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Am I the a-hole?

Hey, guys. I'm getting the most money from my mom's will, but I'm not telling any of my siblings about it. Am I an a-hole? Oh, come on.

Wait.

You're getting the most money from your mom's will. Why? How do you know this already? Paul is on with us right now. First off, is your mom alive, Paul? No, no. So your mom passed away? Is it just recently? yeah about like a month ago or so and your mom had a will when she died and you you know that you're getting the most money yeah did she tell you that or how do you

know that yeah right before she died she told me she was giving me the most money and more than any of my siblings and i can't tell them how many siblings do you have uh four so there's four

others of you so there's your mom had five kids and she's divvying the money up or the assets that she had and you're going to be getting the most of it do you know the the amount or the extent of

how much more than everybody else I think I'm getting like 20 or 30,000 more than everybody

why like is there something happening in your life or that she thought you needed the money more so

I mean I'm the only one with kids and a couple of them you know kind of went down the wrong path and And, you know, I'm like the only responsible one, so she didn't want it to just go to waste.

Paul, are you the oldest in the family?

I am.

Okay.

How was your relationship with your siblings?

I mean, if I wanted to go out and party, it was a great relationship. But otherwise, you know, a couple of them, it was okay. Like, my sister was cool. But for the most part, everybody just partied hard. And it just yeah, I got I got out of that really quick.

Here's why I ask. And this is also what I think you should do. My dad was in the same situation. He had two half siblings and the his father passed before the mother and his mother was not the half siblings mother. So she left them out of the will completely. But my dad and the rest of the siblings were like, that's not fair. And they ended up divvying it up. So they also, you know, got money or whatever else was given. And so I think that maybe you should do that.

Would you be willing to do that? Or do you say, I don't know.

I mean, I guess that's why I'm calling you guys. I'm saying no. Am I an a-hole for this? Like, but they're just going to blow it on drugs and alcohol. Like, I don't, I don't know. Well, you don't know that for sure.

I just feel like that was your mom's wishes. Your mom, your mom wanted you to have that extra money. And I'm going to make a huge assumption that it's probably for the kids, like because you have kids, maybe she wanted to.

kids to have some of that money i don't know if she told you that well though right like her

grandkids i don't know but i think it's part of it but also she passed away from alzheimer's and i was the caretaker like nobody else helped out wait wait wait wait real quick so maybe that's

your payment did she change the will with your help while she had alzheimer's no so she did this

before yeah this was like once she got the diagnosis and she was still like in her right mind she said it all i mean she knew i mean we all lived together you know we had an in-law apartment for her and you know it was you know so can i was all set up from the beginning can i tell

you first off am i the a-hole is what we're doing right now you can comment if you want to there's a lot of text coming in here you are not an a-hole uh there's another text in here it says That's your mom's wishes. It's not anybody else's opinion, whether you're an a-hole. When my dad died, I got nothing. But when my dad's wife died, my brother Tony got a phone call from her family of a box of goodies, okay? And in the box of goodies, it was a bunch of pictures and diplomas of my dad and all the rest of the stuff. Sentimental things. There was one thing of value, and it was my dad had a very nice Rolex watch. And my brother, Tony, called me up and he said, hey, I don't know what I want to do with this, but I figured since you're the youngest in the family, I would like to give this to you. And I said to Tony, I go, I don't want it because you are the oldest in the family. I think you should get it. And we both came to the conclusion. My dad did not have the greatest relationship with my brother, Bill. And it was for stupid reasons. my brother bill was an incredible son and my dad kind of didn't understand you know him because i think they were a lot like each other we made bill take the watch and honestly bill wears that watch uh to this day and it's honestly been a great thing for him to have a little bit of a closure situation with my dad because there was a lot of bitterness i think that you should take the money paul and i think you should put it in some kind of a i don't know an ira or something i don't know put it in something and then i think that later in life maybe when you're you try to get your family to get their crap together then you divvy it up and it's a good idea because if because here's the problem your your parents are going to or your siblings are going to think your mom's

a bitch for what she did really though because think about this he was her caregiver she lived with him he has children like i think there are so many different reasons why it make it would make sense to me as a sibling to go oh yeah of course mom gave him more money but they're they're

also people that probably have struggled through their life and they maybe thought that their parents weren't there for them i mean think about this he said that you said you're you know you got siblings that have done drugs i listen i just think that that would be something that i wouldn't want i wouldn't want my family to say you're the favorite in the family after mom died i would want everybody to think mom loved everybody amanda what do you think is uh are they gonna see it

is paul an a-hole not at all and like even the more that i'm listening to this i don't think there's any world where he's the a-hole and honestly mojo i disagree with you when you said like he should put it in an account and then later divvy it up. So my mom passed away a few years ago and I just think there's some things that happen between you and your mom that are nobody else's business. There's money that I got and things that I have that my stepdad doesn't know about and that's just because there's some things that are just between a kid and their mom And I would also encourage, I might have missed this part while I was, like, waiting, but if he has the option to not tell the rest of the family about it, I would do that because, like, that's just going to cause a divide, going to get people angry.

I think that's the biggest thing, Paul. Whether you do anything and say something to them or don't, I wouldn't tell them how much you got. And I would let it be.

Yeah. Can I ask a question? Yeah. I've never been in a situation where I've been in somebody's will. So don't, like, do you see a copy of the will? Aren't they going to see that he was left more money?

Is there an executor, Paul?

Yeah, yeah. So everyone has to, like, go in individually. It's like, it's not like everyone sits down and listens to it. It's like, all right, you know, Paul, come in. This is what's going on. And then, you know, Tom, come in.

I would talk to the executor and try to keep it as quiet as possible. because otherwise there will be imagine your family what if you get everything and your

sisters get nothing but would you feel bad about that no so well yes in that situation

yes because i know i'm not deserving of getting like if my mom left more money to my sister jacklyn who does such a good job of like taking care of her and my mom like it's already been arranged she will ultimately live with jacklyn you know at some point i get that like i understand

that sure i really do but what if she doesn't do it to jacklyn and gives it to you know your other sister i mean would you be upset because she because your other sister doesn't have a husband or her kids yeah um i guess i'd be confused yeah okay what do you think

hi there i do not think he's an a-hole at all first of all he took care of her uh nobody else sounded like they stepped up um i was in a similar similar situation where my mother-in-law set up her trust for the kids for equal parts so they each got 25 75%. Well, one of her daughters had already passed away. The daughter's kids got it, so her grandchildren got 50-50. The grandchildren maybe saw her like five, six times in their whole life, which was really crappy, because I was a little bent out of shape over that, but I got over it. Well, my husband, since we took care of my mother-in-law, she had given him a stipend, basically a little more how much how much sugar did you get a pretty good amount how much come on okay but my husband felt guilty so he divvied it up including those grandkids anyways he regrets it now oh really how much and what i would do is that extra money set up for your kids college funds just put it in accounts now set it up for your kids and not say a word you deserve it it's not I need kids to tell you Kay

I want to know it's a lot of money

don't tell him Kay you know what no anyway I love Kay by the way

Okay, I'm not going to tell you. Hold on, Stella's in a similar situation as you, Paul. What's up, Stella?

Am I voice disguised?

No, I got you now. Go ahead, Stella, you're voice disguised.

Perfect. Okay, yes. This has been really hard on me the last couple of years, but I'm in the same situation. I have four siblings, and I already know, and the will's already drawn out, that everything's being left to me. The lake house, the boat, the car, everything in the house, the money, everything.

Are you married? would you like a fat married guy as a friend no wait a second why why you and nobody else

um so i'm the one so three of the siblings are out of state and i'm the one that's always been there for them taking care of them going over helping them with everything that they need during covet i did extra stuff for them um and additionally they want the house to be used and not just sold for profit. And I'm the only one in the situation that would be able to use it for it's for that. Wow. But it's, it's gonna eat me alive big time because I know this and my, I, you know, they've been saying like they should say something, but then they're afraid because, you know, they don't want to be looked at and have the rest of their years be, you know,

without yeah it's tough i you're gonna you're gonna be so upset until you're sitting lakeside on your pontoon with that fancy car parked in your garage that's probably i guess by the way chelsea and i are not leaving our kids anything i'm spending every dime even even at the funeral if i have to i'm gonna have like a gold casket uh my my boys all want to know what they're gonna get and stuff and i we said to them we paid for your college we're gonna make sure we take care of you luke's probably the one that's gonna get and i'm getting the most amount of money if god forbid we die or when we die yeah because he's gotten the least out of all three of the boys okay you know like keeping tallies oh yeah i listen i i check that off check that off you know what i mean i bailed you out of jail check that What's that?

I am the baby of the group.

Yeah. Can I tell you one of the biggest reasons why I felt like I didn't want the watch for my dad? And honestly, because he didn't give it to me. My dad gave everything to his wife, including some personal things that were my mom's. And the biggest thing that was the hardest thing for me was if my dad said, this is something that you want or that you need, which he gave me one.

great thing that honestly was amazing and that was this bowl that was my mom's bowl that she would always put something in whenever we had thanksgiving dinner or birthdays or things like that and chelsea and i have it and he wrote a handwritten note that's all i needed i don't need material things although a lake house would be nice stella i mean don't get me don't get me wrong this weekend would be a nice time to use it if you're not going to use it i'll i'll you know

but i've never done for them because i knew i would get something eventually absolutely

and that's the thing and i never and i never loved my dad to get something you know but i will tell you this i know a lot of guys who have very rich parents or rich dads and stuff and i think the only reason they'd probably do is because of that and i think i think it's sad so and because here's the deal when all things are said and done you'll have the money but you're not going to have the, the memories, the relationship, the relationship. Yeah. Um, all right, Paul, I wish you luck, buddy.

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