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I am like really tired right now. I woke up at 2 o'clock in the morning and couldn't fall back asleep. And yeah, but I slept like a baby yesterday. I actually, you know, when I drove home from Grand Rapids, I got home before midnight. I slept till 930. I've not had that in a long time. I think, you know what I think the problem is? I had my dogs were at Marissa's house, who dog sits for us. I think I got to get rid of these dogs. These dogs require me to, and here's the problem. I think I need to bring Henry or Louie. I can't figure out who it is. One of them has to go do a sleep study because they're snoring now at night. Do they have CPAP machines for dogs?

CPAP machines?

Seriously. CPAP. That's dumb. I'm sorry.

No, that was actually funny. That was good. It was an A-minus.

Wait, are there any listeners that are checking out the show right now who you would sleep great if you didn't have animals? I'm going to throw this out there because I could not, all night last night, all I kept hearing was noises and stuff like that. And then the other dog, because I have two dogs, Henry and Louie, the other dog started making noise because I could hear their collar kind of jingling. And as the collar was jingling, I'm realizing, you know why the other dog's making noise? Because he's pissed off like I am that this stupid son of a bitch is up all night making noises like that.

We have the same kind of dog, Mojo and I. And Charlie, mine, does this. He's done it for years and years, but it keeps me up. He goes like this all night.

Oh, no.

He smacks his lips like he has dry mouth. and it drives Wes, my fiance, crazy to the point where we have a noise machine now that we crank just so that we don't hear all night long. He smacks, he licks his lips. It drives me crazy.

You know what's funny? My aunt used to do that all the time and it drove my dad nuts. And so we would go out to eat with them or they would come over to our house. My dad would make my mom sit next to my aunt because he would be like, and she drives me crazy. You know, it's crazy. I can't do it. Listen to this. Hold on. And this is from a site called Steady Finds, which I usually get a lot of good stuff for trending news from. The headline is, Rough Night. R-U-F-F. Pet owners, especially those with dogs, are more likely to sleep poorly. Having a dog has been associated with a greater odds of a sleep disorder or trouble sleeping. Meanwhile, owning a cat is linked to a higher chance of actually being able to sleep.

Didn't we literally talk about an article recently where it's like, dog people get the best sleep because our chemical levels are so high being with an animal that we love?

Yeah, well, you know what? Of course, I trust this site more because this site agrees with me. Researchers studied multiple sleep quality factors. These included feeling unrested, feeling sleepy, not getting enough sleep, taking longer than 15 minutes to fall asleep, and getting fewer than six hours of sleep on average. And generally speaking, cats tend, oh no, this is interesting. No, I'm wrong. Cats tend to be, did I misread that part? Cats tend to be more active at night than dogs. One expert explains that this may explain the reason why there's an association to sleep quality of people who own cats versus sleep quality of people who own dogs.

But cats leave you alone. Dogs get up on your bed and breathe in your face.

My cat slept on my pillow with me for like 17 years. Oh, really? Yeah.

Honestly, I've been saving some vacation days for fall because I'm planning on hopefully introducing a new, we want to rescue a dog. And it's going to require an introduction to the house that I know is going to be torturous. So I'm like, I won't be able to leave and I'm not going to get sleep. She's still talking about that snake. I don't know what's going to happen with the snake, but I want the dog. And we're just going to have to take a few days off to get it trained and get it used to the house. And people know when you bring a dog home, I mean, it's torture for a few days. The snake, I don't know. That could be out in the garage.

Lisa?

Yes.

Hi. How are you? Are you not getting any sleep because you're a dog?

Oh, my gosh, no. We have four dogs, two golden retrievers and two labs, and three out of the four sleep with us at nighttime, and it's awful. One jumps up, one goes down. One jumps up, one goes down. Oh, yeah.

Terrible. So how many hours of sleep are you getting?

Oh, my gosh. Probably like four if I'm lucky.

You know what's amazing is that you've got to crate them. I know that some people don't like crating their animals, but ever since we crated the dogs, I feel like the sleep got better, and they didn't, like, go jump on you in the middle of the night. Like, they kind of hung out in their crates. But the whole snoring thing Or the noise that Shannon made

Of Charlie

Nothing will help And my problem is Chelsea's out of town So I normally sleep with her Noise machine that she has And her noise machine's not with her I think she traveled with it

Those things are clutch I know that sounds stupid But I got one for Lucy when she was a baby And I'm like I kind of want one of these And they have adult ones They're the best.

What's up, Apple? Hi. Hey, what's happening? We're talking about how people with animals have a hard time sleeping.

Yeah, I have a cat. She's old, and she looks at you during the day, and she silently meows at you. And she's, like, you know, acting like she can't speak. And then all night long, she screams at the top of her lungs. Oh, jeez. She'll get, like, you know, empty toilet paper roll or something to play with, And she'll just bat it around and do flips, jumps, and screaming at the top of her lungs. But during the day, she silently nails, and then she climbs up the furniture. She climbs up the couch.

Why do we do it to ourselves? Are they really giving us that much love?

She's very obnoxious, but I love her to death.

I'm a big believer in don't put all the hate on Shannon. Put the hate on me for this one, because I know Shannon hates cats. She's mentioned it before on the show. But I think cats are going to kill their owners in the middle of the night. Like, I feel like they'll suck the life out of you.

I'm telling you. There's something creepy. So mean towards cats.

Be careful. That's true. We're mean towards cats and Megan. What's going on, Randy? Hey. Hey.

So, yeah, I have four cats, and they are the worst creatures to live with. All right. Oh, thank you. Cats don't get any sleep. Yeah. They get the zoomies, they run all over the house, they play with random things, they lay on your face, they walk all over your body, if you move your feet, they attack them, you don't get any sleep with cats.

Every time I spend time with my daughter like I did this weekend at Grand Valley, she just shows me all the videos of all the dumb a-hole things the cat either hits you in the face or knocks things over for no reason.

My cat does this thing now, and it's just to my son, and I think it's because my son is so rough with the cat, where she'll put her paw under the door and just pull on it.

So it literally goes, do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do- Climb up the curtains and then leap onto me and attack me in my sleep.

Oh, my God. See, I told you. Vicious animals.

She was evil. She would bite my toes.

You know what I would do? I'd call animal control in the middle of the night and say, Come, I got a friend for you. I was tempted. It's trying to kill you.

It was. It was awful. Like, probably at least every half hour, she was attacking my feet. I mean, it was terrible.

Can you imagine, by the way, having a picture of what you just said? A picture of it jumping from the curtains on you in the middle of the night. Oh, my God. I would be freaking out. Mark, you have a dog that does something like that. A buddy of mine had a dog, and it was like a German Shepherd, Wattweiler, or something like that. And in the middle of the night, it was the nicest dog. In the middle of the night, my buddy said he thought it had a dream because it bit him in the leg twice so hard. Oh, my God. Yeah, it bit him.

Crate those dogs or put them in another room. I don't want them. They'll kill you. They will. They'll get you. How do you like this one? And Lauren, what would your dog do to you while you're sleeping? Lauren? You there, Lauren? Oh, Lauren's dog would kick her in the face while she was sleeping at night. Oh, no.

Sorry, that's not funny. It actually is kind of funny.

I hope it's not one of those big dogs that looks like a horse. You know what I mean? Yeah. Can you imagine just getting kicked in the face by the damn thing?

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