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Hey, Portlandia fans.

Carrie Brownstein and Fred Armisen here.

The dream of the 90s is alive in podcast form.

We're launching Podlandia AO Rewatch, our brand new podcast where we revisit every episode of Portlandia together, breaking down sketches, going deep on our iconic characters, and pulling back the curtain on how it all got made.

And we'll also be joined by the people who helped bring it all to life. Guest stars, collaborators, and friends, including director Jonathan Kreisel, the mayor himself, Kyle McLaughlin, legendary musician Amy Mann, and many more.

Kyle is going for it here. You fully improvised, not just words, but a song.

Well, I thought you were all going to write a song.

I remember you thinking that. Listen to Podlandia, A-O Rewatch on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

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mojo in the morning show i think we have to definitely talk about this i just read some of these dm spike that you just sent me um why is it that guys are asking spike to help them with their dating game um well i know why because they're pathetic so uh let's discuss this right now it's mojo in the morning show and it's spikes dating service that is going on every day i get dm maybe it's

because we talked on the air about who's reading their dms and who's not reading all the messages from listeners and i always make a point to read and answer all messages from listeners well i one of the most common themes is that i get asked by guys to set them up with a date with one of the lovely single women in our show i'm always getting this in the dm and i'm like why are you messaging me? DM them. And maybe they did and they're not getting an answer so then they're getting desperate so they're saying, Spike, can you hook me up with KP? Spike, do you know if Megan got my message? Spike, is Lydia single? Can she, what's her favorite coffee? This is the one I just sent you guys.

Is this the same person or are these multiple people? Well,

they're multiple people. I get them all the time. But this week, it's the same guy keeps messaging me about Lydia.

Is this the same person that's been texting about her too because we're getting some text messages about her as well

but here's my thing i don't know you my dude so i can't vouch for you so why would i why would i hook you up with one of my sisters here if i don't even know who you are like i'm not your answer like i'm not gonna help you out you gotta play this game on your own and the guy's like can you hook me up can you tell her to answer me can you tell me her favorite coffee so i can be waiting outside the radio station i'm like no no no that's not a good idea i i just went back and looked at

our text messages uh to see if we can find them there's a bunch of phone numbers that are asking about lydia yeah lydia is popular she's very popular she's hot she's the hot track right now she's the number one hit on our radio station it's funny because i know exactly who it was

that dm'd you because he dms me every day oh does he really let's call him and do you answer him or

now. Never. So there you go my dude. Hold on. Is it on

Facebook? Is that what it is Spike? On Mojo on the Morning

Facebook? No. On mine it's in my personal. Oh okay. He's at Radio Spike.

he's doing my instagram my facebook he's like i'm gonna go to our instagram yeah and it's not

just him it's a bunch of people but i'm like dudes if i don't know you i'm not gonna vouch for you and personally hook you up with somebody on the show i'm gonna look in ours reese if you

can look to find this guy up here and then we're gonna we're gonna instagram uh video chat this guy right now we're gonna get him on the on the air with us on the airs as my son joe as my son Joe says.

Was doing it.

Who was?

Oh, yeah. In the text. Gas station guy was doing it.

Yeah, he texted him here and there.

Yeah.

All right. I love this. Oh, my gosh. I love this.

Did he give you the phone number? So the last guy that texted us three times asking if Lydia from the show is single, I went back in the history of his texts, and in September, hey, I was wondering if KP is single, if she'd like to go on a date. And then the next day, hey, what kind of coffee does KP like? So it is the same guy, and he's just basically moving on from girl to girl on this show.

Do you find it, Reese, at all?

I haven't seen anything yet.

Okay. We're going in here right now.

He texted us about Megan.

I still got it. Hey, old.

So here's the thing. You know what this reminds me of, though? This is like middle school when you knew somebody was friends with somebody or you knew somebody had guts. Like I would always ask the guy or the girl who I knew had guts to ask them.

Or I would say, can you give this note to? Yes. And it would be a note.

Yes. So maybe that's kind of the thing. Maybe you're the person in middle school, Spike, that is the messenger.

I got his name. And he goes back seven years and he's asking for a date with Emily, our old producer assistant. Oh, Emily. He really runs through every woman on this show for the last 10 years. You know what?

Makes me feel special. Right.

Text me his name and I'm going to look him up on here and see if I can message him. on social media.

But you know what that says to me? That's somebody who just really wants to meet Mojo, and we'll get there however long. Yeah, that's a great point.

Listen, I don't know. I'd love to meet you, too. Wait, you just sent me his first name. His name is Dan.

Well, I'm going by his text messages. And then I think he called in once because he called himself Never Been Kissed Dan. All right, hold on a moment. Or he texts us all the time when we did a topic about it.

What are you going to search in Instagram? Dan? There's a million Dan. Yeah, it does not narrow it down.

Oh, let me look at my messages and see. Hold on. I'm going to do this. I can tell you his name from Facebook.

And I'm going to search on our-

Dan, if you're listening, which clearly you listen, can you call us? To be fair, this is- And make this easier.

This is behavior I would expect from a Dan. A Dan would act like this. You don't use to date a Dan. He DMs me on Facebook at four in the morning. I'm like, you must know I'm away. That's Dan behavior.

All right, hold on.

A different Dan that messages me to you.

Hold on.

He goes, I have a question, but I never reply. Is it the same? That's probably the same one. It is the same guy.

That's how he starts.

If you guys were true friends, you'd get the coffee and just pass the coffee along. I'm just saying. All right, we're calling up Dan, Dan, the dating man. We're going to get Dan. Dan.

What if Dan's a wife?

Oh, my God. I'm going to ask him who he wants to send a dozen free roses to. Hold on. Should I get ready?

Should I get my script ready for rosesbloom.com?

What is it, Natalie?

How many years have I been doing it With the same dang name

I thought you changed it all the time For some reason Do we not have enough money to hire more people That work here

One woman show Without rosesbloom.com

Guys Hi this is Dan Oh I disconnected Because I didn't know if it was a number on there Give me the number one more time We're going to leave another message for him That is hysterical by the way Hi, this is Dan.

How do people know who we're talking about?

Yeah, there are some people who are texting in that email. Wait a second. Now I got to text in. Wait, is he hitting up all of our listeners today? I don't know. Can somebody text me his name? Way to make me feel special, Dan.

We're getting you, Dan. Dan, we're getting you a date with... This is the deal. Dan gets a date with Lydia in our studio.

Wait, wait. Tony. Send me the link to his Instagram so I can see if he's DM'd me. Followed by Tony, our boss.

Tony follows him?

Wait, what?

Yeah. Hold on.

Dan's got a lot of jobs. He's a hustler.

If this is him. Hi, this is Dan. Please leave a message.

All right, Lydia, leave a message for him.

At the tone, please record your message. When you've finished recording, you may hang up or press 1 for more options.

Hi, Dan. It's Lydia from Mojo in the Morning. I'm a little bit disappointed that you didn't answer my phone call, but it's understandable because I've been swerving your DMs. If you'd like to go on a date with me, go ahead and give us a call back right here at 8.

444 Mojo Live. Hey, it's KP, Dan. Hope you have the best day ever.

Go ahead, Megan.

Dan, why aren't you in my DMs that I can find? What the hell?

Wait a minute. What the hell? New development. Yeah.

Bye, Dan. Dan, this is Mojo. I'd love to date you, too. I like going out with guys.

Okay, I just told you about the seven-year history of messages. Yeah. Where he's literally trying to get a date with everybody in the show. He's a post on his Facebook wishing happy four-year anniversary to a woman and a picture of them sitting together at a game.

Right, right, right, right. Dan. I told you this was straight up Dan behavior. Yeah, so how does...

Wait, I'm trying to suck here. How does Tony know him?

You might be on the wrong... You might be around.

I'm not. It's the same guy. I'm looking. Is it? Yes, it's the same guy.

Well, he... This guy has requested a lot of people on media, so he might... Maybe Tony just accepts people.

Tony didn't accept my friend request for like four years. He's accepting Dan's?

What's going on, Donnie?

Hey, okay, so I know exactly who you are talking about. How?

Well, don't say his last name.

No, I won't say his Instagram handle, but I know who it is because I watch Megan's live, and he would always comment on her live, and he doesn't even know how to spell her name. I called him out once.

Okay, so it's funny that you bring this up, but I was like, oh, my God. He didn't message me. It turns out I may have blocked him a while ago.

Oh, Megan, that's mean.

I know, exactly.

It's not mean if he freaked her out.

Yeah, and you're right. In the text messages to the station, he spelled her name wrong.

What did he do to deserve a block?

You probably don't even remember, do you? I probably don't remember. Well, did I block him? I might have just muted him. I'm not sure. Now, here's the thing, and I think all the girls here will back me up. Sometimes we have these people online who just message you really creepy, creepy, disturbing things all the time.

And I black and black, be blacked and be blessed is the man, a freaky man.

Sometimes it's just easier to mute them than even black them because then they make more accounts and then they get angry. So it's just nice to just mute them and then you don't see them.

I'm I'm taking Dan out there and I'm going to have a little talk with Dan.

Can we get coffee?

I think that's the case. You know, you know, this is going to be like. It's going to be like I'm going to be Lydia's Big Chaldean brother You know how in the Chaldean community Which Lydia is You always have to meet the brothers And Lydia I'm going to be the brother And we're going to make sure this guy is good

Mojo it's going to be worse if you give him attention Don't give him attention Why?

Has Lydia ever scared you at all Or has he just sent you lots of messages

No he just sends me a lot of messages and I let him. You know, maybe it's his favorite passing time.

But this is weird now that I did a deep dive and realized he's got this girl that he keeps wishing happy anniversary to, happy Valentine's Day to.

That makes me sad. Yeah.

Yeah, because he's been... Maybe he's part of that community that we've talked about before on the show. The open community. Yeah, where they open. That's big. It's very popular now. You know what?

Fair. That's very fair.

While we're on the topic of... I see the good and all. I'm sorry, go ahead.

While we're on the topic of people using me to get dates with other people on the show, I also got a letter this week from a dude who's currently incarcerated at county jail asking me to hook him up with one of the females on the show.

Me? Me? Me?

Well, he did say.

Megan's dream come true.

Megan, he says, I would like to meet one of the females who is 27 to 34.

Hey, hey.

And I'm a Michigan fan who smokes weed.

Hey, hey.

That guy's a guy.

And the beauty of a relationship like that is you can only go on visiting day.

Exactly. The expectations are low, babe. I'll FaceTime you in jail, and I'll fill up your card so you can get commissary stuff. And then I don't have to see you? Wait. But what if he's getting out soon? Does the prison have conjugal visits? Because if they do, I'm out. If they don't, I'm still.

You just want the long-distance part.

Maybe Dan's in prison. Who knows? Maybe that's the thing. This is a different guy now. I know this guy's name. Do you get, can you be on Instagram if you're in prison or you just got to send letters like this one?

Let me tell you, I follow quite a few inmates on TikTok who have definitely smuggled in a phone and I know how they charge them. I'm here for the absolute ingenuity when it comes to inmate resourcefulness. Those are some of the smartest people on the planet.

But here's my red flag, and maybe this won't hold you back, Megan, but twice he's been arrested. and both times in a letter he says with both of them that it was for something he, quote, didn't do.

Well... They all say that.

Yeah, everybody didn't do it.

Right. It truly does depend on the crime. Yeah, because I don't know what that means. Especially if it's a...

crime if you were a little bit fraudulent i don't care teach me your ways because i know you got away with it for a long time before you got caught just a real quick something bad it was a quick

and conclusive google search but he came up on a list if you know what i'm saying oh see no now i'm

out this is amazing this is by the way proves to you why you should listen to the mojo in the morning show because everybody's got a dating history with people like one person on the show is going to date Dan, the guy that sends everybody on the show messages. Another person on the show is going to date somebody from prison.

Well, here's the one thing I learned, and it's, Mojo, you were right. I shouldn't be answering all these messages from listeners because it's just giving me homework now. They want me to do all the work.

You talked about how your girlfriend shoveled your driveway. Maybe if you stopped answering the messages, you'd have time to go

shovel your driveway. I met my girlfriend in the DMs, but now I'm supposed to be hooking everybody else.

Do you think Dan also was sending her messages, too? Like, she sent everybody else messages.

Ice Cube's Big 3 basketball is heating up Before the World Cup final Tune in to Big 3 this Sunday Reigning MVP Michael Beasley And the defending champion Miami 305 Play a must win game Against the undefeated Dallas Power Led by coach Nancy Lieberman Then Dwight Howard and the LA Riot Coming fresh off a win Look to knock off the undefeated Chicago Triplets Led by coach Dr. J The game played the way you love Watch live Sunday on CBS At 2 p.m. Eastern, 11 a.m. Pacific And catch replays Monday on BET Presented by iHeart

Hey, Portlandia fans.

Carrie Brownstein and Fred Armisen here.

The dream of the 90s is alive in podcast form.

We're launching Podlandia AO Rewatch, our brand new podcast where we revisit every episode of Portlandia together, breaking down sketches, going deep on our iconic characters, and pulling back the curtain on how it all got made.

And we'll also be joined by the people who helped bring it all to life. Guest stars, collaborators, and friends, including director Jonathan Kreisel, the mayor himself, Kyle McLaughlin, legendary musician Amy Mann and many more

Kyle is going for it here you fully improvised not just words but a song well I thought you were all

going to write a song

I remember you thinking that listen to Podlandia AAO Rewatch on the iHeartRadio app Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts

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