Muse

I wake up in the morning, and I roll out of bed. I consider shaving, but there's too much face on my head. Cause my beard is a face hider. My beard hides my face. My beard is a face hider. My beard hides my face. There you go. There's your death cow's beer face. T-B-T-L.

Guess what day it is. Guess what day it is.

It's Friday. Friday, gotta get down on Friday. Everybody's looking forward to the weekend weekend.

It gets very specific. It's not quite nasal enough the way you're doing it, all right? You're not doing it the way he speaks. You're not doing it with the kind of... And you don't do the broken voice. But it gets very emotional. But it gets very emotional indeed. She was only 16 years old. She was only 16... You're only supposed to blow the bloody doors off! All right.

I have no date. A two-liter bottle of Shasta and my all-Rush mixtape. Let's rock.

I can't contain myself! I can't contain my joy, though! This is hella tight!

All right, hello, good morning, and welcome to a Friday edition of TBTL, the show that just might be too beautiful to live.

There's a Hidden Valley Ranch party in my mouth.

My name is Luke Burbank. I am your host. And I'm going to get all anecdotal on you. Coming to you from the Nest Broadcast Center high in the sky above Portland, Oregon, where it is just really a beautiful morning. Blue skies, white, wispy clouds. It's warm. Took a walk last night. It was like 70 degrees at 8 o'clock at night. Just beautiful. Apparently, it's supposed to rain later today. Didn't know you like to get wet, though. I don't see any evidence of that. I think that's just more of the mainstream media's BS, honestly. I'm hoping, anyway, they're wrong about that. Because it's real nice right now. We've got a real nice show for you. It's episode 3,413 in a collector's series. Let the fun begin. The reviews are in on the film Citizen Kane.

It stinks.

Well, one review, actually, from back when Citizen Kane was in theaters, and it's not a great review. And because it is essentially a negative review of what is considered by many to be the greatest film of all time, It has lowered Citizen Kane's Rotten Tomatoes ranking to below, well, the film Paddington 2, among others. We will tell you what happened with this story and also what are the films that now on Rotten Tomatoes outrank Citizen Kane as greatest films in the history of cinema. And then we'll answer a question that I bet you none of you were asking this morning when you got up, which is what happens to a candle when you burn it? Like, where does it go? Right. Where does that burned up candle actually end up?

You know, it's not so much the burning, but the itching. Oh, my God, it's driving me crazy.

The New York Times asked some scientists to analyze what goes on.

Just ask this, scientician.

And we've got the results for you. We read the New York Times so you don't have to. That should be our motto up until we get sued by the New York Times. We've got that plus music for your weekend on this Friday. We've also got this guy, a handsome young stranger and the longest running co-bro of the show. He may be best known for his depictions of the tall ships. He is going to have surgery on his hand right after the show today, which means I am responsible for a certain amount of the posting of today's episode. I was a little nervous about it. There's a lot of ins, lots of outs, lots of details that he is like the only person that really understands. And so I was trying to ask him how I should go about doing this today. And his answer, I don't care what you do. It was kind of, I don't know, a little harsh. Anyway, he's Andrew Walsh, and he's joining me right now from the Roosevelt neighborhood of Seattle, Washington. Good morning, my friend.

Good morning, Luke. Before I forget, there's been something on my mind that I want to do with you. I want to do an experiment with you, Luke. Okay. Do you remember several weeks ago now, I was talking about, I don't want to get into all the details, but I was talking about how I thought it was weird.

that Instagram started targeting certain ads to me even though it was about post-vaccination stuff

and I had posted about that. Right, like a sleeve for your vax card? Exactly and it was like these

several things popped up that were clearly post-vaccination goodies that one might buy to celebrate their vaccination and I got those the day after I got vaccinated and I was thinking that that might have had something to do with Genevieve taking a vaccine-related photo and maybe us sharing the Wi-Fi or me ending up kind of being sucked up into that photo via tagging, whatever. I've heard from several people who do not sound super paranoid who say, no, honestly, Instagram does listen to you. There's a setting deep in there somewhere where your microphone is basically on all the time. Now I've heard this from several very reasonable sounding people Even on the voicemail line I could play one now but I don't think it's worth it I've summed it up perfectly As I always do as a broadcast professional Here's what I would like to do Without crawling up into the settings of my Instagram And seeing if this is right Why don't you and I just pick something right now That we never ever talk about That I never talk about around my phone And we both for like maybe you know Starting today and throughout next week we talk about it a lot around our phones what could that product or service well let me let

me just make sure i want to make sure i'm actually doing the experiment right do i need to have

instagram on i'm thinking no i think what we want to do for this is like if the idea is our phones are just listening to us passively all the time then i don't want to do it i'm just like sitting here my phone is in front of me yeah it is sitting here on my desk right now but it's not you know it's it's powered on but it's just sleeping it's just a it's like a black mirror right now luke oh wow i just came up with that unicorn mind explosion so um what is something that we could um what is something that'd be so outside of what we would usually talk about but we could maybe start talking about it around our phones interesting entertaining topics

all right i feel like that's one of the only things that we haven't done on this show in years that is true we might need jen for that oh right um although ross is maybe not the worst

idea i don't know if something specific like that i don't know if that brand uh you know is into the

social how about okay i've got one i've got space well you know another thing too i love by the way andrew i love this experiment have you had enough of your have you had as much of your water as you want because in five minutes you can't have any more water and i worry about right i'm i'm uh if

they're gonna put me under at all for this procedure later i have to fast this morning and drink nothing but water until 10 thank you luke it's 9 55 and i got a whole thing of water

here i needed okay please finish your water also considering you're gonna skip breakfast so that you'll be hungry when you get your surgery do you also drive there in your 93 chevy tahoe

ac you know a lot has been made of that but i drive with the without a heater without air

conditioning because i want to be tough yeah you want to be really upset when they do your finger surgery i do want to talk about this coming up in a moment um about just kind of how you're feeling and stuff because this is a you know big event but back to this experiment which again i think is a really good one i'm also wondering though if we want to try to pick a topic that or a subject that would lend itself to instagram ads because like for instance i'm just from where i am sitting i'm looking out at you know um the um uh the the convention center here in portland and on the roof are a bunch of um what look like from here anyway uh solar array there's a solar array up there right and so and i'm actually interested in that topic right now so i wanted to talk about it but then i'm like what are the chances there'll be an instagram ad for solar panels. That seems like it's not really necessarily the demo. So I guess what I'm trying to say is we need to find a topic that's something we never talk about on the show, but that is also something that the company that's selling that thing would think Instagram is a place to advertise it.

I have what I think is the perfect idea, at least for me, but I would be concerned if you took the same path that maybe some of the targeted ads, because I want something that is so far afield of what i see now for some reason i get a lot of like well i try to curate i've told you before so i get like a lot of nice watches i'm not in the market for a watch but i like looking at watches so i click on those when i see what i like and like kind of modern furniture kind of stuff and then for some reason like a lot of like quirky socks which i'm definitely not into but whatever but they kind of have me as a you know west coast you know you know arty kind of yeah whatever liberal elite so what i'm thinking here for me

is hunting and maybe specifically bow hunting and you don't now the thing is if these targeted ads end up being about like seeing you know deers going down or something I don't want that

going into your feed I'm less interested in that for me but you should do it but I think I just came up with what mine should be what chainsaws yes perfect real people steal people

yes they do but then what do they do with them after they steal them and no one's seen my

nephews for two months

Did they get stolen by the steel people? Why is it? They have us working on shifts. It's one of my favorite lines from The Big Lebowski. What part of the movie is that? The dude's car gets stolen. And he's talking to two police officers. He's like, were you going to catch the guys who did this? Because I think they're in the impound lot and it's all destroyed. And he's like, yeah, we got our best guys on it. They have us working in shifts. as in anybody gives a shit about this recovered beater of a car okay so i'm gonna do this right now now i'm gonna try to make it real i don't know how much i need to do this but let's start today with just a fake conversation okay ready i'm gonna start on my end okay sure do you want me to reintroduce you yeah if you could please okay sure uh i told him i'm posting the show

today and i thought he was gonna be more helpful with how i do it i don't care what you do he is andrew well she's joining me right now from the roosevelt neighborhood of seattle washington

hey andrew man what's on your mind on this friday i have a new hobby luke or a new potential hobby something i'm very interested in getting into if only i had the right products and services to get me there i'm thinking luke about getting into the centuries-old sport of bow hunting whoa but i don't know where to begin i assume i would need to buy some sort of a bow an arrow kit but i don't know anything about that can you help me out luke i wish i knew more information

about that particular thing see i'm not saying it on this end because i don't i'm good with i'm a good with instagram not showing me a bunch of that stuff right but i think i mean would you say that that amount of talk that you just did would you say that was equal to the amount of vaccine talk that you had done in your car or whatever that would have maybe activated it in the first

place probably not i i seriously want to stick with this if i can remember this if you can remind me or listeners tweet at me throughout the weekend so i don't forget this i'm going to continue to have conversations with genevieve about bow hunting and looking for bows and arrows and i don't know Oh, maybe I'll even find some under some solar panels, Luke. Ah, yes, maybe.

Do you know anything about that? Solar panels? Well, I've heard that you use a chainsaw to install them.

Oh, that's right. I forgot. So you will give, let me get this right. You want a solar-powered chainsaw.

I want a solar-powered, God, Andrew, you've done it again. Hey, by the way, you're talking about your hunting interests, and I just look over here, And on my desk is a book From a really great writer Named Melissa Feebos Who I will be interviewing soon And the book is called Girlhood And on the spine of the book Is the icon of the publisher The publisher is Bloomsbury And what do you think it is? It's a little person shooting a bee Like a bow and arrow

Oh, yeah, you know I think I can actually even picture that And you don't believe in God See, I've retired that joke, Andrew

Now that I've started focusing On solar-powered chainsaws I don't have time for silly callbacks things like that but yeah i mean because that's the whole thing andrew you know i've long been talking about moving off grid you know me i love nature i don't i'm not a person who really uses electronics or watches tv or or you know i'm just not really part of the modern world and so i think it's about time that i really just sort of set myself up far off the grid um and also as you know i have a a minuscule carbon footprint but i'd like to get it even smaller So I'm looking I want to get a chainsaw But I want a solar powered chainsaw Because look I don't want to spread paranoia But This isn't the Last plandemic that we're going to deal with Andrew And I'll tell you what when Antifa Descends on downtown Portland And I'm only legally allowed To have one burger every six months Oh I thought it was a year Well, we negotiated it down to six months.

Oh, man. Thank you, McConnell. Jesus. Yeah.

Yeah. Mitch did some bilateral relating with AOC, and we were able to get it down to. So you get two a year, one every six months. But if you have a Big Mac, that's yours for the whole year because it's two patties. Oh, I see.

And we're all forced to read Kamala Harris's children's book daily. Is that correct?

Okay. Andrew, you haven't read it yet?

No, I have. I just meant to read it again, again, again. I mean.

Yeah. You saw the executive order on that, didn't you?

Man, this is not a secure line. The Instagram is going to report you to Dr. Jill Biden.

Why is there somebody pointing a bow and arrow at me right now?

Why is there a red dot right now in the middle of your chest? Somebody is across the street in the high end stereo district of Seattle, Washington with a bow about to execute you for not reading Kamala Harris's book. Anyway, when I'm out in the woods, of course, and when society has crumbled, I don't know if I'll be able to get gasoline for my chainsaw. That's why I think I need a solar-powered chainsaw, Andrew. It just, you know, it just pays to be prepared.

I really thought you were going for using a solar-powered chainsaw as a weapon there, which is a real problem with me. I've told you this before, right? I feel like I've told this story too many times, but it was a— I don't remember it. It was a true moment of stupidity on my part. genevieve i put together an earthquake kit well you know maybe just a what would you call a kit a survival kit or whatever when we were living in in go bag well that's the go bag is the new

cool or bug out a bug out vehicle or a bug out bag yeah that's if you need to make yourself

scarce though a little bit more right not if there's a big oh yeah this was like you're in

the house but just like the water isn't working because of the earthquake yeah and so she gets

you know a big one of those big tupperware you know or rubbermaid style kind of bins that we

keep in the closet um and things that when i worked at storables extra space my job was to take the label off wipe it down with goof off and then hang a string tag on it and call it a earthquake survival system and then charge it 400 more than you could paid at lowe's i actually

kind of like that um oh my god did i discover a life hack the other day related to goo gone really quickly do you luke luke do you find yourself with an insurance card that sits in the back of your wallet for so long that it starts to accumulate a bunch of like kind of gunk and when you pull it out to hand it to the receptionist you're embarrassed because it's so dirty yes goo gone my friend i had to pull that thing out because for some reason and this goes in line with everything else that you've learned about our insurance this week like we don't get new health insurance cards i'm pretty sure the health insurance card i have which is thinner than a credit card but does have like some sort of a you know plastic plasticiness to it yeah like almost paper thin but it's plasticky um and it's been in my wallet in the back of my wallet for just like you know i carried everywhere so it has accumulated so much crud and gunk and grossness and the top of it looked like just brown like my wallet my brown leather wallet it was so nasty and i tried putting a little mrs meyers on there and wipe it with a paper towel and it took off some but not not all of it and then i reached under and i grabbed the goo gone i said let's just give this a shot and hope it doesn't wipe all the ink away it protected the ink and it's like a brand new card luke i

couldn't i was really surprised nasty out there um okay this is relevant to my interests and until she moved to the new york times p fletch's interest i think i can say that because that was in geek wire i know we're getting quite distracted i apologize i can't remember what

my original thing was before we'll get back there we'll get back there um but um that's

pretty much the list of people for whom this is relevant information but i am on that list because we have the same insurance company and uh because i had the exact same thing happen with my card i assumed it was a lost cause i just threw it out i assumed my plan going forward was to never have any kind of medical emergency or checkup because i had the exact same thing happen with that silly whatever it is cigna card that's like like you said it's it's not something that's like a driver's license where it's laminated but it's also not just a piece of paper it's plastic but it has ink printed on it but that ink i thought the ink had basically all gotten wiped off but maybe what it was it was just covered with just detritus microscopic particles from inside my wallet but

anyway i chucked mine years ago we might have had different issues yours might have rubbed off i don't know but mine was just accumulating a really gross patina but all of that is to say um genevieve i'm remembering i'm remembering now luke so genevieve's putting nature is healing putting together this um this uh you know uh survival kit or earthquake kit as we called it in la after she experienced her first little tembler because on second reference it's a tembler um and she's showing me everything that's in there you know you got to have like a few gallons of water in there and extra like one pair of shoes and underwear and um trying to think just you know snacks and various things that one might need and we had a little hatchet and she put the hatchet in there and I thought it was a really brilliant idea because you don't know what's going to happen um in society when something like that happens and you're going to need to protect yourself and Genevieve looked at me she's like it's not a weapon it's for firewood if we need to like get chop something up this isn't a weapon I was like oh right of course it's not a weapon why would I Why would I immediately go to me, me?

of all people wielding a hatchet against the the hordes well it could be both it could be both but it's weird i mean i'm with you i i was not trying to be funny i unquestionably just thought oh yeah

protection nice well let me give but let me give you a little bit of credit on this uh you're saying you were living in la i believe you guys were living in a a lovely apartment home in koreatown True. Did you have a fireplace? We did not have a fireplace. Okay. So the idea that when the earthquake happens, you're going to need to chop up your furniture and light a fire in the middle of the floor of the apartment to me is more far-fetched than you might need the hatchet to tell people, hey, leave us alone. Yeah, maybe.

I mean, we'll see. But, yeah, but she didn't put it in there for weapon purposes. She put a Glock in there for weapon purposes.

Sure. Well, that's – and that actually is for starting fires.

Yeah. I was like, Veeves, that's – I thought you weren't, like, really into guns that much. And she said, no, no, no. What you do is you fire it into the floor seven times, and a fire starts. I was like, that sounds great.

Do you remember the Simpsons when Homer wants to get a gun? Uh-huh. And he's trying to explain to Marge, like, why he needs it. He says it's like a tool.

I don't remember this. I remember the line that stuck with me, and I think I saw that episode when it was new. It was, he said, seven-day waiting period, but I'm angry now.

Right. Okay, so here we go. Here's a little bit. Homer and his gun.

Can you help me get my ball down from the roof, Dad? Sure thing, honey. Oh, yeah.

Right.

You want me to get the cat down?

No, thanks. Boom.

He's shooting plates that Bart's throwing.

Missed one, Dad. I want me to get the cat down.

See you in hell

He's shooting a plate That just he missed the first time

They're eating spaghetti

Out of random cups

Does anyone know where all my dinner plates went Um You probably left them at work On another topic Guess who has picked to host the next NRA get together Homer I told you this morning No guns at the dinner table You said the breakfast table

It's the same table

Listen, if it'll make you feel any better, I'll put the safety on. He just shot through a picture of Marge. I guess it was already on. I'd better just put it down.

It just shot a knife into Marge's head.

No, that was pretty cool.

Homer, I think you'd agree that I've put up with a lot in this marriage.

anyway i'm going through my instagram right now and i'm not seeing anything related to bows and arrows but i'd really like to get in a second let it marinate

yep i'm just trying hold on let me go on instagram all i'm getting are ads for solar

chainsaws i love the idea i mean is there a chance there's really such a thing as a solar

powered chainsaw no right i mean i don't think it's i mean all joking aside well probably what there would be would be an electric chainsaw that you could recharge through a solar battery because like i am i'm actually not kidding i mean i am kidding about the uh you know kamala harris book etc but i'm not kidding about the fact that i have been thinking of late because i now live in a very urban environment i live and it's great man i'm telling you andrew like it is very nice living in a city where things are i mean granted as of today everything closes again for up to three weeks so that part is kind of sucky but like it was so nice and warm last night and I was out walking around and just enjoying like it felt like New York City like because all of these restaurants that are that are near my house were all open they all outdoor dining they were all just full of people again outside relative safety of that it just felt like an amazing night but anyway in that or because of that because I'm now in a highly urban environment I also find myself really wanting to find a way to still kind of be connected to nature like when i lived in bellingham i would go out to like this logging road with rudy all the time so that kind of recharged my batteries on that sort of front so all of which is to say i've been thinking man what if could i maybe like try to figure out a way to get a little piece of land somewhere in the woods and put a little cabin up but what i so i started looking at land now which i know nothing about but one thing i noticed is that the land that is not connected to power or water is a lot cheaper yeah because it's a lot harder to live out there and so and also because i love this show on the discovery channel called um off a building off the grid and uh it's you know people building homes and dwellings that are that are using solar and

Thank you.

And other, you know, they're not hooked up to the power system and the sewage system. So anyway, I've had that thought in the back of my mind. I'm sure, like many of my projects and flights of fancy, it will never come to fruition. But I could see a world in which if you live somewhere and you need to – like my brother-in-law, Jason. Okay, my sister Liz's husband. They live out in the wilderness now in a yurt. And I remember I stayed over there last summer or maybe it was two summers ago. It must have been pre-pandemic, but I camped in their yard, and I remember waking up at about 6.45 a.m. because Jason was just wandering around with the largest chains I'd ever seen slung to his hip because he was going out to clear the brush off of a trail we were going to go on later that day.

Oh, nice. Yeah.

So, like, that's the kind of, yeah, I mean, he's like, yeah, he's like George W. Bush, but he's not just doing it as a media, as a photo op.

We always talk about that, and I think I've always said that, like, yeah, don't forget, you know, that's your whatever it just seemed like such a show when h i'm sorry when w bush was clearing brush but it also sounds very satisfying and something that i would enjoy and like legit that

i mean whatever why am i even i'm the one that took it here so it's my fault but it's like there's obviously that guy's um like record as a politician and having gotten us into an extremely extremely um bad situation in both afghanistan and iraq etc all of the things that we have to sort of add as caveats around the legacy of george w bush i could actually see a world in which he's still out there doing that brush shit yeah you know he just seems like he's into that kind of stuff he's doing his paintings he's probably out clearing brush so i gotta uh you know i have to even though the famous twitterer drill told me i did not have to give it to him i do in fact sort of have to give it to george w bush that i do think he's probably happy out there in crawford texas doing his Bullshit.

It's a wince for everybody.

That's right. So anyway, all I'm saying is I could see a world in which having a chainsaw that did not need gasoline when you were living out in the middle of nowhere would be something that was useful.

Yes. Okay. Now, here's the deal. As far as this grand experiment goes, I found myself just now searching for solar-powered chainsaws online. Now you're just, come on. Now, there's also going to be some, like, crossover between things that I look at on my computer and what I see in my Instagram. So there is now a real possibility I will see the chainsaws. Make sure that you don't start Googling chainsaws because we really want to test the microphone theory here. So don't you do that. I will not Google anything related to archery or bows and arrows, no matter how much I want to get into this hobby. It reminds me, Luke, the other day, and we have to be careful because I don't want to give away anything about our plans for the upcoming TBTL-a-thon, which is happening soon and very exciting stuff that we're trying to cook up here.

I think I can say this, though, without giving too much away. Does anyone have a chainsaw we can borrow? Right, exactly. We're going to the chainsaw capital of the world. It's got to be in Wisconsin, right? I was thinking Iowa, but Wisconsin. I don't know. No, Iowa, that's the worst place. Iowa is flat and not forested. So, yeah, Wisconsin, better chance, probably, like, somewhere very woodsy, right? Wouldn't you imagine? Okay, you keep talking, and I'm going to look up the chainsaw capital of the world.

But here's what I was going to say. You and I were having a meeting the other day, and I can't. It's so much better if I could say specifically what the product was, but I won't say what it was. But you and I were talking about a piece of equipment, Luke, that our buddy Eric Stromstead at 8 p.m. was going to send us, a piece of technical equipment. And I wanted to see what it looks like. Meantime, you're sending me alternatives to that thing. Do you know what product I'm talking about now without letting the listeners in? I am now getting Instagram ads for those products. Wait, because you did click on the link. The one that you sent me. Yes. I clicked on the link in my email, in my Gmail. And then on my phone, I started the next day getting a bunch of ads for those things from various different distributors.

and you know brains right but that one that one follows because you at least physically clicked on the link for me the like the part that that if this is true the part that just even for me noted non-protector of my privacy and my data even for me i'm like i don't really like the phone

listening to me it is a weird yeah it is a weird thing and what if even worse what if it can recognize um sarcasm and it just knows i'm fucking with it right now like that would be the worst

it could learn that yeah what would that what would the i wonder how an ai program would learn would it just be i'm sure that there's somebody right now at some university we'll probably end up talking about it when it bubbles up to the new york times who's studying what the principle like what if it's a if it's a tone of voice if it's a way that you're you know oh yeah that sounds great how it would know that that's sarcasm versus oh yeah that sounds great like Yeah. Yeah. Is it just the way my voice is going, rising and falling based on sarcasm?

Right. And it would. I mean, I assume that that would be somewhat individual as well, as far as how people talk sarcastically, how some people talk earnestly. There was a famous old kids in the hall skit about a guy played by Dave Foley, who everybody thinks he's being a sarcastic jerk all the time. But he's like, this is just the way I talk. And he sounds sarcastic. It's actually a really funny idea for a skit. I was always a little bit bummed, but his sarcasm was – it doesn't sound sarcastic to me as much as just overstated. Anyway, I don't have to review that Kids in the Hall skit from 1990.

Well, Andrew, I'm going to tell you something, okay? I Googled Chainsaw Capital of America on my laptop, not on my phone. That's the other thing. Do you think that if I – so I'm not using my phone for any of this, but I did Google Chainsaw Capital of America. Oh, no, Luke.

On my – On my laptop. Yeah, on my laptop. You sent me that link for the product that I cannot name right now. you sent me that link i clicked on it on my computer on my laptop during you know while you and i were having that meeting and then the next day on my phone instagram is off what about

this though i don't have instagram on this laptop i don't have instagram on the laptop either

really well i don't know maybe i don't think there is a desktop app for instagram you can

get to it on a browser but well anyway maybe i screwed it up but it's in the service of the show andrew list of chainsaw it doesn't give you a chainsaw capital of america and this is the point is you were not wrong on the list of places that have notable chainsaw carving competitions includes wisconsin uh eau claire wisconsin the u.s open chainsaw sculpture championship so good job

you know what's not on the list iowa i was way off i wonder what iowa what's going on in iowa

Corn detasseling

My first wife is to be believed That was a big job that everybody had in high school I'm being advertised a pair Of old school looking Tube socks that have orange And brown stripes at the top Which are the colors of my favorite football team You know what's also funny

And we definitely need to go to a break But it started In the early days of us talking about Insta You weren't getting any ads No I just started getting them about a year ago And it sounds like you get a lot of them And I actually don't get that many ads. I'm also not following that many people. I don't spend a crazy amount of time on Instagram. But, like, if I start at the top of my page right now, I, like, I see, let's see, Simpsons quotes because I follow, like, a bunch of Simpsons meme accounts. Amy Sedaris, who is a great follow on Insta. She just puts up the funniest, weirdest stuff.

That's an ad for Amy Sedaris? No, none of these are ads.

My point is, like, there's not even any – I'm scrolling Livewire, promoting that we had Kishi Bashi on the show this week. My daughter's ex-boyfriend Who's an English teacher in Japan now More Amy Sedaris And then clothing ads Now the first ad that shows up Is for something Some clothing company One of these I think they call them fast fashion now I don't know if fast fashion Necessarily applies to men You know male clothes As much as women's clothing But basically One of these clothing things That their name sounds like Every other clothing thing That's on Instagram If you know what I'm talking about So it's one of those For some reason And I don't know why I decided I don't want to give them the love. Then something called Global Positive News, which appears to be an ad. Anyway, my point is this, Andrew. I don't get that many ads anymore on Instagram, even though it used to be that I was getting ads and you weren't. But I will get a few of them. I bought some shoes from Instagram, and so now it's almost all shoe ads and men's clothing ads. That's all I get.

I am scrolling through and I'm getting ads about one every four pictures or in some cases three pictures. So it'll be like, you know, post, post, post and then an ad. And by the way, an ad that I'm looking at right now, Luke, is for I can't say what it is, but it's another thing related to the TV telethon that we were thinking about giving away. And the the Instagram wants me to buy them from them instead. So there's a lot of listening going on, but still no bow and arrows, which is a bummer because it's really something I want to get into.

well uh we will hopefully i mean lord willing and uh and your finger permitting uh we'll talk on

monday and you can tell me how it's going bad time to get into archery huh all right i didn't even

think of that part of it all let's do this let's take a quick break and then when we come back i do want to check in on just how you're feeling with this impending surgery and all that and you don't have to if you're if you're just if the answer is i feel fine that's sufficient but i do feel like we need to we've been talking about it a lot this week so i definitely want to get the update and of course we'll do some top stories and some music for your weekend coming up here

on tbtl on your mark on your mark get set get set now ready ready go everybody rattle

all right let's thank some dazzling donors these are the wonderful generous as supporters who are keeping the show going by donating a dazzling amount of dough. We've got to start by thanking Ian Kohler of Tacoma, Washington. Ian says, hi, guys. Like I've been hearing from other tens, the last year has been a year of change. I was lucky enough to keep my job throughout the craziness the world has had to offer, which has been a blessing that has allowed me to continue purchasing solar-powered chainsaws.

Whoa, the Dazzling Donors are listening.

That's, wait, is Instagram telling the Dazzling Donors, is it going back in time and telling the Dazzling Donors what to write in their messages? That has allowed me to continue supporting my favorite podcast. Unfortunately, my marriage didn't survive the last year. Sorry, Ian, that sucks. Have you considered getting a Roomba? I'll tell you, I'll tell you, I get all the respect from my Roomba. Rodney Dangerfield doing a reverse I get no respect about his relationship with his Roomba, ladies and gentlemen. That's why people support the show.

That's right, because we script that stuff out in advance. Yes, we do. Obviously, everything in the show today was pointing towards that moment.

Ian, for real, sorry, man. It's a bad experience that I have some personal experience with. While I'm still working through that Becoming a newly single person at 30 After being in a relationship throughout my 20s Has been eye-opening It has allowed me to rediscover old friendships And things I love As well as pick up some new hobbies

Oh, nice

Archery is one of them Bow hunting Maybe Again, I can't say the word over here Because I'm trying to avoid that in my field I'm not trying to leave you hanging One constant through the last year Has been my two favorite co-bros And for that, I'm super great I'm also very grateful for the TENS community, both on Facebook and Slack. While I am not the most active person in those groups, I find a lot of joy in reading what my virtual friendos are up to. That's something that has really come through in this year's Dazzling Donor Messages, Andrew. First of all, very nice comments about the show and the consistency of that. But also I feel more references to the TENS community and the Slack page and the Facebook page, the Stens page. i think a lot of the listeners are really taking a lot of um comfort and joy boy i got too close

to a christmas song here in late april do you say comfort and joy comfort and joy yes the tidings

that uh people are finding on the slack page are creating comfort and joy for them um you're right

but you're absolutely right and i see that happening and it's really really sweet and people reaching out not just show related stuff in fact less and less show related stuff which is hurtful But just like, hey, I'm like, it is a place where if I can just say this for a second, I have seen many times and there's absolutely no shame in this. In fact, there's a lot of love in this. People will just go on to Slack. That's where that's that's where I'm still logged in and just say, hey, listen, I'm just going through a hard time right now. This thing happened to me at school today or this thing happened to me, you know, whatever. And I just need to tell somebody and you're my people. And then people, you know, support each other. It is amazing.

ian says while i don't have anything to advertise i do have a request as part of my journey of rediscovering myself i am trying to find a new job that i find more fulfilling if there are any tens that work in any sort of field that helps others find new employment opportunities i'd love to talk to them for advice and using their services i can be reached at ian that's i a n m kohler like the faucet at gmail.com ian m kohler at gmail.com i hope ian's current employer doesn't listen to tbtl yeah right i'm guessing if ian put that in his dazzling donor message He's pretty confident that that's not going to happen. Right, right. So if you're somebody who has ideas on a creative, a more creatively fulfilling job for Dazzling Donor Ian, hit him up, please. Ian M. Kohler at gmail.com. Ian says, thanks for everything you do. Thank you, Ian, for supporting the show. We really appreciate you, man, over all these years. It's been an honor to, you know, be in your ears five days a week.

Wow, that got borderline sexual. Yeah, like my old barber who would always dry me off and then always find a quick moment to stick his two fingers in my ear through, you know, through a towel as he was drying me off.

Wait, but, oh, to get the hair out, though. I presume. Hmm. Yeah, you know, I tried to get the stylist to do that at the hair place the other day. She told me we were over time.

Didn't pay for that. But I want to mention I have gotten a total of one email supporting me on that.

I saw that. Oh, wait. For the record. You got one email supporting you and one voicemail saying, like, no. Oh. Yes. It's one to one. Can we verify the voicemail?

Yeah. Is it a bot?

I thought you were going to say, like, I'm the only one who listens to the voicemails. I can just make that. Actually, Luke, I got a lot of voicemails today from people just saying that they love my jokes. It's interesting.

I have no choice but to believe you Because I don't know how to access the voicemail anymore Maestro

On your mark Get set Now ready Everybody rattle

We've also got to thank Scott Starrer Of Seattle, Washington Scott says I'm always late To send my dazzling donor form Completing it fills me with anxiety Well we don't want to create that For the dazzling donors Let me put it this way If you are being so kind and generous As to support the show With a significant amount of dough each month Please know that you also can skip The Dazzling Donor form This is not like a high school English assignment Whatever increases the chances That you will continue supporting the show Listeners such as Scott Starr We would encourage you to do that

But I would say Scott This better be the best goddamn dazzling donor message I've ever

heard. Completing this fills me with anxiety. Should I talk about myself, or is that too conceited? What if my donor message is boring? Scott, have you heard the show? Like, luckily, that's never, that's just never a question that we, that we ask ourselves here. TBTL means never having to ask, is this boring? Are you starting to understand, what if I include a joke and nobody laughs? Also, are you starting to understand why i love tbtl yes we are scott i want to thank luke and andrew from the bottom of my heart for tbtl which has helped me maintain my mental equilibrium this year since we're having a contest about tbtl moments i want to offer a moment of my own i believe that the single most amazing cathartic funny and frustrating tbtl moment andrew why am i nervous reading this i have not pre-read this i don't know how this sentence ends but i'm like oh I'm curious and nervous

Okay, go ahead I scoped this out in advance

It was the opening three minutes of episode 3286 On November 4th, 2020 I laughed harder than I had in months When I heard the opening chords of Tom Petty's The waiting is the hardest part This must have been the morning after the election day

And the most recent presidential election It most certainly was Do you want to take a quick listen to this? Or is it going to make you nervous? Oh, this is the actual, oh, no, I'm in it. This is the episode here. 38, I'm sorry, 3286. The title is Kanye Concedes.

That's such a good show title.

This was right before we did our bonus episode with Chris Hayes, by the way.

Now I know why he likes it.

He just likes Tom Petty. I mean, you can't go wrong with that stuff. Oh, my God.

All right, I guess we've got to do this.

Hello, everyone. Welcome to a Wednesday edition of TBTL, the show that just might be too beautiful to live. Hold on a second. I'm seeing on the Internet that they've just called the state of Wisconsin, which means, for those of you who have been following me on Twitter, I just had to slug back one of my flip shots Oh my god, I forgot I did not expect that this very important moment in our country's history And really, on this show Would be punctuated by me doing shots at 8.45am But that was a deal I made with the citizens of Twitter Oh by the way, I still have a Twitter account Anyway, it is our post-election show I'm hoping my co-bro And good friend Andrew Walsh Is more sober than I am right now In the Roosevelt neighborhood of Seattle, Washington Good morning, my friend

We're allowed to drink? Okay, there you go That's the first two minutes of the show I don't know what happens in the last minute You know, if You know, if we're saying that The first three are the best Oh, man

It's like I have a strong, strong impulse to want to reminisce about that, but just, you know, we're already 45 minutes into the show or whatever. But, like, I'll try to be quick, and I know that I said this many, many times on probably that episode and in subsequent episodes, but I went to bed with such anxiety and, in fact, woke up in the middle of the night and looked at my phone. and i must have been looking at my phone right before a big batch of results came in because it was still you know as of like three in the morning what i was seeing on my phone was a bunch of these battleground states looking red still and i had to do box breathing to get back to sleep i mean i was i was i really was overwhelmed with anxiety about this thinking oh my god it's it's 2016 all over again and then by the time we were doing the show it was like A bunch of new results had come in Everything was trending in a much better direction I'm just glad that we didn't I don't know why we would have But I'm glad we weren't doing the show at like 6am Yeah Because I was I mean I guess my point is the Difference in my emotional state was so It was like what you heard there was a person who Had their whole life flashed before their eyes But had like you know Had almost fallen onto the subway tracks As the subway was coming And then was grabbed behind By the scruff of their neck by someone who pulled them back that was like that's what you heard in my voice

I don't think I I don't think it was until we talked to Chris and again that happened so we did this as a normal show and then Chris Hayes somehow was available just to like talk with us how would that be a busy day for him right exactly and so like he joined us I think by phone I could be wrong about that and and he just kind of said you know like nothing is written in stone right now but this is looking like you relax breathe drink maybe you know like this is looking good And I remember that was the time I started to truly believe because I was so pessimistic the whole time. Quick aside, today I saw Joe Biden posted a photo of himself, a young version of himself riding Amtrak, of course, because he famously drove that, you know, took Amtrak home to D.C. and back and forth so that he didn't stay in D.C. all the time. And he said, I'm going to Philadelphia to celebrate Amtrak's 50th birthday. This is an anniversary I would never miss. And I turned to Genevieve this morning. I said, I wonder what Trump would have done for the 50th anniversary of Amtrak. Like, I'm sure he would have also been celebrating in some way.

Oh, sure. He would have been.

Well, I guess my whole point is, like, I'm never far away from that. I didn't really set you up for anything there. But anyway, my point is, like, I'm never that far away from just remembering that, like, there's an alternate universe out there that is not all that strange at all. And there's a whole bunch of people in this country, by the way. Sorry to ruin this message, Scott Starr. But there's also a whole bunch of people in this country Who given their druthers That would be our reality right now

So we're not that far away from it I'm glad that we're in this reality Where listener Scott Starr is still donating to the show As a dazzling donor Scott says TBTL has gotten Me through one pandemic and one financial Crisis hopefully it's just smooth Sailing from now on Yeah Second that Scott and thank you so much for the Donation thanks for being part of TBTL man hello and welcome to top story uh this is a pretty funny story um that i mean i was gonna say i found out about in the new york times uh from a writer named sarah bar um i'm one that pause was because it also five percent feels like a publicity stunt from rotten tomatoes but i think it's a well executed one so i sort of have to you know i gotta i gotta give them that as it were second time today on the show i've agreed to hand it to them um so i you know i don't go to rotten tomatoes that much but my understanding of the way that rotten tomatoes ranks films is they aggregate or they collect up a bunch of reviews of those films and the you know the percentage of positive reviews to negative reviews that that sort of is how they develop the like freshness this the quote-unquote freshness number right yeah and i believe there's one for the critics and then there's one for fan reception so citizen kane orson wells's opus um famously had a perfect rating 100 rating on rotten tomatoes at least from the critics and um i guess at some point somebody found a a review this was an 80 year old film review of Citizen Kane. Citizen Kane came out in 1941 that the headline was Citizen Kane fails to impress critic as greatest ever filmed. This apparently resurfaced last month as part of a new archival project that Rotten Tomatoes did. That's where the you know that's where the little bit of you You know, Rotten Tomatoes is a piece. department i think doing kind of a clever thing here uh where they went and found this old review this review is kind of great though it was written by somebody who wrote under the byline may like m-a-e and then their last name tinny which if you put it together is matinee

oh it was an old reviewer going was it like restaurant reviews where they would try to

hide their identities i wonder you know that's i don't i don't i don't know and that's another thing about this like i don't think rotten tomatoes would go to the length so as to like literally like fake this but on the other hand it's like we don't know the name of the person who wrote it it uh i guess it was in the chicago tribune so the chicago tribune was a legitimate you know news outlet in 1941 so i'm surprised they were letting their film reviewer right under

the name matinee matinee how do you spell tinny again t-i-n-e-e t-i-n-e-e let me look this up Because you would guess that this person probably has a lot of bylines out there, right?

Yeah, well, they wrote the review of Citizen Kane. They said, you've heard a lot. For some reason, when I hear this voice, it sounds like a newsreel. You've heard a lot about this picture. And I see by the ads that some experts think it is the greatest movie ever made. I don't. That's what Matinee said. It's interesting. It's different. In fact, it's bizarre enough to become a museum piece. But its sacrifice of simplicity to eccentricity robs it of distinction and general entertainment value. So I guess Matinee did not – thought it was too eccentric, which is interesting because I don't think it's an – I mean, by the normal standards now, it's not an eccentric movie. I mean, there are some flourishes. I mean, all of the, like, you know, Rosebud stuff and the snow globe and the reveal. And those are kind of those are, you know, those maybe were not being used in filmmaking at the time, which is why I think this thing was lauded as such an instant classic. We got the Huns on the run.

Take that, Adolf. Take that, cherries. You do it better. But, you know, what strikes me here because I. Have you found anything else by Matinee? Oh, you know, I started to do that.

I'll do it over here, but now all my Instagram ads are going to be for 1941 movie reviews.

Yeah, it looks like, I mean, this is somebody who's around. Here's newspaper women in the movies in the USA, 1914 to 1925. In the case of Chicago, Mae Tanae continued editing and reviewing at the Tribune through the 1920s. So the interesting thing about that, though, is it's not a straight up review of like, is this movie good? this is a review that is already responding to the hype which kind of surprises me and this is saying hey it's not as good and i did first of all i didn't really i mean it makes sense but i never really considered what was the hype of citizen kane at the time it could have been one of those things that at the time it was a movie that people saw and enjoyed but it really became more culturally relevant as it was as time moved on and it was remembered so fondly you know but It sounds like, no, when this came out, and I think it did break some, I think there were some, you know, cinema-related, like, kind of, you know, whatever, tricks is the wrong word, but cinematography, whatever. Am I confusing that with, is that the one where it opens up on a long single shot and it goes through, kind of it goes through a wall and they had to build a special wall that opens up to let the camera through, but you never saw that as the viewer? Or am I confusing that with the other – with the noir that he did?

Oh, are you thinking of My Blue Heaven?

Anyway, I'm sorry that I took it here. I got caught up on the word cinematography.

No, I don't remember the opening of Citizen Kane. But I do know – I think you're right that it was – I mean it was getting a lot of hype even when it was released because it featured a bunch of sort of like feats of filmmaking that hadn't really been seen before.

Feats of filmmaking. Why didn't I say that? Oof, God, that was rough. All right. But when you send the show to Kiki Lolo today, have her cut all that out. Anyway, yeah, so I guess that's the thing.

This is my trick for making you actually edit the show and put it up.

Just like, yeah.

Trick you into saying a couple of things you don't love. Yeah. And then you'll be like, okay, Burbs, you don't have to go to the top of the Starks vacuum building and yell it off the roof. I'm going to cancel my surgery and I'm going to sit here fixing the show.

I also love that you're like, I trick you into saying dumb things. Like, no, you didn't trick me. You just asked me to respond in a conversational way to what you were saying, and I did this myself. Anyway, point is, yeah, so it seems a little cheaty, too, that this is already a reactionary review that is saying, well, compared to the hype, it doesn't live up to the hype.

Right, and we talk about this on the show a lot where there's TV, movies, maybe to some degree music. The worst thing that can happen for my enjoyment of something is for it to have been really, really kind of already celebrated. Yeah, exactly. You know, and in fact, everything I love is because I had no expectation going in and and then it was like. You know, it exceeded my kind of my limited expectations. The May Tanae, she did not like the lighting. She described the lighting as shadowy and spooky. She said it gives one the creeps.

Well, it does.

She did like, I mean, well, I know I want to say May, no offense, but I do think that was the point. She went on to say she did like she likes Orson Welles as an actor. She called him a zealous and effective performer I feel like that's just not something you hear In movie reviews anymore But she didn't Continuing on with the lighting She said I kept wishing they'd let a little sunshine in Did my mom write this movie review?

I know this sucks

Why do movies have to be so dark these days?

That's not a review That's just like well it's not for me

Right So now it is Citizen Kane is no longer part of the 100% club Movies that are in the 100% club Singing in the Rain The Maltese, Falcon

Oh yeah, bogey

The first two Toy Story films I would imagine that if you Wrote a negative review of a Toy Story Toy Story film, you are put on some kind of Watch list Instagram immediately reports you To Dr. Jill Biden About, I mean that's something un-American About ever saying there's anything less than Wonderful about the Toy Story films And by the way, I think they're good movies. I've only seen the first one. I thoroughly enjoyed it. So were I to write a review of it, I would have written a positive review.

I've never seen any of the Toy Story movies, not out of – Hard to say, right? What's that? Toy Story, hard to say. Remember Toy Boat, Toy Boat, Toy Boat when you were – I didn't realize it was hard to say until I said it. But, yeah, I've never seen them just because I don't know when they were popular. I was just slightly aged out of it. And I know people love them and adults can love them. It just has never come across my radar at the right time. But I thought that the third one was especially beloved. That's where I was going with that. Because the third one, isn't that the one where it's just like it's a real tearjerker? I know nothing about it.

I have not seen the third one, but I know that your sense of this is correct, which is everybody loves all of those movies. The first two ones were really, really popular films. And then the third one, there was some like the conversation started to be like, is Toy Story 3 the best movie ever made? Right.

But it doesn't have a perfect score on Rotten Tomatoes, though.

No, apparently just the first two. So I don't know if May 10A got to them. Why was everything a cartoon? Why are these toys talking?

I like things that are real.

Who is Randy Newman? Why is he mumbling? Anyway, as I already mentioned in the intro of today's show, and as has been pointed out, one of the other films that has a perfect score is Paddington 2. Not Paddington, though. No, Paddington 2, On the Move. I don't think that's actually the title. Mannequin 2 is Mannequin 2, On the Move. Oh, Mannequin 2, On the Move. So I will, if I ever say, like, the number two of a movie, I instinctively want to say, On the Move, Jaws 2.

That's so much better than Electric Boogaloo, though. Everybody else does Electric Boogaloo, right? And that's pretty tired at this point.

Jaws 2, On the Move. Anyway. Rambo 2, On the Move. Paddington 2 is in the club. They interviewed the – let's see if I can find the name of the guy. They interviewed the co-writer and director named Paul King of Paddington 2 on the move. The Hollywood Reporter reached out to him about what it was like to now officially have made a movie that's better than Citizen King. That's good on them. That's a good – like, right? That's actually a really good – that's a clever idea. And he, of course, handled it with aplomb. He said, I won't let it go too much to my head. and well first he said he was pleased that his film was on the list but he would not take edging out Citizen Kane too seriously I won't let it go to my head and immediately build my Xanadu so that's pretty clever alright we ran out of time for the candle story but I do want to get to it on Monday Andrew because I know you are a candle enthusiast at least you were at one time you were making candles like they were going out of style and And it turns out there is something to know about what happens when you burn a candle in your house. So we will get into that on Monday. For the time being, though, we need to do some music for your weekend before we wrap things up here.

Yeah. You want me to kick things off? I usually do.

Oh, I never asked you, though. How are you feeling about your surgery?

I'm nervous, Luke, but I'll get through it, and I'll let you know how it goes on Monday. I'm thirsty right now, and I'm staring at this water bottle, and I want to drink from it.

I bet you're only two minutes over. Just drink it.

No, isn't it? I'm an hour over now. Oh, I got confused. I thought it was, oh, yeah, well, let's just drink it anyway.

What's really going to happen?

I know you're going to explode because you have water in your system. You're probably, at worst, you'll just wet yourself in it.

I know. I didn't drink any coffee today either. That was kind of.

of a bummer but anyway all right so i will tell you how that goes on monday yeah trying to you're

just trying to kind of not just do you yeah do you have any value the big thing do i have any value

um the volume oh i was gonna say no no and no um i um the big thing for me is like this this strange situation i've heard from some listeners who've um unfortunately had a lot of experience with surgery and they said you know everything you describe as far as like them scheduling your appointment like not on the spot when i was there on monday uh that's that makes sense they have to like kind of figure out their surgery schedules as the week goes on that's very common and also this idea of you talking to the uh anesthesiologist that right uh cinematographer you said um no anyway making up my mind like kind of on the spot about what kind of sedation i want that is also common practice that's how it works you don't choose in advance it seems a little bit weird you yeah it seems a little bit weird to me and i think right now that's what i'm most in my head about because when i was first in the doctor's office i was just like knock me out like get one of those big cavemen clubs like in the cartoons that tinny may love so much mate i just really

messed up that joke uh tinny may was the third kid on the beverly hillbillies yeah just bonk me in

the head with that thing like i don't care like i want to be out of it but genevieve kind of has more concerns about that as somebody who loves me she says it doesn't really um make a you know just like it adds a lot more risk to go fully under so make sure that that's really really what you need and so i don't know i'm gonna figure out i'm gonna just kind of figure out what's

gonna let me ask you this i'm not even kidding is it an option for them to give you some an

anti-anxiety something i could genevieve was talking to somebody who suggested i do that but i would have had to like get that prescribed in advance and have already have taken it like

today but i'm surprised because like when you go to the dentist i mean the whole point of quote unquote laughing gas it's not an anesthetic that's they shoot you up with novocaine to actually numb your mouth the laughing gas is to lower your anxiety well no that i think they might do that

i mean i'm assuming that that is one of my two options either like fully go under and then they'll revive me or probably the other option is a local anesthetic that numbs my hand and then the the nitrous oxide because that's what i did the first time when i had my tongue surgery and And it wasn't great because I remember them sticking the needle into the back of my tongue, and that sucked. This is going to be a lot better. That's what I've been saying. This is going to be because it's not as invasive. Exactly.

What you can do is – and also just tell them that they're not – tell them nothing's coming through the nitrous mask. Yeah, I know.

That's what I was going to say.

Like, I just think, nope, not getting anything. I'm sorry. Can you turn it up? And then you just pull it down, and you're just Jack Nicholson as the Joker.

Dear doctor.

And also, here's a list of all of the cocktails I've had this week alone.

Please take that into consideration when you're drugging me up.

It takes a lot to knock this. Big tree fall hard, but you're going to have to pump a lot into me.

But no, honestly, I think Veeves is not wrong.

And I think once you have the laughing gas in your system, I think your anxiety will go way down. And then also, you just put that hand. they'll put a little they'll put a little surgical like drape over it so you don't have to look at it

and you could also bring your headphones yeah i'm gonna bring earbud just in case i don't know that they'll let me do it they said like no jewelry that's another thing genevieve says you get anxious about the weirdest things i think i think in a situation like this i have a lot of anxiety and so i latch to various things but i'm very un because it didn't occur i thought i'll just wear a short sleeve shirt but they said you know make sure you bring clothes that are easy that are loose and easy to get out of i'm like oh i can't wear my shirt and they're like no we give you a gown. Now I'm wondering, am I even going to be wearing pants during all that? I feel like I should be able to wear pants during this, but anyway, Genevieve's like, this is the least of your worries, dude. Listen,

bring headphones and just explain to them, hey, I would like to be listening to music while you're doing this, as opposed to you discussing surgically

what's going on. Yeah. Anyway, I'm not sure what's going to happen. Maybe I'll just have them knock me out. Maybe I'll see if I walk in the room and there's a bunch of clubs laying around, I know that that's

an option as well. I'll be thinking of you, my friend, And and it's it really is going to be OK. And I'm sorry that you're going through this and I'm sorry that it's causing you stress.

Thanks. I appreciate it. We hopefully everything will be I just get through this. But that another thing to remember is what you just said, which is that whatever was going on with my tongue and the surgeries I had there, way worse as far as a procedure, as far as so invasive and invasive. And also just like what that represented. That was a it wasn't a it wasn't cancer, but it was, you know, a cancer adjacent scare. and it was about behavior and it was just you know what I mean there's a lot of stuff that was wrapped up in this in this case I fucked up my finger like I wish I hadn't you know I here's a weird psychological thing when this adventure all started I was talking to both you and Genevieve about how I was kind of kind of joking kind of kidding on the square maybe a little bit about like saving my camera um and kind of saying like how much did the camera cost you know and like now you know i've started to get some early results as to what this is going to cost me and just the first procedure i assume that there's going to cost me more to have them then remove all of the wires and screws that they're putting oh i can do that for you oh yeah no 40 bucks that was nail polish um but anyway at you know then i see the caught the actual price tag on this what's going to be coming out of pocket for me let's just say it's many many cameras and um i wish you would have broken your fall with the camera there's the thing though that i started beating myself up earlier this week thinking like why did you protect the camera like as if in this moment i like time stopped and then the camera swung around me 360 and i had a choice save the camera break a finger like that is where i got i had to remind myself after spiraling a little bit like dude you didn't make a decision you didn't fill out a form that says the camera or your hand you fell and you instinctively protected the camera and broke the hand like it was you know like it wasn't a decision that i made of sound mind and body yet i i started beating myself up over that as if it was a decision because i was joking around about it afterwards all right listen i'm

glad that you're able to i'm just last thing on this i'm glad that your brain is able to make that distinction because it's absolutely true yeah you know and i'm glad you're able to cut yourself some slack on that because everything you just said is completely accurate so do you have do you have a song that's going to take away all of your anxiety actually sort of i did get in

the car. I was pretty anxious yesterday and was feeling a little bit of effects, kind of a hazy feeling from the vaccine yesterday. Again, nothing bad. I never felt sick, but I did sort of realize once I was sort of, it almost felt like I was on a drug, sort of like I was coming down from him like, oh, I guess I was a little bit goofy yesterday or throughout the day. But I got done doing the show with you yesterday, Luke, and I went to grab a sandwich at Tubbs. You'll be surprised to hear. And I got in the car and it was really sunny and it was warm in the car and I turned on the radio and my satellite radio which expires next week had not expired yet and this song was on 60s on six it's a golden oldie i love it it's the mamas and the papas one of their earliest singles i saw her again let's take a listen We'll be right back.

I've been way over my head Now she thinks that I love her She knows that's what I say Though I never think of her What can I do? I'm all with you And it makes me feel Something weird to do Something weird to do

Every time I see that girl, you know I want to lay down and die.

But I really need that girl. Oh, I'm living a lie.

Lyrics aside, that song sounds like sunshine in a bottle to me for some reason.

I love it. Yeah. It's so good. I don't think maybe, I mean, maybe I've heard that song before, but it might have been the first time. Like, you know, I know the Dream a Little Dream and a couple of their other, you know, famous songs. But that one, I like that. I love that. I just love that sound. You know what I mean? Like, I love the production on it, the, like, all of it.

Let me ask you a technical question that does not affect the listeners at all. Because that song, as I was listening to it now with headphones on, you can really hear the stereo separation there. We put out our podcast in mono, so listeners, don't drive yourselves crazy listening for that. but do you hear the stereo separation when I play something like that down the line or am I sending you a mono signal

could you tell? I think it's mono I think because of how old that recording is or when it was recorded if it were coming through my earphones in stereo I would have been surprised

it might have been one of those cheaty stereo things where they kind of pan things out later in production but anyway there it is, that's a very good song, I don't need to boring it up asking about our technical sounds

Well, the good news is my song is – I have very limited information on it. I just heard it the other day, and I really liked it. It's by a singer named Callie Uchis who – I mean, that's not her real name, but that's what she sings under. She's Colombian-American, I believe. And the song is called Telepatia, and I guess it's sort of about like a long-distance relationship. and

making sweet love to your long-distance person telepathically. Oh, wow. And it's just catchy as hell. So let's take a listen to that.

Quiero diría que se podía hacer el amor por telepatía. La luna está llena, mi cama vacía Lo que yo te haría Si te estuviera de frente en la mente Te la volaría De noche, de día, de noche, de día You know I'm just a flight away If you wanted you could take a private plane A kilómetros estamos conectando Y me prendes aunque no me estés tocando You know I got a lot to say All these voices in the background of my brain Y me dicen todo lo que estás pensando Me imagino lo que ya estás maquinando Quien lo diría Que se podía hacer el amor por telepatía La luna está llena, mi cama vacía, lo que yo te haría

So there you go. It's good, right? Yeah, now can you, quick question, And can you hear that the quadraphonic sound? Can you hear that that's quadraphonic? I can.

Well, I assume that you took four different CDs of this album, and then you hit play on all of them at the same time. And I'm hearing that in the room. It actually is adding a lot to my experience. Wait a second.

That's a Flaming Lips thing, right? And you're a big Flaming Lips fan.

Did you do that? We must have talked about this before. I never know. I actually haven't ever tried to do that with that project that they did, although I will tell you this. On the subject of The Flaming Lips, that TV story is finally airing this weekend. Oh, cool. Which I'm excited about. In fact, The Flaming Lips started following me on Twitter today. Oh, nice.

It's all happening.

I guess it's all happening. It's all coming together. I will be totally honest with you, and I know we're already blown past our heart out, as you would, if you will, on this show, so I'll try to be fast. But of all the TV stories that I've done, and a handful of them just for whatever reason don't get on TV, it's always a possibility. This was the one that I was like, dear God, after me and old Wayne bonded as we did, please don't let this be one of those stories that doesn't get on TV.

Because it's a tough one, too, because, I mean, it's a fascinating story about the, you know, the individual bubbles for audience members while watching a psychedelic concert. But because everything is moving so quickly with what the norms are during the pandemic and this idea of bubbles, you could see you could see things, the ground shifting underneath the story, potentially.

Totally. And it's also a band that nobody except me and Anthony, the story's producer. That's not true. There's like a couple of folks at the network who are into the band, but it's definitely not – like last week, the big story we had was Mo Rocca interviewing someone from the original West Side Story cast.

And that probably connects with the CBS audience more.

That's kind of like pop culturally where the show tends to land. And then we're like, how about Wayne Coyne and the Flaming Lips? So there was also always the chance That the seniors we call them The bosses of the show would watch it And just be like This is not how we want to spend Seven and a half minutes of our air time this week So the fact that it I knew that it was going to get on TV yesterday Because they sent me a press release CBS put out a press release about the story Wow they're excited about that I guess they must be That's never happened before So anyway Now I've done the thing that I don't want to

Your polyphonic free I can't even talk Polyphonic spree I'm looking forward to your polyphonic spree story. Oh, my God, dude.

That would be – that would be – if I can get that on, I'm officially – I've officially Svengali mind-controlled everyone. All right. We now arrive at the end of the show, the end of our broadcast week, and our listener suggestion, which comes from listener Michael, who says, Hey there, Michael from Brooklyn, New York. I've been meaning to send this recommendation in for a few weeks now. I thought of it when the one-year anniversary of John Prine's passing happened earlier this month, and I was reminded of it again today while catching up with a recent TBTL episode during which you spoke of getting a John Prine tattoo, and then the Bruised Orange album came up, and well, here we are. I'm wondering if you're familiar with a tribute cover album called Broken Hearts and Dirty Windows, the songs of John Prine. I was not, Listener Michael. This is the first I'm hearing of this. It was released back in 2010. Again, if you haven't heard of it, I'd love you to consider playing Justin Vernon, a.k.a. Bon Iver's cover of Bruised Orange. I'm telling you, man, it's absolutely gorgeous, and I think both you and Andrew

Andrew would dig it. It's definitely my favorite track on the album. I am new to TBTL. I have to be honest with you, Andrew. When I saw that line from Michael, I was expecting him to say, I've only been listening for eight years. Right. I've only been listening for a little over a year now. Okay, well, that is actually, that's real noob territory for this show, Michael. I'm still learning my way around the ropes and the lingo. I really appreciate the companionship you two have provided me over the course of this G-damn pandemic. All right, I've babbled on for long enough. now if you really want to get into the tbtl lexicon michael next time you say well enough of this dribble drabble i hope you enjoy the tune and that album i did enjoy this tune very much and i'm going to be listening to this album today um so that's what we're going to hear we're going to hear justin vernon the dude from boniverr covering a john prine song song uh off of bruised orange so uh by the way michael says power out listener michael so uh that's how we'll wrap things up this week. Andrew, really and truly, buddy, I'm going to be thinking good thoughts for you and just hope you get through this okay. When you're back with us on planet Earth as far as the anesthetic wearing off, text me. Or actually don't. Just have Genevieve videotape you in the car on the way home, please. We need the hashtag content. Is this real life? Yes. All right. We'll see all of you on Monday for more Imaginary Radio. Until then, have a great weekend. Stay safe, take care of yourselves, and please remember, no mountain too tall. And good luck to all.

I heard sirens on the train tracks, how they kept getting in.

And off the bar I've been here, I had a local commuter just walking with his back turned to the train. It was coming so slow.

It can get as happened to me, get mad, get madder. It can't seem the same, what does it matter, but it don't do no good. To get angry, so help me, I know Before our heart stains, it grows weak and grows bitter And you become your own prisoner And you watch yourself sit there wrapped up in a trap Of your very own chainsaw I've been brought down to zero Pulled out and put back there Sat on a park bench Kissed a girl with the black hair in my head Shouted it down to my heart You better look out below Hey, it ain't such a long drop Don't stammer, don't stutter From the diamonds in the sidewalk To the dirty in the gutter And you carry those bruises To hide you wherever you go You can gaze out who is rude Get mad, get madder Loyal hands in the air Saying what does it matter But it don't do no good To get angry So help me out

Power out Thank you.