Muse

There's the strain beginning to show on him.

If I can sleep ten days and nights in a rice paddy, I can certainly last in this lousy bank. This is what the animal said to us. He says to Miss Cogman here, Baby, up your butt with a coconut. I think he was prepared to do it. Except I saw no coconut. He had no coconut to bite out. TBTL!

So what if I smell like roast beef? This whole place smells like roast beef. I value confidentiality, and paradoxically, I don't care who knows it.

There are many ways to keep one's lips conditioned. I don't kiss, for example, 24 hours before a performance, because kissing makes your lips mushy, and we cannot have mushy lips and be a champion.

You want a toe? I can get you a toe. Believe me. There are ways, dude. You don't want to know about it. Believe me. Yeah, but Walter... Hell, I can get you a toe by 3 o'clock this afternoon with nail polish.

I feel so full of... What's the opposite of shame? Pride? Shane? No, not that far from Shane.

Less Shane?

Yeah.

All right, hello, good morning, and welcome, everyone, to a Wednesday edition of TBTL, the show that just might be too beautiful to live. Why now? What are they doing? And how can you steer clear of it all? My name is Luke Burbank. I am your host.

I'm a professional. Look it up in the book.

Coming to you from the Nest Broadcast Center, high in the sky above Portland, Oregon, where I got the window open today, my friends, because it is going to be 80 degrees later. It's going to be hot.

I just love hot cheetos!

And I welcome the warm weather. Excited for it. Going to go get a drink and a little nosh with some friends at a local place here in Portland later, Kachka. So we've got a whole day planned, but the big thing is to make it through this show without actually cooking myself like a chicken on a rotisserie device. Like they sell at my sister's restaurant, Pollo Bravo, here in Portland. Free plug. Anyway, I think we're going to be all right. I've got my coffee here, which is good.

This song goes out to all the coffee lovers of the world.

There's sort of an adventure getting my cup of coffee this morning, which I'll tell you about in a minute. And by adventure, I'm putting that in air quotes. adventure in terms of what we consider an adventure on tbtl before the show i was telling andrew how i was having a conversation with someone the other day and they as many people often do they were marveling at how we come up with one to two hours of conversation five days a week and have been doing so for now i think around a hundred years or something the show's been on and they said well do you sometimes find yourself just kind of like taking something and really making a lot out of it even if it wasn't a very significant thing to just kind of you know keep the conversation going and I was like yeah that's literally the job that's actually the main the main core competence of this gig this very weird specific gig is making tremendous mountains out of molehills so anyway I had an adventure getting my coffee this morning which i'll tell you about as i've already mentioned i believe it's episode 3421 let the fun begin in a collector's series and we do have some top stories as well including the question of how many friends a person can have max best friends are very cool to be very best friends are dope to be there used to be something or i guess there still is something called the dunbar number which is 150 it's because a researcher named robin dunbar through a variety of experiments and various things said look you can have about 150 friends but recently some other social scientists looked at the topic and they said no it's way more than that and what i think is maybe most interesting about this story is how mad dr dunbar is about having the dunbar number called the question uh so we'll talk about that and then also should we all be cooking and eating our

banana peels i mean it's one banana michael what could it cost ten dollars uh nigella lawson is

doing it of course she's our favorite microave microave enthusiast and um there are apparently a lot of recipes online and things you can do with banana peels that uh i'd never heard of before so we'll get into that plus we'll uh continue on our journey with the tbtl drops of stupider contest memories are made in in your mouth the deuce uh we will reveal the latest uh two milestones or memorable moments from tbtl that have advanced uh in this um bracket style tournament to try to figure out the most memorable moment in tbtl

history we'll do all that with the help of this young man longest running co-bro of the show maybe best known for his depictions of the tall ships he is ready to ask the hard questions on today's show how do you say goodbye to a splooch he's andrew walsh and he's joining me right now from the roosevelt neighborhood of seattle washington good morning my friend good morning

luke i gotta figure out how to get genevieve out of the house today ironically she's out of the house right now but i'm doing the show with you i need to lock the doors yeah i guess change the locks change the locks all right can you take over the i need to make some phone calls i have um a project due at the end of today actually at the end of today's central time frankly i don't think i'm going to make this deadline but you know i don't know if i mentioned in the show but i'm working with our friends over at smash boom best uh it's a it's a brains on joint and it's their debate show and i've been working with them i don't know how much i'm really allowed to say about the episode that's coming up that i'm working with them on but you know there's scripts involved and there's characters to be played and i need to track myself um you know do reading these lines no performing these lines luke i was gonna try to do a tobias imitation but i literally can't even remember what he says other than elephant in this business of show In this business of show.

You need to have the heart of a lion and the hide of an elephant. It's the heart of a something and the hide of an elephant.

So Veeves coincidentally had to leave this morning. She had some work she had to actually go into the office to do, which is very, very rare these days.

But in this business of show, you have to have the heart of an angel and the hide of an elephant.

It's so good. It's all so good. Anyway, so she's gone now, and I said, oh, are you going to be gone this afternoon? That's good because I've got to be, you know, tracking these things, and I'm going to feel self-conscious if you're in the house. And, you know, there are some lines that I feel like must be sort of performed loudly, you know, and I'm used to doing this show with you and having her or even potentially, you know, someone else hear it. I don't find that to be embarrassing, but I do find that I feel like I can't – I'm not – I feel like I'm really bad at doing this audio acting stuff when other people are around. But if I'm by myself and I can just keep doing it over and over and over again until I hit it, I feel like I can sort of hear what works with me and what doesn't. And so I feel like I can do this as opposed to sometimes like you'll have producers or writers on the line with you. Yeah. And telling you to do or in person with you. And those I just get so I've done that a couple of times with you in the room. And I just I turn into a 12 year old again. I'm like muttering my lines and I'm super self-conscious, but I can do it by myself. But I don't want Genevieve to overhear me, you know, doing characters. It's highly embarrassing to me.

do you guys do you feel like you guys have the sort of relationship where you can you could say to her like let's just say it's a little bit later on today and she's now returned from wherever she's at now and you say hey vives i know this is kind of annoying but could you could you maybe you know take a healthful walk around the block a few times or do you have any other errands you might run like could you actually politely banish her from the house so that you can not feel

embarrassed i don't think i could banish her but what i is she it's speaking of healthful walks genevieve has been doing healthful walks like for the past couple of months like like daily i mean they are very important to her um it's become a very big part of her routine in fact on days that she can't go for her walks around green lake um those are bad days for her so uh you know i know that she'll be going on a walk hopefully at some point unless work gets on top of her so you know i can say something along the lines of like in fact i already raised this with her a couple days ago i'm like well what is your wednesday looking like like are you going to be back in the afternoon like when are you going on that walk because i'd like to coordinate around it i straight up told her why i'm like you know i'm kind of doing this thing and i just i get in my head if i feel like somebody can overhear me but i also just need to be a big boy about it and just like realize that i am an actor luke and i will be a professional about it yeah you know like they

always say oh come on in this business of show you have to have the heart of an angel and In the hide of an elephant.

I know you're mad at yourself, but it was funnier that it didn't play. It really was.

Yeah, when – actually, it's kind of interesting that you're talking about the weird nature of this job and the thought about who's overhearing us. Because I live alone now. Well, I mean, I share this place with Randy, the Roomba. but you know when i lived in bellingham of course carrie was there and i sort of had gotten to the point where because i was in a small room and i closed the door i just sort of i guess maybe convinced myself that

you couldn't hear every word i was saying all over the house but you really could because it just wasn't a very soundproof environment and i i remember like occasionally like something would happen where i would start to retell something to carry and she'd be like oh no no i heard you talking about that with andrew i heard your side of the conversation i'd be like weren't you in the basement she's like yeah you could just look here everywhere in the house weren't

you at whole foods yes yeah everybody in alabama hill could hear it right probably i mean literally

when I would have the window open in the summer there, I kind of think my neighbors on the other side of the fence could probably hear me as well. But so on Sunday, we all gathered at my sister Liz's place to do a little Mother's Day celebration slash kind of my birthday celebration. And Addie came down from Seattle and it ended up wrapping up kind of late. So Addie came and stayed over here at my place because it was too late to drive all the way back to Seattle. And Monday morning, She was working from here. She works for the Seattle Times now, and she was doing her work from home stuff, or in this case, work from dad's bachelor apartment stuff. And it was the first time in a long time that I thought to myself, oh, someone's overhearing all of this shit that I'm doing in here.

And it's different based on who the person is, right? Like Genevieve, I'm very accustomed to this now. And Genevieve will do the same thing with me, too. She'll say, oh, yeah. In fact, I'm convinced she's listening to the entire show, or at least my side of it, what some people refer to as the good side. But, like, she'll do the same thing with me. I'll tell her, well, me and Luke were talking about this thing. She'll say, oh, yeah, yeah, I heard you talking about that. And I feel like more and more, everything I say, she says, oh, yeah, I happen to hear you talking about that. I happen to be outside your door talking about that. And also there's, like, a glass. She keeps a glass right outside the door.

Does that work?

I don't think so. I don't know.

You know what I tried the other day, Andrew? Speaking of life hacks, for people that are under the age of 40, all old-timey TV shows and movies involved somebody, when they wanted to overhear someone through the walls of the apartment or whatever, you would hold a glass, like a drinking glass, up to the wall and then put your ear to it. Everybody was always doing that in movies, and I always wondered if that actually worked.

Yeah, I don't know. that sounds like the type of thing where i could see like you know there's all those like myth bustery kinds of shows that must have been on myth busters or something like the cousin of

myth busters or something so what the thing i tried the other day was um i i this would be a better story if i could remember exactly where i was but i had parked my car somewhere and i couldn't find it and or oh you know what it was no this is exactly what it was i was going to get my haircut and i had parked my car and then i couldn't remember if i had locked it or not with the clicker but i had now gone about maybe a half a block from the car was now around a corner and i was over near where the hair place is and i wanted to you know we've talked about this on the show a lot actually for my car if i double click the little lock thing it beeps the horn And the horn beep is really loud Like it's too loud If you're just standing near the car But in this one case I was like oh okay let me just double click this And then I'll hear the horn beep And then I'll know for a fact that the car is locked But again I couldn't see the car anymore So I double clicked nothing So then I put it up against my jaw Andrew And double clicked Nothing Did I tell you that it did work for me

And then I did it again with Genevieve there as a witness. Have we talked about this? No. Yes, because I don't have to go into detail because I feel like I always do it and it doesn't really matter. We park our car in a residential street around here. And then sometimes, maybe this is why it came up on the show, I just get paranoid. Like I get out of the car, I beep it, I walk half a block and around a corner. And I think, I don't know if I beeped it. And then I try to beep it and I'm too far away. So I just start walking back towards the corner, constantly hitting the button, killing the battery until I hear it beep, right? And I found a place, like I did this first by myself, and again, with Genevieve, who unfortunately is not here to back me up. I found the spot where it was now out of range. If I aimed it kind of in the direction of the car and hit the beepy button, as it's called, it would not beep. I did not move my feet. I instead put the thing up under my chin, hit the button, and we got the beep-beep, Luke. Wow, that's satisfying. I showed the same spot on the sidewalk when we were parked another time. It was, it really works. And, of course, now I've got 17 brain tumors, probably.

Yeah, I think I put, I didn't put the thing under my chin. I put it up to kind of, sort of, right below my temple, which is also slightly weird, probably. know why that's where i chose but or i mean kind of like i guess sort of in the upper part of my jaw where my jaw connects to the rest of my skull but maybe i need to do it under the chin or something but i was yeah i always thought oh this is great this is exactly the moment where i need this to work and then it didn't work and then i just went and got my hair cut and everything was fine nobody had messed with my car um so this morning i i got up andrew and i realized that i was once again out of coffee and so i decided that i should just right before the show i this is one of the things that's great about living in a highly urban environment like i do now is that there are like i'm not exaggerating six coffee shops within a block of my house and i kind of love that because in the olden days i mean when i was living in bellingham or certainly in port towns and other places it's like if i was out of coffee this is we're looking at a 20 minute endeavor to go find somewhere to get coffee come back it's a whole thing this is literally like i put some flip-flops on i will i take the elevator down i walk outside and it's like my choice of coffee locations um and it's a beautiful day here as i've already mentioned so this was going to be fine uh i uh i'm dressed very casually i'm in some shorts like some workout shorts i'm in a t-shirt i'm in my flip-flops they're actually not flip-flops andrew they're slides do you know the difference no slides are what all the kids are into oh can i guess it doesn't have a little

strap going between your toes exactly like what i used to call shower shoes yeah it's got they go

over it goes over your the entirety of your foot they're called slides if you call them slides you become cool instantly i have some that are nike air max so these are ridiculous slides because there was a shoe called the Nike Air Max that I was obsessed with when I was a kid. It was like the running shoe by Nike that had the most air bubble in the bottom of it at the time, hence the name Air Max. And I thought they were so cool. And of course, I wasn't financially in the position to afford them. And so recently I saw some internet ad for these I'll keep saying it, slides. Because I mean, they're technically not flip-flops. Whatever. These things i'm wearing right now i'm literally still wearing them and they're exactly like the slide version of the shoe that i wanted when i was a kid and i was like i must have these i actually saw them on the nike website they were sold out so i found some weird off like shore a site that they did have them and i ordered them and they mailed them to me and i'm wearing them right now i'd give them like a four on the comfort scale by the way they were actually not great really what's uncomfortable yeah well they have this like i can't believe this is where i'm taking the story one thing is if we're going to call it the slide or the strap portion it's too it's a little bit too tight and it's because they've put all this cushioning in there because again what they've done is it's a very clever bit of design maybe i'll take a picture of one of these and

send it to you i was actually downloading this so funny i'm downloading a picture of it right now that i was going to use as a show pic but yeah if you could just send me the actual ones that

would be better i'll leave my foot in there because we know let's like let's not do that

We know I've got some pretty nice feet. You're going to end up on a wiki feet.

I've been nominating myself for wiki feet for years.

It's like giving yourself a nickname, man. That's not how it works.

But anyway, the thing about these slides is that they're very cool looking, but because they're trying to basically make them very much like the shoe but deconstructed, there are certain design elements that are actually not that practical. Like the fact that the inside of the strap has a bunch of fabric and padding in it, which then makes it so that the opening is slightly too small for my foot. So I have to, when I put them on, my foot ironically does not slide into them easily. I have to like kind of like really squish. And then once it's in there, it's fine. But I'm just saying they're just these little design elements that it's a very, to me, it's a very stylish looking piece of footwear, but it's not super practical. Okay, so I've got this on. I'm all ready to go. I go downstairs. I go to the coffee shop. I walk in, I order the coffee. They don't do drip coffee there. It's an Americano. So it's like I got to order an Americano and it's, I got to get the large one and they're in the midst of making it and I'm going to pay. And I realized, Andrew, I did not bring my wallet. Now I live a hundred feet from this place, but I still, it's going to be weird. I don't want to be like, can I pay you Tuesday for a hamburger today? So the, the woman working there says, Oh, do you have Apple pay on your phone? That's what I was going to ask.

And I do, but I've never used it before. You haven't? I thought we talked about this. I thought you had been dipping your slide-garnished toes into those waters.

No, I mean, I had set it up at some point, but I've never used it that I can remember. I've never used it in the wild. I've used it to pay for things on my phone. So let's say I'm ordering TBTL sponsor DoorDash to bring me. some stuff it will sometimes for whatever reason i mean there are many things that i'll buy on my phone and it'll say apple pay and i'll double click it but what i've never done that i remember is stand in a like retail environment and hold my phone up near something okay like that's the bridge that i haven't crossed yet and so i was like i have never felt more old man of course the woman working at this coffee shop is probably 23 and she's like do you have apple pay And I'm like, I think I do. And then I'm like, what do I do? And she was so nice. She was like, okay, well, first you double click that side button. So I double click the button. And then, like, on the side of my phone, she goes, and then you hold. And it's telling me, hold this near the thing. So I'm just holding my phone near something that doesn't look like it has the technology to even read what's going on on my phone.

You wonder if she's pranking you? She's just like heavy.

It just was so, I mean, it was really one of those moments where I just, my age, really caught up with me. Because I was truly out of my depth in terms of what the next move was. And then it just my phone suddenly goes, oh, put in your password, which I'm sure is a setting that I did at some point where I was like, make sure that I have to actually put in my code for the phone before it'll do this so that like somebody can't steal my phone and buy a bunch of stuff. And I hit the little code and all of a sudden the thing just lit up and I just paid for the coffee, Andrew. Sans wallet.

Jalapeno. Jalapeno.

And I really was, I just felt like the future is now I mean, I was just like, I was chuffed The other thing was, she goes, oh, and you know also You have an Apple Watch, which that also is a wallet That's also, I was like, oh, okay, good to know

Did she say, will you just be my life coach?

Yes, seriously So then, of course, though, because The thing is, I have noticed that there is something about Like, nice coffee, quote-unquote nice coffee places in Portland And I think this extends to Seattle The nicer the coffee place The less likely they are to have What, Andrew? Drip Splenda Oh, Splenda, yeah What's the most important thing in this family? Splenda I thought you meant things we put in our coffee So I knew going in That this place was probably not going to have Splenda But I asked And she was like, no, we have Stevia I think that there Now someone's going to email me and explain how stevia is somehow vastly better than splenda in terms of its you know chemical makeup and maybe it is you know it's allegedly more natural or something but i think it's kind of funny how splenda is a real i would say class issue when it comes to coffee places and i am always shocked when i'm in a quote-unquote nice coffee place if i ask if they have splenda and they say yes

that is the exception not the rule and you think it's see i i don't play around in the um artificial sugar space so I didn't you know I guess I could assume that there's sort of a ranking but I didn't really I would the two people in my life who drink coffee sweetened you know regularly are you and Genevieve and you both use Splenda so I didn't realize

when Genevieve comes home and before you banish her again ask her this because I bet you she will say the same thing which is the fancier the coffee place the more likely they are to not feature Splenda and I think it's because The Splenda comes in those yellow packets. It's seen as real basic B. Well, how does the other stuff come?

How does the –

It's in a green – Stevia comes in a green packet. But it's still a packet. It's just a different color. It's still a packet. I think the color – there's like this bright kind of yellow. There's just like nothing aesthetically pleasing about a packet of Splenda unless you're me. And so – and to further, by the way, further bolster my claims, which are based, Andrew, on lived experience. they don't have Splenda at the place I'm at. So I said, okay, thanks. She said, we have Stevia. I said, can I have a couple packets of that? She gives me the packets of Stevia. I put them in my pocket. I take the coffee. I go across the street to a different coffee place that is, by the way, Andrew, I don't know, because it's Portland, in a surf shop, you know, Portland, surfing capital of the inland northwest. Hang loose. There are two different surf shops. not far from me in portland it's like wow okay i guess we're living under this delusion that we surf around here which is by the way kind of true i know a few people that actually surf like they go to the washington or oregon coast and they love surfing but still seems weird to me that there's a coffee shop and a surf shop more or less connected to my building anyway i now i'm going across the street i'm sorry the story is taking so long but i go i have a whole plan in my mind To try to get some Splenda from the other place But the weirdness is I have bought coffee I went to place number one because in the back of my mind I thought they were more likely to have Splenda If that makes any sense I was, I figured, I knew the surf shop i've been to the surf shop coffee place before that coffee has a lot of the flavor that i call chicory i don't know if it really is chicory or not but it's the flavor of cool people coffee which is like something that i'm not a huge fan of and so i i was going to the place that i thought would be more likely to have normal tasting coffee and splendor they had good tasting coffee they didn't have splendor now i'm going to the other place but i have to figure out somewhere To hide the coffee Because I can't walk Into Surf Shop Coffee Which by the way Technically is called Kosube People want to go there It's a lovely joint I don't want to walk Into Kosube With my coffee From the other place And then ask them If they can give me Some Splenda To go with my coffee That I bought somewhere else It's like walking Into Burger King With a McDonald's bag And asking if they have ketchup Yeah you can't do that So I have to hide the coffee Outside of the Kosube So I can go in And then just randomly ask Do you have Splenda Which I was Is a question that embarrasses me anyway In any kind of upscale coffee joint So I do I wander in there And the person working there Who was also incredibly nice They said oh no sorry we just have stevia So where do you hide your coffee Like in the bushes They have like I can I'm actually looking at this I now live basically Andrew in a One block bubble of life I rarely leave the area They have like some outdoor seating in some kind of raised plant beds, I guess, planters,

and I just put it on the corner of one of the planters. Good, yeah, I can picture that. You know, so it was, and it was only there for a moment. But, of course, they also don't have Splenda. And, again, I have this theory that there is just something that everybody thinks is really basic about Splenda, and that's why nice places don't usually have it. And, by the way, you'll have no trouble getting a Splenda If you get a coffee at Mickey D's or something Never had I've never been in a gas station that didn't have Splenda I've never been in a Dunkin' that didn't have Splenda I've never been in a McDonald's that didn't have Splenda Oh see I didn't realize that It's only nicer coffee places Where I've experienced that Now the last little bit of this story Andrew is I happen to also be out of Splenda At my house I ran out of coffee and Splenda on the same day Which is crazy And you don't believe in a god Well I believe in a devil Now because he was working against me There was a lot of spiritual warfare Going on because what I Do you know once every few Months when I'm at the grocery store oh by the way Another place doesn't sell Splenda Whole Foods oh yeah of course see a pattern Foods doesn't sell I mean this goes all the way to the top dude Wheels within wheels you don't think the Illuminati Are involved in this shit Anyway I am about every three months I go to a basic grocery store, somewhere that does sell Splenda, and I buy a box of Splenda packets. That was why the other like when I first moved down here and we were doing Friday Motivations, I was just reading you

Splenda packets. Yeah, yeah. I just bought some at the grocery store the other day to replenish Genevieve's supply, and I was arranging them in this little dish we have, and I was reading them, feeling pumped. So I buy one of those. One of them said, we're gonna knock them on the knees, and then we're gonna start

biting their knees. I was like, wow, Splenda going hard. It went all the way around the packaging into the back sign three times yeah um but when you buy one of those boxes of those packets it feels like you will literally never need a packet of splenda again for the rest of your life it feels infinite yeah but the infinite was rendered finite yesterday andrew or when i made a cup of coffee and used the last splenda packet so this is why this the stakes were so high for me In terms of getting Splenda from one of these two coffee places So now I'm going back to my apartment And I'm like I've got I've got two packets of Stevia which I don't like It tastes somehow different to me And ruins the whole experience But I remember you know our friend Who used to live in this building That I live in She had said that at one time There was a coffee machine In this building I know I was just going to ask you about that So I thought Why don't I swangle through As Camaro Kev would say Why don't I swangle through

Can I just say I didn't know that he says that But when you said that word I knew it was a Camaro Kev word I've never heard him say it But it's just such a Camaro Kev word

Why don't I swangle through the lobby Of my apartment building Which is actually not the most direct route back to my place But whatever I'll go down the stairs I'll go to the first floor I'll go through the lobby I'll go to the room where they have foosball and shuffleboard And a little kitchen area where the coffee is likely to be and i go in it just so happens that there's somebody in there somebody from i believe the custodial staff and she is um doing something in the sink and i said oh hey i heard that there was a coffee machine in here and she said yeah they took it out because of covid and i said oh okay i mean my first thought is did you have to take out right couldn't you you could probably put an out of order sign on it for a little bit yeah

don't ride it out a little bit see where it goes don't put the don't put more coffee in it yeah put up a sign that just said hey during covid to be safe this is out of service i mean you have to like you have to literally remove it and then i said oh oh okay are they putting it back in because i was just hoping that there would be like a side thing with some splenda i said oh are they putting it back in and she said no i don't think they are i thought of course they're not like you know fair housing we can't have we cannot have this coffee happening anymore now now that i didn't get that from the you know from from the official head of the of the of the management office and maybe i can email them and ask but my guess is that that coffee machine is never coming back yeah because it was probably cost them a little bit of money to maintain they took it out i think with good intentions during covet or you know what i mean they stopped that service i think probably with good intentions but now that it's gone you know we're not we're not coming back from that that's not they're not going to put that back in and add expense to their lives over something that half of us live in the building didn't even know was there before right yeah no more than the

mariners will ever let me carry a bag of peanuts into their stadium again did i tell you sorry

everyone if you don't care about if you don't want to hear me and andrew whinge for four minutes about our baseball team this is a time to go get a cup of coffee and come back or something but you know our friend john goodwin who's part of our sports text chain oh i'm sorry actually not it's not john i'm misidentifying it was our friend graham who's part of our fantasy baseball league okay we have so many friends and this will tie into one of our top stories later that i can't keep them straight you know how yesterday the mariners were beating the los angeles dodgers and then they decided to put in, what's his name, Markievich? Oh, no.

God, if you hadn't said that. It's very close to that, yeah.

Miskovich. It's a guy with a lot of, he's got a lot of.

We have two pitchers, one starter and one reliever who have very similar names, and it drives me crazy trying to sort them out in my head. Miskovich is one of them, and Mishevitz is the other.

So we were winning, and then we lost at the end, and we put in one of our less great relief relief pitchers who gave up a critical home run and somebody was on twitter and they were saying why would the mariners do that when we have other really good relief pitchers who are all rested because monday had been a day off and my friend and your friend graham said probably because kendall graveman who's having a great season for us he's one of those relief pitchers they didn't want to put kendall graveman in in what's called a high leverage situation because had he given up that home run it hurts his stats and guess what Andrew it negatively impacts his trade value I don't think that's true I sure hope it's not true because if that is I am jumping out this window like it's like we had one we have like one good thing happening for us which is Kendall Graveman is overperforming and if we're literally just trying to keep his stats clean so we can trade

him I really like listen I don't think and listen it's only it's only May 12th like last night's game was not that important in the grand scheme of things yet I will say that it was definitely the most upsetting game that I've seen um all year right I mean it's the Dodgers it's we held the lead it was the first full maybe not the first but it certainly was the first significant um just complete bullpen implosion the bullpen's been better than it was again sorry I'm getting too into this however Graveman I know that he used to be a starter but and so you could you'd think that he should be able to pitch his way out of three innings but um miscovich or i'm sorry um they pulled kikuchi in the seventh and the question is do you put graveman in who's more of a closer do you put him in in the seventh and you keep him out there for the last three innings no you don't and then and then where are you when do you put montero out there in fact can i read to you directly because i was i was thinking about this and i'm now reading from brandon gustafson i don't even know who that is but i follow him oh i see he covers uh seattle sports for 710 espn never met him uh people upset with the bullpen usage tonight what would you have done graveman is the obvious answer but where start the seventh with runners on in the seventh to start the eighth when montero got guys on what about him needing to be the closer so you can save him for the ninth anyway he has a whole thread about how there were really not a lot of good options and i actually kind of i think it makes a lot of sense i i'm going to give them the benefit of the doubt on this one I don't think that they want to sacrifice a game just for Gravesman's trade value. I just don't think so. Good.

I choose to live in that reality as well because I can't live in the reality of where that's already the calculation is we're going to try to basically like preserve like once again. Because I mean basically the thing that seems to happen with the Mariners is anyone who shows any promise. Thomas immediately becomes trade bait because we are perpetually building things up for the next season.

The fact that they're bringing up Kellinick, though, in some people's eyes a little bit early. And again, I'm not even explaining what we're talking about anymore. And we can just get off the topics. We'll just do this and get off the topic. But the fact that they're bringing up Kellinick supposedly this Thursday, which I thought he was playing yesterday. So I made sure that all of my stuff was done. I was like ready for seven o'clock. And then around 6 o'clock I heard, oh, he's not – they're not bringing him up supposedly until Thursday's homestand. But anyway, some people think that that's too early. But if they are indeed bringing up this hotshot bat, that indicates that Mariners want to win. They're not necessarily in that mode anymore where they're just still trying to sell things off. They're actually now in the very early stages of starting to implement the tools that they've acquired, tools meaning human beings. I love it. I love it when we refer to baseball and football players as tools or as toys or as – I'm trying to think. We have so many dehumanizing ways of referring to athletes.

I feel less bad about the baseball players. The most bad is the football players because the football players, their actual bodies are destroyed by the process of the playing, and they may never be the same. And that one is, I feel like, the worst if you happen to describe a football player as something that is more like a pretend toy that you would use. The baseball players, I don't feel as bad because, you know, they usually are okay after their careers as baseball players. But anyway, okay, thank you for humoring me, Andrew. Thank you, the few listeners that are still here, for humoring me as well. I needed to get that out of my system. This is my only chance each day to talk to my friend Andrew, so you have to permit this. Okay, let's take a quick break When we come back, we're going to thank two people Who actually paid for that conversation to happen Our dazzling donors One of them is Miskevich

Or is it Mishevich I really don't know which is Do you know that I can't remember Which one is the reliever I'm embarrassed, but also if you don't know either I'll feel slightly less embarrassed

No, I have no idea, honestly I was starting to like By that point in the game, because I saw that we were I knew how this was going to go The problem is that's just happening, everyone. Sorry. The problem is the Dodgers are so stacked. The Dodgers like that hit like their lineup is so crazy between Mookie Betts and Justin Turner at Al that I was like, I know how this story ends. I've been a Mariners fan for a long time. And so I started like muting the TV and looking at TikTok while I was watching TV with one eye and looking at TikTok with the other eye because I was emotionally distancing myself from the game. And it worked, because when that guy hit that home run, was that Seager who hit the home run? When whoever it was hit—no, Seager hit a base hit before the home run to draw the game to just a one-run lead, and then I think the guy after that or someone later hit a home run. Anyway, I was already emotionally distancing myself. So I don't know even who the pitcher was that gave up the critical home run, but I just know it wasn't Kendall Graveman.

Yeah, no, it certainly was not. I think that might have been Montero, or I can't remember who they trotted out after him.

Anyway, I don't think it was Montero because Montero actually did well. I think Montero got a couple of got some critical outs. Stop.

Yeah. And I don't my brain is bad on this, too. I was I was just starting to. Yeah. Just look more and more at my phone as that game went on. But I do want to say one quick thing unrelated to baseball here, which is I only thought of this because you were talking about paying with your paying for the coffee with your phone yesterday. Yeah. I don't know if you know this or not, but I not only know what you had for dinner last night, but I am right now watching a YouTube video of Guy Fieri or Fieri, as I have to say. Otherwise, I'm going to get yelled at by the listeners, talking about the food that you had for dinner last night on YouTube, because I don't know if you know it, but somehow your order came up through our TV.

Are you kidding me again?

No, no. I got it right here. Do you want to know what you had for dinner last night? Yeah, you had chips and guac, you had masa y papa, which apparently has Fieri's stamp of approval, and you got a bowl of something.

How are you still getting that? I didn't use, oh, I guess I did order it online.

One of your online ordering food apps, as they're called, smoothly called, one of your ordering food online apps is connected with the email address that we use for the voicemail line and the text line, which is, of course, also connected to an email account, a Gmail account. And so every now and then, if you're making reservations or ordering food or whatever it is, I don't know what app or apps you have connected to that. But last night and I didn't look it up I didn't stalk you I just thought of it now While you were telling the story about paying With your phone I'm like oh yeah I should see can I see what Luke had for dinner last night and I can It looks good and that Masi Papa looks amazing Oh my god it's so good it's a torta That they use like Like masa as the kind of protein, I guess you would say. Which I don't think I've ever had. I mean, you know, masa is like obviously the kind of like building block of a lot of like Latin food. You know, it's like what a tamale is wrapped in. But in this case, this place, Guero, by the way. Oh, masa is what a tamale is wrapped in. Oh, okay. I didn't know that. But what they do in this case is they fry it so it's kind of like a thin patty. It's so good. So this is the non-meat option of their tortas, which are obviously kind of like a sandwich. But then they've got this bowl. Well, it's called a salad, but it's like the ensalada bowl, which is also just tre magnif. And I will tell you this. When I got the guac and the chips, I was a little underwhelmed because the guac, I ordered a small, as you can see on my order, Andrew. And the guacamole, I was expecting this place where is like, you know, it's kind of it's hip and cool and and for cool people, which means they don't have Splenda. And so, like, I'm used to maybe getting guac if I'm ordering from like a Azteca or some kind of more like if you order, if you go to a certain kind of like Mexican restaurant, you order chips and guacamole. They bring you out like a massive amount of guacamole. In this case, it was like a small – it was like a little plastic, you know, ramekin or whatever of guacamole. I was like, could that be the whole thing? But you know what was interesting? It was the right amount. When I was all done, I was like, that was the amount of guacamole I needed. Yeah, I know that feeling too. Sometimes God sends you the amount of guacamole you need, not the amount of guacamole you think you want. I'm so hungry.

Let's take a break and just go eat everything in the fridge.

Oh, my God. Yeah, would – if you're in Portland, would recommend that place. It is just – I mean last night was a beautiful night here in Portland again, and there's this street up from my house. It's called 28th, and I don't know the neighborhoods of Portland yet that well, but it just has, Andrew, this – I think I might have even mentioned this the other day on the show, how it felt like I was in New York City. it's there's on 28th there is this stretch where it's just like i don't know 10 different little restaurants and pubs and places and they all have all this outdoor seating and when the weather is nice it's just full of people everyone's just sitting everyone's in a good mood and it just is vibrant and it's great i love it i mean i'm i'm really enjoying that elm just in case you've heard that portland is dying let me just let me mention it's doing fine mostly there are certainly some tweaks that could be made but this is still a pretty great town and i'm pretty excited to be here cool all right let's take a quick break and then we'll be back with more tbtl in a moment On your mark. On your mark. Get set. Get set. Now ready.

Ready. Go.

Everybody rattle, dazzle.

Everybody rattle, dazzle.

All right, let's thank some dazzling donors. These are the wonderful, generous people who are making the show possible with their donations. A dazzling amount of dough that is vital to the operation. Again, I feel obligated to mention that we've got another TBTL-a-thon coming up here at the end of May, and I think we're getting pretty close to announcing what the plan is for that.

You know, I was going to say, Luke, you and I never talked about this off air, but I was just putting the finishing touches on some newsletter language today, and I said, well, we'll announce it next week. I didn't check with you on that, but it seems like probably by next week, maybe even Monday, We have to, by Monday of next week, we'll only be a week away from launching our little, we're going to do a little mini adventure that is, you know, appropriate for the times. And so we've got to let the people know.

Yeah. So please do, you know, if you can, listen in to those shows. And if your heart tells you that it's time to support TBTL, either for the first time or once again, follow your heart. You know who followed their heart? Jerry DiPoto, who's our first dazzling donor. the problem with that joke was it was too far between when we made the reference before the

break well i was about the mariners wouldn't it be a scott service call i mean i'm stepping on your joke i just wasn't sure if i totally followed i don't know if i totally followed i was just caught off guard somewhere my brain went somewhere else and then all of a sudden i'm hearing jerry depoto and then i'm trying to piece it together i won't lie like i was not quite paying probably as much attention as i should have there no there was something that

we said when we were deep in baseball talk about the mariners oh you know what it was i said the people who've paid for this conversation before the break oh right i guess i thought it'd be funny if it was actually a mariners organization but you know who i have to apologize the most is sarah hayward of bainbridge island washington who's actually the first dazzling don't everyone want to thank sarah bainbridge sorry we kind of backed into this sarah that's on me she's

It says, hey, you bitch and co-bros.

Language. Sarah.

I mean, I appreciate it, but. What would we all do without you? I'm not even going to worry about it. I'm just going to keep donating. Nice. That's the ticket, Sarah. Don't you trouble yourself with the possible end of TBTL. You just keep those sweet, dazzling donations going. And Lord knows we'll be here as long as they'll let us do the show. I have three requests. Let me know if I have to pay more for three. No, you don't, Sarah. Your dazzling donations entitles you to three requests. Request number one, I love words by doves with all my heart. That mournful beginning reminds me of the years I'd listened to TBTL, driving my younger teens around Bainbridge, wondering if they'd be drunk or still virgins when I picked them back up again. Wow. Sarah, I love it. This is real, genuine content. I can totally picture that. First of all, I have an extremely strong personal connection with music and how it makes me feel in certain moments. So, like, I was saying the other day on the show about how, like, I used to listen to the Lost in Translation soundtrack kind of obsessively when I lived in L.A., but I would use it for a certain drive that I would do, like, from the bar to the casino to the racetrack. And then sometimes when I would be in LA years later I would try to listen to it while I was in LA To get that feeling again And it never quite got me back to that place So I know exactly what Sarah's talking about About just like probably having a lot of Kind of, you know The normal amount of parental angst And then hearing words by doves And it creating this whole sense memory Yeah, absolutely Words would play at every hour break We used to end every hour with words by doves So that was probably a lot The nostalgia really gets me could you go out with that today absolutely sarah we can go out with that request number two please luke do a little chit chat impression of your aunties from philadelphia getting interested in tacos or tortillas or the pandemic or something it's my favorite non-bill clinton impression that you do oh man do i need to set you up i feel like we've already used all of our mexican food related content for the day, which involved tortas from Guero. Here's the problem with my impression of my aunts from Philly. I can only say like two or three lines. It's always the same lines.

I want to be here for you. I'm trying to figure out if you want me to kind of set you up and ask you a question, but I don't know what the lines are.

Well, the lines that I always say, and I'm going to do something as well, which is kind of not... Let's see. I'm going somewhere with it i promise i want to um the lines that i always say are are about my my cousin kellyanne who's a lawyer because the word lawyer really brings it out and also the the shore because the new jersey shore is just called going down the shore but there's a way of saying that and there's a lot of uses so what i will always say unfortunately it's not taco related but it's

like oh yeah your cousin kel she's a real good lawyer oh yeah he's going down the shore so like

those are words that kind of and also that's literally the sing-songy tone of my aunt kathy's voice those are words that really bring it out in me um what i wish though is uh that i could do the impression as well as the writer and comedian christine nangle who is from philly and who does the most ultimate Philly impression. So what I'm going to do...

Luke, can I ask you a question? Did she do one after the four seasons total landscaping? Yes, Genevieve was playing it for me that day when it was brand new. It was so funny.

Yeah, she has it so dialed in. Obviously, she's from there. I just visited Philly a lot growing up. But, I mean, the accent is flawless and just the whole vibe. Now, the vibe that she is putting out is the vibe of all of my cousins and everyone I know in Philly. So I know, Sarah, that this is not what you asked for. You asked me to do a Philly impression. But if I could just hand it off to Christine Nangle, that would be better because her impression is just.

Hello, Four Seasons Total Landscaping. Since 1992, we are not the hotel.

This is Christine answering the phone. She is working at the Four Seasons Landscaping after the whole thing goes down, just so you know.

Hello, Four Seasons Total Landscaping. Since 1992, we are not the hotel. event and then we don't not do events while we do events we do turf mowing edging at beds and seasonal color well one time there's a cremation center directly across the street and one time their pair went out we let them use our mulcher so i don't know if that counts as an event whoa okay relax dude i don't know who you are but i do know your poor planning does not constitute my emergency no we don't have a podium why don't we have a podium we have a rototiller I know That's not the same thing. I'm just trying to match your energy.

That's my favorite line.

I don't have to cry. Stop crying. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Stop crying. Oh, my God. Stop crying. Okay. Fine, fine, fine. I don't know who you are, but yeah. Okay. Come on by. We're next to the bookstore.

Veeves and I say I'm just trying to match your energy all the time now because of that.

Oh, so great. Christine Nangle is a great follow, by the way, on Twitter if you're one of the people that's on there. So, Sarah, again, I know that wasn't me doing it, but I hope you appreciate that we were able to play a much better Philly accent than I can do. Also, request number three, Andrew, don't change a thing. I love you. Just keep being nice to our friend Andrew.

Oh, that's nice. I guess I can do that. Don't change a thing.

That's the hardest. Honestly, that's the hardest request that she could have given you is to be nice to our friend Andrew. If she would have said, hey, Andrew, can you can you please embark on some complex audio project or smash boom bestiary or what have you or like anything she could have asked her you could do other than be nice to our friend Andrew.

But look what I'm doing here. I'm not I'm not going I'm not going to make a self-deprecating joke. I'm not. I mean, I want to. I should. Don't do it. I can't. Then the dazzling donor donations dry up. I know that's a lot of right, dude.

So that that think about it that way. financially, the success of this show hinges on you being nice to our friend Andrew.

Right, exactly.

I was talking, I keep mentioning this, but I had a really nice conversation with that writer, John Green, who he has a book out called The Anthropocene Reviewed, which is kind of related to his podcast of the same name, which I can't recommend highly enough. But he's a guy who has dealt, he has a lot of OCD and a lot of intrusive thoughts. And I was mentioning the other day, Andrew, That him talking about his thoughts Very much Reminds me of how you talk about the way your brain Works and so one of the questions I asked him during the interview was You know if you're somebody who replays Conversations into your head a lot and really Goes back and analyzes things and Finds fault with what you did I go when you do A book like this because the guy is like A very famous writer at this point And very like sells a lot of books I was like so he's going to be doing a lot of promotion For this book I said do interviews Like this create a lot of fodder for those thoughts and he goes yeah they do yeah he was like he goes they're huge he goes as soon as we're done with this he goes i'm just gonna sit and overthink and ruminate and dwell on what we talked about he goes but actually he said you asking that question really helps me because it tells me that this interview didn't go badly because if it was going terribly you wouldn't ask me that question that's interesting that's insightful and he goes and so the next and so when it starts to get you know i'm I'm just paraphrasing here. When I start to have an intrusive thought, I'm going to remind myself that it didn't go badly because you asked me that question, which indicates it wasn't going badly. Wow. And so what you need to do next time you want to be mean to our friend Andrew is think of listener Sarah's donation and the fact that the whole thing is predicated on you being nice to Andrew.

Yeah, that is true. And I have to. Even if I want to be mean to Andy, even when I'm off the air, I'll be like, oh, I can't, though. I need to. You owe it to Sarah. I literally owe it to Sarah. She gave me money to do that. So here we are.

Yeah, exactly.

Maestro.

On your mark. Get set. Get set. Now ready. Ready. Go. Everybody rattle.

I can't believe I started that music so low. God.

Sarah, donations are non-refundable. I'm sorry to be the person that's telling you this, but. Hey, look who it is. None other than J-Dog. Jonathan Hauser.

He literally wrote his, he didn't even write Jonathan Hauser, did he? He just called himself J-Dog Hauser, then gave a pronouncer for J-Dog.

You love to see it. Our friend Jonathan Hauser, a.k.a. J-Dog. Hey, friendos. I want to give you, I want to give a shout out to an incredible non-profit based in the PNW. It's called Community for Youth. Not to be confused with the Valley City Youth League.

Right.

cfy has given me so much through being a mentor and uh if there are any seattle-based tens who want to be a mentor please check out community for youth.org you can become a mentor or you can consider donating to support the cause nice yeah man also a special shout out to my mentee jordan i'm so lucky to be your mentor and i can't wait for our adventures this summer this is a

great idea it's a great idea i have one little concern here luke and i don't want to i don't want to step all over j-dog's message here but if j-dog is offering the shout out during a dazzling donor message to his mentee does that lead us to believe that he has been forced

or introducing tbtl to jordan and is that what a good mentor does or does that violate some sort

of mentor mentee protocol i think that jonathan has probably embedded this in his dazzling donor message i'm sorry jdog has probably embedded this in his dazzling donor message so that later he can play it for his mentee jordan and then jordan will be maybe five percent more likely to have generally positive thoughts about tbtl and maybe become eventually a listener and then one day a

dazzling donor which would be great for us but i just don't know what the rules are as far as no i

doubt that he's forcing tbtl on his mentee okay but i'm thinking that i think wisely so he gets it that people like hearing their name read on the radio and if that can't happen they like hearing

it read on a podcast okay all right as long as you think it's all on the up and up no i think

it's definitely on the up and up and actually you know what all joking aside i've been thinking a lot particularly with you know elements of normal life coming back that i want to get involved in something like this in portland whether it's big brothers or or a program like the one jonathan's talking about in seattle community for youth like i was saying something yesterday that was like probably weirdly sorry i'm taking it here jonathan and also jordan if you're still listening this is what happens on the show that's two j dogs by the way uh j dog one and j dog jr so does that mean And Jordan is JDJ, J-Dog Jr.? I think so. Yesterday I mentioned something kind of in passing, but I think it was a weirdly honest moment where I said I've sort of organized my life in this way. You know, you come to little forks in the road in life all the time, and sometimes you don't even realize kind of what you're doing or the decisions that you're making and how consequential they are. But our lives just kind of – this sounds hokey or like something that would be written on a very lame card. But it's like your life is sort of a river and you keep hitting little points and then you kind of go off in one direction and you kind of meander and all that. And the river of my life has led me to be 45 years old, living in a nice apartment with very limited responsibility outside of work stuff. And really fun jobs that I enjoy doing And feel really lucky to get to do Kind of this version of my life That Obviously I wanted But it also on some level feels maybe a little empty Maybe because there aren't enough people reliant on me Like there There are people right now that are like I would absolutely kill to trade places with you Because I have three kids under the age of five And I'm about to I'm about to walk into the water With stones in my pocket So, you know, don't feel too bad for yourself, Burbs. And I don't. I guess I just mean it's interesting for me, and maybe it's because I just turned 45, to have this moment of thinking about, like, making it so that you only have yourself to answer to and you kind of get to mostly do whatever you want and have whatever you want. You'd think that would be the recipe for happiness if you're an idiot like I am, but it's really not. and the times in my life when I've probably felt the most fulfilled are the times in my life when I've actually been the most needed by other people and the most you know what I mean like having whether it's when Addy was younger which again at the time was just like dear Lord please let this phase be over with because I just want to take a nap and I have like a crazed three-year-old running around but anyway I have been thinking about that a lot lately and I've been thinking something that I need to integrate into my life more is being of service to other people So I want to look into that this summer And I want to encourage other people Who have the time and the bandwidth And if you're in Seattle To maybe check out communityforyouth.org Also, there's one more part of J-Dog S J-Dog Senior's message

Lastly, Donna, I love you I'm just trying to give you a good life I know I don't feed you as much as Anna does But I swear I'm not as scary as I look I assume Donna is their kid

I believe Donna is a friend of theirs Who lives in the basement Okay Speaking of which Do you guys still have your house guest? No, no She left yesterday But I will say As far as house guests go Really couldn't ask for You're talking about life And you know How lucky we are in a lot of ways I will say I'm somebody who loves my own space But it also Being able to be in a position To help somebody and having very little impact on my life felt like a good thing to do. There are times where if we have people coming through town, I will do anything to make sure that they're getting their own Airbnb or whatever because I'm not the most gracious person when it comes to sharing my space. But knowing that we had a friend who was really trying to avoid COVID because her partner caught it, instead of putting me out, it actually made me reflect that, wow.

I have a pretty lucky life that we can have this person stay with us, do a little bit of good, and also it not impact me too much. See? There you go. Being of service. So Don is a dog. Don is a dog.

Okay. I swear I'm not as scary as I look. Ninny, you're a good cat. And finally, Anna, thank you for being so loving and supportive during this past year. I love you. Thank you Luke and Andrew for the daily Grind of TBTL and in many ways Being the most consistent thing to bring Me through 2020 well thank you J Dog and also thank you Anna for Tolerating all of the TBTL That bleeds into your life We appreciate both of you And I say this you know Most days when we do this message But only because it's true we absolutely wouldn't be here Without you so thanks so much for being part Of TBTL

Hello and welcome to Top Story.

meaningful relationships. Now, recently, researchers at Stockholm University published a paper basically calling that number into question. This is what they said. We can learn thousands of digits of pi, and if we engage with lots of people, then we will become better at having relationships with lots of people, meaning we just have the capacity to be friends with more than 150 people. What I thought was funny was usually in these kind of science-y things, You know, somebody puts something out And then maybe later on There's better research techniques or data And we kind of update things Dunbar is not taking this sitting down By the way, Dr. Dunbar is a professor at Oxford He defended his research The new analysis, he said Is bonkers Absolutely bonkers I love that term That's such a That is not what you expect A researcher from Oxford University Yeah But to say when somebody else calls – well, the problem is that this thing – you can just tell that this guy Dunbar – and I'm not saying that he's not a real social scientist and that he's not a real – I mean he's at Oxford, which you assume conveys a certain amount of believability. But also he wrote a book about this. This thing called the Dunbar number got started. You can tell that it's really kind of at the core of probably his professional identity and to some degree his personal identity, I would guess. And so whereas if you were writing something about single cell organisms, and apologies for the emergency going on somewhere in Portland, they're driving to Juero to warn them that their computers have been hacked and that people can see the people's orders easily online, as you were able to see my tour to order last night. Anyway, you can just tell that this didn't really – this wasn't just a sort of professional disagreement. You can see it's personally hitting old Robin Dunbar where he lives.

Yeah, right? It's bonkers.

I marvel at their apparent failure to understand relationships. Whoa. Jeez Louise. Shots fired from Robin Dunbar.

Wow. One thing, I was just going to say this. This doesn't even probably need saying. But one thing, I say bonkers from time to time, too. I like it. And one thing, I think we've talked about this on the show in the past. Not to be overly snowflakey, but one thing that I've been trying to do over the past several years, because it kind of comes and goes, is eliminate the word crazy as a slang word from my language. I don't think it's the biggest offense in the world, but, you know, when you, you know, it's just something to think about. There are people with mental health issues. So when you just say, oh, man, I had a crazy night last night. Well, what's a word you can use instead of crazy and bonkers is one of them. And I remember when Lauren, your former producer, Lauren, was on the show to help us with our personality tests. Oh, Lauren Masterson? Yeah, with our personality tests. She used the word wild a lot. I think that's good. I think, and I don't know if she was doing that conscientiously, but I find almost every word that you can use instead of crazy is actually better. Bananas. Bananas is a great word to drop into conversation. Oh, man, I had a banana's time trying to get a coffee this morning. Yeah, exactly.

I mean, it's one banana. What could it cost? Got there. Got there. No, I'm with you on that. I was listening to the Mental Illness Happy Hour podcast recently. That's the great show that Paul Gilmartin does. And he was talking to somebody and the guest who had dealt with mental illness said, crazy. and then kind of stopped and said, oh, I don't know if I can say that. And Paul's take on it as somebody who's also dealt with addiction and depression and things like that was, he said if his, and again, I don't think Paul's not the arbiter of all of this, but he basically said if you're somebody who has dealt with mental health stuff or is dealing with it and you want to say it about yourself, sometimes it can be kind of, it can be cathartic in a way. Like he was kind of saying, and that kind of goes for most things, wouldn't you say? Yeah. Like, the people who are dealing with the thing in question or the people who are of a particular group get a lot more leeway on what they're saying about that group. And if you're not in that, like, I don't think I'm somebody who's ever really dealt with mental health stuff. So I try to not use crazy. But if there's somebody who's, you know, been 5150'd and saying crazy helps them demystify it a little bit, I don't begrudge them that.

Yeah, yeah, absolutely. I think the harder one for me, because I often will describe my personality as like having like characteristics of OCD, but I've never been diagnosed that. And so, you know, I will probably just use to casually say, you know, because I'm OCD or because I'm obsessive compulsive where really I have not. That's a real thing that people struggle with, whereas I probably, you know, there are certain aspects of my life where I display those symptoms. But like, yeah, I need to be a little bit more careful and I try to be more careful, not just throwing that around as if it's just like a general thing that we can all, you know, just kind of throw around. Because for some people, it's like, you know, it impacts their life on a daily basis. Anyway, sorry, I got really far off this. I just like the word bonkers. That's all I meant to say. And bananas is fun. And wild is fun.

Exactly. I like all of those words. This is the kind of, like, metric, I guess, that they were – that Dr. Dunbar was using to describe what a friend is. This is also the part that interests me because I've got to be honest with you. 150 friends sounds overwhelming. Well, that to me is – I have, like, probably, like, 10 friends, maybe.

Yeah, and really only five of them behind your back. No, you have a lot more friends than that. I think what's interesting is how you define a friend, you know, because 150 seems like a lot. But I am also just thinking that I just got an email this week from a friend whom I haven't spoken with in, I think I did the math on it, six years. She was just, she was kind of going through something at work. And she remembered a conversation we had had when I was living in L.A. about our work. She's also a radio producer. And she said, hey, I just like going through this thing at work and replaying this conversation that you and I had in in my in my head. And I just thought I'd reach out and tell you that that conversation still means a lot to me. And and this is me now saying Andrew Walsh saying that this person still means a lot to me, even though I haven't seen her in a really long time. And so now I'm like, OK, well, she's a friend. Like how many people are like when you really if you were really to sit down and start listing the people who if they emailed you out of the blue or if they were in town, they would look you up. We have a lot of friends, just not friends you see on a daily basis.

Well, the way that Dunbar defined meaningful relationships, people you know well enough to greet without feeling awkward if you ran into them at an airport lounge.

Oh, wow.

That's a very weird way to describe it. Could you say that again? People who you know well enough to greet without feeling awkward if you ran into them at an airport lounge. That number typically ranges from 100 to 250 I don't like that definition Me neither, it stresses me out First thing, I would never remember their name Yes Although I am pretty good with names But not in those situations Like I'm okay with names when you and I are just talking And something comes up But like if I were to see somebody who's 99th on the list In the lounge at the airport I don't know if I would know their name And that would be a big stress point Like I would even if I recognize him, I might just be like, hey, you be like you at the Eagles with everyone, not him.

Right. And also for me, I mean, that is a big thing for me. I mean, you know me. Names are terrible. Also, I have really bad facial recognition. So sometimes I see somebody and I would second guess myself a million times if I hadn't seen them in five years, if that was the right person. But then on top of this, I'm not saying this to be like, you know, I'm not trying to be funny here. You'll be able to tell because it's not funny. But like I'm I'm awkward all the time. like i'm awkward you know what i mean like i think right you and i will still have awkward moments whether you know it or not you know like i just think that like and and i know that's not the point but i just think that if if you're if you're trying to be scientific about it i i think that's too i think that's too squishy of a of a definition because awkward is different for everybody and i'm i'm awkward all the time and if i were to see this person who i'm just describing This producer friend of mine If I were to see her in an airport lounge I'd probably be somewhat tentative And awkward going up to her It doesn't mean she's not my friend

Yeah, I think that, yeah, awkward is a weird word to use there because I don't think that that's the best way to measure if somebody is, you know, if you're friendly with someone or not. But to me it was like, I feel my life is very weird to me in that I have these jobs, particularly this job, I guess you could say Livewire too, but really this job where we in a certain way connect with like thousands of people. and we do these you know live events where maybe hundreds of people show up and we talk to them we know so many of them so i guess i have to say and i do consider anyone i've met at a tbtl event i would consider them to be a friend at this point certainly of the level that if i saw them in the airport and we chatted i wouldn't feel awkward about it so i guess that alone shoots my number up over 500 of friends but then for me where this went when i hear like how many friends can you have i my thought was how many friendships can i maintain to where i'm even being a semi-decent friend right right right and that's like 10 max right and i'm probably not even if you were to survey the 10 people that are that are on that list in my mind they would all probably say yeah luke kind of comes and goes you know communicatively and stuff and you know i'm not like fishing for you to say that's not true i mean i'm i wish i was better at maintaining friendships i there are people i know that will just reach out to folks and keep in touch and just be like hey how's it going like there's nothing pressing going on there wasn't even a thing that reminded them of the person it's just that's how friendships work you just maintain connections with people and i'm

horrible at that but i i don't think that this is measuring what who is a good friend and who is a bad friend and who's keeping up their end of things and again i i think the problem is here where it's just all very squishy how do we define these things but um and i'm not even i'm not even I think you – I don't know the relationship of all of your friendships, so I'm not even going to weigh in on that. But just – I think – I will say this. I think everybody thinks they're a worse friend than they are. Yeah, I think I'm a bad friend. And Genevieve's like, how do you think you're a bad friend? You will email somebody out of the blue and just say, thinking of you. And that's it, by the way. I just say, thinking of you. Wow, I've never got an email like that for me. And then I talk to you every day.

You're like, I can't miss you if you don't ever stop talking to me, Luke.

If I ever stop thinking about you for a second, I'll text you. then wait hold on that doesn't work but no I you know I mean I will do things like that or but for me that I think part of that is a maybe I feel guilty about something and so then I'll reach out to somebody and then I feel like I'm a bad friend for not reaching out then other people will say yeah but that guilt got you to send that email checking in with your friend Krista back in Ohio or whatever another person who we happen to be in touch lately so I don't know I think everybody probably feels like they're not a great friend at times

Well, that's a relief to me because I feel like I'm a pretty lousy friend. And, you know, I just like I said, I admire I say this like it's a magic trick that I'll never perfect. It's like I could just be more intentional about it of like just building into my schedule and in my routines to just maintain connections with people better. You know, I mean, I have this kind of relatively short list of people who are like kind of my ride or die for the rest of my life. Close friends. And then there's a lot of people I know and have really fond feelings towards, but they're just in a much wider ring of my life. But I wish I was I wish I was better at maintaining connections with even those people that are on my short list because, you know, weeks can go by or, you know, again, it's like I'll text them if I see something that reminds me of them. But I think that there's you know, there are there are people who are better at than I am. And I admire that. And I should probably just try to make it a priority.

Well, don't we also have to all admit that there's a part of friendship that is also born out of a certain kind of convenience, like, and I, you know, I'm going to use some examples from your life, although I don't want to make this awkward by calling people out. But like, right now, you aren't live, well, you were just saying before that sometimes you feel a sense of emptiness, which I'm sorry about, but you're also going through a lot right now. like let's not let's not ignore that fact like you're going through you know a life-changing time here in a transition and um you should acknowledge that and give yourself some breaks but like i like started drinking more water i like hearing about um i like hearing about you getting together with your you know siblings and their families and and and you know dave and everybody down there um and that is a sense of friendship just because you share a bloodline doesn't mean that that's not that's not a friendship now when you were up when you were up in um bellingham like well you were spending more time with your immediate fake neighbors rich and linda and like you know and you're my guess is you probably are not as in touch with them as much because you don't live next to each other you know and part of it is like well there is a proximity effect here it doesn't mean that you're a bad friend and i'm you know so anyway there's that too, like friendships are... somewhat born out of convenience when you're talking about the people that you're kind of interacting with the most sure no that's totally true and i mean not to again turn this back directly on me uh but i also feel like um the weird thing when you mentioned me getting together with my family on sunday which was like really like maybe the most maybe one of the best days i've had during the pandemic or since the pandemic started right it was just like the weather was beautiful i was with my family and the people i love and it was just it was just perfect everything was really great and yet i don't i mean my my brother david lives here in town with his girlfriend alicia my sister sarah lives here with josh her husband and their kids uh my sister liz lives not that far away and i never hang out with these people like which is weird because when i hang out like there's some kind of weird blockage in me that is like people that I love people that when I hang out with them I feel better I feel more connected and yet something I think I cocoon more than I realized and this goes back to Bellingham probably in Port Townsend this is probably a somewhat of a lifelong thing for me that I just never really put a name to or thought about but I think I tend to cocoon a lot like I want to do my own thing sometimes cocooning is me drinking alone at a bar playing uh you know the video lottery machine you know what i mean like even if i'm out in public i'm not socializing in a way that that um requires anything of me yeah sure i think that's part of it i think sometimes i want to just like kind of zone out and i i want

to be not in this apartment but i also don't necessarily want to feel the pressure of relating to people that actually know me yeah it's a very strange thing to describe but there's something that i find very relaxing about being somewhere around people but people who i don't know and

people who i don't have to talk to oh unless i want to that is completely relatable to me luke i mean i know that i am known as a homebody which i am but i remember like i you know i grew up in the country and all i ever wanted was to move to a city and so it took me a long time to finally you know moved to an actual city which was seattle and this was in i was already like in my very early 30s um and i remember just like trying to explain to people that you know at the time when we moved to seattle we moved to capitol hill which is a very very bustling young arty neighborhood right and i don't know if arty is the right word there but you know a lot of clubs a lot of bars a lot just a lot of activity and um and i loved living there but then as i lived there for a while i didn't really go out that much and in fact i remember my friend avishai visiting me and kind of being like there's so much around you and avishai is the type of guy who just like he just gobbles up life right like he'll go to like 17 various gatherings and festivals and uh meetups in a single hour um and so and then here i am he's visiting me from wherever and i'm in capitol hill and there's all this stuff going on around me. But I like having stuff going on around me, but I don't necessarily want to be connected to it. Some of my favorite memories of living on Capitol Hill were after work going to this little bar, which has traded hands so many times, I can't remember the name of it, but you could just sit in the window and have some beers and read a book and just people watch. And God, I love people watching. I love being around it. I just don't necessarily want to be of it. I don't know if that's exactly the same thing you're talking about But I feel like what you said is relatable

I took a picture of your old house The other day by the way It's weird isn't it I don't know why I'm just turning into A crappy version of Zagetz What is it Zagetz is that how you actually said it I don't know how to say it I also don't know why you said it in that voice Because as Chris Farley There was a sketch on SNL Where Chris Farley and Adam Sandler are a married couple and they're for some reason the show is that they're just reading zagat's reviews but chris farley's character who's the wife calls it zagat and adam sandler's character is just wants to just end his life because he finds the conversation to be so banal okay um i don't know why i just decided to turn into a uh not not interesting version of zagat's today but uh if you're on capitol hill there is a place called sure shot where i went with addy which sounds like a coffee shop but it's not it's a restaurant and it was incredible but um this was a few weeks ago but after oh you know what that was that was before i came and surprised you guys at rodent's house but anyway as i was driving out of there i went past your old house and i was like really happy it's still there i know it's this tiny little house that part of town i took a picture of it and then i was going to send it to you and i thought that's weird it no i mean

sometimes i drive by it too if i'm in that neighborhood i um uh sorry my brain just thought of something else related to that neighborhood. I'll say.

that story for another day but um yeah no it's strange because it's definitely the part of town where everything is being torn down and being replaced by you know big multi-use buildings and um which is good density is good but there's still this little house that has two units one upstairs one downstairs and it's it's not in great shape it wasn't in great shape then and it's in worse shape now uh but it's got a literally a little white picket fence around it and it does remind me of like a little house that that won't give in to the development it's increasingly turning

into, like, the house from Up or the Edith Macefield house famously in Seattle. As everything gets built up around it and it's still there, but it made me very happy to see that it was actually hasn't been, has not yet turned into a yoga studio, i.e. the ground floor of some five-story condo thing. That's just absolutely stupid.

All right, before we get out of here... And by the way, I have some flexibility here luke i was off by an hour on my appointment i actually do have to maybe try to record these tracks so it's probably good to not linger too much but i know that you were concerned about my timing before and i realized i messed up my timing so don't don't sweat it too much okay good

thank you for that update i'm glad that we're not um that we're not getting you because i mean you got to have that finger right for the tbt elathon yeah this i don't want to give too much

away about what we're doing but it's highly finger related gross sorry that did get really gross really fast this is why i stay indoors with myself um let's see here so here's what we got going on in the drops of stupider round two today uh we had i want to make sure that i'm looking at the right list here do i have the right audio here yeah this is good okay so um we had in round one garbage anxiety going up against in a very tbtl fashion drops of stupider right drops of stupider did not win i didn't think it would um and we had a cat rolling going up against a little segment that we did once or twice called drops let them roll in which you just fired off a bunch of random drops in a row without comment on the show a little game that i completely enjoy but as you might guess the beloved cat rolling did win so let's get a taste of that this is a you cat rolling me uh way back in like 2012 or something this is pepper schwartz jeez i fucking hate you i hate you so much sorry about the language there but you know yeah boy this show used to be really racy yeah i know but i gotta be me gotta be raw so we got uh you cat rolling me going up against general garbage anxiety the lie is built into the system and like it's just a lie and their whole system is just built on if we don't do our job we're just going to blame you unless you have literal proof of the reality like it's just it's so frustrating there's the passion what happened to that Andrew so you got garbage anxiety going up against cat rolling what do you think will win Luke that's a tough one

because cat rolling was such a thing but I think at this point particularly considering that we had those Walsh waste management cans that went out as a tbtl-a-thon thank you gift i think garbage anxiety is now a bigger story a bigger plot line in the world of tbtl than cat rolling yeah my me too and i was gonna say i don't

want to put my fingers on the scale but also i don't really care too much i don't have strong feelings about that um but yeah that's sort of my guess as well hey while we're here let me mention this luke um where we are in this drops of stupider competition we are going to finish up the round two matchups um this week so that people can vote on them this week at tbtl.net just click on that day's show page and you'll find all the polls there um but yeah we will have all of the matchups revealed by the end of this week voting through sunday but then starting next week we will find out who the winners are moving into round three which is getting really exciting for me because we're gonna have to say say some goodbyes to some pretty beloved segments so stay tuned next week

for that you know you make a drops of stupider you break a few omelets yeah i believe classic j-dog said that i believe right i but that was actually j-dog jr yeah that's what i meant sorry um please j-dog was my father call me j-dog jr all right we are gonna go out well i mean i don't feel like we need to announce it but we are gonna go out with our old uh ending music words by doves So Sarah in Bainbridge can remember that kind of ineffable, wistful feeling of your children growing up and needing you less and less. I'm trying to continue waxing nostalgic about that, but that's the edge of my understanding of all of that. Sarah, I'd like to think that they are still sober and still virgins. And we ended it like we started it, awkwardly. Thanks for listening, everyone. We're going to be back here tomorrow with more imaginary radio for you, including the Blur's Days. So do join us for that. Until then, have a great Wednesday. Stay safe. Take care of each other. go Mariners please don't trade Kendall Graveman and please do remember no mountain too tall and good luck to all

Power out.