Muse

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I don't know.

Put us in the path of a gun.

Hang on. Okay. Here it comes.

Jesus Christ. Holy shit. Give me your hands. I love you guys, Fermions and Bosons. Let's start the shift.

I was able to spare a few ships to scan the area. And there doesn't appear to be any sign of them. We are talking about three people in the vastness of space.

Could they have teleported away?

Something stopped that beam from hitting the diner, Gloria. I can't see how they could have stopped the attack and somehow gotten away.

They jumped in front of the bullet for us. What does Labuza say?

I think it best that Labuza stay focused on Croc's planet. They appear to have powered down the weapon for now. It's likely that they see Casper's intervention as some sort of malfunction on their part and are trying to assess what's happened.

Do you think there's any way they could have survived?

Not by any conventional wisdom, Fiona. The amount of energy that was heading for the diner was world-killing. It's astounding they were able to stop it.

But Ava said she saw the weapon tested on Croc's planet. Why didn't it destroy his planet?

According to Dr. Maddox, the weapon utilizes energy harvested from vacuum fluctuations. Energy such as this dissipates very quickly. The amount of energy required to reach across the galaxy would need to be massive to counteract the energy lost during transit. Look, if there's any chance they could be out there, you have to keep looking for them. That's how this works.

I understand that, Captain. But we need to accept certain realities. As of now, the diner is completely vulnerable. If they decide to fire their weapon again, there will be no way of stopping it.

We're going to jump in a few minutes. We'll be safe then.

Yes, which means I have 12 Earth hours to consolidate what ships we have and begin our assault on the homeworld. I'm unsure what else to do, other than hope.

Jesus Christ. Kazi, we're going to jump soon. I'm not sure where we're going, but if the three of them are still out there somewhere, that's where we're headed.

You think so?

You said you don't understand how they could have survived using any conventional wisdom. We don't really do conventional wisdom around here.

Very well. Then it's a good thing I've sent you some backup.

Backup? Gloria, M is detecting a ship inbound.

Shit! Not to worry. They insisted I say... Send them to you.

What was that? Where's the backup?

Listen. No fucking way. Muckleway?

Return home, you wayward children, says the Lord, for I am your master. I will bring you back.

Thank God.

Why is she hugging the radio?

The Mucklewaynes are back.

Wait, the people who live in the radio? Yeah. That was real.

That was so real.

It is a mess in this house. Gloria, we have returned. And I'm so happy. Greetings all. I'm Zebulon Mucklewayne, here with my wife, Effie. Hiya.

I am confused.

Times may be dark, but we are here to cast what light we can, Gloria. Fiona, how do you fare?

I'm good, Effie. Guys, this is Phil and Voon.

Tip of the hat to you, gents. That Mr. Voon has quite a bit of altitude on him, doesn't he, dear? Cloud formations around the top of him, dear.

I am detecting no technology. Don't worry about it, Voon.

Pleased to meet you as well, Philip. Whereabouts do you hail from?

Uh, I'm from Tyler, Texas, ma'am.

Well, now, Philip, where's that Texas twang?

Yeah, that's the funny thing about Texas. Some people can't help it, and then for other people, it's kind of a choice. George W. Bush was the only guy in that family with a Texas accent. You know what I mean?

Tyler. We knew someone from Tyler, didn't we, dear?

That'd be Natalie Bartlett and her husband, Beaufort. Ah, yes. Traveling salesman. The both of them. Encyclopedias Good ones, too Guilt edge Leather bow You ever run into either of them, Philip?

Uh, no, I must have missed them

No surprise there Natalie was a peach of a gal But that husband of her was the type that blended in with the furniture If you don't mind me saying

Gloria, we have heard the news of our friends

But, let's not call the race before the finish line's been crossed, y'all

Guys, Kazi isn't very optimistic on their chances of survival.

Well now, Fiona, is optimism what we've come to expect from Kazi?

No. There is no choice but to hope in times like these, Fiona.

If you say so. In fact, we do, Fiona. Gloria, when are we set to shove off?

Any second now.

Very well, then. That gives us some time to clean up that mess in here.

Looks like we've been hit by a tornado or two. Y'all, we have lost souls to find. But first, let's all grab a broom and make room for good fortune to find us, shall we? Good idea, guys. I'll clean the kitchen. I shall continue my research.

I'll take front of house. And I'll go feed the murder beast. Feed the what now?

We'll be right back.

Don't mind me. Just sitting on top of a huge glass cube in the middle of the desert. Carry on.

See anything? No. I went to the top of both ridges, nothing for miles. Just one road and a desert as far as the eye can see. Any idea where we are? Well, there's one sun, and that looks like our moon, so I guess we're on Earth? The desert's no joke. We might be in the Sahara. A car drove by. It did? Did you try and flag it down? Should I have?

I don't know. We can't stay out here forever. I know. What do you think happened? I don't know. It's all kind of a blur. Do you think.

Do you think this even worked? Do you think we saved the diner? I don't know. I really liked her. I know.

Look, X has been down before and she managed to fix herself.

Didn't you say that took a few decades? I did. But she was okay eventually. Let's not spend a few decades out here. I know. How could she be gone, but we're still here? I don't know.

We were trying to take the hit for the diner, but maybe she decided to take the hit for us somehow. It's hard for me to figure out what she did. when I have no idea how she works. At least we didn't wake up to pieces of her strewn across the desert. It's an art installation.

So, um, do we, like, live here now? I don't know. Do you like flatbread? Why? If we're in the Sahara, there's going to be a lot of flatbread. Sounds like I'll have to like it. Well, there's always a McDonald's somewhere. Have you been here before? Does Zahara?

No, I guess I haven't. Kind of weird. I feel like I've been everywhere at this point.

Even if she was here, we wouldn't be able to help her. I know. We don't know how far from civilization we are. I know. What would she want us to do? I know

Okay Okay, which way was the first car driving? Uh, that way Same direction as the other car I guess we follow the flow of traffic Hopefully we get to town before nightfall

You don't want to do this at all, do you?

No, we should We should. Dad. You should probably hide your gun. It's not great for hitchhiking. Okay. Let's go.

So, what do you think our new life in the desert is going to be like?

I don't know. There's got to be something resembling a DMV around here somewhere, right?

You're going to go from your time-traveling adventures right back into the DMV? I have a very limited set of skills, David. How about you? Textiles. Oh, textiles. I'll get a boat and sell rugs to every port city in the Mediterranean. Rugs are important. How else are people going to tie the room together? There's literally no other way.

What is it? Do you hear that?

Well, there goes that dream. I guess I should expect this by now.

Hey.

Hi, are you open? I'm sorry, we're not. Can you come back in 12 hours?

We literally can't.

Get in here. Hey, Gloria. You guys had me pretty worried.

We're okay.

Where's X?

I don't know. We can't find her. When that thing hit us, everything got very strange. By the time either of us could see straight, she was nowhere to be found.

All right. All right. Well, let's get inside and start hoping for the best, okay?

Okay.

Thanks for, you know, saving all of our lives and stuff. Sure.

well well returned are the conquering heroes hey zebulon did we find them sure enough we were brought right to them dear well look at you weary traveler hey effie i see you're missing a member of your party yeah all right well you know what they say about hope casper it springs eternal

That's what I hear.

Hey.

Hey.

Hug me.

Okay.

I was really freaking out.

We're okay.

Where's your friend?

We don't know.

Oh, God.

Michael Waynes, there's a very tall person hovering over the radio.

Yes, that is Mr. Voon.

Turns out our presence has Mr. Voon quite confounded. Mr. Voon, say hello.

Forgive me. I am Voon. Hey, Voon. We are deeply indebted to you for saving us. Don't mention it. Sweet Jesus. Is that an espresso machine?

It is. Civilization? It's here! Let me make you something.

Please, bring me anything that makes me look good.

Okay.

Hey, I'm Phil. Hey, Phil. Thanks for picking us up. Thanks for saving our asses.

Casper, you are looking road hard and put away wet. Why don't you go and put your feet up?

Casper, sometimes all there is to do is hope and put one's feet up.

Yeah. Yeah, okay. What's going on there?

They were three, and they came back to us too.

Oh, shit. Voon, any idea where we are? One moment.

A floating ball, an espresso machine. This place is so modern now. Fiona, did you add an HR department?

God, can you imagine?

Oh, I know I'm getting fired. This place is getting nice. I almost feel like I can hang out here now. What are you drinking?

It's a mochaccino.

A mochaccino. It's very small.

It is. Have you got any room for coffee in there? I have room for coffee, but no room for your disdain. There's no disdain. I support your tiny coffee.

Casper, I have a special skill where I can match someone to the perfect espresso drink based on vibes alone.

I'm sorry, Fiona. I actually lost my vibes in a car accident one time.

No, seriously, watch.

Okay.

Damn, all I'm getting from you is black coffee. See. Hey, Casper, I talked to Kazi before we showed up here. She says that after you guys saved us, they powered down the weapon. They think that whatever happened is their fault. It bought us some time. Good.

Time is good.

Kazi's going to use that time to make a move on Krok. Her ships are headed there as we speak.

Okay. I guess we're going to be less help than I thought now.

Yeah.

Quick question.

What?

What?

What? Okay, so, funny story. What the fuck is that thing?

Gloria, what the fuck is the murder beast doing here?

We didn't really have a choice. Sure you did, Gloria. Listen.

If this were a video game, that's a thing I should be shooting.

It's not a video game.

What the fuck is that thing?

What is it doing here?

We had to bring it with us.

Gloria, how many animals are you going to bring aboard the diner? Is a flood coming? It's human.

No, it's not. I'm afraid what Gloria says is the truth. It has departed severely from developmental norms, but the creature's base, DNA, and organics are that of a human.

We went back to its planet. Turns out when we first touched down there, we were in cryptessia. That thing was created by Croc. That thing? Yes.

Is just another one of Croc's experiments?

Yes.

I realize he's a psychotic space god and everything, but why does he have to make it weird?

I know, it's terrifying, but honestly, it's kind of a sweetie.

Well, let's put a bow on it.

We were surprised as well, Casper, but it appears our betoothed friend is just another of the many maligned folks in the neighborhood.

Our hearts have gone out to it, Casper. He's not unlike a big old dog who's had a terrible owner for years.

He sleeps under a corner booth most of the time. only comes out when he's hungry, so we keep a whole chicken in the oven, and whenever he comes out, well, here you go, big man.

Whoa. Oof. Bones and all, huh? Wait. I thought it could only

eat its own kind. It changed. Apparently, after I gave it that cup of coffee, something happened. We decided it was in danger on its own planet, so... So now it lives under a booth

Okay Well, I hope we don't run out of chickens

It's safe for now But we need to find it a permanent home

It's not safe here, Gloria This isn't a safe place There were three of us in that queue

em reports we are currently in the northern desert of the african continent in the nation of algeria information age societies oh we've been here before i thought it looked

familiar casper let

me make you something can i get you something i'm okay i'm going to uh i'm gonna go up to the roof have a look around maybe i can see something from there okay sure

how's he doing gloria this is going to shock you to hear but sometimes people say they're okay when in fact they aren't. What? It's true. You're kidding.

Can you believe it? So he's being Mr. Holding It All Together right now.

Huh? Yeah, he's I don't know. He's pretty shook up.

You know, they went on this whole odyssey together, the two of them. crisscrossed the triad trying to track us down when he got separated from the diner. When he got back, he was... He was different somehow. He was a little bit lighter. She brought something out in him. Excuse me for a second, guys. Hey, Mucklewaynes.

Fiona, can I ask you, what in all heck happened while we were away? It looks like this house has been turned upside down.

Uh, well, there was one time when an Air Force pilot being chased by aliens was coming through the speakers.

That'll do it. It does look like an airplane's been flown right through the library.

Found the trivet, dear. It was filed among the symphonic works. What do you need, Fiona?

We're a little worried about Casper. Would you guys mind if I brought you up to the roof?

Hmm. That's not a bad inclination, Fiona, but perhaps the wrong tool for the job.

Yes. Sometimes a friend's voice can be like an old hat. Necessary, yet you hardly notice it anymore.

Pardon me there, Phillip.

What's up?

I know we've just met, but you strike me as a man that is easy to speak with.

Thank you.

At times, a man needs new voices in his head to shake up the mess. Could we trouble you to head upwards and check in on our friends?

That's no problem.

Now, Philip, do not let him get ornery with you. He is sometimes resistant to a pleasant conversation.

I know the type. I'll be up top.

Thanks, Phil. Mr. Voon, how goes your investigation?

I am confounded.

Well, how do you like that?

M has scanned the receiver in all ways possible, and I have detected no complex technology.

We remain a mystery, dear. Keeps things interesting. Oh, found the waffle iron, dear. Well, how did it make its way in from the kitchen? Curiosity, perhaps?

To clarify, you're currently speaking to me from what you perceive to be your home.

Well, I certainly hope it is. Otherwise, I'm doing housework for somebody else.

And you understand your home to be within this receiver?

It's what we're speaking out of, but I can't imagine how we'd fit a whole house inside of it, Mr. Voon. Would be an easier house to clean, though.

I... I am unsure how to proceed.

Don't let that dissuade you, Mr. Voon. I'm sure you'll find a way forward somehow.

Let's read Mr. Voon a little something, dear. I just found old Hildegard's book under the dresser. Haven't seen that one in an age. Now, let's find a good one. Here we are. Glance at the sun See the moon and the stars Gaze at the beauty of the Earth's greenings Now Think How's that help you?

That does not help me at all

Coming up

That's way better than the rusty ladder we used to use

Seeing anything? No Sun's going down soon Won't be much to see after that I'm not really looking for anything Trying not to be that guy, huh? What do you mean? People are happy to see each other down there You're trying not to ruin it for them I don't know You know, before I was in this chair, I was a test pilot for the Air Force. Oh, yeah? Yeah. Anything cool? The Harrier was pretty cool. Is that the one that did the vertical takeoff? Yeah. It was cool, but turns out I like taking off. And when you do it vertically, you feel more like a helicopter. And I fucking hate helicopters.

Yeah, helicopters have never seemed like a good idea to me They shouldn't fly, it's against God's plan Right And then before all that, I flew A-4s in the South China Sea When did they pick you up? 1981 Oh So if you want to talk about losing people, I can do that all night

i'm a little different from the people downstairs how so let me guess you found this place and thought it sounded like an amazing adventure something like that yeah i walked in to use the phone and it just grabbed me i didn't choose any of this

how's that make you different i don't know you didn't sign up for it yeah so when you lose somebody it's just another thing happening to you. I guess so. I imagine this whole time other people have felt like they're doing something and you've been feeling like something's just happening to you. For sure. That's fucked up, man. Right? It is. It's real fucked up.

Did they send you up here to turn me around or something?

They may have, but that's not what I'm trying to do. I came up here to say, your situation's real fucked up. Like, you got abducted and have been trying to make a life out of it. That's literally it. And that's fucked up. Thank you. I will say this, though. i was in a coma for nine months after my accident jesus when i came to my co-pilot was sitting right there he said to me that he'd been right at my side the whole time he'd wake up in the morning head to the hospital and sit there waiting for me to wake up i said to him what'd you do that for You should be flying. What do you think she'd want you to be doing right now? We've got company. Oh, this will be cool. What? Hey, Fiona.

Yeah?

To our eggs.

Oh, yeah?

Looks like it.

Awesome.

What's up? Nomadic types. They live in this part of the world. They set up camp and play music all night. Oh, okay. It's going to be a nice night, man. Come on down.

So there are these little bands of people and they roam all over the desert. It's really cool. Voon, come here. Do they want to come in? They camp outside all night.

Do I need to wear the head covering?

Yeah, sit down. I still got that scarf under the counter. The men wear this combo headscarf face covering thing. It's called a tegelmust. If I put this on Voon, he doesn't have to hide. As long as they don't look too close, he just looks like a really tall guy. What can I do? They pretty much take care of themselves. I'm going to bring them a pitcher of water. Be right back. Okay.

Our young Fiona appears to have made herself quite a home here.

She'll strike you as a bit skittish, but she's got some brass rivets on her, doesn't she?

Hey, Gloria. Do you guys ever cook outside?

We have, but it's been a while.

I was just thinking some kind of activity might be a good idea.

I think that's a great idea.

What's going on?

We're going to cook outside tonight.

Cook outside?

Yeah.

There's a whole kitchen right there.

I know, but it's inside. It's going to be a nice night. Maybe we could use the fresh air.

I don't know. What about bugs?

We're cooking outside is what we're doing.

Okay, fine.

Phil, is that okay with you?

It's all right with us. Fiona's got 36 different kinds of grilled cheese sandwiches at this point.

We've had them all. We're in the desert. What are we going to burn for the fire? I believe they have a solution for that problem.

Well, I know I, for one, am going to need a break from all the mess over here.

I as well. My next step is beating out this rug of ours, and I'm not looking forward to it. I think that's great. A break really sounds nice. It's not a break.

We're not on a break. This isn't a vacation, for fuck's sake. I'm sorry. Uh, do whatever you need to do, okay?

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Some people, in order to discover the divine, read books. But there is a greater book. The great world spun all around you. Look above you. Look below you. It is the greatest story. What you seek in books lay within pages not writ with ink. A story written with the world itself. Who can ask for a finer work than that?

What are you reading from, Sibulan?

Well, Fiona, I thought I'd take advantage of the great reorganization here at the house to dip into some work I've not seen in a cow's age. Saint Augustine of Hippo. Born right here in this part of the world, long ago when Rome spanned from ocean to ocean.

I've been doing the same, but mine's from a man by the name of Khaldun. The purpose of this life is not simply worldly delights. This entire world is trifling and futile and can strive towards death and annihilation. The purpose of this life is our soul's nourishment, leading to happiness in the great beyond. I took a liberty or two there.

I celebrate your interpretation, dear.

The first author, he wishes to portray the world as a message, a message from a deity unto its disciples?

He does, Mr. Voon.

But the message is not explicit.

Thank you very much for saying so, Mr. Voon. It is not. Our Lord chooses to obscure the message, which, I have remarked time and again, is a poorly way to deliver a message.

Theology, then, for you, is a struggle between interpretations.

Indeed, Mr. Voon. Lots of folks out there saying they found it. and a whole lot of other folks saying they haven't.

And how does that come to its ultimate resolution?

That, Mr. Voon, is the theologian's journey. All of us trying to clear away the haze over the message to us all.

And this message that your deity delivers to you through the creation of the world, what do you believe this message to be?

A simple one, Mr. Voon. You are loved.

And how is it with you, Mr. Voon? How do y'all discern the great mysteries in your neck at the woods?

The Erts do not have a higher deity that we commune with. Rather, our spiritual life is developed within community. In our oldest language, the word Ert means lost, or rather, lost ones. We speak of a time aeons ago when we wandered and dwelt in confusion. It was only in each other we were able to find meaning and purpose.

Well, that certainly speaks to your comportment, Mr. Voon. You may be the most polite creature we've ever happened upon.

Thank you. I have enjoyed your politeness as well, and how seamlessly it is infused with a certain frankness. One might find those two things at odds.

That's just called being from Arkansas.

Anyway, it was really rough for a while. Luckily, Phil and Voon got me through it, but damn, I was fucked up for a while. It's not like we were married or something. It was just a couple of years.

Yeah, but a couple of years equals ten years in a lesbian relationship.

Right.

At two years, you guys have got a mortgage. You've got a booth at the farmer's market.

Five rescue dogs.

At least. First one's always the toughest. Next time, you'll be worldly and wizened.

Next time. How do I pull that off? I have kind of a demanding work schedule.

You'll figure it out.

What about you? I mean, I know you've been at war and everything, but at least you've been staying in the same place.

Oh, I've been doing very well.

Of course you have.

You know how they say there's no atheists and foxholes?

Yeah.

No straight people either.

Wow. I'm kind of excited to go to war now. Right? Yeah.

Hey, Fiona.

Yeah?

Casper's just hanging out up on the road. Why don't you go talk to him?

Me?

Yeah. Trust me.

Should I?

I've been talking to him and it hasn't helped. Might as well give it a shot.

I don't really know him that well.

Fiona.

Trust me.

Okay. Okay, I'll go talk to him.

If you talk to him, he would just try and hold it together. You know? I get it. All right. Food's almost ready. I'm not sure how much I talk on the roof helped, so I sent in Fiona. We'll see if she does any better.

He's a tough nut to crack, but he's not uncrackable.

All in a day's work.

So, Phil, you had one look at Boone and thought, this is the place for me, huh?

I mean, it took a little more investigation than that, but not much.

You were ready to jump?

I had gotten a job offer.

What did that have to do with anything?

I got an offer to join the sales team at Sears, selling washing machines.

Well, that sounds... That sounds exactly how it sounds.

Another pilot friend of mine, Mark Scott, he left after two tours, honorable discharge. He went off to sell Chevys in Fort Lauderdale, happy as a clam. Nothing wrong with selling washing machines. People need washing machines. There are some things that cut you off from the world. Know what I mean?

Yeah.

I'm rolling down the street, watching people go to and from work, and I'm just like...

Where is everybody going?

Where are they going, Gloria?

I don't know.

So, I was just kind of wandering around. I decided to hit up a VA.

But you stopped by a diner first.

I did.

Any regrets?

No. You?

Not really. Oh, I've got a great Scottish boyfriend out there. Somewhere. But still. I like it out here.

Hey.

Hey, Fiona.

Food will be ready soon.

Okay.

What are you looking at?

Fiona, I really don't need people to keep checking up on me.

Well, I don't need a second cup of coffee in the morning, but I guess it always happens. What are you looking at?

There's a storm, but I think it's moving past us. It can be kind of dangerous in the desert.

Wow, that lightning is crazy.

Yeah.

Whoa.

Wow.

What the fuck was that? Damn. It was red.

It's, uh... Ah, shit, I can't remember the name. It's like lightning, but in the upper atmosphere, so it looks red.

That was crazy.

It's really rare. I haven't seen one of those since I was a kid.

It looked like aliens were attacking, but only for half a second.

It's weird, right?

And that's really rare?

Really rare. You might not... You might not see one ever again.

You saw one when you were a kid?

Yeah, I was, um...

What?

You've seen Close Encounters, right?

Nope.

Fiona, what are you doing with your life if you haven't seen Close Encounters?

Running from actual aliens?

Okay. Well, there's this scene where a little kid gets abducted by aliens. It's right out of his house. So if you're a little kid and you see that scene, you're like, fuck me. I'm going to get sucked up into the sky at any moment.

And then one day you see red lightning shooting out of a storm front.

I slept under the bed, Fiona, under it.

Oh, no.

For a week.

Oh, God, for a week?

So one of my moms literally dragged me to a community college and tracked down a meteorologist and was like, Tell him he didn't see aliens. So the very confused meteorologist explained to me what it was and that I was actually very lucky because.

of how rare it was. And I was like, fuck you, weather guy. I don't feel lucky.

So, as a child, you had an intense fear of being abducted?

Yeah.

And then...

I know. Poetic, right?

You had two moms?

Yeah, I did.

That makes sense.

I get that a lot.

you know you guys literally kidnapped me what i'm standing there i'm working in a coffee shop and then i suddenly wake up in your walk-in then i escape your walk-in to find i'm on another planet yeah uh i imagine that was pretty rough and then an alien ship landed and three aliens got out and One of them performed brain surgery on me in your parking lot.

You know, when you put it all together in one sentence like that...

There were times when I felt a little different from Phil and Voon. Because they were able to stand there and say, Yes, traveling diner. I choose this. It's all just been happening to me. So maybe don't feel so alone around me, okay?

Okay.

Sorry we kidnapped you.

It's okay. My life was in danger.

Mine was too.

Hey, do we have a customer?

What? Is she backpacking through the desert at night?

Maybe it's cooler?

Oh, thank God. Hey, are they open?

What?

Are they open?

Yeah.

Amazing.

What the fuck?

Was that?

I don't know.

Why does she look human now?

I don't know.

I'm sorry, could you repeat that? I've been walking for a long time and I really would love an actual restroom with plumbing and everything. I promise I'll buy something, but could I use your restroom first? Sure. Thanks.

Casper? I'm not seeing things right.

That was the darndest thing.

That was her.

But appeared to be made of flesh and blood.

What the hell's happening? Voon? The only technology detected is a cellular telephonic device and a receiver for global positioning data.

What the hell is going on?

I don't know.

She didn't recognize any of us.

Something's going on.

Something's definitely going on, but what the hell is going on? All right, y'all.

Something is afoot in this here parking lot. So, let's get ourselves a plan.

I'll offer this. Back when Effie and I ran a church, from time to time we'd have a wayward soul passing through, a complete stranger to us all. Effie and I found the best approach to a wandering soul is to not make a fuss and stare. We've got ourselves a nice gathering here. We'll invite the mystery in and then set ourselves to the task of solving it.

First off, we'll need someone who's finally adept at minding someone else's business. David? That's David.

Oh, I will get all up in her business.

You are duly elected. Y'all make it like it's a party, and David will get to nosing around.

Here she comes, y'all. As you were.

So then I said to him, my friend the rhino says, be nice.

phil i love that story that you always tell hey there hi i'm david uh come have a seat

are you hungry i am actually desperate for anything that's not a cliff bar you've come to the right place judging by my surroundings i've come to the

only place which makes it the right one what's your name i'm rey love your name this is glory Maria, Phil, Fiona, the tall guy is Voon. Greetings. And that's Casper. Hi.

Hey, everyone. This is a wild location for a diner.

People look at us a little weird, but they're always grateful they found us.

Where are you headed? China.

China.

Yeah.

Yes. I've gotten that look a lot. At last, I checked, we're in Algeria. We are. Voon, how far is Algeria from China? Roughly 11,000 kilometers. 11,000 kilometers, Ri. That's as the crow flies? The crow.

Yes.

That's as the crow flies, Ri.

I know.

You're not a crow, so that's going to be even farther.

It's going to be quite a trip. I started in Tangier I'm going over to Egypt up into Iraq through a bunch of countries ending in Stan then down through India Sri Lanka then over to China oh my god on foot well I'm sure I'll have to grab a boat or a train from time to time but yeah on foot

well that sounds fucking insane-ry

I know it does I mean, it really does.

What possesses someone to do that?

I don't know.

Bad breakup? Did you read that book Wild and then buy some hiking boots?

No, nothing like that. Did you ever feel like you were spread out too thin? Like you needed to gather yourself back up again?

Yeah, sure. You know what I do when I feel that way? Go to the beach for a day.

Yeah. It's a little crazy. But I've traveled around my whole life anyway. I'm kind of used to it.

Where are you from? Tyler, Texas. Really? You don't have an accent?

Well, yeah. That's the funny thing about Texas. Some people can't help it, and then for other people, it's like kind of a choice. George W. Bush was the only guy in that family with a Texas accent. You know what I mean?

Got it.

So, who works here and who's a customer?

We all work here. It's a slow night. It's lucky you came along. We would have gone out of business.

Psst.

Casper.

What?

You're putting too much salt in the soup base there, Casper.

I'm what?

Casper, don't take offense, but we're all playing a fine game of cards here, and you're showing your hand a bit.

Can you two say something plainly for once, please?

We always speak as plainly as we can, Casper. You think I'm speaking Igpe Addenley?

My friend, you've got a look of concern on your face that runs a bit contrary to the moment.

The look of concern is because I'm concerned.

And you're running the risk of scaring off the grouse before we can get our sights set on it, Casper.

What do you want me to do?

Casper, Effie and myself are no good out here either. Perhaps we should excise ourselves from the situation. Let others do the good work.

The others are perfectly capable of sussing out the situation, Casper. Let's adjourn to the dining room and let the chips fall where they may. Some things can't be done by forcing them, Casper.

Fine. Hey guys, I'm going to go inside and see if I can fix the radio, okay?

Fix the radio? Right. Fix the radio. Okay, Casper.

There. Happy?

It's for the best, Casper. Let's let the oddness of the situation breathe for a bit.

Okay. I'm sorry.

You've nothing to apologize for.

If there's anyone I shouldn't be worried about, it's her, I guess. But it just hit harder than I expected. I didn't mean to screw anything up.

Casper, we are not going to sit here and let you beat yourself up.

As you know, that's Effie's job.

Don't take my work away from me, Casper. I am too good at it.

Okay, sure.

It was just her and me for a while. Back when I got separated from the diner. And we were wandering around looking for you guys, and the entire time she kept asking me questions about how to be human, and how things worked, and why things were important. And I would open my mouth and things would just come out. Things that surprised me. Turns out I had feelings about things. I had thoughts about things. I had things to say and I...

I didn't know it. I guess nobody ever asked.

Again, that's not unlike our congregation back home. You sit a man down, you ask him how he feels. Sometimes a whole world emerges when you ask that. All those thoughts they've kept to themselves come flooding out like a river in a rainstorm.

There was a lot I didn't know about myself until she came along. I don't know, um... The thought of her not being around...

Casper, you're slow to make friends. Always have been. In fact, you only seem to make them when they're forced on you. Because of that, it just scares the bejesus out of you to imagine them being gone. It took a miracle to get them in your heart to begin with.

But speaking of miracles, let's make room for one presently, shall we? There she stands, in some form, right outside. Let's let the good work commence.

Goddamn, we've got Peter doing the mopping?

These children are too soft.

so what a weird job you have you have no idea how do you end up out here

uh right well i went through a bad breakup and you know just had to get out of my life so I wound up here. That's so crazy. Me too.

Really? Yeah. I mean, it was bad. I'm still kind of messed up over it. Her name was Catherine. We met in Manchester. We were together for two years but then she just kind of freaked out, you know? After two years, just walked out the door. Catherine? But she used to say stuff like, you blossom in the wintertime like a camellia. I mean, how do you say that about someone and then just leave? Yeah. Hey, I saw there was a shower in the bathroom. Do you think they'd mind if I used it? It's been a minute since I've had running water.

Uh, no, uh, sure. Go ahead. Cool. I'll be back in a bit.

fix it yet what's that the radio did you fix it yet no not yet you should just get a new one it's one

of a kind okay

Casper's a name you don't hear a lot

my name your name is Rhi I know

I had weird parents it's short for Rila

Rila?

Yeah, it's even spelled weird, too. R-I-H-L-A Thanks, Mom and Dad.

Yeah.

Anyway, I'm going to use your shower.

Okay. God damn it.

Hey.

Hey.

So, there's definitely something weird going on, and we need to get to the bottom of it. And I guess we should move fast. We're not going to be in the Sahara forever.

We're not in the Sahara.

What?

Hey, where is everybody?

They're across the street. They wanted to say hi to the neighbors.

Okay. Are they open all night? Would it be weird if I stayed here until the morning?

How long are we going to do this for, Axe? Uh, what? Phil is from Tyler, Texas. He has a theory that the Texas accent is actually optional and cites the fact that George W. Bush is the only one in the family that had a Texas accent.

Well, that's... that's what I say.

Before you arrived, I saw a red lightning from the upper atmosphere hit a storm that was passing us.

It was a crystal clear memory from when I was a kid. Some of them have been here before. A fond memory of being in the Sahara Desert with Tuareg music playing across the street.

I don't know what's happening.

Fiona went through a really bad breakup with a girl named Catherine that she met in Manchester. Catherine said she blossomed in the wintertime like a camellia. and I can talk to you all day about a guy named Ibn Battuta who traveled on foot from Tangier to Egypt up into Iraq and over to China it took him 30 years when he finally returned home he dictated all of his travels to a scholar the book of his travels is called the Rila R-I-H-L-A I'm not waiting 30 years for you

What's happening?

We're in your head, X You created a little world made of bits and pieces of our memories You were coming apart and you reached out and put all of us in your head You needed an anchor. You needed real things so that you didn't forget who you were. I know who you are. Look inside my head. You'll find yourself there.

Casper.

Hey.

There I am.

Are you okay?

That was rough.

What happened?

I thought there was a chance that the beam would destroy the cube. So I tried to stop it myself. If it took me out, you guys might still have a chance of surviving.

How did you stop it?

I figured I couldn't stop it by myself. So for about three milliseconds, there were 100 of me.

One hundred?

Yeah. How did you do that? I don't know. But I shouldn't do it again. It made me forget who I was and stranded us in the Sahara Desert in my head.

Yeah, don't do that again.

I won't.

X, seriously, never do that again.

I won't, Casper.

Okay. I'm glad you can read my mind so I never have to tell you how much you mean to me. No.

Do you want to do it anyway?

Absolutely not. Can you get rid of all this desert shit, please?

Sure. X!

There she is.

Hey, guys! That was crazy.

Fascinating. We were a little worried about you there, darling. I'm okay. It was a lovely desert.

Thank you. Casper was pretty worried. You all were. I was in your heads, remember? There's the cube!

Does it still work? It still works. It never got hit. It was all X.

X, are you okay? It sucked. I think I'll just let him get killed next time.

Good idea. So wait, how long have we actually been here?

You've been here for a while, actually. You're, you're, you're probably going to jump soon.

Shit. Okay. Everybody, listen. We're going to jump soon, and I'm assuming when we do, the diner is going to take us where the action is. I really don't know what to expect.

How is that different from any other day? Are you ready to get back in the cube?

I am ready.

Let's do this.

Okay, we'll go in the boom cube. I guess we'll see you guys on the battlefield or something?

That'd be kind of hilarious if we went to Wyoming.

Wyoming sounds nice.

Let's go. I'm mad.

Okay. Good luck, guys.

Wait, everyone. Before you go.

Zebulon. A prayer.

Excuse me. A prayer.

Fine.

Lord, we go to battle. And for that, we ask your forgiveness. For in truth, every battle is a failure. For we fail to see each other as you see us. we fail to see the great commonality bestowed upon us all. So grant us your forgiveness, O Lord. And as with...

Every battle, please let it be the last one. May conflict and strife become a distant memory that our children never know.

And ready, break. Okay, let's go kick some ass.

Good luck. Casper, hang back a second, okay?

Okay, I'm right behind you. What's up?

Hi. Hi. I really wanted to cook outside tonight.

Yes, sorry about that. We were trapped in X's brain.

And now we're going into battle, apparently.

Yeah.

Which is pretty ridiculous.

I agree.

What are we doing?

I have no idea.

After all this is over, I really need the multiverse to chill the fuck out. Agreed. If I have to deal with one more fucking space god. They ruin everything, the space gods. I'm a woman who makes tacos. And I'm a man who makes nothing. And I would just like to cook outside.

I say, when this is over, you never go inside again.

Great. Great. I just needed to say that out loud.

It's well heard.

I'm glad you're okay.

I'm glad you're okay.

Okay, get out of here. Well, you three, I bet your lives were a lot simpler before we showed up at the door. I really am sorry about that. Don't worry about us, Gloria. Okay, well... What now? Shit.

Looks like our night's day just got ruined.

These assholes are relentless.

Get inside. Maybe we'll jump away in time.

Wait! Voon, are you ready?

I am, Gloria. A field test to the protocol would be beneficial. Okay, what do you need? Fiona and Peter should stay with me. The rest should stay inside the diner.

Okay. Peter! What am I doing, Voon?

I believe they are just over that ridge. We must lure them closer.

Okay. Peter, antagonize.

Antagonize.

Are you afraid, Fiona?

Yes. You?

I am. But it is irrelevant.

Yeah. Yeah, it is.

Good job, Peter.

Deploy tactical dome.

Your weapons are useless against us. Proceed then. What did you do?

Peter, disarm. Disarm.

It is your weapons that are useless.

Thanks for listening to Midnight Burger, y'all. Be sure and tune in this time next month for more adventures in the vastness.

And if time and tide roil you too harshly, or diurnal courses leave you with no safe havens, just remember, we're out there somewhere looking for you.

We open at 6.

Melissa with an A instead of an E from Avon Park Love Midnight Burger, Matthew Epler.

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Aspen is a Verge fanboy Ava's Favorite My Little Pony Pencil Wants Joe to Slap into a Snim Jim Mr. and Mrs. Drifter Representative of the Alaska Midnight Burger Tummy Time Chapter Nathaniel Lee Industries Lord Entropy Bok Bok Motherfucker The Fae Wanderer Everybody's Favorite Clown Splotchy Kosher Steak Flo Rida Alyssa's Shiny Pants Gondor Calls for Aid Arnold Rumspringa, The Demise of the Temple of Bethany's. Alan Berglund says, Hi, Mom. Rin the No, Kitty McSkull. Ravenstrom Dan's hapless novelist passenger of the dimensionally impermanent and temporally incontinent bookshop cafe, The Wild-Eyed Prophet. Jessica Craig, Perfectly Personalized Disaster, Jim Turner, Lux Luminos, Javi De Niro, Big Chunk, Gadeez, Boom Boom's Wooden Leg, Jilly Bean, Benjamin, Not Franklin, Tracy Baby, Leia, A Singular Nightbird, Bethany in a Greenfield, A-E-I-O-U-Y-N-W, Bumble Faye, Mr. Epsilon, Long-Haired Matt, DJ, Robert W., Reelzebub, Krasimira, Jessa Loren, Myth and Stitch Embroidery, loves the Mucklewains, Lulu Louise, Dulio, The Brew Crew Family, Bert Ruba, Your Most Benevolent Lord and Master of the Multiverse, Jeffrey George, Ellie, Don't Tariff Me Bro, Oopsie, Evelyn, Grimlor, Ginny Waboom, Errant Popsicle Stick, M Horowitz, Isle of Refuge, Jack Spider's Mom, Bubble Butt Bethany Has Banana Breath, Llama Fresh, Jer the Benevolent Destroyer, Valtiel Heller, Sad Little Earth Monkey, Revan the Red Beard Wizard, Bert Bert and the Funky Bunch, High Viscosity Gender Fluid Slime Bethany 2, Electric Boogaloo Welcome to the Quan Pound Pen, pen, pen, pen, pen, pen, pen Mr. Muchacho Kaiserschnitzel Has Successfully Recruited Sarah Murphy's Cats For the Trouble Puffs Fight Club The Wolves in the Deep Freeze Say Awoo Sanctuary Moon's Number 2 Fans Insane Clone Posse Alice Lewis, Simply Amy Sue I Pushed Her Because Joe Said So Even Older Liz, McBearcat Grack Pinfeather, Sitican Druidic Scientist, Astro, Your Friendly Neighborhood Android, Moonlight Zombie Fox, Old Doc Recy, The Midnight Missionary, Out There Somewhere Looking For Ya, Rotten Ronnie Sleeps in Grandma Panties, Artist Dragonborn, Bigby Garage, Bill Zangana Lester, Big MF Juice, The S.I.P., Muffins, Chad Hatter, Cosmic Tea Maker of the Triads, Tell your cat, I said. Banana Manaz, A Corgi Cold Kibble, Cuddly Kraken, Sarge the Bard, Sominity, LL Cool Mint Jams, Travis Roberticus, Ken Daddy, Lea Izadi, Millie Was Taken, Dead To Me 86, B Camp, Shan Man Man Man, Karma Karma Chameleon, Kinran Says Hello, Zoe and Her Army of Mice, Briar Longlost, Daniel, Trixie Belle Dubois, Dr. Bootyologist, the glutes doctor thank you for pressing to your anglophone emotional support canadian request will be processed in the order in which it was received queen surly jess r.i.p lance mcclain you would

have loved midnight burger adam toke love dr bitchcraft sassy cat the space vixen claire rock jekka eros to god the size two fish you've been looking for yokai borgia spiders are cuddly the main immortal pinball sounds in the diner chill kneel sin city scuba steve poliwog mikayla white Elena Pickle, Professor Thaddeus Snookums VIII, Mr. Grin, Glenn Petrovsky. This moment of silence so Joe can catch his breath is brought to you by Rick Tyler, Elizabeth Hammond, Steam Vision, conductor of the interdimensional time-spanning hype train, Dave Herold, Wise Cube, Bromine, pronounced bro, mine, main humdinga, Mother of Pearl, Fiona now owns Leif's 18-inch Peter, Seal Face, Rigor Mortis, Megan's Things, Things Megan Makes, Coilane, Trebek's Reject, Prophet of the God of the Mucklewains, Darth Ox, Michelle Kay, Aaron Arnold, Boyo-yo-yo-yo-yo-yo-yoing, Mama Mander, B-Roz, and Slunkmaster J, Alpacalypse, Spokane, Doesn't Suck, Elliot Paints, Undead Akira, The Lord Reverend, Ryan, Thomas's ten tenebrous tan stafel tippers treading treacherously tantamount to telling totalitarian trope termination tales, The Lovely Laura Lovely, Kith Gamgee, Sam Wise's Flamin' Cousin, Dariel, Jeremy the Ruler, Gochi, Charles Robert Darwin III, Esquire, PhD, Jacob Mitchells, Zeke in the Box, Stevie Crowhill, Hola Millican of the Welcome Wagon says E Cabo, The Adventures of Magpie and Brown Bear, Scrubs, Remy, The Panda Crew, Melody Prime, Beardo the Wizard, Captain Benjamin Hawkeye Pierce, the German Shorthair Pointer from Nashville, wants to tell his mom Maddie that he says woof, Whiskered, Annie Two Hands for the Double High Five, Marissa the Ghost, Rutherford B. Chesterfield and his dapper companion Winchester, Cheshire Corgi, Stray Cat, Ol' Kelsey No Shoes, Zoldia, Dizzy Flame, We Serve Everyone, Eventually, Sasha, Beth and Alan Van Gillis, Langston North, Sly Fox, aka Br'er Rabbit, The Constantly Lost Geographer, Timothy Aotis, Chance Wants You to Know, He Cares, Wolf Stark, Elliot, Hobbs Decoe, Natalie Bartlett, Rory of Yin, Mubi the Golden Calf, Suda Satoshi, Giovanni Salinas, Rocky G, Perry the Pirate, Erin Elizabeth, K Narcotics, Solomon Price, Daydream, but evil, Bubba 485, aka Schemmelbach the Christmas Whale, Stella Corvus, Jesus Garcia, JP the IT Guy, Candyman Fight, John Peters, you know, the farmer, Barkley on the Holodeck, Dapper Dad, SCP-049, O Magis, Raven the Dreamer, TK Turtle King, Mike M, space-based lasers, Captain B and Lady G with their swabs. Marla Madam Lotus still especially loves Finley. Mr. Steamwave. My friend the rhino says, be nice. Hoop challenge. Dream founder. I'm your huckleberry. Elizabeth T. Ty Ty the Wonder Hamster and her dear darling Duke. Boombastical Kimlicker. Hug a Muffin.

Bigfoot of Doom. DL. Annie Atkins. A bounty hunter called the Crandy Man. Garo. My cats say to tell you. Meow. Think fast, Chuckle Nuts! Flashbanged! Benjamin Ortiz, Mr. Frog President, Pop Rock Quicksand, Mr. Squizzle Sizzle Whizzle Fizzle the Horrendous apologizes for conspiring in the Bethany War. Invites for tea are being sent now. Abanasso, Mr. Rage, Attalore, Trans Space Dinosaur, Spooky Spader's Storytime, William Kent, Andy, The McJimmy's From Your Local Dimension, Ryan Abbey, Thomas Adams, Drink Spiller, Stephanie Buk, Entropy Eigenbasis, Andrea Crowther, Martin Deers, Kevin Daughtry, DeFlower Two Daddy Jazz Hands from Mouse Toots Dan Gentry, I hope something good happens to you today Yes, you V Greenlee, Ron Hayden, Michelle Hopper, Jake the Cook, Josie Jones Boot Scootin' Dave, Anthony Lakey, Britt Littlefair T.U. Luther, Some Days You're the Beatle, Some Days You're the Dung Lauren Mayer, Glenn Morris, Richard Ryan Mochelle, Michelle Myers Ali Oopsie, Not To Be Confused With Oopsie Fridge Pickle, Rosemary Prim, Robert Savat, Lizard Lee, Eliza Sharp, Donald Shingler, Daniel Stavvy, Fall of the Berlin Wallaby, Kella Tiarina, Rachel Vasquez, Luca Vicito, Naya Venturi, The Beloved Yet Borderline Inappropriate Empire of Dr. Thunderbutt and Lady Christabel, Justin Wiley, Brett Zimmerman, Arrow Jones Jubal, Xavier Killingsworth, Lane Kiffin-Is-A-Ho, Mimetic Hygienist, Aaron Star Joshua Damien and Sentinel of the Star System, Claude DeClause, Spunky Dan, Ed Boy, Ryan Finnelli, Jonathan K, Pearl Null, Petabyte Avatar, Tugwin the Mighty, Project Octopus, Ken, Chibs1012, Scotty Oates, Byrotron95, Dance Break. Spiku, the Bracken System and its Homeworld Ren, Simply Tony, Gabrielle Castellon, Whom, What, When, Where, and Why is what all Thigronis say while listening to Midnight Burger, a drum major and a trapeze artist walk into Connie's Bar, Sir Party Animal, Uloy Jackal, Ari Shore, you Mike Robb, the Nancy Sinatra. Court need to leave it alone if you want to live. Must be a witch. Cat with a K. My Thigroni has a first name. Stompenstein L. Mustachio. Lucafer Hezekiel. La Chihuahua Brava. Adeline Peets. CC Carousel. Korth the Destroyer. Honest Puck. Casper's Mom's Milf. Scout and Fox Glove says the floor is lava. Unexpectedly Blue Red Nell. Kordomsky. Craig Armstrong. Plastic Fork. Dulcet de Leche Studios presents Under the Truscan Sun. Get out of my booth. Bug. Propagator. I hardly know her. Sad Angry Crab Man. Chuck McFinley. Effie and Zebulon's trans great-granddaughter Hazel Hayes. Velocity Girl 42. Little Dragon and a Cauldron of Bats. Ben Carlyle. Flat Steve's

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previously observed in the pattern. Prime Freak, Protector of the Scottish Realm, Little Lord Stevie Pie, Droid Pirate Finley and his Rubenesque Parrot, Droid Pirate Finley and his Rubenesque Parrot, Stuck in a Pit of Skittles, Sea Squatch, Deflater Mouse, Tony Piekarski, Adrian R., The Devil from Table 12, Javier, Crazy Thadley, Cremulus is just happy to be here, The Twisted Twigster, Real Housewives of Seagius, Fae Queen, Oop Schnart the Probability Demolition expert. Showtime. For my mother. CCTXgirl6823 waiting on the diner. Nicole Studioso. Okay, I didn't get this exactly right, but I think I'm in the ballpark. The Tuareg word for shovel is t'bejhen. Kay the Flying Penguin honks at the horde of Bethany's encroaching on their nest. Honestly, this is getting absurd. Truck Stop Sandwich. Indigo Escargot. Love My Captain. Joe Mauma, Wandering Biscuit, Castriff, Ames Affection for Internet Protection, RetroMG, NightScript, Widget the World Watcher wearing a waistcoat and wig, Uhtred and Rose's Viking Void Vitals fueling the intergalactic fight against fascism. Yeah, not sure what I'm doing. River Brown, Senior Deuce, Warped Rider, Tim Nacy, Ruben Clamso, Turwin, Morgan Brockman, Sylvie, Friendly Neighborhood Fire Protection Engineer, Skull Bulb, Dustin Watson, Betty White 813, Randy Supreme and Queen Lancaster, Bolivar Shagnasty, Starscribe, Lucian Thunderstruck, Ho Ho Ho Ma Mama, Glorbnar Seven, now granting refugee status to victims fleeing the Bethany Wars, The Other Adele, Leah Hall, Sarah May, Silly Willy Bubblebutt, Sierra Not From Arkansas, Ebenezer Boob, Caleb Tumiala, Jason Woods, Arnie Arbuckle Esquired, Potion Maestro, Nebula Nell. Regulators, mount up. Wandering Scholar. Mad Yogi Eileen. A Cat Named M. Petito Pato. Palace. Big Mo. I am Annie. I live forever in every moment I've existed. I swear to every star in the cosmos, I never forgot it was a gift. The Stone Fox. Sylvia. Pepitos. Henry the Goose. Jennifer Baumer. Ninja Grim Reaper. I am a bomb till I think of something else to do. Brrrrit words. Hotshot Huntley, Momo's Mama, Space Mormon Says What? Ivy Paisley, Toast, Sue Watts, Myrtle, Caitlin, Leader of the Unicorn Revolution, Matlock, Lord of the 13th Sea, The Fourth Era, Printing with Cats, Khaleesi Del Mar, Von Vega, Dixie Dinah, 7,000 Possums, KBS 1017, Silas Vex, Sarah Jack Sparrow's Space Pony, Re-Vibe, Debbie E, Dusty Ventures and his pilot Uzi Drifting through space. Ronnie Porter, Gloria's line cook, Eagle Rock Lobster, the gabbiest painter and her bird of fire. Q Dell, Pharrell, Emily with two E's, Spaceman Nathan, Ramsey's Niblick the third, kerplunk kerplunk, whoops, where's my thribble? Jackie Wavelet, Yayoi Gagarin, a gremlin with

the munchies, Michelle Scaracchio, Genuine Jacob, Space Rooster Randy, Leopard Donut, Poofy Thang, Mellow Nuggets, Keychain Crap, SteeLo, Bumbling Lilybee, a quick pause so Joe can sip from his tiny teacup. You know, a popular tea in the Tuareg region is Maghreb mint tea. Okay, so you take your gunpowder green tea, and then you take your fresh spearmint and a whole lot of sugar, and you brew it really strong, which sounds pretty great. Panda. Kennedy Allison Farner, the perpetually tired transgender time traveler. Tristan Stolz. Dalen Y. Shadow Rapture. Yet Another Nicole. Hank the Wonder Llama, Arcraft, Russell, Zephyrus Wind, the Ornamental Hermit, Jay to the Lin, Just Irregular Fox, Jeremy Impson, What the Hell, Cineplex, and All the Black People in North Carolina, Just Rachel, Waffles, Waffles, Waffles, Danger Girl, Atlas Bear, Eva's Cigarette Ash, Hugh Biffed It, A-Zeus, Anaphylaxis, Scav with Comtax, The Shapeshifting Sad Girl and Her Girlfriend Say, Joe, You've Done It Again, Sarah Nicole, The Kells Fights with the Bethanies, Angry Leafs Lasersaw, Magnus Aerochill, Amy Perry, Christopher Kai, Source decay descendant of the swether catfish whisperer vagabond mary bold mouse katie mermaid and the delinquent duo nomen nicole victor schauberger reincarnated as white mountain hillbilly glitter cupcake max dangers security chief shatzy the anxious peach team michelle and billy nea nix reno frankenator nordal bash jordan r1x belasco ryan rosinski average height medium rage audio monkey. Joe. Team Hefeweizen. Kay. In the mysterious AZHQ, I'll grant you that we have a multiplicity of Mike's, a jumble of James's, a trifecta of Tony's, one of whom still wants to be Leif, but sadly, no Bethany's. Rowan. Vady of the Black and Herald of the Stars. Arianne can't manage normal. Ryan Burnett. Dr. Dr. B. Zoprez and the Bumble Army growing into my farm boots. Super Beth becomes an RN alongside my bootstup farm friend. Geneva Boss. Arkansan, not Arkin Sawyer. Brothers of the Cosine, Uncivil Gnomes, The Rat Queen Evelyn, Great Lunch Conversation, Captain Scott, Letty Lou, Kinger Was Here, Bobby Ray Winland Jr., Bebop Be Dabba Doo Wop, Warped Echoes, Slabs McTerps, Jeremiah Franco, Justin, The Nick of Time, Gothic Rainbow, Cody McClure, Eternal Companion, Maxine Lazant, Jingolos, Eris, Goddess of Nobody, Hazmatilda, Ditzy Bay, Just Your Average Reese, Kyle Church, Static Ego, Lolly, Evan M. Dobson, Dave B., Nobby, Your Friendly Neighborhood Pathologist, Going to be Lit, Captain Emerald L., Wayne Hall, Danny Mars, Externally Screaming, But Bethany, I Made Biscuits, Scebo and Fuzzle McBumpernitz, Neelix Tiny Wolf, Christina Senatis Teleporting, BRB, Definitely Not an Android, Seriously, I'm Not,

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Maisie's Bandstand, Kim Bob, Battle Pope and Bugaboo, Snorts Magortz, Fresh Squeezed, Patrick Holt, Hold it now. Hit it! Heat it! Had it! Hoot it! Bradley Ashby, Peter, William Dyer, Vicky Hebert, Brad Meneer, Jane, Hannah Dale, Crystal Delightful, Gruntled, Kill Shot Betty and her Steel-Eyed Bow, Jackie Lowey, The Little Pigeon, Quentin Elizabeth Jones, Lily the Planetary Brain, Crazed Bear, Crafty Lizard B. Quilton, yes my brain is weird, thank you, Megan The Meg Young, Cory Morose, Russell Bunny, Max Savage, Jenny Wren, Apprehensive Craig, Tim Aranetta, Bacon, Nicole Studioso, Rambo, Chaos Watcher, Jeremy Bearamy, Stephanie Sturgis, Kirsten, Hurry Up and Wait, Sarah Farmer and Belladonna, First of Her Name, Criddle, Twilio, Heidelberti, Tom Webster, Rashmi Vinkatesh, McClump, Azana the Leathersmith, Salazar the Dough Mage, Hayward's Finest, Garen Elizondo, To My Little, You'll Always Be My Good Girl, You Took a Piece of My Heart and Left a Pawprint on My Soul, Till We Meet Again, Sir Shitsalot Strikes Again, Damn Animal, Ashton James, Elspeth, Skyland, ALR, Sidewalk Jam, Tonka 2005, Cruzan B. Anthony. Trick says wherp! Tybalt I, Allifrog, Trey the Turquoise Tortoise, Freya Titmittens, Courtney the Frogologist, The Funtucky Wrangler, Scrim Brulee, Yay, Aaron, The Singing Loon, Zuzanna, Celeste Yoss, I'm So Antigone Fun, I'm Ava's Evil Twin Sister Bethany, Katie and Noah, Hendrix the Stink, The Ambergler, Boodles, Osvaldo Simeone, Ashley Chapel Peoples, Ryan Ortega, Barbarian Bloodbath, The Defenestration of Ted's, Corrine Sabrantha, Shadow Daddy, Rubius Fuzzlebutt, K-Mac, The Something Something Detective Agency, Hayabuda, Eli the Electrician, Sunny D'Anomaly, Charmé, K-On with Karma, The Wondrous Methazephan, Hashtag Nissan Acura, Finnegan Robert, Jesse Foster, Samira, Mother of Cats, Flat Doug, Deary Darling, Ambient Drifting Man 80, Chris Hancock, Nicole 23, Gracefully Impaired, Tired Pirate Muffin, Steve King Loves Kathy, Laura, Roman Ronan, John Pruitt, Camel Pope, Philomena, Rebecca Trossel, Igpe Attenlay, Chris from Tacoma, The Real Fairy Godmother, Mitzi Liu, Kelsey Holm, still Casper's number one fan but now armed with a quantum spatula and ready to duel every Bethany in the multiverse with breakfast wisdom, Damien the Goddamn Time Lawyer, Matt Mosby, Saint Phu, Harry Fishnuts, Astronoweeb, Mag knows the civil gnome. Welcome, everybody. I'm Hydealon, and I'll be leading our Midnight Burger emotional support group. Starlight, David Pierini, Techno Ranger Rick, Virgo Ares Infinity, Best Buds Danny and M, Charles Q. Choi, A Bug Named Nat, C.C. Ryder, Hunter B, Rudra, Death the Kid, Big Whiskey, Ol' Cockinator, Ron Was Here, Magic Pony, Robert Oliveri, Often Wrong Dan,

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Grabthar, Jen Extraneous, Dancing Dog Dreams, Trinket

Coralie, and Existentially Exhausted Bean.

Well, there was one time when an Air Force pilot being chased by aliens Well, there was one time You know? I just, I really miss Brickhouse. I'm remembering him.

Wait, did we hear you? I don't think we heard you, Tess. could you say

and I was muted like it's my first day on the internet damn it

started all over where are they going Gloria and why aren't they ready

Phil I love that story that you always tell

hey there

should I be a little more

convincing i love that i feel like just 20 percent pull back 20 percent 20 percent got it i'm sorry

can we take that says the crow flies one more time just to be sure it was all in my brain

that i heard clow fries oh no that sounds right that sounds like what i said clow fries as the clow fries yes 11 000 that's a question yeah yeah you're asking voon yeah i know i said it and then i was like i'm not that good at maps i was too certain i'm too confident

and i'm a man who makes nothing and i would just imagine the rest of the crew behind voon like oh

Peter starts breakdancing Peter I don't know why it feels so awkward to just say Peter

Peter

Peter Lovely

That was so good That was beautiful Susie So Joe That's the kind of energy that we need you to bring To these Phenomenal i worked retail so i feel like there's a lot of retail in voons sure alien dna

god damn it what's wrong that's my line

you're so good at acting honey it's so good you practiced that one

he's got notes in the margin sorry that he just did that because what he wanted me to do was to say this instead all right well you know what they say about hope casper it springs a kernel

that was much better i'd like i like that a lot more yeah yeah i like that right yeah exactly like that totally who needs words who needs words

Not this audio drama Oh my god That's so funny

The Fable and Folly Network Where fiction producers flourish

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I love my Vrbo for the location

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I feel the love Book a Vrbo that's loved by guests If you know, give Erbo.