Muse

Good evening. Hello, are you the manager? Hiya. Yeah, hiya, yeah. I was just talking to... Jane. Jane, and she seems to think I can't pop in for a quick drink. Really? Do you have a reservation? Nope, you just walked up.

I didn't just walk up, I was actually just chauffeured up in that. In a town car?

No, that's a limousine.

Does anyone in your limousine have a reservation? Right. Um, I didn't want to have to mention this, but maybe I'm quite well known in the UK. Want me to Google?

There's no Googling, there's no need to Google.

You're famous in England? No. Well, we have a number of British employees. If I were to bring one down, they would know who you are. Neville, please report.

Let's just keep Neville out of it. Do you know what? I'm not going to jump through your hoops. I'd like you to notify your owner that you just turned away Stuart Pritchard. Sorry, Stuart? Pritchard! I'm Googling him. Why are you getting involved? It's nothing to do with you. Just remember that face, because you'll be apologizing to it later.

Nothing on Google.

TVTL! okay guys yeah let's take a moment right now yeah we'll take a quick moment and then we'll move on no let's take a full moment in silence or can we moments usually silence so moment starts when you shut up and uh do we close our eyes i don't think you need to it's not really a prayer it's more a

moment this show really improves with age why because the jokes get better no because my hearing gets worse. Don't say much, friend, but when you do, it's to the point, and I salute you for it. Okay, T-Bone, time for some serious crunching.

All right, hello, good morning, and welcome, everyone, to a Tuesday edition of TBTO. That's a tuna, bro. The show that just might be too beautiful to live. My name is Luke Burbank.

I'm your host. I'll say, what's up, dog? Coming to you from the Nest Broadcast Center

high in the sky above portland oregon where we are looking at another nice day but not a day where it reaches 97 degrees which i know some of our listeners in like you know arizona and stuff they say ah pish posh at your 97 degrees but boy it was steamy here yesterday Today I think it's going to be more in the 80s, which is about the right temperature for me in the summer times. This is the right episode for all of us, 3,450 in a collector series. Let the fun begin. Where we have arrived. There is an online petition to ask, force, suggest that Jeff Bezos stay in space. when he goes up there for a few minutes. Boo!

Boo! Boo!

People do not like Jeff Bezos right now. Like, intensely so. And also, speaking of Jeff Bezos going to space, I said last week that if I'm him, I'm not just going up, you know, into what is technically space for 11 minutes. i'm going to like pluto turns out he is not even going to be in what is allegedly space for as long as we all thought that's the saddest thing i've ever heard so we'll um dig into that also this is a cool story the first active nfl player ever has come out as a gay man you're like the coolest person i've ever met and i don't just makes me weirdly happy i mean i guess it's not weird but It's just like you've had, you know, players who are retired from the league come out. You've had players who were trying to get into the league who've come out. But you've never had somebody who's like suiting up week in and week out and running out there and playing the football who has, you know, I guess felt safe enough to say, hey, I'm a gay person. And I think it's quite cool. So we'll play his audio when we get to it. Also, there was a town in Australia that is now covered in spiderwebs.

He's not spider pig anymore. He's Harry Plopper.

Which just feels like the most Australian story I've heard in a long time. I'd believe anything that comes out of Australia in terms of wacky animal behavior and extreme conditions. So we will get into that. Plus emails, V-mails, and D-mails. Coming up too, all with the help of this guy, the longest running co-bro of the show Maybe best known for his depictions of the tall ships He is Andrew Oh, explicit

Ooh

Walsh, and he's joining me right now From the Roosevelt neighborhood of Seattle, Washington Good morning, my friend Good morning, Luke You were right last week when you said there's a team

or there was a team called the Red Storm, a very ominous name for a team.

Yeah, St. John's. I think I said that in the moment. Somebody emailed us to clarify, but I have a memory. Is everybody sitting down? I have a memory. You have a memory of being right. No, I just have a memory of saying that. I think I said, oh, that was St. John's. Oh, okay. That's a pretty famous. I could be wrong. or maybe I just thought it on the inside of my brain but I thought I said that it was St. John's because I actually have a lot of thoughts about that college because they had for a time a very, very over-performing college basketball team men's college basketball team Chris Mullen went there one time Golden State Warrior and flat-top enthusiast I would say Big Country Brian, Big Country Reeves and Chris Mullen were the two most at least white guys who really loved the

flat top. Does Chris Mullen not have a nickname? Let me look this up here.

Boy, I don't, that's a great question. I never knew him to have a nickname but maybe he did. He was on some really good Golden State teams. Forget all this Steph Curry biz. Back in the day you had Chris Mullen, you had Tim Hardaway Senior. Tim Hardaway junior place in the nba which kills me because i remember his dad tim hardaway and then chris weber was a golden state warrior they were pretty decent team back in the day well i think i don't

know if this is good news or bad news but it's certainly an improvement opportunity chris mullen doesn't seem to have a nickname if so is obscure enough that it's not being uh listed here on his wikipedia page which really gives us the opportunity to nickname him he's retired now is it are you

Are you looking at a picture of him, by the way?

No. Let me click on this. Do an image search of his playing days, and you'll see that sweet, sweet flat top that he used to.

I had a flat top, by the way.

And this would be 1990s, right? Chris Mullen, 1990s. Yeah. Okay. Just do Chris Mullen, Golden State Warriors, and you can't miss it. I did not. He'll be the guy with the flat top. He'll be the guy with the flat top. I did not. Now, he didn't have a mullet, did he? Because I'm really hoping for a Chris the Mullet Mullen here because it would just be easier on me.

I mean, opposite, like actual opposite. Yeah, that is so, yeah. Like he was business in the front, business in the back. Yeah.

It's all business. All business with Chris Mullen. I want one of them Arnie Schwarzenegger jingle all the way cuts. Heart, stiff, and Mullen. Heart, stiff, and Mullen. All right. Well, I will continue to work on nicknames. I mean, one thing I could do is- Are you seeing a picture of him, though? I need-

Yeah, no, I see it.

There's one satisfaction. Here's a very good one with him and a teammate. And the flat top is the most intense here. And he's making a very intense, intense face as well. Yeah, he looks like almost a wrestler with that haircut in this shot.

Yeah, that was part of my inspiration. I think I wanted to be Chris Mullen because, you know, he was a KG shooter. He was known for his jump shot. KG, did you say? What's that? Did you say KG? Not in the Kevin Garnett style But just cagey Oh, cagey, cagey

Okay, I'm sorry Okay, sorry I thought it was a basketball term Gotcha

No, I just But I remember just like I've said this before on the show And I hope this doesn't Sound extremely weird On a sort of racial basis But I feel like on some level I can very much understand I certainly cannot understand the experience of people of color because I have not lived that experience. But I understand zooming in towards the people who kind of look like you and who you identify with in a situation because I was obsessed with any semi-competent white basketball player because I was like, I'm a white guy. Most of the really good players in the NBA are not white. But if there was a player who was white, I was extra obsessed with them, I think, because I thought, well, I could be that guy. And this is, you know, again, it's a weird thing to say because I have so much privilege. There was this one thing where most of the people that I was admiring didn't look like me. That was like the one arena in which it was happening. But, like, I could give you a list of every semi-competent white basketball player from the 90s.

Do you think that if you were growing up today, similar circumstances even as far as socioeconomics and everything, but just the way the world is set up today and the way the sports world is set up? Like, I can't relate to anything you just said, but I'm also not a, you know, I didn't grow up watching sports and I wasn't like, oh, I can really relate to, I don't know, like white musicians or something like that. You know what I mean? Like, and I'm not trying to give you a hard time. I just, I don't have an equivalent of that in my life. And I'm wondering if you feel like if you were growing up in 2020.

You would maybe have gravitated towards the same thing I feel like that's kind of

Well I would say this Michael Jordan was still my very favorite basketball player Like I was obsessed with players of Of all races I guess Depending on who the player was I also actually thought Tim Hardaway was amazing Who was also a black player But there was just like this kind of Thing in my mind Or it was like if somebody like A great example is a guy named Jason Williams who actually played for the Sacramento Kings, whose nickname was White Chocolate. He was a white dude who passed the ball with an amazing flair. And I was so into him, I think because I thought, well, I could maybe be Jason Williams. You know, like there was just some kind of I just I identified with these with these white guys who were playing in the NBA. And it made me think, oh, that was a possibility. Turns out. I wasn't going to make the NBA, Andrew. Well, you're not dead yet. I've got time. I'm only 45 years old. I recently lit him up over at Irving Park in Portland. I did, by the way. I don't know if we talked about this on the show, but my second time out there, I actually played pretty well.

I think you talked about your first time out there, maybe. Right, which was a disaster. Right.

It was literally a major disaster. But my second time out there, which was just like the next day or something, I actually hit a couple shots and I got the most coveted thing you can get as a pickup basketball player, which is I got the ball and the other team, somebody yelled shooter. So as to encourage the person guarding me to get out closer to me because I was seen as an offensive threat threat. Yes.

I have been seen as a threat before too But only in the library when I was sitting in a section I wasn't supposed to be sitting in a parent And I think rightfully so Well congratulations

So I understand that you are You've now become a white claw man Like your father

Oh that's right we're supposed to talk about that today You know we need to talk more about race And basketball Well it is white claw White claw summer I am. Yeah, I just think it's I mean, I don't know how much there is to say here. I just think it's kind of interesting that I went from a guy who has never I might have had one white claw at one point when it was new and everybody was talking about it. But I basically went from having zero interest in them to I think like like having at least one white claw four days in a row over the weekend starting on Thursday. And, yeah, that's what my alcohol consumption is like, people. But I just don't think of myself as a white-claw kind of person. I don't even know exactly what that means. But, you know, I'm a shot-in-a-beer kind of guy. That's my lifestyle. But I was going to the store. Here's the deal, Luke. I keep a, during the summer months, I keep a well-iced cooler on our back porch. And that's where we keep our beer and things. Got Genevieve some light Coronas, even some of the ultra light Coronas or whatever they're called. I keep some Miller Lights in there. And I love puttering, Luke. I love getting a bag of ice every couple of days, draining the water out, re-icing it. I mean, people say I don't have a hobby. People say I don't have a zest for life. Zest? No, that's not the word I was looking for. But I do. And it just involves, you know, melting ice, getting new ice, melting ice, getting new ice. Just it's a full life. And the other day I was playing in the cooler, I guess. Let's just call it what it is. I was, you know, icing it down or whatever. And then I was. Bro icing bro. And then I was like, okay, well. Just you icing yourself. I should go get some more beer. But I was like, but we have plenty of beer. I was like, we have Miller Lite and we have Coronas in here. Like, what more could a fellow want?

Walsh Xander wept because there was no more beer to put in the icebox.

And I cannot explain it other than to say it was a flight of fancy, Luke. Like, I just had in my head that I wanted to go to the store to buy more beer. And I was like, but I already have that kind of like, yeah, but buy a fun beer. During the winter, I like I like there's a couple of IPAs that I like. So I drink those, but I'm not really drinking those in the summertime. Plus, they're very, very heavy. um and i was thinking so i'm not gonna go to the store to buy an ipa i already have our other two beers but i was like i just feel like buying something i'd never have had the urge just to like window shop for some sort of like different beer but i don't know i just wanted the experience of purchasing something so i walk over to whole foods and i'm looking at different beers i'm just like i don't know i don't really want anything i like miller light and then i saw the white claw and i thought huh it's a hot sunny day should we put some of these in the cooler i can have one if I don't like it or if it's not my thing.

I'm sure Genevieve or guests over the course of the next few weeks will drink them up. Didn't have a problem with that, actually. I took care of those things pretty quickly in the next couple of days. I like me some White Claw, man. Like, it is a nice little treat. I like the grapefruit kind are my favorites. I've only tried that in cherry. Cherry's a little sweet for me. But I don't think of myself as the—I don't feel like I fit the White Claw profile. But here we are. Don't judge a book by its cover. And what is it that you enjoy about the experience? It was fresh. It was very fresh and light, and it just sort of hit the spot. I mean, I'm sure it's got to be directly related to the fact that it's been very hot and sunny outside, too. Heat dome. Heat dome, I know. I was reading about that heat dome yesterday.

Now, my problem with – and I had a moment with White Claw, like in the early days. What I like about it is it's effectively a vodka soda, which is what all these hard seltzers are. they are more or less a vodka soda but they are allowed to sell them at gas stations and the like and i think what i liked about white claw was if i were if i was to go to a place that only had beer which i'm not a huge beer consumer although boy i had a beer at the baseball game the other night

with you and oh delicioso what was it just like a lighter kind of like a rainier no actually it was

it was a i think it was an ipa yeah because it was either coors light or ipa was that like a weird concession stand that that was like sort of the options and yeah i was tempted to go coors light but i i was like eh that's just water that you dropped a penny in uh i'm gonna go ahead and get this ipa and if you have like three beers a year which is about the amount of beer that i have now i have a lot of other alcohol it's not like i'm teetotaling but if you have about three of them a year boy they sure hit the spot when you have one of your three beers a year yeah um But so what I liked about White Claw was you could get it at the same place you could get beer because it's categorized different than hard alcohol because it doesn't have any actual liquor in it, right? It's one of those things that's got a malt liquor. So it's got something that's, I guess, closer to beer that's then reduced down to its most just pure basic ethanol component. And so It tastes like And I guess acts like a vodka soda But it's not actually vodka

I'm surprised that I didn't know you went through your phase Sorry about the pause there I was just clearing my throat And you stopped at an inopportune moment for me Luke, please try to read the room No, I I didn't know I didn't think that you would have any I didn't think that you'd be able to associate with this story So you know, you understand the appeal

Like, I was on the White Claw train a long time ago. It was kind of a go-to for me. Yeah. Because back in the day when I was much more careful about my carbohydrate, my carbohydrate. Carbohydrate. Consumption. I don't even think you've seen that movie, have you?

I love it. No, is that Kristen Wiig? It's Kristen Wiig. I can't think of the name of the movie. It's the one where she.

Oh, it's where she basically makes a TV show because she's rich. Exactly. And gives her money to make the TV show.

I don't know if you've seen it. And if you haven't, I think it's worth seeing. Anyway, yeah, that's what that's from.

But when I was more careful about carbohondrants or whatever, I liked White Claw because, again, because I was just a vodka soda man at the time. And this was basically a vodka soda. But since then, I have both embraced the carbohydrate lifestyle and also gotten mildly weirded out by the – not weirded out, but it's like all of those things, whether it's Truly, White Claw, you name it, they're all based on something that is a malt liquor. And I don't know why that matters to me. Like it shouldn't – it's not like vodka. I mean vodka is made from whatever it's made from. So I don't know why that is a big deal to me That all of those in a can Kind of vodka sodas are not really vodka But for some reason that started to kind of Affect my opinion of them And interestingly enough there is now I forget who makes it but there is The first Because by the way there's a Topo Chico hard seltzer now Is there really?

There's a Rainier hard seltzer I saw it in the store yesterday

It's like you know I mean there's money to be made there But there's actually a hard seltzer now And their sort of claim to fame is that they use actual vodka.

Oh, really? I wonder if there will be rules that are different about, like, where it can be sold. I would assume so. I'm really – yeah. So I said to Genevieve one time, I'm like, boy, you really know that the beer industry must really be suffering if I'm now drinking White Claw. You know, I just did not see – I'm just such a shot in the beer guy. Like, I just – and now I'm just like –

Somebody hit, like, a button and then, like, an alarm went off throughout the beer industry. We lost. This is like this is bad. Things are not trending the right way. But anyway, that and Genevieve's like, oh, yeah, you think so? Maybe that's why every single beer company has its own brand of hard seltzer now. So one thing that we're going to do, we're recording after these messages today, and I haven't done the research on this yet, but unless there's absolutely nothing here, I think what we're going to do, based on my new love of White Claw, is to actually look at the advertising kind of approaches of these different brands. Because I'm interested in seeing if like the Bud Light branded hard seltzer is going to be trying to appeal to your more stereotypical Bud Light kind of person. In this case, maybe like your typical Bud Light kind of guy when you think about their advertising campaigns versus is it truly – is that the one that debuted its kind of brand during the Super Bowl a couple of years ago and it's two women who own the company? I don't know if that's Truly or another one, but I would assume that their advertising approach and their target market is probably a lot different than the Rainier hard seltzer.

the um i feel like the bud light hard seltzer their big rollout was that campaign that also i think aired during the super bowl where like a town it was like a guy was the mayor of like a weird quirky town and he was announcing that the town was i don't know if they were naming the town bud light hard seltzer or whatever but it was like very parks and rec it was and it also reminded me

a little bit of um kyle mclaughlin plays the um the mayor in portlandia right it kind of reminded me of that a little bit isn't it in his chambers yes and i think he's got an assistant with him

and yeah it was it was very it was very kyle kyle mclaughlin in uh portlandia kind of thing yeah but um so i know that one happened but i don't know i don't remember the truly stuff but yeah It is – I mean it's like the growth sort of aspect, I guess, of the alcohol market. And I wonder if it's just because it's light and refreshing or because everybody got obsessed with club soda so this is just the natural next step or if people are being – are more concerned about their carbohydrates. I wonder what accounts for the like massive popularity of hard seltzers.

Yeah, I think – I mean honestly, I think yes to all of those things. I think it's just – it would be interesting if somebody actually – and I'm sure there's all kinds of, you know, like inside the industry kinds of research on this right now. I would love to read, though, like maybe even after a few more years pass and we have some – we can look at this in the rearview mirror a little bit more. Like this seems like a really fascinating cultural shift in, you know, this particular product line. And I just think it's really interesting and like how everybody had to adapt pretty quickly to it. And I think you're right. It's all of these factors. I do think it's the carbohydrate thing. I think it's just generational, too. Like, I just, you know, I was at the grocery store the other day, and there were these three guys. I'm assuming they were college guys. And I've seen this before to a degree where they're clearly having a party, and they're loading up, you know, their cart just full of copious amounts of alcohol. But when I walked in, I walked into the beer aisle. I now call it the White Claw aisle. when i walked into the white claw aisle somebody was removing white claws and i couldn't quite see his face i can't remember why well we're all wearing masks that's one reason but also i can't remember if he had longer hair and it was covering it or what but he was a figure whose face i could not see but he was moving so much white claw out of the refrigerator into his cart that for a second i was confused because i thought you don't look like you work here but you are clearly like you're

removing a recall on white claw it was sent out sal from the back of the store to to load up a cart and get the white claw out of there but no he was just um uh chad and he was having a party

oh it he was such a chad and yes and i mean and i'm not even i'm not in love to listeners named yes and i don't have um you know like part of me for a second was kind of like aren't we still in a pandemic i'm like no i was at a baseball game last night um like things are you have the thought about him having a party i think that i had a weird i just had this weird thing that i need to get over it only flashed for a second like i just think oh judgy but i think oh that's because a year and a half of me silently judging people i'm not so silently judging people um but uh yeah i was honestly i'm not joking i was honestly confused why because he was just doing it at such a pace he was just like removing all the white cloth so i actually snuck in and i think i grabbed i grabbed before they all disappeared and then turns out that was just before he got to the beer and then I saw his two other friends and they were just like walking up and down the aisle again I've seen I've seen this exact scene before college kids prepping for a party but I've never seen it to this extent they had two grocery carts just like indiscriminately just loading it with alcohol so sounds like

I think that was probably a fun party for them on Saturday.

Hot Chad Summer is here. It is indeed. And many people, not all people, many people have a little bit more discretionary income and a powerful lust for partying. And so, yeah, I think we're going to see more and more of that. Oh, phooey, there was one more thing I wanted to say about that. Can I ask you a question while you think of it? Yes, I got distracted by the ambulance driving by. I know that people are just having medical emergencies, but I resent every ambulance that has to drive by my apartment.

No, that's fair. That's what I always say. Defund the ambulances. You know, I got the whole thing going on.

ACAB. Ambulances can all blow themselves. I should have picked a different B word.

How about ADAD, or ADAB, all doctors are bastards. All right. My question for you is this while you try to regain your footing. I don't know that we've ever seen two potential show titles come out of one sentence, but would you be happy with either Hot Chad Summer or A Powerful Lust for Partying as today's show title?

That's a thing that I say because of Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas. And in fact, that's a thing that Camaro Kevin and I throw around a lot. There is, I can't remember if it's Johnny Depp's character or if it's Benicio Del Toro's character, but somebody says they have a powerful lust for red salmon. So if ever Camaro Kev and I are interested in anything, like in fact he told me, you know, I have a powerful lust for karaoke, which of course we weren't actually able to achieve the other night, but he had a powerful lust for it.

Yeah, okay, now that you've put it in that context, I can think of it. Did you think of what you wanted to say or should we just go to break?

No, but I'm sure that that is an indicator of how important it was, which is to say not that important. So we'll take a quick break, and then we'll be back with the top stories. Maybe during the quick break I'll remember what I was trying to remember. Anyway, stay with us. It's TBTL. Hello, and welcome to Top Story. Our top story, there is a petition, which I don't think Andrew is going to actually, you know, have any kind of legal standing. I don't think it's legally binding. But there is a petition to have Jeff Bezos stay in space when he goes up to space for a few minutes. And it's got like 80,000 signatures. And I guess I thought it was interesting because I was also talking to somebody in Seattle this weekend who has friends who work at a restaurant that Jeff Bezos apparently went to recently in Seattle. And I had actually seen this video on TikTok and did not realize it was from an event in Seattle. But Jeff Bezos went to eat at this restaurant and then was leaving and then was like heckled by these couple of people. And the heckling was so mean and I would actually say kind of ableist because the – well, the guy said something to the effect of how do you feel when people die in your warehouses or your production plants? that's not the ableist part then this the woman said something about him having a lazy eye and said money can't fix that and um it just struck me as he didn't jeff bezos didn't respond he was just like walking to some you know giant black suv with his security but it struck me as just so pointed and just kind of like like i get that amazon is their labor practices are certainly very problematic and there are a lot of things about amazon that that are not making the world a better place but the fact that like i was talking to addy this weekend and she said that in her friend group if anyone were to admit that they order stuff from amazon they would be ostracized essentially and and i i just like maybe it's a generational thing but like i'm just i'm not trying to defend jeff bezos but i am just it it's interesting to me that he is considered to be basically hitler now um it just seems like a pretty extreme response yeah you know it is scary

though i i you know there was just another story in the um seattle times yesterday and i bet you it's not a coincidence that they released this investigative piece um during what is now being branded as prime week i believe it used to be prime day which i mean that again just kind of shows the power of amazon and like i feel like super overrated what is prime day like it's like

the tj maxx of amazon

It's like you can't go on there and necessarily get anything specific that you want. It's just random shit that they're not moving that they, like, offer at a lower – Isn't that like you – I don't know. Maybe it was last year I was like, oh, Prime Day. I'm going to score some deals. And I went on there and I was like, oh, I can get some batteries for cheaper. Like I was very underwhelmed by what this Prime Day thing is actually about.

Well, I have not played in that space. But if you look at, like, just the power of what they have, like, I for the past couple of weeks have been hearing these commercials that didn't make sense to me at first until I realized, oh, I am listening to an appliance store specifically without saying Prime Day try to say, hey, if you're looking to buy a TV this week and you're looking for the Prime discounts, don't go online. Like, they are, and I mean, this is just a small... Was that video only? It really was, yeah, it was video only.

Those are the worst ads and have been the worst ads for over 30 years.

They say video doesn't teach for a day, but for a lifetime. But anyway, that's just a small cultural thing. That's not my broader point. Do I even have a broader point? I think my broader point is I understand the scariness that is Amazon. I feel like this is a ball that is rolling downhill and people are starting. And I applaud the – if you say it's a younger generation thing, I applaud the younger generation for trying to stand pat against it because it is scary. I feel like this snowball is rolling downhill and he slash Amazon are accumulating more and more power. And, you know, obviously there's the tax issues and you talk about the labor practices in the in the warehouses. But also you this I was starting to say this piece in The Seattle Times looks at the the review processes, you know, the problematic review process, the processes for their, you know, headquarter workers and how they keep on saying that. the six percent thing yes exactly they're like basically trying to get rid of six percent of your workforce um because you know turnover is good and um and having these you know i i know people who have suffered you know who have been excited to get jobs there and then have suffered like emotionally from in you know i know there are a lot of hard jobs out there but it sounds like a place that is almost built to to just i don't know man up it sounds like a very upsetting place to work i mean it just sounds like it is literally built so that you can you you and i were talking the other day about um tyrian right in game of thrones when he was you know imprisoned somewhere at the top of a tower that um had no bars but the floor was just like tilted a little bit towards the opening of the of the maw that would send him to his death and he had to just try to relax up there and sleep up there and eat up there but you know he was always being tilted towards his death like I sort of feel like that's that's how Amazon sounds to me I'm not made of very tough stuff but it just sounds like I mean the culture from top to bottom just sounds terrible and that's not even getting into the huge impact that this company is having on the world and and my beloved city of Seattle as well without being I feel like taxed properly like it's funny that I feel so strongly I mean I can't think of a company that is more scary to me than Amazon right now um and i'm worried that they're just getting started i'm not trying to put you put

you on the spot but do you ever order anything from amazon a little bit and the funny thing is

is i feel like i got into a more of a habit of ordering from them i don't know maybe sometimes well it's probably maybe pandemic related but i was very slow to order thing to start like making it a regular thing where i order things online and it didn't have to do with my morals it just had to do with me being kind of an old and feeling like uh i know they say that's easy to return things but it sounds like such a pain if i order this thing and it doesn't work out right then i got i'm stuck with it and i got to jump through hoops and i know they've ironed a lot of that stuff out but that's just like kind of the the old madness that i i dragged that i dragged along into this e economy but now i'm more comfortable ordering things online but no joke i'm not just saying this because they're an advertiser but i feel much better ordering things from places like grove or directly from um directly from stores i'm not saying i don't ever order things from amazon But I'm really it's rare for me anyway, but I'm also trying to actively not or if I see something on Amazon that I want, I look to see if there's a if there's a way I can buy it more directly.

I think I'm just a bad person because I don't know. I just generally like I understand intellectually that Amazon is, you know, is in a lot of ways making the world a worse place. but i'm just i think so obsessed with my own experience or center myself in every experience that i'm like oh but i can get baby wipes in two hours why wouldn't you know it delivered to my door or whatever like i just the convenience factor and i actually don't order a ton of stuff off of amazon but i'm just

just not as like I don't know I'm not as as sort of troubled by it as probably I should be I guess

yeah and again like I feel kind of inarticulate about this and of course there are much more articulate people who have had much more intelligent conversations about the the scariness that is Amazon I know that Chris has done a couple of episodes of his podcast about it right at this

point yes and it's very very illuminating and most of my to the degree that i have bad feelings when i order something on amazon it's all off of listening to those episodes of why is this

happening yeah and i'm trying to the reason i'm fumbling around now is i want to be honest with you and tell you actually what i've ordered via amazon oh ironically i did buy a book off of amazon that just arrived yesterday i'm reading that or i was reading that theodore roosevelt book and then I kind of stalled out on it I was like what if I just had a paperback copy of it and so I actually walked into I walked into third place books I walked into several bookstores I couldn't find a used copy of it so I bought one like a used copy of the rise of Theodore Roosevelt for like one dollar through some bookstore or I bought it from a bookstore I'm working on a book called the rise of Theodore Murray he's right here right now being very cute I thought maybe if i had the paperback copy of the book i would get back into it because that's how things work i ordered a mouse at the beginning of june um oh and my mouse pad so yeah those are the things i've ordered recently a mouse pad uh on june 2nd and a book i do think it's interesting that amazon started as a i mean it's just fun to remember that amazon started as a bookseller i i mean

oh man this is not where i want to take the conversation because i'm going to look very bad But it's like I I guess I just need to do more research on it, I think, because I was going to say, like, I know that the fulfillment centers sound like they're really terrible places. And I guess the issue is they're the only jobs that can be had in places. And so I was going to say, well, people could also not work at the fulfillment centers, but they're often the only option. And I guess really the issue is Jeff Bezos could give everyone bathroom breaks and still be the richest person on planet Earth. You know what I mean? I think that's probably what people are mad about, rightfully so. Like, it's all of the things that are not great about Amazon, particularly as it relates to its workers and the drivers and all of that. Those are just things that are about increasing profits. And it's not like they're not making enough money. It's not like Jeff Bezos isn't getting rich enough. They could run a business more like Dick's Drive-In in Seattle that famously, like, sort of not overpays its employees, but pays its employees a very, very respectable wage, gives them time off to take college classes. Like, they were sort of like, we're going to be the company that does right by our employees, and then we will have a huge amount of loyalty. And Costco is another example of a place that's supposedly very good to work at because they really take care of their people. Amazon could be that company, I think. If they wanted to, it's not like they're hanging by a thread in the sort of, you know, profit department, but they choose not to. And I think that's what that's what makes it a bad scene.

And I mean, well, a couple of things, you know, you mentioned, you know, can you get a job somewhere else? Well, I know that you kind of walk that back a little bit because that's very complicated. But also it's part of the problem that as the snowball rolls downhill, they eliminate more and more of the jobs and they suck up the jobs. And then I'm sure you read that piece. I think it was was it this Sunday's New York Times, the New York Times piece that kind of took a look at what the labor practices were during the pandemic? Like the bad labor practices, that's not breaking news. But somebody just did an interesting story, a feature in The Times that was saying, well, Amazon said they were going to try to work on this. What was it like for employees during the pandemic? And like it sounds like just from a user experience or what's the word I'm looking for, HR standpoint, like they've automated all that stuff. Think about your worst interaction ever with, let's just say, Xfinity, trying to get somebody on the line to help you with your bill or get your internet working again. And, like, you just keep going through phone trees and every single one is a dead end, right? Like, think about your most infuriating moments in a phone call voicemail tree like that. It sounds like that's basically how they're handling their employees. People who had to take leaves of absence for illness are getting automated calls saying that they're going to be fired. And then they try to call back to say, no, I don't. I still want to work here. What? Hello? And they're just trying to argue with robots that are just saying, your wife's new name is You're Fired, Targus. It just sounds just – and that's just – that's the part where you're not on the warehouse floor. Right. Those are the people that have the more probably white-collar version of Amazon stuff. No, no. This is those workers. But I'm just saying that's not even part of your job. That's just you. That's.

That's just you being messed with during your off hours like they're just Amazon just has this weird thing where they're just trying to churn people out of the system and they're using automated systems to do it. So they're just like taking out all of the humanity like I do think it's I do think it's really concerning. Yeah, I think you're right.

like i know that in my heart um and but again i i like probably many americans when i'm you know in a rush and i'm like my can what you know if my convenience is so primary in my which is bad by the way i'm i'm telling everyone don't email me i'm telling everyone i recognize that this is bad but sometimes the convenience factor does sort of cause me to you know override what i know to be true which is that amazon is making the world a way worse place um and i wasn't saying that to make you feel bad by the way you know that you couldn't make me feel bad i'm currently eyeing a nugget ice machine on prime day that i could buy it's a hundred dollars cheaper than normal

actually can you tell me about that is that one of those standalone ice makers is it really cute

is it super cute looking it's not no it's not it's actually aesthetically not that cute but it looks very very um great for this hot summer as the heat dome lowers around all of us uh it's a

um let's see there's an igloo one that i really want it looks a little retro this is the ge profile

opal countertop nugget ice maker which i must have looked at at some point and i'm sure that's why of the various random prime deals like i was going to just like list to you the things that are although we're talking about amazon being bad i was going to list the things that are i guess on sale quote-unquote on sale for prime day and i must have looked at that at some point because it's one of the things that they presented to me but i do actually really want to get one of these at some point um because i love pebble ice yeah it is just i mean it i i feel like i drank you know i already drank andrew one of these giant 60 ounce thermoflasks today but today i ate yeah this morning because it's probably because i ate almost an entire pizza last night by myself and

have you gone on your jog yet um yes so okay so that's part of it too i assume yeah i had to

because oh my god i went on my jog uh in the afternoon yesterday it was that was a bad idea when it was 95 degrees anyway um i i know like i know intellectually that amazon is a bad thing but i tend to when i'm in a moment i think prioritize my own convenience over what i know to be true which i need to stop doing yeah me too um jeff bezos is probably not going to be confined to space although that would be funny if this um you know petition went through and And then he went up there and I'm like, sorry, you have to live here now. You have to go in like Space Jam with the thing they go in in Superman.

Oh, yeah. Yeah. Like in who is that the first act of Space Force to arrest Jeff Bezos in space?

Like I assume that cuffs would be somehow like like made out of like lasers or something.

Right. Or electromagnetic in some way.

Yes, definitely not your standard handcuffs. It should be some kind of a fancy space handcuff, and then they put him in that LP, that album that Zod and his hench people were in. Yeah, spinning around.

I like the way the Space Force also has a billy club, by the way, swinging the billy club like the old-style police officer as he's being arrested.

A real throwback.

Yeah, sorry. I keep interrupting. Go ahead.

I don't think that Jeff Bezos is actually going to be confined to space, but he's also not going to be in space for very long. I talked about this last week, how I felt like for all his money, this is a pretty underwhelming mission to space. And Drew McGarry over at Defector.com also noted this, noted the fact that it's not even 11 minutes. I'll just read from this Drew piece. What I did not consider was that Bezos's little major Tom voyage would be a goddamn fraud. Business Insider's Morgan McFall Johnson gave an outline of Bezos' itinerary, if it can be even called that last week. And then this is from a Business Insider piece. Bezos will float around the cabin of his company's New Shepard spaceship for just three minutes before he has to strap into his seat again and fall back to the ground. This is Drew McGarry again. But wait, there's less. Three minutes is actually overestimating it. Now back to the Business Insider piece. Briefly, for just a minute or two, The new Shepard spaceship should clear the Carmen line, which is an imaginary boundary 62 miles above sea level, which is where space technically begins. And this is more from Drew. Not even three minutes. Bezos isn't even going to orbit it because his busted toilet of a spaceship isn't powerful enough to do that. He's not going.

anywhere near the moon. He may not even have to wear a goddamn space suit. A majestic overhead view of this crazy little marble we call home. A daring spacewalk to fix the cables on the detachable hab unit. The breathtaking realization that you exist in a cosmos more expansive than the limits of death itself. Bezos isn't getting any of that. You call yourself an astronaut, you fucking loser. Drew McGarry. He's great. Oh, man. I mean, when he turns his ire towards things that deserve his ire, it's a real white-hot laser that must be used carefully because it burns. But when he turns it at somebody who probably deserves it. What do you think about those people heckling Jeff Bezos on the street, though? I mean, is that fair game in your mind?

You know, it's hard for me to say. I didn't see that video, so I don't know what it was like. I, you know, I'm, well, no, I'm not going to take it there. I will say this. I will, I sometimes imagine what it would be like if I were introduced to somebody who I feel, well, number one, that I have no respect for, but they have a lot of power, right? um i'll say this i'm not you know i know that she's a democrat and everything but like i am not at all a big fan of our current mayor here in seattle jenny durkin and i disagree on a lot of things she said her approaches to a lot of things um and her policies and sometimes i think like if i were introduced to her would i i wouldn't do something like you know rude but would I take that moment to in any way sort of like try to show that I don't I don't agree with her I don't like what she's been doing to the city via her office and I don't have an answer to that I am definitely not somebody who if I was passing something like Bezos or Durkin on the street that I would like say something um it's weird because I and it's super embarrassing I want to always let everybody know that I know it's embarrassing but like my whole like what we call the polite car syndrome me seeing somebody you know kind of breaking the rules of society around us by taking up two parking spots or parking their suv in a bike lane and my inability not to like sort of like say something passive aggressively while i'm passing and somehow both be confrontational and avoid confrontation at the same time and just confusing everybody including myself and eventually you and the tvtl listeners like i know that that lives inside of me i don't think i would have the urge to do that with somebody like bezos or durkin or you know i used to fantasize about this all the time when i was very very young now i feel like uh when h when um w bush was in office right um and so i don't know i don't i'm not a big heckler i don't think but it also if anything those people said landed at all it kind of would make me happy if jeff but the lazy eye thing oh Oh, yeah. No, I know. That's one thing taken down from tick tock for bullying, by the way, by the way, that is one thing. And I feel like I've even been I I just have a personal rule. Like, I don't go after anybody's looks at all. Like, I think if you go back, like I've never said, you know, even with Trump, who is like the most deplorable, you know, person in the country. like i i've never talked about his color of his skin or his hair or anything like that only because i'm like there are just so many other things to talk about with these folks like all that does that doesn't do any good and it also can you know make that person feel like they're just being aggrieved like and also like and i don't like it with if somebody if somebody comes after somebody

who i do respect from a political or intellectual perspective and somebody is saying i remember luke being on um working at at cairo radio and of course it's a mix of conservatives there and liberals like you and me when we were working there whatever and i remember um coming into the studio after dory monson was getting off the air and of course he's a conservative gas bag and like there was a woman on msnbc who actually i remember even thinking like oh i thought she was kind of cute and nerdy looking but like i remember like dory and maybe it was his producer at the time i don't know who it was just like looking up and being like i can't believe they put her on tv she'd never be on fox news and i was just like that kind of casual sexism i think i was relatively new at cairo at the time coming from public radio and just being like wow we just say these things like i don't even i don't think anyway i think about that example a lot and just how how terrible that is to hear people just like judge people in that way so even the people whether it's ted cruz or trump or bezos or whoever i don't i don't go in for the for that type of when i say

Ted Cruz looks like a... gi joe man that somebody put in the microwave for a minute that's no i shouldn't say that what else shouldn't you say the trump one is really hard for me because his i mean and this is by the way this is just like the most obvious thing is to leave it alone because do not sink to his level but it's like his whole thing because he's an absolute cretin is to go after other people's appearance all the time and so it just feels like if there's anybody that it's fair game with it's him but of course then it just you've just sunk to his level which is a level none of

us want to be at yeah in fact i know i mean it's literally i think we got maybe one email in the history or you know since trump's been in office or one maybe it was a voicemail of somebody who is probably more conservative than us and just saying like i don't get it like how come you guys can just make fun of trump's appearance all the time like that's just like and it was probably somebody who maybe didn't love trump but also maybe didn't find him as repugnant as us and i remember i think it was a voicemail and i just remember thinking i don't like i just don't and that's exactly why because then if you do if you ever want to get into an intellectual argument with somebody like you've lost a lot of ground just by being just by playing that nasty game too like all the like remember there's a diaper supposedly a I don't even know also what Trump is doing with his look is also just befuddling so I understand why it's why it's worth like at least just asking some questions about maybe in private like there's a the most recent thing that I can remember is he was at some function and he was wearing big pants that looked like they were on backwards maybe and it was

this thing I think he was in North Carolina yeah and it looked like he had his pants on backwards which everybody was freaking out about which I was like the guy is you know an absolutely evil human in my opinion i don't think he literally puts his pants on backwards like i think there's he even he has that moment where you zip up your pants and were he to try to do that and then there was no zipper even he would note uh this is you know i think it was just a weird you know glitch of the photo and then also this was something that i did really i didn't go after that on twitter or say anything about it but then people were joking about him wearing a diaper and i can't remember who it was but somebody was saying you know there are many people who you know adults who wear diapers for a variety of reasons and like making that a way to dehumanize someone is just a really not great look because there are many of us who are that's just part of you know their daily life and it makes them feel crummy and i was like yeah that makes a lot of sense like the you know trying to get back at trump by saying he wears a diaper is a pretty crude thing to do and it's pretty mean to people that are wearing diapers because that's just what's going on with their body yeah i can i completely agree with that because again i'm

not trying trying to defend trump but i guarantee you that there is some lawmaker whose policies i agree with given you know the age of just given the age and the situation people's personal situations i guarantee you there's a lawmaker in dc right now who i agree with and would defend wholeheartedly who might be incontinent in some way and has to wear an undergarment that i don't have to wear like i just like that's not that's not what we're arguing about here you know i just feel like you lose a lot of ground when you focus on that stuff yes good point andrew we get it you're better than i am no no just you know what luke why don't you just buy a how i can be a

better person book on amazon uh you know who's a better person than both of us i think is maybe carl nasib he is a defensive lineman for the las vegas raiders that will never sound normal to me The Vegas Raiders. Yeah. I'm great with, you know, people of the same gender marrying each other. I'm great with trans rights. I'm great with every part of the LGBTQ plus world that we now live in and acceptance. You know what? I won't accept the Las Vegas Raiders. I refuse. It's Adam and Steve, not Las Vegas Raiders. But anyway, this guy is a defensive lineman for the Raiders. And this feels like a big deal to me. And it's it's getting kind of medium play on several European radio stations. I feel like it should kind of be a bigger story because this is huge. This is a guy who is going to, you know, he's probably already at OTAs or whatever. You know what I mean? Like he's playing professional football with a bunch of other folks. And he is, you know, has made, I think, a very brave decision to come out. You know, it's one thing to do it after you've left the league. it's an I guess I guess I would put him on the same level as the guy who came out of I forget the college he played at who came out in college but then he didn't really make the NFL although that's not on him I mean he that guy excuse me wanted to be in the NFL so he and he came out before I think before he even like you know went to the combine and stuff so

i would say both of these people are very brave for you know being in the football the pro football environment and being out gay men anyway let me just play you uh i also just think his statement was kind of great and chill um so here we go this is carl nasib uh off of instagram uh oh i've got to unmute this hold on also you know what i don't like about instagram videos is they just auto start and so you've got to like you can't you got to like keep refreshing the browser to get it to

start at the right place and then you got to house here in westchester pennsylvania just want to take a quick moment to say that i'm gay i've been meaning to do this for a while now but i finally feel comfortable enough to get it off my chest um i really have the best life i got the best family friends and job a guy could ask for um i'm a pretty private person so i hope you guys know that i'm really not doing this for attention um i just think that representation and visibility are so important um i actually hope that like one day videos like this and the whole coming out process are just not necessary. But until then, you know, I'm going to do my best and do my part to cultivate a culture that's accepting, that's compassionate. And I'm going to start by donating $100,000 to the Trevor Project. They're an incredible organization. They're the number one suicide prevention service for LGBTQ youth in America. And they're truly doing incredible things. And I'm very excited to be a part of it to help in any way that I can. And I'm really pumped to see what the future holds. That's all I have for you guys. I hope you have a great day.

work hard what's up anyway so that's the that's the announcement which i just also just kind of love i don't know his tone not that it's not that anyone needs me to weigh in on if his tone was right or not but i don't know just seems like a cool dude and like i'm i'm incredibly impressed

with his bravery to do that yeah it's it's like i just feel like especially as straight people we can kind of forget especially because what was it 2012 luke when gay marriage was upheld by the court well let's see i don't know why i decided to ask you the date but either way it's been it's been a while right and like i think it's easy for us to think oh yeah like it's just it's just easy to be gay and out now and it's like it's not there are so many corners of the culture there's i mean I was listening to our friend Bean's show the other day, Cup of Tea and a Chat with Allie and Bean. And a couple of women called in to the show to say, hey, we're getting married today, but we can't tell our parents. So we wanted to tell you. And like that really stuck with me. I've just been thinking about that, you know, and it's not like, oh, it's this uber masculine sports world where it's not accepted. Like, there are just people who just can't live their goddamn lives. I mean, there are people who just can't tell their parents what's going on with their lives right now. I know people who are whose parents don't know that they're gay and like and everybody else does. But they have to keep this a secret. Like, there's so much pain there. And it's like 2021. And it's just like we're still far away from there, I think, in a lot of like families and cultures in this country.

Yeah, absolutely. I think it's easy if you're a straight person like I am to assume that it's just like all it's all chill now. And like, you know, if somebody realizes that they're gay, it's like it's not a big deal at all. It's just another way to be because, of course, that's sort of how we see it. But I mean, talk to any gay person and they will tell you a story about coming out. And it's not a chill story. I mean, maybe there's the very rare occasion where it's like a person was not sweating it. But the fact that it is as stressful and that people don't feel comfortable coming out and that people try to people marry someone of the opposite gender, people do all these things that indicates that it's still a huge deal in our society as accepting as as as it would seem that it is kind of broadly. I'm looking at the comments on Carl Nassib's Instagram post, and you got the NFL saying, we're proud of you, Carl, and then a heart emoji. Dwayne Wade checking in with a – I don't – do you call it prayer hands, or is it two people? Is it people high-fiving, or is it someone doing a prayer? Oh, I think those are prayer hands. That's how I always say them. So Dwayne Wade is standing with him. I wanted to get your opinion of this comment from J.J. Watt, who is, of course, a massively successful NFL defensive lineman. He says, good for you, Carl. Glad you feel comfortable enough to share, and hopefully someday these types of announcements will no longer be considered breaking news. Now, I think that's a positive statement, and I actually generally like J.J. Watt. I don't know him, but he seems okay to me. but there's some weird i don't know why is it does that comment strike you

as slightly weird no no i don't think so probably not yeah i think he's echoing exactly what um carl is it nasib is that how you yeah yeah

Yeah, Carl Nassif. I think he's almost echoing what he just heard in the video saying, like, you know, hopefully we won't have to release these videos. We can just all live our lives and it won't be a big deal. So, yeah, I think he's just echoing that.

I guess it was something about glad you feel comfortable enough. Also, J.J. Watt is just like, you know, a big old meathead, you know, a big old meathead guy from like Wisconsin or whatever. And, you know, I guess it's hard for my brain to understand that he actually is has a sort of I would consider the quote unquote right take on this. But I think he does. If he wasn't into this, he just wouldn't comment. Yes, exactly. Him commenting indicates that he is trying to be supportive.

And this is one of those things where, I mean, I was going to say it wasn't long ago, but it actually might be right now where people like it's something like this. People would say this is going to, you know, disrupt the locker room. You know, I mean, there's so much gay panic and homophobia, especially, I think, in a lot of sports.

Yeah, football, where there's zero homoerotic overtones at all. This is what's going to happen with the butt slapping, right?

The game where we're going to pass a football from between our legs as if we're giving birth to it, to the person behind us. But like, yeah. And so this. So I think the more big names who are going to come going to come out and support. Well, maybe this will kind of spread the kind of vibe to other locker rooms. So if there's other people who are, you know, on a team and they want to just be open about their sexuality, they can do so. You know what I mean? It just might the more famous people who respond to this might just give more cover for other people in the NFL. And again, I really do think that I mean, this has got to be the beginning of a change. Right. Like he's the first. Yeah. First one officially to kind of make this statement.

But I wonder what it's going to be like for him when he, you know, when he shows up for for training camp or whatever. I wonder how the other I've said this on the show before, I think, but and obviously there are exceptions to this. But of the pro athletes that I have had occasion to like interview or be around, football players are the smartest hands down. I mean, there are obviously some some lunkheads and some people that are have huge problems and are very problematic that play football. But just average smarts of players and average just kind of like, I don't know, just being like normal people that would be fun to hang out with. I would put football players at the top of the list. Then I would put basketball players. And at the bottom, a distant third would be baseball players. You don't like baseball players. Well, I just got kind of – the most I was ever disrespected was by Chris Bozzio, a Seattle Mariner. That's who it was, right. It was a particular day where I was getting – I also got yelled at by this reliever – oh, Phooey, I forget his name, which is good because that's my brain healing Mike something or other who was just like – for no reason, he was just having a bad day and decided to just like scream at me in the locker room for 10 straight minutes. Like just – I just – I've had bad experiences.

Do you feel like you shouldn't have been there?

Yeah, I was waiting to talk to, like, Alex Rodriguez, and I had, like, an interview set up with him, and he was getting, like, therapy, you know, like, massage or something before the game, and I was just, like, standing there in the empty locker room. Everybody was out, like, taking BP, and I was just waiting for this thing that had been set up, and this Mariner's relief pitcher just decided that he didn't like me being in there, and he just came and just was screaming at me. So maybe that was actually the most mistreated I was. Chris Bosio just said, comfortable, because I was, like, accidentally leaning against the back of the couch. Like, I was standing, but my hip was in contact with the back of the couch. And he just decided he didn't like that.

Comfortable?

Yeah. I was like, wow, really, dude? Really? This is, like, this is your biggest priority right now is being a jerk to me?

And wasn't there also a story, not to get graphic or anatomical, but wasn't there another story where you're trying to interview somebody in the locker room and he's – Yeah, Jay Buhner. It was Jay Buhner. I was going to say.

Absolutely. Tell him the bone sent you.

He was kind of like – he was naked in the locker room, I believe, and just sort of like physically kind of – he was picking at something and kind of like you feel like he was kind of intimidating you a little bit the way he was putting his leg up.

He was just being weird, which he was legendary for.

Trucks, trucks, and trucktober.

he was like known for throwing up in people's batting helmets that was one of his because he could throw up on command like a vulture and um or like a condor or whatever so he would throw up in people's batting helmets um that was one of his great um spoofs he would do and he just i think was just messing with me because he could tell i was like nervous and kind of edge on edge and so yeah he was sitting there naked and he was playing with like an ingrown hair or something yeah that was one inch from his junk and he was maintaining unbroken eye contact with this ingrown hair or whatever it was and not he was talking to me but not

looking at me. He was looking directly at his

schlong. He was talking to the hair. Alright, I'm going to play this thing. Talk to the hair because the Buhner don't care.

Trucks, trucks that! Trucktober!

I'm going to play this clip. I've played an edited version of this before, but this is Kyle Mooney, I believe, pre-SNL. He goes to... I'm Carl Nassib. I'm at my house. Kyle Mooney sounds a lot like Carl Nassib. No, that's him doing Carl Nassib. So this is Kyle Mooney He goes to the ballpark He's doing his I'm trying to interview people In an awkward way He talks to a bunch of fans Yeah go ahead

Can I say one thing About this tape This is And I love Kyle Mooney Like he's in like Top five comedy heroes of mine This tape Which I want us to play This tape Makes me deeply uncomfortable Yes

Because he's And he's approaching ball players And whenever you talk About ball players I think of like I think The cockiness of baseball players Really comes out in this Right

Yeah I mean yeah this one guy In particular is Is you know the guy who's like I have no idea what you're talking about dude Like in a way It's like this is what Kyle Mooney's going for So I kind of don't blame the baseball player because Kyle Mooney's being intentionally like Unintelligible But him just like roaming around Talking to these players talking to these fans And being this weird It gives me Makes my backside pucker a little bit

You know, now I'm worried that I'm going to play the wrong thing here because I thought there was a lot more of him talking to ballplayers. He's mostly talking to fans at a ballpark, but I think here's the part where he talks to a ballplayer, although it doesn't seem like this lasts as long as I remember.

Make it for the fences. Wow, this is the worst interview I've ever had. I'm sorry, man. No problem.

He's just milling about Great group of guys I don't think that's the whole thing I don't know where the rest of it is He's interviewing fans for the rest of it So that was a real That really fizzled out You know what I'll use it as an intro tape tomorrow When I find the real one

Oh yes

So don't listen to the first 30 seconds of the show tomorrow Luke Okay I won't

Oh man I'm trying to play some Mooney Ready to laugh and drop I just love him so much. I just love him so much. He is great. I also have to say he gets decent play on SNL, which kind of surprises me because he is such a weirdo in a great way. Usually if your humor is genuinely super quirky, then you don't get many sketches on. But he actually has gotten a lot of sketches on SNL, I'm very happy to say.

I feel like is that – this is a real question because I don't follow that stuff closely. Is it because he's been there for so long now? Like I – when you told me he was on SNL, I was shocked and I thought, oh, you'll do that like – you'll do maybe two seasons as a featured person who has like – you get to be in the very last skit of every episode where things get weird. But it sounds like he didn't like – I think he was kind of treated like that for a while, right? But then he just kind of gutted it out. I feel like he's been there for a long time now.

Yeah, no, I mean, I would say that I think that the producers and Lorne Michaels or whatever, obviously, like, they hired him for a reason, and I think they get that he's super funny. Like, that Bruce Channeling character, he's done a lot on SNL, although it's interesting because that's the Excuse Me, America, Do You Mind, the comedian that we play that intro tape as well. What's interesting is the SNL version of Bruce Channeling is much darker. like it's less like uh you know my family which was just kind of a funny riff on like a shitty stand-up comedian and it's more like he just he'll start out you know telling jokes on weekend update as in this bruce chandling character and then he'll he'll just sort of peter out and then just whisper something about you know feeling unloved and it just gets really real really fast like it's way more weird than the you know the bruce chandling sketch that we

play on the show he's been on snl since 2013 so knocking on the door of a decade here yeah let

me just play i don't know what this is this is not bruce chandling but this is just listed as kyle mooney let's see here kyle mooney on weekend update this is not him as bruce chandling this

is who the awards are tomorrow here to break everything down is resident movie buff kyle mooney what's up mike after sunday let's do this ah you seem pretty excited of course man everybody all dressed up it's going down big mike no one calls me that ha ha mike calling me the boys but um um What's the plan on Sunday? Where are we going to watch the big show?

Oh, I actually don't know yet. Don't. I'm still trying to figure out what I'm going to do. Hey, who do you got for best picture this year?

I'll get to that, but what about you, Colin? Don't you usually do, like, a big Oscar party, like, every year or something? What's that? No, sometimes. No, I'm actually not sure yet. Really? Because I thought I heard some people saying you might be doing a big thing this year. That's not going down no more? I mean, I guess I was thinking about maybe doing something, but I don't know if it's really going to come together. Okay. Because you, like... Because you, like, you wouldn't just not invite me, right? What? No, if I was doing one, you would definitely be, you would be invited for sure. Dope. All right, well, let's just do it at my place because, Michael, you said you for sure don't have any plans yet, right?

Is this why I never get invited to your big Oscar party?

Yes.

Which I know you do every year. Uh-huh. I dress up. As a notorious Oscars head. Uh-huh.

I dress up like the Oscar statuette. Yes, you do.

Here I go once again with the email. Every week, I hope that it's from a female. No, man, it's not from a female.

Any other videos where young boys discover that sausage fest can also mean penis fest?

I think that one of those a week is enough. Okay, that's enough. So if anybody missed that, you can check out yesterday's show. Let's see here. I have some emails. I have some voicemails on the line I need to check. By the way, oh, I should mention this. Our friend Broadcast Barry left us a voicemail, which I'm sorry. I don't have the tape here in front of me right now. But he's opening. I think I've mentioned this on the show. He's opening another shop in Boise. So all the menches on the benches can check out Broadcast Coffee. Holler at your Boise. Has anybody considered naming it that? I think that's the name. I think that's the name of the coffee shop. It's either that.

That's the only broadcast that's called Holler at Your Boise.

Exactly. Yeah, look for Broadcast. I'm sure all the information is online. But, yeah, for our friends, we're – I feel like, you know, growing a bigger and bigger Boise community or maybe it just looms ever larger in our brain. But, yeah, check out the new coffee shop and congratulations to Barry. I also – Can I just mention – Oh, go ahead, yeah.

Keep Barry in business because he mails us free coffee. Yes, right. And if he's still in business, we keep getting free coffee. Right, exactly.

Which is the important thing. But I – well, I would also buy it, by the way, just Barry. I would. It's very yummy. I know, yeah, I don't want Barry to feel like he has to send us coffee. Anyway, Christy in Bellevue, Ontario says, I hate coffee, and I won't. Oh, wait. No, I'm going to skip that one. Here's another one from Christy in Bellevue, Ontario. I was listening to episode number 3428. I'm behind. I remember that one. Yeah, it was a good one. Better than 27, not as good as 29. Don't worry, I didn't miss renewing my donation during the fawn just because I'm behind. And I'm hearing the music for your weekend song, VBS. Do you remember this, Luke? That was by Lucy Dacus. I think I said her name wrong. Was it Dacus? Is it Dacus? I said her name wrong the first time, I believe. Dacus. Dacus. Your singer-songwriter's new name is Dacus. Dacus. And the song was called VBS, which stood for Vacation Bible School. And it was very, what's the word when something is like a diary? It was kind of a confessional song about what her experience was like at Vacation Bible School. And Christy says, it reminded me of my own Bible camp from 25 years ago or so. Were submarine races a thing at anyone else's camps? That's a question. I have never heard of a submarine race. Have you? No, I wonder how that works. Does she explain? I never attended one, but apparently some of the kids who had coupled up during camp would go make out by the lake. and their code for this was to watch a submarine race with someone so apparently if you were going to make out you were like by the lake you would say we're gonna go watch the submarine races i

wonder if that's um that's a terrible cover story because the counselors know that there are no submarines in that lake right like i feel like if you're trying to be maybe it's just within the kid group but i feel like if you're trying to actually have a plausible story just go we're gonna go

watch you know the fish jump or something right and also like a submarine race i feel like if i mean i know that subs can you know they can submerge and they can also you know ride above the water whatever that's called um i just was on a show all where i was a submarine expert and i literally don't even know what it's called when is that coming out by the way um i don't know the exact date but i'll definitely let people know that i was I don't know.

Debating our friend Brandy Brown on the show Smash Boom Best. She was defending spaceships. I was defending submarines. And we debated basically what's better, submarines versus spaceships. So obviously I was very articulate, as articulate on that show as I am here. But anyway, I think a submarine race, like if it's really a good submarine race, it's underwater. And then you couldn't really see it. Which is maybe that's what the joke is. Maybe we're really just stomping all over these kids' joke. Anyway, Christy says, that's my story.

I'm also just mad that I never got to make out at VBS. I know. I was also, I think, by the time I was making out age, I was also able to tell my mom, I'm not going to freaking VBS anymore. That place sucks.

Yeah. Sounds like they had VDS. A-O. Well, Christy says, that's my story. The only other thing I remember from then was that the toast for breakfast was always pre-toasted and buttered, and the food was out buffet style. We called the toast soggies.

Now, if they would have had breakfast at VBS, I think I would have been much more interested. Ah, you're food motivated. The VBSs that I went to did not provide breakfast, and I would have probably shown up just to eat the breakfast. So you weren't going to overnight camps? No, no. See, I think a vacation Bible school, an overnight camp, that's fun to me, even if it was, you know, evangelical Christian-based. Like if I could go stay in a cabin or whatever. The thing about vacation Bible school was it was a thing that churches would have in the summer, but it would just be you'd show up at like 9 in the morning, and then you would leave at like 3 in the afternoon. Oh, that's not fun. And it was very smart by the churches because basically it was indoctrinating the kids, but the parents just needed babysitting. It was just free babysitting for parents that were too cheap to send their kids to, like, real camp. So if the listener is talking about an overnight camp, that's a whole other thing. And I would have – I mean, I'd still go to that, like, right now.

Yeah, that's interesting because I feel like I'm looking up the lyrics now because that is a big difference. Yeah, the way you describe it, that sounds like you're just losing your summer days. I'm guessing that Lucy Dacus also was at one like I was. Well, she was saying about being in bunk beds, though. There was a lyric in there about she was hanging out with a boy that she had a crush on, I feel like, in a bunk bed. I'm just trying to figure out if this is one of those things where I made it up because that's what I was picturing. Oh, yeah, here it is. Back in the cabin, snorting nutmeg on your bunk bed. You were waiting for –

See, I'm sorry, Lucy Dacus. You're just wrong on this one. You can't call – it's not vacation Bible school if it's an overnight camp. The real heads know. We have plenty of kids who grew up evangelical, and they'll testify to this. That's a whole other thing. That's camp. That's fun. Even if they make you do some amount of Jesus stuff, it's still – you're staying – like vacation Bible school is a very specific sucky thing, which is being stuck in a church environment in the middle of the day in the summer and then still going home. That is what vacation Bible school is.

But I do believe – I mean I do believe that she went to an overnight thing and called – I don't – you know what I mean? I'm just saying that you wouldn't call that vacation Bible school. But I think the hill I will die. But I think she did. You think that she's just making that up that she's got this part of her childhood wrong or as a kid, they called it the wrong thing.

I think that as a kid, they called it the wrong thing. And and now she's calling it the wrong thing in the song. Like, I can't think of a good analogy, but it's just like that's just nobody. Nobody would ever call it vacation Bible school like vacation Bible school was like that was a very specific thing that would happen at a church. And it was like Sunday school in the daytime for a period of one week. What she's describing, if she's staying on the bunk beds and in cabins, that's not Vacation Bible School. That's like church camp.

And I'm not – yeah, the thing is I guess what I'm just arguing here is because I remember reading the story because I had never heard of Vacation Bible School. And I think even on the show I read her little statement about how she came about to write the song and she remembered going to VBS. So all I'm saying is this is, I just wanted to make it clear, this is based on her own personal experiences, which I believe are real, and that maybe she mislabeled that growing up. But I don't think as an adult she was trying to recapture somebody's thing and called it the wrong thing. I think whatever she did as a kid was a camp, but they called it VBS, I believe.

Right, and they were just wrong about that. I agree with you, like that she's describing her actual experience in life, and she's not like going back and revising what they called it. But I'm just saying, again, get at me. This is one thing I do want people to email me about. I guess I could be wrong about this, but I just feel like this is a thing that is probably my most deeply lived experience, which is what it's like growing up as a really Christian kid. Yeah. And I just know that if we would talk about VBS, it was just never a sleepover camp.

Yeah. And I and by the way, I'm not arguing with you either. I'm not arguing with you. I just wanted to make it clear that like you're probably I'm guessing that you are probably right. But my guess is that. But they called it that back in the day. I just wanted to make it clear that she wasn't, like, just trying to spin up a story and then getting a detail wrong.

I'm sure that Lucy Dacus called it – I'm sure they called it VBS and she called it VBS growing up. So, yeah, I totally can imagine that world. But I'm just saying that would be, in my opinion, whoever started that, whoever was calling that Vacation Bible School was calling it the wrong thing.

By the way, it's even in Merriam-Webster's dictionary, Luke, and it backs you up. A definition of a vacation Bible school is a weekday program of Christian education for children featuring religious study courses, arts and crafts, and recreation conducted by local Christian churches for one or more weeks during summer vacation. But, I mean, it almost specifically says what you're saying here, a weekday program. A weekday implies, you know, it's daytime. You've got to go home. There you go. All right. Well, that is what I got for you from the old mailbag. What should we go out with? Are there any songs about vacation Bible school?

I actually love that song, by the way. I know. It is really sweet. It's so good. So no shade on Lucy Dacus. How about this? Oh, I bet you that this – when I was looking up Kyle Mooney, I landed on – I was just looking it up in iTunes, and so it was bringing up anything with Kyle. And it brought up this song that I love called Yes featuring Rich the Kid and K-Camp by a rapper named Kyle. but i don't know if it's appropriate or not like i can't remember the song clearly enough to know if i'm just like i don't know what what should we do should we just know you like it you don't know that i love this song but i can't speak to the content of it if it is graphic i don't think it uses the n-word but it may have a couple of passing sexual references i can't i can't help

you out here i don't know i feel like every time i i think we're good i end up playing something And then it's usually this is on me and it's like, oh, I didn't remember how filthy that was.

How about we play it? And if it is inappropriate, just put a Buster Bluth beep over the whole thing. That sounds good.

Or I'll insert myself saying something that is a cleaner version of what they're saying. Thank you.

I was hearing WAP on the radio the other day and I was like, how are they doing this?

Didn't say. Well, that's always been on the radio because it's wet and gushy. Right. Isn't that what they translated to for the radio?

I guess. I was just kind of half listening, but then it occurred to me. It was in a rental car, and when I turned it on, it was like on Cube 93, which is back to being a hip-hop station in Seattle. And then I at some point realized, oh, this is WAP. Wow. Was it you who was commenting?

I don't even know what team I'm talking about now, but WAP is somebody's walk-up music.

That wasn't me, but that's incredible.

Interesting choice, right? Okay, so here's the song. This is Yes by Kyle featuring Rich the Kid and K-Camp.

All right. Oh, I love it because it uses, I think, a drums. It's a sample from the drums, that band I also love. Anyway, this is going to do it for today's show. We're back here tomorrow with more Imaginary Radio for you. Thank you for listening. We'll see you tomorrow. Until then, have a great Tuesday. And please remember, no mountain too tall. Beep. Good luck to all.

I got plenty of tattoos on my flesh Drip on me, I tactical my vest Hunnets everywhere, I made a mess

Yes, I get wrecked on me, no I ain't stressed A hundred fools, yo don't do no less Pull up on the jet, now she impressed

well let's hope it doesn't come to that power out