Muse

The first season of the X Games League is ending in New Orleans, and only one team walks away champion. July 24th through 26th at the Caesars Superdome, watch the world's best skaters, BMX riders, and moto athletes battle for the title. Plus, live performances from Metro Boomin', JID, Subtronics, and Bunt. Three days of sport and music. Get your tickets now at xgames.com.

All right, Mojo in the Morning is your home of the phone scams. We're going to scam a dad. We've been told that he's pretty gullible. Let's see if he believes Spike, who will tell him about the new restroom policy at his son's school. It's a Mojo in the Morning phone scam.

We will, we will scam you. Sorry, it's a catchy song. It's your home of phone scams. Mojo in the Morning.

Hello? Hello, this is Austin Boutlier. I am the assistant to Principal S**t. Is this Mason's dad, Mr. S**t? Yes, it is. Mason's fine. Everything's fine. I just wanted to call you because we need to get to the bottom of something that was happening. It just really stinks, to be honest, and there's no way to paper over it. Do you have a second to talk?

Yeah, is he okay?

He's fine, yep. He's in class. But I want to talk to either you or Mrs. *** about, well, make you aware of a new school policy for Mason.

Okay.

Let me ask you a question. What is something you never appreciate until it's gone?

Water?

I was going to say toilet paper. And due to wasteful behavior, we are instituting a new policy in which your son will only be allowed to use one square of toilet paper per bathroom visit.

What? You're talking about like one little square piece of a roll of the toilet paper?

Yes.

Okay, that sounds ridiculous.

It's absurdly ridiculous how much paper he's been using, to be honest with you. When Mason needs to release the Kraken, he's apparently being very wasteful. He's using so much paper.

What, do you have monitors in the toilet stalls watching what they use?

Well, we've asked the other students. We've tried to get to the bottom. We do have a hall monitor, and we're trying to find out where all the paper's going because we didn't know if a child was playing a prank or something. The roll's always empty, but we did talk to his teachers, found out he does three to four bathroom visits per day. I mean, that's two times the poo as any other boy his age.

Okay. This is the weirdest phone call I've ever gotten.

This is one of the weirdest phone calls I've had to make, to be honest with you. We're a private school. We have the good two-ply stuff, so it shouldn't take half a roll every time he lays a brick, if you know what I'm saying. Pardon the pun.

Yeah, but who can wipe their butt with one piece of toilet paper? That's absurd.

Well. Could you do it? Listen, I'm not singling him out. There's other students will also have to follow the conservation guidelines. It's become a big problem. But we do need you and his mother to talk to him about it and explain why he only gets one square per bathroom visit going forward.

Well, I have no idea how I could explain that, that it would make any sense to anyone with a brain. I mean, that's ridiculous.

You think it's ridiculous that he's using a whole roll of toilet paper every other day?

How do you know that? I mean, unless you've got somebody in there with him watching, that's ridiculous.

Well, we're not allowed to do that, sir.

I know. So how would you know it was him?

Well, plumbing problems every time he's making a deposit at the porcelain bank.

Wait, you're telling me my son is causing plumbing problems?

Huge, huge floaters. He's leaving, oh my gosh, a sewer serpent. What are you talking about? Oh, the old Garden City flip-flown. Every time the poor janitor goes in there, he's leaving. I'm sorry, I can't make any more puns. This is Spike from The Mojo on The Morning Show, and you've just been the victim of a phone scam. Really? Stacey asked us to prank you. This is Spike. You're on the radio.

I'm glad because I thought if this was reality, we were a s**t.

I couldn't keep it in Because every time I said Some horrible pun For using the bathroom You didn't even blink You didn't even like Respond to it Do I win anything? No you don't win anything Really?

We will We will Scam you We interrupt this message To tell you That was funny It's the home of the World famous phone scams

You're listening to Mojo in the Morning

He's dribbling the ball With everything on the line

He's driving down the pitch. He's facing price hikes and cuts past him. Carrier Contracts tries to block him. Oh, he leaves him in the dust. He's at the edge of the box. He cuts past the nonstop group chat trash talk. He clears on goal. He shoots.

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The first season of the X Games League is ending in New Orleans, and only one team walks away champion. July 24th through 26th at the Caesar Superdome, watch the world's best skaters, BMX riders, and moto athletes battle for the title. Plus, live performances from Metro Boomin', JID, Subtronics, and Bunt. Three days of sport and music. Get your tickets now at xgames.com.