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Hold on a second. Hold on. What is it that somebody was asking you to, are you going to sell it to them or are you going to do it as a favor for them, Kevin?

I'm not doing it at all.

Well, you're not, but what were they asking you for?

They was asking for my pee. Wait.

Wait, wait, hold on.

Like your penis? Like my urine. Oh. Wait. What you're not? You can't have my penis. It's not detached from me. I don't know what you were talking about. Wait. That's why I looked at you like that. I'm like, wait, what?

So they were asking you, was this a stranger or who was it?

No, this is a family member. I ain't going to put them out there on blast, but this is a family member. Oh, is it a drug test situation? That's exactly what it is. They're getting a new job, and it's job drug tests, and they smoke weed. The job doesn't allow that. Don't take that job. Wait, what job?

Truly, what job doesn't allow you to leave when you go home? In a lot of Ohio jobs still have an issue with it. Even if it's legal? Really?

Yeah. I did not know that. No, you can't. Well, hospitals, too. You can't.

Oh, well, that would make sense to me. Okay, yes.

They don't want you high on the job.

There are people who work in Michigan who still get drug tested. If it's just against your company's policy or if they're a worldwide company.

Wait, so they asked you to pee for them.

Why do you pee sitting down? You crap standing up. They say, can you pee in a coat? I got a test.

How do they know that you, listen, out of everybody's pee on this show, I ain't choosing your pee. Why? Because I don't know where your pee's been. I don't know what you've done.

Well, what color was my pee this morning? It might be a darker, it might be a lighter yellow because I think I had some juice last night. I'm typically clear stream. Wait, you don't do any narcotics at all? I don't smoke. I don't sniff. I don't shoot up. All I do is sit.

I'm on drugs!

None at all. I haven't smoked weed, bro, in years. Really? Yeah, that's not my vibe no more. It takes me somewhere I don't need to go.

Why do your eyes always look a little glossy?

That's just the shine of the eyes. I don't know. It's a sparkle in your eyes. Is that what it is? Twinkle, twinkle.

Interesting. I've always wondered this with the can I get your pee. Somebody needs to call us up and tell us, and this might be from back in the day, but could that work? Because I've taken drug tests before, and they make you go into a bathroom, and it's got to be at certain temperature. I don't know if there are people that...

A certain temperature. It does. That was real? Yeah. Yeah. I mean, I've heard that certain jobs, they'll go in the bathroom with you. Like, they're not looking at your part to see the pee actually come out, but, like, they're physically in the dressing room with you. That can't be illegal. You're making sure you don't pull bottles out or baggies or anything like that. When I've done, I've done two drug tests in my life and the two drug tests that I've done, both were go into this bathroom and it was a one staller, but it was going to this bathroom and it was with the little sample cup or whatever it was. And it was the moment that you're done, you know, like they would tell you how to do it, which by the way, I got to be quite honest with you. I would always feel like a man because the cup always made me feel like a man because Because I would pee so much pee that I would overflow the cup.

You only need to put a little bit in there. You don't just put the adequate amount in and then pee the rest in the toilet?

I peed all over the cup so they had to smell my pee.

Oh, my God. Because girls have to pee every time they go to the gynecologist. You don't fill it up? No. Dr. Werner gives you these little itty-bitty plastic cups. I fill it up maybe halfway, and then I set it on the ground, and then I pee the rest of my pee in the toilet. I need to take a pee-pee.

Why don't you fill it up?

Because why does it need to be spilling over the brim? You gotta give him

They only need a little bit. Less is more or more is less. I feel that boy, yeah. If I gotta go, might as well give him a little bit. Sean, by the way, you ever had to give him a stool sample?

I have never had to do that.

You give them your doo-doo? I had to give them. They give you a little spoon to scoop it with. You know those the ice creams that come with their own little spoons. That's what it looks like. Wait, what if it's not solid that day?

Do you gotta put it on? Do you gotta poop at home and bring it in like I do at the vet? Like bring Charlie's poop in or do you have to poop there? I could not poop on demand. No, I brought it in.

I did my first...

Do you buckle it into your passenger seat?

Oh, listen, I figure if I'm gonna get pulled over by a cop, that might get me out of the traffic ticket. I got bio-waste on my passenger seat, and I actually keep the seat warm, too.

Some issues are the worst.

Shauna, we were talking about how Kev was asked by a family friend member for his pee. What's going on?

So, my kids are eight, my boys are eight years apart, and my middle son was, like, you know, good in school, good in sports, while his brother's eight years older than him, so he would sell his piss to all of his brothers.

Oh, my God.

And make extra money in high school because his piss was clean. Like, people would literally be hitting me up asking me to get him out of school so they could get some pee. I'm like, whoa, whoa, whoa.

Whoa.

By the way, I got to tell you, I don't know. Where are you from, by the way?

Well, I'm from QS, Florida, but I live in Adrian. Whoa, whoa, whoa.

I love that you call him piss. I'm like, eh, my piss. My son's pissed.

Well, because I have a bunch of boys. so they're just like they're ruthless i love it thank you mom for calling thank you and you use

a pocket warmer oh is that what it's called is that like wait is a pocket warmer like those

things you hold on to as you're out at a football game yeah it helps keep your um urine warm i mean

all the tricks man oh man thank you for the call ryan what's going on how are you not too much What's going on? Nothing much. We're talking about people selling their pee.

Yeah, well, this was a family deal, so I guess they got the family discount. Someone I used to work with had her son pee in a bag, and she taped it to the inside of her thigh so it would be warm when she had to go take the test. Look at the bag bus. It's too risky. I don't know. I think, you know, honestly, I think she might have used a condom. I've heard that, too, yeah.

I like, by the way, the family deal. All I think about is the LaFontaine's. Get the family deal on P. That's awesome. Thank you for the call. What's up, Elizabeth?

Hey. So I work for a company, and we have truck drivers on staff. I drive not a truck but a car for my job. I had to take a drug test, but our truck drivers have to pass drug tests with no trace of marijuana because they have a CDL license.

Okay.

Okay. Okay. And as far as Kevin giving his piss to his family member, the people that do drug testing know when they grab that cup what temperature it should be. I know the guy just said take a pocket warmer, but you cannot walk into the bathroom with anything. Like, they'll see stuff in your pockets. You can't take a jacket. You can't take a bag. And they will sometimes put a thermometer in the pee to make sure it's body temp. So good luck to Kevin's guy, but they are way smart at these places.

Yeah, they've got detections, I know, on that. They can tell what's going on. Initial B wants to be voice-assisted.

guys listen to this one initial b i'm looking at your your comment here what's up so i have to take

a drug test and i knew i was gonna fail so i use a latex and i use my little sister p because i knew she was clean and i actually put it inside of me because i knew it needed to be warm and i

just pinched it off so wait so your sister gives you hers you put it in a latex condom and then you put it in your vagina yeah and and then you go into the testing room and just break off the

the thing or and put it into the thing so they i have i have long nails so i could pop it so oh my

gosh finger pop question for you on this is this doing the testing because you're like in trouble with the law and you're not supposed to be doing drugs no it was for a temp service they watch you Okay.

And I had to practice to pop it.

So it wasn't the first try. It was a pass.

Yeah, to try practice. Because I know that there's a lot of people when their number gets or their color gets called, because I think it's a color system. They'll call all the people that are blue have to go in and do tests for when you get in trouble, the law. I wonder if some of those people have to do that, too. Jesus on the phone with us right now. What's up, Jesus?

Hey, sir. So, long-time listener, first-time caller. Hey, this is a joke. So, I actually went to take a drug test, and I knew that I was going to pee dirty for marijuana. So, I asked my father to pee for me, and I got my result back a week later, and I got fired because I failed my job for cocaine. Oh, my God. Shut up. That's insane.

Oh, my God.

Daddy was a booger singer. Did you know your dad did that?

No, no, I had no clue at all. And then when I told him about it, he was like, dude, I totally forgot. I am so sorry.

Oh, come on. Oh, my God. That's crazy. Oh, my Lord. That is unbelievable. That is what a crazy call that is. What's going on, Gabriel?

What's up? First time, long time. Hey, Gabriel on the phone.

Anytime we talk about drugs, we get all the first-time callers calling in. What's going on?

Not much. I had a story where I had to drop for a job, and a buddy of mine, I had to have him urine in a balloon. I tied the balloon up, put the balloon in my underwear right underneath my genitals, had to go to the employer, and then had to put a needle to pop the balloon and then put it into the cup to be able to pass the test.

Unreal. Were you worried at all about making the wrong move and having that balloon pop when you weren't supposed to have it pop?

Actually, when I went to go pop it, it almost got stuck in the balloon, so it almost got to the point where I had to rip it. So then it would have just went everywhere, but luckily I was able to save it in time without making too much noise in the bathroom.

Oh, my God. Yeah, they go into the bathroom and they hear, like on the rubber of the balloon. Hey, you got the job, right? Yeah, I hope. I hung up on him. You're fine. Hopefully that last guy's dad wasn't on. Dan, last call on this one here. What's going on, Dan? Not much. How about you, Mojo? I'm honestly dumbfounded. These calls have been fantastic this morning. What's going on?

You saved the batch for last. This one's just like basically like a strap-on, But it's got a, my buddy used to use it to pass his drug test to pee for probation. Well, it's basically like a strap on, you wear it. Okay, exactly. And it's got a bag attached to it, and you use, like, a hand warmer, too, to hold the pee. And I didn't touch it, but I was wondering how it worked. It's just like milking a milk in a cow, you squeeze the dip and it comes out. Wow. Does this thing have a name? It's called the Wizinator. Come on.

You made that up.

It is the Wizinator? This is like a commercial in the middle of the night. Ron Popeil's Wizinator. But could you imagine if that thing ruptured while you're wearing it? Or can you imagine watching someone else's pee all over you? Or watching him milk the... Oh, my God. Look at this thing. Let me see, Kev. All I'm thinking about is Meet the Fockers when he was talking about milking the cow.

Oh, he's not joking. It looks like, I don't want to say it again.

Oh, he looked it up instantly. Oh, that's the best, Dan. That too, bro.

Appreciate you, buddy. Thanks for calling, Dan. Yo, man, this is a good one. Bye. They've taken over cities before, but this July, they're bringing the X Games League Championship home to New Orleans. July 24th through 26th at the Superdome. Over 100 elite athletes competing for the first-ever league title. Plus, Metro Boomin, JID, Subtronics, and Bunt performing live. New Orleans doesn't just host the moment. New Orleans is the moment. Get your tickets now at xgames.com.

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