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mojo on the morning show thanks for listening went out for dinner with some friends and our friends own a business i'm not gonna say what it is because i i'm gonna talk about one of their employees here right now and i found it to be very funny to hear what it's like to actually like be a boss i you know i like when you start like talking to people who have businesses and you realize i don't ever want to have a business i'm so glad i work for a company i know it sounds like it's the american dream but it's really not so they were telling me about this guy that works in their office who is notorious for the moment that he comes into work he goes right to the bathroom and is in there for like 15 or so minutes pooping so they're having this conversation with us chelsea and i about the fact that he will go into the bathroom like with before he even says hi to anybody and he will you know go do his business and then he'll come out of the bathroom like 15 or so minutes later and uh and then he'll start his work day and as small business owner they say why is he not pooping on his own time you know what i mean like why is he not pooping maybe before he comes to work like what is the deal and i said to him i go well you know sometimes you don't know you know sometimes you don't uh you know when you have to go and maybe the drive gets them to go and then they're like well then why not come a little bit earlier to work and then do that and then start your work day right at the time

so when my bosses called you did you say

well it's funny because we came up with a whole bunch of things because we came up with a bunch of words for this and here was here were some of the things because I was looking for a title for this podcast and it was here are the stuff that didn't work poop salary toilet pay pricey poop but the one that stuck paid to poop or paid to poo if you'd like to take the pee off of it um that's what we're going to call it so and then use the number two please on there because i think it actually adds a little bit to it um so here's the conversation that we had so we had the conversation about this and i'm trying to like stick up for this guy then they said he goes to the bathroom at least three times during the day and it's a small office counting how many times he goes well he's in there for long periods of time so he's in there for how first off how long

By the way, this is from a guy who at 9, 10, when we do a commercial break, you are usually in the bathroom. That's your regular time, right?

When I don't have to work for five minutes. It's my first commercial break.

Okay, so how long are you usually in? Like a commercial break on our show usually lasts like, what, seven minutes or so?

Yeah.

So you're going for about five minutes of it? Okay, so they figured out.

Because the coffee kicks in, you know? There's a morning visit that I think most people make if they drink coffee because you can't. It's not like you can wait until lunch hour.

They figured he's in there 15 minutes. But they figured five to ten minutes to give them a little bit of credit. That's excessive.

First of all, the bathrooms aren't that clean. I'm not spending one minute more in there than I have to. But second of all, don't go in until you've got to go. When things are flowing and you're ready, then you go. You don't go in there and sit and look at your phone and hang out and meditate.

No. No. Did I ever tell you guys my life motto?

What's that? What is it?

Boss makes a dollar. I make a dime. That's why I poop on company time. I will sit there and I will browse TikTok or maybe a little bit of Imgur. Maybe I'll sit on a Reddit board. I'm going to get comfortable because I can best believe my boss, who is making 15 times my salary, is sitting comfortable at their desk. And who knows how hard they're working. So I will put in the same effort. That was the most amazing poop ever. I know.

Someone here used to justify, like, they said, hey, I know people take 20-minute smoke breaks every couple hours. Well, I'm taking poop breaks.

We did math on this, okay? So, and that's why I'm not going to say the name of the company. The guy makes $75,000 a year, works 40 hours a week, all right? They figured between five and 10 minutes. Yeah, would you like to? So let's say he poops twice a day with sessions lasting approximately 10 minutes, all right? That's $6.34 per session, or $12.68 per day, or $63.40, or $3,296 per year.

I'm so proud of you for doing math.

He did the math, but he sent it to me on a text message. And I want to, that's why I said point is actually, you know, 6340. So that's, that's the math on, on his, his duty and, and the office, which by the way, this is a duty hour because we have another good story coming up here in just a couple of minutes about, about duty.

To be fair, some of us have IBS and we can't control when we have to go. Okay. You gotta go when you gotta go.

Doreen. Hello.

Good morning, guys.

Good morning. Good morning. Do you pay, get paid to poo?

I don't, but I have a best friend who literally waits to go to poop at work every single day. She says that's the highlight of her day, to go poop at work, because not only once does she get paid to poop and sit there and relax, she also has three little kids. And if you have kids, little ones, you know you don't ever get that alone time, not even in the bathroom. You'll see the little fingers come through the doors and everything.

Oh, I have PTSD where if somebody walks in the bathroom at our office, I immediately go to grab the door like they're going to walk into the stall because I'm so freaked out with little ones.

That's funny. I never thought about that. That's actually alone time for you. Thanks, Doreen. What's up, Dave?

I absolutely do my business at work so I can get an extra week's vacation over the course of a year.

but do you want to spend your vacation in stall number two uh absolutely i like that i never

thought about that that so it's kind of your way of getting an extra week's vacation by going into the bathroom and just kind of sitting in there do you have comfortable bathrooms math on your buddy yeah would you do your math on yours well not really but it's i mean i'm going in there and

I'm in there like 12 minutes.

Yeah.

And by the time you got the pre, you got the post, and I'm getting at least a week's vacation if you do the math.

Our bathrooms aren't nice enough. You know, maybe what we should do is we should, like, hang pictures of, like, beautiful island scape or something in the bathroom so it makes us feel like we're getting something out of the deal. Hi, Mike.

Yeah, I was going to say that they actually have apps that you can download for your phone and it calculates all your pay while you're pooping and it'll tell you how much you made for the year and all that i think it's funny oh my god i gotta get one of those apps

we should all do it we should all do one of those apps and then every time we have to go to the bathroom we'll share it with each other that's funny thank you for the call it's actually called paid to poop is it is it the number two or is it uh two that's the number two see i think that was that was more appropriate that's perfect then let's do this let's get paid to poo uh with the app on this we'll share it with

with everybody so that we can all take a little time to see how much we're getting out of our company dime. Michelle.

Yes. I'm a little more sinister than everybody else. Are they sure he's actually going to the bathroom? This sounds exactly like addict behavior. Like he's in the bathroom doing something warm and going to the bathroom. Is he on drugs? Nobody goes to the bathroom multiple times a day for 10 or 15 minutes.

Mojo does. I do. Megan does. I do. Mike does.

You give me a little milk one day, and you're not going to see me very often. I'm on drugs!

Let me have a viral video on TikTok, and I might be in there a little bit longer. Michelle, I love going to the bathroom at home, though. I really don't like going here, because then I've got to go all day with a scratchy, itchy booty. Because I use wet wipes at home.

Well, I get that, but working in ER, I mean, we have patients, families that come in that have had to take their bathroom doors off because that's where their family members were going to do drugs.

Right, right. Well, thank you for that. Maybe I'll give them a heads up on that. They say he's actually a good employee. Oh, what's up, May?

Hi.

Hi. Hi, what's going on?

So I'm going to preface this by saying it's okay. I laugh about it now. My dad passed away at 43 years old from straining too hard.

Oh my gosh, like Elvis

Right, yes, exactly So I tell everybody that he died like the kid So I warn every single job that I'm at That if I'm in the bathroom for far too long I am not straining I am not pushing I am not doing anything So if I have to sit there and just let it come on out That's exactly what I'm doing So I will spend 15 to 20 minutes inside of a toilet At work And I'll make sure my bosses don't say anything about it

But is sitting there bad or is it just the straining to get it done fast? Well, both are not good.

I mean, we've read stories on the air before.

No, both are not good.

Yeah.

Yeah, it was the straining that did my dad in, but sitting there again obviously makes your butt a little numb and you walk out a little funny, but I won't strain. I won't do it.

Say it's not great for your bowels to sit there that long if you don't got to go.

I used to love my dad used to call them bowels. Bowels. How your bowels. He'd call it, all right, son, how's your bowels? Good, Dad. Kathy?

Hi.

Hey, what's up?

Good morning. Good morning. Hey, I just want to tell you that, yes, that I have an employee who comes into work every day. And the first thing he goes to is the toilet for 45 minutes to an hour.

Oh, my goodness.

45 minutes to an hour? Yeah, so I have to pay you, Jim. And I'm like, did the toilet eat you or eat you?

Your potty break should never be longer than your commute into work.

Right, exactly.

Does he make up for the time, like, later? Like, does he stay later for you?

No, no, he don't. He don't. And then, so now management is watching him on the camera.

Oh, my gosh.

I think they're going to be docking his thing.

Yeah, that's a long time.

Yeah. Yeah. So, thank you for the call. By the way, there was a PSA plane in back of me that said something about Crohn's. Did you hear that a second ago? You're probably talking about that. talking about i'm like oh is that what it is oh it's my phone oh all right one last uh poopy call

what's going on uh carla hey guys good morning good morning i used to work with a woman that would spend half an hour 45 minutes and actually topped out at an hour before balancing her checkbook in the bathroom in the bathroom oh my gosh she was proud of it and would brag about it After lunch, I'm going to go balance my checkbook, and it took me a while to catch on to what she was talking about.

Or is she just – yeah, she's just saying that, like we say, like dropping the kids off at the pool. Nobody's balancing a checkbook.

Also, who balances a checkbook? Right. I don't even know how to.

All right. Aw, look at her. Hi, Megan. She says hi to you, Megan.

Hi, Megan. Hi, nice. Are you having a good morning? How are you guys? How? Are you having a good morning? How are you? Good. Yeah, it's okay. I'm with Mojo. Aw, you said to me that I'm a nice person today.

You said I've become nice.

I'm upsetting my morning with you guys. Aw, thank you.

Love you. Did you hear that, by the way? Megan said I was a nice person this morning. You were. Isn't that nice?

Aw, that is nice.

Thanks for having Mojo's back there, Megan. Shut up. You are the best. This is Mojo in the Morning.

Yeah. Mark this down, okay? Please. Okay.

Bye, you guys. And keep listening, because Mojo said we're going to talk more about poop later this hour. Oh, yeah. which means we're getting paid just to sit here and talk about that feeling when you're trying

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