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Mojo on the morning show. So have you guys ever had a couple's massage? So you go in with your husband or wife, boyfriend or girlfriend, and you get the massage, and it's like romantic, you know, where there are two massage tables, two masseuses. Is that the plural of the masseuse? Masseuses? Masseise. Masseise. And you do it kind of romantically together as they're playing beautiful music. Well, leave it to Mojo in the Morning misfit Victor to completely take the romance out of a couple's massage. So he and his beautiful wife, Tina, who I still can't understand how these guys are together, She could have done so much better. But they got a couple's massage. And what was the occasion? Was it a Christmas gift that you bought this for?

No, it was just like, I guess, just a thing that we did. I got her a massage for herself for our anniversary last year.

Yeah.

So she said, okay, I'm going to make an appointment, and surprised me with making a couple's massage for both of us.

Okay, so she actually purchased this. This was her gift to you. And you completely screwed it up. Tell the listeners and everybody here on the show what you did.

Well, this was like our first ever couple's massage. So I didn't realize that we're both going to be in the same room. You know, so I'm like, this is pointless. What do you mean? So I get in. Well, what's the purpose of it? We're not holding hands. for that like it's just like she has her missus i have my missus or massager lady or whatever you want to call and there's just like i like to talk to the person like hey what's the grossest thing you've ever seen on something and she's like you can't do that i want to relax can i have my own

you asked you you basically called your wife annoying and asked for your own room

no well she technically called me annoying because i wanted to talk and you know and and she's like the inside lady starts laughing and i'm like no i'm serious she goes are you serious and my wife goes yeah he's probably serious so she looked annoyed they everybody looked annoyed and i'm like what's the problem there's nobody here so they switched me to another

room so it's not a couple's massage then you went as a couple but you guys didn't get the

massage as a couple we're both a couple we're both getting massages so technically it's still a couple's massage why do i just don't understand the thing why do i have to be in the same room

while some lady is massaging so did you did it make you feel awkward uh that there was another woman touching you close to your you know your buttocks and stuff like that did you not know

So that wasn't that.

Was it way awkward?

Was that morning before the massage, I'm like, you know, I'm ethnic, so I'm like, I need to shave my back. So my wife's like, come on, we've got to go. I'm like, hold on. I start shaving my back a little bit. I'm not like, you know, whatever, like a cashmere sweater. Yeah. Be hairy. But my massager, whatever, my shaver runs out of battery. I walked in there with only half my back, Dave. This lady was probably like, what the hell does this guy have like alopecia on his back? It was just horrible.

So, Victor, so you're getting your massage. You're in this room, okay, with your wife, and then you make a big fuss over this whole thing. Was it a woman or a man that was massaging your wife?

It was a woman And unfortunately for me it was a woman that was massaging me too

I've had it before Because the reason I bring this up is I've had it before where Chelsea and I went and got a couple's massage And the masseuse that she likes Is this woman who would go really deep on her With her elbows and stuff Well she was available But there was only another person available That was a guy And I ended up getting the guy And I thought to myself I'm like, and I'm not homophobic. I have a gay son, for God's sakes. I'm not homophobic. But I thought, if I'm going to get a massage, I don't know if I want some dude massaging me. Like when I'm sitting here, I would like to have a woman massage me. I don't even get my wife to touch me. So if I'm paying, I want to pay to get somebody massaging me. You know what I mean?

I don't have a guy massaging me because they're stronger.

Oh, that's not right. I'm telling you, you've never seen Doris. Doris, who used to massage Chelsea. She's actually now a full-blown attorney. She practices law, but she had the strongest hands ever. I used to tell her all the time, be easy on me. Be easy on me. I was like Adele before Adele was Adele.

I went to Doris when she had Mike Tyson hands. I had to tell her to ease up. I'm a gentle, delicate creature.

I love that.

Yeah, she was awesome.

But Mojo, you seem like the type of person that would also talk through an entire massage. I talked the whole time. Because you do that in yoga, too. These things that are supposed to be relaxing, serene, meditating, and you just run your mouth through the whole thing.

Why don't we do this, Victor? How about you and I go get a couple's massage together, and we'll talk to our masseuse the entire time?

How about if we do that, but we're in separate rooms, and we can just use our ear pods and pretend we're in the same room? No, I think that...

Isn't it cheaper to just pay for the couple's massage than paying for two separate massages? I think so. Seriously.

Do it for that. This was pretty expensive. But, I mean, it was a great massage, trust me. It was a great massage, but the lady wasn't very talkative. I'm asking her questions, and she's just like really short answers, not asking me questions.

Well, she was annoyed already because...

You don't lay a conversation.

Yeah. She was annoyed because you made her move. I have found, and I've only gotten a handful of massages, But I have found that the people who do the massages typically don't necessarily really want to talk to you. Like, they use this as, you know, it's more exhausting for them to have to entertain you while they're doing it.

They're not bartenders or hair salon stylists who you tell your problems to and talk to through the whole service.

Right, and plus you're putting your face in that thing and you got it through the, you know, that whole deal.

But I wonder if it's also insulting. If you're running your mouth through the whole thing, then maybe they feel like they're not getting through and giving you a really relaxing massage.

586 says, massage therapists don't like to be called masseuses. They are massage therapists. I'm a massage therapist, and we get lots of people that talk the whole time.

And I think it's like therapy session for those people. Okay, I get it.

Thank you, Miss Massage Therapist.

248 says, my husband always falls asleep during couples massages and then starts snoring. It's so annoying because it doesn't make it relaxing for me to have to hear him snoring the whole time. Don't you?

What is the point? What is the point of being in the same room?

Do you not like being in the same room With your wife when she's naked

No I'm sure she hates being in the same room With me dressed or naked But I mean it's just There's like When I'm thinking couples massage Like something else whatever But you're just laying there We're like 8 feet apart Because of this stupid COVID thing And whatever

Wait they put you that far apart During COVID on a couples massage

Yes. They're like, do you want your therapist to wear a mask? I'm thinking like a mask, like, you know, like, what was that movie with Tom Cruise and Nicole Kidman?

No.

That's what I said. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I'm like, what type of mask? They're like, oh, they don't need to wear a mask.

Tiana wants to comment here. Are you a massage therapist, Tiana?

I was a massage therapist for over 10 years.

Yeah.

And when it comes to talking during massage, I mean, we get it. you everybody needs to bend and everybody needs to talk about stuff but the reason why we don't talk back is because we're trying to focus on you and making sure that we get you stress you know your stress relief and that we're working the muscles that need to be worked and it's not nothing against talking to you we just want you to relax yeah you guys are focused on making it

an enjoyable experience so that this person becomes exactly comes back and come and gets more massages uh what's going on anira hey good morning guys anira what's up um so i was a massage

therapist as well but in my previous experience personally it is cheaper when you book as a couple that is why she did the couple massage but i'm all for it going by myself because falling asleep it is a therapy session sometimes i do ask stupid questions even though i was a massage

therapist too but it's so what's the stupidest question that you'll ask your massage therapist

um well when i was taking my classes for it i've had every type of classes uh questions asked for me to me so i don't know i honestly yeah can we do like a group session yeah uh being very um very you know yeah before we're like hey do you do a hand job Oh, really?

Wow. They're in the wrong place.

I said, no, you guys can't answer that question.

No, she was massaging the hands, Megan. You don't have to dump that if you're talking about massages. I get those all the time.

What was the answer?

I have massaged my hands. What was the answer to that question? Yeah, what was the answer to that?

I looked at them. I was like, I don't think that's an appropriate question that you need to ask when we're in a couple of times.

Yeah.

So, yeah, I get it. I feel them.

We call them, by the way, for down there, we call them happy endings. We don't call them.

Happy endings. Yeah. I'm so sorry.

When you're massaging your hands, you get a hand job. So, all right.

Oh, okay. Yes. Dumping this. Can you please not say I'm on a dumpster?

Why? I just told you what it was. If the FCC is listening, I get. I'm not getting fired over this. No. I'll be okay with that. You're not getting fired over that. I'll be okay with that. It's true. I get massages on my hands, and they call them hand jobs. So, that's what they call them. Oh, my God.

I'm at a dog. Oh, my God. I always started a different way.

Yes, exactly. Yeah, exactly. Happy endings are the other ones. All right, Victor.

You can find those masseuses on Craigslist.

Right. All right. We'll talk to you later. Take care of yourself.

Love you. Have a blessed day. Snappling. When you laugh so hard, you snort. You might do that at Spike's Foch Camp. It's this morning at 6.50 on Mojo in the Morning.

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I'm Tarika Foster-Brasby. What's up, y'all? I'm your girl, Cheryl Swoops. And it's WNBA All-Star season. The best players in the world are on the floor. Every week, I get to break down the GOATs of today. And I get to break down the GOATs with the GOAT of all time, you. Check us out. Levels to this.

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for details. I'm Mange Shachigular and I'm back with a new season of my podcast, Skyline Drive. This time I talk to scientists, biopunks, curmudgeons, blues owners, super seniors, and Goa's top cryotherapy lab to try to understand this obsession with living forever and what it means for all of us. And I get into a bit of trouble along the way.

I'd say probably start bone smashing. That doesn't work. Make it look more defined. They say it works. I don't know.

Listen to Skyline Drive, How to Live Forever on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.