Muse

All right, just let me do the talking here, okay? I mean, he's a lawyer, I'm an accountant, we speak the same language. I mean, obviously, accountants are a little more bad boy, but there's a respect there. When will this be over? Hey, Trevor! I've been talking to Ron about estate planning, and he is here to do some goodwill hunting. He has to draw up a new will, so... Yes, I understand. Yes, do I. Thank you. As I've said before, I just don't like puns. Oh. Well, my accountant friends seem to enjoy them. You are not good at this

Because you are not believable in your face Okay, your face It's bad The reason why I chose Comic Sans Was because the letter was intended to be humorous I mean, it was supposed to show that the letter was Like a hilarious newspaper cartoon strip Like Kathy

So you've gone insane That's fun

Usually I don't think my brother's that much funny but I've got to give them some credit for that one. That's a pretty good spoof.

Why don't we go get a beer? I'll give you some advice, and we can have what the kids are calling a sausage fest.

All right, hello, good morning, and welcome, everyone, to a Thursday edition of TBTL, the show that just might be too beautiful to live.

Everything about them just makes me nervous.

My name is Luke Burbank. I am your host.

Hi, everybody.

On a beautiful Thursday morning here in Portland, Oregon, I am, of course, coming to you from the Nest Broadcast Center, high in the sky, above the Rose City. Very excited to be hanging out with you, but also dealing with a couple of technical issues, or I guess equipment-related issues. One is that I cannot get this microphone stand that I'm dealing with to stay in place Microphone keeps wanting to move away from my mouth while I'm trying to talk to all of you And I don't know if that's the universe just trying to tell me something about my podcast hosting skills It's very possible And then the other thing is I thought I was being Mr. Detail-oriented this morning this particular computer where I play these little audio drops from, things like this.

This song goes out to all the coffee lovers of the world.

It's an older Apple computer. It's a laptop, and it, over the years, has accumulated quite the sort of layer of dust and grime on it. And so yesterday I actually got out some kind of special Office Depot-branded screen cleaning wipe. and went to town on it, which was, it looks nice now, but apparently I did something to all of the keys on the laptop because they all want to stick down. So if I'm trying to type or play the audio drops, I have now, I think, permanently damaged this computer by trying to clean it and make it look nice. I wish I hadn't done that. So fingers crossed that we make it through this show successfully and in one piece as we arrive at episode 3,300. And 97 in a collector's series. Let the fun begin. Speaking of problems, there is apparently a ketchup shortage in this country.

The red magic that puts more fun into everyday eating.

There's two things going on. One, it's really hard to get your hands, if you're a company, it's really hard to get your hands on individually packaged ketchup. And then number two, even if you're just going to go with kind of the bulk, the Heinz Ketchup Company, which is the most popular brand in America, there's a shortage of that as well. And so across the country, people who have very particular ketchup tastes which lean towards Heinz are having to, you know, play in other ketchup-related spaces. maybe the hunts maybe the western family maybe the um well those are the only ketchups i can name so i will tell you what's going on with that um also the new york mets baseball team their

television broadcast is essentially just turning into tbtl now this is so boring and forever taking

I don't know why you'd want to do that, but Keith Hernandez, former Mets great and now broadcaster for their TV coverage of the team, is really leaning into his TBTL vibrations, which we'll tell you about. Oh, and then, of course, it's a day two of TBTL Drops of Stupider the Deuce, where we are trying to figure out what the greatest moment in TBTL.

history is so for the next few weeks we're going to be each day we're going to be featuring two moments in tbtl history you'll be able to vote on those and decide eventually what the greatest moment in the history of this show is um oh also because it's thursday aka a blurs day we will do the blurs day messages we'll do all of it with the help of this guy along the training cobra of the show maybe best known for descriptions of the tall ships and also now for the fact that He is at least partially vaccinated, and he is feeling good. I feel high. He is Andrew Walsh, and he's joining me right now from the Roosevelt neighborhood of Seattle, Washington. Good morning, my friend.

Good morning, Luke. I'm happy to tell you that there are zero side effects for the Pfizer vaccine, and I'm the same Andrew I always was. Except with a way sexier voice.

I thought you were going to be mad. All morning, I've been debating whether or not I should start with that spoof, because I feel like you hate it when I do voices. and I was like, I don't know.

Wait, how do you get the impression that I hate you when you do voices?

I don't know, because sometimes I, because, you know, I don't do imitations. I'm not a man of a million voices like you. I feel like I either. You're not a rich little par exemplar. You know, I either go high like this sometimes, and then I go low like this, and that's it. That's my two speeds and my regular boring voice. But I feel like it never lands. So I thought you were going to be like, oh, weird.

I mean, that stuff makes an impression on the listeners. Like, people now write in their dazzling donor messages, parenthetically, insert Andrew saying weird sound. That's true. Right? Which, I mean.

Weird!

So, no, I'm all for it.

I'm all for it. Hey, can I tell you a true story that is, by the way, yeah, everything went really well yesterday getting our vaccine.

I do want to hear about it in more detail, but please start with whatever you're going to start with.

I would like to start with something, and this is a true story. This is not a spoof. well I guess I'll just tell I'll tell the whole story of how everything went but I'm getting to a point of one thing that I woke up this morning that I was very surprised about but so we got our first shot of vaccines yesterday at a place called the Lumen Field Event Center Lumen Field is where the Seahawks play and it's also next door to T-Mobile Park where the Mariners play And Veves and I took the bus and the train to that area of town to get our shots. And I was delighted to realize that there was a day game going on, a Mariners day game. This might be slightly more about baseball than COVID, but again, that's where my heart is. But I was delighted as we got off the train because I was on the train thinking I have not been on this train since the last time I went to a baseball game. Like that's usually when I'm taking the train and it's very associated with going to a Mariners game. and all my little, you know, little traditions that go along with that. And so as we're getting off the train, I'm kind of I'm excited to just hear a little bit of the baseball crowd as we're going into Lumen Field. This is a quick aside, but I do think that something magic happens with the vaccine, because when we went when we entered the event center, the Mariners were down by three and that kind of bummed me out a little bit. and then we leave the event center and we hear the crowd, the small crowd of 9,000 going crazy. You can just hear the crowd.

I wondered if you could actually hear them. I believe it was 7,000, by the way, which is interesting. So they've reached the point now where, because the limitation is like 9,000 tickets. They're not hitting, for a day game, they're not hitting the 9,000 threshold, which there's something comforting about that too. It just means, you know, nature is healing. We're getting back to the way things should be, which is the Mariners selling about 7000 tickets for a business person.

Yeah, the Mariners have been good to us, so I don't want to I don't want to trash them. But I the Mariners do not put the fans first always, which bothers me. Can I just complain here for one second and tell me if I'm wrong and tell me if I'm burning bridges with our Mariners fans.

But along with deep, sexy voice, this is one of the side effects of the Vax.

Let me tell you how I'm going to burn bridges with the Mariners. No, did you hear about this new rule where you can't take outside food into the stadium now, and they're saying that it's a COVID thing when so clearly it's not a COVID thing?

Oh, wow. Have you been studying the Burbank playbook? I know. I was going to say this is such a your thing. Of corporate frustration.

Like, you're telling me that I can't buy peanuts outside and bring them in a bag the way I have every Mariners game I've gone to because you think me bringing prepackaged peanuts that I bought for cheaper from a vendor outside is going to spread COVID? Really? Right.

No, they don't. But they do want you to please throw your towels on the floor to indicate that they need to be washed or hang them up so that you can help save the whales. That's another thing they're doing because of the pandemic. What? Anyway, so that's my aside. I can slice.

that all out luke if if you think that i'm going too hard against our friends of the mariners but um that irritated me anyway um i we leave we get our shots and the crowd is going crazy and i look at my phone and the mariners had just scored seven runs in an inning to take the lead and keep the lead so that was all wonderful the experience of getting the vaccine was um very smooth i mean And this is a mass vaccination site. So they have a whole bunch of people managing lines. Everything is just, again, really smooth. It feels a little like a sci-fi movie. It feels a little bit like Total Recall. You're standing in line with a whole bunch of people. And by the way, everybody's just being great and doing what they're told. And spirits are, if you can read the spirits at all, they're generally high because people are excited to be getting their vaccines. but you know there's a automated voice that i tried to record but i just caught it in the wrong time of the loop of just you know it starts in english and it's like welcome to the vaccine center please you know whatever and it like kind of lists some rules and then they repeat it in like several different languages and it really sort of felt like total recall i felt like i was kind of going and again that's not to speak ill of their system i'm so impressed with it like the

one that that i went to they had those those kind of movable metal kind of barriers you know that are sort of a metal grate that you can pick up and move around but you can also use them to to make sure that people are are zigzagging in the right order and there's something about those there's something about that kind of being in in a in a slot like in a shoot like that that also feels under a tent while the announcement's going in multiple languages it it doesn't not feel like

some kind of dystopian film you know i don't think i can't quite picture what you're talking about i think they just had uh i always get this word wrong stanchions or i think they just had like roped rope off areas for uh so they had more of kind of physical boundaries between the lines

for you yeah they had just um you know it's like a metal section uh that's that's basically like galvanized pipe and it's welded together but you can pick up each section and move them you know you can put them on the back of a truck or you can store them somewhere. It's a kind of like movable, you know, gate system. That's it's about like maybe three feet off the ground. And it just kind of helps direct people where they're going. Point is, it felt a little felt a little dystopian to you, even though everybody was in good spirit.

Yeah, yeah, definitely. I mean, it's not like it's there's no there's no. Yeah, I can't explain it. It wasn't like standing in line like that. It felt uncomfortably apocalyptic. But it's just really hard not to look at thousands and thousands of people all moving into this, you know, kind of quasi public space where we're all getting shots in the arm and then sitting down for a little bit. Like, I just never thought I would live through this moment. But we've we've talked about that a lot. But it went really well. I'm really glad to have the shot. But here's the thing that I wanted to mention to you that I really like. can i get through this story without making jokes about how they injected me with 5g and it was actually bill gates who and who put the injection to my arm because i um was i did not take a selfie you know i'm not a big selfie guy i didn't post anything on my own instagram about getting the shot genevieve while we were waiting in line genevieve took a photo of my foot and her foot standing on a blue sticker that says please wait here or you know i liked that i

I mashed the like button on the gram for that.

You know, it was a fine little photo. She did not tag me in that. She just posted that to her own Instagram page. Someone who follows her did tag me in a comment and said nice kicks or something like that. Thank you, person who said that. And that's it. That's the only way I'd be associated with her journey at all. this morning luke i woke up and opened up instagram and i had so many targeted ads that were so clearly for a post vaccinated person uh ads for a little pins pins you can get that said i'm vaccinated um there were a couple there was one that was like a little plastic pouch the perfect way to protect your um your vaccination card you know because the vaccination card that's

more dystopian than the line right bro right like the fremulon industries like you know kind of monetization of this global pandemic that's why targeted ads like and again that is that's the

that's the facebook way facebook you know has real max headroom shit yes i'm not on facebook but it's like you know i i still really enjoy the experience of instagram and i don't want to leave it i'm also not somebody who's especially paranoid about being tracked or whatnot I always think like yeah you know I handed I am willfully handing over all kinds of information all the time so that I can

Watch YouTube for free and get my Spotify suggestions and all these things. I'm just – I'm relatively comfortable with this reality of data collection and targeted marketing. But the fact that I didn't even post anything, it was just – it was a little creepy this morning waking up and seeing all that stuff. I mean part of me is like is there a chance that the – I've been seeing a lot of various targeted ads that reflect not necessarily my life but reflect where we are. a country right now so there is a chance that these were just in in the shuffle anyway but it

seemed weird to me weird and it and so genevieve put that photo up did not tag you so there was nothing that could have or should have is it are they like geo locating where genevieve's phone is and figuring out your phone resides in the same general area how did that how did that jump from

Genevieve's photo to your digital life? Well, like I said, the most direct connection would be that somebody in a comment underneath Genevieve's photo did tag me. And so I'm guessing that that's probably the, you know, the strongest link there. And again, I could be paranoid. It could just be that a lot of people are seeing these ads now because, you know, eligibility is becoming almost universal now close to universal in most states so it could just be random but anyway weird

yeah i feel like you're gonna get in a johnny cab and it's gonna go like it's a hologram gonna pop up next to you and go for all of your vac post-vaccination needs come visit right you know yes insert like kind of sort of like um banal sounding but ultimately terrifying company that wants to help you with yeah what you're going through right that's pretty crazy show up to the vaccine booth do not how did the um was the needle as i promised like one of the least painful shots

you've ever gotten yeah it basically was like a flu shot did i almost told you this yesterday because a flu shot doesn't really hurt either like i am pretty i mean i just am i am very in my head about any kind of medical stuff um and i get very nervous in the doctor's office even if they're just doing a routine check like i have a i have kind of a phobia of doctor's visits and i

don't want you to i'm not asking you to you know violate any hipaa laws or even you know disclose anything you don't feel comfortable talking about but did you have like did something go down when you were a kid where you got taken to the doctor and it was uncomfortable for you uh is there any kind of incident that you can think of that would make it so you're extra nervous around

doctors and needles and such? No, I mean, when I was a kid, I go to the doctor and like, you know, all the clowns there, sometimes they would squirt me with their flowers. And I mean, sure, their fangs were pretty scary looking. But aside from that, I don't think any of them did much more than honk their nose at me. Yeah, no, no, I don't think it was that. I think I'm just a very anxious person. And I don't know what it is. But you know, I've had conversations with you on the show before about like just kind of a phobia of like if I ever have to get my blood drawn I tell the people like I think you know I might get lightheaded I think you need to like put me in the special room and I'm pretty comfortable you know me with my boundaries I'm pretty comfortable telling them like I need to lay down this is what I need if you're going to be sticking a needle in me usually I'll say like or especially taking blood like can you can you put me in one of those chairs where I can lounge because I'm not cool with this and I can just really get in my head actually a quick aside here is Genevieve and I were talking how we were talking about how people are saying the side effects of the second shot have been more intense for most people just from talking to people we know who've had the second shot already and you know when I say intense I mean people say it kind of wiped out kind of tired maybe a little bit fluey for a day you know nothing nothing to be really scared of but I was standing in line and And as we got closer, I wasn't nervous at all this whole time. Vives and I were just kind of, you know, chatting. But then as I got closer and closer and I realized, oh, we're the next ones up, I started to get a little – I started to get that nervous doctor's office feeling like kind of intensely. And we were talking about the side effects after the second shot, and I started to feel a little bit woozy thinking about that. And I was like, it's so silly because if I just woke up one day and I had those symptoms, I'd be like, oh, I'm a little bit under the weather, caught a bug. might have to just like try to get some rest today like that's it but the idea of i'm gonna get a shot and then that's gonna be the result it sort of got in my head a little bit and this is standing in line for my first shot which there have been zero side effects other than you know slightly sore arm this morning you know just it's almost exactly like a flu shot um and uh but i was gonna to tell you a year ago I never get

flu shots and i don't know what they're like and then a year ago i had a regular checkup at my doctor's office and the doctor said oh we're going to give you a flu shot today too and i'm like okay um i'm like you know i'm not great with needles i think i'm probably going to need to lay down while you do it i'm sorry i know that's kind of wimpy but i just i'm really in my head about needles he's like yeah no problem and so then the nurse comes in or whoever the whoever administers the shot i don't know she was a a lovely young nurse puddles and then like clown nurse comes in a little car drove in and then 17 nurses all climbed up no she was actually it was kind of the opposite she was just i mean she was super super nice and super professional and also super attractive and i was like uh yeah i'm the i'm kind of the baby tell beneath the clown makeup

no it was because of the clown makeup it was actually the nurse from the cover of the blink 182 record i think i actually might know what you're talking about or my brain is filling in i was i was kind of i was sort of dragging that out because i i wouldn't bet money that that's blink 182 but it's it's a band kind of no i think you're right although this is like this ridiculously kind of overly attractive nurse who's oh i thought it was gonna be a clown oh i see on like a surgical glove or something yeah i see that what's happening in that photo

Yeah, her, like, blouse is opened up, and, yeah, it's a very revealing, sexy nurse. I thought it was going to be a clown nurse that you were describing. Anyway, so, no, she's very kind, and I'm already embarrassed because, you know, she's being so sympathetic and treating me with such kid gloves. And she's like, okay, you know, the doctor says that he wants you to sit here for 15 minutes after you get the shot. I understand, you know, nothing to be embarrassed about. Like, you know, everybody reacts differently to these things. And so then she's like, okay, ready? And then she gives me the shot, you know, I, you know, it felt like a flu shot. I barely felt it. I just didn't know because I hadn't had a flu shot because I've been so scared to get flu shots my whole life. And then I was like, oh, is that it really? And she's like, yeah. And I'm like, oh, OK, I'm good then. She's like, nope, you have to stay here. The doctor says you just have like, OK. And then she's like making small talk with me. And I can tell she's trying to not make me embarrassed. She's a very, very kind, cool person. And I enjoy talking with her. But I felt pretty foolish because I didn't realize that flu shots were really no big deal at all. And I would say yesterday's experience was exactly the same as that. Like, you know, you feel a little prick and then they put a band-aid on you and you go and you sit in a chair for 15 minutes. So anyway, that's all it was.

I feel like they were using like whatever – they were using like a mosquito snout in Salem. By the way, that would be a good name for your – if you were like a company that makes needles for doing injections, call it the mosquito because you never feel when a mosquito bites you.

That's true. You feel it later, right? I guess. Well, you itch because of like –

Mosquitos don't like me that much. The like anesthetic that a mosquito deploys so that you don't feel it poking you, that's apparently what makes you itch later. At least that's what I had heard at some point. But, like, the other thing that's really weird about, and I don't mean weird, like, it's weird for people to be afraid of needles because I totally get it.

Weird! That's coming in hot.

Yeah.

I don't mind the noise, but just so you know, that's coming down the line pretty hot.

I'm tempted to turn it way up just to further anger you. But, no, no, what's interesting, because even, like, I think of myself as being, I'm definitely not quite as anxious about that as you are, but I'm not excited about it. Like for me, what it is is my insecurity at seeming like I am being soft or being overly scared. It's like my insecurity is stronger than my fear about the poke. And that goes for everything that I do in my life that I don't want to do that seems kind of scary to me is I am more scared of looking silly. and then i put that in quotes then slightly more scared of looking silly than i am of whatever the thing is that i'm also scared of so like i i don't like like the idea of somebody putting an eel in my arm and probably somewhere inside me is a lot of fear around it but i'm more afraid of them thinking that i'm not a tough guy um but what's also interesting is each day we accidentally encounter much more pain than a flu shot yeah we just don't know it's coming like every day we bump our shin on something or or sometimes we're doing a tbtl thanksgiving recording and we get shocked by a stove like throughout the day there are probably at least four events on an average day that hurt so much more than a flu shot yeah but there's something about knowing the shot is

coming that makes it so much worse absolutely and of course i'm the opposite of you where i'm just like i want to mitigate this as much as possible so i don't mind

I'll throw my dignity on the floor or I'll throw my dignity out the window and just say I need special treatment here because I can't. And I actually think probably – I don't know if I stand by this, but let me just throw it out here as we contemplate this. But you describing kind of a toughing it out, especially in these circumstances that are not really that bad, like a flu shot, there's probably actually something to be said about that. Like almost a, I really hate the phrase, but fake it till you make it kind of thing. It probably ends up, the experience probably ends up being not as bad for you because you do feel like you have to keep this stiff upper lip, whereas I'm just, you know, just being a big baby about it.

Maybe, but, you know, this is, boy, I can't believe this is where I'm taking it. But I saw somebody write something on Twitter the other day. it was a kind of a thread and i think it was somebody saying essentially that i think it started with somebody who i don't know or follow these people they must have been followed by somebody i follow but the starting off point was somebody talking about how like they didn't feel like people were really kind of stepping up for them when they needed it or they were having a hard time and there was and then the response to it was somebody saying well if your vibe in the world is i don't need help from anyone then when you do need help people kind of maybe don't assume that you need help because you kind of haven't put that out there generally speaking you're kind of like trying to stiff upper lipid and for some reason you're you're you're sort of image that you're trying to you know put out there is of not needing people so then when you need people they don't think that you need them because of what you because all the groundwork you've been doing with that and like i don't know if i'm quite there because there's certainly plenty of times on this show where it's pretty obvious to everybody that i need help um but like i am very i think in my life i am very loath to ask for help with things or to i i'm extremely vulnerable in certain ways but in a being reliant on people or i need somebody to come take care of me or i'm afraid of this or this is scary to me that's a kind of that's a part of my personality that i think i'm pretty loath to like put out there you know so i don't know what about the second part of that

though and then are there this is being very personal but then are there times where you feel maybe on more of an island than you would want to and you feel like people like me like your other close friends like family members maybe aren't reaching out as much as they would to somebody else who's going through the same thing but is more outwardly kind of asking for

support here's what's so complicated about it is like i don't even feel consciously like i want that kind of attention yeah you know what i mean does that make sense yeah so it's not even like i I never get up on a certain day and think, God, why isn't anybody asking me how my divorce is going? Because I honestly would feel embarrassed to really kind of get into that with a lot of people. But I don't know if that's good for me. You know what I mean? The fact that I've so suppressed that kind of stuff and that kind of way of being, I guess you could say, cared for by people. I've suppressed it so far down that I'm not even conscious of maybe that would be a thing that would be good for me. But I do, on certain days, just have the generalized malaise that I think we all have, and I wonder if what I'm feeling that's not a great feeling is because of not having those connections with people, because I've never asked for those connections for so long that I don't even think I need those connections.

Yeah, you know, I think we're getting further, or I'm taking us further and further away from maybe what the original point was. It reminds me of that drop, that intro I sometimes play from Wet Hot American Summer, where the guy who plays Roger Sterling, I can't think of that actor's name, is like the theater coach. And there's a young woman who starts singing Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star beautifully, and then he just interrupts her and starts screaming at her and saying how terrible she is, and she's never going to make it in the business. And he ends by saying, and that, to answer your question, is why you don't have a role. And then somebody says, what was the question? Because nobody asked a question. I love that intro so much. John Slattery. Slattery, yeah. Anyway, I don't know what our original point was. But what you just said reminded me of a couple of things. First of all, I think I make, as far as supporting people, and I don't know if this makes it too personal to keep on going with what you've been going through. Because you're going through a lot. personally aside from you know the context of what we're all going through um and it is true that i probably ask you less i probably check in on that aspect of your life less than i should because i think that i might not want to talk about it if i were in your position and i think i make that assumption and maybe for you that's an accurate assessment but for a lot of people it might not be and so like there was a period where I was unemployed I didn't lose my job I quit my job but I came out to Seattle and I didn't have a job and I hated everybody asking me how the job search was going or what's going on with your work York or whatever. And it was this period that I just hated it because I didn't want to talk about it, you know? And so I internalized that and then I tried to apply that to everybody. And so sometimes whether somebody is going through some major grief or a hard time in their life, I might be hesitant to bring it up because I just think in the back of my head, oh, they don't want to talk about it, you know? But I was talking to a friend of mine a while back who had recently lost his dad. And I asked him how he was doing and how his family was doing. And he said, you know, I don't mind talking about it. I like it when people ask because I'm always thinking about it. I lost my dad. I'm always thinking about it. So we can talk about it. Don't feel awkward about that, you know. And I don't think I'm really good at that because I don't always like to talk about things, believe it or not, as we talk. Or when I'm in the moment, I don't want to. Like even if it's just a bad day at work, this is kind of my second tangential point. Like if I'm going through something at work and Genevieve can kind of hear me talking to you about it or can just pick up on my vibe that I'm not happy about something, I'll often just say I don't want to talk about it. Like I'm going through it. I don't want to relive it now while we're just chilling out watching TV, you know. And then eventually it will come up naturally and then I'm like I just spew it all out and I can't stop, right? Because sometimes I just want to process things for a while before I'm talking about it. So anyway, I don't know where I'm going.

I think that you and I are pretty well matched in that, in that, again, and maybe I'm not doing myself any favors like long term in terms of like emotional health, but I'm not – yeah, it's just not something that feels natural to me. Again, the listeners are like, really? There are things that you guys don't want to talk about because it just feels like all we do is turn these mics on and just kind of just go on and on and on. But, like, I don't really – yeah, it's – I don't feel like I need people to check in on me, you know, tons and tons. And the other thing, too, I appreciate about you, Andrew, is if, you know, on the semi-rare occasion when if I kind of let you in on some of that stuff or just anything going on in my life, you're very receptive. You're a very good listener. Like, it feels to me like you're very there for those conversations if I need to talk about stuff. So I appreciate that about you. But I think we are well suited in that neither one of us wants to get too into certain things And so we both kind of Now where that's a bad fit is when There are plenty of other people in my life Who probably could really benefit from me checking in on them And seeing how they're doing But because I don't really feel the need to be checked in on I don't check in on them And that's where I probably should try to get out of my own experience a little bit And think about other people who are moving through the world differently and how I can kind of, like, be a better, you know, family member, friend, et cetera, to them.

Well, this is maybe a weird, awkward analogy, but I'm going to say it anyway because I think about this a lot. I feel like birthdays. Weird. Oh, that's a better level. Hey, that's too low. Could you turn that up? No. Birthdays. I don't care about birthdays. I could go, as you know, like, I could go, and in some years I actively try to go the entire day without anybody even knowing it's my birthday. I just don't give a shit. And that, I think, makes me bad at celebrating or being the lead person on other people's birthdays. You know, Genevieve always says that I do a pretty good job. Let me sip my coffee for that. Genevieve, you know, she says I'm usually pretty – she actually says I'm a good gift giver, a thoughtful gift giver, which I always think I'm not because I always feel maybe I – whatever. I'm kind of in my head about that. I think sometimes I really nail it and then other times you're doing something at the last minute and it just feels – I feel so much shame that I hadn't been thinking about it. You have an entire year to remember your partner's birthday and do something special. And then when you're doing something last minute, I always feel really terrible about that. But I think sometimes I find myself doing something very last minute or or not celebrating. I don't know, somebody's work thing or celebrating somebody's birthday or what have you, because it's like they don't care if I'm there or not. Like, who gives a shit? Oh, no. Other people do care about their birthdays. Just because I don't care about my birthday doesn't mean that other people don't like that's the that's I've actually I thought about this as a kid. I was like, well, the golden rule doesn't always work, because if I treat people how I want to be treated, people are going to be having a lot of shitty birthdays.

You know what I mean?

I never thought about that. The golden rule kind of is bullshit, because it's based on the idea that we all want the same thing. Has anybody, like, have we, is this, like, did we finally actually arrive at an original concept on this show? I used to say that.

That was a thing like, I mean, young, like at least high school, I came up with that theory. Like, bro, the rule doesn't work on me.

That's deep because it's, yeah, the whole idea is that we all want to be treated the same. So we will then treat each other in the way that we want to be treated. But people have very, very different, you know, different needs and wants around.

a variety of things and i i really think i mean i'm probably applying the golden rule a lot which is why most of the people in my life are disappointed which is why i'm just like i'm just doing what i'm doing to them what i would want done to me which is to basically leave me

alone and let me drink and watch baseball you're just giving people a bottle of booze and a carton

of cigarettes and saying smoke up johnny yeah by the way yeah honestly you give me my tiny barbecue and my root sports and my late life veggie dogs and a little slug of jmo and i'm pretty good Isn't that fun? I mean, that's just a care package I send to everybody.

Yes, right.

I think your nieces really enjoyed their birthday gifts this year. Oh, speaking of which, just a little preview of this week's newsletter, which if you haven't subscribed yet, you are really missing out. Go over to tbtl.net and subscribe to that. The Hey Dummies video may just might feature an appearance from a couple of actual nieces of mine. I'll bet you it does. You said may, but the fact that you're bringing it up. Wouldn't this be the greatest head fake if they were not in the video at all? And I just said that for no reason.

I said they might be. I didn't make any promises.

I just realized how silly what I did was because if you do watch this video, I look extremely weird in the video because I'm trying to block the shot. I'm trying to make it so that the viewer Of the Hey Dummies video cannot see That my nieces are sitting behind me In this little room And in order to do that I have to get like way up Into the camera So it's very unnatural how the video starts I look even more off than normal And then there's kind of the reveal That hey Maddie and Mary are here But I completely Invalidated that

By just telling everyone

They're in the video Well, they might be. I still don't know.

Who knows?

It's a wild world. It sure is, Cat Stevens. All right. Let's take a quick break, and then when we come back, Drops of Stupider, Day 2, and all of the other... I'm really excited. I don't know if it's going to pay up, but I'm really excited to play you this Mets tape, Andrew.

Oh, good.

Good.

I hope you haven't heard it yet. No. Is this Keith Hernandez? Did you say that at the top of the show? I did say that at the top. Okay, great.

Anyway, that's coming up in a moment here on TBTL. Stay with us.

On your mark. On your mark. Get set. Get set. Now ready. Ready. Go. Everybody rattle, dattle. Everybody rattle, dattle.

Let's thank some dazzling donors. These wonderful, generous folks are donating a dazzling amount of dough each month, which continues to perplex and on some level anger our bosses at 8 p.m.

Wait, anger? No.

Well, I mean, yeah, there's a frustrating. The unknown can be frustrating. They're like, because they've heard the show, our bosses have, and then they look at the Dazzling Donors and all of the folks who support TBTL and they go, why do you do that? And there's just a tiniest undercurrent of anger.

Really?

But, yeah, I'd say it's like 80% being mystified, like, huh, and then maybe 20% of like, 20% is a lot.

Do you think Tig is driving some of that? Has there been like a dynamic shift since she joined the network?

I don't have Tig's working cell phone anymore There was a period of time where I did But Tig's star has Shot so high in the sky That at some point she switched phones But I'll try to find that out Anyway What I'm trying to say is we really do appreciate These fine folks and their donations And it is the only way that we're able to do the show People like Kathy Backman Of Rochester, Washington Beautiful Rochester, Washington Thanks to TBTL. In this year of isolation, I have a community. Over the years, I have enjoyed the online community, the cards, the live events, and oh, yes, even the podcast. Yeah, don't sleep on the podcast, Kathy. Turns out that's, I would say, a fairly important part, although I am always saying that, you know, really that the TENS community is really where it's at. But you wonder, Andrew, have we, like, imagine TBTL, imagine the podcast itself is sort of like a Cessna pulling a glider, and the glider is the TBTL 10 community. If the Cessna were to just kind of drop off, how far would the glider glide?

I like to think pretty far. I agree.

I mean, maybe indefinitely. Like, do we still need to keep doing the show is my question.

Oh, I see. Well, I would like to. I enjoy doing the show, and I enjoy eating. You would consider yourself a fan of having money for food? And rent, you know, like those types of things are important to me, so that's cool.

Kathy says, this is my first year to Dazzle, and I did it for my fellow tens who might not be able to donate. That's a really kind thing, Kathy, both to Andrew and I, noted fans of eating, and also to the tens who are not in a...

financial spot right now where they're able to support the show and we know everybody is in kind of a different um economic uh moment right now uh and so we've heard from listeners who uh who are had to you know maybe suspend their donation for a while because of what their personal financial situation is and we totally understand that other folks have been fortunate and they have stepped up their donations and we appreciate that as well so um thank you kathy kathy says cheers to 2021 and better days ahead i am with you kathy rochester washington that feels to me like it's not far from the border the washington oregon border but i could be mixing that up with rochester minnesota where we once stopped off at a culver's andrew at the beginning right of our uh epic

hitchhiking trip yeah i'm so bad i mean i'm so bad with retaining town names so i can't really

way in there one way or the other would you did you remember though that we were in rochester minnesota home of the mayo clinic uh when we went to that culver's i mean i wouldn't have

called that up but you saying that i mean i remember i remember the food was tasty i remember the um the woman who worked there was fun and interesting but also a lot i bet you got to be

a lot more yes since we you know what i mean like she was one of those people who she just went off As we were talking to her And I think was saying some stuff that you and I would really And Nora and Stu were there Some stuff that we would really not stand by In terms of kind of her viewpoint on the world And my guess is that She hasn't been looking at Less One America Network In the intervening three to four years By the way I'm also watching this I'm watching this QAnon documentary On HBO right now

It's a documentary made by QAnon Because that sounds interesting

I am and I'm telling you Andrew The scales have fallen from my eyes Hey, Rochester, Washington Is, it is between Seattle and Portland It is, it's basically When you see the Great Wolf Lodge Yes, I've seen that Hang a Louie If you're going north, or hang a Rui if you're going south Nobody calls it a Rui, but maybe it'll start Anyway, Rochester, Washington is not too far From here, so Thanks again, Kathy, for supporting The program. Maestro On your mark.

On your mark. Get set. Get set. Oh, this guy. Ready.

Go. Everybody rattle. Where's the freaking Bobby Pape of Boston, Massachusetts?

Pretty good spoof.

Bobby. Thanks, Bobby. Appreciate you. Bobby says, given the unmitigated shit show that was the last year, I just wanted to take this opportunity to thank you both and to share my great appreciation for all that you do as there's a drive into deep left field by Castellanos and that'll be a home run and so that'll make it a 4-0 ball game pretty good spoof Bobby you know what you benefited from and this is a knowledge that somebody like Bobby would have from listening to the show for so long I don't pre-read these so that that absolutely caught me off guard hey Ron Burgundy Bobby knew that there was no chance I'm Luke Burbank Bobby knew there was zero chance that I was gonna see That joke coming and I really didn't I saw it I loved it I laughed out loud

This morning when I saw that

Please use any remaining time to do some Or all of the following We'll do it all Plug this show has everything Formerly known as Little Red Bandwagon The weekly podcast by a group of hosts Including me who all met through TBTL Everybody go check out this show has everything Also Bobby Wondered if we could play the Slabjacking theme or drop absolutely slab jacking so that's um by the way listening to the mariners our old buddy mike who is the guy who says this slab jacking oh i always forget that that's mike right mike is still there man still doing his thing still doing all that imaging for the uh the bonneville uh cluster of stations when i was listening to the mariner game i heard uh you know some some advertisement or or promotional message for something and it was our boy mike and you know

who you know what i heard yesterday uh that i thought had been retired forever was rick riz saying they say teachers don't impact for a year but for a lifetime i i remember i always bring that up every year because i've been hearing it i think since i've been watching the mariners or listening to the broadcasts i should say and then i felt like they retired it last year but it's

back baby as you might say yeah i listened to the game yesterday because i was kind of cleaning and trying to get everything uh ready for my uh my nieces and my sister hannah to stop by my nieces who may or may not be featured on this week's hey dummies video

and uh so i i didn't want to just be it was a day game and i wasn't just going to sit in front of the television i was so it was it was actually kind of fun because i hadn't heard old rico and dave because i've only been watching the the the games on tv so i've only been experiencing the the um uh aaron and uh and and mike blauer's show so that was fun so good man i love them together so much hey they're not as good as the new york mets but we're gonna get to that in a minute Continuing with Bobby's message Bobby says Think about how we're all overdue To revisit the Gary Coleman bit On how the states got their abbreviations Oy vey

So this is Gary Coleman, the stand-up comedian This comes up from time to time

About once every nine months I forget that we've played this And the subject of state abbreviations comes up And I say Have you ever heard the Gary Coleman bit about this? And then we play like a seven-minute bit for the, now, I don't know, 20th, 30th time on the show.

Okay, I'll just drop this in the middle somewhere. I have no idea where this is. I'm just dropping this in the middle. This is the 2.46 mark. We'll listen to 30. No, it's Bobby. We'll listen to 40 seconds of it.

Sir, I think we might have used that one before. Are you sure? I'm pretty sure. Well, let's check the minutes. Dottie! Dottie, read the minutes back to us, hon. Dottie was the wise-cracking secretary Every 1970s office had a wisecracking secretary, and this one's name was Dottie. And Dottie, Dottie was a pistol. You would love, she was a real hot ticket. Dottie, listen to what Dottie said. They said, Dottie, read the minutes. How Dottie is this? He said, read the minutes back to us. This is so Dottie. And she goes, you mean the minute? Oh, Dottie.

You make the argument I didn't really pick the best part. Well, you didn't pick it. The universe picked it. Yeah, it's true. The most Dottie-centric part of the bit, I would say. We got out on an applause break.

Yeah.

That's fine. I can live with it. Listen. Sorry, Bobby. If you'd like to hear the bit, just go revisit any six-month period of the show, and you will hear me tossing to that bit in its full glory at some point. And then Bobby says, consider going out with any song off of Fleetwood Mac's Rumors. And then says, don't stop would be an inspirational option. I can get down with that. Rumors. No, it's all true. Yeah, let's do that. You know, it's all true. Ah, why did I try to do my New Zealand accent?

Now, don't stop. That's not don't. No, that's not don't stop believing. That's a different band. So I don't.

That's don't stop thinking about tomorrow. Don't stop. It'll soon be here.

Right. Of course. It'll be. OK, we'll go out with that. That sounds great.

Yeah. And then Bobby wraps things up by saying until next year, be excellent to each other and keep your stick on the ice. our friend Bobby in Boston. Hey, Bobby, thanks, man. Really appreciate you and all of your support for TBTL over the years through a variety of different avenues. And also for hipping me to that pink Spalding... But can I ask you this, Andrew? I noticed the show title yesterday was Spalding Pink. Is that a Spalding Gray reference? It was the best. We didn't say anything.

I liked it. We didn't have anything good for a show title. I liked it. I just want to

make sure I was picking up what you were putting down.

Yeah, that was the joke. It was kind of buried, which reminded me of one other thing I was going to say. Oh, yes, the Spalding pink ball. Now people are sending links. I didn't realize that that Spalding pink ball you have played such an essential role in the West Wing. There's a character who is indelibly connected to it, and he's always bouncing. Really? That imaginary character that you brought up yesterday, yours was more of a kind of an executive, like probably a creative executive trying to you know not lose the mccutcheon's account or whatever um but it's also plays a big part in the west wing as somebody who was he's trying to solve problems thinking things out and is what was he a speech writer i can't remember that character's

name i don't know oh oh yeah this guy i'm looking at a um i don't think he was a picture of him and

i don't i don't ever his name is toby ziggler yeah what was his role was he he was he has a

Twitter account. Toby's rubber ball. The ball has a Twitter account.

There you go.

I help Toby ruminate and punctuate. Sometimes I get the attention of his deputy. I'm guessing Toby Ziegler is the name of the character. That's not the name of the actor. Yes, I'm quite sure. But that's a real, talk about a blind spot for me. I know West Wing fans are fervent and very into the West Wing. And that's one of those ones that I just didn't, you know, it just I actually just don't think I ever even tried to watch it, probably because of the scheduling of my life at that time. But that's a huge cultural blind spot for me.

Hello and welcome to Top Story.

Andrew.

i have some good news for you in this absolutely unprecedented kind of crazy world of 2021 where up is down and left is right and you're standing in line and some you know going into a stadium to be vaccinated hopefully there are some things that never change and that is the wall street journal's pencil drawing of things yes what i'm talking about yeah of course they're little

often it's the um they'll do a little sketch of the op-ed columnist or sometimes the person being

profiled like the wall street journal is too classy to put photos in typically i don't know if that's a hard and fast rule anymore but back in the day it was like the wall street journal didn't really have photos it just had these like incredibly cool pencil drawings of of whatever the thing is that was being talked about and i am looking at the coolest pencil drawing of a packet of heinz tomato ketchup of all time they in this article uh written by heather hadden and annie gasparo the new shortage ketchup can't catch up see what they did there yeah they also had somebody in the art department take the time to draw a very cool pencil drawing or ink drawing of a packet of Heinz tomato ketchup, and I love it. I want to get a tattoo of this. I feel like this would be an awesome—I mean, I don't really have—I genuinely don't have hugely strong feelings on ketchup, but if I did, this would be the tattoo of ketchup that I would get.

I'm going to see if—I couldn't get into this article. I only was able to read a little bit of it before the lack of subscription cut me off. Yeah, so I can only see this via your word pictures that you're painting for me, Luke.

Well, now it's like what it's like to be the listeners. I'm going to send you not only a word picture but an actual picture, and maybe it can be the show pic today. I don't think we can steal it. Sorry. I don't think we can do that, though. Really? For all the things, fine. Then I'll draw my version of it. It looks like Fargild. That we can do. So just be ready. I'm going to send you a picture of Fargild, but I'm going to write Heinz tomato ketchup on it. Anyway, there is a ketchup shortage that's going on for a couple of reasons. One is that because of the pandemic, you know, restaurants have switched over to the to-go packets. And also, people are eating at – people are going to drive-thrus way more than they used to because it's what's open and it's safer. It's more contactless. So just the overall demand for individual packets of ketchup has gone way up. Packets of ketchup, the prices are up 13 percent since January of 2020. Even fast food giants are pleading for the packets. Long John Silver's had to seek ketchup from the secondary suppliers because of the rush, the demand. They had to spend an extra half a million dollars, they say, since it's more expensive to buy the ketchup in the little pack. Yeah, more packaging. Than it is to buy it in the bottle. I am going to say this, Andrew. I hate the traditional, this picture I'm about to send you, the traditional little packet of ketchup. I can never get enough ketchup out of it, and it gets on my fingers. And how do I know this? Because last night, I was driving my sister and my nieces back to their hotel, and I was a Mike Peckish. I had not had enough dinner, and so what did I do? I swung through the Mickey D's drive-thru, and I got myself some French fries. I came home. I was very excited to watch my QAnon doc and eat my French fries. And I asked for extra ketchup The McDonald's here in my part of Portland Still has individual Ketchup packets, Heinz, no less I think, actually I didn't even look at what the packets were But you do this thing Where you open the packet of ketchup And you try to like wring it out And you just, it's not really enough And it's also all over your fingers It's a bad system

I can usually keep it mostly off my fingers But it is a design I mean, those things are just, yeah, it's just a bad design. It gives me a bad feeling using those things. And it never seems like there's as much in there as you think before you open it. Opening itself is not, sorry about the John Mulaney trying not to burp there. Just push through. I hate myself for doing that. Just push right through. The tearing it open, you're never sure if it's going to fully, like, kind of tear open properly. I really hate that. And it's interesting that McDonald's still sticks with it because McDonald's actually really... I don't know, were they the first ones to do this? I mean, I love the way that they distribute, like, barbecue sauce or honey mustard in those little, like, cups. Even that, actually, I should say, pulling the tinfoil kind of lid off of those little plastic cups is still not ideal, actually. But once you get past that, it's a really nice little, you know, sauce delivery mechanism as opposed to those gosh darn little packets.

And that is a thing that has been designed or been redesigned by Heinz and probably some other companies that make ketchup. There are those packets that are more like a little kind of plastic cup, for lack of a better way to describe it, that's way more functional for dipping your French fries. Because also, if you're in your car, some people have perfected – I just have never – I never invested the time in this. Some people have perfected the art of individually ketchuping each fry. Have you ever seen somebody do this move? Oh, I think I've heard of this, yeah. This is where I shift into my Sebastian Maniscalco. You ever seen this move? Whenever it's like you ever see this move, it sounds like a very Sebastian Maniscalco. I don't know who that is. I don't know what's happening. I don't understand it And I won't respond to it He's only one of the top five Most popular stand-up comedians Of the last five years I bet you you've seen him But you just didn't know What his name was Maybe He's the guy that does The Ross Dress Have you Oh I was gonna ask you Have you been Have you seen this place I thought

I was gonna ask you I thought that the States guy we just played Goleman I was gonna ask you If that was the Ross Dress Ross Dress for Less guy too

No it's this guy Sebastian Maniscalco Yeah okay But anyway Anyway, I have seen people that have got – they're so sort of deft with the like traditional ketchup packet that they can put it on each individual fry before they eat it. That just seems so time-consuming. Are you going to follow that up by painting a thousand angels on the head of a pin? Like it just seems so complicated. So yeah, I'm not really a fan of these individual packets. But I'm also – what I'm wondering is – and I don't think you know the answer and I certainly don't know the answer. I don't really know what the rules are around restaurants and like dine-in restaurants and what they're actually allowed to do. I think you said yesterday, Andrew, that – and I think this has been my experience too. Most of the time now, if you were to be dining in – let's say you're just eating outside. It's somewhere. It's safe, all that. and you ask for some ketchup, they're not going to bring you the like squeeze bottle of ketchup. They're going to bring you like a packet of fancy ketchup, which is always kind of a letdown to me. I mean, I understand they're trying to be safe. I also wonder, and this is where I'm going to really get in trouble and out of my depth. I don't know what the evidence is that if we were to handle a ketchup bottle that had been handled by somebody else, if it had been wiped down, what the real chances of that being a vector situation, what those chances really might be this seems this is very unlikely i feel like you're setting

me up here um for some uh breaking news like actual real breaking news did you see this headline that came through like literally as i believe our intro was rolling today the cdc acknowledges this is new york times cdc acknowledges what scientists have been saying the risk of virus infection from surfaces is low now i let me and so i've only read the headline but i also would say here i understand a concern though that surfaces is a little bit different than open food containers that are shared by the public. I understand there's a slight difference there. It's not just like I picked up this pencil and now somebody else is picking up this pencil. We're talking about food. We're talking about ingestion. But yeah, that is a headline that just came up through the New York Times as we've been recording.

But in reading this article, I will say this. And you were talking earlier about them not letting you bring the peanuts into T-Mobile Park and how that's kind of frustrating. I'm always kind of whinging against companies and businesses for, like, using whatever it is, the environment or the pandemic, as an excuse to, in my opinion, give, like, worse service. But I will tell you that what I've learned from this article is it is a massive pain in the butt for restaurants to do individual—like, it would be much easier for them to just put bottles of ketchup out because they either have to spend more on the little packets and try to find them. Or what a lot of places are doing now is those little plastic kind of ramekin, and then you put the condiments in that. But then you've got to have somebody that works at your restaurant or whatever sit there doing that all day. I'll do that.

I mean, not for mayonnaise, but all the other stuff. I'll do that. That sounds like such a great, satisfying job, but I don't want to touch the icky stuff.

Where does that rank for you as far as managing a movie theater or managing the people that bag the groceries at the grocery store? Ketchup Pyramid of ramekins filler if if it's just ketchup or even mustard or like a condiment that doesn't kind of make me gag i will say that like doing it for mayonnaise would be a type of hell um and i realized that this doesn't make any sense why that's my line would you say it is what it is

would you say mayo is other people's hellman's dang it wait wait hellman's is other people's

mayo that's what it is the road to hellman's is paved with good well you said hell and there's

actually a mayo that has hell in the name but i couldn't make it work yeah no i'm i'm trying to what is the real what's the real one hell is other people's what just hell is other people

hell is other people yeah okay i can't remember who was it it wasn't nietzsche who said hell is dave sims that would be a heck of a quote from old dave sims hey lloyd no but even if you're hell even other people even if you're sitting in a restaurant like i don't know why they have to be disposable either like we're if you're in a restaurant let's say like you said it's a you know like i think restaurants here in washington can have up to 50 capacity now so just going with the assumption that everybody's following the rules and doing it right with the spacing um why not i mean i guess you'd have to invest in reusable ramekins but like that's the ideal thing like you order a burger like often if i order a burger and i ask for a barbecue sauce on the side a restaurant they don't usually give you a bottle of barbecue sauce they'll give you a little ceramic ramekin full of barbecue sauce i don't understand why in a sit-down restaurant they can't just still be buying the big bulk things of ketchup that probably have a um kind of a pump top on it and just fill one of those things up and throw it on the plate or like you said if uh if you don't have the the actual reusable ones then buy some plastic ones which is an expense certainly but seems like pretty easy to work around um as opposed to you know freaking out because you can't get these little packs well again this is one of those ones where

i'm not even mad at the businesses because i think they're they're actually making it harder on themselves because they're trying to obey the rules or whatever you know so i i guess i'd give them credit on that the other problem apparently according to this article is that heinz ketchup just in general is because of supply chains and things like that they're actually running low And a bunch of people who are devotees of that particular kind of ketchup are finding themselves, when they grab food from somewhere, faced with expanding their ketchup palate, if you will. There's a guy named Sean Everett who's in this piece, grew up in Ottawa, Ontario. He says, they say about him, spreading Heinz ketchup on everything from grilled cheese sandwiches to macaroni and cheese. But he said the pandemic driven ketchup shortage loosened Heinz's once, quote, magical hold over his diet. He's now willing to try whatever brand is offered. So some people apparently who were real like P1s for Heinz are now having to. I will say that Heinz is the one for me. Like and what I'm and I may have I'm sure I've said this on the show before at some point. But peace and love to let's just talk pre-pandemic to restaurants that are artisanal. I don't want your artisanal ketchup that has just a sousan of cardamom in it. I just I want the thing that I've been eating since I was five years old. I don't need we don't ketchup is fine. Ketchup is working as a dip for me. It does not need to be kind of like tweaked and made more artisanal for my for my enjoyment.

I feel like we've had this exact conversation before, but I always say what I say now, which is same for me. Add your homemade potato chips. Don't eat them. Do not like the, hey, we make our own potato chips here. Well, then miss me with that because I don't want. I don't know. Miss him with the homemade chips. Like if you're going to make homemade potato somethings, just give me some tater tots or fries or what have you. But like you've shaved down a potato. You've fried them in oil. They're still kind of warm, but they're not really crispy like a Lay's out of the bag. You're going to hit a soggy spot. Like, screw it, man. That is true. Save your time. Buy yourself a bag of Lay's or some Ruffles. I don't know if you heard. They have ridges. Like, you're going to improve on that. You're going to bring those over for the fish game? Like, sorry, bowl and ramekin. Your chips aren't as good as Ruffles.

That would be a great name for a restaurant. It's just about the actual dishes. Yes. I made a I've made a huge mistake I made a huge mistake when the baseball season came around which was remember I was so excited last week I literally bought a tiny barbecue and the hot dogs so that I could watch that turn what turned out to be an amazing Mariners game

and um uh and do my little ritual and uh because i was so excited i was like i need to get some sides and so i got two bags of lays potato chips i don't keep a lot of that stuff around me too um just because it's probably well because of what exactly what happened andrew which is i got one bag of sour cream and onion and one bag of regular and i'll be gosh darned if those weren't the best potato chips i have ever had yep and i killed both bags of them by myself over the course of

like two or three days the only kind of chips we regularly keep in the house and again it's not because we're better than everybody else it's because we're worse than everybody else and we have no self-control is um like uh is uh tortilla chips which actually i will say that's the exceptions you can get some really good uh restaurant made tortilla chips uh right as opposed to potato chips um but we keep those and i don't even i mean we're probably kidding ourselves that those are even that much better but they also aren't quite as addictive as say and i know this isn't technically a chip but like my go-to snack like that is uh is bugles i love bugles or if we had a bag of ruffles or something like that i'd be like okay that's fine i'm not thinking about it yeah fast forward to midnight and then you're in the you're like i just want a little snack and you open your cupboard and you're like oh is that a little red bugle bag oh i bought bugles and then forget about it stop remembering that the the problem for me uh with

my actual favorite chip if i was gonna have one potato chip it would be a ruffles or maybe it's it would be a um like a um sour cream and cheddar chip from ruffles that sounds stinky it's delicious but it's so flavor blasted that like the first one is like oh my god this is the best chip i've ever had and then by chip number eight i'm like i made a huge mistake like it's too the thing about like allay's original potato chip is it's so kind of just kind of subtle i mean it's not subtle it's super salty and super fried but it's like there's just not so much to it So I can eat a bunch of them and I don't feel like super gross. And I'm not talking about calories. I'm just talking about actually like the experience, like the mouth feel of eating a bunch of Ruffles chips is like too much for me. Yeah, I can see that. Even though on an individual basis, I like them better.

Yeah, yeah. No, that makes a lot of sense. The only flavored – the only? Is that true? No, it's not the only. But the only kind of mainstream flavored chip that I go for is barbecue usually. although like for a treat if I can go out of my way to find a bodega that will sell like ketchup or pickled flavored chips I did that I was having lunch with somebody I don't know several months ago um and you know it's everything shut down so we decided that we were just gonna like kind of he was picking up sandwiches and we're gonna meet somewhere outside and eat them he picked up sandwiches and I said oh I'll pick up some chips and so I went out of my way to Dern Good the old bodega that was in my old neighborhood because I knew rocking your Dern Good hat oh my god yes and they have a new batch of them that are so cool. I'm not one for the plastic back trucker style hats, but these darn good hats are so cool, Luke. They're like $25. I kind of want to buy one of each. And then I'm like, who am I? Don't smurf it up. Don't just open up your closet. You have all of the same outfit in different colors. But they seriously want to go back. I know. Anyway, so.

Speaking of baseball, and I know we've still got to get to Drops of Stupider, but just very quickly, Andrew, I want to play this for you. And I've probably already overhyped it But the other day The New York Mets were playing a baseball game And the Announcers were doing their thing And you start hearing this noise Which sounds like wind chimes Which is apparently the phone ring Of Keith Hernandez

I love it already

I was confused the first time I watched it Because I thought that I don't know why I was hearing wind chimes Just so you know that's what it sounds like When Keith Hernandez's phone starts ringing So here we go. This is Dom Smith, who struck out in his first at bat of the season.

What is that sound? That's me. Sorry. Was that you? Yes. I thought that was coming from the ballpark. I was thinking, what is that? I had the.

Don't go there.

Don't go where? I got a slight emergency at home. That's what it is. Everything's okay? Everything's fine. Let me mention that Haji is Keith Hernandez's cat, who he's obsessed with. Keith Hernandez was the guest on Wait, Wait one week when I was on back in the before time. And the entire interview was about his cat. This cat, Haji, is like famous now because Keith Hernandez is always talking about the cat. There's so much going on with the cat. Anyway, I love – this is the part that feels TBTL-ish to me. I mean, these are professional broadcasters talking about a baseball game, right? There should never – you would never expect there to be a moment where Keith Hernandez is like, I can't even get into it, you guys. Like about his personal non-baseball life. I love it. He is genuinely flummoxed. He genuinely kind of doesn't want – it's like he's basically doing the equivalent of us going like, this is not what we planned on talking about today, right? Like it just is so unlike what you hear on a typical, you know, baseball broadcast. Was that you? Yes. I thought that was coming from the ballpark. I was thinking, what is that?

I had the, don't go there. I could just, don't go where? I got a slight emergency at home. That's what it is. Everything outside for you okay? Everything's fine, but I thought I had the iPad turned off.

Obviously, I didn't. Oh, I think that the, like his phone is ringing on his iPad, by the way, is what that means.

So, can we help in any way? Someone was supposed to feed my cat, and she hasn't fed the cat in a while, and she used the wrong key, and it's jammed in the door. And I don't know if I'm going to be able to get in my house tonight. No, wait a second. Dom lifts one out to left.

Hit pretty well. Back goes Joyce near the wall. It's out of here. Tom Smith with the Mets' first home run of the season.

Imagine the Tom Brenneman situation went way better, right?

Yes, yes. Dom sat last night. He bombs tonight. Two-run shot and two-nothing New York in the fourth.

By the way, so it's not even done yet. So after the home run, they decide to revisit the topic with Keith to figure out what was. So apparently somebody is checking on Haji the cat, and they broke the key off in the door. And so now this is where I also feel it just keeps getting more TBTL-ish in terms of the navel-gazing and the amount of detail that the New York Mets fans, you would assume, don't care about. But, of course, I'm very much here for it.

By the way, I was about to ask you right before Dom Smith hit the home run. Yes. So the key got stuck in the lock. Yes. Do you only have one door to your house?

I have two doors, but I have a key that doesn't work on the side door on the second lock, and they're both locked. So it's a problem. But I got it covered. I got a friend going over, and he knows a locksmith that will come if it has to be. But he's going to go over there and try to extract the key out.

Well, let me ask you this, just in case worse comes to worse as Strowman flies one out to center and Roman Quinn's got it for the first out. Now, so you have the front door where the key is broken. You have the side door where the key doesn't work. Is there a cat door? Can you fit through the cat door?

Because maybe when I was, you know, three years old, I'd fit through it.

Well, maybe Haji can go through the cat door, get the extra key, and bring it out to you. Oh, okay. That's a thought.

Anyway, so that's what's going on over.

He's a goddamn treasure. I love him so much.

Oh, it's so great. It's like so much more explanation than I've ever heard during that kind of broadcast of a non-baseball-related thing. And, again, I don't want to – I love our play-by-play team as well that do the Mariners because there's a certain – You know, you just listen to these folks enough over the course of 162 games that you start to kind of, you know, they feel like you're friends. And so I don't want to I don't want to say anything that sounds critical of the Mariners team broadcast team. But, man, this is next level. It is next level. I have one key for this door. It's broken, but I can't. The other door, the key doesn't work in the door. Just like this is so confusing, Ron.

Aaron Goldsmith, though, I got to say, he's – and like you say, I don't want to talk badly about the entire broadcast team. I love listening to and watching Mariners games, and you're along for the whole ride. But, you know, if you're a baseball fan, you listen and watch the people that they give you. But Aaron Goldsmith is – did I say Goldhammer a second ago? Because that's a different sports guy from Cleveland, so sometimes I confuse them. My apologies if I said that. But Aaron Goldsmith, he's brilliant. I've been worried the past couple of years that they're going to trade him to the Yankees. I'm not even joking. I think about that.

Oh, I'm amazed that we actually – yeah, Aaron Goldsmith is – he's definitely going to be a national – he already does games on the side. He'll pop up on national broadcasts. I wonder if that's changed because of the pandemic. But there was a – last season, I think once a week, he did a national game.

I think now that you – I had forgotten that, but you told me that last year, so we've had similar conversations.

He'll be, he'll, he'll, he'll, he'll,

Yeah, he'll either be like the Yankees person or the Dodgers. He'll take over Vin Scully. Well, Vin Scully, I think, is already retired. But he'll take over some huge franchise. But he'll eventually just be like one of the Sunday Night Baseball folks. So, yeah, I do think he's really good. And I think we're lucky to have him. I wish he talked about his cat more and also more about just the vagaries of the locks at his house. Well, you've got the back door, but that one kind of sticks. And the problem is if you open it and the door jam has swelled, it's hard to get it closed. And then we get a water intrusion. So I try to not use that one. And I would usually call my friend Kevin. But he's actually like right now he's on vacation, even though he's only got first half of the vax. So that feels a little irresponsible to me. I just love the digression.

Yes. And can I just throw one more thing in here? If you enjoyed that, Keith Hernandez is a wonderful follow on Twitter because it's all that. In fact, the last tweet, he's not as active as you might like. But on March 27th, he tweeted, just landed at MacArthur Airport with Haji back in New York. He flies with his cat. I guess so.

Geez, he really loves that thing. All right, everybody, you know what it's time for. That's just absolute stupid Day two of the TBTL drops of stupider The Deuce Wherein we are trying to figure out the greatest moment in TBTL history Yesterday it was How soon we forget Let's see

What was yesterday? It was the serial show Versus the live Minnesota State Fair show Got it And today's matchup is Splooch the diarrhea turtle versus the prince tribute episode wow a couple of very different vibes for the show very very different tones um in fact a splooch for those who are interested in the seeding splooch came in at the number two seed in this bracket and the prince tribute episode is number seven now i'm trying to keep this tape as short as possible in most cases but both of these kind of um i think to appreciate the moments you have to give them the space they need so let's start with the um prince tribute episode prince had just passed away uh this is a bit somber i was in

portland yes you were yeah weirdly enough i was at the live wire offices and um yeah it was a

it was an intense day for the old show so i'm gonna play the very beginning luke you kind of you know several times during the show i think you kind of somewhat i don't know famously is too strong of a word got pretty choked up uh and kind of lost your words for a bit we're not going to be playing that first of all i don't want to um nobody likes to hear themselves getting choked up but um the very beginning of the episode i just thought you did such a good job of setting the tone and being vulnerable so what we did was we opened with some dry tape um from purple rain the the lake minnetonka part right purify yourself in the waters of lake minnetonka right and then And then we started with our TBTL stinger. And I'll just play it from here.

TBTL. I never meant to call you when you fall. So this is what it feels like when doves cry. I never meant to call you when you fall. I was reading this morning that people are actually trading Jackson's tickets for tickets to the film Purple Rain. I want to see the movie and then I want to see some lovely young ladies. So y'all hang around, okay? What are you looking forward to seeing in this film? Print. Anything more specific than that? Print.

well i guess i gotta start talking sometime so here we go everybody with a thursday afternoon edition of tbtl the show that just might be too beautiful to live My name is Luke Burbank. I'm your host, coming to you from Portland, Oregon today. This is episode 2103 in a collector's series. I'm not trying to be overly dramatic here at the top of the show, but I'm sort of working on not getting emotional as we talk about the huge news that you've all... all heard about already which is the passing of prince rogers nelson age 57 uh found in paisley park his um sort of uh you know disneyland kublai khan uh you know creative residence there in minnesota for all those years it seems kind of fitting uh that uh that he spent his last hours in that place that he was so identified with. This is going to be a little bit of a tough show for me. If you've been a longtime listener to the program, you know that the music of Prince has been woven through this show for years. It's music and the whole, I guess, rise of Prince. It happened at this moment in my life back in the early 80s. I remember being a little kid and hearing some older kids. I was at a breakdancing thing, actually, and hearing some older kids talking about going to the movie Purple Rain and then seeing a picture for the movie poster in the paper of Purple Rain and just thinking, what is that thing and how do I find out more about it?

I don't know how you feel listening back to that, Luke, but I am sincere. This is how I feel. That's a very nice tribute, I think. And you were just getting started.

Huh. Well, you know, it's weird for me to comment on that. I'm only playing this applause because I played it for both things yesterday, so I feel like we've now established this as the way that we – I feel like if I don't play the applause for this, then that signals something. You're just applauding yourself. We all get it. That's all. You're just obsessed with yourself. um you know uh i um you know i'm glad i've not never listened back to that and i am glad i was nervous hearing it because like you know this as the other host of this show it's always nerve wracking hearing the words that came into our brain in any particular moment so i'm glad that those words sounded reasonably respectful and they seem to have some sort of kind of like uh cogency to them so yeah i mean and and also it i think the other takeaway is we should just start every show that we do with about two minutes of music after a major world event yes because those are the shows that tend to really cement themselves in the minds of the listeners um where it's like we kind of don't exactly know what to do there's some kind of musical thing and we just let that run for longer than normal and it kind of tells the listeners oh this is a different day than the

normal episode of tbtl and um you know i i i've said this before and as we're going back and listening to old tape like i'm very protective of you because i i don't like hearing myself um you know often i'm very critical of how i sounded whether it was yesterday or 10 years ago um but i i will give a little spoiler and say later on in this contest of course um the blue angels episode will rear its head where i am scared shitless on the roof of your house and i promise you i am going to pull the best absolute most frightened tape of me that i can get so i will definitely um i'll definitely be cringing my way through some of this too so trust me um okay now i want to go to a and what category are we in by the way okay so what's this category the the category right now is single episodes so these are moments where basically an entire episode was sort of dedicated to to one thing for the most part and so the prince tribute episode was a huge part of it this uh next this number two seed was when we were in um australia i believe we were in tenant creek we had almost we rolled up to a hotel that i had booked but it literally looked abandoned and shuttered and broken windowed i know i talked to somebody there at one point to book the book the room and we showed up and we said no no no no no no we're not even going in and so you um pulled a miracle and got us a couple of like a couple how would you describe them they weren't campers but a couple of like um well they were sort of little

yeah little i guess you would say just very very spartan rooms that were in kind of a um not even a trailer but just little little very small kind of almost um storage units or something Yeah, you're right, yeah. It was in a caravan park, I think they would call it. That's a version of RV park, and you could have driven your RV and parked it, but you could also have rented one of these little teeny tiny rooms. And so we were able to grab a couple of those. Yeah, because we rolled up – I forget what that place was called. We were supposed to stay. It was called like the Golden Spike or something, and it was looking pretty sketchy. And so we did a we we made a decision on the fly to go over to this other spot, which turned out to have a whole cast of characters there. Remember the dude who was.

Obsessed with Madonna at the front desk.

And I think performed as Madonna in some burlesque shows.

And had seen her many times. I think had even maybe met her at some point.

And this is in the middle of nowhere in the Outback. Tennant Creek, Northern Territory. So great. You really see the – you drive through the Australian Outback and you understand how Baz Luhrmann is a bit of a product of that, right? And also how Mad Max came out of that.

Australia is truly Priscilla, Queen of the Desert makes a lot more sense. What does

Johnny Depp say? Australia is a It's a wonderful

What does he say?

He nails it. So anyway You and I, this is I think one of the longest days. Australia is a wonderful island. And Australians are just as unique, both warm and direct. And that is so true That is something that I think we both learned This is such a special magical memory for me the whole trip of course but also this particular day I think it was possibly the longest the longest day of driving we had to do and also it was the only day where we woke up in the morning and did a podcast we did that all days but then we also had to record the next day's podcast that night so by the time you and I are recording it's night time we've been through a lot I bought a bunch of freezer food that i was going to cook in the microwave and only to find out it wasn't microwavable and then i traded it in for other food with the woman who runs the who ran the the park um and i am just i think we're both just exhausted and at the end of our ropes and earlier that day we had had encountered an amazing little warning health sign posted in a bathroom in the Outback. And this is me trying to describe it to the listeners. Okay, so it says on this little sign, which is like, you know, just a piece of printer paper printed out and laminated, please call clinic for advice if you have the following. Symptoms of, sorry for the pronunciation, shigella gastroenteritis, shigella gastroenteritis. If you have any of these symptoms, call the clinic. The symptoms include diarrhea, which, should I even read it? Diarrhea that may contain certain things that are just really, really, really, really bad things that are terrible. Bad number two situation.

I think that's enough.

Yeah. Fever, abdominal cramps, nausea, or vomiting. Remember to wash hands to prevent the spread of illness. All of that is great and all of that is important. But then, on the piece of paper, very big.

I know what you're about to say and I can't handle it.

Very big on the piece of paper about, I'm going to say taking up about a third of the piece of paper is the most brilliant piece of clip art I've ever seen. I can't get through it. It is a turtle or possibly a tortoise that has human features, including a head of hair, sitting on a toilet with the most pained expression I have ever seen. on any living creature. Just eyes are bugging. He's shaking. Sweat is coming off. Are we going to get through this? Oh, my God. Pardon me. Okay, so he's got to head in there.

We'll go back.

I'm laughing because I just saw your phone in your lap and it has a picture of the turtle on it. I just saw it upside down sitting on your lap and it made me laugh.

Okay, wow. Oh, this is what an adventure this has been. Again, go to tbtail.net and click the donate button. This is why it's so important to support the show. Okay, so head of hair, eyes just bugging out, eyeballs going different ways, motions so that the turtle or tortoise is shaking and looks like sweating a little bit, jaws clenched, turtle has teeth, and then across the clip art, as part of the clip art, it just says, and i quote in a hell of a font how do you spell that s p l o o o o o c h a or possibly that last thing isn't a name maybe it just says splooch there you go luke i literally don't think i've ever laughed so much and so uncontrollably on tbtl or possibly at any point during my life

like when you came i believe we were laughing in the car right after like at the gas station and then we drove all the way to tenant creek and then we're laughing again talking about it and then as you were playing that tape Thank you.

I was laughing so hard here important that I was muting my microphone and also bringing the applause in too early because I was still losing my. And I didn't want to like I didn't want to add a third layer of laughter to the situation because I already had the original tape. But that will never not be funny to me.

And hearing it. And that's just part. I know that this tape went way longer today than it will in most of these instances. But, I mean, there is a moment where you asked me, you said, you know, you showed me this while I was driving. Did you think, did you realize that you were endangering our lives by showing me this photo? Because you had gone into a different restroom. You had not seen this until I had taken the photo. And I said, hey, how about that sign? And you were like, I didn't see a sign. I was like, oh, you used a different restroom. And I can't explain to you or I can't emphasize enough how this was the real Outback. Like, this was a weird little place that we stopped at that was a gas station and a really gritty dive bar and a really gritty gift shop, and there was nothing else for hundreds of miles. It was just—

Except for eight million flies that would descend on you the second you stepped out of the car.

Oh, my God. So anyway, I should tell people, I will put a link on today's show page at tbtl.net. Click today's show page, and you can vote on today's matchup. splooch the diarrhea turtle versus the prince tribute episode also i will put a link to yesterday's matchup which was the serial show and the minnesota state fair show so if you didn't get to vote yesterday you can do that in the same place today at tbtl.net click on today's

episode there's a right way to rock and a wrong way to roll you can't just listen to your song Just remember that life is number one You can be having so much fun Just remember that life is much fun You can be not number one

All right, let's get through some blurs days now that I've regained my composure a bit. I was also, like, cry laughing listening back to the Spooch the Turtle thing. Luke, why don't you kick things off today? All right.

Brandon says, my wife and I would like to wish our first-born 10, Aiden, a happy 13th birthday. I'm going to get this thing ready. Oh, yeah, your sound effect machine. I know, I know. Sorry, I was sleeping on the bus there. No, no, that's all right. I've still got visions of Spooch dancing in my head. Splooch. We've been listening to the show since just after he was born. And since we're both bigger and stronger than him, he listened to it as well. See, that's the kind of parenting I can get behind. Might makes right. I like, Brandon, that you and your wife were like, guess what? We're in charge of the situation. We're going to play TV chill. Aiden, you're going to like it. But he has since become a dedicated listener of his own. Happy birthday, little bear. We love you. Someday you'll take the old mayonnaise

Yes you will Look out Brandon Speaking of Brandons I like to group these together by Brandon if possible This is another Brandon on Vashon By Brandon What were we getting close to before Can you write down We were spoofing on something that came close to a show title Oh hell is other mayonnaise Hellman's is other mayonnaise Is that what we decided with Alright here we go Brandon on Vashon says My sister just became a 10. I got her hooked within the last few weeks, and her Blur's Day is on the 14th. Her name is Tegan, and she lives in Portland with her 11, Nathan, and a clowder of cats. I didn't know that's what we call a grouping of cats. Let's see. Tegan is a budding rockhound. She is dependable, comfortable opting out of Zoom calls, and a fantastic sister and sister-in-law and auntie. Happy Blur's Day, Tegan.

Nice.

Know those boundaries.

alicia in manchester washington says happy birthday to the best mom in the world kathleen thanks for always being so kind and patient and by patient i mean putting up with my emotional outbursts and mood swings and by putting up with i mean not strangling me with the umbilical cord that still seems to be attached. You guys should have a doctor or an OBGYN look at that because I would have to imagine. By the way, we know Alicia and Kathleen. Alicia and Kathleen were going to, if I remember right, come out and stand on their dock and wave at us during the TBTL cruise that we did. But I think something about the weather, like we had to take a different route because of how like...

windy it was that night but anyway I think Alicia and Kathleen are those folks. Anyway I can't wait for our trip to Mexico. Love Alicia and our little angels that poop in a box. Happy

Blur's Day Kathleen. Lisa our concert going friend says I want to wish an especially fabulous Blur's Day to my dear friend Farron in San Diego. Her Blur's Day is this weekend so I debated sending this a little early or a little late, but Farron did my hair the other day. It looks amazing. And she mentioned that she's a few days behind, so I think she might hear this on her actual Blurs Day. How about that? How about that indeed? If you've got cute hair, I'm going to say, damn girl, you've got some cute hair. Awesome.

That's from the archives, tell you what. Alright, we've also got one here from Meredith in Phoenix. Arizona, who says, I want to wish my 11, James, a happy 42nd Blur's Day. James is such a kind, generous person and an amazing father to our 9-year-old daughter, Violet.

Aww.

I hope you have the best Blur's Day yet. Love, Meredith. Aww.

Luke, Meredith sent us a photo of Violet and said she is just a bundle of sunshine, and I could not agree more. It's a beautiful name for a beautiful human.

Now, wait a sec. Did I? Now that I'm looking at it, I see nine-month-old daughter, Violet, but I fear that my mind said nine-year-old or that my mouth said nine-year-old, even though my mind was reading nine-month-old. Oh, okay. I just want to apologize if I. Because I was thinking for some reason I was imagining Violet as a nine-year-old, but that would be a pretty major fast forward. That'd be some WandaVision-esque type situation. I didn't mean to grow Violet up by nine years just because I need to have my reality exist. So anyway, happy Blur's Day, and congrats on having a cutie named Violet. Can you share that picture with me, Andrew? Am I allowed to also see how cute Violet is?

I'll forward you the email, and congratulations, Violet, on the super speed that I understand you're developing as well.

Did I get some credit for that WandaVision reference? Yeah, it was pretty good. I feel like that was a pretty key pull for me.

That's for you. Thank you. When's it my Blur's Day? Happy Blurze to Jason in Port Orchard from his real-life brother, Eric, in Tacoma. I tried to time it. We've both been listening to you two co-bros for about 10 years now. You have provided us an opportunity to have conversations that go like this. Me. Hey, did you listen to TBTL yet? Jason. Oh, no. Did Luke crash another boat? Thanks, Luke and Andrew, for being awesome techno geeks with Spreadsheet.

My sister Liz So my sister Hannah And her kids They're on spring break so they came down And they're staying very near me In a hotel so we were hanging out yesterday And I'll mention everybody's vaxxed We all good And still masked up but anyway My sister Liz The mom of Jack and Abe Came through as well and she was showing me A picture that she had taken of a Crisscraft boat that was being pulled on a trailer in stopped traffic, I believe on I-5. She had taken the picture to show her husband Jason, who is a woodworker and boat enthusiast. Andrew, would you believe it was the exact boat that I crashed? The exact model or the exact boat? The model, not the actual one. It was not called the General Lee. Right. Weird that you picked that name, Luke. Yeah, well, you know what? When the south rises again, I want to be ready. But, no, So I couldn't believe it. I was looking at the boat, and it was a Chris Craft Cavalier Express, which is the exact same model of boat. And she didn't even realize that. She just thought, oh, this is a cool-looking Chris Craft. And it immediately had me thinking, when is it time for me to get another boat that I can't control?

Yeah, no. It seems like you're well set up for that. Yeah, definitely. In this apartment? I'll just park it in the parking garage and then just. I hardly take my boat out anymore. The transportation in this city is so great.

Rachel says, I want to send a Blur's Day message to my wonderful husband and Eleven, Mike.

Aww.

You are loved by everyone you meet because you are so genuine and kind. Even these pretend online friendos love you, but no one loves you more than I do. Thanks for being my best friend and lover forever. Insert, ooh, explicit drop here. I don't have that drop ready to go, but I can play this one. Wait a second.

I believe that's the appropriate drop for when people call. No, you don't get to do that, Luke.

All you do, all you use the Blur's Day segment for is matchmaking people. You're throwing people into romantic partnerships that they didn't ask for and that they didn't sign up for. Yet here we actually have a clearly, explicitly, very explicitly romantic relationship. Which is much less fun.

I don't want to hear about people that are actually together being lovers forever. i want to i want to make actual friendships weird for people yeah that's what i'm here to do andrew that's what i was put on this planet to do host this podcast and confuse the nature of people's

relationships yeah so maybe mike and meredith will hit it off no no no happy it's fun isn't it now you're getting into it happy blurs day mike and apologies rachel for what i said leslie says happy blursday to my lovely slap jack leslie says happy blursday to my lovely daughter lavena turning 32 today she has a great birthday gift come her way this week in the way of her debut album of cello music lavena in your hands hitting number one on the billboard classical chart wait what lavena in your hands hitting number one on the billboard classical chart we have some listeners are what? She worked so hard for the last almost two years making it and couldn't be, and I couldn't be prouder. Happy Blur's Day, LaVanna. Congrats. Wow.

Impressive. Very. What is it like to do stuff? What is it like to be number one on the charts of anything other than weirding out the listeners with my matchmaking? By the way, tenth week in a row that I am topping the iTunes charts of podcast hosts that like to make the listeners feel weird. I'm glad they created that category for us. It felt niche at the time, but I also am very glad it exists. Rhoda says, Happy Blur's Day to my favorite co-worker and favorite to Julie. I appreciate her for her kindness, help, humor, honesty, and friendship. The only thing I do not appreciate is that she is consistently one to two weeks behind me on TBTL, and sometimes I wonder if it's on purpose, so I'll forget what I wanted to talk to her about by the time she hears it. Weird flex, but okay. Happy Blur's Day, Julie. Happy Blur's Day, Julie. You'll hear this in two weeks.

And finally, Nathan, who just burst through a window to say this. I'd like to wish my beautiful, talented wife, Amanda, a happy Blur's Day. She's a loyal North Carolina 10. Her husband is still coming in hot for that hottie and hopes she feels extra happy of herself today. she's not getting anything as fancy as a rich person silver dome but some birthday wishes from her favorite cobros will make her day special happy happy blurs day amanda yeah happy blurs

day i hope your celebratory love making is is everything you hoped it would be that's on nathan by the way he said he's coming in hot for that hottie what else what else can

i take away from that andrew i'm killing blurs days no more you killed blurs days that was the last one you've been looking for an excuse hope everybody enjoyed it hope you know i don't blame

this this is why we can't have nice things you have been you have been looking for a any reason to get rid of this segment and now you found it my wildly inappropriate comment so are we going to go out with a uh a fleetwood mac song we got with don't don't stop yeah by fleetwood mac thanks i never knew that that song wasn't just called don't stop thinking about tomorrow me too that's why i

think i was a little bit thrown when i saw it and then i was like oh is bobby just like um abbreviating it but no it's called don't stop it makes me think of the clintons or bill clinton

specifically yeah that was it was this was like his campaign song right yeah i think so all right thanks for listening everyone happy blurs day to everybody as well um we will be back here tomorrow god is it friday already back here tomorrow with more imaginary radio for you uh until then have a great thursday stay safe go mariners uh and please remember no mountain too tall And good luck to all. I actually forgot it for a minute.

We'll be right back. What tomorrow will do Don't stop Thinking about tomorrow Don't stop It'll see me It'll be Better than before Yesterday's gone Yesterday's gone

Power out

You