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SpinQuest is a free-to-play social casino. Void where prohibited. Visit SpinQuest.com for more details. Mojo in the Morning Show. Kev, this is one of those moments that we talk about and you just heard the news story that we just played just a little bit ago with Channel 4 about talking about your life and reality and stuff, you are, like, fast getting right into it here on our show and quickly talking about your personal life. And you've kind of learned from what we've done in radio and probably have never experienced it like this, that when you experience a real moment, the next morning to be able to talk about it on the air is either one of two things. It's either going to be therapeutic for you or it's going to cause maybe some stuff.

It's either therapeutic or a death sentence, either way you look at it.

Yesterday, you saw somebody that you haven't seen in a very, very long time.

Yeah, well, not super long, but I guess comfortably we can say months. And I guess the beautiful part about yesterday, as I mentioned on yesterday's show, was that it was my sister's birthday. So love my sister, super excited to go see my sister. And we went over to my mom's house. So, Sherelle came, my son came, Melinda came. It's kept it small.

Sherelle is your girlfriend.

Yeah, bride-to-be.

Bride-to-be.

We'll say that. Kieran, the lovely SJ, baby dropping this. I say like an album, baby dropping this November. But, yeah, anyway, so my dad comes over, right? And for the new listeners, since I'm new on the show, I guess, I'm the new guy, not the listeners. But my dad and I don't have the best relationship. Just a quick recap. He was incarcerated when I was in the third grade to the eighth grade. And then when I graduated high school, he had left the family again. So there's like two different periods of my life where it's like neglect or just not feeling chosen in a sense. So we've never had a really consistent relationship, no consistency in our relationship. So, again, my sister's birthday is yesterday. Everyone went to my mom's house to celebrate. My dad came and I hear him come in. He's loud. You think I'm loud? Like he's he's louder. I'm the second. He's the first. He's super loud. So I go speak to him because you got to like go attack these things. You can't like sit and wait. So I go speak to him and it's cool. And after I speak to him, I go back in the other room where Sherelle is. And then he comes in and he starts talking. And then part of his conversation, he's like, man, you don't call me. I seen you a text message. You don't respond. And he goes to Sherelle. He's like, I don't get it. I took him to all his events. And when he's talking about taking me to my events, he's talking about high school. And I'm like, bro, like that's four years of my life. Like, we're not just going to act like that's four years. I have a full life beyond that. and when I thought about it I'm like you've been out of my life longer than you've been in it I've learned to live life without you and I've become comfortable in that it's not like I'm yearning for this relationship I would say And a piece of me is, in full transparency, I love my dad. I would love to have a relationship with him. But I guess I've built up this heart callus where it's almost like I've done life without you. I don't really need you.

And again, your dad was incarcerated when you were in the third grade all the way through? To the eighth grade. To the eighth grade.

Yeah.

And then when he came out, did he come right back into your home with you guys?

So when you get released from prison, you go to a halfway house. So you're not immediately, I guess, put right back into normal society, able to live like a citizen. You go to a halfway house where you have to spend a period of time there. And I can't remember the time there, but it was months there. And then, you know, you get to visit, you get to see. And then after that period, I don't know, graduation out of a halfway house, then you can come back to your home and live life regularly. But he did that.

Go ahead, Mike. I was going to say, you may have mentioned this while I was out, but is he close with your kids? Is he close in your family in general? Or not just with you

He's like He's around And it's My son loves him And that's another thing Like I don't ever want to be One of those type of parents That because our relationship Wasn't great You can't spend time With your grandchild So whenever Like he comes by For Josiah's birthday He always gets him A birthday present Or a Christmas present So he saw him yesterday My dad just got back From Jamaica For his birthday Which is earlier this month And brought Josiah A hoodie back from Jamaica And Josiah immediately Put it on And he loves him So I'm cool Making that work because that's what my mom did for me she when my dad went away for prison it wasn't like his side his whole side of the family goes to prison my mom made sure that i got to know my grandmother which was his mother my grandfather which was his father and stay in contact with my cousins and that side but as far as he and i having a relationship it's just one of those things where it's like it's i think it's a lot of pain there yeah and i think yesterday was being able to say that to him and i asked shrill afterwards i was like was that mean to say like i've lived life so long without you that i don't need you anymore that's how i feel She was like, it was hard. Did you say that out loud? Yeah, I said it to his face. This is what I told him.

Wow.

Yeah, I've lived life long enough without you that I feel as though I don't need you.

But sometimes I think parents feel entitled to be a part of our lives and are very vocal about that. And sometimes you need to reestablish those boundaries and say, no, like we, I don't, I think sometimes people or parents need to realize like it is a, not necessarily a right,

but a privilege to be a part of your kid's life and and enough i don't want to like i sometimes i feel like i have to ignore everything to happen like everybody wants you just to be like that's your dad he may he may not be around forever trust me when those moments pass you'll look back and i get all of that but just to erase your emotions and your feelings it's not realistic but i also feel like i need to live through it and yesterday i do feel like was a good moment

in a good therapeutic moment do you feel that your hurt of your dad not being there was mainly from the time that your dad was incarcerated or do you feel that when he was not incarcerated there's also moments where you felt like he wasn't there for you i think i

think both but also like i love my mom and the fact that you left my mom and you left my sister it's not just you didn't just leave me you know what i mean like you left you left the nucleus of our family and even like yesterday not yesterday but this past weekend a daddy daughter's dance one of the things i realized was like how important dads are in their children's lives like that was the the one thing that i took away from i was like because you saw these examples of

these men that were in their kids lives well and you mentioned that night and i don't know if you're

still interested in doing this trying to reconnect not necessarily reconnect but rebuild that relationship is that something you you want to do still or no i mean i mean i feel like you know how

goes bro it's like some days you might some days you might not so you know what i mean like it's one of those moments when i told him that yesterday he was like damn that does hurt but i also understand it because i wasn't there well he's ready to move forward faster than i am but but

good for him though and saying that instead of just going well screw him man you know what i

mean like i'm walking away it can hurt sometimes when your parents are ready to move on and you're not and be like why don't you see my feelings is still being valid why do you think it's time to move on when i have not healed like that's that's not fair it's not just about you it's about us

right and and to give him because he's not here to to give his explanations on things but to give him a little bit of the benefit of the doubt he could have just said ah you know and pushed you in ways you know you're a punk ass kid you know whatever you know i'm but you know i mean so

that's what my my that's how we got on the topic is is my him and i kind of bonded over that is my biological dad is not in my life and i've chosen that and he's not in my kids he's in nobody's life for that specific reason because he at one point called me basically a punk ass kid and he stopped showing up to things and he stopped picking he just disappeared and so i i think you should build

that relationship because it sounds like it's still kind of there yeah or or maybe it can be

salvaged and like you said you want you want your dad and your son josiah's life or to or to go with

what megan just said maybe go to get some healing on yourself on what your dad did before you get try to build him back in because sometimes what ends up happening is uh you bring them back in thinking that you're healing it and you're not healing it because you're still hurt and you're still wounded and you're bringing them back in as a wounded guy i feel like when we talk about

parents a lot you hear me say cut him off a lot and that's only because I think that the way that I grew up without my mom being in my life was everybody said you'll forgive her you'll work on this you need this you don't know what you've lost yada yada yada and I I really hate that perspective because you have no idea what people are going through look I've lived most of my life without my mom and I understand the lack of that mother figure and the hurt that causes I'm not pro that i'm pro you setting up your boundaries so that you don't continuously get hurt and that is an okay thing to do it is not wrong to cut people off who hurt you that's it and every

circumstance and every situation is different right uh patricia what's up it's mojo in the morning kev uh who's here talking about his dad and uh having a chance to see him yesterday for first time in a while and man the the thing that he said to him was probably took a lot of courage

to say what's going on um yeah I totally feel him in every way because um my parents both got locked up but my dad was in and out of my life my whole entire he was out of my life my whole entire life and um now he's passed away and I just wish I would have told him like how I felt you know like my mom I told her how I felt and our relationship is good now but with my dad I wish I would have you know told him how I felt and build a relationship with him but now he's gone

so I have some regret yeah I think what Kevin did yesterday though in a lot of ways was tell him what he thought I mean I you know I will tell you that my dad passed before I was able to tell him some of the things that he did in our lot in my life that really hurt me and I think that there are those moments where you don't have the courage to be able to do it. I never did.

So my, my biological dad too, he landed up passing away, but he was never in my life. The first time I ever met him was when he was locked up in prison and he promised me when he got out, you know, he was going to be in my life and blah, blah, blah. And when he did get out, he was never, he never made the effort to try to be in my life.

Yeah. Thank you. Well, thank you for sharing that. And I hope you're doing okay. Hope things are going okay in your life. What's up, Sean?

Yeah, hey, I get what Kev's saying. Those of us who had absent parents as we were young, it's easier in life not to deal with them as adults. It's almost traumatic to have to deal with that. You know, my dad passed a couple years ago, and I didn't see him very often, but when he would come up to visit, I would spend a day with him, And then I would be wrecked for days because you're putting on the front to try and be the dad-daughter. But it's just easier as an adult not to deal with it, not to have to think about calling them. You know, I get what you're saying, Kev. But, you know, my dad did pass a couple years ago. You know, they do mean a lot to us. We can say all these things, but in our heart, you know, your dad is there. So I will say, you know, you don't have to accept him in your life, but try to heal. I always told myself my dad did the best that he could with the demons he had. And I never walked in his shoes. And I don't know that I could have done any different, but I know it wasn't me and it wasn't you that was the problem. They are the problem. And they obviously still have issues. So, no.

Can I ask? That's awesome. bigger person. Can I ask Kevin a question that when you did this how did your mom and your sister feel?

They weren't in there. He came down. Sherelle and I were on a couch like in the downstairs area and then he came down there. So only Sherelle heard it.

How do you think your mom would feel about what you

did? She kind of low key loves it. Oh really? They got their own little beef.

Are your parents still married? No. No. Okay. Ashley, what's up?

Hi, good morning. Good morning. I just want to say, Kev, I'm so proud of you. I struggle with this.

My parents live, like, five minutes from me and still don't show up for me or my kids. And there's so many times when they do show up, I feel like I have to say I love you. I have to say, like, it's nice to see you. But it really isn't. It hurts every time. And there's so many times I want to say that to them, and I don't. And just, you did it, you know. And I bet you it probably hurt him, but it felt good to you to say that because we need to say that. We don't need to say I love you. And I'm in therapy because I don't know how to say I don't want you in my life or it's hard for you to be in my life because it hurts every time. Like, good for you.

Thank you.

I'm praying for you, Ashley. And if you pray, pray for me as well.

Thank you. So it's amazing to think that the people that we should be able to be the most honest with, because as a dad, I would want my sons to be the most honest with me, that we can't be honest with them. You know, you did yesterday a moment that honestly, I, I give a ton of respect for you because there were been, there were so many moments where I wish I would have been that honest, you know, with my dad. And I'm sure there's other people listening that wish that they would have been that honest but if you can't be honest with your parent that may have hurt you then who can you be you know it's like you'll tell your friends or you'll tell your spouse that's the other thing you probably with shirella the same way too and because i'm like this with chelsea i'll tell her everything that pisses me off about stuff in our relationship but i won't tell my parents yeah so i thought that was great that you did that well thank you man and that was

another thing i think oftentimes i talked to my therapist one time she called me a control freak and I was like what do you mean like I'm chill I don't try to control anything she said that you control your you try to control the situation by taking it easy on people choosing what it is that you'll say to them because you don't want to hurt their feelings instead of just fully communicating what you feel and saying it the way that you feel it in your heart you kind of take it easy because you don't want them to feel bad and that was one of those moments where I was like look man I don't I don't, this is going to sound mean, but this is what it is and live with it.

Yeah. And thanks for sharing that. We appreciate it. If you want to comment on this, we'll put a post up on social media with this. And we want to hear what your thoughts are, especially sometimes we get people that didn't hear the full segment live or on podcast and they just hear the clip or see the little clip. People that heard this entire thing, they couldn't get on because everybody's here on hold. go check that out on social media and make a comment because you you probably had one in your head and you wanted to say it but either you couldn't get through on the phone lines or sometimes you just don't have the courage to actually say it uh over the phone hey guys it's

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