Muse

Come on. Stand on your desk. Up on your desk? She made it! Everyone, stand on your desks! Up, up, up, up, up! Come on! Rise, rise, rise above the programming! All your lives, you were told, don't stand on your desks! Well, why not? She's okay. Go to the nurse. Seize the day. TV-T-L!

And that concludes our lesson on the founder of Canadian Electricity, Sir Brian. Oh, look who decided to come in tardy. Now, don't think it's okay to just roll in here at 100 kilometers per hour like you're Joel Otto with the Calgary Flames. Who do you think you are, Prime Minister Stephen Harper?

You're amazing. I hope that when I grow up, I can come to your college and you can be my professor. I'm learning.

If you want to make money, better drop out right now. Go to banking school or website school.

You think you're too cool for school, but I got a newsflash for you, Walter Cronkite. You aren't.

All right, hello, good morning, and welcome to a Tuesday edition of TBTL, the show that just might be too beautiful to live. Oh, la, la. Happy Teacher's Day, everyone, to our hardworking teachers out there educating the youth of America. sometimes by way of zoom sometimes now IRL we appreciate you hope you enjoyed that special audio introduction by the way my name is Luke Burbank I'm your host coming to you from a

beautiful Ontario Oregon oh ma pa it's just beautiful where I am apparently in the weed

district had a tough time last night finding a restaurant that was open the old um steak and pancake apparently rusty's steak and pancake did not make it through the pandemic but there are all kinds of buildings near my holiday inn express hotel where i am staying right now and i thought oh that looks probably like some kind of a um i don't know little cafe or diner i can pop over there for some dinner no it's all the weed stuff looking at something called top crop there's about four other ones in the area so anyway that's where i am and here's where we are episode 3415 in a collector's series let the fun begin happy 50th anniversary and one day to national public radio this is special this is special lots of people yesterday were on twitter uh talking about their uh you know time at npr or the reasons they love national public radio npr itself was in full-on kind of um nostalgia mode but it's like it's just let's be kind of honest it's a little basic to celebrate your 50th anniversary on your 50th anniversary we like to do it the day after your 50th anniversary because we are a very inventive show that also just talked too much about nothing yesterday and failed to get to the topic so here we are we'll talk about NPR and also we'll talk about where Andrew and I might be in time and space were there no such thing as national public radio then speaking of what some might consider to be old-timey technology aol and yahoo.com were both recently acquired welcome to the internet did you know that there are still the number is described as being in the low thousands but there are still in the low thousands of people in america who are using aol dial-up service currently that is still a thing that you can do somebody uh sort of investment group paid a not insignificant sum of money for a um a media package that included yahoo and aol i promised myself i wasn't going to do the yodel and then i did the yodel it may just be residual contact high from top crop i don't know it might be a weird show oh you know what else we're going to do we are going to um continue our journey trying to figure out the most memorable moment in tbtl history the tbtl drops of stupider the deuce round two starts today so we'll get into that plus emails and v-mails and this guy the longest running co-bro of the show may be best known for his depictions of the tall ships what i just i

can't say enough good stuff about this guy he's just an absolute dream to work with he comes to every day with just a can-do attitude.

Except, weirdly, for today He's not maybe in the best state of mind I don't love this I don't love what I'm about to do He is Andrew Walsh And he is joining me somewhat reluctantly right now From the Roosevelt neighborhood of Seattle, Washington Good morning, my friend

Hello, welcome to Seed and Stem We offer a farm-to-bong experience here That's all I got You know, that appears to be That's all I got

No, it's good It was strong, though If I had my bell here in Ontario I would ding it, Andrew

Oh, I get a ding Tell me when I get a ding and I'll ring my own bell.

Good boy, got a good bell. You know, that appears to be sort of the two industries here in Ontario because it is a very agricultural community. Lots of, in fact, I'm looking at a Peterbilt, you know, not, I don't know, like a Peterbilt lot where they sell Peterbilt equipment. And yeah, so it's like farming and then weed.

I thought it was weed farming. When you first said it, I thought that you meant you're in a part of the country that's agricultural, so therefore you're actually around an area where people are growing weed, a la Jim Belushi, as I learned about on CBS Sunday morning.

I would be shocked if you watched that piece, but I do like the broad strokes. That's like me with almost every movie. I was explaining the plot of Sweet Home Alabama to someone recently.

That Drew Barrymore?

cast nope that's not that would be one Reese Witherspoon okay and uh and I was talking about this movie with such certitude I was like well you know of course she thinks you know Patrick Dempsey who's a high-flying lawyer uh is is really the guy for her but then she goes home and then that Josh Lucas guy that that you know the hometown kid that she never really got over uh you know she realizes that that's really who she should be with and I basically described the entire movie And at no time have I watched The film Sweet Home Alabama Then do you know that you're right Yeah I was right I mean largely like I mean first of all If I told you there's a movie called Sweet Home Alabama And it stars Reese Witherspoon And She's raised in a small town In Alabama and then she goes to live in the big city And then she comes back to her small town What would you I mean I've already kind of given it away But like where would your brain go plot wise

Yeah probably I mean is she a cheerleader in this movie And is she stepping up to the streets No that's not it either Isn't Reese Witherspoon also in a dance movie Or like a stompy cheerleading movie

No that's Julia Stiles maybe Good grief Walsh But I could probably I could take a shot at that dance movie too One of them is a remake of Othello I think that Julia Stiles And I think it's called O And there's dancing and it is if I understand right Essentially the plot of Othello

Oh.

Again, have not seen it. What's the plot of Othello? It's Othello is raised in Alabama and then he moves to the big city and then he meets Patrick Dempsey and then he goes back home and he realizes home is where the heart is.

You know what? I saw an off, off, off Broadway version of that.

Yes. Yes. But anyway, I know that's such a weird flex. I guess my point is it's like it's strange to me how many things I talk about, again, with some authority. Part of it is just like I guess part of this job or either a hazard of this job or something that serves me well in this gig. But it's mostly stuff that I have just pieced together through like hearing about it, sort of seeing a headline about it or maybe seeing the trailer or hearing someone say something. But it's very infrequent that I've actually interacted with the source material.

You know, that kind of reminds me of a comment I saw fly by my radar at some point yesterday on the Ten's Slack page where you and I briefly and dangerously, I would say, given our knowledge of such things, dipped our toes in the water of discussing the D.C. Brief and dangerous. Yes. That's also my lovemaking style. It's not dangerous. It's dangerous for my ego. We briefly discussed the DC, you know, I don't know what they call it, the extended cinematic universe or whatever they call it, or the distended cinematic universe, possibly. But we mentioned that the trailer for Suicide Squad looked compelling, but then I'd never seen the movie because I heard it was just, I heard the movie was The Pits, as the kids say. and somebody commented I want to say a fella named Andrew but it wasn't me could be wrong about that said that yeah that was part of the problem with the movie now I don't know if this is true or not that the trailer came out and people loved the trailer so stylistically that they hired the company that made the trailer to recut the actual film now if that's true that's mind boggling right i'd never heard about that before and then you know then you're dealing with a recut also what is it with dc always recutting these things i mean that was the whole thing with the snyder cut like they have all these cuts just to like how would you just make one good movie instead of a million movies that's a really that's really interesting if that is the case with

that with that particular film because you know when i saw the trailer for that for suicide squad i literally had the thought oh i might go see that yeah just because but making a trailer that is that that is compelling and making a film a hour and a half or whatever two hour film that is compelling those are completely different projects from an editing standpoint do you know

that i mean that's what i wanted to be like when i started to realize that i liked you know mixing things. And I'm talking about early on, like I'm talking about early high school, maybe when I'm hooking VCRs together and making weird mixtapes, video and audio and not really knowing what I want to do for a living. But I just love doing that stuff. I thought what I would love to do is to make trailers. Have I told you this before? I think I talked about it in a Hey Dummy. It's like like I was not interested in growing up to make movies necessarily to like write a script or direct an entire movie. But instead, somebody else does all that. But they bring me the tape And they say, you know, mix this into 90 seconds of splendor, which is what I describe my lovemaking as. You did this. It got in my head.

By the way, my niece, probably both of my nieces, but definitely my niece, Marion, who's going through a tough time right now because her kitty is missing. Oh, shit. Yeah, if you're in the Grapeview area and you happen to see an adorable cat named Max, she has a collar on, please get in touch. But yesterday they were driving to one of Mary's fast-pitch games, and Mary's, again, been in a tough place because of Max's unknown whereabouts. And my sister Hannah said, also, Mary is upset at your lack of knowledge of the Marvel Universe. so I'm not making things better and I apologize and also I like that now we're really leaning

into our lovemaking style because that's your go my nieces are listening no and I now I don't want to now I really want to cut that out but I will say this to your nieces not that not that you asked but I will say this if they're listening to this like you know this has happened to me a couple of times in my life where a cat goes missing and it is the worst feeling I mean one of those experiences played out here on tbtl as i checked in with you for you know what i think was almost almost an entire week and the first time i had a cat go missing i was i was about 14 years old which isn't that far away from your niece's age and when my cat alex ran away and he he was gone for three days i had given up hope and i was devastated absolutely devastated and then on the third day not unlike a certain carpenter yes named philip who left work for three days and then came back yeah went on a real bender i'm surprised they took him back but i mean the

thing was they were behind on that roofing job and they're just like okay let's just get through this but definitely like going in your permanent file phil no he was drunk all the time but anyway

um alex did come back on wouldn't you be if you could turn water into wine Alex came back on the third day

it's like hey Phil toss me that water bottle oh shit this is a pinot

but Alex came back on the third day and I felt like it was a true true miracle I could not believe it I'd already done all of my mourning and I could not believe it and again I was younger then and then you know just what four years ago you know my old man cat Theodore who at this point is like 15 years old or something he went missing and then he was gone you know one day two day i'm keeping my chill because i'm thinking hey cats come back on the third day i read it in the bible um and then the third day came and he still didn't come back and then once again i had given up all hope but it was like five day five or six we opened up the back door and there was theo eating the food that we left out for him hoping uh that he would he would come home so you know try not to give up hope i know it's just such a bleak scary feeling and you picture your little guy out there but your your little guy has some good survival skills so remember that that's

I actually – I literally used your experience in a text, I think maybe directly to my sister Hannah, saying, yeah, your guys' cat, who's not even an outdoor cat, was gone for a pretty long amount of time and came back. I'm sure hoping that's what happens with little Max.

Yeah.

Because she's adorable and, you know, and also I'm kind of – at this point, my reputation is on the line because I got on Hawk Squad and I said cats are very clever. And right when you've given up hope That's when Max is going to stroll back into your life I put that out there And now if Max doesn't come back

Let's not lose sight of that If I ever want to regain even a shred of the respect of my nieces, I need to be right about this. So, yeah, so fingers crossed and taking good thoughts for my sister and her kids and little Max. Speaking of sending good thoughts, so Bill Gates is getting divorced. Bill and Melinda Gates, I should say. I don't mean to just center Bill in the story. But it's kind of funny because I did send one jokey tweet or, excuse me, text to like Camaro Kevin Roden and our other friend JD about Bill Gates being single and how us, the rest of the single population, we don't stand a chance because of Bill Gates is just, you know, just because of what an absolute catch he would be. so that was like just kind of a side little joke to to some friends which maybe was I don't know maybe in poor taste or whatever but what's kind of funny is how many people I see on Twitter even people like David Roth who we love and admire his writing everyone is just kind of making jokes about their divorce and I don't know why for some reason I feel oddly like not protective I don't know I just had this I was going to compose some stupid tweet yesterday because of course you know there's a big news story if you will there's a news story i guess that the gates's are breaking up and i want to like see well how do i jump on to that bigger story and then get some attention for myself through twitter and then i just thought you know they're just getting divorced they seem like nice people they've got kids maybe i won't use this opportunity to make a joke about bill or melinda gates meanwhile i probably made 3 000 jokes about Jeff Bezos and Mackenzie, his former wife or whatever. I don't understand why for some reason I feel like Bill and Melinda Gates are off limits, Andrew.

I don't know that you did actually make it. I mean, maybe you did on Twitter. I don't see all of your tweets. I got a filter for that. But I don't know that you were out there making fun of the Bezos divorce that much. I don't think I was either, actually. Yeah, you know, I don't want to overstate this. Like they are two adults with, I think, a decent amount of assets. They will, you know, work this out. I don't I don't want to, like, let my empathy meters peak too much on this or be overly sensitive here. But I'm with you. Like, I didn't really find a lot of humor in it. It just kind of, you know, I don't know, man. I like I root for relationships, generally speaking. Now, if there's a really terrible person in the world and you want to get some schadenfreude out of it, especially if there's some hypocrisy involved in it, you know what I mean?

Like if Jerry Falwell Jr. and his wife break up, I will not think there's anything wrong with having some snark around that because of their extreme hypocrisy in how they ran Liberty University and what their own personal lives appeared to be based on.

Sure. Exactly. Or if you just have just, you know, whatever, somebody who's just a conservative, you know, kind of Christian person who's trying to push their morals on everybody else unconstitutionally and spends their life doing that. And then, you know, they're getting divorced because of, you know, them acting out in ways that completely go against what they've been preaching their whole lives.

Sure. Like it's 100 percent fair to make fun of Newt Gingrich being on marriage number three. Sure. He left his other wife who had cancer. I think Newt and Calista Gingrich are very mockable.

And, you know, I'm not going around like spending a lot of time doing that, you know, making fun of anybody in this situation. I'm just saying, you know, I'm not going to I'm not going to have a problem with that necessarily. But the the Bill and Melinda thing, I mean, they're two people who are working, you know, to do good things in the world. I'm not saying everything they do is without controversy, but generally speaking, there are two people who are using their wealth to do good things in the world. I'm not celebrating or thinking it's super hilarious that they're getting divorced. In fact, I kind of did notice. I'm like, huh, everybody's just having fun. I mean, I guess that's what you do on Twitter, but it didn't really appeal to me. There's one person I follow on Twitter. This is the only thing that I almost liked. There's somebody I follow on Twitter. It's a relatively new follow, and I apologize. I can't remember the person's name, but they have a lot of fun by photoshopping things. And I don't mean in a dank, janky way. I mean, they make like kind of like nice, realistic photoshop.

They're not the share zone.

And they and they'll just like create things that are ridiculous and then make a very dry comment on that. Right. And the joke is that they totally created it. And so I think that person made something with the old Microsoft Clippy thing that was really annoying that pop up. And it says, it looks like you're trying to write a divorce document. Can I help? And I thought that was kind of funny, but that's only because I find Clippy funny. Because I found Clippy, like I hated Clippy so much in those early Windows computers. I wanted to kill Clippy. I remember Adam.

felber i think had a joke on wait wait don't tell me in like 2004 about clippy saying looks like i think it was when clippy was um finally put out of its misery i think when they announced they were canceling clippy i believe felber on wait wait don't tell me said something like it looks like you're trying to write a death warrant or something and pretended like uh pretended like he was being buried while he was writing it i don't know so in other words those jokes appeal to me sorry about the weird I think I got a lot of details on that wrong and it was not necessary but I wanted to see if I could you'll be hearing from Marion my wait wait don't tell me knowledge from the early 2000s pre-live on stage days um but like you know I find clippy jokes funny but and I went to like that and then I was like you know I'm not gonna like that I don't think I'm gonna like things that are just kind of like people having a lot of fun over the breakup of this of this marriage and maybe that's because like I always when I hear about a celebrity relationship that's been going on for a long time it makes me feel good you know Goldie Hawn and Kurt Russell Russell like isn't that cool don't we root for that yeah and again I want to be very

clear if someone were to go back on my Twitter timeline or listen to this show you would hear and see hundreds of examples of me taking delight in something that is probably the misery of someone else so I am not trying to put myself up as some kind of paragon of virtue and good taste when it comes to trying to be funny or get the likes it's just it was just interesting to me that this one kind of struck me as like ah two people who seem you know to be sort of forces for good in the world and they're you know consciously uncoupling as it were and yeah it just kind of struck me as um as as more of a like a bit of a sad thing for them and then it was also it was some people who i don't know why the david roth thing kind of hit me because it's like i feel like he is he's so smart and his writing about particularly about trump is so just dialed in and for some reason i just think of him as being the guy who always knows what the right tone is yeah i agree and i'm not even saying that like he he he had the wrong tone i'm just saying it was kind of like oh i guess you're also like you're rt-ing someone who made some joke but i can't remember the and i think that joke even may have been about like he was trying to end malaria but this was easier and I was like whoa okay now there's like two things that are like not that funny to me

I'm pretty sure Felber had a joke about that I'm looking it up now back in 2002

do you know that I've actually worn the clippy mascot no for a gig

I mean well no let's just say it wasn't Mort's finest

hour i mean it was for a gig but the gig was sort of meta so my friend caitlin who is uh well yeah okay i don't think i'm outing her she is a producer at microsoft and um she uh was able to facilitate a bunch of years ago me doing these things that were called micro spotting and they were these like i mean they were actually really well conceived i don't know how great i did on the execution but it was basically like just kind of going around microsoft and finding out about just kind of odd surprising quirky things about microsoft and then i think these were available like you know sort of internally for people that worked at microsoft just like to kind of build morale and just be like hey there's some funny stuff going on and one of them was i went to the microsoft archives and i talked to the the microsoft archivist who was who was lovely and we like sat in the chairs that used to be in bill gates's office and like the chair he was like sitting in when he like invented windows which is i don't think even how that works but and then also for a while they had a like you could for a while they would have microsoft events and this clippy would show up and it was like a thing somebody would wear and and then eventually people at microsoft started like you could check it out for the weekend and people started wearing it to parties and when i put it on it smelled faintly like alcohol because people have been

partying it up as clippy what's the right time to introduce the clippy outfit into the boudoir seems like you'd be the right early early and often definitely that's it's you know you want

to be whatever dan savage says what is it gg oh i can't recall but i don't even know what that

means honestly i think it means just giving is one of them i believe sure but you want to all you

just like that's the kind of thing it's not for everyone but uh if it if you're into it you're really into it and you want to like kind of you want to get you want to put that out there pretty early on in the relationship good giving game good giving and good giving and game oh that's nice what would you call that like so a furry would be somebody who's who's into you know wearing And... outfits for suits like various animals would be it would that be a would you be a clippy

i think you might be a clippy you might be you might be i don't know if this is a good show i'll be honest with you i stayed up pretty late last night my fingers in some pain here i'm not saying that for sympathy i'm sorry but like i started the show just being like wow i don't know i don't know um how i'm gonna do this today uh but now i realize we're i mean i don't know how you feel right now but i feel like i'm having a conversation like when you stay up when you're a kid and you stayed up kind of all night long and now the sun is just starting to rise and you just have the giggles i don't know how this is hitting the uh listener right now but i'm having fun

i'm i am too this feels to me like when when you're in vegas so it's like me and our friend tune and camaro kev and the crew and you wake up in the morning this was in the olden days when we were real when we were you know uh younger and had less less disposable income maybe and so we would all be in the same hotel room you know be like two beds and this that's how the mummy got his nickname because nobody wanted to sleep in the same bed as him because he doesn't shower a lot and he said what i sleep like a mummy um but you'd wake up in the morning and i mean i think what it would be is everybody was still kind of drunk yeah sure so you're like sleep deprived and probably still inebriated and then you're just so laughy and you just be like watching some really bad tv in the hotel room and just like everything's funny that's like today's show i remember being a kid

in fact i i don't i do this thing with my memories from my youth luke we've talked about it where i kind of create composites accidentally where i combine different different events and like i I think I said, like, I just remember my high school is it's like one long day, like who did Boyhood? Who did that movie Boyhood? Oh, that's Richard Linkletter. Linkletter. Yeah, I just sort of I picture my high school experience is like one Linkletter film that happens in the course of 24 hours or something like that. Where all my friends are there on one day. But I remember being I think it was fifth grade. I went to my very first concert, and it was a Paul McCartney concert. You may or may not be surprised to hear that, whatever that tour was then. And I went with my friend Tony and his dad. I think it was a big deal. I think it was the first, like, tour where McCartney was playing Beatles songs again, which was a very big deal to me again when I was a kid. And then Tony was going to sleep over my house that night after the concert, which doesn't – this is my problem. It doesn't make sense If we went with Tony's dad Why would we end up Back at my family's house I don't know Just go with me on this But I just remember Leave me alone

Leave me alone Luke This is my story You remember Tony Scat singing into the phone

Tony and I did First time I heard Some Beatles songs Was over the phone Tony playing the White album for me Over the phone No way

That's great That should be a scene

In a movie Dude downstairs We had one phone Of course we didn't have A cordless at this point So we had one phone that offered privacy had like that really really long cord right because we would like talk on the phone and just walk around the room it was this like kind of unfinished little office that my parents had downstairs with some filing cabinets and a desk but mostly we just used it for the phone and i was not allowed to have the white album because my parents had heard bad things about this white album uh and the messages contained within so tony i remember would play me some of the songs over the phone i remember i can smell that damn phone while he was playing everybody's got something to hide except for me and my monkey and me just thinking this is the beetles this is the i want to hold your hand people anyway he and i would have epic uh sleepovers and i i think i remember after the paul mccartney show um we just you know we were in sleeping bags down in the family room and we decided we were just going to try to stay up all night and we would come up with games not unlike shit we do on tbtl i think we tried to come up with like we were just learning what kind of like new age was all we knew is like new age bands had crazy names so we were just coming up with like absurd ridiculous names for new age bands or or maybe new wave i

don't remember exactly what it was but just like maybe new wave because like flock of seagulls or

kajagoogoo i feel like that was the vibe although again we're digging because otherwise you're just coming up with like variations of george winston yeah right right right right not new age sorry okay what if i vibe with some new age music by the way like lenny williams oh that would be great but anyway yeah so i did that feeling of like your jokes aren't getting better at all but you're laughing harder and harder exponentially at these things

until you're just crying from staying up all night. Again, I really do think there must be something wafting over from Top Crop. Speaking of jokes, can I lay one on you real quick? Since you have a blocker on my Twitter feed, you didn't see this yesterday, but I did finally find a place to have some dinner.

Oh, I know. I got the emails.

A guy came into the place, and he was wearing a T-shirt that says, consider this DM carpe-ed. And I don't know why that just was so funny to me. Just like, done. The day has been seized. Just like, consider this, yeah, this day has been seized. Consider this, diem carpe. That's pretty good. And I don't know why I just loved that. Like, I'm not one for the writing on the T-shirts, but I was like, you go, Ontario, Oregon. It was an interesting deal because there was like one restaurant that was still open. It was called Mackey's Pub and Steakhouse. and I, um, uh, they had a delicious Alfredo that I enjoyed. Um, but, uh, I, I walked up to it and first of all, it's really interesting walking. We should, we're long overdue for a break and we need to talk about where our lives would be if not for NPR. But I had this thought as I was walking to this restaurant, it was basically like a mile away and it was just a kind of a warm night and I thought, yeah, I'll just stretch my legs a little bit. But I was walking along kind of the main drag in this town and i would say that i would describe a lot of the folks that are that i saw as being kind of a little bit economically on the margins or appear appearing to be and it's weird though because when you're walking there are certain streets that if you're walking on that street it feels like things aren't going great for you and like this town it seems like the only people that were walking were me and people who appeared to be dealing with homelessness drug addiction mental health stuff and then there were the people in their cars and maybe their car was a beater but like they had a car and i just was like on this walk and i was kind of like just of course because i'm a narcissist i was like i wonder the people in there because people would look at me like what is this guy doing walking down this street and trying to i i'm in my mind i was like are they trying to size me up if i'm somebody who's experiencing homelessness do i look like that do i look like i'm out of place here like It was just a – I just – I don't walk that many places exactly like this street, if that makes sense. I walk a lot of places in Portland, but everyone's walking in Portland. This was kind of a thing where if you were walking on whatever the name of that street is over there, it was kind of like, oh, people were wondering what was going on with me, I thought.

Was it like pedestrian unfriendly? It was pedestrian unfriendly.

Yeah, I hate that. It was a lot of like shuttered businesses. is again i told you rusty's steak and pancake r.i.p um a lot of kind of um you know motels that would be places you would live or stay at maybe if things weren't going super great for you uh financially anyway i come around the corner and i see mackeys and i'm like oh boy there's like a bunch of people outside who are all wearing clothes that look very much like they've been out working doing labor doing construction doing painting and my first thought was nobody is going to be wearing a mask like i'm in malheur county right this is where the that standoff was where those nutcases took over that like national park or that reserve the malheur yeah yeah

bundy boys the fort no it wasn't the forest service but yeah yeah they took over that building

and i was just like i had written this whole script in my mind about what was going to be going on at mackie's and then it was funny all of those folks just masked up like as i was approaching it they all they were just like didn't have their masks on they were standing outside and then they all put their masks on and came inside and everybody inside was wearing their masks and the staff was and everybody was pretty cool and i was kind of like that's what i get for assuming something's going to be a certain way and then the dude breezed in with the this dm has been carpeed shirt and i was like this is one of the better nights i've had in a while i want to

talk about this restaurant by the way i think it was i don't know why i said forest service was probably bureau of land management i want to say yes but i'm also i believe it was a blm thing i'm I'm also stalling here because, and I don't know how you feel about this, Luke, but when I made that comment a second ago, I think you know what I'm talking about. When you had to make a reservation or something to get into this place, and so you used your, like, TETL account. Did you get another update? So when sometimes you must, your phone must default to the Google account.

This happened when I was getting Italian food takeaway in Portland, right? Right, exactly.

So don't ever, if you're ever lonely, don't use your Google account to order a friend.

You've got to be careful what I buy for this weird Google service because it's all being

track and so and i feel a little bit like a buddinski here like a little like i was a little bit nosy but i just got an email come in on my phone and you know at first you don't notice which account is coming in is this a spotless email after these messages my own personal email or tbtl like they all just kind of root through my phone and so um i'll just you know i'll see it and i'll dismiss it a lot of times i'll see a voicemail come in or what have you on that account And then I saw, oh, your reservation at Mackey's Steakhouse and Pub is confirmed. And I'm looking for the link here because I have the email. And I get this moment of thinking like, oh, Luke's going to eat. Like, where's he going? And so I thought I clicked through, but maybe I Googled it. That doesn't sound like me. But it seemed kind of aggressive when you got to their page. I was like, why would you make a reservation for one at a pub, right? And when you go to their website or click through, and I can't seem to find it now, they had these very strict rules like you can make a reservation, but that does not mean a table will be waiting for you. You make a reservation, and that puts you first on the list when you show up and give your name at the door. Do you have any idea what I'm talking about, and is this why you made the reservation?

What I did was I Googled, like, where to eat in Ontario, Oregon, probably while the plane was taxiing. and then I uh this place came up and then I looked at their menu to see if they had anything that was not steak and they did and so I was like okay that's probably a fine place but then it was like reserve a table and I just thought well I'm bored on you know this airplane that's about to take off I guess what's the downside of having a reservation because also I didn't know what the rules are in Malheur County like what sort of level they're on right now and there are certain things that you now have to have a reservation for like in certain places you literally can't like you can't just walk into a restaurant or there you know what i mean like a haircut you've got to have a reservation like there's a lot of stuff that you used to be able to just saunter up to the business and now it's all on a reservation system so my thought was there's no downside to getting a reservation but what's funny is i walked in no one asked about the reservation the place was empty they were like sit anywhere yeah that's what i figured and that's why it ended up being completely unnecessary but it was really one of those things where i was just like i guess

there's no downside yeah right and again and i'm you know sorry to be a bit of a snoop here but it really was just kind of like oh that sounds good you know me i like a good state there's something comforting about just being at a random pubby kind of steakhouse where you don't have super high expectations but you can get an ipa i know you're not a beer drinker but like that just sounds like a good you know kind of environment for that you would have liked this place by the

way if you're ever in ontario oregon would recommend particularly if you eat steak because that stuff looked pretty good too yeah yeah but anyway but i just remember going and it's like

it had all these rules about like this is why you must check in with your phone but it does not guarantee a table i'm just like wow you guys are pretty strict for what looks like a place that matches more the experience you just described luke also i just want to say i cannot believe that reese witherspoon was not in any dancing or cheering movie i thought for sure i wonder if

reese witherspoon is a bad dancer because there's got to be something that that that that human being can't do because she just seems to be you know she just seems to be sort of exceptional in every

way and who who is it that was in the cheering movie that you said i'm confusing her with

well there were these movies that were called like um bring it on yeah right those were cheerleading movies and i know gabrielle union was in them i don't know who the i don't know who the cast of those movies really was but they were like so there were some some cheerleading movies called bring it on where one person says bring it on and the other says it's already been brought in which i think is a great line and then there are step it up which are like the dance movies where people are kind of like facing off with their dancing and i couldn't tell you anything

about step it up one or two carpe diem this carpe has been deemed sure it's kirsten dunst that's what it is you're right it's bring it on and i'm confusing kirsten dunst with a reese witherspoon

But I also love Kirsten Dunst so much. Oh, my gosh. If you haven't seen Drop Dead Gorgeous, I'm saying this to the listeners, underrated so-called mockumentary with Kirsten Dunst and, well, just a really great cast about a beauty pageant in Minnesota. That is like Kirstie Alley is in it.

I only know it because we use that hilarious intro tape from that movie when we're in Minnesota, which is so great. But I've never actually seen it It is a very very very funny film And I would recommend it to people I feel like that kind of stuff I think Reese Witherspoon and Kirsten Dunst Are both in that movie Dick Which I like the comedy about Nixon So I think that might be why I can use that That's the one where Dan Hedaya plays Nixon Look at us figuring it out

I never miss a Dan Hedaya film Steve wants to have a Dan Hedaya film festival. No joke. She's been talking about it for over a decade. We'll go to that. I'm back.

I will go to that. All right. We've got to take a break and decide if this is a good show or a bad show. And then we'll come back and do more of it either way.

Spoiler alert.

Stay with us. It's TVTL.

On your mark. On your mark. Get set. Get set. Now ready. Ready. Go. Everybody rattle, dattle. Everybody rattle.

Oh, let's thank some dazzling donors. These are the wonderful, generous people who decided, no, we're not going to spend our money at Top Crop in the Marijuana District of Ontario, Oregon. We're going to prioritize some funds for old TBTL to help keep the show going. Talking, of course, about James Henderson in Brighton, Michigan. It'd be weird if this is where James came for his marijuana-related needs. I don't know. Maybe it's the best. I mean, it is listed as the top crop, so you never know. James says, howdy, friendos. I just want to tell each of you thanks for the hard work and dedication that you put into this day in and day out. Pausing for self-deprecating jokes. Ellipses, ellipses, ellipses.

I forgot that he wrote that in there, and I was actually thinking. You pause there. I'm like, I guess this is where I talk about how bad the show is.

This is where I go. It would appear James has heard the program before. Having a new episode waiting for me every morning has helped me retain a sense of normalcy through not only this past year, but through the 12 years I have been a listener. Keep it up, guys. Oh, and if any other 10s happen to see a TBTL 10 license plate while driving around southeast Michigan, be sure to give me a friendly honk and a wave. I'll be sure to give you a confused look, as I will have no idea why I'm getting honked at and waved at by a crazy person. No mountain too tall, and good luck to all. Dang, James. James has a TBTL-10 license plate. That's pretty cool. That's maybe the second one I've heard of.

I think we have more than that. I don't want to go into detail because I'll get it wrong, but I know this came up on the show about, I'm going to say, a year ago, and everybody started sending in their TBTL license plate. So I think there's more than two out there. We need to have a campaign where there's one in every state, right? How many would that be?

Yeah, a chicken in every pot and a TBTL-10 license plate in every garage. You know, there was also a thing for a while I don't know how much this really took off But where you were supposed to If you saw someone you suspected of being a 10 in the wild You did the ASL for the number 10 Oh, right Which I believe is like a thumb to the side And then you rotated up into what we think of as the typical thumbs up Yes, that was before my time But I remember you guys talking about that on the radio So if you're in Michigan and you see James' car And you start honking at him maniacally Try to also do the sign language, the ASL for the number 10, and then you'll know what's going on. Yeah, definitely. Well, thanks, James. We really appreciate you. And that's awesome. You know, even though I do pause for self-deprecating jokes, I also possess a massive ego, Andrew. And the idea that there's somebody driving around Michigan whose license plate is reflecting how much they like our little podcast here, that fills me with, what is that, less shame?

You know, let me see if I can give you some negative feelings about this. It just occurred to me. Oh, good, thanks. I don't, because that's where I like to take things. I don't think you can get a TBTL license plate in Oregon, Luke, because I'm pretty sure somebody's already got it. Hmm. You have to pay the license plate price. You have to get that thing back.

Yeah, or I have to do some kind of silly, like, workaround where it's like T-E-E-B-E-E-T-L. Right, yep. Yeah, or something like that, or, you know, Too Cute For You, the number two. Well, I have that one in Washington, but... God. All right, well, I'll figure something out. Anyway, James, thanks so much, man. We really appreciate you. Maestro?

On your mark. On your mark. Get set. Get set. Now ready. Ready. Go.

Everybody rattle, dattle.

Everybody rattle, dattle. As the listeners can tell, I have the window cracked here in this Holiday Inn. By the way, I would recommend Holiday Inn Expresses. And they're not sponsoring the show, but I have never had a bad experience, Andrew, staying in a Holiday Inn Express. It's not, you know, probably the fanciest hotel out there. And it's, you know, kind of just sometimes it's, you know, you got to stay where you got to stay. But they're always clean. Yep. They're running a tight ship here. Everybody's masked up. They got good policies. And I'm a fan, man.

It's a solid brand. Like for me growing up, Holiday Inn was almost synonymous with hotel. Like to me, that's the – Like hotel, motel, Holiday Inn. inn exactly right what so how can you do better than that then i remember this thing called the red roof inn started giving them a real run for their money but i was loyal to the holiday inn

i'm telling you like so i could have stayed in boise last night and boise has a variety of you know fancy hotels and it's on cbs's dime i'm here doing a tv story so i could have done that but i was like you know i'll be a little closer to where the story is actually being filmed And also, I was like, you know, Holiday Inn. I'm not mad at a Holiday Inn Express. And I was rewarded for my trust in the brand because, yeah, this place is actually great. Other than being in the Weed District, which I don't blame them for.

You should get on their loyalty program, whatever their bond boy is.

I think I am, actually. I think it's some kind of – are they part of the Hilton family now? I don't know. Anyway, what I really want to talk about is our second dazzling donor, who is our friend Kelly Harned of Maple Valley, Washington. We love Kelly. Kelly has been a ride or die listener and supporter of this show for many a year. Yes. Kelly says, I'm a bit tardy in returning this message. My brain has decided to stop working at full capacity because 2020 was a shit show and 2021 started off pretty rough. But you know what is working at maximum capacity? My ADD. Ba-dump-bum. And TBTL. I'm so thankful to have Luke and Andrew as a constant in my life. Bad day, that's okay. I've got an episode of TBTL waiting for me. That, by the way, should probably be our slogan. Bad day, it's okay. Yeah, TBTL. They say you just got to let life bounce off of you. Literally. And that's what we're doing. Bad day, it's okay. tbtl um kids driving me crazy throw on the airpods and grab a glass of wine and disappear into an episode of tbtl stressed about covid slap on that mask put tbtl on and strut through that grocery store luke and andrew thanks for bringing the laughs and all of the feels recently i was driving to spokane for soccer with my 16 year old and my amazon music station was playing some great ballads of the late 80s, early 90s. I promise the story is going somewhere. Songs like Home Sweet Home by Motley Crue. You know I'm a sucker for that song, Andrew. And especially the video. Love Song by Tesla. I don't know if I know that one. And November Rain by GNR. As I listened, I realized I was schooling Owen on the art of the guitar solo in a rock ballad. Because I love when you all talk about the music of our youth. I have this question for you. What is your favorite song with an epic slash amazing guitar solo? You go first, Andrew.

Yeah, because I grabbed this message yesterday, so I had more time to think about this. And the truth is, I mean, I don't want to be a bummer here, but I am on the record as somebody who's generally been kind of anti-guitar solo. You know me, Luke. I like to think I can rock, as my friend Paul always says. But the solo itself always seemed a little showy to me The look at me And also just What's the word? Superfluous, I think is the perfect word Like it just always seemed like It was just kind of a

We're doing the song The song's happening Oh, let's all just take a minute For, you know, what? Nikki Sixx Yeah, it might have been even a bassist Mick Mars Yeah, Mr. Guitar That would be it, right? Sure, yeah. Nicky Six, Mick Mars, Vince Neil, Tommy Lee. We know it wasn't. Did Vince Neil Lee make a guitar?

Wait, no, Mick Mars wasn't Motley Crue, was it? Was it? I thought he was. Oh, wow. You know more about Motley Crue than I do. And I was just going on a weird. I'm a real live wire, Andrew. Vince Hill, Tommy Lee, Mick Mars. Yeah, you're right. Mick Mars. Wow. Was he the guitar player? Electric guitar, it says. I like the fact that you hear it says electric guitar. Well, I play electric guitar. Anyway, point is, those were never my favorite. this is a sketch you're the acoustic guitar player it also says that tommy lee plays the drum kit so i don't know what i'm looking at here this i think they're pulling this from wikipedia but anyway all of that to be said because i'm not a fan of that that style of guitar solo the really noodley ones there were a couple of guitar solos that stood out in my life because they were kind of not as noodley and i think tom petty did a good job of that he would have a good tight short little guitar solo that usually I found pretty entertaining I always used to say that guitar solos are kind of like the action scenes in movies I don't usually like them they just seem to kind of take up time and space for me but when they're done well I think Star Wars does action scenes well and I always felt like Tom Petty does guitar solos well if you can follow that but I'm going to go with this I'm actually Thank you. to play a bit of this for you neil young has a song called down by the river which i actually find to be kind of problematic lyrically now um but it's a long ass like nine minute song and uh there's a couple of guitar solos in it but i always like this because it's kind of two guitars and it does this like kind of it doesn't start off super noodley it's more of like this kind of chunky almost a cottoey kind of guitar solo this was always when i was like a young man, I'd say, this is my guitar solo here. And it goes on for quite some time and it gets more noodly as it goes on But you hear it's a little bit more restrained than what you hear on a lot of those hairband records.

Well, I'll tell you, I really, when you mentioned Tom Petty, it reminded me of the guitar solo in Up in Mississippi Tonight.

Oh, yeah, that's a good, that's a great example, Lou.

Which I had forgotten about. Of course, I only know about that song because of you, but now it's like one of my favorite songs of all time. So that one's really good. But you know what, if I'm going to just go with just, I mean, I do think that like Dove, the Prince, Guitar Soul and Dove's Cry is pretty good that he, I mean, it's really good that he starts. You know what, though? Can I just, I had a pretty hot take with Candle in the Wind yesterday. Can I just say Dove's Cry is not my favorite Prince song. Like it's, everybody loves it. It's obviously a huge hit and it's a good song. But it's for me, it's like not even in my top five favorite Prince song. Well, I mean, he's got I'm not shocked by that.

Again, I don't you know, I have I've never owned a Prince album. That wasn't a huge part of my life. I obviously respect, you know, what he did. And I respect people's love for him. But that isn't like a shocking statement to me because the man had a million songs. The man had a million number one of his own success. Yeah.

Yeah, the number one song would have to be Want to Be Your Lover, then Purple Rain, then Let's Go Crazy. I knew, I had a feeling that would be on there, yeah. Then 1999, then like Raspberry Beret, and maybe then Dove's Cry. I'm surprised Raspberry Beret ended up on your list. I just, oh man, I love that song so much. But anyway, that guitar solo that starts Dove's Cry is pretty, I mean. Is it at the beginning of it? Yeah, it literally just starts the song, I think.

Here, let's take a listen. I don't know. Oh. I would have never remembered, Luke, that that's how the song started. Never in a million years.

I would like to go with a different song That starts with a just Frickin I'm not a person who thinks That they like guitar solos but I actually have a lot of Apparently a lot of thoughts on guitar solos and songs The song Mississippi Queen By the band Mountain Okay This dude from Mountain actually just recently Passed away I believe There was a great obit about him in the New York Times I think his name was Leslie I forget his last name But he was an interesting dude Anyway, can you just play that Mississippi Queen by Mountain, and it just starts right into the riff?

Okay, it starts right at the beginning. Let's take a listen. More cowbell.

come on dude that is like that freaking shreds that is pretty badass you know it's funny this

i don't know how to describe this tone of classic rock but this is the kind of classic

rock i never got super into i don't know why like deep purple or something yeah right yeah that kind

of guttural uh approach to like you know whatever but um i'm not trying to dismiss why you would

like this i'm just saying that no i'm generally not into like this era of of rock music is not really for me either like i think i was too young for it and i didn't smoke enough weed or drive a primer, like, rattle-canned Sirocco, like Ned Poole did. If I had any of those things and smoked more weed in high school, maybe I would have been very into, like, Deep Purple in that era. Basically, a lot of the music that's in, like, the Dazed and Confused soundtrack. Right, yes, yes, yes. To bring it back to Richard Linkletter again. Right, yeah, yeah. Anyway. Who plays Drumkit on this song?

is what i want to know so there you go kelly those those are our thoughts on guitar solos kelly says i will sign off with the wise words from my eight-year-old wyatt after hearing luke say episode three three seven six he exclaimed three thousand how long have you listened to this thing yeah a long time wyatt question and i will keep listening for many more years to come because I am your mother. That's my impression of Fred Armisen and a great SNL skit. Oh, I just, I did not.

I thought you were really just riffing out of the blue there. I got to say I was here for it.

No, that's me doing, Kelly, doing a Fred Armisen impression. There's this great SNL skit where it's basically like one of those like Totino's, it's like a fake Totino's like pocket, you know, a Totino pizza pocket commercial where the kids come in after, like, doing hockey or something and, like, Fred Armisen is the mom. But, like, the kids do something that's, like, in a lot of those commercials where they're somehow just, like, you know, I forget what it is. Like, they don't want to eat whatever it is she's serving or something, but she feels really disrespected by them.

Instead of, like, usually at this point in the commercial, the mom would say, well, I have something that will make everybody happy, right? Right.

Or maybe the mom just, like, in a kind of faux exasperated but kind of good-natured way is, like, you know, They're like, we don't want to eat that. And then the mom's like, well, like you said, the mom's like, well, how about this? And then she gives out the pizza rolls. But in this case, Fred Armisen's character is deeply offended by whatever it is the kids say. And this thing is like, I am your mother. And he's like getting in Kyle Mooney's face. Oh, Kyle Mooney.

Fred Armisen.

So good. Anyway, Wyatt, the sentence ends with, for many years to come, all that other stuff was not actually your mom's name. That was me channeling Fred Armisen. So there you go.

Here I go once again with the email every week. I hope that it's from a female. No, man, it's not from a female.

Do you think the listeners are going to notice that we didn't do top stories again?

So I have an idea. I'm looking at the clock. I have an idea for tomorrow's show, Luke. Hear me out. Okay. Okay. What if tomorrow on the show we celebrate, we get Ed Balls on the show? And we celebrate the 50th and two-day anniversary of NPR And maybe, I have an idea You and I talk about what our lives would be like if NPR didn't exist Or if public radio didn't exist

What if we just talk about what our lives would be like if Ed Balls Day had never happened? Because it's also going to be the 10-year, 6th day celebration of Ed Balls Day

That's a good point That's a good point. All right. I hear the dookie music. We'll get to that tomorrow.

But I also know that we have tons of good emails and V-mails, which honestly are as entertaining as anything we would say about NPR or Ed Balls.

I have.

Or AOL and Yahoo. Do you have time?

Well, let's see here. I'll tell you what. We'll stretch this across because I have two decent stem winders here from listeners, both related to falling. Because I fell recently. I hurt my hand. We've talked about it in great detail. And I have two listener stories that are related to that. The first one comes from Brenda, and maybe we'll play the next one on tomorrow's show if we can't get Ed Balls.

I hear the train coming, so I just take off running up the stairs in my flip-flops, which turned out to be a really bad idea. Because as I got to the top step and I see the train pulling in, I put on one last burst of speed, and as I step over the last step, the tip of my flip-flop catches on the top step, and I just go scrolling. Both of my shoes fell off. Every single thing came out of my bag. And I did this in front of everybody on the train. So I stand up, trying to collect myself. I'm bleeding from everywhere. My knees, my hands, my forearms. I'm walking around barefoot on the filthy, disgusting L platform, trying to find my shoes. And the train conductor yells out at me, Hey, lady, grab your stuff. We'll wait for you. And I turned to him and I said, That's great. No, thank you. Go ahead. He said, No, we're waiting because you've earned it. so i had to walk around in front of all these people bloody sweating shaking pick up all my stuff and then get on a packed train covered in blood and sweat and it was just one of the most

hilarious and also horrific experiences of my life, and everybody on that train hated my guts because I had held them up on their way to work, and they didn't give a crap about the fact that I was bleeding everywhere or embarrassed or, you know, that I probably lost a really nice chapstick when I fell. Anyway, I thought you guys might like that. I hope you feel better soon, Andrew. Power out.

There you go, Brenda. See, that's the kind of thing where you know that driver, the conductor, was really trying to do that listener a solid.

Yeah, exactly. You know what I mean? Yeah, and the bus driver, when I broke my fingers in front of the bus, like, the bus driver felt like was waiting for me, too. I couldn't hear what he was saying because, again, he was masked up and behind a piece of plastic. But I waved him on, but he didn't go. He didn't move. He waited for me to get on the damn bus, which I always appreciated. In my case, I'm really, really glad he did stick around because that bus doesn't come but every 10 minutes.

But I also I also know what the listener is talking about where it's like, you know, she just ate shit in front of everybody on that CTA train and then it's uncomfortable and packed. And it's like in that moment, she would rather just let that train go. She could try to clean herself up a little bit and then hope that the next train of people would not know what had happened. So it was like this weird thing where the that conductor is really trying to do this listener a favor, but in fact is doing the listener no favors.

Right. Exactly. Yeah. Yeah. All right. Oops, sorry. I just started playing a song that I want to go out with, but I didn't. Ooh. Did you recognize that studio? Did you recognize that studio tape? Here, let's get it. Ah.

That's at the beginning of up in Mississippi? It certainly is. How about going out with that today?

You cool with that?

How about it? Yeah, man. Any chance to play this song, how about that? All right. Thanks for listening, everyone. Please join us tomorrow when we celebrate the 50th anniversary and three days of the birth of National Public Radio.

if we get to it wait two days only two days tomorrow right oh yeah tomorrow will be two days well let's be honest i'm probably not gonna probably not getting to it depends what's in the

dazzling donor message depends if someone wants to ask us about drum kit solos oh shit and we

never did and we never did um drops of stupider either oh all right also we'll do that tomorrow

all right a lot to do sorry but we we already we established for the listeners this was going to be a goofy show and i think we really delivered on that promise yeah all right thanks for listening everyone. We'll see you tomorrow. Until then, stay safe, take care of yourselves, have a great Tuesday, and please remember no mountain too tall. And good luck to all.

Sally left before the sun could rise With a city man who came to town She turned his head around It was love with just one look When she saw the size of his pocketbook Oh, Sally's doing fine She's up in Mississippi tonight But there's an alpha boy That's gonna remember you And Sally, your one old girl He hates to lose But you did what you had to do You know I'm happy for you But sometimes please think of me Up there in Biloxi Power out.