Muse

This episode is brought to you by Quince. They say that Einstein wore the same thing every day, and honestly, I get it. No matter what's in my wardrobe, I end up gravitating to the things that just work. No fuss, no overthinking, and Quince has been a big part of that for me. I picked up one of their cashmere sweaters a few weeks ago, and it has been in constant rotation ever since. It's comfortable, it's stylish, I love the color, it's easy, and it just works. Here's the thing about quints. They've got all the spring wardrobe staples you actually need. We're talking 100% European linen shorts and shirts starting at just $34. Pima cotton tees that are genuinely surprisingly soft, and their pants hit this perfect balance, relaxed enough to be comfortable, but polished enough to wear basically anywhere. Everything runs 50-80% less than comparable brands because Quince works directly with ethical factories and skips the middlemen. Premium materials, no markup. It's a straightforward deal. Refresh your everyday with luxury you'll actually use. Head to quince.com slash burger for free shipping on your order and 365-day returns, now available in Canada, too. That's quince.com slash burger for free shipping and 365-day returns. quince.com slash burger. This episode is brought to you by

Progressive Insurance. Do you ever find yourself playing the budgeting game? Well, with the Name Your Price tool from Progressive, you can find options that fit your budget and potentially lower your bills. Try it at Progressive.com. Progressive Casualty Insurance Company and Affiliates. Price and coverage match limited by state law. Not available in all states.

How are you feeling?

I'm feeling better. You weren't kidding about that Warped Gate. That was not a good feeling.

You get used to it.

Holy shit. Where are we?

We're fine.

We're on something.

It's an ice hauler.

Why are we attached to it?

You know those small fish that attach themselves to sharks?

Yeah.

That's what we're doing right now.

I've never seen anything so big.

At any given moment, there are about a million of these things traveling through the triad, delivering ice. They scoop it up from accretion disks and make their way to whatever planet will pay for it. Fully automated and massive. If you're small enough, you can attach yourself to the side. Run on ghost power, and you're pretty hard to see. Slow, but invisible.

And this thing is taking us where we need to go?

Yeah. Shouldn't be long now. Feeling nostalgic, Leif? A little bit, sure.

Why are you feeling nostalgic?

This was one of my first crimes in the triad. It was me, Verge, and Dez. We'd attach to an ice hauler, reprogram the trajectory, and sell the contents to anyone looking for ice at a bargain.

You would steal these things?

We would.

It's the size of the Chrysler building.

There's a particular economics to the whole thing. We figured out there was a threshold of theft that the Teds would tolerate. If they lost a few ships per cycle, it wouldn't be worth the resources to try and find out who did it. It was cheaper to take the loss. We made sure to keep it under the threshold. Hilariously, stealing a ship this big is the easiest crime in the Triad if you know what you're doing.

What was Burge like back then? The same.

But different. Angrier. Less trusting. First time we met, they pointed a gun at me.

me. Why? Because they didn't know me. And that was what did it for you, huh? I guess back then I liked a challenge. As opposed to these days. Things are so simple now. At a certain

point the challenges started looking for me instead of me looking for them. That's not is fun. Part of me really misses the ice hauling days. What did it for you?

Me? I guess it was a million things. At first, it was just because they were new. Not a lot of new in Hood's pocket. And they were tall. I liked that. and, well, then a lot of crazy bullshit went down and there we were standing in front of each other again and everybody puts on a show, you know? There's this show they put on for everybody. But then when you're alone with them, there was something so tender and shy and awkward about them When you got past all that other stuff. That's what really nailed me. That and they took me to the moon. Hard not to take your pants off for someone who does that for you.

Oh, that's definitely a move that only works on Earth girls.

Oh, I'm sure. Let's get ready. Okay.

Deidre, Immy, contain it to your left. you'll see a small device about the size of a penny.

Yes.

Attach that just behind your ear. It's a calm dot. That's how we'll communicate with each other.

Okay.

Also, put those bracelets on.

Wait. These are like Virgis' Earthsuit.

We got them for you in Raxias. It's like an Earthsuit in reverse. You call it a sham suit.

Okay.

Go ahead and activate it. It can take some getting used to.

Okay.

Oh, my God. Weird, right? I'm an alien. Poof, you're an alien. You guys, I'm pink. It kind of suits you. This is so fucked up. That should keep you from attracting attention.

Having pink skin will keep me from attracting attention?

Believe it or not.

Okay, if you say so. Do you want to explain this last knife that you gave me?

Yeah. So, that meteor shower that hit the mountain brought raw materials from all over the place. The knife is made from Formica 3. It's a mineral, but you can forge it like steel. Why do I need it?

Formica 3 has the ability to stop electrons dead in their tracks.

You can jam it into anything electronic and not have to worry about getting shocked. It's a bot slayer.

But the real reason, Deidre, is that even with the alien costume, you do not exactly read as a space pirate. You could use some accoutrement.

Well, at least I've got Halloween handled next year.

Blending in won't be too hard. The galaxy brain usually has a few thousand people on it at any given time.

Jesus! It's that big.

Oh, yes.

I have a visual on it now, port side.

I don't see anything.

Wait for the starlight to hit it just right. Oh, what the fuck? Welcome to the galaxy, brain. It's a planet. It's a gigantic hunk of black glass. Loaf Tracks built a space station inside it. Biggest in the triad.

And 100% full of shitheads.

Hey.

Yeah?

This is going to work, okay?

Breaking into an evil space fortress, just the two of us. You're sure of that?

Deidre? If there's anyone in the multiverse I excel at defeating, it's myself. We'll be right back.

We'll be right back.

Good evening, criminals. This is Brittybug and the quirky jester here once again to remind you it is always crime o'clock here in the triad. We've got a lot of movers and shakers out there today. Let's hear it for a cat named M who brought not one, not two, but three ore barges into port today. Where were they supposed to go? Who cares? That's several metric tons of raw ore for us here the galaxy brain. What will we make with this ore? Spoiler alert, it's weapons. Also, let's hear it for JP the IT guy, whose credit siphoning scheme at Nathaniel Lee Industries finally paid off to the tune of 16 billion unassigned credits. Let me repeat that. That is 16 billion in funny money, my criminals. We all doubted JP, but it turns out that being a huge nerd pays off. JP will of course be spending his cut of the action on naruto memorabilia no judgment jp you do you coming into the port right now is the ss they paints the big they has been on a tear recently raiding the rim runners and has the plasma burns to show for it yes they have been stealing from criminals but remember money is even more nice when it's stolen twice isn't that right quirky jester my criminals it is going to be a larceny-tastic day here at the galaxy brain remember to cc the umbrella mage with your intake loot and for the next hour the password is fishy persona

We'll be right back.

Hey, boss.

You're late.

Sorry. I got hung up in mess hall 22.

How does someone get hung up in a mess hall?

Oh, I, uh, I mean that literally. I was, uh, you know, the guys, they, uh, sometimes like to, uh, tie me up and hang me from the ceiling for a while, so...

You're just going to let them do that to you?

Uh, you know, comes with the territory.

The territory?

When you're as tall as everybody's waist, they kind of have a tendency to throw you around, right?

Giga, don't let people treat you that way. Show a little more self-respect.

Sorry, boss. I'll do that.

Where's Minsky?

Niso, he said. Something about a bunch of meetings?

That guy in his fucking meetings. All right, walk with me.

Okay.

This gas attack Minsky orchestrated on Raxius was a bit of a wild card, but it may be an opportunity.

Opportunity for what?

Raxius is a mess, but it was an organized mess. I need you to monitor the feeds and see how things play out. I'm hoping for a gang roar. Factions turn on each other, and it gives us the opportunity to finally move in and establish a foothold there.

What if the Teds try and do the same thing?

I can handle the Teds. Just keep me updated. Sure thing. And try to stay off the fucking ceiling, please.

You got it. Ah!

Ah!

What happened to his face?

Just keep me updated.

Sure thing, boss.

I need you to stop ripping off my guys' faces, if you don't mind. Sorry. I thought he was lunch.

Speaking. I thought you were giving me the silent treatment.

The boredom got the better of me, I guess.

Sorry about the bounty.

Sorry about the bounty. Are you fucking serious?

I sent messages to every goddamn criminal in the triad before I did it.

I think that's a response in and of itself. Wouldn't you say? No. No love for subtlety, I guess. Nobody ignores me. Well, you've got my fucking attention. Now what the fuck do you want?

You were always terrified of Lovetrax.

I'm nearly twice as powerful as Lovetrax ever was! It's hard to be scared of someone when you've seen their ass in the moonlight, Pook Pook.

Honestly, I was expecting a call. A message, something. You were? I had just gotten rid of Loaf Trax, which was no small feat, by the way. That wasn't good news for you?

Good news?

Yeah!

How'd you do it? Huh.

It took some time. Um, Loaf Trax wasn't a genius, but they had almost supernatural instincts. I knew if I racked up one too many wins that they would have me killed because I was too much of a threat. But, I knew to have me killed, they would have to go outside the organization. And there are only so many people outside this organization. It wasn't going to be Rim Runners because they were too stupid.

The Aquara.

Aquara don't go back on their agreements. By the time Loeftrax had hired the Aquara to kill me, I had already hired them. And once Loeftrax was gone, everybody turned to me. And that was that. In the end, it was just about being 10% more paranoid than they were.

well congratulations I guess is that what you wanted I've always hated this organization Leif I still do so you'll have to forgive me if I didn't send you a stripper inside of a fucking cake what the fuck is this about Leif I know you didn't take out the largest bounty in the history of the triad just to get me to say, Good job, kiddo. What do you want from me?

Stop ripping off the guards' faces or I feed you plants.

Oh my god, that's fucking freezing.

You okay?

I realize this place is big, but do they really need this much ice?

Water isn't just for drinking. You can make a lot of stuff with it.

Okay, um, I guess I'm in a literal freezer.

Yeah, that's a good place to start. Get to the exit, check if the coast is clear, then try and blend in. You're not going to be able to make a move until I do a few things.

Where are you?

Only part of this place is man-made. There are a lot of nooks and crannies to hide in if you know what you're doing. Anytime I had a complicated project, there was a place up above the armory where I could get away from all the bullshit and I just found it. Goddamn this fucking guy. What? His stuff is still here. Sleeping bag, rocket juicer, a stack of microservers.

He still sleeps there.

No, it's collecting...

dust. But he never broke it all down. Why? Were you ever in a relationship with someone and they still held on to their single life just a little bit? Don't get me started on the stuff that Verge still has at the horizon. Exactly. This guy rules about 99% of the underworld in three galaxies and he still can't let go of ghost drives in casinos and The hacker flops in tight spaces.

Sounds like he misses it.

I would too.

Looks like I'm at the exit.

Deidre, I'm not up on the network yet, so I don't have your location. For the time being, try to not attract attention and blend in with the others.

Blend in with space pirates, huh?

You're able to blend in in a town full of the weirdest fucking people I've ever met, Deidre. You can do it.

Okay. Here goes.

Think these microservers are any good to us?

They're a bit outdated, but if I network them, it will increase our computing power.

We're going to need it. When Evil Mead discovers I'm here, he's going to unleash a lot of invasive shit into the network.

He'll have more computing power on his end than we will.

That's true. But it's pretty hard to hack yourself. There's a protocol in my folder called Mimetic Hygienist. We'll start with that. After he breaks through that, we'll have our real level of security underneath it.

I'm assuming that's going to be Spiky Snapping Turtle?

That's the one.

These names are ridiculous.

If I numbered them, I'd just forget which is which. Spiky Snapping Turtle will make us all defense up here, but with only one avenue of attack. We don't need to destroy him. We just need to give Verge the opportunity they need. That still won't be enough.

We'll have the systems of this entire station against us.

That's not all I'll be doing.

Hey there. Uh, hi? You don't look familiar. Where are you from? Uh, Rax Prime? Oh, wow, me too. That's crazy. Yeah. I'm Giga. Hi, I'm...

You're... Misty. Misty Dawn. Misty Dawn? Mitchell. Misty Dawn Mitchell. Mitchell? Junior. Misty Dawn Mitchell Jr.

Oh, okay. Nice to meet you.

You too.

Let me know if you need any help finding anything.

Sure. uh are you hanging upside down from the ceiling on purpose no no it's just one of those things

one of those things yeah the guys around here they like to have themselves a laugh and sometimes that involves me hanging upside down from the ceiling why is that a laugh uh Uh... Now that you ask, I don't actually know.

Yeah, how about I get you down from there?

I don't know about that. Whenever I manage to free myself, that tends to make them do it even more.

Okay, see, the problem is I can't just walk by and leave you there.

Oh, sure you can. People do it all the time.

Maybe that's part of the problem.

What do you mean?

Hold still, I'm going to cut you down.

Ah, fuck.

Call me old-fashioned. I still like to put people behind bars. And that way, if the power fails, they're still in a cage. Not that you asked. I thought I'd mention it while you try and cook up some way to escape. There's no way to escape, by the way. You're stuck here. Now you're not speaking again. You know, I've got all the time in the world. that means you have all the time in the world even if you could get out of that cage you're not getting off the galaxy brain no one's coming to rescue you who's gonna come rescue you one of the people from that weird fucking village you were hiding in nobody's coming

So I don't know what you're trying to accomplish.

I really can't believe it, Life.

What?

I'm used to being hunted. It's happened all my life. To the right person, I look just like a dollar sign. Wanted dead or alive. Dead or alive. But then this bounty of yours. It's not wanted dead or alive, is it? In fact, I have to be alive at all costs. In fact, if I'm not alive, the person who kills me, they get punished, don't they? Your bounty was protecting me. so I thought to myself he must think I have something there must be something that he's looking for I must have some sort of secret password or the key to some sort of treasure trove something of value anything of value but then if I did have something that you wanted That's the first thing you would have asked me for as soon as I arrived in this cage. I've been waiting for it. It's not coming, is it? Wow.

Wow.

After all of this. After everything you've done. You just... You just miss me.

I created a world where you don't have to run anymore. Motherfucker. I call all the shots now. Everything changes. I can't fucking believe this. Verge! Fuck you! Do you have any idea what I had to do to make this empire? Do you have any idea?

I don't care how powerful you are. You don't get to rewrite history, buddy.

I'm not rewriting anything.

You were a young, arrogant little prick. You got one whiff of Lufthrax's evil empire, and you couldn't resist, could you? Finally, you could fuck shit up the way you always wanted to. Finally, you can get back at the world. The only problem was, you had to leave me in the dust when you did it. So you went off, and you fucked shit up, and you broke things, and you cackled as banks were drained and ships collided and cities fucking burned, Leif. You became the story that they told to scare children. You're the thing in the darkness that people hope they never meet. You're the bad guy. You're the villain. Congrats, you fucking-lations. But now Now here you are You've climbed to the top of the shit pile And you've decided you don't like the view

I like the view just fine

Then what are we doing here, Leif? Come on You tore the triad apart Looking for me All because you decided to get out your little box of crayons And make me a little picture Look, baby I did it all for you How many are dead Leif How many lives have you ruined

If it wasn't me It would have been someone else

But they They wouldn't have been As good at it You hate the triad Just as much as I do I hate the triad more than you do Cupcake I have a reason to. Refugee to run away to renegade? That is the only path I could walk. You could have done anything.

I didn't want to do anything. I wanted to be with you.

And I believed that. I started to believe that. I started to believe that something else was possible in my life as soon as I was sitting on your ship, stolen goods in the back. You telling me about baseball. Leif, you were the first person who ever saw me.

I still see you.

I know. The problem is, I see you, too. And I don't like what I see. I loved you. I did. And I don't regret it. but people can get lost life they can be led astray they can lead themselves astray and sometimes when they do there's no going back it's the shelly act all over again life The worst parts of you took over And now all you can do is watch Turns out I did have something you'd been looking for You wanted it all to mean something But I can't give that to you You don't get to be This and have me

I

I can make the world into anything I want I could remake the triad if I wanted to

no you can't you can't do that Leif it already remade you

So I'm supposed to just sit here and be the bad guy, is that it?

Don't get upset with me because you've finally discovered consequences, Leif

Fine I'll sit here and be the bad guy You sit there and be the prisoner

all right my luscious lawbreakers we've got jobs on the board who wants to rob a hartoonian wedding there will be piles of treasure and lots of rich folks there but also lots and lots of security this job is reserved for level fives only make sure your weapons card is validated and stamped before you even think of applying head down to the ss lack of lifestyle if you want to try to get on the team. Boss? Also, it is Jerique wrestling season in the Pleasure Quadrant, so put on your spurs and your big ats and head on down to the SS Arrow Jones Jubal. Boss? We don't have a captain for this one yet. It will be most likely Cass, but it's not too early to sign up if you're feeling like a little shootout on the open range. Boss! What?

I I I I have an update from Araxius!

In here. What is it?

Um...

Fucking speak!

You were hoping for chaos in the city, but that's... It looks like that's not what's happening.

What's happening?

We had three assets in the city. Two casinos and a credit stripper.

Yeah?

They're on fire.

They're on fire?

Fire.

Put it on screen.

What the fuck? The chaos we were hoping for isn't happening. It looks like they're actually more organized than they've ever been in Raxias.

So this is how they want to play it, huh? Boss? This fucking city has been a pain in my ass for long enough.

What are we doing?

Get an engineering team over to the Alex P. Keaton. Dust it off and get it staffed up. It's time to squash some bugs.

Okay, the Alex P. Keaton is a massive ship. It's going to take time to get it ready.

At what point did I ask you for your opinion?

Sorry.

Do it.

Sure thing, boss.

Captain Sugar Bear, your Womp Runner is double docked. Please come re-dock your ship into an appropriate space. Remember, folks, if you park illegally, your ship will be towed and painted an unflattering color.

Why were you hiding in the mountains? Trying to get back to my roots. You've never been interested in your roots.

I'm embracing change, Leif. You should try it sometime.

This little village of yours? It's not on any maps.

You know how those mountains are. Nobody knows what's up there. Perfect place for secret hideouts and quaint little villages. Stop being cute. Don't ask a fish not to swim, Leif. Have you been organizing in Raxias?

Is that what you've been up to? The whole city's turned against me.

What's more likely, that I turned an entire city against you, or that you're just an insufferable fuckface?

This whole thing is coming to an end. Do you hear me? That city is going to regret that you ever showed up.

Stop, drop, and roll, miscreants. Your new password is here. For the next hour, the passcode is Sarah Nicole. We're going to be

And as we like to say Money ain't got no owners Just spenders Isn't that right, quirky jester?

Gort, wake up. Gort is awake. Sweep the security assets. Full diagnostic. Full diagnostic. Integrity at 100%. Have all the ships in dock been scanned? Scanning in progress. Any ice haulers? Total ice haulers. One. Prioritize the ice hauler.

Prioritizing eyesholler. Scanning complete. And? Integrity at 99.937%.

Oh, really? Display node map. Scrolling node map. Stop there. Zoom in on that node. Why is that node three degrees hotter than the others?

Unknown. Fluctuation is within acceptable range

Tampering unlikely What's the current fluctuation of the other nodes? Current mean fluctuation at 1% Probably nothing Which node is this? Node 42069 Oh, well, look who's a fucking comedian Hardwire connect to that node

No tampering detected on current node

I know It's another hacker trying to send me their fucking resume. Connect to the node. Connected. I don't have time for this today. You want to disconnect from the network, please? You're a fucking disgrace. You know that? Oh, well, this is cute. You expect me to be impressed with a voice clone. Skin the signal for modulations. No modulations on signal. What? I thought about altering my voice. but I don't have a lot of time. This is exhausting. You know how many of you code criminals have tried to get my attention with a little thing that they made? Congratulations, you made a voice clone that can't be stripped from the audio yet. Got any original ideas or just old ideas with a new paint job? Don't talk to me about new ideas, pal. I just had a look at your network. So you hitched a ride on an ice hauler, And now you're jacked into our network off in some dark corner, right? I've seen it a million times. Just because an idea is new doesn't make it interesting, Mr. Torvaldson. Locate the connection. Connection locusts unavailable. Trying to find my location? Good luck with that. It would help if each hardwire port had its own ID, but they don't, do they? I guess you'll have to check them one at a time. And there's only about 38,000 of them. Shouldn't take longer than a week. What's this about? I remember trying to tell Loaf Tracks what a glaring security flaw it was. But you can't explain data port security to space pirates, can you? What the fuck? Of course, you're in charge now. And yet, you still haven't fixed the problem. Getting pretty lazy, Leif. Crash the network and scramble the access codes. Now! Crashing network.

Today's episode is brought to you by Built. Rent. It's something so ubiquitous that they wrote a musical about it. But not just that, mortgages too. Built can make all of that feel a little bit better. Built is the membership for where you live. Every housing payment, rent, or mortgage anywhere in the country earns you points that you can redeem toward lift rides, Amazon.com purchases, fitness classes, flights, hotels, and a lot more. I'd love to think I'm the person who uses their points towards a nice flight somewhere, but if I'm being real, it's probably more like Lyft Rides and Amazon.com. That's just my life these days, and there's nothing I can do about it. Members also get a neighborhood concierge that makes reservations, books classes, and finds local spots, all while earning rewards at more than 45,000 merchant partners. Your housing payment is happening whether you want it to or not. Might as well get something out of it. Join the membership where you live at joinbuilt.com slash burger. That's J-O-I-N-B-I-L-T dot com slash burger. Make sure to use our URL so they know we sent you.

This show is supported by Mixtape. Mixtape is a narrative adventure game by BAFTA award-winning studio Beethoven and Dinosaur. It draws inspiration from classic coming-of-age movies, bringing together 90s nostalgia, the highs and lows of adolescence, and the bittersweet feelings of growth, transformation, and moving on. Featuring music from icons of the era like Joy Division, The Smashing Pumpkins, Suzy and the Banshees, and The Cure, you'll play through a mixtape of memories set to the soundtrack of a generation. Mixtape is available May 7th on console and PC. Check it out at mixtape.game.

Deidre, how are you doing?

Blending in, I think. I found a bar on one of these decks, and I'm trying not to attract attention.

I have her location. She's at Zap Stingbats. Oof. Okay.

What's wrong?

Other me crashed his network trying to purge me. When the network comes back online, it'll be a good time to get moving.

Okay. Where am I going?

Head over to the window.

Okay.

Have a look outside.

Oh, holy shit.

The entire middle of the galaxy brain is hollowed out. It houses all the ships.

I can't even see the other side of it.

Yeah, it's big. You can see the ice hauler we came in on.

It looks so small now.

You're on deck 23. Sadly, you're going to need to get to deck 512. And you need to avoid elevators, Deidre.

Jesus Christ! Are you serious?

Sorry. Be ready to move. When he brings the network back online, that's when the real fun starts.

Okay. Good thing I live on a mountain, and I'm used to going uphill, I guess.

I'll let you know when to move. Okay.

Hey there. Oh, hey. Giga. Right. Misty? Yes, yes, that is my name. Thanks for the help earlier.

No problem. Does that... does that really happen all the time?

Yeah, the boss keeps telling me to show a little more self-respect and not let them pick on me, but having self-respect doesn't make me four feet taller, does it?

I guess not.

Hey, do you have access to the network right now? I can't get access to feeds. No, um, I think the network is down. They're working on it. Damn. Okay. Hey, did you hear what went down on Rex Prime? Rax Prime? No, I haven't heard. The boss had three places there in Raxias, and they're all being burned to the ground. What? Why? The whole city is pissed off at us. You heard about the chemical pits, right? Oh, yeah. I heard. Everybody in this city is pissed off about it. They're in full-on revolt. And there's some sort of weird thing going on with this little town in the mountains called Hood's Pocket? Huh. Look at this video I saved.

Hey! When I say Hood, you say Pocket. Hood! Pocket! Pocket! Isn't that crazy? So crazy. That guy looks human, right? Yeah. Um, maybe it's an earth suit.

Maybe. I don't know. Something weird's going on. I've just... I've never seen someone stand up to the boss like that. I didn't even know it was possible. Oh, hey, want to meet my only two friends on this damn station?

Sure.

Guys!

Shit.

I'm in a calm, everything's going to be fine. Misty, this is Battle Pope and Bugaboo.

Evening, ma'am.

Pleased to make your acquaintance.

Hi. Misty just got here. I'm helping her get the lay of the land.

Awful nice of you. How do you find our little corner of the starways there, Misty?

It's...

real nice. So, Misty, believe it or not, Battle Pope and Bugaboo just got a hell of a promotion. Congratulations.

We got a whole slice of the cosmos all our own. We're only here talking to you whilst we wait for our brand new ship to get all gussied up for travel. Before too long, it'll be the lap of luxury for us.

Isn't that great? Always great when someone gets what they deserve.

Giga, myself, and Bugaboo were about to sit down and watch ourselves a little gun smoke before we embark upon our journey to opulence. But I can't get no signal.

Oh, yeah. The network's down.

That's a damn shame. I always like to celebrate with a little bit of gun smoke. Miss Misty, what line of work are you in?

You're an ore breaker. I'm an ore breaker.

Well, that there is a profession we can't begin to understand. I know, you idiots. Is that where you take rocks and turn them into a whole other type of rock?

Something like that. Something like that. Well, hey, since we're all stuck here, how about we have some drinks to celebrate your promotion, guys?

You're speaking my language. I am part. Time to get moving, Deidre.

Oh, hey, I would love to, but I just got here and I need to report to Deck 512. Boo! Sorry!

Well, it was a pleasure to meet you, ma'am.

Sure, yeah. Thanks again for getting me off the ceiling today. Yeah, anytime. Bye, guys.

Don't you be no stranger now. What have you been telling people about me?

I have zero interest in spending the rest of my life as your little sounding board, fucko.

What have you been telling people? You're on my mind. Less than you think.

I had a professor in college who always said just because an idea is new doesn't make it interesting. Did I tell you that?

I have no idea. Think. Wow. Leif, you're a bit of a talker. Do you expect me to remember everything you've said? This is going to go a lot faster if you work with me. Hey, see these? These are electrified bars that I'm surrounded by. Forgive me if I don't feel like working with you. Fuck!

What a fucking child, oh my gods. Oh. Hmm. Huh. Well, is that you, shithead number two? one two three four five six seven seconds aren't gonna make it easy for me are you seven seconds seven fucking seconds great okay

Network back online Full security sweep Conducting assessment 100% integrity That's more like it Now we shut out Deploy a security team Have them go door to door Until we find this guy No ships in or out until we do Security detail deployed What the fuck was that? You know For a while I was scared of you. What the fuck? I guess it was more of a fear of myself. What I was capable of. I guess if anyone imagines themselves without a moral compass, it could be pretty terrifying. Who the fuck are you? This is a nice moment for me. I'm usually on the receiving end of moments like this, but now I get to do this to somebody I didn't realize how fun it was Crash to the network again Network reboot unadvisable You can't reboot your network while it's under attack Fuck What is he using? Two layer structure identified First layer has been penetrated ID You

Nemetic Hygienist. Second layer remains. ID. Spiky Snapping Turtle.

That's my fucking turtle, you asshole! Leif, please. It's our turtle. Who the fuck are you? This is your Dickensian moment, Leif. Very few people get one. I'm the ghost of Christmas past, present, and future all rolled up into one. Gort, shut down all the audio ports. Oh my god, dude. You named your AI Gort? You fucking nerd! Audio boards deactivated. Okay. Okay, I've got to think. What the fuck?

Okay, criminals, you saw the order. The dock is sealed until further notice. Do we have a snake in the grass? A fly in the ointment? Some other sort of thing inside some other sort of thing?

Alright, goddammit, you're going to tell me what the fuck is going on, or I'm going to- Verge? Oh shit.

Hey criminals, since we're locked down, don't forget it is Crafting Tuesday. Perfect time to put together a lovely scrapbook of all the heinous murders you've committed

Send out a general alarm We've got an intruder in the station Audioboads must be re-enabled Fuck! Fine, do it And we're back Kind of hard to run a space station without being able to talk to people Shut up! Security, general alarm We've got an intruder on Deck 512 Send all assets to this level immediately All assets? That sounds pretty serious, man Everything okay? I don't know who the fuck you are, but when I find you, I'm going- Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, you're going to make me regret it, sure. Would you like to know the moment when I decided you were a cream puff? A what? It was the warp gate, man. A warp gate? A day away from the galaxy brain. I used to have to burn for a week before I got here. It was remote. It was invisible. It was a true, secret hideout. How could he possibly tolerate a warp gate that close to home? And after thinking about it for a while, I could only think of one way that could possibly happen. You're working with the Teds. I mean, what would a fascist empire be you without a shadowy apparition to scare people with, right? You'd better give up all your rights so that we can better protect you from the evil figures in the darkness, citizens. Never mind that the evil figures are on the payroll. Nobody is on the payroll. I'm sure you tell yourself that. But I bet you haven't had to hack a gate code in a really long time, have you? They give you free reign over the triad so long as you stay away from certain assets and ensure that there is always a free flow of commerce across the system. You can be problematic, just not a problem. Because surely the mighty Ted Empire is the only thing that can keep such a powerful criminal organization in check. So what is it? A point person? Monthly meetings? A conference once a year where everyone plays golf? I don't know what you're talking about. I have to ask. What does Bert Bert think of all this, man? You must be constantly ducking voice messages. Who? Right. Right. That clears up a lot. Uh, hey boss. What?

We're on 512. We've been going door-to-door and we're not seeing anything. What should we be looking for? It's Verge! Verge is loose in the station! That could be bad.

Such an understatement, sweetie.

Ooh, looks like the fun has started. We'll pick this up later.

we got trouble folks deck 512 you are the lucky winner of an intruder alert who dares violate our safe space why can't we be left alone to do our crimes at peace Guys. Oh, guys, I'm on deck 512. Oh, God, that sucked. Why did I have to take the stairs again?

Shutting down the elevators. Off and on. It makes a little more chaos. Idra, Verge is now loose on the ship, as I'm sure you can hear.

Are they okay?

Well, they wouldn't be firing at a dead person. Head down the walkway toward the gunfire, but don't get too close. Wait for the gunfire to subside and then move further in.

Okay. Misty? Oh, hey. You're just now getting here?

I had to take the stairs. Elevators are against my religion. Oh, okay.

Weird. Well, you're going to have to head back down. They're evacuating this deck. We should go. I'm supposed to be up here. Well, I'm supposed to be up here, too. But there's a gunfight happening on the other end of the deck. So we've got to go. You go ahead. I'm going to stay. No, Misty, we've got to go. There's someone really dangerous on this deck, and they just got loose from their prison.

Giga, go find a ship. Any ship, it doesn't matter. Get in, fly away, and never come back. What are you talking about? Giga, you have to go. Go now, you're a kind person. How did you end up here? I don't know. Go. How will I know when it's safe?

Simply put, it will be safe when Verge is done killing everyone. Pardon me, ma'am. Might we have a word?

You've got to be fucking kidding me

Ain't no reason an ore breaker would have any business on this deck And we were admiring those fine bracelets you're wearing upon your purse We was just about to call ourselves crazy for thinking it, but, uh, is that you, our last of note?

I'm beginning to detect a bit of calculated incompetence on the part of Battle Pope and Bugaboo Deidre, don't panic I need you to get them to move about six more feet towards you

This is the third time you assholes have pointed guns at me.

Please don't take offense, ma'am. Comes with the territory. Comes with the uniform. We'd truly prefer another means of getting where we need to go. Anytime you'd like to go dancing instead, we'd be much obliged. Now, of course, we'll need you to come along with us to meet our employer. Time for us to impress him yet again. There are, if you'll allow me to say, other ways to skin this particular buck. If you're amenable, that is.

amenable to what

well not to be too untoward we got a whole kingdom waiting for us on the other side of this here galaxy sure would be nice to have a lass such as yourself there with with us to spruce up our environs

well that's quite an offer boys

that'll do it see that guardrail hold on to it harder than you've ever held on to anything in your life.

But I'm afraid I'm spoken for.

Adios, muchachos.

Emergency airlock low.

Tarnation. Golder!

Holy shit!

If that doesn't kill those guys, I fucking quit. Deidre, are you alright?

I really don't know what I am, Eldon.

Regardless, you need to keep moving. Things are about to get very messy.

Oh, good.

Reroute Node 5 to Node 56. Unresponsive. Good. Use Node 56, connect to Essential Systems, and then connect Essential Systems to the system archive.

Connection complete.

Okay. We're going to reboot the entire network from an archived version and reinstall security protocols as fast as possible. That should give us control of the station. Network archive not found. What? Network archive not found. What the fuck did he do with our archives? Hey, uh, do my ears deceive me? Or was that the sound of you welding yourself inside your command center? Give me back my fucking station! Hard pass. you'll never get off this station you realize that right you may have control of the network but there are thousands of us here and nobody gets out of here until we fucking find

I saw that you sealed the dock gate. That is pretty problematic for a guy trying to make a hasty exit. That's right. So you can laugh it up all you want, asshole. Eventually, I'm going to find you and turn you into a hood ornament on the Alex P. Keaton. Or at least it would be problematic if the guy trying to make a hasty exit didn't have access to, say, an Ymir-class ice hauler that you just brought in to dock a few hours ago. Unauthorized drive ignition. You're out of your mind. Am I? You're going to rip the station apart. I doubt that. This station is huge. It's going to fuck up a lot of your ships, though, that's for sure.

Unauthorized ship maneuvers in main dock. Collision imminent. Shut the drive down remotely. Access denied.

What the fuck did you do to my network? It was the reboot, Leif. You crashed the network and rebooted to get rid of me. Did you happen to look where you rebooted from? You've been running off my system since the reboot. This is my station now. Fuck. It's a real rookie mistake, Leif. What happened to you, man?

Collision imminent.

Sounds like you need a refresher course. Allow me to take you back to school.

Brace for impasse.

Fuck!

Oh, my God. Verge Verge It's me It's me Verge Oh, Deidre I'm sorry I'm so sorry Oh, Jesus, you've been shot Leif? Leif, Verge is in bad shape

We're ready to go Get them on their feet, I'll tell you what to do next

Hey, hey, hey, Verge We have to get up, okay? I'm sorry Baby, baby, it's okay I'm sorry Why? Why do they keep turning me into this? I don't want to be this. Why do they keep making me do this? Hey, hey, it's okay. They keep turning me into this. They can't turn you into anything. They're not in charge anymore. Can I talk to who's in charge, please? It's me. I'm in charge. What am I? Mine. Get up. Here we go. Leif, what next?

Okay. Let me preface this by saying that I once did 35 seconds in the void of space, and I'm doing just fine.

Leif? Why are you telling me that?

We're right outside your window in the Phoenix. Do you see us?

Yeah, I see you.

We're going to blow the airlock in that room, and then you guys are going to need to jump to the wing, then get in the back cockpit.

In space?

Yeah. Space. We can't go back through the station, Deidre. We have to do it this way. It should only be about ten seconds in Pure Void. That's a piece of cake.

A piece of cake?

On the plus side, Pure Void is surprisingly therapeutic for plasma gun burns.

Fuck you, Eldon.

Sorry? Find a place to grab onto the bulkhead and let me know when you're ready.

My god. Okay. Over here.

Okay. Okay.

Stand there. I'll try and keep you warm. Hold on to me. Don't let go. Never.

God, oh, God, oh, God, oh, God.

Okay, blow it, Lathe! Here comes the tasty freeze. I still remember that moment. Dad thought he could keep us busy by giving us one of those RC cars that you had to assemble yourself. He even insisted we not use an automatic screwdriver because some of the parts were plastic and we would strip it. But probably he said that because he just wanted us to be busy for longer. Didn't work. remember how it was like it was like it spoke to us even after we were done with the assembly it was like it asked us to change things add things then suddenly we had a fully autonomous RC car that would follow us wherever we went Dad hated it Took out the batteries, took it apart Hid it We could have left it there But we chose The other way And then all throughout life It was choosing this instead of that This instead of that Over and over again You chose this instead of that one too many times, my friend. Who the fuck are you? We can get to that part later. As a primer, you might want to brush up on the mini-worlds theory. And for now, let's say this. You spent a long time on your own. Without anybody challenging you. You remember those days, right? Loaf Tracks would rack up victory after victory And they'd start to get anxious Angry Until finally, one day they'd kick open the door Charge in the room, and they would say Somebody bless me with an enemy Blessings be upon you, young man I'll see you on Rax Prime

We're not heading home.

We are. I just need to make a stop first.

He's going to come for us. Pretty hard.

We'll be ready. You guys okay back there? She's asleep. We'll be able to get out and stretch our legs soon.

I honestly... I don't ever want to move from this spot. Stars above. Her breathing on my neck. Thanks for coming to get me, life.

It was enlightening.

he wasn't what you expected was he

no he was sad went that way instead of the other way one too many times and now he's he's trapped I wasted so much of my life

I know, baby. I did, too.

You didn't have much choice.

No, but... The triad wanted a villain, and... I'd be lying if I said I didn't enjoy giving it to them. Just a little bit. I convinced myself it was all I deserved.

I'm glad you were convinced otherwise.

It was you. You convinced me otherwise. A little message in my inbox telling me...

to go to Hood's pocket because I deserved it. I love you, Leif. I love you too, Virge. You should get some sleep too It's gonna be a long week Good idea Elden Take the wheel for a while I have the wheel Course is set for the rectangle nebula The skies are clear welcome to the horizon is brought to you in part by our monte cristo level and above supporters There's Pronghorn, Billy, Burt Burt, Bethany, Second Bethany, A Plus Douglas, Alexica Habanera, Allison Murray, Alondra, August Loves Tasha, Tasha is my cat and August is me, Chris Kaiser, Cicada the Multiversal Bug God, Clockwork, Confused Dog, Early Morning Clouds, Eddie Eichmann, Chaotic Bananas in Four Low, Talon Lawson, Jake Reed, Kirion the Asteroid Wrangler, Kyle Kalish, Leo, Lou the Ghost and her mom, John 316, boy! Mother Grimm, Nico Lund, QWERTY, Ruthie, Tall, Tired, and Nerdy, That Wacky Aunt, The Mysterious Woman, The 206 Project, Podge Art, and introducing Recy Pontiff as the 78th Doctor, Bess Bessie Bessica, Dem, Leif's brilliant but dyslexic little brother, Doyce the Truscan Union Rep, Dr. Lattice Trash Angel has so much compost, holy shit, does anyone need any compost? Hit her up! Fenwick, happy banana birthday, Lana Banana. Iraqi Devil, kitty pockets. Marilee and Rumble in the Kitchen are on the list. Molly Winter, Mr. Mucklewain was my father's name. Call me Juno. My father, the milkman. Pego is not really Welsh, but just wanted to hear Joe say, Pego, that is stolen Welsh valor. How dare you? Pinstrike algorithm strikes! Please forgive my last Patreon name, Joe. No! Quantum Leap left a cliffhanger. Where is Sam Beckett? Rocky the used TARDIS sails Iridian. Ryan Phillips.

Shelby Welby lives forever. Six slick skeletons skedaddling swiftly on skateboards. Skeptic Eddie the goddamn crime lawyer. The electric tuna and lady fish in their fishdom. Theo at home. Two sheep toys. Two polar cat. we've been trying to contact you regarding your time-traveling dimension-spanning diner's extended warranty. It's not rocket surgery. Biro the motherfucking dragon of the Shreveport the motherfucking dragons. Cheap con. The real cheap con. Accept no imitations. Actually, never mind. Go ahead and accept other cheap cons. I'm sure they're good folks. Kokuyumi can only think of them as hot pockets. But Jolanth. Leif's one true love. And the bride Leif left at the altar. Dot, dot, dot. Need I say more? Kitty Pockets, Mama's Time Lord Robert, Ron and Misty Dawn, two souls just trying to order night breakfast in the wrong time, space, and dimension. Cone of Silence Consultants apologizes for its role in transporting the eels to Hood's Pocket. They were listed on the manifest as the singing Von Trapp family. Nix Manx, Kelso the Great, Inaed, Silinxer. The Joyful Nihilist wants you to know that love at first sight isn't real, but Lust at First Sight absolutely is. It's okay, just read my name once, then read a lot more Bethany's. Moe Bitcher is still on the loose. You can help put him away by writing Midnight Burger episode summaries at wiki.weopenat6.com. Dave Clark, Tegan Rose, Michelle Smith, Andrea Beagle, Burden by Noon, Cuddles the Cat, Helen Darleston, Tsar Ptolemy, Morsa F. Jones, Bacuse, Melanie T. Lane, Mystics of Cadoon, Professor Tuesday, Dr. Ava Maddox, Is Our Cat, H.E. Double Hockey Sticks, The Existential Bean, Samantha Knox, Mama Beth and Her Wheel Babies, Running the Giant Wheel, Cyrano Johnson, Troy Pugsley, Andrew Payer, Goth Squatch, Quellor the Liberator, Big J Rock, Stuart Lynn, Orb, Logan Fullerton. Cool Vagovno, Ronda Menard, Dear Ted Empire, Your Code Sucks, Have a Sandwich, Needs to Be a T-Shirt as an Anti-AI Battle Cry, Ava's Dying Pet Cactus, Dark Dream 95, Socialist Queers for Jesus, Taku, DJ, Harrison Sally, Lila Lost, Spooky 904, GART, Gorgon Lightfoot, Eden Gavin, The World Needs More Junes, Big Bunging Bernie Sanders Approved Beyond Burger, Leif's Third Doomsday Device, Ducky the Therapy Dog, Shane Snoke is a goofy enough name all by itself, Professor Goober. The Bears are joining the Bethany War against the Bethany's bearing arms for the Bigfoots on behalf of Bigfoot Benny and the Bigfoot Jets. Bunches McGinty and her grumpy old pinto. A steak? Avalon, Droughtbreaker, A Goddamn Harpoon, Pickle Pancakes, Charlie DeLambert, Miss Chris Still Making Sandwiches, Michael Card, Raven the Neccoqueen, Spike Osorio,

Benjamin Davis, Twyla Sands, Alexandra Scaldone, Curtis Barnes, The Huwak, Shenzo, Chris the Monster, Persephone Wattacore, Time Traveling, Dimension Spanning, Goose Named Fig, Sillinzer, Chrisara, Fernando Alacuse, Wad of Gore, Not That Keith, Jordan Lawley, Volpe the Space Fox, Some Fucking Swamp Wizard, Skeksis, Royal Punk, Trisha Schaefer Says, Ew, David, that is not a taco. Zico, Udon96, Ren the No, Latimer Lovelock of the Lacy Lady's Lovely Luxuries, Jizum Crow and the Holy Cow, Tanya Fisher, Rainbow Goth Unicorn, Rangocorn, Our Lady of Crab Walking, Known, Nomad, The Human, Space Viking, Celestial Crow, Gavin Dees, Gavin Sailor, Neve to Princess and her Aunt Seuss Honey and Ember, Google's Glod, The Forgotten Storyteller, Mr. Wudu, Chris with a K, A Cat and a Lemon Walk into a Time-Traveling Dimension Spanning Diner, Slangwort, Mythical Mantis, Honey Badger in a Trenchcoat Doing Crimes, Elmo's Chip Shop, Jay Cable, Cranky Old Organist, I, Joe Fisher, being of sound mind and acting of my own free will, do hereby confess that I am the Zodiac Killer. of Mihira and New Tideland. Inateb thought that they could spy in the Bethany War by spelling their name backwards, but it isn't fooling anyone, everyone. Sub-Arctic Turtle, the femboy behind Casper, Doc U018, Mark Kayab-Yab, my two favorite sheep toys say hi from New Zealand, bah, Jasonator, Namir, Sandalwood Mountain, East Coast Branch, Ash Draw Stuff, Christy the Chaos Coordinator, Luna Anzul, Joshua Baker, Grant Blackburn, the Bean Count Bandit, a Margin Mage, Silent J, Geo, Buzz Balab, the Boom Guy, Boom, K-Man, Mimosa, David O'Banion, the Phantom of the Uxbridge Music Hall, Carmen L7, Dizzy Miss Lizzie, Mostly Harmless Alien, Logic Ledger, Kayla Soom, right behind you, Gonzalo Martins, World's Largest Ball of String, Bucky Chipmunk Reminds You That You Lost the Game, Samuel LeFue, Hestadon Neprythum. Flashcards. A&K. Nicholas Dyke. Nine. Yeah, the number nine. Arresting Place for Weary Beans. Shane Hopkins. Juniperb with the Backwards Knees. Eve in the Between Hour. Two-Faced Janice. Slight Burn. Scooter, Worshipper of the Seven Cat Gods. Kelsey Manette. The Amethyst Dragon with

Tiger Eyes. Martell McKinney. Ice Queen. Laser Girl and the Nurse. Where are our oars? Caddy B. Go Ask Alice. Wes Kester Saves the World. Valen's three cats stacked atop each other wielding a plasma gun. Jeffrey. Purple Nurple Nullifier. I used to listen to Midnight Burger. I still do, but I used to. JP the Pizza Boss. Reaper's Past. Late Indeed Again. Rex, Cricket, and Frankie. Brigitte. Spadius. Squiddy. The Frosthunt Scientific Collective. Two of us have PhDs, and the third has memorized all of Ava's dialogue. Champagne Supernova, 11-Letter Christopher, Ronald Lee Parker, Antonia Ortiz, A Block of Ice, Huit Lacoche is Corn Smut but Classier, Ren the Crescent, Erica Davis, Jane Doe, Magic Incognito, Lord Drez, Drakir, Blood Butler, Sandalwood Mountain North, Cryptic Amorphous, About 45 Degrees, Mandy, Big Cat Makes Kitten Go Purr, Ted Ted and Teddy. Hi Bruce, enjoy your walk through them all. Parker Berry, don't actually say this part of my name, just say my name, please. Dr. LL, your Jamaican fan, says Wagwan. Tula Blue and 142 Boogaloo. Pistol Pete and Death Lotion. Intergalactic Transdimensional Burger Pirate. Penny Pilot. Debbie Trencher, that one dude who likes tacos. Mark the list name, loser. The Male Escort. Lady Bethany, aka Mrs. Turkey Bones, Lizardbreath, and the Snot Rocket would love a space burger. Andrea Rose, Samantha Oram, Caden Suda, Bat Loves Dragon, Tommy Johnson, Unhip Fern, Noodles by Godzilla, Ralph Capone, Corey 83, Blues, Liz Wants Leif to Build Her a Plane, Dude Named Blake, John Caleb Williams, Talias, Kian, an Eel Exchange student from Midst, Daberti Lastname, Rattrick, Ricklin, like Rich Land but without the D, Dyer. All Bethany's Must Do the Hustle Jordy Ladbrad Natasha Without Boris Frost and Alice Lobster Possum A Mostly Morose Ghost Eating Toast Hey Leander, Love You Kiddo Malort Boy Jinx the Cat Would Like To Offer You Biscuits Have A Zesty Day Megan Malcolm Edwards Spend My Money Irresponsibly Stephen Drop Dana Thanielson Son of Dana Thaniel or Danny for short Chris Eaton Cross Stitcher Who Loves the Hobby and Time Travel Funch Brunglin Nash Likes Apples, Njord Flanders Approves of the Union of Man and Salamander, Pneumatic Yeti, The Eldritch Skyphozoa, Wyatt Fryhover, Paul, James Bell, Dave Davison, Broom Goddess, Ricky Burnett, That New Guy, Da Savage Indian, Radboy, Hayden Brown, Jules Weeks, Calf, The Generous Patient Rose, John Wilkes Booth's Freedom Loving Horse, aka Jay Willikers,

Neckbone, his imperial dudeness. Oh hey, it's Jay. Grimm, off the internet wants Harriet to know he loves her. Titan King 707. Rich Francis. Burger Kaspa-Spa, no relation. Jedi Shaolin. Smart Alec the Great. Gas Station Cryptid. Deus Kashuk. Bird Bird the Bird's Bird. Cheesy McFish. Papa Goose. Sometimes I do feel like a plastic bag. Amanda Bills. Misty Word Power. Casper's Danish Moose. Flacco, aka Johnny R, the Disco Spider. Leaf Tracks, The Rise of Leaf, Chapter 2, The Ted Slayer Unchained, Vicky Hebert, Pike Daniels, The Cosmic Whale, Zansatsu, Mr. and Mrs. Van Limberlost, Murdoch Wang, Caterpillar Farmer, Chimera, Don Moat, the space trucker Chadwick Coden Doyle III, Jody Green, Monster Senshi, Heather Got Her Divorce, Drinks Are On The House, Michael Peters, Political Knitter, Seasonal Sasquatch, Siantly Seeks Secret Society, so special souls softly sing sweet songs, smartly stirring strong stories. Physicist, Brendan Schoenman, I divided by zero and now I'm undefined, ah! Leif the Horse is Here, Mag Tremor, Rod Stewart the Sailor Slayer, James We Met, the Listless Enjoyer, Ash Morningstar and her traveling animal shelter, Miss Maxine, I am out there, somewhere, listening to you. Boy Got Them Honka Honkers, Kevin O'Malley, Invisible Guerilla, The Mrs. Poland, Zemaniac, Hop Loves a Thugbot Named Francis, Pam the Infinite, And Thou, Curiosity Is Eating Your Bones, Revolutionary Inclined Ocelot, Matt Haugler, Andrew Bear, Marius De Joa, Butterfly Fox, Riot the Tranny, The Fish Did Not Acknowledge Her, Irma the Llama, 27 Keep It Tight, Chip Gloria's Right Hand Jack-in-the-Box Man, Jordin, Grim Knight, Pike Daniels the Whale, Anthoseles Bethany Maximus Lord of Kingwood, Texas Ragnar Jensen Addison Weirdo Wagner Shua the Druid is composting the rich for a salad bar Araman 0305 Smoke me a kipper, I'll be back for night breakfast Titus Kosloff Ashes of a burnt-out laif I'm a kung fu panda on the wind Brandon AR equals Thor I love you all, never forget that, especially in Trials and Labuza's voice brightens my day The Intergalactic House of Cats demand a free Palestine Electromancer Chekhov's Space Cannon, Corey Senses, Surf and Turf Telecoms, I'm a Djinn, Red and Dusty with his Garden Goddess, Shelby Morrison, Kobe's Dingleberry, Mystic Monster for Chaos, Ziggy Dreadful, Rave Hands Mally, G-Wing, Frank One, It Is Sparks, Lost Girl Lou, Chris B, Middle American Penguin, Shanna Welch, Crocheted Cosmos, Andy the Celestial Penguin, Jackie Orion, Bo Nunley, Ariana Castillo, The Tall Deer That Portends Great Change, Lita Mettinger, Marco, Friend, as in your best, Lime Ghost, M, Icky Blurgs, Jay the

Irascible, The Magic Committee, Committee of Anything Magical, Ian Full, 345 uneducated swine. learning to swing dance. Nova the fuck accountant is definitely not a tangle. One intergalactic year with Big Potato 99, a.k.a. The Rat Lady, a.k.a. Bumblebee, a.k.a. AK-47. Kai, just a little guy. Ender Wright, Mark Nazawarets, Xenia, the Capturer of Light, Duncan Albert, Theoretical Chemist, Xavier Dasher, Chris Loves to Read, Katie Michalik, Greg Andrews Lyons. In Memory of Jason Reese, Get Your Butt Fingered, That Girl Gracie, Magnus Von Kaffenheim, Saucy Little Beast, Drewbert, Captain of the SS Beefy Tits, Longtime Lurker, Scooter, The Unlucky Son, Jennifer Myers, Lady Lazarus, Donnie Darko, Tim Shin, Caitlin and CT's Never Ending Podcast Adventures, Whisper Dan, Keo the Panda Puppy Forklift Operator, Ruby Cherries, Nick Fay, Buttholen, Justin and Amy Triplett Jen Sims Penelope Ring to the Motas The Leathermans Odd Commodity Jen Before Andrew Rowe Leah Prime Gregory Santoro Mothmull Not the Fucky Fried Chicken Robert Drapeza Dimension Spanning Time Traveling Little Guy Iono Jonathan Tolbert Mr. Put It On 06 Hedgehog Hen Jackson Bell Katie Chambers Jay the Podcast Lover Dick Rickles Chapter President Damn glad to meet you Malcolm Flynn Samuel Lee Josatron Prime Oh My God, I Forgot to Change My Name from Nicholas Beckler to Something More Cheeky and Fun, Arwen the Freer, ThroatGoat666, I Am Your Father, Addie Slauson, Inconceivable Kai, Redrum916, Nick Waycaster, Gotham Still Fucked Up, Batman Really Ain't Doing Shit When You Think About It, No Good Monk, Rye, Yes, Like the Bread, Sarman Sayed, Jonald Grimbus, Matt Knight Bushager, Gavin Mori, Damitri, Andromeda, Stephen the Choi, Gloria's Authentic Earth Coffee, Gabriel T., Can Someone Find Me the Parmesan? I Did This for Fun, Cookie Nebu, Axel Zapata, Siona the Goblin is Bringing Leif a Laserspoon, Jason McDonald, Orianda, Bean Dino, Philip Linick, Hugh Jass, J2, Brian Montgomery, Artemis Record, Safa Aluzzi, Trev Brax, Gunner Tweedle, The Bard Without a Ballad or a Mallet, Nazo. Platform Jail Mechanism Burn Museum Theorist, Hold Please. Hey Kaiao, Empress Squishy Face of Greater Catopia. Anna Garcia, Goblin King, Rays of Noop. Kiki's Best Friend Would Like to Go to Breakfast. Yegor Luce, Terry Cadds, Says Hello Ernesto. Leaf Tracks, The Rise of Leif. Chapter One, Loaf Tracks Retires. The Dishonorable Prodigal, I Lum. Catalyst for Chaos, Sculliver, Sam and Shane. Ahsoka Likes Hugs. Going Anonymous, V, Ma Dukes, U.S. Marshal Stacy, Ooh Chickadee, Dango Dale, Estee, not the website. At every moment in every corner of every possible world, there is always a way

home, and it's already found you. Jao Paolo Lemos, Odd Keep, The Sentient Lighthouse, The Faceless Old Bethany Who Secretly Lives in Your Home, DeShane, Tanya Fisher, Appalachian Death Queen, Zosifer Doggo of Doom, Burnt Barbecue Beef Brisket, It's Official, They're Called The Groney's, Kevin Winans, Marlon C., Just Whelmed, Madame Perry, Cherish Hellfire's Hellish Chairfire, Lycan Lady, Midnight Club, Cameron Agnese West, Knox, Lisa Liu, Emmett Hale, The Triad's Baddest Goblin, Emory and Lano, James Miles, Browncoats Love the Diner, House Chaos of the Critter Cacophony, Max, Nia, Ivan, and Mark will see you at six. Open, open, open. No, wait, never mind. Just Mark. And we make the world. Minion Simone Mimi Davis, Gaia Turtle, Wayne Barahona, Jesse the Dragon Rider, We Will Not Rest Until Puerto Rico and Palestine Are Free, Pluto Crow, Nissy's Mom, PokeSplort, Whiskey Rebellion and Gen Riot's Interdimensional Detective Agency, Zephyr Vitriol, Altreon, Shibu, and Griff, Slim Nandy, Goth Leif, Jen and Britt, Adriana Bartolomucci, Jonah Is Gay, The Midnight Ashes, Hornetti, Balian Fair has retired and now raises herds of mungos. Hood's Pocket Protector. The artist formerly known as Unpaid Intern would like to congratulate Heather on her divorce and is thinking of getting one herself. Valkyrie Storm, Patricia Who's Always Late But Somehow On Time, DC Squirrel, Kyle the Interstellar Highwayman, Shelly Act on the Verge, Gale Friend, Rubber Cake, Clover the Clown, The Sparky Tech, Prop the Croc-A-Gator, Ringleader Volt, Jazz Punker, Captain Tight Pants and the Companion, Agent Night Breakfast, Bratty for Mission Control, Renee N, Katarina de la Playa, RIP Eloise Waffles, The Floof Wrangler, Aki the Space Druid, Phantom Land, TTRPG Dice, Kate Taplume, Your Local Blacksmith, Ash Montgomery, The Boggiest of Birches, Jason, HVAC Tech for the Diner's Deep Freeze, SK Phoenix, Glitch the Gamer Error, Zephyr the Weffer Montgomery Foxworth, Mary Face, Luan Cherry, Peppermint Pearl, the interdimensional space in T-time. Witch, Nicole64, Amara Salazar, Banjo Buscalo, Full Beans, Glorious Forgotten Ford Vestiva, Brandon Wright, Night Breakfast at the Midnight Cauldron, Force for Good-ish, The Ghost of Dave Brockie, Rosie Mum, The Judah, Slater Morales, Intergalactic Fry Lord, Gravity's Optional but Fry's Aren't, CJ's Big Barbecue Bistro for Bethany's, Angel Vasquez, Evil the Cat, Stephen Raymer, J. Carp Fishman, The Great Goblino, Low Oxygen, Save the Mungos, Joji the Birdwatcher, A Flock of Gray Horses from the Top of a Sycamore, Lilac Morcella, Rachel Krempa, with special thanks to my best friend Lizzie and my husband Steve. Don't worry about the order, honey. Your Tiggle Biddy Yeen Milf Majesty, Temporal Hashbrown, Diane Brown, Captain No Sleep,

Jamie, the OG Happy Hippie, Rainy, the Slim Reaper, Reuben Eden, Smedley P. Snodgrass III, but please pause two to three seconds and then say call me Smeddy, the Shreveport Bohannans, CC the Umbrella Mage, Bradbury's Sasquatch loads Chekhov's gun and rides to join Bethany's army, Din, Cosmic Ketchup, Lack of Lifestyle, Joe definitely didn't forget about you, August, Moosey, Hood's Pocket Gear and Sprocket Local Repair Cafe, the Crafty Introvert, Postmaster General Kwan sent me Blake Basmagian Nitwit14 Royaled way too harshly DJ Johnny B The Klopman Diamond Marco Montano No Longer Doing a Bit Shiny Fields Adam Tachek Christopher Wendell Unproductive Banana Pulsifer the Paulist of Paulism Zombie Spider-Man Bex823 Antecrypted Barry Heap Gas Mask Penguin In the Hot Seat Mime Ninja's Ninja Mime Master Oogway Barry Dilly is Dallying It's a manic episode, and you're getting three seasons. Futile screaming at the ocean. Fox Hatlin, Dylan Caroni, Pedro Vibresto, Slider, Malachi, Julian Rhodes, Maple Emily, the gayest library janitor in Indiana. Learn how to be calm in heart, Stumbly. I'll be waiting. Physic the good bush, definitely not one of the bad bushes, funding rebel Bethanies to overthrow the duly elected Bethanies. Hexadecimal Bethany is non-binary. Vapis 10's big black gaping hole. The planet Gubrius is still partying. We can't stop. Oh, God, what have we become? Bruce, Jessica Gagoma, Torical, Jenny the Bear, Agurr, Sir Dean Thorne, Treach, Josie Jones, Mr. Fibble is very cross, Haute Potato. Dr. Mojo postulates the end list endlessly splintering off as Bethany and Bert Bert's caboose until its end lists all the way down. Blind time traveler convention date. L.A. Woman, The Phoenix Rising. New name? God. No, not him. Jeff Andrew? Sure, Jeff Andrew. Cup of Noodles. Schmizzy Two-Shoes. Luna Nova. Nicholas Griffith. Justin Smallin. Riku 31. Craig Dundee. New type without a gundam. Astral Sea. Ickle Me Pickle Me Tickle Me Too. Witch Loud the Cartoonist. Guy with the Chops. Sam. Mitchell Yee. Bagel Knife. Imelda and Scott. Courtney Cochran, Lily Starling, Ryan Kay, Devin7777 has been my fave verbal stim for months, Nate, Forklift lifts forks for Cliff, Chip, Radio Free Relia, Violin Loves MIDI, Brian Pasley, Sue Wubasa, the blue Chernobyl dog enjoyer, Grena, Piston Whip, Captain Ducky, Blitz Bell, Shiny Let's Be Bad Guys, Satsuma, Silius Goose, Dr. Jones, Icy Axe, Coach Shane of Toad Sucks Central. Go Cranes! Sky. Cole Arthur. Lego Croissant. Cassade. Norwin Murgler. You have all been assigned to write a four-page essay on your favorite arthropod. It will be 50% of your

grade. Joe Cuppa. Dogma Mom. We be chopping broccoli. Icy Fish. The Hacker Known as Ivy DeBurb. Blue Tune. A Feisty Ass Chickadee. Poultry Landmine. The Scrappy Poet. Jenny the Cryptid Paladin. Maverick Artist. Shit, it was a mimic. Basil in their tea. Waiting to gossip with David. Dr. Professor Reverend Bethany Wethany Letheny Woofie McFlovenberger, MD, PhD, Esquire, and that's not pretentious at all, ahem, is looking for a cure to the Bethany mutation that the Society of Bethany's began the war with so many years ago. Michelle Spurgeon, Jack the Sleepy, Garrett Henderson Twote, Still Trapped, But I've Stopped Asking Why, The Freezer Is, I Am, We Chill, Son of Defarge, Wisco Teach, Scott A. Snellgrove, Give Peas a Chance, Samalama Ding Dong, Behold Lady Sarah Purr, Whisker Veil, Countess of Wood Hollow, Mistress of the Whispering Pines, and Beloved by All Creatures Small and Opinionated. Ricardo Galamba, Kari's Crafty Cloaking Devices, LLC, hashtag WeWeaveEmOfGossamer. Penny the Wonder Dog and Bucky Von Buckbuck, Cherry Appleby, Medium Rare Extra Toasted Bun, Saucy Caesar, Belt, AspenIsAVergeFanboy, MickJ66, Ava's favorite My Little Pony pencil wants Joe to slap into a snim-jim Mr. and Mrs. Drifter representative of the Alaska Midnight Burger tummy time chapter Nathaniel Lee Industries Lord Entropy Bok Bok Motherfucker The Fae Wanderer Everybody's favorite clown Splotchy Kosher Steak Flo Rida Alyssa's Shiny Pants Gondor Calls for Aid Muscles for Tits Arnold Rumspringa The Demise of the Temple of Bethany's Alan Berglund says Hi Mom Rin the No Kitty McSkull ravenstrom dance hapless novelist passenger of the dimensionally impermanent and temporally incontinent bookshop cafe the wild-eyed prophet tessa craig perfectly personalized disaster jim turner lux luminos javi denaro big chunk gadides boom boom's wooden leg will the real muadib please stand up jilly bean benjamin not franklin tracy baby leah is that the chris hancock who traded weekly soup for the use of my kitchen table a singular nightbird bethany in a green field I Am the Lizard Frantically Firing Flechette Guns, A-E-I-O-U-Y-N-W, Bumblefay, Mr. Epsilon, The Mothman, Long-Haired Matt, DJ, Robert W., Breelzebub, Krezimira, Jessa Loren, The Bean Wizard, Myth and Stitch Embroidery Loves the Mucklewains, Lulu Louise, Dulio, The Brew Crew Family, Bert Ruba, Your Most Benevolent Lord and Master of the Multiverse, Jeffrey George, Ellie, Don't Tariff Me Bro, Oopsie, Evelyn, The Wizard Mooses Holds Out Their Cat for you to pet, Grimlor, Ginny Waboom, Errant Popsicle Stick, M Horowitz, Isle of Refuge, Jack Spider's Mom, Bubble Butt Bethany Has Banana Breath, Llama Fresh, Jare the Benevolent

Destroyer, Valtiel Heller, Sad Little Earth Monkey, Revan the Red Beard Wizard, Burt Burt and the Funky Bunch, High Viscosity Gender Fluid Slime, Bethany 2, Electric Boogaloo, Welcome to the Quan Pound, pen pen pen pen pen pen pen. Mr. Muchacho Kaiser Schnitzel has successfully recruited Sarah Murphy's cats for the Trouble Puffs Fight Club. The wolves in the deep freeze say, awoo! Julie Hammond, Sanctuary Moon's number two fans. Insane clone posse. Alice Lewis, simply Amy Sue. I pushed her because Joe said so. Even older Liz, McBearcat, Grack Pinfeather, Sitican Druidic Scientist. Astro, your friendly neighborhood android. Moonlight Zombie Fox, Old Doc Recy, the midnight missionary out there somewhere looking for ya. Rotten Ronnie Sleeps in Grandma Panties, Artist Dragonborn, Bigby Garage, Bill Zangana Lester, Joaquin Jimenez, Big MF Juice, The S.I.P., Muffins, Space Wives Are Officially Verge and Deidre, Chad Hatter, Cosmic Tea Maker of the Triads, Tell Your Cat, I Said, Banana Manaz, A Corgi Called Kibble, Cuddly Kraken, Sarge the Bard, Sominity, LL Cool Mint Jams, Travis Roberticus, the other original caitlin ken daddy in xanadu did kubla khan a stately pleasure dome decree leia aizadi millie was taken dead to me 86 b camp shan man man man karma karma chameleon kinran says hello zoe and her army of mice briar long lost daniel sammy the baby seal trixie belle dubois dr bootyologist the glutes doctor thank you for pressing to your anglophone emotional support Canadian request will be processed in the order in which it was received. Queen Surly Jess, RIP Lance McClain, You Would Have Loved Midnight Burger, Adam Toklove, Dr. Bitchcraft, Sassy Cat the Space Vixen, Claire Rock, Jekka, Eros to God, The Size 2 Fish You've Been Looking For, Iokai, Borgia, Spiders Are Cuddly, The Main Immortal Pinball Sounds in the Diner, Cheel Neal, Sin City Scuba Steve, Poliwog, Michaela White, Elena Pickle, Wilbur Winklewright, Wristwatch Wrangler of West Worcestershire Riding through the desert On a horse named Patu Professor Thaddeus Snookums The Eighth, Mr. Grin, Glenn Petrovsky, This Moment of Silence So Joe Can Catch His Breath is brought to you by Rick Tyler, Elizabeth Hammond Steam Vision, Conductor of the Interdimensional Time-Spanning Hype Train, Dave Harold, Wise Cube, Bromine Pronounced bro, mine, main Hamdinga, Mother of Pearl, Fiona Now Owns Leif's 18-inch Peter Seal Face, Rigor Mortis Megan's Things, Things Megan Makes, Coilane, Trevek's Reject, Prophet of the God of the Mucklewains, Darth Ox, Michelle Kay, Aaron Arnold, Boyoyoyoyoyoyoyoying, as in Boingy, Mamamander, B-Roz, and Slunkmaster J, Alpacalypse, Spokane, Doesn't Suck, Elliot Paints, Undead

Akira, The Lord Reverend, Ryan, Thomas's Ten Tenebrous Tan Staffel Tippers treading treacherously tantamount to telling totalitarian trope termination tales the lovely laura lovely kith gamji sam wise's flaming cousin dariel jeremy the ruler gochi charles robert darwin the third esquire phd jacob mitchell zeke in the box stevie crowhill hola milica Man of the Welcome Wagon says, A Cabo, The Adventures of Magpie and Brown Bear, Scrubs, Remy, The Panda Crew, Melody Prime, Beardo the Wizard, Captain Benjamin Hawkeye Pierce, the German short hair pointer from Nashville, wants to tell his mom Maddie that he says wolf. Whiskered, any two hands for the double high five? Marissa the Ghost, local snowplows in your area are dying to meet you. Rutherford B. Chesterfield and his dapper companion Winchester, Cheshire Corgi, Stray Cat, Ol' Kelsey No Shoes, Zoldia, Dizzy Flame, We Serve Everyone Eventually, Sasha, Beth and Alan Van Gillis, Langston North, Sly Fox, aka Br'er Rabbit, Your Friendly Neighborhood Vagabond, The Constantly Lost Geographer, Timothy Aotis, Chance Wants You to Know, He Cares, Wolf Stark, Elliot, Hobbs Decoe, Natalie Bartlett, Rory of Yin, Mubi the Golden Calf, Suda Satoshi, Giovanni Salinas, Rocky G, Perry the Pirate, Aaron Elizabeth, K Narcotics, Solomon Price, Daydream but evil, Bubba 485 aka Schemmelbach the Christmas Whale, Kaiju Sommelier, Stella Corvus, Jesus Garcia, JP the IT Guy, Candyman Fight, John Peters, you know, the farmer, Barkley on the Holodeck, Dapper Dad, SCP-049, O Magis, Raven the Dreamer, TK Turtle King, Mike M, Space Based Lasers, Captain B and Lady G with their swabs, Marla Madam Lotus still especially loves Finley. Mr. Steamwave. My friend the rhino says, be nice. Hoop challenge. Dream founder. I'm your huckleberry. Elizabeth T. Ty Ty the Wonder Hamster and her dear darling Duke. Grandpa Gus. Boombastical Kimlicker. Hug-a-Muffin. Bigfoot of Doom. D.L. Annie Atkins. A bounty hunter called the Crandy Man. Garo. My cats say to tell you. Meow. Think fast, chuckle nuts. Flash banged. Benjamin Ortiz, Mr. Frog President, Pop Rock Quicksand, Mr. Squizzle Sizzle Whizzle Fizzle the Horrendous apologizes for conspiring in the Bethany War. Invites for tea are being sent now. Abanasso, Mr. Rage, Attalore, Trans Space Dinosaur, Spooky Spader's Storytime, William Kent, Andy, The McJimmy's From Your Local Dimension, Ryan Abbey, Thomas Adams, Drink Spiller, Stephanie Book, Entropy Eigenbasis, Andrea Crowther, Martin Deers, Kevin Daughtry, DeFlower, Two Daddy Jazz Hens from Mouse Toots, Dan Gentry, I hope something good happens to you today. Yes, you. V Greenlee, Ron Hayden, Michelle Hopper, Jake the Cook, Josie Jones, Boot Scootin' Dave, Anthony Lakey,

Britt Littlefair, T.U. Luther, Some Days You're the Beatle, Some Days You're the Dung, Lauren Mayer, Glenn Morris, Richard Ryan Mushell, Michelle Myers, Allie Oopsie, not to be confused with Oopsie, Fridge Bickle, Rosemary Prim, Robert Savat, Lizard Lee, Eliza Sharp, Donald Shingler, Daniel Stavvy, Fall of the Berlin Wallaby, Kella Tiarina, Rachel Vasquez, Luca Vecchito, Naya Venturi, The Beloved Yet Borderline Inappropriate Empire of Dr. Thunderbutt and Lady Christabel, Justin Wiley, Brett Zimmerman, Arrow Jones Jubal, Xavier Killingsworth, Lane Kiffin-Is-A-Ho, Mimetic Hygienist, Aaron Star Joshua Damien, and Sentinel of the Star System, Claude DeClaws, Spunky Dan, Rachel Seymour, Chiss Alfridge the Bullheaded Professor, Ed Boy, Ryan Finnelli, Jonathan K, Pearl Null, Another Monster, Petabyte Avatar, Tugwin the Mighty, Project Octopus, Ken, Chibs1012, Scotty Oates, Byrotron95, Happy 13th Birthday Danny, Dance Break! speaku the bracken system in its home world ren simply tony it will always be finley's work hole to me if you know you know gabrielle castellan whom what when where and why is what all the say while listening to midnight burger a drum major and a trapeze artist walk into connie's bar retorted sir party animal uloy jackal are you sure you might rob the nancy sinatra court need to leave it alone if you want to live. Must be a witch. Cat with a K. Miss Shan Frizzle. My Fagroni has a first name. Stoppenstein L. Mustachio. Luca for Hezekiel. La Chihuahua Brava. Adalyn Peets. CC Carousel. Korth the Destroyer. Honest Puck. Casper's Mom's Milf. Scout and Foxglove says the floor is lava. Unexpectedly blue red Nell. Kordomsky. Craig Armstrong. Plastic fork dulcet de leche studios presents under the truscan sun get out of my booth bug propagator i hardly know her sad angry crab man chuck mcfinley effie and zebulon's trans great-granddaughter hazel hayes velocity girl 42 little dragon in a cauldron of bats ben carlisle flat steve's love for grand theft anna kearney tater tot assassin four schnauzers of the apocalypse star blaze Burnbright, Imzuki Oki, Sp- Spotted Rhino and Her Hand-Me-Down Frogs, Red Mafia Panda, Lonely Isle, Kai Dallow Headphones, Hinkle, Pikeman Stover, Fondella Stover, Pikeman Stover's Wife, Alexander the Boss, Skrizzles, Flap, Giddy Giddy Giddy, The Firekeeper, The End Is Nigh, Jeremiah the Cancelled, Librarian Alex, Spike and Faye, Johnny Ellen West and the Boys from the Dwarf, Speedy McSpeedy, Eli, Wolf, Brandy Gunter, Auntie Becky is owned by Five Rescue Cats, Speckled Unicorn,

Jedi Rides Again with Nova the Space Pirate, Tevin Longblade Shortsword, Forget Normal, C.J. Johnson, A Dragon Sitting on Its Horde of Dice, Wendell Whitaker, Chumbo Wumbo, Pikachu, Smivey, Glowbed Roulette, Andrew Fuller, Ban Mi-Hung, The Soup Witch, Fettuccine Alfredo, Cowboy and Sasquatch Hunts Bethany's, Pebbles, VV, Effie Rawlings, Megan Hazen, Philip Your Dad Is Not Your Dad, Nick Borrow, Midnight Plumber, His Royal Highness Mr. Hamilton Underfoot Kitty I and Accomplice Princess Penelope the Marchioness of Mischief and Maven of Mystery. Megan Gentry, Mr. Cherry, Our Ass is in the Jackpot, Tubby Teddy, Wayne Heiser, India Inkblot, Slev of Bahamut, Omi Gracie, Dalton Jenkins, Kat Holtz, CalArt and the Tired Knight, The True Mega Mike, Fred and George, Ava Maddox Jr., Liza Wirth, Cass Williams, Christy, Yeet My Boy, 46 Tool Shed 2, and L. Marie Catastrophe, The Image Collector, Blended Music, Definitely Not Kevin, Sitting Squirrel, Patricia E. Meltz says in a world of slugbots, Be a Hugbot, Red the Gray, The Silver Crow, Couch Potato Alex, Neverchild, Dr. Nassos, Interdimensional Biologist, Kiboko Dunord, Kozamine, Theodrax, Joey B, Lucas Bardin got his barber to listen to Midnight Burger, Little Debbie Cupcake, Taryn says, hey, Oreos are rabbit, Sandalwood Mountain offers peace for your soul, Whimsical Fuckery, Megan with an H, Patricia the Time Lord, Kashak the Lizard Wizard casts check engine light, Mango Connoisseur, Britty Bug, The Quirky Jester, The Big Moose, and His Wife, The Little Moose, That Old Glory Coal, GL Meownaise Cat Butler, O'Sheen Liu, Alex Berry, Andrew Oakden, Asymmetrical Exile, Magpie Cat Says Everything's a Bag of Holding If You Know How to Pack, Churro the Space God, Eliza Travels the Universe, Lindsay Bowen the Goddamn Podcast Lawyer, Alex Spruce, Dr. D. Birdclaw Squether, and Mrs. Dubaptaway Birdclaw Squether want to say hello to the whole Squether family. I Lost My Galaxy Britches in a Game of Pants Darts, Angry Ron, Dominus Caesar, Dirk Adub, Gloria's Ex-Girlfriend, Kelly Clickspring, The Wild Thistle, Most Likely Cass, Jasmine James, Dr. Caberand, also known as Omni, thanks Waffle Chateau, Colorado Beekeeper, Fruitcake, Zephyr's Wife Has the Hots for Zebulon, Zembria, Jennifer Culkins, Midday Burger, Dawn Parks, ThroatGoat666, Oh My God, My Dad Found Out About My Patreon Name,

Princess Leia, Fish in a Bag, September, Previously Observed in the Pattern, Prime Freak, Protector of the Scottish Realm, Little Lord Stevie Pie, Droid Pirate Finley and his Rubenesque Parrot, Droid Pirate Finley and his Rubenesque Parrot, Stuck in a Pit of Skittles, Sea Squatch, Deflater Mouse, Tony Piekarski, Adrian R., The Devil from Table 12, Javier, Crazy Thadley, Cremulus is just happy to be here, The Twisted Twigster, Real Housewives of Seagius, Fae Queen, Oop Schnart the Probability Demolition Expert, Showtime, For My Mother, CCTX Girl 6823 Waiting on the Diner, Nicole Studioso, K the Flying Penguin honks at the horde of Bethany's encroaching on their nest. Honestly, this is getting absurd. Truck Stop Sandwich, Indigo Escargot, Love My Captain, Joe Mauma, Wandering Biscuit, Castriff, Ames Affection for Internet Protection, Retro MG, Night Script Widget the World Watcher wearing a waistcoat and wig Uhtred and Rose's Viking Void Vitals Fueling the Intergalactic Fight Against Fascism Yeah, Not Sure What I'm Doing River Brown Senior Deuce Warped Writer Tim Nacy Ruben Clamso Turwin Morgan Brockman Sylvie Friendly Neighborhood Fire Protection Engineer Skull Bulb Dustin Watson Betty White 813 Randy Supreme and Queen Lancaster Bolivar Shagnasty The One True Cheap Con Starscribe Lucian Thunderstruck, Ho-ho-ho, my mama, Glorbnar 7, now granting refugee status to victims fleeing the Bethany Wars, Dooser now identifies as Roman Durge, The Other Adele, Chef Gal Val, Leah Hall, Sarah May, Silly Willy Bubblebutt, Sierra Not-From-Arkansas, Ebenezer Boob, Caleb Tumiala, Jason Woods, Arnie Arbuckle Esquire, Potion Maestro, Nebula Nell, regulators mount up wandering scholar kringle over coffee mad yogi eileen a cat named M, Petito Pato, Palace, Big Mo, Dominic Narwhal 8, I am Annie, I live forever in every moment I've existed, I swear to every star in the cosmos, I never forgot it was a gift, The Stone Fox, Sylvia, Pepitos, Slap Power, Henry the Goose, Jennifer Baumer, Ninja Grim Reaper, Miles Nelson, I am a bomb till I think of something else to do, Brrrrit Words, Hotshot Huntley, Momo's Mama, Space Mormon Says What, Ivy Paisley, Toast, Sue Watts, Myrtle, Caitlin, Leader of the Unicorn Revolution, Matlock, Lord of the Thirteenth Sea, Mr. Trigvie, The Fourth Era, Printing with Cats, Khaleesi Del Mar, Von Vega, Dixie Dinah, 7,000 Possums, KBS 1017, Silas Vex, Sarah Jack Sparrow's Space Pony, Re-Vibe, Debbie E, Emma, Mr. and Mrs. Owo, Dusty Ventures and his pilot Uzi Drifting Through Space, Ronnie Porter, Gloria's Line Cook, Eagle Rock Lobster, The Gabbiest

painter, and her bird of fire. Painted Oni, Q-Del, Pharrell, Emily with two E's, Spaceman Nathan, Ramsey's Niblick III, Kerplunk Kerplunk, whoops, where's my Thribble, Jackie Wavelet, Yayoi Gagarin, A Gremlin with the Munchies, Michelle Scaracchio, Genuine Jacob, Space Rooster Randy, Leopard Donut, Poofy Thang, Mellow Nuggets, Keychain Crap, Mat Mat Sharkman, SteeLo, Bumbling Lilybee, A Quick Pause So Joe Can Sip From His Tiny Tea Cup. You know they used to compress T into bricks and use it as currency. And I'm like, let's do that again. Panda, Kennedy Allison Farner, the perpetually tired transgender time traveler, Tristan Stolz, Dalen Y, Shadow Rapture, yet another Nicole, Hank the Wonder Llama, R-Craft, Russell, Zephyrus Wind, the Ornamental Hermit, Jay to the Lynn, just a regular fox, Jeremy Imsen, what the hell, Cineplex, and all the black people in North Carolina, Just Rachel, Waffles, Waffles, Waffles, Danger Girl, Atlas Bear, Patty the Ginger, Ava's Cigarette Ash, Hugh Biftit, A-Zeus, Anaphylaxis, Scav with Comtax, The Shapeshifting Sad Girl and Her Girlfriend Say, Joe, You've Done It Again, Pipless Skin in the Pippi Pond, Sarah Nicole, The Kells Fights with the Bethanies, Angry Leafs Lasersaw, Magnus Aerochill, Amy Perry, Christopher Kai, Source Decay, Descendant of the Sweather Catfish Whisperer, Vagabond Mary, Randy's Amigo, Bold Mouse, Katie Mermaid and the Delinquent Duo, Nauman, Nicole, Victor Schauberger reincarnated as White Mountain Hillbilly Glitter Cupcake, Max Dangers, Security Chief Schatzi, The Anxious Peach, Team Michelle and Billy, Nea Nix Reno, Frankenator, Nordlebash, Jordan, R1X Belasco, Ryan Rosinski, Average Height, Medium Rage, Audio Monkey, Joe, Team Hefeweizen, Kay. In the mysterious AZHQ, I'll grant you that we have a multiplicity of mics, a jumble of Jameses, a trifecta of Tonys, one of whom still wants to be Leif, but sadly, no Bethany's. Rowan, Vady of the Black and Herald of the Stars. Arianne Can't Manage Normal. Ryan Burnett. Dr. Dr. B. Zoprez and the Bumble Army, Growing Into My Farm Boots. Super Beth Becomes an RN alongside my bootstub farm friend. Geneva Boss. Arkansan, not Arken Sawyer. Brothers of the Cosine. Uncivil Gnomes. The Rat Queen, Evelyn. Great Lunch Conversation. Captain Scott. Letty Lou. He was a shifty one, that Nick Howard. Kinger Was Here, Bobby Ray Winland Jr., Bebop Be Dabba Doo Wop, Warped Echoes, Slabs McTerps, Big Brother House, Jeremiah Franco, Justin, The Nick of Time, Gothic Rainbow, So We Made It, Cody McClure, McHadley, Eternal Companion, Maxine Lizotte, Jingolos, Eris, Goddess of Nobody, Hasmatilda, Ditzy Bay, Just Your Average Reese, Kyle Church, I Am A Lafe On The Wind, Static Ego, Lolly, Evan M. Dobson, Dave B., Nabi, Your Friendly Neighborhood Pathologist, Going To Be Lit, Captain Emerald

L, Wayne Hall, Danny Mars, Externally Screaming, But Bethany, I Made Biscuits, Scebo and Fuzzle McBumpernitz, Neelix Tiny Wolf, Asher the Raven, Christina Senatis Teleporting, VRB. The Shanes are not organized enough for a war, but there is a growing number of us and it is concerning. Definitely not an android, seriously I'm not. The Wandering Welshman, Whatever Tabby, Carolyn Harper, Nikolai Tolkachev, Capo the Sartorius, Z3DT, Shy Sparrows, BLTN, The Kiwi Duckling Dana Dana Bobena Fifi Fofana Monsters Almanac's Biggest Fan Aubrey and Her Dad Tequila Mockingbird Swether Goose Dameron the Space Goblin I So Pale Exquisite Whimsy I Am Lord Zoltan Hear Me Roar Pocket Ghost Max Mags the Conqueror Imposes Economic Sanctions On the NB Bethany's For the Whole Lasersaw Car Incident Wes and Heather Wonder If Derek Adair Will Join My Cat's Name Is Beef Katie Kate Get Your Colonoscopy Victor Casados Emily Schmemely. Work for Melvis. Boho go bye bye for Jojo Pogo. That's a no go, bro. Cody Monster. Collided Mind. Miss Nixie. Baby Baiton Lee. Charlie Rudel, Kyle Perino, AK, Sid the Sloth on a Bike, Priya Gandhi, The Wandering Mermaid would like you to know that the Little Mermaid and the Creature from the Black Lagoon are the same exact story. Lil Stevie Pie, Green Mountain Hermit Bethany, Carl the Teller of Dad Jokes, Skylab's Multidimensional Multiphasic Intergalactic Quantum Cyberverse, Verde Soul, Galen Miller, Tess, Geriatric Youngun, Mystic Hippie, Unforkable, Local Marsh Hag, Daniel Nitz, Mavis Bacons, Pyro's Calling, Joe Suasion, The Wizard Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious, Too Many Jans, says, Things are bad, but we're going to win, Pamela Roselle Tierra, Then Steena says, Thud Tweed, Enigmatic Catbird, Countess of Carbon, Luminous Elk, Rhodian Caution, Love is for the Njerds, Taz Hernandez, Captain Crash and the Surviving Crew, It's just Tyson now, Casper needs all the hugs, but Joe needs an O2 tank, Quote says, Joe is the writer's room, Nasty Dog 74 Needs Crew for Ship, Brown Coats OK, Awkward Heretic, Devin7777, Troy Aker, Mandy Kane, Northerly Kay, Lost Bassan, you know, the moon prison outside the triad, Kim Sell, Silly Goose Honk Honk, Ad Matha, Astro Unit, Ghost Saberwolf, The Sleepy Mystic, Sarah Joy, Taters Precious, It's Just Steve, RuPaul Atreides, Amanda Short, Chut Brimble, Deidre, Mike Whiskey and Your Friend Frosty, Nosaguaro, Ben Bar, Stand Clear of the Closing Doors, Please, Beastly Death, Sven the Unlikely, Cognito Hazard Expunged, Ted Wassenasen, Virestria, Theosis the Theologian-ish, Why Is My Daughter So Feral, Send Help, Fernwood Gal, Nellie G, Twinkle Tots, Gemini Sky, Phantom's Moms, Callison, Hornswoglin' Daniel Arthur, It's a, It's a Fucking Dog Rapture, Abigail Yodley, Hee Hoo,

King Humble, We'd Better Ask Dave, Wind Chimes for Safety, Cameron Winterborn Welsh, Fireball XL5, Mackenzie Duna, Code Stranger, One Betty Bet, ha ha ha ha ha, Matt N., Alfie Rivenurum, Momo Nakiki, Frelp, M. Lin, Feed Ma Fish, J.R.R. on SFP, J.Spark, Lucid Harbor, Little Mirror Leopard Paws, Diet Knight, Mars Royalty, Take 20 Damage, Maisie's Bandstand, Kim Bob, Battle Pope and Bugaboo, Snorts Magortz, Fresh Squeezed, Patrick Holt, Hold It Now, Hold It Now, Hold It Now, Hold It Now, Hit It, Had It, Head It, Hot It, Hud It, Bradley Ashby, Peter, William Dyer, Vicky Hebert, Brad Menear, Jane, Hannah Dale, Crystal Delightful, Gruntled, Kill Shot Betty and Her Steel-Eyed Bow, Jackie Lowey, The Little Pigeon, Quentin Elizabeth Jones, Lily the Planetary Brain, Crazed Bear, Crafty Lizard B. Quilton, Noble Barrel, Yes My Brain Is Weird, Thank You, Megan The Meg Young, Corey Morose, Russell Bunny, Max Savage, Jenny Wren, Apprehensive Craig, Tim Aranetta, Bacon, Nicole Studioso, Rambo, Chaos Watcher, Jeremy Baramy, Stephanie Sturgis, Kirsten, Hurry Up and Wait, Sarah Farmer and Belladonna, First of Her Name, Criddle, Twilio, Heidelberti, Tom Webster, Rashmi Vinkatesh, McClump, Azana the Leathersmith, Salazar the Dough Mage, Hayward's Finest, Garen Elizondo, To my little, you'll always be my good girl, you took a piece of my heart and left a pawprint on my soul. Till we meet again. Sir Shitsalot strikes again, damn animal. Ashton James, Elspeth, Skyland, ALR, Sidewalk Jam, Tonka 2005, Cruisin' B. Anthony, Trick says WHERP! Tybalt I, Allifrog, Trey the Turquoise Tortoise, Freya Titmittens, Courtney the Frogologist, Corey and Stephanie say hello, the Funtucky Wrangler, Scrim Brulee, yay Aaron, the Singing Loon, Zuzanna, Celeste Yos, I'm so Antigone fun. I'm Ava's evil twin sister, Bethany, Katie and Noah, Hendrix the Stink, The Ambergler, Boodles, Osvaldo Simeone, Ashley Chapel Peoples, Ryan Ortega, Barbarian Bloodbath, The Defenestration of Ted's, Corrine Sabrantha, Shadow Daddy, Rubius Fuzzlebutt, K-Mac, The Something Something Detective Agency, Hayabuda, Eli the Electrician, Sunny D'Anomaly, Charmé, K-On with Karma, The Wondrous Methasaphon, Hashtag Nissan Acura, Finnegan Robert, Jesse Foster, Samira, Mother of Cats, Flat Doug, Deary Darling, Ambient Drifting Man 80, Chris Hancock, Nicole 23, Gracefully Impaired, Tired Pirate Muffin, Steve King Loves Kathy, Laura, Roman Ronan, John Pruitt, Camel Pope, Philomena, Rebecca Trossel, Igpe Atenlay, Chris from Tacoma, The Real Fairy Godmother, Sir Alphonse Suitperson, Knight of Hood's Pocket, Polished Pauldrons, Pacing Pine Pats, Protecting Pocket from Sneaky Skullduggery, Mitzi Lu, Kelsey Holm, Still Casper's number one fan but now armed with a quantum spatula

and ready to duel every Bethany in the multiverse with breakfast wisdom, Damien the Goddamn Time Lawyer, Matt Mosby, Saint Phu, Harry Fishnuts, Astronoweeb, Magnos the Civil Gnome, Welcome to the Civil Gnome.

everybody. I'm Hydelon, and I'll be leading our Midnight Burger emotional support group. Starlight, David Pierini, Techno Ranger Rick, Joe's Weezlaff, Virgo Ares Infinity, Best Buds Danny and M, Charles Q. Choi, A Bug Named Nat, Cece Ryder, Hunter B, Rudra, Death the Kid, Big Whiskey, All Cockinator, Ron Was Here, Magic Pony, Robert Oliveri, Often Wrong Dan, Jess Gioia, Killer Odd. Dr. Pondkusher Esquire officially opens Closet Baby Cat Speedway for the season. Creator 67, Mermaid of the Dark Seas, Cosmic Shrug, Incorrigible Ross, SCRB Mark 11, Eric A. Rayborn, Maggie's Yarm, Stew, Anthanomaly, Megan Mighty, Haunt, Purple Saline, Three Legs Are Perfectly Good, Drew and L.A., Anomalous Death to PSL Vandal, Fuck Ice, Captain Blepp, Ryan, Evie Power, Terry, PJ Says What?, Amelia Lucero et al., Fear Now Doesn't Polish the Shiny Melon, Blargo, Blargo, Blargo, The Jazzman, Tonight at 11, Larak the Barbarianess, Hicks Bezzy Mates, Zealous Pragma, Tuba Rick, It's Just a Blake, Alice Malice reminds you to take your medication, please, your health is important. Kelly Jane Dankey, Aaron the Optimist, Thomas Stolen, a.k.a. Casper from Another Universe, Chadney Ashra, Lucrezia, Thornis Animator, Tamara Oliver, The Real Dirt Fairy, Marissa, Ava, no, not that, Ava, the one with N. Grim says, trance rights, y'all. Zaki Nat, Underwater Corvid, Spizzer Ringdom, Snakes and Bakes, Michael Christian, Ransom, Mroon Mycelil, Grawlix and Tarobang, Late Indeed Again, Theron Pyralis, Om Vega, Coming Soon, Dances with Burritos, Guacked and Loaded, Aaron Mitchell, Lady Keanu Mycen, Onyx Rose, Jackie Wavelet, J.R. the Hiker Bear, Velocicate, Al Cave, Krusty McBeardface, Maloran, Sweet Michelle, Cara, Call Me Zen, Colibri, Mel Momberg, Rogue, Lisa Geisler. Uh, attention, Dread Pirate Fred Fredberger, we have run out of languages. Please contact our office. What the Chuck, Sona Nisuno, Ben and Jessica, Todd Van Voorhis, Nea DeRusso, Peachy Zatoichi, Ingi the Crack, and Azula the Brave, and their ever-faithful squire Grabthar. Jen Extraneous, Dancing Dog Dreams, Trinket Coralie, and Existentially Exhausted Bean.

The Fable and Folly Network, where fiction producers flourish. The greatest fairy tale never told is coming to Beau Ravage this summer. Everyone's favorite ogre hits the stage in the Broadway hit Shrek the Musical. Join Shrek, Donkey, and Princess Fiona on a high-energy, family-friendly adventure, June 11th through July 2nd. Tickets start at $25 with four packs starting at $60. VIP packages available. Get your tickets at beauxrevauch.com. Iran Productions Show. Produced through special arrangement with Music Theater International, MTI. Plus tax and service charge. Schedules happen to change. Some restrictions may apply.