. You were chatty, madam. You were chatty. I was trying to be nice. And you were incredibly nice. But you have to realize the situation. Were you nervous? Read the room. Yes. Were you nervous? Colin Powell was there.

I mean, for our listeners and viewers, how many years ago was that, Wanda, you were the first female comic host for the White House Correspondents' Dinner, which was, what year was that? 2009. That was 2009. Yeah. Yeah.

I remember because our kids were, they'd just been born. They were like 12 days old.

Uh-huh.

Yeah.

Oh, my gosh. So you were sleep deprived, too. A little bit. A little bit, a little bit, yeah. But the way it's set up in the hotel is that they've got the big dais with all the fancy people up there, all the speakers. And then usually the host sits next to the first lady, which was me at the time. Yes. And we go through a whole dinner, right? Right. I mean, which seems, that seems like no fun.

They should have. You know? Yeah. Who's eating? Who can't have dinner? Yeah, I didn't. I don't even think I touched my food. I was going over my notes.

We sat together the whole time, and, you know, everybody's looking at you. So I'm thinking, well, I should talk to Wanda a little bit. Just be like, hey, girl, how you doing? And how are you, kids? And you're, you know. Well, come to find out. I was focused. You were focused.

I mean, it was a big deal. And then, you know, the first term, you know, your first term and President Obama and just, you know, and we're black, you know. It's like none of us can mess up. Yeah. What is she thinking? Yeah. I'm gay. I'm like, they did vet me, right? So I'm just sitting here waiting for somebody to tap me to swim. I'm like, you know, and then it walks Whoopi Goldberg or something, you know. So I'm like, any minute now, like, the woman and my brother's out there, I'm like, I'm still here.

I'm still, it's still happening. It's still happening.

So, yeah, I was just really focused because I wanted to do a great job. And I was just looking over my notes and I was just running my show through the head, you know, my head. And you just kept making conversation, which was so, so sweet. It was so sweet. But I was just like, give me a second. I'm trying to figure this out.

And I don't even know who was on the other side of me, but I think I had to turn around and keep him company, whoever it was. I forgot which reporter it was. You were like, she don't want to talk to me. Yeah. Well, let's talk about your new Netflix special, Legacy. Yes. Yeah, you recorded it at your alma mater, Hampton. Yes. That's great. What made you decide to record at Hampton?

I wanted to do something big. I wanted this one to be really special. Okay. And, you know, I played different cities. And I said, well, what's the place? What says a lot about me and would be challenging for me? And my producing partner, Paige Hurw, she was like, you should go back to your school. And I was like, I don't know about that, you know. And I thought about it. And I was like, you know what? It totally makes sense to go there. One, I want to get back to the school. I think it would be a great, you know, and it was an incredible experience for the school and the students because we put a lot of the students to work, you know. Yeah, sure. And also, I'm very proud of being an alumnus from Hampton. And so I wanted to, you know, put some light on the school and HBCUs because HBCUs are under such attack right now. And also when I look at my audience, I'm blessed to have a very diverse audience. But, you know, it's probably more 65, 35, you know, more 65 like white people. White people love me. So I wanted to take my audience and bring them to my school to let them see that, hey, this is where I'm from. This is what made me.

And also for Hampton to see, you know, hey, I'm still here.

But you haven't forgotten. Yeah, exactly. That's right.

That's what's important to me.

Now, how long does it take you to prepare the program for it? Is it like— Years.

Yeah, I tour with the material for at least two years. Wow. At least two years. Yeah, this was probably three years. Yeah. Yeah, because it's always changing. And put that in, take that out, you know, always writing new things. So, yeah, it takes, I can't, I can't do it. Like, I can't turn it on that fast.

Yeah. Man, man, what a, what a fricking gift, you know? I mean, were you always a wonderful storyteller? I mean, when you were growing up in Virginia, were you a, were you a funny little kid? Were you more of a storyteller? Were you quiet, shy? Where, where does this part of yourself come from?

Um, my, my parents, great storytellers. I grew up around, yeah, my grandmothers, they're great storytellers. Um, I talked too much when I was a kid. I was very talkative and, uh, and I got in trouble a lot. Like, when my parents were having company over, they would send me off to my grandparents because they had no idea what I was going to say. You know, like, yeah, like, my grandmother's friend, I told her she had horse teeth. Because she would laugh. She's like, ah! And I was just looking at my, and they all knew when I was going to see something come out. Because they said I would make this face light. And they were like, oh, God, here it comes. Here it comes. And...

Well, it was just the beginning of observational comedy. I think so. I had to set up, but no joke. Right.

Yeah, so you just said exactly what you saw.

Yeah, this woman's wig was crooked. And I was like, where's your part over here? You know, it was like, it was just embarrassing. It was embarrassing for them. And then I would get in trouble. I would get in a lot of trouble. So what did trouble look like? I suppose a spanking. Did you get snatched up? A little pop in the mouth? Go get a switch. Go get a switch.

Did you behave in school?

Yes. Oh, I had to. Yeah. Yeah. You don't mess up at school. Yeah. No, no, no.

And both of your folks were military? Just my dad. Just your dad.

My dad was in the army. Yeah.

Was he like that military dad? No, you know what?

It was cool because, and he didn't want us to live on base either. We lived off base. But it's also to give him a break too. You know, so he would come home and take the uniform off and just be, you know, dad, you know. He was, I mean, a black man, so there was rules and everything. Just, you know, on GP.

I was noticing that both of your parents went to college.

No, my dad did. Your dad did. Okay. My mom did, yeah.

And, but your mom worked? Yes. Yeah.

She worked at a bank.

Yeah.

But she started off working at a newspaper. Okay. The Virginia Pilot. I think she was doing ad sales. Were they, either of them naturally funny or? Yes. Yeah. Both my parents are funny. Yeah. Very funny. Yeah. And they were really good mimics. You know, like if they would tell a story or whatever, somebody in church, they would go into character. And yeah, they were really good at that. Yeah. So, I mean, maybe that's where I, you know, picked some of it up from.

Yeah.

Because they would do that.

And this, did you write as a kid?

I did. I did. But I remember there was like a Smokey the Bear contest or whatever. And you had to write a story. And then I did. I won a prize. I think I was in like first grade or something. Okay. Oh, really? Yeah, now I'm just remembering that.

Now we're figuring it out. I'm putting it together now. It just starts out like, I don't know why I'm funny. I don't know how I got here. And it's like, we'll find out. Oh, I won 12 competitions when I was in. And we were all like, yeah, I think I was really smart. Come to think of it. And my whole household was funny. Everybody was just cracking me up. He was cracking up.

Right, right. It was my Uncle Richard Pryor. No, no, no.

This episode is brought to you by Progressive Insurance, a company committed...

to helping people move forward and live fully. So Mish, you've lived in so many places. At what point living somewhere new do you think it really starts to feel like home?

I think it's, for me, it's when routines are in place. Kids are settled, although our kids are grown now. But when we were moving, they were little. You know, when they felt settled in a new school and they started making friends and life started to feel more routine, that's when it starts to feel like home.

Well, you know, I don't really feel settled somewhere until I've tried every single local sandwich shop and know exactly which one is my new favorite. it. When you moved to your new place, whether it was in New Jersey or D.C., was there anything that you immediately did to make you feel settled or comfortable? Well, I think it was getting our

items in place. I mean, I'm a traveler who likes to unpack completely. I don't feel settled and not just at home or on vacation until every item is unpacked and put in drawers so that it feels like, you know, I'm not living out of suitcases. And the same is true when we were moving as a family. You know, when you're living out of boxes, when you don't, you know, feel like you know how to access and get to your stuff right away, you feel like you're visiting. So once we, you know, get everything settled in, that's when I started to breathe a sigh of, ah, we're here.

Now, going through the home buying process with no experience can be quite daunting, but Progressive is here to help make it all a bit more approachable. As part of their Open the House initiative, Progressive offers practical tools, educational resources, and guidance through their website to help people navigate the home buying process with more confidence. What's more, Progressive is also offering up to $13,500 each in down payment assistance to at least 200 eligible first-time homebuyers. This program called The Up Payment could be a game changer for homebuyers who need a little extra boost to help close that last gap. Want to learn more about the uppayment program and Progressive's commitment to first-time homebuyers? Visit progressive.com slash open the house, where homebuyers can discover more about housing challenges and access resources and support to empower them and their housing journey.

So was there a lot of discipline, you know, or were your parents like the kind of parents that, well, when company wasn't around and you weren't embarrassing them, were they interested? I mean, were they encouraging of your voice and, you know?

Oh, no, no, no, no. I remember my mother I was outside playing with some friends and and she yelled out the window Rhonda I said yes ma'am fix your voice and I'm like what

what does that mean

she's like you're always da da da da da raise your voice you can speak in a little higher you know raise your voice I was like what is going on yes I'm like what is that what is she talking about Fix your voice. She wanted me to fix my voice. And now I get paid for having this voice. Yes, it's a good voice. It's very distinctive. Very. Thank goodness you didn't listen.

Right, right. What other stuff did they want you to do that you ignored?

Oh, boy. Probably not be gay. Probably not. Say, let's start there. Why don't you give the guys another shot? Come on.

But you tried. I tried. You put the old college try in there. You got a whole husband. A whole husband.

I did.

And then you said, nah. Is this working for you? Is that working for me? When did you start being aware of yourself? And I'm not just talking about your sexuality, but aware of your uniqueness as a person.

I think when I was at, when I was working at NSA, and so, you know, it's like, okay, I got my degree, I got, you know, good government jobs, security, and, yeah.

I just felt out of place. I was like, this is not what I'm supposed to be doing for the next 20 years, 20, 25 years. But I, yeah, I just was like, just searching. Like, what is it that I'm supposed to do? And I remember like in like high school yearbook and all, everyone wrote how, you know, you're so funny. You should, you know, you need to be on stage. And in college, you know, same thing. And I was like asking my sorority sisters, I was like, y'all think I'm funny? He's like, oh, girl, you would crack us up on a tie. And I was like, well, all right, maybe I'll, you know, I'll try.

Did you ever do theater or any kind of stand-up, or you were just the friend that was funny? I was the friend that was funny.

I did do some theater in high school. See, here we go.

You're about to remember something again.

In high school. But what did I do? I played the drums in one of the plays. Really? Yeah. And I didn't really have many lines, but I played drums in band. So, but I loved theater and loved hanging around, you know, that group.

But what did you major in? Marketing. Marketing.

So when you were at the NSA and you were like, I'm not doing this for 20 years, what was the step you took? Or did you stay there a little longer and said, let me let me try this out while I'm working there? Or did you go cold turkey?

No, I stayed there until I was able to at least save up a nice little, you know, lump sum and then was able to play in clubs and like be the MC or the middle act, the feature act, and do that enough where I felt like I could, you know, I could survive.

So you did that while you were still at the NSA.

So what, did you look up comedy clubs and just go to one?

I knew that was coming. I knew that was coming.

Well, why are you telling me? I got the yellow pages out. That's what I'm saying.

I, G, C, C. Okay, no, no. That is not what it is. So what happened?

How did you get there?

I heard about a contest on the radio station. And comedy was one of the talent categories. So I wrote some jokes. I just sat at my little desk and wrote some jokes and went there and auditioned. The guy was like, yeah, you're on the show. And I, first time being on stage, no idea what I was doing. But I told my little jokes. People laughed. And I was like, oh, this is cool. And the emcee, Andy Evans, he was, you know, the popular guy in D.C. And he was like, who are you? Where'd you come from? Like, I've never seen you in the clubs. I was like, I've never been to the clubs. I was working for the government.

Yeah, exactly.

Exactly. So, and then he showed me around.

And you hadn't gone to a comedy club before. Wow. How old were you when you went to this first, did this first contest?

Let me see. That was in, that was in 87. So, that would have, that would mean I was what, like 20, was that 24? 20?

Close enough. It requires math.

I'm not doing math. Early 20s. Okay. Okay. Early 20s.

Thank God. And you just free-handed, wrote those jokes without like looking up joke writing you're just like this is a funny story

I watched a lot of comedy you know I watched a lot of comedy growing up and loved you know of course you know Pryor and all that George Carlin and like my favorite as a kid was Mom's Mabley Jackie Mom's Mabley yeah see people don't know you played those records I used to walk around and talk like her yeah my mom told me that oh really as a kid yeah as a kid Because my grandma would make my grandmother laugh. I would always. Did you have teeth or not? I'll do help. Okay.

See, we had to go to our grandfather's house to hear Moms Mabley because she cursed. Yeah. And my parents, we didn't have any Moms Mabley records.

But we had Richard Pryor.

But that was when we were older. He was cursing. That was when we were older. So, all right. So, you're at the comedy club. So, you're doing this while you're still working.

Do you remember your first bit? what you talked about? I know, I'm asking about memory.

Yeah, I know, right? I didn't really say much. I'm taking my ginkgo today. No, I remember one bit, it was about the, you know, the auto-shade, the big cardboard sunglasses. Oh, yeah, oh, yeah. Well, there's instructions on the side, you know, and I was like, who needs these instructions? You know, like, it tells you to remove the auto-shade before driving I'm like you really you shouldn't be driving if you need the instructions you know like you going down the beltway you see this car coming towards you with these big ass sunglasses

He didn't read the instructions. He didn't read the instructions.

So it was observational stuff.

Yeah. Yeah. It wasn't until, man, like probably, like I guess the I'ma be me special. So that was like 2008 or whatever. A little before that, I think, is when I started to get like really personal, you know, and talk about myself.

Yeah. So after you won the contest, did life blow up? I didn't win. You didn't win. I did not win.

I did not win, but close second. So I didn't win. Yeah. I just started, you know, Andy took me around DC and visit the comedy clubs. And I was like, okay, this is, this is what I, I want to do. And then I just bombed a serious, like just ridiculous bomb. Because now I'm exposed to it and I see how it could go horribly wrong, right? So you lose, so now, you know, you get nervous and I was just full of confidence at first because I didn't know any better. So now that I was like, oh, oh God, this is awful. Yeah. I would just go up and just bomb.

So when do you get used to that process, right? Because that is a, but it has to be, right? Right. Because you don't know whether something is funny until you test it out. Until you test it out. Right? Exactly. And it could be the order of what you said, and then you realize, oh, I left that part out. But so you have to get used to bombing.

Yes, you do. And, oh, it sucks. It really does. I mean, you lose sleep. You know, your food don't taste right. just the sky's not as blue it's horrible and you don't get over it until you have a you know a good show I mean but now it's not as intense when a joke doesn't go well because I have so many jokes that I know work so or you know you can laugh your way out of it or yeah so I'm okay with it

yeah and then you're just so good now it's like now I just don't bond yeah I just don't It just doesn't happen. Not a whole show. What was your first big break? You know, when you felt like, ah, now I'm going to quit my job. You went in and threw down your pink slip.

I, well, actually I quit. I didn't even quit. I asked, I went to the department head and asked for a leave of absence because I wanted to hold up to my health insurance. So, and he was like, you know what? I'm going to give you a year. Go do it. And, you know, if it works out great, if not, you know, we want you back here. Perfect. Yeah, so I just started touring and, you know, hitting the clubs. And it all made sense. And I got the Chris Rock Show. I was a writer on the Chris Rock Show. Was that the first major thing? Yeah, I think that was the real big break for me.

So how did that happen? Did he see you somewhere?

I opened for him at Caroline's, and this is when he was preparing for Bring the Pain. And he was like, hey, you're funny. I'm going to remember you. So when he got his talk show on HBO, I got a call and said, hey, Chris Rock wants you to submit some writing materials. So I'm like, sure. So I wrote some stuff, sent it in, and got the job.

How did it feel being in a room of writers, going from you just, you know, sitting at your desk to now you're at a table full of peers?

Well, luckily, a couple of them I was already friends with because they were stand-up comics. So they were, I was the only woman too, the only female. Yeah, so it was nice to see guys who I, you know, had like a little camaraderie with. You know, they were good. So it was, yeah, they were, they didn't cut me any slack, though. You know, it was, yeah, everybody, everybody, they write for themselves, you know.

And were you still doing stand-up while you were writing for him? So you just keep grinding?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, because, and that was my favorite thing, is I would submit monologue jokes. And if they didn't make it into the monologue, he didn't select them. I was like, he don't think this is funny. Watch this, you know. And I'll go there to the comedy cellar and do the jokes and get laughs. I told you. And they're like, who was she saying I told you to? Like, you know, like, it was like I had a fit on stage. Like, I do a joke. Yeah, I told him. I told him. Like, who's she talking to? And how did your comedy style evolve? I mean, did you feel your growth through all this process? You know, what changed for you as a comic through these stages of growth? Yeah, I think confidence.

Confidence and you just have to have the desire to do it. You know, there's some comedians out here who are doing the same jokes they've been doing forever because it's safe. I like the, you know, the edginess. I like to take some risks. So for me, you know, and my agent, you know, drives her nuts. But as soon as a special comes out, I'm like, well, I got to go make some more jokes. So she's like, well, you know, you can still tour with this act. I'm like, no, it's done. I'm, you know, I'm done with it. Really? Yeah.

So after you do a special show like Legacy, then you won't go around and you're going to start off from scratch. From scratch, yeah.

Really? Yeah.

Oh, see, I didn't realize that's how that works.

Well, we should use your jokes. You're not going to use them. Go ahead, go ahead, man. Enjoy. Enjoy. It's like, these good jokes. These good jokes is over. It's just like, well, that was funny. It's not going to be funny again.

But it's not like singers. Singers, you know, same song. Musician, they do the same song over and over again. You still want to hear it.

Yeah.

You know? Yeah.

And at what point did you say, okay, I can act and I'm going to be in these movies or shows, TV shows?

I didn't know I could. I didn't know that. Actually, it started on the Chris Rock show. we had a crew for a day and we were shooting some sketches and then a producer being a good line producer she's like look you know you have three more hours with the crew you guys have anything we can shoot that's really quick and maybe something in the office and the guys they wrote something video mama and it's like Wanda you gonna be video mama I was like I'm a writer I'm not on camera she's like no no you can do it you gonna be video mama and it's a videotape that you can play and she watches your kids. So you just sit your kid in front of the TV. So, you know, so I'm in there and I'm like, hey, put that down. You know, where you going? You know, it's like the video. And you're the, I'm the kid. Yeah, video mama. Yeah. I wish you would. I wish you would. You know, just. See, that's so good. So we shot that and it got a big laugh. So they just started writing me into more bits.

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journey. So when did you get your first, were you doing that after Chris Rock? Were you just now writing and, you know, the work just comes after that? Did you?

find or were you still you know uh plotting a career were you were was your stand-up getting bigger were you going to bigger audiences and yes uh-huh my stand-up was getting bigger my audience

um yeah I got a special comedy central hour special so first it was a half hour then they then I got an hour then it was a big tour after that and oh and then I because of the Chris Rock show Eddie Murphy you know fan of Chris I got a part in Nutty Professor Nutty Professor yeah that's right yeah yeah you were good in that too yeah I was Glodine or whatever I got the hair yeah

uh huh so yeah I love this this special legacy where you know I mean, yeah, how are you feeling about the political climate? I mean, you know?

It's awful. It's awful.

I mean, it's, but here's the thing that. You were stuck in the shittiest escape room ever. That's what it feels like.

We have been stuck in the shittiest escape room ever. I mean, you know, all the clues have been redacted. You can't, you just can't get out. You can't get out. It's like, you need Harriet Tubman to get us out. This bitch, this is, this is awful. It's like Prius. Yeah, yeah. But here's the thing. Like, it's as bad as it is, right? There's, I think with us, there's a sense of, we're going to get through it. We're going to get through it, right?

Yeah.

But it's like, well, why are we out protesting? Because my wife, you know, she's French. So she's like, you know, in France, they just shut shit down. It's like, they just shut it down. That's it. And she's like, why aren't you doing that? I don't understand. Why isn't people reacting, responding like this? I'm like, because we go, you know, yeah, this is really bad. Oh, man, ICE is, you know, deporting people. Oh, wow, they're killing people. Oh, okay, but my Netflix is on. You know, it's like, you know, it's like squirrel. Exactly. Exactly. You know, it's we, it's, it's, we have too much stuff, basically.

Yeah.

You know, when you have a lot and it's, oh, what they doing over there? Oh, that's bad, you know, but.

Well, as bad as you think something will be, it's like the speed at which we forget about it. is pretty amazing to me, you know, and will be outraged. Yes. Because in Legacy, I mean, people really connect with the jokes. I mean, you're talking about immigration. You're talking about racism. I mean, so when people laugh about this stuff, there's a connection. I mean, you're loosening a valve in people. So don't you get a sense that, you know, people, like you said, people care. They do. You know, people are affected.

Absolutely. And that's the feedback that I get is they appreciate that I am speaking on these things because they need a release. They need that valve release. They do because you feel like you're not doing anything or you're just under a rock. So when you bring these issues up and bring them to light and allow them to laugh about it, then, you know, people really appreciate it, you know, and I hope it makes them think a little, you know, yeah.

Yeah, well, it's, but you're not just talking about, and I love the way you talk about the greed masked as benevolence, you know, right. It's like, if you really want to be green, why don't you take some money off of my room instead of asking me to save some towels. Reuse my towel. Can you believe that? Like, at a hotel.

No, we're not changing your sheets now. What? What do you mean you're not changing my sheets? That's the whole point, right? That's the whole, that's the reason why I'm here. At a hotel. It's like. It's a hotel. You don't get up here and change my sheets. What is wrong with y'all? I sleep in my dirty sheets at home. No, I want fresh sheets here. And towels. And towels. Say, I want a towel from the front part. I use all the towels. Right boot, left boot, butt towel, everything. Use them all. Use all that stuff.

So you talk more about your family and legacy. Yes. And you mentioned your wife, Alex, being...

How did you guys meet?

We met, well, I saw her on a ferry going over to Fire Island. Fire Island, people don't know, off of Long Island, New York. So, yeah, something I just saw her in the peripheral and I was like, wow, okay. And I, like, heard something that said, like, Wanda, that's what you need. And I was like.

Were you dating at the time? Were you dating what you did?

Okay, wait a minute now.

What?

Maybe dating. Okay. Okay. But not in a relationship. There you go. Okay, there you go.

Okay, don't get off. Yeah. I mean, I was saying. Were you out and about? Well, yeah. because it was like you were looking at what you needed which sounded like you were getting a lot of what you didn't need perhaps

well

yeah my friend was like where do you why are you meeting all these crazy women from okay see there tell us about the crazy women

ooh

nope because when you talk about say you bring they pop up I can walk out of here and something like hey girl I'm like oh jeez it's like Candyman you can't don't uh-uh nope I'm not talking about right nope nope nope

but you you had enough bad experiences to be like hmm that looks good

that looks right okay I'll just my I had a therapist and she passed away but we only spoke on on the phone She didn't see people face-to-face. She didn't see any people face-to-face? I don't think so. Oh, wow. I don't think so. Okay. Maybe a couple. I don't know. So she had passed, you know. And I heard her, that's what I heard. It said, Wanda, that's what you need. And other people who were seeing, who had said that she was popping up little signs and stuff. Yeah. So anyway. Um, and I, and I, but I thought she meant that because, because Alex was sitting with this other woman, uh, and they were playing with a kid. So I was like, oh, maybe that's what she's saying. Like, eh, you know, uh, and long story short, the person I was dating, um. Oh, so you were with somebody you were dating. Stop. We had a little falling out. Okay. On the boat after you were looking at Alice? No, no, no. Once I made it to an island. Once I made it to an island. We had a little falling out. It was like, yeah, get her off the island. Okay. Get her out of here. She needed to go. Just she had to go. She had to go. So I was like, call my friend. Yeah, get her out of here. Oh, Lord. So then I walk with my friend and she's like, Wanda, where are you meeting these crazy people from? You know, like, look, what do you say when you, you know, you meet somebody? I was like, I'm like, hey, how you doing? She's like, well, and if I say, okay, so how's your day going? And I started telling her what I did that day. She's like, no, I don't want to hear what you did. Just say, you know, you're beautiful and blah, blah, blah. It's corny. So she's like, and don't talk about your dog. Nobody cares about your dog. So. That was your big rap line? Yeah, yeah. So I'm walking, I'm walking my friend and we bump into a friend that she knows. And it's like, hey, Wanda, this is so-and-so. Wanda, this is a friend, Mary. And she's like, how you doing, Wanda? I was like, well, I got up at eight. I had some oatmeal. And here's my dog, you know. And she's looking at me like, what? And I was like, and I'm remodeling my kitchen. And she's like, okay. She said, well, you should talk to my friend, Alex. She's into natural stone and all that. Boom. She was on the ferry. So we started talking.

Oh, wow.

And from there, that was it.

And it was love at first sight. That was it. Nice. And y'all got married and had kids. Yes. Was that always in your dance card? Absolutely not. No, ma'am. Was Alex like, look, this is, you get me? Yep. This is okay. She's like, put down the gauntlet.

Yep. She's like, I want kids. I'm going to have kids. And I was like, okay. And I asked, I said, look, can we, like, just, can you hold off? Like, give me at least, like, a year. And let's try to figure out. No, I didn't ask for a year. I said, can we hold off, like, it says, give me, like, three, six.

six months, and let's see where this is going first. Yes, that seems reasonable. Because if this is, you know, where I think it's going, then I'll probably get there. I said, but, and she's like, okay. So she did.

And how long did you guys date before you had kids?

Jeez, maybe, I guess, maybe a year. Okay. Yeah. Then September. Yep.

About a year and a half, I think. So your world, you just went from zero to everybody's here. Now, how did your dog react? I said two years.

It was two years. It was six or two years.

How did your dog react? That's who you talk about that.

Yeah.

What's your dog's name?

His name was Riley. His name was Riley. Poor Riley. Miss that guy. Yeah. Riley, when we brought the kids home, Riley looked up at me and it was like he said, you effed up. He was like, you effed up.

He's like, we had it so good. Yeah, he's like, how you do this?

This is going to suck. You know that, right? I don't know.

You really messed up. You messed up. So what was the adjustment period? So, you know, you meet the right person, the love of your life. You date for a little bit. You decide this is it. Now you're married with kids. Did it feel like your head was about to spin off the changes in your life that happened? You know, and how did you manage the adjustment? It felt right.

It was a lot. It was a lot, but it just felt like, okay, no, this is how it's supposed to be. I felt like I was in my place. And I felt like blessed, really blessed. I was like, I got kids now, you know, because I never thought that I would be a mom. And now, you know, I'm a whole ass mama now.

Whole ass mom. Yeah. Man, man.

Discipline and everything.

Mm-hmm.

How old are they now? They just turned 17. 17. Oh, so.

Oh, you in it.

I'm in it.

You are really in it.

Yes.

Yeah. Who's the disciplinarian, you or Alex? I would say

more on my part, you know. I mean, Alex is strong. She's strong with them, too. But when they don't listen, she'll would you tell them? Okay. And then I get mad. Like, why do I have to tell y'all? Just listen to her. Just listen to her. You don't want to do this, do you? I like that. You don't like me, right?

Okay, so just... That's me and I. Let's not have this conversation. Yeah. I don't, yeah. You make them feel like you're doing them a favor.

Right. That's, yeah.

I'm going to hook you up on how to not get in trouble. Right, right. Or you're in trouble with me. Yeah, I love that. And you don't want to be in trouble with me. It's just a great psychological advantage. Yeah. It's like your life is over.

Yes. You're in trouble with me.

Yeah. Did you go through the spanking, no spanking thing? Oh, yeah. Could you talk about that in Legacy? Yeah.

We said no spanking, but then...

and then somebody needed to get popped.

Lucas, he had to get built. He needed it. Sometimes you need more than words, you know?

Well, they're all different, you know? I always thought, like, kids should know what a spanking is. Because you can't threaten something that they don't know, right? So, you know, and I had two girls, and girls are pretty bright, you know? Right. One little pop, and it's just like, oh, that wasn't pleasant. It wasn't pleasant for me. It was true. It hurt me as much as it hurt them. But it was like, now it was just a good, then it became just a good threat. Right. Don't make me. Right. And it's like, and they were like, yeah, probably. That's not, that's not necessary. But I do believe that every now and then.

Did you get a spanking ever?

Oh, yeah. I didn't get many. Neither of us got many.

Neither of us got many. Right. But I don't remember you getting. And yeah, the belt, the jump rope, jump rope, a plastic jump rope, you know, the plastic jump rope with the handles. She gave us that a couple of times. But I don't remember. I remember I remember getting it.

Yeah, I remember you getting it, too. I was usually cheering her on from the back, you know, running after him. But I remember the last spanking I ever got. And this was our household. My mother loved to laugh and she had a great sense of humor and we could make her laugh. and Craig had done something. You probably did something to me, right? And I was like, mom! You know, and she's like, boy, I told you. And she grabbed the belt. And this time he ran, you know?

She chased me around the house.

And she's running behind him and I'm behind her. I'm like, get him, get him. And she's...

Hopping over furniture.

And our house is as big as this room.

I mean, I'm sure she's thinking, boy, if you don't stop running, you know. And then he hopped over a chair and got on the couch and grabbed my stuffed Snoopy and put it in front of him. He's like, mom, don't hit me. And she just looked at him and started cracking up, you know, because it was ridiculous, you know. It's like, here I am chasing this little boy around.

And I was probably big by then because I was older.

Right, right.

And she just took the jump rope and just, like, dropped it. And that was it. That was the last potential spanking.

What? No justice? Is this what we're doing in this household?

And that, yeah, that was the last spanking in our household. Yeah, you just have to, like you say, it's just the threat of it, you know? They know. So I remember I forgot my—I know my mom dropped me off with my grandmother. So that's where I was catching the bus. And I left my books in the car. So I was like, I can't go to school. I don't have any books. The teacher's going to be yelling at me, and the kids are going to make fun of me. My grandma said, okay, you can stay home. And she said, well, we got to tell your mom that you didn't go to school. So now I'm stressed over that. I'm stressed over that. So I came and gave my grandmother the bill. I said, well, you just beat me until it's done. It's been done, it's finished. I can't live like this all day. I was like, just do it. Let me get this faking and then I can enjoy my day off. Exactly, exactly. And she laughed so hard, she couldn't do it. She couldn't do it. And she told my mother, don't you beat that girl. She beat herself up enough today.

i swear to god wanda after because my my my team watched legacy too and this one crystal on the gas pass she's like ma'am tell me that that doesn't happen I mean, literally, we're on the plane. I'm like, explain to you, no, it does. It does. It's coming. Can you talk about what you're doing?

Oh, yeah. I hit my 60s, and I don't know where all this gas comes from, but it's just a lot of gas, a lot of gas. And you really have to focus on not passing gas in public, because if you relax, it's going to happen. It just happens. And I was talking to one of my good friends, and she's a CEO, big job. And she's like, girl, I was in a meeting, and I stood up, and it just, I just, and they all heard it. I was like, oh, my God. I said, what did you do? She said, I just said, meetings adjourned.

See, because when you're in your 60s, you run the meeting, right?

By that time, you can pass gas in the meeting that you're running. Right, right. I told her, I said, that's how you have to end all your meetings now, you know. let them know that's just how it's going to go

and how's Esther role doing oh Esther you're looking pretty good well Esther looks like she's living somewhere else no Esther's here

if I yeah I lift this this top up Esther is there she is there actually when I was I'm editing when I was editing Legacy I was like oh boy and my producer she was like you see Esther don't you? I was like, yeah. Look at Esther. Esther's just living her best life. Esther's just all out. She's like, you know, you could have worn like a body shaper on this. I was like, nah, I can't. Yeah, how can you do what you're doing with all that? I'm rolling around on the stage. No, I had to crack the rib if I had worn a body shaper. So yeah, I just let Esther out. You let her live. I let her live. Let her live. Yep. When I hit my 40s, Esther popped up. That fat roll. That fat roll popped up. I was like, what is this? And I was doing crunches. She was determined. Esther was determined. Esther was climbing out of Spanx. I was on this night show. Jay Leno on this night show. And I had been, I just heard. I was like, what is going on? Esther was just working her way out this fight then just lay it out hey Jay I was like like no no so I just I named her she's like

I love late night. Uh-huh. I love late night.

Mm, cheese cake, you know. So I pull up to Costco. That's just like, yippee! Oh, boy. This is like Disneyland for her. She loves Costco. Esther loves Costco. Oh, boy. There's so many of them. She loves Costco. They're everywhere. Uh-huh. And now she's been a little depressed because whenever those Zipic commercials come on, I hear her just, I'm like, Esther, what's wrong? She's like, all my friends are gone. I was like. Yeah. Told her I wouldn't do that to her.

Oh, my goodness. I wouldn't do it. I said, I'm not going to do it to you.

Don't worry about it.

But you do look great, Wanda. You really look great. So you got to be doing something besides taking Esther to Costco. I'm boxing now. I love the box. Yeah, I love the box.

That's a lot of my training.

How often are you in the gym?

I mean, if I'm not working, if I'm home, I try to go at least like five times, you know, five days a week.

Oh, man.

Yeah. I have a great trainer, Cameron, and he'll hold the mitts. Yeah. So I hit the mitts and we'll do some strength training. Yeah. I love it. Yeah. Yeah. I fell in love with it because I did a movie, a drama, and it's boxing. So I had to learn how to hold mitts and then I just stayed with it.

Yeah, when did you film this as Undercut?

Undercard. Undercard. I'm sorry, Undercard. We filmed this in Puerto Rico two years ago?

It was two years ago. Yeah, I think so.

I think it was two years ago.

Was that your first dramatic role? First dramatic role. Wow.

Yeah. And, man, it was hot in Puerto Rico. That was a different kind of heat. Yeah. Different kind of heat. But it was, yeah, I loved shooting it, loved the cast, the director, Tamika. It was just a great experience. So I'm excited that that's finally going to be out where people are going to get to see it.

Is it going to start streaming?

It'll be available for rent or to buy May 18th. Oh, great. On like Apple or Prime.

It's a beautiful story. You want to just talk a bit about it? Oh, sure. Undercard.

Yeah, Undercard is, I play a former boxer who's now a trainer struggling with addiction. She's raising her sister's child. Her sister passed away. And she also is trying to reunite with her older son, who's a boxer. And she had to give him up when he was very young because of her addictions. And yeah, so it's just this woman trying to, you know, win in the ring and now, you know, win in life and try to reunite with her family. And it's really, it's a family story, but it's just set in the world of boxing.

I would have never known that that was your exposure to boxing, that film. You didn't box before then. You look like a former champ in there. Oh, thank you. Yeah, yeah. Had your guns out and everything. Shoot. But it's a really beautiful movie. And I watched it and I didn't fall asleep.

Oh, why, thank you. I stayed up.

Oh, why, thank you. I did, yeah, yeah, yeah. Which is saying something. Yeah, no, but it's a really beautiful, beautiful film. Is there anything at this point that you haven't done that you wish you could do?

Actually, I did tell my publicist that I wanted to do this. Really? I did. We were on your bucket list? I rarely ask her for things. Oh, my God. But I was like, I want to do, yeah. Aw, because you felt bad about talking about me. That's the one thing I didn't ask for.

Aw. That's wonderful. Man, that makes us feel good. Yes. Well, you have definitely worked out this special. It is everything. It is laugh out loud and not too dirty. You're not cursing that much. So you can have the older kids watch it. But I just thank you for all that you do. But we do have our listener.

question. Yes. Because we do give advice here at IMO. We try to give back to the people who are listening. And now they got Wanda. And this is Joanna. My husband and I are thinking about

buying a home and we're trying to decide what matters most as we start a family. We have a three and a five-year-old. We love the idea of being in a neighborhood with a strong sense of community. It reminds me of my own childhood where neighbors looked out for each other and it felt safe for kids to grow up. At the same time, we know that school quality is really important and we're weighing whether it makes more sense to prioritize that from the start, even if it means living somewhere we feel less connected to. My husband feels like we should choose a neighborhood we love and figure out the logistics later, whether that's commuting or finding other options. But I personally worry that the day-to-day reality of that would become exhausting, especially if more of the responsibility falls on me. My question is, how do you decide between a place that feels like home right away and one that might offer better long-term opportunities for your kids? As a fellow Chicagoan, I know the commute you had to Whitney Young, my own mother, moved us to the suburbs so a decent high school would be closer to our home. Appreciate your advice.

If it's job-related, then you sort of have to do what you got to do. Right. And that's not new. I mean, I think parents, families throughout, you know, the history, you know, you go where, you know, mom and dad can earn a living. And that's certainly true if you're a military kid, you know, and you remember how resilient kids can be. So sometimes you just don't have a choice. Um, but I've been talking more about, because what we do lose in that job move is that a lot of families, they don't have support, right? So you move for a job. Now it's you and your partner and the kids, but you don't live in that extended family unit, which is how we grew up. You know, I mean, we grew up on the south side of Chicago where everybody lived within like a five-mile radius. I mean, literally, you know, uncles, aunties, all of our grandparents. You could walk around the corner. You could get in a car, drive five minutes, and be at another family's house, which meant that there was always some support, you know, especially when it came to child care, right? So now you've got some aunt, a cousin, a grandparent, somebody who can step in and help out. So I think that's a long way of saying, if you have a choice, factor in community and support. I don't know if I care as much about the house or the school, if it's not a horrible school district. you know, I mean, if it's not dangerous, which is in some instances, you know, I went across town because the high school right by me was a little, you know, it was a little dangerous at the time I was going there, right? So to me, it was worth going across town to a school that was a college prep school, but we still lived in our neighborhood, you know, we still lived around the corner from grandparents and uncles and aunts, and that meant something, you know?

Yeah, I agree with that. But it didn't seem like they have, like, extended family. Yeah, it didn't even come up. But yeah, I agree that if you find a community where you feel comfortable and you can build those relationships. Like we were very lucky. Alex was living in this community when I met her. So there was the cop next door and then started meeting this group of friends. And she has this little French contingency there. So we were surrounded by people who became family for us. so as the kids get older their kids were getting older and we would you know look out for each other so that is important and a good a good school district you want that because you you know especially you don't want to have to pay for school if if you're not happy with the you're with the public school but but for me I need to be close to an airport you know just for your business I have to consider also how quickly can I get in and out.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

And, you know, I will say don't.

underestimate the resilience of your kids. Because my career, after I left corporate America and started coaching, coaches move all the time and we moved a lot. And the first move was really hard on my two older kids because they were about, well, the oldest was about to go into high school and he wanted to go to Whitney Young where she went and we moved to Providence and it was hard on him and hard on our daughter. But then once we moved the first time, it made it easier to move the next time and then the next time and it became easier. And what we stayed focused on was trying to move somewhere where we could build a community, but we were our community we we wanted to make sure we we knew uh we would all be together in this and we had the ability to make a community wherever we went so don't i would say to joanna don't underestimate the resiliency i know you're not talking about moving around a lot but But, you know, your kids will be okay as long as they're safe. They'll be okay. They'll be able to bounce back quicker than we can.

And just make sure you check that predator website, too. Don't throw that out there.

That's a good point. That's a good point, Wanda. Forget the school district. I'm just saying. Make sure there are no predators. Well, thank you. Hopefully that was Lisa.

Joanna. Joanna. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. That's okay.

Joanna, girl. Hope that helped you.

That also happens when you get older, Crystal.

Right. There's gas and then there's general forgetting of everything.

Yeah. Oh, yeah. Yes.

Wanda.

Thank you so much. Thank you.

Thank you for this. Thank you. Thank you for putting us on your dance call. Yes. Absolutely. Yeah. Yeah. Love you. I'm done now. We are huge fans. We are big fans. Yeah. We are big fans. Well, the legacy is going to be well-received. People will love it. And by the time this comes out, hopefully everybody's seeing it and commenting about it and all that. And then watch Undercard. It's really a beautiful film. Thank you. Coming out on somewhere where things stream. Or anywhere where you stream. Thank you for being here. Thank you. Thanks for having me. Thank you so much.

Thanks again to our friends at Progressive Insurance for sponsoring this episode. For more information, visit progressive.com slash open the house.