Muse

Gentlemen to bed, for we leave at first light. Tomorrow we battle. And we may lose our lives. Very good, very impressive. We always leave at daybreak, we never leave at, um, you know, 9.30. Gentlemen to bed, for we leave at 9.30. Ish. Ish. Gentlemen to bed, for we leave at 8.30 for 9. And we rise at just after day, 7.30, so just after daybreak. Gentlemen, to bed. For a daybreak, I will...

Breakfast. We will breakfast. Sire, sire.

Yes.

It is a continental breakfast. It will only take 20 minutes max. TBTL.

Well, well, here we are. I want to congratulate you for being on time. Love it or hate it, it appears to be another irreversible step along mankind's journey toward God only knows what. If you had a favorite saying, what would it be?

Life's a party, rock your body. What's that drop that's like? You're doing a good job, sweetie. What you do is so important.

Sweetie, have a good show. What you do is so important.

All right. Hello, good morning, and welcome, everyone, to a Wednesday edition of TBTL, the show that just might be too beautiful to live. It's your lucky day. You just found a USB flash drive in the parking lot. My name is Luke Burbank. I'll be your host. I'm so excited about this show. Coming to you from beautiful Sacramento, California. Oh, ma, pa, it's just beautiful. Where we have finally found the part of California where there's actually sunshine, and it might be too much sunshine.

I feel warm and I'm levitating.

Here we are, day three of the TBTL-Athon 12 content list delivery, posted up in front of listener Megan's house. She is ably assisted by young Ezra. I think Jonah might be back there somewhere hiding in the house. Wiley looking out for our IT needs. We are in good shape here on episode 3431 in a collector series. Let the fun begin. This, of course, the week that we ask all of you to help us keep doing the show by going to tbtl.net and maybe signing up to be a sustaining member, if that's something that you can swing. um we have been hearing from so many people across different platforms about this twitter thread about if our phones are listening to us or not we did a little like experiment a couple weeks ago where we we talked about different things i talked about solar powered chainsaws andrew was talking about something i forget what it was but none of those things came up in our like Instagram feeds. Well, this guy has put together a Twitter thread that everybody is talking about now that actually explains how it is that our phones are figuring out these things. And it's somehow more sinister than them listening to us. So we will get into that today. Also, if you are anywhere in the Midwest or the Mid-South or the South and you feel what you think is rain hitting your, let's say, shoulder or arm,

beware it might be cicada pee it was hilarious and we were both peeping at the same time cicadas

are a menace a once every 17 year menace to society not only are some of them high on on on psychedelic mushrooms with their butts falling off i mostly said that for ezra but now also they're peeing on people it's ridiculous oh we went to a a pretty good restaurant last night here in sacramento there was just one problem the music they were playing hey want to hear the most annoying sound in the world it was crazy i recorded some of it on my phone and we'll play it for you coming up uh in a minute oh speaking of annoying sounds guess what today is the tbtl drops of stupider the deuce championship we are down to two pieces of audio or after today, I should say, we will be down to two pieces of audio. We will be getting ever closer to deciding what the greatest moment in TBTL history is. So stick around for that. And stick around for this guy, the longest-running Cobra of the show, maybe best known for his depictions of the tall ships. He is trying to understand why it is that this broadcast that we're doing that's going out on YouTube to hundreds of people, why it is that this whole operation relies on one of our critical pieces of technology being actually turned off so that the broadcast works i don't understand it i accept it and i'm ready to move on he is andrew walsh and he's joining me right now from just barely to my right here in the elmhurst what neighborhood are we in from this beautiful neighborhood in east sacramento he is andrew walsh good morning my friend good morning luke i have so

many things i want to say to you right now first of all i want to start with a message of thanks to you luke because at one point and you're in your introduction there you said speaking of annoying sounds and i thought that's how you're going to transition into introducing me i would

like to thank you for now we're not doing that we actually have a lot to talk about on that very topic somebody sent in an email concerned about the way i've been introducing you the last couple

of days on the thon okay is this okay i'm interested i'm actually that makes me a little bit nervous is this can we talk about that now because now i'm nervous is this real or is this

a spoof no no this is real this is a real email too and i'm not i'm not reading this to to put the listener on blast at all it's this listener zach and i'm not trying to put you in an awkward

spot is zach maybe in queens nope different zach okay this is zach in madison okay oh okay zach

said hi luke i wanted to write in about something that caught my ear this week on monday's show and then again today he sent this yesterday by the way okay you referred to andrew as something like a cobra with the option of being promoted to co-host if he keeps up the good work or something like that okay this felt like a particularly unnecessary flex and also one that doesn't jive with my own experience of listening to the show i'm what you guys would call a new listener and that i've only been listening for about 2 000 shows now he gets the show i've only ever known the show as a luke and andrew joint if i were an older listener maybe i'd think of tbtl as a luke vehicle mean mainly but that's just not how i came to it based on my experience and what i really love about the show both you and andrew are equally vital to the spirit and feel of tbtl when I heard the comment two days in a row that felt to me like it was trying to put Andrew in his place and make the hierarchy clear and it stood out of place to me so I guess my question to you Andrew is did that offend you when I said that and if so or even if it didn't I'm sorry because I am not trying to flex on you bro

I'm sorry I wasn't listening what was that?

honestly Co-Bro now feels like a stretch

that's why I said that forward to Zach's. That Zach is why I am not getting promoted this week. Well, Andrew, I don't

want to speak for you, so I won't. Are you okay with me? I was spoofing on you, but if that was

rude, I apologize. Honestly, I thought that I had started that spoof. I thought that you had introduced me in some way, and then I started jokingly asking for a promotion, but I'm not saying that I'm right about that, but no, it doesn't bother me because I thought we were just, Yeah, I thought we were joking.

You said co-host, and I said, well...

Oh, is that how the whole thing started? I honestly don't even remember. No, I mean, no.

But I also really appreciate Zach looking out. Yeah, I like that too, sure. So, Zach, thank you for the feedback, and I'm not being sarcastic with that, and I'm also not trying to read your email to sort of have fun at your expense. It's good for me to remember that sometimes we're here, we're doing this thing, we're in Megan's yard, we're trying to raise money for TBTL, but we're also just more or less ad-libbing like an hour of talking and sometimes i say things and then with the intention of being funny and maybe they're they can seem a little bit less than funny so so thanks for for keeping us accountable zach and and feel free to reach back out uh you know to to make sure that that that i'm not unintentionally being mean to my good friend andrew because andrew i was saying this to you on the drive yesterday out of earshot but now zach you've forced my hand now you have to make Luke be nice to me we were we were we were during our many many hours in the car yesterday or the van I should say we were we're talking about the fact that it's just the two of us in fact I believe it was Megan's husband who asked what is their AV team need first of this broadcast to happen an AV team yeah that's what we need okay thing one get an AV team thing two ask them what they need and and we laughed because like this is the av team and and and by this it you are the av

team well i'm hopeless with a lot of support from our friend eric and kiki lolo of course too i want i don't want to i don't want to make it sound like you know they weren't a huge part of this

but we were in the van talking and and we were kind of saying yeah this is like this is so much fun that we get to do this but it's also sort of daunting at times and we were proud of ourselves in the parlance of tbtl happy of ourselves that we can do this with just two people and i said to you and i i just want to say this to listeners here this would only be possible is is only possible because of you because there are people that can set up gear and there are people that can talk on the pretend radio but i've never met a person who is as good at both of those things as you are true story well like and so anyway zach just so you know not only is andrew more than just a co-bro he is so much more vital to this show i think that'd be so i hope you enjoy

it when he's just solo hosting zach can i also mention a quick a quick production note here um

Of course, we do. Right now, we have an audience of two, of course. We have Megan and her son, Ezra, and they're on the porch.

I thought we were going to get Jonah out here, but okay.

But one thing I noticed during the introduction, you really got Ezra with the I was PP and he was PP and drop. I know my demo. If we can keep an eye on that.

It was hilarious. We were both PP-ing at the same time.

And so if the show seems flagging, if we're looking over there and we're seeing dead faces, can you just fire that whenever we need to re-engage with Ezra?

of emergency, break glass.

It was hilarious. I mean, I've got a whole roster

of drops about bodily functions, Andrew. You know that. That's my demo. First graders in Sacramento. That is my hot zip.

What have I wrought?

Before we got into my hurtful comments about you, you had a lot that you wanted to get off your chest here at the top of the show.

Yeah, let's see. Also, I think I'm probably dying. Wait, what? That's probably a slight exaggeration, but I have a new um i have a new symptom that keeps popping up in my life it's thin fingernails i don't know what is what what does that indicate because a couple of days ago it's pretty rare that i get one of these like kind of snags in my fingernail you know where it kind of goes i don't know perpendicular i don't i don't know what it what it goes but you get one of those i kind of your nail gets kind of thin and it starts hooking on everything right and i got one of these uh about two weeks ago they're very rare for me and then you know eventually it peeled away and it grew out Now I got another one yesterday. This morning I woke up, I had another one on my thumb, which I've mostly cut away now. I have a theory. Yeah, what's going on? It's probably nutrition, right?

Well, I don't know. I think the all gyro diet has some nutritious upsides. I don't know.

I stick my fingertips in the gyro before I eat it and massage it with all the tzatziki sauce.

That's what doctors recommend. That's right. I think it's because all your fingernail problems are happening on your right hand, which you're overusing now because your left hand is still in a state of injury.

That would make sense. As a matter of fact, I had another theory that was bunk on my left hand, which, of course, I have two fingers that are kind of hobbled. And I told Genevieve after I broke the main one, I said, you know, my fingers, they're still a little bit swollen over here. It's been over a month. I didn't realize that fingers would stay swollen that long. And I mentioned also that my fingernails were growing longer on those two fingers. They were growing faster. And I said, Genevieve, you know, I think that because my body is trying to heal my bone, it's probably flooding all this blood and, you know, nutrients or whatever to those fingers. Platelets, what have you. And it's making my nails grow faster. And she said, or you're not using those fingers. They're not wearing down the way they usually do. And I said, okay, smarty fans.

You have to be careful, though, because what's going to happen is you're going to have, like, Mr. Burns level, like when he goes full William Randolph Hearst on it. Yes, yes, yes. On one hand. Is that who I'm thinking of?

No, it's the Blue Spruce guy. The Spruce Goose guy.

I'm sorry, the Splooch Grooch. We already used Splooch in the show title this week, the Splooch Grooch.

Well, I'm blanking on his name. I'll look it up.

We'll remember it in a minute. Howard Hughes. Howard Hughes, thank you. That's what we're thinking of. You're going to go Howard Hughes on what Mr. Burns as Howard Hughes on your left hand and just like down to the very nubbins on your right hand if you're not careful.

You know I like to look out for you. We got each other's backs sometimes literally. Would it creep you out if we were driving in the van and you felt an itch on the shoulder that is furthest away from me in the van? I would love it. And then suddenly you're just getting some scritchy scratches on that shoulder and you can't even see me reaching my hand because my nails are so long?

I'm not huge on getting a massage. I do. I enjoy it in that it feels good. But I would go to a back scratching place. Oh, I'm much more interested in having my back and my head scratched. That's probably then massage.

Yeah. Have you ever gotten because at those spas, which I don't frequent, I think they do a special head massage. I don't I've never heard of a back scratch, but I'll bet you can go in and just get a head massage. Do you think that comes close or you need to.

It's good, but I'll tell you, I've probably had like five of those in my whole life. In my whole 45 years, I've probably had like five massages. And the last two, I said to the person, please, all I care about is, can you please massage my hands, my feet, and my head? It's my extremities. I don't know what that medical condition is, but I've got it. I don't really care about all the other stuff. I just like those things. So I was like, can we just spend the hour there? And they said, sure, no problem. And in both, they just went into, I think, muscle memory mode.

Like when they put cheese on my burgers when I ask them not to, but they're just like in muscle memory mode.

They just went into their normal massage wrap. Put cheese on your back. Yep, exactly. And, well, I was getting this massage at a Burger King.

Yes. They got busy on your back in a Burger King bathroom.

But it was like, yeah, I thought it was a weird place for this. But I don't know. Met him on Craigslist. Seemed legit.

Sure.

So, yeah, but it.

In both cases, they started massaging, like, my legs and stuff. And I was thinking, no, no, no, we had an agreement. We're just going extremities. So you didn't stop them? No, because at that point I was just like, there was a pan flute playing on the stereo and oils being diffused. And I just was like, eh, I don't want to get into it. I do have a question for you, though. On the subject of our adventures in Sacramento last night, how far did we walk last night, according to your phone, which I believe was pinging you throughout our adventure last night, telling you you're really getting some steps in.

Yeah. Every now and then, my phone will just say, good job staying active. And I think, I don't know for sure, but I think I've really kind of worked the refs on this one. Right. You know what I mean? You lowered the bar. Exactly. Like after about, you know.

Sometimes you could be eating a hoagie and your phone will be like, well, you're moving your arm.

That's exactly what I'm talking about. Right. So you and I went to get something to eat, and then we had this moment of, like, what should we do here? Should we start walking back to the hotel? It was about a three-mile walk, we figured, from the restaurant if we didn't take any detours. Then we said, maybe do we stop somewhere and maybe see if we can grab a drink somewhere on the way home, maybe, like, just kind of wander aimlessly and see if we pass a place, maybe dial up a place on your phone and try to make it there. And I said, listen, whatever you want to do is fine. I had the Mariners game playing on my phone. I was like, as long as we're walking, I can listen to the game. We can listen to the game, maybe get another Miracle on Dirt, a la TBTLF on 10, I believe. Zanino's home run.

We were in New Mexico, I believe.

Yeah. So anyway, I thought maybe we could see some magic happen with these Broken Mariners. So I was like, I'm just, whatever, I'll walk with you. I will say that you were a very fast walker. Really? Very fast. I was trying to keep up with you. I wondered if you were going to say that. I almost said something in the moment, but I didn't want to get in your head. But I thought you were walking so fast that I thought maybe there was a place you were trying to get before it closed or something. And I wasn't really paying much attention I was like wow this guy is walking fast And I thought well he's a runner

I had to pee so bad Was part of it So yeah we found ourselves in this real kind of netherworld Of we'd had this dinner at this place And then we needed to go back to the hotel But we both thought well maybe we'll have one drink And I thought we could watch the baseball game Because we are actually in the overall television footprint Of Oakland, California And that baseball team, the A's Is who our Mariners were playing So I had this dream, we'll pop into some bar that's about halfway between the restaurant and our hotel, which by the way was like three miles. When we took a lift to the restaurant, and I remember thinking, this is way farther from the hotel than I expected. So the plan was walk back, see if we can happen upon something, and then we'll pop in, we'll have a drink, we'll watch the ninth inning of the game, watch the Mariners win, and then we'll just finish our walk home, burn off that alcohol, it'll be great. We ended up just wandering Sacramento Because a couple of things were going on One, every bar we went to was closed And then also There are no Ubers or Lyfts In Sacramento I mean, there's one We took it It was a guy, Andre He was pretty cool He got married at the Four Seasons We learned a lot about Andre He's scared of heights Yeah, would probably not like the Space Needle He explained

One time he had to get a different hotel room Because his hotel room Was so high up in a building That it gave him vertigo

Bought a house in Lodi for $269,000 and put an in-ground pool in.

He was actually a very fascinating guy. He really was, yeah. I guess apparently his dad ran some sort of a beauty shop or a barber shop.

His dad was like a, I guess a, what's it called? A cosmetician? That's what he said. It was some word I had never heard before. Cosmetology, but whatever the active version of that is. Yeah, his dad apparently cut Jerry Rice's hair. Mm-hmm. And I'm forgetting who else, somebody else famous. Anyway, point is, Andre had left us, and he'd gone back to Lodi. And so we were now just walking and walking and walking, and I had to pee, and the Mariners were now letting the game get away from them, and you were not loving that development. And my phone's now on, like, zero power. And finally, we were at this place called the Round the Corner Bar, which looked really cute on, like, Yelp. Have you been there, Megan? Yeah, Megan. Have you driven past it, though? Cute sign, right? Doesn't it look like kind of a fun place? Well that was closed when we got there And so we just ended up deciding Well we just gotta walk back to the hotel At that point we were like At that point we had walked a couple of miles To get to this bar that was closed And now we had about three miles to get back to the hotel

Okay you know by the time we Kind of switched navigation to my phone I think it was like Because you asked me what my phone told me the total was And I looked at my phone earlier Which is also what is filming us right now For the live stream Should we just stop the live stream stream to see what my my fitness app is not super great if i say hey fitness app i'm going on a walk so track me it'll tell me very specifically and give me maps later and speed and altitude and all those things but as far as it just like kind of like detecting when i've exercised and when i haven't it's very spotty so i didn't get a good read on that when i when i saw on your notes that you were trying it was all it felt like a very very long yeah i think by the time by the time you and i realized listen there's not going to be a baseball game in a bar like let's just start walking home i know my phone said it was almost two miles to go and we had probably already walked at least two miles if not more at that

point the restaurant that we went to had the loudest dubstep music i don't playing this is It was a family restaurant. There was a baby next to us. In fact, it would have been better if it was a baby because they don't have a memory of things. This was like a toddler who might remember this song playing by somebody named Zero. The song is called Barry White. Now, I just want to warn people, primarily Ezra and Jonah, there are swears in this song, but I don't think you can make them out because it's so weird and techno-y.

I thought it was just a weird sound, and you said they're saying the F word.

Just imagine you're just in a family restaurant, and this is playing at, like, a thousand decibels. He's just saying the F word over and over again. I mean, it's a good word, but come on. And this was probably the best song they played. It was like you and I looked at each other at some point Ten minutes into sitting there going like Is this really gonna be the music The whole time

The whole restaurant, I mean I actually really enjoyed Our meal and I really enjoyed the food I got a banh mi sandwich, the place was good But they were all, it was kind of a weird vibe You've been to this place, Meat and Eat? No, Meat and Eat, no, Megan French says no I'm sorry, Megan Freedom says no

If you want to hear any dubstep with your Greek salad It's the place

That's right, that reminded me Oh, well, I was going to say, do you think that you playing that sound off of your phone is going to hurt our chances of staying live on YouTube right now? Are they going to block us?

Are they going to take us down? You're the one that would know. I mean, we've already been banned in Iran, Cuba. Yes. I believe Syria and North Korea, which previously were some of our most dense listener populations. But I actually wanted to ask you this. So so for people that are maybe just tuning in on YouTube for the first time or haven't been keeping up with us this week, we almost got in some trouble on Monday because before the show started and at the end of the show, we were playing some music over the stream. And while we have the rights to play music on the podcast, it's a whole different thing with YouTube. They're very careful about people not they don't just start a radio station where you start like playing someone's music over your YouTube channel or feed. And so I think Crosby, Stills, and Nash, Our House, got us in trouble Banned in North Korea And then there was another kind of more sort of unknown song That one of the Dazzling Donors suggested That also got us in some trouble Oh, and then this Abso Facto song, Dissolve, that I like Because I learned about it on TikTok Also got us in some trouble So yesterday, we tried to be really careful with the music that we played I'm wondering, though, did YouTube flag anything that we did yesterday, Andrew?

I did look for this, and actually that information about things being flagged and partially blocked is public information. So if you go back, like all these live streams we're doing are available at tbtl.net or our YouTube page, which, I don't know, type in YouTube tbtl. It's one of them that comes up. And it is public information that Monday's show was partially blocked in some areas. And it even lists, in fact, it's kind of cool, though. It lists the songs. In one way, it blocks us in some places, but also says, this video contains the following tracks. Our House by Crosby, Stills, Nash & Young. It's almost like it created a table of contents for us in a certain way. But yesterday's show, totally cool, man. Nothing. We're clean. You know what that means. Yeah, boy.

We can use this instrumental version of Bad to the Bone all we want, baby. We're good. it seems like a great a great time and a great way to thank a dazzling donor today now andrew you we mentioned yesterday that we were we reached the end of thanking our dazzling donors from from last year from from all the time leading up to this week's tbtl-a-thon but it turns out there may have been a couple of a couple of more people we got some stragglers we got some hop-ons yes

you're gonna get so i had a feeling when i said we're reading our final one i'd get some emails from people saying, I haven't sent mine in yet. And that's okay. The deadline was only 14 months ago. Just kidding. Hey, you know what? You're a dazzling donor. You can do whatever the heck you want. I was just teasing a little bit. Just a little tease there. Please, please. Just a tiny little tweak. Please don't stop donating Margaret Finnegan Boynton, who has been a dazzling donor for several years now, by the way. We always see this name, and we always love seeing it. Thank you, Margaret. Yes.

Margaret says, thank you for all the shows this past year. It's been quite a rough year. Fear of being laid off. Oh, I'm sorry, Margaret. Yes. That's very stressful. Being hired back. Oh, well, that's good. And then dealing with burnout. Oh, that sucks. As a music therapist.

Can I jump in here for one second? I know I just cut you off in the middle of the thing. I wanted to say Margaret is not one of the stragglers. I want to make that clear. Margaret was somebody who had, there were some technical issues with her thing. Technical times? So technical times, yes. I just want to make that very clear. She's like, wait a second. I was not a straggler. You're going into my Dazzling Donor message when it potentially could have been our or APM's fault that this didn't come through. I just wanted to make that very clear because I was getting in my head about it. Please continue.

Margaret, we know that you handled everything. You did exactly what you were supposed to do. In an exemplary fashion, this is probably on us. I should stop writing down the Dazzling Donors on a Post-it note and then sticking it up in various parts of my apartment, reminding myself to come back to it later. It's not a good system. Margaret says, the TENS community has been very helpful throughout this pandemic. I made a big decision to go back to school to become a licensed massage therapist. Margaret, if I could just mention something. If somebody comes in and asks for hands and feet and head, what's the harm in just focusing on that? I don't know if that's year one of the program, year two, but I hope that they do get into it. I will be doing this program full time for a year while continuing to work full time. Boy, that's, again, a lot going on, Margaret I'm excited, nervous, and I have no idea what I'll be doing once I finish I have been catching up on shows out on the hiking trails here in southeast Michigan Which has been very therapeutic in those times I'm having difficulty coping with my life Speaking of hiking, I wanted to call attention By the way, that's the truck for the Joe Rogan show They're doing a live episode just down the street But they have an AV team Yeah. It's a really large operation. Yeah. They have they have six listeners. We only have four. Yeah. Let's see. It's been great in those times that I'm having difficulty coping with life. Speaking of hiking, I wanted to call attention to some causes that people can support, especially for our veterans. um alexander sailing has been doing a coast-to-coast hike on the american discovery trail he is hiking in support of veteran suicide prevention you can support him on his hike by donating to his patreon and watching his adventures on youtube right after you're done watching us on youtube at least the parts you're allowed to see i put that part in andrew that was not in margaret's original message you can also donate uh to his cause through warrior expeditions which is a veteran outdoor therapy program that provides veterans with the opportunity for hiking, biking, or paddling long distances. It helps them readjust to life after the military. Check out his YouTube channel for his latest adventures. Maybe we can get some tens who live nearby where he's hiking to help him out along the way. I can speak from experience, Andrew, and what we're doing is a much easier journey than what this guy is doing. But here we rolled up, and like listener, Megan had this amazing sign in her yard, which just filled us with such joy. Also, everywhere we've been, folks have given us coffee.

Yes.

Which has been nice. Like, just feeling kind of like we're getting a resupply. You know, we're getting, if we were running, that'd be called, like, route support. We're getting support from these people. I like that term. Really appreciate it. So if you want to give this guy some route support along his way, that would be cool. He just made it to Indiana. You can catch his harrowing river crossing in Ohio in his latest video. Thanks again. And by the way, the website for this is warriorexpeditions.org slash fundraisers slash Alexander Sailing. So do go check that out. And Margaret, thank you so much for supporting the show. We really appreciate it. We just absolutely wouldn't be here without you. This song is called Bone to the Bad. Yep, it is. That's why we're allowed to play it. Bad to the Bones with a Z. It's called Tell Him the Bones Sent You. Oddly, it does infringe on Northwest Motorsports trucks, trucks and more trucks trademark. We will be banned by them soon. Hey, Andrew, this is, of course, TV Telethon 12 contentless delivery. We're delivering something to Megan and her family's house. It certainly isn't probably content. But here we are. I do think we picked up a new listener, by the way. A professor from Sacramento State University walked by Tom and was curious about the setup. And I explained to him what we were doing And I don't know, I feel like we might have broken through

You know, something happened in that conversation That gave me a weird feeling, Luke Do you know what it is? No It was really And this is not, by the way, I want to say Being very delicate towards each other But this is not like a criticism or a complaint It's just something I've never heard before It's more of a comment or a question It's just like while you were talking to him I realized that your hair looked great Thank you. That's all. Thank you. No, I'm wearing a lot of makeup and hair powder right now.

to tell you more about my matt oh i was wondering my revlon mattifying product in a minute here but

anyway please tell me the thing that's going to live in my head no it might live in your head but it certainly it's it shouldn't and it's not a criticism but it was just something that i heard for the first time that um that kind of surprised me is and it makes sense but he said you know what are you guys doing and i think megan said oh they're recording a podcast and he said oh what podcast and you said tbtl i think hoping that there wouldn't be any follow-up questions but there were i believe the follow-up question was what's the tbtl and you said we're based out of portland well i live in portland i know i know i'm saying that there's no there's you didn't do anything wrong but i always think of tbtl as a seattle-based podcast it started on seattle radio you always lived in seattle you know pride you know primarily when i think that if when you lived in you know even bellingham which is not seattle but was north of seattle you probably still i think would have said seattle-based podcast you're not going to explain what bellingham is But, I mean, again, it makes sense I'm not saying you're wrong But it just was like, whoa TBTL is a Portland-based podcast

TBTL isn't so much a geographic place, Andrew It's a state of mind It's a place in our hearts That's right, and the hearts of the listeners Anyway, I don't know if that makes you uncomfortable But it was something that I heard I was like, ooh, wow Yeah, I guess you know what it was I think I was just talking And so I kind of thought, well, what are we going to say? I live in Portland, that's where I'm talking into a microphone I'll go with Portland, but I know what you mean I do think Seattle is a more accurate description because, like all the things you said, it started as a Seattle radio show. You live there. I lived there for a good amount of time. A ton of our listeners live there. Yeah. It's kind of the locus, probably, of the show, I don't know, psychically or something.

But, again, it wasn't – I mean, you can say whatever you want. You can say it's a Sacramento-based podcast. It is. Maybe it is. You know, honestly – You guys have an extra room. I love this place so much.

It might be because I'll tell you what. This is just such a lovely street and just a lovely scene. What if every day we just woke up, we set up a table in this yard. Can I go on Ezra and Jonah's snowboarding training swing?

I love that thing. It's like a tree swing, but it's got some handles on it and it's shaped like you said, like kind of a small snowboard or maybe even a skateboard.

Yeah. Yeah. That thing is, I think as the kids say, boss.

Yeah. He was catching some air earlier, Luke. Sure. He was catching air.

Sean White style, the flying tomato. He was catching and releasing air. It was pretty amazing. Real Chloe Kim over there. Keep up with things. Anyway, what are the things that we would like to thank the fine TBTL donors with this TBTL-a-thon if they are in a position where they can support the show?

Well, we have fish. I don't know what kind of fish we have. That's a tuna, bro. Oh, okay. Well, that's good. I believe we maybe also have some – do we have balls? Oh, they're big purple balls. I thought that was going to say something else. I forgot which Cisco drop we had. This, of course, is our Too Beautiful to Live sound machine, which – hey, can I – I know we usually keep V-mails, voicemails, until the end of the show. But can I just play a voicemail that I received last night? Take a listen to this.

Hey, guys. I just wanted to let you know why I supported, well, I upped my TBTL donation this year. And it's because of those amazing sound machine gifts. I just have to encourage any parents to get one because we bought the exact sound machine that Luke has a year ago because I thought it was funny and I would play it occasionally. um but my one and a half year old found it and loves it and she just runs around constantly playing the like pushing the buttons and i really think it's a way of communicating for her so if she's in a good mood she'll run around and she'll play the the laughter soundtrack um when she's proud of what she's done sometimes she'll hit the laughing sound effect but i am now really excited to run around with the tbtl sound effect machine so that might everyone in the neighborhood can say my one-and-a-half year old plane I had eight beers last time that's all I drink anyway I'm also supporting you guys because you connect me my best friend you give us something to talk about you're also just my company throughout the day and give me a break from all the seriousness of the world and i appreciate you guys all right power out we appreciate you thank you so much for that

sweet sweet voicemail awesome makes by the way a great gift for a spouse that's my wife that's

right or you can you can irritate your spouse at all times by walking around the house whatever

that's my wife whatever the state of your relationship is this sound box will do it all That's my wife.

one of the things that we're giving away. We have them all at tbtl.net. I want to give a shout out to our friend Gigi, a Minneapolis based artist who's for several years now has been making these special little tbtl enamel pins, which are cute as hell. And now we're on collection number three. Right. And she was tweeting about them last night and how she likes being a part of tbtl. And we, of course, love having her be a part of tbtl. Now that's a beautiful tradition. So if you've been collecting those, you can get some of those. A cooler, we have a retro, like Playmate, Igloo Playmate style retro cooler that says TBTL on it. So when you're getting back out there this summer and doing some social distancing and hanging out in parks, you maybe put some pops in there, maybe even a brewski or two. No, no on the brewski.

What is it? A Bruce Stoyevsky from that drop. Whatever that family guy. Oh, you know what? It's Seth MacFarlane. Exactly. I assume it's part of the family guy.

Yeah, that was one of the very, very first drops ever pulled for TBTL. They were trying to say I was drunk. Sorry, this is going to take a minute. That was all I drank. And so I think you can now get the pins and the cooler. I was getting some notes from our pal Emily, who's been running this TBTL-a-thon from back in Minnesota. And so I'm not going to get into all the details of what is at what donation level. You can go to tbtl.net to figure that out. But let's see. It says you can get the pins and the sound machine. now pins and sound machine if you donate at $25 a month but anyway more details at tbtl.net but I love talking about these gifts because they really are fun this year they always are but man these sound machines are killer but I have to say though I don't want to just be selling sound machines here I love what you guys have made tbtl thank you for making tbtl so special in so many ways through donations through communicating with us through calling us through just being here for us for so long thank you so much and if you're somebody who's kind of newer to the show this is how it works this is how we do it if you could go to tbtl.net and check out your options we'd love it thank you was that too public radio

pitchy no it's good hello and welcome to top story top story it's beautiful here in sacramento it's gonna get to 90 degrees today and andrew we're like in uh listener megan's front yard But because of the And we have this little canopy But because of how it's all set up I am like getting hit directly by the sun Which I'm kind of enjoying Like you know the last couple of days we did the show It was actually a bit on the cold side where we were But the problem now is But one thing is If you wonder why it is that I'm never wearing a baseball cap For these things It's because you're always wearing a baseball cap We can't both be wearing baseball caps That's not the look we're going for as a show

I've never seen two men both wearing baseball caps

That's not the show that we're trying to do That's Groswith Gas or something else. Okay? That's not the vibe. And so because I know you're going to wear a hat, it means that I need to not have a hat on. But it also now means the sun is just roasting me here. And I feel like my forehead, this is going on YouTube. I don't know if you guys can see this, but my very prominent forehead now is very shiny, which is why I brought this Revlon Mattifier roll-on thing. And what I want to get from you, Andrew, is a little before and after. Okay, so this is.

This looks like a little microphone. And I thought this was a toy that you brought for me in case I got impatient during the show.

Mattifying your forehead is no toy, my friend. No, I guess not. This is very serious business. Okay, so you can see what this looks like now. I'm going to rub this on and try to take some of the shine off my giant forehead. And I will ask you, Andrew, how does it look now? Look at me straight on.

Well, now I've got to be in the sun, though. Okay, yeah, okay. It says red rum across your forehead now. That's what it's supposed to. Okay, good. It's working. Yeah, that's a Jeffree Star thing. I do all the makeup tutorials. that they have on YouTube. Yeah, no, I guess it's working. I can't really, I don't know. I'll leave it to the YouTubers. I'll leave it to the people on YouTube. Okay.

What do you think, Jonah? Better?

How does Luke look?

Does it make any difference at all? Ooh, thumbs up. Is my forehead kind of getting a little less shiny?

Now you're getting two thumbs up. Oh, great. The more you talked, the more thumbs up you got. I will say that little. It was hilarious. We were both people at the same time. That's how I bond with the young listeners. I thought this was interesting. I don't know if it is now that it's coming out of my mouth. But, you know, the past two days, we were under this tarp outside of our van. And it was chilly both days. I think Corvallis was the coldest, right? Yeah, probably. And then yesterday in Fortuna, it was a little bit warmer, but still like damp. That's Fortuna, bro. Drizzly, cold. I was not prepared. When I came out of the hotel today, I forgot. Oh, I'm in a very different part of the country now, and it's warm and beautiful. And now, literally, instead of having to worry about my board or my equipment getting wet, the buttons on this board are too hot to touch. They're collecting a lot of heat over here. I feel warm, and I'm levitating.

So that's a new problem. I'll take it.

Is the equipment going to melt? Possibly. That'll be a new adventure, a new problem to solve in our adventure.

Speaking of adventures, we need to get to the top stories, but I had a small adventure this morning on my little jog here in Sacramento, which is I saw the largest rat I have ever seen in my life. Whoa, and you've seen some rats. I used to live in Washington, D.C., where I thought that they had maybe the biggest, burliest rats. People talk about New York City. The ones I saw in D.C. were fierce. This guy, I thought it was a cat. I stopped. I took a picture of it. He saw me taking a picture of it. He menaced me with his eyes, and then he ran away. And then the rest of the jog, every time I would hear something rustling in someone's yard because I was, like, on sidewalks, I was like, ugh. And then what I kept noticing was it would just be a squirrel. There are more squirrels in this part of Sacramento than I've seen in a long time. So this is what would happen. I'd be jogging, and I'd hear something kind of in the grass or whatever, and I'd go, oh, it's a rat. And I'd look over, and I'd be like, oh, thank God, it's just a squirrel. And then I realized later, I was just reacting to essentially a rat with a cuter tail. Yeah. Like, I'm terrified of the rat, but if you throw a squirrel's tail on it, it doesn't even faze me.

I'll tell you what, I don't want to be in a locked room with either one.

No, but I just was like, by the end of the jog, I thought maybe I need to, I mean, the rat didn't do me any harm, and squirrels didn't do me any favors, Andrew. It's like this, I've said this on the show before, but the sort of reputational improvement that squirrels enjoy because of having a cute tail is insane.

This is off topic, but talking about animals and your relationship with them and your feelings towards them, especially in the past, I'm going to say five years or so, So you've been feeling very empathetic towards the animals, and, of course, you've stopped eating meat. What's it been, like three years now? Probably.

One of the first things I stopped eating was rats.

I mean, that was way back when you were like six, right?

Sorry, I'm losing my voice. Can you hear that? I read. You know what we need to do today on the drive? We have a long drive in front of us. We need to make a deal right now that we will just listen to some podcasts when we are driving to Oceanside, California. We're driving from Sacramento, swinging off in L.A. to pick up our colleague, Christina Lopez, a.k.a. Kiki Lolo, and continuing on to Oceanside, California. It is going to be a long day. But I think for both of our sanity and our voices, we need to take some sort of vow of silence in the van. Because what's been happening is, and I'm enjoying it greatly, by the way, we have been driving for six to seven hours a day and just talking the whole time. And it's like, I mean, at one point yesterday, I hope you don't feel like I'm putting you on blast. You called him Frank Shears. Yeah, our old colleague Frank Shires. Frank Shires, the guy who's responsible for this drop.

Don't miss the sausage fest. Gosh, that's him. He was your newscaster.

I always forget that that's him. He was your newscaster on the Andrew Walsh show. He also was occasionally the newscast. We took over, I think, when TVTL got S-canned. But it's a guy that we know very well. And you said Frank Shears. And then you said, my brain's breaking.

You turned to me like you were shocked. You said, do you think his name is Frank Shears? And I think I said, no, I'm just brain dead. Like, I can't connect thoughts right now.

Which makes total sense because it's like we're getting up, by our standards anyway, pretty early. We're setting this whole thing up, doing the show. You're doing a lot of technical stuff to get it on.

I almost just had a heart attack right now. My computer screen said that we had lost the YouTube feed, but it was just my computer monitoring it. I think we're still live. But, man, that was scary. These are the things that are going through my head. Exactly. I'm always waiting for everything to fall apart. Today's setup went great. We were sitting here like 15 minutes before the show started, and we're just like, everything seems to be working. Why does that make us so nervous? You know, like we've been like trying to get stuff up live on the air, like within seconds of going live the past couple of days. I was very concerned. Maybe what will happen is I'll just lose my voice. That's what will happen. Well, this is what I'm saying.

You're dealing with a lot of stress doing this whole trip. and then we get in the car and then we basically do like another six hour show called us just talking to each other right and then and then we get to the hotel we check in and then we go to dinner and then we continue talking right and then we wander sacramento listening to the mariners game why i try to find a place to pee and then we get up the next morning and do it all over it's a lot so i'm saying maybe what we should try to do is can is like have the the drive from here to la i

don't mean like vow of silence but maybe well we should put on some podcasts yes listen i did that was one thing that i thought we should talk about a little bit today i forgot i knew there when i

was falling asleep mattifiers forehead situation out of control when i was falling asleep last

night i thought why have we not talked about this yet today my friend is the day that i have had circled on my calendar for a while now. as what will most likely be the toughest day of the TBTL-a-thon.

Because it's three days after National Lucky Penny Day?

Because it's three days after National Lucky Penny Day because Megan Freedom, who is hosting us today, is just trying to sabotage the system. No, just kidding. It's been absolutely perfect. No, but when we are done here, this is beautiful. You and I are sitting here chilling out in the beautiful sunshine in Sacramento. Nothing could be better. But then as soon as we're done here, we have quite the drive to get just to L.A., and then we have to pick up Christina Lopez, Kiki Lolo. Are we even going to stop for her, or are we just going to come down to a roll, and we're going to kind of grab her?

No, we'll drive the van at the normal speed, which is about 15 miles per hour. We'll open the side door. She'll do a controlled dive into the van, and we just keep moving.

So we go through L.A., and then, you know, we're going to have to get off the highway in L.A., find where Christina, where we're picking her up at, kind of make our way through some city traffic, which, again, I really appreciate you driving. and then drive another two hours just to get to Oceanside, where we'll be spending the night.

Where I'm also very nervous about the hotel situation, by the way.

Oh, why is that?

Because all the hotels there were, like, charging, let's say, $350 a room, which was, you know, going to be excessive for the TBTL budget for all three of us. So I found a place where it was like $100 a room, which something about— It's a Best Western, but there's something about that that just seemed suspicious to me. Like, I was like, it can't be a third of the price of the other. And the other hotels there were not, like, fancy. The ones that were, like, $350 a night were, like, holiday inns. So I was like, this one, this Best Western is significantly cheaper, which probably means there's something up with it.

Do you also feel, and first of all, I would like to say again, in all seriousness, I really appreciate you setting up all these hotels and all these stops along the way. Are you feeling extra pressure that it's not just going to be you and me, too, that you're kind of responding that you're not responsible? I want to make that clear. But in your head, are you feeling like you're also responsible for both my experience and Kiki Lolo?

Well, if, you know, the three of us roll up to a really, really crummy hotel, I will feel a little bit worse because we have another colleague there. sure because you and i we've you know we've been in this a lot longer than a little like we've been through australia we've been i mean we've been in places where you're fine with the hotel and i'm like yeah so i like we have a whole understanding i know that like you're gonna be okay and i don't think christina is is like you know finicky or anything but it's just kind of like a colleague who now i'm like well here's what we've got for you right right the the the worst western

Is that the name of the place we're going?

Yeah, that's what I noticed after I booked it. I assumed it was a Best Western, but it's actually Worst Western, and that's why it's $108 per room per night. That was the salmon-colored flag, as you like to say. That was, exactly. All right, top story. This is very relevant to our listeners that are in, again, the Midwest and the Mid-South and the places where the cicadas are reemerging after 17 years. We talked about Brood X, which was in the kind of Indiana-ish area that's coming out. And a lot of them actually are high on mushrooms. Some of them test positive for methamphetamine or amphetamine, I guess, which is crazy. And then they were dancing their butts off. Yeah, it was like really, really driving them crazy, this fungus. Well, now it turns out, this is a Washington Post story, you also need to be worried this summer about cicadas peeing on you. Oh, great. Cicadas pee a lot, particularly during warm days, and when thousands of cicadas are perched overhead on tree branches, their pee falls on the ground like a gentle rain shower. Really? Oh, well, that kind of sounds nice. Their pee is like watery tree sap, so it's wise to wear a hat when walking in the woods this month, but it's harmless, just like the cicadas that squirt it out. No, I disagree. Strong disagree with this. An insect peeing on me is not harmless. Although, of the things to pee on you, I'd probably choose an insect. Right, but how about I choose nothing peeing on me? If that's an option, I'll take that too. It feels like when a rain just starts and you get a small drop or two and you say, is it starting to rain? That's according to Paula Shrewsbury, a professor of entomology at the University of Maryland. As adults, cicadas are active on the hottest days because they can tap into the dilute, watery xylem fluid of deciduous trees. Evaporation of moisture cools their bodies by as much as 5 to 10 percent. So basically what happens is they are, like, drinking the sap out of trees or the xylem, I should say, out of trees, cooling their bodies. But, Andrew, this is the thing that will be probably lost on the listeners. But this Washington Post article includes a YouTube video of cicada in the rainforest.

Yeah.

And it is shocking how much pee these cicadas are generating. It is not like a gentle little, oh, is it raining? It is like a full-on deluge.

of water that is urine from these bugs and i don't think i want to be in that is it like when

you go into the grocery store and you're in the produce section and then suddenly the spritzers

come on no that would be fine that's a mist yeah i could use that right now i know hey ezra can you get me a mister or something just just a little just a gentle like a mist with a fan blowing it No, this video, it's like, it's, Andrew, I can't, I mean. It's like a downpour, you said. I should have made you watch the video before the show. It is just an extreme downpour. But what I find problematic is that everybody in this article is handling it like it's cute.

Yeah, well, it happens once every 17 years.

I mean, the good news is. That would scar me for. Another 17? I mean, honestly, just when I was getting back to my normal life, just when I was ready to go back to work, just when I'd recovered from it 17 years later, happens again. Okay. But golden showers aside, is part of you—

I'm so sorry, Ezra. Is part of you—I learned that phrase from Ezra, by the way. So is part of you a little bit jealous that you're kind of—because we're out here on the West Coast, we're missing out on this, like, 17-year phenomenon?

I do like the sound of Cicada. I don't know. Maybe if you live in an area where it's, like, too many of them are, like, emerging from the ground, it might be, like, too much sound. But as far as just I'll tell you what I do like about the the Midwest and the East. I love fireflies. Yes. Yes. Did you have those in Ohio? Oh, yeah.

We had little jars and we poke holes in the top of the jars and we'd go and we'd collect them in our hands. And then we'd carefully put them in the jar and we'd say, we're going to keep you forever.

And then they die. Do you know that like that is the only app other than being a Portland based podcast, the only way that I can describe TBTL to people that seems to in any way kind of explain it. By the way, my computer, which is in the sun, has now stopped operating. Oh, no, really? So, okay, now it's working again. But I just said we may be just, you know, we may just have to kind of deal with the repercussions of this beautiful Sacramento sunshine. When I try to explain the show to people, they usually have a confused and disappointed look on their face.

Yep, yep, yep, yep.

The only thing that I've ever said to anyone, and I believe this was Jen's description that I just kind of borrowed, is TBTL is like a firefly that you catch, you put it in a jar, and it's dead the next morning. It's too beautiful to live.

Did I tell you that I got a very sweet text message from my dad? I think it was maybe the Sunday, or no, I think it was the Saturday before we left for this adventure. I'd had a very brief sort of frenetic conversation with him the day before because I hadn't talked to him in like a week. And I said, Dad, you know, we got to catch up. I'm sorry, but like I'm in the middle of like a million things right now planning for this TBTL-a-thon. So let me just tell you what's going on. I think I'd forgotten to tell him I was even going on this adventure. So I wanted to fill him in a little bit. And but it was like not the best. I didn't feel great about the conversation. I was talking a mile a minute. You even have regrets about conversations with your dad? I have regrets about literally everything. Actually, except for the sandwich I ordered last night. That was the perfect thing to order. It was so good. You know what I loved about that place?

The music?

God, it was... Oh, no, I got a note here from Mr. YouTube. We're being pulled. Are we bugging you?

I just assumed that, and I'm not trying to sidetrack your story or make you feel embarrassed in any way, Andrew, But I guess I kind of figured maybe like your dad, because you've known him your whole life. You guys are really close. That would be maybe a space where you wouldn't have as much kind of, you know, intrusive thoughts or regret.

Oh, I don't. These weren't intrusive thoughts. It was just one of those things where I wanted to catch up with him. But I was just like in kind of a kind of a manic, frantic mode. So when I talked to him, I realized I was talking really fast and kind of saying I don't have too much time to get into too much detail. I just, you know, I just we needed some time to catch up and we still haven't done that. So I just felt a little bit bad about that. It wasn't mentally troubling. But anyway, the next day after our conversation, he sent me a photo of some flowers that were starting to kind of die a little bit. And there was no explanation of where they were or anything. And he just wrote, too beautiful to live.

Wow.

Bob Walsh with the symbolism. And then later on that day, we had another quick moment to talk just for a few minutes. And he said, yeah, did you get my text? And I said, yeah, yeah. Well, first of all, every time you use that phrase, you have to kick in $5 to the TPTL-a-thon. I'm working it, Luke. I'm working it.

I appreciate that. And, Bob, look, you did a great job with Andrew. He's a fine young man.

But fine doesn't pay the bills.

No, fine is not going to help us keep doing this show. So if you would like to consider becoming a sustaining donor, we'd really appreciate it. No, no, no, no, no, no.

Anyway, what I was going to say was I was talking to my dad and he's like, yeah, no, I saw he we had just bought these flowers like somewhat recently, I think. And he planted them and he loved them. But then they died pretty quickly. And this was in their in their, you know, in their front yard, I believe. And he said, I honestly, I just had that thought. I just said, oh, I guess they were too beautiful to live. And then I thought of you and I thought of your podcast. So it is working. And again, I do think that's like at least five dollars he owes us.

That's great. Well, that's another good description then. It's like some flowers that Andrew's dad planted. That died. I'm not being sarcastic. I'm also trying to build a sunshade, trying to bring my computer's core temperature back down so that I can read you the series of tweets that everybody has been sending us. People have been our friend Chris Hayes, who is, of course, our unpaid bidet correspondent and now also our phone privacy correspondent. He dabbles in network television as well. He sent this to us. Listeners have been tweeting this to me. It's this whole thread about what is really going on with your phone when you think it might be listening to you. And, again, I want to try to do my normal thing where I just paraphrase, but this is actually semi-technical. This all started becoming a TBTL thing a couple weeks ago when we did that experiment, seeing if our phone was going to be actually listening to us.

I started saying – I kept on talking around my phone saying that I wanted to become a bow hunter, but I needed to buy a bow and arrow, but I didn't know where to buy a bow and arrow. And I kept talking about it in front of my phone because people told me that my phone was listening to me for targeted ads.

Now, okay, I think I'm getting – this is starting to load. So, again, if my computer doesn't melt, I can try to do some of this thread. It's a guy named Roger Robert Reeve. And he basically says, OK, first of all, I mean, does he put this tweet out? He said, look, I worked on this stuff and I just want to explain what's really going on, like how our phones are actually tracking us. OK, he says, first of all, your social media apps are not listening to you. This is a conspiracy theory. It's been debunked over and over again. Do you know that that actually, Andrew, made me feel a little bit like embarrassed? because I am very proud of being a non-conspiratorial person in my life. And when we were on the show going, yeah, the listeners are saying that our phones listen to us. When we did the experiment, I 100% thought our phones might be listening to us. You know what I mean? It's like if I said 9-11 was an inside job or something. So this guy who really seems to know his stuff says, it is a conspiracy theory that our phones are listening to us.

Yes. And are you still trying to call it up? Because I can offer a counterpoint while you try to do that. because i am like yes our phones are listening to us yeah because i i'll set it up so that you can knock it down because um this all started when i got some very specific targeted ads as soon as i had been vaccinated i got my first vaccination shot i didn't post about it no selfies no mentions um but i started getting these like ads that were clearly targeted at somebody who had just gotten their shot and um i thought i got some emails from some listeners who said no dude the phones are listening like it's been pretty well documented at this point and i had heard this before but i never really believed it but somebody just did that thing where they came in and they said it with enough confidence that i believed them you know they're like come on you you know that they're listening right now i've heard from other people since who seem to be in the industry who say that is not true like you say it's a conspiracy theory but how about this i just got this note a couple of uh days ago um this is from listener rachel i'd like to submit some evidence to the file of Instagram listening. I have a lot of stories of ridiculous ads I've received, but none to top this one. Here's some background. I am a heterosexual woman, and I'm married to a heterosexual man. We've been married for over six years. We have pictures of the two of us all over social media as a married and previously dating couple trying to remove the possibility of Instagram just stalking our other social media accounts. That should be established. We have two small dogs who we consider our babies admittedly we have a sickening habit of talking and baby talk to the dogs oftentimes blurring grammar and pluralizations on this particular day i don't recall the exact words used but it was something to the effect of talking to the dogs quote matt is good dog dads matt is good dog dads because we have two dogs not two dads anyway A few minutes later, I open up Instagram to find the attached ad featuring two handsome dog dads and an adorable puppy. I have the screen cap here. It is from something called Clearly Loved Pets. And it is two men clearly in a relationship holding a dog together and snuggling all three of them. And it says, your dog deserves the world, dog dads.

Well, here's the thing. This guy, Robert Reeve on on Twitter, who says by.

By the way, I've actually got it on my phone now. I'm just giving up on my computer because it's reached some kind of temperature that's no longer allowed it to function. He says, I'm back from a week at my mom's house, and now I'm getting ads for her toothpaste brand, the brand I've been putting in my mouth for a week. We never talked about this brand or Googled it or anything like that. As a privacy tech worker, let me explain why this is happening.

Okay.

Yeah, this is fascinating. Okay, so he says, first of all, your social media apps are not listening to you. This is a conspiracy theory. It's been debunked over and over again. So I'm not trying to call the listener a liar, but I'm saying, according to this person, it's unlikely that the phone overheard them saying, Matt's a good dog's dad. He says, frankly, your phones don't need to listen to you or the apps don't need to listen to you because everything else you give them unthinkingly is way cheaper and way more powerful. Andrew, get ready to climb into this van and drive it to Mexico and never come out because this stuff is very, very kind of, I guess, upsetting. Your apps collect a ton of data from your phone, your unique device ID, your location, your demographics. And then he says, we know this. We know this. Includes a gif of Kate McKinnon as we know this. Data aggregators pay to pull in data from everywhere. When I use my discount card at a grocery store, every purchase, that's a data set for sale. They can match my Harris Teeter purchase, which I think is like a grocery store. They can match my grocery store purchases to my Twitter account because I gave both of these companies my email address and phone number. And I agreed to all that data sharing when I accepted those terms of service and the privacy policy. Here's where it gets truly nuts, though. If my phone is regularly in the same GPS location as another phone, they take note of that. They start reconstructing the web of people I'm in regular contact with. The advertisers can cross-reference my interest in browsing history and purchase history to those around me. It starts showing me different ads based on the people around me, my families, my friends, my co-workers. i will uh it will serve me ads for things i don't want but it knows someone i'm in regular contact with might want to subliminally get me to start a conversation about i don't know toothpaste it never needed to listen to me for this it's just comparing aggregated metadata so there you go that's apparently what is going on with our phones so presumably we will start getting a lot of ads for something that listener megan wants because her phone is right there she's sitting on her porch our phones are right here and now they're all talking to each other all the metadata is being mined listen megan if you get an ad for a toupee service that's not me okay it's i would seem suspicious but i promise it's not me right and if you get a lot

of ads for cased meats just buckets and i like one is me i like my case meats and buckets how

How do you guys get yours? Is that like the latest Eli Roth horror film, Buckets of Cased Meats, starring Rob Zombie?

How much for a five-gallon bucket of bratwurst?

Anyway, I guess the takeaway from that is this one guy is to be believed. He doesn't think that our apps are listening to us.

I know. I mean, I definitely think that that makes more sense. And I had always been skeptical. In fact, I never believed at first that these phones were listening until, again, somebody just came in with the confidence of a much younger listener and just said, no, you know that they're all listening, right? It's obvious. Right. And I was like, oh, okay, I guess I didn't realize that. But I will also say I really, really talked about bows and arrows and getting into bow hunting a lot around my phone. Like, seriously, I kept that up off the show. Me and Veeves were doing it. And Veeves would even, I think I told you this, Veeves was sticking with it. She would bring it up. She's like, how's your bow hunting going, Andrew? And I'd say, I'm still trying to find a good bow and arrow, Genevieve. I don't know where to begin, and I haven't seen anything. So, yeah, I am on board with that. Well, speaking of conspiracy theories.

Oh, I tried to play. Here I go. Oh, good. It worked. Hey, computer's back, baby.

I'll get it from a female. Oh, man. It's not from a female.

We have been trying to figure out what happened to our signs, our beautiful signs that we purchased in Portland as a Portland-based podcast, and then put on this van. They said podcast delivery, then they had our phone number, 206-414-TBTL. We are still wondering, were they stolen by hoodlums in Corvallis, Oregon, or did they just blow off the van as soon as we got driving on I-5 South? I know you've received an update from somebody that worked in the sign industry who's not...

my dad, as far as I understand it. Somebody else

in the listening audience. I don't think it's your dad. Does your dad go by the name J-Dawg? No, no. By any chance. I believe this is... Any chance I can

have the show sheets back? Oh, you're doing something.

I was just going to send you a little note here. So our friend Jonathan, who I believe you dubbed J-Dawg at one point, says... Andrew, that was good hosting, what you just did. Yeah, and you blew up my spot. I was sending you a note. I didn't realize what you were doing. I just borrowed your pen for 10 seconds.

You grabbed the show sheet out of my hand, and I thought you were just doing a kind of a subconscious thing. No, no. I wanted to remind you of something we need to get to later in the show. Andrew, I gave you a compliment earlier, and I need to up that compliment. You were talking, and you were writing. If you keep performing this way, you are fast-tracked to co-host. As you were talking about J-Dog, you also were writing Stupider.

Not that I think J-Dog is Stupider. I want to be very clear about that.

You were reminding me that we do have some drops of Stupider. We'll do that in a minute But again, thank you That was very good co-hosting by you And I ruined it

It is funny though How it is so rare that you and I Try to do something that we aren't just On the air talking about This is one time I'm like I'll just secretly write him a little note That says stupider so we can be smooth But then what do we do? We talk about it for like three minutes

Well okay, next time you grab the show sheet from me I will know that you have a plan in mind

I will say this, I am mad at myself This is the second day out of three days Of doing the show that I've done this I have a special notebook and a pen to go along with it for this. When I'm sitting here hosting, I take notes, and I left it in the van. It's behind me, and I almost got up to get it during the show intro, but I didn't want to throw everybody off. Anyway, forget about that.

If you're watching this on YouTube and you're enjoying the art behind us, of course, we've got the stuff from Irene and Julie, and we picked up in Corvallis, and we've also got some cool stuff from Ezra and Jonah here. We have a green Power Ranger, and then we've also got something from, I believe, the Pokemon universe.

Yes, and we are not allowed to keep these. Am I right about this? These are just being borrowed for the show.

Ezra, would you consider signing yours and donating it to the cause so we can keep displaying it online? You know, we'll talk about it after the show.

Let me ask you this. How many packs of Splenda?

Jonah is crestfallen. He was like, I had one request, and I want my green Power Ranger drawing back.

No, we're going to give it back. We're going to give it back. That's invaluable art, and we can't drive away with that. Don't worry, for real. But okay, so here's what our pal J-Dog says. Hey, friendos, I've lived a few lives in my 43 years, and during the end of that first chapter, I spent a number of years making banners, vinyl graphics, and magnetic signs, just like the missing podcast delivery signs in question. Understanding that this may still be a sore topic, I want to offer a little thought or insight that may be unnecessary in regards to the potential fate of this forementioned graphic. Wow, J-Dawg can write, man. Some big words in there.

I'm just passing Andrew a note It says give it back to Jonah Actually I guess it's Ezra, sorry We need to make sure we give Ezra his drama I'm sorry, I thought we were passing notes now

I'm going to write down Stop, give me notes Here we go, he says This is J-Dog again, everybody remember that? In my years of fixing Old magnets or remaking Lost magnets, I did take note of a few Things, the first of which is the cleanliness Of the vehicle, I imagine The Delica was cleaned prior to taking the possession, so I think we can mark that off the list. It is a very clean van, but that's interesting that a dirty vehicle increases the chance of losing those signs. The fast signs people did say, make sure the vehicle is clean. Love it. Okay, now, it gets a little bit more intense here. The second and most likely culprit, and I was really, really hanging on to the idea that these were stolen, but I have turned. This email last night has turned me. The second and most likely culprit is air pressure. Oftentimes, if a magnet sits across a vehicle's seam or rides up on a trim piece at speed enough air can get under, I'm sorry, enough air can get under and whip her right off. The signs are now her. Rip those right off. In my forensic viewing of the magnetic prior to the tragic loss, noticed it was sort of spanning a gap in the side of the van. One of them was.

The side with a door, it's spanning a gap. The other one, it's less so, but there's still a little bit of funkiness on the bottom as far as not being in total contact at all points with the van.

And he says this very well could be just enough low air pressure to, I love this, it's getting like meteorological up in here. Yeah, and very kind of like, what do you call, fluid dynamics. Is that what that is? Low air pressure can push up the leading edge of the magnet and just peel it off. It doesn't take much force when applied the right way to overpower the magnetic attraction. Anyways, keep up the good work. Peace and love. J-Dog. Yeah, no, that makes a lot of sense. I think I got to give up the ghost. Again, in my head, I feel like I took that video or I attempted to take that video of you driving by in Corvallis.

And I thought the signs were still on there, but I couldn't I definitely couldn't say that for sure. And I oh, you know what? I think another listener, maybe Rob, sent me a very similar email that actually had he took a photo. He took that photo that you took of the magnet on the van, Luke, and like zoomed in on it and drew pictures and schematics to show exactly how the signs probably came off. So I think I got to just give it to these guys.

My question to you then is, is it better or worse to you if the signs just blew off? Um, like, okay, we're stolen. Like, like, I guess this blowing off is worse because that's our incompetence.

You know, this is one of those things and not to get Ezra's meta about this, but it depends what you mean by that, because there is the me who is just a human being who has feelings. And then there's the me who needs things to talk about on TBTL. And when I thought those signs were stolen, I was furious. And the me who's just me knowing that they blew off, somehow that makes me less mad. It makes me a little bit more mad at us. But we tried, and we didn't know, and we learned a lesson. But the idea of somebody messing with my stuff bothers me.

Oh.

You know? See, I have the opposite feeling.

Yeah. When I thought that they were just stolen by some OSU frat boys, I thought that was really funny. And I was like, oh, cray, we got got. Yeah. That felt like nothing we really, I mean, other than taking the signs off the second we parked the van, there's nothing we could have done. The fact that they just blew off somewhere near, you know, Tigard, which is like 10 miles south of Portland. The fact that they blew off near Tigard just is like makes me feel like a total dingus.

Right. And also like you, I think you appreciated or you liked the idea of these living in a, you know, a dorm somewhere. Yes. They're just on the side of I-5 right now. But what if? How about this? what if I told you that they might have blown off in Tangent, Oregon? Because we passed a place called Tangent. And if our signs are forever living their last days in Tangent, Oregon, that's kind of nice, too.

You know what? I'm going to choose to believe that our signs went to live on a farm in Tangent, Oregon. Where they can play with other podcast delivery signs. They can run around all they want to. That's just absolutely stupid. Let me check this note.

Did you even know that said stupider? Oh, yeah. Okay, it's time to do. It is a dangerous game just to hand somebody a note that says stupider. Like, while they're trying to perform.

I think you might have even tried to do the two backwards.

I'm so used to writing stupider with the number two because, of course, this is our second annual, I guess. By the way, I got these results from listener Jake today. Now we're going to be narrowing down our field to just two finalists today out of the 32 that we started with. And Jake already said in his email, by the way, looking forward to Drops of Stupider 3, I've got some ideas I'm cooking up. Wow. We haven't even found a winner yet.

You literally said to me in the van, I can't see any way we can get a third bite at this apple. This was one of our many conversations. We were like, this Drops of Stupider 2 has been really fun. You said, yeah, but I just don't. I can't see any world in which there's another way to do this with TVTL. I guess we'll find out.

Maybe we just take every word we've ever said on this show. And rank the best word. And we rank, and we find out what was the best word, and then we all know it's splooch.

No, it's probably this.

That's right. Is that a word? What does the OED say on that? Okay, so I feel like I'm stalling too much here. Let's get down to it. We have four. As of coming in today, we have four remaining contestants, right? And the first matchup was Cat Rolling versus Luke's Boat Crash Story. Okay. Only one of these will be alive after today.

Now, we were, in our conversation yesterday, I believe you were saying you are hoping that the boat story beats cat rolling.

I did say that. I think the boat crash story, again, because that was something that I just got to sit back and listen to. That show, by the way, I went back recently to grab this audio from the show. That show was over two hours long. We didn't even get to your boat crash story until like 40, 50 minutes into the show.

It's a miracle that as many people have heard it as have, considering how buried that is.

But anyway, to me, the boat crash story was just a true highlight of TBTL over the years. Did it make the cut? Do you think it made the cut, Luke? I think it did. My guess would be it did. Survey says?

Holding myself by my fingertips. Whoa. I'm in there in midair, like slightly above the water. And I'm just thinking to myself Well this is how this ends

Congratulations Luke Congratulations to the boat To the boat story To all of the Jerry's involved All the fellas named Jerry Who were helping you out that day

You don't mean the Germans from World War II.

As I said that, it kind of just struck my ear weird. It would be weird if I was just using that language. Like, I don't even know. I don't know if that's offensive or not, but it would just be weird if in 2021, I'm just saying that. Anyway.

So, wow. Okay, so that beat Cat Rolling, which, you know, honestly, I think is fitting in that this is a show that's probably more built around stories of our own mortification than pranking each other.

And that was just such a stem winder. And also, you know, the Cat Rolling was quite some time ago. so there might be some recency bias here. But the final matchup of today, and by the way, I'm going to say, I'm going to post these polls to today's episode page at tbtl.net. You only have a little over, I don't know, 36 hours to vote on these before we crown a champion on Friday. So the polling will cut off Friday early morning, and we will crown a champion. So go to tbtl.net to vote today, click on the show page. The final matchup is Splooch, the Diarrhea Turtle, versus Drew McFrizz, the Diarrhea Bank Robber. Who will win?

It just says, and I quote, in a hell of a font, Splooch.

There you go, Splooch. Wow. I mean, listen, I think that the Drew McFrizz saga is also one of the all-time highlights. Clearly, it has been an all-time highlights of What Are You Laughing At?

Only on this show, if we're trying to pick out the most memorable moments of the show, would a person who robbed 65 banks, hid out in Mexico, guest-hosted a sports talk radio show under an assumed identity, kicked opioid addiction, almost ended his life, then drove back home, then turned himself in, Then did seven and a half years in prison Then ran a rotisserie baseball league in the prison Then, you know All of the other things That went on in that story Only on this show would that be bested By a drawing of a turtle Shitting that we saw I mean That's like, that's classic TBTL and I kind of love it

I just edited that right now On the fly, that was very good, great needle drop Yeah, and then I wrote stupider In a piece of paper Hey, what did I say earlier, though? It's your boat disaster versus Splooch the Turtle, man. This is really interesting. I will be happy with either one of these winning. I'm actually really psyched about the way this has turned out. And again, I'm glad that the Drew McFrizz saga made it so far into it, but I guess now we had to be down to two one way or the other.

If it wins, if Splooch wins, does this contest officially start being called Drops of Splooch-Hitter?

Splooch-Hitter, oh!

Do we have a show title? I feel like I somehow mangled Splooch at the beginning of the show and tried to turn it into some kind of a thing. Do we have a show? Any kind of show?

All I wrote was Sacramento Got Sunshine. But then, you know, if you like drops of Sploochator, I kind of like that, too.

Maybe, although it will call attention to the fact that I forgot that was on the show sheet.

That's not people's takeaway from the show today.

All right, we need to wrap things up here because we have to drive so many hours today. But I guess before we get out of here, I'll just say one more time, thank you, everybody, for watching this on YouTube. Thanks for listening to the show. Thanks to everybody who has been signing up to support TBTL. I think we made some pretty good progress the first couple of days. But, of course, there's always this kind of midweek lull where I think there are some folks that are really just at the front of the line to support TBTL. On the first day or so, we get kind of a good turnout from those folks. And then in the middle, there's kind of like a little bit of a lag. And then towards the end of the week, it picks up again. And maybe this week we could just eliminate the middle part doldrums and just keep things going strong at tbtl.net so that, you know, Friday you and I aren't white knuckling it out there at Mary the TBTL Virgin's house. Maybe we can all know that we're going to keep doing this for another year by, like, say, Friday.

Like, what do you think? Do you think that maybe our midweek lols will help beat the midweek lol? Maybe.

Luke, could we go? Could midweek lols be the show title?

Maybe. I wanted to say I did get a note from Emily again, who has been, you know, kind of running this TBTL-a-thon with our colleague Sarah from Minnesota. And she did say to or she asked me to remind people that also we're coming up against a three-day weekend here where people might be traveling for Memorial Day. So if you have been maybe waiting and putting it off and thinking I'll do it later and you kind of forgot that you have a road trip coming up, Maybe this is, again, maybe a little encouragement to just go to tbtl.net or go to your inbox and find the email and take care of it today if you can.

All right. That's going to wrap it up from Sacramento. I have a song we can go out with, Andrew. I think we have the rights to. All right. That's cool. Maybe we do need to talk over it a little bit. But a big thanks to Listener Megan.

and her fam for welcoming us here so nicely to Sacramento. This has been really, really fun, and we really appreciate y'all. Thanks. And all of you out there in listener land who are keeping TBTL going, thank you so much. We're going to go out with a little bit of our friend Zero doing Barry White. Recorded at a restaurant in Sacramento. Direct from the speakers of Meet and Eat. Thank you so much. This is the only song that we actually have the rights to through some kind of weird quirk of ASCAP and BMI. So anyway, thank you so much, everybody, for listening. We'll see you tomorrow from Oceanside, California, Lord willing, and if the Delica makes it. Until then, have a great Wednesday. Stay safe. Take care of each other. And please remember, no mountain too tall.

And good luck to all. Power out.