Muse

All right, you ready? Yeah. Okay. Beagle. Beagle. Boggle. Boggle. Boogle. Boogle. Okay, we're ready to do it fast? Yes. Okay. Beagle, Boggle, Boogle. Beagle, Boggle, Boogle.

TBTL! You just drop in and just smack the lip. Drop down. And then after that, get pitted like that.

That was really good pizza.

Oh, this is the best pizza in a cup ever. This guy's unbelievable. He ran the old cup of pizza guy out of business. People come from all over to get this.

I've never felt this way about anybody before. Not even Bobby Sherman, who I completely and totally adore. But now I realize that that was just puppy love. And that this is the real thing. Sounds like a fundraising opportunity to me. This is sexier than the toothbrush.

All right, hello, good morning, and welcome, everyone, to a Friday edition of TBTL, the show that just might be too beautiful to live. Oh, la, la. My name is Luke Burbank. I'll be your host.

Hooray for you!

Coming to you from the Nest Broadcast Center high in the sky above Portland, Oregon, where I have spent the better part of a week complaining and, in my defense, chastising myself for failing to just carve out 20 minutes of my day to go to the store and get my hands on some Splenda. I drank that in my coffee. I ran out of it. For some reason, I cannot get over the mental hurdle of just going to the store and buying some. And I guess, you know, God never closes a door without opening a window. And sometimes a box of 400 Splenda packets flies through that window. It's a kind of magic. Because yesterday I went downstairs to the mail center here at my apartment building in Portland. There was in fact not one, but two humongous boxes of Splenda packets Sent to me by the listeners, I would imagine I am now the proud owner of 800 individual packets of Splenda Actually $7.99 because I used one in the cup of coffee I'm currently consuming But I'm confronted with a very real possibility 800 packets of Splenda, that's over two and a half years It's possible the Splenda will outlive me.

A problem or a blessing.

But thank you to the folks who are now just mailing me artificial sweetener. I think Lauren in Florida was one of them, and I don't know who sent the other box, but thank you. I appreciate you, and I'll think about you every time I drink a cup of coffee with one of these 800 packets of Splenda in it. We are at episode 3428 in the Collector Series, if you can believe that. Let the fun begin. It's an interesting announcement from the CDC this morning. I mean, you know, they've been, I'd say, mostly busy of late with, you know, a global pandemic. But they were able to take some time out of their busy COVID-19 fighting schedule to tell people to please stop kissing their chickens. If you need a kiss so bad, why don't you kiss a potato like the rest of us? This is a real thing that the CDC is trying to encourage people to stop doing because people are getting sick from kissing their chickens. We'll explain what's going on with that coming up. Also, is it possible bad dreams are actually good for us? My dream stories are tight. It's not a slate story, even though it sounds like it should be. It's actually a piece in the Atlantic About why bad dreams Are actually also The difference between people Who grew up watching black and white television And people who grew up watching color television And how that affects our dreams A bunch of dazzling deets about our dreams Coming up here in just a few minutes Oh and also A big announcement About the TBT Elethon 12 Content list delivery thank you

gifts. The new phone box here! The new phone box here! We are going to

tell you what we have pulled together along with our awesome membership folks back in Minnesota to thank you all for supporting TBTL once again next week when we journey out into the void known as I-5 in a 1993 Mitsubishi Delica van with the driver's side set on the non-typical American side. Anyway, we'll tell you what we're going to be thanking you with coming up in a moment. And then also, of course, we'll check in with this.

dude the longest running cobro of the show maybe best known for his depictions of the tall ships he's baby stepping he spent most of yesterday glued to his phone during the show because he was awaiting a very special delivery do some delivery for the truck to the airport he is andrew walsh and he's joining us right now from the roosevelt neighborhood of seattle washington

good morning my friend good morning luke did you get the thing i get the thing i feel like you're so obsessed with this package, Luke. Listen, as we get ready to go on this TV telethon, and I understand, I appreciate all the anxiety. Do you have any more George Michael-related

texts from the Midwest that we'd like to inject into the show? I mean, I just

need to tell you, Luke, everything's going to be fine. I always tell you this, like, the packages will arrive, the equipment will be tested, everything will be fine, but you just... Did the delivery guy leave

his own note that said, too many notes, bro?

Yes! Yes. No, the package did arrive. It's like the perfect time. I was even, you know, there was a chance that it was going to arrive long after the meeting where it was scheduled for Eric, the engineer, to teach me how to use the equipment, but it actually showed up right before the meeting. Like, I mean, the timing could not have been more perfect. There is one more shipment related to the TV telethon that I'm still awaiting that I can't go into details of what it is, but it's a little bit more of a lanyop for this adventure it's something that if we have it it would be nice but if we don't have it life will go on so i did moments ago just get an email from ups that says i can follow my delivery step by step i'm assuming it's got nice little footsteps like the uh family circus cartoon um but i'm not going to be obsessed with that i will keep my notifications off today so if tracy from ohio wants to scold me for not you know understanding my wham history enough did you

Did I ever get clarification on that? I literally thought about that throughout the day. Like what did we, and more specifically me, what did I say that was so wrong about George Michael? Was it that I mischaracterized Freedom 90 or something? Because, I mean, for once, it wasn't like we spent a huge amount of time on it. It was just, oh, hey, Wham! had a song called Freedom, and then later George Michael had a song called Freedom 90. And I said I thought that was about him maybe establishing kind of his real person and persona with the public because he had sort of been this clean-cut bubblegum pop star. And now he was becoming a more complicated figure. I don't know.

I literally don't know. I mean I think it's one of those things where Tracy is just a huge fan of George Michael like to the point where – I think it might have just been one of those things where she's potentially maybe driving along in her car. She listens to the show. She's a longtime friend of mine from college. She hears this topic. It would maybe would be like it would maybe be like if Tracy had a podcast and I was listening to it. And then suddenly she's like, no, I've never heard of Donovan. I don't know what you're talking about. And I might just be like, what? It might be like that, although we have heard of George Michael. So I don't know. I think it was just a moment of passion. Honestly, I have that with a lot of my friends. It's totally above board.

Yeah, I think it's good, too. We were legitimately talking about this the other day, you and I, Andrew, off air. which was at times we do actually engender strong reactions from the listeners. And sometimes initially it can be a little bit like, ooh, that hurts. But then like if the listener is saying, oh, you got that so wrong, or how could you say that or whatever it is. But it's such a good thing because it means people actually care. People are very engaged with this show. And if we're provoking a strong response to them, it means that they actually care.

Yeah, exactly. I just had a thought, by the way. This is I mean, I can't even try to make it seem like this thought is related to anything we're talking about right now. But I'll just be honest. And again, I'm not trying to turn this into yesterday's show all over again. But I just got an email here and this I'm noticing a trend here. I haven't stayed in a hotel in quite some time, as you might expect. Vives and I stayed in some, you know, pretty cheap roadside hotels on our way to the Grand Canyon. Motel five. Yeah, motel, motel two and a half star. um we'll leave the fluorescent lights on for you um but uh leave the fluorescent lights flickering for you you know our grand adventure here that uh kicks off the tb telethon monday actually begins with genevieve and i heading down to portland tomorrow with all of my radio gear and equipment that we'll be taking on the road with us and so we are staying in a hotel that is near your house i'm not going to say the name of the hotel um not not because i'm scared of a Beatle Media-esque throng of people outside of it, just because I don't want to bring up the name of the hotel. But, you know, it's not like a totally generic one. It's one that's like, hey, you're coming, and we hope you really enjoy your experience here, right? It's probably a slightly trendier hotel. And I made the reservation, I'm going to say, a week ago, and I have received... no fewer than four emails from them in the past week just talking about how excited they are for me to be coming and staying in their hotel and we hope you and have this um entire experience i mean i don't even know what this last one is i already just blasted it away as my dad would say without even opening it but like is this something that has to do with the the the state of the travel industry that you know hotels are you know obviously struggling and that's something to you know I feel bad for them but are they just trying to like really up the experience or is it just like have they been doing this for years and I haven't been staying in places like this where every day you get another email about how excited they are that you're going to be joining them in Portland and here are a bunch of things you can check out etc etc etc like dude you thirsty I'm coming I'm going to spend the night and then I'm hitting the road

yeah I think and I know the hotel of which you speak and I think it might be a little bit specific to them but i also think there is and maybe it works too maybe it's effective but there is in the modern era of like the boutique hotel i think there's usually somebody who's kind of in charge of trying to real i mean you know sort of used to be carrie's job at the captain would be where although she wasn't the person blasting out the emails but it was like what if you're up if you're competing in the marketplace uh of hotels in a particular town and you can kind of like add some value you think maybe to the the the customer's experience by telling them by like being like you can hey you can check this bike out uh from the front desk or hey here are five here are the five best scones in portland or like you i think that the the places think that they're adding to your experience but unless you're a very specific kind of person which i'm not and i don't think you are those things don't necessarily add value i think very few people come to well i was gonna say few people come to a town with no idea what it is that they want to do in the town i guess that's not totally true but there's a it's i don't it's like that portlandia sketch where um the the customer is checking they actually shot that at the hotel deluxe by the way which is not the hotel in question although it's also a place i used to stay a lot and um fred armison is the front desk person and i think it's vanessa bayer actually is checking in and he is just giving her so much more information than she needs yes right yeah and and it's just kind of like the i i know that that like that there is a version of that of that fred armison character that i have dealt with at so many hotels in my life they're just being helpful they've just been trained to try to tell you everything you might need to know but you're always frazzled i know i'm kind of migrating the conversation here but it's like you're always kind of frazzled you've been traveling what you really would like them to do is say here is the key card that's where the elevator is because you just want to go up and sit on the bed for a minute and contemplate your life but instead they want to tell you the hours of the breakfast uh service and where the gym is and all of these little details that you how to turn on the tv it's just too much so i i think that the hotel industry of america needs to stand down i'm looking at you holiday and express eureka that's that's more my speed i'm looking

i see they want me to take some of these add-on room packages which now i'm probably giving away too much information but um when i was booking the room they're like do you want the special 420 package that comes with some sort of like weed like you know not actual weed but like weed branded things it's a partnership with local you know i'm sure dispensaries or whatever and now I see they have an add-on room package they want me to buy called the Fantasy Kit. I see a whip and handcuffs that says all the tools you and your partner need to get started on your sexual journey. So let's save that for the... Can you just get that for our trip? Yes.

Let's save that for Monday. Better safe than sorry. That's the kind of thing you don't want to realize at two in the morning that you didn't bring your whip on your road trip with your buddy. It was the first thing that I packed, but yeah, exactly. Hey, Andrew, speaking of... amazing gift items.

Hello, everyone. We are very excited to bring you an announcement today. Attention, everybody. Madames and Miss Waz. Drew came here today to make an important, life-changing announcement. So let's everybody stand up for this.

It is time to roll out the TBTL-Athon 12. Thank you gifts These are the things that you will be able to get If you are able to support TBTL We really appreciate getting to do this for our job All these years later And we try to offer what we can And a bit of thanks to you for donating So what are we going to be sending out to the listeners this year To the donors that is

I feel like I've been And...

teasing these things quite a bit on this channel and others. So I'm glad to finally be able to talk about these. By the way, also kudos so that I recognize the final voice in that montage but I couldn't quite place it and you told me it was Oprah before the show. So you actually got Oprah to record that for us? That's how into this she is? It was our

entire promotional budget for the first six years of the show. I feel like we're spending

the money we haven't earned yet. You see what my problem here is, Luke? We're going out to do this so that we can raise the money and you've already

spent well no we've already no we well here's the thing we had paid that down we had paid it off actually but then we refied against it because we kind of found ourselves in a tight spot so yeah we're actually really back into some pretty extensive debt to oprah okay listeners i'm

talking directly to you please please heed our call this and also i've said andrew has set up

a separate account that i don't have access to yes anymore because now not only is it about the

future of tbtl but it's about keeping us specifically me out of debtor's jail and yes i spelled that g-o-a-l that's how bad it is we know what you're talking about which is a thing i decided

to start doing yesterday apparently let's give them something to talk about actually is that how

you in like the old jail g-o-a-l is that oh like the gall yeah like the debtor's gall like it It sounds worse than even when it's spelled J-A-I-L.

He hath talked his way into the gall.

Actually, you know what? That leads us right to this. Let's just start with this. Okay. So we tried to come up with something that everybody can get. You donate at any level, right? You throw a dime our way. And not a dime bag. This is not a fancy hotel with a 420 package, friend.

Please consider the dime bag package.

Maybe next year. But for anybody who donates, Luke, you and I are about to, tomorrow, record a very special digital product that everybody can get their grubby little hands on. Your hands aren't grubby. If you donate, and that is a – are we calling it like a DVD commentary?

Do people know what DVDs are anymore?

We're calling it a movie night with your TBTL friendos. There you go. Thank you. We are going to watch a movie called The Fellowship of the Ring. I believe it's in the Star Wars trilogy. I haven't figured out all the details yet. And you and I are going to watch that. It's a full three-hour film, and we're going to record ourselves watching that movie. And I don't see anything that could go wrong. It'll just be you and me. And we have a pretty good handle on that movie, right? I don't think we need any help. Absolutely.

I mean, we are recognized experts on everything in the Star Trek first. So we are going to watch Fellowship of the Ring. But we're going to do it here, by the way, at my place. But mercifully for you, the TVTL10s, we will not be alone. We will have Genevieve here helping us out, who's smarter than you and I put together. And maybe most critically, we will have old David from The Basement. Whoa, relax, Bonnie Somerville.

I thought you had some of that David from The Basement music. I love it. David's favorite song.

Nice. Yeah. Song. This is a song from the Garden State soundtrack. For some reason, David from the Basement feeds into something called Winding Road, and I'll never know why that happened. Pretty nice. It's pretty nice. Yeah. So here's the thing. We are going to watch. This is going to actually be a fairly complicated technical process for us so that this will be most useful to you the tens who are able to donate at our dime bag level which is you will be able to queue up this movie Fellowship of the Ring and then also hit play on this audio product that we will give you and it will be us watching the movie now we're not going to have the audio of the movie on there because that's what's happening at your house or wherever you might be but you will hear us Andrew, me, Genevieve and DFTB and possibly Bonnie Somerville from we have calls out we have yes you we will just watch the movie and we are just going to talk about the movie and if you so it'll be as if if you if you do this right it will be as if you are watching the movie with us that's right for three hours it's gonna be fun I will be amazed if anybody makes it all the way through it's but you know what a little goes a long way so uh maybe you just you know you watch it 10 minutes at a time or something or you watch an hour of it and then you figure you got your money's worth yeah so i'm actually i am we are

going to do that tomorrow and i'm really looking forward to it that's going to be kind of the first kind of project of this trip and then yes um i think that's like officially the beginning by the

way of this trip in my mind because again it's going to be like i mean now that's an epically long episode of Thank you.

TBTL. It is. Exactly. You know, if you think about it, like we're going to record a mega show tomorrow and then Sunday we're going to be getting out on the, getting all of our, you know, I's dotted and T's crossed. And so it's like this to me tonight when I go to sleep is the last night before we're fully in Thon mode. Exactly. Fully in

Thon, as I call it. So anyway, I am looking forward to that. And then I think it'll be available. Thon mode is another package that your boutique hotel is offering the the thon song is um another level of thon that thon that thon thon thon um i think that'll be ready pretty quickly we're going to record it tomorrow we need a little bit of um turnaround time but i'm guessing that within a week or so people who donate will be able to download that uh via a special link that we'll send out also in the more physical realm for the i think the third year in a row luke it's becoming a real tradition and a real kind of collector's item i think we have more enamel pins made by our friend gg barry the artist in uh minneapolis and this year we have a special power out pin and a um okay you ready for this yeah is there a throat clearing yes okay i'm gonna write that out phonetically one moment please it's a um let

the fun begin oh how was that in person how was it it was not bad let me try okay let the fun begin. Wow. I think that might have been better. No offense.

Let the fun begin. Yeah, no, I think I nailed it with the third one. So we have a power out pin, a let the fun begin pin, and a beautiful, beautiful hot dog pin. Yes. Just in celebration of hot dog stories. In fact, what does that hot dog pin say? Oh, it says, what up, dog?

Yeah, no, it's actually, it's not just a hot dog, it's a Susie Burbank reference. That's right. I say, what up dog so if you've ever wanted a suzy burbank related enamel pin um we've got it for you and

i also like that it is a hot dog pin very much like um some of the hot dog pins that listeners have uh given me uh along the way and uh that has a place of pride on my own little uh little nap lapel well no i put it on my backpack i was trying to think what do you call a it's like i have a kind of a school kid style backpack it's got my little pony on it um and then another Can you keep your Trapper Keeper in there and your puffy stickers? Yeah, no, everything's fine. And I also have to mention that we have this retro cooler that we're giving away. Can you picture one of those Igloo Playmate coolers, like kind of the retro kind of with a little handle built in and the top slides? These things are – I'm getting like all kinds of Instagram ads for these. I think these things are quite the trend right now. Have you seen these things? Yeah.

I have, yes, and they're very – they're like – they're throwback. and this is going to say tbtl on it so you can impress all of your friends and also just keep your you know food and drinks cool this summer as we are increasingly able to go do things like i mean i think a little bit of our thought behind some of this stuff was look you know the listeners are mercifully going to be able to get out in the world a little bit more this summer and we wanted to kind of ride along with you so this cooler will be a way you can go out and and and have some fun but not forget your old pals at tbtl now luke do you now and do you have a drum roll sound effect

we've never played that on the show before could you find one you just tell me when okay because what i'm going to do here is i'm going to ask for a drum roll for this final thingy that we're giving away as a thank you gift but i might need you to hit that drum roll a couple of times okay that's fine i got it okay so i'm going to let this thing speak for itself

say what's up dog can i get another one luke i need another one that's a tuna bro do you think people are getting it

that's right we have in the exact style of luke's little red sound machine box which you've actually moved some units of those for target i believe just by owning it and playing it on the show all the time this has been in development literally for three years since we had the idea and we now thanks to our hard-working friends at 8 p.m have the exact equivalent of that little sound machine only go browns with tbtl 16 tbtl sound effects on this you and i both have these this son of a gun has been sitting on my desk like right next to my right hand for the past at least two weeks and it has been killing me not to play not to play this thing they're trying to say i was drunk i drank eight beers yesterday that was all i drank you know that oh whoops say what oh that was all i drank how about this one this song goes out to all the

coffee lovers of the world this andrew is very possibly my favorite thing that we have

ever given away to the tens for the thon it is just like it's perfection and again huge credit to our colleagues sarah and emily uh back in minnesota for for pulling this off we were mentioned this kind of obliquely the other day but sarah i think got a video sent to her from the factory where they made these and she forwarded to us and then i immediately had to forward it to like a bunch of people in my in my circle of trust because it was I was so excited about this thing

that exact the marsupial gurgle is on there that exact video by the way is in today's tbtl newsletter which will be going out um not too long after the show today maybe two or three hours after this show posted and by the way in that um in that newsletter you'll have all the links to how you can get these gifts if you're somebody who's already donating you'll get special links just to tell you how you can get these gifts if you're somebody who hasn't donated or wants to re-up or whatever. There's other links in there, and you can get your hand on this. Here's one thing, and I said this in the newsletter.

That's my Tom Shane impression. Still better than yours. Pretty good.

Let the fun begin. I like the way this feels in my hand. Now, you've had the red one for a long time, so you knew this. I didn't realize. I don't know how it's like the springy buttons under your thumb begging to be pushed. Like I just – I'm in love with this thing.

It's – I mean the reason why I have defaulted to using this other one, the sound machine, for like everything now is because it is very fun from a tactile experience and also it's like it's uncomplicated. You just have buttons and the buttons have pictures that correspond to the sound that's going to be made. And this is – I mean Emerge is probably the thing I use the most just in the co-hosting of this show. And so it's no surprise that this TBTL-branded one that has R-drops on it is just, like, so much fun to use. Spock sabotage the system.

It's got fun little logos underneath each button, which I can't – what is this one? Carol, hold my card. Oh, right. That's the telephone. Yep, yep. Yeah. Don't miss the sausage. That's my wife. Oh, yeah. That's my wife. Oh, right. Anyway. You got 16 sounds in this small, pocket-sized little sound machine. Impress your friend. So anyway, all the details about how you can get this stuff is in the newsletter coming out later today. And then we'll keep on sending out various emails and stuff throughout the week, directing you to tbtl.net so you can know how to donate during the thon.

Yeah, people are going to be – the 10s are just going to be walking around with this thing, like just torturing their 11s. Oh, my God. We did. This is what we did. But people are just going to be like, somebody's going to be standing around a corner, and then their partner is going to emerge down the hallway, and they're just going to be like, this is going to ruin relationships.

Like, as if we aren't, like, torturing 11s enough just with TBTL and people incessantly talking in drops and what have you. You're right. We should have called this an 11 torture device from the pit of despair.

Oh, hey, Andrew.

Oh, sir.

just one more thing i forgot to mention that i will also be mailing individual splenda packets of the first 800 people who donate to the show i'm sorry to the first 799 people who donate to tvtl i can send you a splenda packet so it's more than one listener

has found your address and is sending you splenda packets this is the easiest way for you to get

Splenda I got I got an email from listener Lauren in Florida who said hey I sent you some Splenda and I said oh that was unnecessary thank you and I guess I just thought it was going to be like the box that I would normally go purchase at the grocery store which I think might have like a hundred packets in it uh and uh no this thing has 400 but it wasn't just this box there were two boxes like and they were they wrapped individually and they were in different mailboxes in the um like mailbox not mailboxes but you know what i mean like when you get packages delivered here to this apartment building they put them in these lockers and then you go down it's actually kind of cool you you scan a one of those little qr codes into this thing and then it opens the door of the locker and these these did not appear to have been sent by the same person or they would have been bundled together they were totally separate so i think two different people so lauren in florida and somebody else who as of right now i don't it wasn't you right because you said you were going to mail me Splenda, Andrew. No, I wasn't going to mail it. I was going to pick up a box and maybe just like bring some

on the road trip.

But yeah, it sounds like you got it covered. More than covered. In fact, if Veeves wants to take a little Splenda for the road, we are overstocked on Splenda here at my apartment for the time being. So thank you, everyone. Please, that was very nice of you. Please, no one else send me Splenda. And also, please don't feel like you have to send me anything. We ask enough of you as the tens of listeners. How about this? Just if you can, if you're in a financial spot for it, donate to the Thon next week. That will be more than plenty. And then I will, like a grown-up boy, I will then use the pay I get from APM to go to the store and buy my own stuff.

Well, I mean, you probably won't. You'll probably still be trying to steal it from a Starbucks and find out it's Stevia. But that's also content.

Like a big boy, I will go to a Starbucks and I will steal my own Splenda. Okay? Like my mother taught me, which is not even a joke at all, by the way.

I was going to say that. I'll say, what's up, dog?

Like, I didn't even realize that condiments and napkins were things you could buy at the store until I was probably like 12.

You thought they made them in the restaurant.

I was like, oh, no, napkins say Wendy's, and they're yellow. What are you talking about?

A whole bottle of ketchup? You're at a nice restaurant. You're like, why does this napkin not have a depiction of the outline of a hamburger on it? Exactly.

Or like, wait, wait a minute. They make mustard in a giant jar, not just in a packet.

Wait, so this restaurant is so fancy that they have somebody whose sole job it is to open up packages of mustard and pour it in and squeeze it into this jar. Actually, you know what? That's something I'm thinking about doing. we have to probably go to a break here but like this is actually kind of something to talk about so because of the pandemic we um we're ordering you know take out a lot a lot over the past year and so like a lot of people um we have a lot of packages of like soy sauce and i think maybe spicy mustard soy sauce is the is mostly what we have every now and i have a whole shelf in my

fridge the same deal like yeah it's happening i think across i think this is very relatable content

Yeah, that's what I thought. But then also, and get ready, we need a sound effect for when I mentioned my volunteer work. But after my volunteer work last week, I was sent home with...

By the way, I played that off of the TBTL, the Too Beautiful to Live Center, as opposed to the other one.

You can tell because one is a recording of the other that has been sent.

I'm going to play them at the same time. Ready? Three, two, in stereo. Ooh, this is going to be great. Three, two, one. That's both of them, baby.

Good timing on that. But anyway, so I did kind of – I didn't want this, but I ended up coming home with a big bag full of sriracha packets last week. And we use a lot of sriracha in our house, and we also happen to be down to kind of the dregs of our usual sriracha bottle in the refrigerator. So Genevieve went to put it on the grocery list, and I thought, when I'm back from this road trip, would it actually be a calming exercise for me? Because I really do hate to see that go to waste. And if it just sits in the – if we just have a bottle of sriracha in the fridge and all of these packets in the drawer in a bag, we're never going to use them. I'll hang on to them until they start to turn colors, and I'll throw them away in two years or something, right? And it's not good for the environment, and it's just a waste. And so I was sort of thinking, can I dig down to the level of puttering tedium that after the thaw, I come home and I just lay – let's say I got about 30 of these things. I lay them on the table, and one by one, I snip off the top, and I squeeze them into our sriracha bottle. Is that the lowest brow thing I could possibly do?

No, that sounds very satisfying. I'm kind of tempted to do it. Is this the new? I've noticed this. They have this new sriracha packet that's kind of shaped like a bottle of sriracha. Is that what you're working with?

Not these. I've seen those. Those are cute as hell, though. I know.

I think that's a really smart design. Whoever came up with that. Yeah. It's such a simple thing. And actually, you probably use a slightly less packaging. But I was like, that is – that's clever.

Yeah, that's clever. These are more – these just look like ketchup packets, I think, only they say sriracha. I also have a bunch of plum sauce ones. Could you tell we ordered some food from a Vietnamese sandwich place? But anyway, yeah, so I'll let you know. After the thon, I'll let you know because after this, I am looking forward – I'm in, by the way, decent mental shape for this thon right now. It's very – I was almost maniacally anxious yesterday. And then after the box came, and this is where the mania comes in, I was so elated. I had this meeting with Kiki Lolo and Eric, and I think I was kind of bouncing off the walls. I was so happy to have the box, and I'm very excited about what this video streaming is, how it's going to shape up for us now that I know how to use it. And just things are happening, and because of that, I was at a level of elation yesterday that I think was probably pretty annoying to anybody who was around me. Now I think I've settled in. I've settled in. Everything is on track. I'm looking forward to this Thon, but I always also look forward to when it's all over, when I come back home and I'm just making my round ice cubes and puttering around the kitchen and preparing the coffee for tomorrow. Like, those are my happy places. Those are my brain-calming things. And I'm wondering maybe I can add a little sriracha squeeze into that when I get back. See if you can freeze a giant.

ball of sriracha so that so that it doesn't melt too fast in your gym beam the just at the right

rate there it as a matter of fact i'll bet you this hotel i'm staying at tomorrow night i bet you they make a bloody mary with a frozen sriracha ball in it i almost guarantee it actually i promise

you that's a thing that is a thing that is happening somewhere right now in on the uh mixology scene yeah um okay let's take a quick break uh and then when we come back we will do more tbtl or maybe live wire i don't know because last night andrew during the live wire happy hour i called it tbtl oh yeah which is a little birdie told me that yeah it's amazing that i don't do that more i wish you would i really wish you would i mean like i'm sitting in this room talking into this microphone on a variety of different you know shows and things and in particular the happy hour for live wire which had the last one last night was super fun by the way that thing is the most like tbtl because we're not making the radio show so it's kind of we're sort of letting it fly and we're it's all pretty much just free associated uh free associating and just chatting and but there's a little bit of just a teeny bit of steering the the the bus and it's amazing to me that I didn't call it TBTL like 10 times. I did it apparently once.

I could have used a few more. Next time, try to up it. You talk about Livewire quite a bit on TBTL. I'd love to see that go the other way.

Yeah. Well, I'll definitely consider that. Depending on how this THON goes.

You know how you're often on TBTL saying what's coming up on Livewire? I don't understand why you can't on Livewire talk about what's coming up on TBTL.

Hey, Elena, before we get out of here, just a preview of tomorrow's TBTL. Andrew empties out 30 packets of sriracha

I'll start letting you know What I'm going to talk about the day before

Can that be a hey dummies?

Actually that's a good idea

No because here's really Now we're getting into like you know Mythbustery territory or Bill Nye the science guy I'm quite curious as to what 30 packets of sriracha equals In the bottle of sriracha Just from a volume standpoint

Well see this gets into some See this gets into things that I've already thought about Which is, if I do this, do I squeeze all the sriracha into a temporary containing unit, like a bowl or something, and then try to funnel that into the bottle? I feel like that's going to create more waste because, you know, anytime you're trying to get a condiment out of something, you're always going to leave something behind.

No, you're going to lose some of it in the in-between vessel. You've got to go right into that bottle.

Right, but then that's a little bit more difficult because then, you know, it's like getting a camel through the eye of a needle.

That's what Jesus famously said about Sriracha. It's easier to empty 30 packets of Sriracha into a bottle than for a rich man to enter the kingdom of heaven.

The volume inside of this bus is astronomical.

All right. Let's go to break and then we'll be back with more TVTL. I mean liveware.

We was hoping for some razzle dazzle. Razzle dazzle. That's right, man. Razzle dazzle. On your mark. On your mark. Get set. Get set Now ready Ready Go Everybody rattle Dazzle

Everybody rattle

Alright, let's thank some Dazzling Donors These folks are how we got here They're a big part of it anyway How we arrived at episode 3428 in a collector series How we are on the precipice of yet another thon I'm with you, Andrew that these Thons are both really fun and an adventure and something that I always look back on with a lot of Thon-ness. But I'm always super stressed going into them and I'm always just kind of on some level looking forward to when it's in the books and we can relax with our frozen ball of Sriracha. In our sound machine. Because it's such a weird thing. It's such a weird element of our job that we basically have one week to make or break this show existing. Like, I mean, and really it's the 10s have, if the 10s decide that they, it's sort of, it's very, I don't know why I'm taking it to this place, but it's sort of gladiator days, you know? We look up and the 10s either go thumbs up or thumbs down. If they go thumbs up, which by the way, sounds like this, or sometimes, I mean, they haven't yet, but were they to go thumbs down, It would just be like kind of the end of the show. And so I think that's part of the agita for me is I feel like if we do good shows next week and we keep it entertaining, the tens will listen and they will be like, this is worth a thumbs up and let us keep doing it. And if we don't do good shows, then they'll be like, yeah, let me go see what's happening elsewhere in the pod universe. And then we don't get to do this.

show anymore so anyway we are very grateful we're a real we're a couple of real free market capitalists like a couple of go-go reaganauts uh as they said i believe on futurama and so that's

why we just decided to let the market decide our worth yes yes absolutely um and uh if we raise enough capital during this thon we are launching a space program that we think will rival elon musk It's fueled completely by something called SuzeCoin, which is my mom's cryptocurrency. Because we are, at our core, just essentially free market libertarians.

That's right. And I go by the name Elon Must, just so you know.

Could that be your rap name? Potentially. I love Dusty Buttons is your stripper name and Elon Must is your rap name.

Elon Musty.

Anyway All of that is to say When we Find ourselves Contemplating another thon it makes me especially Thankful that we've gotten to do the show for a year and it makes me Especially thankful for dazzling donors like Susan Thaler In Shrub Oak New York that must have been A beautiful shrub oak For them to name shrub oak must be A type of oak right wasn't just One oak that was kind of shrubby and they were like All right let's build the town here

And then they, ironically, they tore it out so that they could build a town there. Yeah, I'm guessing that it's a type of oak.

Tore out a shrub oak and put up a parking lot. And there's a lot.

Ooh, dot, dot, dot.

That was an amazing Tom Shane. Hey, friendos. What a year, eh? TBTL has been one of the things that's kept me from going over the edge. And I'm grateful to Luke and Andrew and, of course, the wider community of tents. Shout out to the New York City tents. It's Kelly, Mellie, Chris, Jen, Travis, et cetera, and the library 10s, John T. and Julie H. et al. One of the things about Susan that's really cool is she is very involved in the TBTL 10s community. I know that because we've met Susan at many an event. Susan is, of course, Ruby's mom, and it's really cool to see the shout-outs to the other 10s. I mean, this is such a cool network of folks. In January, I retired from the celebrated and lucrative world of public librarianship Oh, congrats Yeah, we just, we're just talking I hope, well, I'm gonna assume, Susan, if you're paying for this show as you are and have been for many years You also heard the episode the other day where I was really going on about the impact the public library had on me as a kid I do feel very much like it shaped me The hours that I spent sitting in the public library were hours that I wasn't smoking pot on Duck Island with Todd Staley and Donald Whitehouse. And I just think those would be a real sliding door situation on my life. So, Susan, to the degree that you've been creating that environment for folks of all ages in New York, we really do appreciate that. I no longer have two plus hours of commuting each day. Holy guacamole. And, well, it has put a dent in my listening time. Okay, so maybe Susan didn't hear me going on about the library. I've had to declare podrupsy a couple of times, but that hasn't dampened the delight I still take in the fellas' meanderings. My Eleven also retired from his day job, which means that he has lots more time to devote to his small business, Moonlight Marine. Not only does he build wooden kayaks, canoes, and stand-up paddle boards that are works of art, but he also repairs all kinds of small human-powered watercraft. See how I kept from saying kayaks again It's the white stuff Check them out At MoonlightMarine.net MoonlightMarine That's one word .net And let's give them that TBTL bump Absolutely Susan thank you so much For sticking with the show And I do hope that you were able to catch the show Where we talked about how vital Your work over the years has been To the development And not just for kids, but for adults, too, of the American population. I wonder if Susan was working in New York City, that is. I don't know how far Shrub Oak is, but a two-hour commute, that's really something. Would you consider, Susan, just riding your bike or walking your dog for two hours a day so that you can catch back up on TBTL? Because it would mean a lot to us. Yes. I'm just saying, consider it, please. I'm lost.

Maestro?

On your mark. On your mark. Get set. Get set. Now ready. Ready, go! Oh, look who it is.

It's Schaefer Hall in Austin, Texas. Hey, y'all. Two years ago, I used this message to announce the opening of the front page. Last year, I used y'all to announce our temporary closing. Front page is Schaefer's Bar there in beautiful Austin, Texas. It's like a pub, makes great food. Now I'm pleased to announce through my two favorite pod daddies that the front page is open again. Thanks to all the tens who have come by, including Carol, who came by just last week. So nice to meet you, Carol. Carol, hold my beers.

That was pretty good, Luke. Thanks, man. Hate to give you credit, but that was a pretty good spoof Usually my brother ain't that funny, but I gotta say

Everybody, please, if you're in Austin, go to the front page Are you on the website? I'm not, I'm reading the message carefully And doing impressions of Will Forte, Andrew Sorry, sorry, go ahead It doesn't happen casually over here, what I'm doing I am actually dying to get back to Austin That is such a cool town And there was an odd period of time Where I think I visited Austin Like four or five times in one year Which was a lot for me And I really did fall in love with the place Of course our friends Drew and Emily are living down there And in fact a whole variety of people I went out with I don't know A couple trips ago So Schaefer Thanks for sticking with us And we're very glad to hear the front page is still in business There in Austin, Texas Please do stop by And use the code TBTL for 10% off your first beer.

I thought I was believing you for a second. I was like, I don't remember that in the message. Can I say, this is a true story. Right during the break, when we were off air, I told you, and this is a true story, Luke, when I saw another message from Schaefer, I remembered when he announced the front page. And I remember last year being very bummed to learn that it was closed down during the pandemic. because I think they might have made a go at doing delivery or to go. I'm not sure, but if they did it, it didn't last. And I had a real human moment when I saw another message from Schaefer mentioning the front page. My heart quickened the first time I read this because I was like, please, please, please, please, please be good news. And then when it was good news, I was legitimately filled with joy. And I'm not exaggerating. I was telling Luke that off the air. So congratulations, Schaefer. I'm really legitimately happy. I'm looking here. Luke, they have your, I think you call it a caprese. Am I pronouncing that correctly? A vegetarian caprese sandwich that looks like you would tuck into that. I'm also just like really hungry right now.

Is it too late for us to, can we, like, do you think Mary would, Mary the TBTL virgin would agree to go one more year not listening to the show and we'll just breathe through Phoenix and head to Austin? Honestly, I think she'd prefer it. Oh my gosh, this is great. The art. See, now that you started talking, I'm able, Andrew, to just kick back and take my 15 and look at the front pages website have a great poster uh maybe this is what it's named for i didn't know there was a jack lemon and walter mathau film called the front page but i mean like this is extremely up my alley andrew just as far as the aesthetic of this place what looks like the menu of this place so anyway schaefer thank you so much for uh sticking with us and we're very glad that you've been able to get through this craziness of the last year and that you will hopefully be there when we get back to Austin so we can come hang out with you. Thanks, man. Appreciate you. Hello and welcome to Top Story. I thought this was some kind of a joke or exaggeration, Andrew, when I saw this headline in New York Magazine, a Claire Lampin writing a piece, Please Don't Kiss the Chickens. Turns out that at least 163 people in 43 states since last February have contracted salmonella from kissing or cuddling with their chickens, their ducklings, their turkeys, or their geese. And the CDC has had to release a statement saying, don't kiss or snuggle your backyard poultry. particularly if you're a young kid as young kids are most the most likely candidates for severe

salmonella infections they're also probably the most likely to if you have if you're a family that has these animals as pets it might be that the kids who instinctively want to give them a

hug and maybe a smooch and i'm not even kidding you andrew i would be had the cdc not put this out and were i living on a farm or just living in a house that had like a duck or a chicken i saw a duck on tiktok the other day like that somebody had you know found as a as a as a little baby as a duckling and then had raised so the duck was you know part of their family and the duck would play with the other pets in the house and follow people around there because it's so unusual because we don't think of them as house pets and maybe they shouldn't be house pets i don't know people will probably email me there is something that is just ridiculously adorable about a duck living in a house as a house as a house pet it was still a duckling when you saw it no it was a full-on duck which is actually even cuter because it's just again we just don't think of of of ducks or chickens or any of those like i guess fowl as being attached to us like they're not particularly cuddly they're not dogs and they're not cats you know we just don't so there's something about seeing them kind of in a different context and then i went on twitter and i wrote it was a i mean it was a joke i'm not going to get a duck here in this apartment building but i was i did have this weird thought i was maybe had had a couple drinks like how much fun would it be just to have a pet duck that just really loved you and was just really into you like that would be a fun pet to have not to take it out on a leash like a ferret or not to have it as like a performative pet but literally to just have a duck that was your pal it seems like that'd be so fun and then i wrote some dumb tweet that was like anyone have advice for raising a duck in an apartment building forgetting that it was also apparently a plot line on friends oh so then like 80 people responded just with a link to like friends where one of the dudes on friends is

raising a duck in their apartment oh i had a you know we had ducks growing up i don't know if you knew that they didn't live in the house with us but like to the degree that one of them had a name Maybe I only remember one name, but we had a mallard named Abelard. Ricky, I get it. Oh, yes. Abelard.

I remember the name Abelard.

Yeah, my mom loved that duck because we lived on, you know, like we had like a pond and some acreage and a barn. Pond might be better for you. But, yeah, so we had a duck named Abelard. And then later on we had some white. I remember we had a couple, like a pair of pure white ducks. And I feel like they might have had names, but I don't remember their names. I do remember one time thinking I was I was going bananas because I smell, you know, when you live out in the country, you will smell like manure come wafting over from one of the one of the other farms or something when the other properties. And one time during the day we had a babysitter is me and my sister and the babysitter. I could not understand why they did not smell the manure as much as I did. And it was like almost gagging me. And they're like, well, then go inside. And I went inside. It was even worse in there. I was like, how could it be worse in here? And that's when we realized, oh, my, you have duck shit in your hair. Because I was playing underneath the picnic table where the ducks liked to hang out when I wasn't, like, there. And I was doing that weird, you know, kids are squirmy. And I had my feet, like, hooked under the picnic table. And I was, like, and I was kind of doing a weird half of a headstand and just, like, grinding, just grinding my head into duck shit, man. And that's why I could not escape the smell of the manure Because I was the manure

I owe That sounded like Gene from Bob's Burgers I don't do a Gene I'm just going to stop right there I don't know what that was It just came out of my mouth Let the fun begin Gene has strong Ralph Wiggum vibes to me Which is probably why they're both A couple of my favorite animated characters I have a sad duck story That I was telling my nephews Jack and Abe back when I was out there for a kind of Mother's Day slash my birthday get-together. And I was telling them, and these are, you know, as I've mentioned on the show, these are children of the woods at this point. They're like, you know, they know every plant in the woods. They know how to, they go hunt for mushrooms. They shoot BB guns. They operate chainsaws. They're twice the men that I will ever be. And they're kids. So I was surprised that they were as troubled by this story, and maybe listeners will be too. So I guess kind of trigger alert. But I when I was a kid, I was at Green Lake and there was a bunch of ducks because, of course, they bunch of them live in Green Lake. And I tossed this stick, not like a big stick, not like something that was seemed dangerous. It was just like a little kind of bendy. I don't know, 12 inch long stick or something. I just kind of flung it into the water. And by crazy chance, it went. Oh, no. And it wedged. It didn't like pierce the feathers or the body of the duck. What it did, Andrew, was it wedged – the stick went like flipping through the air and then went – it wedged in between the body and the wing of the duck, if you can imagine that. Oh, it caught the stick. It basically caught the stick with its armpit, but it didn't want to. No. And the duck got super freaked out, and it flipped over on its back, and it started furiously backstroking to shore, and it never made it to the shore alive. It passed away in the water, drowned itself. And I, as like an eight-year-old kid, went and got the duck, dug it a grave, and buried it.

Well, if you want to donate to the TBTL-a-thon, go to tbtl.net. If you want to donate to the...

audubon society yeah right i know that that really bums me out yeah i know it bums me out too you know me mr like animal sensitive guy it was the weirdest thing because it was not my intention i wasn't trying to menace these i mean maybe i was being a little bit of a shit kid and like trying to toss a stick near them so they might get a little scared or something i mean no part of my brain was like let me try to like do damage to these animals and it's just the craziest thing and i guess your response there um is a pretty similar to the response from my

nephews which was mild horror i have a i'm not gonna tell it though because i have to save a duck's life at some point to settle the score it's like a samurai movie i have another i have also have a sad a sad duckling story but i i don't feel like piling on today i think i've actually told on the show before but maybe another on another sad sad bastard friday I'll help you with my duck story

Hey Sarah and Emily We rolled out the thon on Sad Bastard Friday

Kind of a good news bad news Situation for you APM

I almost I almost said Fat Bastard which is the character That Mike Myers does on Austin Powers You know this month is the 20th anniversary of the movie Shrek No no you know I've never seen that movie And did you I'm unsurprised By that it's pretty charming I gotta to say mike myers is like the voice of shrek but a couple of interesting things about that you know chris farley was originally cast as shrek no i didn't realize that i didn't realize that there

would be overlap there with his life and the life of that movie and he well that was the thing he

recorded some of it but not all of it and then passed away that's really sad no then they hired mike myers and by the way chris farley would have been an awesome shrek yeah like i just like his just his vocal quality would have been i think perfect for that character um and it also makes a lot of sense just in how we think of chris farley and kind of his oafishness which he played up for comedic effect um mike myers actually if you think about it in that context it's sort of a weird choice so then mike myers recorded the entire part of shrek like in mike myers voice and then afterwards he changed his mind or he just decided well actually maybe i'm gonna record it with a scottish accent which the character you don't know this andrew because you're the one person on planet earth who hasn't seen shrek the uh character has a scottish accent and so um mike myers basically after recording the whole part went back and then did a little test run with doing it as a scottish accent and everybody loved it so they re-recorded it cost four million extra dollars to somehow recut the film with the new accent which seems high i don't know just like a track i think you there's probably a lot of other stuff that goes into that And a film hit was born

You know, it was Mike Myers has given some Really emotional interviews about His friendship, right, with Chris Farley I think that they were Just incredibly close Like I know that a lot of people, I think that whole cast Was pretty close and I know that Farley Was like beloved Or beloved, but I think that Mike Myers and him had an even more Potentially special and close and intimate relationship as friends. And, um, and I think Mike Myers has given some really, um, really touching interviews talking about that. And I think he couldn't talk about it maybe for a while. Like he, it was hard for him to talk about for a while. And so I wonder if maybe that's one of the reasons why he was the choice, because maybe you think from an artistic standpoint, maybe there's not as much overlap there, but maybe that was part of it. I don't know. I mean, I don't think that people are just giving away also, I mean, Shrek, I mean, would, could they have known that it was going to be a cultural phenomenon that was way more than just a movie at that time too

um i don't know if this is going to pay off but uh this is something on youtube that's marked as i'm reading a yahoo article about this chris farley as shrek do you want to just hear a little bit again this i know this won't mean a ton to you andrew but to the listeners who know the movie shrek let's just like listen and see so it's a very it's like a very very rough animation

Man, there's nothing like a fire and a noble romantic...

This would be Eddie Murphy, by the way.

Cockles of your heart. Yeah. I like my cockles room temperature, thank you very much. Hey, if you're not doing this for Cocklewoman, why are you doing it? Simple. Fartwad gets his princess, I get what I want. Which is? Now, come on, what do you want? I don't have time to set it to music. Oh, this is another one of those onion things. No, this is one of those drop it and leave me alone things

Apparently, this is just from his brother, Chris Farley's brother He was going to play it, or he had recorded most of the dialogue He was playing it kind of like a slightly grumpy, kind of humble, kind of insecure ogre Whereas the Mike Myers version of it is this kind of weirdly confident, Scottish-voiced guy I guess to me the takeaway from this that's so weird is If you're writing Shrek and you're thinking like who's the –

Who's one of the hottest comedic actors in the world? It's Chris Farley at this point. And you're drawing a character in Shrek that's this kind of round-shaped ogre-y guy, which you're like, okay, the body style checks out with Chris Farley. And, like, I mean, we're probably really writing the whole project with Chris Farley in mind to a large degree. And then when he passes away, there must be a thought that, like, well, this is either just dead in the water or it's never going to be what we thought it was going to be. Like, now it's ruined. That would be my thought This is more just about how I tend to get my expectations set on something And then have an extremely hard time I mean even with the Thawne coming up I have this idea in my mind of how each day is going to go And what it's going to sound like And what it's going to look like And if that starts to get thrown off I start to feel very anxious It's crazy because they end up having to recast it Then they end up having to change the voice Or decide to change the voice to a Scottish version of the dude And it ends up making like a trillion dollars It ends up being, like, one of the most successful movies probably in cinema history, even though there must have been so many points that are like, this is not in any way what we were trying to do.

Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. And so I guess that is the difference between writing something with a specific person in mind as well. Like, I wonder how many things are actually like that as opposed to just like, well, we'll write it and then we'll cast it.

And by the way, I don't have any evidence that, like, they wrote it for Chris Farley. It's just – when I heard that the other day, I was like, oh, duh, of course. Like Chris Farley playing the character of Shrek, it just checks out. It makes total sense and also particularly where he was in his career. But I don't know for a fact if they wrote it for him or not. And then the other thing too is even just in listening to that tape – and I love Chris Farley. I've actually been – because of TikTok, I've been sort of like re-experiencing a lot of Chris Farley. For one thing, Rudy Giuliani's son has announced he wants to run for governor of New York, and there must have been something that happened like, I don't know, 20 years ago where he was – Rudy Giuliani's son was kind of acting up at some sort of official city thing when Giuliani was mayor of New York because right after Giuliani's son announced this, I saw people on Twitter and other places going, Is he the guy that Chris Farley was spoofing On SNL And then that randomly popped up in my TikTok The other day and it's so funny Chris Farley pretending to be Like a nine year old whatever Andrew Giuliani whatever Giuliani's kid's name Is at a Yankees game It is just high comedy And so anyway I've been thinking about Chris Farley a lot weirdly Of late and yet I think Mike Myers probably did a better job with that Shrek character But I can't tell if that's just because I'm not used to the Chris Farley version or because the Mike Myers one is just burned in my brain is what Shrek sounds like.

And also like what we just heard isn't a final mix. So it sounds kind of sounds a little bit low energy and weird. And it sounds like it's kind of just kind of a rough track. And I don't know if it was a rough track, but it's just a totally different experience.

Andrew, I have finally found a topic that you're going to have at least a mild interest in, and it is your dreams. Ben Healy writing in The Atlantic, bad dreams are good. What he did that was really great was he sort of went through a whole bunch of articles and studies about dreams. And then he kind of just like pulled out some of the highlights and some of the dazzling deets, okay? So here are some dazzling deets about dreams. The majority of dreams occur during REM sleep cycles, of which the average person has four or five a night. So the average person has four or five dreams a night. Eight percent of dreams are about sex, a rate that holds for both women and men. So apparently women and men are having about the same percentage of sex dreams. But women are twice as likely as men to have sexual dreams about a public figure, according to the research. That is interesting. While men are twice as likely to dream about multiple partners. We dogs even in our dreams, Andrew. Anxiety is also a big part of dreams, obviously. A study of Canadian university students found the most common dream topics, apart from sex, to be school, falling, being chased, and arriving too late for something.

Yeah, being too late and falling. I haven't had a falling dream in a long time. But, man, those were my first stress dreams when I was a kid. But I was in real life, IRL, outside the dreamscape, Luke. I sang in my church's choir. This is in Valley City, Ohio. I mean, I'm talking about a little kid. We were just involved. Was that part of the Valley City Youth League? Maybe that's what I was lying about. I don't know. But we would have. Maybe it was.

only around the holidays I remember like during the holidays like I both played I believe I played a shepherd in the pageant in the church but also I think some of those times I would like when I wasn't playing a shepherd I'd go upstairs to the balcony and anyway this is an old church built in the 1800s and it was like this this balcony that you actually had to climb a spiral metal staircase to get to get up there and oddly i am probably more afraid of heights now than i was then um but dreams that i would have at that time would be of me falling over the edge of that unprotected balcony only in my dream i just keep falling and falling and falling and falling um i don't

when i fall in a dream it's not me falling it's i'm in like a vehicle that's gone or i'm like in a roller coaster you know what do you call the thing you sit in a roller a car yeah i think so trade when i'm i'm in like i'm on a roller coaster that like is going down but what i've realized is the tracks are out essentially or i'm in a car and i'm going down like an evil knievel style jump but i realized that like i'm not going to get across the snake river or whatever it is you know what i mean but i'm never like falling it's never just physically me in space falling it's always me in riding in something that is going to crash that's going way too high in the

air that's that's kind of scarier that's a lack of control yeah and i but i do always wake up

before i crash i don't believe that they don't get into this in the article i don't think you die if you actually hit the ground in your dreams but there is something weird about the fact that you ever hit the ground or did you ever in those days no that was the weird thing about it is and again

it's been a long time since i've had any kind of a falling dream but no that was the thing is that You would just fall forever.

I – the scariness of the real – like when your stomach goes up into your throat, that moment of like the car that I'm in going off the jump, that moment is always so freaky to me that it wakes me up. So yeah, I also never hit the ground. But being late for things or – yeah, I mean being late for things, that is my number one stress dream. I'll probably have like five of them this weekend because we've got a lot kind of going on next week. and i've told this many times but it always for me is there's an event happening it's usually like live wire or some kind of thing where there's a live audience or there's a big performance there's a place i need to be standing on a stage and i have decided for some stupid reason to go try to run one errand before the thing and then it is just impossible for me to get back to the place where i'm supposed to be performing and it's just like either i'm lost in the building or i'm I keep them progressively further away in the city. It's just, oof, I hate that dream. It's a bad one. Yeah, well, anyway, go ahead.

I don't need to belabor that.

People who grew up watching black and white TV are more likely to dream in black and white. No shit.

I don't know if I've ever done that. It's too hard to pin that down. That almost sounds like a Counting Crows song. Dreaming in black and white.

Do you dream in black and white?

Yeah, that does sound like a lyric.

do you dream in black and white wow i guess they have a new song out or a new album out everyone's been tweeting me about really uh yeah or something's going on oh in the there's a disturbance in the crow's verse i need to go because you want to talk about turning you on to some albums while we're on this road trip turn this road trip into a crow's trip wow maybe i

could just rent my own car anyway we'll talk more about that oh fair hey listen our one fight in

australia was the question of if music can objectively be bad or not but i i do think that i don't think you get to say that about the crows i well i mean really do you really think like a

2021 counting crows album like hearing it for the first time it's like the best let me put it this

way music no i'm not i would not play that for you but i am saying that if we if your if your contention in australia was that there is no such thing as objectively bad music that's just how people interpret it right and i'm saying i interpret that as something i don't want to

listen to okay okay okay i don't think that's i don't think that's inconsistent right as long as

you're not saying it's objectively bad as long as you're just saying no no no yeah it's objectively

not for me i don't hate the counting crows by the way like i don't i i don't like i the when i hear one of the songs that was popular i even had um uh shoot i had one of their records and everything after i think it was their second one is that august and everything after recovering the satellites yeah it was one of those i believe my i had a friend whose cousin worked at geffen so he gave me some i think cassette tapes yeah i remember this and uh one of them was one of those early you know one of those popular counting crows records and i loved it i have no problem with counting crows i don't think though that you know any band from that era that has not released anything quasi consistently and then coming back to to reform in 2021 i'm always going to approach that with a little skepticism about whether or not the magic is still there and me not being a huge crow's head um in the crow's master whatever whatever you get whatever your clubhouse is i don't think that's a top level when you get to the crow's yeah i just don't think that you know a new counting crows record that i haven't even heard before i think one fun thing about road trip music sometimes it's a good time for um discovery but it's also a good time to really kind of sink into the things that you love um i agree with you on that now

here's the thing about counting crows that i will say they have and and you know i love that band but i also get that like it's not the coolest music and also it is frustrating to go to live counting crows concerts as i've been to many because adam durrett's lead singer does not appear to like to sing the songs the way the songs sound on the albums which means it's really hard to sing along to which is the whole fun of counting crows music but they actually have continued maybe not every album is like front to back you know a song an album that i'll know every song but like they put out this song i think like it's like called einstein on the beach which was after which was like on maybe like their fourth album or something and like almost always there will be a song they put out a cover of big yellow taxi that i really liked believe it or not like they seem to actually on every album have at least one song and i'm forgetting some examples And I'm like, okay, that's pretty legit to me if you like their music. In other words, they haven't gone off a complete cliff for me as far as the music they're making. So if there's a chance, if there's a band that is putting out music over the course of 30 years and there's a chance that what they're saying or playing is still kind of has some musical value to it to me, I would put the Crows in that category. Sure.

The Counting Crows. All those songs that you mentioned I legitimately love too. So I'm not trying to be over here like, oh, Counting Crows, I'm over it, dude. I just don't know if, like, listening to a brand new Counting Crows record, you know, that might be something that I listen to by myself a little bit, and then you discover which ones are the gems, and then you share it with your friends, you know. I don't know that that makes a road trip seem shorter, though, listening to it for the first time all the way through.

A lot of pressure on you, though, because on – well, first of all, on the Australia trip, that was when you turned me on to Galaxy 500, which was a biggie for me. I really like them now. Didn't you already like them?

You just didn't maybe know it was them or something?

I think I maybe had known one song of theirs, but definitely, like, I didn't have a sense of the band the way I did after that trip. And then the trip to Austin, you turned me on to Up in Mississippi Tonight, which is in the top five songs of all time. I was literally listening to that song yesterday. So I'm just saying, bring your A game, dude. Okay, sounds good.

Well, I'm excited for this.

Because there's a good history of you really bringing the hits on these trips. Have you heard of this band called the B-52s?

Everybody's having a party!

I find Fred Schneider objectively delightful. I love it. Okay, they did a study in 1958 comparing the dreams that Americans were having and the dreams people in Japan were having. The Americans dreamed more about being locked up Losing a loved one Finding money That's one that I've had a lot Which goes to my theory by the way That good dreams are bad And bad dreams are good Because I've had dreams Where I find a bunch of money Or I win the lottery And I'm so stoked in my dream And then I wake up And I'm just still old Luke With just nothing but zeros in the bank account Relying on the listeners to mail me free Splenda And it's a bad feeling But apparently that's a thing that happens in America Or was happening a lot Japanese folks were more likely to dream about school Trying to repeatedly do something Being paralyzed with fear Or quote wild violent beasts Those were the Dreams that Japanese folks were having now The mammal they think That Well first of all they see all mammals dream And they also think that the Mammal that dreams the most Andrew would be The platypus

Outside of humans

No more than humans Platypus They have eight Hours of REM sleep a day And because they know That animals dream mammals dream I guess humans we don't have eight We don't typically have eight hours of REM sleep In a day so by the By the fact that the platypus Is having eight hours of REM sleep They are, scientists think, having the most dreams Of any animal on the planet

Do robots dream of an electric platypus? Ha! What did that become? Blade Runner? Yeah, I think you're right I think you're right At one point I knew that And yeah, that sounds right That's Phil K. Dick, right? Yeah, here's the crux of this whole thing

A French medical school In a study of students taking a french medical school entrance entrance exam 60 of the dreams they had beforehand involved a problem with the exam such as being late or leaving an answer blank but those who reported dreams about the exam even bad ones did better on the exam than people who didn't have

dreams oh wow i just think about that sometimes about how my brain might be especially when it comes to anxiety stuff my brain is kind of actually doing some work there some some prep for me sometimes you hate it because you wake up and you feel like i did in the most stressful times of my life i remember waking up and having the feeling of now i've got to do this again and and i just lived an entire work day in my sleep and i'm not getting any and i'm not getting any relief at all and that's a terrible terrible feeling when you have an incredibly busy day you have another busy day after that you're anxious about it you go to sleep and in your sleep you just have anxiety dreams about work like that's a really bad feeling but in some way your brain may be

prepping you for something you're getting ready for it so think about that next time you wake up like when you wake up on monday morning in corvallis and you're like oh man just realize you've been your brain has been getting you ready for everything we're gonna do that day you know

the only problem here is a big fat brain that misses eating all them big fat problems

all right drops of stupider we're down to how many contestants well uh after today we move on

to round four so let me actually say this to you so we have um four matchups in round three we've gone through several of them already i'll uh announce this final one today go to today's show page or look for the tbtl tbtl email that's coming in your inbox soon you can vote there as well and i just moments ago got a note from jake in chicago saying that voting will end at 6 p.m pacific time this sunday so that we can move on to the next round on monday so get your votes in by this Sunday evening, West Coast time. Luke, I gotta say this was a huge matchup in the last round. Probably, I would say, the true Clash of the Titans. Your boat crash story was going up against your pooping your pants. Jeez, more like Crash of the Titans. Yes. Did you stop the music because it was just such an awesome joke? No, it just ran out. It was one minute and seven seconds of music. Honestly, though, I'm i'm not playing this one up for effect i believe yesterday i said i don't care what you do i believe you did say that yesterday building up this one though really what i mean to me those are significant now the boat crash story is much newer um but the and you're pooping your pants at the kingdom story is from the earliest days of tbtl but they're both significant they're both i think favorites of listeners are more favorites of mine yeah so before i tell you who won that

matchup would you like to guess which one won um i think i think because of what i said when the matchup was announced i am going to guess pooping story because it also happened to play into that story the stranger wrote about us which got us more listeners so i think it's more critical to the existence of the show in a bizarre way survey says i am holding myself by my fingertips hanging there like slightly above the water so i just hit my pants for nothing

well this is how this ends that is a clip of you talking about your boat disaster which won 77 of the vote by the way so not even a people are just tired of hearing about me having number two problems and also you know we have a lot of listeners who've been around since the very very beginning but we also have we have to acknowledge some listeners who weren't who didn't hear those stories and so it doesn't you know that that particular moment doesn't maybe loom as large in their heads as much as the boat crash story that you told a couple of years ago so wow okay

i mean to me the takeaway and i know we're we're up against the clock here but the takeaway is those were both moments the boat crash and the pants pooping where i honestly wanted to die like where i just was like i don't have a next move they were just they were real kind of emotional breaking points for me i'm not even being sarcastic and both of them ended up being funny stories that are like iconic in the minds of the listeners so I guess there's that

yeah and you know and again this is why I said this round we're gonna see we're gonna have to say some say goodbye to some some old friends and so we are having to say goodbye to the kingdom story but well I'm kind of glad I think this boat disaster story is just it's one of my favorite moments I mean talk about a stem winder so what will that be going up against that is going up against in this final matchup of round three Luke's boat disaster up against

jen's wedding disaster she said well i mean our kids getting married tomorrow we have relatives in every corner of the house there's not really anywhere for you to stay so i said

could I stay down here? That's right, that is your matchup Luke's boat crash versus Jen gets abandoned at a wedding the wedding story beat out my first class upgrade story 66% of the vote

I mean, I love Jen we wouldn't be here without her but again, what I said going into it was, that matchup was to me, you finally letting yourself for a moment experience joy Of going up to first class And getting your bag Which is a thing for you Like getting your bag Out of the overhead Walking up to the front With it Then having to reverse the trip And put in the front Of the eyes of everyone It's amazing to me You're still here But It's amazing That they hold you up But they do They do Alright let's Do some music For your weekend Before we Before we're done here And we We enter TBTL-a-thon 12 times. What would you like to play for the listeners, Andrew?

This is a song by a musician. I hope I'm pronouncing their name correctly. Lucy Dacus. Oh, yeah. D-A-C-U-S. You're familiar.

Sure. Yeah. She was in a band with Phoebe Bridgers and another musician called Boy Genius.

Oh, Boy Genius. Yes. Okay. Sorry.

And it's funny because I've been talking about mayor of Easttown and how like bands are always kind of there's also a radio station like a college radio station subplot in the show which isn't the worst but it's supposed to be like a hip you know kind of college indie station and at one point a woman who's the dj is asking another woman out and she says i have tickets for boy genius

wow yeah you know i've seen boy genius and i and i think i even yeah i'd forgotten i think at one point i realized this connection and i had totally forgotten it but um she has released a new song called vbs and i don't usually do this i got this via press release but vacation bible school that's exactly right i was gonna say if you don't know vbs stands for vacation bible school and here's a little statement that she wrote about this song vbs means vacation bible school and i went no wait seriously i was joking yeah yeah and i went to tons of them this is a great i love this story i love this um song because it's a nice little like kind of memoir-esque story sorry for talking so fast i gotta get out of here but it says um so this is where christian parents and their kids over the winter spring break summer break to get closer to god maybe even learn some outdoor skills and bring home useless crafts and totems like fruit of the spirit sand art and purity rings i wrote this song in a van after seeing a um after seeing a sign advertising of vbs it made me think about this boy who i met at vbs the resident bad boy who loved slayer and weed more than jesus and I took it upon myself to save him and make him stop doing drugs with an exception for snorting nutmeg. God, I was so lame. Signed, Lucy Dacus. I love this song. Take a listen to this. This is VBS by Lucy Dacus.

In the summer of 07 I was sure I'd go to heaven But I was hedging my bets At VBS A preacher in a t-shirt told me I could be a leader Taught me how to build a fire and to spread the word In the evening everybody went to worship and read Hands above our heads Reaching for God Back in the cabin Snorting nutmeg in your bunk bed You were waiting for a revelation Of your own Sedentary secrets Like peach pits in your gut Locked away like jam jars in the cellar of your heart Waiting to be tasted and ultimately wasted You were gonna win me over from the start

Pretty nice, right? Oh my God. A great song and one that, other than the snorting nutmeg, really squares with my childhood. But like VBS, I get a sick feeling in my stomach when I'm in the summertime driving around and I see some kind of slightly forlorn church that has a vacation Bible school sign on the reader board. Because I just think of being a kid and I found VBS so boring. It was the last place I wanted to be. My mom would always send us there to get us out of her hair. It was never fun. I hate it.

I was like, I don't want to be here this week. Yep. And it's so funny that you see those signs, and that's exactly what inspired the song was her seeing a sign, and it flashed her back to those same moments.

I'm going to call an audible here real quick, Andrew. Because of all this talk about Counting Crows, I'm looking at their new album. Just came out this week, pretty much. It may literally have dropped this week Today It's an EP It's called Butter Miracle Sweet One And I'm going to just play the first song I've never heard it before It's called The Tall Grass But I'm just going to give you a preview of our road trip, Andrew Okay, do you want to play it from your end Or do you want me to play it from your end? I've got it right here Oh, great Ooh

Come outside, she said to me

As if I knew just what she'd say Okay, this song is terrible. I'm going to try the second song. It's called Elevator Boots.

Why is it all distorted?

Bobby was a kid from around the town Kicks pumped up and head held down Underwater more than he was up He dreams of marines in bottle green Imaginary flight machines But in blue jean flares he bubble like a seven-up Everybody wants to know you When you're the only one to know

Alright, I don't know why it's being weird, why it's sounding buzzy or whatever, but I actually like this song. This should be the first song on the album.

I liked the little drum loopy sound at the beginning of the first one. Did that turn you off, or was it those first lyrics?

Turned me off. That's not the Adam Duritz that I was raised with. that's not too like too quirky it's too uh b-52s for me but that second song that i played elevator boots oh my god andrew we're falling apart here my microphone just came off the desk hold on hold on don't worry everything's all right anyway that the second song elevator boots off of the new counting crows ep i was liking that i might listen to that later in full fidelity i I don't know what's going on there with the recording. But this brings us to the listener suggestion, which is kind of serious this week. But I'm glad that we're going to be able to fit it in and to honor somebody. It's from listener Michelle. Here's what she says. Hope this email finds you both well. I'm writing with some sad news. New York City 10 Adam Marks passed away unexpectedly on May 9th. He was 42 and my best friend for the last 22 of those years. he's been my tbtl buddy i guess technically i'm his tbtl daddy since 2012 the one person in my life i could reliably tell that i was feeling happy of myself or that this is special or dozens of other wonderful drops related to inside jokes the hole that he leaves behind is unfathomable and his friends family and extended communities are all still reeling i know adam had written in a few times over the years. And also I remembered many, many times to send in a Blur's Day note for me because he's that kind of guy. He would often send emails about music-related stuff. He was an incredibly prolific and spectacularly talented pianist. He told me he'd sent a Music for Your Weekend suggestion several weeks back. I'm not sure if it ever got played. I'd be so grateful if you'd honor his memory by playing this track. It's called Pine Birds off of a spectacularly weird great new album By Fredo Vargas Titled My New Head He played piano Among other things On this record And he was so proud of it So I thought that we'd go out With this song In honor of Dearly departed TBTL 10 Adam Marks And just tell Michelle And everybody in Adam's family And friend group That we're thinking about them Because it's got to be A really really hard time

Yeah that is really tough to hear I'm sorry Michelle But yeah we have the song here For some reason, the artist goes by Fredo Viola as well here. So I don't know if that's a difference. But if people are looking for this song, that's not showing up. What did I say? Did I say Fredo violin? No, you said Vargas, which is what the email says, too. So I don't know if this could be one of those things where I just don't know enough about this musician. But I am only saying that in case. It might be a typo in the email, but it also I just wanted people to be able to find.

this um if they're looking for it so it on my spotify it's a fredo viola and the song is pine birds right so i'll get that going here all right so that's what we're gonna go out with a little uh fredo viola uh in honor of our friend the dearly departed adam marks have a great weekend everybody we'll see you on monday from corvallis hopefully until then have a good weekend take care of yourselves take care of each other and please remember no mountain too tall and good luck to all.

Where is my bike? Where are my dreams? How could I lose the master key? And how I've struggled to keep hold Just drop my crown and blow me Nothing remains But the blood in my veins Power out.