Muse

And I'm gonna take tea and take a sip of it and spit it into each and every one of your mouths Oh, it'll burn me, but it'll burn you twice Burn me once with tea, shame on me Burn you twice in your own mouth, shame on everybody involved TBTL

Well, well, here we are I want to congratulate you for being on time

I'm not handling this well I don't feel competent, I'm depressed

I'm just trying to figure out why you would do this why anyone would do this the reason anyone would do this if they could, which they can't would be because they could, which they can't

laughter, a sure sign of a good time and now I'm going to fill this silence with the words I'm saying right now

All right, hello, good morning, and welcome, everybody, to a Thursday edition of TVTL, the show that just might be too beautiful to live.

It's the story of a man with a brothel of a home and a pool filled with human excrement.

My name is Luke Burbank. I am your host. I don't know who that is. I don't care to find out. Coming to you from the Nest Broadcast Center, high in the sky, above Portland, Oregon, where looking like some very moisture. I'm sorry I used that word so early in the show. Some very rain-filled clouds are kind of collecting over the Burnside Bridge area of Portland, Oregon. So it looks like we're going to get some rain today. That's okay because we're indoors and ready to go with episode 3,442 in a collector series. Let the fun begin. Cicadas, my friends, are real.

They're really freaky.

There's been some back and forth as if I'm over-dramatizing the situation with the cicadas. Well, my friends, they almost took down the Biden press pool airplane the other day. Call Kenny Loggins because you're in the danger zone. And, of course, because I like to focus on the least interesting elements of the story. I've got some quibbles with the New York Times coverage of the cicada infestation of the press plane, which we'll talk about. Also, Wendy's and their tendies, which I guess is what the kids call their chicken tenders now. Nugs are so 2000 and late. Now we're talking about their tendies.

These are the best Cajun chicken niblets I've ever had.

Wendy's and their tendies are surging on Wall Street today because they are the latest company that that Wall Street Bets subreddit has decided to obsess over. So we will get into that. Oh, and I saw a tweet as Andrew and I were getting dialed up and ready to do the show today.

Hi, everyone. Welcome to my Twitter.

There's so much going on with this tweet. It could be the whole show. I don't know. Just layers and layers of things to unpack. Of course, we would never, we would never on a Thursday forget to do the Blur's Day messages.

It's my birthday today.

So we know at a minimum we're going to talk about this tweet and we're going to do the Blur's Days. And we're going to talk to this guy, the longest running co-bro of the show, maybe best known for his depictions of the tall ships. he has finally come to terms with a painful reality wait a second i'm wrong he is andrew walsh and he's joining me right now from the roosevelt neighborhood of

seattle washington good morning my friend wow that's actually a very good drop of me i like the fact that we let the pause stay in there do you have any idea what i was talking about is that a recent drop is that from yesterday is that hot off the drop presses it's from the last couple of

days i think there might be a like a 24 hour lag for our friend lynn uh pulling the audio drops but that all credit to lynn on that because he sent it like this wait a second i'm wrong i love though yeah the use of negative space the use of negative sound it's that we call

that in what we're doing definitely when i'm complaining about the garbage that's a negative sound i um i uh that feels so familiar to me like is i mean first of all i'm so rarely wrong on this show you'd think i'd know immediately immediately what that's from but it's almost like you playing that it feels like it's right on the tip of my tongue uh something that happened in the past couple of days but anyway putting that out of my mind for a second i don't know where you want to talk about this but i will tell you this you have been you both off air and now on air kind of Teasing me about some tweet

that you've seen that you're dying to talk about. Do we have to wait until after the break, or can we do it now? What is this?

I have a million things. I wish you could see my show sheet, Andrew. It looks like Post Malone's face. There's just a bunch of random scribbles on it that are notes to myself. I have Super Mario Brothers Recut. I have FedEx Packing. I have Haircut Lady. And I have errands Those are all notes I wrote to myself During the intro To talk about And yet What we really need to focus on Is this tweet put out by a truck stop Called the Selena 52 Truck stop I don't know where it is But they clearly have some kind of promotional They're trying to build their social media brand And they've got some promotional things Going on that they're promoting on Twitter because a trucker stopped in, and this trucker redeemed some reward points for a Monster Energy fridge, okay? Now, the reason that Selena 52 truck stop put this out was, again, probably to try to encourage other truck drivers to stop by this particular truck stop because they're trying to say this is a quality place. Now, here are the things that are interesting about this tweet. First of all The person in question is a woman She is a woman truck driver So Selena 52 truck stop says Who says only men drive trucks Big rig driver Amelia stopped in this morning To redeem her Cranking the hog reward points For this brand new Mini fridge Valuated over $500 Due to the Monster Energy branding Thanks for continuing to let us service you That's Danny the twitter person at selena 52 truck stop so first of all the points are called the cranking your hog reward points at the selena 52 truck stop now the woman in question amelia is wearing a t-shirt and i'm sorry kids i'm going to use a swear she's just casually wearing a t-shirt that It says trucking and fucking. There is a sign behind her over the like deli case of this place that just says and it's a permanent sign. Andrew, this is not a handwritten note. This is something they paid good money to have put up like it's again. I can't overstate this. It is a permanent sign that is like painted onto the wall professionally and it just says stop pooping in our parking lot. uncommented upon in the tweet by the way this is just what she happened to be standing near is a professionally done sign that says stop pooping in our parking lot now the woman amelia the trucking and fucking lady is a dead ringer for amy schumer dead ringer okay like if i showed

you this picture you'd go it's amy schumer it's definitely one thing she has right it's not amy schumer because you know how you know it's not amy schumer because she has a teardrop tattoo on her eye andrew now the follow-up tweet from selena 52 says amelia wanted us to point out that her teardrop tattoo is not because she murdered someone she accidentally killed a pedestrian once after falling asleep at the wheel and got the tattoo in honor of their memory what is happening a lot at the selena 52 truck stop with the amy schumer lookalike who's trucking and fucking once committed vehicular manslaughter and uh has i assume agreed to not poop in the parking lot and has rewarded her cranking has redeemed her cranking the hog points to get a monster energy

fridge oh my gosh um so you took a screen cap of this i suppose we should use it for the show pic maybe i could blur out her shirt i don't know what the apm standards on images are um but um how did this get on your radar i assume that you're not following the selena 59 truck stop twitter feed or are you i mean i was i wasn't but i am now i'm going to send you this picture okay

uh-huh um because you haven't i'm assuming have you now found it on your own no no i'm not i'm

just i'm just enjoying the ride it's like enjoy you telling me stories i'm sitting back chilling

I saw it because Amy Schumer was trending on Twitter. Oh, okay. So because this woman's eerie resemblance to Amy Schumer, Amy Schumer is now trending on Twitter. I clicked on that, and it led me to this truly unforgettable tweet. I've now tweeted you. I've texted you the photo. Okay. And maybe you can confirm. This woman looks very, very, very similar to Amy Schumer.

Looking at it now, it's coming up. Let's see, going through the system. Oh, yeah, that's definitely Amy Schumer.

Yes, with a teardrop tattoo.

No, you're right. That definitely is. You know, I expected her to look a little bit older and a little bit more. Like Large Marge from Amy's Big Adventure. Yeah, a little bit rougher. A little bit rougher from her days on the road. That long-haul life. She looks like a young Amy Schumer. She's actually pretty cute.

Oh, she's a very conventionally attractive woman and apparently is a fan of both trucking and effing. But look at the sign, too. Can you zoom in? look at the stop pooping in our parking lot sign it's remarkably professionally done and for some

reason i pictured this outside so that i thought that there was a stop pooping in our parking lot sign somehow affixed to the outside i didn't realize it's like it's hanging over like it is this is kind of i'm looking at this photo it's a little small on my screen it's like inside the store it's like hanging over the slushy machine or something no it's like hanging over where there

is obviously some kind of um oven probably for cooking oh yeah okay there's a oven like a a vent hood next to it like this is in the kitchen area of this truck stop wow um but clearly they've had an issue with that because they took the time and spent the money to have that professional sign made that advised people to stop pooping in the parking lot well that's a good tweet you were right you

like before the show just so people know like before the show looks like i hear i hear the little snapshot sound of your computer taking a screen grab and you're like oh i'm just taking a photo of this tweet you haven't looked at this tweet yet well you don't even know what the tweet is how could you have but just don't look don't try to figure out what this tweet is i gotta tell you about on this you were so excited like like a kid before christmas yes it just was i feel like

there were so many layers to it i even tweeted out i tweeted out i retweeted that photo and said these are the days i'm very happy or very grateful that i host a daily podcast right that's why you You know, that's why you play the game, Andrew.

Right, yeah, because can you turn this content into your own content?

Now, should I work my way through the rest of my Post Malone-esque list of things to talk to you about?

Yeah, first of all, you said errands, right? Not like a bunch of people named errands standing around, both with E's and A's, but errands, E-R-R-A-N-D-S.

Well, I was bragging to you before the show that I fixed the mute button on my audio board. And it was because I went to Office Depot specifically with the intention of buying one of those cans of compressed air, which is just, like, not something that I would think to buy. It's not – it actually is kind of a fun product. But, like, I find Office Depot overall to be kind of a weirdly depressing place, and I don't know exactly why. It just – it's not, like, at the top of my list of places I want to visit. It's become that way.

It didn't used to be that way. I feel like with everybody buying stuff online, I feel like they're more, like, hollowed out now.

Maybe so. Maybe that's what it is. But I made a list yesterday, and it was of all of the things that I've been putting off buying, none of which are particularly fun. So it was – I bought, like, dishwasher – what do you call that? Like the little – it's not a pod, but it's like a pellet that you put in the dishwasher. I had to buy more of those. I had to buy, actually, I had to buy Tide Pods or some version of that kind of thing for the laundry machine, for the washing machine. I had to buy toilet paper. It was just a lot. I had to buy compressed air. I had to just buy all of these things that are, like, not exciting or sexy, but they're going to make life around here a lot better. Good. And so, anyway, I got the compressed air can, and sure enough, it worked. I, you know, blew it into the audio board. I did have to do a move where, so I started with pressing, you know, blowing the air around this mute button, and it didn't really fix it. Then I went down into the fader, Andrew, so there's kind of like a gap. And this is, you know, so you can make the volume louder or quieter. And I blew air through that area, and that did it. That dislodged whatever was in there. Using the little plastic straw, right?

The little plastic straw that's on the end of the thing. Yeah, sweet, sweetness. Yeah, that stuff is terrible. I'm only saying this because, you know, maybe it can mitigate some of the emails. That stuff is terrible for the environment. But it's also, you know, don't blow your armpits dry with it in the morning. Fine. But, like, sometimes it is exactly what you need to fix a board. Yes, it worked.

Again, it was just so satisfying because I made a list. I followed the list. I did the things, and it worked. Nice.

The system is working. That's right. And you, I mean, this is off topic kind of, but I mean, this, this feeling you have of, you know, just getting stuff done, um, writing checks and snapping necks. Um, you also got all of your concur paperwork done yesterday as well, which isn't really done on papers anymore, but man, that is, I mean, that stuff can hang over your head. I had like a super productive day yesterday by my standards, um, which was, yeah, I just,

I sat. I sat down, I did all of the expenses for the trip, I did all of those errands, I tracked down a huge box from FedEx of my stuff that I had mailed up from Arizona. With your skateboard and your boombox, slugger. I gotta tell you, Andrew, this would have given you agita to the hilt. It already is. Because I get a I get a I got a message like two or three days ago from FedEx that said your package is out for delivery, but it needs a signature. And I was like, OK, well, I guess they'll call me when they get to the building or somebody at the front desk will sign for it and then somebody will let me know. And so I just never got a message from them. And then I went I got the tracking number and I went and it said it's delivered. And it said it was signed for by somebody named F Perez. And I called downstairs and I said, did anybody sign for a package for me? They said, no. I said, is there an F Perez there? They said, no such person works here. I called FedEx. They said, yeah, we delivered it. I said, I know, but nobody has the package. And, you know, we have this elaborate system in this building with these lockers and these QR codes and things. Everything is pretty tightly sort of tracked and monitored. And they were telling me that they had delivered it, but nobody had seen it and nobody knows who F Perez is. and so i i called them they said well we'll look into it how much is it insured for and i was like i mean how do you how do you ensure a skateboard that's delighted a entire generation of listeners and viewers of cbs sunday morning right you put a price on that right um but then the end of the story doesn't have a super interesting power i just went downstairs and it was in the mail room under like three other boxes but who's f perez we will we may never know we need to know i think f perez might be the delivery person just just which is kind of taking some liberty oh but here's another element to the to the story so i put this picture on twitter of the stuff i was shipping and yeah it was a very odd accumulation of things it was the boom box that we used for uh kind of uh amplifying the show when we were in people's uh yards uh it was my skateboard it was a couple backpacks just some random stuff some white wine from sacramento thanks listener megan sorry andrew i um i could i mean if you want to come down i'll pour you a glass um anyway probably took the rest of that half a bag of popcorn too uh i didn't but i do have like two very random beers that you didn't drink right that's right i did like i tried three bottles of water from the from the clarendon hotel in phoenix i just threw everything into a bag to how much did it cost to ship two cans of beer well the thing was i had i had like a bag from uh one time sponsor everlane that i put my running shoes and running clothes in and

there was room in it so i just put everything that i thought i don't know i mean like every little snack that we didn't consume and like like i said bottle of water and so i just put it all in these bags so i had these i had this backpack that's kind of like a hiking backpack i had this other bag that had various things in it and then i had the skateboard and the boom box so i take it to fedex and the guy looks at me like i'm crazy and i said can i please ship this home and he says yeah and he measures it and he goes okay well it's like a 25 packing fee because we got to get a box for it we got to put all the stuff in it so it's safe and i was like well i guess that's just how the system works so uh i said all right so i uh i pay him he takes the stuff and then i leave So this massive box shows up And I will tell you Andrew I took a picture of it It was the most slapdash Packing job For $25 you'd expect a little bit more Something In the box is the stuff Loose It's just the boom box is just like On the skateboard which is on the bag Like it's way too much space For the things that are in there There's like a little bit of that weird brown kind of like it's not tissue paper but it's like packing paper i guess you would call it yeah i think yeah there's just like a little bit of that in there but basically everything is just loosely banging around this massive box that's so much bigger than it needed to be for this job um so i'm i'm gonna in the in the tradition of john green and the anthropocene reviewed On this particular score, I'm going to give FedEx two stars. Let me ask you this.

What was I about to ask you? Oh, yeah. Was it a – sorry. Literally, I had a question for you, and then it left my head as I said, let me ask you this. Was this a standalone FedEx operation or like a FedEx Kinko's location? Or was it like for me, I both shipped something recently and picked something up recently from a customer service counter at a Safeway, which also acts as a. as a FedEx. When I shipped all this equipment from Phoenix back to American Public Media, we had like some cables and cords and little bits of equipment we had to use that Eric the Viking sent us. I had to send that back from a Safeway.

Which is weird because one block from our hotel, Andrew, was a FedEx Kinko's.

Oh, really? I mean, I walked to this stuff there. It looked on my map like it was the closest one. I remember it was like a half a mile away.

This was, I think, a little bit closer than that. But anyway, yeah, it was a legit place. And the guy was actually like, he seemed like he might be the manager of the place. He was a little bit older. He seemed very professional. My theory is that he left it to like some stoner who was like in the back. And he was like, OK, get on it, Brad. Peace and love to our listeners named Brad. Because this didn't look like his work. It doesn't look like the work of anyone who's ever packed anything before. Like, get a smaller box or put more packing peanuts in this, brah.

They have a strong intern program there, so kind of learning on the job.

Can I tell you, this is actually on my list formally. This is not part of the Post Malone project, but this is actually something I typed onto the show sheet that I wanted to tell you about, which was the email from the apartment management company here, which I think is actually – it's addressing a serious issue that I've complained about on this show before, Which is people letting their dogs poop All over the place On just like a foot outside the building I see it happen all the time People like they walk their dog But they're always in like Like it looks like they just woke up I don't know why I have to take it here But it's like it always is people in what look like Kind of like pajamas And it looks like the last thing they want to be doing Is being outside with their dog So they've only gone like two feet from the building To where there's like some teeny little grass around a tree or something and then they let their dogs poop there and then they don't pick up the

they're not picking it up like i mean aren't you at all worried about the shame of somebody even if you're just that person aren't you at all um thanks for the bell um ashamed like moving the are you at all worried that somebody's gonna see you and just think that you're a garbage person

that i mean there are some nice people in my building and then there are some garbage people in my building yeah and if this is the garbage people and again i don't know why i'm getting into this part of it but it reminds me of when i lived in south beach in miami there was a certain kind of this is who typically did i'm just speaking i'm just speaking my truth this is just anecdotal experience when i lived in south beach there was a certain kind of very conventionally attractive woman often from like another country but now living in miami who would have a designer dog the kind of dog you might see paris hilton carrying around like a purse dog They would let these dogs shit everywhere Also I by the way I lived in a big condo building there Same exact problem They would be standing outside They'd be on their phone Their dog would be crapping It would be the last thing they were interested in picking up Because it didn't go with the image And this is who I have seen letting this happen Has been a version of that person Here in my building Somebody who has a dog But like doesn't really want to take care of the dog Enough to like take it on proper walks and things They just want to like walk it Three feet outside of the building Let it crap And then go back inside and continue their life I know I'm generalizing very hard there But I'm just saying what I've seen So the management company of the building Is deciding they need to crack down on this But the email they send is A friendly reminder to pick up after your fur babies That's how they told the people to please stop Having their dogs shit everywhere

As opposed to just a big sign that says Stop pooping in our parking lot Listen, if it's good enough for that truck stop

With the Amy Schumer lookalike it's good enough for fpi management also the picture they attach to it is a picture of a dog

scooping up its own poop which makes zero sense no that doesn't make sense although that's the

ideal though right that's squad goals yes definitely that's you know that would be a frictionless system if the dogs could also sweep their poop into one of those little dog poop you

know yeah whatever you call it thingies but then the dogs are throwing it away in the inside garbage cans next to the elevator it's like come on Fido like I feel like this is just I wish they were

being more I wish they were being more direct and more blunt saying hey you please stop letting your dogs crap near the building and not picking it up but a friendly reminder to pick up after your fur babies first of all I just find the term fur baby to be unpleasant to my ears yes me too I

always just picture like a tiny human baby that just has way too much hair like a cartoon character

Something off of Sweet Tooth What is Sweet Tooth? It's this new Netflix show I think it's based on a graphic novel About sort of like human-animal hybrids

Oh yes, it's so funny I was watching an Instagram trailer for that today Weirdly enough And then I got distracted You know, after five seconds I turned away

Because I saw something else flashy. Oh, that's so weird that I'm hearing about this twice now.

Is this Buzzy? I think – well, I don't actually know. It doesn't look like it's a show for me. Like I was on Netflix the other night, and so you scroll down. It will kind of show you a trailer for things. It looked like it was a little bit, I don't know, broad for me. But I'm sure some people love it. I haven't seen any reviews, to answer your question.

And like you said, it comes from a comic book. I can't remember if it said from the – I feel like what I saw today said from the DC universe, but I'm probably wrong in angering people by saying that.

You know what? I have been watching this morning, though. I was a little late dialing you up. I was watching on the Internet Archive, Andrew, a recut of the 1990s film Super Mario Brothers starring Bob Hoskins and – Mark. What's his name? Oh, my gosh. How am I forgetting his name? I can picture him. John Leguizamo. Yes John Leguizamo and Bob Hoskins as Luigi and Mario So it's a recut though

This is a fan recut or

Yes so one of the I guess this has been this epically Long project by a few dudes To go back and try to basically Like release like the Snyder cut of the I learned all of this today because I'd never even seen the movie But I guess it was much maligned Like it was a huge flop and uh and and you know a lot of people have kind of said it's an example of like the worst kind of adaptation of a video game to a film but what this guy's point was was that it actually wasn't really on the filmmakers the filmmakers wanted to make something that was adult and interesting and kind of noir-ish and dark and they made that film and they well they built all the sets to make that film and they cast it they did all the design and then disney came in and said no this needs to be a movie for eight-year-olds so what you end up with is this total

mess of a film sounds like if i can jump in here for a second i can't remember the timeline on when these were released but of course you had like batman come out in 1989 and then you had um with the the warren baity version of dick tracy right which was kind of like you know dick tracy that's that was a kid's comic but here you had this noir-y sexy dark and you know visually cartoonish and fun in some ways but also like that like you said kind of that dark vibe to it i could sort of see them maybe trying to go for go for that i don't i can't remember when mario came out several several years after that i think kind of trend wait well one of the so they so what

happened was they filmed this whole movie and it's this real kind of power play between the co-creators of the film and disney and of course disney won and so a lot of stuff got cut out Including a Like a Super Mario Brothers rap That Fisher Stevens does Fisher Stevens of Short circuit fame I'm looking this up Fisher Stevens

When you see his face you'll be like I was gonna say he played Bob in Batman Yes I don't know how I knew his name But I believe he's the guy who played Bob the henchman Bob In 1989's Batman right

So that guy Fisher Stevens is one of these Like he's one of the henchmen in this movie By the way, Dennis Hopper is the main baddie in the Super Mario Brothers movie. So there's like a there's some kind of a rap that the Fisher Stevens and his and his co-henchperson do that was cut out of the film because apparently there were strippers in it and they were too scandalous for a child's movie. But what this guy who did the reconstruction on the film said was that he thought that at this time, because Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2 Secret of the Ooze has a rap scene with ice with Vanilla Ice. where he famously raps Go Ninja, Go Ninja, Go. Yeah, sure. This guy's like, oh, this was all the rage. And so somebody wanted this rap scene in the Super Mario Brothers movie because it had been very successful in the Ninja Turtles movie.

By the way, I was wrong. You know, I always say this. Fisher Stevens kind of reminds me of the guy who played Bob, but the guy who played Bob is Tracy Walter. So I got that one. Wait a second. I had a feeling I was going to be here. I'm wrong.

Keep that handy. Yeah, yeah. Anyway, so this was a Slate article. It was like an interview with the guy who reconstructed, who painstakingly reconstructed the Super Mario Brothers movie. So I guess this guy who did the actual reconstruction is just sort of a film archivist. He wasn't a fan of the movie per se. But these two dudes came to him and they were like, we're obsessed with this movie. We got a VHS tape from one of the producers of the film. Wow. That has all these like outtakes and all this extra stuff. Can you please like basically Recut the film add this stuff in And what the guy did that was really genius is I literally spent an hour watching the Super Mario Brothers movie this morning On the internet archive it cuts Between what's the obvious like the film that Was in theaters and then you see the time Code and the kind of film quality changes When it's a part that he's sort of Punched into the film Wow Anyway it was Quite fascinating This sounds more like Something that I would Like kind of That I would like I know it's not really Stumble on

My style I just got Really kind of into it

I love it though But let me get this straight You said you watched About an hour of it But the whole thing It must be feature Film length right Like especially I was kind of Jumping around I was trying to find

The wrap I was thinking Maybe the wrap Could be audio for us Yeah Could it be And then Well I never found it Oh okay So but I also At some point decided I don't know enough About this film to do this as a topic on the show. Right. Because I haven't really watched it in its completion. And then we just did it as a topic on the show.

What if, has anybody isolated the rap and just posted it on YouTube? I bet you. I'm looking for this now, but I'm going to land on the wrong thing and ruin the show. So maybe we should just take it.

Apparently there's a part where Fisher Stevens is yelling Koopa poop over and over again.

Oh man, I'm finding some rap from the old TV show. This is not what we want to do. This is not what we want to do right now.

By the way, new sign idea for that truck stop. Please stop Koopa pooping in our parking lot. It all comes back around. We didn't even get to haircut lady, but maybe we'll save that for another time. I basically got my hair cut by somebody yesterday who had the weirdest conversational approach, Andrew, which was to ask questions and then be deeply disinterested in the answers.

Do I do that to you sometimes?

No, you don't at all. You're a great conversationalist. This woman who cut my hair was so interesting because she was like, how's your day going? So, like, I'll try to do an impression, which will be very bad, but you be me, Andrew, and I'll be the person cutting my hair. Oh, this is fun.

Okay, cool. Hi there. Could you just take a little off the, you know, just clean it up, take a little bit off the sides?

Okay.

How's your day going? Pretty good. I have this whole to-do list of things I've got to get done today. Crazy. God, it's so fun. Cool. Yeah, I was just going to go to the FedEx and pick up because I just recently went on this road trip.

Oh, man, that's crazy. like her main response to everything i said was crazy even things that weren't crazy it was like she but then she just kept asking me questions and i was like i'm perfectly happy for us to not talk during this procedure right like in fact i would probably prefer that low sure sure so but if you ask me a question and i give you an answer and then your response is it's clear that you've astrally projected yourself yes oh it's another thing it's not even on my list i started talking To a guy in the elevator Who was taking the elevator down from my floor Andrew and when we got down to The third floor to go to our cars yesterday He said do you meditate And I was like I'm interested in it I don't really Do it enough and then he proceeded To explain to me that he is this guy seemed Completely normal Until he explained to me that he spent eight years Perfecting the art of Astrally projecting himself this just I'm sorry did you say this just came up on the elevator

This happened last this happened yesterday to me just but somebody just randomly just starts a conversation by saying do you meditate it wasn't like you were talking about being stressed out and then he said well do you

meditate or we were just chatting in the elevator because we got on at the same floor about like just small talk and then we got down to the floor where our cars were and then he turned the

conversation to do you meditate without and it seems to you like we're not talking about meditation before or lifestyle choices or trying to eat just like out of the blue he just wanted to bring up

his meditation i think he felt like we had hit it off because we kind of had we were having a nice chat and he said do you meditate and i said i'm trying i try to but i'm not great at it etc and then i said do you and he goes yeah yeah i've spent about eight years working on it i was cool cool and he goes yeah and i've gotten to the point where i can astraly project myself that's amazing

i would have a lot of follow-up questions although i do think it's inherently funny if he had just out of the blue said to you do you meditate and you said well i try but it's hard i haven't gotten into a good rhythm and then you said do you meditate and if he just said no fuck i hate that that would be a very odd conversation he's just like no bro why would i do that then i asked him

i was like well what do you call this particular practice and he said well it's so many things it doesn't have a name and then i said did you invent it and he goes yes oh no and that was what i started looking for the exits. Oh, I

kind of, but honestly, though, like in a different

situation. He seemed very nice, by the way.

Yeah, like. His name was Ratchet, too.

Whoa! Unusual name. Whoa! He appeared to be somebody from India

originally. You mentioned that bar that you like to go to, kind of an old school-ish bar that is near your place. Yeah, my father's place. Yeah. And, like, if you were on a certain night in the right mood, if you were sitting next to him at the rail, like in the old days when we could do that, like, you know, sometimes those conversations I want to get out of them, like, especially if I'm holding a book and somebody just, like, decides They need to talk to me But sometimes you're like oh there's golden this here Conversation like that would be one that I would pursue

I would have Been interested in it first of all they should have more Drinks in the elevator in this building You need one after that would I know right that would have really upped the Conversation up my interest in the conversation The problem is at its core I I'll see you next time.

don't believe you can astrally project yourself so it's like somebody talking to me about astrology yeah like it's entertaining to me but i at a fundamental level i don't believe it's real but you might listen to people talk about it on the radio though i do that's what's weird i love listening to linda moulton howe talk about remote viewing on coast to coast which is exactly what this guy i then asked him can you astrally project me to my car because i remember i parked it that was literally my closing line did you actually say that yeah and he laughed oh good good good We seem like a very jovial sort. That's great. But yeah, and he lives on my floor. So I assume we'll be having more of these conversations. I'll keep everybody posted on how it's going.

I want you to be best friends.

Me and Ratchet. Yes. All right. Okay, I got it all out of my system. That took 36 minutes, but I ticked through my whole list, Andrew. So the rest of the show is on you.

Dude, honestly, it felt like 32. So good job. Tight 32.

All right. Quick break and then back with more TVTL. hello and welcome to top story uh top story the cicada menace israel my friends and is starting to affect every aspect of american life not to overstate things uh the um the press pool airplane was uh ready to take off and take a bunch of journalists to europe because president biden has now he's on his first like i think european um mission if you will of his presidency of course he can now do it because of covid being under control in a lot more places etc um this was a piece by mike sheer in the times by the mike sheer is a great reporter um he's on chris's show a lot really really good reporter this piece kind of annoys me a little bit and i'll explain why for it's the kind of piece i love actually andrew because what it is it's sort of like a reporter's notebook yes on like what it's like when you're supposed to get on the plane at like 9 p.m and then the you know president whoever in the president's press office tells all the reporters who are sitting in the bar at the hotel waiting to take the shuttle uh we're not leaving until 11 and then we're not leaving till 2 15 a.m why cicadas have crawled into the engine of the plane and we can't get them out of there and it's dangerous so we're flying a new jet in from chicago with a new pilot to take you all over to europe and so then mike goes on to detail some people went back to their rooms to go to sleep some people just stayed at the bar to stay awake which i think is code for had a few cold ones um so yeah it was a nice it was a nice little reporter piece but he then goes on to talk about the twitter response because of course these

reporters are tweeting out i heard this is my hot take too i was like oh i finally have a take on this story you and i are 100 in sync on this my apologies for interrupting no not at all please listeners have heard enough of me today what was your take on the no i mean it's just like and again i don't want to insult this reporter but like it's a great reporter yeah i mean it's everything that you said and are about to say like this story is interesting it's got some inherently interesting stuff but then it ends with and of course people on twitter were having fun with it And this reporter picked four of the worst tweets I've ever read in my life. I'm just like – and I was just reading this. I'm flummoxed. I'm like, is this person terrible at Twitter? Does this reporter have a terrible sense of humor as to like what's funny and what's not? Is he just under a really tight deadline so he's just grabbing whatever the closest tweets are? Like, how did the New York Times encapsulate? I mean, I'm sure people were saying funny things on Twitter about this, but this ain't it. This is not it.

Yeah, because it's like either he either he started with a premise that he couldn't actually deliver on, which is that the Internet was having fun about it. But I but I don't think that's the case because you have cicadas, you have the mainstream media and you have the president of the United States. It's a pretty, like, low-hanging fruit for Twitter comedy. But the tweets that he chooses to highlight, he goes, On Twitter, word of the delay tweeted by the room full of journalists quickly elicited sympathy, scorn, and the usual snarky commentary. Are the cicadas considered to be hijackers, and is the FBI negotiating for the release of the plane? One person tweeted. What? What are the demands of the cicadas? What? That's not even the worst.

That's not even where our mind, that's not even where this zeitgeist is thank you like you know like if we and this is the first tweet that he chooses like okay the next one is somebody else wrote check for maga shells

what is that i mean i guess i understand intellectually what they're saying is oh these cicadas are agents of the maga movement but maga shells are not a thing exactly it does i mean i do think that the cicadas leave these shells behind but you're but you At least that makes some sense as far as where we are as a country right now. It's a terrible tweet. But at least you're like, OK, it makes a certain amount of sense. They're kind of saying, was this were these, you know, people who don't like Biden and don't think that he should be president? Are they somehow are these bugs? They don't like Biden. So they want to prevent him from going overseas and, you know, doing the work of the president. OK. But what the shit is going on with the hijacking? Like, are these cicadas considered to be hijackers? And is the FBI negotiating for the release of the plane? What are the demands of the cicadas? That is a long joke that isn't funny.

Also, it's not how hijacking works. No, it's not. You hijack the plane when there's no one on it? It's so bad. And it's sitting on the tarmac, and then you're negotiating the release of the physical airplane? It's a bad tweet. What you're seeing is a bad tweet. I wish I had that. Stop the tape. What you're seeing is a bad hug. Here's another one. One person wrote, those cicadas are the enemy of the press. Another responded, has the GOP indoctrinated and recruited the cicadas? Did Ben Stein write that tweet? Ben Stein voice. Has the GOP indoctrinated and recruited the cicadas? that's not how ben stein talks but whatever oh my goodness i mean these are the best tweets

this is what he could get this is what again though this is one of those things where i will give the benefit of the doubt because he's one of these reporters right who's just exhausted at this point and maybe he's he's maybe he's one of the people who decided to stay up at the bar and just like you know jam this out and get it to his editors but man the final the final salvo

This is another tweet. The press charter was delayed, one wrote after hearing about the episode. I commend those patriotic cicadas for their fine work, exclamation point.

Terrible tweet, but maybe the best, like, as far as making sense and just talking like a human, just being like, I don't like the press. You know, like, that's where I'm coming from. So good. The cicadas are on my side. I don't like the press either. I don't trust journalists. Like, whatever. Can we try something that will end horribly? Oh, no. You're going to make me, after bashing these, you're going to make me come up with a better one? No. Yes.

No. I think in the moment we can come up with a stronger, if we just spitball this for a minute. If we just do like a, not a Mad Lib, but like a refrigerator magnet poetry, which oddly is like the second time I've referenced that. I know what's going on.

If I go over to your house, are you going to have magnetic poetry on your refrigerator?

I felt very aligned with one Howard Stern yesterday because he decided to play the Bruce Springsteen song, Tougher Than the Rest, like apropos of nothing. He was just like, this is one of the greatest songs ever written. And he was just like going off about how beautiful the song is. And nobody ever does this to him because he's the king of all media. But I think it was Robin said, or maybe it was Gary Delabate said, you're really into this because it's like the fifth time you've done this on the show. And I was like, I get exactly where you're living, Stern. Like this, like just being weirdly obsessed with something and then just bringing it up multiple times over the course of weeks and months, having no memory of having done it.

But anyway, OK, so it's a it's a meme. It's just a meme. It's not a tweet. I don't know if that counts. Close up of a cicada. And then with the impact, you know, meme font, it just says, am I bugging you? Don't mean to bug you. Listen, I'm not proud of that. And I'm not tweeting it out for that. But also that's hard to encapsulate, I think, in a New York Times article. So maybe strike that from the record.

What if – this is kind of dark, actually, and I wouldn't know how to actually create this. But could there be something with – you know in the mummy movies, like with Brendan Fraser? I know they exist. Okay. There is like – I think there's a scene where like the bad guy like dissolves into a million scarabs.

Okay.

Could there be something where, like, Donald Trump dissolves into a million cicadas and then, like, reformulates at the plane? No, it's too involved.

I'm not including that in my article. I'm sorry, Luke. And I am rewriting this article, by the way, just so you know. That's my afternoon.

Okay, hold on. I just, like, I do feel like there's also something where you could do something where you, like, attribute a particularly bonkers Trump quote to one of the cicadas. I think there's something about the absurdity Like the idea of the cicadas You know Sort of having fealty to Donald Trump I think there's some comedy there somewhere If you can point out like the absurdity Of what Donald Trump you know Does Yeah I'm not going to be able to do it In the moment so you know what I take it all back Many people

Many people say that this is the best thing These bugs have ever done I don't know God you put me here man. I was... What? It's a good place making fun of other people's humor. What about Trump overstating the number of cicadas? See, I'm trying to make the joke about Donald Trump now. Something about him basically, you know, him, like, exaggerating the number of cicadas because he's always doing that.

Sure, an inauguration joke is the exact, you know, more cicadas than people showed up for the inauguration. Oh, okay, we're getting there. We're getting there now. Now we're getting there.

Donald Trump finally gets the turnout that he's looking for or something to that effect.

There we are. So now everybody can see that you and I are – together we combine our brains to write the world's best tweet. That's how it's done, kids. Take a note.

Master class. It's a master class. Wendy's stock went up by I think like 25% this week Because that WallStreetBets subreddit One guy got on that subreddit and basically said Wendy's is a great stock because I love their tendies I love their chicken tenders And then a bunch of people were like Okay, and now Wendy's stock went up by 25% What a world

What a world One thing this article, when you sent me this article and it mentioned Tendies, I didn't realize that they're called Tendies at Wendy's. Ooh, that rhymes. I guess that's why they do it. It is actually pretty clever. But the funny thing is I hesitate to even bring this up because, you know, there's a lot of weirdness on Reddit. I don't spend a lot of time on Reddit, but I found myself in weird corners like, you know me, I love my dank memes subreddit. Man, those are dank. But there's another community on there that I can't recommend to people because the type of joking it is can be it's it can come off as very toxic. And if you were to read it without context, it would seem very toxic. But I do believe that it is a I do believe that it's one of those weird meta commentaries on how I believe the joke is on the characters that these people are playing when they are posting. It's called r slash tendies. The subreddit is called Tendies, and it's just, like, everybody obsessing over chicken tenders, but everybody doing it in the persona of, like, an obnoxious 14-year-old pudgy bratty kid who hates his mom and wants those tendies all the time. And it's just, like, it's really hard.

Tendies for good little boys?

Are you on it? Yeah. Yes. And you probably can't read a lot of them because there's a lot of like there's some language they keep returning. It's like five inside jokes or maybe 10 that they just keep returning to, which is just like they hate their mom and they were a good boy and they want their tendies. And why can't mommy get me my tendies? And that's like basically it. And like it is weirdly like, you know, purposefully toxic, but also hilarious. And it's become I told Genevieve about this a couple of years ago. And I remember one time we were just like sitting around and I was reading her all these things and we were just dying. And so when I got a headline that said like Reddit is making like Tendi's stock go up, I thought for sure it was this weird ass dark community of probably these people who are doing this probably really are like 14 to 16 years old in most cases.

Oh, my God. Somebody has done like a perfect mock-up of like a Washington Post kind of health piece, How Tendies Help a Child's Body. And it's like the font is perfect. It says the Washington Post on it, and then it's like a picture of a kind of, like, heavyset teen kid who's eating chicken tenders, but then he's, like, you can kind of see into his body and what's happening. Tendies, along with a balanced diet of dewy and honey musty, create the ideal conditions for the heart to thrive.

Yes.

And it's always honey musty. I think, like, that's the only dipping sauce that is approved, and it's always Mountain Dew.

There's just part of this thing that says Diabetes equals fake Chad news

That's right Somebody who is not Somebody who is not In on the tendies train Or is not on the tendies train Is just a Chad Oh my god

I am going to be looking at this

It's a great subreddit but again Like if you're somebody who I mean it gets you know some of the joking Uses language that we don't use on this show So just be warned It's not exactly always our kind of humor.

Right. Please do not hold us accountable for things that are inappropriate on the R slash tendies. Oh, my God. But I'm kind of glad that you're getting a kick out of this, too. I have to put this down because I will just be staring at it. I thought that tweet with Amy Schumer in it and the teardrop was going to be my favorite thing I saw today. But nope. Tendies are my new fave. There's a right way to rock and a wrong way to roll. You can't just listen to your soul. Just remember that life is number one. You can be having so much.

All right, Luke, you got your Blur's Day list in front of you there.

I got my tendies. I got my Blur's Day list. I got my sound effect thingy. You got your Honey Mussy. All right. I got my Dewey. Sharon in Chilliwack, British Columbia. I hope I'm pronouncing that correctly. It's a fun word to say. It's also a fun, it just uses two L's, Chilliwack, love it. Sharon says, I'd like to wish a happy first Blur's Day to my two and a half. What is a two and a half, you ask Luke? A.K.A. my granddaughter. So somehow grand. So I guess if you have a kid, if you're a 10 and you have a child, that's a five. So I guess by, you know, diminishing returns, or not diminishing returns, but you cut it in half again, that's two and a half. Grandchildren are two and a halves. So this two and a half's name is Brianna. Brianna May, in fact. So Sharon says, happy Blurs Day to Brianna May. Grandma and Grandpa love you very much and enjoy getting to look after you when Mommy and Daddy are working. Happy Blurs Day, Brianna May.

Linda says, happy a day late Blurs Day to my sweet friendo and super TBTL supporter Cheryl in Corvallis. I know her. I met her. Maybe this will be the year we meet. IRL. Hope your day was a happy one. Hugs. By the way, Cheryl made us that awesome TBTL pennant. And that was one of the things that was in that box that I had sent up here, Andrew. And I am trying to figure out where to hang it in this room. But that's going to be like, we'll bring that around to events and things. That was the coolest thing. And thanks again, Cheryl.

That thing was the biggest star of the show. It really was. It really made the trip. I'm not exaggerating. And we've had this conversation off the air. So thank you again, Cheryl. And happy Blur's Day, damn it. Say hey to Tito for us.

Yeah, damn it.

I say damn it. Just kind of humanizes me. Paul in Annapolis says, I gave myself the birthday present of increasing my monthly contribution to TBTL. Nice. I listen to you every day, and I decided to support all the joy you give me. The cooler and sound machine will arrive just before my birthday on Monday. So happy Blur's Day to me. And I love you guys.

Thanks, Paul.

You, Paul.

Thanks, man. Appreciate you. Summer says I humbly submit a Blur's Day for myself. As last Friday, I joined Luke at life level 45. I don't know why I just decided to refer to my age as a level, but it somehow makes it feel like I earned it versus something that happened without my consent. I like that, actually. Like, you know, leveling up, like life level 45. Also, I know Summer is very involved in the world of, like, astronomy and, like, astrophysics, I believe. So that also, I don't know, like, level 45 sounds like something that would be part of her professional language as well.

Yeah, it sounds like a congratulations is in order. Also, Summer says, I want to wish a happy Blur's Day to an adorable friendo we have in common. Win! This is a Hollywood power player, Wynne Rosenfeld. Wynne's daughter, Riley, just turned five. And the last time we hung out, I was holding her up and pointing out Jupiter and Saturn. And she turned to me and grabbed both sides of my face and said, Summer, the Milky Way, the Milky Way. This is a girl after my astrophysical heart.

Cute.

So adorable.

We were supposed to hang out with Wynn in L.A., but we couldn't make it back to L.A., did we?

I've never met Wynn. I don't think Wynn is real. Like, honestly, I was finally going to meet Wynn in person, and then this happened.

Happy Blur's Day summer. Thanks for hanging with the show all these years. We really appreciate you. Tina says, this is a Blur's Day shout-out from one wench on the bench to two other wenches on the bench. uh this is for sarah and casey hey happy birthday to both of you wonderful beautiful friends uh and neighbors thank you so much for introducing me to the tbtl family and for always being there when i needed you for teddy ruth and house care love you girls did i tell you that when i was in boise uh i had a i did a gig in boise during the pandemic like it was I hosted this, like, remote thing. I think I did the show from the hotel. And I drove around trying to find the bench again.

Did you jog the bench once?

I did when we were staying with those fine tens when we were on that.

RV road trip that morning. I got up and did a little jog around there, and I went a-looking for the bench, and I don't know if I actually found it or not, but that is a very cool neighborhood, and those are some very cool people. And Marge the dog? Yeah. Also very

cool. Marge did not, because Marge is Casey's dog, I believe, but no mention of Marge here. Marge has gotten enough attention on this. No, that is true. It does seem like, I mean, it seems like a lifetime ago that we were driving that RV, or you were backing that RV down Sarah's driveway, doesn't it?

Oh, my gosh, yeah. That was how many thons ago? We went to Australia after that. Did we do the hitchhiking trip? We hitchhiked, Australia, quarantine, and then this last one that we did.

Yeah, so this was before all of that because this was the RV trip down to Austin, I guess. Wow. Well, happy Blur's Day to Sarah and Casey. Marissa in Maryland says Yesterday was my 37th Blur's Day Tomorrow is my last day of working For the federal government It's level 37 That's right Unlocked I don't know I liked it Tomorrow is my last day of working for the federal government Which I've been doing for nearly 14 years I start a new job at the end of the month If the 10s have any good luck Blur's Day vibes for me Send them my way We are doing that Marissa Active member of the TBTL community of the 10s and the Stens. I can always picture Marissa's little icon of two red rubber rain boots. Good luck, Marissa, and congratulations.

Yeah. Marshall in San Francisco. I want to wish my partner, Melanie, a very happy Blur's Day. You're the kindest, happiest person I know. God, that is so sweet, Marshall. I think he's actually talking about Melanie now that I look at this. I thought he was talking to us. But Melanie sounds okay too You're the kindest, happiest person I know And I'm lucky to be with you We climbed Half Dome last weekend And I'm really proud of you And excited for our future adventures Jeez Louise, climbed Half Dome What's Half Dome? It's a big old rock in Yosemite Oh, okay I believe it is This is where I'm going to take a beautiful Blur's Day message from Marshall to Melanie And I'm going to besmirch it with my questionable facts but i think it was no maybe it was el capitan there was that movie where alex honnold free soloed you know he climbed some huge rock in yosemite without any safety gear kind of an amazing documentary that i think won an academy award i don't think it was half time i think it might have been el capitan but it was like one of those it's just like a big it's just like a big very imposing impressive thing to have climbed so good job marshall and melanie i hope

Hope you, you know, free soloed it, though. Otherwise, it doesn't count. There you go.

I mean, I mean, if I somehow just like quantum leapt you or just if I astrally projected you, Andrew, as I've recently been looking into, like, I think about this kind of stuff sometimes when I'll see somebody who's climbing one of those things, like a picture of them or video on Instagram or whatever. if i like astrally projected you or just like blinked you into being on a ledge on like midway up the face of half dome or el capitan what like what do you think your move would be that would

freeze i would freeze and just start yelling for help probably yeah and probably just be so frozen that you know i saw a video recently of somebody having to walk down the roller coaster steps which is always my um one of my biggest fears i was scared of roller coasters as a kid but then i started going on them quite a bit as a as a teenager and then into college on our trips to cedar point which had some of the tallest roller coasters in the world and i really got into them but i'd always think you know the scariest thing for me was clacking up those hills and looking at those steps and thinking those steps are there for a reason and i don't ever want to have to be able you know i don't ever want to have to find myself in a situation where the car stops and they say well we have to walk down those steps now because i always think i could not do it i would just probably stay in the car frozen just absolute grip on the on the bar in front of me and i don't i just don't know what i would do i can't move in those situations i wonder if i would

be so scared in my dreams sometimes when i have a dream that i'm in a situation like that it's almost like i i like my my legs get weak because i'm so scared like i almost wonder if i wouldn't just fall off the ledge due to i best case scenario i would freeze yeah i mean i just don't

i mean it frightens me so much to think about it that it's very hard to even contemplate and people have done it you know i mean all kinds of people have had to had to deal with heights and walking down roller coaster stairs and survived it you know it might not even been the scariest moments of their life but for me it is it is almost literally outside of my consideration It frightens me so much to consider that. I don't even...

like to go i go out on my little balcony here i have a teeny tiny balcony and sometimes i'll kind of look over the railing but even that just makes me so scared yeah yeah i walked out of that little

thing too and like um i just always have to grab something you know like i just uh it doesn't make a lot of rational sense but like i to look over the edge i'd have to like be grabbing onto like a rail behind me or something and again it's getting more and more acute as uh as i get older

I have Did you have an idea For a song to go out with

I was only If you didn't ask I was going to play From Such Great Heights But we've played Oh that's great What do you got That's better than

I had the most Ridiculous idea I think Such Great Heights Is better I like that You want to do the original

Or Iron and Wine Postal Service

Let's do the original Yeah let's do that My idea was to try To play a song From a band From Modesto California Because Jake Fraley Is a former Modesto nut Oh he's a firmer nut Firmer Jane Fraley Firmer Modesto nut That's right Because he had such a game last night for the Mariners. But it turns out I Googled famous bands from Modesto, and you pretty much have Granddaddy, which I vaguely remember knowing one song by Granddaddy in the 90s, and then a band called the Meat Shits. Oh, God. It doesn't feel like it doesn't feel like our. Stop doing that in our parking lot. Stop meat shitting in our parking lot. Oh, God. So let's go out with old Ben Gibbard and Jimmy Tamarello. I guess we've got to give him credit, too, because they're both the Postal Service. And that'll wrap things up today. Thanks for listening, everybody. We're back here tomorrow with more Imaginary Radio for you, a Friday edition of the program. So please do join us for that. Until then, have a great Thursday. Take care of yourselves. And please remember, no mountain too tall. And good luck to all. I wanted you to say stop pooping in our park. Okay.

When you're out there on the road for several weeks of shows

And when you scan the radio, I hope this song will guide you They will see us waiting from such great heights Come down now, they'll say But everything was perfect from far away Come down now, but we'll stay

I tried my best to leave This all on your machine But the persistent beat it Sounded thin upon listen And that, frankly, will not fly

You will hear the shrill and tides

Power out.