Muse

Here he comes. Here comes John Wayne. I'm not gonna cry about my pa. I'm gonna build an airport. Put my name on it. Why, Michael? So you can fly away from your feelings. You can keep them bottled up, but they will come out, Michael. Sometimes in the most unexpected... Hey, where the f*** are my hard-boiled eggs?

TBTL! i know i come on strong all right i radiate power i can't help them the employees at trader joe's heaven sent they are saints they were made in a lab the manners and when they say how are you

i act i'm like i'm not well and they're like we have biscottis trees they're all around us but who gives a shit uh 56 pounds of beef that corresponds to i don't know what five or six year old kid what podcast are you talking about all right hello good morning and welcome everybody to a tuesday edition of tbtl the show that just might be too beautiful to live hey where's the freaking gabagoo my name is luke burbank i'm your host hi everybody coming to you from the nest broadcast center high in the sky above Portland, Oregon, where it is just absolutely beautiful. California got sunshine. Looking like we might get to 80 degrees tomorrow. Today is just beautiful blue skies. It's actually very warm. At some point, I'm going to have to figure out if this apartment actually has some kind of air conditioning or not. Because I have a feeling with all the windows and everything, it's going to get very hot. It's going to get Very uncomfortable for the next two or three months. I mean, in the best sort of way. I'd rather this as opposed to, you know, rain. And, you know, another thing that's happening right now. This is also hashtag apartment living. When my neighbors downstairs are cooking something and I have the windows open, all of that stuff wafts right up into my apartment. And they are making pancakes right now, I believe. the people below me so far this breakfast has been a disaster and it smells so good you guys if anybody knows the people that live beneath me could you text them and ask them if they'll bring me some of those pancakes and then leave them at my door like door dash does and then take a picture of the pancakes and then text to me so i know the pancakes are there and then i'll go get them thanks hey by the way it's episode 3420 in a collector series let the fun begin 420, dude. Operation Hydration enters day four, and I got to tell you, it's rough.

I'd be on the bathroom pee-peeing, and he'd be standing right there pee-peeing. It was hilarious, and we were both pee-peeing at the same time.

I'm trying to drink, I mean literally, right now I'm trying to drink 100 ounces of water a day so that I can channel my inner Jonah Hill. And the problem is, I had at least four bathroom emergencies yesterday. Like, I was doing, I don't know if they have security cameras in the elevators in this building, but I was doing what my mom would have called a jig. Like, I was a four-year-old kid who needed to go number one. I was doing the most ridiculous dance in the elevator yesterday, and barely made it. So, anyway, everybody, just please keep me in your thoughts as I go through this difficult time called Trying to Stay Hydrated. I know what my life goal is now, and that is to be featured as a hologram when I give a speech about being unreasonable during unreasonable times. It's a kind of magic. It turns out that could happen. WeWork, that kind of shared workspace that may or may not be a scam, They have partnered with a company I went to this company's website today And watched their like Pitch reel on how they can Holographically beam you into A conference room or A big Large ballroom if you will And you can present things to people as a hologram It looks really cool actually We will talk about that and also A guy in France A farmer Moved a stone on his property, and it turned out that was the national boundary between France and Belgium. So we will tell you what's going on with that. We'll do all that with the help of this guy, the longest-running Cobra of the show. He must be best known for his depictions of the tall ships. Today he's manning the TBTL News Deck.

I'm seeing some bad news, some medium news, and some fun news. He is Andrew Walsh, and he's joining me right now from the Roosevelt neighborhood of Seattle, Washington. Good morning, my friend.

It's ironic that you played, or no, no, no, it's apt that you played that bit of tape, because that was me talking about things I'd seen on the Slack channel a couple of mornings ago. And I was just about to read to you something else related to the bad news. Got a note here from my erstwhile lawyer, Danny in New Hampshire. Good use of erstwhile. Who says, unfortunately, due to the threatened malpractice action against me, there is now a conflict of interest in my continuing representation. Given this conflict, in order to proceed with Luke's claim against NPR, I'm still trying to determine the cause of action there, and the related agreement to settle the malpractice claim, I insist that you be represented by independent counsel to advise you on the terms of the malpractice settlement. I direct you to the New Hampshire Rules of Professional Conduct Rule 1.8. I am screwed, Luke.

Huh. So there was a lot of legalese in there. Andrew, I'm just a simple caveman.

Hey, wait, there's an idea there. Let's tease that out. I could sort of see, let's see, what could be the storyline there? You are an airplane pilot who's also a caveman. No. That doesn't seem great.

There was a lot of legalese in there. The upshot is Danny is not going to represent you because she's representing me?

No, I think that because we are suing her for not representing us adequately. I can't remember, actually. Why are we suing Danny again? Do you know?

Hurt feelings much, Danny?

Yeah, wait. We are suing her over the hurt feelings. Listen, it's not personal.

This is just how it works, okay? You declined to take our case, and now we're suing you.

Yeah, exactly. So, well, it's snake eating its tail at this point. How are you doing, P-Boy?

Wow. I am not doing great. I mean, I'm doing well overall in life. I'm feeling good. I'm loving this weather. But I'm not trying to be dramatic, Andrew, when I say I very nearly peed my pants about four times yesterday. Do you think my body will adjust to this amount of water, or will I just give up? I mean door number two Luke just gives up that's the most likely scenario I was hoping that you

pee your pants first because it's content um but wait hold on though where where were you in these instances why were you you weren't at home driving okay um you know driving running errands I went

we had a um a very nice little outside lunch with some of the livewire staffers to honor our departing social media manager ariana donoville and um so we went to a local joint here in portland pork a no and it was great but i had to leave the table three times three times i had to and they had a porta potty which listen pork a no is a great restaurant i'm not trying to drag them and i know we're all just doing our best because i think they converted what had been like a parking lot into being the eating space because that's what you have to do during the pandemic so i know it's less than ideal but they just have a porta potty there and i would just say eating your lunch and also visiting a porta potty are things that should be very far apart in your day yeah those should be hours apart yeah because every time i had to leave the table and go to the porta potty and use it and then come out and then go back to the table the thoughts of where i had just been were very fresh in my mind if i were the devil which i

would like to state very clearly for everyone including danny in new hampshire i am not the devil but if i were the devil and you died and went to hell luke and i was in charge my i would punish you by making you eat just never-ending barbecue ribs inside of a porta potty

With all of the like If there's a paper towel dispenser Or a napkin or even toilet paper That's gone

No you know what It's perpetually just like Two little squares of toilet paper That are kind of stuck to the To the cardboard roll

Oh that sounds awful You know what I did realize And I'm not kidding I have been visiting port-a-potties Really throughout the northwest The last few days When I was driving to my sister's house On Sunday I had to stop Three times to pee And one of the times as a gas station and they had port-a-potties and it was upsetting what had happened in the port-a-potty at some point before I got there. And so I was using not to be overly descriptive about this, but, you know, there's a urinal that's built in to the whole situation in a lot of port-a-potties. So I always thought, like, what's the point of that? Like you guys on the toilet, that's right.

there whatever no it's so you don't have to look at what happened in the toilet yeah so i used the urinal in that one because it was deeply upsetting the porquet no port-a-potty wasn't gross by port-a-potty standards thankfully i'm sure that they're like doing everything they can to keep it as ungrossed as possible but again i i'm now a big proponent of using the urinal in the port-a-potty if your physical body allows for that because it just makes it so you don't have to see what has happened

Yeah, a little protection there

By the way, I heard a great song yesterday I was in a weird, I was in a country music mood And so I put on just like some kind of Pandora station When you were talking about you being the devil There's a song by Billy Joe Shaver The devil made me do it the first time The second time I'd done it all by myself

What era is that? Is that like more modern or is that classic country?

Is it cool country? Is it hot country? It's, let's see, the devil I'm going to just play it here And see if I can call this up I just thought this was a very This was like the most This was the most ultimate Like country music line I thought

Way down in Louisiana Amongst a tall grown sugar cane Lived a simple man And a dominic a hen And a rose of a different man Yeah the first time All right, get to the working overtime workout part, Philly.

That's just the greatest country music line.

It's pretty good.

All right. Yeah. Anyway, so I have no joke. I really thought I was going to have an accident in the elevator yesterday because I live on a pretty high floor and it takes its time. And I thought to myself, it's weird. It's like whenever it's the least convenient time is when people decide to get on the elevator at random floors. And I thought if somebody like if this thing stops to get to let somebody on in between, you know, where I am now in my floor, it's it's over. It's I'm going to just be in the corner of the elevator wetting myself.

The only thing you can do in that situation is just hope everybody thinks you're pregnant and your water just broke, because then you get more sympathy that way, as opposed to you're just a person who's peeing in the elevator. I've had some eye watery moments. I want to say this somewhat quietly because I don't you know, we still have a friend who's staying with us here because her her partner at home caught the covid through work. And so and she has not been exposed. So she's been staying with us while he is recuperating at home and becoming non contagious. And it's been it's been totally fine. We are lucky to have the space to have a person stay with us. But the only things is and I don't want to say this quietly, so I would not want her to overhear this. But is there been a few eye watery moments in the morning with because we now have three human beings living in here and only one bathroom. and sometimes you wake up in the morning and it's not, you know, things are not as negotiable sometimes first thing in the morning. So there's been a little bit of dance in the jig in the kitchen, too.

Can you, like, talk to your landlord slash downstairs neighbors about using that your dream bathroom?

Yeah, right, get a key bathroom. Your fantasy bathroom? You know, after the last interaction, I don't think I ever talked to you about the last interaction I had with. I didn't, and I kind of don't feel like bringing it up now. You were out, and I had Phyllis on the show, and I did a whole gripe session, or session, I should say. There's a section of the show called Gripe Session, and there was an instance I got real crabby with him. So, you know, I've talked about the – we have various people we deal with here because it's a company that we rent from. But there's one guy who I sort of consider to be kind of our super, right? I mean, he's an architect. I'm sure he's accomplished in other things, and I think running this little side business of being our landlord isn't his favorite thing to do. I've always gotten along with him. Do you hear me wheezing? Hold on a second. I'm muting my mic. I'm going to clear my throat. Did you hear that? No, I didn't. I heard myself wheezing. I did not like that at all. You could drink more water. I'd say about maybe 100 ounces a day. Anyway, you know, he and I have had an interesting relationship. I felt like at times we've been partners and like trying to get like my appliances fixed and that's fine. But then there have been other times where I've kind of said, hey, I'm happy to help out with this other thing. And he's just been like, yeah, you can go ahead and take care of that. I'm like, OK, I don't think you're hearing me right now. Well, around the holidays, Genevieve had a package delivered. Luckily, it was not a super expensive one. Usually packages are just kind of like thrown over the gate here or left on our stairs in a way that's away from the street. This was a smaller package.

that was jammed into our mailbox and it didn't quite fit all the way in the mailbox we think maybe part of it was sticking up and so somebody came along and we have like a mailbox again we're on like kind of a commercial area our mailbox is like kind of attached to a wall um right outside of our gate and um somebody you know came in with a screwdriver or something and just pried the son of a gun open and took the package and then i found a bunch of you know discarded mail on the ground package was not expensive but whatever so I reach out to the um to our landlords and we say that this happened and that you know we need a new mailbox and in the meantime we'll be using the neighbor's mailbox whatever whatever later that day or the next day I see this guy Steven who again is our apartment manager and who I have an interesting relationship with and like he's just repairing the mailbox instead of getting us a new one and it turns out I think he ended up being right but in the moment I was kind of like well you're just fixing this now right you're going to replace this mailbox with something that can't be just pried open by a rando with a screwdriver yeah yeah and he's like and he gave me this whole thing about he's like listen anybody can break into any mailbox if they have enough uh you know if they want to bad enough and they have the right tools this is a fine mailbox you know i'm fixing it but like i'm like you're telling me that this mailbox this aluminum mailbox that you're just bending a little flap on right now is the most secure mailbox there's no point in getting a more secure mailbox because this is it anybody can break into any mailbox and he's like yep and i was just like i turned around and i muttered jesus christ under my mask real polite mailbox exactly like i did i had just had enough and i'm not usually throwing that kind of energy in the air and i'm usually like i just had it had been after the whole pipe explosion thing that like you know where we didn't have a working bathroom for a while and they kind of worked around it by giving us some other places to use the restroom and take showers but like it was a pain in the ass i never felt like that was ever like fully acknowledged or even really apologized for in some way not that it was their fault that the pipe broke but it just didn't it didn't feel like customer service to me and then the next thing to come along and just like yep hey anybody can break into any mailbox you want it you want a mailbox and get your mailbox you know nail polish on i'm just like jeez yeah this is you

You know what? First of all, we've got to see if Danny will represent you on this. I know she's been kind of she wouldn't. She's been sort of, you know, she's been on board. Then she sort of decides she's not going to represent you. Then we sue her. Then she says she's not going to represent us in the lawsuit against her, which, again, malpractice, probably. Yeah. But this is where I get really, really angry on your behalf, because you and Genevieve are such conscientious renters. I was talking to my brother in law, Jason, when I was out at the yurt and he was telling me about. So his parents had for a time owned a rental home here in Portland. And so it was in a nice neighborhood. the first set of tenants were making rohypnol in the basement they were making the date rape drug and when this was found out i don't know if it was by that by by jason and his family or the police but the police were called the people were kicked out they had to spend all this money on remediation because there was like rohypnol in the like soil or something crazy right how weird is that That is very weird and upsetting. They get new tenants. The new tenants, somebody is wearing stiletto heels and I don't know, maybe practicing for a salsa competition or something. The floors get destroyed by the stiletto heels of somebody who is part of the second group of renters. And eventually they sold the house because it was just too much work to deal with people who are not conscientious renters. That is not you and Genevieve. In fact, when you guys moved into that place, someone had been living there for a really long time previously, and the place had, by your description, had sort of gotten pretty run down. They had come through and repainted it and made it nice, and you guys are just like – I guess my point is that the folks that are renting you this place should honestly get – be so thankful that you guys are living there that if you need a new mailbox, if you need the pipes fixed quickly, like anything you need, they should be bending over backwards so as to keep you in there because you are making their

life so much better than the alternative now here's the one thing that sort of belies my gripe which is i had this whole narrative of you know if if this guy like if his mailbox got broken into i feel like maybe action would have been taken differently um but two things since he did repair the mailbox I am surprised at how much more secure it is by tightening it up there is less of a place for somebody to pry open the mailbox and it actually does seem more secure so I guess point or half a point to Stephen on that full points to steven for installing a new mailbox for his company just in the past month or two directly next to ours and it's the exact same mailbox so because there was us and the winery and now i don't know how they were getting their mail before i think a different mail slot but they decided they needed a mailbox and they bought the same exact model for their business mail so i guess he does believe that they are secure it's not like i mean if they had installed a third mailbox and it was like fort knox and it's like next to us and you have one that's just like

has the flag you put up you open it's like the kind that's on a country road yeah right it's

like the door is hanging off by one hinge and somebody blew the bloody doors off um but uh no he did buy the same exact one for himself for his company you know which i assume they're getting you know important documents or what have you so um you know at least again at least it's not

hypocrisy yeah no that's a good point that's a good clarification but again i'm just i'm just sort of mad on your behalf generally speaking that it's ever a conversation where you have to kind of like they should be anticipating anything that might be something you need and they should be jump you know jumping at the chance to fix it even if you're just being a little extra and you're like i don't feel comfortable with this mailbox because it was broken into and it's our mail it's our personal stuff in my mind if i had great tenants like you that were paying thousands of dollars a month to live somewhere and for me to lose you would cost me thousands of dollars just in the turnaround time for the unit and then who knows who i'm gonna have living there i would just be going out of my way to keep you happy at all times i would be basically doing the opposite of what the management of my apartment does uh on a daily basis by the way my nemesis sent out an well i mean my first nemesis i think is long gone thomas but he's gone i didn't well Well, I haven't heard from him in, I don't know, a few months.

You drove him out. Or you drove him underground.

But the other person who replaced him, and actually was nice and helpful, generally speaking, but was also given to the famous Fair Housing Act excuse. Oh, I have an update on that, by the way. We should probably take a break. But did we talk about this on the show that I even though I said I wasn't going to do this, I gave a whole spiel a while ago about how I was just going to learn to bloom where I'm planted and I'm not going to constantly be trying to, like, upgrade or maximize or get the slightly better place. Well, I woke up one day in some kind of mood and I went on the website of this apartment building and I found out that there was like three or four units on the other side of the hallway. So they look out. Well, yeah, they look out on the Willamette River. They look on in downtown Portland. you know, which I think of as being kind of a better situation. Turns out, so I called them up. I said, can I take a look at these places? They said, sure. I took a look at them. And in order, because these places were like a fractionally less amount every month for rent for some reason, I think because, again, rental markets are, even though the housing market is going crazy, in a lot of places the rental market is actually fairly soft. Another reason I think that your landlord should be very, very nice to you. And so because I think the rent has dropped in some of these units, and so because I was going to potentially be moving to a unit where the rent was cheaper, it was somehow a violation of my lease. And it meant that I was going to have to pay $6,000, Andrew, to move apartments. To an apartment unit that is – In my building. That is renting for less. And is exactly the same layout as my apartment. Like the exact same everything. Just on the other side of the building, the building I live in, the building that has vacancies, it was going to cost me $6,000. And I said, well, that seems like a bad system. I go, well, how about this? Can I just pay you the same amount of rent? And they said, Fair Housing Act. We can't let you pay the same amount of rent to live in this unit you want to live in. Instead, we have to charge you $6,000. So I'll just be staying here on this side of the building for the foreseeable future.

I don't understand how the law comes into that, so I'm not even going to touch that right now because I don't fully understand that.

That's a question for Danny.

I will say this. Has she been charging us for all this? Billable hours? I will say this. I understand why it couldn't be free. Because every time somebody moves out and there's costs associated with the cleanup and prep and the rental of the new place. So, you know, it's not 100% free. I don't think it's $6,000 worth. But I do understand that if I owned a place and then somebody wanted to move to a different unit, I would have it would be work and resources for me to then make that place rentable again of some sort. You know, I mean, take down. Yeah, no, that's fair. The strike zone. But anyway, so there's something there. But, yes, six thousand dollars does seem does seem excessive. And I again, I don't understand how the law comes into it.

Well, that's the thing. It's like any time that they. find themselves i think at some kind of logical impasse then they've all been trained everybody that works in that office has been trained to say fair housing act yeah and then it's just like it just ends the conversation which is frustrating to me because i think a lot of times there's not any logic behind what they're saying they're just you know it's just they're kind of it's their way of not having to actually uh deal with my annoying requests which you know some of them are annoying

Also, a real question here. Would these other units have that elevator shaft? Because I get the impression you kind of like that cement. They do. What is the specific word when it's internal but exposed walls like that? Is it cemented?

I don't know, but it was. I mean, literally, like, if you were to be in the apartment I looked at, other than the view being different, you would not know that you were not in this apartment. I mean, it's exactly the same. It has a big, long concrete wall, same color floors, the whole thing. Mostly I'm just disappointed in myself that I absolutely 100% did not stick to my plan of just being happy with how my life was. Like, that's the thing that I continue to struggle with is just being okay with things being the way they are.

Yeah, I mean, it's interesting, though. I mean, there's also, I mean, I'm usually pretty happy with the way things are. But then others could look at me and say, well, there's a lack of ambition there, too. So I don't know. Maybe it's good to be somewhere in between.

Yeah, exactly. Because, again, I had big plans to just be a totally different person when I got to Portland. And it turns out, Andrew, I'm still me. But here's the deal, though. I think if you got that other apartment, you'd probably be a different person. I just feel like, yeah, being able to look out on downtown Portland as the sun sets is going to help me in so many ways. I really do think I'll fundamentally change as a person if I can just get over to the other side of the building.

It'll make the show better. Speaking of the show, you probably have to pee. It actually will make the show better, by the way. Because you can look out on the...

No, because, again, I'll be on the other side of the building, which is not where the ambulance you can probably hear in the background right now. I do, yeah. Like, literally, I am in the worst possible place to try to do a podcast. Also, the sun situation. It'd be better if the sun was not beating down on this little room in the mornings, because that's when we record this. That's when I do some Livewire stuff. so it actually would probably improve the show but i am not going to spend six thousand dollars for that and now do i hear jackhammers in the background what is that no that's actually just

my that's my personal jackhammer okay that's you're starting a jackhammer store yeah jerry

jerry the jackhammer i keep him right next to randy the roomba by the way i wrote this on twitter but this really happened the other day randy was doing his thing in here and i look over i'm in this bathroom that's attached to my bedroom and randy has grabbed the uh power cord for my laptop because it had been plugged in in an outlet but i guess it was it was like plugged in and the laptop was sitting on the bed but there was enough slack in the power cord that randy grabbed it and was dragging it had unplugged it and was dragging the entire power cord under the bed and i just looked over and i just yelled randy no which is not how any of that works did randy put his little tail between his legs i turned into lauren michaels from the tv funhouse intro come back with my show because the dog is like the dog is grabbing i don't know what it is like the the um the sort of title page or whatever uh it did not stop randy had to dive under the bed and and grab pick randy up which freezes the Roomba and then luckily the cable was okay but I mean it was the most uh what do we call that is that am I anthropomorphizing Randy when I think of him as a creature yeah I think so well it's the most anthropomorphizing moment of all time I mean it was as if a dog had done something bad and I was chastising it I don't know if anthropomorphize

by the way do you have elephants in the background now Luke what is going on over there I'm very lonely and you really need a new apartment this is ruining the show do not tell the management

about the elephant it's a major violation of the fair housing act i i just for the record

anthropomorphizing may only apply to applying human characteristics to something so i don't know if you were thinking of randy in this case as a child or a dog so i dog up a more five yeah and i don't even know if i'm right about that just want to throw it out there all right let's

take a quick break and then when we come back I do want to talk about holograms and I do want to talk about Drops of Stupider, The Deuce that's still happening everyone we're in round two and we are trying to figure out the greatest moment in TBTL history so stay with us, more TBTL coming up in a moment On your mark, get set now ready, ready go! Everybody rattle dazzle, everybody rattle, dazzle 60 The... Two ounces down.

I will finish this thing before the show is over. I saw people talking about this on Slack. So you were mentioning that, oh, shoot, Jonah Hill was carrying around this big bottle of water. And that was kind of an inspiration for you. But apparently it's a whole trend that goes well beyond Jonah Hill. There's whole articles about how celebrities are carrying around these giant water bottles now. I didn't realize that this was part of it. Did they mention me in the article? I did not read the article. You will not be surprised to hear. You know I'm not lying when I say that, so I don't know.

There's a subsequent article coming out about podcast celebrities who are drinking a lot of water and urinating in their pants in the elevator of their apartment building.

And the sad thing is you're still not mentioned in it.

Mark Maron was recently spotted. All right. All right. Okay. Let's thank some dazzling donors. Let's thank Harley and Amy Cody of North Lakewood, Washington. Harley and Amy are donating to the show a dazzling amount of dough. It's how we're able to do this. It's how, you know, we're here at episode 3420 all these years later because of folks like Harley and Amy. Hey, friendos. Now, I'm not 100% sure who's writing this. I'm going to go with Harley Because Harley's name is the first one on the list

Yeah, and you know what, later on I see Amy and I Is mentioned Ah, okay, perfect

So, Harley says, hey friendos I don't have a ton to say But wanted y'all to know that we love the stuffins out of you both And deadass appreciate the show No cap I added no cap, because I'm in touch with Youth Lingo I'm not sure if I used deadass correctly there You did, Harley Because I am an old But I thought I'd try it out anyway Amy and I have been listening since the beginning But really got hooked when we heard The infamous Kingdome pooping story That's early Harley, Kingdome pooping is old TBTL Elevator urination is new TBTL Still in the running though

Still could end up being the best moment Of TBTL history

We keep evolving the show And now it's all about me peeing my pants It used to be about me pooping my pants

I'll tell you what Luke, we keep doing the show long enough I was just thinking before the show today, and I don't know if this is appropriate to say. I think it is during the middle of a dazzling donor message. Like, I don't think I realized how long this podcast relationship would go on between you and me. This is a very dark. This is a weird, dark thing to say, which I'm talking slowly because I feel like I should not say this. But for some reason, I cannot remember what I was listening to or what I read that somebody mentioned what their legacy is. And in my head, I thought again, as I often do, and it sounds like a humble brag, but I swear, like I, I always think I don't care what my legacy is. I don't I. Oh, you know what it was when we shoot? I'm so sorry. Oh, my God. Amy Harley. I'm so sorry. Luke, I saw your your notes in the in the show sheet about a hologram. And I thought, oh, I wonder if this is a way to live forever. And I thought I don't want to live forever. I honestly don't care if anybody, you know, doesn't even remember me when I'm past. As long as nobody thinks like, you know, as long as I don't go out having done something terrible, you know, I don't want to leave a bad taste in people's mouth. But aside from that, like that's that's good enough for me. And I was thinking about that. And then I was thinking, wow, you know, I've done TBTL long enough now that when I do pass from this from this physical world, chances are that will be a type of legacy. Like there will be a bunch of people who remember me for this. And I was thinking back in 2012 when I joined the show, I did not think that that was the thing. I thought it was just another producing gig, sort of, you know what I mean? Not a producing gig. I knew I was talking to you, but I thought I would do it for a while and then, you know, whatever. But now, like, honestly, I kind of had some emotions about that, some feelings about that because I love doing this. And I guess I'm just kind of proud of what we've carved out here a little bit.

Yeah, for me professionally, this is definitely the thing that I will be remembered for, I think. You know, I mean, I have a lot of other jobs, but it's like no one's going to be like nobody who watches CBS Sunday Morning is just going to be like really bummed out that there's less LB in their in their life. But, of course, the listeners of this show, I mean, that that assumes that you and I are still doing this show when I'm 180. How old did I say I was going to get?

That's what I was going to say before. Like, if we continue doing this too much longer, this show really will become about our incontinence issues as it goes on.

Yes. But, no, I mean, this will be very likely, unless something really unexpected happens on the back nine of my life, this will probably be the thing that the most – well, I mean, as far as –

things that people the most people would have interacted with it probably be something like wait wait just because that shows very popular but as far as people really caring about our existence and if we exist or not this is where it's at and this will probably be the yeah the quote-unquote legacy yeah that's a very it's an extremely um uh hoity-toity way to talk about anything that anybody does but as far as if anybody remembers any job stuff i did i bet you It'll be this podcast.

For me, first line of the obituary will probably be, you know, Valley City Youth Council. How did he get on it? Failed candidate for vice president of the Liverpool School Student Council. Then probably, I'm going to say Ross and Burbank producer. Then probably TBTL.

By the way, Harley continues. Sorry, Harley. Now that I have you gents all buttered up And I'll add In our feelings Now that I have you gents all contemplating The end of your time on this planet I was wondering if you would play a song To end the show today As the official TBTL Christian rap correspondent I would be remiss If I didn't ask for you to play A terrible slash terrific little ditty From 1989 It's called Plain and Simple It's by SFC, Soldiers for Christ I feel like I saw Soldiers for Christ perform somewhere, Andrew. I must have. It exemplifies everything you could ever want in a Christian hip-hop song. The rapture, Bible verses, one-on-one basketball, to the death, and an 808 bass drum that will blow your swap-meet woofers in your Hyundai Accel.

Nice.

It's pretty much perfect, just like this show. Thank you both for all you do, and thanks for making the world a better place. power out from harley and amy i'm excited to hear this song yeah oh man i i sure i sure loved me some christian rap music when i was uh when i was a kid i mean that's one of the more i'm surprised that didn't make it into the i guess it's just a story but um i'm surprised to make it into the drops of stupider the the time that i brought home a christian rap tape and my dad said the beat was defiant even though the guy was rapping about jesus right right somebody found that tape I believe and sent us a link to it at some point because I've described it on the show so many times. Anyway, Harley and Amy, thank you so much. We really appreciate you. Thanks for keeping the show going. And Maestro. On your mark.

On your mark. Get set. Get set. Now ready. Ready. Go. Everybody rattle, dattle.

Oh, look who it is. It's our friend Megan Toomey.

On a Tuesday.

Coming up. On a Toomey.

It's Toomey Tuesdays. You're on TBTL.

You know what this show is turning into for me? Bladderbusters at CI Shenanigans. We talked about that, right, at some point.

I don't know.

It was a promotion. When I was a kid, I remember listening to the radio. Sorry, Megan. And thanks for the donation.

Yes.

When I was a kid, I would hear ads for something called Bladderbusters, which might have been on a Tuesday. And it was The drinks were like Beer was 99 cents or something Until the first person had to go to the bathroom

There was a communal thing though It wasn't your own personal challenge Right

But we talked about this before and I think it raised some questions Could you just leave? Also, could you just go to the Red Lobster next door? Also, was that person chastised? Everyone's getting their Their cheap beer and then all of a sudden Luke slinks off to the restroom And the barkeep says Alright, beer is $3 again Thanks, Luke

Yeah, and also How many people are wearing Secret contraptions, you know Did it, Andrew You should do one You should wear one Get a stadium pail strapped I'm wearing one right now Oh, good

Yeah, I've ordered one on Amazon Megan is in Horseheads, New York Megan says, hello, Luke and Andrew I never know what to say here, other than I love the show and I love the tens. Shout out to my BFF10 Hess and my sister 10 Carrie. I am almost always time banditing, about a month behind real life. So maybe the world will be more normal when I finally hear this red on the show. Fingers crossed. Wow. That's interesting. I wonder what it's like. I mean, time banditing is a common thing, but a month. I guess this stuff is equally irrelevant a month from now as opposed to, you know, people who happen to listen to it today as it's happening.

Yeah, I think so. You know, it's hard. That's the beauty of this show. Yeah, I think so. There is something about – there's something – again, I'm sorry I always come back to this, but the only analogy that I have is my –

my own mortality and whether or not I will be accepted through the pearly gates. No, I was going to say is my listening to the Dan Lebitard show. And there is something like I love live radio and I like things to be current. So but they release so much stuff. And I mentioned this on the show recently to you, Luke. I kind of just have it always on. I'm always playing like the oldest one that I haven't listened to yet. And so I can slip to be several days behind, several episodes behind. Yet Mondays are always the hardest for me Because I see there's a new Levitard show on Monday And it's really hard for me to go back To listen to last week's Wednesday or Thursday Like I feel like a lot has happened I should listen to Monday's show But then I have to declare bankruptcy on the rest And then, you know Anyway, I think I understand the feeling

Well Megan, thank you so much for supporting the show Thanks for coming out to events Thanks for giving me coffee from Ithaca We really appreciate you and we would not be here without you. So thanks again. Hello and welcome to Top Story. Really regretting shotgunning that 60 ounces of water, Andrew. I can feel things building. In the words of Borat, something is arriving. Something is arriving. But I'm going to just push forward with Top Stories, including this holographic work thing that WeWork has now announced. They've entered into an agreement with a Canadian company called Art Media, which developed this technology. It's going to be installed at WeWorks around the world. Speakers will go to a capture studio at a WeWork near where they live to participate in panel discussions. The WeWork hosting the panel would have a largest piece of audiovisual equipment standing on the stage to display the holograms. It's called a Holopod. It's about 5 feet wide, 10 feet high. It looks like a big TV where the screen is partly see-through. It's got an HD projector, audio speakers, etc. I went to this art website today, Andrew, and I watched their sizzle reel, and I have to say it's pretty cool. Like, I mean, it's pretty convincing. I don't quite understand. I guess the thing is that they're assuming that in the future we will once again gather in rooms together like when everybody's vaxxed or when the pandemic has been defeated but the person who's doing the presentation doesn't have to travel to where the room is i'm not 100 sure what the point of it is but it's damn cool looking like

if you're at like let's picture a comic-con style panel everybody's sitting on those um directors chairs or whatever and there's like seven people on the panel but two of them are in new york and the in the panels going on in LA they can just like they can just hologram in I could see it being useful in that case I mean the question is always like how much are we going to be expected to be more present in other words if it's the example that I just gave okay that makes sense that's a replacement for being there in person but does this become a replacement for zoom calls like for more casual things in the way that zoom calls have now become a replacement for telephone conversations, including not just professionally, but personally. I was actually talking to my dad on the phone this weekend. And, you know, he mentioned Zoom offhand and something about he's like, yeah, I don't really like it. I'm like, yeah, me neither. Or I don't feel a need to do that. And I just thought, wow, yeah, that's right. Like this pandemic has been going on for, well, everybody knows quite some time now. I actually haven't been home to see my folks for some time before the pandemic even began. So it's been years now. And we stay in touch on the phone. I usually have like a big, long conversation with my dad on the phone once a week. Never once did either one of us ever say, hey, should we dial up a Zoom? It didn't occur to me how kind of surprising that is in 2021 that we've never once said, well, let's sit down and do a Zoom because I don't think either one of us want to just sit there behind the computer and stare at each other. It feels awkward to both of us. Let's just be on the phone the way we have our entire lives.

the whole like you know the the burbank family zoom has more or less bitten the dust which i'm fine with i mean i love talking to my siblings and my family but for a while that was like every week or twice a week people were zooming and it just i was eventually kind of ducking out and avoiding them just because it felt like another i don't know another screen i was going to stare at for a certain amount of time there's something nice about just being on the phone and pacing around your house or doing whatever it is you want to do and the people not seeing you I was thinking as I was reading this article today, I was thinking, oh, I'll ask Andrew if he misses going to work. But then I thought we haven't been to real workspaces in years, like pre-pandemic. We never had a sort of traditional, you know, since I guess Cairo, right? We haven't gone to like a desk and done work. Do you miss that? Would you do that again if you could? Well, you know, it's funny you should say that.

I I recently taken a job at Cairo because if you think that's going to be your legacy you're wrong

this is your legacy you're stuck with it I applied to be the associate morning edition producer at Minnesota Public Radio Luke I know I am thinking about Minnesota Public Radio because for a while there you and I were going out to the mothership there in St. Paul Minnesota to be around our colleagues. We, you know, maybe once or twice a year, we'd go out there for a week just to work around people. And I really enjoyed that. In fact, the very last time we went was probably one of my favorite work trips ever. Well, I mean, Australia was pretty cool. But no, I mean, for more of a standard traditional work trip. And I liked seeing a lot of my colleagues and kind of getting into a regular rhythm for one week where I woke up, walked into work, or I don't think I took the train last time but like it just sort of felt like a thing i love the life i have now but every now and then dipping into that world was was pretty cool the pandemic has put an end to that but also since the pandemic now this is just getting very very specific almost every single one of those colleagues who i used to work with when we went to minnesota is gone i mean 90 of them work for the new york times a few others work for other podcasting uh companies like i sometimes think about that and i think oh it'll be fun to go back to minnesota and like work out of 8 p.m for a week but with the exception like a couple of exceptions like eric stromsted you know all of our co-workers we used to work with are gone and the ones we still work with aren't in minnesota like kiki lolo is on the west coast you know so um i do think i i sort of miss it but i also think that um you know no i don't think anybody's going back to a fully quote-unquote normal work situation like it was which is interesting February 2020 you know right like presumably

there will be a point where it's not in any kind of a danger to people to be at work and I've noticed a lot of these tech companies because there's a lot of competition for good employees in Silicon Valley and so the tech companies are competing with each other for employees by basically having increasingly more kind of like liberal policies about if you have to come in or

not yeah right i people are gonna want the choice i think i think people are gonna want a lot more

flexibility yeah and i was thinking to myself oh you know i really have i have very fond memories of going into places whether it was like npr west um i loved my job there working on that show day to day or i loved working at cairo um and seeing everybody when we did tbtl and then later on we did ross and burbank and i was thinking oh that would be kind of fun then i thought i bet you two days in i would think this is miserable like not the being at work with people part but the having to look a certain way having to be somewhere at a certain moment like i think i have just gone fully feral at this point like i'm in sweat shorts right now um and a t-shirt this would not be appropriate you know workplace garb but i like i don't know i think i've just become too comfortable and too used to being able to just kind of like when we're not actively recording the show or I'm not actively doing live wire which I'll be doing this afternoon just being in my home environment and again I'm fortunate I don't have any little kids here I'm just very like able to do whatever I want but the fact that I can just go I could go lay down in bed if I wanted to after this I mean I would still need to work but I just think that I don't think I'm ever going to be capable of going back in and working in a normal office environment I think you were well I don't think

you ever would have anyway i i don't think that's pandemic related i mean your life has just been shifting more and more towards you know you're you'll be on the road more and more as things return back to normal but i i think even before the pandemic you were just not you had carved out you have carved out a career slash careers for yourself that are non-traditional you are you know either gussying up so you can be on stage can we say gussying up that's an is that an innocent phrase does that have dark origins no i think i don't think that that's as i'm saying

i don't think that's been canceled by the way did you see sorry to tangent here but the guy who's the trainer for the horse that won the kentucky derby that then tested positive for elevated levels of something it's not supposed to have at that level

and he went on fox news and said it was cancel culture no i did not i did not see that that's

why i wrote today on twitter i was like ah my pee was mostly cocaine and now my construction job

boss is canceling me like cancel culture bob baffert that was never okay uh but anyway you know i just think that you you know where i'm going with my thought i don't have to finish it but you know you were just you you have an untraditional career trajectory you're more of a performer in the same way you're a performer and a writer and all these things in the same way You know, like a lot of authors don't go into the office, you know?

Yeah, I have managed to I've been thinking about this a lot lately, maybe because just where my life is at.

sort of personally but it's like i have managed to create exactly the life that that sort of is most comfortable for me i i'm you know what i mean like i don't have any little kids right now i don't have to i don't really have any boss i mean there are people that are my bosses but they all know to just like leave me alone mostly like i'm i'm i have managed to create exactly the situation that i think i thought i wanted and i'm not sure if it makes me totally happy you know what i mean like i think of my happiest times and maybe this is just this is just youth i don't know why this turned into the like most maudlin episode we've done in a long time but like some of my happiest memories are when i had to go into npr west at like six in the morning and get up super early drive in sit at a desk you know feel a lot of stress about trying to book guests but just i don't know that life even though i was not making very much money and i was fairly you know low on the food chain there i just have great memories about that time of my life uh and and so here i am now i'm the host i'm the person who gets talking to the microphones i am again living out this thing that i thought also it was very stressful having a kid super young and i remember thinking like i can't wait until i don't have any like young children that I have to, you know, take care of and be responsible for. So I'm here. It happened. And I'm like, am I happier now than I was when I was making no money and, you know, part-time single dad getting up at 0-dark-30 to go into my producer job? I don't know. Well, I certainly think if you got that apartment across the hall, you would be. That's exactly right. And once I get Danny on the case to sue the yard apartment buildings, I think I will be moving over there, and everything will be coming up millhouse. Milhouse. One last thing on this

new technology before you move on, because it sounds like you're going to. I will just say this. Let's keep Jeffrey Toobin away from it.

Did you hear about the guy at the Believer?

No. He, this is a crazy story. Is it a sports publication? What is Believer?

It's a literary magazine. I think it was started originally by Venda LaVita and Dave Eggers.

Oh yeah, that rings up.

I believe are a couple still but you know when when so they founded um uh what's it called 826 which is that actually very cool um kind of like child literacy program yeah where they've got you know various like in san francisco and in seattle they have these time travel shops and pirate shops and things that are appealing to kids and then they do writing and reading programs it's a really awesome organization anyway the believer magazine was also i think um sort of founded around that time by i think it was heidi julevitz and venda levita anyway none of that matters the point is it was eventually acquired by this thing called the black mountain institute at unlv which i think is something that just i think somebody left a bunch of money to unlv and wanted them to do something in the world of of literature and so that that outfit sort of took over the believer or became how the believer gets created or whatever point being the dude who was the editor has stepped down because his story andrew is he has fibromyalgia um so he's in a lot of physical pain and so he was on a meeting but he was soaking in a bath of epsom salts to ease his pain he was wearing apparently a mesh t-shirt by the way this is his version of events and he was in the bathtub and then his laptop died oh he was using by the way he was using a um uh like a zoom background so it's his argument is he was doing everything he could to make sure that his staffers did not realize he

was soaking in a bathtub it's the mesh t-shirt not like a sexy club t-shirt i have not okay myself seen the t-shirt i'm just i wasn't sure if i was misunderstanding he was trying to make it seem like everything was normal but i don't understand how wearing a mesh t-shirt makes everything seem

normal but okay me neither okay he had a he had a choke collar on with yeah with a chain that was running just out of the frame right a mesh t-shirt no a leather cops hat anyway okay so he's probably

got a shirt that maybe looks like a normal t-shirt but it can be it's it can be in the

bathtub okay okay so he's sitting in the bathtub they're having a meeting and he the laptop dies Because he hasn't plugged it in And the screen goes black This is again all his version of Vince You know exactly He stands up I guess to go Get the plug in Get the power cord And Even though the screen has gone dark And it appears the laptop is dead It is not dead It is very much broadcasting to The other people on the meeting And so this guy has stepped down Now, to fully sort of flesh out the story, there are a lot of people who were. There who did not really seem to particularly Like him as the editor of this magazine They didn't really appreciate his managerial Style and so I think the thought Is kind of like if this was just a deeply Embarrassing mess up You probably wouldn't have to step Down there was sort of there was a lot Of other things that people were not Really jazzed about and that's why this was Kind of like the last straw I had heard there's one for your there's one for

Your nightmare file well yeah also just Like if you're and again like if you're in constant pain like i can't even imagine what that's like and you need to be in this scenario it just sort of seems like put on trunks you know and maybe even just like tell the maybe you don't even have to lie or try to cover up as much i mean maybe you know still use the background and make everybody comfortable but just say hey just so you know i'm you know dealing with this debilitating um yeah situation that you are all familiar with so you know i i am sitting in a tub But like sitting in a tub in a in a shirt that's made for water and a pair of trunks is, you know, not traditional workplace. But there's nothing wrong with that. Like that doesn't that doesn't jive.

Yeah, you're right. It's funny. I read I was quite fascinated with this story and the whole thing. And at no point did it occur to me, oh, he should just be wearing swim trunks. Right, right. That's such an obvious solution to this problem.

There's a story that I can't tell you, so I'll bring it up anyway. I know. But it is amazing, though, how I know of one story and I can't even I can't even come close to giving you hints. But it's an organization that you and I are both familiar with that we have friends who work for. And there was there was a an accidental nudity thing on their Zoom call during an editorial meeting. And it was a woman who didn't realize her camera was on or something. And she was like topless in this meeting for a moment or two. Like, I'll tell you. Yeah. Yeah. And I don't know, by the way, I don't know the person. So I'm not even I'm not withholding that just to be coy. Like, I really I don't know this this person personally, but I know people who were on this call. Huh. And apparently it wasn't like apparently. And like for me, you hear about these stories. You're just like, how could that possibly happen? My understanding of this is it was like kind of weird and awkward for a second. And then it just moved on. I mean, it was a woman. Right. And I think that there's a difference there because men had so, so, so often have been creeps. And, you know, this was like, you know, I actually don't know anything about this woman. So I shouldn't make assumptions. But, you know, I get the impression she maybe she was caring for her kid. I don't think it was a breastfeeding situation. I'm not sure. But it was just it was just like a, oh, shit, oops, mistake. And it was again, it sounded like it was awkward for a second, but it wasn't like the walls came crumbling down. It sort of sounded like my impression of this story was that everybody was just kind of like understanding.

Right. And, again, I just think so much of it comes to – like I'm not planning on orchestrating any of these moments because, like, honestly, I would just die of embarrassment. Whatever the job ramifications were, my just – I was talking yesterday about how you have intrusive thoughts and I'm lucky that that's not something that plagues me necessarily. That would be an intrusive thought for me if that ever were to happen. But I also feel like, heaven forbid, if I were to have a, as they call it, a wardrobe malfunction, I don't necessarily think that the people I work with, like at Livewire, would be like, you have to quit now. Because there's not, I mean, hopefully anyway, there's no history of me doing other weird, creepy things or being annoying in some way. You know what I mean? Like, I think that there is room for people to have honest slip-ups in this bizarre world that we live in where we're all at home and we're all filming ourselves all the time.

Yeah I mean there's never there's nothing in your past like where you one time handed a co-worker a bottle of your own urine during a work trip or anything like that

Did I do that to you on the

No I was exactly you didn't you didn't hand it to me but you somehow harassed me with a bottle of urine in a way

What is with me and urine on the show? Maybe I should be fired if I have a if I have a wardrobe malfunction

There was something going on because you and I were driving that RV like down south to get from Seattle to Seattle to Austin. And we had kind of said it would be kind of nice if we don't have to clean out the, you know, there was a restroom on board. But I thought we had both agreed that it'd be nice if we didn't have to deal with draining that. So we weren't using it. We were just like, you know, stopping at rest stops. And I thought we were on the same page with that until one morning I woke up and like you had left a bottle of urine in a cupboard or something waiting for me. Like, you wanted me to see it as a bit of a joke. Okay, that's a hostile work environment. And then I realized, and you were like, well, you're the one who doesn't want to, like, use the restroom. And I was like, oh, I didn't know you felt strongly about it. But anyway, once we got on a hot streak.

Yeah, sure. Once we got on a hot streak with not using that toilet, I was really committed to us not having to use it because it was like, you know, didn't want to break the seal on it. But that is a hostile work environment. And so there is apparently a little bit of, you know, there's some.

There's a certain, I don't know, history of me acting inappropriate towards you. So I apologize.

That's just absolute stupidity.

All righty. We didn't get to the farmer moving the French-Belgian border story.

I was thinking about that story today. Yeah, is there, I mean, I sent that to you because I happened to stumble across it. Is there a lot even to say about that story?

Well, the interesting part about it, well, a couple things. One, it was a wait-wait story last week. Oh, okay. And what I found interesting was about when Peter was telling it there was apparently there is some, like, council. Because this is, you know, this is the national boundary between Belgium and France. This guy moved this stone and therefore moved the boundary so that Belgium is slightly bigger, I think. But there was some sort of treaty that basically in order to, like, if the guy doesn't put the stone back where it was and there's a border dispute, they have to basically convene some council. And everybody on the council is, like, 100 years old because they haven't dealt with this in forever. So the idea that they have to get together this bunch of, like, you know, octogenarians to negotiate out the boundary is kind of interesting to me. Yeah, you can really picture a council of elders. Yeah, right? I'm also looking at the picture. Now, I don't know if this photograph is where he moved this stone to or this is where it was. But if this is where it was originally, I don't understand how it was bothering him. It's like up against a barbed wire fence. Like, I had this impression that it was in the middle of his pasture. And when he would try to mow his pasture, he would, like, hit it or something.

That's a really good point. You know, I had read this article, but I didn't really pay attention to the photo. That must be where it was moved to Yeah maybe you're right Because he said he couldn't mow around it

So anyway That's what's going on over there Belgium is ever so slightly larger Anyway as we were saying

That's just absolute stupidity

Where do we find ourselves today On Drops of Stupider

Alright Lukals you might recall That the Drew McFrizz Bank robbery and prison saga Where you interviewed him for five full radio hours was up against the hell pizza episode where we all tried to burn our faces off by eating uh tainted pizza um i was texting with drew mcfrizz i think over last weekend or two um not not to brag but we stay in touch uh i know people um and he was 100% convinced that that his stories were going to get buried by the hell pizza just absolutely buried which I don't think of Drew McFrizz as a guy who suffers from a lack of confidence maybe I'm wrong about that or certainly false humility but I was like Mike Frizzell you are clearly going to blow Hell Pizza out of the water and I'll tell you what Luke he did exactly that because he beat Hell Pizza by 80% Drew McFrizz is moving on to round two as is how it should be yes oh god yes I mean it's so much better I mean I've gone back and listened to these things so I can pull the tape. It's so much better. And he's moving on to round two, as is Mary, the TBTL virgin, who beat out your agent Mort. So congratulations to Mary for that.

Now, that one would have been a little tighter, because I'm just such a sucker for any kind of Mort tape. In fact, we should see if we can get Mort to maybe reach back out for some stuff around the upcoming TBTL.

Because you could use the work. Absolutely. I think that's a really good idea. Yeah, and Mary did beat him by a mere six votes, but congratulations, Mary. For those unfamiliar, this is our friend Mary, the TBTL virgin.

I still don't know if it's too beautiful to live or too beautiful to live, as in this is a live broadcast from Seattle, Washington.

And that is going up against our pal Drew McFries.

So she emptied the top drawer, and she put the cash on the counter, and I fell through it all, put it in the bag. And then I walked out I walked around the corner To my van and I Drove off nobody saw me

There it is that's the matchup ladies and gentlemen Go to tbtl.net click on today's Show page and you can vote there

Do we think That Mary the tbtl virgin Is is this a bit or Is she really like Actually a person who has never Heard the show

Well she's been on the show a couple of times And so she's heard that part of it. The second time she was on the show, I said, well, didn't you at least go back and listen to the episode you were on? And I believe her response was, why would I do that? I've already lived it. And so and she has said, you know, and, you know, she's on Slack a lot and she's often volunteering. Like I'm still she'll say, I still haven't heard it. Like, I think it's a point of pride for her. So either she is just.

a bald-faced liar, which I choose not to believe that. But no, it's now become a point of pride for her. So, you know, she's making – it sounds like now it almost – especially like when she's been on the show, it sounds like it might even be more of an effort not to listen, but she's sticking to her guns.

Wow. Okay. Well, you can go to tbtl.net and you can vote on both of those great moments from TBTL history and help us pick what is, in fact – what do you think right now – well, actually, I don't know. Do you want to predict or do you feel like that will influence the votes? Well, the greatest moment in TBTL history will be.

I don't know if I want to predict, but I will say this. I was working on this yesterday and putting together the the the kind of the brackets for round two. So I have a little bit more information than the listeners right now about what else is winning. But as I was kind of putting it all together and realizing that we have all the results for round two, like it's getting real. Like at first, it just seemed like we had so much. And it's like, I don't know. We'll see how it all shakes out. But as I was putting together the brackets yesterday, my heart was quickening, Luke. I was like, oh, wow, man, we're really doing this now. Let me just take a quick look here. I don't want to belabor this, and we should move on because we have some voicemails. But for the things that we've talked about so far, we've eliminated a bunch, and we're kind of down to – we've got Serial and Splooch and the Blue Angels. Like, will there be a moment where we have to say good? There's a moment where we're going to have to probably say goodbye to either Splooch or the Blue Angels, right? Like, are you ready for that moment? I don't know.

I mean, it's going to be emotional, I think, for us all, definitely.

Here I go once again with the email. Every week, I hope that it's from a female. No, man, it's not from a female.

All right. You said we've got some V-mails that you want to play? How do you say goodbye to a Splooch? Ooh.

I really hope that was in the clear. The thing is, I think it also might be splorch. I know, that's it. We've been saying it wrong all this time. Here's a voicemail from Julie. Actually, would you mind if I played this first?

You look like a dream catcher came to life.

That's right, ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls. Julie is calling in with a dream catcher. I had to do that to get rid of the music so I can play the tape.

Hey, this is Julie from Portland, Oregon, calling in with a little dream catcher. Sorry, Andrew, you weren't there.

Well, we can just stop it then.

Portland, like a few months ago, around a similar time as Luke, and I keep thinking I'm probably going to run into him at some point.

you know did she say she moved to portland yeah i paused it there for my hilarious joke but yeah she moved she moved to portland around the same time as you okay unclear she's stalking you you're

stalking her i don't know run into him at some point you know and i so i'm having this dream i don't know i'm dreaming but in my dream i'm at the grocery store and i see luke coming down the aisle Like, no question about it. It's Luke Burbank, and I'm at the other side of the aisle, and I'm like, oh, what am I going to say? I've got to say something TBTL. So he passes me, and the first thing I can think of is I just say, ahoy, ahoy. And Luke looks over at me and gives me the biggest glare. And my heart just... You're lucky to not be in this dream, Andrew. What did I do wrong? And then I realized that I wasn't wearing a mask in the frigging grocery store, which I would obviously never do. I'm always masked up when I'm out and about. So it was pretty horrifying. I grabbed a mask out of my pocket and threw it on, but it was too late. He was pushing his card away, just mean mugging, shaking his head. And I thought, man, this sucks. So anyways, I was really excited when I woke up and I found out that it was a dream. Anyway, love you guys. Appreciate the show. Power out.

Yeah, no, I mean, that is one thing that Fauci has not, the CDC has actually really fallen down on this. Nobody has given any guidance to mask wearing in dreams. And I believe that the rules basically are parallel to the waking world. Like you have to wear masks in dream stores.

I will say though This supports my argument That bad dreams are better than good dreams

Oh, is that an argument?

Because if you have a bad dream And you wake up like Julie did You're relieved it was just a dream If you have a good dream and you wake up You're kind of bummed Because you didn't win the lottery

It's been a long time But do you ever have like a good vibe dream And it doesn't even have to be like I won the lottery

Like it's just you're just maybe surrounded by friends, real or just, you know, dreamscaped. And then like you you kind of ride that vibe into the day a little bit, like every now and then you'll kind of get a flashback to the feeling you had when you were asleep. And it gives you a little jolt of energy, a little a little wistful, but a little like like fun and energizing. No, but I would like that. That sounds awesome. Yeah, it's it's few and far between for me, but it is it is a good exhilarating feeling.

Well, I want to say to listener Julie, if you do see me out in the world in Portland, you know, say hi. And I promise I would. Well, I was gonna say, I promise I won't glare at you if you're not wearing a mask in the grocery store. But actually, I don't know. It's so complicated because I am vaxxed. Most of the people I deal with, my guests would be are vaxxed now in Portland. i feel like you know i mean the cdc came out and said look if you're outside and you're exercising or walking you probably don't need to have your mask on unless you're in like a huge group of people and yet i still judge people so harshly if i think they're doing the mask thing wrong even though we're reaching a point in portland where it's mostly performative yeah

it's like literally virtue signaling for some of us those of us who are vaxxed i am you know almost exactly two weeks after my second vax shot now so you know like i guess tomorrow it's official but i think all everybody's different probably but you know i think i'm pretty much at the most vaxxed and most protected i should say that i'm going to be uh for the time being and and the cdc does say like if you're by yourself walking you don't have to wear a mask and so i walked to the doctors yesterday which is i don't like a mile and a half or whatever down you know city sidewalks some of which I don't pass anybody for a long time so I'm not wearing my mask but there were a couple of times where I was passing people and I felt uncomfortable and so in some of those instances I just gave the people a wide berth because I didn't reattach my mask or as I got closer and closer to like 45th which is you know a busier avenue here in town I was just like you know what I'm gonna put on my mask because in this case it does just make me more comfortable i'm passing a lot of people and like it makes me more comfortable to know that i'm not making other people uncomfortable i know that's a weird thing and for me i've gotten pretty used to the mask did i tell you that part of i now have a theory that i might have also um the mask might have somewhat contributed to my fall that where i broke my oh no it does cut off the because like i always have to like my mask goes pretty i had to find a mask that um doesn't fog up my glasses when i breathe and i found these pretty cheap pretty comfortable uh and not bad looking masks um at target a while back like months ago now uh but they've been my go-to and i like them um but they go pretty high up on my face which is good that's how that way i can put my glasses up over top of them and it just works um but it does sort of cut off the very very bottom of my peripheral vision and again i'm not saying like damn fauci broke my finger he did he did broke a different finger because i owed him money is that a lawsuit you would take on but uh i was uh i have been thinking it was like those chunky shoes combined with me being an idiot combined with maybe like having the very very bottom of my peripheral peripheral vision cut off as i was just hopping onto a curb i've also been thinking a lot about how like probably in every moment our feet are just clearing steps and curbs by like it's just a fraction of an inch because we're so used to it you know i now think about that i'm taking like big steps now i swear it's so weird um but anyway uh all of that is to say that when i'm walking down the street sometimes like you know what it doesn't really bother me that much they're not fogging up my glasses i'll just put on the mask if it makes everybody else comfortable but i am getting a little bit more comfortable showing my face in public you know if i'm only passing one or two people giving them a wide berth and and trying not to wonder whether or not they're judging me because that's really where it is it's in my head right yes and i just wonder if

I wonder if there are people who are never going to really fully come back from this or at least ever sort of behave like they did in the before times. I wonder, you know, we're setting up some live some dates for Livewire in the fall where we're going to have live shows and we're going to invite people to buy tickets and come. And I wonder if people are going to show up or not, even though scientifically there's nothing. I mean, at that point, presumably there won't be anything dangerous about sitting in a theater. I wonder how many people will be masked, even though presumably everybody in that theater will also be vaccinated. Well, the rules.

Well, the rules would have to change. I mean, if the rules were the same right now, like you could do that. But everybody would have to wear masks. Right. Unless it's like a dinner, like a dinner club or something.

I mean, I don't I mean, well, that's another thing. I mean, think about the the rate of vaccination here in Portland. Again, it's like I would be shocked if the rules had not changed by then. That would seem weird to me. I guess unless there's like a fifth wave we're not expecting, which, you know, knock wood. But again, I just I just think that. i think that the mask has become i'm not trying to go anti-mask on it but i do think it was it has been such a scary time and i think the mask has taken on some almost like magical kind of properties to people myself included it was like i felt unsafe and i felt like i didn't know what was going to happen next i didn't know what was going to happen medically for me and the people i love i didn't know what's going to happen with our jobs everything felt unsafe and unclear but i knew that if i wore the mask i was at least making things a little bit better and so it came to represent something and i think it represents that for a lot of people and i think for a lot of people depending on how their particular anxiety plays out the mask is just this kind of i think it's this kind of magical thing that a lot of people are really going to not want to put down even when the science says we're okay all being together and not masked yeah and you know i mean

also keep in mind other cultures have been wearing masks for a long time for other for various reasons whether it's the air quality but also there are cultures where it's like if you have a cold or you think you have symptoms of a cold and you're riding the train you wear a mask and so i do think that you know and we've talked about that i'm not saying anything brilliant here um so there will be i mean we're talking about kind of different things like there will be people who continue to wear masks um and our society will get more used to it be for those purposes there's also as i said the virtue signaling or just that i want to feel safe like i would i was on the bus yesterday and i was um i love people watching and there was a young woman in the university district she was like she looked like a college student and she was um she had clearly just left target she had grocery bags in both of her hands um and she was wearing and you could see that and i noticed her because she was dressed like a cool she was dressed exactly like a kid her age would have been dressed when we were growing up luke like she was like wearing doc martens and like it's all back in style yeah and that's why she caught my eye like that's so cool like i like I like seeing that look it's a good look anyway um and she was carrying these two bags I noticed that she was wearing latex gloves she had just gotten done grocery shopping she was wearing latex gloves as she was carrying her bags and she was wearing double a double mask and you know I just saw her for a second as the bus went by but it did you know I noticed that and I thought here I am on the bus I'm wearing a mask because I'm supposed to but I'm also double vaxxed and I'm pretty comfortable in the world right now you know like I'm kind of surprised I haven't seen a movie yet i guess tomorrow's officially my two-week anniversary but um you know i can go into a theater now and i i don't really have concerns about that you know like i think yeah it's fine for me to go into a theater and eat popcorn uh and watch a movie genevieve did that um recently a couple of days ago and um she's literally the only person in the theater there's a dream right

i mean that's the thing i i just i'm i'm curious about how long it's going to take us to re-engage with lots of things that are on paper now technically safe yeah but feel weird like going to like i really miss going to movies and i really want to and i've been double vaxxed for a long time presumably everybody else in the theater if they were to be there would be vaccinated we'd be wearing masks all the things and yet i haven't been back to a theater and i know it's going to feel really weird the first time i'm sitting in one for no actual real reason other than i'm just used to one way of living now and to do things the other way feels really strange and like when i'm in the l there now it's happened probably four or five times where in the elevator of this building somebody has gotten in without a mask or been in the elevator without a mask that's interesting yeah and it makes me so mad at them and yet it's like i don't know i'm double vaxxed they're probably double vaxxed it's probably fine you know i mean they're dirt they're they're definitely not playing by the rules and it makes me so furious but then i also think i mean i'm not i don't think i'm in any danger from them like from a scientific standpoint yeah yeah hey um do

you mind to be before we run uh too long here i want to read a couple of emails um here maybe one more quick voicemail that i have um because these have been sitting in my queue for a while and i want to get to them um our buddy holly woo mike the the audio producer who has mixed my little walsh helm scream i don't know if i talk long enough luke can you find the walsh helm scream is that that's always a problem right do you have the original uh i do i don't remember how this happened we were talking about the wilhelm scream maybe i gave an impression of it and then it became the walsh helm scream um and mike who works on all kinds of uh you know tv and movie projects has been mixing the Walsh Helm Scream deep into the mixes of some of these productions.

Do you have it there? I've got it right here. Yeah, take a listen to this. This is the famous Walsh Helm Scream. Yeah! I was so ready for the Game of Cats theme song. Oh, no. I've moved on from that. I'm all about peeing my pants and not catrolling you, Andrew. Okay, cool.

I could hear the two things. Pee my pants and not catroll you. Looks like I'm almost out of pee in my pants. Anyway, Hollywood Mike says, hey, bozos.

After a long hiatus, I am happy to announce the return of the Walsh Helm Scream. There it is. The show Pet Stars debuts on Netflix Friday, April 30th. I told you this is a little bit old. I finished the show last fall, so I don't remember exactly where the Walsh Helm Scream makes its appearance, but it's in there. It may not be the best show, but it features a lot of cute pets. So there's that. So anybody who's watching Pet Stars on Netflix, keep an ear out for my Walsh Helm Scream. Thank you, Mike. Like, I, that is just such, that's a weird thing about my life.

We're talking about your legacy at the beginning of the show, but that's really your legacy.

There it is. There it is. Also got a charming note from listener Patty yesterday who says, I love the show. Luke referenced McDonald's play equipment on Monday's show as the Hamburglar Jail, the thing that you could crawl up into as a kid at the McDonald's Playlands. But it's actually Officer Big Mac That's what the jail is It's not the Hamburglar The Hamburglar would go in there So that's a pretty good correction I think

I'm also looking at a picture of this thing The Officer Big Mac jail And it's not nearly as As claustrophobic As I remember it I mean wisely so They created a decent amount of space For kids to play in In my mind I remember it being like like a crawl space that was like a foot that you had to like get in there and you know was like very very very uh small and claustrophobic uh inducing but i'm looking at a picture of it and it's basically fine also it looks like you could depending on the particular model you could just climb out of it if you needed to well i'm not going some of them are not yeah i mean i wouldn't go in there now but it somehow retroactively makes me feel less claustrophobia do you remember

a while back we were talking about the golden rule and I told you at a pretty young age I found a flaw in the golden rule because I was exhausting back then too because the golden rule says treat others how you would wish to be treated and I said well that's kind of a sticky wicket when you deal with weirdos like me like for example I don't care about my birthday so if I treat everybody in my life the way I want to be treated well then other people are going to be missing out on birthday fun from me if I treat them the way I want to be treated well it turns out there is I'm not the first person to think of

that I got an email about this and this voicemail hey Luke and Andrew I was just listening to your talking about the golden rule and the flaws and the logic there and I thought I would share with you that you're not the first person to think about this because my elementary school shout out to Edwards Elementary Portland Oregon had the platinum rule the platinum rule our teachers always told us every year is better than the golden rule because the platinum rule says you treat others how they want to be treated rather than treating them how you want to be treated so you know someone has made an improvement upon the golden rule and uh just thought i should put

that out there power up yeah and again i got an email now you have a friend in the platinum business

i got an email from somebody who said they were just talking about that like uh in a like some sort of a a meeting in their church or something along the lines of that too so the platinum rule

is a thing luke and i like it yeah it is treat other people the way they want to be treated yeah exactly it's like simple but makes sense i think yeah all right um are we going out with

some christian rap music yes we are you know i do need to dial that up so um give a really long

um setup for the end of the show here luke i appreciate it i believe this was suggested by listener harley uh i wonder if listener harley's life has been impacted by the rise of the i think you should leave television program on netflix where one of the babies in the baby um like pageant is named bart harley jarvis and everybody yells at and boos bart harley jarvis i wonder if any of that has come back on listener harley how's that um pretty good i'm sorry this is taking me longer

than i thought but i'm there now so i really really appreciate you um doing that for me Absolutely.

All right, that's how we're going to wrap things up today. Of course, we'll be right back here tomorrow with more imaginary radio for you, so please do join us for that. Until then, have a great Tuesday wherever you are. Please stay safe, take care of yourselves, take care of each other, and please remember, no mountain too tall. And good luck to all.

Let's go to think if you had all the worried things you know, but in the end you lost your soul. Say what, what, you can't understand. Well, let me put it to you this way, man. Let's say you're in a basketball game with this guy And the loser of the game would have to die Now this guy was winning by two points all the way But in the last second, you hit a three-point play Now you were happy and scrolled on your way Now you were walking because you gave it all your might And you went by faith and not by sight We'll be the same way in the world today Because everyday things are going to go your way

Ephesians 6, verse 10 and 11 Read it every day, it might help you get to heaven But it's up to you to do what you want to do Cause you're not a robot and nobody I said nobody can force you Nobody can force you

Now I'm super C and this isn't a joke Like when there's fire, there is definitely smoke Just take a look at Romans 14, verse 10, and think about it for a minute, my friend. Are you ready? Are you prepared?

If so, there's no reason to be scared.

Power out.