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Mojo in the morning show. Kev, how is our guy doing? Is Josiah doing okay?

I don't know. No update yet? I've been planning to get Josiah, like, one of those watches or something. An Apple Watch or a Gizmo or something. Yeah, because he doesn't have a cell phone. So this morning when I was leaving, he was, like, on fire. Like, his body was extremely warm and extremely hot. And he hasn't really been, like, the most affectionate person. But he was like, no, come back. Come here, come here. So I put up Twitter on his computer and opened up a DM so he could, like, DM me. So I've been DMing him And I can tell he's seen the messages But he hasn't responded So who knows

Josiah is an amazing kid Honestly Josiah is one of those Like kids that are adults Like he's like a little adult He can say things that I can't even say You know what I mean And he speaks his mind And he says some things to you That sometimes catch you off guard don't they

Yeah I mean we had a conversation last week Because Josiah is getting to that age Where it's less about spending time with me and more about doing his own thing and um like yesterday he was watching some new anime show he's into i don't know the name of it but he was up there for like a couple hours i'm like man like you know i don't get to spend every day with josiah so like at least allow me to spend this time with him and watch the show he's like uh i kind of just want to watch it by myself like i want my own thing like he's at that age where i'm not cool enough um but josiah and i periodically we would do like these check-ins and i used to ask him to like give me like a grade like what's my report card as a parent like how am i doing and we haven't done that in a while so i made him turn off the show come lay on the foot of my bed and like let's check in like how are things like how am i as a dad how am i as a parent he's like i mean like i i give you an a not an a plus but i give you like he gave you a great grade but he didn't give you the best yeah he makes sure to like do like differentiate between the two did you ask him like why not of course i i i'm like So, well, I try to, like, break it down. Like, well, how is our communication? How am I from, you know, an educational standpoint? Like, I try to, like, dial it down. And one thing that he said in particular that was, like, really interesting, he was like, I know that I'm smart. And I get 4.0s and everybody tells me that I'm smart. But it's almost like you guys take that for granted. It's almost like you just expect me to be smart. So, when I get 4.0s, like, I don't get rewarded. I don't get told that, like, I did a good job or anything like that. and he was like that and that hurts like I want to be recognized even though I'm smart like I'm still doing the right thing I was like damn and so in my mind and I don't even know if this was the right way I'm like do you feel like you should get rewarded for things that you're supposed to do

yeah well yeah because I don't like that we're calling it supposed to do I feel like he's

supposed to like in my mind if you have the capabilities to get a 4.0 then that is what

you're supposed to get like yeah yeah but we reward kids for like athletics right and some kids can just be naturally gifted at it and some kids have to work really really hard at it but everybody gets the reward if they win and i think in academics there are kids who buy

their absolute butt off to get good grades and they get really praised by the people around them people say I know that you're working really hard I'm really proud of you and I feel like kids who are just naturally smart get like a well I expected this of you and I don't think it's fair this still affects me

today as an adult because I I worked my butt off to get really good grades and I remember on report card day I would come home and I'd still be excited if I got all layers or 4.0 whatever and i would put my my little report card on the counter and i would be like look mom i got 4.0 and she'd be like you better it was always those two words you better yeah and i i think that i i again still think about it that i just longed for more of i didn't i didn't need to like be rewarded with a thing with a material thing but just like some sort of

words of affirmation would have been and to Megan's point I use that exact same analogy I was like Joe if you were a C minded individual and you worked extremely hard and you got a B plus like because of your efforts yeah I would award you because you did more than what you had the capability or the ability to do but if you are a 4.0 minded individual you don't have to work extremely hard you're not staying up till 9 p.m at night to extra study like that's what you're supposed to do and I'm not the type of parent that just blows it off like when i praise josiah like his nickname is 4.0 joe like we we do all of that stuff and i'm kind of like i have to ask him like what i think he just wants some more robux if i had to like be honest with you he's trying to like outsmart me and be like i feel like that's what it is but there is some truth to it because his therapist has said this also that he's he he he doesn't just want to be recognized for one thing and by everybody telling him he's smart he has he understands that there's more to him than just his intelligence

i actually think it can be super detrimental to children to only tell them that they're smart or only tell them like praise that one trait i know a kid who only got praise for being smart his whole life and then as soon as he failed at something he thought he was just like a bad person because

his identity that's your identity right is being smart i as as a dad i know what i a dad i like that's how we say it in allen park um we say dad but the thing i like uh i like about this whole thing is that uh you have this communication with him to be able to talk about this and because i i love that and i like that you ask ask him what kind of uh you know a parent you are and you know i know shannon said that she does that with the kids too i always ask the question of

like bedtime is the best because i feel like they're both really open at bedtime and i always ask the question of what what would make me a better mom for you specifically lucy for example and her answers sometimes i'm like oh like they're they strike a chord recently it's been i wish you wouldn't interrupt me so much when i'm trying to talk to you wow um and then you say shut up kid but honestly like they they tell you things and you're like that i i see that it's it's a tough

pill to swallow sometimes the thing i respect so much in my wife chelsea because she's definitely the better parent of the two of us is i love that as now the kids are adult kids she's actually sat down with each one of them and said to them if there is something that i or your dad has done that has ever hurt you or affected you we just want you to know that we appreciate you so much and we love you and we're sorry and honestly to see them like say wow thank you for just apologizing for pre-apologizing before that even comes up because you know as a person who's in therapy and talks about you know things that happened in my childhood you wish that your parents would have acknowledged that because my parents were of the generation where my dad had no clue i don't think at all that some of his actions affected me and i think sometimes when

you bring that up with parents i think oh i i didn't do anything right as a kid and that's not it either we can be grateful for you to be our parents that hurt my feelings yeah hey chelsea

what's up hey mojo first time long time um so my daughter maya and i um listen to you guys every morning five uh the five at 655 but um kev what you're talking about spoke to me because i have a seventh grader she works her butt off she's also an athlete um and so she's working her butt off to get a's and um so every a that she gets we give her 20 bucks and so i just had to dish out 120 bucks because of her report card and i was like um it was a good idea but then i was kicking myself because i'm like now i owe you 120 bucks well shout out to her first and foremost for

kicking it into gear question for you and then question for y'all also how how can you encourage your children to do best or to live at the level

that they are capable of living at, but not make them reward based individuals, not to only do things for the prize, but to do it because they have the capability of doing it. Like, how do you do that?

So, well, I'm a teacher. So she holds my daughter first off. She works her butt off. Even last year, we didn't reward. This is the first time I've ever rewarded her for her grades. I've never given her money before. But her dad and I sat down and talked about it. And I was like, you know, she's really working hard. and we would typically just tell her like oh good job you know we're proud of you but this year I kind of wanted to give her something else so she's always been one of those kids that's self-motored to get those good grades and so I was like why not give her um something for it now my younger one

I don't know if she'll be so self-motivated but what's what's wrong with working towards uh a reward like even as adults at our jobs we work hard so we can get a raise or a bonus or whatever Like, what's wrong with working towards that?

I don't, I think, I think intention in this, I think the intention and the seed that you're planting has purpose and has meaning. I think the why behind the reason why you're doing something matters. Like, for example, if like we talk about Valentine's Day is the only reason I'm getting you a gift is so I can get some at the end of the day. Then I don't think that's right. Right. But, um, what was I about to say? I just, I just lost all that.

When it comes to school and grades and working hard.

Like, I think rewards are amazing, but I think the reward should just be you living up to your purpose and your potential. Like, when I come on this radio show, like, I don't turn it on so we can get, like, number one. Like, I'm who I am every single day. I don't do it because I want to get a bonus.

And also, I believe, like, the reward part of, like, even this is an example of a job. There are certain things you do because that's just part of the job. And then there are those that are above and beyond. And that's where I believe that the bonus and all that stuff comes into play. because not everyone is going to attain what you know not everybody's going to get a's and a plus right and i do think that for you to expect that they're always just going to get a's and a pluses i always say i expect of you just that you're a good person because i'd rather have you be a good person than be a person that you know and honestly i think that sometimes like my parents my mom used to reward me for my conduct score there was a we got it was one through five on conduct and if you got a five you were great in your conduct and if you if you got anything less and if i got a five my mom would throw me a five you know what i mean so it was one of those situations and honestly i was not a great student but she said i don't care what kind of grade you got what's up alex how you doing i'm doing great okay thank you what's that what's happened it

doesn't sound like but that's all right you know what i just parked my car that's okay what's going on what did you want to say i just wanted to say that i i agree with you guys that there should be affirmation but i think the word capability was used in a misconstruing way because in my belief system everybody is capable of greater things if they push and strive towards towards it me for example a year ago i was a type 2 diabetic taking nine oral medications and then having to inject insulin within a year i have dropped down over 100 pounds and i'm down to only having to take one oral medication that's great if you push yourself you can do great things

yeah well that's interesting so okay so the word capable you believe diminishes them as kids

because it just diminishes their ability of going above and beyond if they're capable of doing something you're you're setting a standard for they're minimizing their potential interesting

that's an interesting thought i mean it really is an interesting thought that hey you're capable of this but honestly then you're saying that that's all they're capable of he's saying the a because you can survive you can actually surpass being an a student by doing other things that you you know and i don't know if you understand what he just said so he's like you can do and i think Josiah I will say this about Josiah Josiah is way more than just a good student first off he's an amazing personality he is probably one of the most creative because usually you see somebody that's really good students not really creative you know usually they're just book smart and that kid has got like he is so well-rounded um and it's amazing it's amazing what he is like I'm telling you you Have a conversation with Josiah, and you will be blown away by just the fact that he knows so many different things. He's very diverse in his knowledge. What's up, Arielle?

Hi, yeah. So I actually studied psychology in undergrad and grad school, and I remember some research talking about praising the effort versus making it identity-based. So giving praise by saying you work so hard versus you're so smart.

because to the point that was being made before, it does become identity-based when you say you're so smart and then they fail at something, then all of a sudden it's, oh, I'm not smart anymore versus I can just work harder.

Wow. Where'd you go to school?

Michigan State.

Wow. Go green. Exactly. Go white. That is really awesome to hear you say that. Naya, what's up? It's Mojo on the Morning Show. This is a topic that I didn't expect on a Friday, but this is a wild topic. What's going on, Naya?

yeah hello what's happening um nothing i just think that it should i don't want to use the word like rewarded but i do think that it keeps them motivated especially because he's so young and that's how i was like a 4-0 student but i don't know it just was instilled i didn't expect nothing out of it so i get like what mojo is saying you work extra harder for the bonuses um but i don't think you should reward him even if it's something small like i would do that or i would get that when i was younger like for every day you get ten dollars yeah and my people give

me ten dollars every day so i would get a you know what can i tell you another reward thing that i heard friends of mine do with their kids which i think is kind of cool they don't do rewards as far as money is concerned or buying gifts and stuff like that they give them rest days so they say you work really really hard do this i'll let you take one day from school that you can just have as your free day which i thought was a really interesting thing because it is kind of a way to say to them why you put a lot of hours into what you're doing and then i'll give you one freebie day that you can pick whenever you want to that day you faked sick last week this is josiah today josiah is home right now i think josiah is really I used to do that when I was a kid. I'd get 12 blankets, put it on me, and say, Mom, I got a... What's up, Corey?

Hey, Mojo, man. We need you off your meds at least once a week. You are on fire today, my man. Look at this guy. Watch out. We can call it... Look, I got it. We can make it a bid. We can call it Off Meds Monday. Oh, my God.

Yes. You know what? Done. Done. So, by the way, we're rewarding you.

What a great one. Hold on. The first season of the X Games League is ending in New Orleans, and only one team walks away champion. July 24th through 26th at the Caesars Superdome, watch the world's best skaters, BMX riders, and moto athletes battle for the title. Plus, live performances from Metro Boomin, JID, Subtronics, and Bunt. Three days of sport and music. Get your tickets now at xgames.com.

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