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Mojo in the Morning Show. Phone number is 844-MOJO-LIVE, 844-665-6548. The text is 95500. Kevin, we got to talk about this because I've heard this as a term before, the term trauma bonding. Explain this and explain why you're bringing this up.

I don't know if I have like the Webster's or the Miriam definition, but my thought process on trauma bonding is you go through some real hard stuff in your life that produces trauma, and then you connect with someone who has had either the same experience or their own trauma and through your traumas you guys find a commonality and a ground and you guys are together at that point and the only reason why you have this bond is through your trauma and i um not necessarily am and am i am not necessarily in a vulnerable state i would say but how do you know if you're trauma bonding with someone because I want to I don't want that to happen and nine times out of ten when I'm interested in someone I have deep conversations and we talk about the hardest things in our life and that somehow some way that's how I connect with people almost immediately whether it's the the first day or the second time we speak we get to the real stuff in our lives pretty quickly and I don't think that I'm captain savior of anything but I feel like you know maybe there's a little boy in me that wasn't saved and i see that in other people and we have these deep connections and i want to ensure that that's not why we're connecting okay you know so you did you

feel like you've had this in relationships for sure yeah because that's the type of person we get deep can you be successful in a trauma bonding relationship like or does it does your trauma does does it compile on top of each other and make it really more difficult for you i don't know if that's healthy because they say opposites attract sometimes though the trauma is your your commonality and then it seems like that's a lot the question that you asked at the beginning

was how do i know if i'm in a relationship and it's trauma bonding that's keeping us together and i feel like i would say if that is something that you just constantly talk about i understand having deep conversations with people and that's what helps develop a connection and if there is that common trauma that you've identified that and you've you've shared but if you guys keep going back to whatever that trauma is that to me would be a sign that that's what's keeping the relationship together and i i i feel like i i i don't know if in many cases that's

enough to keep to make a relationship successful yeah uh 844 mojo live 844-665-6548 if you would like to uh participate in uh this uh little conversation here right now um i would think that uh it would be a difficult thing like i know that there are some relationships where it's like you guys both experienced a similar thing and i feel like it would make it really really tough because you both have gone through it and I'm sure at times things pop up over time and what happens if they both pop up at the same time and then now you got you're you know trying to decide who's because I I feel like I feel like in my relationship that things pop up in my relationship and they stagger a little bit which thank god they do because otherwise if Chelsea's issues come up at the same time that my issues come up it would be very uh difficult for both of us to

have to try to deal with but you could say that about any relationship whether it's trauma bonded or not like if you guys are having issues at the same time it can be overwhelming i think with trauma bonding specifically a lot of times people feel like that's the only person who truly

understands me yeah uh i get it there's that you know that you you have something in common that

you can uh deal with but like shannon and i agree like they always say the healthiest relationships are actually the ones where you bond over your, um, mutual hatred instead of your mutual likeness of something. So you don't have a stronger connection that you, with somebody you agree with on everything, but rather you hate the same thing. But my, my whole point was you can't just hate everything together. Yeah. So even though that's a stronger connection, you can't just

hate things. Uh, Jessica wants to correct something that was said. What did you want to say?

hey so trauma bonding an easy way to describe what it is if somebody is doing something traumatic to you whether it's like mental emotional abuse whatever and the only way you feel better is because they do something else to you whether they treat you nicely whether you have relationships later on they are the ones who what that's the bond why do you disagree i thought that trauma

bonding could be like we both experienced some sort of um tragedy together a lot of people have trauma bonded when they were like stuck on that um that island that had the volcano go off and they lost a lot of their loved ones and had to be life flighted off of the island and i believe there were some relationships that formed from people on that island because they had been through this horrific experience together so it's not necessarily partner on partner crime that's not the right word but you know what i mean uh bad behavior but necessarily

like just going through something it could be i think some of this might lean on codependency too and these words are thrown around so much lately but i don't think just connecting with somebody at a very deep level very quickly i don't i wouldn't call that trauma bonding you bring up

a really interesting point about saying that these things come up lately like this i i feel like sometimes people just hear words or phrases and then they associate themselves to it and it becomes something that just trends and and where in reality it's like we all got stuff you know what i mean we all got our our spit i think there's a difference between people finding

something super relatable like i remember when mansplaining became a word and that blew up quickly because a lot of women had experienced being mansplained too but i agree with you wholeheartedly mojo that a big term will come up that's gaslighting and you're like triggering

all right we're overusing it uh what's up bianca hi good morning good morning um you made a really good point like people hear the word and just relate to it i feel like people hear the word trauma and they instantly think it has to be a bad thing i'm in nursing school and people often have told me like you're going to meet some of your best friends in nursing school the trauma of being stressed out and broke in nursing school we all bonded over that we've made some solid friendships and it doesn't have to be bad like we're like oh my god we survived that's a really great point bad trauma they say the same thing about master's programs like the people who do

the the expedited one-year process you spend so much time in such a high level of stress with

people that you become very connected exactly it doesn't always have to be a negative thing and it doesn't even always have to be the start of a relationship you could be in a relationship and because it doesn't even it doesn't have to be shared trauma you have supported somebody through their trauma and now because you were that support system now you guys are bonded through that it doesn't always mean it's built off of negativity you survive that trauma you're still here to talk about it you're you're you guys grow together from that so it's not always a bad thing thank

you for the call bianca Yeah, I appreciate it.

what's up reggie yes sir what's going on buddy you wanted to talk about this yeah so i feel like

i agree like i feel like it doesn't always have to be a negative type of thing you know positive relationships relationships can't come out of that that trauma bond you know um i also feel like there is a lot of like toxicity with the dependency on like in like a relationship say with like a partner like when it comes to a partner you feel like nobody understands you or your problems besides that person and no matter how bad they treat you you feel like you need them and like there's no other option besides that person when in reality you're just putting all

your all your trauma with them so so is it is it codependency then you become codependent it pulls

in that whole codependency part of the toxic toxic relationship you know that that trauma bond drags

that into your relationship i believe reggie what do you do reggie what do you do for me i do a lot

i'm uh i'm a painter right now i'm actually a server okay all right i like it serving wisdom

seriously do you ever sit down with your uh the people that you're serving and just start giving

them therapy because you should you sound like you could thank you brother yeah you know honestly sometimes i feel like just me getting to go and like just socialize with my guests is like almost my therapies i was like they give me the therapy for allowing me to vent sometimes i like it and

then your manager doesn't he's like reggie get your ass work table wanting refills uh shayla what

did you want to say to kevin good morning so hello there i wanted to make sure that everyone uh kind of i just want to draw attention to the fact that what kevin is probably the experience is more of a trauma dumping see trauma um bonding is actually an equal and opposite to love bombing so what happens and in a very unhealthy relationship the abuser is actually both the cause and the cure of the victim's sort of state of being so they get love bombed and then ultimately they have the you know negative downfall of the unhealthy abusive behaviors and then that person who's been abused is like hungry for that that love bot or the love bombing stage and so they kind of flip-flopping back and forth now trauma dumping is more so when you get together and just commiserate over your you know past or current situations and that person is a constant source of comfort during your trauma dumping stages but um to just put proper terminology about you know behind the experiences being discussed i wanted to yeah what do you do yeah what do you get what do you do i always wonder i'm um i'm currently um unemployed as a very recently that i'm sure It's just a temporary situation.

You're a professional Mojo in the Morning listener.

Can I jump on you? Yes, please. Yeah, I don't know.

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