Muse

This episode is brought to you by Quince. So this time of year, I always end up staring at my closet thinking, why do I own so much stuff that I never actually use? What I want is fewer pieces and better quality. And that's the whole reason why I keep coming back to Quince. Now, I've got some boots from Quince, and then we also have some bedding from Quince. And I have to say, it's really phenomenal stuff. When I think about the amount of money that I would have to pay to get this from a retail store, it kind of blows my mind. Everything is 50% to 60% less than comparable brands because Quince works directly with ethical factories and cuts out the middlemen. You're paying for quality, not markup. Refresh your wardrobe with Quince. Go to quince.com slash burger for free shipping and 365-day returns. Now available in Canada too. Go to Q-U-I-N-C-E dot com slash burger for free shipping and 365 day returns. Quince dot com slash burger. Midnight Burger is brought to you today by Shaker and Spoon, where you can get $20 off of any subscription by going to Shaker and Spoon dot com slash Midnight Burger. Cast members and avid cocktail makers, Neil and Julie, gave Shaker and Spoon a try.

It's a cute little box, and you open it up, and it's filled with a whole bunch of recyclable packaging material and cute little bottles and fun instructions and really cute written postcards with recipes.

Each monthly box arrives with three original recipes created by world-class bartenders, as well as enough ingredients for 12 cocktails, four from each recipe.

I mean, I've got a pretty solid bar by most, like, home bar standards, but I don't, like, get things that they sent. Like, I don't go out and buy black pepper walnut bitters and, like, cardamom bitters, and they had a bunch of spice syrups mixed up and stuff.

Each box revolves around one type of liquor, so just add one bottle of liquor and you're ready to go.

It's all very clear because everything's labeled and each cocktail has its own ingredient card or instructions card. So each one has its own recipe and like backstory and everything on a card. So yeah, it's all easy to figure out.

They'll have everything you need, except for the egg.

There are even two enormous lemons in there. There's actual fruit in there.

Fresh lemons. Fresh citrus.

So the only thing we needed was booze. And for one of the cocktails, we needed an egg. They didn't send an egg, which I think is prudent. Good idea.

You can learn new techniques while creating excellent craft cocktails.

They have sourced these cocktails from people in the business. and like I'm checking the CVs on some of the people that they dropped and they're like legit heavy hitters working at serious cocktail bars.

It's also a great gift idea. Literally all you need to know about your gifty is their email address.

I think it would be good for really smart, cool, and beautiful people.

Oh, like our listeners. Yes. And one of the cool things here is that there's enough to make three different cocktails and to make four of each. So you could make it like a little social thing, right? like have you people over hey i got my new shaker and spoon box let's uh come over friday night let's

see what these are going out to the bar has become a little more complicated these days so throw an epic cocktail party at home and save twenty dollars off any subscription by going to shakerandspoon.com midnight burger a previously on midnight burger where in the hell did everyone

go. Gloria is on CGS. Ava is in Denmark. Leif is wherever the hell he is. The Muckle Waynes

are in space. And of course, let's not forget about this. A dick in a box. Oh, hi. Welcome to the Casper area. That's right, folks. Our heroes are spread across the multiverse like a little country croc spread across a really, really, really, really infinitely big piece of bread. What are they going to do now? Well, turns out everybody's taking the initiative. Gloria is asking Segeus. Casper is asking his ex-wife. Leif made a bomb.

Eat shit, Croc.

And for whatever godforsaken reason, Ava decided to stick out her thumb and hitch a ride back to Croc's castle. You rang, Doctor? I'm not sure where we go from here, folks, but it's clear that all roads lead back to Cryptessia. Also, Fiona's here. My neural environment? Story time's over, kids. Let's start the shift.

This is Justin, broadcasting on The Undersignal. I am talking to you at the end of a historic day here on CGS. Midnight Burger has returned to us, and the party has been non-stop. Midnight Burger's relationship to this planet is a very important one. and today did nothing but solidify that relationship. As you may know, the planet's intense efforts to summon the diner to see just paid off in a very gratifying fashion when we were able to retrieve the mission data from the Vargin, the very first extrasolar mission undertaken by the original coalition generations ago. That was the only surprise on board Midnight Burger when it landed. Inside the diner was an entirely different crew than the one we've come to know. Two Earthlings and an Earth Sorcerer. Now, I can't tell you much about the Earth. I'm told he was immediately whisked away by diplomatic services and put in contact with his home planet. But I do know that one of the Earthlings is a former Armed Forces pilot and the other is a barista, an antiquated Earth profession who specializes in making caffeinated beverages. Okay. Okay, I'll have more on all that later, as I'm sure you can hear the countdown has begun. Glory is now back on board Midnight Burger, and its 12 hours are up. It's hard to say right now how this day has affected everyone here on CG's. It's all happening too fast. But I will give you this quote from Owen Sassido. He's a scale farmer from the Southern Stills who came all the way to the capital just for this day. Nothing can change the fact that I'm a CGian. but I feel like this day made me more CG-ian than I was before. Oh, here it comes, everyone. Wonder when we'll see it again.

To be continued... parties anyway. Thanks for letting me bring my cat. It's important for you to be comfortable. You won't be leaving again. Okay. Do I get a prison jumpsuit or anything? Ball and chain?

You may wear a gorilla suit. It makes no difference to me.

Croc, I feel like you're a little bit mad at me.

It is immeasurably difficult to surprise me, Doctor

You must be insufferable on movie night

So you can imagine how shocked I was to see that a beacon was sounding all the way from Earth

And a few hundred years in the past at that

How did you manage to get my attention?

Well, I had this thing that did this one particular thing But then I thought, hey, why don't I take this thing and do this other thing with it?

That sounds hardly scientific.

I've decided to abandon science. I'm getting really into crystals lately.

How are you here, Doctor?

Don't worry about it, Croc. I'm here because I'm magical. I'm here because I decided to be. What do you want? A bunch of math? You don't seem like a math guy.

You chose to be here?

Yes.

After all that you went through to leave?

Yes.

Why?

Maybe I wanted to be here. But nobody forces me to do anything. I left so I could choose to come back.

You risked your life for a bit of agency.

Honestly, I risked my life because I was curious about what would happen if I risked my life.

And if it killed you?

Honestly, I was a little curious about that, too.

Hmm.

You're unlike your compatriots.

Am I? They are... We appear to be supremely fixated on rather Byzantine concepts of right and wrong. You don't seem bound by such things.

I'm bound by the usual things. Time, gravity, coffee. Can I get some coffee in here, by the way? I've been in Renaissance Denmark and Europe without caffeine. It's a dark, dark place.

Of course.

Wow, look at that. So they just drop out of the sky with whatever I want?

Within reason.

Got it. Can I get some pool floaties and nine Dixie cups, please?

Why in the world would you ask for those things?

You said within reason.

That's within reason.

Depends on the situation. Thanks, Bosco. You can hold off on the Dixie cups and pool floaties, but I will be needing a tailored cigarette or five as soon as humanly possible. Also, any clothing that doesn't involve a goddamn corset, please. Oh, yes. That'll do just fine.

One might feel you've returned here simply for the coffee.

Well, I certainly wasn't going to wait a hundred years for Europe to figure it out.

Should I assume your fellow agitators have survived the crossing as well?

How would I know? Problems with the plumbing? I hear that's common in old places like this.

Speaking of agitators, I have a small number in the kingdom.

So, Kazi didn't obediently slink off to another system, then?

She did not. She's a rebel to the end. She's assembled an ineffectual little band of merry men and is attempting to fight me from the shadows.

Kids, am I right?

They'll be done away with soon enough. It's a shame. She's quite brilliant. She would be a treasured asset to my efforts here.

Your efforts. I've been thinking about your efforts ever since I left.

Have you?

Yes.

And?

I still think they're real dumb, Croc.

Oh? Enlighten me.

Circling back to it, you want to take an entropic universe and turn it into a recursive one. You want to take a universe that constantly careens toward its own ending and make it last forever.

That's correct.

Why, though?

Don't you protect the things you love?

No.

No?

No.

Why?

Because you can't protect anything Everything dies

In your life, there is nothing you've moved to protect?

Not that comes to mind

I see The universe is not the same for me

How so?

For one such as you Your life is a game you've been placed within And your life consists of learning the rules of this game as you play it

That's not bad

The universe is not so rigid for me It is a thing to be manipulated And if I can manipulate it, the question then becomes What is the world I wish to make?

Okay I'm skeptical

I'd expect nothing less You came all the way back here to tell me that?

No.

Then why?

Secrets of the universe, Kroc.

What of them?

You have them. Gimme.

Dinner's at seven.

Okay. I'd like the chicken nuggets, please. The ones shaped like little dinosaurs.

Whatever you like. Excellent.

Carl? Goddammit, where did you go?

Greetings, sorcerer. Your data has been logged and is currently under review. Please rest assured that your endeavors will greatly enrich ours. I have been informed that you have not had interaction with the home world since being assigned to your terminal mission. I wish to expand upon your understanding.

Coming up!

As you are aware, there is no reassignment from a terminal mission. It is meant to be a mission that continues throughout your entire lifespan. Your terminal mission distinguishes itself from others in that it is classified 0.3. There are only three sorcerers in our current temporal locus to have been assigned to a zero terminal mission. Please be aware of your importance to your planet and to our mission. Our mission. Knowledge above all.

Moon, how you doing?

Good evening, Captain. Who's that? I was reviewing a message from the High Curator on Earth. Is that like the President? We do not have a centralized leader as you do on Earth. Rather, we have three councils. Curation, Invention, and Integration. My immediate council is the Council of Curation. So what's the news? There is less than I was expecting. It appears that the mission I have been tasked with has only been undertaken by two other Earths in our history.

That sounds pretty top secret.

I had suspected as much.

So it's all about places like the diner?

Yes. As I had previously surmised, there is an elusive relationship between my planet and places such as Midnight Burger, but that relationship is unknown. There was an Ert presence here at the diner before my arrival, as indicated by the Ert door in the deep freeze, and according to Fiona, there are many places like the diner throughout existence. But we have yet to encounter another, so it has been difficult to develop a theory. Now, however, I have received sparse accounts from my homeworld. Let me show you. M. Display new packet imagery, media only. As you can see, there have been reports from others with my same assignment. These are dispatches from other places like the diner. We have here what appears to be a designated stop for rail-guided locomotion.

That's a train station.

Also an establishment which appears to belong to an earthling named Tim Horton. Sure. But this one is curious. There appears to be no actual structure involved, but there is a refreshment station and small chairs made of plastic material.

That's Chada.

Please explain.

It was after the war. Old folks in Hanoi started selling iced tea on the street. Chada. Iced tea. It turned into the place everybody crossed paths. Guys would park their mopeds there, some old dudes would play a chess game, and it all revolved around some old lady selling iced tea and crackers.

These places, they all seem to be wildly different with only core similarities.

So why would your people start building things in these places?

Why did I? I built a lift so that you may come to the roof. I imagine they built things because... Because it's what we do. We cannot help ourselves.

You're looking a little overwhelmed, Foo.

There is much to process.

Why don't you come downstairs for a while? Come meet our new passenger. She's got lots of stories to tell about this place. Maybe it'll shed some light.

Yes, of course.

Fiona.

Yeah. Eight years. Yeah. Oh my God. I would stop noticing for a while. But every year, Peter would come along and remind me how much time had passed. Are you okay? I'm okay. I went through years wondering what all of it was for, but then every day the doors open and there was a lot to distract me from that feeling. But then the guys came along and others and it kind of became my life. How long was it for you? Just a few months. Damn. Time travel. I'm so sorry. No, it's fine, really. everything in my head was a lie it was something that was put there but then I spent eight years here and that was mine that was eight years of my life I had just lived I had to say it but I needed it and it was like it was like it knew that

Yeah.

Do you know what I mean?

Yeah.

Does it?

Is the diner alive? I don't know. I mean, every once in a while, I feel like it's watching me. Every once in a while, it listens to me. maybe not alive the way we think of it but not not alive i'm so glad you're back good are you

glad you're back am i i saw that guy what was his name brody that was a

pretty steamy goodbye you two had yeah he's great but we've both got things to do he has dreams of repopulating earth with scottish people and i am not the candidate for that particular position

speaking of having things to do yeah we are probably heading back to cryptessia now aren't

we i don't know leif casper and ava are still out there somewhere so we're either finding them or we're going back in i haven't been back this whole time i don't think so i know we're going back eventually this thing doesn't leave unfinished business when we got on clementine's trail it did

not let up until we got her what do we do when we land in cryptessia and there's a whole army waiting for us improvise yeah you know the first year here was pretty terrifying it was just me and peter and i didn't know what was coming through the door then it started to get easier some other people showed up and a couple of years ago i looked around and kind of felt like wait am i good at this am i doing okay And then as soon as we started talking about Cryptessia, I went back to year one again. I know. I mean, aren't we essentially trying to fight God?

How do we win this exactly? I don't know, Fiona. What I do know is that we're not going to be able to do anything with all of us spread to the four winds. We've got to get back together or we're screwed. Okay. Fiona, look at you. You're doing amazing. Most people would have hopped off at the first safe place. Yeah. Some people did.

All right, y'all. I have convinced Voon to come down from the roof.

There you are. Voon, are you doing okay?

Oh, yes, Fiona. Please forgive my antisocial behavior. I had much data to review from my homeworld.

Anything fun?

It was supplemental for the most part. More information supporting that which we already know.

So, Gloria, Voon is an ert. Really? He came on board a long time ago. He's been a big help. No. I know a guy who's a big fan of your planet.

Yes. Fiona has told me of your colleague's affection for my planet in our endeavors. It is very complimentary.

It's not just him. Some sort of device from your planet got us out of a very sticky situation one time. Remember I told you about that brunch planet? Oh, right.

Yes, I have been debriefed about this device. It's fascinating. A quantum bubble processor. During my enlightenment phase, such things were only a theory.

Damn, I wish Leif was here. I hope all that stuff on the roof has been helpful.

It would be, but you won't touch it. Why not? Leif used it all the time. Because Voon is a man of principles. Aren't you, Voon?

There are several levels of aggressive security measures in your colleague's systems, but even if there were not, it is against my core principles. Ertz believed technology is an extension of the self. To violate that technology without express informed consent would be immoral.

And he believes it so strongly that he got shrunk down to the size of a Ken doll one time.

What? It's true. I became trapped in a diminuator. It shrunk you?

The effect was temporary. He rode around on my shoulder for two weeks like a cockatoo.

Oh, my God. Okay, but seriously, though, Pocket Voon was adorable.

The shift in perspective was illuminating. It was how we discovered the inscriptions under the table. The what? That's right. Did you not know about this? No. It's Table 7, right?

Table 7.

Check it out.

It looks like when people decide to leave, they scratch their name into the underside of this table. Look. There's so many names. Casper wasn't the first one here. The Thigronis told me about Marissa and Cody McClure, but look at all those names. Lily Sterling. Emmett Hale. Fernandez Campbell. Who knows how many times this place has changed hands. Wow.

Looks like it's time to go to work.

Peter, zone defense.

Zone defense.

Do you guys have any way of knowing where you are?

Yeah, Voon, can you do a sky scan?

Of course. One moment. Looks like a regular old forest to me

It looks I'm going to go out there Are you sure? Yeah, I need to get a closer look We'll come with you Does any of this look familiar to you guys? It just looks like a forest Could be any It is as we expected. We are on an uncharted planet in the Cryptessia galaxy.

Is that where we want to be or where we don't want to be?

Both. It's weird. I feel like... What? I've been here before.

More ranch dressing! Thanks, Bosco. Uh, you're not eating.

Must I?

Hmm. That's a good question, actually. Do you eat? I've eaten. But do you need to? See, these are the questions nobody asks about malevolent space gods. How do they bend the laws of physics? Sure, that's important. But also, what do they have for breakfast in the morning?

Playing into your idea of me as a malevolent space god, when I rise in the morning I should... What? Eat an entire planet? Crack it like an egg?

Ooh, can you do that?

The answer is no.

No? What kind of malevolent space god can't crack a planet open?

No, I don't eat breakfast.

Well, you should. It's the most important meal of the day, Croc. Maybe you wouldn't be so malevolent.

Why malevolent?

Why malevolent?

Yes.

Seriously?

Yes.

Well, you've enslaved trillions of people on hundreds of planets.

All in the service of something greater.

Something greater? I'll generously call that debatable.

Then let us debate.

Okay, sure.

Second part first.

All right.

Let us assume for a moment that my cause is just. Assume that my dream of an eternal universe is an enviable goal.

If you insist.

If the entirety of the universe is at stake, is it not worth sacrificing one small galaxy to save it?

The trolley problem, Croc? Seriously?

I'm sorry if this debate is beneath you, Doctor. Please, indulge me.

Okay. Do I sacrifice one galaxy to save the universe?

Yes.

No.

Really?

Really.

Explain.

If it's meant to die, let it die.

Meant to?

Yes.

But you have the power to stop it. Not all have this power, but you have. You must abandon passivity. You are, as a scientist, an observer. You observe and discern the intricacies of the universe, but in this little theoretical universe of ours, But you are no longer the Observer. You are given the power to change the course of the heavens. You are given the choice. So now, you must choose.

If it's meant to die, let it die.

So you watch as everything cascades into nothingness?

Yes.

Why? Why?

So I can watch.

Why?

Crocs, I think you and I have the same problem.

Have we?

Yes.

And what is that?

Bariogenesis.

I beg your pardon?

You stood there at the beginning of the universe and you watched it take shape, right? That's what you told us.

I was there.

That shouldn't have happened. The beginning of the universe shouldn't have been the beginning of anything Matter and antimatter should have collided Destroyed each other and been reduced to photons The universe should have been an ocean of light No Ava, no crock, no dinosaur-shaped chicken nuggets But instead, for every one billion particles of antimatter, there was one billion and one particles of matter. And from that tiny discrepancy came you and me and the Nuggets. Why? I'm unsure.

Right. For someone as powerful as you, that's really got to burn, right? Most scientists on Earth, they have to sit there on Earth and theorize about black holes and how they work. But you, you can just go there. If you want to observe quantum particles, you can just shrink yourself down into a teeny tiny crock and observe them. The universe is always at your fingertips But this is one thing you can't know Why is there something instead of nothing?

It is elusive to me, yes

The only way to learn something like that Is to observe the universe as it was As it has become and as it will be. And if I'm suddenly Ava the malevolent space god and I start messing with the cosmic plumbing, I'm never going to get the answers I'm looking for. You're building a casino on top of my excavation site, Kroc. You should stop messing with things. How can I observe the universe when you're out here fucking it up?

You're not upset that I've enslaved trillions of people. You're upset that I've ruined your research.

They're the same thing.

And if they weren't?

Kroc, I like to save my theoretical energy for my physics, not for trying to figure out why you decided to be the multiverse's biggest shithead. What's funny?

I'm surrounded by sycophants.

Oh, I see. Not a lot of people calling you a shithead?

There are not.

I've got plenty worse I could call you. You want me to go for it?

Uh, I can use my imagination. Allow me to apologize.

Apologize?

I'm ruining your life's work with my actions here.

You are.

And I apologize. How may I heal this rift between us?

Pencils.

Writing implements?

Yes.

Very well. Anything else?

Yes.

Name it.

You were there at the beginning of the universe.

I was.

Tell me what you saw

I'll improve upon that

Oh yeah?

I shall take you there

You called it the murder beast?

Yeah, but don't worry

Don't worry about the murder beast.

It's fine. How? That was just what we called it. It wasn't the most accurate name in the world.

Good.

That's just how it looks.

So it looks like a murder beast, but it's actually what?

We never really found out. It's kind of dark. It was some creature that was engineered to be cannibalistic.

Whoa.

Yeah. Apparently, it could only eat its own kind. That's how it had to live. Gross.

When was this?

It was my first shift.

Ever?

Yeah.

What did you do?

I, uh, I gave it a cup of coffee.

You did?

I didn't know what else to do. It eventually left after that.

Okay. Why are we looking for it?

I, uh, I don't know. My heart really went out to it. I want to see if it's okay.

Wait, so your very first shift was here? In Cryptessia?

Shit, I didn't even think about that. We had no way of knowing at the time. It was a long time ago.

Yeah, but Gloria, you guys could have been here yesterday.

Shit, that's right. Fucking time travel.

Right. Phil, are you seeing anything?

I'm up on the roof, and I'm not seeing anything. What exactly is the plan here, y'all? Yeah, I don't really know. If I may, from a data-driven standpoint, it would be useful to me to study an organism after it has encountered the diner.

It is rare that we return to a planet other than Thegreon. I would enjoy the opportunity to compare these cases.

All right. Something tells me a murder beast is not going to be as personable as the Thigronis.

It won't be, but I promise once you get past the terrifying appearance and the mouthful of teeth, it's just like a little puppy dog.

It's all right. Not the first time we've been on a bug hunt.

A bug hunt?

That's what Phil calls it every time a shift involves a problematic creature of some kind. Remember the enigmatic cat bird? Oh, God, don't remind me.

He assisted an ornithologist to find a bird whose population had been reduced to one.

In acres of thorny bushes.

Fiona came back looking like a scratching post.

And after all that, Phil found it with his goddamn binoculars.

Work smart, not hard, y'all.

Goddamn, I miss those days. I'd love to just be looking for someone's missing bird right now. Wait a minute, did I ever have those days?

Gloria, may I ask you a question about your time as the diner's proprietor? Yeah, sure. In this particular case, of this unclassified creature, a language barrier was obvious. That aside, how often was a linguistic barrier an issue in the operation of the diner?

Linguistic barrier? Um, not very often.

Interesting. We have had the same experience.

Isn't the reason why everyone speaks English because they like our movies or something?

It's true. Due to the triad's affinity for your arts and culture, your planet's dominant language has become a lingua franca for its three galaxies. That is, however, three galaxies in a universe with a conservative estimate of two trillion galaxies.

I guess I never had time to think about it. Is it only traveling to places that speak English?

It's unclear. But it is possible that, like any ship, its cargo is considered before charting a course.

Weird.

It is truly odd.

Guess your homeworld gave you a pretty strange gig, didn't they?

In my last debrief with the homeworld, I was told that only two other Earths in history have been given this assignment.

In history?

It is very rare.

I guess they must really trust you.

I'm afraid it was not a merit-based assignment. I simply happened to be in the right place at the right time. I had only recently left my enlightenment stage before I encountered the diner at a space station.

I don't think any of us were ready for it, so don't feel bad. Except maybe Ava.

Ava's the scientist who traveled with you?

Yeah. She had figured out some sort of way to find this place.

She had.

Yeah. She's got all kinds of brains going on in her head.

I would very much like to speak with her.

Me too, Voon. Ava's an acquired taste, but I miss my friends.

Her notational diaries were left behind, but they are in an unknown language.

Oh, right. Well, with any luck, she can tell you about it herself. Hey, speaking of language, you just reminded me of something. The first time we met this creature, there actually wasn't a language barrier.

There wasn't?

No. It could understand me.

The creature could understand your language?

Yeah.

Curious.

Oh, shit. Fiona? Something's coming. Oh, shit. Should we freak out about this or not?

Fiona, you're going to be fine. Like I said, it's super terrifying to look at, but it's not going to hurt you.

Horror movies aren't going to hurt me either, but I still really freak out.

Fiona, you ran through fire one time. Remember that? Boom. Remember when she ran through fire?

I had to reconstruct your shoes, Fiona.

This is different. It's the anticipation. I have time to be scared, so I'm scared.

Do you want us to distract you with a brain teaser?

Oh, shut up. Here it comes. Oh, my God! What?

Fiona, what are you seeing?

Who is this little guy?

Let me guess. It looks like a cross between a pig and a panda.

It totally does. What is it?

It's a... we just call it the pig panda.

Hello, little man. Peter, look at this guy.

Gloria.

What's up?

Stay completely still. We are being targeted with a weapon.

Oh, shit. Turn around, nice and slow, Ert. And don't put that floating ball of yours in the air. I'll shoot it down. Tita? Gloria? What? Hi. Holy shit. You're alive. Holy shit, you're alive.

Yo, what is going on? We have a visitor. Who?

It's Dita. Oh.

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Here it is.

Are there any small rooms in this castle?

There are not.

What is this place?

Think of it as an observatory. But rather than remaining fixed on the ground, it will take you wherever you would like to go. From here, you may observe any point in all of existence. At any point in time.

That's impressive. Thank you. You built this?

Of course I built it.

Nice work.

And where are we off to?

Like I said, the beginning.

Very well. Observing the beginning is problematic, as you know.

This is it?

Well, the Big Bang, as you call it, was not an explosion into space, but an explosion of space itself. Before that, we find ourselves here. Nothing. All of existence compressed to less than the size of an electron. We would observe it, but light does not yet exist. The idea of observation does not yet exist.

Nice. This is where you're from?

It is.

Without time or space, you were conscious?

Yes.

What is that like?

I couldn't tell you. Existing without time or space is a concept that cannot be brought into this world.

But there you were.

Yes.

Your entire existence was contained in 10 to the negative 43rd seconds

Yes But without time as a concept, that means nothing Your people have a name for this

The Planck Epoch It was a period of time so small you almost can't measure it

And yet, for me, it was an eternity

Keep going. Here we go.

I don't have the same words for this as your race. How would you describe what we're seeing?

The universe is expanding and cooling. Quarks are binding into protons and neutrons, and then those fuse into the first nuclei. Hydrogen, helium, maybe a little bit of lithium. But the universe is an opaque, blindingly hot plasma. Photons can't travel more than a tiny distance before being absorbed and re-emitted. It looks like I thought it would. The surface of a star in every direction. The temperature is tens of millions of Kelvin. It all happens in a few minutes.

And then?

Fast forward to about 400,000 years.

Very well.

There it is.

What do you see?

Recombination. Electrons bond to nuclei, the fog clears, photons are streaming freely. This is the first time the universe could be observed. We're radiating at a frosty 3,000 Kelvin. Everything is reddish-orange. This will cool over billions of years, leaving behind the cosmic microwave background. But first... We go back to the darkness. For hundreds of millions of years, the cosmic dark ages. the universe would go from a uniform glowing ember to absolute blackness in every direction. And then slowly... individual points of blue-white light flicker on, Clustered in filaments and sheets, like a city returning from a blackout

And the rest is fairly predictable You have now observed what I have observed

What's happening now?

You're observing my first act As I watched the stars form in the darkness, I tried my hand at it. It was a poor effort. Rather than compressing matter into a star, I managed to form a simple rock in the void. It was not as splendid as the stars, but it was mine. I stood upon it as I watched the universe.

Lonely crock on a rock looking at the stars.

There's a song in there somewhere.

So, you went from being Le Petit Prince standing on a planet to all of this malevolent space god bullshit.

I'm afraid so.

How does that happen?

I watched the universe create itself. It felt as though it belonged to me. It became something I had to protect.

How can you not see how inevitable that is?

You see it as inevitable because of the nature of your existence. You and all the other creatures in the universe, you are born dying. Death is inevitable. For someone like me, born before time, untouched by time, death seems an inconvenience.

An inconvenience baked into every aspect of the universe.

Every aspect, save my aspect. What is to become of me when the universe fades into oblivion?

Jesus Christ, Croc. Don't tell me you're doing all of this because you're scared of being alone.

I fear nothing.

Bullshit.

Oh, yes?

You live in a massive fortress with a huge gun on the top of it. You're surrounded by an army. You fear nothing?

Hmm.

You know, usually when engineers talk, I don't listen. Because, well, because who cares? But I was sitting there on the diner and I heard something interesting. Those little time travel squirt guns you give all your little mystery men? It's kind of a weird choice, right?

They're very effective.

Are they? We've offed quite a few of your guys at this point. Something more conventional, like your average laser gun or plasma thingy, would actually be a lot more effective against us. But you use the time guns. It's almost as if I mean, I'm no engineer, thank God But it's almost as if you want your men armed with weapons that work not very well against something that can die but work very well against something that can't Because if something couldn't die the best thing you could do would be to fling it to the other side of the multiverse, right? I'm just spitballing here I'm no engineer. Thank God.

We have the rest of your life together, Doctor. Let's not waste the connection we've already made.

You're scared shitless, aren't you?

Grant me a favor. Stay here for a while. Stay here on this lonely little planet I made for myself all those ages ago, and attempt to see it all through my eyes. I promise it will enlighten you.

You promise, huh?

I do.

Okay. I'm gonna need some more coffee.

Whatever you like. last chance to level with me crock i fear nothing

so this planet's listed as having humans on it but we can't see anything from long-range scans so cosy sent me over here to make sure we weren't missing anything i've been humping my ass through the trees for days now, and I don't see anything. I don't know what the deal is. So you guys left

and just turned back around and went to war with Kroc? Pretty much. I thought it was a stupid move,

but it's actually going okay. We touch down on a planet, drive out whatever unfriendlies are there, take their ships, and then we fix everybody's brain. Turns out when you tell Earthlings they've been duped by the bad guys. A lot of them want to sign up for war. You guys are crazy. How many planets have you freed? I don't know. A hundred at this point? That's great. So you're alive. I'm alive. Cool. Not sure how that helps us, but you know, welcome back. Has anyone seen any sign of the others? No, nothing. Honestly, I figured you guys were dead. I thought we were holding out hope just to make David feel better. How is David? Good. His aim's getting better. I mean, how is he

emotionally? Oh, I have no idea. This place looks different. Yeah, Fiona's made some changes. Used to be the smell of tacos. Now it's the smell of Fiona's grilled cheese sandwiches. Excuse me. What's up?

May I scan your person for relevant technologies?

Yeah, fine.

Don't touch my gun.

Of course.

Friggin' hurts.

They're always scanning everything. Where'd he come from? Fiona picked up some friends along the way. She's actually been gone a really long time. Apparently, it's been eight years. Eight years? Jesus. She kept it running, though. Yeah, she's a trooper. Fiona, how's your head?

Um, it's fine. Thank you for asking.

And there's a guy on the roof? Yeah, that's Phil. Hang on. Hey, Phil. Are you seeing anything up there?

Nope. I am not seeing anything.

Okay. Fiona's baking sandwiches. Do you want to come down?

Be right there.

So what is Kazi's plan exactly? Is she really trying to take down Kroc?

Oh, yeah. She is pissed. She'd never admit it, but she spent most of her life studying the guy. She really admired him. Now it turns out he's King Shithead.

She's either going to kill him or he's going to kill her. Can she really piece together enough of an army to do that? I don't know.

The thing with guerrilla warfare, as soon as you get up enough troop density, you're facing a pretty big reaction from the powers that be. That's coming any time now from Kroc. We'll see if we can survive that. I was just about to head back to it when you guys showed up. Hey, when you were out there in the forest, did you see anything?

There's no humans out there. Anything else? Like what? Like a, well, like a really gross looking thing with a big mouth full of teeth.

Oh yeah, I saw one of those. You did? Yeah, gnarly looking.

Do you think you can find it again? Probably. Its tracks are all over the place. Okay, I need a favor before you go. What's up?

No monsters yet.

Okay.

Need any help? Nope. Everything okay?

Uh-huh.

Okay, so we've been working together for a while.

Uh-huh.

Which means that when something's wrong, I can kind of tell.

It's fine. It's fine.

It's fine?

My first crush just walked in the door, and it's fine.

First crush?

Yeah.

The huge orange woman with ram's horns was your first crush?

It was a long time ago.

Okay. Aim high.

Aim high? What does that mean, aim high?

Fiona, you realize that is far too much woman for you, right?

No, it's not. Also, it doesn't matter. Also, mind your business.

I know what's going on.

I know what's going on.

Let me tell you what's going on.

I'm going to deliberately burn your sandwich.

You have been going through, respectfully, a bit of a dry spell.

I'm not prepared to discuss this with you.

A bit of a dry spell.

Do you have any idea how hard it is to find a quality woman when I'm going to vanish in 12 hours? We're a long-term relationship people, Phil.

A bit of a dry spell. It's a historic drought, Phil. And that has been highlighted by the fact that Ground Zero for your sexual awakening has just walked in the door.

You seem to think that saying this out loud is helping. But it is not helping, Phil.

We should get this out in the open.

I don't want it out in the open. I want to lock it away forever and throw it in the ocean.

Hello. Are we once again discussing Fiona's lack of sexual stimulation? Yep.

Hey, what do you mean once again? It's come up. No, it hasn't.

It has been a topic of discussion 17 times in the past 30 days.

Boone, stop counting everything. I feel like I should apologize at this point because it doesn't help that I have been doing very well out there. Don't remind me. It doesn't help that I am the trans-dimensional delivery man.

How do you just give yourself nicknames?

I've explained to you why this is.

This is just cruelty now.

Why is it, Boone? Because of your levels of game, Captain. Game, Fiona. Boone, what is Fiona's current level of game? Based on your metric, Captain, Fiona currently has a game rating of zero. No game. No game, Fiona.

Can I explain to the two of you what friends are supposed to do?

Be honest, I thought. Honesty is an important cornerstone of friendship.

This isn't honesty. This is you making fun of me.

What friends do is they should push all the bullshit out of the way and get down to what's really going on. That's what you're doing. Yes, because what's really going on has nothing to do with a fine woman in the dining room or the fact that you can't get some lately. That's not what's really going on. What's really going on?

I'm scared.

There we go. Can you share your feelings with us, Fiona?

This is where it all started for me. This galaxy. We've been in a lot of scary situations, I know. I haven't really been able to shake this one. The work's been able to distract me, but now...

Your feelings are real and appropriate, Fiona. We have returned to the epicenter of your trauma. It is not uncommon to feel as though no time has passed, that you are once again a pawn and a victim of malicious actors.

It's starting to feel that way, a little bit.

It is at this time that we ask you to repeat the captain's adage.

You've lost a lot, but what have you got?

What have you got?

i have you two that's right it is important to focus on growth and achievements when you feel emotional regression i really love you guys we know you have said so 23 times in the last 30

days hey we're taking our sandwiches to go i gotta go wrestle a monster real quick uh what

Son of a bitch. oh hello there carl where have you been mouse hunting how are the mice on this planet welcome to the beginning of the universe what do you think i mean it's not exactly the beginning of the universe, but it's close enough. Carl, you're just in time because I've just had a dramatic revelation. Would you like to hear it? Okay. Don't freak out, okay? Our charming host slash jailer brought me down here, and he fired up this machine of his, and he showed me the beginning of the universe. from nothingness to now. It's truly amazing to see it. It's how I imagined it. Is there this part of me that wishes there was something I didn't predict? Sure. But it was a hell of a show. One that would have impressed anybody. But there is this one question that I asked him. And it stuck with me. and it stuck with me, and it stuck with me, and here I am now. I asked him, Did you build this? And he said, Of course I built it. Why is that sticking with me? I asked myself. Why is that sticking with me? And then it came to me. why did you build this why would you have to you describe yourself as this person who can manipulate the fabric of the universe and yet you built something you see carl we humans we make tools and we make tools when we find the limits of our humanity I can't reach that thing, so I'm going to make a thing so I can reach that thing. But we're talking about a god here, Carl. We're talking about a guy who can always reach the thing. If he can always reach the thing, why did he build a thing?

The thing about science, Carl, power is never imagined. It's always measured. In humans, though, power is almost always imagined. The school bully strides through the playground, confident, because he's never really challenged. His power is always imagined. It's a hallmark of being a member of this race of demented monkeys that I, unfortunately, find myself a member of. Power, almost always, is imagined.

What have we seen this guy do, Carl? We've seen him teleport. That's pretty impressive. Have I, in my travels, encountered people who can make things that teleport? Yes. Time travel. Have I seen people build time machines? I fucking live in one, Carl. What have we seen this guy do? He's got little minions that chase us all over the multiverse He's got a big gun on the top of his castle He's got a magical dome that can show me anything I want to see What have we seen him do? That's right, Carl We're back to the catcher in the rye The problem with the world fucking phonies what was that Carl what the hell Carl come here am I seeing things or is that another dome just like this one. Who's in there? Is someone in there? Is this a paradox? Am I seeing myself traveling back to the beginning? No, that's not right. There's someone in there. Holy shit. Leaf? Leaf, what the fuck are you doing in there? Who is that with you? Carl, what the fuck is happening? Leaf! You know what? Fuck it. Let's just go with a Hail Mary pass. Yes, I know, it's a sports analogy. You better be able to understand this, goddammit. Leaf. Leaf, look at this. Leaf. It's all bullshit. He's not a god. He's just a shithead. Look at this and understand it. Come on. Are you reading it? Understand this, you fucking grease monkey. And he's gone. What the fuck was that?

Yeah! Careful! Don't hurt him! Don't hurt him? Look at the claws on this fucker! Oh my god, Tina, be careful!

Give him the atomic elbow smash! The creature's center of gravity is much higher than yours. Use that to your advantage.

How?

Can you take it off its feet?

They sweep the leg FYI, Murder Beast was a totally appropriate name Alright, buddy Down we go Now what? Try and hold him there Just try and hold him still You should attempt to pin its arms behind him Alright, you fucking monster Ow! Stop biting Come here Come here Yeah, yeah, yeah Cry me a river. Now what? Okay, just hold him there. Hey, hey. It's me. Hey, can you see me? Do you recognize me? He's digging his damn claws into my leg. It's me. It's Gloria. Gloria, do you recognize me? That's right. It's me. I gave you a cup of coffee. I think it's working.

We're not going to hurt you, okay? Tita, go ahead and let it go. You sure? Yeah. I think it'll be fine.

Okay.

It's okay. It's okay. I remember you can understand me. I'm not sure how well you understand me, but I'm just going to talk. You were the first person I ever met out here. It was a long time ago for me, but I don't know how long it was for you. I tried to help you, but I don't know if I did. but what I wanted to say that you helped me after I made you that cup of coffee I said this is a good job that was when I knew I was in the right place that I'd done the right thing I guess I just wanted to say thank you.

Oh, God. Uh, guys? It's moving toward me Guys? It's okay Are we 100% on that?

What does it want with you?

I have a sparkling personality

Gloria, you mentioned these creatures were engineered to be cannibalistic

Yes

But it has encountered the diner, a change agent Perhaps it has overcome its engineering and has graduated to another behavior

We don't think that new behavior is eating lesbians, do we?

Fiona, you have brought the sandwiches with you

Oh, my God

Oh, my God. Okay. Okay. This one is prosciutto and peppers. This one is green apples. All right. All of them. Sure. Amazing.

That thing is hungry. It may be deeply malnourished. Its chosen diet may have changed without it knowing how to feed itself.

It's back on me again. It's probably still hungry.

Let's get it back to the diner.

Look at this fucking place, Carl. I should have known he was a big fat faker when I saw this castle. This is overcompensating. Look how high the ceilings are. I can't even see them. Disappointed! Carl, what are you doing? You're doing the open-the-door dance at a wall. Things don't open just because you meow at them, okay? What the fuck? Carl, did you just do magic? Carl? Secret passage, huh? Okay, fine.

Fiona. Hey, I think I set a new record for grilled cheese sandwiches. That thing just keeps eating them. Cool. What is this? Oh, that's rubbing alcohol. You know, there wasn't a first aid kit in here, and I thought, you know, with all the trouble we get into... Whatever. You put this on wounds, right?

Yeah, but it's... You need to put some on me.

I...

What? That thing scratched the fuck out of me. I fixed my leg, but I can't reach the ones on my back. Fiona! Yeah, yes, right. Isn't that going to really hurt, Tita? Yeah, it would hurt if I was a big weenie. Do I look like a big weenie to you? Nope. No, you do not. Okay, here. Okay. There's a huge one between my shoulder blades. I'm going to take my shirt off. Jesus Christ, seriously. What? Nothing. Nothing.

Let me get a clean towel. You doing all right, Fiona? I'm okay. You're scared. I'm okay. I can smell it on you. Really? Is it that bad? No, I mean, it's a Laharian thing. I can literally smell fear. Oh. So, I guess it's not great being back here in Cryptessia. Sure. Okay, you're done. All right, I'm going to teach you something. Teach me? Kaprakcha! What is that? It's Laharian. Try it. Kaprakcha. Kaprakcha! Kaprakcha. From deep down, Fiona. Kaprakcha! Kaprakcha! Good. What is it? It's what a Laharian says to death. What does it mean? It means, I fucking dare you. Kaprakcha. Keep working on it. Thanks, Tita. Sandwiches are burning. Oh, shit.

I was handsome.

He fell asleep in my lap, and I think I'm stuck here for a while.

Looks like he needs it.

Yeah.

So, listen. Voon and I have been talking.

What's up?

I think you may have freed him from some pretty terrible behavior, but you may have fucked him up a little in the process.

I was thinking the same thing. The creature has no developed behaviors to feed itself, and it is also in a hostile environment where it will be preyed upon by other creatures like it.

I think he's got to come with us for a while, until we find a good spot for him.

I'm so glad you said it. I was just about to ask you.

There's got to be some place out there for him. We know he loves Fiona's cooking.

You've got a weird life ahead of you, murder beast.

Gloria, my ability to scan biologics is rudimentary, but I am capable of a general overview. However, due to the creature's inability to consent to such scans, do you think you would be able to stand in as it's war?

Yeah, I think that's a good idea, Voon.

Scanning.

Well, shit. Now I have all these sandwiches.

Hey, pass them around. Now I have one.

I've got to head back to the fleet. Kazi went and got herself injured, apparently, so I've got to get back and whip people into shape. I'll let them know you're here, and we'll figure out where to go from there.

Okay. Tita, I don't know why the diner brought me here without picking up the others, but I guess we just have to keep going regardless.

Don't worry about it too much. They're pretty smart. They can figure something out. Except for Casper. That guy's fucked. Thank you, Tita. Peace and our time, fuckheads.

Gloria.

What is it, Voon?

This creature is human. What? The data is telling me that this creature is a deeply augmented human.

How is that possible?

Many changes have been made, but the base DNA sequence is that of an Earthling. Holy shit.

Oh my god. It's just another one of Croc's experiments.

This is a perversion. He must be stopped.

I don't know. That's my cat in your lap.

I don't know how to remove it.

Oh, he doesn't like being removed.

This is a pretty big gun you've got here.

Gun is a reductive term.

What do you call it?

A weapon.

Okay. Did you make this?

Yes.

Who are you?

Jazinka

Hello, Jazinka. I'm Ava. I've been hearing this thing firing up a lot since I've been here. What are you shooting at?

Targets

What are your targets?

Irrelevant

Uh-huh. Jazinka, do you make things around here? Other things?

Yes.

I see. Pay no attention to the man behind the curtain.

There is no man behind a curtain.

It's from a movie. Do you watch movies?

No.

Who are you, Jazinka?

Please narrow your question

Where are you from?

Wren

Where is that?

The Bracken System

And where is the Bracken System?

The Andromeda Galaxy

You're far from home

This is my home

I see How did you get here?

A starship.

A starship belonging to who?

My father.

Your father? Kroc the Propagator?

Yes.

Fucking family business. Jazinka, do you make all of his technology? Yes. Why I Make things yes, why I?

Have answered your question

Did you hit it

Irrelevant.

Isn't the point of a weapon to hit something with it?

The targets are provided to me to test the weapon.

You're not trying to destroy the targets with this big weapon?

The destruction of the targets is not one of the weapon's intended purposes.

I see. What are the intended purposes of the weapon?

There is one purpose.

What is it?

To destroy the diner.

Thanks for listening to Midnight Burger, y'all. Be sure and tune in this time next month for more adventures in the vastness.

And if time and tide roil you too harshly, or diurnal courses leave you with no safe havens, just remember, we're out there, somewhere, looking for ya.

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Clown Baby Doctor, Reaper's Past, Late Indeed Again, Rex Cricket and Frankie, Brigitte, Spotius, Squiddy, The Frosthunt Scientific Collective, Two of Us Have PhDs and the Third Has Memorized All of Ava's Dialogue. Champagne Supernova, Robin Smith, Eleven Letter Christopher, Ronald Lee Parker, Sasquatch, Antonia Ortiz, A Block of Ice, Huit Lacoche is Corn Smut but Classier, Ren the Crescent, Erica Davis, Jane Doe, John Gormanshire, Magic Incognito, Lord Drez, Solaris Nova, Sandalwood Mountain North, Cryptic Amorphous, About 45 Degrees, Mandy, Big Cat Makes Kitten Go Purr, Ted, Ted, and Teddy, Bethany, who showed up late to the war and decided to eat pinecones with the Mungo, Michelle, Parker Berry, don't actually say this part of my name, just say my name, please. Dr. LL, your Jamaican fan, says Wagwan, raptors in the kitchen, people died. Tula Blue and 142 Boogaloo, Pistol Pete and Death Lotion, Intergalactic Transdimensional Burger Pirate, Ace Spades, Debbie Trencher, that one dude who likes tacos, mark the list name, loser. The Male Escort, Lady Bethany, a.k.a. Mrs. Turkey Spit, Junior Barding, the father of Lucas, Ava Maddox's Ashtray, Adorbeez, Vera Torkelson, Bones, Lizard Breath, and the Snot Rocket would love a space burger, Andrea Rose, Samantha Oram, Caden Suda, Bat Loves Dragon, Tommy Johnson, Unhip Fern, Noodles by Godzilla, Ralph Capone, Corey 83, Blues, Liz wants Leif to build her a plane, Dude Named Blake, John Caleb Williams, Doislexia, Yontalius, Kian, an Eel Exchange student from Midst, Daberti Lastname, Rattrick, Ricklin, like Rich Land but without the D, Dyer, All Bethany's Must Do the Hustle, Jordy Ladbrad, Natasha Without Boris, Frost and Alice, Lobster Possum, Loftrax's drag name is Anarchist, a mostly morose ghost eating toast, Hey, Leander. Love you, kiddo. Malort Boy. Jinx the Cat would like to offer you biscuits. Have a zesty day. Megan. Malcolm Edwards. Spend my money irresponsibly. Stephen Drop. Dana Thanielson, son of Dana Thaniel, or Danny for short. Chris Eaton. Cross Stitcher Who Loves the Hobby and Time Travel. Funchbrunglin. Nash Likes Apples. Njord Flanders of the Coos Bay Dirtbags Pennsylvania chapter. Pneumatic Yeti. Late Trucker. The Eldritch Skyfozoa. Wyatt Fryhover. Paul, James Bell, Dave Davison, Broom Goddess, Theodore and the Sons of Ted, Ricky Burnett, That New Guy, Da Savage Indian, Rad Boy, Hayden Brown, Gray Craniac, Jules Weeks, Calf, The Generous Patient Rose, John Wilkes Booth's freedom-loving horse, aka Jay Willikers, Neckbone His Imperial... dude-ness. Oh hey, it's Jay. Lou the ghost and her mom.

Cinder and the beast of the maze are in the deep freeze. Grim, off the internet wants Harriet to know he loves her. Ernie Brooks, Titan King 707, Rich Francis, Burger Kaspaspa, no relation. Jedi Shaolin, Smart Alec the Great, Gas Station Cryptid, Deus Kashuk, Bird Bird the Bird's Bird, Cheesy McFish, Papa Goose, Sometimes I Do Feel Like a Plastic Bag, A Very Spicy Walrus, Amanda Bills, Misty Word Power, Casper's Danish Moose, Flacco, aka Johnny R., the Disco Spider, Leaf Tracks, The Rise of Leaf, Chapter 2, The Ted Slayer Unchained, Vicky Hebert, Pike Daniels, The Cosmic Whale, Zansatsu, Mr. and Mrs. Van Limberlost, Murdoch Wang, Caterpillar Farmer, the Monte Cristo Peace Prize is being awarded to Cat Blackard for turning a legion of Bethany's to puddles by simply saying, hmm. Chimera, Don Moat, the space trucker Chadwick Coden Doyle III, Jody Green, Nick's Minx, Monster Senshi, Heather Got Her Divorce, Drinks Are On The House, Michael Peters, Political Knitter, Seasonal Sasquatch, Siantly Seeks Secret Society, So Special Souls Softly Sing Sweet Songs, Smartly Stirring Strong Stories, Physicist, Brendan Shoneman, I Divided By Zero and Now I'm Undefined, Ah! Leif, The Horse Is Here, Mag Tremor, Rod Stewart, The Sailor Slayer, James We Met, The Listless Enjoyer, Ash Morningstar, and her traveling animal shelter. Miss Maxine, 50 bees in a trench coat say buzz, buzz, buzz, calm down. Quantum Dozer, Boy Got Them Honka-Honkers, Kevin O'Malley, Invisible Garilla, The Mrs. Poland, Zemaniac, Hop Loves a Thugbot Named Francis, Pam the Infinite, and Thou, Curiosity Is Eating Your Bones, Revolutionary Inclined Ocelot, Matt Howler, Andrew Bear, Marius De Joa, Butterfly Fox, Riot the Tranny, Congregation of Alligators wearing Groucho glasses, Irma the Llama, 27 Keep It Tight, Chip, Gloria's right-hand jack-in-the-box man, Giardin, Grim Knight, Pike Daniels the Whale, Anthosali's Bethany Maximus, Lord of Kingwood, Texas, Ragnar Jensen, Addison Weirdo Wagner, Shua the Druid is composting the rich for a salad bar, Araman 0305, Smoke Me a Kipper, I'll Be Back for Night Breakfast, Jim Weathers, Titus Kosloff, ashes of a burnt-out lathe. I'm a kung-fu panda on the wind. Brandon AR equals Thor. I love you all, never forget that, especially in trials, and Labuza's voice brightens my day. The intergalactic house of cats demand a free Palestine. Electromancer. Chekhov's space cannon. Corey senses. Surf and turf telecoms. I'm a jinn. Red and dusty with his garden goddess. Shelby Morrison. Kobe's dingleberry. Mystic monster for chaos. Ziggy dreadful. Rave hands Mally. G-Wing. Frank one. I'm just here to refill the Parmesan cheese. It is Sparks, Lost Girl Lou, Chris B, Middle American Penguin, Shanna Welch, Crocheted Cosmos, Cookie Chunks, you heard? Andy the Celestial

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Kiki's Best Friend Would Like to Go to Breakfast, Bubber Duckle, Yegor Loose, Terry Cadds, Leaf Tracks, The Rise of Leif, Chapter One, Loaf Tracks Retires, The Prodigal Elem, Catalyst for Chaos, Sculliver, Sam and Shane, Ahsoka Likes Hugs, Going Anonymous, V, Ma Dukes, U.S. Marshal Stacy, Ooh Chickadee, Dango Dale, Esty, Not the Website. At every moment in every corner of every possible world, there is always a way home, and it's already found you. Jao Paolo Lemos, Odd Keep, The Sentient Lighthouse, The Faceless Old Bethany Who Secretly Lives in Your Home, Dee Shane, Tanya Fisher, Appalachian Death Queen, Zosifer Doggo of Doom, Burnt Barbecue Beef Brisket, It's Official, They're Called Thigronies, Kevin Winans, Marlon C., Just Whelmed, Madame Perry, Cherish Hellfire's Hellish Chairfire, Lichen Lady, Midnight Club, Cameron Agnese West, Knox, Lisa Liu, Emmett Hale, The Triad's Baddest Goblin, Emory and Lano, James Miles, Browncoats Love the Diner, House Chaos of the Critter Cacophony, Max Nia and Yvonne, Sixth Sick Sheeks, Sixth Sheep's Sick, Nope, Nevermind, It's Mark, Minion Simone Mimi Davis, Mr. and Mrs. Ronald and Misty Don Mitchell Jr., Gaia Turtle, Wayne Barahona, Jesse the Dragonrider, We Will Not Rest Until Puerto Rico and Palestine Are Free, Pluto Crow, Nissy's Mom, PokeSplort, Whiskey Rebellion and Gen Riot's Interdimensional Detective Agency, Zephyr Vitriol, Altreon, Shibu, and Griff, Slim Nandy, Goth Leif, Jen and Brit, Adriana Bartolomucci, Jonah Is Gay, The Midnight Ashes, Hornetti, Balian Fair Has Retired and Now Raises Herds of Mungos, Hood's Pocket Protector, Listening to Ava Sing Poisoning Pigeons in the Park Made My Shitty Day Instantly better valky storm patricia who's always late but somehow on time dc squirrel kyle the interstellar high women shelly act on the verge gail friend rubber cake clover the clown the sparky tech prop the crockigator ringleader volt jazz punker captain tight pants and the companion agent night breakfast bratty for mission control renee n catarina de la playa r.i.p eloise waffles the Floof Wrangler, Aki the Space Druid, Phantomland TTRPG Dice, Curiouser K8, Your Local Blacksmith, Ash Montgomery, The Boggiest of Birches, Jason, HVAC Tech for the Diner's Deep Freeze, SK Phoenix, Glitch the Gamer Error, Zephyr the Weffer Montgomery Foxworth, Mary Face, Luan Cherry, Peppermint Pearl the Interdimensional Space and Tea Time Witch, Nicole64, Amara Salazar,

Banjo Buscalo, Full Beans, Glorious Forgotten Ford Festiva, Brandon Wright, Night Breakfast at the Midnight Cauldron, Force for Good-ish, Mark Scott, Rosie Mum, The Judah, Slater Morales, Intergalactic Fry Lord, Gravity's Optional but Fry's Aren't, CJ's Big Barbecue Bistro for Bethany's, Angel Vasquez, Evil the Cat, Stephen Raymer, J. Carp Fishman, The Great Goblino, Low Oxygen, Save the Mungos, Joji the Birdwatcher, A Flock of Gray Horses from the Top of a Sycamore Lilac Morcella Rachel Krempa With Special Thanks to My Best Friend Lizzie And My Husband Steve Don't Worry About the Order, Honey Your Majesty Temporal Hashbrown Diane Brown Captain No Sleep Jamie Rainey The Slim Reaper Reuben Eden Smedley P. Snodgrass III But Please Pause 2-3 Seconds And Then Say Call Me Smeddy The Shreveport Bohannans CC The Umbrella Mage Bradbury Sasquatch Loads Chekhov's Gun and Rides to Join Bethany's Army, Din, Cosmic Ketchup, Lack of Lifestyle, August the Schmoggest and Hossfest, Moosey, Hood's Pocket, Gear and Sprocket, Local Repair Cafe, The Crafty Introvert, Postmaster General Kwan Sent Me, Blake Basmagian, Nitwit 14, Roiled Way Too Harshly, DJ Johnny B, The Klop Man Diamond, Marco Montano, No Longer Doing a Bit, Shiny Fields, Adam Tachek, Christopher Wendell, Unproductive Banan- Pulsifer the Paulist of Paulism, Zombie Spider-Man, Bex823, Auntie Cryptid, Barry Heap, Gas Mask Penguin, In the Hot Seat, Mime Ninja's Ninja Mime, Master Oogway, Barry, Dilly is Dallying, Podcast Junkies Photoshop Crashes, Eight Hours Gone, Futile Screaming at the Ocean, Fox Hatlin, Dylan Caroni, Pedro Vibresto, Slider, Malachi, Julian Rhodes, Maple Emily, the gayest library janitor in Indiana. Learn how to be calm in heart, Stumbly. I'll be waiting. Physic the Good Bush, definitely not one of the bad bushes, funding rebel Bethanies to overthrow the duly elected Bethanies. Hexadecimal Bethany is non-binary. Vapis 10's Big Black Gaping Hole. The planet Gubrius wants to know if Croc is a crocodile or a proper gator. Bruce. Jessica Gagoma. Torical. Jenny the Bear. A grrrr. Bellringer. Sir Dean Thorne. Treach. Josie Jones. Mr. Fibble is very cross. Haute Potato. Dr. Mojo postulates the end list endlessly splintering off as Bethany and Bert Bert's caboose until its end lists all the way down. Dave and Buster's server manager ready to serve all the Bethany's a Monte Cristo. Blind time traveler convention date. L.A. Woman, The Phoenix Rising. New name? God. No, not him. Jeff Andrew? Sure, Jeff Andrew. Miss Luan, a British woman with cute dogs. Cup of Noodles. Schmizzy Two Shoes. Luna Nova. Nicholas Griffith. Matt Grigsby. Justin Smolin, Riku31, Craig Dundee, New Type Without a Gundam, Astral Sea,

Ickle Me Pickle Me Tickle Me Too, Witch Loud the Cartoonist, Guy With the Chops, Sam, Mitchell Yee, Bagel Knife, Imelda and Scott, Courtney Cochran, Lily Starling, Ryan K, Devin7777 has been my fave verbal stim for months, Nate, Forklift lifts forks for Cliff, Chip, Radio Free Relia, Violin Loves MIDI, Brian Pasley, You only had it right the first time, Joe. It's Suwubasa, not Subawasa. Grena, Piston Whip, Captain Ducky, Blitz Bell, Shiny, Let's Be Bad Guys. Our overhead is way too high with all of these names. Please make sure to turn in all receipts. Love, Josh from Accounting. Satsuma, Silius Goose, Dr. Jones, Icy Axe, Coach Shane of Toad Sucks Central, Go Cranes! Sky, Cole Arthur, Lego Croissant, Cassade, Norwin Murgler. You have all been assigned to write a four-page essay on your favorite arthropod. It will be 50% of your grade. Dr. Professor Reverend Bethany Wethany Letheny Woofie McFlovenberger, MD, PhD, Esquire, and that's not pretentious at all, ahem, is looking for a cure to the Bethany mutation that the Society of Bethany's began the war with so many years ago. michelle spurgeon jack the sleepy garrett henderson twote still trapped but i've stopped asking why the freezer is i am we chill son of defarge wisco teach scott a snellgrove give peas a chance samalama ding dong behold lady sarah purr whisker veil countess of wood hollow mistress of the whispering pines and beloved by all creatures small and opinionated ricardo galamba carrie's Crafty Cloaking Devices, LLC, hashtag weweaveumofgossamer. Penny the Wonder Dog and Bucky Von Buckbuck, Cherry Applebee, Medium Rare Extra Toasted Bun, Saucy Caesar, Belt, Aspen is a Verge fanboy, MickJ67, Ava's favorite My Little Pony pencil wants Joe to slap into a snim-jim, Mr. and Mrs. Drifter, representative of the Alaska Midnight Burger Tummy Time chapter, Nathaniel Lee Industries, Lord Entropy, Bok Bok Motherfucker, The Fae Wanderer, Everybody's Favorite Clown Splotchy, Pinstrike Algorithm, Psycho Queen, Kosher Steak, Gabriel Strife is brought to you by Charlotte Brown, Gary Gygax, and the number 42, Flo Rida, Alyssa's Shiny Pants, Gondor Calls for Aid, Muscles for Tits, Arnold Rumspringa, The Demise of the Temple of Bethany's, Alan Berglund says, Hi Mom, Rin the No, Kitty McSkull, Raven Stromdans, Hapless Novelist Passenger of the Dimensionally Impermanent and Temporally incontinent bookshop cafe the wild-eyed prophet tessa craig perfectly personalized disaster jim

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Queen Surly Jess, R.I.P. Lance McClain, You Would Have Loved Midnight Burger, Adam Toklove, Dr. Bitchcraft, Sassy Cat the Space Vixen, Claire Rock, Jekka, Eros Tagad, The Size 2 Fish You've Been Looking For, Iokai, Borgia, Spiders Are Cuddly, The Main Immortal Pinball Sounds in the Diner, Cheel Neal, Sin City Scuba Steve, Poliwog, Michaela White, Elena Pickle, Wilbur Winklewright, Wristwatch Wrangler of West Worcestershire, Finally Spots Red Nell as the carnage clears. Professor Thaddeus Snookums VIII Mr. Grin, Glenn Petrovsky This moment of silence so Joe can catch his breath is brought to you by Rick Tyler Elizabeth Hammond, CheapCon The real CheapCon, coming to you from the frozen Midwest wastelands, except no imitations Steamvision, conductor of the interdimensional time-spanning hype train Dave Herold, Wise Cube Dirty Diaper Fussbutt and the Piggy Runt Bromine, pronounced bro Mine, main humdinga Mother of Pearl, Fiona now owns Leif's 18-inch Peter, Sealface, Rigor Mortis, Megan's Things, Things Megan Makes, Coilane, Trebek's Reject, Prophet of the God of the Mucklewains, Darth Ox, Michelle Kay, Aaron Arnold, Boyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoying, as in Boingy, Madam Mander B-Roz and Sluntmaster J, Alpacalypse, I'll Take One Butter and Brie on Rye, Please, Elliot Paints, Undead Akira, The Lord Reverend, Ryan, Thomas's 10 tenebrous tan stafel tippers treading treacherously tantamount to telling totalitarian trope termination tales. The Lovely Laura Lovely, Kith Gamgee, Sam Wise's Flamin' Cousin, Dariel, Jeremy the Ruler, Gochi, Charles Robert Darwin III, Esquire, PhD, Jacob Mitchell, Swooning for Verge, Zeke in the Box, Stevie Crowhill, Ola Millikan of The Welcome Wagon says E Cabo, The Adventures of Magpie and Brown Bear, Scrubs, Becky, Just Some Guy from Adelaide named Ryan. Remy, the Panda Crew, Melody Prime, Beardo the Wizard, Captain Benjamin Hawkeye Pierce, the German short hair pointer from Nashville, wants to tell his mom Maddie that he says woof. Whiskered, any two hands for the double high five? Marissa the Ghost, local snowplows in your area are dying to meet you. Rutherford B. Chesterfield and his dapper companion Winchester, Cheshire Corgi, Stray Cat, Ol' Kelsey No Shoes, Zoldia, Dizzy Flame, We Serve Everyone Eventually, Sasha, Beth and Alan Van Gillis, Langston North, Sly Fox, a.k.a. Br'er Rabbit, Pants Darts Champion, The Constantly Lost Geographer, Timothy Aotis, Chance Wants You to Know, He Cares, Wolf Stark, Elliot, Hobbs DeCoe, Natalie Bartlett, Rory of Yin, Mubi the Golden Calf, Suda Satoshi, Giovanni Salinas, Rocky J. G, Perry the Pirate, Aaron Elizabeth, K Narcotics, Solomon Price, A Daydream You Won't Escape, Bubba 485, aka Schemmelbach the Christmas Whale, Kaiju Sommelier, Stella Corvus, Jesus Garcia, JP the IT Guy, Candyman Fight, John Peters, you know, the farmer, Barkley on the Holodeck,

Dapper Dad, SCP-049, O Magis, Raven the Dreamer, TK Turtle King, Mike M, Spaced Based Lasers, Captain B and Lady G with their swabs. Marla Madam Lotus still especially loves Finley. Mr. Steamwave, my friend the rhino reminds you it takes strength to be gentle and kind. Hoop challenge. Dream Founder, I'm your Huckleberry. Elizabeth T, Ty Ty the Wonder Hamster and her dear darling Duke. Grandpa Gus, Boombastical Kim Licker. Coco Yumi took her painted ponies to a show and won three awards. Hug-a-Muffin, Bigfoot of Doom, D.L. Annie Atkins, a bounty hunter called the Crandy Man. Garot, our cat said to tell you, meow. Think fast, chuckle nuts. Flash banged. Benjamin Ortiz, Mr. Frog President. Pop Rock Quicksand, the Benny Yapper is allergic to the desert. Mr. Squizzle Sizzle Whizzle Fizzle the Horrendous apologizes for conspiring in the Bethany War. Invites for tea are being sent now. Abanasso, Mr. Rage, Attalore, Trans Space Dinosaur, Spooky Spaders Storytime, William Kent, Andy, The McJimmy's From Your Local Dimension, Ryan Abbey, Thomas Adams, Drink Spiller, Stephanie Book, Entropy Eigenbasis, Andrea Crowther, Martin Deers, Kevin Daughtry, DeFlower, Two Daddy Jazz Hands from Mouse Toots, Dan Gentry, I Hope Something Good Happens to You Today, Yes, You, V Greenlee, Ron Hayden, Michelle Hopper, Jake the Cook, Josie Jones, Boot Scootin' Dave, Anthony Lakey, Britt Littlefair, T.U. Luther, Some Days You're the Beatle, Some Days You're the Dung, Lauren Mayer, Glenn Morris, Richard Ryan Moshel, Michelle Myers, Allie Oopsy, Not To Be Confused With Oopsy, Fridge Pickle, Rosemary Prem, Robert Savat, Lizard Lee, Eliza Sharp, Donald Shingler, Daniel Stavvy, Fall of the Berlin Wallaby, Kella Tiarina, Rachel Vasquez, Luca Vichito, Naya Venturi, The Beloved Yet Borderline Inappropriate Empire of Dr. Thunderbutt and Lady Christabel, Justin Wiley, Brett Zimmerman, Arrow Jones Jubal, Xavier Killingsworth, Lane Kiffin-Is-A-Ho, Mimetic Hygienist Rogue Art Aaron star Joshua Damien and Sentinel of the Star System Claude DeClaws Spunky Dan Rachel Seymour Chiss Alfridge The Bullheaded Professor Ed Boy Ryan Finelli Jonathan K Pearl Null Another Monster Petabyte Avatar Tugwin the Mighty Project Octopus Ken Chibs1012 Scotty Oates Byrotron95 Happy 13th birthday Danny Dance break! speaku the bracken system in its home world ren simply tony it will always be finley's work hole to me if you know you know gabriel castellan whom what when where and why is what all the gronies

say while listening to midnight burger nico de gallo goes great on midnight burgers a drum major and a trapeze artist walk into Connie's bar, retorted, Sir Party Animal, Byro the motherfucking dragon of the Shreveport, the motherfucking dragons, Uloy Jackal, Ari Shore, you might rob the Nancy Sinatra, court need to leave it alone if you want to live, must be a witch, cat with a K, Miss Shan Frizzle, my Fagroni has a first name, Stoppenstein L. Mustachio, Luca for Hezekiel, La Chihuahua Brava, Adeline Peets, CC Carousel, Korth the Destroyer, Honest Puck. Casper's mom's a milf. Scout and Foxglove says the floor is lava. Red Nell hiding in a crowd of Bethany's to avoid capture by Wiley Wilbur Winkle Wright, wristwatch wrangler of West Worcestershire. Kerdomsky. Craig Armstrong. Plastic Fork. Dulcet de Leche Studios presents Under the Truscan Sun. Get out of my booth. Bug. Propagator. I hardly know her. Sad Angry Crabman. Chuck McFinley. Effie and Zebulon's trans great-granddaughter Hazel Hayes. Velocity Girl 42, Little Dragon and a Cauldron of Bats, Ben Carlyle, Flat Steve's Love for Grand Theft, Anna Kearney, Crashly Strange Lilia, Four Schnauzers of the Apocalypse, Starblaze Burnbright, Mzukioki, Spotted Rhino and Her Hand-Me-Down Frogs, Red Mafia Panda, Lonely Isle, Kai Dallow Headphones, Hinkle, Pikeman Stover, Fondella Stover, Pikeman Stover's Wife, Alexander the Boss, Skrizzles, Flap, Giddy Giddy Giddy, The Firekeeper, The End Is Nigh, Jeremiah the canceled. Librarian Alex, Spike and Faye, Johnny Allen West and the Boys from the Dwarf, Speedy McSpeedy, Eli, Wolf, Brandy Gunter, Auntie Becky is owned by Five Rescue Cats, Speckled Unicorn, Jedi Rides Again with Nova the Space Pirate, Tevin Longblade Shortsword, Forget Normal, a damn, CJ Johnson, A Dragon Sitting on Its Horde of Dice, Wendell Whitaker, Chumbo Wumbo, Pikachu, Smivey, Globed Roulette, Andrew Fuller, Ban Mi-Hung, The Soup Witch, Fettuccine Alfredo, Cowboy and Sasquatch Hunts Bethany's, Pebbles, VV, Effie Rawlings, Megan Hazen, Philip Your Dad Is Not Your Dad, Nick Borough, Midnight Plumber, His Royal Highness Mr. Hamilton Underfoot Kitty I and Accomplice Princess Penelope the Marchioness of Mischief and Maven of Mystery. Megan Gentry, Mr. Cherry, Our Ass is in the Jackpot, Tubby Teddy, Wayne Heiser, India Inkblot, Slev of Bahamut, Omi Gracie, Dalton Jenkins, Kat Holtz, CalArt and the Tired Knight, The True Mega Mike, Fred and George, Lavinia, Ava Maddox Jr., Liza Wirth, Cass Williams, Christy, Yeet My Boy, 46 Toolshed 2, and L. Marie Catastrophe, The Image Collector, Blended Music, Definitely Not Kevin, Sitting Squirrel, Patricia E. Melt says in a world of slugbots, Be a Hugbot, Red the Gray, The Silver Crow, Couch Potato Alex, Neverchild, Dr. Nossos,

Interdimensional Biologist, Kiboko Dunord, Kozamine, Theodrax, Joey B, Lucas Bardin got his barber to listen to Midnight Burger, Little Debbie Cupcake, Taryn says, hey, Oreos are rabbit, Sandalwood Mountain offers peace for your soul, Whimsical Fuckery, Megan with an H, hey, it's Warranty Lady, look, I've been thinking, maybe it'd be best if we, you know, saw other people for a bit. I need more. Patricia the Time Lord. Kashak the Lizard Wizard casts Jelly Bones. Mango Connoisseur. Britty Bug the Quirky Jester. The Big Moosen with his boxin' of donuts. That old glory coal. GL Miao-Nay's Cat Butler. O'Sheen Liu. Alex Berry. Andrew Oakden. Asymmetrical Exile. Magpie Cat says everything's a bag of holding if you know how to pack. Churro the Space God. Eliza Travels the Universe. Lindsay Bowen the goddamn podcast lawyer. Alex Spruce, Dr. D. Birdcloth-Squether and Mrs. Dubopteway-Birdcloth-Squether want to say hello to the whole Spweather family. I lost my galaxy britches in a game of pants darts. Angry Ron, Dominus Caesar, Durka Dub, Gloria's ex-girlfriend, Kelly Clickspring, The Wild Thistle, most likely Cass, James Harlow is still sad about missing BurgerCon, Jasmine James, Dr. Caberand, also known as Omni, thanks Waffle Chateau, Colorado Beekeeper, Fruitcake, Zephyr, Anatha, Zembria, Jennifer Culkins, Midday Burger, Don Parks, Throatgoat666, Oh My God, My Dad Found Out About My Patreon Name, Princess Leia, Fish in a Bag, September, Previously Observed in the Pattern, Prime Freak, Protector of the Scottish Realm, Little Lord Stevie Pie, Droid Pirate Finley and his Rubenesque Parrot, Droid Pirate Finley and his Rubenesque Parrot, Stuck in a Pit of Skittles, Sea Squatch, Deflater Mouse, Tony Piekarski, Adrian R., The Devil from Table 12, Javier, Crazy Thadley, Crimulus is just happy to be here, The Twisted Twigster, Real Housewives of Seagius, Thay Queen, Oop Schnart the Probability Demolition Expert, Showtime, For My Mother, CCTX Girl 6823 Waiting on the Diner, Nicole Studioso. I cannot get signed my shovel off of my lap. Kay the Flying Penguin would like everyone to know that penguins are not native to Greenland. No, not even the flying ones. Truck Stop Sandwich, Indigo Escargot, Love My Captain, Joe Mauma, Wandering Biscuit, Castriff, Ames Affection for Internet Protection, Retro MG, NightScript, Widget the World Watcher wearing a waistcoat and wig. Lana Bananas like the climate of the very tropical equator, so you should never put Lana Bananas in the refrigerator. Uhtred and Rose's Viking Void Vitals fueling the intergalactic fight against fascism. Yeah, not sure what I'm doing.

River Brown, Senior Deuce, Warped Rider, Tim Nacy, Ruben Clamso, Turwin, Scrambled Eggs, Morgan Brockman, Sylvie, Friendly Neighborhood Fire Protection Engineer, Skull Bulb, Dustin Watson, Betty White 813, Randy Supreme and Queen Lancaster, Bolivar Shagnasty, The One True Cheap Con, Starscribe, Lucian Thunderstruck. Ho ho ho, ma mama. Glorbnar 7, now granting refugee status to victims fleeing the Bethany Wars. Duzer now identifies as Roman Durge, the other Adele, Chef Galval, Leah Hall, Sarah May. Minsky Enterprises is excited to announce that Cone of Silence Consultants, LLC, has been named its exclusive provider of logistics services. Silly Willy Bubblebutt. Sierra, not from Arkansas, is having a hard week and asked me to put some sauce on her name. Sierra. These days, I've just been using Cholula green sauce. I tried Zabs for a while, but I've decided it's not my thing. I hope that's okay. Ebenezer Boob, Caleb Tumiala, Jason Woods, Arnie Arbuckle Esquire, Digital Flu Flossed in Time, Potion. Maestro, Nebula Nell, Regulators Mount Up, Wandering Scholar, Kringle Over Coffee, Mad Yogi Eileen, Cat Named M, Petito Pato, Palace, Big Mo, Dominic Narwhal 8, I am Annie, I live forever in every moment I've existed, I swear to every star in the cosmos I never forgot it was a gift, The Stone Fox, Sylvia, Juicetan, Pepitos, Rauerhauer, Henry the Goose, Jennifer Baumer, Ninja Grim Reaper, Miles Nelson, I am a bomb till I think of something else to do, Brrrrit Words Hotshot Huntley Momo's Mama Space Mormon Says What? Ivy Paisley Toast Sue Watts Myrtle Caitlyn Leader of the Unicorn Revolution Transdimensional Delivery Man Matlock Lord of the 13th Sea Mr. Trigvie The Fourth Era Printing with Cats Khaleesi Del Mar Von Vega Dixie Dinah 7,000 Possums KBS 1017 Silas Vex Sarah Jack Sparrow Space Pony Revibe Debbie E Emma Mr. and Mrs. Owo, Dusty Ventures and his pilot Uzi drifting through space, Ronnie Porter, Gloria's line cook, Eagle Rock Lobster, the gabbiest painter and her bird of fire, Painted Oni, Q-Del, Pharrell, Emily with two E's, Spaceman Nathan, Ramsey's Niblick the third, kerplunk kerplunk, whoops, where's my thribble, Jackie Wavelet, Yayoi Gagarin, Dee Greitzler, A Gremlin with the Munchies, Michelle Scaracchio, Genuine Jacob, Space Rooster Randy, Leopard Donut, Poofy Thang, Mellow Nuggets, Keychain Crap, Matt Matt Sharkman, SteeLo, Bumbling Lily Bee, Buffy's Daughter, A Quick Pause So Joe Can Sip From His Tiny Teacup. I'm sorry, I can't, I actually put the sauce from Sierra Not From Arkansas in my teacup, so I cannot sip from it at this time. I'll catch you next time, though. Panda, Curtis Lelig, Kennedy Allison Farner, Tristan Stoles, Dalen Y, Shadow Rapture, Yet Another Nicole, Hank the Wonder Llama, R-Craft, Russell, Zephyrus Wind, The Ornamental Hermit,

Jay to the Lynn, Just a Regular Fox, Jeremy Impson, What the Hell, Cineplex, and All the Black People in North Carolina, Just Rachel, Waffles, Waffles, Waffles, Danger Girl, Atlas Bear, Patty the Ginger, Ava's Cigarette Ash, Hugh Biftit, A-Zeus, Anaphylaxis, Scav with Comtax, The Shape-Shifting Sad Girl and Her Girlfriend Say, Joe, You've Done It Again, Pipless Skin in the Pippi Pond, Sarah Nicole, The Kells Fights with the Bethanies, Angry Leafs Lasersaw, Magnus Aerochill, Amy Perry, Christopher Kai, Source Decay, Descendant of the Sweather Catfish Whisperer, Vagabond Mary, Randy's Amigo, Bold Mouse, Katie Mermaid and the Delinquent Duo, Nauman, Nicole, Victor Schauberger, Reincarnated as White Mountain Hillbilly Glitter Cupcake, Max Dangers, Security Chief Shatsy, The Anxious Peach, Team Michelle and Billy, Nea Nix Reno, Frankenator, Nordlebash, Jordan, R1X Belasco, Ryan Rosinski, Average Height, Medium Rage, Audio Monkey, Joe, Team Hefeweizen, Monica, and Mason Kay. In the mysterious AZHQ, I'll grant you that we have a multiplicity of Mike's, a jumble of James's, a trifecta of Tony's, one of whom still wants to be Leif, but sadly, no Bethany's. Rowan, Vady of the Black and Herald of the Stars. Arianne Can't Manage Normal. Ryan Burnett, The Joyful Nihilist. Dr. Dr. B. Zoprez and the Bumble Army, Growing Into My Farm Boots. Super Beth Becomes an RN, Alongside My Bootstop Farm Friend. Geneva Boss, Arkansan Not Ark and Sawyer, Brothers of the Cosine, Uncivil Gnomes, The Rat Queen Evelyn, Great Lunch Conversation, Captain Scott, Letty Lou, Kinger Was Here, Bobby Ray Winland Jr., Bebop Be Dabba Doo Wop, Warped Echoes, Slabs McTerps, Big Brother House, This Is Lord Robert Otardis, You Are Live on Channel 4, Please Do Not Swear, Jeremiah Franco, Justin, The Nick of Time, Gothic Rainbow, So We Made It, Cody McClure, McHadley, Eternal Companion, Maxine Lazotte, Jingolos, Eris, Goddess of Nobody, Hazmatilda, Ditsy Bay, Just Your Average Reese, Kyle Church, I Am a Leif on the Wind, Static Ego, Lolly, Evan M. Dobson, Dave B., Nobby, Your Friendly Neighborhood Pathologist, Going to be Lit, Captain Emerald L., Wayne Hall, Danny Mars, Externally Screaming, But Bethany, I Made Biscuits, Scebo and Fuzzle McBumpernitz, Neelix Tiny Wolf, Asher the Raven, Christina Senatis Teleporting, BRB. The Shanes are not organized enough for a war, but there is a growing number of us and it is concerning. Definitely not an android. Seriously, I'm not. The Wandering Welshman, Whatever Tabby, Carolyn Harper, Nikolai Tolkachev, Capo the Sartorius, Z3DT, Shy Sparrows, BLTN, The Kiwi Duckling, Dana Dana Bobana, Fifi Fofana, Queen Aubrey and Drake, Drake May, May Lover, Tequila Mockingbird, Spwether Goose, Dameron the Space Goblin, I So Pale, Exquisite whimsy. I am Lord Zoltan, hear me roar, pocket ghost Max. Mags the Conqueror imposes economic

sanctions on the N.B. Bethany's for the whole laser saw car incident. Wes and Heather want I wonder if Derek Adair will join. My cat's name is Beef. Katie Kate, get your colonoscopy. Victor Casados, Emily Schmemely. Work for Melvis. Boho go bye bye for Jojo Pogo. That's a no go, bro. Cody Monster, Collided Mind, Miss Nixie, Baby Baton Lee, Charlie Rudel, Kyle Perino, AK, Sid the Sloth on a Bike, Priya Gandhi. The Wandering Mermaid would like you to know that the little mermaid and the creature from the Black Lagoon are the same exact story. Little Stevie Pie, Green Mountain Hermit Bethany. 2PolarCat, Carl, the Teller of Dad Jokes, Skylab's Multidimensional Multiphasic Intergalactic Quantum Cyberverse, VerdeSoul, Galen Miller, Tess, Geriatric Youngun, Mystic Hippie, Unforkable, Local Marsh Hag, Daniel Nitz, Mavis Bacons, Pyro's Calling, Joe Suasion, The Wizard's Supercalifragilistic Expialidocious, and introducing Recy Pontiff as the 36th Doctor. Too many jans, says. Things are bad, but we're going to win. Pamela Roselle Tierra, then Steena says, Thud Tweed, Enigmatic Catbird, Countess of Carbon, Slappy the Squirrel, Luminous Elk, Rhodian Caution, Love is for the Nierds, Taz Hernandez, Captain Crash and the Surviving Crew, it's just Tyson now, Casper needs all the hugs but Joe needs an O2 tank, Quote says, Joe is the writer's room, Nasty Dog 74 needs crew for ship, Brown Coats okay, Awkward Heretic, Devin 7777, Troy Aker, Mandy Kane, Northerly Kay, Lost Basan, you know, the moon prison outside the triad, Kim Sel, Silly Goose Honk Honk, Ad Matha, Astro Unit, Ghost Saberwolf, The Sleepy Mystic, Sarah Joy, Taters Precious, It's Just Steve, RuPaul Atreides, Mere Tender Creatures, Amanda Short, Chut, Brimble, Deidre, Mike Whiskey and Your Friend Frosty, Nosaguaro, Ben Bar, Stand Clear of the Closing Doors, Please, Beastly Death, Sven the Unlikely, Cognito Hazard Expunged, Ted Wassenasen, Virestria, Theosis the Theologian-ish, Why Is My Daughter So Feral, Send Help, Fernwood Gal, Nellie G, Twinkletots, Gemini Sky, Phantom's Moms, Callison, Hornswoglin Daniel Arthur, It's a, It's a Fucking Dog Rapture, King Humble, We'd Better Ask Dave, Wind Chimes for Safety, Cameron Winterborne Welsh, Fireball XL5, Mackenzie Duna, Alexica Habanera, Code Stranger, One batty bat, ha ha ha ha ha, Matt N, Alfie Rivenurum, Momo Nakiki, Frelp, M. Lin, Feed My Fish, J.R.R. on SFP, Lahari, J.Spark, Lucid Harbor, Little Mirror Leopard Paws, Diet Knight, Mars Royalty, Take 20 Damage, Maisie's Bandstand, Kim Bob, Battle Pope and Bugaboo, Snorts Magorts, Fresh Squeezed, Patrick Holt, Atlas B, Hold It Now, Hold It Now, Hold It Now, Hold It Now, Hold It Now, Hold It Now, Hit It, Had It, Head It, Hot It, Hud It,

Bradley Ashby, Peter, William Dyer, Vicki Hebert, Brad Minear, Jane, Hannah Dale, Phantom Zone, Crystal Delightful, Gruntled, Killshot Betty and her Steel-Eyed Bow, Jackie Lowey, The Little Pigeon, Quentin Elizabeth Jones, Lily the Planetary Brain, Crazed Bear, Dr. Lattice Trash Angel is living in the walls because they bought a house and have walls now. Which craft is Crafty Lizard doing today? Noble Barrel. Yes, my brain is weird. Thank you. Bibbidi-bobbidi-boom. Megan The Meg Young. Cory Morose. Russell Bunny. Max Savage. Jenny Wren. Apprehensive Craig. Tim Araneta. Bacon. Nicole Studioso. Rambo. Chaos Watcher. That homeless guy who saw the diner disappear from Rogers and gave up booze. Stephanie Sturgis. Kirsten. Hurry up and wait. Sarah Farmer and Belladonna, first of her name. Criddle. Twilio. Heidelberti. Tom Webster. Rashmi Vinkatesh, McClump, Azana the Leathersmith, Salazar the Dough Mage, Hayward's Finest, Garen Elizondo. To my little, you'll always be my good girl. You took a piece of my heart and left a paw print on my soul. Till we meet again. Sir Shitsalot strikes again, damn animal. Ashton James, Elspeth, Skyland, ALR, Sidewalk Jam, Tonka 2005, Cruisin' B. Anthony, Trick says weirp. Tibalt the First, Allifrog, Trey the Turquoise Tortoise, Freya Titmittens, Courtney the Frogologist, Corey and Stephanie Say Hello, the Funtucky Wrangler, Scrim Brulee, Yay, Aaron, the Singing Loon, Zuzanna, Celeste Yos, I'm So Antigone Fun, I'm Ava's Evil Twin Sister Bethany, Katie and Noah, Hendrix the Stink, the Ambergler, Boodles, Osvaldo Simeone, Ashley Chapel Peoples, Ryan Ortega, Barbarian Bloodbath, The Defenestration of Ted's, Corrine Sabrantha, Shadow Daddy, Rubius Fuzzlebutt, K-Mac, The Something Something Detective Agency, Haya Buddha, Eli the Electrician, Sunny D'Anomaly, Charmé, K-On with Karma, Amanda Nock, The Wondrous Methasaphon, Hashtag Nissan Acura, Finnegan Robert, Jesse Foster, Samira, Flat Doug, Deary Darling, Ambient Drifting Man 80, Chris Hancock, Nicole 23, Gracefully Impaired, Tired Pirate Muffin, Steve King, Laura, Roman Ronan, John Pruitt, Camel Pope, Enschuldigen, Rebecca Trossel, So Good, Many Names, God There Are, Chris from Tacoma, The Real Fairy Godmother, Sir Alphonse Suitperson, Knight of Hood's Pocket, Polished Pauldrons, Pacing Pine Pats, Protecting Pocket from Sneaky Skull Duggery, Mitzi Liu, Kelsey Holm, Still Casper's number one fan but now armed with a quantum spatula and ready to duel every Bethany in the multiverse with breakfast wisdom, Damien the Goddamn Time Lawyer, Matt Mosby, Saint Foo, Harry Fishnuts, Astronoweeb, Magno's The Civil Gnome, welcome everybody, I'm Hydealon and I'll be leading our Midnight Burger emotional support group. Starlight, David Pierini, Techno Ranger Rick, Joe's Weaslaf, Virgo Ares Infinity, Best Buds Danny and M, Charles Q. Choi, A Bug Named Nat,

C.C. Ryder, Hunter B, Rudra, Death the Kid, Big Whiskey, Ol' Cockinator, Ron Was Here, Magic Pony, Robert Oliveri, Often Wrong Dan, Jess Gioia, Killer Odd. Dr. Punt Gusher Esquire has been secretly and poorly teaching his Dungeons and Dragons players Welsh. Creator 67, Mermaid of the Dark Seas, Cosmic Shrug, Incorrigible Ross, Debra Wales, SCRB Mark 11, Eric A. Rayborn, Maggie's Yarm, Stu, Anthanomaly, Megan Mighty, Haunt, Purple Saline, Three Legs Are Perfectly Good, Drew and LA, Anomalous Death to PSL Vandal, Fuck Ice, Captain Blep, Ryan, Evie Power, Terry, PJ Says What, Amelia Lucero et al., Fear Now Doesn't Polish the Shiny Melon, Blargo Blargo Blargo, The Jazz Man, Tonight at 11, Larak the Barbarianess, Hicks Bezzy Mates, Zealous Pragma, Tuba Rick, It's Just Blake, Alice Malice, owner of a Flew Santa Charmera, Kelly Jane Dankey, Aaron the Optimist, Thomas Stolen, aka Casper from Another Universe, Chadney Ashra, Lucrezia, Thornis Animator, Tamara Oliver, The Real Dirt Fairy, Marissa, Ava, no not that Ava, the one with an Grimm says, trance rights y'all, Zachynat, Underwater Corvid, Spizzer Ringdom, Snakes and Bakes, Michael Christian, Ransom, Mroon Maesalil, Grawlix and Terrobang, Late Indeed Again, Theron Pyralis, Om Vega, Coming Soon, Dances with Burritos, Guacked and Loaded, Aaron Mitchell, Lady Keanu Maeson, Onyx Rose, Jackie Wavelet, J.R. the Hiker Bear, Velocicate, Al Cave, Krusty McBeardface, Maloran, Sweet Michelle, Kara, Call Me Zen, Colibri, Mel Momberg, Rogue, Lisa Geisler, Otromeros Piratis Fred, Fred Berger, What the Chuck, Sono Nisuno, Ben and Jessica, Todd Van Voorhis, Naya DeRusso, Peachy Zatoichi, Ingy the Crack, and Azula the Brave, and their ever-faithful squire Grabthar. Jen Extraneous, Dancing Dog Dreams, Trinket Coralie, and Existentially Exhausted Bean. No, you've got little devices now in your ear, so you can talk to Philip on the roof.

I want to yell.

Sorry. I really apologize. Oh, everybody just yell for this episode. We're all yelling.

Thank you. Great. As soon as you get up enough truth.

Yes.

Extrajudicially.

Honey, do you want to go back for anything?

No.

Does anybody want to yell anything?

I sounded very Ava in the, you called it a murder beast. and then i um i i could uh enunciate more likely you called it a murder beast but you gotta spit a little bit or um even you called it a murder beast you called it a murder beast I could do this literally all day. Peace and our time, fuckheads. That's honestly how I want to leave the room. I've decided to abandon science. I'm getting into, oh my God, honey, I'm sorry.

That's right, you're doing great.

By honey, I meant Kareem.

Please stop me if I ever make a moment Where someone goes no Like In a serious way

We'll see If it's Leaf I'm gonna let Tom do it

Where was it Around 43 44 There was a cat eating near me so I didn't want there I didn't want

there to be little like residual munching sounds and I don't want to kick the cat so

oh we move back to Gronk's castle hey

tootah

hey tootah give him the atomic fuck give him the atomic elbow smash

honey when the murder beast is sleeping can you please make him do honkshoe me me me me me

yay we have a pet murder beast who needs a pet cat for the diner

yeah it's adorbs

yes I will do honkshoe me me me me me

can you just give us one more kaprakja like from your balls yes

I can got enough sounds you got enough sounds for me I got enough sounds can we just get a couple of like just me just sounding constipated oh please do it you want me to do it I'll do it you know I will oh my god that's good oh my god I love you so much

amazing fantastic

The Fable and Folly Network, where fiction producers flourish.

The manor longed for a companion, so they built a whole new park right next door and called it Claytonville.

And it was the rootinest, tootinest place you ever did see. Yee-haw! Hop on board the brand new Mockery Railroad all the way to Claytonville. Toot toot! In Claytonville, there are four cowboy lads to explore. Lasso a goat in Farman Valley. Kiss your girl's best friend in Lovelorn Town. Stop it, Terry. And in Cowboy Christmas Town, hop on down to the Bluegrass Grotto to meet Cowboy Santa. Ho, ho, ho down! And are you brave enough to ride the wildest ride in Claytonville? Look out. It's the Four Spurs Pantry!

Yeehaw! Are you sleepy now, kids? Yes, Daddy. I can't wait to go to Mockery Manor and Claytonville. Two parks in one and only $19.99 for a family of four.

And how about you? Yeah, that's right. You, listening to this. Are you ready to come back to Mockery Manor? Season 3. Available now.