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Mike Cancels All Birthday Parties
Mojo In The Morning

Mike Cancels All Birthday Parties

from Mojo In The Morning

January 11, 2023 | 00:10:29 | Leisure

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Transcript

00:00:00 - 00:00:27 | Speaker 3:

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00:00:30 - 00:00:40 | Speaker 2:

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On set, there was so much magic happening with each scene we were putting together. Deep dives into classics like 2001 A Space Odyssey or Fight Club, plus weekly episodes on all industry news. Listen to Raiders of the Lost podcast on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. And for more, follow at Raiders of the Lost podcast and at TikTok Podcast Network on TikTok.

00:01:13 - 00:01:25 | Speaker 8:

My first guest is Paris Hilton, Shakira, Luke, and Yerin. We have surprises. Many surprises. Welcome to the Sweet 305 podcast where the group chat comes to life. What up?

00:01:25 - 00:01:29 | Speaker 7:

You're the only person I know that loves a yellow starburst.

00:01:29 - 00:01:30 | Speaker 8:

It's lemonade.

00:01:31 - 00:01:32 | Speaker 7:

This is Sweet 305.

00:01:32 - 00:01:41 | Speaker 8:

Here, oversharing is encouraged. Listen to Sweet 305 with Lele Pons on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

00:01:42 - 00:01:43 | Speaker 7:

Hey, Portlandia fans.

00:01:43 - 00:01:45 | Speaker 8:

Carrie Brownstein and Fred Armisen here.

00:01:45 - 00:01:48 | Speaker 7:

The dream of the 90s is alive in podcast form.

00:01:48 - 00:02:00 | Speaker 8:

We're launching Podlandia AO Rewatch, our brand new podcast where we revisit every episode of Portlandia together, Breaking down sketches, going deep on our iconic characters, and pulling back the curtain on how it all got made.

00:02:00 - 00:02:12 | Speaker 6:

And we'll also be joined by the people who helped bring it all to life. Guest stars, collaborators, and friends, including director Jonathan Kreisel, the mayor himself, Kyle McLaughlin, legendary musician Amy Mann, and many more.

00:02:12 - 00:02:18 | Speaker 8:

Kyle is going for it here. You fully improvised not just words, but a song.

00:02:18 - 00:02:19 | Speaker 6:

Well, I thought you were all going to write a song.

00:02:19 - 00:02:28 | Speaker 8:

I remember you thinking that. Listen to Podlandia, AAO Rewatch, on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

00:02:39 - 00:03:04 | Speaker 4:

Mojo in the morning, ciao. So, Mike is upset because he says that there is something that everybody else on the show has gotten to do, and he has not, and would like just a moment of time to speak up. I'm going to whine for a minute. Now, this is something that your wife and you were having a discussion about yesterday?

00:03:04 - 00:03:33 | Speaker 5:

So there has never been a moment where I haven't expressed that I am the forgotten, ugly stepchild of the show. Oh, boy. Okay. All right. Here we go. This is a bold statement. It's very true. It's 100% true. And I know it because we were sitting in our meeting on Monday, and we're going over dates. We're going to be off, and people are taking midwinter breaks and that kind of stuff. And midwinter break is different in different areas, different in West Michigan.

00:03:33 - 00:03:53 | Speaker 4:

than it is detroit midwinter break for those that are not from michigan is kind of a michigan thing i never knew this until i moved here from arizona it's the president's day week usually in the detroit area that they give kids uh like a four-day week or three-day weekend or sometimes

00:03:53 - 00:04:59 | Speaker 5:

the full week off okay yeah so they're doing uh so they're doing it different in our like here i think they do it the friday before and then the monday so then we get friday monday up so normally i don't take that week off but i was talking to her about vacations and stuff last night and i'm like you know what the whole show's taking that week off it's like the week of the 20th through the 24th so maybe i should take it off too and she's like well don't you want to be there for like your birthday that's like going to school and on your birthday you know everybody you know they do that big thing where they bring in a cake and they you know bring all this different stuff and they people call in sometimes and wish you a happy birthday don't you want to do that? And I said, son of a bitch. Six years on this show. Six years. You've watched me at my lowest of the lows. You've been there for my wedding. You've been there for a birth of my child. Those are all great, wonderful, beautiful, beautiful moments. I have never gotten a birthday celebration on this show ever in the history of ever. Maybe a text in a social post, which is lovely but i didn't get a cake there's nobody walking in with a cake for me there's nobody

00:05:00 - 00:05:45 | Speaker 6:

uh bringing in uh disney characters for me there's nobody uh uh i don't know what else everybody got but i'm so sorry i want not let him complain no no no no this is so funny i i don't think i've ever heard you be this salty because it's i in you know what in five years i didn't even realize it i didn't realize it didn't happen but but then you realize it and you're like wait a minute But where's my celebration? And then I go down the rabbit hole. Oh, that's because you're the forgotten stepchild of the show. And it doesn't matter. And I don't want a birthday. I don't want anything now. Because I had to tell you. And if I had to tell you, then it's a pity birthday party. I don't want a pity birthday party. I don't want anything. Okay.

00:05:45 - 00:05:46 | Speaker 1:

Okay, Prince Harry.

00:05:48 - 00:05:50 | Speaker 5:

Oh, man.

00:05:50 - 00:05:51 | Speaker 1:

Come on. You weren't even here.

00:05:51 - 00:05:54 | Speaker 5:

Write a book. Write a book, Mike. I will write a book.

00:05:54 - 00:05:57 | Speaker 1:

That's why I feel okay saying all these things Because I wasn't even here for it

00:05:57 - 00:06:38 | Speaker 5:

Let me just say this to you I'm done with birthdays I agree with you Everybody just take their birthdays off Listen, I don't even want people to celebrate my birthday And all it is is a headache For whoever the producer is of the show When somebody has a birthday To buy them a cheap Grocery store cake And hang up a bunch of balloons And stuff like that I said to our past producers Actually the last two producers I said, what's the most annoying thing that you have to do as a producer of the show? This is no joke. I asked both of them this question, the last two. They both said, do the birthday stuff for people on the show.

00:06:39 - 00:06:42 | Speaker 6:

Yet they all did birthday stuff for everybody else on the show.

00:06:43 - 00:06:59 | Speaker 4:

Well, it started because we had a producer that was really into planning birthday parties. And Mojo and I both said we don't celebrate. We're already in the public eye enough. We don't need to pat each other on the back for having a birthday. Like, to us, we don't want to have a whole... It's not interesting radio to have a birthday party on the radio.

00:07:00 - 00:07:06 | Speaker 5:

Well, it is nice to recognize each other, but it's also... It's a stress for the poor person that has to go out and get all the stuff.

00:07:06 - 00:07:19 | Speaker 2:

You know what we should do is we should enact what the kids, well, I say, used to be allowed to do, because you can't even do this anymore in schools, at least not at Lucy's school. And you have to bring in a birthday treat when it's your birthday.

00:07:19 - 00:07:22 | Speaker 5:

Oh, there you go. Wouldn't that be so a possibility?

00:07:22 - 00:07:24 | Speaker 6:

Let's start it with Mike

00:07:24 - 00:07:29 | Speaker 3:

That's what you had to do When you were little And it was like the best

00:07:29 - 00:07:34 | Speaker 1:

Nobody's done anything for me And Shannon goes, you do something for us

00:07:34 - 00:07:40 | Speaker 3:

No, but the reason I said that Is because then it takes the pressure Off of everybody else

00:07:40 - 00:07:41 | Speaker 2:

You just bring in something

00:07:41 - 00:07:44 | Speaker 3:

That you want to bring in

00:07:44 - 00:07:48 | Speaker 4:

Mike, what are you going to bring us For your birthday?

00:07:49 - 00:07:51 | Speaker 5:

Everybody's off on vacation I'm not doing anything.

00:07:51 - 00:07:53 | Speaker 3:

By the way, nobody's off on vacation that week except for Mojo.

00:07:54 - 00:07:58 | Speaker 5:

Yes, I am the only one off. They will celebrate your birthday, Mike, and a happy birthday, Wes.

00:07:58 - 00:07:59 | Speaker 3:

If we remember.

00:07:59 - 00:08:00 | Speaker 5:

Please bring us coffee.

00:08:00 - 00:08:00 | Speaker 6:

Oh, yes.

00:08:00 - 00:08:01 | Speaker 3:

Please bring donuts.

00:08:02 - 00:08:10 | Speaker 5:

Let me also just say this to you, Michael. As far as you being the, you think you're the, what did you say?

00:08:11 - 00:08:15 | Speaker 6:

The forgotten stepchild. The bastard stepchild. What did you say? I didn't say bastard, but that'll work too.

00:08:15 - 00:08:18 | Speaker 5:

What did you call yourself? The ugly. The ugly stepchild.

00:08:18 - 00:08:19 | Speaker 6:

The ugly stepchild, yes.

00:08:20 - 00:08:23 | Speaker 5:

I gave that honor to Reese a while ago, and he wants that honor.

00:08:23 - 00:08:24 | Speaker 6:

Right, Reese? Right.

00:08:24 - 00:08:25 | Speaker 5:

So you do not take that honor.

00:08:25 - 00:08:31 | Speaker 6:

How was your birthday cake, Reese? Was it delicious this year? It was so good, Mike. If only you were here to try it.

00:08:31 - 00:08:38 | Speaker 5:

And you know what's amazing? Guess what? I was not in the studio that day, and you still got a cake. I'm not going to be in the studio for that day. Guess what? Mike, still get a cake.

00:08:38 - 00:08:39 | Speaker 6:

I want nothing.

00:08:39 - 00:08:45 | Speaker 2:

I had to say something. I don't want it now. Well, you can't say something and then not want anything. Yes, I can. So now you've got to bring in something.

00:08:46 - 00:08:47 | Unknown:

Bring in anything.

00:08:47 - 00:08:55 | Speaker 5:

Let me tell you something also. We got budgetary things here. Reese, what did they give you for your birthday? What did it consist of?

00:08:55 - 00:08:59 | Speaker 4:

I got a cake and I got a cake.

00:08:59 - 00:09:04 | Speaker 5:

You got a cake. I brought in a little gift. It cost me. Well, no, I'm saying the stuff that they did for the celebratory.

00:09:04 - 00:09:05 | Speaker 1:

It cost us.

00:09:05 - 00:09:18 | Speaker 5:

The cake and it cost me $45 out of my personal pocket for your birthday cake. Times how many people on the show? One, two, three, four, five, six, seven. Seven people.

00:09:18 - 00:09:20 | Speaker 4:

Well, don't count Mike. He doesn't get anything.

00:09:20 - 00:09:41 | Speaker 5:

No, I'm saying if Mike was there. Mike, do you understand? We would have to fire a person here if we have to keep on doing this with these birthdays. It would probably be somebody in the office settings. They would have to do a budgetary. They would do a rift, and they would do a layoff or something. I don't know. But I get a cake is what you're saying. But you get your cake.

00:09:42 - 00:09:46 | Speaker 4:

We've recognized you on your birthday every year. Do a big thing on the air and celebrate.

00:09:47 - 00:09:49 | Speaker 6:

No, we haven't. We haven't been on the air. We're not on the air.

00:09:50 - 00:10:03 | Speaker 5:

Yeah. Karen, I was going to say, I'm not calling Mike a Karen. I'm just calling you. I'm calling you, Karen. Hi, Karen. I just wanted to wish Mike a really, really, really happy birthday.

00:10:04 - 00:10:06 | Speaker 8:

Yeah, thank you. You're welcome.

00:10:07 - 00:10:09 | Speaker 9:

Yeah. It's not until February 21st. You know what?

00:10:09 - 00:10:19 | Speaker 8:

I'm going to say this to you, Mike. Spike is the one that got screwed the most. This poor guy never got a birthday ever because his birthday was in July. Summer birthday. And Megan, you too.

00:10:19 - 00:10:19 | Speaker 6:

A lot of times we're on vacation.

00:10:19 - 00:10:24 | Speaker 8:

You never got kid birthdays. Summer birthdays are tough. You never got kid birthday parties in school.

00:10:24 - 00:10:32 | Speaker 2:

Did they make you pick, like, your half birthday to celebrate or something? No. In school? That's what they make Smith do. They make them pick like a random day.

00:10:32 - 00:10:35 | Speaker 8:

Andy wants to say something to you, Mike. What do you want to say to Mike, Andy?

00:10:36 - 00:10:42 | Speaker 1:

Yeah, I think Mike this year needs to bring in his own cake and eat it in front of everyone and don't share any of it.

00:10:43 - 00:10:47 | Speaker 8:

There you go. That's a good idea. That's what Shannon was saying. I do like that, but I still got to bring in my own thing.

00:10:47 - 00:10:52 | Speaker 2:

No, I didn't say that. I said bring in a treat to share. Treats for everybody. For us.

00:10:55 - 00:11:02 | Speaker 8:

You know what? Maybe we just go on record and say no more birthdays. We just put a nice picture of you on our social media.

00:11:02 - 00:11:04 | Speaker 9:

Are you happy now, Mike? You ruined it for everyone.

00:11:04 - 00:11:09 | Speaker 8:

Good job, Mike. That's exactly how I figured this would go. You just got, listen.

00:11:09 - 00:11:11 | Speaker 2:

Steal the joy from everybody's special day.

00:11:11 - 00:11:14 | Speaker 8:

You just got birthdays canceled on the Mojo in the Morning show.

00:11:14 - 00:11:17 | Speaker 9:

I really like this idea, guys. Yes.

00:11:19 - 00:11:22 | Speaker 8:

Yeah. So dumb. Yeah. And wait, Shannon, your birthday's next week.

00:11:23 - 00:11:24 | Speaker 2:

But you know what? I took the day off.

00:11:25 - 00:11:26 | Speaker 8:

Your birthday's been canceled.

00:11:27 - 00:11:28 | Speaker 2:

Don't even worry about it.

00:11:28 - 00:11:35 | Speaker 8:

And I think Shannon's got a big birthday next week, too. I think it's a monumental birthday. So, Mike, how do you feel with that?

00:11:36 - 00:11:37 | Speaker 9:

Can I have her cake, then?

00:11:40 - 00:11:48 | Speaker 8:

All right. Well, listen, if you want, call Chelsea up and tell her I'm not taking that week off and we're not going away. We're not doing that.

00:11:48 - 00:11:49 | Speaker 2:

Wow, and you ruined a vacation.

00:11:49 - 00:11:53 | Speaker 8:

I'm going to cancel vacation for Mike so I can be here.

00:11:53 - 00:11:56 | Speaker 9:

What mom guilt thing you guys have ever done to me?

00:11:56 - 00:12:10 | Speaker 8:

What day of the week is your birthday? Tuesday, I think What is the date? February 21st February 21st That happens to fall on a Tuesday It's the same day as the show's anniversary

00:12:10 - 00:12:14 | Speaker 9:

Yes, so we always celebrate the mojo on the morning's birth

00:12:14 - 00:12:21 | Speaker 8:

No, I gotta be honest with you I like not being here for that anniversary I like not being part of that whole thing

00:12:21 - 00:12:25 | Speaker 9:

Mike's birthday? Yeah No Same

00:12:25 - 00:12:42 | Speaker 8:

and the and that that date i i say you know what the day that i like to celebrate is uh january 1st if i walk into the building and my key card still works once the new year happens that makes me feel good um all right mike we will figure something out for your birthday

00:12:42 - 00:12:46 | Speaker 9:

i don't want anything no i just wanted to i just wanted to complain about it and i did

00:12:46 - 00:12:51 | Speaker 8:

do you really not want anything or you're just complaining about no because if i no because now

00:12:51 - 00:12:55 | Speaker 9:

I've said something. So now you got it off your chest. Yes. Yeah. Yeah. I'm done.

00:12:55 - 00:13:02 | Speaker 6:

Well, happy birthday. Uh, hey mom, now that I have an afterschool job, I think I want to buy a drum kit.

00:13:02 - 00:13:10 | Speaker 5:

Okay. Rockstar. Let's look at your account. When kids start making money, Chase has easy to use tools and expert bankers to help them learn how to manage it.

00:13:10 - 00:13:15 | Speaker 6:

And next month I'll buy the bass drum and the cymbals. Oh, and maybe some noise canceling headphones for you.

00:13:15 - 00:13:25 | Speaker 5:

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00:13:25 - 00:13:28 | Speaker 8:

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00:13:28 - 00:13:56 | Speaker 3:

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00:13:59 - 00:14:27 | Speaker 4:

My first guest is Paris Hilton, Shakira, Luke, and Yerin. We have surprises. Many surprises. Welcome to the Sweet 305 podcast where the group check comes to life. What up? You're the only person I know that loves a yellow starburst. It's lemonade. This is Sweet 305. Here, oversharing is encouraged. Listen to Sweet 305 with Lele Pons on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

00:14:29 - 00:14:31 | Speaker 5:

I heard you built a new deck?

00:14:32 - 00:14:42 | Speaker 7:

Ever since our decorator's deck was finished, Saturdays are full of surprises. I brought a deckwarming gift. People keep showing up asking to see the new deck.

00:14:43 - 00:14:45 | Speaker 5:

Is it true the whole thing is from decorators?

00:14:46 - 00:14:49 | Speaker 7:

Weekend afternoons might as well be an open house with guided tours.

00:14:50 - 00:14:58 | Speaker 5:

When you build with decorators, the neighbors will notice. Decorators. Stand out. Visit decorators.com to learn more. That's decorators with a K.

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