Muse

So, Brent, I see from your file you were in the materials business. Oh, yeah. Big time. Strings, cords, vinyl, synthetics, rubber. We do vulcanize now, so that's huge. Plus metals, aluminum, brass, copper. What else? Steel? No, not steel. Steel's a sucker's game. Polymers, coatings, internals. You crack open an HVAC, that is all us. Is there golf here? There frickin' better be. T-B-T-L! I came here to do two things. Eat eggs and nothing. And I'm not out of either.

The most rewarding part was when he gave me my money. Beep-a-ba-ba-da-po. Thank you for the dough.

Do you have any idea who I am? I'm a verified Yelp complainer.

By the way, I'm a dentist. Okay, so I read body language very, very well.

This is the kind of spontaneous publicity. Your name in print that makes people.

All right, hello, good morning, and welcome, everyone, to a Wednesday edition of TVTL. The show that just might be too beautiful to live. My name's Luke Burbank. I'm your host.

I won't trash talk. I won't be out there blowharding.

Coming to you from the Nest Broadcast Center high in the sky above Portland, Oregon, where it is another spectacular day. I feel warm and I'm levitating. i've started many of the shows for the last two weeks talking about how nice the weather has been and what the implications are for me living in an apartment that has a lot of windows that was part of the appeal for me of moving here and uh for the longest time i i didn't want to pull down the the the curtains the shades if you will uh in my bedroom because i like all that sunlight coming in but it has become the case that the sun is so intense now starting at i don't know 550 in the morning or something the light is so intense and then the sun that i do have to pull the shades down and today we reached a new reached a new kind of plateau with this whole thing which was with the shades down the sunlight was still too powerful coming through the the curtain where I had to make a pillow fort before 6 a.m. so that I could try to get a couple more winks. But anyway, all in all, those are good problems to have. And this is a good show to listen to. It's episode 3,406 in a collector's series.

Let the fun begin.

We ran out of time yesterday because, of course, we were monitoring and hearing about Andrew's medical situation. But I wanted to talk about this list of new names for the football team that plays in Washington, D.C. They had to change their name because, of course, their other name was hella racist.

That's racist.

So we'll go through the list that they are floating for potential replacements for that racist name. Also, we will try to move ever closer to figuring out what the greatest or at least most memorable moment in TBTL history is.

We will all remember this moment for the rest of our lives.

As the TBTL Drops of Stupider contest, the deuce rolls on. This is, I believe, day 11 of that, where we take two moments from TBTL history and we put them in opposition to each other. Then we let you, the listeners, vote at tbtl.net. So we'll do that. Also, if you live in Seattle, as many of our listeners do, and you go to Whole Foods, as many of our listeners do, you can very soon you will be able to pay for your groceries with your the palm of your hand.

Weird.

So we will bring you the latest on that. And then speaking of people who may never be able to pay for any transaction with their hand again because of the recent injury that they received, we've got introduced the longest running co-bro of the show maybe best known for his depictions of the tall ships he is Andrew

Walsh

and I think I speak for all the listeners when I ask hello how you doing buddy

I'm alright I told you before the show man I yesterday you heard an Andrew Walsh who was I think coming from a place of delirium I think my head was kind of swimming Today I'm just coming from a place of pain Luke I don't mean like a kind of a tough guy Like I'm coming from a place of pain Although there is a lot of emotional pain From the places I come But no my finger feels You know what my finger feels like today Luke It feels like a broken damn finger Yesterday it just felt like The world was swimming And my whole hand hurt or whatever And today I'm like oh yeah okay I think it's a good sign I'm not a medical doctor I don't know. I'm not any kind of a doctor, honestly. I think it's a good sign. I think it means I'm feeling where the pain is actually radiating from as opposed to just being this vague sense of hurt in my entire hand. So I think it's part of the healing process. But I won't lie to you. I'm a little distracted by the pain. I have taken some Advil. If that does not kick in, I'll take something a little bit stronger. But I wanted to keep my brain as sharp as possible for you, Luke, because, you know.

That's what I was wondering about. Because obviously they gave you, for folks that missed yesterday's show, Andrew took a tumble running for the bus and broke his finger and sustained a variety of injuries. But the camera that he was wearing around his neck is doing just fine, everyone. So let's not sleep on that little silver lining alert. But I was assuming they obviously they gave you some powerful stuff for the pain. But because you have this job where you're trying to talk off the top of your head, you know, for an hour to two at a time, you're also trying probably to not, you know, have have your brain completely addled by some kind of powerful narcotic.

Yeah, I mean, tell me if you can relate to this at all, because you might not. Yeah, that is definitely part of it. Talking to you now, as you know, I'm not the greatest sometimes at keeping my train of thought or what have you. So I figure, yeah, I probably don't need to be on Vicodin while I do the show. I do think that if I were on Vicodin, I could probably do it and you wouldn't really know. I don't know that it would really affect the outcome of the show. So but I actually that is definitely part of it. And that's what I'm telling myself right now. But I also think I have I'm not like I'm not scared of taking pills. Like I'm not I'm not like concerned about what it's going to do to me or, you know, I'm not avoiding them for potential addiction purposes. You know, they prescribe a certain amount and I'm sure it's safe for me to take these.

But it's never gone wrong in the history of prescription.

Right, right, right.

Prescribing of opioids. It is always ended just fine.

Well, I mean, I guess what I'm saying is I'm not trying to downplay that for other people, but I'm just saying, like, in this case, I'm not being specifically careful not to take these out of any overarching concern for me right now. But I do have a weird thing, weird, about, like, I just woke up about an hour and a half ago, and I just kind of want to, I always want to see, just waking up right away and taking a Vicodin isn't exactly how I do. And I'm not exactly sure why. Genevieve said, you're in the most pain. Probably you're going to be in all day right now. Just take the pill. And I said, well, you know, maybe I'll just wait and see how the show goes. But honestly, even if I had a job where I was not talking into a microphone, if I was producing a show today, for example, I still think I would want to just like kind of wake up, have my morning coffee, give it a couple of hours, and just sort of see where I am before I immediately take a pill that makes my head swim even so slightly, you know. Are you like that at all?

You know, very fortunately, I've had pretty limited experience with injuries like that. But I do feel very lucky. This is kind of to the side of what you're talking about. I feel very, very fortunate that my body and my brain biochemistry do not seem to respond very strongly at all to opioids. Because, in fact, I think maybe the only time I can remember even having something like Vicodin or Percocet was when I got my wisdom teeth pulled. And this was ages ago. I mean, this was literally 20 years ago, and certainly we weren't as concerned about people taking those things. And so, of course, I got my wisdom teeth pulled, and they threw me a bottle of whatever it was, Vicodin or Percocet. And I was pretty uncomfortable, and I remember taking a couple of them and feeling absolutely no pain relief and just thinking, these suck. And then just kind of like never – I don't know if I've ever had one since then. And it just wasn't – again, that's mostly because I've been lucky that I have been pretty much injury-free or I haven't had anything where they need to prescribe me pain meds. But I know people that have really struggled with addiction around that stuff, and I've got a sort of problematic enough relationship with a variety of things that aren't great for me that it's like I feel very lucky that those pills are not on the list. So I guess the question is if I were to hurt myself and then they prescribe me something like that, would I take it in the morning? i probably wouldn't for kind of for the same reasons you're talking about which is i don't think i'd want to start my day in a fog yeah um and i also i think i don't know why i'm a centering myself in the story and b taking it here but i think that's also part of why that whole thing has not ever held a lot of appeal to me the idea of you know some people you know take that stuff recreationally and i don't know being in a fog doesn't sound fun to me it's also why I'm not a weed person. Alcohol.

It's a very fun experience for me, until it's not, because of a social aspect of it. Like, I feel, I don't know, I feel like I'm turning outward instead of turning inward. But the idea of, by the way, this is the content police coming for me to say, get off this topic, Burbank, and talk about the Derek Chauvin verdict.

Something that listeners turn to us for?

Yeah, something with less complexity to it. Actually, it wasn't complex. It was, thankfully, very open and shut. he murdered someone and thankfully has been found guilty of that uh we did have a listener reach out actually and say hey i hope you guys talk about this today and i i meant to say to you before the show andrew hey should we should we mention that at all i mean it was a very big deal yesterday i have to say um i was surprised at how emotional again not to center myself in the story but again i'm the only one who lives in this meat sack called luke burbank so i guess it's all i can do i was surprised at how emotional i was when that verdict came in i mean i just cried hard and and i did not expect that like honestly i was toggling between the mariners game and cnn and when it would be like we're still waiting for the verdict i'd like to say oh can i sneak in some more of the mariners game because you know the talking heads you know when they're waiting for something i don't find that to be necessarily super interesting but when it actually came back when when you know i was watching it in real time it really really hit me very hard And I can only imagine if I was a person actually from, you know, a community that's historically been targeted by the police. I can only imagine how even more intense that experience was.

Yeah, I was in a bit of a fog yesterday, too. I think I had taken my pills by that point. So I wasn't.

I mean, you are allowed to take pain medicine when you have a broken finger.

That's my big takeaway was thousands and thousands and thousands of people took to the streets. I wasn't one of them, but thousands of good people took to the streets and people heard it, you know, like it's just it's so hard to see the impact of of a protest, you know, and draw straight lines for stuff.

But there's very little doubt in my mind in the time preceding the verdict.

I'm talking about Black Lives Matter. I'm talking about what happened after George Floyd was murdered and what has happened in between. And, you know, for a lot of people, you know, I saw a lot of people on my timeline saying, like, this isn't all problems are solved. And this is the exception to the rule. And let's remember that. And let's remember that there's a lot of fighting and work to do like all of that. True. And it's important to to mention that, I think. But I also think and I could be wrong on this, but I also think we live in a world where we see people demonstrate a lot. And it's really hard to say specifically, you know, what what was changed because of this particular movement. And I just think that without Black Lives Matter, this verdict doesn't come out this way. This is the result of Americans saying, like, we have these systems, but these systems are broken and you better start listening to us. And it sort of seems like in this particular case, you can draw some sort of a line between those two things.

Yeah, I totally agree. And I mean, not to be cynical, I think there was a lot of relief that that there was accountability here. But but, you know, I mean, all it took was a person to be murdered while being filmed in front of the entire world and then a year of protests. Yeah, that's all it took. And it was a nail biter.

Yeah.

you know yeah so like that's that's where we're at and i mean i'm many people have said this much more eloquently than than what i'm going to say here but obviously this is the beginning of something this can't be the end of something this can't be like oh good okay well now now the scales of justice have have been righted it's like it's like no there are there are thousands and thousands of incidents like this that might not be videotaped and the and and the people that are responsible when the i mean van jones i did end up watching a fair amount of cable news talking heads yesterday van jones was talking about he said look we and i believe he's speaking for you know communities of color he said look we don't want all he said when derek chauvin was taken out of handcuffs that's all we wanted in this particular instance was justice like we don't want to be above the police but we don't want to be below the police we just want it to be that when the police commit a crime they are held accountable the way everybody else in society is or should be you know and so hopefully um hopefully this is the start of something in the start of more accountability um and uh yeah it was a i it was a it was a really intense experience i'm again for everyone um and for many people much more intense than it was for me but i was i was shocked at how emotional i felt about it um when it came down this weird wave of relief And I don't know, this wave of something just swept over me and I just got very, very emotional. And again, I did not expect that considering I was also monitoring if Marco Gonzalez was going to continue to hold the Dodgers to one run through five innings. I mean, I say that to point out that I'm not trying to be on some kind of high horse about my like, you know, being – I should have been more invested in this probably and in the fight for equality and for justice in this. So I mentioned the Mariners thing to sort of blunt whatever hero complex I'm putting out there by saying I also cried, you know. But can we, if we can, speaking of the Mariners broadcast, if we could focus on a controversy that I can center myself in because I'm very much a part of it. And I meant to talk about this with you yesterday, Andrew, related to your finger injury. So when you got hurt on Monday, it was Monday, right? That was when you took your fall. So we were texting and I we were on the you were still in the like, you know, emergency room or whatever the the place where where they were fixing up your finger. And we were all kind of texting you and me and our sport group, the fun loving criminals. And I had this idea that we could maybe get you get a picture of you on the root sports broadcast to where I root. Now, this is we got to talk about this. Yeah, right, right. We're going on season three, I think, of me being obsessed with, at some point, one of us. It doesn't have to be me.

One of us from our group getting on that goddamn hashtag where I root thing.

Now, have any of us actually tried? I mean, in the past years. I've been trying for two years. Really, in earnest. See, I remember, and I haven't done this in a while. I think I did some sarcastic where I root, like, from a long time ago. Like, when, you know, they're just middle of the season, long, slow slump, shitting the bed. I feel like I made a joke of, like, here's a garbage can. This is hashtag where I root or something along those lines.

Oh, I've probably done that a couple times and then deleted. Sure, yeah, me too. I mean, I've put Rudy and Olive up there. I've tried. Like, the thing is, I have worked on stuff kind of like this. I mean, not a television program. But, like, my guess is that they get maybe 50 of those a game. Maybe 100 a game.

Yeah. 100 maybe seems about right to me. Maybe 100. They always like to go for the global ones. Hey, somebody's rooting from Japan, you know, wearing their Mariners gear in Tokyo or what have you.

but like considering like i guess when i say i've worked on these things i also know what it's like to do a social media campaign and not get exactly an overwhelming number of responses yeah i think people think that if you're a tv network or a radio station and you put out a call to action it's just like immediately your inbox fills up and that's just not really how that happens typically unless you're american idol or something yeah and so and it depends on kind of how

complicated it is too i do think where i root has been has been established and it's a pretty easy thing and i'm i don't i don't want to talk ill of um sponsors who have been some of the greatest people to us but like there were some hashtags that you and i did for the old winery that you know it was kind of hard to explain you know it's like what's in your fantasy picnic box you know what i mean things where you have to really ask me what's in my fantasy i can't remember and i'm not even saying that with a lot of shade i'm just saying sometimes you come up with these things and they're just like okay and then use this hashtag and then you know can be very difficult I would say Where I Root is pretty well established and pretty straightforward at this point. Picture of yourself, someplace somewhat interesting, hashtag Where I Root.

Right. And I'm with you. They've definitely done it long enough that I think it's pretty – it's identified with the TV broadcast in the Northwest. It's a fairly simple hashtag. I give them credit on all of that. I actually enjoy it. Like I enjoy seeing where people are rooting from. Like I really do. makes me feel happy but i'm mad that we have not been able to game the system and get you me the animals theo genevieve somebody on that goddamn thing i saw a sometimes tbtl listener named perla on there the other day and i was like wtf no kidding and you recognize the name and you recognize the no i just recognize perla's face oh that's some live wires oh that's so cool she's a big horatio sans head i believe um as well i think i think she may be part of like a kind of like a she's like the perfect 10 of whatever horatio sans's podcast okay cool among other things yeah i see people that i know on there now and i'm like so anyway i and i'm not gonna say i maybe hadn't had one to two adult beverages by the time uh these texts were happening so that may have kind of added a little bit of um oomph to my whole project but i asked Drew, if it was okay, Andrew, if I slightly...

So if I kind of slightly – if I played fast and loose with the truth and tried to get you on Root Sports, you said okay. Again, that may have just been adrenaline.

I didn't know that you were going to play fast and loose with the truth. I guess it's – it wasn't – you didn't – I guess there wasn't a huge lie in the tweet.

I just said you hurt yourself running to see the Mariners beat the Dodgers. I was trying to connect because otherwise you're just a random person with a finger injury. I thought if we could make it like, hey, I was trying to get to the game and then I hurt myself and now I'm in this ER, but I'm still watching the game. I was like, that's a good narrative.

Well, the truth is I was listening to the game in the way. Well, in the doctor's office, I had to wait a really long time for the doctor. And so as a distraction, I turned on my MLB app and was rooting for the Mariners in that doctor's office. So there's certainly no lie there.

Right. So, anyway, as far as I was able to tell, I don't think that photo made its way onto the where I root. But I would just say to whichever producer is in charge of picking those, you got somebody tweeting you from an emergency room. Were you hooked up to an IV or am I just – No, I was not. Okay. Well, you could have done that. That would have sold the photo. I wish you would have made it a little – could you ask them if they could put you in a full traction for the photo?

You know what I –

Just to really sell it?

What I'm realizing is we can just search the hashtag where I root to figure out about how many they get in a, you know, in a typical day.

I did, by the way, after after I sent that out. So it's a picture of you and says something like I'm day to day on this finger. But I hurt myself, you know, running for the bus to watch the Mariners beat the Dodgers, blah, blah, where I root. And then I clicked on the hashtag. And it was, you know, there was some there was some people on there. but it's not again it wasn't like i'm scrolling for days getting to the bottom of the most recent batch of where i root like it was it was like at that point in the game 30 people had used the hashtag and i just want to say to whoever picks the photos that's in that photo tells a story some people sitting in the stands being like i'm holding a twisted tea out of here with that shit this is a guy who's in is it a life or death medical situation who's still rooting for the Mariners to beat the Dodgers that's a great photo you want to talk about twisted man I was twisted

up man I'm talking about you know I I'm not fully here today I started that sentence not really knowing what the joke was I think we kind of landed somewhere with it but I just started saying you want to talk about twisted and I did not even think out that sentence but um what I know what

you meant though you were like twisted tea your finger was twisted I was actually just stalling

to get here because i think there's something even more interesting about this twitter conversation luke and yes you can quote me on that so there is something you're gonna you did pop a perk no i didn't i am getting tempted because i because i've never heard you say oh there's something interesting about this twitter conversation before right hey luke can we talk about your tweets some more no here's the deal and you're going to take the setup of this uh as an insult and i don't mean it that way at all but i do think that it is a little bit confusing because it's like you took the photo but it's of me but it's clearly a selfie because my arm is out of the pic and what i find the most interesting about this is the responses from like there are some tens who responded and they can pretty much tell what is going on there's like oh luke posted a picture of andrew you know But a lot of people, including one of our dearest, most fond, one of our dearest, fondest colleagues, Dave Ross, he might not know that we're different people because you posted a photo of me day to day finger wise after taking a tumble running for the bus to see the Mariners beat the Dodgers hashtag where I root. Right. And then and so it's clearly a selfie of me. It is posted by Luke Burbank. So it is a little bit confusing. You don't specifically use the third person, but we got a response from Dave Ross, our former colleague, your former co-host on the Ross and Burbank show, saying, I hope you're OK. And then this is pretty funny. Unless the bus driver is giving out free snacks, no bus is worth running after. That's actually good advice. I would I would I would stick to that. But, you know, this is so Dave Ross probably tweeting pretty quick or I'm sorry, scrolling through Twitter pretty quickly, sees your name in a picture of me and doesn't really make out the difference. Like we're kind of this this tweet has furthered us in this grand experiment where we become the same person, I think.

I totally agree. And I had that thought that night was people think people think that's a picture of me.

Yeah, somebody said, I hope that's not your live wire finger

Right, so that would be a very direct reference to me And yeah, so that is kind of interesting Just because I do think you and I i are very different looking guys just like you know for a variety of reasons but it's like you have glasses i'm very handsome you're devastatingly handsome you are masked up yeah so that kind of is like that's if you didn't have a mask on and you had like a beer your beard was showing and then people were like uh feel better luke i'd be like have you ever seen my face like have you ever seen me with a beard um but yeah are you wondering where all my hair went because we'll see

I think your hair looks good in this photo I don't hate the hair but you can just see that my forehead Is significantly bigger you could fit a couple Of your foreheads there

Maybe I mean I do What I would say Andrew Is this is a very nice picture of you which I think Explains the confusion Yeah

No but I did think

That it was funny because I was like There's a guy on here who's a dear old Friend of mine who I just love his name is Jim Copacino he's a legend in the Seattle Advertising world um he's he's running eight in fact those really great the like mariner ads that used to air on espn they used to air on sports center they were so genius kind of the first yep the kind of like first wave of those real like high concept kind of meta type of baseball team ads before anybody was really doing that those were all copasino those were jim jim copasino and my friend ben steel writing those which famously led to my friend ben one time having to roust a very sleepy very hungover lou panella from a from a like a trailer or an rv in arizona to get him to record some more audio for one of the tv commercial i don't know that story my friend ben who's now at rei and is also just a genius writer he um yeah he was like the kind of i think he was like the low person on the or whatever he he was the low ranking member of the copacino team and they were shooting all these mariner ads in in peoria arizona during spring training and there was like something where they needed lou piniella to say like one more thing they hadn't gotten and lou had gone and taken a nap in the it was like 110 degrees in arizona i'd rather wake up a lion i'd rather wake up a lion i speak from experience on this lie take the lion every single although i think lou like he seems very nice in those shag commercials like i don't know if he like if he stopped drinking or what if he just had you know just like the stress of baseball is no longer weighing on him lou seems very friendly now but there was a period of about 30 to 40 years where lou piniella was just terrifying waking him up from a nap of all things midday nap and ben has like a shotgun microphone and a zoom recorder he's got to get lou piniella to say like you know just a bit outside or something or whatever the line was we should actually just get ben on to ben by the way was in the i mean he was one of the founders of the wilco cover band that i was briefly kind of a you know a member of if you will anyway he um so he's got to go like nobody wants this gig he's got to go knock on the door of this trailer and wake lupinella up and then try to get lupinella to do these lines oh my god how did it anyway uh not great yeah i don't know not great i mean my story on that which i've told too many times was just when i was trying to get a quote from lou panella so as to promote or promote so as to um like justify this i had been basically like showing up at the mariners games all season this is when they were still in the kingdom pretending to be sort of a sports reporter but i really wasn't but i i had gotten like only a game some sport i think was only a game to buy off on this idea of this alex rodriguez story But I had to get a quote from Lou Piniella And they were about to leave town And the Lone Way Only

A game was flying me to the next destination To get this quote And so this homestand they did really badly They basically missed the playoffs Because of losing like 9 out of 10 games Lou Piniella got up And basically Decided he didn't want to give me a quote But he decided this while Being completely nude Except his tighty whitey underwear Which had many holes in it and he was smoking a cigarette and drinking a Budweiser after the game, and it was terrifying. So I can only imagine for Ben having woken Lou Piniella up from that trailer. So anyway, even Jim Copasino, who I believe I may have even hosted the advertising awards when Jim was getting a Lifetime Achievement Award. Jim Copasino said, You, Mookie Betts, and Ty France all sustained injuries last night. Thanks for taking one for the team. Jim.

It's not you.

Jim, my friend. Et tu, Copacino? You don't know what I look like anymore?

Well, for people who haven't been in touch with you for a long time, I would say that we both have to admit it is a little confusing because it is a selfie posted by you that doesn't say my buddy Andrew or something. Yes. It just is. People are flipping. I definitely muddied. I muddied the water. Let me say this. because we are at a perfect place to wrap up the conversation and I want to ruin that. Those Mariners commercials, I think they legitimately played a role in me becoming not just a Mariners fan, but a baseball fan. Like, I still am not exactly sure, exactly sure why 12 years ago when I moved to Seattle, that's when I decided to start watching baseball for the first time. It's not like I moved to a city with like a powerhouse baseball team that everybody was into, right? That might've been a turnoff for me, honestly. So, you know, the way my brain works. But I, you know, I've told you this a million times, Luke. A big part of it was I was taking the bus into my job, I guess my volunteer job then as a producer at KUW. And I was literally reading the physical paper on the bus. And there was always about two extra stops where I was done with the regular paper, but still needed something to read. So I started reading about the Mariners during their offseason. And, you know, the writers were very excited about what the team was building that year. Sounds familiar. Sean Figgins was going to, you know, just leave one set of one set of cleats in the sand as he carried the team to the postseason. I can't remember if that worked or not. But anyway, like but I think that, you know, reading about the this exciting offseason and starting to get into the drama of it. But then also like, you know, watching a game here or there. Like at this point, Luke, I know so little about baseball that I thought putting the ball in play was a hit. Like, honestly, like, I just thought if the ball is off the bat, it's still a hit. Like, you hit it. You hit the ball.

Yeah, you hit the ball at that point. You're totally crazy for that theory.

So I'm like, well, you know, but I'm in my 30s and I'm watching baseball and I'm figuring out the rules and I'm seeing these commercials. And I think I kind of jumped in at the very tail end of them being really good commercials that were worth that were really worth kind of tracking down and talking about and getting people buzzing. I think the commercials probably outlived – I don't want to say anything insulting to people that you potentially work with. But I think that the later generations of those cheeky Mariners commercials did not – they didn't live up to the standard that the earlier ones had set, I would say.

It's definitely – at some point when you achieve a very – when you set the bar really high, I mean we know this from this show.

First 2,000 episodes, chef's kiss.

It's been hard to get back there

I know

But yeah, no, the bar was set pretty high with those commercials And then at some point, and I assume this was more the team than the agency And I don't even know who handles these anymore My guess would be it's still Copacino But the team, it would seem, probably made a bit of a decision That they wanted the branding to go more in the direction of like Kind of, like, you know, hyping, gassing everybody up You know, getting excited Like, yeah, true to the blue When we do this, and then we dive on, catch that ball And it's like, I'm just never into that kind of vibe for anything. I'm always going to be more into like the weird, like the office style, you know, commercials and way of hyping the team up. But, you know, that's just that's sort of personal preference. The good news, Andrew, for the listeners that are like, OK, that was enough sports talk is when we come back from the break. I'm going to read you 30 possible names for the Washington football team.

I'm actually very interested in hearing that. And I just want to say one last thing before we go to break. They say there's strength in numbers. Well, the Mariners have a number of strengths, which is how one of those commercials begins.

Oh, my God. Well, as I said, I mean, they've been kind of overperforming so far, at least considering the run differential. Like, we should be losing, and we've managed to win a lot of games, which has been so great. It's really been fun to see. But when they're having a frustrating game And then it goes from like a strikeout You know, a kind of soul-crushing strikeout Into, you know Taylor Tramiel's got people watching Watch us rise It's like, hmm, I just watched him I mean, actually, Taylor Tramiel's been hitting pretty well of late But you know what I mean? It's like, there's something very, very kind of frustrating About a very braggy commercial about your team When you're also observing your team not doing great Right, exactly

You say you like the number 100 Well, Evan White is batting 100 Oh, shit

I want someone to start making those kinds of commercials About TBTL Maybe that's a project somebody wants to take on Some real TBTL hype commercials That we can play

That would be funny Watch the Root Sports They really are

I can't think of any good examples Well, first of all, the thing is See Us Rise, right? Oh, that's right, yeah. That's the, like, you know, every year, it's all been, yeah, see us rise, or watch us rise, or see us rise. I think it's see us rise. Ever since they stopped, the one year that we had a good catchphrase, it was, I'm a LeFevre believer.

When our coach was a guy named Jim LeFevre, who had.

Lefebvre's last name had, like, three or four unnecessary Vs in it. Yeah, right. It was like Lefebvre.

Yeah, we got some pictures like that now, yeah.

Yeah, so it was like, I'm a Lefebvre believer.

I love that.

It was great. It's all been downhill since then. But, yeah, we need some TBTL. Yeah, so, like, TBTL hype stuff that we can play right after we've, like, gone way too long with a not interesting topic.

That is great. And just fire it. Little stings that we can fire after a particularly bad plotting segment. That's awesome.

You like talking? That's definitely a thing that just happened. TBTL. Yeah, somebody do that. Please. Thanks, everybody. Let's take a quick break, and then when we come back, we've got the top stories. Plus, it sounds like a lot of emails and V-mails, too. So we'll try to get to some of those as well. Stay with us. It's TBTL.

On your mark. On your mark. Get set. Get set. Now ready. Ready. Go. Everybody rattle, dazzle. Everybody rattle, dazzle.

All right, Lee. Let's thank some dazzling donors. These are the wonderful, generous folks who are making today's episode possible with their dazzling donations. Talking, of course, about J.C. Clark in Tacoma, Washington. Won't you take a chance? Because I don't pre-read these, sometimes I laugh when I get to the first sentence of one of these messages, like today's from JC.

Hey, can I ask you this? Let's just do this quick. Yeah, I hit the wrong button. Sorry. I'm working with a broken hand. Give me a break. Yeah, I got you. Super Bowl week, Dano.

You look like a dream catcher came to life.

All right, maybe this is more appropriate. I once had a dream in which I realized I was God. How many perks were you on, JC? You might need to scale that down. I once had a dream in which I realized I was God. I'm on this beautiful tropical beach, and as far as my eye can see, our heads turned in my direction. All the world was looking to me for a message. So I'm standing there thinking, well, shit, I got to say something, right? And I have no idea what sage advice or bits of knowledge I'm about to throw down to mankind, but the anticipation is thick. Have you ever had a dream, Andrew, that you were somehow divine? Have you ever had a dream that you could do anything? I have never had a god dream. Me neither. No, this is amazing. It's really something. And I have to say, like, you know, JC is supporting the show with a very generous donation, so I want to tread very lightly here. But it's interesting how if someone says, oh, I had a dream that I was in a haunted house or I had a dream that I was a roller coaster operator, that all makes sense. But someone says, I had a dream I was God. You're like, OK, have we checked your meds?

Right. One time I thought I had a dream that I was God, but it turns out I was just Bono. That's a bastardization of a joke that I heard a long time ago that only sort of makes sense.

um by the way uh sorry that we are apparently uh wednesday is ambulance day here in this part of portland i am constantly trying to mute my microphone and then unmute it and as you and i talk off air all the time andrew the mute button on my little mixing board is dodgy so if if you if you tell a bono joke and it feels like i'm leaving you hanging it's because i'm gently toggling the mute i'm gently trying to unmute myself so that i can respond uh while also not having the listeners here just a constant just unbroken streak of freaking ambulances what i don't understand is i always talk about this now the ambulance warehouse that my apartment is above i don't understand why these it's it's it seems to be a place where they bring ambulances to repair them so it's not an emergency room it's not a medical facility it's just a giant warehouse where they have all these amr i guess it's probably american medical response ambulances but i guess sometimes they must fix one and then it's just like throw it right back out there because they are constantly leaving my neighborhood with their sirens going well my guess is from what

i mean listen you live there i don't want to tell you what's going on in portland but it sounds more to me you're not god you're not listener jc we got to get back to that but i mean they might fix them there but it also sounds like this is the place it's probably like a hanger for for these ambulances like the garage where right if this is a private ambulance service they probably are waiting there and then when they get the call they go out from there i mean there might be some repairs going on but it's more than just uh no i think you're right i think you're absolutely right

so that's that's you know not helping and then of course i also live above a chris sullivan choke point of basically like if you want

want to get from the east side to the west side i also didn't really realize this about portland portlanders are kind of like they're more like new yorkers than i would have expected in that jc we're getting back to your getting back to your message but of course you know that because you're god also jc jesus christ interesting now i should mention that the name is spelled out you

don't believe in listener jc andrew it's not the initials jc it's a name that sounds you know like jc but like that is amazing that makes it better for me like this makes a lot of sense wow i was

just gonna say the the portlanders are more like oh i'm on i'm an east side person or a west side person yeah i've always heard that of the willamette river which takes all of 20 seconds to cross unless there's terrible traffic but people do i've i've heard more people than i would expect say oh i don't know about that's on the east side i don't go to the east side that much people really kind of stick to the west or the east side of this river and so if there is a medical emergency or any kind of emergency and the responding people are on the east side where i am but the thing happening is on the west side they literally have to drive under my window and get on

the burnside bridge right which anyway sometimes it's a choke point so it takes a while to get

through the burn yes exactly so anyway apologies for uh for the noise and apologies for leaving you hanging on your Bono joke and apologies to listener JC for the delay in finishing this message JC if you remember from 20 minutes ago when we started reading the message JC has essentially the whole world looking to her to deliver some kind of important meaningful deep advice JC says I have no idea what sage advice or bits of knowledge I'm about to throw down to mankind but the anticipation is thick so I holler alright everybody to buy some time while i figure out what the heck i'm gonna do i mean i cannot blow this shot i'm on the brink of answering so many questions i could change lives i'm giving hope inspiring i'm god right yeah no i got nothing so i think fast and i throw my arms in the air and i start waving them vivaciously over my head for some reason now i picture listener jc kind of almost being like one of those um inflatable things they have at the used car yes yes uh i start waving my arms vivaciously over my head and i instruct humankind to shake it out and they did the entire world shook it out so i'm i'm thinking just like shake it out just like you know get just get loose just

get ready for shake it out yeah raise your hands above your head and shake it out yeah uh and then

i woke up now you may be wondering exactly why i'm opting to go to dream court on my dazzling donor message well friendos i just plumb don't know what else to say so shake it out i'm doing it right now thanks jc actually it feels good i need that i should i should probably like build into the show somewhere andrew a little for you and me and the listener just a little a little shaking it out you know i mean we're here for like one to two hours a day i'm sure there's some point where we get kind of you don't shake it out with your finger no i can be very I'm going to shake it out right now.

I need to hold as still as possible.

Would you say is your finger, is it hurting more than when the show started, about the same or less?

Not less. Not less. Not less.

On a scale of 1 to 10, rank your pain.

I was just going to say, like, this is pretty high up there. It's kind of coming and going. Right now, as I'm uttering this sentence, I'll give you a 7. But it was knocking on the door of 9. not all that long ago so kind of

okay well we'll try to you know not belabor things well I mean

what can we do I mean I'm not going to be going to sleep after this I actually do have a lot to do today so you know I'm either doing this or I'm doing something else

so don't worry about it well you're tougher than I am you give yourself grief for not being tough but I would be like I would have taken to my bed I would just be like I should be like I am not doing anything other than lying in this bed taking whatever pain medication might work and icing this thing down so So thank you for your – thanks for playing through the pain today, and I really do mean that. Are you able to activate the music with your other finger? So when I say maestro, we still get the music playing?

I think so. I need you to say maestro but not in the form of a question. We'll find out. Maestro?

On your mark.

On your mark.

Oh, good. Thank God.

Get set. I wasn't sure how that was going to work. Ready. Go.

I didn't know you were ambidextrous. Is it your right hand or your left hand?

It's my left hand. So the good news is it's the ring finger on my left hand. So you know how I'm always like saying, well, this bad thing happened, but it could have been worse. I am thinking about that a lot, that it is not an index finger and it is not on my right hand. Because even this, like I'm, you know, Luke, you can picture me in my office. I fire audio on my computer with my right hand. board is over here by my left hand and i've constantly you know my hands kind of stay on in both places during the show but i kind of can't do that now i need to like kind of reach over with my right hand over to the left side of my body to control the knobs i got a note from a friend who was like can you still push buttons like kind of joking a little bit but actually the answer paulie is it is more difficult thanks for asking i know everybody thinks they're being real clever with

the like kind of like basically the idea is that our job involves zero physicality but it actually does only because you and i like to make it hard on ourselves like it's i'm listen i'm not trying to act like i'm digging a trench here but there is even for what i'm doing i i have i'm doing this little crossover move where my right hand is on the trackpad of my laptop ready to fire little audio drops and my left hand is across okay so my hands are making an x and my left hand is controlling the fader for the audio levels so there's a little physicality if i had a broken finger on my left hand i think it would make it harder so and you're doing a lot more audio stuff

than i am and you're using your tootsie to open and close the window right yeah but not enough

because jeez louise i feel really bogged the showdown with many a ambient noise from the streets of portland today anyway uh we have to take a minute to thank our our other dazzling donor today none other than barbara west what of san jose california aka san jose barbie long time friend of the program long time supporter in every possible way barbie thank you so much uh barbara says thanks for still being here after all these years during this past year of relative isolation and quarantine it's been more important than ever to spend time with my tbtl friendos so thanks for always being here barbara is a teacher and presumably barbara has been doing that thing that so many teachers have been doing which is trying to figure out how to teach their students remotely and safely and that is a i have friends that are teaching my sister hannah is an in education and like just the the the challenge of that uh and a lot of teachers have their own kids too that they're trying to also keep track of so anyway a big thanks to all the teachers and especially a thanks to barbara west in san jose today for being one of our dazzling donors thanks barbara we couldn't do this thing without you hello and welcome to top story all right so the uh football team the nfl team that plays in washington formerly known as what we would call the r words they uh of course changed their name well they dropped the the racist name and they just went to being called the washington football team which i kind of like as a name but it also always makes me think they're called the wtfs oh right yeah because it's like wft yeah we don't have any context for wft but wtf is a big thing it's you know so uh they have been sending out emails to various um like season ticket holders and other people who are fans of the team that for whatever reason the team has their email address and what they've been doing is sending each person a list an incomplete list of names of possible team names and people figured out this was happening and they figured they weren't all getting the same list so somebody sat down and put together all of the different possibilities that have been sent out and we have them

here okay exciting I have not looked at this you mentioned this on yesterday's show and I was very interested in finding out what they were so I'm here

for this so and these are not in any these are alphabetized but they're not in any particular order of like this one has gotten the most votes or this is the one we're leaning towards but uh and hopefully this is interesting because again it's alpha it's it's alphabetical so it'll be you know a lot of a's a lot of b's it's going in that order that's how the alphabet works i don't know if you or the listeners are familiar um the washington aces

huh that's a really good name isn't there a vegas oh sorry you probably just want to get through the

no no no it's good i was just going to read them until you had a thought so i have a lot of thoughts

Isn't there a – isn't the Aces a name of a Las Vegas-based team? Ah, yes. Our friend Neil plays for like kind of a – it's the lowest level professional like a baseball organization that is affiliated with MLB at all. Do you know this? Neil plays at that level? He plays – yeah. Wow. I went to see his All-Star game one time, and it was at Safeco. Now there's only about 100 people there. But, yeah, so they're affiliated. But, you know, it's an amateur league. So I don't know exactly how that works. But that's right. But he is affiliated with the Las Vegas. Vegas Aces, which I believe is a minor league team in Las Vegas, and I think that's great. I think if you're Vegas and you want to name your team the Aces, more power to you. It doesn't seem right for the— It doesn't make a lot of sense in the District of Columbia. Exactly, yeah. So there's my thought.

Here's one that is actually not too bad, the Ambassadors. Oh, yes, yes. The Washington Ambassadors. Let's keep it connected to what the city is known for. I like that. Let's keep it playful. Yes. The thing, though, is Ambassador is not what you're trying to be on the football field. No, that's true.

Although you're an ambassador for football.

You are trying to execute some bilateral relations that involve leveling the quarterback.

I like it when a player helps another player from the other team up off his feet. I always like that.

I love it. It's honestly one of the highlights of the game for me. I'm not even exaggerating. That little bit of like in particular, you know, the best version of that is when the quarterback and the defensive lineman who's been trying to essentially kill the quarterback when they have a funny joke between them after a play like that just feels like that cartoon where the wolf and the sheepdogs exactly clock in and try to murder each other and then clock out like I love to see it. Yes. Yes. OK. The Washington anchors football team.

no why that's not really associated with good things also you're not a maritime city but yeah

like hey we we sink right to the bottom oh right the anacostia river known for all all the anchors that were dropped in the anacostia anyway uh the washington archers it's okay yeah the washington armada no no i don't like that that sounds like an arena league team yeah it does yeah the washington aviators of course washington dc first in flight known as the home of aviation the washington aviators the washington beacons no yeah the A beacon, I mean, I could see it being like, well, this is the national capital. Yeah. You know, we've got Capitol Hill. We should be a beacon of light. Yeah. You know, but it just doesn't feel football-y to me. Now, the Beagles, I would take. Ooh. That would be a cute team. And maybe you can, like, license, like, Snoopy from the estate of Charles Schultz. Yeah. You know what? The thing is, it's a very cute team, but they're very loud.

Don't Beagles bark a lot, I think?

Yeah, they bay. Yeah. Those hounds, all of those, you know, dogs like that are very, very, very adorable, but can definitely get their bark on. How about the Washington Belters? Wow. Because, yeah.

Okay, I like the connection, but no. I don't think so. Because what's a belter?

Well, the thing is to belt somebody is to tackle them or to belt a baseball. He belted. That was, of course, that was Dave Niehaus's call. Swung on and belted deep to left center field. But, yeah, it's just close, but it's not quite there. How about the Washington Brigade football team? Fine. Sounds arena-ish again. Yeah, exactly. The Washington Commanders.

Okay. Not the worst.

I have a feeling that with a lot of these, like, whatever they pick, it's gonna sound dumb at first and then five seasons later just gonna feel like yeah that's what the team's called you know what i mean yeah it's just a kind of a familiarity that comes with using something a bunch what about the washington defenders sounds like soccer yes oh speaking of which well we've got the demon cats the washington demon cats which i didn't know about no i'm not

into that oh this is on the list i'm sorry i thought you were talking i don't my brain just did something weird. No, no, no. I made that

confusing. What I wanted to do, Andrew, was jump one spot down. I'm trying to be a completist with this list, but when you said it sounds like a soccer team, one of the potential names is First City Football Club. What?

First City Football Club. I kind of like that in that it's fucking bonkers. I like it because you're just like, yeah, that's our team name. What about it? That's kind of weird, man.

Yeah. Manchester United. We're naming we're naming our team Barcelona. Real DC. Yeah. First City Football Club. It's like that's such a whack name considering all that football club stuff is a very obvious attempt for American cities to have their soccer teams have this sort of Premier League feel to them. So you name your football team First City Football. club how about the washington griffins is there a connection there well yeah i feel like there is robert griffin the third almost died by the hands of the seahawks when they kept taking him into that weird injury shed i feel like rg3 got permanently broken during that game when the washington football team continued to put him on the field as he was getting rushed by michael bennett at all yeah and so i think naming your team the griffins i know griffin is like a flying eagle or something but it's too close to me it's too close to reminding me of what happened to poor

rg3 yeah that that is really rough that's a tragedy they should have pulled him from that game i mean he clearly was injury prone so maybe he still is an injury prone player if that sliding door slides the other way but he should not that was abuse he shouldn't have been in that game

Yeah, it was a bummer. And, I mean, to his credit, he was still in the league as of last season. Yeah. But, I mean, he has not been able to get back to that level of play. How about the Washington Guardians?

You know, fine.

Parenthetically, of the galaxy. Yeah. How about the Washington Icons? Oh, yeah, that would be kind of good. You know, D.C., the capital. The Washington Icons.

Not a terrible name. Not a great name. And not for D.C.

Yeah, I know. How about the Washington Majors named for the Biden's dog?

Ferocious. I like it. Right. Yeah.

The Washington Monarchs football team. OK, I can kind of get into that. But would they go far enough to have their have their mascot be a monarch butterfly?

But also you think of

This country is about Overthrowing or at least stopping No longer operating under the monarch Exactly I think that's a bad look I do think however A pro football team whose mascot was a butterfly That would be pretty sweet yes That would be such counter programming To whatever like you know One of my complaints about the modern era Of mascot tree Is that everything's getting tougher and buffer And it's like that never actually reads as the way that the people like oh we want to make the seahawk tilted forward and more angry it's like no that's like or we want to make our our our denver nugget lion in a more buff suit when he jumps off a trampoline and dunks it it's just like no i like the best mascot ever is probably gritty yeah from the philadelphia flyers yeah yeah right or the philadelphia fanatic i mean i have to give philly this they've got it figured out with the

mascots oh absolutely and then i like the idea of like somebody like a very slight person in a full body suit with giant majestic butterfly wings uh attach them and they come you know they just come like kind of floating out onto the field and they do little dances that's very

you can call that one the papillons is that that's french for butterfly just fully just fully go f you norms of the nfl our new team is going to be called the papillons we're going to go French. I like that for New Orleans. We're going to go Butterfly. We're going to start Colin Kaepernick at every position. Where the Papillons get used to it. Oh, yeah. How about the D.C. Pilots?

Yeah. I always like the name Pilots. I mean, because there's that, you know, of course, Seattle's first professional baseball team was the Pilots, right? I like the term Pilots. Again, I don't know what the connection to D.C. there is, but it's certainly like, it's a good name. It's got the right name. Part of this is also just how it sounds, Right Absolutely It's phonetic Yeah exactly

Did the pilots Leave Seattle To become The Milwaukee Brewers Is that where they went

That sounds right I think they played In Seattle For one full season Is that correct

I think at Sixth Stadium Which is now That Lowe's Down where my old house was

Yeah there's a small little There's like a small little Tribute to the pilots there

And I believe Elvis Once played Sixth Stadium Oh really And you could sit The story goes That you know You could basically walk a few blocks from my old house and sit on this hillside and watch Elvis play Sixth Stadium back in the day.

And I confirmed they did become the Brewers. And in fact, I think they might have come here from Milwaukee originally.

Came from Milwaukee, then returned to Milwaukee.

Well, it just says on April 1st, 1970, the franchise... Oh, no, no, I thought it said return to Milwaukee. It says move to Milwaukee. I don't know why I thought that, sorry.

How about the Washington Presidents? Yeah, sure. I mean, makes sense, right? Yeah. You've got the, I mean, that's at least, that's geographically relevant. What about the Washington precedence?

It's like an homage to the Supreme Court.

Let the Washington repeal the filibusters. how about the washington gerrymanderers oh my god yeah um you just call them the jerrys uh how about the washington razorbacks no no i know like this they by the way get ready because it's getting real it's getting real poor sign real fast here you got the washington razorbacks which is like look i mean have you heard of the university of arkansas it's not like a small sports program right exactly like Razorback you know Razorback Nation is a very well-known thing I mean they've had great success in basketball some success in football over the years like you know that's just like why do you name them the Blue Devils then everybody like wait what yeah how about the Tar Heels was that taken how about the Washington Red Tails it's you know I think they like

because their original name had red in it so I can see them trying to like find something else with red in it as like you know so that you're not completely ignoring the past which I understand red tail just you know that's a red tail hawk is that correct Luke that's what I'm thinking maybe and you know I don't know just another ferocious bird do we is that inspiring Firing? Maybe. I don't know.

How about the Washington Red Wolves? Yeah, same deal. How about the Washington Red Hogs? I like somebody being like, I'm not into Razorback, but you know what? Red Hog has a...

Yeah, right, yeah.

Like, that's definitely, if it hasn't been, it will soon be a John Travolta film.

What about the Red Octobers?

It's like the mascot, just a submarine. Just a rogue Russian submarine being captained by Sean Connery

Crossing over the border into the United States

Trying to turn himself over to Alec Baldwin But Alec Baldwin is the only one who understands that he comes in peace

Right, right

By the way, I recently took a submarine tour with my nephews That's why I've got a lot of Hunt for Red October knowledge at the tip of my brain

Oh, that's good Do you say you went on a tour? Yeah That's what I want to do By the way, do you know that in an upcoming episode I think I can say this In an upcoming episode of the APM podcast, Smash Boom Best, which is a debate style show aimed at younger, I think younger listeners, generally speaking, I am supposed to debate our pale Brandy Brown. And I am debating on behalf of submarines while she is debating on behalf of spaceships.

Wow. That's a boy. That's like a real that's a, you know, a couple of one seeds.

Yeah, I know.

They're both really cool, right? Yes. Yeah, there's a submarine that's just like permanently stationed, if you will, in the water near the OMSI, the science museum here in Portland, and you can take a tour of it. Actually, they've been able to do it, so it's, believe it or not, very safe. Of course, everybody's double masked up, and very few people at a time, just people in your party, and you're standing very far away from the person giving the tour. But, man, the thing was frigging cool. I think it's called the Blueback. And it was in – it was actually – they used it for some of the scenes in the Hunt for Red October.

Oh, no kidding. I'm not joking. I really have been thinking, like, for years now, I want to go on a submarine tour. I believe I went on a submarine tour when I was probably, like, maybe 11 or 12. I don't remember where we were. I think my family was on some sort of a road trip, and we took this submarine tour. And I remember being very fascinated by it and intimidated by it, by the, you know, the small spaces and imagining a whole bunch of people living in this tiny little vessel under the sea. And I've always been thinking I have been thinking for a long time now. I'd like to take another submarine tour as an adult.

I took a tour like that with my dad when I was young and I was bored out of my gourd. And then I went on this one with Jack and Abe and I was fascinated. I think they were probably so so on it. I was like, can we do another loop? I want to know more about the propulsion system of these torpedoes. I am really like, I am about to become a Clancy dad. Which is just the name for the kind of dad who's reading Tom Clancy on an iPad. You can find him on a Sunday afternoon with his iPad reading Tom Clancy.

Anyway, how about the Washington subs?

Ooh.

The Washington betas? Yeah. No, I realize. Yeah, that's not. I don't think that I guess. But if even if you wanted some sort of submarine, I think submarine imagery and a logo and stuff would be good for a team. That feels like minor league baseball to me. And it doesn't feel like D.C. to me, though.

Right. No, but you're right. It's not. I mean, we do a lot of. Well, there's a fair amount of the above the.

water maritime lore in sports i mean the los angeles clippers i believe that's probably originally i'm gonna guess named for a clipper ship i think they were the san diego clippers um you have of course the you know mariners is just a general maritime terminology but you don't have you don't have many teams or any teams that are named for the below the water stuff i wonder

if that does have to do with like this idea of sinking and being below you know what i mean

Although, if you were a minor league team called the subs, think about all the sub sandwich promotions you could do. Think about signing a submarine pitcher. Maybe you just have a game where you only play submarine-style pitchers.

And your concession stands could look like submarines. You're serving the sub sandwiches. I mean, I'm telling you.

You're going to tubs today, aren't you, now?

I don't think I can.

Oh, you're not up for it? Yeah. That's when I know you're – it's like a little kid. You know that they're really not feeling well when they don't want to do their favorite things.

Well, Luke, I haven't showered since Monday. man i can't get this thing wet and so i have i know that at some point i need to bag this up as they say i mean i didn't even think about that but like different as a as a as a sometimes twice

a day shower person not being able to easily take a shower that's a huge hit to your way of being in

the world yeah the whole thing's weird i also just don't know like you know the doctor and again this was like an emergency situation and so like you know i need to go to a regular doctor and have them answer like i'm not sure if i'm if and when i'm supposed to take this off and clean underneath it and she did give me an extra splint but no extra like gauze tape i need to get that but like so there's the expectation that at some point i'm supposed to take this off and then probably you know re maybe clean it and then wrap it up again and put it on the splint but i don't know at what point i'm supposed to do that right now i'm in a lot of pain and the thought of doing that is makes me want to pass out um but uh but yes i don't know though like am i going to make a doctor's appointment a week from now and they're going to say okay have you been cleaning it i'm going to say no and they're going to look at me scared they're going to peel off this bandage and there's going to be that ghost that evil spirit of smell that you were describing on the show yesterday i believe emanating from my finger and everybody's going to gas masks are going to drop down from

the doctor's office ceiling my uh sister hannah sent me a photo she's now a pretty regular listener to the show and she sent me a photo of her finger and she said which is which did not heal correctly from a break and she said she was glad that you were going to the doctor uh and having it professionally dealt with she said i was listening to yesterday's tbtl again that's a fire truck so apparently something's on fire right now uh hannah said uh i've attached a picture from when i was a young child playing basketball with you at living way i caught the ball in a bad way and broke my finger in several spots i'm gonna tell you right now andrew have no memory of breaking my sister hannah's finger in this way uh which is you know not the greatest character reference on me mom and dad's just assumed it was jammed it was not and her finger goes in a wonky direction so

no well my only thing like if my finger isn't you know as beautiful as it once was let's face it it was a pretty beautiful um finger that i'm fine with that but what i don't want is the Like, I don't want it to be, like, janky so that it doesn't bend right or I can't type. You know what I mean? Typing is the big thing for me. Yeah, of course. But again, so lucky it's that finger, though. You know, even moving around, like, I have to be very careful with this hand now because I jar it a tiny bit and, you know, pain. And, you know, it's got the splint on it so you kind of forget how – you forget that your finger is easily – like, you can easily, like, tap it on a door frame accidentally. Yes. So you've got to be careful with that. Yeah, so I'm trying to be very careful, but I am constantly thinking, though, God, think, like, because, you know, I can still, like, sort of open, like, a bottle of seltzer. I was opening one this morning, and I can still use my index finger and my thumb to do that if I do it carefully. But, my God, if it was one of those fingers, I would be in much worse shape today.

How about the Washington Renegades?

You know, generic. I could see them going for that.

i say this with peace and love to our listeners in las vegas and tampa but many of these names just sound like a team like an arena league team from either vegas or tampa yeah the tampa renegades take on the vegas armada yeah um how about the washington riders football team meh the washington

rising see i like concepts i think you don't so much right i don't think that rising is good I don't think that's a great concept. And again, I'm getting soccer vibes for some reason. But I do like the Minnesota Wild hockey team. Yes, I like that. Exactly. I like the Washington Counting Crows. No, but I love the idea that there's a band called – which, by the way, I think I slipped this past you. You didn't even notice yesterday that I accidentally said The Counting Crows, which I believe is a sin amongst crows. heads right um but i like that that that construction of a band's name it's a verb you know it's something we're doing that's fun how about the washington royals what wait like

that's literally on the list it's like are you daft and we've already talked about the fact that the founding of this nation was to overthrow the the sort of you know the the royals and the monarchy in england it's also taken yes by a baseball team by a major league baseball team like how did that even get on the list i don't know how how many perks was the person who made this list on when i thought royals what how about put yeah put yankees on there yeah we'll be very successful yeah right how about the washington rubies oh wow because their uniforms i mean they

maybe they keep those color i don't oh interesting huh i like i love the name ruby you know it's a nice stone i i would kind of like that there's no way it ends up making the final list yeah i

kind of like it too because it's it's yeah it's it's like it's classy i think it's classy i think it would be kind of fun i'm sure that it would be you know it would not be quote unquote masculine enough for many of the fans um well you name his ad for some ring but um i would go with that the washington swifts i'm assuming that's a bird and not a reference to taylor oh

i was actually just thinking like we are swift we're you know fleet footed maybe jonathan swift

Or Jonathan Swinton. I love it. They just went really, really sort of like freshman English on it. The Washington Dostoevskys. Okay. This is another one. I shite you not, Andrew. The Washington D.C. Football Club. I know that it seems like I already read that, but the previous one was the First City Football Club, FCFC. This is Washington, D.C. football club, D.C. F.C.

No.

Washington Capital City Football Club. That would be the C.C. F.C. Oh, my gosh. The Capital City Football Club. Like, wow, okay. The Washington Wayfarers?

No. No, thank you. Too complicated.

I mean, there would be a natural tie-in with the furniture website.

You got the W.W. thing, Washington Wayfarers, which is good. But I like the alliteration in most cases, except I don't want a name that's going to start with W. It's too soft of a sound. Like I was saying, like the pilots, you know, something that you can bite off, not the wayfarers.

Right. How about the Washington Wild Hogs? Not to be confused with the Washington Red Hogs. Nope. Nope. Move on. How about the Washington Face-Offs? How about the Washington...

It's like looking in a football team's mirror, only not.

How about the Washington... I'm trying to think of other John Travolta films that they could be named for. The Washington Michaels.

Isn't there a movie where he was an angel named Michael? Okay, yeah, yeah. What about the Washington Michael Claytons?

Wasn't that... That was a book about a lawyer. Underrated film. Yes, that's Clooney. And that was like a really good, taught legal thriller. How about the Washington... I don't even know what this is. 32 FC. what 32 football club i guess and then parenthetic parenthetically it says w32 yeah it's got to be some soccer thing i don't get i wonder where these lists came from a demented mind how about this this is the last one on the list andrew what about what if they named them the washington football team yeah i knew that would stay on the list i'll bet you

every you said that different people got different lists i'll bet you that one is on all of them

And I bet you they stay the Washington football team. It does. I mean, I don't. There's a certain subtlety to it.

Yeah. When they first said, we're going to take the name off the team, but for the transition, we're going to call ourselves the Washington football team. I thought that was pretty dumb. And then I heard, you know, you know, people on the radio talking about football, just like recapping games. And they got to a point where they didn't have to comment on it all the time. It became more and more natural feeling. And now it is kind of There is a je ne sais quoi to it What about the Washington je ne sais quoi

The Washington

Que sera The Washington

How do you say The Washington Croissants Now that's the Washington Croissants I could get behind that That's just absolute Stupid i want to mention that yesterday on the show because of your injury andrew and and the all of the problems associated

with that it was unclear if we were going to have drops of stupider today and then you sent me an email in the afternoon saying hey i got it covered i was able to go and grab some tape and line some stuff up so once again i just want to say thank you for playing hurt oh yeah yeah no problem also i will say this like a classic washington wayfarer when i was talking oh pardon me oh my good oh did

you hear that death rattle as i inhaled oh my goodness my apologies that was terrible happening

to me lately a lot. I don't know if that's a good sign. It's going to be like lying in bed and I'll just inhale wrong. Oh, man. And it's just like a coughing fit.

This agreement you and I had to start smoking at age 44 was a bad idea, maybe. We just agreed

if neither of us were married, we'd start smoking at 44. And it happened.

We were basically trying to turn into Marge's sisters. I need to mute my microphone and take care of whatever is happening. This is unflattering. Hold on. Sure.

I'm happy to just keep the needles. Ooh, don't say mmm when you come back.

I just wanted to make a noise so that you would know that I'm here again. All right, so I did want to make one comment. Yesterday during the show, especially during the first 15 minutes of the show, as I was recounting my adventures, my misadventures that led to a broken finger, I was pretty outside my head. And I kept on, I spent the rest of the show beating myself up over what a terrible narrative that was. I felt like I was all over the place. I went back and listened to part of it. I did do some very, very, very light cleanup on small things that would only drive me crazy. But I will say that it was way more coherent than it felt at the time. And I'm bringing this up, not to say I'd done okay, but because I was beating myself up so badly on the show yesterday, there was an outpouring of encouragement from listeners on the Slack page saying that was a good story. Stop being mean to yourself. We like your story. So I want to say thank you to everybody who was boosting me up yesterday when I was feeling down. And I appreciate it. And I promise I wasn't just doing that for because I was fishing for compliments. I think I was just a little bit not completely there as I was talking yesterday. So it really felt it really felt all over the place the first part of yesterday's show but anyway let's get back to drops of stupider for today um we have um again we are in the category of uh let's call them stem winders and today we have jen getting abandoned at a wedding out in the middle of nowhere okay i'll let the tape kind of explain that that's the number three seed versus the number six seed me yelling polite car to a driver who parked their car rudely. And again, I think the tape will fill that out a little bit more. So for this Jen tape, which I will start with, Jen and her husband Jason find themselves at some wedding. And this is a contact of Jason's. Jen doesn't really know anybody there. And again, this is a wedding that is out in the middle of nowhere. And it's pre-cell phone. and jen finds herself suddenly alone at this wedding after jason leaves i'll let her take

it from here the brother of the groom stood up and said all the guys come on up and so then all the guys went up jason was still sitting next to me and they said no everybody all the guys come up so jason went up and then they left and so i didn't know you know maybe they're coming back to do a skit i don't know so i'm sitting at my table i'm kind of trying to introduce myself to the people around me and then um the father and mother of the bride stood up and basically said or of the groom stood up and said thank you all for coming and this is such a blessed day and we'll see you all tomorrow and everyone started leaving and pretty soon i'm kind of the only person there and so i went up to the the host and said do you know when the guys are coming back and he said oh they're not coming back they all went to a midnight basketball game in town and And then they're staying somewhere until the wedding tomorrow.

So they basically, like, kidnapped Jason?

Yes. All I knew was I was in the middle of nowhere. I had nothing. I had my purse. And so I said, well, this is really embarrassing. But my name is Jen Andrews. And I'm here with my husband. And he left. and i don't know what to do because i could i call a cab she goes oh no cab well there's no cab i mean we're like hours from anywhere and i said oh okay um and this is the lady whose house yes it's her house everyone has left now she's like in her basement she's like moving the ping pong

table back into ready position yep exactly and you'd never you'd never met this person before this night nope it sounds like it probably wasn't very awkward well so i said i am incredibly embarrassed

and i'm very very sorry but would it be all right if i stayed here tonight and she said well i mean our kids getting married tomorrow we have relatives in every corner of the house there's not really anywhere for you to stay so i said um could i stay down here there you go

that is jen talking in september of 2011 it was really hard to i believe there was like under a ping pong table or something yes it was like in this you know big kind of rec room where they had just had some sort of wedding festivities and they were then going to start prepping more wedding festivities in that basement as well it was hard to it's hard not to um it's hard to know where to cut that story off because it just gets more and more awkward but you you also mentioned

yesterday that if folks want to hear the full context uh these uh if you go to tbtl.net the same spot where you can vote for this you can also just listen to those entire episodes yeah

Yeah, that's right. So go to tbtl.net and just click on today's show and you will see there at the top that link and a link to this story. This is the time that I saw a car parked just real trashily in a parking lot and it made me mad and I decided to take things into my own passive aggressive hands. i noticed this fancy car is parked across three spots instead of sliding into one of these spots this car is just parked like parallel parked across three spots and i'm just like this is weird and i thought it might be it looks like it's maybe a new car maybe this person doesn't want anybody scratching their car by parking too close and uh but then i'm leaving the grocery store a few minutes later and i see the car is still there and i'm like well i'll just take a picture of it and again I promise you my plan is not necessarily to I don't know what my plan is but anyway I'm just I'm just taking the photo and I'm looking at it through my phone I'm looking at the scene through my phone so that I don't even realize that by the time I've taken the photo the car's owner is standing next to it right now and so I take one photo and then I kind of I put the phone and I realize oh I just took a photo of him he's staring right at me now I'm wearing my big headphones my big bluetooth headphones that cover my ears and i see he's saying something to me and so i flip off one earphone and i say uh i'm sorry he says why are you taking a picture of my car and i'm just walking at this point i'm just i walk by him and i just keep walking and i just go he said why and i'm like because i really like it it looks like a really polite car which is me trying to burn this guy all right there you go that was one of my more embarrassing stories from uh oh that was from 2019 that was from january of 2019 you know i think i forgot

that the person was there with the car i mean of course that's why you would have said that's why you would have said what you said but my memory of the story was almost that maybe you left a note saying like real polite car or something i knew that i yelled it so i must have remembered that

he was there but i had forgotten that i had actually taken a photo like that i'd accidentally taken a photo of him standing next to his car do you that photo must still be on your phone somewhere it's probably in my dropbox somewhere and actually because i see that that was january 24th 2019 i can go to my dropbox or actually i do this very you will not be surprised to hear that i do a very complicated backup of all of my photos like manually i have hard drives full of all of my phone photos um so i could actually probably find that photo pretty can we make that the show

pick this guy angrily standing by his car i don't know how legal that would be let me uh let me see

yeah i definitely would blur out the license plate photos on that i think we talked about using it um did i say license plate photos i'd blur out the license plate in the photos i should say um anyway i might be um i might be starting to uh lose my zhuzh here luke i don't think that's

Oh, okay. All right. Well, then, so just to let everybody know, once again, you can go to tbtl.net, and you can vote on this latest round of Drops of Stupider.

Oh, Luke, I don't know what song we want to go out with right now, but I got to tell you, for the past few weeks, you could tell that I struggled with my music for your weekend choices because I hadn't been listening to a lot of varied stuff or a lot of new stuff. I was kind of in my little groove, but I cannot wait. Sunday night, I heard a song, and I realized this is my music for your weekend next week, and it's all I've been thinking about is playing the song for you all week, so I cannot wait to get to Friday. That's always nice. How about that for overhyping?

I was trying to find some kind of audio about fingers, since you have a broken finger, and uh i spared you me playing the former i guess you could say uh the former first lady of france carla bruni saying put a finger in my bottom oh my goodness i was tempted from some game show or talk show she did

But I also noticed There are a lot of decently good songs That have finger in them Like Soul Finger by the Barkays I don't know that Maybe we can go out with that It's off of the I found out about it because of the Mystery Train soundtrack Which is That's Jim Jarmusch right Yes The film is I actually liked the film It's Jim Jarmusch So it's kind of an odd quirky film about these Japanese tourists that show up in Memphis kind of trying to understand the spirit of Elvis. But the soundtrack to Mystery Train is very good and something I've been a fan of for many, many years now. But anyway, how about we go out with Soulfinger by the Barkays?

Yeah, that sounds good. I should check out that. I wonder, do you think, like, because, again, I don't know if it's Jarmusch or Jarmish. I go back and forth.

I always say Jarmish, but I bet you that's wrong.

I don't know. but um you know he is another director who has like that you really think about the the music in the films you know what I mean like you think of Wes Anderson has a very kind of specific vibe even though it's not all the same and I would say that Jarmusch's music or the music that he chooses has probably a wider range but there's still some sort of a there's still some sort of an organizing principle to it and I wonder if he was even working with RZA to put these things together before RZA became more of an on-screen presence in his film.

Well, his really big musical collaborator has been John Lurie for years, right?

I was just introducing somebody to Fishing with John this weekend. They were flabbergasted. You remember Fishing with John, right? It's a sixth episode.

I don't think I ever watched it, but you've just talked about it a lot.

It is so bizarre, man. John Lurie, this guy who most people don't really know, he's like a musician, an artist, And he's been in some Jim Jarmusch films He takes Bigger celebrities out Into these places in the world That are kind of treacherous And he takes them fishing He takes Willem Dafoe ice fishing And they end up getting into a fight He takes Tom Waits to some jungle somewhere And it's just like It's like the original slow TV It's like there will just be shots of them Just sitting there ice fishing Not really saying much And just kind of being grumpy

kind of being grumpy to each other i can't believe because willem dafoe i have always been afraid of

willem dafoe yeah i'll bet you i'll bet you he's such a sweet guy but you also he looks like a guy who you don't want to get on his bad side he's an imposing presence well yeah he's terrifying in a

lot of his films he seems so intense well i heard him on the dinner party download r.i.p our friend rico and brendan's show uh that um what one of their final episodes uh was him promoting that film the Florida project that he did and he could not have been nicer and it really radically changed my sense of who I sort of think Willem Dafoe is so it's interesting to hear that he and John Lurie

did not really hit it off yeah I would encourage people if you can track it down somewhere watch it I mean if you like weird stuff but I can't believe that it came we looked up the year and I want to say it was like I could look it up now but I'm lazy I think it's like early to mid 90s And it's the type of thing that it almost seems like a precursor sort of to like the I'm with Busey, which in that was like late 90s or maybe early 2000s. But like kind of like weird celebrity quasi reality TV that doesn't really fit into any clean category. But like, yeah, it was a six six six episode one off thing called Fishing with John. If you can find it and you like weird slow TV and strange celebrities fishing, give it a shot.

All right. We'll check it out. So this is off of the Mystery Train soundtrack. This is Soul Finger by the Barkays, which I'm sure existed long, long before this soundtrack. I'm just saying this is how I found out about it. Yeah. All right. Thanks for listening, everyone. Andrew, thanks again for toughing it out, man. I hope that tomorrow you're down to a one on the pain scale. That'd be nice. And if you have to be high as balls to make that happen, I think it could be an interesting experiment.

Yeah, it could be. Yeah.

All right. We'll see you tomorrow, everyone, with more Imaginary Radio. Until then, have a great Wednesday. Stay safe. Take care of yourselves, and please remember, a mountain too tall. And good luck to all.

We'll be right back.

Power out.