Muse

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Mojo in the morning show. So after the show yesterday, I went to lunch with Ellen, Tony Travato, our boss, and EJ, our night guy. We ended up going out and we ended up having pizza. And I ended up getting bubble guts afterwards. Yes. So I really, like, had to go and get home. Like, I was like, I got to go. Like, this is not one of those ones where I can just go to the bathroom at the restaurant because, I'll be perfectly honest with you, I don't know how long it was going to take. I wasn't that far from home, so I was driving rather fast on my way home, going 50 in a 35 when I ended up getting pulled over less than a mile from my house. and the cop comes up to the window and all i'm thinking to myself the whole time was ossifer do me a favor

just write the ticket you know what i mean like sweating and clenching oh my god so bad it was

it was one of those type of uh you know duties that was requiring me to like have to like wipe the sweat off my brow like i was like it was bad so and i had to turn the ac and everything off in my car which thank god it wasn't that bad of a day like would you ever have that happen to you like i have to turn off the the ac whenever i have to go to the bathroom really bad because for some reason yes if i am in full comfort of coldness like that it makes me have to go to the bathroom faster i have no idea and it's really bad i turn down the music i won't even have music

I do that.

Mike, no, I want no distractions, none at all. So the police officer comes up to the window and he says, why are you driving so fast? And I just let him have it. I said, I have really got to go to the bathroom so bad. And I'm sorry, sir, but it is going to cause the biggest amount of stank and damage to this car.

You did not say that.

I swear to God, the guy kind of chuckled and he was an older guy. So this was not a, you know, I'm getting off the ticket because the cop might have been a listener or something. This guy had no idea what the hell I was doing. He smiles at me and he goes, he taps my window. You know, you have the window down like you have like the door there. He taps the door and goes, you go take care of it.

And let me go.

Was that amazing?

I have never gotten out of a ticket. Ever. Even telling the truth. Never.

I'm going to say this to you that I've lied before to get out of tickets. Like, I've done lots of, you know, bad things in my life. This is the first time that I have ever really felt like karma hit me in the rightest way. Well. The rightest. Yeah. I got home just barely. And then, like, I got home. Like, I'm not kidding you when I say this to you. I was unbuttoning my pants. I didn't even pull my car in the garage. I put my car outside the garage. I had the door wide open. It looked like, you know, like it was like a police moment.

Wait a second. We need your NESCAM footage. Oh, my God, I will.

Please. Hold on.

Please, please, please. I want to see the waddle run.

The waddle, yeah. The waddle. Because it's definitely a waddle.

So I unbutton my pants, and I get onto the toilet literally in the nick of time to take care of it. And I blame the prosciutto. Is that what it's called? Prosciutto peppers or brisciutto peppers? What are they called?

No, prosciutto is meat.

It was brisciutto. They were like these green peppers. I ate so many of them at lunch yesterday that I think what I did was, what are they called, the peppers called? Something peppers.

They're like these shishito peppers

Oh I love those

The shishito peppers I blame the shishito peppers For the fact that my My bubble gut happened to me Hold on I'm trying to find the

I love that you say bubble guts now by the way

That's what it was

He's looking for the video on his phone

It was

Like you hold your breath as you're walking Or running into the bathroom Or waddling or whatever to the bathroom And then you sit down and you just

And you have to waddle hunched over You can't even be up straight Get to the toilet and you go How did I not poop myself This is bad news

What it's offline What does that say

The battery The battery was dead on my ring cam

Well you better fix that

Well I know that's not good

What the heck The one time we really need to pull the footage

Son of a You did that on purpose No, I did it on purpose I went up and did it on my battery Because it needs the batteries Jamie, what's going on?

Hey, I was just calling in Long time listener, never called in Good morning Oh, welcome Yes, just wanted to say So I have been pulled over more times Than I should ever be admitting publicly right now But I have a lot of times been pregnant And had to go to the bathroom And I have always, always gotten out of it And there have been even times where I hate to also admit this, but I wasn't even pregnant, and I told them I was pregnant and had to pee, and I still got out of the ticket.

Oh, that's bad karma, though. You know why that's bad karma? Because any unprotected sex that you had, you've got to worry that you're going to get pregnant again.

Yeah. Well, that's all done with.

I got that all taken care of. Oh, okay. No more babies over here. Okay. So continue being a terrible liar. Yeah.

I'm telling you, the police are it all, and it makes me feel for them because they're doing their job, and I feel bad because they probably get a lot of them, but who's going to lie and say that they're about to duty themselves, soil themselves?

I wonder if somebody's ever said that, and the cop was like, no, I don't believe you, and then they actually pooped themselves in the car. You know what I mean? They called the bluff, and it didn't work.

At that point right there, they are responsible for that.

They've got to rip up the ticket if you poop yourself, right? I would hope so, yeah.

Could you imagine if he said to me, prove, prove it. Tanya, what's up?

So it's not about getting out of a ticket, but it's about your little comments that you made before. Yeah. I was up at my cabin, and I was at one spot, and I was just sitting there eating a ton of blueberries. and all of a sudden, yeah, the bubble comes up and I'm like I start running to the cabin and my husband looks at me and goes, what's wrong? And I'm like look away, it's a bridesmaids moment and that was it. Oh god, that scene. So just a word of caution, don't eat too many blueberries when you're not close.

I think too many of anything is not good, but I definitely think like when you're eating vegetables or fruit, it's bad. What's up, Blake?

hi how you doing good what's going on yeah so uh actually relatable what you guys are talking about right now um i did in fact crap my pants to get out of a ticket wait what what happened explain the story so uh it was one day after work i was tired i worked a midnight shift and it was like 7 30 8 o'clock in the morning and i'm doing maybe 15 over uh on a main road and the cop flew up behind me and i pulled over but in that time that he pulled me over i pooped my pants on purpose on purpose yep no he's when he uh came up to the window he asked me why i was speeding and i was like well it was kind of embarrassing but i was speeding because i had to use the bathroom but now i don't have to go anymore and he kind of looked at me for a second and I made myself look like I was about to cry and he was like, oh, okay. And he could smell it and everything? Yeah. I'm sure. I mean, maybe. Oh, man. You've got a good day.

Oh, my God. Then you've got to sit in that the whole way home.

I'd rather take respect for doing it, though, man.

Yeah, hold on. Golf claps for the guy. Yeah.

Commit to the bit. This feels weird. Commit to the bit. Definitely a weird day.

Definitely a weird day. By the way, those underwear, they were tossed, right?

Oh, yeah. No, they were gone. They were gone.

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