Muse

yeah we were talking before the break was it yesterday last night i don't know i was uh you

were sitting in the chair and i went up to you and i was trying to make kissies with you

oh yeah this you could tell this is already going bad when he was still fat yeah what do you is

yana am i being inaccurate and no no right now no i'm just taking myself there i'm going i remember

unreal if christina died what would you this is the one he's supposedly rumored to be grooming for a podcast grooming for a podcast you're allowed to say that

what would my move be

like what would you do

enjoy my life I don't know

it's funny though

you get over it okay no I mean you would

alright Tom that's a red flag

there would be tears but you know you got two kids you gotta you gotta move forward show keeps the show must go on we're not gonna skip a podcast that week you know we're gonna fucking haven't they skipped like several podcasts

together we're gonna do our stuff we got things to do all right so we have tom segura and his wife christina p getting divorced after 18 years i know shocking news who could have seen that coming i mean i'm honestly surprised it took this long i think in a video like two or three years ago I said these two wouldn't last much longer I mean, to be fair, too lazy, everyone kind of saw it And he got divorced

You know what, so many women say to me Andrew, you know what You're so gay You're such a gay looking guy It's crazy how gay you are People, women tell me that It's crazy how gay Rich, but you're smart and you're actually very intelligent And I know you'd get really bored of like a robot And I'm sitting there thinking, bitch I wish to god you were a robot God you're a robot I wish to god you're a robot you better shut the fuck up we think about star signs oh yeah i'm so glad tell me more about by sagittarius rising you idiot i don't give a fuck give me a robot oh why are they laughing

andrew tate's not funny because so gordon looked to be afraid of cigar we were laughing because he was saying some funny stuff he's not saying so it can't be funny but andrew tate cannot be

funny all men want robots that's all we want four wives robots inshallah put the put the put the

burka on yep what are you talking about we don't care to put the burka on but you had a campsite for horrors like i don't know man i'm finding some contradictions here a couple yeah coffees

i'm never gonna look at a beautiful woman who does everything i say dominee dominee water bottle dominee and go you know what you do too much of what i say i want to go get some disagreeable

bitch yeah exactly on one planet listen we've had world famous comedians sit across from him

And also Burt Krusher.

Yes, and also.

Sorry. Sorry, that was... Come on. Burt's not even there to defend himself. He has his shirt off somewhere. Some frat house. Has he divorced his wife yet? That's the next one. Probably. Burt and his wife are the next one to go watch. She's gonna leave him, though. Yeah. Some disagreeable bitch. Yeah, exactly.

On what planet? Listen, we've had world-famous comedians sit across from him.

And like one time, Jim Norton. I just want to keep making fun of comedians. I'm trying to think of some other ones. Do you have any merch? Do you have any comedians you want to throw in the barrel here real quick? Oh, man. Hold on. Bill Burr? Okay, here you go. Here you go. Here you go.

On one planet. Listen, we've had world-famous comedians sit across from him. He's... And...

And Duncan Trussell. Oh, Duncan... Oh, I was going to say Tony Hinchcliffe. There you go, Tony. Okay, this is good. Well, he's kind of famous. But is he good? Famous now. But is he good?

never spit coffee out of his notes well just did for you you know what it is sometimes you see these videos of these guys that are lost and then they walk into a church and then the preacher says like the exact right thing from the Bible and the guy's like oh my god I this is what I needed I feel the same way right now I feel like I love to hear that well that's the longest you've

You've been in a monogamous situation. Monogamous? What the fuck is monogamous?

So, wait, wait. You mean her being monogamous to me or me being monogamous to her?

I've got to be honest. I think he was too lazy to try making this video interesting because I think American Read Act had a better video on this. Jesus, too lazy to try. Did he really?

I'm going to touch on the divorce, but then I'm just going to be lazy and splicing an eight-minute clip of Andrew Tate from a year ago for no reason? Holy shit. I'm trying to think if it was American Read Act or the other guy. Who's the other guy? I don't know. There's like four of these goddamn Rogan Sphere channels now. I'm trying to find the specific one that I watched. Because it was funny because it showed a montage of them explaining. Oh, it's Podcast Cringe. Sorry, Podcast Cringe is the one.

I got it. Did you bring that? No. Was that just here? Yeah, I thought the lady would be here. Watch this quick. You don't have to watch this whole video

I'm Christina P. This is Duncan Trussell. Oh Tom's not here and we're smoking

Yeah, we're smoking. You know why fuck it. I'm gonna be 50 next. This is this why oh God, oh my god wasn't Ryan long just on with her just her the other day. He was he was he was but

Already beat cancer. So have you yep

By the way, fear not everyone. Christine and I have been recording separate episodes. Oh, great. Yes. She's been back on the road. Yeah, love that. She's also mom of the year. She's volunteering at the school. So cool. It's very crazy. I would never do that. Really? Of course not. You're like, that's what moms are for. How much time do you want to spend around the other dads? Oh, my God. I'm assuming not a lot. Especially if you're used to hanging out with comedians, then you meet like a normal dad.

Ew, ew, ew, ew, ew, ew. I hate it. It's so smug.

They really do think that they're this special brotherhood.

Oh, yeah, man. It's like, you know, it's all these civilians. You're hanging out with these sucking civilians. That's so gross, Tom.

You're going from hanging out with Ari Shafir to, like, these normal, boring dads at a ballgame.

And by the way, can I put the... Can I just... I love the brother of Ari Shafir. Quite the opposite. When you talk to Ari Shafir, he's like, I love going places, losing my phone and talking to locals. You're like really cool people, man.

Yeah, I'm the opposite.

I would rather hang out with local, boring dads than comedians. Thank you. And by the way, here's the thing, and you'll agree with me. some of the fucking funniest people I've ever met are local boring dads at a bar they kill, they're really funny these fucking assholes big drop off

this is the first time in 20 years I've been smoking

feels good, I kind of fucking like it it's so nice, it is nice it's so good, it feels so good I know, and it's so wonderful and liberating, and there's a reason heroes smoke

I find Duncan Trussell so off-putting his voice, his face, everything about him

Duncan Trussell fucking sucks Oh, I did acid. Oh, yeah. Christina P looks like fucking Sybil.

My kids. Sybil Shepard? Yeah.

Christine's on the road this week.

Oh, God, again. Oh, you're right. Okay. Okay.

Stand-up comedy shows. And so she's not here today.

Okay. Hi. Welcome to your mom's house. It's me, Christina P. Tom is out of town. How about staying at my mom's house? There we go. Staying at my mom's house. taken over and officially made this show weird as fuck we have a a sick kid at the house so

christina's not here today oh he's got the how many times can you do this in a row it's called

um jesus yeah man she'd even call in from the car like anthony used to do when he was phoning it in

remember that yeah what's that well i'm not getting that shit i was like who's this guy

ron taylor no this is a limo driver from diehard stay around that um so if you've been paying

attention to your mom's house over the last couple of months no i cannot say that i have

been doing that i mean right but i want to see that chick you're talking about no no no he's got it go go go tom just just no but that thing i genuinely think he's so smart let him talk

and think back to when i covered this years ago when tom was the first guest on lauren compton's new show first date under the why mate studios banner this is when tom had transformed from a fat slob into a fit 65 year old he was looking different and acting different and at this point everyone started speculating that lauren compton was tom's new side piece what is your best quality

i think that i'm funny i mean word oh yeah and i think that surprises people okay that's good I can make people laugh

wait hold on a second go back here real quick did he get yes whatever you're about to ask he did get he got it all you see the line on his bicep I know what this is men normally don't get this that's a scar from loose skin like when you lose a lot of weight fast and you have the bingo flappers women will like get that cut and removed but there will always kind of be a scar there you know where it was I think he had that done I think he had a girl surgery done instead of like you know well I mean guys get it done too sometimes not if you fucking the good thing about being a guy though is if you lose weight you're a guy so you can like make your arms bit you can fill up the skin if you put muscle on girls can't really do that

that's a good quality alright you

you win uh christina died what would your move be what would my move be like what would you do

we saw that one is this following me for oh my god is this what he used to look like i forgot

well no this story all too well tom used to be one of my favorite comedians i've seen him live followed everything he did he was dry and sharp he was meant to be our guy on the inside kind of like louis ck light and then instead of flopping it out and louis ck who's a big fucking loser now

every time i go i see him on a podcast he's like a potato have you seen him lately louis yeah louis ck yeah he's been he is he is rough look i'm i'm happy whatever sad or they're getting divorced i don't really fucking know what is this what whoa whoa what is this

supposed to be one big gag everyone was in on it christina knew what was happening she was acting it was meant to be funny i thought it was cringe as fuck but christina didn't realize

lauren compton playboy she did one shoot and considers herself a bunny

this is so much harder to watch i feel such a bond already i just i don't know yeah ever since i met you oh a few minutes ago i was like so hot it is uh oh this is bad this is oh this is really bad uh um hey what's up you're here well yeah you know what he's not a good actor you know what else you're not good yet doing sketches i told you i was gonna be a little bit late but i didn't think you were coming in we had a guest you didn't know that you had a

guest on your podcast it's in your house oh actually she's hi i'm Christina i'm new Christina oh okay i can't watch any more of this i just can't i'm gonna tap out here sorry it's getting way too cringe it is look whatever the i cannot stand the rogan sphere i mean that it's very difficult for me to put up with any of these rogan sphere people they are the absolute worst

You