Muse

What are you guys doing here? Emergency band meeting. I'm working. This is my work. You're not working, you're just holding a sign. Yeah, well, I got the job because we didn't have any gigs. How can I give you a gig if you've got this job? Yeah, but that's why I got the job. Because there were no gigs. Well, I can't get you a gig if you're going to always go and do a job. Yeah, but that's... I needed the job because there were no gigs. Well, I've got you a gig, so what's with the job? Yeah, but that's it. That's the thing. I got the job because there were no gigs, man. It's a chicken-egg situation. What do you mean? What's he mean, chicken? Well, you know, what came first, the chicken or the egg? Oh, that's irrelevant, isn't it? Or the other egg. Stupid. The chicken, obviously. Well, where did the chicken come from? Well, it came from the... Ah. You see, the egg. You're the egg. You're a bad egg. T-B-T-L

Guess what day it is? Guess what day it is?

It's Friday, Friday. Gonna get down on Friday. Everybody's looking forward to the weekend. It's garbage. All I've been thinking about all week is garbage. I mean, I just can't stop thinking about it.

Allow me to introduce myself. Maybe you've heard of me. California Magazine just did a piece on me. With the exception of being misquoted several times, I thought it was a pretty good article.

I'm not trying to be disrespectful or anything, but I kind of feel like you're winging this and it's going bad.

stinky all right hello good morning and welcome everyone to a friday edition of tbtl the show that just might be too beautiful to live there you have it a practical example of modern communication my name is luke burbank i'm your host coming to you from the nest broadcast center high in the sky above portland oregon i'm a professional look it up in the book Another beautiful day here in Portland. Again, we are fortunate that we're in the kind of, I guess, regular temperature zone, 80s maybe. I feel warm and I'm levitating. Other folks in the West dealing with very, very warm temperatures, though. Hope you're doing all right. Here we are at episode 3,448 in a collector's series. Let the fun begin. A guy apparently lost his fantasy football league, and his punishment was to go to Waffle House. Kids and Fantasy. And he may still currently be there. Been getting a lot of people tipping us off to this situation. I guess the rules of the league are, or the rules of losing in the league are, every waffle that he eats, he has to stay there for one less hour, starting with 24 hours being the kind of I don't know situation if you will and last that I saw on Twitter I think he had eaten like four waffles which he then said he went and yacked up in the bushes and I don't know I've been to a waffle house my friends and there are better places to throw up I've done it but anyway we'll get into what's going on with that also a wild story that I guess has been out in the zeitgeist for a while, but just kind of percolated up to the Internet this week about the time when Peter Falk, a.k.a. Columbo. Oh, sir.

Just one more thing.

Had to record a message to the people of Romania, in Romanian, telling them that the government was not, in fact, hoarding episodes of Columbo and keeping those episodes from them. So we'll talk about that, plus emails and V-mails, and music for your weekend, because it's a Fri-yay. Plus, we'll talk to this guy, the longest running Cobra of the show, maybe best known for his depictions of the tall ships. He is, well, he's a soulful rocker from New Hampshire. He's also... He's the honk of your horny guy. He is Andrew Walsh, and he is joining me right now from the Roosevelt neighborhood of Seattle, Washington. Good morning, my friend.

Good morning, Luke. It's a hell of a drop right there. Gotta be careful. Gotta be careful what I say. Good news here. During your intro, I was just looking at an email. So I'll just explain this. You probably know what I'm talking about.

I would love it if that was the end of the statement. I was looking at an email. Good news, Luke. During your intro, I was looking at an email. Who is it from? Geico.

It was like a medium email. It wasn't like really good or really bad. It was like medium. Sure. Now, you know that app that I believe you and I both use? I'm very new to it, but the Pocket app that you can put on your phone or as an extension on your internet browser, on your desktop, where if you see an article that you want to read later, you just say, add it to my Pocket app. And then when you have a down moment, you open up that app and all of these articles. i caught your eye are ready for you to read um and they send out when i signed up for the app i apparently also signed up to receive a daily email that has like some of the best stories that are appearing in the pocket app and um usually i unsubscribe from things when i'm unwittingly subscribed to them but i found this is actually a really good source for interesting stories Including this one And I was going to say maybe this is our Top story for Monday Khalees on finding freedom Through farming you know Khalees right Milkshake brings all the boys To the yard and hey Dirty baby I got your money Khalees oh is she on that song That's her hey Dirty I love her baby I got your money

Wow I did not realize I knew she was the milkshake Person yeah is she also the Um if you want me to stay i'll always be i don't know that i don't think i don't know that song so i don't know but i honestly like this on the milkshake song and yeah and baby i got your money which are two amazing accomplishments for any musical artist and what about bossy i'm bossy oh that's

remember that one yeah khalees she's like one of the coolest people on the planet holy shnikey

Yeah, right? That was the cell phone ring of an ex of mine.

Oh, that song was. Bossy? Yeah. Oh, nice. Yeah. And, of course, was in a power couple with Nas for a long time. I don't think that they are married anymore. In fact, some of her songs are clearly, I believe, about the pain of that breakup. Anyway, I'm not a huge Khalees fan, but what I know of Khalees, obviously, I admire her a great deal. But an article here from Harper's Bazaar. When the pandemic hit, the milkshake singer did what many only fantasize about doing. She sought refuge on a farm in the country and found liberation in unruly livestock and homegrown arugula, which I always say wrong. But I think I got it right. That's where – just call it Rocket like they do in Europe. Oh, guess who wrote this too? It's written by Roxane Gay. All right. I'll read this over the weekend. We'll talk about it on Monday, which is to say I'll forget all about this conversation.

Maybe we'll talk about it tonight, Andrew, at the Mariners game. Are we definitely doing that? If I can get an earlier flight to Seattle, would you? This is, by the way, TBTL breaking news, everyone. I'm proposing this to my friend Andrew live on the radio. If I can get an earlier flight, would you consider going to the Mariners game with me?

Yeah, because I was already considering it. So here's the deal, and this is where I'm kind of a— You had the idea before me. I mean, we were just talking about it before the show. So, you know, this conversation started when I said I might go to the Mariners. He's the honk of your horny guy. That drop is actually perfect, except it sounds like honk of your horny, not honk.

He's the honk of your horny guy. Right. That's what you're trying to say, right? The honk of your horny guy.

I mean, it's funny in its own way, but it bothers me how inarticulate I am. But, yeah, no, I've been kind of last night. And I thought, hey, there's no reason I couldn't go to one of the Mariners games either on Friday or Saturday. They're both evening games. But for some reason, I'm having a lot of trouble committing, man. I really thought that after the pandemic I was going to be new, Andrew. But I think I'm having a little bit of trouble motivating even maybe more than usual because why wouldn't I go to a Mariners game tonight? But I was like, well, I got a big project this afternoon. When I'm done with that, I want to see how I'm feeling. And I might just make a last-minute decision, just head over to the park. But, yeah, if you rearrange plans and you can get here in time, you want me to commit, I'll definitely commit to that. In fact, I got – I think Genevieve is interested. I think our friend Nikki would be interested as well. I was talking to her about this yesterday. That's too many people. That's too many people. And we have to leave after the sixth.

I just want to see you and me – like you and me and an iPod with a splitter listening to Khalees. That was how I pictured the evening. And if you're going to bring other people into it, that's going to be a good thing.

Well, they were already kind of part of the conversation. But anyway, yeah.

Oh, so they had the idea before you did? Everybody was thinking of going to the Mariners.

I had the idea last night. I said to Veeves, I don't want to commit, but if I do end up going, would you like to go? She said yes. Later that evening, I was talking to our friends Durs and Nikki, and I said that—

Did I get this right when you and I were on the phone last night? They literally drove by you on the street randomly and beeped at you?

That is exactly why I was talking to them. I was later talking to them on the phone, but what happened was, yeah. This is a lot of things that don't often happen. You and I are not usually having phone conversations at night. At like 8.30 at night. Right, but we're just working on some stuff for work, so I called you up about something. You were leaving a restaurant or something.

Can we talk about that, by the way, my whole dinner situation last night when we're done with this part of the conversation?

Yeah, but I'll just say this. It was a weird coincidence because I also had a postcard that I was mailing, so here's the deal. I am walking to a post office box or to like a mailbox like three blocks from my house so I can mail a post. Like, how often does that happen on an average Thursday night? Then you call me back. So now I'm walking back from the mailbox talking on the phone to you. And then a car of unruly people drives by screaming. And then I hear them yell, Andrew sucks, while I'm on the phone with you. And then I realize, oh, that's –

Well, that does happen on – sort of on the reg.

Right. Yeah, but there's a reason for it.

But it's usually not people you know. Exactly.

It's because I suck. No. And then I realized, oh, that's Durs and Nicky. And they didn't, I guess, realize I was on the phone until the very last minute. And then as I was getting to my house, still on the phone with you, they drove by again to yell an apology from the car for interrupting – from the car.

Andrew doesn't suck.

Right. Exactly. In case you're talking to your boss. So anyway, that was a weird confluence of things. Later on, they called me to apologize for street harassing me. And then that's when I mentioned to them that I might go to the game. So anyway, so the ball has already been kind of rolling downhill, if you would like. But I've been very noncommittal. So if we want to commit to this.

Do I – I'm coming up to Seattle. This is a real last-minute deal because I'm going to do some Father's Day hanging with my daughter. Do I bring a mitt with me? And I'm flying because, well, one, it was so, so cheap on miles. It's like the whole thing is costing me like 15,000 miles or something. And I'm also just sick of driving. I've been driving. I was just down in Yahats, and I've been just driving all over of late, and I'm going to be driving more in the coming weeks. I just wanted to get a break from that, which is weird because usually driving is actually more relaxing and fun than flying, right? The problem is there is a city called Tacoma, Washington. We have many listeners there, wonderful listeners like Chris who runs that theater and others. But Tacoma, Washington, has been under construction for the last 45 years.

Yeah, I know. I was wondering because I've never known it not to be.

It is like an M.C. Escher construction project where it just – you look at it and you go, well, where does this end? Never. Nowhere. It doesn't. It just goes – it's an optical illusion of just projects. And so first the plan was maybe for me and Addie to meet up in like Olympia, which is kind of roughly a halfway point. Actually, Centralia is legitimately the halfway point, hence the name Centralia. But we were going to meet in Olympia, and then she was wisely saying, what's the traffic situation? Because she was going to get the real fuzzy end of that lollipop driving from Seattle to Olympia because it would be Tacoma traffic and then Fort Lewis traffic and then getting to Olympia and then turning around and then Fort Lewis traffic and Tacoma traffic. So I looked on the old Alaska Airlines website and saw that it was super cheap to fly up there. So anyway, that's what I'm doing. And the question is, do I bring a mitt?

It really depends on where we'd be sitting, right? And I haven't even looked at tickets yet. I don't know what's available.

What is the current status? I saw a headline yesterday that they are opening the stadium up to all people. But I also got the sense that that was on a slight like it's in a week or something.

I don't know the current status of it. I've been seeing people talking about how the you know, when they opened the vaccinated only sections. I've been hearing that that's a pretty good experience if you can bring your vax card or I assume you have to you got your card. Did you laminate it? Really? Yeah. Do you know that I have two, and that annoys me? You have two cards? I do. Weird. So they gave you one for each shot. Did you get Pfizer? I did, and it doesn't – I did not get – Genevieve is in the same boat because we got both shots at the same time together, and we went to the – what do you call that event center right outside T-Mobile Park? I can't remember. Lumen Field, I believe. It's the Lumen Field event center now. And anyway, yeah, for some reason we went. We got our first shot. They gave us the card that everybody has, right? We come back our second time. We brought our cards with us. But for some explanation that we do or for some reason that we do not understand the explanation for, they said we have to give second cards today. We can't put this both on your card because we just switched batches. And we're just like, what does that mean? And then they talked some more and it didn't make sense. But either way, Genevieve and I have two cards, one for each of our shots. And that's kind of it's already a pretty dumb shaped card. It doesn't fit into a wallet easily. and now I've got two of them. You should have come to the Salem Convention Center.

All they give you is a card, one card, and it just has a giant emoji with sunglasses on it. Oh, nice. Oh, really? No name, no indication about the shot, but just a kind of rectangle, like a 3x5 card with that emoji that has the sunglasses on it.

Huh, well, mine just, I do have two cards, but they both have a unicorn with an exploding brain.

Oh, that's a good one. That's a J&J. Why do I have two? So anyway, yeah, I heard that it's pretty good even for whatever's open now. If you're vaccinated, I heard the experience is pretty good anyway.

The nature of my question was do you think we can get tickets? And I'm not asking that sarcastically. I've watched the games on television. They do not seem over-attended, but I also don't know what the rules are.

Oh, that's a good question. Are we just going to buy these tickets on the show right now? I don't think that's a good idea because I need to figure out who is definitely in. here but um i'm gonna try to sneak into the stadium oh you're sneaking in oh i forgot to tell you that part that's um slick lukey i can just picture you i just show him what i do is

i walk up to like a security guard who's like falling asleep like the sheriff of nottingham in the robin hood cartoon uh-huh oh nutsy that's what the sheriff nottingham says when he is His keys are dangling from his, you know, whatever belt. And – or maybe he's talking about Trigger. I think he's either talking about Trigger, his crossbow, or Nutsy, which is one of the vultures that helps him. And I'm going to do that. And then if they wake up, I'm just going to flash my card with an emoji on it. They'll be like, okay, carry on. Nice.

Nice.

Yeah, that's the plan.

It looks like tickets are available, I think. I'm trying to figure this out. But when I click on it –

Don't worry about it right now, but I'm down for this happening if I can get a slightly earlier flight, which I think is possible. We'll talk off air. The scene in Portland, Andrew, is absolute madness when it comes to trying to eat out.

What's going on?

I got a hankering for some vegetarian sushi last night, and there is a place that's more or less—it's not in my building, but it's like 100 feet. from from my building and i go there pretty frequently and it's you know usually you know there's not much of a line and the people that work there are awesome i love them it's called kitchen coup i think the food's really good by the way i would say and i've probably said this on the show before i would say there is very very little drop off of vegetarian sushi versus sushi that has fish in it now maybe you're talking about sashimi or something that's much more like fish forward probably would notice the difference there but as far as like rice wrapped around something and you're dipping it in wasabi and soy sauce i don't think you could i don't think most people would be able to tell the difference between something that is veggie based and something that has some fish in it but or you know spicy tuna or what have you anyway i love the people there they seat me in the back should have been a bad sign i'm not exaggerating i sat there Andrew for 45 minutes and no one talked to me oh my god and and again it's a wonderful place that I will go again

when you get to the 30-minute spot you're not like standing up and no because then

I started to be this sort of throwing good money after bad or good time after you know wasted time like there becomes a moment where you're like well I've now been here for an eternity and it wouldn't it be a shame if I got up oh this happened to me the other day I got to tell you about this you'll you'll appreciate this there's a near where we rented the van from remember that neighborhood we went up in the hills there is a a cafe that i love called the vista springs cafe it's like half a mile from where we got the van from and uh so in my various times going over to like look at the van and make a video about the van and do other things i would sometimes stop by the vista springs cafe and have a little dinner on my way home and one time I got there and they put my name on the list and there was a bunch of people outside and I was like just taking forever like again probably 30 minutes which feels way longer when you're just sitting there kind of like scrolling your phone or whatever and it was just me so it's kind of and then people showed up and then somebody asked me from the restaurant would you be okay with these people sitting at the table um because it's a bigger table and it's better for two people And I was like, yes, I get it. I'm a second class citizen. I'm by myself. And I did. I let them go. But anyway, what happened was I finally just like decided this is not worth it. So I started walking away. And the waitress slash hostess, like the kind of one of two people kind of operating the floor, ran outside and said, Luke. And I had like started walking in like a mild huff, which people couldn't really tell because I had my mask on. But like internally, I knew that I was feeling a little huffy. Like, I reached that point where I was just like, this is ridiculous. That's what I was saying inside. I know that feeling. I know that vibe. And there's all these outdoor tables, and I'm walking past them in this kind of huff. And then I just hear, Luke, your table's ready. Now, everyone has seen me huffing away. What I had to do was I said, oh, I was going to my car for a second.

something reader he wasn't going to his car for anything i then had to walk to my car stand there for an appropriate amount of time it was like two blocks down nobody could see me and then come back like i had been going there to get something because i got caught huffing my way out of the

line of this restaurant that lie i mean i can associate with it but it's so unnecessary too like they just don't care you know they were like they don't he probably just got oh you know what He got sick of waiting, so he left. It happens to them a hundred times an evening. Well, maybe not that.

It was something about this. Well, the thing is this particular server, she's very good with names. Now I've been there like a bunch of times. And her whole shtick is she remembers everybody's name. So now when I go in, she says, hey, Luke, what's up? Like she knows. And I've been there like three times. That's all it takes. So something about her saying, Luke, your table's ready. It was so like targeted at me. yeah yeah it wasn't like it was like a uh you know a crabby dicks and i've got like a coaster that vibrates with red lights in it or something right you know it was it was the opposite of that it was a highly personal experience and kind of like so anyway that happened the other day but this so i'm in the sushi restaurant and it is now about 40 minutes in 45 minutes in and i love these people but i just i finally and i'm looking at the other folks who are seated near me and nobody to talk to them and it was just a matter of you know there are not enough people yeah working like available to work in food service right now to keep up with the demand of all the people who are vaxxed and on a beautiful you know thursday night in portland so i i leave and i said to the lady i was like i'm just gonna come back a different night and she was like oh i'm so sorry or whatever so i walked to this other sushi place andrew 40 minute wait at my table for somebody to bring me the sushi again no reflection on them they were working their tails off like and I was really kind of mad because some of the customers were being kind of rude to the people working there and I was like I just want to say there are 100 of us and two of them like what do you expect do you see anybody lollygagging like I really almost went up and like had it out with a lady but then I was I couldn't tell if I could beat up her boyfriend or not he was like buffer things are going well peace he seemed like a peaceful soul i really did the math i was like he could take me in a fight but he doesn't seem aggressive like these were all things going through my head because i was like i would like to yeah tell this woman that she's being very what was she doing well she was dressing down the server for not oh taking their check she was like i have been waiting here for 20 minutes and this is and she used the f-word effing ridiculous she's dating and again to go back to what we talked about the other day she was a very conventionally beautiful woman did not endear her to me in this particular scenario and i just thought like it's not that hard i mean even in a busy restaurant environment worst case scenario you just take your check and you grab the attention of the server who's running around like a maniac and say oh could we get our check but you hand it to them and it's no poor reflection on them and i don't think it makes you a jerk if you're nice about it but she was just and then i heard her like talking her boyfriend had been in the restroom he came out and then she was like this is bleeping ridiculous i'm just gonna bleep and walk out she's just like going on and on and kind of getting everyone in the restaurant riled up about how bad the service is and i was just like thinking started yelling attica that part was kind of cool i'm not gonna lie i mean it was amazing the police

eventually acquiesced to our demands wow that's amazing but no i was like very kind of fed up with this one particular woman's behavior this other woman kept coming into the restaurant this is by the way the second sushi location for the record and she was like not super rude but she was trying to put everything on their toddler she's like first of all she came in and she was like you know where's our food or something and they were bringing out whatever they could miso and such and she was explaining the size of her toddler's stomach which i thought was weird his stomach is just like this big she's holding up like a fist like to explain that her toddler's stomach is very small therefore dude i'm telling you it's wild in portland right now people are losing their damn minds there was a critical mass bike ride that was conservatively 3 000 cyclists that went

by while this was all happening so you mentioned things are wild in portland right now so things are wild for you know because of the situation but also you're getting to know your portland neighbors for the first time too because things are opening up for the first time and you move to this place in the middle of the pandemic so while everything is like kind of heightened and you know people are so excited to go out to restaurants again for the first time and there's the shortage of people who can serve like all of those things are kind of creating its own situation but on top of that you know I think somebody's saying my toddlers to to a server my Toddler's stomach is about the same.

size of my fist and holding up their fist i don't think that has anything to do with the pandemic

by the way she wasn't saying the stomach was the size of the fist she was saying the stomach was the side size of the inside of her hand while making a fist if you can imagine that imagine like something that looks roughly like an anus that's what she was pointing to if she wasn't saying my fist is that she was pointing to the rectal like closure of her hand to explain the

size of her toddler's stomach did she then do the thing where she turned her thumb into the lower jaw and then make the hand talk like no she didn't my toddler stomach but then she came back in later

and again said we just have a really fussy toddler i was like the toddler's gonna be fine i mean the toddler by the way would seem surprisingly well behaved like the kid was okay wearing sunglasses

and just like super chill um but yeah no that's the uh vaccination card yeah yeah right wait were you looking at your vax card or the kid oh that's what it was um but anyway yeah no that is but So that's not pandemic. That's just strange people behavior.

I mean, yes, but I do think that this moment in time, and I wonder if you and Genevieve have observed this or if you will observe it as time goes on in Seattle, like in the next few weeks, but there is this, like, real supply-demand issue. We, the people who are fortunate enough to have the resources to go out to eat, are demanding a supply of a thing that does not exist. There are like I went to a Dairy Queen in Camas, Washington, which, by the way, my mom insists on calling Camas. And I want to say, Mom, everyone who lives there calls it Camas. She's like, are you sure? I'm like, you've literally been to this town for one minute of your life. Why are you obsessed with mispronouncing it? But I went to through the DQ. Same thing. They had a sign up on the I was getting like a soda. They had a sign up on the like a handwritten sign on the thing that said, we are short staffed. Please be patient with us.

Yeah. Like this is just happening everywhere. Yeah. No, that side of things, the labor shortage is real. I told you I was at just like Patty's eggs, Patty's egg nest, which is just like a little kind of family restaurant diner thing here in North Seattle. And I went there on Sunday. I think it was last Sunday or two Sundays ago during their rush. And I'm literally reading in the newspaper all about the labor shortage in the service industry while the servers are like racing around, just busting their ass. And, of course, like a place like Patty's Eggs. Why am I having so much trouble today?

It's Patty's Egg Nest. Yes, I know. I just can't say it.

But it's kind of a funky name. I'm talking too quickly. Slow down, Walsh. Okay, slow down. Reset. So one thing about Patty's Egg Nest, too, is I don't think that they were doing a real brisk takeout business before the pandemic. I doubt they had that service at all, although I'm not entirely sure. But, of course, in order to stay in business, they had to get hooked up with all of the various takeout apps. And so this table I was sitting at, they put me, I was, again, a lone diner like you, and they found a table for me kind of way in the back of the restaurant. And I was actually sitting next to the table that had all this equipment hooked up to it. It was like four iPads running into various things. It's like they had a whole little, like, little janky studio set up on one of their tables that was right next to me. And, by the way, sometimes would make ringing noises. I'm not even sure what the ringing was. But at one point, that was the only time where I was kind of like – because I'm just trying to be so gracious to these people who are busting their ass. And this is nobody's fault in particular. But at one point, I'm, like, sitting there waiting for my food, and I'm next to this machine that is just, like, ringing off the hook for, like, three minutes. I'm like, is this my life now? But, like, all of that is to say not only are they short-staffed and they're going around trying to serve everybody who is in this busy restaurant now, But they also now have this whole side business, which is like trying to serve everybody via these apps. And then like who's taking care of that? And they just all look so harried. And I got to say, like, that is like everybody who's listening, please, if you find yourself in a frustrating situation in the next, you know, whatever, six months, year as we as we climb out of this, please try to remember to be gracious. I am reminding myself of it, too, like extra gracious, extra tips, everything like these people are working their asses off. And it's not for it's not for the love of the game.

And if it looks if I feel like I can take your boyfriend, I will fight both of you.

That's obnoxious. I've never heard somebody just like out out now yelling and using the F word towards restaurant staff.

Oh, man, it was I mean, the weird I was trying to assess if I thought she tipped or not because she finally got her bill. And then she wrote whatever she wrote on it. And then they started to walk out and things were fine. to the credit of the of the manager slash server who was helping her that woman just sort of stopped interacting with the angry customer which i actually appreciated like she just was like brought the bill like she was not coming over like oh my god i'm so sorry like they had talked about it this person had been rude but then when she walked out she was doing this thing kind of a shrug emoji guy. and other people were kind of like yeah i know you know the toddler toddler sphincter lady didn't get involved but it was like she just seemed to be fomenting some kind of a i don't know unpleasant feeling in in the restaurant but you're absolutely right this was happening at both of the sushi places that i visited which was a massive amount of takeout wow which you know again my sister's restaurant uh is they only survived the pandemic because all they did was takeout yeah get the restaurants had to pivot like it totally makes sense but you're right it's now created this very weird thing where restaurants are trying to like imagine that there's like a hundred people you can't see in the restaurant that are at home on their phones you know like ordering through these various delivery apps and they are also being served by this restaurant while you are there if you're in person like I was last night yeah because the

restaurants they can't turn down business they're right fighting so hard to survive yet the business

is killing them it's yeah it's tough to see i was wondering like in the first restaurant where i was sitting for so long with nobody able to come check on me i actually played that out of my mind i was like would i have been more annoyed or less annoyed if i showed up and the the woman who kind of runs it had said we just don't have the staff for any more customers right now i bet you i would have been annoyed but it was a worse outcome that i sat there for 40 minutes yeah and then just had to leave like again i think i would have probably been like a little bit like creased if if she would have turned me away but it's almost like that's kind of what you got to do at some point

yeah yeah yeah and was it yesterday you said that somebody asked you to move tables because you were

a single customer or no that was at vista springs i let a couple go ahead of me it's not all heroes wear capes and yeah i let a couple go ahead of me because it was just me because things are going well and um i was like it didn't make sense for me to sit at this large table it was better for two people to sit there so yeah that was what happened shortly before i tried to make a break for it and then got called out by name in front of everybody on the sidewalk and then pretended to go to my car that's an interesting thing i don't need to take it to a serious place but

you've kind of the way you've kind of described that twice that's an interesting thing like i'm trying to think if the majority of times i eat in any kind of a sit-down establishment even if it's just like a quick luncheon kind of place like a a noodle place or a teriyaki place i wonder if i i must eat in restaurants more by myself than with another person um just generally speaking uh and i like it uh i have no problem with it i think you're somebody who craves companionship more and also for you like you feel stigmatized in a way that that's interesting that that kind of triggered a how you're feeling about your your state in life right now well here's the weird

thing i don't crave companionship i like being by myself because then nobody can tell me what to do but i also feel like it's mildly embarrassing for this married i presume happy but who can really know people's lives this married happy couple say oh would you mind if we took the table because there's two of us and we've been able to actually make a marriage work could we sit at this table and then i'm like yeah sure i can't believe they said that though that was i'm like that was it felt intense but you know what it was um tough but fair uh and then i just turned into moses like i'll just be over here luke's is like table for one so like but you're i actually it's weird i actually like eating by myself now and i like doing stuff by myself i really do but when it gets to the moment where i'm telling the hostess which is i don't know why i have to gender this but i'm just being honest almost always is like an attractive woman of a certain age i have to walk in and go it's just it's just me like that part of the equation or that part of the transaction always makes you feel a little bit embarrassed so i don't i don't actually not enjoy just kind of getting to set my own pace for everything but i uh but i do feel i guess i do feel slightly embarrassed about it at times depending like there's just that moment it's just me when i say that to the person that's a little bit i guess does feel kind of bad to me that's interesting

and i i don't even know if i should but i'm not looking at people at the other tables jealous

that's the weird part like i mean the dude that i had to assess can i take this guy or not if i if i tell his girlfriend she's being a jerk i don't think he was having a better time than me i nor was the 30 year old guy sitting next to me with his parents who was like a hipster probably like an advertising type person who was clearly out to dinner with his parents and then ordered a soup that was too spicy and i should have ordered this spicy soup and then his parents tasted it and i was like could you infantilize yourself more bro yeah don't also sharing soup

is gross. I wonder if I would feel if I would have those same feelings of judgment is the wrong way. word or whatever um conspicuousness um that you're feeling in those moments i feel if i were in your situation i feel like i would not but there's just no way to know i've just always put this out there well lunch is different than dinner well of course but um but i just feel like and i could be totally wrong about this and i've said this to genevieve a million times um then we've had this conversation and she thinks that i'm just wrong but like before i was with genevieve i was never really with anybody before for any kind of period of time I've always been kind of a loner Genevieve is the exception she's like the 20 year exception I guess but um and so I have this belief and again I'm willing to say that I'm wrong about it that if we were to break up I would you know I would be sad and that'd be a huge part of my life that would it would be devastating in countless ways but as far as me being alone I don't think that I would have similar feelings of like slight embarrassment or conspicuousness about you know you know doing anything alone i don't think i would have that um again i could be wrong i'm not in the situation i'm not trying to um i'm not trying to like be rude or rub it in i just think that's an interesting perspective that i hadn't thought about and my guess is a lot of people listening can um can probably uh relate to what you're talking about i just never thought about it that way and it's hard for me to relate to it

I think this is going to sound like I'm being defensive, maybe because I am, but I think that the reason I said lunch is different than dinner is because everyone gets lunch alone because most people work at a job, in the before times anyway, and then you've got to go get lunch. You sit at a teriyaki joint, what have you. Also, I think a little bit of this might involve the kinds of places we go to. Not that any of the places I was referring to About last night were like super fancy But I feel like I could see you Going to a place Where like Mike's Chili Parlor where you're you know you're having A beer you're having some chili the game's On like if you're going to go solo You might go to you know Bad Alberts or Mike's Chili or whatever Or what did I have the other day I went to

The Wedgwood Broiler Oh my god that place Is heaven on earth are you kidding me I went there for my – I had a little solo dinner of – oh, gosh. What is – not filet mignon, but what is the – Prime rib probably. Prime rib. Yes, I had myself a prime rib dinner by myself. Love it. Love it. But again, that's still a pretty kind of – even though it's like kind of an old steakhouse, it's pretty lowbrow though.

Well, it's – but see, that would be a situation where you would have to approach someone and say to them, table for one, please. Whereas I think maybe A lot of the places that you're going to If you are eating alone Like for dinner Are kind of more casual It's kind of like a bar Where they will bring you food Potentially And I think what's kind of What has hung me up a couple times Is being at places Where there's lines of other people And those people are all in groups And then it's just Begoti burrbo Yeah That's what's kind of Thrown me a little bit But not so much that You know I'm not going out and doing it It's just

it's just a different experience for me yeah and again and i want to say again like i i don't know and like because i went to wedgwood broiler by myself the other day and or like you know a few weeks ago after the game and yes absolutely and you know and i had a great time and i didn't feel self-conscious but again i know that what you're bringing is not necessarily necessarily logical it's emotional you know in the same way i don't think anybody in this situation is judging you but you're having your feelings i promise you i'm not trying to invalidate that i'm just sort of i find it really fascinating i'm trying to explore it because like you know when i went to wedgwood broiler i didn't have any of those feelings and again let's be clear here it's not a fancy place too it is a very it's a pretty low brow place these days as well although it is more of a sit down kind of place but um your tongue but i do think and i love it i mean it's my place i wonder if i was in a in a in a worse place if i would feel um if i would feel more self-conscious about it or not i don't think i would but maybe you're right maybe i would the first time i ever went

to the wedgwood broiler was because nathan hill high school had a casino night after the prom so the whole idea was let's try to keep all these kids in the same place so they don't get drunk and kill themselves in cars right and we went to this bowling alley skyway lanes And they had Like a casino set up in there And they like Mr. Case The racket sports teacher was like The blackjack dealer And they gave us this funny money But the problem was there were real Sort of things you could Bid on at the end And I'm not Janet Yellen But when you have Tangible goods you can get with pretend Money the pretend money becomes real money Really fast you know like that's i think how currency works so it was like there was a cd player there was like maybe a mountain bike or some shit so it It became a whole thing where everybody – it was wild how quickly all these kids, me included, figured out that we needed to pool our resources. So you're playing these little casino games, and then when you started to win, somebody would be like, oh, okay, Luke is getting a lot of money at this blackjack table. Let's just give him the money that we have because we don't have enough to outbid anyone for this CD player, and then we're going to work something out on the back end.

You get the CD player on Tuesdays and Thursdays.

exactly so right ben jackson gets cd player or uh visitation two days out of the week and uh anyway i did not first of all i were there about five different points in my life that i think sparked my love of gambling one was like wild waves and the um you know midway where you could like you know pay a buck and throw the softball at the milk jugs or whatever this idea of like I'm paying two dollars for a prize that feels like it's worth thirty dollars you know that's gambling basically and then also this whole like Nathan Hale lock-in casino night but I did not have enough money for the CD player or the mountain bike but I did have enough money for a gift certificate to the Wedgwood broiler where I took my grandmother Virginia Burbank that's sweet dude it was so fun actually i was like in high school i got to take her out we got to order you know salad and apps and the main course and it was all covered because i had this gift certificate actually turned out to be way better than a cd player yeah absolutely and it's an experience you have and i didn't really have that kind of relationship with my grandmother you know i mean she was a very sweet woman but it just wasn't like i was a bit jealous of my friends who had grandparents that were just like super active in their life um i didn't really have that relationship with her but man that was a really fun time at the old Wedgwood Broiler do you remember why then

if you didn't necessarily have that kind of really did you think your parents maybe suggested it you're like I have this gift certificate I don't know what to do with it I I can't remember exactly

why but I do remember thinking that's definitely a place for old people yeah like I was I think I just remember was like you know that's a thing a grandma might like like it it seemed you know i'm like a senior in high school it just see nowadays i would go in there probably most people be my age right but at that time it just seemed like who even goes to a place like that you know it's like that definitely seems like an old person place yeah um there was another place on uh not far from where my first ex-wife got her a lap dance to drops of jupiter uh there was a place

called are you gonna explain what lap dances are to me today is today the day or when an ex-wife

Loves a stripper very much, Andrew, and the song Drops of Jupiter by Train is playing.

I like the fact that we will always now probably accidentally call it Drops of Jupiter. I know, right? Thanks, Jake. Okay. Sorry to interrupt.

But anyway, not far from there is a place called McGrath's, and I remember it was kind of like Wedgwood Broiler-esque in that. They used to have, like, these dinner specials that would start at, like, 4, and I would drive by, like, you know, and think, like, who is eating dinner at 4?

And now I'm like, can I make it until I know, man, I am leaning into old person life so hard. By the way, I think I've always asked you this. By the time I went there, it was it was still a steakhouse, but kind of a dive bar steakhouse. But they still had the big red leather booths. Did you ever go to the Rimrock in Lake City?

Oh, yes. Camaro Kevin, I used to used to darken that door. There was a magician. Yes. Cliff the Magician. yeah whose whole thing was like he used to work that joint yeah oh my god i used to go to that place for breakfast um when i was you know in my 20s yeah that place the rimrock steakhouse in

lake city that was a classic yeah i loved that place i think i got pretty you'll be surprised

to hear this but i think i got pretty tuned up one night when it was had been announced it was shutting down and i tried to talk camaro kevin to buying it or something not in like that bowling

alley you know we have had this conversation on that conversation was it no i think there for that no no but i think you did tell me because i could when i when i brought this up a second ago i couldn't i for some reason i thought i've brought this up before and you said that you knew of it but never had gone in but i'm clearly thinking of somebody else because now i remember that you did have you were tuned up they were closing and you started fantasizing hey man that would have been amazing we might i don't know what the status of tbtl would be right now if you own that place but i still think we'd have a pretty fun life i'd be a regular at the bar How about a status of my liver But like seriously

A place like that sorry to the listeners In places Outside of Seattle who are like Why are you spending this time on the Rimrock Steakhouse it was kind of a Like you said Andrew just like a red Vinyl booth kind of western style you know again steakhouse was being very generous they just had a you know a bunch of kind of mashed potatoes and whatever food and some steaks and stuff but it was that kind of place that i felt like if there's no reason it shouldn't be successful like you know the baronoff in greenwood it's like people flock to that place i felt like if the rimrock just had the right people running it it seemed like it was kind of a could be a gold mine Because, you know, people want to go somewhere that's kind of, you know, chill and fun and ironic and everybody loves dive bars. And it's like if you get the formula right, you can really do some business in one of those places. I just felt like it was being under kind of underappreciated.

Yeah, it certainly was underappreciated because I remember like when I discovered that place, I was like, oh, this is my new home. I didn't I was still living on the hill at that point. But there was a there was about a month where I lived with a friend in Lake City. And, I mean, kind of ironically, it was during a month that Veeves and I were kind of separated for a month. This was years and years and years ago. Did you have dinner by yourself? Yes, I did. That's kind of why it came to mind, too. Because, again, it's not a trendy, nice sushi place. But I do remember sitting there and having, like, a steak dinner by myself, too. I would feel no shame in the room. No, no. It's embarrassing if you take your suggestion out of the deck. Exactly. The more stable you look, the more they're going to bully you. No, it wasn't a bullying kind of place. I loved that place, though.

Yeah, that place was pretty awesome. This, you know, Camaro and I were – I'm sorry that we're just literally planning our weekend on the pretend radio, but I don't know. I'm in a weird mood. I was texting with Camaro last night. He said he had a powerful lust for karaoke tonight, and we were going through the list of places that even exist. Like, he doesn't think the Mandarin Gate even exists anymore. Oh, really?

No kidding. Wow, that's huge. I mean, honestly, it would make sense.

That place was on its last legs for the last 20 years. A global pandemic probably took it down.

Wait a second, though. I swear that Vives and I actually – I don't think I even told you about this. Vives and I got takeout delivered from the Mandarin Gate like sometime in the past couple of months. It was remarkably good, Luke. I've never had the food there.

No, the gate – I've thrown up food I ate somewhere else in the bathroom there. That counts.

No, it was actually – we were shocked at how good it was, actually. I mean, you know, it was just I mean, I'm not saying it was gourmet, but I mean, just for American Chinese, you know, delivered American Chinese food. It was it was good because we only think of it as like a divy karaoke place. But no, it looks like it's a going concern, but they might not be doing karaoke, but they're not.

Well, we may find out tonight, my friend, after the Mariners game. So buckle up.

What a night tonight. I'm already exhausted and it's only 1130 in the morning.

I'm like You made this reference yesterday But I'm basically the like weird Cop in Terminator 2 I'm just coming for you right now Like I'm going to get on a plane I'm going to fly to Seattle I'm going to hunt you down at the Mariners game I'm going to make you go to the Mandarin gate

You're molten steel of some sort Exactly I'll just form into whatever shape I need to be

To make you stay up too late It's all happening Alright well 48 minutes into the show It's time for our first break So we'll go ahead and do that And back with more TBTL in a moment hello and welcome to top story top story on the minds of our listeners andrew is this dude that has been sitting in a waffle house somewhere um paying his penance for losing his fantasy football league uh apparently the uh the the rules of the league were the loser had to spend 24 hours in a waffle house and uh every waffle that they ate reduced one hour from the time there now i want to say we are very lucky to have this job andrew and i love the listeners of this show in fact it's the only reason this show exists the listeners and the donors and the wonderful tens but i will tell you that like i i think you and i i don't want to that whole setup was to say I don't want to seem ungrateful for all the folks who have suggested this story to us, but I tend to think this guy might be putting it on a little bit. Like, first of all, first of all, I think I could eat 10 waffles. If you gave me, like, five hours, I could eat 10 waffles, which then knocks it down to 14 hours. Also, you've been there for five hours, so now you're down to – what's the math on that? 14 minus five, nine hours. um also he was talking about throwing up i don't think you would throw up after five waffles

do you think five waffle house waffles would make you sick not if you're pacing yourself and that's where my feelings are the same as yours and i didn't go through step by step this whole saga it was one of those things where yeah You

you put your finger on it it just feels like a lot of like i'm getting attention here you know

to me and like again this guy's probably sweet and i'm not trying to you know i don't think we're trying to diss him but it doesn't this is not i guess what i'm trying what i'm trying to start to interrupt you i don't think that this is the the waffle house i believe is in mississippi i don't think this is the worst punishment in fact i wouldn't mind spending 24 hours in a waffle house i guess is where i'm coming from on this yeah i mean and this is one of those things

where i just wonder what this experience would be like if twitter didn't exist because i i feel like again like 24 hours i've stayed up for 24 hours for various things before um you probably have friends coming and going you'd have some laughs you'd have some coffee the coffee would make you kind of jittery and then make you hungry so then you'd absorb it with a couple more waffles and then you just take some more time you take a book you read your book for a while but like there doesn't seem to be a lot of like i'm reading my book now in silence i will put my phone down for a little bit it's like he's constantly creating content for this thing that is more about it's just more about him tweeting out than anything at this point yeah and i maybe i'm just jealous

because waffle house is a delicious and like i'm also very hungry right now for some reason and so i feel like i really could do some damage on some waffle house waffles i'm not even a waffle guy, per se, but, like, again, there's no reason to be negative around this guy, this is a, you know, sort of a feel-good story overall, but, yeah, I'm with you, like, if Twitter didn't exist, I don't think that this would be the thing that it's become, and it does feel, listen, two guys who sit around five days a week creating hashtag content probably shouldn't look askance at someone who's sitting in a Waffle House creating hashtag content since that's literally a thing we've done but again i just think it's it just doesn't seem like the most brutal punishment like a more brutal punishment i've heard of fantasy football leagues where the loser has to get a tattoo decided by the winner jeez louise i mean that's a little

never agree yeah no way you don't know that's the fantasy baseball league if you stay in third place for the entire first half of the season you must get a tattoo

of the commissioner um so anyway uh i i was scrolling through the guy's twitter and i have a sense that uh by the way he's a writer for the clarion ledger uh too so he's you know in jackson in mississippi so he's you know he's not unsavvy about how the internet works um and he's made something out of this which is uh you know maybe a little overblown but also generally fine and fun or whatever um but uh uh what was i gonna tell you about this well anyway i've been scrolling through his twitter feed trying to figure out if he's still there or not and at some point his twitter feed just became other people commenting yeah and i didn't see a tweet where he said i'm now done i'm leaving so he might literally be there as we speak i'm not sure

i don't know now now i'm leaning into my heelness when it comes to this story i'm sorry i'm not trying to take the joy away from anybody who doesn't enjoy this, but like...

I want you to steal a foul ball from a little kid tonight.

Oh, absolutely. In fact, I'm going to... Fully embrace your heel status. I'm going to bring my Ryan Court baseball. I'm going to give it to a kid, and then I'm going to steal it back. But like... So, I'm seeing a tweet here. He's one hour in, and maybe four waffles in. So he sat... The tweet is this. One hour and ten minutes in, two more waffles and one human who is dead on the inside so let me get this straight you've sat in a waffle house and had four waffles over the course of 70 minutes i call that monday how are you dead on the inside i guarantee you there are thousands of people who did that exact same thing all over the country like you're already dead in the inside one hour and 10 minutes into this well then it just doesn't seem like i'm just not i'm not compelled

by this narrative right like i don't know what hour this is but he's like there's a picture where he's like looking all bleary he's a quick little trip to the bushes outside if you know what i'm saying now back into the breach like really bro you threw up you literally vomited from eating

this amount of why did you do it outside in their bushes that have to be maintained why didn't you

go into the restroom like anybody that's what the restroom at waffle house is for yakking i mean

i'm not saying leave a mess in there but i'm saying use a toilet like it just seems like it's

it's all being very extra again we are two guys who have done our actual show from a waffle house and who make our living you know ginning up content five days a week so i don't i don't want to completely play or hate on this guy but i again it it feels a little it feels a little kind of uh extra to me i guess but again i will say this is mostly just coming from me being hungry

for a while yeah maybe and also like yes i'm not saying that you and i don't do stunty stuff Obviously, we do. I'm glad that our listeners enjoy it. I guess if I'm going to try to defend...

offend us in any way here with a distinction is we do these things but i feel like we're very honest about where we are mentally and emotionally when we do this by the time we this might have been very unfun but by the time we got to you know the final two hours of our 24-hour marathon and we were doing the live show um and i'm blanking what's the club i love that little rebar at the rebar i remember you were really dragging ass out of my mind but i was not i remember telling you Like, I just, you know, I've hit whatever wind. There were times where I was tired, but, you know, whether it was the performative nature of it or whatever, like, by the time we were at the rebar, I'm sure my brain function was probably, if you were going to do an EKG on me or something, you'd see some interesting brain function. But I didn't feel like I was the walking dead or anything. And so, therefore, I wasn't playing it up. Go back to the tape. I wasn't on stage being like, I am dead on the inside. I can't believe what we just did. I remember being on stage and trying to do a show and you being tired and honest about it and me and Jen bickering about whether or not songs that have the word rock and roll in the title are good. You know what I mean? Like, I don't think that you and I like zero help at that. I actually remember. I remember having a lot of fun at that event. And I think it shows. If you go back, it probably sounds like I'm having a lot of fun and you probably sound tired because that was our real honest experience. We weren't a human being dead inside because I've sat for just over an hour in a Waffle House. Right. We did not go to the bushes and pretend throw up. Right, exactly.

At any point.

So sorry for crapping all over everybody's favorite story. Thank you for sending it to us, everyone.

And it was an interesting read. But you just got to get better news judgment. Or you're not going to be our unpaid producers any longer. Thank you. We're not going to let you donate your hard-earned money to the show anymore. Oh, man. Kind people without whom we would not have this job. Oh, I hate myself. I hate myself for loving you, Andrew. Now this, my friend, is a story that people have also been sending us, but I think it is actually quite fascinating and very much up your alley as a noted Columbo fan. Had you heard anything about this before, like yesterday, about Peter Falk and Romania?

I'm pretty sure that Romania is the country that has a statue to Columbo. I could be wrong about that. so I've heard their main export is chrome pardon me Albania um and so I could be wrong about that but there is a there is a country and I'm pretty sure Romania has a statue to Colombo and every now and then that's one of those stories that will bubble up somebody knew somebody will discover that story anew and then it will trend on Twitter and the people will send it to me but I did not know this particular story about a supposed uprising yeah this was news to me that basically

in the 1970s Columbo was so popular the show was so popular in Romania that and they only made 10 episodes a year um because the other thing I didn't realize that I was reading this article this particular article in the AV club by uh Gwen uh I not um was that the like Columbo was the

movie of the week a lot yeah it wasn't an action this I did know it was not it wasn't a weekly series show there aren't enough of them

I think I just always thought like oh it's you know it's like murder she wrote yeah murder she wrote or whatever and but no was it was the like the was the movie of the week a lot and so I mean these were involved productions I mean they're shooting them on film there's a they're basically movies right yeah so they only made 10 of them a year and they were so popular in Romania and there was so much distrust of the government in Romania that when they ran out of episodes of Colombo So apparently Romanians were really upset and were basically thinking that the government was like holding back its episodes of Columbo. And so Peter Falk was – well, let me just play you this tape from the David Letterman show in 1995 where he's kind of telling the story.

Is Columbo – I know the answer to this. It's seen all over the world, isn't it, in one form or another? It's very, very popular in Romania. In Romania?

By the way, would that any of us had the head of hair that Peter Falk had in 1995 on the David Letterman show. I mean, just a absolute just thicket of hair. I don't know if that's the right terminology, but man, the guy's got a great head of hair. I know.

Very thick. As a matter of fact, about 10 years ago, I got a call from the State Department. And a guy called me up, and he says, we've got a problem in Romania. Maybe you can help us.

Did you know that Peter Falk is from Phoenix? No. I'm kidding. He's going to be from inside of a pickle barrel in the Bronx.

Okay, sorry.

He was...

Born in the Gowanus Canal. Literally a water birth. I'm just going to try to make Gowanus Canal a thing. Yeah, we're learning.

They understand that Columbo was a TV show, right? They did understand that. So the guy says to me, can you meet us in the hotel, Century Plaza, at 6 o'clock? I said, all right, I'll be there. I didn't know what the hell he was talking about. So I get there. There's two guys from the State Department there. and there's a romanian there he's from the embassy so they explained to me they say peter the romanian government has very severe restrictions on the number of television shows that they can import from the united states oh sure very severe cultural tariffs right he said well here's the problem uh that's what i love about letterman by the way you know he had probably read

like i mean maybe he was just prepped for this piece but like you i can also see him reading a foreign affairs article about cultural

tariffs? Cultural tariffs, yeah.

Like, I mean, there was a, I feel like there was a lot below the surface of David Letterman. Or maybe there was nothing below the surface, I don't know.

You should understand that the Romanian government bought every Colombo show available. Okay, so what's the problem? He said, the problem is that the people don't believe the government. So, what do you want me to do? He said, we got a camera here. Would you talk to the people excuse me would you talk to the people we got phonetic Romanian here hooked on phonics paying off there

god people loved hooked on phonics jokes in the 90s because those commercials ran all the time and we all loved hooked on phonics jokes

we were hooked not on phonics but on hooked on phonics We were hooked on Hooked on Phonics It was a major It was the 1-877-CARS-4-KIDS Exactly Of its time And boy that was Yeah that was like Everybody knew what you were talking about When you had a Hooked on Phonics Anybody like Where's the oral history on Hooked on Phonics? Was it good Was I assume a reading program? Yeah I believe so

And it was just heavily advertised I believe it was a cassette tape based Hooked on Phonics Reading program

I don't know I wonder if it was actually useful to people or not Anyway, Peter Falk goes on. I don't even have to play the whole thing. But basically, yeah, he had to read this like phonetic Romanian into this camera to like tell people that like this was all the Columbo they had. Now, let me ask you this. And I want to say to people, there is a chance that what you're about to hear me say has an overlap with something you might hear me say this weekend on the radio show. Wait, wait, don't tell me. So if you don't want anything spoiled or if you don't like those universes, the universe of this show and the universe of that show colliding, you know, turn your phone off or whatever. But I, let's just say, was assigned a story very similar to this one, Andrew, to read. And when you were assigned a story very similar to this one, there is a tendency to want to, because it is in fact a thing that happened, to want to kind of zhuzh it a little bit. And so I did add an Angela Lansbury joke to the story that I wrote that was very similar to this whole thing. And the first version I had was Something about well the CIA has Like you know allowed Peter Falk To write about this in his memoir because that's true He actually writes about this in his memoir which Do you know the name of Peter Falk's memoir? No Oh sir Just one more thing

It is oh sir just one more thing Which is classic

He was allowed to write about this He was obviously talking about it on Letterman And the first joke I had was It's you know It's yet to be known when the CIA will allow Angela Lansbury to talk about her role in the tearing down of the Berlin Wall. But then in the moment when I was reading a story very similar to this on Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me, I just decided it would be funnier to say her role in the assassination of Archduke Franz Ferdinand. Yes. But I don't know enough of the history around that. I feel like that started World War I, which is kind of what sort of gave rise to Hitler. Also, I'm not trying to make a joke about Angela Lansbury being old.

It does seem like an age joke, I will admit. And that wasn't really what I was trying to do. I would have gone with Berlin Wall, actually. But don't you think – but you laughed when I said Archduke. Yeah, because it's funnier. It is funnier, you're right, and less expected. I think even because the movie Confessions of a Terrible Mind is the biopic about what is the Gone Show? Chuck Barish. Chuck Barish.

Thank you, Luke, for bailing me out there. You know, like that whole thing is like about how he was a spy for the U.S. government and he truly he truly thought he was like he wrote a non comic autobiography in which he was both hosting and developing this talk show and being a spy for the U.S. government during this time of, you know, the Berlin Wall was still intact and he was going to East Berlin and East Germany. And then George Clooney actually made a movie about it. It's a great movie. Yeah, starring Sam Rockwell. Exactly. Such a good movie. Clooney is a good director. He also directed Good Night and Good Luck. That guy's going places. Yeah, I'm telling you, keep an eye out. Write that name down, George Clooney. You're going to hear from that guy. Not awful to look at either. But anyway, so back to your joke. I mean, I do think that, yeah, Ferdinand made me laugh more because I wasn't expecting it. But it does seem like an age joke

It does seem like I'm trying to make I'm reading this thing A story very similar to this one Not live on the radio But into the recording of this radio show And I'm also googling Is Angela Lansbury still alive Oh yes she is Because I'm kind of like she is She's 95 I believe But this is all happening in real time Because it occurs to me midway through the thing That it would be funnier to say Archduke Franz Ferdinand

And for some reason, I thought you were going to say the assassination of – who was the – why am I even bringing this up?

The Coward. What was the Casey Affleck movie? The Assassination of John Ford the Coward or whatever?

Oh, I don't even think I know about that. But I'm glad you brought it up because I don't want to finish my thought. It doesn't even matter. I was just going to be convoluted. I did – you playing this Letterman tape, and as a matter of fact, I'm the one who's a little bit crunched for time today. But I would like to ask your permission to play something for you that is completely random and has nothing, nothing to do with what we're talking about other than the Letterman connection and the fact that I happened to click on a video. I was watching some video on YouTube yesterday. I don't know what it was. It had nothing to do with Letterman. But YouTube then suggested to me that I watch this thing. Dave Letterman responds to Jay Leno's don't blame Conan statement. Now, of course, this is from how long ago was it when Conan was supposed to take over the late night seat, but then Jay Leno kind of, you know, decided not to leave.

Well, there was two. Right. OK. So there was the two things. There was when Jay Leno kind of like outmaneuvered Letterman for Carson's spot. Yes, that was. And then there was the point where Leno was going to hand off the show as we like to play. It's a fantasy. You know. You know this show is like a dynasty You hold it and then you hand it off to the next person And then you do another show just like it I'm making him sound kind of like Peter Falk Then you do another show just like it Right after that show Because isn't that what ended up happening was Or right before it He gave the Tonight Show to Conan But then he or NBC or whatever Didn't want him to not be on television So he was then doing a different show That was like an hour and a half long That looked a lot like the Tonight Show Either before or after I think it was before Conan's show

Oh, my memory, and you would know better, certainly. I'm sure I'm wrong, but my memory was he gave him, like, five years. He and the network agreed to, like, a five-year deal. And then when the five years were up, he just didn't leave, I thought. I thought they came close.

Well, no, because Conan had the show for a while.

Oh, he did take the show.

Yeah, because Conan's final episode, like, of The Tonight Show, he had Will Ferrell on. He played his guitar. It was a whole thing. So he got the slot, but they didn't actually make Jay Leno leave NBC. he literally had a show that was on before conan's show and so then that took all the air out of the room yeah it was a complete it was a total like yeah it it it kind of ruined conan's chances anyway

well what i so i didn't follow obviously i didn't follow that as closely but like it as as a lot of people did and like sometimes i'll listen to old episodes like really old episodes of comedy bang bang and that started back in 2009 and i think all of this was going on around 2010 um according to This thing I'm going to play for you. And so, like, I know that like a lot of comedians were just like so put off by this. I mean, a lot of people had a very strong anti Jay Leno feelings already. And then this really, really, you know, set a lot of people off. And there just seemed like such a miscarriage of comedic justice to do this to Conan. And I just stumbled on, as I was saying, this video from 2010. And this is David Letterman responding to something that, so Jay Leno apparently, and you can figure out from context, Jay Leno, you know, gave some sort of televised statement about the, about the ugliness that was going on. And apparently he said something like, don't blame Conan. That's something that Jay Leno said, don't blame Conan. And this is Letterman's response to that. I don't, I won't play the whole thing, but even for somebody who wasn't that invested into these late night wars, I just found this so. hilarious and scathing.

This NBC Tonight Show thing, because honestly, folks, I don't have a dog in this fight. But here's the deal. I've known Jay Leno for, I don't know, 35 years. A long, long time. And we used to buddy around in the old days, and what we're seeing now is kind of vintage Jay. And it's enjoyable for me to see this. It's like, hey, there he is. There's the guy I know. And I just thought, well, I better keep my mouth shut because, you know, Lord knows. There's the guy I mow. Really, I got my own problems. But I just can't help myself. And while it's true I don't specifically have a dog in this fight, I think that in some way I and Paul are responsible for the mess that's taking place over there now. We were responsible. Yes, because of the big stink that we created when we left NBC years and years ago, they said, okay, well, that'll never happen again.

Right. Well, that's why Jay says he was going to retire five years ago just to avoid that.

That's right. They wanted to avoid another transitional brouhaha. If I can invoke a little French. Please do. Anytime. So last night, Jay gave his State of the Network speech. He did. And he said that we should not blame Conan for what's going on. Don't blame Conan. Don't blame Conan for what's going on. And I said to myself, no one is blaming Conan. I was going to say, no. just a little bit more it kind of heats up here and he further elucidated that what who we should actually blame are conan's agents and managers we should blame them because this is what they do and then jay pointed out that he himself has no agent or manager so i'm begging you ladies gentlemen on behalf of everyone involved please don't blame don't blame conan

Please. He's going to do an imitation of Leno here, and then I'll pull it out after that.

I know a lot of you people think that Conan pushed himself out of a job. Don't blame him. Arnie Fufkin. He's not that kind of guy. He would never do that to himself.

You're saying this is vintage Jay. Please don't blame Conan.

Okay, that's all I got.

tonight all right that's just give me one more second luke if you don't mind i would listen to

this all all day seriously jay also let us know last night that conan is a family guy

apparently yeah he said he was a good family a good family good family man that's right i hope you're not planning

on blaming Conan, are you? Well, I wasn't going to blame Conan. I mean, in the thousands and thousands of words that have been printed about this mess, who has blamed Conan? No one. I don't think so. No one has blamed Conan. So, when five years ago, when NBC said to Jay, you know what, Conan's going to take over your job in five years, that's when you say, okay, fine, no hard feelings. You call ABC, you call Fox, you try to get my job, you leave. If you don't, you don't, yeah, okay, but I'll be in the lobby, you know, if you need to hang around.

That's what I wanted to get to. I didn't realize it was four minutes in, but oh, my God. No, man, it's so worth it. Is that not great? And again, I wasn't even really invested in it, and I just stumbled on this yesterday, 12 years or 11 years later, and I was just enthralled.

we have worked with people like this who shall remain nameless who like you don't want to be in the lifeboat with them because they keep washing up on the shore the only person in the lifeboat and you're like what happened to the other people I don't know they fell out of the lifeboat like that's what Letterman is saying about Leno is Leno for all of his like you know Mr. Relatability or whatever it's like you know and I guess he has every right To host a tonight show if he If he wants to you know back when It was like him v letterman Even though it wasn't famously the whole thing with that that Carson really wanted it to be letterman I think because Carson like Was pretty funny and got that letterman was Funnier than Jay Leno although here's The odd thing I know you got to go in about 49 seconds so I'll keep this short But like I'm surrounded by Clocksandra I don't know if we've broached this But um People who know from stand up

Talk about Jay Leno when he was starting out in stand-up Or when he was at his sort of height of stand-up Before ever he was on The Tonight Show As the host As just being an incredible stand-up comic You know, which is kind of interesting to me Like people whose comedy I really respect Are like, no, Jay Leno was the best of all of us But then, I mean, you know, you get older And I guess you just kind of want to drive vintage cars around And be unfunny or something Like something happened to him at some point But he just seems like the kind of guy who, again, you don't want to be in a lifeboat with because he's going to do what he has to do. Right, right, right. All right. Let's do a little music for your weekend before I check the Alaska Airlines website and find out, Andrew, if I can Terminator 2 you into a baseball game. But when you put it like that, how can a fella say no? Turning me down is not an option. Reminds me of that scene in The Simpsons When Homer is basically being that character But he's running after the Flanders family And I think he's using golf clubs To like chop and pull his way up the car And Maude Flanders is like Drive faster, Nettie And he says, I can't! It's a geo! I know every time that comes up

I think we even have found that clip Before and played it on the show Alright, do you want to do some music for your weekend? And then, yeah, I got to run. But it's an exciting music for your weekend because our friend Prom Queen just. Leany? Leany just dropped some new music. So her EP, her five-song EP called Lucky is coming out at the end of July. July 30th is when you can buy that digital album. And that is exciting. But in the meantime, she has released one song off of it along with an amazing video. All of her videos are amazing.

This video, this is a- Have you watched it? I have. This is a Britney Spears covers, right? Exactly. The whole album?

The EP is Britney Spears covers, and this song is Baby One More Time. You might recognize it. And this is-

Yeah, this video is amazing. I don't know how she instructed the background dancers to dance. I don't know what she told them to do. And that's her band. Oh, that's her band? Yeah.

Or at least I recognize a couple of them as her band members, yeah.

You'd think I would know.

Like Caleb's back there.

They've only been on Livewire and TBTL. But, yeah, the dancing in this is – I mean, the singing, it's all incredible.

Yeah, the directing, it's just amazing visual. So you can find that, actually, if you look for Prom Queen on YouTube and look for Baby One More Time. In fact, I know it's findable if you Google exactly that because we put this on our television last night and enjoyed it, just like living in the future, Luke. So let's take a listen to this. Web TV. Web TV, indeed. Here's Baby one more time, my prom queen.

How was I supposed to know That something wasn't right here I shouldn't have let you go And now you're out of sight Show me how you want it to be Tell me, baby, cause I need to know My loneliness is killing me I must confess, I still believe When I'm not with you, I lose my mind Give me a sign Hit me, baby, one more time The reason I breathe is you You've got me blinded There's nothing I wouldn't do It's not the way I planned it Show me how you want it to be Tell me, baby, cause I need to know My loneliness is killing me I must confess I still believe When I'm not with you I Lose my mind Give me a sign Hit me, baby, one more time

Just amazing. So good. Literally one of the most, if not the most talented person I know. And prolific. And prolific. And talented on so many different levels.

I know. She's been recording this album, making these videos. I mean, yeah.

It's incredible. So, again, album's coming out in late July. I'm going to remind people of that in late July so that we can support our friend.

Well, Celine was doing all that work, but I was doing a little work, Andrew, called being a teen father. Okay? And years later, it's paying off because, once again, I am the pipeline through which my daughter's awesome musical recommendations make their way onto TBTL. And I make no apologies. I was trying to figure out what the hell you were doing there. You're going to dig this, though. She sent me this song the other day. It is a Breeders song covered by Big Thief. Sounds up my alley. Yeah, man. This is really good. I actually didn't know this. You might know this Breeders song because you're much more into them than I am. Do you know the song Off You?

Oh, yeah. I think that's kind of a – well, that's what I consider to be like later Breeders, but I'm sure it's probably literally like 20 years old now. But, yeah, that's off of an album.

I think it is from 2003 maybe or something.

Yeah, that sounds about right. So I'm not as intimately familiar with it as some of their earlier stuff. But, yeah, I'm familiar with it. It's a very low-key song.

Well, I didn't know about this. I didn't know about the Breeders version of this song, which is the original. But I listened to this Big Thief cover, and I was like, this is so good. And then I went back and listened to the Breeders one, which is also amazing. Amazing. I think the Deal sisters, are they identical twins? Like, do they have the same birthday? They are twins. I think it was their birthday recently. I saw somebody on Twitter wishing them a happy birthday anyway. So, yeah, can we – are you able to play this from where you're at?

Yeah, I have not heard – this is two tastes that go great together, but I have not heard this yet.

I'm excited. It's a strong argument for abstinence-only education in the 90s.

It's a strong argument against it, yes.

No, for it, because it doesn't work, and then you'll have a kid, and then the kid will know about good music, and then they'll tell you about it.

Sorry. Yes, of course it is. Andrew, keep up. It took me a while to untangle that joke. I had to remember what my politics were for a second. Just one more thing. All right. Take a listen. All right. Please play the song.

I've laid this silent sun A thousand times I'm on it But I'm going strange This island's chills and chills Covering me With wind and rock The skies I have yet to see I've tried I've even sent in friends They did it as a favor Cause I'm not that way I'm the autumn of scarlet And the makeup on your eyes All in the sail, all in the sail Yeah, we're moving Yeah, we're moving

All right, so there you go, Big Thief doing a Breeders song. That's beautiful. I love, love, love her voice so much. Me too.

Absolutely. Slays all day, Andrew. I also love that line. I'm the autumn in the scarlet. I'm the makeup on your eyes.

Oh, and there's like a little kind of the guitar players in our audience are going to die when I say this. But I don't know if we'd call it a walk up, but there's a little like kind of just like chord change that happens like almost like a key change, I guess. Or I don't know if it's a full on key change, but there's a moment in that song that's just so beautiful. It gets me every time. All right. Our listener suggestion is from listener Zach, who kept it short and sweet. Said, sup, Remy Wolf.

Sup.

Liz.

So I guess the musician is Remy Wolfe And then the song is Liz Now, and then Zach wrote Keep on rockin' in the free world Now, that was the part of the message That Zach intended for us, I guess, to read on the air But he had also added some other details Which he said, please do not play a live version Of this song on the show She has an incredible talent But it's drowned out by the production on the studio cut A.K.A. the only one I can add to my Spotify playlist So, he wanted to make sure we didn't play the live version because he's not a fan of that mix. Yes, yet I'm

confused by that second sentence. She's an incredible talent, but it's drowned out by the production in the studio on the studio cut. So it sounds like the studio cut drowns out. Wait, please don't

not play a live version. Don't not double negative. Please don't not play a live version. Oh, don't not forget. Zach are you testing? Now here's the thing though Andrew, I listened to the studio version and it friggin slaps. So

So I don't know what to do here. I don't know what to do either. There's no link included?

There was, and I deleted it because I thought he didn't want us to play the live version, but he wanted us to don't not play the live version. I don't know what's going on. Just, Zach, I'm sorry, my friend. I'm going to have to make an executive decision. I think the live version is pretty good. I'm sorry. I think that the version I listened to on Spotify I thought was great. And so I just feel like at this point that's probably the way to go.

although he did say please don't not he did say please don't not i mean do you just want me to do a live version yeah okay let's see here zach but but also you said but should i also just go to my read that other part should i just go to my email and find his original email and see what link he sent i mean maybe that's the best way to go i don't know if he sent it to both of us i can probably send it to you could you hear this hard well here's a live it looks like um they're sitting out on a on a beautiful porch somewhere there you go overlooking and is this the one that maybe i don't know but we're don't nodding all right we're don't that's what they say about improv don't not okay i don't know if this is going to begin right uh at the beginning or not but this is from june 1st 2021 this is hot off the presses this looks okay um and like an absolutely beautiful setting

to hear this song and i can also tell you the studio version is really good as well so maybe go look that up too all right that's gonna do it for our week thanks for listening everybody Thanks for being part of this whole thing. Have a great Friday. Have a great weekend. Stay cool. Stay hydrated. It's not the water, except you do need to drink it. And go, Mariners. Go eat a Braggle. And please remember, no mountain too tall. And good luck to all.

Wasteless, less

She taught me how to live But it was Lace, less Oh Oh baby, baby, baby, baby

Baby, baby, baby, baby Yeah, she don't eat alone She goes home alone Too much time alone Time alone on the phone Nobody, nobody, nobody calls Nobody, nobody, nobody calls She gets alone She wants to hold me on But I don't hold things No, I'm too lonely I fuck that head Traveling, traveling, traveling Cause Catch me vaping orange Just outside at the mall I get lonely So I go shoplifting Oh, oh, it's better than sitting Crying in my kitchen Oh, oh, oh

And nobody, nobody

Power out