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Morning, Will. Good morning. In through the nose, out through the mouth. That's it. In through the nose and out through the mouth.

God, your hands are getting really low here.

No, no, no. Just keep the eyes closed. Is this normal? Settle into your sits bones. and feel the spine stacking and the neck rolling.

You don't need to feel my spine. Wait a second.

Yeah, what is this? This is a little bit of tension right there, huh?

All right, let's get to an all-new Smartless. Smartless.

Smartless.

Smartless. what were you what kind of student were both you two hi i'm jason um oh hi jason uh were you guys both smarties i don't think so i'm gonna make a guess here like bees you know solid bees well

in college it was really bad for me because i would always copy and so my eyes hurt because my face would be forward but my eyes would be looking really hard down to the left right at like a little computer watch no no with the guy next to me and either whoever was out there on

either side really right yeah you were a habitual cheater totally and was he was he hip to it was he kind of like no giving you a side wink and showing it to you no no one of those big those

big lecture halls you know i'd be like my eyes would be like this and they hurt so bad oh but how did you trust that they knew the answer do you know what i mean because any guess was better

than mine better than your brain right yeah i was just talking about this recently i never i didn't i didn't cheat in high school or anything like that never no i didn't in high school not in high school no i'd be willing i'd be willing to do poorly i had moments where i was okay and then and i just didn't you have you ever cheated in anything will i know i've never really like stolen anything i've never really you know one time this is a true story the only sort of really vivid memory i have of that is when i was a kid when a bag of chips was still 25 cents and it was like a crowded thing at the convenience store after school and there were a bunch of kids in there I was probably 11 maybe 10 and I was like fuck it and I had to catch a thing so I just took the chips and I felt so guilty overnight I went in the next day and I put a quarter on the counter at the store and walked out Willie Willie Arnett

Willie I know

I felt it ate away at me I couldn't like I was like oh I can't

have you ever done anything that would justify you getting arrested that you've gotten away with? No. I was arrested. You don't have to tell me. You can just say, yes, I did get away with a couple of things I could have been arrested for had it been caught. No, no, like... I was arrested

for that turkey sandwich. Were you?

Yeah. A turkey sandwich?

I told you I stole a turkey sandwich in college. I was really drunk and the cops arrested me. I told you that. That is...

I don't remember.

I don't know if I've ever heard a more...

one brand arrest story yeah yeah yeah well because and the turkey sandwich was definitely on white bread with mayo only of course yeah it was wrapped you know it was like in a 7-eleven or what we called a white hen it was called white hen yeah sure and um sure and i was with my friends i was so hungry and i didn't have any money so i just stole the turkey sandwich i was really drunk we were eating out in front and the cop just stands right in front of me he's like hey buddy you're coming with me and i was like for a turkey sandwich and he put me in the back and i was Frighting in the back. Were you cuffed?

Did he cuff you?

I don't remember. Probably. You probably asked for it. You said, wait a second, you're not going to cuff me? Yeah.

You're like, use these, and you produced your own cuffs. I'm pretty sure I need nipple clamps. And I think you have to cuff yourself to me.

Can you put the lights on and the siren?

I know my rights. My rights are you need to cuff me. I'd just start yelling. Yeah, no, it was for a turkey sandwich, and he took me to the station, and I had to sit there until somebody I didn't know gave me 100 bucks to get out. I mean, what... And it's a long story. It's a crazy story.

You got mystery bailed?

What a crazy waste of resources, though, right? Yeah, yeah. What a crazy waste of resources. That's what I was saying in the back seat. I mean, it's horrible that I said this. Run in your mouth. It's horrible. Yeah, I was running in my mouth because I was drunk. I was running in my mouth, and I said, isn't there a worse crime happening on campus right now like isn't somebody getting like sexual harassment or something the next go-to is

I my taxes pay your salary

and I that's alright there come the cops I'm your boss yeah yeah then the cops I'm pretty sure you're supposed to pin me down on the floor

like hog tie I think

I think we're supposed to turn the light the light should be a little bit lower don't you think shouldn't we have a glass of wine where are we what's going on

what about how i sent shawnee i uh cut and pasted uh the top 10 uh vanilla ice cream out there and um you know i just thought number one is haagen haagen dazs of course it's always the best one so good although we like mcconnell's yeah that's true mcconnell's mcconnell's was on the list do they still make rum raisin probably why do you want some i just haven't had rum

raisin in so long well it's got raisins in it why would you want ice cream with raisins in it

probably rum now what do they do about the rum there do they do somehow take the alcohol out of

the rum no no they're they're putting hundred proof rum in the fucking ice cream and selling

it to kids well but i really i want to know how do they get the rum flavor and there's still

cocaine in coca-cola and the kid and the kid the kids are like the kids are like hey can i get Another scoop. Another scoop.

All right. I'm sorry, surprise guest.

I know. The guest, no, no, no. I like that we said, you know, we had a great segment before about being justified because this guy is justified in a lot of stuff that he does. I will say. He is a multi-ME nominated actor. He has a crazy diverse list of film and TV credits that are just insane. Comedies, dramas. Because recently, most recently, I think that everybody was delighted to see him in FX's highly anticipated series, Alien, the Alien Earth franchise. Oh, my God. That's that Noah Hawley vehicle. He's also, that Noah Hawley vehicle. He was also in Apple TV show last year's Stick, which has got a second season coming up. soon we're going to be able to see him with a crazy cast with Anna Taylor-Joy and Annette Bening and a bunch of people in this new Apple TV crime thriller series, Lucky. Who is this tasty guest? He's a guy who, you know, and the reason I say he's Justified because he was also Emmy nominated for the show he started in called Justified. You know him also from Deadwood. You guys, it's the wonderful, and I'm so excited, Timothy Olyphant. Oh my God, Timothy Olyphant.

Hi, buddy.

Oh, it's been a year and a day. What a pleasure. Listen, I was on the set of Justified and I was working with Eric Roberts and he's driving and I'm sitting shotgun and I say, there was all those ND cops around in the scene and we're supposed to pull out in the shot and right before we rolled, I said, I gave you 20 bucks. You just hit one of these, bump one of these cops. And he goes, I hit a cop once, not a good idea. And I was like, wait, sorry, but your vehicle? He goes, no, I hit him. I hit him. Oh, my God. And he said, it was a bad idea. They had me on the ground so fast. And then from then on, I was just Eric, the cop hitter, Robert. He couldn't catch a break. And I say to him, ask him, how many times you've been arrested? And he said something like in the double digits.

and uh but then he qualified it because he said half of those were before he turned 18 and i wasn't sure how to take that but i was taking and then he looks at me and goes uh you ever been arrested and i said no and he goes pussy yeah yeah i told him i was at swim practice you know i had happened

happened to me once oh i love jason's story it's so good full pussy style i was it involves monaco Yeah, I was arrested in Monaco for being drunk and disorderly in a nice little leopard outfit fresh from the casinos, all banged up on, you know, cheap champagne and a pocket full of chips. Yeah, just got rocked. That's the name of his biography. So good. Hey, but Sean, it sounds like we found a hack for you. If you ever do want the hogtie, you just got to punch the cop in the face. I just wrote it down.

I just wrote that down. You got it? Yeah, note to self.

That's why, listen, I'm here for you. That's why I brought it. Oh, my gosh.

Well, first, it's so nice to see you. It's so good to have you. I've seen all of Alien Earth. You're amazing in everything. But I just, when Will said that, I love that show. You're amazing in it. Did you see Sean's face? I knew that once I said that.

And he's like, oh, my God.

Yeah, such a good show. It's coming back, no?

Hey, cool it, man. Yeah, we start shooting in a little bit. Thank you for asking.

You sound excited about it. Yeah, we start shooting.

You know what? Tell me you guys aren't the same. We shot the first season in... In Thailand or something, right? In Thailand. We were in Bangkok. Oh, wow. And it was just a magical experience.

What? But... I heard it was a nightmare. I mean, there's a lot of tough conditions there. I know people.

Don't put them on the spot.

Go ahead. Oh, there's nothing better than listening to Actors Bitch. Come on. It's the name of my book. Don't be afraid to bitch and other tips for young actors. Well, it's so hot there, right? Look at us, this group here, you know what they call it? Like a murderer of crows and like a flock of seagulls. We got a little complaint of actors.

He doesn't have the air conditioning of the Warner Brothers lot down there.

Listen, I'm with you. I'm getting to my bitch, which is when we were there, it was quite magical. It's hot, but it was a magical, crazy, amazing place. And the more you're there, the more you need to know it, the more you like it. And at the same time, you're like, I hope I don't have to come back. So for season two, they say, we're not, we were like, we don't want to, please don't go back. And they said, no, we're not going to go back. We're going to go to either London or Budapest. And no offense to, but I was like, oh, please, London, London, right? London. And then you get the call from your agent says, hey, good news, season two, London. And I was like, can't shoot in LA? I mean, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It goes that quick, that quick. It's like, fuck, I got to leave.

Right, so what's your process of thought, like getting comfortable with that? Like we are vagabonds, right? Like you start the process very quickly. Okay, I'm going to be spending five months in a foreign land, in a hotel or rent a place or whatever. It's like you immediately start thinking about, you know. Logistics. Do you have a wife and children? Are you going to have to figure out how to? or whatever your whole life at home is all upended start to bitch about that for me the wife and children yeah well you can start there um but just getting up 35 years of marriage

this summer oh that's great seven really good ones um so uh we're well right now we're empty nesters yeah okay you guys are not none of no i'm half i'm half empty jason's half i'm a i got one more year until my first one goes to college yeah so they don't they just leave you so just so you know like if i did it again i wouldn't have gotten so close yeah that's just that's serious i've

talked about it before i think i tried to pick fights with my older one yeah just so it wouldn't hurt so bad does she uh your oldest yeah she's 19 but she ended up going to school in in town

so it didn't hurt quite as bad oh did she just become like weeks before leaving just like who

is this fucking devil that's taking over my child right yeah well no she's she's a lot of uh you know as they do at that age they spend a lot of time outside the house so it's not it's not as somebody smart once said you're not losing your 10 year old you know like their their their wings

are flapping well before they they yeah and she's a particularly good kid i will say she's a really

She's a good kid. But there's a Tom Poppins, I think it's him, has a joke that when your kids leave, nobody prepares you how hard it's going to be to pretend to be sad.

but even the best kids

they tend to act up right before they leave right they tend to be like they got to yeah it's part of their emancipation yeah it makes it easier to leave

yeah so you're getting ready to go to London and you've got to like switch it all up you've got to kind of like start to prep I'm about to do the same for six months to Atlanta and I'm like every day I think about how's that going to go

how's that going to wait a second hold on we're breaking news here no Willie's got a big job

It's super exciting. No, but anyway, but six months.

Six months in Atlanta.

Yeah.

Well, how come I don't know about this yet? Because you're not on my call sheet.

I mean, I'm looking at it right now.

Can't you just like hit me with a memo or something?

But so like that, you know what that, we've done it before. So you know what that's like. It's hard. So you're getting ready to go to overseas.

What's the hardest part for you? It's always the transition, right? I don't know. You tell me. Once you're there, I feel like it's always lovely. Yeah.

It is, yes. But if you've got, like, Will's got kids back at home, so they're not going to be able to be with you.

Yeah, I forget. Yeah, I was very fortunate. I got so lucky, I mean, partly by design and partly just because I failed at getting jobs. But I more or less got to work and live in L.A. for the majority of my kids. Was justified in L.A.? I literally had Deadwood for three years and then Justified for, I think it was six, and then we did this thing, Santa Clarita Diet, for a couple. Oh, yeah, of course. They all shot here.

In Santa Clarita, I'll bet.

They were all in Santa. I basically lived, yeah, I thought I was in show business.

But even in town, aren't you like, I can't wait to get home.

Oh, yeah.

By the way, even in town, you're like, I got to go to the valley?

Yeah. That's where the real complaint. Why can't I shoot at the Fox lot?

My kids were small. It was great. I'd just show up to work to take naps. So when my kids were really small, I was like, look, I'd just go to work so I'd get some sleep.

I know. We used to have an office. Jason would complain that I didn't want to go to my office. And then I had another office for my company. And I'd go there and I'd show up and see my partner. And I'd be like, hang on a second. And I'd go in, shut the door. And I'd get on the couch and take a nap on my couch. Oh, God, Will. I know, because I'm tired. I know, Angel. I was tired, man. I know. You know, dude, in my intro, I started going through your credits. And I was going to say at the top, you have so many credits. You've done so much stuff of such variety. It's insane, man. I mean, you were like, you're so unbelievably versatile. And when you started as an actor, well, first, you were born in Hawaii and that you were raised in California. But when you started, when you were first a young actor, did you have like a particular lane you thought you wanted to go in? Because you've eliminated the lanes. All the dotted lines evaporated for you a long time ago on whatever road you're on.

Well, you're very kind, first of all. And by the way, back at you, because I just saw, literally just a few nights ago, is this thing on? That's the title, right?

Yeah.

What a lovely, lovely performance. Isn't he great? And just so lived in and present. Like you weren't, you know, that lovely thing where you're like, this just must be what he's like. and obviously your comedic work is off the charts so it's got it all my god it was really just a lovely, lovely, beautiful lived in performance

so Sean wasn't terrible in it either look at Sean Sean was delightful I was exhausted from that shit

I was either Stephen or Robert or Jeffrey now that I look at you

I'm like yeah you were there you guys all have this by the way you guys all have the crazy range Sean, you're like, in Will and Grace, you're like doing physical comedy at like the ultimate level of effortlessness, and then you're on stage doing like this incredible dramatic work.

Well, thank you, thank you, yeah. Everybody's really good.

Jason, you also, you do the acting, and you do the voiceovers. Oh, you are an actor.

It's huge.

You are an actor.

You go from both. You are an actor. Right, right, right. Now that I see you, again, I'm looking at you. This is amazing. I remember you from the Ozarks. Everybody's really amazing. Right. but sort of back to my question and I don't know actually you know what I'm going to say to all of you guys but Timothy I want to hear from you first because I listen to these ding-dongs all the time when you started were you like because I remember I moved to New York I'll start I wanted to be a dramatic actor because I didn't know any better I didn't know anything about comedy or how you get to it so I was like I want to be a dramatic actor did you have that were you like I want to be taken seriously I want to do important stuff. You know, the stuff that we as young men think.

You don't think acting is comedy.

You think acting is drama.

Yeah.

Right, right.

Again, memory's not a reliable narrator here, but...

But my favorite actors were actors who gave comedic, dramatic performances. They were just, that's what I, you know, I always felt like De Niro knew he was being funny in those roles, even the most dramatic roles. He must have known, right? He must, when he's doing Taxi Driver, he knows that's funny, right? Right, right, right. Doesn't he?

There's some moments. For sure. I wonder, I wonder. That's a good question. He must.

Right? I always, I just assume when he's doing that, you talking to me, he knows that that's comedic timing that's happening there, right? Yeah.

Well, did you see him in King of Comedy?

Exactly, right?

Yeah, I mean, it's just incredible, incredible acting performance.

So when he did comedy and some people were like, I don't know, wow, who knew he could do comedy? I was like, raise my hand. I was like, well, I think it was there from the beginning, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I don't know, you don't. I still, I feel like Will Ferrell. Yeah, Will, but like that. Well, Farrow's playing these eccentric characters that are funny because they're eccentric, but it takes great acting chops to be believably eccentric.

I think this is the flip side, which is the best comedic performances are really dramatic.

I think the through line is always it's commitment, right? And so you're committed. As long as you're committed to the bit, whether it's dramatic or comedic, you have to be committed. Jason, to your thing, you can never wink, which is why when you see people who are doing stuff, when they're too aware, then you're like, okay I don't buy it as much but if somebody's committed to the thing

you recognize that as feeling authentic and then one of the funniest things I think is when people commit to being non-committal you know like when you do like when you do really when you do really bad acting on purpose that's one of the funniest I love that you know when you see somebody doing bad acting sing for real Yeah, I think for real.

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and now back to the show

timothy do you know do you know sing for real no this thing thoreau came up with it years ago which is it's so embarrassing yeah it makes so like if you're driving in the car with a friend or whatever a song comes on the radio and if you say to the other person sing for real they have to sing that song and they can't do any like you like say it's like satisfaction by the stones you can't do like I can't, like, you can't put anything on. You have to do it as real as possible.

Yeah, and it's really uncomfortable.

It's so uncomfortable.

It's so uncomfortable. It makes your skin crawl. Like, if I had, we did it in the documentary, too, but I had Will do it in the car one time, and I couldn't even look at him. It was so, I could. It was horrible.

It's the worst feeling. Like driving with your pants off.

Yeah. And you're, it's funny you said satisfaction, because I don't think of that as being like singing it for real. But it is, no matter what, you really are saying, like this fucking man comes on the radio, right? And telling you how white your shirts can be. And he can't be a real man.

Like you're in it. Yeah, sing for real satisfaction. Sing it totally real right now. No. Yeah. Don't make him do it. Do it. Who, me? Yeah. You have to do it. Go. Stop doing it. God, this is so rough.

It's so rough to do it.

See, because you just thought about it. You just thought about it. You're like, I can't do it. I can't do it.

I'm looking at Will, and I'm thinking I have to do it based on that reaction. Anything not to do it. You can't. Give me some lyrics. I just know, look, this is not singing, though. I don't know. Okay, I can't sing. Let's start there.

You can't do like a Mick Jagger impersonation. No, you can't. You have to do it. You have to sing for real.

I can do. No, you can't.

You have to sing it like you're recording it for real.

You have to do it. Okay. So I just was listening to this yesterday, and if I'm not mistaken, had I not said, when a man comes on the radio, tells me useless information. Is the guy on the radio giving the useless information or is he telling him how white his shirts can be?

Come on, everybody.

Who's telling him how white his shirts can be and who's telling him useless information just to drive my imagination?

Let me see. It's the DJ. He's yelling at the DJ.

Drive my imagination.

When I'm driving in my car

And the man comes on the radio, tells me how white my shirts can be. About some useless... What? What does he say there? God damn it.

No, no, no, it's later. Hang on, hang on. Oh, you're right, hang on. Here we go.

I just love, my favorite thing about this song, by the way, is that he's, Mick at one point says, because he's on a losing streak, and I just love the idea that Mick is having a hard time with the, you know, like he was having a tough time. and that guy was really getting under his skin because he was, right?

Yeah, let's be real.

Listen, he wrote it. I'm convinced as much as that guy sometimes seems like a character.

That guy's never been on a losing streak.

I know, but he's got some depth, buddy. I think there's some vulnerability there. Those songs are too good. Right.

I always wonder about people who write love songs and stuff about heartbreak and then they're like, did they have this much heartbreak always? Or like, what are they drawing on?

I don't know. No one with a happy childhood ever went into show business, buddy.

Was your family in a show business? Higher. No. Was your family in a show business?

Yeah, where'd the acting bug come from? Yeah, how did that happen? How did that happen?

It just was late. It was a hunch. I mean, yeah. Just for you. Nobody else in the family. I thought this would be good. If this doesn't work out, I got the ceramics to fall back on.

But where were you? Where were you geographically when you went, you woke up that morning and you had the hunt, you listened to the hunt, you went, I'm going to be an actor.

All right. I'll tell you, the chances of me keeping this short are slim, but here we go. I'm going to try. Go ahead. One, I will say that when I was a kid.

I really had a whole idea, fantasy, of being in show business or in comedy. And when I'd say, I want to do that, like Steve Martin or something. My mom, God bless her, she would always say things like, you don't want to be like them. They're like on drugs and divorced. You don't want that life. They're all divorced. By the way, cut to years later, I was like, you're divorced?

What the fuck?

Cool, but Modesto. You want drugs? We are in Modesto. Oh, you grew up in Modesto. Yeah, so I grew up in Modesto, and then I went to college in L.A. I went to USC. I was a fine art major because I always drew as a kid, and when I found out that was a major, I was like, I thought I was getting away with murder. Couldn't believe you let me do it. I didn't know that that was a thing.

Like you could draw. So you have a degree in drawing.

They give you a degree for that. Yeah, yeah.

You have one.

I went to, I got one, like, just, I finally got that a few years ago.

So you didn't finish.

But I did four years, but I didn't get my degree until, you know, just a little bit ago.

Ah, ah, ah.

It was great.

I'll need to hear more about that.

And then USC actually gave me the honor.

Sounds like you bought it on the black market the way you're talking about it, by the way.

They, I think it was like anything. It was like one of those COVID things. So I was like, you know what? And my kids were getting ready to get their degrees. And I was like, I got to, I should, this is the time to do it. It was either a strike or COVID, and I went back and finished up. You went back to USC? And then they gave me the honor to go at USC, yeah, and worked with the same professor. It was a lovely experience. Wow. The great Ruth Weisberg, who was my professor when I was there, and she still teaches. That's wild. She and I got to do an independent study with her. It was wonderful. And then I got to go speak at the graduation ceremony for the fine art and all that, which I thought was hilarious because all those kids had accomplished in four years what took me like 32. And I was there to give them advice.

What were you thinking that fine art degree was going to afford you career-wise? Like what do all these kids, what do you take that into? Like graphic design? Because one of my daughters, that's her jam. She's really gifted as an artist. My eldest daughter is actually a student at SC right now. Okay. She's loving it. Absolutely loving it. Congratulations. Yeah. Yeah. Thank you. So should I encourage the 14-year-old to continue drawing? Were there options explained to you there at the school?

Well, first of all, of course you encouraged her to do what she loves doing. Yeah, Jason. You can't do anything else. I'll feed it out of her. If it's not lucrative, goddammit, I'll teach you.

You know, she's going to become a coder and learn Mandarin.

Fuck.

You know, yeah, what else are you going to do, right? Keep going, honey.

I'm just going to code.

So here's what I understand now. If kids would get like a Bachelor of Fine Arts, they just still have so many different directions they can go. And they're thinking, and to some degree, I think they're very attractive in whatever workforce because they were kind of just thinking outside the box all the time and being creative. Once someone gets their master's, they're going to be like, they're going to be an artist.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Okay, gotcha. Sean, what's your degree in? My degree is I never graduated, but I got an honorary doctorate in music.

Oh, you never graduated? No, mm-mm. This is breaking news.

You have buried the lead on this for a long time. I went four years as well, and then I got an honorary doctorate. I didn't graduate high school, so you guys got me beat. Yeah.

Right. It doesn't show. No one's ever said that. It doesn't show. It does not hurt you. Sometimes it does.

It just starts drooling.

You're doing great. You are doing great. But wait, so you get this degree from USC in fine arts and drawing, and you're like ready to start, you know, drawing stuff or tagging bridges or doing something. And then you go, at the end of all of that, you go, you know what? So what, you're in L.A. and you're like, I want to be an actor? Like how did that?

And I do think I had a certain amount of conscious thinking that I was wanting to put off a midlife crisis, that I was like... Whoa. Yeah, I really did. I was like, I think my parents were split, and my dad was going through his, and I just thought, that doesn't look fun. And, you know, there's always, you know, oh, I always wanted to do this, but I never did it, so it became this. So I was considering going to get my master's in fine arts. That's really kind of what I wanted to do. You know, like when grandparents and...

would ask you what are you going to that degree what are you going to do with it at first you're like i want to be an artist and that you see the expression on their face and then you start saying or i could do commercial work i could do you talk about all the things you could do but i really just wanted to be an artist and and uh you know it was like going to galleries and like you know in la and museums and chris burden and baldassari all these people were big inspirations but there was a bunch of things i always wanted to try that were on my mind like i knew i always wanted to do stand-up i always thought about it'd be fun to be an actor i thought oh it'd be great to be in a band you know things like that and i thought i should i should try to cross all these off before moving forward those all take a great deal of courage though well what doesn't well

yeah well i mean certainly standing up in front of an audience all alone with a microphone is sort of the zenith of balls yeah i was thinking of that on your movie i felt like they captured

this thing that no one prepares you for when you do stand up which is the moment you step on the silence that you're created by it's just real quiet it's terrible it's so quiet no one tells you it's gonna be that quiet before you say a word like the healthy respect i had for

stand-ups and what they do before was was huge and then and then it was just magnified the first time i remember the first time going down at this comedy cellar and i was doing it i was getting introduced as as my character as alex novak but i remember the first time going up there and and trying to go up as a guy who had never done it before as well i remember bradley saying to me like we're doing something different don't try to rely on tricks you have to go up and do this as this dude who's never done it and going up there and just standing there fucking you're like you you just feel like it's so quiet and you feel like oh my god i'm about to fall off a cliff here yeah and it's just it's the best and the worst at the same time it's simultaneously just like the most terrifying so i yeah stand-ups what they do is just like fuck man and like round of applause.

And you tried it, Timothy?

Yeah, I did it for a little while. Right around the corner from Comedy Cellar in New York was a place called Boston Comedy Club, wasn't it? Oh, yeah, of course. Oh, you did, huh?

Yeah, yeah, I did. Do you still remember some of the jokes? I'll tell you some of mine. Oh, Sean has a really famous first opener joke. Sean's got a great opener. Yeah, it's a great opener. Go ahead, Sean.

You've already asked me to sing. He's told it before, but Timothy, just respond to the joke.

Sean, this relationship is like, hey, Tim, sing for us. Hey, Tim, tell us some jokes. Yeah, perform for us, monkey.

He'll keep whipping you like a monkey, yeah. Sean, why don't you whet the appetite? Here we go.

My opening joke was, you know, they say ballet is one of the most difficult things to do, so I just say don't do it.

Oh, fuck.

And that's the joke, Timothy.

So, I mean, that's it. Never gets good. No, never gets old or funny.

By the way, and you, Will, I appreciate you calling me Timothy, but you know, you can call me Tim.

Can I call you Tim? I didn't know people call you Tim. Sean, you as well. Okay, great. Bateman? Not, not so much.

Just you're close. You're close.

Wait, do you guys know each other a little bit? Do you guys have... Yeah, we worked together for a smidge.

Not is this thing on. This is Where I Leave You. Close, close, close entitled.

This is Where I Leave You.

And you remember, because by the way, I'm at your Piccio's office. That's where I am. Oh, are you really? Yeah, I needed a computer. I guess you can't do your show if you don't own a computer. Do you not own a computer? No, I don't, it turns out. Come on. I didn't realize that.

Whoa, whoa, whoa. How fucking rad is that? Let's start there.

Well, I mean, I got like a, you know, I got a phone and I got a thing. That's all you got to do. We're backing up. We're starting from here.

I don't buy it. You don't have, and you being an artist, you don't have an iPad with one of those little stylus pen thingies? No.

Wait, Tim. You're like a pencil in the paper, Jason. You don't have a laptop at all.

Come on, the pencil in the paper. Fucking baller. Wait, you really, truly don't have a computer?

I don't. Well, let me, because I think honesty is very important in this. Sure, thank you.

Thanks for not lying.

We went, I had a, we went and got out a old desktop computer that we still have in the house and plugged it in and started it up and they were all USB things. And I was like, I don't think I can, it won't, I need to get adapters and stuff.

Just for the purposes of doing the podcast you tried to do.

For doing this, yeah. There's a lot of sacrifices that went into this, guys. And don't get me wrong, I appreciate, I'm super honored it's a pleasure to be here I'm a big fan I listen I don't listen but I read the transcripts and it shows very good very very good

it's better in written form

the chemistry comes across in the print

I remember getting a note from our producer saying we're going to be producing transcripts for Tim Oliphant and we're mailing them to him every day but wait

but Tim you've never I've never been tempted to buy a laptop or a desktop just to see the landscape out there. What's going on. Like all the different sites you can go visit to... Felt condescending. Expose yourself to... Felt a little...

Jason goes on a lot of sites and exposes himself is what he's trying to say.

Hey, gang, ever seen one of these?

Hey, gang. Yeah, hey, gang. Wait, wait, wait. This is so dope that you don't have a laptop. Jason has a hundred laptops. They're all brand new just to look at baseball scores.

All this talk about AI and stuff. Not curious to see what the fuss is about? But you can do all that on little phones. I guess you can, but you're always spreading and spreading and clicking and spreading.

Don't do your fingers like that. Stop doing that.

It's spreading and sliding. It's just like, uh-uh.

How about Chris Nolan doesn't even have a phone? I'm like, oh, I'm so jealous.

No one or two people without a phone. it's the most exciting relationship when you if you know someone without a phone and you're like alright so we're meeting at like seven you know dinner at seven tomorrow and then on the way there you're like this is I'm so excited it's like being in high school just rolling the dice they said they'd be here remember

we're old enough remember like being teenagers and being like hey so you'll run into people you'll go well let's do something and you had to go there and then and then you'd run into people maybe maybe they were there and maybe they were there

And see them in the next place.

Where were you at that place? And the night would unfold if you go out at night. The night would just kind of unfold the way it was going to unfold.

Well, what about directions? What about directions? Remember when you used to have a map, a map book, the Thomas Guide? Or even one of those fold-out maps? Or just a sheet of paper with a list of directions. Are you going to turn left on such and such, then go a mile, then turn right on such and such?

Or you had to ask people for directions. You know what's embarrassing? Embarrassing about having a friend without a phone as you're going to meet them. let's say it's a 7 o'clock, you're meeting them at dinner, you realize that we oftentimes are like, hey, on my way out the door, ETA 705. And then it's like parking. Like you're literally giving the play-by-play on the way there. When you don't have that option, you realize how embarrassing that is.

But you do. You do have a phone. I have a phone, yeah. You do have a phone. How about this?

I was talking about this the other day. with people how about when you have plans even with somebody you do want to see and they go can't make it and the relief of not having to go to something is so great when somebody bails they're like hey i can't make it because then you're like oh no problem and you're thinking like oh god i get to stay found time yeah it's money in the pocket yeah finding a 20 in an old jacket yeah hello friend hi wait you know i want to say talking about old friends and working together makes me think justified which was so good and you were so good and it was amazing and over the you said it was five years i didn't realize it was fine you did it with our old friend uh certainly uh sean and my old friend margo martindale oh we adore who i adore the

best it must be nice to have one of those uh be one of those people that when people say your name everyone just goes well oh guess what guess what you're you're one of those people i think

you are one of those people you are sean no it's true it's true it's really it's really true i think i think you are yeah margo martindale i mean i will say what an absolute just just a legend i

haven't had the pleasure yet oh i'm a huge fan though yeah she would love her yeah she i remember

i remember years ago she did that uh uh krasinski one of krasinski's movies and so she didn't know john and he and he asked me to introduce him to her uh and it ended up being really really good And so I said, hey, John Krasinski wants to call you, and can I give him your number? And she was like, okay. And then she called me up. She goes, look, I told him I'm going to do his fucking movie, so it better be fucking good or else this is on you because you fucking forced me to do this. I was like, wait.

So good.

You know, Margo, I mean, that's so on brand for her, and she ended up being wonderful, obviously. But she's the best.

Yeah. I had the pleasure of sitting next to her when she won an Emmy, and it was such a lovely moment. I remember, I don't know why it pops in my head, because all that is what I spent a year with, you know, that personality you were just talking about. And such a, like, whether the camera was rolling or not, you just felt like you were getting this authentic, connected, amazing, just, it was so easy. And then we were at the Emmys, and her category was before mine. So I just remember that when they were, I'm sitting next to her and they're announcing the names and all that and then they say the winner is and when they said her name she squeezed my hand like I could have bruised me the squeeze

that happened it was the first time I kind of understood what the awards meant you know like I was like oh that moment when that involuntarily like oh my god you know and then it was so moving not much of a story but it's just a moment that I remember sharing

with her and then she forgot to thank you did she thank you when she got on stage

she did no she did she was classy she did

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And now, back to the show.

um but timothy you know tim sorry oh no what no so familiar um t-dog t-bone t-dog did you i remember that i i the other day and i'm just remembering i scroll i through my um feed on instagram i saw a clip of you telling the story on about deadwood about it was so funny can you tell what happened again it was like the worst deadwood story or something it was so funny i I mean, I don't want to give it away. And if you don't want to tell it, you don't have to. It's already on Instagram.

We'll talk about that. It's already on Instagram.

I know, but it's so funny.

It was so small. Well, you know, Milch stories. You guys know the Milch. You guys have heard the Milch stories over the years? We've heard some rumblings.

Rumblings. I bet you Tracy is not. No. Sean's sister. She's not hip to the Hollywood stories.

David Milch, by the way, his book. Have you read the Red Cross? No. I don't read it.

David Milch for Tracy created Deadwood, Amongst other things.

Yeah, NYPD Blue, Hill Street Blues. Legend. And just a legend of a writer. And one of these guys who graduated first in his class at Yale and had a heroin addiction. A combination of brilliance and life experiences that often don't go together. You know, and so almost every day on that set was these kind of stories. But we had, what was it, the second season? We had a storyline where I'm married to my...

which wasn't what really happened in real life, which my character is a real guy, Seth Bullock. But anyway, he was married to his brother's widow and was raising his brother's child as his own kind of thing. So we had this whole, this kid, and like a lot, I think there was rumblings on set one day that there was some issue with the kid, either his reps or his mother, but David was really upset about something. and I was like, I'm not going to pay attention. I'm just doing my thing. All I know is that by lunch, it was a knock on my trailer door and I open, it's David, which is unusual. And I said, what's up? And he says, we're going to kill the kid. And we're just going to kill him. This is the next minute. It's so good. It's such classic showbiz moment that happened after that. He goes, I said, really? He said, yeah, we're going to kill the kid. This is the showbiz part. He goes, it's going to be great for you. It's going to be really, it's going to be some really nice, some wonderful. There's more room for you. And a great, great moment. Some wonder moments, these amazing moments. He's going to be, and killed, and you'll be on his bedside. and he talking to him as if you're his brother and you're his brother, your brother. Wonderful. And it's going to be good for the kid too. He'll free him up for other opportunities. And yeah, we did, the whole season was this epic story that whatever happened that morning turned into the season.

That's so amazing. That's amazing. JB, as an actor who directs, how cognizant are you of being, of understanding the process that they're going through when you're giving a note?

Yeah, I mean, it's all about, you're going to get a worse performance if you leave that note session with the actor and the actor feels bad. You know, so it's all people skills, right? You just got to, you got to prop them up while you're telling them to be different.

Listen, here's my, I did a movie with Larry Kazin, just a dream working with him. And he came up to me after, I think, more than one take. Yeah, it was a couple because he said to me, he said, Tim, there's a joke there, but we wouldn't know it because you keep looking it up. Should we just move on or do you want to try to get it?

Hey, Tim, you get this, right?

circles align very usable like okay lightning that was a good note i just had another that

you just reminded me i just did this play in new york and the and and lee silverman who's brilliant she's an incredible director and a good friend and she goes at the first run through it's a one-man show i did the whole thing the very first time and i afterwards i go i feel like i'm just saying words and she goes yeah yeah it looks like that oh wow which was great which was great yeah it was

the kick in the i needed a kick in the pants but you were just so happy you got through it and you didn't forget a line i'll bet probably right i mean that was a big test yeah but i mean i needed

i needed to actually think about what i was saying now on the other hand i did i did a couple months

on with uh soderberg forgive me for dropping a name that's what you do here sure sure um three months yeah not a single note yeah that's for three months that's terrifying in its own way three months and once i was in a car with him i was driving it's just me and and him and and he's you know operating and i got back in the car and i said well what do you think and he goes if on a scale of one to ten that was a seven maybe an eight and i was like all right cool that was so that was technically our one exchange no way one performance exchange

but he's also editing too

I was going to say I was going to say interesting you mentioned Soderbergh because he is operating and when we were doing our movie with is this thing on with Bradley and we're old friends and he's also operating Bradley operated that whole film so he and as you know is very close you know he's like cameras in my face and he would start to roll We're rolling, blah, blah, blah. And he put the camera up. We haven't even started yet. And then he put it down for a second. And he's like this far. And you go, no acting. And then the camera right back up. And they're like, fuck. Like pre. I love that. And he was right. I love that. And it was so disarming. I had one time also I did one of these, I did two of these Ninja Turtle movies years ago, like 10, 15 years ago. And we were in Madison Square Garden, and it was produced by Michael Bay. But he came in one day to shoot all this stuff at Madison Square Garden. We shot it at Nick's game, and then they cleared out, and then we did this stuff on the floor. And he decided to operate. He wanted to do this one bit where it kind of, and, like, the camera goes off, this action, then up to me in the front row. He goes, okay, reset. And it was, like, chaotic and stuff was going, and he's really on top of it. He knows where everything is. He's got a crane going at the same time, and he's operating, and the camera's down, and he's following along on the ball and then he just goes like this and he just goes right up onto me and just goes, say something funny. I'm like, oh, fuck. Literally like that. It was a nightmare and I'm like, and I said something super sweaty. Farts. You know what I mean? Yeah, exactly. Yeah. I can't wait to talk a little bit about, well, you've got a couple things coming. You've got this mini-series called the Five Star Weekend.

The kids moved out.

I've been working more than I've ever in my life.

Yeah, I mean, you have... I guess I don't have to go to a tennis tournament this weekend, so yeah, let's go.

Alien Earth is renewed for season two. Stick season two has been renewed for season two. We just wrapped that.

That was a joy of a gig.

Adventures of Cliff Booth, which is coming out around Christmas time. Speaking of no notes, Fincher. Yeah, talk about Adventures of Cliff Booth. I want to know about this.

Yeah, what is it? Is it a film? Yeah, that's the prequel to Once Upon a Time in Hollywood, right? Is it a prequel or a sequel? It's a sequel. A sequel, but is it the time before Once Upon a Time in Hollywood?

If I get this wrong, it wouldn't be that surprising, but I'm pretty sure it's after. It's after. I love that you're not sure. It's the adventures of Cliff Booth, and it's later. Gotcha. I think we're in the 70s.

And so Fincher, light touch? I'm not saying that sarcastically, but I would imagine performance notes.

My favorite thing to do was after we'd finish a take is before he said anything, I'd say, can I get one more? If I could just get one more. Once again. Tracy, he's famous for many takes. We're talking, right? Yes. We're telling Tracy.

That was good usage of Tracy. Hey, thanks.

Yeah, so we would do, yeah, I did a scene, yeah for like two days a day and a half I didn't I'd never done anything like that I felt like I was pledging a fraternity felt a little bit like like oh let's go again let's do it fuck yeah I want to be part of this let's go

was it technical yeah was it mostly because of technical and framing like a composition thing

honestly it's it's oftentimes multiple it's oftentimes a everything it's okay on that moment you know maybe this and then when you lift your hand up, show me where it is. Okay, now move it just an inch left. Okay, now down just a half an inch, lift it right there. And you're like, okay, it's a lot of that. So it's everything from when you lean forward, don't lean quite that far, a little there. So it can get super, super technical visually, but it can also get very, very specific about when you do that, maybe it's more of an order. maybe it's more of a like you know so we'll sometimes be performance it's almost like doing a run of a play you know like a scene but you're doing it so many times you're doing it the master you're doing like 20 times and then you're pushing 20 times and you're like so for a day and a half

you're just doing this scene what was the most number of pages you did on one day was there ever

more than three pages in a day i bet there no i'm very briefly in it so i just i'm showing up for this this thing and um i don't know how many pages that was but we shot it for a day and a half Wow, what a, I love that. Yeah, we didn't, my coverage was day two. It was kind of, it was fascinating. And because you, so I loved it. I really loved it. And I think years ago when I was reading about him, I just thought, no fucking way, life's too short. But for whatever reason at this point in my, I just was like, yeah, let's do 30 takes. Great. Oh man, I sweep forward.

It's an experience, if nothing else.

But it throws you to a, there's a real quality that starts to happen that you don't expect, which is you're doing it so many times, it's hard to shut out the voice that feels like you're doing it wrong. Yeah. You know, and that's the kiss of death, right? So you have to, so it's hard to, you also start to lose your instincts because, I mean, it really does, it really is like a, you know, it's like, all right, pledging the fraternity here and they're going to break me down and I'm not going to, I'm not going to crack.

Well, he's talked about that.

He's talked about some of the strategy is to like, yeah, if you do a great take, you know, that feeling, right? Jason, you finish a take and you think that just felt so money. Right. The fact that you're going to do 15 more. After that take, you start to go, maybe it wasn't that good. I don't know.

Right, yeah, yeah.

You have to shut that voice out because you just have to realize.

But he talks about that sometimes he'll do a bunch of takes just to get the actor to stop acting, you know, because you just run out of acting ideas and then you just end up just saying the fucking lines. And that's sometimes what he's looking for is I don't want performance. Just say the lines and let's get on. Just lie down the wall. Just fall out of frame.

Right, exactly.

Kind of. You're doing too much.

But I feel like I've gotten, I mean, say this with a grain of salt, but for the most part, my technique for the last decade or so has been memorizing the lines and then memorizing them to exhaustion so I show up hopefully in that place. So then to show up and then keep going, it's like you have to readjust your...

Sean's motto is always like, does this put me on the 405 this next day? You know what I mean? What do they need? Sure.

How do you expect me to act like this? How do you expect me to act that well when you've seen the craft service table and we both know that's fucked up? Yeah, it's terrible.

Wait, so we have to, because I can't believe it's been an hour already. I feel like I could talk to you about this shit for fucking ever. Talk about Lucky. Lucky is about to come out, this new series. We have to mention it. What's Lucky? Yeah.

So I got Lucky is also with the same preface as whether it's a prequel or a sequel. if I get some of this wrong it won't be surprising but I believe Apple it's on Apple TV and it's Anya Taylor-Joy Annette Benny she's great lovely Tropper wrote it he's the one who wrote the movie that you and I did together Jonathan Tropper it's kind of a thriller Friends and Neighbors Jonathan Tropper correct there you go there you go so that was cool And then there's this, that was fantastic. That's good.

No, that's good. Very good. Great. It's great. I think people are leaning forward. Yeah, I know. They're going to watch now.

Now I'm going to cut, I'm going to move on. So that just leaves them wanting more. And then there's the five-star weekend with Jennifer Garner and Peacock. That's lovely. That was.

Look at you. You just go, go, go. I love it. It's really awesome. It's insane. It's kind of fun.

It's insane. And yeah, thanks. I appreciate it. And then, yeah, the kids moved out. It was just, I think it was a lot of time on the hands. Yeah. And then the, what was it? The Larry David thing, I think, airs after. Curb Your Enthusiasm? Before this comes out. No, that 250-year thing. Yeah. So that was fun. Oh, shit.

He's going to play at Trump's 250-year celebration? No, no, no.

He's filling in for Milli Vanilli. Oh, they filled it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then I'm just doing percussions, I guess.

Oh, good for you. Playing the maracas? I'm in that too, Tim.

Oh, yes.

Yeah, yeah. And? Fun? Yeah, super fun. And I think it comes out soon, like in June or something, or July. Well, July.

Yeah, July, right? Oh, Sean, do you want to talk a little bit about what you got coming out? No, tell me. How was it?

Did you enjoy it? Yeah, it was fun. What did you do? What was your scenario? So the concept is Larry David did a show for HBO to celebrate the 250th anniversary of the United States. And he put himself into historical scenarios to reenact them. and mine was the Wright Brothers, and it was me, Jon Hamm, and Larry David. And Jon Hamm and I played Orville and the Wright Brothers, and he played Lawrence Wright, the third Wright Brother, and he was complaining about the middle seat on the plane that we just invented. And yours is what?

I'm OK Corral. Oh, good, yeah. Yeah, yeah. I'm one of the Earp Brothers, and Larry, the whole OK Corral, Larry sets it off. it's all it was him

yeah

it seems like plenty of opportunity to hire either you

or me Will our phone numbers haven't changed in a minute that's weird no yeah

well

I'm gonna just look that up I'm gonna maybe I should check my junk mail yeah sure

it was more on you because I feel like you should have said something on their behalf yeah I know sorry you know what I mean you've seen them all the time

I do feel like everyone in town has been on Curb Your Enthusiasm Will did you do it? no you and I did not do it you and I did not I don't think he likes us

You know what Larry actually said to me last, this is a true story so I can say it, he said to me about six months ago, how come you were never on Curb? And I go, you never asked me. Yeah. And he was like, uh-huh. And then I said, I think I'm too tall anyway. I did say that to him. We've had him on the podcast, haven't we? We have. Yeah.

I've never been in a Bateman project. Should we just get to that right now? I know, that's true. Are you directing something new?

Sean, you and I have never been in a Jason Bateman joint.

Wait, you guys haven't either? No. Wait, what? He's directed like a bunch of things.

Oh, are you going through a canyon? You can't hear us right now? Guys, can you hear me? I hear you. Can you hear me?

Guys, I'm going to call you back.

I'll call you back David you send me a call sheet I'll show up you know what I mean yeah I'm gonna do I'm gonna put all three of you in one scene come on all three of us in a scene and then I'm gonna cut it

what do you mean cut it you won't be able to cut this it'll be so vital speaking of vital you're vital to showbiz Tim Helfont you are just an absolute gem and it's been awesome having you dude continued success I'd stay keep staying busy because it's so great watching you dude

Yeah, and give Karen and Christine their office back.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Back at you guys. Yeah. It was a pleasure. Thank you. I appreciate it. Pleasure. We look forward to it. I love you, Tim.

Five-star weekend. Lucky. All this stuff. Congrats. And what a joy. What a joy. The great Tim Oliphant. Thank you. You're going to get a round of applause. Yeah.

I think that's the first goodbye applause we've done. I think so, too. Warranted. Yeah. Gentlemen, it was a pleasure. Likewise, Tim. Thanks, Tim. Thanks, dude. Bye, buddy. so yeah what about that Tim Oliphant huh he's a good dude he's a real good dude he's easy on the eyes he's got talent I know you know what's not to love that's why it works so much

and he does have a reputation that is he's one of the nicest guys that's his reputation

everybody loves him I remember Margot saying how much she loved him back in the day do they say that about any of us

about us

about Sean and me yeah I don't think so yeah they say about Sean and me all the time

you ever heard anything bad about me

Let me just say, I would not look it up. Where are you? If you want to have a continued good rest of your day, I would not investigate. Don't dig. Don't dig. Everybody loves Jakey Bates.

Everybody loves. You can find some naysayers, I'll bet. No. About any of those. But boy, that Tim Olyphant. No, you'd get tens across the board.

Did we forgot to plug Hollywood Bowl? Yeah. Really?

Oh, go ahead. Maybe just roll the tape on that.

October 17th. What? What do you do? The Hollywood Bowl. You go to smartlist.com slash live and you get tickets. Sorry. You go to smartlist.com slash live and you get tickets for the Hollywood Bowl October 17th.

We're going to have some surprise guests there. We're going to have some surprise guests. We're going to have a couple. Two or one? Just a couple. Okay. Yeah.

You go to smartless.com slash live and you can get tickets for you or for a friend, Sean. They're not free.

What do you do if you get them for a friend? You have to... Bye. Bye.

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To commemorate the 250th anniversary of American independence, Griffin Catalyst is putting America's founding documents on public display nationwide. From National Constitution Center, interim CEO Vince Stango.

We have these two amazing documents from Ken Griffin, a very rare copy of the Constitution and a rare copy of the Bill of Rights. and those documents really help hundreds of thousands of visitors see themselves in the 250 years of constitutional history.

Learn more about Griffin Catalyst's support for civics education at griffincatalyst.org.