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the way your pictures were wonderful from your uh trip going away i was looking at your pictures and it was actually it was interesting because for some reason i had it in my head that it was the trip that you always do with you and uh smith and lucy and then i saw that wes and in uh samantha his daughter were there and that looked like it was fun so everybody was together for the the

Well, it was really interesting. It was a very interesting trip. We were together, but we weren't together because so I had booked this trip a couple of months ago, me, Luce and Smith. And the only reason that I booked it, just the three of us was Wes was planning on taking my stepson, Kieran, on his spring break because he's a senior. and then plans changed and kieran wasn't gonna go on like the big senior spring break which i'm very very happy he didn't because i would have been so worried about that um and so then kieran and his mom decided to go somewhere on a mother-son trip which they never get to do which was awesome but then that left samantha who's a sophomore and she was like well i want to go somewhere for spring break can i go with shan well this is such a convoluted long story i had a i got a hotel room with only one bed because my children are crazy and fight over who sleeps with me on vacation so now i've learned to just get a king bed and i sleep in the middle and we all sleep in one bed and so i'm like well there's no there wouldn't be a bed for you and she's like and i want to bring a friend i said okay that's not gonna work so this is not gonna work at all so then Wes said okay I'll bring Sam and her friend and we'll just you know we'll do the spring break together well by this point this was just a couple of weeks ago they decided this the hotel was sold out so they ended up getting an Airbnb we were in the same place in Florida the same town but they were about a 10 minute walk down the beach in an Airbnb and we were in a hotel So it was very difficult at times to try to figure out meeting up with everybody. Wes was still working. He didn't take the week off of work. So he was working during the day. And as you can imagine, two high school girls want to do different things than a seven-year-old and a 10-year-old. So it was like, it was very, very fun, but I felt like it was just, I, like, I wanted everybody together all the time and it didn't happen that way.

Was it weird at night to not, to go back to your hotel with the kids? Yes. And they have, so you guys didn't.

spend any nights together no i mean we couldn't yeah we couldn't we couldn't leave any of the kids alone and so i kept saying to west because mostly we were in a place called seaside florida there is one little hotel and when i say little hotel i think there's maybe 50 rooms in this hotel and the rest is all airbnbs and so i kept saying oh i wish we would have just gotten been able to get a house but i couldn't get a refund on the hotel it was just this big to do did it cause

Was it for any tension at all in your relationship?

Yeah. I mean, I think that I realized very much during this trip because I am still so used to traveling. The majority of time that I travel, it's Luce and Smith and I, and I feel like I have, I'm so protective of them and this little group of three that i created after i got divorced you know that i i noticed it a lot during this trip that i feel like i still have a really hard time like letting wes in it like really was apparent to me we had a big conversation about this yesterday wes and i did because i i really felt it during this trip and the interesting thing was he was like, Oh, I didn't feel, I didn't feel that way at all. I was working. Of course, the girls want to go off and do their own thing. They're teenagers. They wanted to go to the beach by themselves and tan and take sunset photos and all the things that high school girls do. And he said, I knew that it was going to be difficult that way, but I was really feeling it and I felt really bad, but it definitely brought up a conversation of this is, this is still where we are at in our relationship in our marriage you psych a lot or subconsciously are this way yeah yeah does that even make sense like i i feel like when i when i got divorced it was me loose smith against the world right i created this little group of three and we were small and mighty

it was that for a number of years because you waited a long time in between divorce and west

yeah and i think i'm realizing after even after being married for almost a year we're coming up on our year anniversary in may that that is still i'm still in that mindset it is taking you guys have only been married a year not even it has taken me a really long time to shift so quick

question for you because you did this a lot with the kids because i think and i think that it was your way of trying to make things very normal for them but also probably it was probably normal for you you did like these little we're going to go to different places like i know you went to this place in florida you also went to colorado you did like these little trips and then i remember when you first started dating wes it was also we're doing this with the kids and i'm doing this with the kids right and i remember you kind of like we're trying to be careful do your kids look at it as like did they like having wes and samantha there or did they look at it like they were invading your your little three-person family vacation i think a little bit of both okay because i wondered because i wondered if it was you or just or or if the kids kids notice

sometimes kids are fun they love hanging out with sam but there's a big gap there in age yeah so it's not like she's she wants to play and go down the water slide and go in the kids splash pool like they do yeah um but also i think that they are so used to just having 100 access to mom right and i i still feel kind of guilty when i shift my attention from them to west like this is a this is a thing that is i i really am i have struggled with and i'm still struggling with it

yeah where you feel like um you all you you want to feel like you have the loyalty to your children but you also now have a husband that you have to prioritize prioritize and his children right he doesn't want you to a hundred percent just I uh it's it's tough it's really I know just being a

parent is hard in itself this to me is this puzzle of I want to try to please everybody and I feel like by placing one before the other then I'm making you know I'm making my kids feel bad or

I'm making Wes feel bad or I just can I tell you though that I do think that you and Wes are both very good about prioritizing your biological kids and stuff and being attentive and great to the others because i have friends of mine got and these are guys so not women are totally different women are you know very good at being able to you know to do both i have guy friends of mine that i feel like they spend too much time with the uh the new wife or new girlfriend's kids and they don't spend enough time with their own kids and i do think that like i wondered how you know like if chelsea and i god forbid ever got divorced yeah i think that it would i could sometimes in my friends see myself being like joe jacob luke who like you know what i mean like i hate to say it or starting tradition or doing some

of the traditions i think it's good that you're protective of your kids but i think it's now got to be time that you guys gotta all probably i mean i'm not an expert at this but maybe listeners are

and they've been through this yeah i so i love like when i when i post pictures or when i talk about stuff like this i love when people reach out who are in a similar situation and what has worked for them or what has not worked for them i by the way i really really appreciate that so

much it is so helpful so i looked at your pictures and it's funny because then i saw of Wes in some pictures and I knew Wes was going down there and I saw some of the pictures that you posted and it was like a lot of you, and this is on your, your, uh, cupcake, uh, Shannon, uh, Instagram and stuff. And I saw a ton of, uh, you and the kids. And then I would see like a picture of Wes, you know, like in there. And I know, I know that it is gotta be, uh, it's gotta be tough. Like, I don't think you're being disloyal to your children by having, you know, Wes be part of this thing. He's, you know, he's there.

It's just I am still in the phase of trying to find that balance.

Yeah.

That's what came to my mind. Like, people always talk about, like, work-life balance and, like, trying to compartmentalize and decide where your effort is. And this guy named Bill was like, there's no such thing as work-flight balance. It's just life.

Yeah.

And, you know, it's tough. you're in a new shift and there's a quote-unquote normal that existed and now there's a quote-unquote new normal and you're still trying to figure it out i said give yourself grace too you know you know i mean like you're moving through this and there's no blueprint the kids are moving through this and there's no blueprint but i think you're you're doing the best you can with what you got and you're leading with love and that's never a bad thing hi hannah hi what's happening oh not

much just calling to um kind of share with shannon that even after five years i'm on my um now husband we've been together for five years my i have three children and my their dad and i divorced when my youngest was like a few months old and i spent many years with just the four of us so that that dynamic of having you and your kids against the world and you build such that bond that um even with my husband now I feel guilty about it but when he's gone I'm like oh this feels like normal wow it feels really good to just have my kids and I dynamic and we aren't accommodating you know he's great with the kids and we have a good dynamic all together but we really get to just be ourselves when it's just us and I would say now we're starting to kind of let him in that world like we sing a lot in the car and we have a lot and it annoys the heck out of him but we don't care anymore we're just doing our thing do you think so do you believe that the

kids also feel that way like do they have that breath of you know he's not around definitely

and which is i feel guilty about that too but it's hard when you spend their formative years providing everything for them and then someone comes in that is really good and healthy for the dynamic and balances things out but you know nothing can replace that that feeling of that togetherness and that bond that yeah a single parent created with their kids during those type

of years yeah and you know i wonder if it's similar to like when you ever go hang out with your old friends and you get together and you're with your old friends in a group and you know new friends or somebody come in and you're like well they just don't know they don't know all the history or whatever i don't know if there's any case to that or or what it is the feeling is

similar definitely because you you just kind of feel at home when for me i think it's an attention

thing like i want to i want to spread myself i want to give equal parts of myself to everybody yeah you know and it's hard it's so tough and i think moms are very like i look how chelsea is

with the boys i mean when listen i've i'm their dad and i feel like an outsider sometimes when it's when it's the you know five of us because she is so involved in their lives um with those kids in every single way sometimes she and jacob have conversations and i'm as a dad going i have no idea what the hell they're talking about so i kind of can see but you got to be really i think you got to be careful that and wes is very good about not taking it personal it's it sounds like

He is the damn best. Like, he is just, yeah, we sat and talked about this so much yesterday because I kept saying, I feel like I'm just failing at this whole thing. Like, I just, I feel like I'm not doing a good job. And he said the same thing you said, Kev. We have to give ourselves grace as we walk through this. We've never done this before, right? So it's new to both of us.

Hi, Alex. Hey, how's it going? Good. What's going on, Alex? you're in the same boat, huh?

You're a divorced dad?

Well, I was young and had an oopsie baby, but I was a single dad for a while. I met my now wife. We got married. We have two kids of our own. So what we do is once a month we take one kid out. They get a yes day with us. They get to do whatever they want. They pick out the lunch. They pick out an activity. And every month we take it out, and it's just a special day designated just for them. and they get the alone time for the entire day so we do that once a month with the three different kids and um you know they just know every every month they get they get their day and

it's whatever they want so so where shannon has it as these little trips um that she goes on with these with the kids and stuff like that i don't think it's necessarily a bad thing to have like what he was saying a day or even on a trip or whatever for sure and west does west has trips

with just his kids like those are things that are those are so cherished by us those are traditions those will stay i think it's it's more like this trip just made me realize i i i need to do a better job with really honestly prioritizing him yeah right because i was so focused on the

kids for six days you know what's funny though this is actually funny i remember when i was a kid or i remember when chelsea and i first got together i took her to places that i used to go to as a kid and i'd be like this place is great and she'd go there she'd go this place really isn't that great because you have those memories sometimes you go back to places like with an outsider and they don't have the same feeling towards something and i don't know how that is with you guys you know in in the place that you guys go to in florida but um and i think it's because they weren't there on the first time that you had that i tried so hard to not be like

well we loved going here last time I wanted to create something new but just human nature you

kind of do that you know it there is no blueprint like you said earlier there's no blueprint to this whole thing and it's all trial and error and this is where I think in relationships you got to just be able to just say hey I am I get you if you're feeling left out and I'll try to do better but also they've got to be able to say hey i get you that this is what you need at that moment is that

time yeah so you guys can send me the invoice for this i did not mean for this to be a heavy therapy session by any means it was a great trip no it's all it's awesome that you listen your kids

like you my kids i can barely get luke to call me back unless he needs me to put more money in his bank account so uh all right i'm just kidding luke luke by the way went to nashville on his which was his fraternity thing this weekend.

They probably saw my stepson. That's where he was. Rezzy? Yeah.

He kept sending me text messages in our group chat, our family group chat. They said, I am drunk, but I just want to tell you, I don't tell you enough, I love you guys. So it was kind of cute. I would take that.

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