Muse

Okay, let me ask you a few questions. Let's talk about restaurants. Would you be willing to wait for a really good restaurant a half hour, or would you just eat somewhere kind of crappy because you could get in right away?

What do you think? The look on people's faces when they wait in line is like, is this, what are you, are you going to eat or to stand quietly? Have you ever uttered the phrase, get off my lawn?

No.

Okay. I mean, yeah, I've said, but I didn't mean like old man, like, get off my lawn. I meant more like, this is my property, so get off my lawn.

I'm not going to sugarcoat this for you. You have early-onset grumpiness. What? Early-onset grumpiness, EOG. You're going to begin to enjoy fewer and fewer things in your life. You'll be saying things like, who are these people? Who are those people?

That's the, I mean, it's a real question.

The only reason you leave the house is to see classic old movies, and even then you'll say, it had some good parts, but all in all, it was fairly uneven. even. You're very young to have EOG. Your life is going to change forever. Is there anything I can do? Normally we try meds, but you're too young for them. I'm sorry. I'll notify

your family. Don't notify my sister. She didn't even pick up the phone half the time. She gives people a hard time. Hey, Johnny. Oh, hi, Danny. What's wrong with Mark? He's cranky

today all right let's toss the ball around are you aware that other networks refer to us as the poland of broadcasting how did these buff dudes escape my radar i thought i knew about every single buff dude look at the size of that boy's head i'm not kidding it's like an orange on a toothpick you gotta give the boy a complex well that's a huge noggin remember boys no points for

second place all right hello good morning and welcome everyone to a monday edition of tbtl personally i blame steve harvey for this the show that just might be too beautiful to live my name is luke burbank i am your host coming to you from the nest broadcast center high in the sky above portland oregon you want to do a make-believe radio show in a room somewhere i'm telling you There's no money in that. Actually, a fairly decent weekend weather-wise around here, although today the clouds have rolled in. It is currently raining. Didn't know you like to get wet, though. And that's going to, I think, be the case more or less this week. But the good news is it's warm and dry here inside the Broadcast Center, and we are all ready to go with episode 3,409 in a collector's series. Let the fun begin. Every once in a while, I just reflect on how many friggin' shows that is. I say, you know, the number. Sometimes I'm even correct about what episode number we're on, but I say the episode number every day. Most of the time it just goes past I don't give it any thought But today for whatever reason When I said that number 3,409 It struck me that that's a lot of shows Apparently I hear rumors that last night was the Oscars So who needs a movie? Weird year for the Academy Awards Of course all of the films streamed Instead of playing in theaters uh the actual ceremony was kind of a mix of virtual and real and it really did kind of sneak up on me i will be honest i haven't seen a lot of the films that were nominated this year um but there was this amazing moment that everybody loved when national treasure glenn close threw it back as the kids would say to the song da butt how funny is that that's pretty funny and everybody is just calling it the moment the the absolute moment from last night's oscars and of course because i can't just ever enjoy something like everybody else i have a slight problem with how this moment is being described in the media oh sir just one more thing and because i can't keep my annoying thoughts to myself in fact were i to keep my annoying thoughts to myself we wouldn't be at episode 3409 in a collector series this show is really just me and andrew letting you in on our annoying thoughts so anyway i'll share with you what my problem is around how everyone's describing this glenn close event also google maps will now default to the greenest route when routing you on your drive we will explain what that actually

means and of course we will continue our journey to figure out the best moment in tbtl history the best moment of tbtl the tbtl drops of stupider competition the deuce rolls on today we are We're almost done with the first round. So if you want to catch up on that, you can always go to tbtl.net and look at the brackets and vote, I think, on maybe all of the competitors still and see where we're at with things. So all that plus emails and emails and this guy, the longest running co-bro of the show. He may be best known for his depictions of the tall ships. He is Andrew. Indeed, Queen. Walsh. And he is joining me right now from the Roosevelt neighborhood of Seattle, Washington. Good morning, my friend.

Good morning, Luke. I know we are going to talk about Glenn Close later on in the show. I do not want to spoil that story at all.

But this Glenn Close story will not be ignored, Andrew.

It shall not.

If we try to, the story will show up and skin a bunny and boil it at our house. I think that happens in Fatal Attraction. I've never seen that movie.

You're getting very Glenn Close to what I want to talk about here. Ayo! Because you're talking. Wow, that might be the show title.

Too Glenn Close for Comfort?

Are we still playing taps when one of us kills humor dead? Yes, we are, my friend. TBTL kills humor dead. You know, you talk about her being a national treasure.

TBTL, Glenn Close But No Cigar? That's good. No, TBTL, Glenn Close Shave? No, these are getting worse. Glenn Closing Arguments?

That's terrible. I don't know why I laughed at it. All right, here's my point, though. So she's National Treasure status. I agree with that, of course. Who would I be to not agree with that? But as you're saying that, I'm thinking, yeah, National Treasure. What have I seen her in?

Was it the movie National Treasure?

No, I don't know. But I'm like, I don't think I've seen her in anything ever. And so I'm on IMDb now, and I'm just scrolling backwards. I literally have not watched any movie that she's made in the 2000s. And I'm scrolling back, and I'm scrolling back. I'm like, could it be that I've never seen a Glenn Close movie? That would be embarrassing. But it looks like the first movie or the most recent movie on her IMDb list is Mars Attacks 1996. That's the last Glenn Close movie I've seen. And I don't even remember it that well. I just remember a funny scene where a bunch of aliens are attacking Earth and killing people. And one of them has a translation machine. And he's saying, stop, stop. We come in peace. That's the only thing I remember about Mars Attacks.

I'm now scrolling back because, Andrew, it's possible that you and I, co-hosts of this Runaway Hit podcast.

Just because people run away when they play it.

We put the Runaway in Runaway Hit.

We're turning into the poor man. That's a real car talk. That's a real swing of missing beat.

And even though the audience runs away, why is one of the guys, why is Mo Sislak one of the hosts of Car Talk? And even though the audience runs away when we say a runaway hit. God, that's just, this is a rough way to start the week. I apologize. Wow.

Good morning, everybody.

I am looking now at the filmography, if you will, the IMDb page of One Glenn Close. And I am also not seeing any movies that I have ever seen. I'm seeing, you know, Will and Grace she was on. I've watched that show. Sure. I did not see 102 Dalmatians. She's been on Ellen.

I've seen that show before.

I think I might have seen Cookie's Fortune. Was that a Woody Allen film?

I'm looking now. The name rings a bell, but I don't think I've seen this. I don't think it's a Woody. Oh, it's a Robert Altman film. Oh, okay.

I think I saw that a long time.

OK, so that's your first one. So that beats me a little bit. That's ninety nine. I go back to ninety six. And then prior to that, you got to go to nineteen ninety one hook, which I believe might have been the very first movie I ever saw in a theater by myself. Oh, we had moved from the real, real exurbs of, you know, Valley City, which was all farmland. And there was nowhere I could ride my bike into any kind of civilization. But we had moved in eighth grade to more of a more of a suburban style place. Was that Burgundy Bay? Yeah. Good memory. Yeah. Like one of the well, it's everything you think Burgundy Bay evokes, right?

It's like the Burgundy Bays of Cleveland, Ohio. Right.

And so I remember I got my mountain bike. I got a new mountain bike that your mountain bikes were the rage. Yet, ironically, I was mostly excited because I could ride it into the city. I think maybe the little tiny town of Medina was maybe a mile or two away. I don't know. It was a bit of a bike ride, but I got a bike chain to lock it up, which, again, like for a country boy, like that was all this was all new to me. I loved my mountain bike, Luke. It was like kind of a kind of a tricolor.

colored almost like bright fluorescent tri colors that kind of bled into each other kind of wisped into each other just real hot wheels but not a hot wheels um anyway and i would ride my bike into medina and so again it was eighth grade and hook was playing i was like i can just be one of those kids who rides his bike into the city and watches a movie and so i did exactly that in the entire time i sat in that movie theater i thought someone's probably fucking with my bike right now and i was so paranoid about my bike the whole time i don't remember too much about the movie i know it involves somebody with a hook for a hand i had my bike stolen from football

practice once and it really devastated me yeah um by the way i didn't lock it so kind of on me i was late per use so i was on my bike used to ride my bike in my full football gear and i was like running late so i just kind of like got to the field ditched the bike and then ran onto the field and started practicing and then it got dark and then you know because it's like fall time in the northwest so it's like dark at like 4 30 and i went back to get my bike after practice and was just walking around the patch of grass where it had been and it was no longer there and it was like it's like wow this really happened like i i think you know i was always kind of afraid it was going to happen and everybody i had friends everyone got their bike stolen at some point in seattle in those days but then it happened to me andrew and then and that's when it became a tragedy that's

when it became real um so did you as a rule not lock up your bike and you just worried about it or in this one instance you didn't have time to lock it up in this one instance i i think i had a

yeah i had like a although it's interesting i had like the a very very very um kind of uh very easy to defeat security system for my bikes which was my dad got me a like a combination lock so it was like probably a master lock or whatever the brand was but the it wasn't like a i don't think it was really designed for bikes because it just had basically this like fairly thin metal cable section of cable that then was like coated in in like plastic or vinyl or something make picture it but you could have probably cut it with like a decent pair of kitchen shears like you know nowadays i mean these bike locks that they have are like you can you know they're like impossible to get off and they're all very much you know prized for just how indestructible they are and how you can absolutely like those u-locks and whatever this was just this i used to like lock my bike up with and think well that's not going anywhere and as i think about it now Like, somebody with a decently strong set of toenail trimmers could have just cut the cable really easily. But, you know, in those days, I guess, you know, it was enough of a deterrent. I heard – can I just mention really quickly because one of the things I love to do on the show is promote other podcasts and radio products so as to further distract our dwindling audience. But speaking of bikes, I heard an episode yesterday of the show Heavyweight, Jonathan Goldstein's show that he does for Gimlet that was so beautiful and such an just an amazing episode. it was this story of these like four boys now they're grown men but when they were kids one of them their dad was just kind of a sort of a free spirit type of guy said to his kid these kids were 10 years old andrew he said to his son you know what you should do i think they must have lived in actually technically in canada um but uh he said you should ride your bike to your uncle so-and-so's house in vermont i think it was which was 280 miles away over the green mountains good grief and these four kids who again 10 years old on kid bikes rode their bikes on the highway with like carrying like a map to this it took them a few days and they did it they pulled it off and then they were in the local paper and what's really interesting i mean first of all that's just an insane thing that happened but then the aftermath of it and what it really gets into about how that affected the lives of these of these boys who then grew up into men uh is just beautiful i mean it just also probably spoke to me because like i'm a dude of a certain age so i think i'm starting to get wistful and i'm starting to really kind of be like you know what does it all mean and and how have i been shaped by the events in my life etc like i'm really in the prime demo for a story about middle-aged guys reminiscing about something they

did in their youth but anyway without giving away the the whole story but i mean what in a nutshell how did it affect them for the rest of their lives well the primary guy the guy who the story

sort of revolves around it's just sort of has his thing was it kind of just taught him he could do anything and he said for the rest of his life anything that seemed challenging he's just sort of compared it to riding his bike 240 miles as a 10 year old yeah and it just has made him pretty fearless in life but but then he's got there's the other kid that they went with who has no memory of it and like just doesn't care he like lives in vegas now and he's like a retired carpenter and he sounds kind of just like not like it had no impact on him and then there were these two brothers who the other two kids in on the adventure were they were not even like the the main character had only met these kids like one other time and they were sort of sent to live with his family for the summertime it turns out because their mom was very sick with parkinson's and for these guys first of all jonathan goldstein tracks them down their names were like mark mark and Like Mark and Jimmy They had the most Common name you could ever have On Long Island at this time They were from Long Island, New York They were up staying with the protagonist So first of all, Jonathan Goldstein has to track them down Which is its own adventure But when he finally does They're so excited about it Because for this one guy For one of the brothers He basically says it was like This was the last summer of his childhood Basically This was his origin story as well because it was the end of his sort of innocence. It was the end of him getting to be a kid. After that, their dad left their mom. Their mom was very sick. They never had any money. He was working all the time. He resents his dad deeply over leaving his mom when the mom was sick. Side note, the other brother doesn't see it that way. The brothers don't talk anymore. So Jonathan Goldstein is kind of organizing a bit of a reunion between them. And when he sends them, so there's this newspaper photo That was taken in Newport, Vermont Of these four boys And the one guy, the main guy in the story Has kept his Maybe even has it framed It's like an important thing to him The two brothers, the kind of estranged brothers Had lost the photo from the paper At some point And Jonathan Goldstein sends them The photo And they basically open the package live On the phone And they see this photo And they had been telling people The one brother in particular had been telling people for years About this and no one believed him it even happened And he had no proof like it sounds Like a crazy ass thing you would make up And like Just to hear These guys' like Their voices and you know the emotion In their voices as they look at this photo Of themselves from 40 years ago Of this incredibly formative Thing that until Jonathan Goldstein Calls them up they had you know Like there was no way they ever thought they were going to get the picture Back they didn't know how to get a hold of anybody Associated with this event because This was all pre-internet so it's like it's

Weird to think about a time When people did really get scattered To the wind yeah like way More than than now obviously it's Like you can find anyone at any time but Anyway that moment when They like see you can hear Their voices as they're opening this package And looking at the copies of this photograph It's just it Was really beautiful and really powerful and anyway Would recommend that episode

of heavyweight or I mean I don't know you did a nice job there you started this off by saying hey we shouldn't be pushing people to other podcasts and now you've got to do a nice tribute to Jonathan Goldstein who I think is like legitimately a genius by the way oh my god genius um and but now listeners don't have to stop listening to TV tale they got what they needed you know you sure juice out of that for them like stay with us we have some more fun coming up we're going to you know whatever i'm sure i'll forget some people's names later on in the show that'll

be fun for everybody yeah i would recommend uh checking that episode out and i would also recommend if you have young children send them out on a 300 mile bike journey uh just to toughen them up right you know because it clearly worked for these kids you know there is something i mean

we should maybe just go to break instead of me opening this can of worms but we were talking about something the other day, Luke. Oh, I know. It was that time in my life when I was in college and my mom was encouraging me to come out to Las Vegas for a summer. Be a valet. To be a valet, right? And that's such a weird sentence to say. My mom did not live in Vegas for very long, but it was kind of a transitional time for everybody in our family, I think. And it seemed very appealing to me. And of course, you know, the thought of it even then probably was like oh wow that's intimidating you know parking fancy cars right but it also just sounded like an adventure like yeah sure suit me up adventure time you know and I don't think I was ever a very adventurous person let's not get it twisted I don't want to exaggerate that but it is true that I have now become a person who is so intimidated like the fact that when I was in my 20s I'd be like when I was much worse

horse driver to be like, yeah, OK, I'll park the cars. Hope I don't mess this up, you know, like but like give it a shot. Whereas now I'd be like, no way, I cannot do that job. I am not qualified to do that job. Meanwhile, there's some like 17 year old saying, sir, I'll park your Maserati. And I don't know if this is the trajectory of a lot of people or if I've just gotten especially soft in my middle age. But it kind of bums me out to think that there was a time when even if I was intimidated by something and maybe I'm thinking here even professionally like maybe maybe this is the privilege of being somebody who has a lot of advantages in life as far as like kind of the circumstances of where and who you know who I was born the life I was born into I should say but also being someone who people always said was going to go on to do really good things i always had just a lot of encouragement from the adults in my life and i don't even mean family here i'm talking about as a college student like working this job at wksu and it was all i cared about was making it in public radio at this point and so i gave you know anything i would do any job big or small go record a uh go record a quintet sure i can do that also go up in the rafters of this theater to hang microphones down for a for like some choral concert like i was scared to death up there but i would do it whereas now i would just say nope can't do that got a debilitating fear of heights right and i kind of i i guess i admire younger andrew for just saying like yeah anything i can do anything i can grow up i can be an engineer if i take this path or i you know like an audio engineer if i take this path or i can be in the newsroom if i take this path and everybody says i'm good at everything so i can choose my choose my own adventure and now i'm just kind of like well i can't get any jobs that would involve me knowing tick tock because that's that ship has sailed you know if you do get that job you can call me and i can straight up cyrano dibergiac you through it anyway that's kind of a depressing little

that's a depressing little thing i just said but see i i was having i was talking about you the other day to someone as i often do good most of my conversations with people are about you and well people come up to you and they say luke what is it like to work with andrew yeah but i was describing i think i was describing how you you know can sometimes feel anxious about new situations and i think i was using the example of how you will sometimes google street view a place or you know you'll google map a thing you haven't been to just kind of have the lay of the land and then this person said yeah but didn't he hitchhike down the freaking mississippi river with you didn't you guys drive through the outback of australia didn't you guys like and they were just like listing all of this crazy shit that we've done on the show and i was like yeah because the guy is actually game like you may feel maybe internally you're battling it more than you let me know but like you're not see maybe you feel that way but i don't think that you live that way i feel like you do more you you're you're willing to push yourself when you see it as being important how do you say

less in spanish oh geez maso menos menos menos live live menos that would be my long way to here i'll just edit all that out okay so we'll here in the clear three two one well you know my motto luke live menos um yeah no i mean i guess there is no but i mean i just think about me when like once you decide okay there's a job to get done then i i guess i will give myself that amount of credit like once it becomes like this is what has to be done then you just like you get it done and you find a way to get it done and whether or not

that's right but that's not nothing particularly considering that you're overriding your your some of your natural desire for order and planning and knowing what the what the sitch is going to be i I mean, particularly around the TBTL-a-thons, those weeks are generally marked by a complete lack of knowing what's going to go on, which is kind of the fun of it and it's hopefully intriguing to the listeners. But you're a real trooper about that stuff, and so I appreciate that.

That is true. Yeah, no, thanks. That makes me feel better. I do think that – I mean, and this is maybe a phobia and this is maybe missing my own point here a little bit. But, you know, for a TBTL-a-thon, I don't know, a couple of years ago, we just start by kicking around a lot of crazy ideas, right? And a lot of those ideas never come to fruition, which is why we're still here alive today talking to the listeners. But, you know, I think there was a time where we like just floated very briefly. Like, well, what if we just, you know, did a WKRP in Cincinnati and sat atop a billboard for a week or something? Again, this was not. I'm not ruling that out. But see, now I am like that is where I would say just like, no, I wouldn't be able to do that. I could get you to do it. You can even just listening to me on your roof the other day made me sweat. Like listening to me 10 years ago Be afraid of heights on a much smaller thing Like I think that I would just say Nope I'm

I'm not I can't like you know whether you call it a disease or a phobia or whatever I ain't doing anything involving heights like you know driving in a dirty RV that for some reason flies are circling around my butt 12 hours okay I can deal with that well okay because I was on the subject of heights and because I was handing out apologies last week on the show to McDonald's staffers

over their shake machine slash ice cream machine, which is very fickle. And I was assuming that when they were telling me we can't make a shake for you at 2 in the morning, it was because they just were being lazy, but it was very likely because the shake machine was broken. I would like to also apologize to the magician David Blaine.

What the F?

That is, by the way, from a David Blaine sketch. I was hoping it was going to actually be David Blaine talking. Oh, you didn't know what you were playing there?

Keep talking to us, David Blaine. Keep effing with us, because guess what? It's illegal. It's literally illegal.

I love that so much. That's Mikey Day from SNL. That's one of the skeletons from David S. Pumpkins, by the way.

No kidding.

Yeah. Anyway, I was, as your personal TikTok correspondent, Andrew, and as the listener's TikTok advocate, I was looking at it this weekend And it was a random clip of David Blaine Remember when he did a thing recently His most recent thing was where he was somehow I think it was like he wanted to kind of make it Tie it into sort of up Or something reminiscent of that Disney Or that Pixar film where the house floats away with the balloons

Dude, that's why we got onto the Lawn Chair Larry thing a year ago Right Yes God, happy birthday to Lawn Chair Larry, by the way I'm still kidding.

I went through a whole bunch of old voicemails yesterday, and I heard some voicemails of people wishing Launcher Larry a happy birthday.

Oh, that's so beautiful. That is probably my favorite weird-ass TBT thing that has emerged in a while. But, yeah, so, okay, and I think I was, at the time, very, you know, David Blaine is somebody who seems a little bit overly earnest, and for some reason I feel the need to, in my own small way, kind of, as they say, take the piss out of him. so i i'm sure that i was very like dismissive of that stunt that he did where he was up with the balloons okay what i saw on tiktok was like a camera that was mounted on the balloons with him as he was strapping on the parachute to detach from the balloons to parachute to the ground in like arizona or something excuse me arizona thank you bro it was terrifying yeah like i would have and i'm i i'm way less afraid of heights than you are although some of my stress dreams do involve ending up at a high height uh-huh the pov of what dude was doing up there it's not magic by the way at some point he stopped doing magic i don't we shouldn't call him a magician anymore yeah what is he he's just not as afraid as we are whatever that job whatever that job title is but watching him up there hooked up to these balloons and of course he's all manner of harness but even so it was what i was watching was one of my stress dreams come to life like partially probably because of the delivery system of tiktok so i'm just you know hey funny dance hey dog riding a skateboard hey whoa that's really high oh that's david blaine oh he doesn't have a parachute on oh he's on the radio with the people now he's he's getting himself into the parachute he's clicking you know the basically he's putting himself into the parachute harness if you will and like i'm just thinking i would just have frozen because i would never trust that i had clicked the pair i would never trust i had done the parachute right right that would be overwhelming i would never be able to unhook myself from the relative safety of the balloons like i once did a stunt at wild waves when i worked for kvi it was me kirby wilbur and carlene johnson in one of those um like i don't know how you describe it but basically it's like a giant swing if you will so they wrap you up in this big velcro thing you and two other people i actually don't was kirby up there man that would be ambitious for him anyway not to bog you down

but i'm sorry they wrap three of you up in a velcro thing i can't picture that you're seat you're all seated in three chairs that are kind of bound you're not seated okay so let's imagine

You, me, and Genevieve were just standing next to each other, shoulder to shoulder. Okay. They come and bring this big, like, Velcro blanket type thing, and they wrap it around us a bunch.

Okay.

And maybe there's some other harnessing thing that I'm forgetting.

Okay.

But you're not sitting in any kind of contraption.

This Velcro, this fabric thing, is what's holding you together. And on the back of it, there's a hook. And that hook gets attached to a cable, and they crank that cable up. So now you're being pulled off the ground. Now you're getting pulled way back. Just imagine like a pendulum that's just going way, way, way, way, way, way up and back.

Okay.

And eventually you're like 150 feet over the pavement of a water park.

Oh, my God.

Over the parking lot. And then you're supposed to pull a release And then you swing down And you swing up to the other side And it's very fun and scary The problem is You, one of the people In the burrito has to pull the release They didn't have a system For like, they didn't have a remote system Where like the ride operator Do we still say Carney? Has that gotten to a point Where that's considered hurtful?

What's the name of that movie That Glenn Close is in American Elegy No what is it Oh Hillbilly Elegy Yeah I wonder I don't know Probably in the age Of Hillbilly Elegy We don't say Carney I don't know

Although anything we can do To drag that dude By the way he's turned out To have some very bad takes The guy that wrote Hillbilly Elegy I think people Were interested in the idea Of that book and film Because it was supposed To kind of paint A nuanced portrait Of like white poverty

Yeah

But the guy's just like On Twitter all day Just backing Tucker Carlson On shit

And it was. Am I right that that started as a New York Times piece that then became a book and then became a movie and then became a ride?

Maybe I'm wrong. The piece that became a book because that became a film that became a ride at Wild Waves.

I feel like because, you know, this is one of those embarrassing things where like I know the broadest of strokes of Hillbilly Elegy, but like and sort of the vibes around it and that it was, you know, kind of not welcomed with open arms for a lot of people. But anyway, but I don't actually know that much about it, which is embarrassing. And I didn't have to admit that here.

But anyway, I wonder if Rob Zombie is working on an album called Hillbilly Helogy. Maybe. I feel like that's a freebie for him. So anyway, I'm in the hillbilly heligy ride I'm being cranked back So now it's me and Kirby and Carlene And we're, again, hundreds of feet above asphalt God, that's the worst Looking down and seeing that

As opposed to, like, water Even though, like, hitting water would be absolutely terrible But in your brain, though You can imagine what the concrete feels like Compared to, oh, splashing down in water

Yes, and so we're up there And it's only at this moment that I realize what a bad idea this is for me. Now, let me also mention that I was hungover AF. This was on a Saturday. I had been out with Camaro Kev and the folks the night before had – I'm probably like – well, I still lived in my apartment on Capitol Hill. So I'm probably like 22 at this point or something. I had gotten completely wrecked. Now the difference between me doing that at 22 and me doing that at 42 is I also was capable of getting up taking a shower And jumping in the car with Adelaide and her mom and going To wild waves that morning for this Radio stunt slash hangout I'd Have to cancel I basically have to take a Week off if I did that now But anyway so I'm like very hungover I am Moderately afraid of heights and I'm just up there and it was the worst moment because i i didn't want to be up there but i was more afraid of carlene pulling the ripcord because then we would start falling you know and i was like i just that kind of in-between state was just terrible i remember to this day the other thing that sucked was once she finally pulled the release there was about and what happened like you pull the release

and then you slowly start making your way back down to Earth?

No, it's the opposite. It cuts you loose and you start swinging.

Oh, that's the OB. Okay, so that's what starts the adventure. Okay, gotcha.

That's what starts the adventure.

Okay, yeah.

So they crank you. They kind of click, click, click, click, click, click. They crank you up to this far, let's call it 3 o'clock on a clock.

Uh-huh, uh-huh.

And now you're just looking straight down. Uh-huh, okay. And it's very scary because you're at 3 o'clock, but when you pull the thing, you're going to swing to 9 o'clock. Okay, I'm sorry. You know, I was being a little thick there.

I've totally got it now. Okay, gotcha.

But so the worst part was when the release is pulled, there is what felt to me like probably an hour, but I bet it was more like a quarter of a second, where there's no tension on, like the cable has not engaged, the cable that's going to keep you from hitting the pavement, there's no tension in that line yet. There's a little bit of slack. So you start falling what feels like headlong Like it's not like a swing where you're kind of going like we here we are swinging at for the first moment

it feels like a free fall yeah and you're just and carlene see if that thing catches

yes and so when carlene pulls the thing i my whole life flashes before my eyes because we go what feels to me like straight down for like 20 feet and i'm just like oh wow it broke okay this is how i die like i really thought that was the end and then of course the thing catches you and Whatever you live I remember I was wearing a brown Like collared shirt And when I got off the ride It was just In the words of George Brett Straight fucking water It was from my elbow To like the weight Like my waist was just On both sides was just solid Dampness Not even dampness Just complete liquid And Addie said Dad what's wrong with you? The first many times

your daughter would say that oh yeah yeah exactly yeah um she i remember her going like i mean she

was very little at the time she was probably like uh i don't know six or seven but she was like what's going on with your shirt um so i don't what i really want to say is i'm sorry david blaine okay because that's scary and i would not have been able to pull off what he pulled off i would have just stayed on the balloons and i would have just i guess lived up there until they lost enough of their helium or whatever they're using to come back down to Earth, hopefully somewhat slowly.

And is that what we're doing for the TBTL I found this year? Just getting on that wild west swinger? Oh, yeah, I meant to tell you. And we just swing for an entire week, just back and forth.

That definitely does feel like a 1980s radio station promotion, though.

It sort of does.

You know what I mean? Like the morning zoo crew is going to be living on a roller coaster for a week. Yeah. Anyway So yeah sorry David Blaine I apologize And again check out that Heavyweight episode it's really good Okay quick break and then we will be back And I want to talk Oscars with you And reflect on the career of Glenn Close That you and I are both extremely familiar with Having watched almost all of her movies

Well you know what I always say Luke Coffee is for Glenn Closers

I want to play Taps Because that would be a funny callback But that is legitimately a good joke I can't do it Taps would be funnier But I would be disrespecting The reality of the universe Which is that's a sick joke And I hope that's the show title

Duly noted

I'm also going to get some coffee during this break Alright more TV Chow in a minute

On your mark Get set Now ready Everybody rattle

All right, let's thank some dazzling donors. These are the wonderful, generous folks making the show possible with their dazzling donations. Folks like John Stedman, pronounced Worcester, of Arlington, Virginia. It's going to become another thing, Andrew, I think, like next time around. Lord willing, and if the TV telethon goes okay and we get to keep doing this show, I have a feeling that people will take great delight in putting little in-jokes into the pronunciation field. Because that's kind of new, right? This is the first time I think we've had people, given people the opportunity to explain to us how to actually say their names.

I think for Dazzling Donors we started that last year. But, I mean, don't let, you know, my pedancy get in the way of the spoof. Pedancy?

Pedancy? Hesitance? Me being pedantic? Getting in your head. Actually, you know, head and see. Oh, I started with head and see. That could be a thing. I mean, I mean, it would be a new word, but it's just kind of like, don't let you're getting into your headness.

Ped and tree, not ped and see ped and tree. That's.

Oh, yeah. Like to be a pedant. Yes.

Right.

Not ped and somebody.

Sorry.

I was hanging out with some folks this weekend and somebody called it the Zen diagram instead of Venn diagram. Oh, I was like, I like that better.

It's a very different thing. I feel like it's calmness what's in the center you're getting centered that's what's in the center of the zen diagram

oh the zen diagram of of these things I don't know it just feels like the it feels like the beautiful calm place where everything overlaps perfectly

yeah I like that

John Stedman is in Arlington Virginia and he says just a note to thank you Luke and Andrew for providing fun and humor with this imaginary radio show nearly every show I say this is special this is special So keep up the great work.

John, what shows do you think John doesn't say that about, though? Which episodes? Yeah, you got to raise that, you know, almost every episode. But what are the ones where we're letting them down? I'd like to work on those.

Maybe next year for the Thon If people are so kind and generous So as to come in at the Dazzling Donor level Can we create a field Where they can list the episodes that they don't think are special So we can go back And listen to them, study them And try to not repeat that

How do you think you and I would react to that If the Dazzling Donor messages became kind of like A sounding board Yeah, just feedback Not just what's working But essentially what's not working And we can just read it and take our medicine on the air

you know this year it's i've been an incredibly humbling and and really sweet experience that so many of the listeners because of the pandemic have have mentioned in their debt their dazzling donor messages like hey you know this has been something that's been really helpful to me during this weird year and like once the pandemic is over and every dazzling donor message isn't just basically like a pat on our back how are we going to react to that yeah i don't know i'm like

addicted to the positive feedback now oh yeah it's going to be like a like a real come down like

yeah exactly i need to read i need to read one to two paragraphs about how we're amazing just

to feel normal you know what we gotta do we gotta start writing them to each other hey luke just really wanted to let you know you're killing it at the game really love the uh the glenn close spoofs today really good stuff it really sure uh really uh inspired me and made me want to go on maestro wait i'm sorry maestro on your mark on your mark get set get set now ready ready go Everybody rattle, dazzle

We've also got to thank Dazzling Donor, Rich Eagles. Rich, like one hundo a day, five hundo a week. That's Rich. Eagles. Oopah. And Eagles, like the band that sings Desperado.

Do you know you can sing almost any three-syllable word to the tune of Desperado? I found myself, especially living in L.A., I need to think of an example, but it's going to be hard with this music behind me. But I felt like there were a lot of street names that had three syllables, and I would sing every one of them to the tune of Desperado.

Okay, would you mind just turning the music down a little bit?

Yeah, I'm trying to think of an example. Well, this is kind of, you know, if you see an El Camino. You know, I don't know if I want to sing it very faltered out there.

How about Sepulveda? Sepulveda.

Extra syllable in there.

Oh, that was four, yeah. What's a three-syllable street?

I know, I brought it up, and now here we are in a really good, fun place.

Was it things that started with, hey, it's Rich's dime, he's paying for this. Thanks, Rich.

By the way, we will be getting this into feedback next year. This is one that John did not say this is special during this.

I'd like to just take a moment to point out an episode that was, in fact, not special. It was when you guys tried to sing L.A. Streets to the tune of Desperado.

Well, you can, like, El Camino. Like, if you saw an El Camino, I'm blanking on street names right now.

Hey, by the way, that wasn't bad, Andrew.

I'm getting my groove back.

Like, tone-wise, tone-wise.

Yeah. Oh, another song I do that with is Girls on Film. Another three-syllable one. Girls on Film. Like, I'll find myself going around the house saying, like, well, soapy water is too many. I'm trying to think. Let's say I'm cleaning. How about Sepulveda? Sponge and rags. Like, you can sing anything to that, yeah.

You know what I was going to say? I was like, that's the biggest Duran Duran ripoff band that does that song, and then I Googled it. It's actually Duran Duran.

Yeah, no, there is a shadow Duran Duran, though.

That's it.

Do you know that I never got into Duran Duran?

Yeah, me neither. I'm not a big Duran Duran head. I don't have anything against them. I just, you know, I'm not into them.

But I mean, that was a phenomenon. I think one thing was that I was not allowed to listen to non-Christian music. And it was at a time in my life where it was too hard for me to sneak it. Because there would be other times in my life where I consumed large amounts of non-Christian music, but it was just because I had some system or, you know, a CD player or some way that I could do it. But I just don't think I really had access to Duran Duran like a lot of other kids did. And then I kind of missed the boat on it. But, like, man, remember when they did the song – I think they did View to a Kill, right? They did the theme song for that James Bond movie, the one that had – Oh, I didn't know that. Yeah, that had Grace Jones in it. And there's something that happens on, like, a blimp.

Wait, isn't Grace Jones a musician?

I guess that – I guess they wanted to go with Duran Duran at the time. I mean, that is we've been talking weirdly a lot about James Bond of late and particularly.

like real shitty era james bond yeah but um yeah view to a kill i believe that's definitely duran and and it's like most james bond movies i i have one snapshot of the movie even though i feel like i've never watched all the way through and my thing from view to a kill is they're on a they're on a blimp which is first of all just like okay and there's like a trap door on the blimp there's some kind of weird thing and somebody i don't know if it's james bond i feel like grace jones kick somebody out of the trap door of a blimp.

Hmm. Yeah, I don't think I've seen that. I'm thinking about Duran Duran, though, and I'm going to say something here that I don't think is going to be a good take at all, but I think is a unique take. All of the years of people discussing the music and art of Duran Duran, I don't know if anybody ever said this before, but I think the band was too body-painty for me growing up. I have an aversion to body paint and the look that still to this day like I do not like body paint whether it's in a sports arena or in in like the dance arena or what have you I have an aversion to body paint it kind of icks me out a little bit and I don't know they probably just had one video where people were prancing

around in body paint and it turned me off forever or also maybe just the art on the albums maybe I feel like there was a lot of like if I think about Duran Duran my mind goes to like one of those Negle drawings or paintings that were like huge in the 80s of the of a kind of very stylized usually like a sort of colorful drawing of a woman they also were like in every adult film that you would then watch later if you were a whatever year old Luke Burbank on the hunt for nudity these Negle paintings were yeah yeah because they were like everybody who had like a kind of a sort of poorly constructed Hollywood Hills like quickly thrown up in the 80s home had decorated everything with like mauve mauve couches and negel drawings and then later those were the homes that they would rent out to the adult film productions so you just had a lot of that kind of decorating going on in the background of adult films because of the places

that were available to shoot the adult films i didn't know i mean literally i don't know if you were saying this as an example or i missed your point but like literally i had never heard negel before nagel nagel um but no like one of those paintings is the cover of one of their albums rio oh okay by the way it looks like maybe more than it looks like so nagel is a person right i

don't even know how to say yes i believe that's the name of the guy who did those drawings okay

patrick nagel i guess maybe um and so he did the art i don't know if he did the art for the albums or if the um the the band just you know you know bought the rights to use them but yeah you're right on with that although i kind of more importantly is oh yeah more importantly some

music no the blimp was an airship and it was somebody called zoran who's like the i assume the bad guy in view to a kill played by these are outrageous terms well perhaps a demonstration

would convince you i want no part of it thank you as you wish the rest of our discussion must

cross be confidential which zoran is played by christopher walken he's got blonde hair he is so young looking and i think he's about to push this guy out of the blimp outside if you'd like me to yes excuse me thank you mayday i'll provide you with a drink so now grace jones is gonna walk this like guy who made the mistake of disagreeing with zoran uh he i think he thinks he's just going to, you know, like another part of the airship. But I think that's not what's going to happen.

This way.

Oh, he's going down some stairs. Uh-oh. Grace Jones just straight up threw the guy out the trap door. Jeez.

Nice.

Why? Again, why are those the facts that my brain can keep straight?

I know. I'm kind of impressed, though. What do you remember from Moonraker?

I know nothing about Moonraker, but does it actually do they go to the moon? Is it in space?

I don't know. Again, I think that was one that I probably saw as a very little kid. But I think I mentioned this to you on the show recently. I just grew up thinking, oh, these are James Bond movies. We like James Bond movies. But they were always just way slower and more confusing than what I wanted as a kid. And then at some point I had to say, oh, I guess I don't like James Bond movies. You're just supposed to like James Bond movies. So I don't know. They're all a blur to me. They all seem like they were three hours long and just a lot. Yeah.

I just also don't understand how it is. Like, I know that like I didn't know Christopher Walken is the bad guy. I didn't know.

His name was Zoran. I don't know any of the details from the – or I don't – I know that I've never watched any of these movies front to back. And yet I will often just have this one weird memory of them. Did I walk through a room at Donald Whitehouse's house? Because they had – that was the people that I went to Octopussy with. They had cable. Their parents had a waterbed too, which I was like – I didn't – I was like – oh, and actually Donald had a waterbed, which was – Wow. Things were going very well for the Whitehouse at that time.

This is a sinful house. This is a house of sin. Right? Yes.

Definitely. Like, waterbeds for everyone? I don't think that's not a good idea. Anyway, back to Dazzling Donor Rich Eagles, who's in Westchester, PA. That is what we're doing. How often do you think Listener Rich, and I should say Dazzling Donor Rich, how many times a day does he have a conversation about his name with people? Because that's a solid name. It is really good. you know and and i'm sure people i mean eagles is an interesting last name rich is a cool first name you put them together and i bet you i bet you it's it's once a day if he's giving his name

for a hotel reservation or something i'm not gonna mess with a rich eagles i'll tell you that much

right now that that guy will kick kick you right out of his airship that's right i believe rich Eagles was the backup name for Zorin in A View to a Kill. Rich says, hey, friends, what a long, strange trip it's been. I feel like the TBTL noob here, having only listened since the 1,370s.

I read that the first time as having only listened since the 1370s. I thought it was a joke about how the podcast makes time stand still, seemingly.

We were initially doing this as a woodcut. First it was a cave painting Then it was a woodcut Then it became a daguerreotype And now here we are I've only been listening since the 1,370s Thanks to the recommendation of Vegan, taco-loving, music genius Jesse Pants Anderson From Wilmington I assume Delaware But you've been a constant companion of mine since 2013 And that was needed more than most during the last year So thanks As a donor Who dazzles It is my duty First and foremost To encourage tens To donate to the show Next year If they are able Thanks Rich Yeah Watch this space For that We are in Full on TBTelethon Planning mode now And we will be Bringing you more details On that very soon If perchance You happen to have Some scratch left over After your tens donations Could I recommend Heading over to Amigos of Costa Rica Dot org To help out This amazing organization They support Non-profits in Costa Rica to do amazing things. And given Costa Rica is a tourist country, it's been ravaged by COVID more than most. To encourage you, I offer you this list of five awesome Costa Rica facts. One, Costa Rican women maintain their maiden names after marriage. That's interesting. Costa Rica abolished its military in 1948 to pay for universal health care. Nice. that's fascinating maybe we should do that i haven't heard about anybody taking over costa

rica lately no it's true or maybe we should take over costa rica and borrow their health care yeah we need it man i know right dude i don't even want to go on a whole thing here later on i'll tell you i'm going to the doctor later today for the stupid finger thing and just the process of like getting the x-rays from one organization to the competing organization where my doctor I mean, it is ridiculous. I have a whole show planned out tomorrow just talking about how terrible the health care system here is. When you call somebody and you say, I broke my finger, and the very first question is, what insurance are we talking about here? You know the system is broken.

I mean, I think it's weird that our APM health care only covers eight of your fingers.

Yeah, right. I hope it was one of the insured ones. Right, I know.

Here's another awesome Costa Rican fact from listener and donor Rich. Costa Rica has 5% of the world's biodiversity. That's a lot for a relatively small place, land-wise, including the coolest animals, sloths, sea turtles, tree frogs, macaws, taper, and Cody. I don't know what a Cody is other than the system that we use to load this show onto the internet.

Oh, is that where I'm sending the show every day? You know, I will vouch for this. I don't know if you recall, Luke, but Genevieve and I vacationed in Costa Rica a few years back, and it was amazing. I mean, it was honestly, it's got to be, you know, I'll just say, yeah, it's got to be the best vacation of my adult lifetime, because it was, it really did feel like a different world, and you want to talk about adventurous, I remember leaving there thinking, I'm going to come back someday with nothing. But a motorcycle and a backpack And I'm going to drive across the entire country That was my plan

By the way That's the sixth awesome fact about Costa Rica Andrew's been there

That's right, what's number four?

Number four, due to its location Near the equator, the sun rises And sets at the same time every day No, I don't remember that Interesante Yeah, that would make sense, I guess, right? Because obviously the further north or south you go The more extreme the difference between how much daylight there is during different parts of the year. You get up there in the North Pole or Alaska, and the sun never goes down in the summertime, etc. So being right on the equator would mean it's very, very stable, I guess. And then awesome Costa Rican fact number five, the national slogan is Pura Vida, meaning pure life. Not that waterbed life, but pure life. No, yeah, Pure Life, not that Donald Whitehouse waterbed shenanigans. Have you considered emailing the people in Costa Rica and seeing if they will change the national slogan to Live Menos?

That was their original slogan. It didn't attract tourists very well.

So please consider donating to help them out at amigosofcostarica.org. Thanks, friendos. That's from listener Rich. And listener Rich, thanks to you. We really appreciate it I could not do the show without you

Hello and welcome to Top Story

My guess is that you did not watch the Oscars last night, Andrew? I did not, no Even on a normal year, even on a year that's especially hyped I know it's not really your thing Yeah, it's not my cup of tea um i i i think i've evolved into being more like you with that like it's just kind of it's definitely not something that's circled on my calendar that being said if it was if it wasn't a pandemic and i had seen a couple of the movies and i knew that there was going to be some interesting moments i'm i'm sort of still a bit of a sucker for it like i would have it on this year was very strange because i didn't even know the oscars were happening until yesterday like it just because of all the pandemic stuff and everything else and not really having a specific host um this is another year where it's just kind of a a variety of different people would come out and make the announcement by the way half of it or i guess i could say maybe the majority of it

was actually in union station in la yeah which i'm having trouble picturing when i saw union station i feel like that's a place i know or certainly should know but i'm having trouble

it's it's across from maybe this will help you know philippe's where the french dips oh yeah yeah

I'm not in that part of town very often, but okay, yeah, I know that area.

I think it's across the street from that.

I see. Is that kind of near – this is so dumb. Why am I having this conversation? Is that sort of near Little Tokyo?

Yes.

Okay, good. Yeah, I know. Exactly. Cool.

So anyway, they had it sort of part there and I think part at the Dolby Theater. And I only watched – it's weird. I actually only happened to watch maybe like 30 minutes of it. And in that, I saw the thing that – one of the things that everybody's talking about, which was they decided to do this, like, trivia contest, I guess you could call it, that was sort of hosted. It was Questlove and Lil Rel, you know the comedian? I don't think. Lil Rel Howley. He's in a lot of stuff right now. He's definitely, like, kind of an emerging comedy star. Okay. but um i i have to say that like well so basically what happened was is that they announced quest love announces hey we're gonna do a little like uh oscars music trivia and so the bit is gonna be lil rel is gonna walk around with a microphone he's kind of hosting it and quest love is got is on the ones and twos and we're gonna play a song and then you have to guess like you famous actor person that we're going to walk up to you have to guess if um if that song was won an oscar or was only nominated for an oscar and i immediately knew this was a terrible idea because the answer is not a funny answer when you reveal it either the answer is either guess what it did win an oscar or it's guess what it didn't win an oscar those are not funny answers and we run up against this with live wire all the time i'm not saying live wire is a superior production to the oscars i'm not saying i am a superior host to lol rel but i just knew right away i was like if you're gonna do like a game where there's questions and answers you got to make sure that the answer isn't just no what guess what it was seven yeah right it's just the answer needs to be surprising and you need to be like holy shit no that was you know like the answer I don't know.

needs to itself have something surprising or comedic in it well listen this is my thing and

again i don't want to take anything away from people who enjoy the oscars but i will say that even from being a very little kid this is why i did not like the oscar ceremonies because it all seemed like awkward moments either comedy bits that didn't work and therefore were awkward or you know two people standing up there pretending to banter but do it may it might have just been the era when I tried watching them as a kid, and it was the early 90s or whatever.

But like... Like the year Dan Cortez from MTV Sports hosted. That wasn't a great year.

However... Wait, you're totally making... You're spoofing. Yes, I was going to say. Yes, I'm spoofing. I enjoyed his work at MTV Spring Break. I mean, that was definitely the right speech for that. But... Of course you're

spoofing. Sorry. It was Dan vs. Dan. It was the two Dans. They competitively hosted the Oscars.

For a second, I thought that I really did miss some there. I was like, what? But anyway, I know I shouldn't toy with you that way. I'm not good at this stuff. But anyway, it all went like even like it just always seemed like awkward comedy. It always seemed like, hey, no offense to Bruce Valanche who I believe has been writing the Oscars. Is he still writing the Oscars? Probably.

I once stood in line behind him at the Burbank airport. I was quite starstruck.

How about the fact, though, that I fell for your Dan Cortez joke, but I do know that Bruce Valanche is a writer for the Oscars. Do I redeem any points for that but anyway absolutely it's just not a good format for whatever they're trying to do it just never has been and it's always seemed awkward and just like in the show how you and i detest awkward moments which is why we both you know tend to like talk a lot and not leave any spaces because i hate that awkward cringy feeling and i feel like the oscars are all awkward cringy

feelings it was definitely a thing where lil rel was like trying to get the crowd hyped i should have pulled that tape but i didn't i do have tape of the glenn close part of it but he's kind of walking around and it's like everyone's kind of nervous and uptight and either you're nominated for an award and maybe you're kind of like wondering if you're going to win or you're just like with someone who's nominated and you're trying to look cool on camera like just the crowd was not it's not the Golden Globes where everybody's apparently drunk or whatever like it was the room felt a little tense and Lil Rel is like going around being like trying to hype everybody and trying to get like get the blood pumping so he asked like they play Purple Rain and ask somebody you know a question And I forget it was a was like a singer that I didn't really recognize. But and I'm thinking this isn't going well. And then they get to Glenn Close and like and then they ask, they play this song for Glenn Close, which is da butt as in doing da butt. Ah, sexy, sexy. Ain't nothing wrong with doing da butt all night long. By the way, that's not the recording. That was just me.

Oh, you said you pulled the tape. So I thought that was the tape. No.

So they get to Glenn Close, and they throw Da Butt out, and here's what happens.

I'm a child.

I think we got something in. I don't know. Questlove, just play it. Let me see. Here we go.

I said, come in, big girl. What's rocked my world? Show that dance to me. So I'm really Da Butt. I ain't.

Okay. That's not fair to Glenn Close. You don't know nothing about Da Butt. Wait a second.

Wait a second. Wait a second. I know. That's Da Butt. Yeah, it's Da Butt. I know that. Da Butt was. Wait a second. It was a classic song by the great Washington, D.C. Go-Go Band EU. So, yeah, shout-outs to Sugar Bear and the backyard band and the whole DMV. So, anyway, so, wait. No, I remember this. So, Spike Lee, you know, had it written for his brilliant movie, School Days. And my friends at the Oscars missed it. and it wasn't nominated, so it couldn't have won, which I think is...

She swears there, by the way.

Can we play the game Figure Out the Swear? What's that? Can we play the game Figure Out the Swear? Because I thought the tape just dropped out. What was the swear there?

I don't know, actually. I think she dropped the F word. She was basically trying to... The joke is that it's like a travesty that they did not nominate school days or this song for an Oscar. I wasn't expecting that at all, that you knew the butt. It's very, it's dope and uncomfortable at the same time that you had. But you know, do you know the dance, though? Do you know how to do the butt?

Come on, let's see it. Let me see you do the butt. That's it.

So, of course, Glenn Close from 102 Dalmatians gets up and does the butt dance. And everyone goes crazy. And it was cute. And I actually, like, literally kind of chortled. I was making some pasta, and I was like, hey, that was pretty funny, Glenn.

close was really game for that bit that they wrote for her and i realized oh okay so what happened was they knew that the first part was going to kind of suck it was all a setup to do this written joke about how glenn close knows way more about the song da butt than you expect her to cool great you know what hey tip of the cap i think that was a kind of a cool little moment well what i'm annoyed by is that everyone writing about this is leaving out the fact that this is obviously a scripted bit and the narrative is glenn close steals the oscars because she knows da butt dance glenn close like here's from entertainment uh this is from in style glenn close honors spike lee with da butt knowledge and drops a dance in a trivia segment in between announcing oscar winners glenn close correctly identified a clip of da butt um from spike lee's 1988 film school days people were quick to applaud close for her musical knowledge and dance skills cnn glenn close has always been a national treasure but on sunday she literally showed

us what she's working with which that doesn't literally showed us what she's working that's the article that i read by the way it was terribly written just yeah it was not good at all um the

actors not only knew the song but she got up to demonstrate it let's all say it together iconic it's like this was very obviously a scripted thing that glenn close and i guess this was after she had like once again not won an oscar i guess she's the story with her is she's been nominated a lot of times and she has yet to win which i would have been shocked if you would have bet me ten thousand dollars glenn close has at least one oscar i'd be like yeah probably and she is considered national treasure but it was just obviously a bit it was and it was obviously that she was doing a thing it's like saying i don't know it's like saying steve carell is in hot water over an awkward moment he had with his employee Dwight Schrute like yeah because they're actors who were doing lines like this is I don't and this is I don't know why this is the kind of stuff that really grinds my gears but it's kind of like whenever when there was that whole thing about how Kate McKinnon epically broke character on SNL when she was the dis we notice doctor we notice and it It was like, no, it's just a bit, a funny bit. This was, to me, a funny bit. I was with it. But are the people writing about it? Are they that simple in their brains that they do not recognize this? You know, Andrew, the one place – and this, by the way, makes me feel even worse about this. You know the one place that was willing to call this out for what it is besides us?

Well, I've seen it actually a bunch of places now, but I saw that Fox was one of them.

Yes.

Yeah.

my early morning googling of this the only thing that came up and I you know granted I only went like one internet page deep with this as far as results but the one place that was like Glenn Close bit was scripted is Fox News so clearly I'm mentally aligned with there's some I'm sure racist reason why Fox News cares if this was a written bit or not and the fact that I also care makes me feel not great well I don't know if this is

going to make you feel better or worse because I don't want to throw cold water on the bit but I didn't know anything about the Glenn Close da butt thing at all until I saw the show sheet today. So I just on my phone Googled Glenn Close and then the internet wanted to follow up with da butt. So I said, okay, internet, you guide me. And so I went with that search term. And the first things I did see were the Fox News. And also I'm looking at the now I'm looking at it and the results are slightly different. But just typing in either Glenn Close or Glenn Close da butt and doing a news search on it you get um a bunch like uh oscars 2021 glenn close the butt dance was scripted that's from ign the los angeles times yes glenn close doing the butt was scripted that was 13

hours ago for the la times uh okay so today's show i'm glad to hear that that that is well am

i glad to hear that wait a second i'm sorry this is i'm sorry today's headline is oh my god this website is so bad oh my god do you want oh i'm on just today.com but it says glenn close's viral the butt dance at oscars was not scripted says publicist oh my god this is even worse

um i was gonna say i guess i'm relieved that it's been clarified um but also i'm kind of like i don't understand why this kind of shit matters to me like who cares it was a fun moment people enjoyed it glenn close seems like really fun and game and like i don't understand why it matters to me like i'm i'm i'm also a little bit upset that this is the kind of thing that i think about

um and i'm just getting more and more in the weeds on this but just so you know um this is reading directly from today.com uh the los angeles times reported that the dance was scripted however closest publicist told nbc news in an email that that wasn't the case quote the quiz as as noted, was requested of the participants and partially scripted. The dance was not scripted, the publicist said. I also wrote to the reporter to testify that the dance was not scripted, happened then and there.

Oh, Glenn Close's publicist. Do you think we have many publicists that listen to this show? I would be kind of surprised. Because Well I don't need Maybe we have a few And what I will say is this If we have publicists that listen to this show You're obviously an awesome publicist Because you like our show So you understand What pure genius level comedy entertainment sounds like Because you like this show Obviously just mash that donate button But I don't know if there is A job I have less respect for than Hollywood publicist because it's just like your job is to just I don't know like lie to people try to you know what I shouldn't say that because like half of my TV job stuff runs through Hollywood publicist and you know what some of them I want to already walk that statement back there have been people that do PR for some of the folks we've talked to for CBS Sunday morning who have been totally lovely and very helpful this publicist trying to like make the sort of nuanced point that Glenn Close had not they had not practiced her da butt dance so as to sort of burnish the image of Glenn Close in some way just is like what do you even do for you yes your job and so

emphatic both of those knots was not scripted were all caps in case you couldn't tell I think I

got triggered there because i have had many a bad run in where like there's something we wanted to do maybe on some radio show i work on or whatever and it feels like publicists like the more famous the person is often the more touchy the publicist is about anything and everything and they're very sort of no but because oh they're very no da but um where they just are so worried about the image of their Person I guess in this case by the way I will say this publicist who I'm for some reason Dragging also Do you think Glenn Close Ran it by her publicist that she Was about to do the You know the dance and all that Like you think that was cleared with the publicist

I'm the wrong person to ask I have no idea what the conversation Was between her and any team Of publicists however I still find it hard to believe That Glenn Close And the camera people were surprised that she got up to dance it was not they were not surprised she 100 planned on

doing it and it made the bit i mean it was really it sold the whole thing because you know her knowing her seeming to know more about school days than you would expect that was fine but that was when she started dancing that everybody started laughing it was definitely planned i was i guess i was going to say at least this pr person if they were if it if somebody did run it by them I guess I'm glad that they were like yeah you know what we should clear we should approve of Glenn Close being funny and and and doing a bit because I could see you know I don't know I don't know I'm gonna pick this at random but like Angelina Jolie's person would have probably been like no that's not the Angelina Jolie image we're looking to you know project out to the

world so who knows say this um and this really goes back to what a national treasure as we've been saying glenn closes that tape that you played a moment ago was the first i'd actually heard the tape and i had just read the quote of her rattling off all the information about the butt um and on paper i was like oh god that's so bad like it's so it's like exactly that cringy oscar moment that i was talking about before where it just seemed like oh there's no way you sold this but then when i actually heard this you know decorated actor deliver those lines it was actually much more convincing than i ever thought it was going to be it turns out she can act who knew bro did you even see 102 dalmatians what did i already forgot what was the 1996 movie that i

said i had seen oh oh mars attacks right right uh also um uh she's in the natural which i definitely that we saw as a kid. Yeah. Wonder Boy. Oh, Robert Redford flick. So I saw that one. And she's in The Big Chill.

Oh, yes. Which I've actually never seen, but I love the soundtrack.

That's a generational movie.

Yeah, I think that you would like that. I want to go back and watch that. I saw that as an adult, I believe.

Well, now that I've checked My Blue Heaven off the list, which I decided to watch at 11.45 last night.

Oh, you sent me a text about that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I should re-watch that.

Well, I felt bad having sent you that.

text because i'm not trying to make work for you like you have enough going on i'm trying to assign you movies but um uh i have now completed my blue heaven i have thoughts maybe i'll share those thoughts uh on the show at some point uh this week here i go once again with the email every

week i hope that it's from a female no man it's not from a female all right uh any emails or

Are V-mails jumping out of you before we get done today?

You know, I have a whole bunch of voicemails that I finally started going through yesterday, but did we want to do... Know something about lunch here, Larry? Did we want to do Drops of Stupider today?

We do want to do that, which is why I have this sound effect ready to go, Andrew, of course. Jeez. That's just absolutely stupid. You'd never trust me to just host this show.

Don't beat yourself up.

Sorry, I had completely forgotten about Drops of Stupid today. My bad.

Not at all. But let's just move forward. We're getting near the end of round one of the Drops of Stupid contest. And today we have a number two seed up against a number seven seed. And I will admit, with all due respect to the people involved, I'm surprised these are not inverted. The number seven seed today is one of my absolute favorite TBTL memories from long before my days with the show, the Ross Dress for Less episode with producer Katie Springer talking to you and Jen and Sean about how much Ross Dress for Less means in her life. But more importantly, all of these, she has this whole list of advice to give people if you're going to go in for a Ross Dress for Less experience. It is so delightful. It is some of the best radio ever to come out of Cairo. You know, I guess with the exception of the time me and Nick Jarin read some Kanye West quotes of him talking to the media, but pretended it was supposed to be a poem. I think we ripped that off from Gawker was around back then. Right. And I think Gawker took a piece where Kanye was talking to the paparazzi to get off his lawn, which, by the way, paparazzi. Yes get off his lawn But they just took it and they broke it down So it sounded like a slam poem It was wonderful But that and Katie Springer Those are the two highlights of Cairo Radio in the past 30 years

Honestly like we got so lucky That we just had access to people Who just were extra great At being on the radio For just being kind of at that time an AM radio station Or maybe we'd flip to FM by then But like you know the fact that Sean DeTorey Was our engineer The fact that Katie Springer was I think the producer of the Ron and Don show at that point and was just radio Gold. She's amazing I mean just like we were just so lucky That there were just were those people in the Orbit of that show in those days

And another very special Person is going to be heard From today, Susie Burbank A.K.A. Luke's mom How lucky am I that I had access to

Susie Burbank for 44 years

Of my life. Now Susie's been on the show Many times over the years And I always love having her on I don't think What I've pulled here is necessarily The best of Susie Burbank Over the course of 12 years on TBTL But it is her first appearance Which I found to be very compelling So we're going back into the archives here May 9th, 2008 We're going to start with this piece of tape You had Six questions The same six questions that you Apparently asked your mom Sean's mom and Jen's mom On a special Mother's Day episode Of TBTL And let's start by listening to you And Jen talk to your mom By the way there's going to be a joke at the very end here That might seem harsh or might not make sense So I will say earlier in the interview Your mom copped to the fact that she sometimes Smoked weed when she was pregnant With you Which she saw as kind of a good thing Because it meant that she wasn't drinking as much So let's take a listen to this

Well, Mom, what would you describe then as the highlight of our parent-child relationship, you think?

I think before I married your dad and I was, you know, just traveling around with you, you were just my buddy. You were in Lukles Magookles, you know, and you went everywhere I went, and my relationship with you was so tight.

Mom, do you want to sing the Lukles Magookles song for everyone who hasn't heard it?

Okay, it's a pretty dumb song, you have to admit.

Well, it was when I was like one and you were changing my diaper or something, right?

I would go, Lugals, my doogals for sale. How much does he cost? I'll buy him. And da, da, da, da, da. That is great.

Yeah. Did you make that up, Mom?

Absolutely. When you were high? It was one of those crazy mom things. And I did it with all your siblings, too. You get a little bit nutty. Yeah, you did.

You did the same thing hour in and hour out.

There you go. That is your mom's first appearance on the show. Very warm. She loves you a great deal. That was actually a very, a very, it was a pretty uncomfortable. That particular time was a little bit uncomfortable, I felt like, because she, you could tell she wasn't quite as loose with you as she is now. We could call her up right now, right? And she's just done it so many times that you could tell that everybody was just sore. and it was on the radio and so it was pre-tape but i could just tell that like everybody was sort of feeling out the um the boundaries of the conversation but she was talking about what a pain in the ass you were as a kid and you couldn't get over the fact that she had smoked weed so like everything just kept coming back to that like well at least i didn't smoke weed or when you were high

and i was in in your body i wondered too if my mom is uh my mom is unintentionally like maybe the funniest person that i know but sometimes also i think if it's like oh we're gonna have you on for mother's day i wonder if she was kind of wanting it to be less funny and more meaningful more kind of you know and maybe that was part of where the awkwardness was yeah i think so i think

it was both i think i mean you were very new at doing this particular job at the time she was very new to being on the radio and i just sort of think that like the natural rapport that you have and i would even say that the three of us have now is much more in a comfortable place i think than this very first time way back in 2008, you know. But anyway, I found that to be really charming. That was a very warm part of that interview that I enjoyed a great deal. And now let's turn our attention to one Katie Springer, who I do not believe smoked weed when she was pregnant with you, Luke.

And I mean, she did later work on the John Tesh radio show. That's right.

I mean, I was so into this tape. Every time I revisit this, I'm like, what is she doing now? And now I think she's like kind of consulting on podcasts.

Yeah, I'm looking at her. I'm on her website, by the way, her WordPress.

yeah that is not up to date if you'll notice she has like if you scroll down it'll just say this is a widget this is where you put information about yourself in the wordpress widget um but i do see that she's speaking at some sort of a digital um digital audio conference coming up in the next few months i think that and the keynote is none other than um uh serial i always want to say julie snyder and sarah koenig is the keynote so springer's still out there uh you know rubbing shoulders with the best of them and here she is she has three r's for um doing ross dress for less correctly uh one is research one is reconnaissance i can't remember what the third r is but here we are on the second r recon is is one of the most important is if you're if you're

going to do this and you're going to be committed then be committed already right so you have to go to all the Ross Dress for Lesses in your area. What? Yes, you do. I know. Because you're going to go to one and you're going to say, oh, they've got nothing here. But maybe it's just a bad Ross Dress for Less, right?

I do love that you're incapable of just calling it Ross. At the end of your life, you would have, I would say, an extra two years if you just

called it Ross, considering how much you talk about it. I take it seriously. That is a huge use of your time. I agree. You have very little free time. You know what? It's the thrill of the chase. If you're going to go to, let's say you're going to go to one Ross Dress for Less three times. Why not just go to each Ross Dress for Less one time? And then you'll get a feel for which Ross Dress for Less is going to be the best one for your needs. There are some Ross Dress for Less's that are really good for, say, stop laughing, it's important. There are Ross Dress for Less. Okay, I'll take you through the local Ross Dress for Less.

Please do.

First of all, downtown is fantastic. Downtown has everything. Downtown is best for clothing, and their shoes are just –

For dental work, you want the one in Totem Lake.

Pretty good joke at the end there, Luke. Oh, my God. It's so hard to just take a minute of that. It's so good. You know what I realized? She has a little bit of a – like with her passion for this particular thing, she has a Dan Pashman-esque passion.

A passion for flashing? Also, I'm picking up a little Starly Kine. Sure, yeah, with the voice. Notes of Starly. Yeah, that makes – like it's rare that I want to go back and listen to an episode of a radio show that I was hosting. But I literally want to go back and listen to that whole segment because she's just so, so just fascinating and also young-sounding. Yes, yes. We were so young then. I mean like – because I don't know why this is where my brain goes with this, but it's like – I don't know. I guess I think – I mean I think of all of us as being kind of – I don't know, adults doing professional things and being – we have jobs in healthcare and whatever.

and doing this radio show and then I hear Katie sounds like she's like 24 and it's just like oh we were all like I don't think I might not have even been 30

yet. For what it's worth this was June of 2008 it was almost exactly a month after that interview with your mom in May of that year. Well I would have to

be I was 32 I guess at the time but still just something about Katie sounding so young it just reminding me that we were all very young at the

time. So full of life. So by the way if you do want to check out that entire episode i will be posting all of the links where you can vote in today's show page at tbtl.net just click on today's episode but also in there are links to the original shows and so you can click on that if you want to hear the whole thing it's about a half hour long it's gold it's all gold

i am actually going to do that today um so uh congratulations andrew you got one more click

That's why we do it, Luke That's why we play the game That's right

Okay, that's gonna do it for today's show Should we go out with I feel like we've played a lot of Da Butt on the show Should we

I want to play Closer by Nine Inch Nails Because I know that Trent Reznor is also trending last night And you have the Glenn Closer thing But that is the exact opposite of a song That we could play on the show, right? That's the one with the very sexually violent

You bring me closer I want to feel you from the inside Let's just move on from that That is so interesting The Trent Reznor as film scorer I wouldn't have seen that coming During the height of Nine Inch Nails He's clearly very musically talented Because he did the Social Network He did Soul He was part of the group that did the soundtrack for Soul With John Baptiste The guy with the Stay Human Band Who plays is the house band for Stephen Colbert's show. And I just will tell you this. I don't have the tape, but John Baptiste is the most radiant human being I've ever seen in my life in terms of just radiating love. He is just a beam of love that just goes out to the world in the physical form, in the corporeal. Is that how you say that? Like he is not a human being He is the embodiment of love And he just happens to be really good at piano too And singing Like his speech I had no idea what he was even talking about But it was beautiful He was like you know what's so cool He's like God only gave us 12 notes And it's the same 12 notes that Duke Ellington had And they're the same 12 notes I have And then he just went off on this like crazy Just sort of random bits of conversation All of it though So much love and so much positivity And he closed his thing by saying I love you even if I don't know you I love you I know I was like damn that's profound

I don't think I know who that is by the way

You've seen him He's getting really famous Because he's super talented He was in a Super Bowl ad If you google John Baptiste Or John Batiste You might recognize him But anyway he's really He's really amazing actually But it was funny because you got this guy Who's just so effervescent And lovely And then you're just standing behind him It looks like Snape Trent Reznor is turning into Alan Rickman over time And Snape is just standing behind John Batiste As he's going off about loving everyone And I don't think Trent Reznor doesn't love everyone But it was a real different kind of Personality vibes up there on stage Winning that Oscar for the soundtrack

Is Danzig winning any soundtrack awards for Pixar movies? That would be a real turnaround. Yeah, that would. Okay, here's what we're going to do. We're going to go out with a cover. Go out with the Danzig song? Yes. Thrall Demon Sweat Live. Thank you very much. We'll be going out with a cover of the Carpenter song Close to You. This is the Cranberries doing it off of If I Were a Carpenter. I love this song.

R.I.P. Dolores O'Riordan. dude i was uh again i was looking at tiktok this weekend i had a great weekend andrew just nice oh sorry i didn't ask i i just basically piled a bunch of furniture in front of the door of the apartment and just looked at tiktok um no but uh somebody did this video where they were making a t-shirt a cranberries t-shirt and that was what they were showing off was that they had made this cool t-shirt but underneath it was cranberries music and i was just like damn yeah Dude, the cranberries were awesome, and RIP Dolores O'Riordan. Okay, we'll be back tomorrow with more Imaginary Radio for you. So please, until then, enjoy your Monday. Stay dry. Stay safe. Get the flippin' second vax, okay? I don't think I need to tell our listeners that.

Wednesday for me, man. Wednesday for me.

But, again, our listeners, I think, are probably science believers, but please get the second round of the vax if you've gotten the first. one and anyway we'll see you tomorrow until then please remember no mountain too tall and good luck to all that is why all the girls in town follow you all around just like me belong to be close to you Just like me, they long to be close to you Just like me, they long to be close to you

Close to you

Power out.