Muse

He's dribbling the ball with everything on the line. He's driving down the pitch. He's facing price hikes and cuts past him. Carrier Contracts tries to block him. Oh, he leaves him in the dust. He's at the edge of the box. He cuts past the nonstop group chat trash talk. He clears on goal. He shoots.

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just tuning in and i know many of you are you might have missed when we opened up the show and talked about a change that has been made um and i'll tell you that it is uh very tough and uh the the texts that have been coming in and comments that have been made are um gonna make uh uh spike i know happy um but uh they he uh and he for 23 years has been on this radio show and has made you laugh and in many cases also made you cry and um we announced earlier this morning that he's no longer uh with the show um in about an hour from now i'm going to announce about the phone scams and talk about that because the change you know definitely affects what you would hear at this time of the morning but i want to wait till 7 50 just because that was the big time that we would always debut a new uh phone scam and um you know a lot of people are asking and and posing the question is this an april fool's joke it's not an april fool's joke um and uh it is difficult uh you know the the timing on that um you know friday was a was a crazy day uh after the show and um it was also a very uh interesting day and i will say this that it was something like at the end of the show that was so wild to have your kids come in studio, make us laugh so hard, and then things happened after the show was over with. I was here till probably about 2.30 or so in the afternoon on Friday, which is like a rarity on a Friday because usually on Fridays we're all just bolting as soon as things happen. But there was a lot of stuff to do. and I left the radio station and walked outside to look in the parking lot to see my car with Silly String on it. Because if you were listening on Friday's show, and if you missed this, you can go listen to the podcast from Friday's show. Shannon's kids came in studio and before they came into the studio, Shannon's fiance and her son and daughter silly-stringed your car, but also got my car in the process.

Yes, I know. I'm sorry. I tried to take as much off your car as I could, but I'm five feet tall, and you have a Tahoe.

How much was on there if you had to take some off? Because there were still some on there.

Yours wasn't as bad as mine was. Mine was, they got mine really good, and it was raining, so it was all over the place. And they also put, and rightfully so, please be mindful or please slow down student driving.

magnets all over my car as well they put those on her that's funny yeah but they love april fool's day so i knew that they they were plotting something when i told them that they could come into the studio that morning i'm glad it gave you a laugh when you needed it i and they kept going all weekend you know that wasn't it they i i kind of played a little prank on them although it was a great surprise but they thought we were staying home and doing nothing all week And I had zero plans and I ended up surprising them. And we took a little road trip to to Chicago because we wanted to go to the aquarium and they have like a slime museum there, which every kid loves slime, unfortunately, for us parents. But they plotted. They conspired against me. And in the middle of the night, Friday into Saturday, we all obviously stayed in a hotel room together. They woke up and toilet papered the entire hotel room. and I mean used every roll of toilet paper in the room and just I woke up under this spider web of toilet paper and the cutest part was, and they don't know this, I actually did wake up because they were so darn loud when they were doing this. I was going to say, what kind of a sleeper?

By the way, this is bad. I'm a very light sleeper.

They're in a hotel room.

They can leave and run out in the hallway or something.

No, but they just like listening to Lucy boss around Smith and Smith be like, Lucy, this is the best idea. Let's wrap her entire feet in the toilet paper. And they were like jumping off the beds, you know, to like get on top of things. And it was really, really cute. But, oh yeah, they love April Fool's Day.

Can I ask you, what did you guys do with all the toilet paper after you cleaned it all up?

I did feel kind of bad because it was slightly wasteful. But I cleaned it up. I did not want the hotel, you know, staff to have to do that. So I cleaned it up and put it in the garbage. I'm like how are we wiping our booties For the rest of the day guys

Well that's the thing I was thinking to myself If you stay at a hotel And the cleaning crew comes to clean the room During the day Do they think that you have like Massive diarrhea or something Because you use so much toilet paper Probably

You never think about something like that

Until you have that moment do you It's like this lady right now went through how many rolls of toilet paper which is amazing because and disgusting she had it in

the garbage it's single ply i mean you're supposed to go through a lot of it isn't it amazing the

hotel toilet paper is so bad it's like so it's so bad business toilet paper is bad too it's either sandpaper like it is here at our studios or it's single ply and i gotta be honest with you i am not a single-ply type of guy. I don't know if you look at me.

If anybody is a single-ply type of person, those are the people we should be cutting out of our lives.

Those are the people that are the...

They don't deserve to be here. So the radio station, I don't know if the guy's bathroom has this, but the girl's bathroom has this thing on our toilet paper dispenser, and it only gives you, like, is it two squares at a time? No, one. One square. I think it's one square at a time. It's like a lock. So you pull it, and you get a square. And you pull it, and you get another square. And you pull it, and you get a third square if you're lucky.

I'm assuming that if that's bad for you, that you are the type of person that would only need a one square. Are you a one square or no? How many squares do you need to pull?

I like a good, thick bottle of toilet paper. The two C's? The what? Thick with two C's. Yeah.

I don't want my toilet paper making my finger poke through. You know what I mean? Oh, no, yeah.

I'm a baller, and then I'm a dude wipe or whatever those baby wipes are. It's a whole cleanup process

I baby wipe I do it This is my bathroom routine I do it with the toilet paper first Just to kind of get the heavy stuff The heavy stuff The heavy lifting And then it's the wet wipe And then I dry off Afterwards How do you dry off? Well the wet wipe afterwards The wet wipe is a little bit wet So I get a – no, I get a – And then you do a pat, pat, pat. I get a pat, pat, pat with a single ply ply.

I don't know why I assumed you had, like, one of those fancy Japanese toilets that, like, had a bidet and a blow dryer.

No, no, let me tell you. I do have that in our master bedroom. We do have that. And we got it when I had my surgery because it was difficult to wipe after the surgery. Connor, what's going on?

Hi.

Good morning. Hi. My siblings and I agree that anything goes for April Fool's Day. And I woke up Saturday morning and didn't think anything was wrong. I picked up my water bottle, which I knew was empty the night before. It was full. My siblings had filled my water bottle with horseradish.

Oh, jeez. Oh, my God. That's awful. You probably needed all that toilet paper then. Yeah, exactly.

No, I did not drink that. It was so bad smelling, I dumped it out, and I forced them to clean it.

Oh, man. The only thing I did was I did it to Luke. I took our Xfinity remote, and I put a piece of black tape over the little sensor thing. So every time he was trying to change the channel, he thought that the batteries were dead. He must have went through about 12 batteries trying to figure that thing out. So that was my only thing that I did. And then I realized I'm going to be ruining these batteries. So I had to figure out which batteries were the ones that were in there and which ones weren't the ones that were in there. I hate April Fool's Day, to be honest with you. I do so much. I do too. It's the worst. I don't think pranks are funny. No. They're just mean. They're just mean. Then here's the thing. They're funny if it's not that it's the one day a year where you're just anticipating it all. Like I like a prank on a regular day. Like pull one on a Tuesday or something like that. Don't pull it on one of those days.

He's dribbling the ball with everything on the line. He's driving down the pitch. He's facing price hikes and cuts past him. Carrier Contracts tries to block him. Oh, he leaves him in the dust. He's at the edge of the box. He cuts past the nonstop group chat trash talk. He clears on goal. He shoots. No! Unlimited data for $25 a month forever.

Visit your local Boost Mobile store today to get unlimited data with a price that never changes. Boost Mobile. After 30 GB, customers may experience lower speeds. Customers will pay $25 a month as long as they remain active on the Boost $25 Unlimited plan.

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I am a sample Long before I'm measured Long before I'm named Each piece of me has a message A nuanced role When you look beyond the average When you see where I belong You see why I behave the way I do When you start looking at my details When you include my context I start telling you the truth I always had a story You just needed a way to hear it. Every sample has a story. Learn more at 10xgenomics.com.