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Moto Casino. America's social casino Mojo on the morning show So Megan Megan has a theory Actually not a theory It's a fact probably right Megan?

I think so

That every woman I know will agree with And most guys will say I heard about this in my therapy Before my wife divorced me

Maybe I went out to dinner This past weekend And I was with a group of both men and women and we're going around the table we're discussing our week we're going over stuff and it kind of turns into a discussion about you know problems that we're having and we're we're just kind of going about our lives and saying you know I'm going through this you know I'm going through something similar and we're kind of bonding over the fact that some of us are going through the same stuff and it's just nice to have a listening ear especially when you're very stressed out about something i don't think it's very fun when you feel alone i think uh you feel a lot better when you feel your friends are going through something similar so i'm feeling good and then all of a sudden it gets to the guys at the table and the guys are not listening ears that are being supportive i don't know why men do this you don't always need to provide solutions I don't need you to fix my problems. I need you to tell me, yeah, that sucks. And that's it. End of the conversation, period. We can just end it right there and move along. I felt like at the end of this conversation, I was fighting for my life, just defending my own actions and turning into like a very defensive position of all these guys telling me what I needed to fix about myself. Buddies, I don't need your solution. I need a partner to just tell me, oh, I feel you. I'm on your team. Why do you guys always do that?

This is an opportunity for you to call in, and I know that every guy is going to hate this one, for you to call in and talk about how this annoys you too with your guy. Why is it that guys do this? This came up numerous times over the years in therapy.

Oh, my gosh.

But one of the last times that Chelsea and I went through therapy, it came up. Mike, did it come up in your therapy? Yeah, but I have a solution for this.

I'm kidding. I'm joking. My wife and I have talked about this before. When she starts telling me things, I go, am I listening or am I helping? Am I listening or am I helping? And nine times out of ten, it's listening, and I still try to help. I don't mean to. I don't mean to. We're fixers, right?

That's what I was going to say. It's like fortunately and unfortunately, it's kind of a good.

problems to have because your natural instinct. No, I hate it too, Megan. I'm 10,000% on your side. I'm just saying I see where they want to fix everything and make it better right away, but that's not what women need in that moment. Also, it's under the impression to me that no women then in men's eyes can solve their own problems. Well, they must need a big bully. No, I can solve my own problems. I've been handling myself just fine up until this point. It's amazing that I've made it this far. Just let me be.

I'm telling you that every woman has dealt with this in their relationship. Lena, what's going on?

Good morning, guys. Good morning. I was just listening to Megan, and I couldn't believe it because I have this conversation all the time with my husband. You know, like you have a bad day at work or something goes wrong, and you just want somebody to listen. And they're like, well, I would have done this or I would have done that. No. You don't want to solve it. You just want to say, wow, that really sucks or something.

I wish I knew this sooner. So if there are any younger guys listening to the show, and I know we got a lot of them, you know, of high school, college age, early 30s, listen to this because it will save you a lot of stress. All they want you to do is go, hmm, okay.

I can't believe that. I hate him too. How dare they? That is so rude of them.

Lena, do you think that if your husband would have years before done this, that it probably would have made for a little happier time for him?

absolutely absolutely 100 yeah corinne what's up it's mojo in the morning

hi good morning everyone good morning i'm a first time caller yay i love it i love it um so i wanted to call it on this so um in my relationship my husband love him dearly but this is something we get into arguments about all the time because i'm actually in like the mental health field and he's more in like the computer field so i feel like sometimes he's more like the black and white and i'm more of like just listen to my feelings you know and and so this is something we argue about all the time and like i think the previous caller said just listen to me and tell me how much it sucks and you know you know what i want to do since

he's in the computer field I want to try out AI on this where you just complain to an AI computer and let's see so here I've got my AI computer all hooked up here right now tell me something that's going on in your life Corrine and I'm going to tell you what this computer says okay

okay go ahead um let's see all right so there's someone at work that's not really working with me and making me feel like i'm not doing my job right it isn't supportive and it's bringing me down every day and i and i don't know what to do but you know it's just these are my feelings and

yeah all right ai computer what do you say this okay the ai computer says mojo why are you playing the aol dial-up sound effect that's the only thing you have no the ai computer saying i'm not touching that at all. I don't want to get involved in any of your work squabbles. Actually, I wonder what AI, we should actually throw this into it. We should throw in whatever Megan, your issue was on Saturday that you had, we should throw it into an AI computer and see exactly if it would come and try to fix you. Um, or if it would be something that would be smart enough to realize that you shouldn't try to fix that. I'm actually really curious. That would be, yeah, really, We'll have to figure that out. Somebody Google how to do that. Emily, what's going on?

I'm a couples therapist.

Yes.

And at the first, I like to give homework for, you know, sessions. And nine times out of ten, this is the first homework assignment I give my couples is to listen. Are you listening to respond or are you listening to answer a question?

Wait, is this the whole tell us what you heard? And then you have to do the whole. No. I'll recap. When you said this, this is what I heard. Is that because I've done that before?

Yeah. No. It's like, okay, so are you listening? I have either the husband or the wife or whoever it is. I need you to listen or I need you to solve this problem for me. I need to vent. I need to listen.

Yeah. Can I tell you something, Emily? Yeah. My wife and I almost went through a divorce a couple of times. We've had really bad struggles sometimes. the last struggle that we had it wasn't until I recorded the session to know what exactly was going on because I was not listening to what she was saying at all and I do it still to this day and it's one of my worst you know things I can listen to you know a listener or listen to you or

whatever, but I don't, you know, pay attention sometimes, you know, to, to what, uh, the person who means the most to me is saying. And I think we all do this, right. And you probably see this a ton in your therapy. Yes, I do. It's funny. So many assumptions. Yeah. Assumptions are already made. And guys always try to get right to the end of things that like, you know, this is like us with the cliff notes versions of books. We want to read the cliff notes instead of actually enjoying

in the book what were you saying mike i sent the the message to it's not the same thing but snapchat's ai just to see what snapchat's ai would say like i put i have a co-worker who won't work with me they make me feel unsupported blah blah blah they tried to fix it it says that's tough have you tried talking to them about it now you know what it's like talking to a man

AI is a man.

Xavier, what's up?

Hi. So I was going to say that, yeah, Megan, you're completely right. Me, as a guy, I have a lot of guy friends, and they always try to fix my issues with, like, different solutions. And it's annoying because I just need someone to hear me out.

Wait, even as a guy, you want your guy friends to listen to you and not try to fix your problems?

yes it's it's so annoying because you will you like you're having like the worst day and you're just trying to like you know like offend and everything but they give you solutions to like what you should have done or what you need to do next time it's like it's like i don't need to

can i tell you what my favorite part of solutions are most of the time they have no idea what they're talking about when it comes to especially specific things about like let's say it was about my job nobody knows what my job is like unless you work in the industry and then you coming up with solutions and me telling you that's not a viable solution then you'd be like no no i just don't think you're listening to me what i said for you to do is this it's not practical stop trying to offer stuff you don't know what you're talking about just listen exactly exactly that's

That's all I'm trying to say is just listen.

Listen, listen, Linda.

Sarah, you have a very interesting husband. I like that he voices this. What does your husband say?

So we've been married for almost 10 years, and he, like, if I go on a rant, I won't even, I always just start talking. And it will be quiet for just a little bit, and he'll say, do you need me to problem solve or do you need empathy?

I like that. Wow. I like that.

Yeah.

And you know what? I hope you answer him honestly. Do you answer him honestly on that?

Yeah, I do. I mean, it's helpful because sometimes I do just want the empathetic, like, that really sucks. And I'm a teacher, too, so, like, he doesn't get it. But other times, it is, you know, sometimes, not all the time. But it is nice to get that problem solving. But it took a long time for that to happen, but it happens now.

Thank you for the call. Take care of yourself.

Thanks. You too.

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