Muse

Do you like karaoke? Yeah. It's good, you know. Something to do at night. There's nothing to do at night. What can you do at night? Bowling, movies. It's like a third thing to do after bowling in the movies. I don't know if you bowl or not. I don't go that often. But it's fun. It's fun. You can't find a ball. That's the problem. I don't know. Maybe you own a bowling ball. I don't own a bowling ball. My whole life, every time I'm in a bowling alley, sticking my fingers in all these holes, picking up the balls. You gotta get your own ball It's a cosmic mix

The action of the 90s Combined with the exploitation films of the 70s It's kind of a cosmic gumbo It almost moves to the beat of jazz

Just remember

Every time you look up at the moon I, too, will be looking at a moon. Not the same moon, obviously. That's impossible.

Don't you know your directions? It's real easy. West, right, backwards, yonder. You didn't even see east. That's because the earth faces east, dumbass. Let the filibustering begin.

Alright, hello, good morning, and welcome everyone to a Wednesday edition of TBTL, the show that just might be too beautiful to live. It's a kind of magic. My name is Luke Burbank. I am your host. We are living in the midst of a podcast boom. Coming to you from the Ness Broadcast Center, high in the sky, above Portland, Oregon, where I think we've settled into a sort of pattern here, folks, which is a bit of cloud cover in the morning and then some warm temperatures in the afternoon. I don't know. I haven't checked the weather app. If I were to look at it right now, if I were to guess, I would say that it looks like it's going to rain, possibly. Didn't know you like to get wet, though. The last couple of weeks tells me that's probably not going to happen. Instead, we're going to have another warm day here in the Rose City. And another awesome show on episode 3,466 in a collector's series. Let the fun begin. We're going to kick things off in the Top Story segment with a little PSA. If you're in Minnesota, which about 90% of our donors of the day have been the last couple of days. So I feel like this is a hot zip for us. If you're in Minnesota, please do not release your pet goldfish into one of the 1,000 lakes in your state.

That's a tuna, bro!

Honestly, even if you don't live in Minnesota, apparently you're not supposed to do that because these goldfish are getting very big. the size of footballs, and it's a problem. So we're going to talk about that. Also, we've got a V-Mail frenzy.

I'm trying to use that phone!

We have a bunch of voicemails that we've got to clear before Friday because that's when we launch into the TBTL Summer Games. And so we're going to play some voicemails today. Oh, and we're going to try to come up with a replacement phrase for when you say, I don't have a dog in this fight, which I have said many, many times. I'll say, what's up, dog? Our friend Chris Hayes, I think maybe it was on his television show that he said that, or maybe his hit podcast, Why Is This Happening? Somebody emailed him and said, can we stop saying dog in this fight? And it was like an epiphany when he forwarded that email to me and Andrew that that is kind of a I don't I mean, I'm not into dog fighting dog in this fight. So anyway, we're going to try to come up with a replacement. Andrew thinks that he has the perfect replacement. Oh, speaking of dog enthusiasts, I pet that dog. This guy's the longest running co-bro of the show, maybe best known for his depictions of the tall ships. He is Andrew Walsh, and he is joining me right now from the Roosevelt neighborhood of Seattle, Washington. Good morning, my friend.

It's funny you should introduce me that way because I'm trying to type on my computer and talk to you and maintain this cat on my lap. My old ancient cat, Theodore, just will not settle down today. He wants to be on my lap. Who am I to deny him? I'm just trying to get him to. Once I snuggle him a little bit, he should fall asleep on this chair. There's something about the solar cat. next to me but for right now i just need to calm him down now we're not allowed when are we allowed to get into this dog fight replacement thing we get into it now because i'm worried i'm going to ruin it the answer is so obvious well let me give you i did not have any good ideas on this you have

no good car ideas um i follow that guy on tiktok by the way

way and i feel like i worry for him was the guy who was in the i think you should leave sketch sketch i should say or sketch was he sketching or sketching uh the the wheel whiff out the window

um steering wheel that doesn't whiff out the window you get the impression that he was always

doing kind of strange characters like that or did was that the skit or sketch or sketch that

launched a million weird tiktoks i think he is a person who is has a quirky sensibility and he he he was exactly the right the right round peg for the round hole of i think you should leave season one you have no good car ideas uh he admitted i think he was the perfect guy for that And he became a meme But I don't know if there's a lot Of other round holes That that dude fits in Because I started following him on TikTok Because I saw him one day He popped up on my For You page I was like, oh, the whiff out the window guy This is great And now he's literally never done one thing On TikTok that was funny And they're all like Why I gotta start off Negging that poor fellow It's sort of like a small child who does one funny thing and i mean i guess that analogy doesn't hold because he's not like sitting around doing versions of that sketch in his apartment in you know brazil or los angeles or wherever he is it's not like he keeps going back to that specific well but it reminds me a bit of a kid who kind of like says a funny thing and everybody laughs and then they kind of won't leave it alone like i don't well let me put it this way i don't think that guy's sense of humor works for me he happened to be cast in this thing he happened to become kind of a comedy legend but no one seems to have cast him in anything else which i think is a missed opportunity if you're gonna like if you're doing a car commercial and you just low-key had that guy driving the car it's uncommented on i mean that would become the most hip car commercial in america like not even a funny one just one of those typical car commercials where it's like talking about msrp and a car is driving on a windy road just have that dude in the car like every now and then

as if like in close-ups on him but not humorous like you say and also not cheap feeling like a good like kind of rich textured make him get a haircut do you do that i i don't know about that

because well because i think his hair i think part of what part of why he played so well in that sketch is because i'm sorry in that sketch is because of being bald but having long gray hair it was kind of an odd look yeah i feel like i feel like that guy driving that car i mean i would laugh my ass off but it would be a weird look don't you think yeah just like an acura ad i think

don't be too subtle about it i think like the whole ad is exactly like you're picturing you have the voiceover you have the um the car going on the windy roads probably up or down a small mountain and you're mostly focusing on it but every now and then probably even just once in the commercial you cut to the driver and in most commercials it might just be like kind of a uh you know a woman with a small smile attractive couple a couple or maybe just a for some reason i'm picturing a woman afterward with just a small smile on her face it just sort of says i'm enjoying this but i'm not thinking about it too much um and it's that only it's him dressed exactly like he is in the skit and it's like one it's you know it's like a two second shot tops but that's it

that's how you go viral i think do you show him putting his hands on the steering wheel a steering wheel that is not whiffing out the window that's that's where you want to layer

that's too much like what is he driving but the wheel is actually whiffing out the window as he's

no no no no it's not whiffing that's the whole point of the car design it doesn't whiff out the window yeah sure you just show his hands on the wheel but like again very subtly like it's not like the wheels trying to come off it's like it's just a very very subtle reference to all the real heads yeah no i got that because the steering wheel is not whiffing because i could see that

oh theo jumped down then he wants back up um because they do usually show as picturing when i was picturing the person driving the car they always have their hands perfectly at what is that 10 and 2 yes 10 and 2 the hands are always there in car commercials um okay well i think we found

I think we found the second act For that feller Whoever he might be I was actually a little Well I was I was going to say I was surprised He didn't show up in season 2 But I guess I'm not surprised Because I think that they were probably pretty conscious of not Like if they would have just had him doing another weird deal It would have been a little bit too reminiscent of season 1

So do we want to I don't know Chris said we could talk about this on the show I don't know if we want to read the email directly See you then. from the person who sent it in and leave their name off of it. Yeah. Because this was not sent in to TBTL. This was a viewer or listener email to Chris, like you said, based on one of his properties. Yeah.

It said, hi, Chris. Okay, well, I'm assuming it is the TV viewer. Hi, Chris. I enjoy All In. It's the one TV show that doesn't whiff out the window. I wonder who wrote this. I don't know. Please discontinue using the expression, I don't have a dog in this fight. We animal lovers don't like the expression, and I don't want to encourage any thoughts or actions regarding dog fights. Another expression that we hope people will stop using is kill two birds with one stone. Thanks for considering, Sherry. Oh, we are going with a name. Okay. Well, I mean, Sherry. It could be Sherry Oteri from SNL. I assume it is. It could be Sherry Baby. In the song, Sherry Baby. It probably is the song now that you say that. It could be the song, Come to Life, emailing our friend Chris Hayes. Boy, Sherry, you are in for a treat, my friend. Kill two birds with one stone. I've got something for you. Sherry is an interesting character to me because Sherry is somebody who, first of all, has Chris's personal email account. Like if you look at the email. Oh, you're right. I just noticed that that wasn't sent to – It's not an MSNBC address.

No, that wasn't sent to Cable Town. That's interesting, yeah. So this is somebody maybe that knows Chris Hayes.

So this is somebody who's able to get directly to Chris Hayes. I thought we were the only people who could. And also is somebody who loves animals and is out there kind of policing what people say about animals, but doesn't know the rich history of feeding a fed horse and thrilling two birds with one scone.

Oh, that's the TBTL twist. Thrilling. Yeah, it is.

But anyway, so I said this at the beginning of the show, but I had never thought about this. And, you know, I obviously would not be a fan of any kind of dog fighting. I also kind of, I don't know. It's weird how quickly I embraced feeding a fed horse and thrilling two birds with one scone. But this one seems like I don't know if me saying I don't have a dog in this fight Leads to dog fighting Like you know what I mean Like I don't know if there is A direct connection between people saying Eh I don't have a dog in this fight That people saying that And more dog fighting happening I don't think that Mike Vick was like Do I dog fight do I not dog fight And then someone said I don't have a dog in this fight And he was like okay Message received I will start a dog fighting ring

But I mean, how does that how is that different than the others? Like, I don't think it's not. Oh, you're saying it is. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, yeah.

It's not different. But for some reason in my mind, it's like this one seems a little bit more disconnected from like, I mean, I don't think anyone's going to go beat a dead horse because I said beat a dead horse. But for some reason, those ones, I don't know. I was I embraced those ones. This one seems maybe just because this person emailed our friend and said, please discontinue using the expression. I'm tone policing them. Sherry from the song Sherry, baby. I don't like how she talked to our friend Chris

He has songs emailing him When will a song email us For some reason I feel like I'm just trying to be difficult Here I'm going to come off seeming that way For some reason this one actually I think is the most relevant Because it's still something that people do And it's still you know what I mean As opposed to beating dead horses Or killing birds with stones Which I'm sure happens

No you're probably right on that Okay so I tried to come up with oh and by the way Chris said Chris's suggestion for this was I don't have a hog in that blight or I don't have a log in that site

yes and also Chris said it's okay to give out his personal email address right yes okay good so we'll do that no we did get his permission to read this on the air it's rmadow at MSNBC I I mean to me I mean it popped in my head immediately Because most of these

You said this is the mic drop You're like Porky Pig in Space Jam 2 Yes Have you seen that guy by the way

I am like Porky Fig in Space Jam 2 Porky Pig Were you going to go with Spoonerisms What I was going to say was Most of these I thought about this this morning Because I came up with a different one The thing is the animal usually stays the same The bird is there eating a scone now it's it's like the stone that changed but the bird was still there the horse is still there but we're feeding a fed horse instead of beating right so if we're going to keep the animal which we could but you imagine luke are you imagining i'm trying Okay, you're traveling across the country, maybe you're moving somewhere, or you're going on an extended vacation, and you want to bring your dogs with you, but you can't, your dog has to take a different airplane, and you're talking to your friend, right, and you're saying, oh, I heard this one, I heard this airplane was delayed, your dog is going to be delayed, you say, no, no, no, no, no, I don't have a dog on that flight. That is good

I think that might be the winner Except it doesn't satisfy the spirit of the Is it an idiom? What do we call these things? Yeah, I think it's an idiom Like because not having a dog in this fight Is not having a vested interest

Right And I thought my setup kind of accomplished that I don't have a dog on that flight Don't worry about it I don't have a dog on that flight Got it Okay, okay

You know what? You've won me over Thank you Like Oh yeah

And, again, it kind of kills the segment. It's so brilliant. This is something that has been a problem on TV.

Wait, do you think it's better than I don't have a hog that won't bite? Do you think it's better than I can't go for a jog in this light? Oh. Do you think it's better that I don't have a nog for this night, parenthetically Christmas Eve? Oh, I kind of like that. I don't have a dog on this kite. Oh, that's very similar to mine. uh a cog that won't smite none of that makes any sense no i yeah i i don't have a pog a player of

the game in this fight oh yeah pogs are the things that is that what pokemon people use

gamers love that i think pog is player of the game well pog when i was a kid pog was like a like a cap on a juice or a milk and you could trade them and then they were actually became and the little paper thing that would be inside the lid, inside the cap. That was a pog. I think they were in Hawaiian Punch and stuff like that, and you could trade pogs. But now I think in the current version of the world, pog is player of game, so I don't have a pog in this fight. Well, that actually is kind of good. Last but definitely least, I don't have a vlog on this site.

Oh, that's actually kind of the same thing. Hey, don't worry about it.

I don't have a vlog on that site. Hey, by the way, our attendees, that is some really hurtful stuff. I don't have a vlog on that site. Yeah, I don't have a – hey, don't worry about it. I don't have a blog on that site. Vlog. Or blog. Or blog. Okay, fine. I'm just mad I didn't think of blog. I'm mad that my brain went to vlog, but not blog. All right, I don't have a dog on that flight, I think is the winner.

Yeah, you want to stick with that? You want to go for it?

Yeah, but again, I'm trying to – I want to construct this scenario in which you sort of did it, but I just want to think about what are the series of events where saying I don't have a dog on that flight or I don't have a dog on this flight satisfies the same kind of statement you're trying to make as I don't have a dog in this fight. so it's like hey guess what happened um the uh cargo bay on this plane which is usually climate controlled something went wrong and uh they lost pressure down there and it was really like um it was freezing cold oh gosh that sounds terrible luckily i don't have a dog on this flight yes

that's the literal that's the literal i don't have a dog on that flight yeah i think that's the literal interpretation i think that like if we're just using this though you know as an idiom You know, sorry about Theo. He's just not calming down today. But, you know, let's just say that I'm talking about, you know, city politics in the city of Las Vegas for some reason. And I'm saying, you know, I hear what they're going to try to do is tax businesses of a certain size a little bit more. But casinos are concerned about this. By the way, I don't even have a dog on this flight. But they say that casinos are concerned about this because it's going to hurt their bottom line. Did that seem smooth?

I think it's more – I think a better and more relatable example would be hijackers took over that plane, and Harrison Ford was nowhere to be found. And there was just like – they were able to fly it to Greenland, and it would have been so much better if there was like some kind of Air Bud-like hero dog on there. But unfortunately, I didn't have a dog on this flight. Is that smoother, and does that make more sense than your Las Vegas?

And more applicable, I think, too. It's simpler, more applicable, easier to wrap my head around, yes. Of course.

Oh, hey, a quick update. So you win, by the way, 100%. I don't have a dog on this plate. It's not a contest. I think we all win, right? Well, the real victory will be when Chris uses it on national television. Chris. Gauntlet thrown down, my friend. I don't know how you're going to do it. I really don't want to start this dynamic because it's like I feel like we're lucky that we're friends.

with Chris and that he is a supporter of the show in many ways. I don't want to start the dynamic where we're trying to, like, sort of play chicken with him. Ooh, is that a bad one?

Oh, that's interesting. I don't know. That doesn't seem bad to me. Just because it has an animal in the title. Like, there's nothing wrong with chickens like to play, you know?

Well, playing chicken is when you are basically, like, in a stare down, in a sort of a battle of wills.

Like, I picture two kids on bikes. Didn't we used to literally play a game called Chicken where two kids on bikes would ride at each other and the first one to swerve would be Chicken?

Right. Or even – I don't know if this is technically Chicken, but I think of like Rebel Without a Cause, the James Dean film, where they're driving – they're playing Chicken. Basically, they're driving cars towards a cliff, and I think his shoelace gets caught, and so he ends up winning because – not because he wanted to win, but because he was literally stuck in the car and then he rolls out at the last moment. That I think was described as maybe as chicken in that film

So we don't care about spoilers at all anymore Like I was going to watch that Andrew I don't have a dog on that flight See how casually I deployed that

I don't want to start a dynamic on this show Where we're just goading our friend Chris Into messing up his national television program But I'm just saying if at some point He let slip I don't have a dog on this flight We would probably Actually don't do it Chris Because we would shut down TV deal That would be the end of this show Which he apparently likes

I would just walk the earth the rest of my days

I mean honestly just telling people the story Of how we got a major television Personality to say Dog on this flight On this television program That would be the end of the road for this program Because there would be nothing else for us to accomplish

I would like to hear it widespread Though I think that would be very interesting My favorite, the best scenario Would be that Chris uses it on his show So but not even to make a point, not because of goading or because of us daring him to, but because two or three years have gone by. And we, the TBTL community and the broader world have embraced dog on this flight as an idiom. And then it just comes out naturally at some point.

That's that's the idea of that Sherry from the song Sherry, baby. That's right. All right. Let's take a break. And then. Oh, I want to give you an update. It's not a very fulfilling update, but I'll give you an update on night two of my snore app coming up in a moment here on TBTL. Let's continue our tour of Minnesota, Andrew, and thank some donors of the day. Of course, we're talking about Todd Thorsgaard over there in St. Paul. Is that where you like to take the green line to?

Yep. St. Paul, Minnesota? To and from, my friend. I don't have a dog on that train. Nope, sorry. Just wanted to try it. Just wanted to try it.

Didn't work. What would be the animal that would be? I don't have a frog on that train. What? I don't have a... I don't have a bane on that train. I didn't have a snog on that train.

Oh.

Because if you didn't make out with somebody on the train.

Yeah.

I didn't drop a log on that train. The bathroom was closed. Sorry, Todd. Blame yourself. Maria Thompson is in Alexandria. Not Todd. No, I blame you for your amazing idea of dog on that flight. Which was really good. It's rare, Andrew, that promises made, promises kept happen on this show. But that was a promise you made, and you kept that promise. It was almost as good as a vlog on this site. Too easy. Maria Thompson's in Alexandria, Minnesota. Thank you, Maria. Stephen Olwell and Lynn. I'm going to go with Copal. I would. Are also in St. Paul. Do they know Todd? Have they taken the green line together? Inquiring minds want to know. Boy, that's an old reference. Yeah. The Inquirer. That's a real Gen X That's a real baby boomer and Gen X thing I would be very surprised if there were any millennials Who understood That's the wrong way to put it That sort of indicates intelligence or something I would be very surprised if there was any millennials Who had ever heard someone say Inquiring minds want to know Let's take a quick listen here for me

Will Princess Caroline's pregnancy save her shaky marriage? Inquiring minds want it all i want to know how can you lose weight while fighting winter chills this week's national inquirer tells you which dallas star gets aids on tv's hotel is too much sugar driving you up a wall it's in the inquirer crystal fights her double who

wins dynasty's biggest battle find out in the inquirer over 100 features for people with inquiring minds like me that's apparently from 1986 i that was that really paid off

and it also was very good for me to hear because i feel like we are just absolutely slouching towards gamora as a society but no we've always been dumb as shit Like, I somehow feel better about 2021 America hearing that. Like, no, we always sucked. That's how I like to really hype people up when I'm thanking them for donating their hard-earned money to our show. TVTL, we've always sucked.

Keep trying to get the marketing people to draw that up.

All-universe version of The Shining. Grady, you've always sucked, Mr. Torrance.

Instead of everyone being dressed up fancy in the photo, everybody's just like looking really ragged.

You know, by the way, that that was the other day was the day that's in that photo?

July 4th, 2021. Yes.

Why were they in suits? Huh? It must have been very hot at the Overlook Hotel.

Yeah.

It's the wrong outfit for July 4th. I mean, of course I should have known that.

I thought you were making a modern-day heatwave joke.

No, I mean, 4th of July, even in 1921, or I guess it would have been 1921, right? Because it's the 100-year anniversary. Like, they're all, like, really dressed up. I mean, it must have been broiling in that hotel on July 4th. Imagine being in the dog suit. I know I often do. I don't have a dog on that flight. I don't have a dog at that party. I want to make a, like, wildly inappropriate version of the joke, but I'm not going to because, Andrew, we're thanking the donors of the day. people like mark grant and naomi excuse me i get emotional when i think of naomi marietta in minneapolis minnesota supporting the program thank you so much naomi and mark and then old barbara depman in rochester minnesota where we once went to a culver's you me nora and the stew But. Yep. Green line doesn't go that far. Sorry. No, it does not. We had a waitress, I guess you could say, or a server who was awesome and then really took a turn.

Well, I don't remember the details of what she said. I just knew that she really wanted to take the I felt like she was like nudging the conversation towards an area that we felt like we would not be on the same ground on were we to walk out too far. I don't remember if she said anything specifically that she must have, right? Because I feel like I remember wincing at one point.

Right. And it was, I mean, our listeners, particularly these donors, including Stacey Bryant, who's actually in Kirksville, Missouri. Oh, Green Line does not go to Missouri. Which I'm thinking we may have even passed through on our trip through Missouri. But anyway, like, yeah, Culver's is not the kind of place where they don't, like, come out and take your order. You order, you know, it's like a fast food place. So she wasn't even bringing us the food. I think she was busing. She seemed like the kind of person. She was an older gal. She seemed like the kind of person who they were kind of letting work there because it gave her something to do, which made her kind of which made me think of her in a sort of affectionate way when she walked up and wanted to make conversation. And then I believe she said something like we've got to do something about these immigrants. Well, was that what it was? It was something along the lines of that. I mean, Stu might remember, but like it was like, oh, hey, are you all done with that? And also we've got to do something about these about these immigrants was like, what?

Oh, wow. No, I don't need a refill. Thank you.

Yes. Thank you very much. Anyway, that's, again, a weird way to thank our donors of the day. But but you know what? You get the TBTL you get, not the TBTL you want. So thank you, everyone, for making TBTL possible. We really appreciate you putting your dog on this flight.

That's good. Hello and welcome to Top Story.

The update on my snoring is I was all excited last night to do night two of my snore study and see if I could improve my sleeping or my snore score with this weird tongue guard thing. I only made it through like half of the night with it on And then I woke up And then I was like I was making bargains With myself about how long I had to leave this thing In my mouth Because it started to kind of bother me It bothered me And so at about 3 in the morning I told myself Well now you've done half the night With it in and now you'll do half the night With it not in and now you're getting even more Useful data Oh Thank you. that's true you could compare and contrast sure yeah that's what i thought and again it was just

an excuse for me to not wear the thing anymore and then um i got up this morning and i looked over

and i had not successfully activated the app so that's not helpful yeah nope not at all is it and i'm going to ask you a personal question here but these are personal we're in a personal conversation i got a dog on this flight this thing is a sound recorder that then analyzes your sleep you're trying to record the sound of your breathing but there's also a chance that if you had a heavy flatulence night that would also be captured by the recorder is there any chance that you're embarrassed about is this a is this a tricky dick nixon kind of situation here did you like a missing 17 minutes are there are there missing chunks of this tape and you just don't want to

or did i want to release it loudly that it literally boggled the recording He basically scrambled the entire thing.

Luke is willing to release transcripts of his snoring, but that is it.

Yes. I think that might have been what happened. I wonder about that. Not as it relates to the snore app, but just generally speaking, as I reenter the world of romance, I don't think that I am passing gas unknowingly in my sleep. But how would I know? Because I'm asleep, right? I know.

It's enough to get in your head.

We've talked about this before. I think the partners that I've been with, well, certainly Carrie and I, and I think you and Genevieve. Again, I'm not trying to get overly personal, but you started this. You put this dog on this flight, Andrew. I did.

I wonder if that'll take off. Has Chris said it yet?

It certainly has taken off with me. I can't stop saying it. Has anybody checked to see if Chris has said it on his show yet? Like, I think we are in relationships where we don't throw that around in front of each other Try to, you know, preserve a little bit of mystery, a little bit of mystique

Obviously, you're not surprised that I'm that way I wonder if people are surprised that you're that way Wow Only because you're, I mean, you're the one who's always, I think, often Really creating the dynamic on the show that I'm the squeamish one and that you're cool with the fart humor and whatever.

And yet, have you ever, in all of our world travels, have I ever farted around you? No, and I've begged for it. I have literally begged for it. You've offered me riches? You've said, sir. Just what? People come to me all the time with tears in their eyes, and they say, sir, will you please fart on me on this flight to Australia?

Oh, gross. No, of course not. No, and that's the truth. No, I have not. And you and I don't engage in that kind of like, hey, what do you hear, ducks? and then we let one rip by the campfire. That's not really what we do. But remember that conversation we had with Kristen Schaal? It just always pops in my head. Whenever this topic comes up, I get a lot of emails from listeners and you see a lot of chatter on the social media about how fart humor is a big part of a lot of people's relationships and ripping it around each other and making each other laugh. That is not a space I would like to play in. But I think that's actually probably more normal than than my. I mean, honestly, it does suppression.

I have been in how many like I've been in, I think, four major relationships in my life. And I think two of them were a no fart zone and two of them. There was some humor around it, like the first really serious girlfriend I had. I think the joke used to be I got disorganized I don't even remember what the origin was But somehow it would become The joke was oh did you get disorganized Which was like when one of us had farted And that was That was fun and it was like not It didn't seem to you know Make the relationship I guess less appealing Or make her less interesting to me if you will And then another one, a very major relationship in my life I think that I would fart around the person And I don't think they would fart around me And it must have just happened like where I just It kind of happened at some point accidentally And then I had to just kind of address it And then it became okay And then two of the major relationships in my life Have been no farting So I wonder if those relationships

If you'd been in relationships with people for those two that i'm wondering how much your feeling about this has been imprinted by those relationships like would do you think that potentially you could be a person who would be in a relationship now where that where that's like kind of a type of humor that you engage in it's just that you went a different path at some point with these people that's interesting yes i think it

had to do with some kind of like subtle unspoken thing with the person I'm not.

i was with where i don't know maybe i just sort of intuited that they were not down with that or i don't know because yeah it's weird that i you'd think you'd either just be like you know not doing that or you'd be doing it all the time and somehow i kind of have been on both sides of that experience um but i will i will say that it is much easier to be in a relationship where you can pass gas around the other person um you know what i mean yeah i guess it would be So much of my life, when I'm in relationships where it's a no-fart zone, a lot of my life is discreetly going somewhere where maybe I can do that if I need to or getting up in the middle of the night. I remember being with somebody and them saying, boy, you really go to the bathroom a lot. And I wanted to say, no, I'm just going to the bathroom to pass gas because I'm not doing it in bed with you.

Yeah, no, this is – and I do the same thing. I don't – I really try not to. I can't say that I have a perfect record. In fact, if Genevieve were on the mic right now, she would say, I do not have a perfect record. And, again, it's those somewhere between being awake and being asleep morning situations where you've woken up. Whatever. I don't want to get more detail than that. But you're awake. You're trying to get your little.

Crops have been dusted is what you're saying.

You're trying to get a few more winks of sleep. But you drift into sleep. And all of a sudden, you wake up because you realize that you were holding something in that you dropped. And so then that's really embarrassing

The irony is As a person who now sleeps alone Typically I feel like I don't ever have to fart By myself Even though I have carte blanche Even though I have fart blanche

Is that a show title?

I would be fine with it But again you're the

I think it's kind of gotta be

Fart blanche

Chris, can you say that on your show? Well, I don't want to dismiss that far blanche, Senator. However, wait, is that how would you use carte blanche? No, not dismiss. You wouldn't dismiss something carte blanche.

But you would. Let's see. Carte blanche is to have basically freedom to do whatever. So you would just say like, well, I mean, you know, the prosecutor gave him far blanche. Yes, right. To testify in the case.

Oh, man. We're really driving listeners.

The thing is, if Chris says that, it will end up on the Stern show because, you know, they have a whole team that just watches all of the major news networks and finds any time that a host accidentally says something that sounds a little bit dirty or racy. Oh, I didn't know. So if he were to say Fart Blanche, it'd be the same as him yelling Baba Booey at a golf tournament. It will end up on Stern. So, Chris, don't do that. But I do would like to hear a dog on this flight if it's possible. A story from the Washington Post about what is going on in Burnsville, Minnesota, where local authorities have gone on Twitter asking people to please not put their pet goldfish into any of the lakes because goldfish apparently are very hearty and they they're also very invasive. This was the tweet. Please don't release your pet goldfish into ponds and lakes. That post at last check had over 15,000 retweets. They grow bigger than you think and contribute to poor water quality by mucking up the bottom sediments and uprooting plants. And the tweet had a photo with it of somebody holding this goldfish that is just massive.

Now, I asked you this, I think, yesterday on the show or maybe before the show. And I said, well, is it true that a goldfish, once it is released in the wild and it gets really big like that, is that when it becomes a koi? And you said that you had a similar question that this article either dodged or tried to answer.

I believe this particular article in The Washington Post, by the way, by Reese Tebalt, dodges the question of koi. I don't believe koi are ever referenced in the article, which I think was an over, a bit of, I don't know, short-sightedness maybe by Reese in his otherwise great reporting. I will say, though, this goldfish in the photo just looks like a massive goldfish, where koi are longer and sleeker. Oh, okay. Like, if you think about a koi, they're not – like, a goldfish literally – like, a football is an apt comparison because goldfish really are shaped sort of like a football. they're what is a football technically it's like a it's a spheroid or something oh i don't know i

and i also just typed in our goldfish koi and the internet says no they're very straightforward

hey oh ladies and gentlemen as you were ladies and gentlemen i was trying to compose my best dad joke but you beat me to it uh it says wait did you actually get koi is spelled differently

of course K-O-I

I say, of course, I mean something I learned in the past 30 seconds. Koi and goldfish may look similar, but the two are actually two different species. I'm just reading a preview paragraph here from BlueRidgeKoi.com.

Far from being an innocuous domestic animal, a goldfish freed into fresh water is an invasive species. An organism that is introduced to an environment can quickly reproduce, outcompete native species, and destroy a habitat. it's no good i gotta tell you if i were if i had a goal like if i had a kid and they had a goldfish and for some reason we couldn't have the goldfish anymore which raises a lot of questions about just like who is like we can no longer deal with this goldfish let's release it into one of the 1000

lakes in minnesota the same bozos who are recycling bowling balls probably like think of it right it's

like goldfish is a very low impact pet and of course famously people will sometimes flush them down the toilet also that although that also raises the question is that how they're getting into the lakes this is not addressed in this article andrew my guess would be that if you flush a goldfish down a toilet like that's not the water that's going into the lakes or at least that water is getting processed heavily in such a way that it would literally screen out the goldfish

right yeah so it's not going down the toilet but you but again reese get at me that's another thing

that should have been addressed in this article is what are the chances that flushing a goldfish down the toilet could lead to them growing to the size of a football and living in one of the 1000 lakes i can't i don't know how like one of the main urban legends around goldfish i guess that's really more about like alligators right and also how do i know that yeah there's not an

alligator coming up out of the toilet or even a snake we those are you hear about those right in florida and whatnot snakes coming out of toilets uh-huh um and here's some dazzling

deets about goldfish their scientific name is uh carassius aratus and they can live to be 25 years

old that's like that's pretty old for a goldfish yes 25 that's way old for a goldfish wouldn't you think i mean we're talking about my cat who's calmed down by the way i don't know where he is but he's 20 years old and you know we realize that that's it's kind of the ceiling for this old guy you know like 20 years old but a goldfish is out there just like living to 25 it almost doesn't seem fair but i guess i have a dog on this flight see how natural it is also

andrew how in the world is it that i've promoted this story twice now and i goldfish darling you like it and at no point did i play your your star turn as somebody in a long-term committed relationship without farting with a goldfish what what just happened

there is this what happens when i'm talking you like it do you just sort of instinctively start typing like typing into the search box of your audio storage system just like the words i'm saying and goldfish just popped up there um yes obviously you know i transcribe every single

goldfish you forgot and so in my transcription of the show it started to highlight it hypertexted goldfish and then i took me right to the audio drop no i can't believe that we have a story about goldfish and i completely spaced on the fact that we have audio of you saying the word

goldfish was it hearing me say goldfish over and over that reminded you that that existed

i guess i mean it took like 45 references for my stupid brain to figure it out um also goldfish darling they're uh surprisingly resilient this article says they can survive in severe conditions and can weather winters in bodies of water that have frozen over living for months without oxygen Whoa. This makes them very tough, according to Presmec Behar, who owns a company called Carp Solutions. Behar says this makes them really, really tough and allows them to dominate certain types of ecosystems. This is really rocking my conception of goldfish. Yeah, now I realize they're super animals. Right. Like, you think they'd be kind of soft because, like, they're in a pet store. You bring them home in a Ziploc You throw them in a tiny bowl They just seem cosseted to me Like they got no street smarts

What does cosseted mean?

Kind of like cosseted is to be carefully handled To be sort of delicately handled

Okay, okay

You know, you just like think of them as being Like they would just die immediately If you dumped them in a lake And no, they're like Ding dong Like I'm here for the next To be continued...

25 years and i don't give a frick if this lake freezes over they're like ding dong that's a that's

a tick tock joke oh it is i thought you were just saying that out of the blue i was like i love that i was like let's make that a thing turns out it is a thing it is a thing that i've just like totally

so there's like um a meme on tick tock i don't even know what the original sound is from but it's basically like the sound of somebody kind of busting through a wall or something entering a room very clumsily and noisily and there's all this kind of sound of just I don't know chaos and then they go ding dong and it's like the meme is people like some like one of the memes is a girl of a certain age saying like it's her like coming in the door of a bedroom and she's got like chick-fil-a and she sits on the bed and it's like me coming back to talk to my boyfriend after I told him I would never speak to him again and it's like bangs through the door and it's like a ding

dong okay and that's somebody's voice doing it that they're sampling it's somebody who sounds

like maybe they are like spanish is their first language i don't know i'm guessing at that part i mean if there's anything better than tiktok it's me describing i was going to say yeah

so these goldfish i mean i led you i led you down that road but i did learn something so that's good

i also wish i would have just let it let it ride on that one like just pretended that i was my I think because that was that felt pretty dope when I said that. Yeah, no, it was very smooth. I kind of ripped it off from somebody else. Anyway, I am surprised to learn that these goldfish are as hearty as they are and as, you know, kind of durable as they are. I would have really expected that they would just have no survival skills. Like you'd put them in a lake and they'd be like, I don't know what to do with all of this real estate. I am, you know, going to get immediately eaten by a different animal. Like you just think that they would be soft, but they are not. Apparently they're like the apex predator of the lake.

Yeah, and we're keeping them in these tiny little bowls. It reminds me, this is going to drive so many people crazy, including Genevieve's sister, who may hear this. But there's an episode of Futurama. Like, they have some sort of pet alien. The crew on Futurama has some sort of animal that they just kind of treat as a pet that makes weird little noises. But then at some point it's revealed that this is a very advanced species on another planet. I won't go into more detail because I'll just mess up more and more details the more I try to fill that in but that's the basic vibe there and I feel like that's what we're doing to goldfish they're like super animals and we're keeping them in these tiny little bowls and just being like oh you're so cute and you're going to die in a week because I brought you home from the fair and I don't know how to take care of you and I'm not changing your water I don't know how I slipped into that guy

I will come to your house and I will take all your goldfish I know those are different people, but they kind of have vaguely similar acts.

Are they definitely different people? It's not the same comedian?

I think maybe you're right. I mean, you're the one, you're the keeper of the audio flame on this show, so maybe that is the same person. I don't know. I'm trying to find it.

It's like, come to my show, everybody.

Was the first one, was the butter, was that, do we know that that was, in fact, parody?

I do now, yes. I've looked at it because it had an anniversary recently, and the person as a comedian goes under one name and they had but then if you read articles about them they have you know a name they were given at birth as well so it's definitely a character they play but i do think what country are they from is it um it's like a nordic country right right it's like some scandinavian place that was having a butter shortage right and they really are from that country but that's not really just

i'm gonna say the netherlands i don't know i don't know i'm gonna guess i don't have a dog on that flight uh-huh exactly hey um real quick before we get to the female frenzy which is going to be like one female um well you know all i want to say is i want them to go back in the all-star game i want them to go back to letting everybody wear the jersey from their team please okay oh yeah

you know i didn't watch the game yesterday i saw some images from it but weeks before the game was John, our boy Durz, who is a bit of a savant when it comes to sports uniforms, was already very upset with the uniforms.

Well, you know what it is. It's just a chance for MLB to sell yet another piece of merch. Of course. But it's like because, you know, if if Kikuchi is just wearing his Mariners jersey, that doesn't we've not created a new look. But the uniforms looked silly. And also I was tweeting back and forth with Kevin Calabro NBA announcer and one time voice of the Sonics Because he said this is an old guy take That was literally what he said I'm not describing his take as being an old guy take But he was like I like it better when everyone wears their own uniform And I remember being a kid and just being absolutely charmed By the idea that all of these guys are out there in their own uniforms But they're playing together It was just like a very fun, very novel experience and now they just wear a jersey.

like white or blue, and then they just have a tiny little emblem somewhere that indicates what their team is, and it's so much less fun.

I don't have the nostalgia background on this that you have, but I will also say if you're creating new uniforms, fine, but these were just ugly. They were just bad uniforms. Those jerseys were uggo. Yeah, they really were. They're saying that on TikTok now. They're saying ding-dong, uggo.

Ding-dong. Yeah, I was looking at the jerseys last night, And I was thinking, am I just – a lot of times when some new piece of fashion comes around, my initial thought is that looks dumb, and then I see it enough, and then I'm like, yeah, I like that, and then I eventually buy it, and I'm wearing it, right? So sometimes things that are on the cutting edge of fashion, they look silly at first because you're just not used to them. I was trying to figure out – because obviously whoever is in charge of the uniforms for MLB, that is a person who has a lot of sort of experience. And I don't think they're just like having a random like the guy who answers the phones. Hey, Carl, you want to work on this? Like it's somebody who studies fashion and trends and fabric and all this stuff. I'm sure that like it's a job that you have to know a lot about looks to get. and yet how did they come up with something so shitty i don't know i mean i wonder if it was just because if i like in five years i'll be like oh no that was the cool look i just didn't like it at the time because i wasn't used to it yeah it could be this could be old man takes i'm

not sure i do know this though hey welcome to my show everybody i know you did pay 100 dollars but here here's 100 back to you and 10 so 10 more dollars for you enjoy my show and after my show i shall live in court sports box house on the street because i do not understand financials and i am poverty so enjoy my show i do not remember what he was reacting but that is not

the no i don't that is not the i will come to your house no that's very different in my head i just sort of conflated them put the wrong dog on the wrong flight don't weaponize it against me

here i go once again with the email every week i hope that it's from a female

no man it's not from a female all right let's talk v-mails and emails my friend yeah i'm gonna

go through a few here that are related uh to each other i think i got a couple here how about uh we go back to our conversation about happy days and laverne and shirley and all those other things that young people like us talk about on podcasts.

Hey, guys. You were discussing Happy Days, which was a huge part of my childhood. And someone mentioned a favorite episode. I don't know if you were talking about Happy Days or not, but the best episode of Happy Days has to be when Joni and Chachi were in the school play, the school musical, and Chachi had to fill in for the person that was supposed to be the lead. And he didn't know the lyrics to the song, so he had the lyrics inside of his cowboy hat. And then when the music started, he magically remembered the lyrics. And this song ultimately became the theme song to Joanie Loves Chachi. Don't you remember this? You look at me, soft as any touch could be, and suddenly there's magic when you look at me. And then it goes on from there. But come on That's good singing Yeah

I want to play it

Look at me Joanie loves Chachi

There you go Joanie loves Chachi Mic drop I know I got a lot of reaction Porky Pig in Space Jam 2 We got one Porky Fig We got one voicemail From someone who Wanted to let us know That Fonzie was never Supposed to be in high school That was I think That one might have been on me I can't remember But we were talking about Fonzie looking too old to be in high school i don't have that was scott baio chachi yeah that's what that last listener did mention that she realizes that you know baio is problematic now but that's who chachi was um but anyway um fonzie was never in high school he was supposed to be about 22 years old and actually i guess his origin story is he started off as kind of a kind of a punk kind of a jerk right he wanted to beat up uh richie but then somehow he was talked off the ledge and then somehow Richie is kind enough to introduce him to his parents and that's how he ends up living in that mother-in-law house and softening up his image a bit. I have one more voicemail on this topic, but I'll be honest with you the reason I'm playing this, you know how we talk about power outs, Luke? This voicemail has what I call a power in. Love it. This is wonderful.

I am so sorry. I love that.

having bad allergies. Oh my gosh. Oh my gosh. Oh boy. Sorry. I'm so happy you guys are talking about Laverne and Shirley. I have two cute little babies. They're two little tortoise and they are named after Laverne and Shirley. They've got two sisters and one of them is a little bit darker than the other. And so she is Shirley and then Laverne is the one that is a little bit more blonde, and I have a robot. My Roomba robot is named Lenny, so we're just looking for a Squiggy now. I was the child of a single parent, so I watched a lot of television, and Naked Night was one of my favorites. Laverne and Shirley and Three's Company, specifically, were my favorite, favorite shows. And listening to the theme song, you guys just brought back so many good memories. Ah, thank you so much. Sorry for all the sneezing.

just looking for a Squiggy could be a contender for a show title as well. Well, we already have Fart Blanche, though. We do have Fart Blanche. It's going to be hard to top that.

Yeah, it's basically like Juan Soto hitting like... Actually, it wasn't Juan Soto. It was a guy from the Royals on Monday night who hit like 30 home runs in the home run derby, but he happened to be going up against Pete Alonzo from the Mets who hit 35. Like you just This is an interesting thing about the Home Run Derby You know you win a million dollars if you win it And Pete Alonzo Who won it in 2019 I think the All-Star game was cancelled in 2020 Because of COVID And so it's back So he won it again It's a million dollars His salary is $600,000 He makes more winning the Home Run Derby Than he does all year playing baseball

And isn't often younger guys Who are competing I think some of the veterans kind of bow out of that, right? Even if they would qualify so that the younger, newer guys can get paid because they don't have the contracts yet?

Interesting. I hadn't thought of that. I mean, I've heard of that happening in the NFL about making the Pro Bowl because there's a bonus associated with it. And so sometimes because also in the NFL, like the Pro Bowl is crazy because it's like every NFL game is a roll of the dice for the players that it might be their last NFL game. So the idea that your reward for being good at playing is you get to go get tackled again in Hawaii is kind of lightly tackled, tackled, but tackled nonetheless, or at least, you know, you could have a non-contact injury. Right. Like it's just like every single NFL game is is dangerous to the players, even excuse me, the Pro Bowl. So I know that sometimes guys in the NFL will not take their Pro Bowl spot Because if somebody else gets it, it's like a huge bonus to them

Hey, can I move off of sports? I really want to get through these because then we're going on break And tomorrow's Blur's Days and Friday's Music

I want every voicemail to start with someone having an allergy situation

Exactly, this is a longer voicemail

If they're not sneezing, I'm freezing out of here

This is a longer voicemail It's a story that began as two voicemails, as you'll hear, and then runs out of time, unfortunately. But still, the content in here is worth it, I believe.

Hey, Demi. This is Louisa calling the same gal that said... Shit, my husband just came home. Ugh, annoying. I'm going to call back later. Hey, Demi. Sorry about hanging up earlier. My husband came home, and I don't know, for some reason it was, like, really awkward. And I just had to hang out because I don't know, I feel like it would be embarrassing If he caught me talking to my imaginary friends Anywho, I'm calling because Can you pause it really quick, Andrew?

I love that we're embarrassed to be doing this show Around other people My big stress about the last THON was Are people going to be walking down the street in, say, Phoenix And be like, what are you doing? And even the listeners are embarrassed to be talking to us

Yeah, no, I understand that It would be weird to somebody – because it's so often that we're even caught on the phone these days, right? Like when Genevieve hears me on the rare phone call downstairs, she assumes I'm talking to her upstairs.

But this listener had also the convenient cover of the dog barking. She didn't have to tell us that she was embarrassed by her husband coming home. We heard the dog barking. That could have been the cover story. But she chose to confirm our suspicions that talking to the voicemail of this show is, in fact, an embarrassing experience. Yeah, the dog was embarrassed for her.

Of what I'm going to refer to as Tuna Gate or Subway Sandwiches Tuna Gate situation. It really triggered me. I almost could not make it to the episode. So let me give you a back story here. In high school, one of my very good friends' mom worked in market research. And so, like, she was the person who would...

pre-interview people to see if they answered the right questions to then be selected for certain market research thingamajigs. And a lot of what she did was like product testing, like chicks and candy and like junk food and cookies. And so my friend Darla would be like, yeah, I'm like, it's mostly like junk food and like chocolate bars and blah, blah, blah.

Okay. So do you follow this so far? So people who want to participate in some sort of market research study usually involving like fun junk food her friend's mom would be the screener for that so if i'm applying for that they'd say all right we got to figure out if you're if you're the right demographic and whatnot and so her friend's mom is the screener got it and we were

like in the 12th grade or whatever and leaving reaction first university anyways long story short we needed the money and we were stoked it's like it was just eating junk food so she's like okay, my mom's going to call you, just, like, say yes or whatever to, like, all the things she asks you. So it was kind of like a setup, which is kind of fucked up to the beginning of. But long story short, I'm, like, so stoked. Anyways, I find out after I've been admitted to be in this market research thing and make $40 an hour, which, like, was an outrageously amazing wage at that age. And it was me, my boyfriend at the time, her, and her boyfriend at the time. so we were all getting this money and we were going to like do something great with it we're going to like go to i don't know go to like a restaurant or a casino but like that was a lot of money at the time anyways i'm i should say i'm a bit of a picky eater which you can both relate to and one of the things i hated most in the world was mayonnaise i've since filled my relationship with it only because we make it at home but anyways i hated mayo i actually gag at the thought of mayonnaise still like store-bought mayonnaise and I'm also very sensitive in regards to tuna I will only eat tuna that I mix my mom mixes my aunt and then my cousin Felisa but again

I'm a very weird eater we find out that instead of I just want to be clear here she will eat her cousin's tuna I just want to make sure that we're not sleeping on that detail like candy and giving

our feedback we legitimately had to taste like seven or eight different samples of subway tuna and we had to rate the level of mayonnaise in them and there was no turning back so it literally was the most gagging I literally tried to leave I almost tried to leave and I think my boyfriend at the time was like you need to do this come on like we're gonna get 40 bucks an hour and it was just like the most triggering awful experience and um that's where the voicemail runs out um

luke now that you've been a husband came back now that you've been a vegetarian for a while um would i know that you went on some shoots and stuff where you had to eat meat after you'd gone vegetarian would that be is that harder for you with every passing day or would it be no no it's

not and and in fact i have been i'm toying with the idea of eating meat again actually if i can find meat that is ethically sourced sorry this is not where you're trying to take the conversation um but i because if i think about it logically it's like i don't think it's the worst thing if a cow has a good happy life it eats grass and it frolics it drinks from a stream and then it gets bonked on the back of the head at the end of its life it doesn't seem horrible to me the problem is that's if i go to mcdonald's it's like i can't figure out what that cow's life was my guess is its life wasn't really great so if like my sister liz they i don't know if they still do but they used to like get a quarter of a cow every year you know that was like ethically raised and then they would just that's what they would use for hamburger and steaks and all of that i don't even think that that also the problem is i'm having a really hard time finding low carb Vegetarian food that's satisfying So I'm sure that's what's driving this thought Process I have not yet Made a decision on that but My answer to your question is I'm not Grossed out by the idea of me and I don't Think I would not be like this listener Which for me this voicemail Raises the question for like or Made me want to ask you Andrew like Because you're pretty sensitive Around you know creamy Things and cottage cheese and stuff Like that if you had been in high School and you were getting $40 an hour to like taste test something and they put a bowl of cottage cheese in front of you what would you

have done i don't think i would have done it i just i don't think i could have i think i would have just gagged like i had my you know i even now like i just don't think i could get through a um i don't think i could get through a spoonful let alone a bowl of that hmm that's like pretty

much worst case scenario for that listener yeah yeah like exactly thought she was going to be Taste testing like mounds bars Right I know Subway tuna Which I think

I think, as a kid, tuna is a weird product. Like, I think I liked tuna in adulthood. In fact, I really liked tuna.

Do you like too much tuna or just the right amount of tuna?

I'd say, like, two handfuls.

Okay, dollop?

Well, you know, I've got to get my three rounds in a day. Also, that listener should have a podcast. I know, that was good. Those two messages were, like, without a doubt, the most compelling conversation. She was the most dynamic person who's been on this show since, I don't know, the last time Genevieve was on the show.

Here, let me get through a couple more of these because I know you've got to run in a second, but these are good. Seven minutes. I think this is really interesting, and I've got to say, I don't usually play these. Usually when somebody calls in to correct me, I bury it. I bury it, and I put the phone number on burn notice. I think that's a thing. This is from our buddy Max in Brooklyn.

Hey, Dummies. It's Max in Brooklyn. listening to, you know, your regular Tuesday episode. And, Andrew, buddy, I say this with all love, but I think you have boondoggle and hornswoggle mixed up because you're talking about a boondoggle being getting over on someone, and the biggest boondoggle in recent American history is, first off, Vietnam has a boondoggle. when you put all your stuff into a thing that is obviously not going to work. So I think that is indeed what the Margarita story, or Pini Colada story was. See, I'm getting things thrown to you. But, yeah.

I think we were talking about a reputation you may or may not have at CBS News, about your stories being excuses for you to go to fun, fancy places, which we reject wholeheartedly, and that's where the Pina Colada story came up. I'm going to let Max finish here before we react.

Hornswoggle-ing someone is getting one over. Maybe that's what you were thinking of?

Hornswoggle.

Love you guys. I'll talk to you later.

That is fascinating to me. I have been using boondoggle instead of hornswoggle my entire life. I thought they were synonymous. They are most certainly not. Boondoggle is like kind of throwing good money after bad And not improving the situation

I guess I just yeah let me if I were to use boondoggle in a sentence I would think of it as I think I would think it's a big kind of money time waste But wouldn't that also I mean boon but you said boondoggle

Boondoggle yes what I think I think I was using hornswoggle like oh you were trying

Oh you said hornswoggle you said hornswoggle

No, I said boondoggle, but I guess maybe in this case you could maybe make an argument for either. But Max is right. I totally meant hornswoggle, which is like pulling one over on someone as opposed to boondoggle, which according to the dictionary, work or activity that is wasteful or pointless but gives the appearance of having value. I guess actually in this case either does work, but Max has got me dead to rights there. I meant hornswoggle.

I will say hornswoggle, yeah, to mean kind of like grifting someone or getting someone to do something that's not great for them. Like, ah, he really hornswoggled me. Yes. But I don't think – I feel like there's a third word that I can't think of right now, and I don't have the time to, Andrew. That's like the one that we're thinking of for like a junket, like something that's – I mean, honestly, I love Listener Max, and I love him correcting you. Any chance for you to be wrong on the show just honestly puts the wind in my sails. Oh, yeah, because it's so rare. But I do think generally one would describe a kind of a waste. I mean, what is it when, like, a politician goes on some trip to Tahiti to allegedly study their, like, trade policy, but really they're just – I mean, we call that a boondoggle. We call that a junket, right? Well, a junket is the name of the trip, but if it's a junket that is really not serving the public good, then I think it moves into the category of boondoggle.

Boondoggle.

Yeah, no, I mean, I think you're right. Have you seen Boondoggle Saints, by the way?

I just watched a documentary about the maker of it. Oh, I want to watch that, by the way. What a piece of work. Yeah, I need to.

You sent me the link. I got to watch that.

It is free. Okay, let's wrap this up because you got to go. I just want to say a couple of quick shout outs to people. We got Saul who wanted to congratulate his son Gavin for making Eagle Scout and doing so in some pretty remarkable fashion. And if you've got 30 seconds of time.

Hey, guys. So I'm at home alone this week. My fiance is out of town visiting family, so it's just me and the dog. And I just got some really good news at work, but I don't have anybody to tell because I'm here all by myself.

I figured I'd tell y'all, my podcast friends, that I just got a big promotion and raised at work. They're going to pay me more money. I'm going to get a cool new salary, and I'm super excited. So I'm going to be celebrating by listening to today's episode while I cook dinner for myself. Thanks for being my podcast friends that I can tell about exciting things in my life.

See, not everybody's embarrassed to call the voicemail line.

Well, you notice that their fiancé is out of town. Yeah. I did notice that. I mean, we actually don't know. That's great. Congratulations. That listener didn't leave their name? No, I don't think so. Well, congratulations, anonymous listener. That is really awesome, and thank you for sharing that with us. Yeah, and so I guess we'll go out. When did Schubert Tip come out? Oh, my God. Can we talk about that on tomorrow's show, please? Sure. Do you want to go out with Unbelievable?

I don't have any other songs, and you're in a hurry, so I could go with this. I love it.

But honestly, we have to talk about that tomorrow.

Okay, that sounds good. So, okay, we'll go out with this then.

All right. Thanks for listening, everyone. We'll be back here tomorrow with more imaginary radio for you, so please do join us for that. Until then, have a great Wednesday. Take care of yourselves. And please remember, no mountain too tall. And good luck to all.

But when I do, I'm a fool These times I've spent our real life And I'll shoot through and leave you The things you say Your path runs just give you away The things you say You're unbelievable Power out.