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Time now on Mojo in the Morning for Am I the A-Hole? Am I the A-Hole where if you have the question of are you an a-hole for what you're doing, we will answer that question and allow the listeners to weigh in. You can go to our Mojo in the Morning show on the iHeartRadio app. Hit the talkback mic. And here's this week's.

My son says that he doesn't have to have a curfew anymore. And I want to know because I want him to have one.

Am I an a-hole? Is she an a-hole? Well, let me find out about your son. How old is your son, Shelly? Oh, he's 18. So he's 18 years old, and he says that he shouldn't have to have a curfew anymore. Yeah. He lives with you?

Yeah. Well, you know, he's back from school now.

Oh, okay.

Okay.

Was he a college kid?

Yeah, yeah. He's in his first year.

Okay. Where does he go to school?

University of Alabama. Okay.

So this is his first, this is his summer. He's home for the summer right now, his first summer back. He's now under your roof, under your rules, and you think that he should be in by what time?

Midnight.

So you want him home by midnight.

Was that, was that all? Yeah. Was that always his curfews on? That was, no, it was earlier when he was at home, But he's at college now, so I thought it was an hour.

Okay. And when he's at college, I'm assuming that he's using this as his excuse. When he's at school, he doesn't have mom telling him when to come in, right?

Yeah. That's what he's, that's his line. That's what he's using. Yeah.

My kids did the same thing. I don't know, you know, if other parents have had this. I don't know if your stepson has like a, does Wes have a curfew for him at all when he's home?

I don't really think Wes has a curfew. Wes's thing is just, like, keep me updated.

Yeah. Where you're at. Yeah. Some nights, does he not come home, or is he coming home 2, 3 in the morning, or, like, what's happening now?

Yeah, he's pretty much, some nights.

When the sun is rising, which I have an issue with.

Is he staying the night at somebody's house because he's been drinking or something? Because we'll have that from time to time where Luke will go over to Buddy's houses and we would rather him sleep off, you know, whatever he was drinking the night before.

Yeah, well, if he let me know, but he doesn't let me know. So, you know, if I wake up in the middle of the night and I go, he's not here, then I start, I'm a mother, I'm just going to worry. Absolutely.

See, this gets shaky, because in my mind, I was like, how are you going to go about enforcing a curfew? And he's just about to leave in a couple months anyway.

Again. Well. Because he already had a year of doing whatever he wanted. No, and I understand that. I do understand that. It also sounds like, I feel like you're a little salty because of the lack of communication. Like, if he does go out, like you said, sometimes he won't answer you or let you know where he is or what time he's coming back. And then the sun's coming up and he's coming home. So, like, did you, like, did this, did you, are you starting to enforce the curfew because of that?

I'm trying. I'm trying to.

What is his punishment if he comes home late?

What is his punishment? Well, I allocate him a certain amount of spending money in college. That will decrease. Oh, there you go. That's a good way to get him.

Well, is he using your car, too? Like, is he out with your vehicle?

I don't let him use my car. You know, I said a friend can pick you up.

Okay, because I was going to say, that was one of the things. I didn't mind that he was, you know, my kids were out, but I didn't want them out in my car, you know, past a certain time because I always felt like if they were out driving around or doing something, they could get themselves even in more trouble. So I would always say the car has to be home. You can be home at whatever you want, but I want the car home by a certain hour, you know?

But I feel like you can't always trust people's friends, too. Like, you don't know your child, and obviously you don't know everything about your child. But you definitely don't know what their friend's tolerance level is. And that's what you trust in them with.

Beth wants to comment. Beth is Shelly an a-hole.

Yes. Okay, I can understand being communication and saying, if you're not going to be home, you need to text me or give me a call and let me know. But if you're sending him off to college to teach him how to be responsible and to be able to take care of himself, You can't bring them home from college and tell them he's got to be home at midnight.

But don't you think, though, that college, in defense of Shelly on this one, college is a different thing. You can't always watch over your kid. But when they're home...

No, you're not watching over your kid when they're in college. But if you're trying to teach them how to be responsible, then you need to be able to give them... If they F up and they get in trouble or do something, then you can say, this is why I wanted you to have a curfew. But if you're getting him to be independent and go out in the world and be able to take care of himself, you need to give him that chance.

That's a very, very good point.

And they can stay out until five in the morning and then they're going to come home for the summer and you're going to tell them they have to be home at midnight?

Well, she fired up. Doesn't he have school to be home and rested for?

Like when he's at school? I guess the other thing, too, is out of sight, out of mind. Right? When they're at college. You guys go to college?

But here's the big thing.

You're not?

Beth, here's the big thing for, like, Shelly. And if you have kids, you understand this. She's not getting any sleep because she's up all night worried about her kids.

When you're at college, it's out of sight, out of mind. but at home mom's up worrying like she just said and so then it it affects it affects somebody else

kelly your thoughts on this one is shelly an a-hole oh my goodness no not at all i do not think she's an a-hole at all and i think that he's a kid he's 18 he's 18 he's a child like at school he might think he's grown but when he's at home that's a kid and he needs to respect his mom's household now do i think she can give him a little wiggle room sure so like my parents it would be like 1 a.m is your curfew i'm 34 now but 1 a.m is your curfew if you're out past that you got to stay where you're at because you're not coming in and out of my house at 3 a.m 4 a.m in the morning and because i had siblings there was other people in the house so my parents were like you know you will respect this household but we also want to give you a little wiggle room to be an adult because you're a young adult i'll put that in quotations so no she's not an a-hole i'm actually surprised by that that that previous caller i i don't think she's an a-hole at all

i think she's yeah thank you for the call now that well the previous caller definitely had her

point uh what's going on how you doing sarah hey um let the kid be i don't know that she's definitely an a-hole but she's definitely overprotective my nephew's the same way he's not going to talk he's not going to do anything that you want to do because you're nagging and Harbing.

and doing all the things just let the kid be and eventually they just come around and they start telling you where they are and what they want to do and and then they are respectful but if you're just going to be on his butt let's quote the lack of a better term about what time he's coming in and out like let it then he's just not going to come home and stay with you he's going to stay

with friends and then you're going to lose that too so does she not have a say so of him not being able to stay with friends i mean or like do you all of a sudden once your kid turns 18 this is Listen, I'm just trying to tell you that I think that she does have the right to give rules. I mean, she is a mom. He's still getting his college probably paid for by her. But you don't just give up the reins once you're 18, you know, because I'll be honest with you. When I was 18, I was dumber than as a doornail. You know what I mean?

So I did a lot of scantless stuff when I was 18, too. I did that because my parents were overbearing and so you just act out and you do all the things that you got to do so yes as a mother you're allowed to say yeah if you're going to stay here you have to be home by midnight but she's going to be super mad the next time he comes home from

college and he's not going to stay with her well maybe maybe that's the thing Shelly's maybe you give him a little bit later of a time than midnight you know what I mean like maybe maybe he needs one in the morning two in the morning i don't know what it might be but or give him nights where he can have more fun keely what do you think is uh shelly in a hole starting off i do

want to say yes and i think my biggest thing is the concept of the 12 um midnight curfew he has been off to college he has shown that he has um some responsibilities that he can handle But 12 midnight, I mean, a good party really gets started at 10 o'clock, 10, 11 o'clock. You ain't wrong. And then you're like, oh, no, everybody, I got to go. I got to be home in an hour. You know, and hanging out does not always mean that it's something wrong or bad decisions. It's just hanging out sometimes with friends. He has shown responsibility. What time do the drugs come out?

When are those going to be out?

But it might not be drugs. It might not be. It's not always that. but 12 midnight i can understand if you said two or three no he should not be coming home at two or three yeah a good party but but but coming home when the sun you know the sun is up

i get that yeah i'm gonna be honest anytime i was outside at midnight it was drugs involved yeah i'm just gonna be honest with you it was always liquor and weed or something we weren't

just in the house playing who know yeah hey come on what's happening how you doing uh alissa

hi i was calling because from my perspective i do think she's being male my parents when i was 18 they made me pay rent immediately they were requesting that i was home at specific times i mean in my perspective if i'm paying rent for a room that i've lived in my whole life it's a little crazy for you to ask that me i got i get like the whole you know like respect your parents respect them but you're making me pay you money to live there but wait let's ask this

question because i don't think i heard anything about rent he's not paying rent shelly right no he's not no he's living on yeah so if you're paying rent it's basically you're renting a room from your parents you probably have a little bit more i would think say so but if he's living in her house you know the my house my rules thing that she said earlier so i don't know yeah i do

i do understand that i just think that maybe have more me way he is just turning 18 maybe he didn't to do these things like in childhood here's the thing and i i'm going to answer this from both

perspectives shelly because i'm going to answer it from the uh kid perspective and the parent perspective kids don't kids do not realize how much stress you are to their parents as you get older bigger kids bigger problems and you're not doing this because you want this kid you know living under your roof and locked in a room you're doing this because you just want him to be safe and as a kid you think your parents are overbearing and pains in the asses and you don't understand that you know they're not giving you the freedom because you have this freedom throughout the year you guys both need to have a conversation with each other and the conversation probably is hey i won't be as overbearing but you don't be a as big a dick you know and you you respect you respect me because i will say this to you there is nothing worse than not getting sleep at night because you're worried that your kid's not home that is that is tough you know what i mean so

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