Muse

Hi, and welcome to T.J.O. Pooder Toots, where you're sure to have the rootinous, tootinous, pootinous good meal. I'm Faith, and I'll be your food gal. Tonight's drink specials include sex in a hamper with or without milk and pudding shots. Our dinner specials include the angry Mexican...

I don't need to hear the specials. I want two orders of the deep-fried curly ribs and a giggling scoundrel for the lady and a side of the atomic liver crisps.

Would you like some pooter balls with that? What kind of meat is in that? It's pooter meat, with a taste that's oddly familiar.

TBTL!

We are living in the midst of a podcast boom. When the guests are compelling and the conversation covers the complete drum kit, the hands of the clock disappear. And I feel as if I've enjoyed an actual second-hand human experience.

You know, you're overthinking it, buddy. I mean, just kind of see this as a fun thing to do or you make a little bread.

I dove deep into your podcast because that's what you do when you're hungover. Are you even listening to our story?

Yes.

Well, listen to this. We have a story to tell. So listen. Okay. And write it down.

All right, hello, good morning, and welcome everyone to a Monday edition of TBTL, the show that just might be too beautiful to live it's an audiophiles nightmare my name is

luke burbank i am your host i feel cute today look at my outfit you could see my actual outfit

you would realize how fortunate it is for everyone that this is an audio only product i am sitting here in the nest broadcast center high in the sky above portland oregon in some Everlane sweatpants, an Everlane t-shirt, and a very Mr. Rogers-y sweater that I bought in an airport in Italy. That's where I do most of my clothing shopping, is an airport in Italy. And I've had this sweater, well, I guess for over a decade now. And it was a little chilly here in the apartment this morning. Grabbed the sweater, threw it on, but I will tell you, i'm not going to be uh walking down any runways anywhere soon in this getup um i think i just wanted to feel cozy because it is really rainy and cruddy outside i don't think the heavy stuff's going to come down for quite a while and uh looks like that's going to be kind of what's happening for a few days here in portland um but what are you going to do uh that's just life in the pacific northwest during this time of year uh now we are at episode 3349 in a collector series some of you might say that's confusing ron because we were uh told we were at episode 3347 on friday and so doing you know math in the traditional way uh going up by one we should be at a different number but in fact i gave the wrong show number on friday episode number you gotta to be kidding me which is pretty incredible considering somebody built some sort of email bot that emails me each day and tells me what number of episode we are on i mean the listeners are building in redundancies and fail-safes they are idiot-proofing this show they are putting up so much bubble wrap for the host and yet somehow i still managed to fail i'm kind of weirdly proud of that welcome to episode 3349 in a collector series everyone let the fun begin at least i think that's the number we're on um there's a grape nut shortage in america you're gonna love my nuts watch this and uh it has me very concerned because i love grape nuts i really do tell you what's happening with that as if we needed more challenges in our lives as americans yeah grape nuts running low nationally also a couple of great television programs that i started watching yesterday that i'm very excited to recommend for all of you i love television i've got to have that thing on 24 7 i love the patter plus we'll do emails and vmails and we will talk to this guy the longest running cobro of the show he may be best known for his drawings of the tall ships And, you know, it's Monday Presumably rainy up in Seattle It's garbage day

He wants to start the week off strong

I really need a win-win here

He is Andrew Walsh And he's joining me right now From the Roosevelt neighborhood of Seattle, Washington Good morning, my friend

Hey there, that's cool You used a clip of Paul Giamatti to introduce me If you go back and listen to that He almost sounds a little bit like me I mean, it's clearly Paul Giamatti But if you listen closely That sounded a little bit like me, too we might have some shared

DNA. He gets that a lot too when he's out on the red carpet and making appearances, doing the junkets, all of that. People will say, oh, you remind me of Andrew Walsh a little bit. Then he gets very frustrated and his veins start popping out of his neck and he's very mad and they say, why did you get so mad? He goes, no, I'm just prepping for my role. Because whatever role he's playing, that's going to happen to that character at some point. As pointed out on Friday's episode of TBTL, there is a certain kind of Paul Giamatti, what would you call it? Frustration, powerlessness that is, you know, well it's cinema gold. Absolutely.

He often says in that when he's getting cranky, when people confuse him with me, he says you wouldn't say that to Tom Petty, would you? That wasn't a very good Paul Giamatti. I wish I didn't laugh over that. No, that was a bad Paul Giamatti, but it was bringing in a lot of, it was some John, what's his last name from CBC? Yeah, that brought

in a bunch of people, yeah, Gian Gomeshi. Gomeshi, yes. Not exactly, you know, journalist numero uno

these days. No, or human numero uno.

But also, Billy Bob Thornton. Yeah, Tom Petty. Who was the one who was mad at him about that. That hit a lot of buttons. He really did. That one, that checked a lot of boxes for me here early on a Friday. Now, I did mention... Can someone send me an email each day that says which day it is, in addition to what

episode number we're on oh okay can i just say one thing because i can tell that you want to talk about this number situation i just want to take a moment at the beginning of the show to celebrate something unironically something that i truly do enjoy uh which is when a month begins with a monday on the first like that like when a month begins basically on a monday i guess is a better way of saying that but i like it that first week of a month where monday is one wednesday is three Friday is five it's perfect yes it's very um it feels like clean and neat and like uh symmetric yep and all those things I think you get into a little bit of synesthesia with that too if I'm saying that correctly which I'm clearly not um but I think that also come you know how I feel like I have a little touch of that where I think certain numbers and days and colors kind of a line i feel like that also plays into it for me a little bit right no it's it's i'm looking at my

hand-drawn calendar that makes it sound like i sat down with an easel i just have one of those giant wall calendars that i have to fill in all the specific dates each year because obviously it shifts a little bit and i'm just looking at it and see that's real pretty just the way that it goes one two three four five like that um uh i am uh i'm trying to get past the fact that i got the number wrong on Friday but I'm a little bit bummed again because of all I've been I was on a hot streak with that because I had been I had been a looking at that email that I was getting and be I was going back and checking tbtl.net to just look at whatever the last show number was and I was starting to get I was starting to feel what's that feeling less shame I'm starting to feel proud of myself because I think it had been like three four weeks it was kind of a long time where I hadn't screwed that up and then I went ahead and messed it up on Friday so I'm I'm going

to try to do better going forward well can i say that let's talk about this mysterious email that started showing up about a month ago whenever the last time you goofed was somebody decided to start sending us an email every day with the show number and date now we had speculated at first that it was a bot i'm starting to think it's not a bot i don't feel like this is something that was just set up once and then like the first domino pushed over and the person can do this hands off now because Each day there's some sort of little joke in there or a fun fact or a picture. Sometimes it has to do with what day it is. It might be a Blur's Day joke on a Thursday or it might be a weekend joke on a Friday. Today's little fun fact. I don't have it in front of me, but I believe it was. Oh, yeah, I do. Fun fact. Bananas grow upside down. Somebody's writing these. And first of all, I would say, no, bananas might grow right side up and we eat them upside down. Did I just blow your mind? I just blew your mind. Yeah. I'm surprised, though, whoever is doing this and writing these little messages didn't pick up on the fact or did pick up on the fact but had the self-restraint or the restraint, I should say, to not, like, bring up the fact that we messed it up on Friday.

The jokes are even more layered. By the way, Andrew, it's clear that I've never clicked on the email. I've just read the subject line, which tells me what episode number we're on because now that I'm clicking on the email itself, I'm seeing that you're very right. There is a message in there. I didn't even think there was a message. And it's in Comic Sans, which is yet another layered kind of TBTL joke. But here's what I was thinking. I don't know if I can do this in my – let's see if I type in – I'm wondering if these show up every day at exactly 7 a.m. Oh, yeah. Because if that's what's happening, then I do think that there's –

There's some programming. Yes, every single day at 7 a.m. on the dot. Yes, I got mine today at 8 a.m. That's interesting. That is very strange. Is that possible that it's programmed to hit our inboxes at different times? Each day says 7 a.m., 7 a.m., 7 a.m. Mine says 8 a.m. every day. That's weird. But if it is a person who's hand-forging these emails each morning and putting in a specific joke in Comic Sans, at what point are they doing more production work on tbtl than we are as the actual people who produce this show day in day out because a joke remembering what episode we're on that's getting right up on the line of how much prep i do for the show each day uh and also these are

good jokes too so that's that's got one leg up on us as well well the thing is i also suspect i don't know i legit do not know who this person is my guess is by the way that they do write these messages by hand but then just pre-program them to go out like you know you can schedule an email to go out at a certain point and and maybe they can even schedule like a week or two's worth but there are definitely like specific tbtl related stuff in here sometimes so right i don't think it's just like kind of scraping the internet for a random fact of the day or what have you

um but when they when this person is hover has their finger hovering over the mouse at 659 59 a.m west coast time and then hit send at exactly 7 a.m when they do that five days a week that's when i'll start to really respect this project when they're not relying on silly internet

tools to pre-schedule them you mean exactly yeah i mean it's like do you want to do this right or

not you're gonna just like let some kind of yeah some kind of setting just just send this thing out or are you going to like careful and carefully and lovingly yourself hand send this in fact could it be a written letter could we get yeah 260 written letters stating what the show number will be on a given day and also a joke related to tbtl possibly written in comic sans can we get

that but you have to you have to figure out the mail schedule so that we get it on the day of like it has to be this has to be buttoned down you have to get it right do you think I also wonder if this is somebody who's I don't know who this is, but it could be somebody who's also involved in other TBTL related activities. So it could be I mean, this could just be one of many responsibilities this person has taken upon themselves to try to make TBTL better.

Sure. Do you think it's our working, but we appreciate it. It's definitely one of the Alex's. So happy February, everyone. Happy Black History Month. This is a packed month for me because it's my daughter's birthday. It's my mom's birthday, my sister's birthday. My mom and sister have the same birthday. So, you know, there's plenty going on. I'm supposed to get the second vaccine dose on Saturday, this coming Saturday. I mean, that's when it's scheduled, but also I haven't heard anything from the people, and I kind of – I mean, again, I was pretty sort of hesitant about getting the first dose, which happened because there was basically more dosage than there were people that wanted to go line up at this place. And so I was able to, you know, get round one. But if it turns out that, like, round two, they need to give that away to other people who are more deserving, that's fine. I'll just kind of go back to what my previous plan was, which was just waiting until, you know, July or August or something, I guess. I don't think there's any harm that will befall me if I only have half of the dose in me until then. But I guess we'll see what happens Because, again, every day the news is different And my parents, by the way, just got it

Oh, good

Which I'm happy How about your folks Or your dad and stepmom in Ohio What's the story there?

You know, last time I talked to them I forgot to ask And I owe them a phone call So I will talk to them later this week And I can let you know But, yeah, I'm not exactly sure how it's

Did your dad use emotions when you text? Because my dad celebrated The way that my dad celebrated He and my mother getting vaccinated They jumped through a lot of hoops in washington state with a lot of internet appointments and going out to different places they finally got the vaccine because they're in that you know they're in an old enough demo that they're on the list and my dad sent these like animated giant emojis of unicorns and their brains exploding oh shit is that what the vaccine does i hope not let's not spread any more misinformation about the possible side effects but what was great was then uh later on addie texted me on a separate feed and she said um can we just take a moment to just talk about these exploding unicorn brain emoji again emoji doesn't even begin it's like it's something larger than an emoji and i don't know if this translates over i believe that's what that's

called i mean i think so at least in um android world those things are called stickers and i think in like instagram stories or whatever you choose your sticker which is something bigger than an emoji, it's not just placed in there like text, it's like a

Right. A little cartoon.

Yeah, it was. One is a unicorn. I'm looking at it now. A giant unicorn with hearts for eyes. And then, I don't know if it's the same unicorn or a different one right below it that doesn't have hearts for eyes. But now its brain is exploding in a rainbow.

Can you send me that? Send me a screen cap of just the unicorn. I'm going to blow it up and make it the show pick. I don't know if I've seen this particular one.

Honestly, if you would like to see, I don't think that this is going to violate anyone's privacy. If you want to see what the Hawk Squad kind of looks like as a cluster, because what happens on the iPhone is it's got this big shamrock. I don't know. I think my sister Hannah might have put a shamrock on it because we're Irish. So it's like a big shamrock indicates the Hawk Squad family text chain. And then there's just a bunch of little circles that say, you know, the initials of different people. And then if you happen to have put your picture in there, then that's on there. But, yeah, I can send you this picture of this thing. And what Addy said was, I'm sorry, but we need to have a moment to acknowledge the absolute absurdity of this. And then she included a screen cap of these of these unicorns. It's it's interesting when when my parents are and I'm fairly emoji heavy myself when I communicate now. But it's my parents are now far ahead of me in that game and I don't really understand what they're sending. but I am very happy that they got the vaccine, at least round one.

Okay, a couple of things here, not to get into your family stuff, because it's really none of my business, but leaning into the Irishness with the, that was you throwing something away.

That was me dragging the unicorn picture over to the desktop on my computer. And you know what, Andrew, I considered muting my computer, but I thought, no, let's just, let's take the listeners on the journey of what happens when that photo is, you know, in a text,

And now it is on my desktop. Nice. And then on its way to me. I was going to say, leaning into the Irishness with the four-leaf clover, you also have some Albanian in your blood. You could have had a chunk of chrome if what I learned about Albania via the TV show Shears means anything. That's just another direction that your sister could have gone in.

Sure. And Swedish. Did I tell you that, like, when I went and talked to my biological father's side of the family, because I figured, you know, my mom's very sort of into her Irish heritage. And the sense I have is that on that side, on the Kelly side, it's like, I guess, like 100 percent Irish or, you know, that's the overwhelming thing. And then I was I got some Albanian from the other side. Turns out a lot of Swedish, in fact, more Swedish than Albanian. So this could have also been a well-designed cabinet.

Oh, right. Yes.

A meatball that doesn't taste very good because it's got weird sweet sauce on it.

A bikini team? One of the most – one of the more famous bikini teams, I believe, came out of that part. Of all of the bikini teams that were competing in the Bikini Olympics, that's one of the more famous ones. Like growing up, like that didn't – I know we've talked about this before, but it's such a weird thing. Like, wait, there are bikini teams? No, there are no bikini teams.

It was completely fabrication for that ad campaign, but it really made an impression on people our age.

What were they selling? I didn't remember that it was connected to a product or a service. It was a beer.

Oh, sure, of course. And it was, I mean, oddly enough, I believe it was in the last couple of months that we talked about this. I think we did a little Googling at the time. And it was something that was – I mean if there was any accreditation, it was purely – like I don't think bikini teams are a thing. If they filed the paperwork to be some sort of official entity, I believe it was mostly in the service of some kind of beer commercial.

I did have a question for you that's a little bit more serious. In all seriousness – About the German bikini team? Yes. I don't want to get you in trouble.

The way that they the way that the way they did that kidnapping in Munich was not cool.

Yeah. So you mentioned that your mom and your sister have the same birthday. And my question for you is being delicate here and not trying to lead you down a road of of like kind of teasing your mom. But is that ever an issue or because I know that your mom likes to, you know, when the occasion is right, likes to have the attention on her maybe during a karaoke situation or something along those lines is the sharing of the birthday uh just a fun joyous thing or is it also somewhat weird sometimes

well it'd be you'd really more have to ask my sister hannah who shares the birthday but my mom is somebody who definitely like enjoys um you know people paying attention to her but for birthday stuff it's interesting that doesn't it's not the like she would you know I think she would really be Sad if we all didn't call her and say happy birthday and acknowledge it. But it's not like the kind of thing where if you were to show up at my parents' house on my mom's birthday, she would have gone out and, like, purchased a bunch of balloons. And, you know, there are those people that celebrate their birthday month or their half birthday. That's not really my mom's speed. And so, again, Hannah would be able to tell you more as far as, like, if it's been tough to share that day. But, I mean, truthfully, our family doesn't go that cray. at least the like the generation that I'm a part of so me and my siblings and then our parents we don't go that crazy on birthdays like we didn't grow up in a birthday culture really I mean we celebrated birthdays but you just didn't really get good presents it just wasn't like you didn't have parties with like 40 kids coming over for you know scavenger hunts it just wasn't kind of the thing and so I think in adult life it's kind of the same thing like I mean you're you were sort of an extreme example uh early in the show or early in your time on tbtl where you really didn't want me to even actually know what day your birthday was and the good news is i did know and i've since forgotten so it's back to what your original dream was but like in i'm the kind of person who really like i wake up on the day that is my birthday and i'm like probably my brain goes oh yeah this was the day that you were born 44 years ago but then after that i really don't

care that much and I think that's

a product of my upbringing where we just weren't feted that much it just wasn't that kind of family culture so my mom is not like birthday obsessed as it relates to her birthday that I can tell and so I think it's probably okay but again you know we could have Hannah on the show to give us the full download by the way the Swedish bikini team was a group of American female models who appeared in an advertising campaign for old Milwaukee beer these commercials ran for several months in 1991 in the u.s by the way 91 feels late yeah it does like yeah i would have

told you i would have said 1982 or something i would have said 84 it ran from 84 to early 86

like 91 i'm in i'm like a freshman in high school i should sort of be somewhat you know mature and aware of the world and yet i was like man i can't believe sweden keeps winning the bikini

competition. They're dominating. I feel like whenever I heard about it, it felt it's the type of thing that and again, I can't even picture one of these ad campaigns. I don't I didn't have a poster or what have you. I wasn't into it. But it seemed like the type of joke that was just always there that if I would have turned on an old episode of Saturday Night Live from the 1970s, they could have had a joke about the Swedish bikini team. It seemed like the type of thing that was just always there but instead it was 1991 that it was even invented that is

strange and surprising yeah seems late in my life for me to be as into it as I was also thinking about our listeners who are in the various cities in the Midwest and East Coast that have been getting blanketed with snow I hope everybody's doing okay out there I mean I guess if you're going to have a lot of snow that sort of paralyzes a city if the city is already shut down i guess the timing is could be worse you know you mean the fact that we're in the middle of a pandemic right because like you know i saw this weekend that the snowstorms were coming for the east and i will say that as a person who consumes a lot of liberal elite coastal media i.e npr and the new york times and the washington post what happens is when something happens to washington dc the rest of us really hear about it yeah because that's where the people who are making a lot of the news if you're talking about npr are living and same with new york and the new york times there's a there is a bit of an over-representation and i mean i was part of this when i was living in dc uh you know when when something's happening where you live it feels very uh important uh so when i saw the storms were moving and i was like oh boy this is going to be wall-to-wall coverage, and actually it's been fairly low-key other than pandas being adorable at the D.C. Zoo sliding around in their enclosure and just having a heck of a time. I guess snowstorms in D.C. are not as, even though it's cold there, I guess it's not as common. I saw that the Post called it an unusual snowstorm or an atypical snowstorm in D.C., which I was kind of surprised to see because I remember the winters being quite bitter, But maybe it just doesn't The weather patterns don't overlap With tons and tons of snow But man, those pandas were having a hell of a time In the snow? In the snow They have something that must have been Sort of a hill in their enclosure Or a gentle slope That kind of was a pathway And it's covered in snow And this one panda slides on its back All the way down this whole trail And just looks as happy as it possibly can be And I don't know this for a fact But you get the sense This might be the first time this panda's ever been in the snow.

Hmm. And it just instinctively knows exactly what to do, which is to frolic and have fun. So anyway, I hope everybody is doing well out there getting through this snow stuff. We should probably take a break. But when we come back, I want to tell you, Andrew, about a real high wire act that I was doing this weekend. I did something on Friday that has had me on absolute edge up until now. And I'm still on edge. I don't know if you can hear it in my voice. But I have been living very dangerously the last few days. So we'll talk about that in a moment after this short break on TBTL. Let's thank some donors of the day. We could not do this show. This show would not be happening right now on this day. Wherever you are in space and time, you would not be hearing me and Andrew talking into these microphones, if not for the generous support of our listeners. I mean, this show is probably more popular than your friend's podcast, but it is less popular than most of the other podcasts that are in the top hundreds of whatever the rankings are. And the way that we've been able to do it for all these years now is because we have an extremely generous, extremely loyal, extremely patient group of listeners who are also donors. And they are folks like Emily Finger of Brookline, Massachusetts. I'm thinking Brookline probably got hit by some snow, right? Yeah, I'm guessing.

I think my friend Paul used to live there. Oh, really? I think so. Is that in, is that like a Boston suburb? I think it's a Boston, yeah, kind of like, I think it's like a, I don't know if suburb is the right word. I always thought of it as like more of a neighborhood of Boston, but I'm probably wrong about that if it's got its own address. I should shut up now. I clearly don't know what the hell I'm talking about. I just know that Brookline is something I heard about a lot when I was living in New Hampshire and spending a lot of time in Boston, but that ends my expertise on the matter, yet I keep talking.

Well, I have a lot, no, I have a lot of expertise because I just Googled it. And it is it's known for being the home of the Courtyard by Marriott, Boston Brookline. I think that's how that's how the early patriots described it. They said someday when this revolution is done, there will be a Courtyard by Marriott here. It looks like it's, you know, pretty centrally located. It's not far from the Charles River. And yeah, if I live, it's part of it sort of the neighborhood borders Boston University.

Can I ask, is it anywhere near Alston? Do you see a neighborhood called Alston around there? Because I think I'm confusing it with Alston.

No, I see it's surrounded by, like, Roxbury, Jamaica Plain, Chestnut Hill. Oh, yeah, Alston. You know what? Okay. Alston is in the neighborhood. So I sort of got the region. Just right off of the 90. All right, look at me.

I can sort of nod my way through this conversation and make it seem like I have any clue.

This is exactly why Emily donates to the show. because of our deep, deep knowledge of the greater Boston area. Emily, thanks for the donation. Also, Max Walkowicz in Brooklyn, New York. Is Brooklyn, New York a suburb of Brookline, Massachusetts?

I think it's just outside of Alston. Can you look that up for me?

I can't because I'm trying to read the donors of the day. How about Rocio or Rocchio Greiner of San Diego, California? Or Rocio? How about R-O-C-I-O? Maybe Rocio Grenier? Or Rocio? Like if that could be a trust. That would obviously be two C's, right?

Yeah, I don't know.

R-Grenier. Hey, you know what? The good news is someone is just filling up their bingo board right now. Nice. Hard course. In San Diego, California, where I do not believe, and I didn't look this up, but I don't think they were hit by the snowstorm.

I don't know. I'll look that up while you read the names.

This will be the one time when they actually did get a huge dump there in San Diego. Thank you so much for the donation. Beth Wright is in Seattle, Washington. Is it raining up there? You never answered my question. My very important question is, is it as rainy in Seattle as it is here in Portland?

Yeah, I'm looking out the window now. It's kind of one of those steady drizzles. It's not like a hardcore rain, but it's a pretty steady kind of rain like you can expect from Seattle.

Yeah.

Um, it's very, very rainy here in Portland, but again, that's just, I gotta just make peace with that. Uh, Anita Darpino is in Lancaster, Pennsylvania, where I'm sure they've also.

Some cold weather, some icy conditions, some snow. Thanks for the donation, Anita. And then Lori Larson is in Carnation, Washington. Beautiful Carnation, Washington. Thank you so much to all of our donors of the day. We would not be able to do the show without you. And we really like doing this for our job. So thanks for keeping it going. 3,349 episodes later. Thank you, baby.

Thank you, baby. But everything's gonna be All right

Thank you, baby

Hello and welcome to Top Story.

Andrew, the top story from my life is that on Friday, I finally hit my limit with this deteriorating cell phone case or cover that I had been using for, I don't know, a year or something. and i took it off my iphone and this whole weekend i've been going around with a nude iphone an iphone sans case which is the most terrifying thing i mean maybe most terrifying is putting a little strongly but it's a very scary thing to do in modern life because and i don't know if this is the same with your android but like if you're carrying an iphone around and it has like a rubber thing on it that's a protecting it and be giving it a little bit more grip grippiness a little more stickiness a little more heft when you take that off you are just basically holding a wet booger that you can text people with and i've dropped this thing about a hundred times this weekend and i kind of knew it was going to happen going in but i could no longer it was no longer tenable what was going on with the case

hmm you know i never had any kind of case or covering for my androids for years and years There's a point of, I don't know, pride is too strong of a word, but I really liked the form factor of the phones. Yes. A lot of F sounds, dude. I like the form factor of the phones, and I was proud of the fact that I had never had a need for a case because even upon dropping it from time to time, I'm not saying I'm the most graceful guy in the world. In fact, right now I have three different wounds, tiny little wounds on my hand of varying levels of healing. I realized that probably since pandemic began, there has not been a moment where either one of my hands has not have a small knife cut in it or oven burn in it or whatever. I'm a quite clumsy person. But these phones just seemed pretty strong and could withstand a licking until I believe I made a big deal of it on the show about five years ago when I did drop my phone at the time and the entire screen cracked. and it was way more expensive to replace a screen on an android than an iphone and i went this whole journey and ever since then and then i it happened again in short order so i've now been protecting my phone with like the thinnest kind of little plastic case i can possibly find um and there's a moment i don't know every couple of months where i have to take that case off for some reason maybe to to clean the phone i don't know how often people do that but it gets gunky under there or what have you and feeling the phone without the case even though i have this very very thin plastic case it does feel like i'm holding like the hope diamond or something that i guess i don't know if that's very i don't know is a diamond really fragile it just feels like you're holding this fragile little baby that i'm still tempted to because it's so nice i like it without the case but you know again it does feel like you're playing with fire yeah it feels like the iphone i have i

guess is i'm looking it up right now because i need to buy a new case it's called the iphone x s so i guess it'd be the 10s so it's not there are much newer versions of this phone this one is totally fine for me i like it and i feel like the design it's it's a beautifully designed object say what you want about apple uh and i'll fight you because i love them no say what you want about apple but i will give them points on the design and this is just a beautifully designed object that's so thin and like you just can slide it into any pocket it's like it's so great but for me to i mean the the fact that i haven't dented the corners of this thing yet andrew or somehow you know cracked one of the like the corners of the glass after now three days of this not being in a case is a miracle and probably by the time the show posts so in the next two hours i will probably end up somehow breaking it because like i want to you i want to just have it like this because this is the this is the how they intended it this is this is the design is is is all aimed at this experience that i'm having holding this very like you said little preemie a little little little chick that just hatched and i just want to keep it safe i don't want to put some and i hope they don't ever advertise on the show but i don't want to put some otter box on it which is like i i'm not my personal aesthetic is not the like an amount of like protection on the phone where i could drop it out of the window of this apartment and it would just like hit the ground and be fine right because what i like about these phones is that they are smaller it's also why i would never go for they have ones that are now like a tablet you know that like folds up in your pocket or whatever i don't need more phone i need less phone size wise and so i'm i'm always trying to figure out what the like what the thinnest thing is i can put on there uh that gives it at least some protection the problem with the other case i had was it was like kind of had a rubber it was like a plastic thing that clicked on but then that was coated in some kind of rubber which is great gave you some grip provided some amount of protection But that rubber has been coming off and just like sloughing off now. So every time I pick it up, it's like my hand is full of this like little like rubber shedding and also the corners because of the design of this iPhone and the fact that basically you have to leave the lower part of the phone, like the bottom. Basically, we consider to be the bottom of the cell phone. If you stood the cell phone up and the camera was on top or whatever, you know what I mean? like and then the bottom where like the speaker is and things like that that has to be open because that's where you plug in the charger and all that stuff anyway so did the basically they did everything they could design this thing perfectly there's still some challenges and what happens is the case starts to come apart where there's a little like divot in it anyway i've been really anxious about it i'm really happy that it's still in one piece i'm tempted to just like put it in a bag of rice preemptively and just leave it there until i get the delivery of my um you know of the case because i'm i'm i've been through a lot with his phone in the last week i

lost it in a lift i had to go on twitter and politely ask lift if they could please put me in touch with the driver who brought it back it's been through it's been through a lot it's doing

okay but i don't think that's going to continue are you familiar with the term backhanded compliment because you're about to get one my friend i'm about to get one because i mean yeah we could just celebrate this moment i'm assuming the potentially the first time in luke burbank phone history where your phone has outlasted the case that that is not like that that phone is not in some scary house in East Vegas or at the bottom of the ocean or at the bottom of maybe Lake Washington after a boating accident or or what have you like I feel like a you know we we spent a lot of narrative time on the show in the early days talking about you losing phones or trying to get phones back and now you and you're like me where especially with electronics i think you like having the newest latest version of things but here you have a phone that you said there's many generations newer than it but you're just happy with it and you know you've had this thing for for a while now it's outlived it's uh it's cover and that's something to celebrate

oddly enough the cell phone arena is the one place where i don't feel the need to constantly upgrade i mean and having an iphone 10 is you know is still it's not like i'm i'm not uh dealing with like i don't have like one of those nokias or something it's like it's still a pretty modern phone and all that but it's like i don't for whatever reason if i have it if it's working and this thing seems to generally work i'm sort of good with it until it gets like until they do that thing which they keep getting in trouble for where they actively try to slow it down so i have

to buy a new one yeah or all the you love a company to do or or the apps too i mean in this I mean, I think, yeah, that planned obsolescence stuff is really upsetting. But also, the apps just keep on updating for the latest technology as well. So even if they weren't purposefully slowing it down, it's like, yeah, but my Maps app and all of my apps are just getting bigger and bigger because they're being made for more modern phones. Yours, I'm looking at the iPhone X, came out in the fall, near the end of 2017. So you're just over three years old on that thing, right?

Yeah. Yeah. So anyway, everyone, please just keep me in your thoughts and prayers as me and this phone try to get through the next. Let's see if I order one of these and have it delivered online, it'll be here tomorrow. So the the the premise of this comedy film starring me is can Luke Burbank. So the voiceover goes like Luke Burbank thought he had it all. And it's me in here podcasting and doing my various things. And then until he saw until something happened, he could have never expected. And then it's like record scratch iPhone, you know, without case on it. He has to get through the next 24 hours without dinging the corner of his phone. So I guess we'll see if I can do that because I'm going to order this and cross my fingers. I didn't know you thought you had it all.

I mean, I'd watch that movie. Just Luke Burbank thinks he has it all. Like walk me through your day. What happened to the insecurities?

Where are they it's kind of like a Parker Lewis can't lose type situation was that that show was it the park did everything go right for Parker Lewis or was that just a clever name so that the show would stand out in people's minds was the premise of Parker Lewis can't lose that he just always won he was always successful.

I feel like – I mean, again, I remember really liking that show. I remember – this is no joke. I wore the top button of my button-down shirts, buttoned, for years and years because I saw that show as a kid. Now, keep in mind, I went to school. One of my schools required ties to be worn, so of course you wear your top button button. But when I went to other schools, other Catholic schools where you didn't need a tie but you had to wear a button-up shirt, always. My shirt was always buttoned to the top after high school, in college, buttoned all the way to the top. That was my look, and I give credit or blame to that show. Having said that, I don't remember much about it. I do feel, though, that he, like while the world, while the high school world was in chaos around him, I feel like he was able to float above it all and kind of be somewhat smirky.

Parker Lewis is a teenager who apparently can't lose. He's cool, cute, popular, hip, and seems to get away with anything. That's not to say he's got no problems. I don't think that's grammatically correct, IMDb. His nemesis is his high school principal, Grace Musso, whose sole purpose in life seems to be getting Parker expelled. Then there's Parker's little sister, Shelly, whose sole purpose in life seems to be tattling on Parker. However, with best friends Mikey and Jerry, Parker takes on the world and makes the best of high school.

Is Jerry the big guy? Didn't he have a big galoot of a friend? I like that guy.

Abraham Ben-Ruby is the name of that actor, which I only know that because I'm looking at his name. I would not have been able to tell you that. The interesting, so it went from September of 1990 till June of 1993, and in October of 91, Parker Lewis joins the Swedish bikini team.

I was going to say that does overlap, doesn't it? Yeah. Now, I think of Parker Lewis as a 90s. I mean, that feels right to me, early 90s. I could if you had told me 89, I would have believed it. But certainly like that early 90s, that that feels like it because you do. I mean, just like we talked about with the bikini team. I got to stop. I mean, it's just like it's not a bikini team. I don't even like saying it. But some things around the edges of the of the decades feel like the previous decade, you know. But Parker Lewis, I feel like it's set the table for the 90s in some ways.

Well, the other big thing in that show that I remember, because I was actually not very into it, but they used sound effects.

Oh, right.

Like it was a sitcom, or I don't know if sitcom is probably not the right word, because it was like a single camera, I guess, which means – wait. Yeah, single camera usually means the camera is following the people around. That has a certain look to it. Is it multi-camera? Is that the one that's the standard, like married with children, Al Bundy comes down the stairs? I think that's called like a multi-camera sitcom. Um, this was not like that. I mean, this was, I believe the cameras following people around there at school, all that kind of stuff. But when somebody would do something, there would be like a, like sound effect and stuff, which was kind of weird to me because that wasn't usually happening in those kinds of shows. I had completely forgotten about that.

Almost like Batman sound effects. Like, right. Like, yeah. And you know what? I don't think I should ever go back and try to watch that because I have such a fond memory of that show, but I don't think that it'll stand up. If I found a clip right now, I would probably just maybe be embarrassed by it, and maybe I should just leave it, you know, as it is in my memory, which is perfect in every way, especially fashion.

Yeah, just let it be a beautiful, funny thing that I was going to almost make a – not even a joke there, but a reference, but I feel like it's so dark, and it's – I mean, did you feel like you were watching Parker Lewis Can't Lose, and did you feel like Andrew Walsh couldn't win?

No, I don't know.

It just seems like this was a different experience being portrayed in high school than the one that you've described at times for yourself.

I mean all – no, I don't remember being – I don't remember giving me any kind of bad feelings. I remember like any kind of teen movie or romantic like kind of a rom-com, especially for teens. Those would really depress me because at the end everybody sort of seemed happy. Even the nerds found their nerd level and their other nerd friends. And I remember that stuff always giving me a very wistful feeling. Parker Lewis, I just remember thinking, oh, this is cool. I get to watch Ferris Bueller every week now. You know what I mean? It was pretty – although you described those sound effects, I don't think that's very Ferris Bueller-y, but I just remember the vibe of being very Ferris Bueller.

Are you worried about the grape nut shortage? Is that – have you really nervous? Are you a big grape nuts consumer?

I didn't know about this until you sent the link last week, and I will say this. No, I'm relieved to know.

know that there is a ongoing hunger in the in the culture for grape nuts because yeah i don't eat very many grape nuts but when i do i like it like about once every five to ten years i get i get a wild hair and i want some grape nuts so i buy a box and i enjoy the first bowl and then the rest probably goes bad um but it doesn't go bad my friend you know that's true that thing up you

can probably i mean what is it gonna get harder drier i mean great shotgun shells Yeah, exactly. Buckshot. Grape nuts feel like they've already been like in an old, you found them in an old mining camp where somebody left out fresh cereal 100 years ago. And you take one of these things that's been dried and desiccated to the point of just complete and total crunchiness. And then you put it in your mouth and you're like, I guess if you soak this in water for two days, it would still be edible. That's where they start. It makes me feel like they've got a decent shelf life.

Yeah, you could say, I don't know. The rabbit that left these behind clearly had a diet of dried leaves or their grape nuts. I'm not sure. But I do. I mean, I'm making fun of them a lot here, but I really do enjoy the occasional bowl of grape nuts. I don't I'm not somebody who eats enough of them to keep them in business myself. So in seeing the story, which I'll let you set up here, it's not it does not seem to be a case of like kind of controlled scarcity or them winding down operations. It sounds like it's just kind of a natural moment in the supply chain.

Right. Yeah. In fact, the first articles that I saw about it didn't have a lot of details as far as like a specific ingredient that's like in short supply. It just seems like there's just kind of a general supply chain problem. It's probably pandemic related and it's hitting a lot of different industries and sectors. And for whatever weird like it wasn't like there was like a some kind of blight on whatever crop they use to make grape nuts, which I assume is probably wheat at its most basic component. It's not like there was some kind of like wheat famine and now they don't have great. But it's just like everything's kind of crazy right now. I am happy to realize though When I saw this article that I'm not losing My damn mind because when I moved to Portland I was kind of you know getting my like Cupboard set up I was like I should just buy Some like some staples To have around the house Just I mean in the kitchen stuff you need And I thought oh you know what I like grape nuts I like a bowl Of grape nuts now and then I'll go Get those and I went to about five different stores And couldn't find grape nuts And I was like is this a Portland thing And then I was mad at myself because I was like am I really going to another store to try to find i took a picture of it by the way and i can probably find all they had were this other like grape nuts flakes oh yeah come on if grape nuts heads no grape nuts flakes are not grape nuts and that's why when there's a shortage of grape nuts you can still find grape nuts flakes but you can't find the real thing because nobody wants grape nuts

flakes it's i've never had grape nuts flakes like i like flaky cereal i'm not gonna get on this I like flaky co-workers. That's how this works out. But, you know, like I like – I'll go in for some corn flakes or what have you. But I just feel like if I'm going for a flake or even Raisin Bran or what have you, I feel like if I'm going for a flake, I don't need grape nuts flavor. Grape nuts is about the texture and consistency.

And there's a real just – you know, the magic hour goes to the tragic hour with grape nuts. It's like there is just the point where they're just – they've been soaking in the milk just long enough that you can start eating them. But not so long that they've turned into some sort of, like, porridge. That's when you've got to really, like – I mean, gravenuts seems like the kind of thing that came over from England. I'm sure it didn't. But doesn't it feel – it has a real kind of, like, I don't know, like, 1800s English-British vibe to me. Like, they were eating this somewhere in the Midlands because they had, like – I don't know, because it had a long shelf life or something. I'm trying to think this article said it was it. They do go back to the 1800s, but I thought it was very American. Let's see. First introduced in 1897, Grape Nuts. Well, that's all it says on that sudden lack of availability brought out a round of hand ring among fans on social media. And then they do this thing. God bless CBS News, where some of my finest TV stories air. But when someone, you know, I understand. I think I still remember what it's like to be a journalist. And I understand that, like, if you're trying to make the case that people are kind of freaking out about Grape Nuts, a place to turn would be social media. But this setup is Grape Nuts' sudden lack of availability brought out a round of hand-wringing moments among its fans on social media. And then it's a guy who goes by gay mafia boss RP says, I'm very concerned about the Grape Nuts shortage. What is going on over there at Post Cereals? Four hearts or sorry. Yeah, four likes and two comments. And then somebody else.

Put question colon somebody named Mies Cox question what on earth Are grape nuts question mark hashtag Grape nuts one heart Like I wouldn't say This wasn't exactly the conversation around GameStop yeah yeah Two people use the hashtag Grape nuts with very limited engagement I Don't know if we can quite say the internet was freaking out

Yeah I agree with that and I did there I was thinking that as I was reading this article too Although I didn't get that awesome handle of The person who was tweeting that Yeah I'm with you on that That seems a little bit like a I don't know not a red herring But like you can anything Anything that you want to write about You can say well people online are talking about it And then you just search for that word And you throw it up there

I was along with being worried about my iPhone And lamenting the fact that Oh I did for the record I did get a box of grape nuts eventually At like the fifth store And I still have it And now I'm going to have to just kind of You know ration it Have you eaten any? I did. I had a bowl a week ago, and it was delicious. Put some honey on there. Used some – I think it was almond milk.

Oh, that's good. Yeah, because you kind of have a nutty flavor. Anyway, I love almond milk on cereal.

It's so – it's weird because I'm very – for me anyway, I'm very sort of anti-drinking milk. Like not anti. I just really – it just doesn't seem appealing to me. I want the experience of having it, but I don't want to pour a giant tall glass of cow's milk and drink it. But I will absolutely pour a tall, giant block of cheese and eat it. So it's like so inconsistent. But for whatever reason, I've been trying to find other things that are like milk. And, yeah, with cereal, like all that almond milk, oat milk, they have really good stuff that you just wouldn't know the difference, at least for me.

I'm glad you've come around because I remember I was experimenting with almond milk. And I think this is when you were putting maybe more cream in your coffee. And you had said you tried it several times and you could not get over. Or you thought it just tasted, I believe at the time, too sweet or too different?

Yes. In coffee, it's still not for me. But fortunately, I've moved off of putting any kind of creamer in my coffee. So now I'm just down to my motivational Splenda and my coffee. And then eventually what I should really start doing is go from a full packet of Splenda to half a packet of Splenda and then like a quarter packet and then eventually no Splenda. And then I'll be in Andrew Walsh territory with that.

You are. I thought you are a half a Splenda per cup guy. No, I'm a full. Oh, interesting.

I snort half of the packet and then I put the other half into the coffee, but I'm still consuming the whole packet.

I have a couple of grape nuts related questions for you. Again, I haven't had grape nuts probably in going on 10 years. I always measure everything based on like what apartment I was in or what city I was living in. And I certainly haven't had any in this apartment or the previous apartment. And I didn't have any in L.A. So we're going we're going back a ways now. But my question for you is you mentioned that state of grape nuts when the milk is no longer as cold as it should be and everything is starting to feel a little cementy in there. It reminded me, because for me, the temperature is a big part of that. Some people eat their grape nuts warm. I'll bet you there are some people listening who've never had a cold bowl of grape nuts. Have you ever done the thing where you put warm milk in there?

No, because I'm not. And people probably microwave it, too, right, to try to soften it up. I'm not into hot cereal. Although when I was a kid, we would have malto meal and we would put a bunch of peanut butter in it. And I think I liked that because it just tasted – and then honey. Oh, and milk too. So I was just like kind of eating a big sweet bowl of something. I think I kind of liked that when I was a kid. But generally speaking, like I don't – I can't remember the last time I ate hot cereal. So I'm not into that. That's not really my scene. But I'm sure there are a million ways to make grape that's into a version of hot cereal.

Yeah, I've never I've never had warm grape nuts either or like purposefully warm grape nuts. But I did as a kid, we had packets of oatmeal that we would eat. I wasn't a huge fan, but we would just eat it, put some raisins in there. But I did like cream of wheat a great deal. Did you have any cream of wheat growing up? And do you know my poem about it?

No, but I'd like to hear it right now.

When I would get my hair cut in Valley City, Ohio, at a small little, like, country barber shop that was also the home of the people who cut my hair there, Terry and Eileen were their names. They were a hair-cutting couple. I would sit in their country kitsch back room while they cut my hair, and there was one of those old advertisements hanging on the wall, and it was a Jack Spratt parody poem that went, Jack Spratt could eat no fat his wife could eat no lean but cream of wheat was such a treat they licked the platter clean and I didn't even know that that was based on a different poem I just thought that that was literature

that's such a like that's And it was an ad for Cream of Wheat. Yeah, you can kind of picture that country kitsch sort of aesthetic where you have, like, old-timey ads hanging on the wall. Yes, yes. And probably something, maybe a little plaque that says, like, I love you a bushel and a peck. But, yeah, I know what you mean. The old, like, tin, they're often made out of some kind of metal, and they look like they were from, you know, an old country kitchen. Or also there's, like, a version of that that's, like, Petroliana, which is, like, when people are really into stuff related to old gas stations. Yes, exactly. I, last night, you know, was able to just take a break from my fretting about the various problems in the world long enough to watch some really quality television. One of the shows has already been mentioned here on TBTL, but I've finally really gotten into it, and that is The Flight Attendant, which you said Genevieve has been watching as well. This is like, this is executive produced by Kaylee Cuoco, and she's also one of the stars of it and is really good in it. Man, the show is amazing. It's based on a book And as I First of all half listeners probably know already The plot but in case you don't or you didn't hear The other day when I mentioned it she's a flight Attendant she's got a pretty serious drinking problem And she Finds herself in a hotel room with a dead guy In Bangkok Thailand And has to figure and it looks Very much like she did it to the outside World and she's got to basically try to solve The crime so that they don't you know Put her in jail for it and it's Just really there's a thing that they do Have you started watching this at all?

No, no. I was in the room when it was on the other day. I saw some funeral scene. That's all I know.

Yeah, it's really well done. They use this sort of conceit that at first I wasn't sure about. And by the way, I'm not spoiling anything by telling you that it's like 12 minutes into the first episode. The guy turns up dead. I mean that's really – I think it's pretty well known that that's the plot. But what they do is they make the guy who has turned up dead, who was a passenger on her flight, they make him into a character almost like in Six Feet Under. You know how the dad's always still around? It's kind of like that. Basically, he she and him are trying to solve the crime because he exists in this kind of liminal state with her where she'll kind of go into these hallucinations or she'll have these like sort of panic attacks where she'll go into her own mind and he's there hanging out with her. but he also doesn't really know the full crime like he doesn't he he's existing in this state where he doesn't have all of the details of his life either so they're kind of going back and forth trying to solve the crime inside her own mind and she's also developing a relationship with the idea of this guy who she ended up only knowing for 10 hours and it ends up being a very clever device like their relationship that exists in her mind is becomes very interesting and kind of winning which again the first time they did it i was like okay let's this this is please let's get through this and get on to this the crime solving but it's ended up having this interesting kind of almost like moonlighting quality but it's not will they or won't they because they already did and he's already dead but just the dynamic between those two characters ends up being really good and then there's just the kind of whodunit factor and again kaylee cuoco is just totally winning in this show like i mean has a very winning kind of personality i mean she's got a lot of problems Oh, you know who else is great in it is Social Mamet from Girls. She plays Kelly Cuoco's character's best friend who's also an attorney and is trying to kind of help extricate her from this. And she's just like just nails. Like, I really want you to try to watch this show, Andrew, just for just for the Social Mamet acting performance. It's just totally it's amazing.

Yeah, it's cool. And yeah, Genevieve, like I said, has loved it so much that she's rationing it out. I think she might have finished it this weekend, though.

will she rewatch it with you or will you have to watch it or are you never going to watch it if

we're being honest um if i made a point of watching it then uh yes you would be excited to watch it with me i've this is not probably good this doesn't speak well of probably my style of relationship maintenance but um it's got to the point where like when i watch something like i watched a couple of things this weekend like like right now i'm just like watching a bunch of old seinfeld's in order that's stupid i don't even know why i'm doing it but it's like you know zero commitment I can stop it and start it when I want I've seen most of them before it's just something so I don't have to you know listen to the sound of my own thoughts there have been a couple of times where I sit down to watch something like I re-watched Get Out recently the movie which is very unlike me just to sit at home actually I watched it I think I watched the whole thing on my computer it was a couple of Fridays ago I finished my work it was like four o'clock and I was like you know I've been thinking about Get Out I feel like when I saw it the first time in the theater I didn't quite get it so I just like re-watched it it was like a spur of the moment thing i sat in my office and watched it um if genevieve had said hey andrew i want to watch get out you want to come in the living room and sit down and watch get out with me i'd be like no that's too much of a commitment or especially if it's something like hey i

I've already watched this thing. Do you want to rewatch it with me? Well, then I'm the only, then I'm the number one audience member. I have to pay attention to it because Genevieve's already seen it. That's way too much commitment for me. So I found myself on the occasion that I'm watching something other than just like a bunch of bullshit reruns of Seinfeld. I almost watch it by myself because if I want to get up and pace around the room for a second, if I want to go get a beer or a coffee or whatever it is, Like, I'm not ruining anybody else's experience. Like, I only have been watching stuff by myself, weirdly.

Well, that's the nice thing about living by myself is I only ruin my own experience. Yeah, that's true. By looking at TikTok while I'm watching The Lady and the Dale on HBO, which is the other thing I watched, which is very, very, very well done, I think.

We can hear about that. I did want to say one quick thing about Get Out, which, of course, was a cultural phenomenon when it came out. And I remember seeing it in the theater and liking it. But I remember thinking that it had a lot of like – I don't know. It seemed like it kind of dragged at times and that things were kind of weird and unanswered. Re-watching Get Out a second time – and I'm not a scary movie guy, by the way. It's just for some reason I wanted to re-watch it. For me – and I think this is maybe because I'm not the smartest – because I'm not the smartest pancake in the train. I enjoyed it so much more the second time because I saw how everything connected. I don't know how many times you've seen that movie. Look, you've seen it at least once, right? Yeah. Yeah, and you probably were able to see those connections as the movie went on, and I think that maybe just watching it a second time and understanding where everything was going made me really appreciate the small moments leading up to it. Now I actually think that movie is flawless, and I understand why. I guess I always understood why it was celebrated because there was nothing else like it, but I appreciate it even more now. So there's my review of Get Out in 2021. Sorry, go ahead.

I would recommend that folks check out this new – it's Mark and Jay Duplass are the executive producers of it. It's called The Lady and the Dale, and it's this – I read a review of it in the New York Times on Sunday, and it got me real excited. Ironically, I feel like this show – the first episode was at a minimum an hour, which is almost the length of a movie now, but I had no compunction about throwing it on. But like you were saying, it's so weirdly relative. Like if somebody would have said, hey, do you want to watch this movie, a movie called whatever, I'd be like, I don't have the attention span for that. Oh, but I'll watch four episodes of The Flight Attendant and then one episode of The Lady and the Devil. I'll watch five hours of television on a Sunday night just as long as no one's telling me that I have to sit there for one hour and 20 minutes. But this is a four part docuseries and it's the story of a woman named Liz Carmichael who kind of became this is like a thing that I had literally never even heard of. She became kind of sort of semi-famous for a minute as the entrepreneur behind this three-wheeled car called the Dale, which was supposed to get 70 miles to the gallon. And this was during the oil crisis where there was all the people in line for gas and stuff. So the whole name of the game was making a car that got more mileage. and she had worked at a like a company that inventors would come and pitch their inventions to and this guy who had re-rigged his motorcycle to basically like be a more stable vehicle that had a cover on it so he wouldn't get rained on when he was driving in the wintertime he brought this device in and she sort of like acquired I don't know the patent or whatever and then went around pitching it now it turns out though that she had had an interesting history because she was on the run from like multiple law enforcement agencies she was also trans and was living a very public life as a trans woman at a time when nobody not nobody but i mean that was really quite something i'm not speculating on how easy or hard it is in 2021 but in like whatever 1970 70 something uh it was even more unusual and like the the the show opens with they somehow got one of these dales on the price is right it's like the prize on the price is right back in like again the late 70s yeah back in like yeah like the mid 70s also i think at that time the price is right must have been i don't know if it was a nighttime show but i remember i'm going to assume it's rod roddy whoever the announcer is saying uh you know who will win such and such tonight like they literally use the word tonight which my ears were like wait a minute price is right that's a show that happens at 10 in the morning yeah on a wednesday in the summer but anyway it starts off

with so this thing the dale was manufactured you know sort of widely enough there were enough of them that they had one to give to the price is right to give away as a prize Mm-hmm. Um, but, um, anyway, just the whole, I mean, they start by kind of laying the groundwork of Liz Carmichael's life, um, early life when she was, you know, identified as male and was like just the biggest scam artist of all time. But then what's what's really interesting, too, is the sort of trans piece of it, because she had like a lot of kids, I think by my count, I don't know, was like seven kids or something. And a lot of them she kind of had nothing to do with after after, you know, fathering them back in the day. But then she ended up with kind of a family unit with her wife and they had like, I don't know, four kids together. And then she she came out to them and she transitioned within this family. And even though they were on the run from the law, they had well, she had faked her own death in the earlier part of her life when she was going by Jerry. and so like that's all the backstory and yet you have this family that's like on the run from the law and they one of their moms is trans and it's kind of seemed like an oddly functional family unit considering all of the legal implications and then she goes on to like be the public face of this very ambitious car endeavor which itself was probably total bullshit but was but people were going along with it anyway so i'm only one episode in but it's really fascinating one out of four uh yes i thought you were saying one out of four stars and i was gonna go higher than that

for me but yeah there's like four of them um i could see myself getting into that yeah i could see that seems like good laundry folding material for me right there i could see myself getting into that my laundry my current laundry folding documentary is um the tiger woods documentary but i'm only halfway through it and for some reason it isn't like really it's fine it's absolutely fine but it's not like really grabbing me uh maybe because i i just i don't know i not a huge i was never really highly invested in that world have you checked this out at all or read much

about at the hbo documentary about tiger i heard a little bit about it i will say this when tiger woods won the masters was like two years ago i legitimately cried and i don't know why because I don't even watch golf I'm not a Tiger Woods head per se I don't have I didn't think I had strong feelings on the matter there was something about the full circle first of all how unlikely it was that he was going to actually ever be like a competitive golfer at that level again there was something about him hugging his son there was you know there was something about it that really it's probably because I am 44 and know that my best days are way behind me So seeing a guy my age who is actually still sort of relevant and having success, that probably just spoke to my personal feelings of wherever I'm at on this golf course of life. But that being said, yeah, the documentary doesn't seem that compelling to me. I mean, probably the most interesting part of it is really the pressure from his dad. Right. Earl Woods. I mean, that dynamic of his dad being a veteran and somebody who had obviously as a black man experienced, I'm sure, all kinds of terrible racism. And then all of the expectation and hope he poured into his son and even some elements of it, him seeing his son as a racial unifier by his success on the golf course. And the fact that Tiger Woods was on, like, the Carson show when he was, like, three hitting golf balls, that part of him trying to grapple with his relationship with his father was kind of interesting to me. But, yeah, I don't know. It just isn't one that I have made a point to watch. Like, you know, so, yeah, I guess I can't speak to it, but it isn't something that I've been super interested in. Are the Windsors done? Are you just out of Windsors now?

It's so funny you should say that. I check every now and then because I'm like, is this something that just existed in my imagination? Yeah. And I kind of I do that thing like you go online and you do the hashtag grape nuts and the Internet is freaking out because one guy. What was that guy's name? Billy Gay King or what?

Gay Mafia. Gay Mafia RP.

Yeah. Like one. I will find one or two people saying, hey, whatever happened to the Windsor's? But like, I mean, it's nothing. It's just like nothing. Nobody cares that basically this this little docuseries was being rolled out on CNN and the pandemic just ended it like that. You can find that you have to go digging, but you can find episode four in some places because I think it sneaked out on a platform or something. But then five and six just don't exist. I'll never know what happened to the royal family. And it's a real it's a real stinker. But it's a weird thing.

It's a melon scratchers go. That's a real honey doodle.

And it is weird that it's like this is a story. This is a pandemic story that I find sort of interesting, but nobody cares about. Right. Like that, you know, there's probably a million just dumb, you know, it was not a, by the way, this wasn't like a total shit documentary. It just wasn't something that was going to capture like.

the attention of the world like Tiger King right it was just a very fine documentary with some like snooty British historians doing that thing where they really put on their snooty British historian voices well because they know the cameras are rolling kind of thing but there was some compelling stuff too and just knowing that like on people's DVRs whoever else was DVRing this episode four came out but instead of episode four it was Anderson Cooper and somebody else doing a town hall style uh cable show about the beginning of the pandemic and then that's it that's the last we heard of the windsors or at least the that particular windsor show i now am really into

this new character that you've sort of described which is the british the snooty british historian who's putting it on for the camera like before they start rolling he's like that's a tuna bro That's exactly what it sounds like, yeah. And then he just, like, he, like, adjusts his cravat and his, like, pushes his glasses up his nose. And it becomes very British and talking about, you know. But, like, right before that, he's, like, talking about we're seeing something we ain't never seen before. Or he's recently found a Boston Red Sox banner in the road. But then has to snap into his super British sort of vibe.

I know what that is. That belongs to the Sox. Okay, the woman I'm thinking of, or the person I'm thinking of specifically was a woman talking head in this, and I have, because somebody sent me a BitTorrent link, I have episode four on my computer right now. Now, I don't know if this, I mean, it's been a long time. It's been March since I've tried to watch these things, so I don't know if, I have it queued up to this historian, or I think she's about to start talking. Let's hear if I've nailed it. I might not have, though.

One person in his life who gives him a lot of time is his great uncle.

So classic British accent there. So I've really nailed that. I don't think that's the woman I was looking for. He needs a shoulder to cry.

He seems to be really very much left on his own without much guidance. He sees very little of his parents.

He has to sort of make a formal appointment to see them. One person in his life who gives him a lot of time is his great uncle, Lord Louis Mountbatten.

And we'll just leave it right there. But that's the tone of it.

Speaking of experts who I thought really illuminated things in a way that was accessible, this, the Lady in the Dale, they, there's a woman who's prominently featured named Susan Stryker, who is i'm just looking up uh her on wikipedia is an american professor author filmmaker and theorist whose work focuses on gender and human sexuality she is trans and she is talking about describing um the experience of being trans and also kind of illuminating parts of liz carmichael's story in a way you know that i it just was extremely it was sort of like trans 101 uh and very very a good kind of baseline for for for those of us who are cis just maybe having a little bit better understanding of what that experience is like and like every time susan striker was talking i was like she should just have her own show like this is really good this is like very well put it's very informative it's very accessible uh and so i don't know you know let's all look for susan striker's spin-off show where she just like educates the rest of us on

the trans experience at least her part of it here i go once again with the email every week i hope that it's from a female no man it's not from a female all rightily i wonder when i'll officially

just be talking like ned flanders the entire show i've already said as far as melon scratchers go that's a honey doodle i just said all rightily um you know at some point it's just i'm just gonna I wonder if I could do a whole show as Flanders. But the problem is I can't do an impression of him, so it would just be saying, you know, hidey-ho-neighbor. It would be like me saying Ned Flanders' lines, but just in my normal voice, which would be probably not that entertaining.

If you ever do that show, let me know, and then I will do a British historian accent. Okay. Okay. Well, Josh knew when he sent in this email that he was going up against something. Okay, let's stop that. This is an email from Josh. We were talking about the various taco times that are around the fast food chain. There's the original fast food chain, but then there's another one that's called taco time, but it does not have the hallmarks, the fresh ingredients and the other things that one is looking for in a taco time. All of this talk got the attention of Josh from Dayton, Ohio, who says, I want to tell you about what.

all of the shame eating has inspired me to do. I was listening to Monday's show where you were talking about Taco Time. I'm planning a business trip from here in Dayton to St. Paul. On a whim, I checked Taco Time's website to see where the nearest one is. And to my absolute surprise, the only Taco Time this side of the Rocky Mountains is directly on my route. So if you had to drive 250 miles to get Taco Time, what would you order? That's what Josh wants to know. But I got to point out to Josh. Josh, have you done your research to make sure this is the right taco time? Because you don't want to drive 250 miles out of your way if it's the off-brand taco time.

I have a lot to say about this. And also, Andrew, I need to admit something to you. I mildly – I don't think shit-talked is the right word. But I sort of like, let's say lovingly, talked about you behind your back to our colleague and friend Phyllis Fletcher about this whole topic.

Oh, yeah. I know that she's got some Taco Time, you know, connections.

Oh, yeah. She's married into the Taco Time empire.

Yeah, exactly. So I knew that when we were talking about it. I know that people love it, and I call them tater tots because they're tater tots, and I refuse to buy into the Mexi-fry thing. So I figured I might be ruffling some Phyllis feathers.

No, no. She just said—and I hope that Phyllis is okay with me sharing the conversation she and I had through a back channel called Text. She said, I think you're right about the Kelso thing because she went to the Taco Time NW. By the way, when are we getting sponsored by those people? I mean, how much free advertising over the course of 12 years can you give a company? But anyway, if you go to the Taco Time Northwest, which is the that's the one that's in Washington State and has most of the Taco Time restaurants that I've eaten at have fallen under that umbrella. The closest one they have to Portland is in Kelso. So like the And what I said to She said I think you're right about the Kelso thing And I said to her I figured but I didn't want to feel I didn't want to further debate it with a Taco Time noob Winky face I was calling you a Taco Time noob

But I wasn't saying that I was just reading emails I have no opinion or knowledge on this matter at all What do you mean?

I was under the impression that you Because you were reading them on the fly That you were thinking there may be some merit To what the listeners were suggesting that uh there are taco times in portland that are part of the the version of it that i like and i think the truth of the matter is there aren't any like in the state of oregon now there are places that are called taco time they have some some things that have similar names and i think the listener as you said josh who's driving to minnesota uh josh will probably encounter something that's called taco time and they will probably have a couple of things that have the same name but i am almost certain it won't be the thing that you would get if you went to one of those places in seattle and i know this from personal experience because i once when i lived in la because how can you even get mexican food in los angeles it's a known mexican food desert and so i then uh wanted to find the closest taco time and there was one in i want to say barstow california and on a trip to vegas i made a point to go there and it was at a gas station and it had had the logo that was reminiscent of taco time but it was a wildly different experience and i was

very bummed out hmm well i mean yeah no i don't i don't have a dog in this fight at all i don't know if we're allowed to say that anymore it's about dog fighting but um no that's weird that you think that i would debate that i i don't even know i don't think you were debating it there i

didn't think you were debating it are you are you are you genuinely offended that i that i thought you were a taco time noob or that i thought you were arguing that point i think i just thought that it was my my hunch really what it was is my hunch was that the this thing that was being presented as the possibility that there were closer taco times to me that would have the kind of stuff I like my guess was that that was probably not the case but that's only because I'm like obsessive about which one I'm eating at and at some point I thought I may have bored the listeners even past their standards with this show and so that's why I wanted to move on on that particular day with that topic but I would say to listener josh uh if they have a crisp bean burrito uh check well here's what you should really do josh go to the website that i receive zero free food or money from tacotimenw.com look up their menu maybe even print it out maybe laminated and then when you're driving to minnesota and you pull into that taco time try to get the things that look the most on that menu like the thing on the menu that you printed out and laminated um but i would say if you're a meat eater can't go wrong with the ground beef soft taco it's very delicious uh the uh chicken crisp burrito kamaro kev swears by it i will go with the bean crisp uh burrito is always a yummy again anything that's anything that's on that laminated sheet that you've done john If you see it on there, try it, and then let us know how it goes. And maybe if you get in that drive-thru line, somebody will pay it forward for you. That was a big story that we were talking about, what, like three, four weeks ago? There was like 900 cars had paid it forward or paid it backwards or whatever somewhere in Minnesota. That was a Starbucks story, right? So people in the cars. No, it was Dairy Queen. Oh, it was Dairy Queen. Right, right. um dave from woodlawn i'm sorry from woodland i assume that's woodland washington where's wood

yeah it's woodland washington where like you're now you're at that point you're just you could almost throw a rock and hit the first real taco time up there in kelso oh woodland washington is

is is in that general part of the world well david from woodland says i am trapped in a taco time bathroom oh you're right no david says i want to share a story of paying it forward that i was involved in over 35 years ago before that was even a real thing. Me and two of my best friends left the San Francisco Bay Area for a guy's weekend in Lake Tahoe. We would always just split the check three ways for meals and drinks, but my one friend, I'll call him Howard Hughes, seemed to only have 50s and a $100 bill in his wallet, so me and our other friend would just pick up the small checks. As we made our way home at the end of the weekend, I was driving and Mr. Hughes was sitting behind me We reached the Bay Bridge, and the toll was $2. I had my wallet out, and Mr. Hughes jokingly held the $100 bill over my shoulder as I stopped for the toll booth. I snatched the $100 out of his hand and gave it to the toll collector and said, the next 49 cars are on us, courtesy of Mr. Hughes. And I drove off. Needless to say, Howard was not happy with me, but I am happy to report on all of our future road trips, Mr. Hughes' wallet was full of small bills, not $100 in sight.

Wow, that is, I mean.

How do you survive that? You're gambling with a friendship.

Yes, you are, man. Wow, that is a power move. I respect that. And, you know, sounds like they're French. I mean, also, sounds like they were a little bit annoyed with Mr. Howard Hughes because his sort of lack of having small bills was getting him out of a lot of, you know, helping out with the cost of things. Also, he was peeing in jars in the backseat. which gets pretty gross pretty fast. But, yeah, that's like, I think you and I are pretty good friends, Andrew, and we've traveled a lot together, and, you know, we might gently prank each other or, you know, have some fun jokes, but I can't imagine, or even like Camaro Kev, anybody, I can't imagine taking $100 of one of my friend's money and throwing it into something, making the decision for them unilaterally with that. I would feel like it would be a really good way to get them really mad at me.

And I can't remember if he said when this took place, but I get the impression David says that this took place over 35 years ago. So $100 35 years ago is more than a hundo today, right? That's rich. That's rich.

Here's the other thing. They did not pay. I mean, David, I'm sorry to do this to you. Yeah, they did not. But the next car had to pay a toll.

I don't even think you could do that legally.

I don't think that's how any of this works. Now, what's nice is that person in the toll booth, they got $99. But it did not pay for the next 99 people, even though that would have been kind of cool. I mean, it was still a good outcome, which is this. I bet you that that person in that toll booth was telling that story for the rest of their career.

Yes, I bet you're right. My grandpa was a toll booth operator, by the way. Really? Yeah, I always thought about that. He had a bunch of weird jobs, and one of them was a toll booth operator. And it always made me – now I've always had a fascination with that job, and not because of the Adam Sandler song. But, like, I really have. I've always wondered, like – Oh, toll booth Willie? Yeah. Is that a job I could do for you? I'm coming out the booth! I didn't think that was the best one. Okay. I have one more email. While we're just clearing the decks here, we're talking about the Bloodhound Gang. We play the Bloodhound Gang theme song when we have a mystery on our hands. I can't remember what our last mystery was, but it doesn't matter. I got notes from several.

That's why you were so adamant that there are hundreds of Taco Times in Portland.

They're just as good. Remember when I said that? They're just as good, Luke.

Yeah. I was hoping you cut that out, but I guess you did.

No, I left it all in my rage. I wanted people to get my peak rage about that. But speaking of, yeah, regarding this, I would like to make it very clear. I am not saying this. This is listeners who emailed in. They said that song is from 321 Contact, not Electric Company. I think we said Electric Company, which I probably did. I forgot that those two things existed, but I can't tell you much about 321 Contact other than I remember that was a show that was on when I was a very little kid.

Yeah, 321 Contact had a pretty... memorable opening song too. It was like Contact, it's the moment it's the something when everything happens. Contact. I actually have it here. I'll play it.

This is me playing it on my end, right? We're not doubling up here, right?

Are we? Are you playing it too? That's hilarious. I was trying to play it here, but I guess I was muted so that actually we must have hit play at literally

the exact same moment. Yeah, this is, um, let's see, the person who sent this in was Ian. Ian sent me this thing.

Key change. Three, two, one, contact.

That does, I hear things like that usually, and it'll ring a lot of bells and take me back in time. I remember watching that show, but that theme was not, that theme did not transport me the way I expected it to.

I definitely remember that theme pretty vividly, and I guess I forgot that the Bloodhound Gang was part of that. I also didn't know Sarah Jessica Parker was one of the cast of 3-2-1 Contact, according to the internet. Yeah.

Really? It's funny. When you say cast, like I assume that she was like one of a group of kids who would learn things from adults.

That's just as cast. It lists a bunch of names, including Sarah Jessica Parker. Yeah, I don't I remember that song very clearly. I don't remember exactly what happened on like what the overarching three to one contact world was. I mean, I remember the Bloodhound Gang was a group of kids that solved mysteries. That part I remember. But but anyway, OK, well, thank you for the correction to the listeners. Now, we know three, two, one, contact is from whence the Bloodhound Gang came. All right. Anything else before we say adios on this Monday?

No, I don't have anything else. And I was just now thinking, hey, is there a song specific to go out with? Well, we could go out with Words by Doves. It's been a minute. Oh, I caught more of Sam Sanders' show this weekend, coincidentally. I don't know what's going on with me. I had not really listened to that show. I'd heard only good things, and that's probably why I didn't listen to it, but I'd only heard good things, and now two weeks in a row, I coincidentally caught it on the radio or parts of it on the radio, and I'm becoming a very late stan of that show.

Well, it's funny because this weekend I was chatting with some friends, and I said, it's been a minute, and then I was like, ah, Sam Sanders, and you know what they said? You know what we love about that show? The end, the voicemail segment. Yep, and I caught that again, too. Exactly what you and I had said, and it's like, it turns out that's the, I mean, not to low-key Sam's hosting skills, which are really great, but it turns out that is apparently, when people listen to that show, because you and I are not the only people, really strongly, that segment really resonates.

Yes, what's the best thing that happened to you last week, Luke?

Let's see, I won the argument about Taco Time.

That was nasty. The best thing to have to me was when we made up Over that argument

We have a thing on Livewire that we just started Last week that we're starting to do Each week which is we're starting the show With a little news segment We're calling it like the best news I heard this week And it's because Well to be totally honest It's because I think a lot of program directors Want there to still be some weekly news content In their weekend public radio shows It's part of why they love wait wait don't tell me because it's a quiz about the news they like there to be a little bit of a connection and so we just started adding that so I gotta find some good news between now and later on today when we record that segment do you know any do you know any good news that I can use

well the fact that the grape nuts is not going out of business is a way to spin that for some good news but it's only

when you record pandas pandas snow surfing I don't know by this coming Friday that's gonna be a little old what if I told do you know any good stories from the future Do you know any good stories from Thursday that are going to happen?

I got a text message from a person who works at one of my favorite dining and alcohol establishments yesterday telling me that they will be open today. So is that a good thing? What are the chances of you? Is that a good moment in somebody's life? Is this the best life I'm leading or the worst when a bartender texts me to tell me that their establishment will be open tomorrow?

what is the and you're saying so today as we record this is the first day of uh of a place that you really like to go to yes being open what are the chances that you will end up there today um i wouldn't my guess would be that monday is not usually you're going out day but also it's not every day that your favorite place reopens yeah i mean in all seriousness

it's my buddy who texted me and that kind of got me in the feels like i you know i knew that certain establishments were going to start reopening very slowly at very limited capacity 25 indoor capacity and i figured it was going to be opening my corner bar but i also don't know that i would have made a huge point of it and like in all seriousness like i don't know that like if i was passing it and it looked warm and cozy maybe i'd stop in but i wouldn't have like i wouldn't certainly build my day around it or plan on it but i uh my buddy john who texted me i ran into him on the street a couple of weeks ago so i think maybe i was on the top of his mind when he realized they were going to be opening but i thought it was a very sweet gesture so i will definitely go and at least say hello a quick hello all right well have fun um there's some good news is my point you can talk

about that on your show if you want how about what if we go out with well you know what i was gonna to say we could go out with secondhand news by Fleetwood Mac but that song does have I don't think it's problematic but it does have a line that is very weird lay me down on the tall grass and let me do my stuff

it does seem very my nieces might be listening it's a weird line man

yeah so in that case yeah words by does

why not let's do it

thanks for listening everyone we are going to be back here tomorrow with more imaginary radio for you so we hope you can join us for that until that moment please enjoy the rest of your monday take care of yourselves wear a mask if you're a panda enjoy sliding uh in the snow at the dc zoo and uh and we'll see y'all tomorrow morning until then please remember the mountain too

too tall or too stall and too stall and good luck to small

We'll be right back.

Power out.