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Mojo in the Morning. All right, Mojo in the Morning Show. Lydia has come in for this next topic here right now. Speaking of our More Mojo podcast that we talk about all the time, the After Show podcast, something was brought up on this podcast that we never got a chance to discuss on the radio. You might have heard a couple of weeks ago, Lydia discuss how she almost got married and actually literally had to have her dad step in to stop it. What's the story, Lydia?

Okay, so a couple years back, I'm talking like when I was 21, 22-ish, I was in a really serious relationship, and I was promised to this guy. So when you're promised in the Chaldean culture, that means you introduce each other to your families, you can post them on social media, and you can get really serious with somebody.

And for those who don't know what a Chaldean is, we talk about them all the time, but if you're outside of the Detroit area, they are an Iraqi Catholic.

Yes. So he wanted to propose to me, and I knew this was coming because we had been promised for about a year and a half, two years at this point. And a thing that him and my dad would do is they would go out to breakfast together. And I knew at this certain breakfast that something was coming because he had been telling me he wanted to talk to my dad. And so I was prepared for it. And I told my dad before he was going out to breakfast with him that I felt like this proposal was coming and I don't think that I was ready for it. And I didn't think that this guy was my person. And so my dad ended up going to the breakfast and he did ask for my hand in marriage and my dad told him no.

Wow. It's still such a crazy story. The whole thing.

Yeah.

Which if you didn't have the relationship that you have with your dad, would most dads do that for their daughters? or would they try to talk you into it?

I think that they would just tell them to grow up, which is kind of a valid reason.

Grow up and do it yourself. For people who didn't listen to the More Mojo podcast about this, and I don't remember what it's named. Is it called Lydia Was Promised or something? If you go back, the title is something to that nature. But is it your mom and your dad who picked out this guy for you to date in the first place? or was it was this you're like you met this guy on your own i met him through a cousin who was

also dating his cousin so we had met through basically family in a sense um but it wasn't pre-arranged at all

all my parents are very open with whoever i want to be with or marry or eventually end up with it just so happened to be a chaldean thing and that's how we do things so it's interesting we

wanted to bring this to the air because i wanted to ask listeners to participate and ask you the question has that ever happened has anybody ever been promised to somebody like or and done it this same tradition because i'm assuming this is a tradition that happens in in your culture but But also, you know, how does this happen? Because I would like to promise Megan to Steve Gabara from Zod Ford.

I think that you guys can do that. You've just got to take my dad out to breakfast first. Just so I'm clear, you just tried to auction me off as a bride? Why not? I thought you were a girl's girl. It's Steve Gabara. You'll be fine.

But also fascinating to me is people who ask for the dad's blessing or whatever and are told no.

Especially when he was close with my dad. So I think that was kind of a hard thing for my dad to do, which, I mean, he had to do it. It's daughter over boyfriend.

Yeah. Are those situations within the community where you're promised and the promise is actually a guarantee? And say, for example, you don't really like the guy, but your dad has already promised you. Do you have to go along with it?

I think it depends on the family. I would say nowadays, no, but beforehand, yes. And that's why I think a lot of those engagements and marriages ended in divorce. Even now, I'm seeing prearranged marriages with cousins who are now, flash forward, divorced after 20 to 30 years because they really didn't want to marry that person.

What's happening, Hannah?

Hi, guys. How are you?

Good. What's going on?

So, we're Albanian. And not for me so much, but my older sisters, we would go to church on Sundays. and that would be like where the guys would look for women and they would make a comment or you know tell my dad and then they would say okay we want to send a man to come and look at your daughter at home so my dad was really close with us and he would say hey listen this so-and-so's interested you know do you guys want him to come and have a coffee and my sister would either say yes or no so it was never pressured but it was always like it was just crazy it's like can i be

It almost seems like you're, you know, selling a car or something like that. It is. Is it awkward?

It is, but at the same time, at least they didn't pressure us. Like, my dad gave us that choice of yes or no, you know?

It's wild, because I know that, you know, the Albanian community, like the Chaldean community, everybody seems to know each other, too, right?

Oh, yeah, and then sometimes you have dads that are like, they don't give you that choice. You know, my uncle married off his daughter, and she had no choice. Wait. So, it was like.

You mean that if she didn't want to get married, but your uncle made your cousin do this?

Well, yeah. Like, no, I feel like it's so bad saying that. But, yeah, I guess, you know, like, he told her, like, he's a good family. He's a good man. This will be a good life for you. And, you know, she didn't fight her dad on it. And they do. They have a good life, you know, but you learn to love someone. And I think that's, I don't know, it's crazy. But it is.

That is wild. By the way, there's a lot of people that do dating apps that wish that they had this.

I'm going to arrange a marriage for, hey, we're going to arrange a marriage for Megan. Megan, we're getting you, girl.

I'm telling you. Who do you think? Who would be a good choice for Megan?

I've got to find her a good Albanian guy.

Oh, Megan. Megan.

Or a good Albanian girl.

Oh. Or a good Albanian girl. Thank you. Look at that.

You're welcome.

Thank you for the call. Appreciate it. Take care of yourself. When Lydia was talking about this, you know, she told stories about this guy and why you didn't want to do it. You want to tell the listeners a little bit about that? Like, what was it that you said in that podcast? Which it is, by the way, Shannon, titled that, Lydia was promised.

He had really bad hygiene. That was one of the big reasons. Like, didn't brush his teeth, didn't shower, didn't really change his clothes that often. And the good morning text would have to be followed by, hey, did you brush your teeth? Hey, did you shower this morning? Oh, no.

Isn't that crazy?

Yeah. And also, his mom and I didn't get along. Like, she was very protective over her sons, and specifically this one, because it was her oldest. And I felt like that just wouldn't work for us because he was very much so a mama's boy. It wouldn't have gone anywhere.

Can you be protective over a man that you forgot to raise had to brush his teeth? Oh, she would justify everything.

Anything that he would do or what I would say, she would justify it and say that I was wrong. And if I were to marry into this family, I would have to accept the way that he is and the way that they are.

Question for you. It doesn't have to be specific to you. Don't feel pressured. Make this more of a generic thing. typically when girls are promised to guys are they virgins

i don't think so okay i don't think all of them if you're promised at that point are you able to have sex or nope you have to wait until the day of the wedding well according to the families i

mean but the girls and the guys do it anyway if you is it typical that you get re-promised like The problem.

didn't work this time do you get promised to somebody else or you can get re-promised because you'll you'll you'll eventually get re-promised if it's oh yeah if it's a chaldean man that you

start dating there's chaldeans listening i will for sure be having a tenefa what is that what is it tenefa is the promising so the mom and the dad and that come to the girl's house like the bride's house to be and they shower her with like you know gold or money or flowers like whatever it is

So this is not Handmaid's Tale-ish, right?

And you can get a ring or you can't. I mean, I got a ring. We didn't do a crazy tenet, though. Like, we weren't in dresses and stuff. It was just, like, a brunch that we had at my house.

Can you invite friends? Like, would we be invited to something like this?

You can for sure come. Does he get the ring back? Really? He didn't get the ring back. No, I just tossed it.

Oh. Do you find that there's a shift in the culture at all? Yeah. Oh, for sure. Do you think that, like, it is progressing towards more of a... people having relations before marriage or whatever like do you think that's actually

happening most definitely or what about chaldeans marrying outside of the culture i love that

because that's happening a lot more too and i i love that people are allowed to love who they love

man more so now than ever in our culture i love that for us because there's some fine ass chaldeans out here do you think that like open the damn bro it's becoming the water flow do you think

it's becoming more like we're dating i want to get engaged i'll ask then i'll be promised then we'll get engaged yada yada versus the arranged marriages or are those still pretty common i

don't think arranged marriages are as common as they were before by the way i just think that

this is interesting because of uh the process of dating sucks so bad like if you look at this like i i know it sounds weird to say this but when i hear the miserable people that are out there on these dating apps i'm like going well who knows you better than your parents like before in the past i would think that this was so archaic and crazy now i'd go this would be like so much nicer

oh my god no it depends on your parents that is so specific to your parents scott mick would be fantastic picking at your absolutely no i love that man he has the best father in the entire world i no no nicole what's up hey how are you good what's going on um i just wanted to call and

say that i'm 43 years old and still the black sheep in my family because i refuse to sign the contract that all of my sisters cousins friends everyone signed uh with their dad basically saying that they wouldn't date anyone that didn't come to him first um if anyone ever showed an interest they had to go and ask it at just a date um and then once you were like entered into that what they called it courtship um you were basically kind of promised to be engaged or

married or whatever like the Duggars yeah yeah do you is there a stigma for being unmarried still is there a stigma in the culture for being unmarried still um yeah I would say I think

probably the biggest problem is that for the most part women are raised to be married and to have a family so if that doesn't happen what else do you do with your life well and then the people i've

noticed this with my chaldean friends if there's a woman who's not married and she's you know in her 40s people look at you like oh what was she doing or what was going on and honestly it's very very sad that people do that i think i'm getting into that right now what you mean why because

you're only 20 um 26 but all my cousins who are younger than 26 except for one or two have found their person and are engaged or married.

It took me the longest. I didn't get married until I was almost 30 and it was everybody else was married in their early 20s. And I was saying, oh no, what did I do? I made the right choice.

One of our sales reps who's single just sent me a text message and says, someone needs to promise me already. We should do, by the way, we should do a ceremony, and we'll promise Lydia to one of our Keldean guy listeners that are listening here. Melissa, call her? No.

A Tanaitha?

We'll do a Tanaitha.

All right, well, only if you do that one sound that you do.

I've already tried to promise you to one of Luke and my buddies, Noble, but he's got a girlfriend, so unfortunately, or fortunately, friend. She ain't Lydia. She ain't Lydia, I know, right? You want to know what I'm getting for Christmas? Fat. I'm getting fat.

Merry Christmas from Mojo in the Morning.

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