Muse

The other thing is, is I'm hungry and passionate. I don't eat breakfast in the morning so I can come to work hungry. So when I get to lunch, I'm hungry. And that's just the kind of person I am. I know my 2003 Chevy Tahoe's got a lot of play this week so far. But like, it doesn't have AC. And it doesn't have heat. And the reason I do that is so I can practice my mental toughness during the winter when it's cold. and I can practice my mental toughness during the summer when it's hot. That's the type of person I am.

TBTL! This kind of behavior is never tolerated in Boracqua. You shout like that, they put you in jail. Right away. You're stealing, right to jail. You're playing music too loud, right to jail. Right away. You're driving too fast, jail. Slow, jail.

Wait a minute. I read a tweet about a New Yorker article about you.

It's an amazing collection of bad ideas. For the millionaire, there's a lot of monster deep inside. What kind of disco dancing nonsense is going on here?

This is one doodle that can't be undid, Holmes Gillett. Alright, hello, good morning and welcome everyone to a Thursday edition of TVTL.

Life's a potty, wipe your body.

The show that just might be too beautiful to live. My name is Luke Burbank, I'm your host. Oh yeah! coming to you from the nest broadcast center high in the sky above portland oregon happy day after ed balls day beautiful purple balls 10 years and one day since ed balls sent a tweet that we'll all remember it is a beautiful day here in portland oregon looking up in the sky I see some jet trails. And also, these guys, it's like four dudes. I'm not kidding. One, two, three, four. There's actually six. Okay. Six guys have been building this building that I can see from this room. And they're making good progress. They are six dudes are building like a huge like, you know, it's one of those sort of residential with some kind of, you know, yoga studio and bagel shop in the ground floor. But I guess I thought that like to build a giant building, you need like 100 people. It turns out it's six dudes. anytime i think i'm really you know being a productive member of society doing this uh this podcast i'm put in my place by looking at these six guys who are building an entire building by themselves anyway we're gonna continue on with the project that is episode 3412 in a collector series let the fun begin um sorry i just looked over at my uh my cup where i have my uh little sparkling water my polar seltzer calorie-free lime flavored water and a huge spider crawling on my cup and i'm gonna have to deal with that see those guys are building a building but i'm podcasting under intense stress from this spider that's on my water glass anyway Speaking of water, oh, that's a good segue. They have found the world's oldest water at the bottom of a mine in Canada.

It tastes like soot and hot water.

I'm hooked. 1.6 billion years old. That's how old the water is, apparently. Is this the part of the show where I admit that I don't think I knew the earth was 1.6? billion years old i knew it was older than like a hundred years but if you asked if you if you wanted me to tell you how old the earth is i would have guessed uh-huh 500 000 years maybe anyway there's water on this planet that's 1.6 billion years old we will get into that um they've also discovered the world's most photogenic bird there's something about the soul of a bird Something called the frogmouth. It's a nocturnal bird, and it has now been found to be the most photogenic bird in the world. We will explain how they got to that conclusion. Also, the world's creepiest robot dog has been retired by the New York Police Department. I'll say, what's up, dog? Digidog. One of those Boston Dynamics freaky robot dogs, they had rented it for a year for $94,000. People were like, yeah, could you not unleash a hellhound from, you know, from the moors of...

of the digital world on us, please. And the NYPD said, we'll stop. okay, fine, So we will get into that story as well. Plus it's a Thursday, AKA a blurs day. So of course we'll do the blurs day messages and we'll do all of that with the help of this guy, the longest running co-bro of the show, maybe best known for his depictions of the tall ships. He's doing the work. He's baby stepping. And he also just got his second vax yesterday. Forget me shot. He is Andrew Walsh. And he's joining me right now from the Roosevelt neighborhood of Seattle, Washington. Good morning, my friend.

Good morning, Luke. How are you feeling? Oh, I'm feeling good. I'm feeling vaxxed. Vaxxed and relaxed?

Vaxxed and relaxed.

Continue to drink the water out of the cup that has a spider on it. I just don't care. Vaxxed and Relaxxed. That is a very early show title. Write it down. The more show titles we have. You like Vaxxed and Relaxxed more than Vaxxed and Relaxed? Yeah, I think so. Because isn't the expression kind of like, what are you doing? I'm Maxxed and Relaxxed. Isn't that what you used to tell people? Is that what you still tell people? I tell people that all the time. Do you follow this person? This is not related to vaccinations at all. I'm just scrolling through Twitter here. Do you follow or know of this guy, Josh Letterman? I think of him as the epitome of weird Twitter. Yes.

That photo of him, which is like a young child that also looks very old.

That has maybe braces. I know. Maybe I'm wrong about that.

That is the weirdest, one of the weirdest icons in the Twitter game.

This is just, like, the worst. Like, all I want to do right now is read—

Isn't he called, like, Old Friend Josh Letterman? Or did he retire that? For a while, he was called Old Friend Josh Letterman.

No, the actual title of what he's going by is Josh, and then in quotes, Letterman, and then in parentheses, Old Friend 99. Which, again, it's really hard to explain why that's so funny. He just tweeted seven minutes ago, I hope librarians like books. About 10 minutes before that He tweeted I'm thinking of a number between 1 and 10 And that's just it Also he retweeted last night Somebody who just These are two fantastic tweets From somebody named Mark Welcome to my Twitter This guy Mark tweeted Towels are annoying when you just want to stay cold and wet And also I love how quiet candles are This is like my happy place right now You know what's

The thing about that style of of sort of twittering and tweeting is it's very it's very hard to actually nail yeah because i i'm i'm an admirer of it same with like that guy drill yeah yeah it's just the sun that's the

icon with the sunglasses right and i think that's like jack nicholson is it or some it's i think

it's like a weird it's like a weird version of jack nicholson or something he's got like an insane number of followers and he just he just put these tweets that he puts out are so bizarre but every time I try to kind of rip off that style it never works like I don't know if it's that you have to probably just have to be good at it which I'm not but also you have to like maybe just sort of cultivate that as your vibe yeah you know over the course of your Twitter lifetime because if I do it it makes no sense like drill put out this one I believe drill his title is like Wint or something yeah it is it's like at drill but at one time he's just like you absolutely under no circumstances do not have to give it to them or whatever or hand it to them or something it had like a million likes and it's just like it would never occur to me to tweet that but if I did it would just be out of it wouldn't it wouldn't align with what I usually tweet and it would get no interaction

yeah I think that I think it's something that can't be forced sort of or even just like or even inserted into yeah I think it is it's about cultivating it and also just naturally coming like these the one that i was trying to explain to genevieve the other day was he tweeted uh you need to watch or at least see the coneheads to get why that name is so funny

that was drill that was oh no i'm sorry that was josh josh letterman um but anyway i will

stop doing this guy drill his his uh his pinned tweet is just the word no it has 127 000 likes

i do not have the confidence to pull that off oh my god hey i did want to say i don't really have any dramatic stories for you about the vaccination process but i guess as a public service i will just say that um if anybody is kind of feeling nervous about it like now i'm um the the injection itself was even um it was it was never painful the first time but i felt it even more the first time this time i didn't even feel the needle going um and yeah this morning you know i sort of had that feeling in my i had him uh shoot up my right arm um and this morning my my right hand sort of had that feeling that i described to you earlier this week or last week where you wake up in the morning you

kind of can't grab a pencil right you sort of feel like a little morning weakness that sort of lasted for about an hour as opposed to five minutes or something on a normal day um but that's it like i'm fine i might be a little i don't know i might be a little bit fuzzy i like to say that because i'm probably going to say so much dumb shit in today's show um that i can just blame it on on that but no for the most part i don't genevieve says her joints are a little bit more sore than

mine are but yeah no no problems i may be the worst person you ever met but that doesn't mean i don't have a foolproof plan to fix every hollywood movie franchise ever made now is that 19 000 yeah that's drill aka wint 19 000 likes oh wow um i'm glad to hear that i i wonder why everyone else is just being such babies about it well that's that's the part i really wanted to

take away yeah no um but i mean obviously it affects different people different ways but i I think that at the beginning of the vaccination process, I was hearing more people saying, oh, I was a little bit sore after the second one or a little bit tired. And then I started hearing a lot more stories over the past month where it seemed like the norm became that it really lays you out for a day. And I'm not trying to say it doesn't lay people out. But if that is getting in people's head, I just want to remind people that I think everybody is different because there are people who I know who are like younger, healthier, and like just generally speaking stronger than me who it affected more. Like maybe being fat and lazy is actually the best thing for you. I don't know. I'm running that by my doctor later. But for some reason, you know, just everybody is different. And so if you're somebody who's got any kind of apprehension about this, let it come from me. One of the bigger, you know, anxiety cases on the show that it doesn't necessarily have to be that way. It just kind of depends and prepare for the worst, I guess. But, you know, might just be nothing.

I don't see any problem with getting the Milk Bone vaccine. I trust Milk Bone, even though they're usually a dog food company. Thirty two thousand.

That's really good, though. That's really good. There are a couple of really good – I can talk about this because we've already talked about this on After These Messages. There are some good Milk Bone ads. When I'm in charge of the show, Luke, what happens is like Genevieve puts together these like thoughtful shows that are built around some sort of a theme that is like sometimes maybe even slightly intellectual in some way. And I – when it's my job to put together a show sheet, I just come up with like the stupidest ideas in the world and it just makes me giggle. And because I had bones on my mind this week with my broken bone, I just just did a search for commercials. Also, the bones are your money. That's right. And they also sent me. But, yeah, so I just like anything that had to do with a bone, not like, you know, not medical procedures, but just like milk bone or boneless chicken wings, just a bunch of commercials kind of around that theme. And it was a really good time, honestly. But milk bone secretly has had a great campaign going on that I didn't know about. The first one, you see a man kind of jogging through the woods. He's like a healthy guy, and you might not notice at first that the way that it's being shot is it's kind of like over his shoulder. It's kind of the back of his head, and it seems like it's going to be like a Nike commercial. It's kind of about inspiration and wanting it all and, you know, taking it all or whatever. And then at one point, we get a frontal view of him, and we see that he is jogging with a fishbowl, like a classic-looking goldfish bowl, and it's splashing water. How did this commercial escape my radar? I know. I feel like I see every commercial. It's really good. And then, like, the end is, let's face it, dogs are better than fish, has pets. And then it cuts to him running through the woods with, like, a pet dog instead. And then there's one. That's good. There's another that kind of says why dogs are better than cats. That's at a wedding where somebody is trying to use a cat as a ring bear. They're really good. Like the comedy timing, like you like the same kind of stuff that I like in commercials. When it's like really well written or they use the right cuts and it's like the pacing is there. They're not rushing it. Like they're actually like good little skits, both of them.

If I was a congressional aide and Joe Biden's dogs, Champ and Hunter, went in on me to kill me, I'd simple calm them down with a double headlock. 10,000 likes I'm just trying to find a tweet related to whatever we're talking about We're talking about dogs Oh I see, I didn't even make that connection Okay, and these are all Wint These are all the work of Wint Hey, speaking of unforgettable content Can we talk about the tape That you started the show with Oh yeah Of that basketball It's a basketball coach I believe, right? Or a football coach?

Yeah, I believe it's Portland State And I'm doing this from memory But I think his name is Jace Coburn, and I don't know if he's a new basketball coach there or if he's been there for a while. But that was some press conference he gave that I heard on Levitard Show, and I thought, ooh, that sounds like good tape. For us to use in this show It feels like there's been a lot of like Coaches saying dumb things lately Or I'm just listening to too much Levitard Well of course that's you know Reminds me of the Lions coach Who talks about getting knocked down And smiling and biting kneecaps On the way down and on the way up What I think is kind of interesting is Do you have that tape at the ready of Jace Coburn? Yeah I can hear it in like two seconds Could you play that again? Yeah here it is The other thing is

I'm hungry and passionate I don't eat breakfast in the morning so I can come to work hungry so when I get to lunch I'm hungry and that's just the kind of person I am I know my 2003 Chevy Tahoe's got a lot of play this week so far but like it doesn't have AC and it doesn't have heat and the reason I do that is so I can practice my mental toughness during the winter when it's cold and I can practice my mental toughness during the summer when it's hot that's the type

a person i am jace coburn ladies and gentlemen um okay a couple things i live in portland the temperatures aren't that extreme yeah right i'd say maybe two times a year tops you need to run the ac or you need to run the heat luke it's a pretty it's a pretty temperate climate i am such an idiot i knew that he was a portland state guy yet i was actually even thinking about that line today is as as i was cutting this tape and i have been maybe slightly more dazed than usual and i went into this whole like daydream of picturing him driving in and thinking like yeah well i guess i'm lucky that i live in seattle because those wouldn't really affect me much i forgot that he's in portland right i was picturing him going through the snow and shattering his teeth right or living in you know in mississippi and it's 100 degrees and 100 humidity in the summer he lives in portland The other thing is – and I'm a person who often doesn't eat breakfast because of my intermittent fasting weirdness. But I would not want my college basketball coach to be on an empty stomach. I don't love the term hangry. Yeah, right. But I don't want – I don't need my coach to be in caloric deficit when he's trying to coach us. It honestly seems like a bad approach to dealing with young people, young men who are in a very formative stage in life, and you want to try to get your message across to them about both the offense you're running and also just developing into good humans. Don't do it on an empty stomach. I stay up late the night before a game drinking too much because I want to come to work cranky and tired. And then I do a little bump of Coke to wake myself up. And then I do some toot, and that way I can yell even louder at my players. But I also drink broken glass so that my voice is really shredded, because I need to overcome that. What are you talking about? Also, this guy's— I don't wear a belt, so my pants will fall down, and I constantly have to be vigilant. I'm always pulling my pants up, which reminds me to stay attentive. By the way, this guy's got to be like 28, too. that's yeah he's very young we are old andrew i don't want to speak for you because i'm older than you yeah but like we're old like this guy this like hard driving basketball coach who's giving this inspirational speech about being hangry and freezing when he shows up at work is like easily 12 years younger than us yeah i know right it's just like we're running out of people i i already told you this yeah the other day and i said this is ageist but when my like bone doctor came in the other day they call him the bone doctor i was just kind of i was glad that he was an older kind of grumpy guy like that's what i there are very reassuring you're glad that there's still one person on earth older than you older than me and possibly grumpier uh i mean

that's the thing all like all the baseball players now are the children of baseball players who i watched vlad guerrero jr who became the uh i think youngest player to have three grand slams i believe he joined Alex Rodriguez as like the only player under the age of like 24 to have three Grand Slams or whatever. I used to watch his dad, Fernando Tatis Jr. I used to watch his dad play. Like all of these guys and some of them, there are players now in various pro leagues who are retiring and I watch their dads play. Tim Hardaway Jr. probably has a couple good seasons left in him if he's still in the NBA. And I used to watch his dad play like the children of the guys i watched are now aging out of pro sports leagues i think today is nfl draft day is today the first day of the draft i think this is good because the seahawks have zero drafts because of jamal adams oh i sent you guys that breakdown oh i didn't oh i didn't look at that or i didn't notice that yeah we i mean we do have some drafts we we really gave away the farm for

Thank you.

uh jamal and jamal adams was good so it wasn't like it was a total bust but once again i i saw a headline not that we want to talk sports here but i saw a headline somewhere that said the seahawks last five drafts have been considered disasters by the people who analyze drafts

i don't know much about i mean i turned on the radio i think yesterday or the day before just coincidentally right as the um seahawks press conference with the schneider and pete carroll What Schneider's first name? John Schneider and Pete Carroll. And Pete, the head coach.

I almost said Dan Schneider, who I believe is the guy from Head of the Class who now makes every successful children's television show. No, I didn't know that. You know the kind of heavyset guy from the TV show Head of the Class? Yeah, I thought that guy was Driscoll.

No, I'm thinking of Dexter's class. I'm thinking of Drexel's class or something.

Oh, Drexel's class. I forgot about that show. What is that one? There were a lot of classroom shows for a while.

Yeah. We got to do another show about teachers, by the way. You and I are on three different tangents. We keep interrupting each other with unrelated things. But I just came across an intro I made where all of the tape is related to teaching or teachers in some way. I think we made it for, like, Teacher's Day last year or the year before. It's really funny. I wanted to use it today, but we don't have any, like, kind of teaching themes going on. So we got to cook up a reason to use that at some point, Luke. Take a note. So that guy, I think it's Dan Schneider.

He made iCarly, he made, like, the list is extremely long of all of the very successful, like, Nickelodeon shows that he made, the dude that was in, one of the students and head of the class. And a crazy story is, I don't think he listens anymore, but there's a guy named Steve Malero who used to love TBTL and listened to it frequently. His story was, he worked for Publishers Clearinghouse, you know, the people that would send out the stamps? like the uh i mean they also bring the oversized checks but but more what they're into is like magazine subscriptions and you'd get that like weird thing of stamps in the mail that i i don't i guess those would be you rip one off and send it back for the magazine you want to get you know what i'm talking about yeah so he worked there and he was on some kind of aol chat and his aol chat name was like one letter off from dan schneider the tv guy and so he kept getting messages that were intended for the dan schneider dude and so he eventually like started talking to this guy on aol and made the guy laugh they became friends the dude hired steve malero to write for nick at night some like promos for nick at night now steve malero is in charge of young sheldon he was like the number two on the big bang theory at some point and now he's in charge of the tv show young sheldon all because his aol name was one letter off from dan schneider the

guy from head of the class wow do you like old sheldon or young sheldon better god i you know

only the real heads know yeah right i saw i saw old sheldon at the crocodile cafe play for like seven people and i it was like i mean they were giving tickets away it was like just please come in and watch this and i was like there's something something to this well anyway

pete carroll just said that um that jamal adams was their first round pick and he's happy with that as a first round pick that's what he said yeah it's a fun way he's getting in front of the very very first thing that he said and um and he said that's how we run things which you know has worked in the past but we don't have to get into all that i i am fascinated with this idea of drexel's class versus head of the class do you think there are any families where this is kind of a division like between a couple where like one person is just really ahead of a class or what did you say a real heads no real heads no head of the class is better than drexel's class

or vice versa are they're not making shows like that anymore right what i mean is are there any current like sitcoms about a teacher and their class yes and listeners are going crazy it was

I was going to make a joke today Daphne Coleman by the way You were going to ask me How the vaccine is and I was going to say Oh no Luke I can't remember any Famous people's names But now it is a reality I'm going to try to describe this show to you Without knowing anybody's names But there is a show I believe I don't think he teaches high school I believe he might teach junior college Or something along those lines It is one of the main characters From It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia

does this ring a bell to you i'm looking at the cast i actually have the cast in front of me so um uh i am not seeing a person who i recognize as being from it's always sunny do you want me

to just let you go with this or you want me to check in um i really want to um say the name of the show that i'm thinking about but i am drexel's class panicking right now it's not drexel's class So, this is... This is a show that had at least two seasons. I want to say it was maybe an NBC show. I know it was streaming.

Oh, oh, oh, oh, I'm sorry. You're talking about Current Day. Yes. You said there are no TV. Yeah, AP Bio.

AP Bio, my God.

Written by Patton Oswalt.

Thank you. And I couldn't think of Oswalt's name, and I was trying to think of how I could describe him to you. You were thinking of his brother, Matt Oswalt, who I follow on Twitter. Oh, my goodness. Wint Oswalt is who I was thinking of. Oh, my God. Worth it. I mean, I don't even know how bad that was as radio, but in my head, I was just panicked. Like, not being able to think of Patton's name was just killing me. Not remembering the name of the guy from Always Sunny, I don't think I would know his name.

I don't even know that guy's name, but I know who you're talking about. He's the guy that's not Charlie, and that's not Mac, and that's not D.

Right. So that clearly is a high school if it's AP, so that is a high school class. Right.

Yes. Okay, yeah. No, you're right. You're right. I forgot about that. That show's supposed to be pretty good, by the way. I know.

I keep on wanting to dig into it.

Yeah, it's pedigree. Certainly the people who make it are all people that I am a fan of their work. Drexel's Class was a sitcom that aired on Fox in 1991, and it starred Dabney Coleman, as you've already established, as a fifth-grade teacher at Grantwood Elementary School in Cedar Bluffs, Iowa. Drexel's backstory revealed that he was a corporate raider who lost a large amount of money on a failed venture, dodged his taxes, and was arrested.

Oh, I didn't know that. Often teacher stories like in the in, you know, teacher TV shows, they are like kind of reclaiming their lives or they have failed at something else and they end up as a teacher. Right.

Which is not fair to the teachers. No, it's not. Because teaching is a really hard job and a really important job. I resent the premise that that's what you do when your corporate rating career has led you astray. Like that's not it's teaching is not people's rock bottom. Right. Exactly.

Yet it often is depicted that way I think Isn't AP Bio Isn't the main character Well he's just kind of A dirtbag I think

The guy from It's Always Sunny Yeah Yeah I could be right Again I've literally Never watched an episode Of that show But for no good reason Every time I have heard about it Or seen a promo for it I'm like oh I should watch that But I couldn't tell you Is it renewed Is it coming back Is it happening

That I don't know I know they made This is not interesting But I'll tell you my journey With the show And then I want to tell you One more thing about Dabney Coleman It comes with a recommendation please rate and review I remembered that show coming out for the first season it seemed up my alley like you said good pedigree I wanted to watch it but I just sort of missed the train on it right and then it went away for a while because I think that again I don't know if it was NBC or what but I'm pretty sure that was a network show or is a network show then I remember them coming out with season number two and I was very excited and I was actually in the mood to watch it I had the time I was like okay good but I'm not going to start with season two i'll go back and start with season one but it was all behind paywalls it wasn't available and i thought like i understand like i'm not saying that everything should be free all the time as far as content is concerned but i thought it was a bad marketing plan for people like me ap bio probably had a lot of people like me who were generally interested but just kind of never got around to it because there's a lot of tv out there and then they're unveiling season two you should make at least parts of season one available so that people can kind of go back and get hooked on and then enjoy season two as well. I thought it was a real marketing fail by them, Luke.

Yeah, just embed the commercials. Sure. Yeah, I have no problem with commercials. Get the impressions.

Yeah.

You know, like I'll sit through a 30-second commercial to watch some content that I want to see. Like everybody wins in that case, right? Everybody wins.

You're going to make the same joke? Exactly what I was going to say. Last thing on Dabney Coleman.

It's a wint-wint? A real wint-wint? Is that a shit title?

Yeah, can you write that down before I forget my thought here? On Dabney Coleman, this doesn't have to be the last thought on Dabney Coleman. This is my last thought in case you want to move on.

I've got a couple follow-ups.

When I think of him, I think of this movie that I don't think you and I have ever talked about, but it seems really like this is very hyper-specific to our generation and our demographic. There was a 1980s movie, like an action-adventure movie for kids called Cloak and Dagger, and it scared the hell out of me as a kid. And I watched it one time as a kid, and it stuck in my head. A couple of key scenes stuck in my head. I rewatched it about four years ago, and I thought it still held up. I watched it with Genevieve, who had different opinions on that matter, and she thinks that I overhyped this movie. But if you are somebody who, you know, kind of connected with that movie way back in the 80s and you're like around our age, it was a hell of a good nostalgia trip for me. I highly recommend rewatching Cloak and Dagger.

I never saw that movie because it was probably at a time where I wasn't allowed to see stuff like that. But before – I didn't know – like that was where my frame of reference for the term cloak and dagger came from. I didn't understand the kind of larger, more common usage of, you know, like spy craft and things that are secretive being cloak and dagger. I just – whenever I would hear that, I would think, oh, like that movie. that I haven't seen that looks amazing. By the way, Dabney Coleman was also in a movie called Hot to Trot with Bobcat Goldthwait, where I believe there's a talking horse that is voiced by Bobcat Goldthwait, if I remember right. Also, a thought on Dabney Coleman. First of all, don't Google Dabney Coleman Hollywood Walk of Fame because it will chill you to your core that we are all getting older, But Dabney Coleman is getting older than the rest of us Also Don't google

Two Dabney Coleman's one cup Just learn that

Also definitely I speak from experience on that one Also Was Dabney Coleman ever In any Movie TV show anything Maybe Drexel's class was he ever in anything Where he was like the good guy or likable I feel like Dabney Coleman's Character choice for every film is hard-driving jerk who eventually gets his. Isn't he in 9 to 5? Isn't he the jerk boss in 9 to 5?

I think you are right about that. He gets tied up.

Now, also, Dabney Coleman and Gerald McCraney from Major Dad.

Major Dad, right.

They are basically, they're the... They're two different people. They're the Dermot Mulrooney. Yeah. And who's the other guy? There's Dermot Mulrooney, and then there's another dude, And they're like basically the same person

Right, right And SNL did a hilarious skit with them

Nobody knows the difference between the two of them And like Dabney Coleman and Gerald McCraney Are that for the 80s generation

Yes, and of course he played the coach, right? Yeah No, Major Dad No, I'm getting him now confused with the TV show Coach Sorry, Major Dad He played a major and a dad

Yeah, he ran his family with a military precision.

But why am I lumping Coach into that now? Where are we going with it? Craig T. Nelson?

Are you thinking of Craig T. Nelson? Yeah. Now, Coach, that is a show that I feel like is going to have – I loved that show, Dauber. That show was so good. I feel like Coach and Wings, I bet, would hold up.

And that also had Dick Van Dyke's brother whose name – Yeah, Jerry Van Dyke.

jerry van dyke in it and he was pretty good if i recall i'm googling dermot mulrooney and the first thing that comes up is a photo of him next to dylan mcdermott dylan mcdermott that's dermot dermot mulrooney and dylan mcdermott dermot choose your fighter you've seen that skit right

they bring them together on snl i can't remember no i haven't i can't remember if the game show how quickly can you google that is it worth rolling the dice on or do we just take a break Like, what have we accomplished here? Are we doing good? Little. Are we doing good, Luke, or are we doing bad? I don't know.

Superman does good. You do well. Actually, it's the opposite of that. No. Superman. If you Google SNL right now, all you get is the fact that Elon Musk is hosting it.

Did you know that? Oh, really? No, I didn't know that.

What do you think about that? People are very upset at the fact that they're having him host, which I'm kind of, I'm, you know I'm sort of surprised I guess I don't know I mean it's like doesn't seem to me to be that big of a deal he's in the culture he's I mean I don't have a strong opinion on Elon I find him to be kind of douchey in the way that I find anybody who's that rich and that accomplished to be kind of douchey but I don't I'm not like it doesn't seem like a like a some kind of a scandal that He's hosting SNL.

Yeah, this is going to sound real snobby, but like I – as my mom used to say to me, it really cut me to my quick, I don't care what you do. That was like the worst. Yeah, that was cold. That's why you didn't go to Vegas to be a valet. It's funny. Veves and I now, that's like a running joke. At least once a day we'll say to each other, I don't care what you do. But at the time, it really did cut you to the quick. Like if you got in trouble, you get in trouble earlier in the day, right, and the parents are mad at you or whatever. And then later on, you're kind of like, okay, well, I wasn't really grounded. I got hollered at. But, like, now where are we on these things? So you kind of go up to your – in my case, I go up to my mom and be like, is it okay if I play toss across now? Because you're, like, seeing, like, have the waters calm down. And she would say – you know, she could say no, go to your room, and that would kind of suck. She could say yes. Or she could say, I don't care what you do. And you're like, wow, that that now I don't want to play toss across anymore, do I? I think I will go intense, go upstairs to my room and maybe think about this a little bit more. But, yeah, no, I don't care what SNL. I mean, listen, like if it was like, hey, we're having Donald Trump on again, I'd have an opinion about that. And I guess I had an opinion about, you know, how they do that stuff even.

you know kind of back in 2016 but um no like i don't like i don't pay attention i don't care enough about snl like some skits will appear online and they'll either be funny or they won't

and i'll watch them or i won't like do what you want snl yeah here we go dermot dylan mcdermott

or dermot mulrooney hello and welcome to america's most difficult game show we show contestants a picture and they have to tell us who it is that's right it's time for i love bill hater by the way

I love him so much. I saw a clip of him on, like, Conan talking about the time that he met Arnold Schwarzenegger. And, well, I'll find that clip later because it's him doing an Arnold Schwarzenegger impression that's so funny.

That's a funny joke. Just a reminder to you at home, no one has ever won this game. Looks like today it's going to be worse than usual. Let's meet our contestants.

Hell no.

It's Jay Farrow, Jamie Kennedy, and Kenan Thompson are the contestants.

Contestants, tell me, is this Dylan McDermott or Dermot Mulroney?

Kenan Thompson is apple playing.

We will never know this.

Correct answer was Dermot Mulroney. Next round, tell me, contestants, who's this? As a reminder, the answer for the last round was Dermot Mulroney. This is the other guy.

Can you say both their names again? Jamie Kennedy. Dylan McDermott. Jamie Foxx. Mulroney. Can you put a bigger space between the names? So we know when the first name ends and the second name begins.

Time's up. That's a picture of Dylan McDermott. Can we just skip to the end? No, no, no, no, no. You can do this. You can do this. Just remember, Dermot Mulroney is the one that's in The Truth About Cats and Dogs. Must love dogs. With Ashley Judd. With Diane Lane. Who's also in Unbreakable. What's that? Untraceable. What's that? Unfaithful. What's that? Both Untraceable and Unfaithful. So if any of that helps at all. It does not. It does not.

Oh my God, this is so good.

Hey, who's this guy?

It's back to the first picture, by the way.

Remember, Dylan McDermott was in the practice, and Dermot Mulroney was in a movie called Staying Together where he played a character named Kit McDermott. And that is a true fact. So is this Dylan McDermott or Kit McDermott?

You know what, F you.

It's so good. Oh, my God. How weird would it be to be one of these dudes, Dermot Mulroney or Dylan McDermott, and like independent of each other, they are very accomplished actors, you know, I mean, by the compared to like me, you know, they're on TV shows, they're rich and famous, but they are now most well known for just kind of being confused with the other person.

Do me a favor, Luke, fast forward to the four minute mark of the video and pick it up again there.

I'm playing along here. This sketch is six minutes long. Although, I promise you, it would be the best six minutes of our show. Oh, God, yeah. The part where we play professional writers and performers honing their craft. Here we go at the four minutes.

So I won.

Well, we doubled your score, but zero times two is still zero. So now it's time for the final round. Contestants, please tell me, who is this?

Oh. I think that's Dermot Mulroney coming out. It's one of them.

I was in my best friend's wedding, and I was just on The New Girl. This is a picture of my face.

He's holding up a picture of the other guy.

Who am I, Dylan McDermott or Dermot Mulroney? Wait, wait, wait. That's a photo of Dylan McDermott.

You don't have to give him the answer.

But you're Dermot Mulroney.

I am Oh my god I've been sleeping with another man's wife

I guess I didn't pay off so much I just remembered that one of them was in on the joke And I feel like there's another one where they bring them both together I could be wrong about that But I just wanted to see what the payoff was I killed it I killed the momentum No you didn't

I killed it by trying to google Bill Hader conan schwarzenegger which like forget trying to spell that on the first try oh man i'm never gonna find it what was the context for it again it was just a clip i saw on tiktok of him talking about meeting arnold schwarzenegger

and basically like schwarzenegger said like like was asking for the hair and makeup person i forget what the person's name was but he asked bill hater like where's tony it's a terrible schwarzenegger i apologize it'd be better if you heard bill hater doing it and bill hater said uh i don't know um i can look for him and schwarzenegger said yeah show me your leadership skills like schwarzenegger wanted bill hater to go find the hair and makeup guy but he framed it as show

me your leadership skills i found something here on um on youtube called bill hater impersonates arnold schwarzenegger he's on the set of conan but it also says deep fake and i don't know what

that means so i'm not gonna call you that no no no in the words of our friend camaro kev no no let's let's finally go to break at 40 minutes into the wait hold on there something here is

posted by somebody who goes by q i'd like to play that have you watched that do you guys have hbo We do, but no, I haven't watched it yet. Oh, man. Maybe I'll watch it. I have a feeling like because I'm having my hand surgery tomorrow, and I think on Saturday I was talking to the nurse yesterday, and it sounds like there's going to be some recovery, and I might not want to be trying to putter around the kitchen, which is my usual inclination. So I'm kind of hoping this isn't the case, but I'm also sort of trying to think, okay, well, what if I stay in bed all day Saturday? What are things I could watch? Like, can I make this feel like I'm a kid who's sick at home, you know, staying home from school or something? So I've been trying to think of that. So maybe that's something I'll watch. Although, I don't know, is watching a QAnon documentary really what my healing bones need, do you think?

I certainly found it fascinating. But, again, I've been on this weird run. I mentioned that I watched the John Demonyuk documentary as well. So I don't know. I want to see more, yeah, because that's my – yeah, that's intense, very, very intense. But I think very watchable But yeah that's what I tend to go towards I don't know why I like to That and Drexel's class Those are kind of my two things I watch to unwind I toggle between A holocaust documentary And Drexel's class

Do you think the reason the show has been flagging lately Is because I'm a head of the class guy And you're a Drexel's class guy We never even talked about this and we just haven't been in sync

Yeah It's like I was walking down the street the other day And I saw a couple sitting in there like camp chairs if you will that you know kind of like a kind of chair that you take to a soccer game or something and unfold and the guys was oregon and the gals was oregon state oh a real house divided andrew indeed indeed okay let's take a quick break wonder if they know jace coburn that's portland state yeah but yes they do um you know what's funny i was a block from portland state when i saw this like i was right near where jace coburn pulls up in his 93 chevy tahoe absolutely just chilled to the bone and starving and ready to coach shivering and for some reason

he wet his pants he doesn't have a belt um you're right i was totally confusing oregon state with portland state very different yeah okay all right quick break and then back with more tbtl stay with

us let's thank some dazzling donors these are the wonderful generous folks who are dazzling us with their donation of dough each month makes the show possible we've been having a lot of meetings about the upcoming tv telethon and uh it's you know it's an amazing thing that this system somehow works and that these incredibly generous supporters of the program have been doing so for all these years it's when you start to look at the data and start to really think about the the folks out there who are who a year after year are are supporting the program it's uh it's really quite something

and of course is the first person by any chance otis drexel that would be so perfect lost all of

his money when one of his corporate raids went sideways that's right by the way otis drexel is not in a position to donate no that's true but you know who is marshall mawson of san francisco california marshall says i was lucky that unlike otis drexel my work has not been impacted by the pandemic so i felt like i should step up to be a first-time dazzler this year to help out any tens who aren't in a place to do so. Andrew, sometimes this show, there's real serendipity. I did not know that this was Marshall's message.

This is really sweet.

When I started talking about Otis Drexel. But Marshall, you're absolutely on theme today. Appreciate you for helping us do this. He says, I'd like to encourage anyone who is able to and hasn't yet donated to consider it to support this special show and community. So Luke and Andrew, you guys are no Roy Dodgers. Oh, but I have greatly appreciated TBTL and having greatly appreciated having TBTL to listen to over this past tough year. You're truly reasonable in unreasonable times. Never not funny to me. That one. I met you both briefly at the 3000th episode boat show, along with friend of the show, Priscilla Wu. Yes, of course. Marshall, I remember you. Priscilla is the designer of the recent No Mountain Too Tall hat slash logo Can you please shout out Her Etsy store Yes we can It's Etsy.com slash shop Slash Valencia Street Studio I bet you if you google Valencia Street Studio and Priscilla's Name Priscilla Wu I bet you you'll get there Etsy.com

Street is S-T so it's abbreviated

yeah yeah uh valencia street studios st studio sorry just uh singular uh that's what you're gonna go look for for priscilla marshall says we brought the koozies with andrew's beautiful drawing of a tall ship on them i remember those yeah i can't wait to attend a real live show again in the future and hopefully cross paths in a dive bar marshall thank you so much i will see you in the Tonga Room underneath the Fairmont at some point. That is one of my favorite bars in America. I mean, it's a huge place. I don't even know if you'd really call it a dive, but I've told you about this place before, Andrew. There is like a synthetic or like a lake, like a very shallow lake in the middle of the restaurant. No, I don't know about this. The house band is on a boat that goes out into the lake. and then when they're done playing, it goes back to the shore. What's the name of this place again? It's called the Tonga Room. It's in the basement of the Fairmont Hotel in San Francisco.

Oh, my God. That sounds awesome.

It's so great. We went there. I only stayed in that hotel because that was the place putting us up on Wait Wait back when they were redoing the Chase Bank Auditorium, and so they did the show. We did the show in San Francisco. I just did one of them, but they did the show in San Francisco for, like, a couple of months a few summers ago, which was just, like, awesome. And they put us up in the Fairmont, which is a pretty swanky joint. And, yeah, we all went to the Tonga Room after that, and it was not cheap. I want to say the bill was a few hundred bucks. We got a poo-poo platter. We got all these, like, crazy drinks, you know, that are, like, sort of tiki style where everyone gets a straw or whatever. This is, of course, pre-COVID. And then Bill Curtis just picked up the whole check

Oh yeah really that's a baller move And he doesn't total baller Do I remember this correctly he doesn't drink on occasions Like that right

I don't know if he is Like you know a person who is sober But I can't remember him ever drinking And what's funny is Carl Castle didn't drink Either and again I don't know if it was a thing Where they were like people who are sober Like as a sort of Intentional thing or if it was just like They just didn't care But Carl Castle would always come, he would get a Diet Coke, and then he would leave $5 for the bill, because we'd all be sitting at, like, this steakhouse across the street from where we do the show, and everyone's getting martinis and expensive food, and it's like, that would always be a whole thing, too, because the bill would be, like, really expensive, and it was like, uh, we always hoped that some NPR suit was there, because they would usually get the tab, like somebody visiting from D.C. But Carl Castle's thing is he would come over He would get a Diet Coke He would sip it He would sit there pleasantly He would make small talk And then he would leave five bucks And he would peace out for the hotel

I have a weird vague memory That might be a false memory And if it's not a false memory It might have been something you told me in confidence Doesn't involve Drexel's class And I shouldn't bring it up here So just tell me if I'm wrong Or need to cut this out Or quit or resign or whatever But I think that when you were not drinking you told me that you went to you know one of these usual kind of post wait wait don't tell me gatherings and you were like one time Bill Curtis told me yeah this isn't really my scene because I don't drink and you were like yeah turns out when you're not drinking it's not that fun is that a rude thing to say and is that accurate am I even remembering that right you're in the ballpark the

exact thing was I was in DC I was at this point drinking and I was trying to get this was actually carl castle's going away show so they flew everybody in i wasn't even in the show they just brought us all there so it's me and carrie in dc and i love dc i used to live there and i know all these like weird haunts and so i was getting a crew together of of people from the show to go to this weird like russian bar i think it's called russia house We'll be right back.

and I was describing it to Tom Bodette, who does not drink. I see. Okay. And I was like, you got to go. It's great. There's like these Russian gangsters are there, and they do flights of vodka. And Tom said, you know, when you don't drink, these things really sound like what they are. That's the quote. Which is like the most Tom Bodette line of all time. It's just folksy, homespun. We'll leave the light on for you. You know, Luke, when you don't drink, these things really tend to sound like what they are.

Which isn't really even an insult. You can interpret that however you want.

And that's Tom Bodette for you. He's a nonjudgmental guy. He's the absolute salt of the earth. Did I say this? I've been telling people this left and right. I don't know if I said it on the show yet, but I read somewhere recently something about drinking that has really stuck with me, which is drinking is borrowing happiness from tomorrow.

Oh, wow. That's a good line.

Like the older I get, the higher the interest payment is on that loan. Yeah. And there have been nights where I'm like, you know, you know what? I'm not going to borrow any happiness from tomorrow because I need I need all the happiness I can get. That's a lot of good line. Yeah. I mean, it is honestly helped me moderate my behavior at times to think about it in those terms. Like, do I want to feel OK tomorrow or do I want to take an advance on feeling OK tomorrow? Right, right, right. Maestro. Okay

Now then Oh no Tell me what Japan has That we don't have

I thought I was going to be playing A Drexel's Class intro theme But this is a full episode Of Drexel's Class And apparently Well you would know this Luke As a Drexel head They start with cold opens

Which doesn't really help my bit Well that was the thing That's why that's Honestly the network wanted them To do more of a head of the class thing Yeah

You know

But they were like They wanted to do their own thing It's why it was less popular, but I think a better show.

Yeah, well, more people saw Head of the Class.

On your mark. On your mark. Get set. Get set.

The truth is I would be a Drexel guy. I hate the fact that for the bit I have to be the Head of the Class guy. You adopted Head of the Class. Yeah, you got to Drexel first, and I'll never forgive you.

By the way, Marshall, despite my talk about borrowing happiness from tomorrow, I will borrow some happiness from tomorrow with you at the Tonga Room very soon, okay? Our second dazzling donor that we want to thank today is also in California, Walnut Creek, California. And, of course, we're talking about Danielle Walsh. Danielle says, I don't know what to say about TBTL. Okay, well, it's your dime. Me neither, man. Yeah. I don't know what to say about TBTL that hasn't been said before. Oh, okay. If you finish the sentence, it's really different. The show is such an important part of my life, and I hope it stays that way for years to come. Thanks, Luke. Thanks, Andrew. I'd also like to say thank you to my fellow tens. This is a community I'm proud to be a part of. Let's continue to support each other, raise each other up, and be examples of the good we want to see in the world. I love you all. Could you please go out today with Built to Spill's cover of Life in Vain by Daniel Johnston? It would mean a lot to me. Absolutely, Daniel. I did not know. I don't actually know that song, the Daniel Johnston song, but I love Built to Spill, And I love Daniel Johnston's work.

I might have some information here that would interest you, Luke. There is a 2020 record that came out. That was last year, by the way, in case you're not sitting in front of a calendar. It's called Built to Spill Plays the Songs of Daniel Johnston. So it's a whole album. Do they do Speeding Motorcycle? I don't see that. Do they do True Love Will Find You in the End? I don't see that on here. But it is a full 11-track LP.

My Built to Spill story is Well one, listener Amelia bought me A ticket to see Built to Spill in Portland At the Wild Buffalo So thanks Amelia, appreciate that But also when I was at Sasquatch One year, in fact it might have been a year You were there too, Andrew I was wandering around side stage Like kind of over where the tour buses are And there was a basketball hoop set up And Doug Marsh, the lead singer Built to Spill was shooting hoops And I shot hoops with him And it was a big deal for me Because I'm a big fan of that band

Yeah that's really cool Do you remember how you interacted I tried to let my basketball do the talk

So it wasn't like We weren't playing one on one We were just shooting around And kind of just making small talk But I didn't go like Hey man I'm a big fan of your band I didn't at any point acknowledge That he was the lead singer of Built to Spill It's make it take it It's a known thing in basketball So he would hit a shot. I would grab the rebound, kick it out to him. Or if I hit a shot, he would grab the rebound and kick it out to me.

Okay. But so, yeah, that was my question. I was wondering if you ever just took a moment to be like, when you say goodbye, like, hey, man, thanks. Love your work or something. But nope, just let it lie. That's good. No, I didn't want his head to get too big. Yeah, no, that's true, too. Remember how much he let us down during the, I want to say, winter games?

where there was that 20 questions AI computer game we were trying to play and, like, you can choose, like, musician or, I think, object or, I don't know, all kinds of things. And then the computer asks you 20 questions and it's supposed to guess who it is based on. I don't think it's really – is it really AI? I guess so because it learns from all of the responses that previous people had offered up. And we just couldn't get it and it was confusing the band with the person. Like, we're thinking of a band, and it's asking, does this person have a beard? You're like, how can a band have a beard? He really let us down.

Yeah. Yeah. But I was the one that picked Built to Spill, right?

Yeah, probably because I don't really know Built to Spill. Every time you play a song by them, I like them. But I don't know. I think it's on him, honestly. I wish you could play basketball with him again so we could talk this out.

Well, they've been on the show.

Oh, yeah. That was well before my show. Back in the day. Yeah.

Yeah, a long time ago. And if I would have known then what I know now, I would have canceled the interview. It's problematic. Hello and welcome to Top Story. The oldest water on Earth has been found. It is 1.6 billion years old. It was found in Timmins, Ontario, at the bottom of a mine. It's apparently very stinky. I'll bet. and in fact yeah uh barbara sherwood lawler is the uh is a professor at oxford and uh she uh or i'm it says a colleague at the university of oxford so i'm assuming she works there anyway she's a professor somewhere and her whole thing is finding old water and she says that basically the way you find it is you smell the rock for it because it's very um distinct she sent the water off to be tested and the uh her colleague said well our spectrometer is broken because there's it's saying that this is 1.6 billion years old and um that can't be right well they retested it turns out it actually is the billion year old liquids dead giveaway by this is an article by nick taylor vassy in mclean's mclean's is a great publication out

there in canada you ever read mclean's i don't think i've heard of mclean's yeah it's like the

like i don't know how i would describe it sort of the time magazine although when's the last time

you read time magazine oh um recently luke i wanted to tell you you brought up elliot page the other day and what it's like to like kind of go through a transition when you're um when you're like kind of in the spotlight like that and you mentioned that i got that name right right elliot page yep yeah yep and um he was on the cover of time magazine and you mentioned that in a listener and i'm so sorry i can't remember which listener um sent this in but said hey by the way yeah it's it's a good read like you should read this article and i did uh and it was really good so i don't have the link what am i saying i can't give you the link now anyway this is an audio format you know what i think this vaccine this vaccine is luke i think this vaccine is bad no um He uses Vaxxinine. Vaxxinine. Something is going on for me today. I'm just a little bit foggier around the edges. But anyway, even more than usual. But it really is a great article. So if anybody's interested in reading that, it's not behind a paywall. And it was Time Magazine. It was well written.

I feel like Time Magazine at this point exists mostly just for there to be controversy around the person of the year.

Ugh. You know what I mean? It's a mirror. It's you. It was you all along. You're the person of the year. Do you remember that? That was like the 90s, I think, right?

Oh, you could buy like a mirror that was like your – when you looked at it, it made it look like you were the person of the year?

No, one year the cover somehow was reflective and you were the person of the year. I could be wrong about that.

Didn't Trump famously – I mean he probably has been the person of the year at this point legitimately because the thing about person of the year is it's not like the best person in the world, right? Or the most, it's like this weird thing of like who has been talked about the most or something. I forget what the kind of criteria is.

It's not supposed to be like the best person. It's just the person who had the biggest impact on culture or the world that year. So I'm looking at this now. This is from, oh, I can't figure out the year on this, but you were named Time Magazine Person of the Year on Saturday for the explosive growth and influence of the user-generated internet content, such as blogs, video files sharing, YouTube, and social network MySpace. So that kind of dates it there for you a little bit. And, yeah, they put, like, a mirror on the cover somehow. Let's see here.

I'm looking up. The irony is if you Google, has Donald Trump ever been Times Person of the Year? The first response is from Newsweek. Yeah.

And I'm reading the other thing that which is the other thing nobody reads anymore.

Yeah, right. Exactly. Yeah.

Oh, yeah, he was. Trump was named person of the year in 2016 following his upset victory over former secretary of state Hillary Clinton. I believe that there are stories that in like Mar-a-Lago, there are a number of like I think maybe before he actually got it. He had like, you know, fake time. I'm sure he went with man of the year. Like I remember reading an article about him. It must have been when he was running about how, like, there's just, you know, bullshit fake Time magazine, like, you know, person of the year covers of him displayed around his various offices and things. And this was before he had ever actually been, you know, featured as that as that person.

Yeah, I'm going. It wasn't Hitler famously person of the year, too. I'm not joking. I think you I think Hitler.

They were doing it back. Time magazine existed in the 1940s.

I'm looking at a list here. It's a very hard to read list because it's kind of it's not. Well, it's not a list. It's almost like a big block of text, but it goes back to 1927.

Are you surprised to hear the Earth is 1.6 billion years old? Am I a moron that I don't think I realized that I didn't think the Earth was that old?

I thought it was 2,000 years old.

7,000.

You know, I always think of in the millions. I don't know. Once the number gets over a million, I don't have any context for it anymore.

It's 4.5 billion years old, by the way.

Okay. I mean, at some point, I'll bet you that's even come up on the show before. I feel like that's the type of thing that I'll be reading some article. When did Schubert Dip come out? When was Schubert Dip the man of the year?

uh they think they found the most photogenic bird in the world it's called the frog mouth

that does not sound like a photogenic bird that sounds like an ugly ass bird

this uh a scientist a researcher named katia toms who's a postdoctoral researcher at the university uh hospital jenna in germany uh was one of the authors of the study This was her dissertation At the Actually the University of Constance She developed a method That she calls Image Aesthetic Appeal Or IAA Which uses the liking behavior Of Instagram users To gauge what images People find aesthetically pleasing As an amateur photographer herself And someone who studies aesthetics Dr. Toms Said she had always been interested In what makes a good photo This is relevant to your interest Andrew

Yeah

She says I'm convinced that By the way this is a New York Times piece i am convinced that part of the human aesthetic experience arises from objective features of the stimulus she said in the visual domain there are certain color shapes and even more fundamental image statistics that appeal to our perception more than others it's not a question of like what is the most attractive bird it's what is the bird that for whatever reason people interact with more People are more drawn to than any other bird photo. And so they went on Instagram, and they basically adjusted. They controlled for reach and time, and they were able to say with sort of scientific certitude that photo X received more likes than the exposure to the audience alone could explain. So they were accounting for, like, the popularity of the Instagram feed, you know, how long the post was up, and they went and analyzed thousands and thousands. It was like 27,000 images of birds, and they accounted for, like, again, the accounts they came from, the time they were up, and they basically decided that this one particular bird is the most sort of photogenic bird. It looks perpetually mad, by the way, I think is part of it. The frogmouth's front-facing eyes, most birds' eyes sit on the side of their heads, make them more, quote, personable and human-like. She said they always look perpetually angry. The look on their faces just looks like they're always frustrated or angry with you when they're looking at you. That's just the makeup of the feathers and the way their eyes look and everything. It's kind of funny. I like this other researcher who helped out with this guy named Gregor Hain-Likesring. Gregor Hain-Likenring, who wrote the study with her, said, I just wondered why no one likes my bird photographs. So Gregor just wanted to figure out why no one was smashing the like button on his. He got roped into this because he was trying to figure out why his bird photographs were not popping.

That's a relatable attitude to me. Like, how can we make this about why I'm not getting more traction on my photos online? You know what this is, Luke? This sounds very much like the grumpy cat phenomenon, right? Like, grumpy cat isn't the cutest cat out there, but the popularity came from it not being the cutest cat out there.

I saw a cat the other day online that was...

You

And like its markings were weird. It just made its face look really unappealing just based on where the markings were. And nobody wanted to adopt the cat. And then I wanted to adopt the cat. Yeah, right. But then I also thought, you know, that face would annoy me.

Yeah.

Like there was something just kind of uncanny about it. There was something that just didn't quite work about the cat's face just because of the way that the markings kind of made it look a little funky.

Yeah, I mean, this isn't going to be my most popular sentence of the year. But I wouldn't want an ugly pet Like I like my pets to be cute

I admire people Who Adopt you know animals that are not Aesthetically pleasing that are never going to win any Instagram contests Because I'm with you Andrew Like one of the things I really love about Rudy Is Rudy is aesthetically a very Pleasing dog She just happens to have that kind of vibe where It looks like she's smiling all the time I was about to say that same thing, yeah.

She's got that kind of lab smile that I love.

Yeah, so I do appreciate that. And, yeah, I would never – I probably wouldn't be the kind of person who would adopt, you know, those ugly dog contests. Oh, yeah. And it always seems like it's a certain – there's one breed that really overperforms in the ugly dog arena. And I don't know what the name of the breed is, but it's like they kind of have no fur, kind of like patchy, random fur. And then, like, they got teeth problems and their tongues stick out. And, like, they're like the Duke of ugly dog contests. They're just, like, constantly getting into the final four. And I would probably not want to adopt one of those dogs.

I'm trying to figure out Duke. I didn't realize you were talking about the school slash team. I was, like, thinking, like, wait, is it John Wayne? Like, what?

And by the way, I don't know what the latest status of the Duke basketball team is. We've got some Dukies out there, some listeners who are Duke fans. I really should just start saying Gonzaga now.

Yeah, I guess so.

You know, Gonzaga is, like, you know, I don't think Duke was in the Sweet 16 this year, but Gonzaga certainly was.

Although, who toppled them at the end? Who broke their streak? Baylor.

They lost to Baylor, and it wasn't even close. They got hammered. They did get this guy, though, named Chet Holmgren, who's a kid that plays in Minnesota. I'm sure he's on the Stubats radar. He's a seven-footer with handles, as they say. He can dribble and shoot and run the court, and he's seven feet tall. He is not related to Mike Holmgren, one-time Seahawks coach that I know of. But Chet Holmgren just committed to Gonzaga. So even though they lost in the championship, they're still attracting top-flight talent.

What does handles mean? I love handles. Does that make me good at basketball?

Potentially. What you have right now, Andrew, you would have very bad handles because one of your hands is broken. Handles just means dribbling. So when you'd say, like, oh, man, that guy's got handles, That would just be like that's a person Or you know that person has handles It's not gender specific It just means they can dribble the ball really well You know I went and bought an indoor-outdoor basketball

No I didn't

And shot around the other day And god damn it was fun

Tell me about indoor-outdoor basketballs

Well I have an indoor basketball here But it's leather and it's nice And if you play outside with that If you dribble that on the concrete too much It'll kind of destroy the ball

So it's only for playing at the Y

or you know yeah just like on a on a like a hardwood basketball floor um and i brought that down when i when i moved down here but um and then i thought well i'll just go sign up you know when this pandemic's over in a week or two i'll just go sign up at the 24-hour fitness where they have a basketball court and i'll shoot around there well of course those were all closed i mean even before we went back to uh where we're at now and uh so i was like there's a ton of cool basketball courts in portland but i never got out there because i didn't have the right ball for it so i had to go of the dicks sporting goods and buy an indoor outdoor ball and i went and i shot around and it

was so much fun i have a question for you about these balls oh and the day after ed ball's day happy day after ed ball's day by the way um how how was the rest of your ed ball's day by the way traditional yeah got together with the family we made all the traditional foods you lit the balls candle um i was gonna ask you and i don't know why i'm being like so why i'm drilling down on this but it's a legit question so um i understand how you could have an indoor ball that should not be played outdoor um are there outdoor balls that shouldn't be played indoors in other words are there indoor balls outdoor balls and indoor slash outdoor balls are there only indoor balls and all the rest are indoor or outdoor yes okay um yeah you could play on

it's not going to harm the court if you were to play inside with an indoor outdoor ball right and

There's no like outdoor balls only that it's like the – like you need bowling shoes. It's like the equivalent of wearing your sneakers at the bowling alley.

No, but I am very persnickety about the basketball that I use. Like I mean remember a plot on the show for like a month was me.

trying to get my ball back from a guy who accidentally took it yeah luke balls day i remember that um yeah happy two years and four days after luke balls day um but like some people are just like whatever you know there's like the the rubber like very very synthetic just kind of like rubber basketball that you shoot around with outside and that like people who just want to you know dribble a basketball and shoot it at a rim they'll just use that i've always been like not into that i want one that feels as as much like an indoor outdoor ball as much like a ball that you play inside with and somehow as possible and somehow it's like like i wouldn't even go play if i was gonna have to use like a shitty rubber basketball which is dumb but it's like somehow i equate the quality of the basketball with me making shots and like if it's just like because i actually went to fred meyer to buy a basketball and all they had were those crummy rubber ones And I was like, nah, I'm not going to do it because, like, to me, it's actually not fun to shoot around with a crummy basketball.

Yeah, and especially if you're going to buy it for yourself. I mean, a big part of that is the tactile experience, I would assume. I also made zero shots with the nice ball for the record. You sure you got the shitty one. I am in no position right now to be playing catch, which is a bummer. Maybe at some point this summer my finger will be good enough for me to put a mitt on it. I'm not a big sporto. It's not like playing catch is a huge part of my personality. But I did, you know, once or twice in the past couple of summers. The weird thing is I was just thinking about this. Luke, I'm gripping a baseball right now. I am now in possession of four different baseballs, but none of them are normal. Here, let me tell you. Let me tell you about them. One of them is a TBTL baseball that is signed, and it's one of those, like, collector's ones. So it's, like, kind of got that plasticky sheen. And also I wouldn't, you know, I wouldn't play catch with our, you know, TBTL baseball. The other one is a Mariners baseball, but it's the same thing. It's like a, you know, it's marking some celebration in Mariners history. So it's really only like a collector's item. I mean, I bought it for a dollar at a thrift store. It's not worth anything, but it's, again, got that plasticky feel to it. The other one I have is actually this is the only one that's a real actual baseball, but it's the one that Ryan Court hit. Journeyman Ryan Court in his one out of, I think, maybe three appearances in the big leagues. I have one of his foul balls from that day a couple of years ago when I went to the ballpark by myself and he hit it my way. But I can't play catch with that because that's my special Ryan Court ball. That's going to be worth pennies someday. And then my fourth one is the one I'm holding right now. Genevieve was walking around Green Lake. I wonder what the ethics on this are. And she found a baseball on the ground. And so she thought Andrew would like this. She brought it home for me. And I do like it. I like gripping it during the show. But it's not a normal baseball. It's a kid's baseball. It's official safety one, Luke. It's got a little, it's like it doesn't have a hard core. Nothing about me is hard core now. So it's just like, it's kind of like, it's squishy a little bit. It's very satisfying to sit here and talk to you and kind of squeeze this thing almost like a stress ball. It only gives a tiny, tiny bit, but it's not a normal baseball. I still don't have like a normal baseball that I can play catch with is the end of that story.

You know, what's funny is like, because I'm an old curmudgeon, And my first thought was like, yeah, participation awards and squishy baseballs, the softening of America.

All right, Tucker.

But one burger a year. Oh, my God. And squishy baseballs. But then I thought, you know what? That's just a really good idea because I think what keeps a lot of kids out of playing baseball is the ball is kind of scary. It is. Like, if you can't get hit by a pitch.

It could be dangerous, yeah.

Sure, yeah. I mean, it could be dangerous. And also, it's just like, you know, I played baseball, but I was and I wasn't afraid of the ball. But I can tell you that, man, that thing, you know, like you're playing third base and somebody just like crushes the ball down the line right at you. Or you're facing a pitcher who doesn't have great control. And like, I'm amazed that Major League Baseball players are as unfazed as they are about getting hit by pitches.

Oh, my God. I know. I mean, I would just die.

I remember I was at the all-star tryouts for North Central Little League at Ross Field in Seattle, right off of Third Avenue, right across from Oh No Mr. Bill's Mini Mart. And a coach was pitching. This was like a league where the kids pitch, but for whatever reason, the coach was throwing batting practice. This was like the tryouts for the all-star team. And the coach beamed me accidentally right between my shoulder blades. and i went down like a sack of newspapers and cried which was not a great feeling at like 13 it was so painful i did make the team by the way probably

but again i think like that's why you get to the pros you know and i kind of i you know i kind of respect the fact that like part of it is like especially when it's a true accident it's not a beaning like you know the batter there's some pride there and they try not to show the pain too much which I...

i appreciate and part of that is probably just getting you know hit by baseballs when you're 13 and 14 and 15 and eventually just kind of learning how to take the hits i mean that sounds terrible to me that sounds like getting you know shot with like a rubber bullet it was so pain i

i honestly think they put me on the team because i just felt bad because i also never got to put you on the team i thought you got it i made the all-star team but i also like i had like two at bats the end that was an all-star team by the way that like got very close to the little league world series oh really we were so good not because of me i never played but because of like all of these guys that then went on to play like college baseball and some pro baseball like i was on this team this all-star team that just had like these phenomenally good players on it um and i was the guy that got put on because the coach felt bad because he hit me in the back or because he just

like he put you in positions where they just really needed a runner on first and was like ah it's luke just hit him with the he'll get hit by the ball crowd the plate luke crowd yeah exactly

Oh my god I was so That was Like talk about Your knees knocking Like those all-star games Were out In Woodinville, Washington At this kind of big place And there was tons of fans And every player was good Because it was the best Little league players From the respective leagues And if one of those kids Would have beaned me I honestly I wouldn't be here today

I like the idea of you Showing up I would still be hospitalized You show up The all-star game With a super long bat So that you're like You're like seven

I'm in the batters I'm in the on-deck circle. No, I'm good over here.

You're six feet away from the plate, but you have this super long bat that you're swinging just so that you don't get hit.

Yeah, I wish I would have had a squishy ball when that coach beamed me.

There's a right way to rock and a wrong way to roll. You can just listen to your soul. Just remember that life is number one. You can be having so much fun. Just remember that life is much fun. You can be nothing but one.

All right, time for some Blur's Days. Luke, would you like to go first, or would you like me to go first?

I would like you to go first while I get to that email that you sent me with the Blur's Day names on it.

I'll read it really slow so that you can get there. Schaefer says Go slower I Would like Wait am I going to do a Christopher Walken here Alright Schaefer says Oh you mean the bad guy from View to a Kill Oh you know what I learned about that movie Because I was looking for a Sorry just hold on Schaefer We'll get to it Just give me and Luke A second to talk about A random thing that pops in our head We never have a chance to do that So that's a view to a kill right And I was looking for a screen cap of the movie For a show pick the other day which kind of led me You know a little bit deeper into the James Bond-iverse The plot of that movie is the bad guy What's his name again Christopher Walken It's like Zoltar

I think Zoltar Or Zoltan is the thing in big That makes Tom Hanks It's whatever his name It starts with a Z

Yeah the plot of that movie though is they're trying to blow up or destroy Silicon Valley. It's Zoran, by the way. I'm looking at the airship now. Yeah, part of the airship plot was developed, and that movie came out in 1984, the same year that Cloak and Dagger came out, incidentally. I prefer Cloak and Dagger. I'm also a head-of-the-class guy. Famously. I knew that Silicon Valley was a thing before the 90s, but 84 kind of surprised me that it was still like a kind of a going concern big enough that it was like the you know the plot was to destroy it in a james bond movie silicon valley yeah that's interesting god i wish they would have i wish it

would have worked out oh so that's not true i don't know it's so weird my relationship with silicon valley everything i use in my life is probably because of something that got invented there but i it's i think of it very negatively because i guess i just think of like the bro culture and the like you know i don't know just like i have a my my my immediate reaction to hearing silicon valley is a negative one even though it's instrumental in my life right exactly

all right all right schaefer we're getting to you schaefer to it thank you schaefer says i would like to wish a happy blurs day to my two tbtl kitties that's k-i-d-d-i-e-s not children we're not doing pets my two tbtl kitties who happen to have birthdays next to each other it's adam and matthew i love you as elevens i love you even more as tens happy blurs day from schaefer that is adorable that's great uh let me oh

There we go. That's the right level for that. Maxwell says, happy birthday, Robin, from Max and Eli. We love you and wanted you to hear it straight from your stories. Love a 5 and an 11. That is really cute. Getting the sense that Max and Eli are not regular listeners, but they know Robin loves it. And so, Robin, you're getting to hear it on your stories. Nice. I love that we're somebody's stories. That means a lot. Zoran says happy Blurs Day to Otis Drexel Madeline says happy 9th birthday to August my amazing five you survived moving cross country and over a year of virtual learning dad and I are proud of you may your next year be full of wins playing Roblox and meals of Tonkatsu do you know what Tonkatsu is? can't picture it No, but I know, like, katsu chicken is, like, a breaded thing that you can get. Yeah, that's great, yeah. So I'm guessing this is a breaded ton. Ooh, I'm wondering if I'm doing that for lunch. There's a katsu ramen that I like a lot. It's very heavy at this ramen place on the app. Anyway, again, this is for August. In the words of your favorite drop, let the fun begin. Let the fun begin. Nice. Love, Mom, Dad, and Clove the Pooch. Cute. Kelly says, I got a message from my friend's pup, Scout. Scout reminded me that Roscoe and I need to wish our friend Mario in Florida a very happy 50th birthday. I've been lucky enough to know Mario for too many years to count, and I'm so grateful for his friendship. I wish I could be there to celebrate, maybe, for 51. Have fun, be safe, and we love you. Love, Kelly, Scout, and Roscoe. Nice. Cute. See what I didn't do there, Andrew? I didn't muddy the waters. No, you did not. By Kelly and Mario. You didn't make any relationship assumptions. Nope. I'm learning. Ann says, this will be belated, but April 26th is associate producer Michael from Spokane's Blur's Day. Even though he moved from Ellensburg to Spokane and therefore no longer drops by my shop, he is still an excellent friendo, and the 10s are lucky to have his eagle eye scouring the web for irrelevant content. Happy Blur's Day, Michael. That's from Ann. Aw, that's great. Yeah, Michael has a real eye for TBTL content. Yes. Half the stories we do are because unpaid volunteer producer Michael sends him along. I also want to know what Ann's shop is. I know, I mean, Ann's been writing in for a long time, and I should know what Ann does. Does Ann have a yarn shop? Is that Ann? Somebody has a We have a listener who texts in with the name Yarnfolks So everybody support that business I guess

I don't know if that's Ann or not Anyway We don't care about the Yarnfolks That's great Happy birthday Michael About their own kind Wow I love that song I cannot whistle on demand You're going to go eat Katsu You're going to go eat Katsu I'm going to go listen to Peter Bjorn and John after this. You're a good whistler, and I think it's especially impressive that you can just whistle on command like that. Not that anybody commands you to do it, but we're all hoping. No, but I think that I'm not a very good whistler anyway, but if you were to tell me to do it right now, I'd be very nervous about it. Almost like trying to remember a famous person's name. I would kind of panic, and my lips would not make the right shape. Do you know what I'm talking about? I do know that. I kind of have had that experience before. But were you playing Was it on this show Do we have a piece of tape that's somebody talking about They're whistling Yes Well we have a spoon lady from Australia I know that's an old one I feel like there's somebody talking about Whistling And chapstick And well I got the WMS slide whistle Okay that one That was just going in the background though Because I have the music playing No, I don't You know, I have a hand model Talking about how she cares for her hands Maybe that's what I'm Sort of confusing You know who would know the answer? Probably Susan Who is a very, very Dedicated and regular listener Who is sending a Blur's Day Message to her actual daughter And TBTL baby Ruby, who is celebrating A milestone birthday this year She has taken herself to an exotic locale to celebrate in a safe, socially distanced manner. So she may not hear this right this moment, but her dad and I want her to know how much we love her and that we can't wait to see her now that we are all, and it's weird, she says this, vaxxed and relaxed.

Yeah, now that we're all vaxxin' and relaxin'. And relaxin'. You know, it says exotic locale. It doesn't say where it is, so I assume it's a... Probably Cleveland. Secrets. And finally, Jennifer says, I'm hoping you can help me recognize my incredible partner, Kevin, on his special day. He will be overjoyed to hear a recognition from you all on his favorite podcast. Thank you. All we got to do is figure out what Kevin's favorite podcast is. Get ourselves booked. Wipe your body As guests Does that joke ever Get fresh No It does not Happy Blurs Day Kevin from Jennifer And your buds over here At TBTL Yeah

All right

Can we go out with

A Built to Spill song? Oh we are We're going out with A Built to Spill cover Of Daniel Johnson Exactly what we're Going to do here Yes That was a fun show Luke Once again I had forgotten That we had a song To go out with But I also luckily Did pick the band Right I thought you were just saying

That we're going to go out With a Built to Spill song

I had completely forgotten that we're going out with a song for a dazzling donor, but I just have built a spill on the brain. It is called Life in Vain. Okay. Well, thanks, everyone, for hanging out with us. Boy, tomorrow's Friday already. My goodness, time flies when you're talking about Drexel's class. That's right. So anyway, we'll see you tomorrow with more of this imaginary radio. Until then, be safe, have a great Thursday, and please remember, no mountain too tall. And good luck to all.

I don't want to be free of hope When I'm at the end of my road It's so tough just to be alive When I feel like you're living dead You're giving it up so plain I'm living my life in the rain And where am I going to? I've got to really try Try to remind me of life And where am I going to? Power out.