Muse

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Oh, Mojo, he's amazing. I love listening to his show every morning.

Back to Mojo in the morning. So, Shannon's boyfriend came in the studio yesterday to pick her up because she had her car in the shop.

You guys make him so nervous. Can I ask you a question?

I actually wondered, was he mad at me or something? Because he seemed like he was a little standoffish.

No, he's so nervous.

He's nervous?

Yeah.

Okay, because I was wondering about this. I thought that was interesting because I, you know, thought to myself, I'm like, I was like, hey, Wes, what's going on? And he kind of like looked down and I was like, oh, okay. So he's kind of getting a little nervous. How could we make somebody nervous?

Oh, yeah, because you're not intimidating.

Really?

Yes.

I think when people walk in the studio, they essentially get nervous. It's his first time in the studio. It's like being on the stand in court. Wait, has he met your dad?

He hasn't met my dad yet. Actually, I was with my dad last night and we were talking about that. So we made some plans for that to happen.

Who will he get more nervous in front of? Tim Murphy, your father, or Mojo, me?

Mojo. Really? For sure. Oh, my God.

That's wild. I wondered if I said something on the air. Because I think I've been, you know, Team Wes, you know, talking about how sweet of a guy he is. The only thing I said was the guy's going to go broke if he's buying you all these gifts every time you go out of town and stuff like that. But I thought it was good to meet him. I thought it was interesting because I said to you in the hallway, as we're walking out because he's driving you home, I said, oh, you guys are going to go on a romantic lunch together? And Shannon goes, no, I've got therapy today. He's dropping me off at therapy. And I thought, the new boyfriend is taking his girlfriend to her therapy appointment.

He goes to therapy too, so it's all good. He gets it.

But how funny, would he wait for you in the car? No. I'll see you in a second. We'll be right back. All right, so something very embarrassing happened to you. You've been trying to keep him from seeing something in your house?

Well, you know, at like the beginning of a relationship, you want to put your best foot forward and hide, you know, all of the crazy about yourself. And I didn't even think about this, but he stays over my house, like spends the night every once in a while. And so I had something in my bathroom that he found that I didn't realize looks really, really bad if you don't know why I have it. And I think you guys know this because I've talked about it before. I have this stupid, stubborn wart on my left thumb, which, yes, it sounds so gross, but okay, real life. It will not go away. I've had the dermatologist freeze it off three times. I've tried to surgically do at-home surgery and get rid of it myself. It will not go away. It keeps coming back. So I went to the dermatologist like two weeks ago, and she ordered me this paste, I guess is what it is, that I'm supposed to put on it every single day until it peels off. and I keep it in a drawer in my bathroom, kind of hidden because the instructions are huge and it says, hang on, I took a picture of it so I could read it to you guys. It says, apply nightly to warts under occlusion. I think that's how you say this word. Apply nightly to warts under occlusion in like size 20 font, right? You're a gross human being. Yeah, you know what it is. But it doesn't say like warts on your finger. It just says warts. So he was looking for Q-tips and finds this work cream and he walks out of my bathroom holding it with this like what the f is this look on his face and i'm like it is for my

finger. It is not for anywhere else on my body, I swear to you.

But I thought to myself,

I probably should have hidden that. Because it's just like a bad look.

Where else would he think that you needed ward cream for?

Clearly, there's nothing going on, but it just... My vagina is angry. It's not. It's perfectly happy. It's very happy. But it didn't specify. No, because now look at it. Do you see I mean, it just looks like a little, like a bump, but yeah, it won't freaking go away.

The wart. It's so gross. Shannon's wart. It's so gross. I need, like, dramatic music. We should actually, Reese, we should do a sitcom or a horror movie on Shannon's wart.

No, that's so gross. Oh, God, no.

How did you get this wart? How did you get said wart?

I have no idea. I've had it forever.

And it won't go away. Why do they say it's not going away? I don't know.

Even the doctor doesn't know. So that's why she gave me this stuff.

Is it a stress thing or something like that? A stress wart?

I don't know.

I hate, by the way, when you have like new relationship and you have certain things in your house that you want to hide from them.

And you forget to hide them.

And you forget to hide them. You know what I mean?

And they find them.

Yeah.

And have lots of questions.

Like, have you had to hide other stuff too? Like, did you hide your toys and things like that?

No, no.

So that's all out there?

Yeah. I mean.

We know he's a snooper because he found your word cream.

Well, no. He was legit looking for something. I was standing right there. Like, he wasn't snooping.

Okay. But he looked at the bottle and read it and stuff. Of course.

You can't miss it. Look at how big the font is on this thing. I understand.

But it took him a second. What did he think? Oh, this might be it. Oh, hold on. Word cream. Yeah. It's gross. What do you have to hide in your house if some guy's coming over? 844-MOJO-LIVE. Did you have to hide anything, Spike, from the new girlfriend? No. Everything's okay there? If he does, he's not going to tell you. Because he's hiding it.

No, I have nothing to hide.

What about you, Ellen? I have a pretty boring life. Do you have anything, Ellen?

Oh, of course I do.

What do you hide? What's the one thing you don't like?

This is like TMI, so sorry in advance. I do not have a time of the month because of the kind of birth control I'm on. So I've been sexually active in the last two months. I take a pregnancy test every month to make sure I'm not pregnant. Oh, that's a story. Not both, but I buy like a stockpile on Amazon and I have a stash of pregnancy tests.

Oh, that's a great one.

I never thought about something like that.

So you're afraid that if he sees a bunch of pregnancy tests, he's thinking.

Or in the garbage. That almost happened once.

That would actually, as a guy, I would go, oh, she must have a lot of guys coming over.

Right, well, that would be your first thought.

Hence the reason she needs to hide it.

I do hide something. I just realized I hide all the Oreo cookies because I keep complaining that I'm not losing any weight and i'm not working out enough so i don't want to hear from her that uh maybe if you didn't eat cookies every night so that's it's not as good as a birth control come on there's got to

be some stuff in there they what did you not uh have like a lapse in time where you um started uh before you dated you went over to lover's lane and bought yourself something fun to take

care of yourself no i'm not just take care of yourself with your hand we don't i don't need to Spending money on a toy.

All right. This is a lot. All right. He asked.

Megan, what do you have in your house? Beside your brother that you have to hide.

Yeah, exactly. I think we all know that hot girls have stomach problems, so... Yes, I have stomach problems. I have an entire shelf dedicated in my medicine cabinet to different types of Pepto-Bismol. You might be wondering why different types. Well, there's differences for the chewables versus the pills versus the liquids. I don't know if you know this. The liquids turn your teeth and your tongue black. It's not great for a date. Got to have the pills. Chew a book, do it, too. I know what works, what gas stations to stop at, what convenience stores, fam. If you need Pepto, I got you covered. That's a great one, too. Hide it all.

Can I tell you what I hide and my wife knows that I do it?

What?

Knows that I even do this, but I still hide it because I'm embarrassed. I have, like, beard dye because my beard is turning gray. Really? Yeah. So if you ever see a thick, full beard on me, it's probably because I have just recently dyed it.

You do the M&M thing. You make sure it looks good.

Yeah, she likes the salt and pepper, but I don't like it. I'm not there yet, so I've been hiding it.

So you've got to hide it from your own wife, of all people.

Yep.

Where do you have it? Where is it hidden?

It's just hidden on a higher shelf because you can't see that high. How do you see that high?

Yeah, I was going to say, he's got to pull out a laugh. What's up, Taylor? Yes. What's up? What do you have to hide if you've got somebody coming over?

So I got a gift of a box of, like, condoms as a gag gift, and I have two toddlers.

Well, my toddlers found them, and so obviously I lied, and I was like, oh, well, they're

balloons so they blew them up and like wrote their names on them and they ended up popping and some fell behind my bed well sometime later i started dating a new guy and he was setting up a new bed for me in my bedroom while i was at work and found the condoms and he's like oh my god why

do you have all these condoms that kid story is not gonna work yes and so until he saw that there

was a name written on the actual condom he probably thought i was some kind of crazy person Wait a second, Mom. Oh, my gosh.

Mom, isn't there, like, spermicide and stuff on those condoms that your kids are putting their mouth on to blow up?

Yeah, well, we realized that afterwards. It was so embarrassing that they found them. Like, I just didn't know what to do.

How am I supposed to live, laugh, and love in these conditions? This is Mojo in the Morning.