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offer void in new york and july 19th terms at dkng.co slash audio all right it is mojo in the

morning uh i was talking to my best buddy brad yeager i think shannon's the only one that has ever met brad have you met brad or you talked to him on the phone probably right i think i feel

like i met him have you met him too maybe at somebody's graduation oh no oh no you know what

no you met him at uh the uh what's the super cold walk at thanksgiving that we oh the turkey the turkey trot oh my god that's a miserable walk so uh we walked remember the we walked the turkey trot and it was when that was all ice on the ground and we had to like not i was very pregnant yes it was brutal all right so so brad is my best buddy since first grade he's got a twin brother brian we're best buddies and there's a whole group of us that uh would hang out with each other it'd be brad brian uh tom steve uh john like all these guys okay so long story short brad and i were talking last night we were reminiscing a little bit about one of our friends steve and he he made a comment and he goes oh spitty balls and i go spitty balls and he obviously wasn't saying spitty he was saying the the word uh the s-h-i-t-t-y and he said his said his name is that and i go why do you call him that and he goes you know why i call him that and it was one of those things where i completely forgot that we were having a discussion one time about wiping your butt and i don't know how you guys wipe your butt well we were we discussed certain things as you get a couple bourbon and he always wipes his butt from the back to the front steve does wow And Brad says, you can't do that. And I said, what do you mean you can't do that? You're telling him how he can wipe his butt? Like, that's how he wipes his butt. We're all taught how to wipe our butt. And he says, you can't do that because any time that you do that, you now have just put fecal matter on your balls. So he's like, when I was learning how to wipe my butt, he said, my dad and mom would always tell us that you wipe from the front to the back. You wipe it pushing back.

Wait, say that again?

So you go from the front to the back. So basically, you're going to the back of the butt. You reach from the back.

Sorry, I'm thinking about female parts. And I was like, it depends on what you're wiping for. Okay. Yes. So he dies.

So he forever has been known to Brad as Spitty Ball. Because he's convinced that there is no way that he ain't wiping his butt and getting some of the remnants of his duty on his private party. Make a duty. I'm going to be honest with you. Yes. I heard a lady said a long time ago And I abide by the rule 90

89 percent of the time she said you take your trash through the back door not the front door but i live in an apartment and i only have one door so i'm not gonna sit up here and try to portray this ultimate poise like i've never done it but i will say if i have i'm coming dude wipe every time just for the boss to make sure that they clean well you gotta dude wipes by the way ain't no joke and if you reach you just reach down straight through and just try to get so You don't, you reach through to wipe, you don't wipe. I said 99% of the time I go through the back door, but it'd be sometimes I'd be on FaceTime or whatever and just, you know.

You go, okay. Wait. Because I tell you something, you're going to be mad at me for saying this, but since my shoulder back injury thing that I have, I'm having to use my right hand instead of my left hand. I am normally left-handed wiping.

Why? But you're not, you're not left-handed.

I know. I guess I'm stronger with my left hand. I don't know.

It's very perplexing to me. I don't think I've ever wiped myself with my left hand.

I don't like that.

Does it make you feel like it's a different person wiping you?

No.

Oh, I don't like that. How do you have control? I can't do anything with my left hand. Really? It wouldn't be clean.

Well, what do you do in the case of me where I have like the shoulder injury where I feel like I can't do anything with my shoulder?

I know you have a bidet. I know you have a bidet.

I do have a bidet. I do have, we have a, it's, it's called a washlet. It's, we put it on top of our toilet. it's a little thing that wipes your it's like a water fountain

see now this is what I would get a robot for

to do your booty I'm going to say this to you

if I don't

so if we go away Chelsea and I go away somewhere if we go to a hotel because we have this at home I don't like going to the bathroom when I'm away because I don't feel clean unless I have the washlet you get sprayed up

you get a peri bottle with you

you know what what is that Is that like a douche for my booty?

Booty douche. Got like the little straw. It's not a straw. Don't suck out of it. Every woman is like that.

Wait a second.

Because after you push out a baby, things are not normal down there. You can't wipe.

Does Yeti or what's the cups? Stanley.

A Stanley?

Does Stanley make these? A Stanley sprayer.

Girls, do you always wipe the way that you're supposed to wipe? Because I'll be honest, I don't. No, you... Wait, I... For the front, you're supposed to wipe like this.

Never. What are you doing? Never.

I know.

Never. I know. Because I don't feel like it's clean. Same.

Because they tell you to wipe like that. I'm like, that does not... I can't. I got a question. Wait, for girls. Since we're here. You wipe how you're supposed to? How they tell you to?

I don't do front to back respectfully. Yeah. But, to be clear, front to back is very important for girls. but it's really middle to front, middle to back.

Yeah.

You know what I mean?

That's why you can't eat everybody's cookies.

Whatever way I've been doing some work in, so I'm fine.

Hold on, Terri. You there, Terri?

Hi.

What's going on, Terri?

So my rule is, and I hope I can say this word, taint back, taint front. That's what I just said. Yeah, middle, yeah.

So, yes.

Yeah. Because then you're not cost-contaminating. You're not doing any of that.

Terri, you sound like a very professional woman. Just to hear you say that might be the greatest thing ever. What do you do for a living, Terri?

I learned something today. I own a salon. I'm a hairdresser.

Oh, you're a hairdresser. Plug it. Plug your salon so everybody can know who you are.

Kateri Johnson Salon.

Where's that located at?

Wyoming, Michigan.

Fantastic. Thanks for listening. We appreciate you. We'll come see you sometime. George, what's up, George?

Hey, I was just saying, listen, you guys talk about how to wipe.

And honestly, I use a bidet, and I don't think I can go back to just using wipes. I'm telling you, isn't it? It's a godsend, right?

Can I ask you a question, though, with bidets?

It is the best thing.

The thing I don't understand is, is the pressure on them? I don't know that I've ever used a bidet. Because to me, it just feels like you're spraying water in that area, and then what good is that doing?

It's like a good car wash, like a Jack's car wash, not like one of those dollar car washes.

The pressure is strong.

So the pressure of it will clean, but then you have to go back with toilet paper right afterwards just to either dry yourself off. But it makes everything a ghost poop afterwards when it totally cleans. Yeah. Yeah. It's very nice. It definitely feels a lot better afterwards. Exactly. You know what you are with the toilet paper at the end? you're the guy at the end of the car wash with the towels drying you off I realize that every single time that I use mine I'm telling you

I went to Jack's yesterday there was nobody there with the towels

towels i had a friend of mine that came over to my house just to use my toilet to see if he would want one in his house i said you could test drive it anytime you want to because i only have it in

our bathroom that's not like the toilet you buy yes it's on top it goes on it sits on top of the

thing i would if i was going to put new toilets in a house i would put new toilets in and make them bidets they're not even that expensive the attachments i was like you get one for 30 dollars it wasn't bad what's up mike hi i don't know if it's going to happen i got a question for you

What's up? Who are you talking to when you're doing number two on FaceTime?

Thank you, somebody, for asking. I mean, yesterday I was talking to my dogs here.

I had to ask that question.

No, no, that is a very good question.

I cannot be the only one that do-do and still be FaceTiming people. No, you are the only one.

Mike, thank you for calling him out on that.

I feel like it's uncomfortable just to even be on the phone, letting go FaceTime.

I'll be in there for hours. By the way, Kevin FaceTimes me. I'm not picking up. What's up, Shelly? Hi.

Hey, good morning, everybody. Looking forward to seeing you on May 16th. You got your tickets to the sold out. Yes, yeah. Sold out. I'm sure enough did. I'm coming with a check for you, too.

Our podcast live that we're doing at the Imagine Theater Royal Oak. We'll see you there. What's going on, Chell?

Well, you know, you got to wipe front to back, okay? Because hoo-hoo germs in your booty is okay. But booty germs in your hoo-hoo is not okay.

I understand that. It just does not feel natural to me. My mom probably taught me that when I was little, and I didn't listen. And, you know, fast forward a couple decades, I'm still doing it.

Well, I also broke my right hand last year, and I had to wipe left-handed. That is a very difficult thing to do. I almost leaned too far and fell off the toilet a couple times.

It is so uncomfortable. I'm telling you, Shelly. I hope I'm back to normal shape at that moment because I do not want to have to go to the bathroom. I love you. Thank you.

They've taken over cities before. But this July, they're bringing the X Games League Championship home to New Orleans. July 24th through 26th at the Superdome. Over 100 elite athletes competing for the first ever league title. Plus, Metro Boomin, JID, Subtronics, and Bunt performing live. New Orleans doesn't just host the moment. New Orleans is the moment. Get your tickets now at xgames.com.

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