Muse

I think you're ready now to hear a little story about a girl, a girl named Megan, a girl named Megan that didn't have a very good time in high school. I'm referring to myself when I say Megan. It's me, Megan. And I know you look at me now and think, boy, she must have breezed through high school. Not the case, Annie. Okay, they used to try to blow me up. They threw firecrackers at my head. Firecrackers. i mean literally i'm not saying that figuratively i got firecrackers thrown at my head they called me a freak you know what i did i pulled myself up i studied really hard i read every book in the library and now i work for the government i have the highest possible security clearance don't repeat that i won't i can't protect you i know where all the nukes are and i know the codes i won't say anything you would be amazed a lot of shopping malls don't repeat that T-B-T-L.

Oh, snap. This comedian was crazy in the 80s with his raw and delirious routines. Jared. Oh, he's hilarious, dog.

Who is Rick Moranis? Anytime you can do something that's fun and you like to do it and make money doing it, hey, it's a win-win-win. And anytime you can win-win-win, you're win-win-winning, you know? If you're just winning or win-winning, that's just winning or win-winning. But when you're win-win-winin', you're win-win-winin'. Hell yeah.

Oh, won't somebody please think of the children?

All right, hello, good morning, and welcome, everyone, to a Thursday edition of TBTL, the show that just might be too beautiful to live. Social engineering. What is it exactly, and how does it work? My name is Luke Burbank. I am your host, coming to you from the Nest Broadcast Center, high in the sky above Portland, Oregon. Hi, everybody! We got another nice day. This is special. This is special. Yesterday, my friends, the weather in Portland, Oregon was, as they say, giving me life. Just was Spring was in the air Some cherry blossoms Were a blossom And in my opinionation It was one of the finest days I've had here since I moved to Portland Walked all over the city Just a really Had a fun dinner Outside, safely, socially distant With my friends Lauren and Colin Anyway, it was just a wonderful lovely day and yet somehow in all of that i seem to have picked up a cold i don't know if you can hear that in my voice cold sweats hot sweats dealing with all of it so apologies for that hopefully um it won't be too uh annoying to listen to or at least not any more annoying than a typical episode of tbtl which finds itself at episode 3372 in a collector series let the fun begin Our top stories today all fall under the category of new things that are in the news. I've got lots of news. Including an idea floated by Dan Harmon, creator of Community and Harmon Town, and Rick and Morty for that matter, for a new set of astrology signs.

I just think it's so weird that my big three are Aquarius, Sun, Aquarius, Moon, Sagittarius, Rising, and my brother's big three are Cancer, Sun, Cancer, Moon, Sagittarius, Rising.

I mean, it's crazy if you think about it. Anyway, Dan Harmon has proposed a new set of astrological names that are easier to remember. and I think he might be on to something, so we will check on those coming up. Also, Reese's has announced, you know, Reese's from the Reese's Peanut Butter Cups people, that they are releasing peanut butter cups that have no chocolate on them. They're just peanut butter. Anybody want a peanut? I'm kind of curious to go try them. I'm not a huge candy consumer. You know what? I say that. but I have gotten into a bit of a habit. I live not far from a Plaid Pantry convenience store that is, well, you know what? I don't want to sound uncaring, so I will just say that it is a Plaid Pantry convenience store that has a customer base that is made up of a wide range of people. And every time I go in there It's a new adventure When I'm interacting with the fellow customers But anyway, I've gotten in the habit now Sometimes Of taking a little nighttime walk over to the plaid pantry we'll just call it moss eisley's plaid pantry and picking up a candy bar or two and then coming back and enjoying a nighttime candy bar so i say i'm not a candy enthusiast and yet i've gotten into the semi-regular habit of eating candy but i have not yet tried the new reese's peanut butter cups that are all peanut butter so uh we will talk about that and then uh time permitting we'll mention that the kings of leon the band are releasing their new album via something called nft non-fungible token which is all the rage grimes the singer and artist grimes released some well to me truly mystifying pieces of art today with using a non-fungible tokens as well so this is what everybody's doing we'll talk about that oh and this is maybe the thing i am most fascinated with today the mysterious monster in the willamette river that i appear to be the only person who is able to see didn't know you like to get wet though uh the things between me and the willamette nest monster have gone to a whole new level and i'll tell you about that coming up plus because it's a thursday aka blursday we're doing some blursday messages uh we're doing all that with the help of this guy the longest running cobro of the show he is known for his drawings of the tall ships He is Andrew SexMonster69 Walsh, and he's joining me right now from the Roosevelt neighborhood of Seattle, Washington. Good morning, my friend.

Things are beginning to fall into place, Luke. Okay. It's easier than usual for you to see the big picture view of your career trajectory today as information-gathering Mercury spends the day alongside visionary Jupiter. this well you know this but this is a union that makes for an optimistic larger than life approach to new career projects underway elsewhere relationship energy dominates the day as the sensitive scorpio moon transitions into philosophic sagittarius i just think it's so

weird that my big three are aquarius sun aquarius moon sagittarius rising you know what i mentioned

at the top show that i was able to have dinner with some friends last night which was really great and just felt like hey there are some small indications that that something resembling normal life is in the is in the future of this country um but we were talking about this because this is my friends colin and lauren and they are um they're younger than i am lauren used to work for livewire and uh they're in their like i think mid-20s or something and we were talking about all this astrology stuff and and what lauren said is that what you and i need to do andrew is we need to do some kind of personality test i think it's called like uh engram have we done that before on the air it's called the enneagram test i don't think we've done it but i've seen it bouncing around because she has theories on what you and i would be she is a sometimes listener to the show yeah her dad is actually wayne the guy that we sometimes play a clip of him talking about the mole situation right this is actually this is wanted to add a few

comments regarding your mole situation that's actually wayne masterson but um anyway she said

that we should definitely do this enneagram test and that the listeners would be very interested in hearing um where we where we kind of come out on that on that thing so i thought maybe next week or something one of the days maybe if it's a lighter news day as if we're like So following the news If it's the day that we'd like to

If those clowns in Congress don't get in the way

Don't praise the machine Maybe next week at some point We'll do the Enneagram test If you're up for that, if you feel okay about that

Yeah, but I think she should come on and administer the test for us

Oh, that would be great That's a really good idea Yeah, okay, I'll ask If she'd be up for that I'm sure she would be

Can I ask you a question? Did I even get that right?

Are you a Taurus? I am a Taurus And thanks for knowing that That was one of the things That Dan Harmon was talking about With this new Zodiac system Called Z Plus That he's proposing He was saying how basically People have a hard time remembering Anyone else's Signs and things because it's not personal to them And so this would be easier To remember because The three letters of your Zodiac Plus sign uh are the three letters of the month you are born in so like i'm born in may let me see if i can

actually just get to this is it may 7th that's how i tried to get may 8th oh man again you're so close

i'm touched by this now now my question to myself andrew is why can't i find i had sent myself all this information last night i knew we were going to talk about on the show today well i also jumped

the- jumped in line here i kind of forced your hand to talk about this earlier in the show as opposed

to a top story as you had it so yeah but you know what i should have had it together i just figured i'd read it out of i had you know what my system for pretty much everything that's important that i need to to know about in my life is to just text it to myself i do the same thing with email people people have various you know people use the notes function people everyone has their own system mine is i just text myself but the problem is sometimes the text comes from my cell phone number and sometimes it comes from a an apple account that i don't even really maintain if that makes any sense so anyway i'm trying to dig through my text to myself and find this maybe maybe that's a good reason to do it after the break so i can actually get all this stuff in order but one of the things that i think is interesting about the dan harman system is it is much easier to remember What your sign is and what other people's sign is Because the first three letters Relate to the month of the birth of the person

Because you're born in November November, yeah And I wonder, well, we'll talk about it

So your sign is like Novartis Or something

Yeah, oh I see, in the Z plus plan Right now I'm a Sagittarius Just like Jim Morrison

Andrew, something happened to me yesterday That has me feeling A little like not conspiratorial but just a little um like maybe i'm i'm starting to slip i'm starting to lose my marbles remember the other day when i said i saw a large sea lion in the willamette river yes and then you did some on the fly research and found that that does happen occasionally but when it but when it happens they really chase they try to chase those uh those animals out of this area because it messes with the ecosystem. They're feasting on the fish. The fishermen can't have their fun. And there's the stock of...

We just want to have fun. Also, are we...

You know, I paused there because is fishermen too gendered now? The people who like to fish?

Oh, that's... I don't know. Is there a gender-neutral version of that?

Fish people?

I don't know.

That sounds like an underwater race.

Yeah, I don't think it's fish people.

but it's not fish people fish persons yeah anyway um so anyway so i and i was telling various people here in portland about this giant sea lion that i saw and everyone was going oh was it an otter was it a beaver i was like no i know what those things look like and one thing those things are covered in fur and this thing had no fur on it and i started to actually check the Oregonian to see if there's talk of this mysterious sea lion that's just chilling in the Willamette River um and uh and and I wasn't able to find any news of it and I thought well maybe I just imagined it and then yesterday Andrew I am walking across the Burnside Bridge and and I'm looking over into the water and what do I see I see the Willamette Ness sea lion nobody else is looking at it no one else notices it and i go to try to videotape it and because i'm on a phone call with one of our cbs sunday morning producers my video camera function will not work on my phone what's why not because what it has to do with sound i guess when you are on a phone call i don't know how your phone works but on my phone when i go to to make a video it takes over the i'm probably the microphone on the telephone oh okay yeah and so it won't it just doesn't offer you video as an option if you are actively engaged in a phone call or i presume facetime okay i so i switch over but this was like a work call this was about i'm going to oklahoma city next week i'm doing a big story about the flaming lips which i'm very excited about as a longtime fan of that band um but uh we were talking about some logistics and that wasn't the kind of thing where I could just hang up on the call to videotape this sea lion in the Willamette River. So what I did was the next best thing, which was I just took my camera. And by the time I tried to videotape, realized I couldn't, and then switched over to camera photo mode and then zoomed in, this thing was basically diving back into the water.

And I got the most.

I'm going to send you this picture, Andrew. First, I'm going to drag it to the desktop. So everybody get ready for this kind of pleasant sound. there you go it's satisfying and then i'm gonna send you this picture and it's like i basically in in taking this picture i and then looking at it later to see how it turned out i now have so much more empathy for everyone who's ever tried to photograph a sasquatch like because this looks exactly like one of those completely non like this is just not very good proof uh of this sea lion that I know is out there living in the Willamette River and I feel like I'm the only person who knows about this waiting for it to come through but you're telling me right now it's not it's not going to convince

me that you're not losing your merbles yeah well it's just it's just not conclusive it's it's it's grainy it's far away and it could be anything well i'll make this the show pick today which

yes we have the rights to it for one yeah exactly actually i'm going to upload this to getty so that we have to pay for it um do you know that there is a chance that i think i've said this to you on the show before this is not related and sorry but the idea popped in my head do you know that there's a chance that i could download photos that i've taken from getty using the apm account that we use and get paid because i have a bunch of old photos up on getty when i was trying to make a go of it and i could buy i could use the apm account like let's say that you and i were talking about something and i have a photo that i took like 10 12 years ago and it's on getty well i think i've actually done this before i've taken it off of my i've found the old hard drive and i've taken it off the hard drive but i could conceivably download it using the apm account and then get residuals for myself anyway and what are the photos of i don't know it's a bunch of stuff i i can't remember honestly just like random stuff i used to post everything to this website called flicker which i'm still on but i don't use quite as much and they had some sort of partnership again this is like a decade ago actually a little bit more where you could kind of apply for this program where you could submit your photos via flicker and then they would take the ones they wanted and for a while there i was getting like little notifications once every couple of months or more saying somebody you never saw the details of where the photos ended up or who the purchaser was but you would just kind of get money in your virtual bank and um and uh that happens now like once a year i'll be like hey 30 bucks like all right i'll take it uh maybe that's me downloading my own photo so i don't really remember what they are but they're just like you know kind of things that would fit for a stock image i just wanted to know the specifics of the

if the listeners notice that the show pick keeps being yeah uh like a you know a bumper sticker over a urinal in a dive bar even though all we talked about that day was anne of green gables right it's a sign to the listeners that something is amiss and that you're starting to really

scratch your own back on this i really like this photo though i like the way it's this photo that you took is more pleasing than i thought it was going to be i thought it was going to be kind of motion blurry and frenetic because you're trying to snap up but it's actually very nice like the object that you're trying to take a picture of is mysterious but kind of beautifully mysterious and i like the way the light is playing on the water and the way the lines are kind of cutting across

the the corners such a nice day yesterday andrew i mean i was just i actually went and i looked at a condo that was for sale not because i could afford it because you're luke no because i got an email yesterday i'm like or i guess it was a tweet um i i followed the new york times real estate section on twitter because i'm uh you know i clearly have good priorities as to what to be focusing on in my life and it was one of the they do this thing which is like homes for x number of hundreds of thousands of dollars in like four different cities here's what six hundred and thirty eight thousand dollars will get you and um uh in a bunch of different places and one of them just happened to be portland and one of them happened to be a portland and like you know walking distance from here like across the river and what's called the north pearl and i was just like yeah why not that'll give me something to do this afternoon it'll give me a purpose in life so i emailed the person whose name was associated with it the real estate agent and uh they said yeah we set up an appointment but uh anyway i walked over there i am not going to be getting that uh condo it's a lovely place but i uh again don't have the money to buy a condo uh so uh it was i hope the real estate agent hasn't figured out that this is what i do for my job and is not listening because she'll be a little disappointed to know i was just wasting her time yeah but um anyway i was just wandering around portland and the weather was just so lovely and i just was falling in love with this city all it takes is it not being 42 degrees and raining andrew for me to just absolutely fall in

love with the city it was really nice here yesterday too the sun was out and it's like that it's not just like a sun break it's like because it's now march which is you know touching the edges of spring for us um a day like yesterday just sparks my nostalgia yep in a way that it's really hard to explain unless you're a human being and you've experienced it you know like I turned on the radio and some song from the 90s was on that I usually would have just kept going you know I would have just passed over it but because it was sunny out it just suddenly it felt like I was in high school like there's something about the changing of seasons that acts like a a time machine for me and I just found myself being like I don't know I was just like filled I was I was filled with some sort of uh emotion that wasn't shame for a moment

Yeah, I wonder if we feel that more That sense of

the of how amazing it is when it gets nice more in the northwest than in some other places now granted people in other places have arguably worse weather or arguably more dangerous weather you know folks in the midwest and places where it gets very very cold or very very hot but there's just something about the gloom of the northwest that when you do finally get a sunny day because like when i lived in la when i moved there by the way sorry apparently there's a bank being robbed on the other side of the Willamette River or they've caught the sea lion because there's just like a, just a chain of police vehicles that are racing past my apartment. When I moved to LA, everyone was like, oh, aren't you going to miss the seasons? And I thought I was going to and I didn't miss them one bit. Oh, I really did. I was going to say, I am into this lifestyle.

LA was the only place that I did, I really did miss it. And I didn't talk about it much because people in LA hate hearing outsiders talk about uh the weather um i i found um but i did i did miss that and that was the only place i've ever lived where i didn't get the feeling that i was just describing you know what i mean and also you know it goes both ways too sometimes as you're as you're you know dipping into fall you also get a a set of emotional responses that go along with that as well even if you do know that you have a long winter ahead of you and even if it's a if it's a new hampshire winter you know But you still there's something about the fall and the smell. I don't have to explain this. We're all humans. And so if you live in a place with seasons. Yeah, I did. I did miss that in L.A. and I found the weather in L.A. to be kind of unrelenting. I lived there also during a drought and it was really hot. And it was the only time I ever had ear infections because it was like so hot and I was wearing headphones for a living. But that's probably a bit too personal. But yeah, I did miss that. And I don't I don't like to hate on L.A. Like I said, there's there's a chance that we could find ourselves back there someday. Who knows? But yeah, that the weather is actually I'm like one of the rare people who thinks that the weather is kind of a I don't know if there's a downside of L.A., but it wasn't something that I craved.

It didn't speak to my personality. Oh, man, I would move back there in a heartbeat. Like and as far as the weather goes, like 75 on Christmas, sign me up. Totally. I've couriered and Ives did up enough in my life. like I yeah I was that was the best part about living there to me was it made a measurable improvement in my mood I mean I really do think I must have some kind of um a little bit of seasonal uh affective disorder or something or maybe a lot of it um because I could I just felt also maybe I was younger maybe I was just maybe it was just a different time in my life I guess I'd have to go back and do a side-by-side uh to see but yeah I was really into the weather down there but i'll tell you what now we're about to soon anyway we will enter the payoff in the northwest for all of the lousy weather which is it's you know the spring and summer in the northwest is is really is really glorious and i look forward to spending it with my new aquatic friend uh the willamette nest monster we need to give him a name by the way yeah the willamette nest

is a little it's a bit of a mouthful yeah i am tweaking this in photoshop right now too to really bring out all the natural beauty and colors in this luke i really like my picture's not good enough by itself no i love it no it's gotta fix it in post just bringing out the colors a little

bit more uh well i wonder maybe the listeners will have some ideas what is what should we name this thing and also that's what i get for trying to sneakily mute my mic andrew to clear my throat

then i couldn't get my mic i was wondering what happened you know there was a there was a um point in the show yesterday where i lost your line for just about i don't know like three seconds but it always feels like more and i just edited it around it like whatever you said like it still made sense without the extra phrase that i missed but i just now i was like is he coming back or not there's always this moment where i have to decide like do i say luke are you there are you there because then it stops the whole show and then we have to like actually do a pickup and sometimes i can just like gut it out and then fix it later so i was just getting to the edge there Of not knowing whether to start calling your name

Well I was so excited when I got this mixing board Because it has a mute button But I now have overused the mute button On my microphone to the point where it stays Stuck down So I can't, like it's a dangerous I'm playing a dangerous game Andrew Because I muted myself to clear my throat And then I went to unmute myself and I kept talking to you And then didn't hear anything and looked down and realized Because the button was stuck down But anyway, maybe the listeners have some good ideas For the name of this Creature that's living in the Willamette River And also do I report it to anyone Like I again I'm not I know it sounds like I'm Just ginning this up for the show but if this If this sea lion Actually poses a threat to The fish stock here the fish Supplies I mean Should somebody know how am I the Only person who's seeing this animal Maybe you're not I would just like I would let this play out I don't think this Is I don't think you need They call the cops on the sea line. All right. Okay. Narc. I love the idea of them hoisting the sea line out and just like mean mugging me just saying like, you know, snitches get stitches. Yeah. When he gets out of captivity, man. He's being brought out. He's being like just like hoisted out of the river in like one of those like aquatic slings. You mean like. You know, they're trying to keep. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Are his little flippers handcuffed in front of him or behind him? They're hosing him down to keep him hydrated and wet, and he's just looking at me like, why did you do that? Anyway, all right, let's take a quick break, and then when we come back, we will talk about the new Zodiac signs and the other top stories, plus some Blur's days. So stay with us. It's TBTL. On your mark. On your mark. Get set. Get set. Now ready. Ready.

Go.

Everybody rattle, dattle. Let's thank some dazzling donors. These are TBTL supporters that are donating at a dazzling level, and we sure do appreciate it. We sure wouldn't be here without it, that's for sure. How many times can I use sure here in the first 30 seconds of this thing? Let's start by thanking Andrea Elkins in Jewett, Texas. Andrea says, ahoy hoy Polly Prissy Pants and I would like to wish warm tidings to our fellow tens with much love sent to our Papa Dog, Mr. David who thinks we're all quote dummies for our devotion to catching up with our cobros each weekday and emitting gleeful squeals at the Facebook posts noting us old dogs struggle with the slack and TBTL content is 90% of the reason We still open the Book of Faces I've never heard it called the Book of Faces That sounds very Game of Thrones Yes, it's very mystic But you're right, specifically Game of Thrones Like Arya's whole thing Arya's been studying in the Book of Faces Andrew, Luke, the Podpets And all you awesome fans Help make our days brighter And keep us more than entertained Throughout many a monotonous task Also, y'all sure know some good tunes And more than one pretty good spoof with much pleasure derived from the weekly newsletter and the related TBTL-inspired content. Thanks for all you do, Andrew and Luke, but mostly for being the best virtual friends a girl and her pup could wish for, especially in these trying times. Much love from our little slice of Texas to your PNW digs, Andrea and Polly. Aww. Thanks. Thanks, Andrea. Thanks, Polly. Thanks, Andrea. Yeah. I wonder if Polly actually, Polly rather, I wonder if Polly actually made the donation and Andrea went along with it. It was only at the very, very end of this that I realized that Polly is a dog. You thought Polly Prissy Pants was a human. It could be. Yeah. I mean, I don't know. I'm trying to make fewer assumptions in my life about things. Yes. And so, you know, like, and so Andrea is talking about Polly Prissy Pants. I'm willing to accept Polly Prissy Pants on whatever terms Polly Prissy Pants feels comfortable. Good. And at the end, though, I did realize, yeah, it's a dog, which honestly makes more sense. Yeah. So thank you, Andrea and Polly, and even in a roundabout way, Mr. David, for putting up with our shenanigans. Before I hit the music again, can I just do one thing here? I have a quick question I wanted to ask Polly. Yeah, yeah. Who's a good dog? Polly, who's a good dog? That is, for some reason, kind of upsetting. You're a good dog. On your mark. On your mark. Yikes. Get set. Maestro, please don't do that again. Go. Everybody rattle, dattle Hey, look who our next dazzling donor is

It's our friend Amy Shepard In Memphis, Tennessee She of the roller skating Big roller skater Amy Shepard And just a long, long time friend of the show A podcaster in her own right The proud owner of an adorable daughter Who she brought to one of the events, I believe Amy says, thanks friendos for making this show and thanks also to all the tens y'all the best hey you know what we got a y'all in each one of these messages oh my gosh I didn't even notice that I was interviewing Andrew Bird and Jimbo oh phooey Mathis his collaborator in this new album the other day and Jimbo is from Mississippi and he was just lovely but he kept saying y'all and it was so hard for me to not want to slip into using y'all, which we've talked about when you and I have traveled in the South. I'm very prone to picking that up. Yeah, I thought you were pro using y'all. Are you now anti-using? Well, I think y'all is a great, I mean, it's very inclusive. Yeah. You know, it's...

It's actually a very inclusive way to describe a group of people without getting too hung up on gender pronouns, things like that. So I support it. It feels a little false to me coming out of my mouth because I didn't grow up saying y'all.

Especially if you're talking to somebody who did grow up in that culture and is using it.

Right. Like when I was talking about the sea monster in the Willamette to people here in Portland, I never said, have any of y'all seen that sea monster? Right, right. But I was talking to my brother-in-law, Jason, Who is also from Mississippi He's from Meridian, Mississippi If I was talking to him He throws y'all around liberally Because that's his background I might say, hey did y'all see that thing Like I tend to do it, it's a little bit of an affect by me When I'm around people who use it Anyway, Amy, who is not using it as an affect She's using it because she's from Memphis, Tennessee She comes by it honestly She says, y'all the best I still suggest everyone check out my podcast Earbuds and Earworms Think music for your weekend as a podcast By the way, Andrew, I have listened to an episode of this show, and it's good. Apologies for the surprise in my voice.

Well, there's a lot of podcasts out there.

There are a lot of podcasts out there. Thanks to the international podcasting agreement that was signed in The Hague, meaning all people have to have their own podcast now. By the way, the U.S. just rejoined that. And I say, thank goodness. That was a long four years where we had opted out. But anyway, everybody has a podcast, and some of them are better than others, but I've listened to Amy's podcast, and it's very good. So do go check out Earbuds and Earworms. Amy says, keep on keeping on, y'all. Thanks for keeping me sane this past pandemic year. Well, Amy, thank you for being such an awesome part of the TBTL community and also for us supporting the show with your dazzling donations. We would not be here without you. Hello, and welcome to Top Story. I saw this yesterday, Andrew, and it really jumped out at me because we had just had a conversation about astrology. It started with us talking about if cinnamon and sugar toast was somehow an indicator of how someone grew up socioeconomically, which we're getting emails on, and there's a thriving debate on that question, by the way. But then the same person who had kind of put that theory out on TikTok Then went on another post to talk about astrology And so I played that too just to give some context for the person that we were getting the info from And then I was talking about how I personally, I don't really believe it And I'm a little bit leery of people who use it as a way to actually make decisions in their life Well, wouldn't you know, one Dan Harmon was on Instagram the other day Creating his new system for astrology called Zodiac Plus I already mentioned one of the things that's I think kind of interesting about it Is that each new sign starts with the first letters of the month it would be in So it's easier to remember He also says, eventually I want to assign some animals to each sign But I want to make sure the animals are balanced No more of this I'm a crab My friend is water Her cousin is human twins stuff Everyone should feel Like if two signs animals had to fight The Vegas odds would be even And I'm doing away with all the stuff About suns and moons being in other people's things Everyone's sun and moon is in everything I like a little less astronomy With my astrology That's just my taste I also don't like talking to chiropractors About my immune system It's not elitism It's an attention span thing It's like, come on, tell me my future or crack my back. And when I want science, I'll go somewhere with less candles. OK, so this is the setup for Zodiac Plus, which I really I kind of like. It's funny because yesterday I was I was being a bit negative towards astrology. And what I realized is, no, I just want astrology that's made up by Dan Harmon. All right. Yeah. So you've piqued my interest, certainly. You were born in November. You are, Andrew. You're part of the autumn signs.

You would now be no V.O.P.O. You're diplomatic and intuitive You're a novio

N-O-V-I-O-P-I-O So the N-O-V is just November and then the O-P-O is just filling it out With something that sounds right It doesn't Okay, gotcha

So you're novio-pio You're diplomatic and intuitive And I would say that that describes you Is there a chance it's novio-pio? Sure, novio-pio Noviopio, yeah. You intuited that as a noviopio because you're diplomatic and intuitive. So there you go. If you're from December, you would be decaterious or deseterious, which would mean you're imaginative and honest. If you're from January, born in January, you would be a janucorn, straightforward and stubborn.

A Janucorn If you're from February If you're born in February I should say You'd be Feblarious Steadfast and independent That's Feblarious Now we move into the spring signs If you're born in March You'd be Marv's Self-sufficient and collaborative What is that? Marv's? Yeah, Marv's M-A-R-V-E-S Marv's You don't like it? No, that one doesn't I feel like he's getting lazy Okay You know Dan Harmon Notorious, lazy person Yeah If you're born in April, you're Apraxes, adventurous and patient Apraxes Apraxes, if you're born in May You're Mabus Reliable and versatile Well, they can't all be right, Andrew At least as it pertains to me Can you say Mavis? Mabus, like M-A-Y, May, bus Mabus, like it's May and you're getting on the bus Mabus Now we're moving into the summer signs If you're born in June You're Junami Adaptable and cautious If you're born in July You're Julkemia I don't know about that It sounds like a medical condition Yes, it does I would argue maybe not his strongest work Say it again Well, it's J-U-L and then K-E-M-I-A Julkemia Emia is just pretty loaded I think in this day and age, right? You rarely hear about anemia being a good thing Right, I can see the commercial for the product Do not take julkemia if you're allergic to julkemia Right It's good advice for everyone How about folks born in August? Agio Enthusiastic and modest If you're born Now we're into the autumn signs again If you're born in September You're septurgo You're humble and you're meticulous I could see you as a scepter go What is it humble and Humble and meticulous you've got strong Scepter go energy yeah I could See that is it possible that you were actually born In September and your parents have been lying to You all these years is it unhumble To say yes I agree I'm humble Oh we have to confiscate Your scepter go status And then if you're Born in October you are octabra And that would make You exacting and sociable You'd be in Octabra. I feel like I was excited about the October one because I thought that it would be, I don't know, Octabra. I feel like that's kind of a wasted one, too. I would like it. Like, I actually think, what am I again? Novopio? Nokia? What am I? Uh-huh. I was about to try to sing the Nokia ringtone, and then I just realized nobody needs that in their life. I don't even know if I know it. I'm going to play it because it's a, you know, it's a. okay first i'll try to sing it i don't even know where to start do you have a pitch pipe

can you blow a pitch pipe can you blow me a high c okay yeah okay yeah i think it's a little bit like the dixie horn a little bit oh i hope not i mean you don't want it is the no is the nokia ringtone also uh something that the south needs to retire put it on the pole oh right yes yeah that was a boy that was really you had one of those i don't did i ever have a nokia i must have had that kind of that i i don't know if i ever had the kind of famous i don't know what the name of that model is but that little the nokia that that was just so ubiquitous for a while maybe it was called the 3310 did you ever have that one no particular nokia no i didn't get a cell phone until very late in life i was well into my 20s i believe it was probably like 2005 or something and i can't remember what my first phone was a flip phone that's all i remember about it um and then i moved on to my blackberry phase i believe at a blackberry and then we've talked about this before then i had one of those g2 google phones that was like i still had a hard keyboard but it was almost It's like a transformer kind of that you slid it. It was had both a touch screen, but then you slid it to expose this this hard keyboard that I really love. I think I still have that thing in my box of outdated technology here. Fred Armisen box of technology that you'll never be able to actually extract the info from, but you can't get rid of it. Is that is that something he's talked about? No, it's on Portlandia. Remember when he's like he's trying to figure out how old he is and I believe he goes down the hall and he finds this box. So it's just a variety of drives and things that just you can't even get the info off of anymore. I feel like most of us, if you're 44, you've got that box somewhere at your house. Remember, I mean, I know it's in that piece of tape we play all the time. But for real, do you remember zip drives? Because I feel like I worked at a place that had a.

zip drive and like there were those bigger plasticky um actual uh like i guess the the disc itself was i think thicker right and it's i guess it it's somehow compacted information so you could store more stuff on it but you needed a zip drive to extract it i don't think i ever had

a zip drive oh by the way put that on the uh list of words that we will never be able to say yeah without um let's see uh i wish i could find that sketch right now i don't know i just did a search for fred armison how old am i portlandia and that just went down a whole other road about how old fred armison actually is um but i wanted to let uh maybe we can find it and play it you know a different day for the um intro tape or something yeah i have it maybe tomorrow also i

think is that the same one where um uh we've pulled a lot of tape from that show i think that might be the same episode with the early onset grumpiness which is just some one of my favorite pieces of tape is that even is that maybe the same sketch i think that like sometimes the the shows oh it'll be like a theme yeah exactly and so i think that was part of that i'm blanking on the name of the doctor though um one of america's beloved actors who was uh on the green tip oh ed begley jr probably jr playing the doctor yeah but i don't want to play it now because like

you say we can we'll burn it up and then we can't i had the first the first cell phone i i had uh was i was in i think i was post-college and i it was a i thought a very very slick phone i forget who made it but it was not a flip phone which seemed revolutionary at the time because the the evolution that i remembered was like the kind of you know um like greed is good gordon gecko phone and then they got smaller and then they were like mostly flip phones of some kind that still had like an antenna you could pull out and then this one that i had was just a single p it wasn't a nokia but it was kind of it was very very thin and it was not a razor razor had not been invented yet but it was something that was kind of in between those worlds but i remember thinking it was a very very slick phone i'm sure i had like 20 minutes a month or something that my like you know my uh whatever my subscription uh entitled me to but um then uh from there i i got a eventually i think i got a work phone from npr and that was a blackberry and i loved that thing i i would still consider going back to that but then i also kept losing my work phones from npr and then as punishment at some point they made me have a star tack uh which was like about a 15-year regression in the technology, which I kind of, then that became my shtick, was I was the guy with a StarTac phone. Having a StarTac is not a personality. I have that t-shirt. And I know I've said this before on the show, but then I took to answering the phone by saying StarTac.

That rings a bell, yeah.

StarTac. So, and then, you know, at some point I got into the world of iPhones.

I just had one of my better ideas, one of my better newsletter-related ideas in quite some time. I've already recorded the Hey Dummies for this week, but the next time I'm up to do a Hey Dummies video, I will go through my box of outdated technology because I've saved almost every old cell phone I've had. I think one of them, if I traded it back in, they gave me a little bit of a discount on my new phone, so I might be missing one or two through the ages. But I have, like, all kinds of – I have my old little dictaphones in there. Is that what you called them, too? Because it sort of sounds dirty. But, like, the small little, you know, the mini cassette players and recorders. I have various versions of those, some desktop models, some handheld. I have all kinds of crazy stuff in that box. It'll be fun to go through it.

There's something – yeah, I don't know why it's, like, so hard to part with a piece of technology, even though you know you're never going back to it.

Yeah, my mini discs are in there, too.

now the dictaphone maybe which i don't think i called it that i mean i was raised in a christian home right sure but whatever you called those i mean those were things were big for when you were in college for like recording the lecture so that you could go back and listen to it or whatever i had a number of those those ones kind of make sense because you assume your voice is on there or the professor's voice there's something on but like a cell phone like an old nokia that you know i guess man there's like maybe a text message on there but i mean some of these things There's just absolutely nothing of use on them, but I would be loathe to throw them out. I'm sure somewhere in the attic in Bellingham, I've got boxes of things like that that I just – there's no good reason for me to still have them, but I cannot part with them.

Yeah, and not to nitpick, but I don't even think that a cell phone would have voicemails on it. I mean that was all in the cloud. You just used the phone to access your voicemail service by the time.

Even in those days.

You know, get at me if I'm wrong, but I don't know that there is a cell phone. Definitely get at it, people. I don't know if there was ever a cell phone that actually had an internal storage of voicemails.

No, the phone that I had had a tiny cassette tape that would pop out of the back. It had a tiny little mouse in there with a typewriter. And it was a fake wood grain. My dad had an answering machine at SignWorks when I was a kid that I believe had like a fake wood grain on it. And that's when I think of an answering machine, that's what I think of. They all have a fake wood grain for some reason.

Yeah, and of course, I know we've talked about this before at some point, too, but I coveted those cassette tapes that you could buy on TV that had all kinds of hilarious outgoing messages. Leave a message, leave a message, and the like.

Yeah, oh, wait for the beep. I mean, we've played a number of those. What were they called? Like, wacky, not wacky messages, but we've had long conversations. people have like sent i believe people have been mailed in cassettes of this whole thing of those um of those crazy outgoing messages do you think we'll ever it makes no sense like because we all have voicemail on our cell phones i mean it's completely pointless but will we ever go back to the day of a tape recorded like even maybe just as a like a shtick i wonder if we'll ever go back to the day of like you call someone's house and you you hear leave a message after the beep and you leave a message like that's a i mean i'll tell you one thing that the answer machine had going for it that the modern stuff doesn't is you could hear the message being left if you were in the room yeah you could decide if you wanted to pick up yeah that's the last frontier that's the last little thing they need to figure out for modern technology is you need to be able to hear someone leaving you a voicemail while they're doing it to decide if you want to pick

up right of course though i just think we're getting the ship is getting further and further from land on that one like i just don't think that people are leaving voicemails anymore or you know that that much every time I have a voicemail it's a scam likely so what are you gonna do I that idea though of coming home to check the messages like as this podcast becomes a podcast about two middle-aged men as opposed to two young two young guys who thought they were cool like I'm just seeping into my oldness I was I was at my volunteer gig on Sunday and um I was volunteering with a young woman who's probably she's got to be oh yeah it was I know that I think she said she's like 28 or 29 so significantly younger than me um and there was a friend of ours there who's a real change vendor and i said oh i get real change of course being the the newspaper that covers homeless issues and is distributed by uh by people who need the cash and um she said hey do you want to get a paper this week i was like oh i don't have one but i'm sorry i literally don't have any money i spent my last dollar at the gas station she said well you can just venmo me I'm like, oh, yeah, okay, cool. Well, if you trust me, yeah, just give me the paper, and I'll Venmo you when I get home. And then, like, as the words are coming out of my mouth, I'm like, or I can Venmo you right now on my phone. Like, in my head, like, doing, like, some sort of a digital cash transaction meant, okay, I will go home, and I will log on to the World Wide Web, and then I will go to Venmo.com slash real change or whatever, you know? Like, I had to remind myself that, no, I can just do this right now. People are probably spending way more time Venmoing than paying with cash these days While I'm still taking wads of bills out of my wallet I felt so old in that moment

Just make sure your Venmo is, well, I mean live your life But I would just say make sure that your Venmo is private Because I feel like, people don't realize that their Venmo is public Unless they set it on private And I find that to be such an intimate thing To see, I know this has come up before But it's like to see who in their relationship is splitting money for gas or which people are still funding their kid's existence to what degree. Like there are former radio hosts that we work with that I know what went on between them and their kid after a cruise based on who was reimbursing whom for what.

So let me get this straight, Luke. I'm spending my hard earned dollars to help somebody less fortunate than me. And you want me to make that private?

Are you kidding me? That's the obvious reason you brought that story up today. Right, exactly. And why you will set – you can probably set certain transactions to public, so I know you'll want to leave those. You'll want to do what you can to kind of outline those in neon. Right, right.

I go up on the top of a roof and I yell down, okay, I'm going to Venmo you now for the Real Change newspaper even though I already have one at home.

That's how I do it. I just, I mean, again, when I signed up for Venmo, it just took everyone in my contacts who has Venmo and somehow cross-referenced it. And so now, and I don't use Venmo a ton, but if I look at it, it's just a list of people that I know, some who I am in touch with, some who I haven't talked to for years, and their various financial dealings. And I just find. it to be so personal luke i need to make a bit of a change in conversation here which might unfortunately blow out a top story or two but i want to actually have a real conversation with you for one second for real about uh something that you and i are going in i'm thinking of venmo and the fact that i venmo'd you the other day right and the reason i venmo'd you the other day and i was not already a contact with you by the way because i think i got venmo after you so it your phone didn't identify me as a contact and i didn't do the automatic like suck up all of my contacts type of thing so anyway i had to go out and find you on venmo and then when i did i'm like well you're also a public figure and here's this photo of you your avatar is you i think it's okay to say this like on stage somewhere so i'm like this could easily be somebody spoofing luke right like how do i know that this is even the real luke burbank so i think i took a screen cap and i sent it to you again logging onto my computer probably taking a screen cap and sending it to you um and you confirm that that's yes this is your proper venmo also i was impressed with venmo because before i hit the final button it said just to confirm that this is the exact person you're looking for can you give us the last four digits of his mother's social security number and i did that and i confirmed it no i wanted to know part of your phone number so i was like oh that's a good little service right there sorry to mute my microphone uh to do a little cough but i'm fine Anyway, all of this is to say, the reason I had to Venmo you some money was because you and I are going, you talked me into, on this show, joining this fantasy baseball league with you. And a draft date has been set, and I have to rearrange my schedule to make it happen, which is fine. I will do that. But I'm finding myself increasingly nervous about this, not just my lack of baseball knowledge, but also my lack of how this stuff works. How are you feeling right now? We're, like, three weeks away from draft day, I believe. Have you even logged into the system yet? Like, can you say something? Can you give me an I'm on it, Walsh? Don't worry about it. I know who we're picking in the first three rounds type of talk here.

A pep talk. You want me to give you kind of a win one for the Gipper-style motivational speech?

I want you to instill more I want I want to know that you feel like you can handle this if if I can't wow huh we're already this where we having our first co-managerial meltdown no it's not a meltdown I just realized like if I was in this by myself I'd be you know well I am very nervous right now but it would be all on me and there's part of me in the back of my head that's thinking well maybe Luke maybe Luke's been poking around he knows how this is going to like I don't know like I really don't know what I'm going to be getting into on this evening I've never I don't think I've ever done a live draft even for my football actually I did a live draft one time for the football system but after doing a computer draft like five years and I was pretty familiar with things by that point like the idea of fantasy baseball in general is just pretty overwhelming when you think about you know having to maintain a roster with relief pitchers every almost every single day of the of the summer um so i'm nervous anyway but also i just don't know the technology i don't know how this

is going to work like where are you on all of this i feel very good about this first of all i have the night blocked out so that's a win i'm not like oh hey andrew by the way i'm flying to um you know guam that night could you handle it that did happen to me famously years ago with our friend Mike Peska where he and I were in a fantasy football league together he was in New Orleans because it was in the aftermath of Katrina and this was an in-person get-together in New York City with a bunch of his friends who were just like the level of sports fandom that you will encounter in New York City is so off the charts compared to Seattle like you might think you're a fan in Seattle but it's like you'd be a fan you'd be a fan of your team I know I'm not answering your question but you'd be a fan of your team like oh i kind of know the seahawks you go to a like new york city fantasy football draft these are guys who know every single team they know every player from every team like it's a different so i had to show up there alone mike was at some kind of a community meeting with spotty cell phone coverage he's also trying to cover for npr so i just had to basically like pick all these players in this den of wolves who i'd never met before Anyway, that would have been your pretty much worst case scenario.

Yeah. Now, were you using computers at all for that?

So you could just sort of like, so yeah, that is, that is, that is. You're announcing it. And it was something called a snake draft, which is even scarier. Oh my gosh. That just means that the first person to pick waits the longest to get their second pick. So if you were the 12th person to pick, you might also be the 13th person to pick. and then it just loops back like a snake.

I can picture that because it probably goes, let's say there's 10 people. You go 1 through 10, then 10 through 1, then 1 through 10. Exactly.

So I am not going to leave you in the lurch. I am not going to drop this in your lap. I have the app downloaded on my phone. I am logged in. I have the ability to navigate the system.

Have you looked at our current roster, the one that we inherited? Yes, I have. I think we have to choose three to keep, right?

Yeah, we have Blake Snell who won the Cy Young, I think, last year. Do we have Snell? Oh, that's fun.

Isn't he kind of a local boy like a Tacoma

Yeah he's from the northwest So that's not a bad start Here's what I think is going to happen We'll just have to like Either let the computer if there's such a thing Or use some kind of List that the internet has generated To pick the best players Like I'm not going to try to make any Like bold brash Theo Epstein-esque moves The night of the draft Where I find the person who somehow is undervalued by everyone else i don't have any expectation of that my plan is we just don't embarrass ourself on the night of the draft we just like i'm going to try to not pick gorman thomas who stopped playing for the mariners in 1983 okay and um no it's a good deal it's a good deal if you had him high on your list i would take i would move him down a bit no let's let's just not embarrass ourselves let's just get our team and then what's going to happen is exactly what's happened with me and this Oregon sports betting app which is three weeks ago I had never laid down a real sports bet in my life and last night our friend Chris Hayes and I are texting each other it's 12 15 a.m. New York time and we're freaking out about if the Blazers are going to win by two points or less so that I will hit my prop bet he literally texted me last night was like what are you doing with this blazers uh um uh golden state game and i was like i actually wasn't watching it because i was at dinner with my friends i'm looking at it now he was like i need to live vicariously through you i said how about this a bet that pays huge if the game ends in a tie or either team only wins by two points he was like i'm in by which he meant bet the money i bet five dollars and um and uh and then we'll see where it goes and it came down to the wire andrew it was i was texting with him i was like this is why the people that make these odds and stuff are so smart because it's never a given and this this thing whipsawed and there was a a draymond green got called for a a charge uh that that could have swung the game wildly the blazers go to the free throw line with three seconds left they're leading by two okay so my bet is good at this point and they send this guy to the line uh who got fouled thankfully the uh golden state had double covered uh dame lillard so the the the blazers had to go to like a non-ideal option and they go to this other guy kind of taller guy you just think his name's carpenter usually bigger guys are not as great at free throws dude bricks both free throws to preserve my bet chris and i are losing our minds over this um here's my point in all this wait wait how does it so does it turn out yes i won two hundred dollars nice yes it was the greatest so here's what i'm saying i'm this is not by the way in uh in any way encouraging people to uh take up gambling or make bets that put them in

any finance let me just quote the brochures that are located near the atms at various places uh in uh you know where there's gambling the fact when the fun stops let me just be the voice of When the fun stops, it's like a sunset and just like a very, very, very serious fun. When the fun stops. Anyway, I'm not trying to make light of it. This is because it's a real problem for people, et cetera, et cetera. But here's where I'm going with this, Andrew. I went from having absolutely no idea what the heck was going on with this stuff two weeks ago to now having a pretty decent working knowledge of it. And my thought is that's what will happen with us on our fantasy baseball team, the high school Buds C-Leagues. What will happen is We will make some bad picks We will have some players that aren't doing well We will try some things that won't work But then we'll notice the things that are working And then we'll just kind of be more aware And then we will just Like an AI program We will learn as we go And we will become better at it And it will be a fun thing And I also have no expectation of us winning this league

We'll be like an AI program So intelligent Only not artificial And I'll speak for yourself But wait, but just so you know, my and I know that I'm being a little bit extra here, if not a lot extra here. But for me, it is not about even right now. It isn't about maintaining it throughout the week, although I know everybody says like, man, it's it's it's a lot. But like, I'm not worried about that. I am more worried about the draft night itself.

is everybody getting on a zoom call together i sort of got the impression this is the part that

i think i bet everyone's going to be on a zoom you don't have to be that's we we unfortunately we should try to transition eventually to blurs days because i am going to have a meeting that starts in 15 minutes sorry i lost track of time i hijacked that's what happens when you're having fun yeah my co my co-bro and co-manager but i'm now posing a question that has probably a 30 minute answer so this is a bad idea but how much of it is just the idea of the testosterone of like 10 guys you don't know and the just kind of maleness of the whole event how much is that kind of causing you to be a little anxious around it I don't think it's

I don't think it's maleness and testosterone it's just intelligence intelligence level on this thing I mean it could be all women who are baseball fans and I would be feeling the same exact thing it's just that my lack of knowledge both again of the technology and of the of the sport itself which I don't I don't want to you always tell me that I'm maybe underestimating myself in that but I'm telling you like in the same way that you were talking about going into that room and people understanding the league like I really don't know what is going on in the rest of the league I've been a Mariners fan and you know kind of having fun following them the past few years but like you know the idea and of course it is this like you can tell from the you know email chains that these these are a group of people who know each other really well have this really quick witty banter which i appreciate and like you know i feel like if it was you and me on a zoom or a phone call together and we were just interacting with everybody um via the uh via the the actual platform you know the fantasy platform that i could see that working that's that's kind of maybe more my question to you was very messy and broad but i think maybe i'm just trying to you know how i have anxiety i have social anxiety about even just like meeting a couple for dinner somewhere or something. And one of the ways I sometimes tamp down that anxiety is by going on Google Maps and looking at the outside and inside of the restaurant so I can picture myself there and then I'm like, okay. And like, I don't know why that is. That's just kind of like a phobia and whatever. I think I'm having that with this and there's no way for me to Google Map the night. You know, like I just don't understand what we're getting into. Do you want to do a

mock draft, mock draft? I think so. Where you and I do a fake one before we do the real one? I think we should. I think a real draft, mock draft.

Exactly. They do have mock drafts that you can do, I think. And that's kind of what I was – that's my uninteresting but practical question for you. Like how familiar are you with the kind of technology right now, for lack of a better word, in the platform? And like maybe we should do a mock draft. But then it's like how much time are we dedicating to this? You and I are spending a lot of time already, like, doing stuff for TBTL and everything. I don't want to be, like, wasting time on mock drafts, but, you know, I don't know.

I am not – I mean, obviously, I'm not quite as anxious about it as you are, but also I know some of the people involved. I know Joe and I know Graham, so that probably also gives me a little bit more comfort level. I just – this is our personality difference as it relates to these things, And the good news is I will absolutely carry you on the beach. There will be one set of footprints as we make a play for Fernando Tatis Jr. There will be one set of cleat prints on the sand. It will be when I was carrying you. So don't worry. I got this. Okay, good. I'm not making any claims about how good our draft will be. But I will make a claim that we will not look super dorky. Okay.

Okay, that's all I want is not to look super dorky. It's gotten me in trouble in the past.

There's a right way to rock and a wrong way to roll. You can't just listen to your soul. Just remember that life is number one. You can't be having so much fun. Just remember that life is much fun. You can't be nothing but one.

You know, Luke, I was going to tell you, I'll just do these myself this week because we only have a few, but then we got a late-breaking flood of blurses in my inbox, so I just copied and pasted the list.

Can I also just mention that this is, you know, for once of late, I managed to not play the email sound effect when it was Blurs Day time, which I think just that portends good things about our online draft. Like my competence, I think my level of competence is actually really increasing. Like artificial intelligence. Right, exactly.

First blur is from Katie, who wishes the happiest of birthdays to Sean, who is turning 30 this week. Here's to embracing 30 and making it your best year yet, full of love and laughter.

And lots of koalas. Aww. Thank you so much. Gotta get my aw sound effect going. Sean is going to be so jazzed to get this. I will say this. I probably wasn't supposed to read that last part, but I will say this. Sean, Katie has been thinking about this Blur's Day message for quite some time. She emailed us, I believe, at least a month ago, if not more than that, and wanted to get the Blur's Day in there. I said, could you remind me when we're getting a little bit closer to the date? But I'm just saying that Katie didn't just send this in at the last minute because she forgot to get you a birthday gift. This has been on her mind. This is important. So happy Blur's Day to you, Shawnee. Absolutely.

Cindy says, happy belated Blur's Day to my dear friend and gorgeous Ithacatan, Sheila. We know Sheila. Haven't seen you in a year, but that's not how any of this works. I love you. I love how you can help me. Whoa, I may have just really changed the dynamic of Cindy and Sheila's relationship.

That's what you do. This is why I should just do the Blur's Days. You're always trying to play matchmaker.

It's so much more fun the way that I do it. I'm a little Cupid shooting my little arrow all over the Blur's Days. Cindy says, I love how you can help me think deeply one minute and make me belly laugh the next. You're a keeper, and I hope your day was delightful. Love you, friendo See, people are actually having to say

Specifically what the nature of their relationship is That love you, friendo Is more to you, Luke

Right, but then she writes parenthetically With benefits

She does not Kevin says, happy birthday to my wife Sarah, she made a huge Leap in changing jobs and moving Cities to reunite with me and More importantly, her cat She got more than she bargained for, but we're closer than ever and i'm so grateful that we didn't have to face 2020 separately her smile heart and sense of humor make every day so much more bearable oh you know what say sarah i think i might know

these people oh yeah and i think they moved i think sarah was here in portland and kevin was up in uh up in bellingham i remember this from previous blurses and i find it interesting that As soon as I move to Portland, Sarah finally decides she's had enough of the 503 and is ready to head. I can't help but take that as sort of a personal slight, but I'm very happy for Kevin and Sarah that they're doing well.

Oh, wait. I'm confused. So I was thinking that you were saying that Sarah followed you down to Portland, but the opposite.

Sarah got the heck out of Dodge when she heard old LB was coming down to Bridgetown. Maybe she was just scared of all the Loch Ness sea lions. Uh-huh. Well, I just welcome anyone else who believes that this is real. Maria Alicia says, happy birthday to our dear five, Zariah. Thank you, Maria Alicia, also for the helpful pronouncer, like Mariah, but with a Z, who is turning to Zariah. My goodness gracious, that is adorable. I hope Soraya is listening to this And understands that we're talking about her The Rona may keep us from having a big party But you will get lots of hugs, kisses And a new toy recycling bin To replace your poor, broken TBTL1 Love, Poppy, an 11 And Mommy, a black suburban working mom type of 10 Maria Alicia's words, by the way So happy Blur's Day Zariah, that is adorable God, two years old They call them the terrible twos, Andrew But I miss Addy being two years old

The terribly cute twos

Yeah, it was 25 years ago It might have sucked, I don't remember It was a long, long time ago

You'll be happy to know that we are Do you like to use the word efforting, Luke? I feel like it's a word that I don't like

I'm efforting to include it in the program more

We are working on getting a Zariah We're working on getting Zariah a replacement TV-tailed garbage bin for her birthday Got it I see Spoiler alert, Zariah Close your ears Grandma and Grandpa say Happy Adoption Blur's Day to Kehlani and Armani As of this past Monday You are officially in our big family We are overjoyed that you are our forever granddaughters God knew your path long before you were born And now, after a wait of over a year and a half, ta-da! Actually, wait, Luke, you have a ta-da, right? Can I set that up again?

Do I have a ta-da on this little thing?

Oh, I thought you had a ta-da on your thing. Maybe not. Okay. Maybe a bat one. Maybe try the fart sounds. No, that would be inappropriate.

I can only play one at a time, but I can do that one. No, that's not appropriate at all. I can't believe you suggested that. There's got to be a...

That one. It's getting closer.

Yeah.

No, no. That guy. Wrong, totally off. You dropped a bomb on me. You're the bomb. Okay.

Dot com.

Broken glass. Yeah.

I thought you had a ta-da. I don't think I do. I got this one.

Little kids love that one, though. Yeah, it is fun. I wonder if these little kids will love it. Yeah. Anyway, let me start this sentence over, because I've ruined this Blurs I was going to say, God knew your path long before you were born.

I know what you're thinking about. Keep talking.

Okay, you're going to get it? You get it? Ready? Okay. God knew your path long before you were born. And now, after a wait of over a year and a half, we are a bigger and better family because of you. We love you so much. Cute. That was smooth and also a beautiful sentiment.

I forgot that the ta-da is at the end of the drum roll good call on that I would have never gotten there well it was because I had pressed every other button on this little machine it was really just a process of elimination Andrew I'm a Mabus not a Noviopio I'm not intuitive like you are hey Annie says I'm wishing my cousin Leah of Haller Lake Christian Preschool and PNB Nutcracker Rat Capades fame. My friend Leah, I mean, now I'm talking as Luke Burbank, my friend Leah from preschool, who's now a listener to the show. I'm wishing Leah a happy Blur's Day. You're an amazing woman, and I'm glad you're not only my cousin, but also in the TBTL verse. Happy Blurs, my dear cousin. Aw. one of the kind of more i guess you could say surreal or unexpected parts of this being our job andrew uh is that we have listeners i know you have this same thing now where like people from your real life from your childhood growing up uh you know from from high school from whatever our actual listeners to the show now i have to take that as a high compliment yeah because like it means that we did not completely like I did not completely torch my friendship with Leah in preschool you know

yeah or she finds you more palatable

maybe like with a little distance it just took like 35 years of age of seasoning hey whatever you know what whatever it takes I'm glad that we have Leah in the listening audience and happy Blur's Day Leah and to all of our Blur's Day recipients this week happy birthday

Is that like an old radio joke? Like, I like listening to you better on the radio because I can turn you off. Sounds like something.

Yeah, it's not a radio joke, but I think it's a you should sing solo, solo I can't hear you, or with a voice like that you should be on the radio so I could turn it off.

Or if somebody comes up to you with a guitar and says you want to hear a song, you can say, yes, can you play Far, Far Away? You ever hear that one? That's a song I actually love. Is that an actual song? By Jeff Tweedy. Can we go out with it? Oh, sure. Yeah. Wow. Didn't expect that. Madeline says, happy 42nd Blurs Day to my. What's wrong? You didn't send me all the Blurs Days. Oh, did I not copy and paste all of them? No, no, no.

I got them. I got them. I thought that Annie was the last. That's why I was jumping to the end. No, no. You sent me the right thing. I'm just not looking at the right part of the screen. Okay. I'm sorry. Back to Madeline. Madeline.

Happy 42nd Blurs Day to my best friend-o and Arizona 10. And Heather, thank you for being the delight that you are and for getting me through the toughest year and my most difficult cross-country move with your daily Marco Polos.

People love that Marco Polo. I can't talk about it right now because I have to be on a meeting in one minute. But people freaking love Marco Polo.

I want to ask you what it is, but I didn't realize how late it is, so I'm going to just keep moving here and I'll Google it. I look forward to when we can celebrate in person again And congratulations on getting your second dose of the COVID vaccine. Oh, wow. That's good stuff. Don't worry. By the way, Andrew, don't stress.

I will just make PRX can wait two whole minutes. I don't want John Barth breathing down my neck. He is actually retiring, so you don't have to worry.

He has no power over me anymore.

That's right. We'll go as late as we want. Because we could never end the show without saying, hey, happy Blur's Day to Jake Rar Rar. Formerly of the Columbia City Theater And also Portland's own Fried Egg I'm in Love I swear that's my most dazzling deed in Portland Anytime I go past that place I say to whoever I'm with Hey, that's what my friend Jake used to work there Fried Egg I'm in Love Which is a fried egg sandwich

You know, food truck, essentially, in this little cool area that has a bunch of them, including something called Potato Champion. I don't even know what they do there, but I think I would like it. Anyway, Jake is also, you know, somebody who worked at the Columbia City Theater, helped bring TBTL alive to that place. He said, I'd like to wish a happy Blur's Day to myself. I turned 41 on March 2nd, the same day you guys celebrated the one year anniversary of celebrating your five year anniversary of joining APM. And what a special day, Jake, and I'm so glad you were able to be a part of it. So happy Blur's Day, buddy. So nice to hear from you. Thanks for sticking with the show for all these years. All right. Happy Blur's Day, everyone. So I had mentioned the song Far, Far Away, well, because that is a real song. But then with Jake and Friday, I'm in love. I mean, should we go with The Cure or should we go out with the Jeff Tweedy? I have Far, Far Away right here. Let's just stick with what we know here I love this song so much Kiss and ride on the CTA Man, what a line Alright, thanks for listening everybody We will be back here tomorrow With a Friday edition of the show So please do join us for that Until then, have a great Thursday, stay safe Take care of yourselves, mask up, and please remember And good luck to all

From you On the dark side Of the moon I long To hold you In my arms and sway Kissing right on the CTA I need to see you tonight In those bright lights Oh, I know it's right Deep in my heart I know it's right Power out