Muse

For a number of years now, work has been proceeding in order to bring perfection to the crudely conceived idea of a transmission that would not only supply inverse reactive current for use in unilateral phase detractors, but would also be capable of automatically synchronizing cardinal grammeters. Such an instrument is the turboencabulator. Now, basically, the only new principle involved is that instead of power being generated by the relative motion of conductors and fluxes, it is produced by the modial interaction of magnetoreluctance and capacitive directance. The original machine had a base plate of prefamulated amulite surmounted by a malleable logarithmic casing in such a way that the two sperving bearings were in a direct line with a panometric FAM. The latter consisted simply of six hydrocoptic marzel veins so fitted to the ambifacient lunar wane shaft that side fumbling was effectively prevented. The turboencabulator has now reached a high level of development, and it's being successfully used in the operation of nofortrunnions. Moreover, whenever a fluorescent score motion is required, it may also be employed in conjunction with a drawn reciprocation dingle arm to reduce sinusoidal repleneration. It's not cheap, but I'm sure the government will buy it.

TBTL! You know, personally, I do not believe in God because I do not know what that word means. I do know that it spells cat backwards, though. Well, thank God we built you. What a blessing for the community.

Burbank's not so bad. No, Burbank's the best. Congratulations, son. I'm about to make you famous.

all right hello good morning and welcome everyone to a thursday edition of tbtl the show that just might be too beautiful to live here we go again my name is luke burbank i am your host ding dong coming to you from the nest broadcast center high in the sky above portland oregon where i yi yi i'm looking at three bros broing it up on the roof of an apartment building probably these are not the construction guys this is a completed apartment building the one that's very close to me uh but uh i don't want to speculate because i don't really know construction but there's basically some sort of issue it would appear with some kind of flashing Anyway, a guy is measuring something on the edge of this roof, I don't know, 200 feet in the air. No harness, no safety. He has to lean over the edge of the roof to run his tape measure. And it is terrifying me here on a Thursday morning. I'm going to try to not focus on that. I'm going to try to focus on this, episode 3,467 in A Collector's Series. Let the fun begin. We have some voicemails and some emails that we want to get to. If you want to talk, I've got two ears, and they're tuned to the listening station. Before we head into our little TBTL Summer Games Summer Break, so we're going to get through all of those today. We're also going to wish some happy Blur's Days to people.

It's my birthday today.

Because it's a Thursday, a.k.a. Blur's Day. Oh, and I have a piece of music that has been playing in my head for the last 24 hours I've been obsessed with that I want to, not unlike Owen Wilson saying, wow, I want to transmit this parasite, this musical parasite to all of you so you can enjoy it as well. So we'll do that, too. We'll do all that with the help of this guy, the longest-running co-bro of the show, maybe best known for his depictions of the tall ships he lives by a simple motto.

I ain't gonna lie. Missing Trash Day is one of the biggest L's as an adult.

He is Andrew Walsh, and he's joining me right now. I love that. That's somebody called Smooth Brother on TikTok. And when he said that, I was like, I've found a drop for my friend Andrew Walsh from the Roosevelt neighborhood of Seattle, Washington. Good morning. Good morning, Luke.

I'm already having a good time. Smile on my face, chuckle in my throat. Oh, God. Who left these chuckles here, and why am I eating them, and why is one of them stuck in my throat?

Those went bad weeks ago.

Yeah, I know. Everybody, stay away from the chuckles. And I don't want to bring us down emotionally, but what have you wrought? What have you wrought? I went to bed last night, by the way. I was very proud. I got a lot done yesterday.

afternoon, and I went to bed with a clean TBTL inbox. I'd gone through all the emails, replied to the ones... And a chuckle in your throat. Yes, replied to the ones I need to reply to. Like, everything was fresh and clean and new. I wake up this morning, I have a million emails from people, all I haven't even actually opened these. I just see the subject line and the preview. Hey, dummies, I know I'm not from Minnesota, but I feel compelled to say that Minnesota is known as the land of 10,000 lakes, not 1,000 lakes. That's our friend Ian in Wisconsin. Not in Joe Biden's America, Andrew. Barbara says, can't believe no fellow Minnesotan has corrected this yet. I think this is the first show since you said that, so that's maybe why. Well, I think

I've been sort of alluding to the fact that I think I think of it as the land of 1,000 lakes.

Oh, okay. Yeah. So anyway, just so you know, I don't remember you saying that, Luke, specifically, but it is 10,000 lakes, not Not 1,000.

Has anyone counted them, though? That's a really good question. I'm going to dig my heels in on this. I would love it if, like... This is the lake you die on. This is the lake I die in, and it's like I make it my goal to... This is like a I-think-you-should-leave sketch. I misstated. I call it the land of 1,000 lakes instead of the land of 10,000 lakes, and then I set off on a mission to count all of the lakes to prove there's not 10,000 lakes.

Yeah. I can't really see any characters on that show overreacting to something, but maybe it could be a kind of a new vibe from them. Yeah. I'm just going through these now. I won't read them all, but yeah, it was just so funny. I swear there were tweets. I woke up this morning. There were a million notifications on my phone and the vast majority of them. There were 1,000 notifications on my phone and a great deal of them were letting you know that it's 10. But that's good. It means we have a passionate Minnesota-based audience.

At some point, we are going to have to move the show to the land of 10,000 lakes. Because that is, I mean, Seattle is a hot zip for us because we started off as a radio program there. But over the years, we have developed a loyal following in the state of Minnesota. My guess would be that the state of Washington and the state of Minnesota are our two kind of biggest zips, as it were. I think the reason my brain, I'm not trying to be defensive here. I just, I can't imagine there's 10,000 lakes in Minnesota And so I think my brain defaulted to the land Because don't you think the land of a thousand lakes would have done? It also just seems easier to say Right, like I just feel like And I don't know the history of Minnesota statehood But I just feel like at some point someone would have said And all of this, this vast land of a thousand lakes will become the great state of minnesota like that just that works like 10 000 lakes come on like let's get serious bro there's no way it's 10 000 lakes i just love that we're just going

to lean into this like let's you're not no i'm leaving i don't want to drag you down with me i've already gotten enough trouble with the listeners no i like it i'll uh i think that's i think uh that's good we can be a heel on this topic i love it also in in now uh am i being too serious here i bet you you saying like we need to move the show to minnesota i'll bet you that broke a lot of seattleites hearts to to even to even contemplate that i feel like and i could be wrong of course talking to the listeners so you can let me know if i'm wrong about this i bet you there i'll bet you our more recent newfound connection to minnesota might be like you know when you have like you're you're like you're best friends with somebody and then your best friend kind of develops another best friendship and you know it's fine you can all hang out from time to time but there's a little bit of jealousy there i wouldn't be surprised if there's a little bit of that between our contingents what do you think am i am i giving

us too much credit this is it's it's very simple minnesota what we're going to move to minnesota but doesn't mean we love washington any less washington's going to get to live with us for the summers and christmas and christmases and every other weekend exactly minnesota drive now listen minnesota drives a mazda miata and recently had some um various enhancement surgeries and yes minnesota was the secretary at our real estate company okay so i see so the minnesota is

considerably younger than us seattle is our kids but minnesota is our lover i know that can we put on a bumper sticker. I'm sorry. I would like to... Actually, can I take a moment here?

Seattle is my kids and Minnesota is my lover. I would like to... That is the official TBTL bumper sticker

for the next THON. I would like to make a formal apology right here at the top of the show. I recently said on the show that Seattle is our kid.

and Minnesota is our lover. I'd like to apologize to the listeners in both of those locations and throughout the world and to you, Luke, as my friend and co-host. I just appreciate it, though.

You know what you did there, my friend, is you really took the heat off of me over that 1,000 versus 10,000 lakes statement.

Is that a show title? Seattle is our kid and Minnesota is our lover? Yeah, let's do it. Why not?

Since this is probably our last episode.

Somebody's got to say something funnier in the rest of the show. So otherwise, we will come very close. It's just you and me, dude.

You think we're having a guest appearance from Larry Storch?

That's like when somebody says, I think somebody needs to empty the kitchen trash, but there's only two people in the relationship.

Right, exactly. Or you talk to the pet. Yeah, right. So that the other human in the relationship will overhear you. I know, Theo, the garbage is overflowing, isn't it? It's kind of stinky. I know. Somebody should take that out.

There's a couple of things that I've been wanting to play for you, Andrew And it hasn't been the exact right moment But this is one of them This is not the thing that's Well, that's not true I've also been kind of low-key humming this As part of the Gabagoolaverse Yes Which I think is a thing Also, maybe that's the show title Enter the Gabagoolaverse So just so you know, we've got, of course The Sopranos song The Sopranos opening song I think the band is called A5 or something

A3 Wait are you maybe Is that the band or are you thinking Because there's a DJ with a similar name Who does the Mad Men theme song right Sorry am I getting you further away You know more about Sopranos

I'm going to play this will you google who does The Sopranos theme song Alright so we've got this one

I have 16 minutes of that

If we wanted to play it By the way, no, you're right. And as I was saying that, I'm like, why am I correcting Luke on this? You definitely, you've talked about this before, and I think you follow Sopranos stuff more than I do. Anyway, yeah, Alabama 3 is the name of that band, and they probably go by A3. For what it's worth, I was thinking of RJD2. That's who did the song for Mad Men. The person who does the Mad Men.

Exactly. So we've got the Gabagool song. Then we've got, of course, this one.

Hey, where's the freaking Gabagool?

And now joining the pantheon of the Gabagool verse is this one.

Tony Soprano, New Jersey mobster who cares for the ducks by the pool. Love's Gabagool.

That's it. Just the one verse.

I love it. That's the joke. I love it. Also, is the Eleanor Rigby structure kind of a meme in general right now? i swear i saw somebody i didn't hear it but somebody like tweeted something out which was a reworking of eleanor rigby lyrics i think it might have been this one it might be a meme right

now like overall to just kind of like you know sing silly things to the tune of eleanor rigby or maybe it's specific to this because i've seen a couple people on tiktok like someone put a tweet out that just basically said like to the tune of eleanor rigby and then they write those lyrics So then somebody performs it

Tony Soprano New Jersey mobster Who cares for the ducks by the pool Love's got but cool

I love it But that's not even the best thing that I want to play for you From the internet Andrew What I want to play for you Is this song that I saw on Twitter It's from a McGruff the Crime Dog Cassette tape called Smart Kids. And it's an amazing piece of music. It's about not getting into drugs and alcohol. Good. But it was very clearly created by either a member of Steely Dan or a session musician who was obsessed with Steely Dan. Okay? Take a listen to this.

you've got to see alcohol fills your world with lies

listen to me it's okay it seems so very nice but you'd best be looking twice Cause you will have to pay a price. You're gonna lose someday. Do you believe when they tell you it's neat? Don't fall for what they say.

And that's just where the file cuts off That's really where it cuts off That really is Or you can only post a minute and 15 or something on Twitter I don't know, it just ends there The songs on this Smart Kids album include Winners Don't Use No, No, No! Marijuana Inhalance Cocaine and Crack And then a song called Alcohol I am wondering, Andrew Are we getting spoofed? Oh, interesting. That's a lot of songs about drug use for one side of a McGruff tape. I'm reading off the photo of the cassette tape.

Yeah, you know, this is what do we get? What do we get? We get spoofed on something the other day, but it was presented to me on the show. So I'm just sitting back here just sort of like kind of listening and going along with it. But you're right. If this was presented to me on the Internet and I had all the visuals and everything that went along with it, maybe my Spidey sense would be a little bit more attuned to this. So what are the other things that – just the specificity of all these songs? And so what are you seeing? You're seeing like the back cover of a cassette tape or something?

It's the cassette case, and it's got a picture of McGruff the Crime Dog. He's wearing a trench coat per usual. Yeah, it's his look. It says McGruff's Smart Kids album, and then it says Smart Kids Don't Use Drugs. And then next to the album is the cassette tape, which I have to say is very convincing. It even has a printed on the bottom of the cassette tape label says National McGruff Campaign P.O. Box 85266 San Diego, California. Then there's a phone number. What if we called the phone number?

We should call the phone number. And by the way, I don't know if I'm if I'm getting to this too quickly, but there's also so you said you came across this via Twitter and I just Googled it. I don't know if you've already done this, but it seems if I can kind of ruin the fun right here uh it seems real because it's on something called discogs i don't know if you spend much time on this website but sometimes i'm looking for some weird rare record or i want to know if something existed and so i find myself on discogs which is a place where you can buy and trying to impress your lover minnesota i'm trying to impress my kids in seattle and also there's an entire um 30 almost 30 minute uh youtube video that is this cassette tape an image of the cassette tape the cover and the tape itself it's a half hour long and it says 1986 mcgruff's smart kids album cassette rip so while your file cut off it seems like this would have um well you're not

ruining the fun with that update it's actually makes it better because this isn't just a couple of hipsters in brooklyn yeah who made this like that's real and also again just imagine being the person who sat down to write all of these songs inhalants inhalants that's the inhalant do you

want to hear the inhalants one they have yes time stamped so i can cut right to the it's michael jackson this is also like a virgin oh yeah you're right

there's danger in inhalants they can break you in too so never snip inhalants oh my god Breathing down is really no thrill

Can I just mention that I think most kids who were hearing this song For the first time in 1986, this song introduced them to the idea of inhalants

Right, I just watched this documentary the other night The Wild and Wonderful Whites of West Virginia Which is kind of legendary And the guy, one of the members of this family in West Virginia Was talking about huffing paint and how it burned a hole in his brain And I just thought there isn't anything that sounds less appealing to me than huffing or an inhalant. And, yeah, were I to be a kid and hearing this catchy song about inhalants, this would be the first news I'd gotten that that's a thing you could do.

Right.

Don't you inhale it.

You'll be suffering pain. Don't you inhale it. They will damage your brain. Don't you inhale it. Because it's really insane.

I would love to see a photo of the human man Who was tasked with singing about inhalants as McGruff As McGruff Wait, what do you mean? You don't think it was McGruff? It's not Because it's not the same I don't think it's the same guy who did the voiceover For the McGruff TV commercials Help take a bite out of crime It was like a much more, I don't know, Burgess Meredith or something type. Like, I don't think they had the person who was doing McGruff's voice on the commercials do these songs. So it meant they had to cast for somebody else to come in and sing these songs.

But the only thing is, and I'm not saying this to be rude because I can't sing at all, but if they cast somebody else to do this, why didn't they cast somebody who could sing? Like, he's pretty flat, right?

I think the idea is, well, he's a little pitchy dog, literally. But I think I mean I think the idea is like it would be Uncanny if McGruff Had a beautiful It was like a beautiful You know alto tenor Like I think the idea is McGruff he's a tough street dog And he helped take a bite out of crime That whole thing you know Like I think it wouldn't make sense if he was like Gomer Pyle Like when Gomer Pyle just starts breaking up the neighbors You're like wait what Exactly character exactly um okay now are you able to jump to any of these songs on one side there might be

another video out there with the second side but here's what i can jump right to uh well maybe it's the whole thing i don't know winners don't use which i think is maybe the one you played no no no i played um oh yeah maybe i did play winners don't use anyway actually it looks like there let me put it this way there are 11 tracks listed here so maybe this is the both sides of the cassette

tape. What would you like to hear? Well, how about cocaine and crack? Okay, I said, what

would you like to hear? Okay, here, take a listen. Oh, yeah, that sounds cokey.

Using crack and cocaine to get high. That's what you say you love. What? But it's really insane. You could die. What are you thinking of? He keeps saying things are insane, by the way. Right. Because nobody's needing that crack and cocaine. There's terrible trouble behind it. And sooner or later you're burning your brain making a mess of your mind.

How is this the first we're hearing of this tape, Andrew? This is all over the internet. People have written long reviews of it i mean could i actually buy how much would it cost me to actually buy this

off of discogs it i promise the next time you've had a few and you're with a group of people breaking this out on your phone right i mean it's amazing it is the the intersection of very serious topics and a kind of casual not jokiness but it's like mcgruff singing about cocaine is

just very very odd to me genevieve's throwing a like a summer party in a few weeks here what if instead of like you know kind of late at night when everybody's a little tuned up playing this what if instead i just have it as people show up and it's uncommented on i guess it wouldn't be uncommented on because somebody would ask me what the hell i'm playing and why i'm playing you mean you're just playing it in the background in the background music or just add it to you know like have a mix going and every now and then have a mcgruff song in there is it too late for a song of the summer a late song of the summer entrance uh how about make your body last as a song of the summer entrance

sexy when some kids other kids are taking drugs and want you to play today if you care really care about what goes inside you you'll say no way Cause it's your body You've got to make it last It's your body Treat it right Cause it's your body You've got to make it last It's your body Treat it right

Contrarily, what if I had a legit breakthrough while listening to this?

Uh-huh. Well, that's what I'm saying. The messages are not bad. Yeah. I mean, they're great messages. They're messages of health and hope and making good decisions. I mean, I'm not encouraging anyone to use or abuse illegal drugs. So, yeah, I mean, I mean, maybe this was just the cassette tape some kids needed somewhere to end up making good decisions in life. Now, I'm going to take this to the next level. I'm sure this won't pay off, but there is a phone number printed on the tape. And I have now dialed that phone number up on my cellular phone. And I'm going to call it. I'm going to put this on speakerphone. We'll just see what happens. And this is labeled as the name.

National McGruff Campaign.

10, 5, 6, 5, 2, 3, 4, 3.

Can't take your call now.

You can leave a message after the tone.

When you have finished, press the pound key or just hang up.

Hey, this is a message for McGruff. I was wondering your thoughts on cocaine and crack and also inhalants. If you get back to me, my phone number is 206-414-8285. 206-414-8285. Thanks.

Before that voicemail came on, do you get a really lonely feeling? Because we've done this before on this show. I think I've done it myself just in my life. I'm a lonely man late at night. You see some phone number on some, like, I don't know, some Reader's Digest ad from the 70s. You're like, well, let's just see what happens when we call this number. And then I, like, by the time it's ringing the fifth time, I always picture, I'm not joking, I just picture that lonely phone sitting on the floor in an old abandoned office somewhere.

Oh, man, being on the floor, that really seals it. I was imagining just like a very soul-crushing office park in San Diego, like you said, that just got – there's a desk somewhere where a phone is sitting, but you're right, the phone being on the floor. Because all the furniture has been cleared out, but the carpet still has the marks where the cubicles were.

Right, yep, exactly.

That's where that phone call just went, Andrew. Oh, my God. I need to go lie down.

That phone was just like ringing, and nobody was around. It's like – it's time travel. Oh, man. That gives me – that – I mean, I think we've mentioned this before, and we don't have to get into the details of it, but – well, I won't because I can't remember the details of it, but I know you do. But there was a This American Life that was about phone scams, right? And there was a building. It was so evocative. It was like a building full of, like, offices with nothing but a single phone in there, right? Do you remember this? Do you have any idea what I'm talking about? Well, I might be confusing it with one about patent trolls. No, I think you're right. I think I am wrong in saying that it was about –

And I think the patent trolls one was basically, like, they went to – which I've got to give them credit. Like, they have a way of picking topics at times on This American Life where it's, like, just not something that sounds at all interesting. But then you listen to it and you're like, oh, my gosh. And so I think it was about patent trolls and how if you go to where all of these these these offices are for these patent trolls, they're just somewhere it might be in the Caribbean. And it's like just a whole building of just basically P.O. boxes or offices where there's nothing in the office. It's just a mailing address. So you can seem legit.

Yeah. Thanks for cleaning that up for me. You're absolutely right. That's the episode I was thinking of. It wasn't phone scams at all. But I actually have a way to officially get the nose up on this.

it's not even negativity trained it's just things got a little wistful things got a little maudlin there this will fix it

what are the actual lyrics

Tony Soprano masters of mobster I can't really tell can you Tony Soprano

mobster well I'll sorry

Tony Soprano New Jersey mobster who cares for the ducks by the pool

Tony Soprano New Jersey mobster who cares for the ducks by the pool New Jersey okay gotcha because he's got those those ducks that show up in his pool I believe

yeah he loves the ducks yeah loves Gabagool this has been fun though you thought you thought that The McGruff thing that you had was the full story, but that was just the tip of the iceberg. It's like finding a bunch of bowling balls under your house in the land of a thousand lakes.

It sure is. In the state next to the land of one thousand. What is Michigan State motto? It couldn't be automobile-related, right? Because the state was around for a long time before Henry Ford started making cars there. I wonder. Are you able to... Well, it gives me something I believe. Gobba Google that?

How did we not... Hold on, let me Gobba Google that.

Hey, that's when we know. That's when we know exactly when we know my phone picked up when I said that my phone is listening to me right now. Sorry. Go ahead. That would be that'll be the ultimate sign that the Gubba Ghoul meme has gone, you know, fully viral is when Google at one one day Google has just changed its page to Gubba Google.

Oh, that's what they if this is still going on on April Fool's Day next year, that will that's what they're going to do. It looks like Michigan's motto is presented in Latin, which I'm not even going to try, because that's going to drive the people in the know crazy. But it looks like it translates in English to, if you seek a pleasant peninsula, look about you. Doesn't really compare to the show me state, does it? Or first in flight? No, it's not.

I mean, I don't mind it because it's I was reading this Walt Whitman quote the other day. I'm going to try to find it now, too. I mean, what they're saying essentially is, hey, if you want to be somewhere nice, look around because you are somewhere nice.

Yeah, I mean, it's a nice sentiment, but it's not catchy. Yeah, I mean, and you know me, and I think you too here on TBTL, we try to have an economy of words, right? We don't like to use extra words when you can just kind of get right to the point. And so that's why this just struck me as a little bit odd.

This is the Walt Whitman quote, by the way. happiness uh not in another place but this place not for another hour but for this hour which i think is kind of a you know i've certainly heard that sentiment before but for whatever reason that kind of struck me as being like yeah you know like because i as i've talked about extensively i tend to think about my life like i'm climbing up a sheer face of a rock uh and i keep thinking i'm gonna get up to a ledge that's wide enough that i can lie down and just relax and be happy but i have to get to that ledge and of course when i get to the the ledge i'm looking at it's not wide enough for me or i think the ledge above it is actually the really good one and i mean you know if you can if you can if i can rewire my brain to be a little bit more content in the moment and and find happiness that's a that's a good thought um i'm i'm surprised though that that's the because like washington's the evergreen state right it seems like but i'm

i mean maybe i'm i'm not saying you're doing this wrong no but i am wondering though like because I'm officially on the Michigan.gov state motto. It says state motto, but maybe are we thinking of things that aren't necessarily mottos? Am I using the word motto wrong? Because this does seem wrong to me. It seems like Michigan, it should be like, we got the cars, or what have you. We have the streets.

What? That would be great. I know that there's a lot of talk in Michigan about being a youper, or if you're a flatlander or a youper that's a thing over there but yeah that's where i'm googling michigan state saying i thought maybe it was just if you if i went a little broader with it but um i'm not finding anything yeah 55 from uh something called slogans hub.org 55 catchy michigan slogans oh i'd be into this um let's see here you're right the michigan state motto is exactly what you said it was michigan state nicknames the great lakes state water winter wonderland lady of the lake the wolverine state okay that would make sense oh yes yeah okay yeah sure yeah the auto state or if you're not into the whole brevity thing the automotive state michigan state slogans pure michigan i feel like i've seen pure michigan in like a national geographic or something you know like in the ad section doesn't mcgruff have

a song about staying away from pure michigan yes he does your friends will say let's do some pure

michigan but you get away from them um great lakes great times america's left hand because that's a big thing with that state i think is when i've talked to folks from michigan they'll try to illustrate the state with their hand yeah they always show them uh the birthplace of automotive michigan the mitten state yeah don't mess with the mitten yep uh michigan talk to the hand that one seems new michigan no hurricanes here now that's just mean you don't have to like define yourself by someone else's misery wow that's interesting michigan it's not the heat it's the humidity I feel like this is a real open-source project.

No toll roads and proud of it. What? That sounds like New Hampshire, although New Hampshire does have toll roads. But, like, that's a weird sort of libertarian brag there. The Orange Barrel State.

So close to Canada, you can hardly tell the difference. Let's see here. First line of defense from the Canada. Canadians. Wow. She's. Wow. Michigan. Imagine an island where horse manure still litters the streets. This was open. Michigan. America's high five. And then it just gets racist.

Oh, no. Really? No, I'm kidding. But it just sounded like this type of thing where they just opened the doors and let people comment. So I wasn't sure. And that does always lead to, you know, somebody accusing somebody of being a Nazi or something.

michigan sayings my grandma is a troll what i wonder if that has some kind of a michigan specific meaning i don't i doubt it has to do with like internet behavior um uh and how about this a michigan saying and my grandma is a youper no that's a good saying i love that saying uh michigan beaches are better unsalted that seems like they're taking a shot at somebody else again well i think they're because you know they have the great lakes are so mammoth that they're almost like an ocean except they are fresh oh i see what they're doing there

okay hey by the way speaking of slogans a few people were throwing out some ideas about um how to how to clean up that phrase a dog in this fight i mean we already came up with the perfect one yesterday of course i don't have a dog on that flight but um right sarah said i don't have a clog in that drain it's kind of that's interesting like i'm not getting involved in that i don't have a clog in that drain uh this is just kevin just bringing in another problematic saying more than one way to sing a scat i'm kind of surprised that pita didn't already have that's great but that's really good hey there's more than one way to sing a scat and in the history

of this show there has been there's been our friend chris mandela affecting himself thinking he had sung K-Strauss' scat line, and it turned out he hadn't. So, I mean, yeah, oh, there's more than one way to sing that scat.

Oh, I really like that. Alicia says, I don't have a dog in this, right? Which is interesting. Different inflection, but I like it. And then Leia says, yeah, I don't have a dog in this, right? And then Leia says, I don't have a frog in that lake, which is actually, as far as getting your point across, very, very close to the meaning of that expression, which I like. Right.

Although then that creates a whole thought in my mind of like their relationship with the frog. I don't have a frog in that lake. So you have a pet frog that you sometimes keep in that lake, but that frog is not in the lake right now. So you don't care what happens to the lake? Well, the frog is their children and Michigan is their lover. Oh, of course. That's by the way, that was the next phrase on this slogan hub dot com. The frog is my child, but Michigan is my lover. All right. Let's take a break and get our shit together. Let's figure this out. We'll be back with more TV shows. It's supposed to be a news show. Don't tell our new boss.

Thank you, baby.

All right. Let's thank some donors of the day. the fine wonderful generous folks making the show possible talking about sasha hayes and andrew gardner over there in modesto california the land of one lake also the um the home of we played on friday the music for your weekend from a listener was a modesto based band oh that's right space to the name of yeah me too we've had uh modesto in the news lately here on this show oh well will you look at this speaking of the land of ten thousand lakes oh my i am and former residents of hector minnesota it's the one the only steve newman aka the stew bot currently along with mandy and the crew of saint paul minnesota yes loving life bro St. Paul, I believe. He really is. That's the way to do it. You know, I think a lot of people, you maybe live kind of in a major urban center, and then when you get a little older, not that Stu and Mandy are even old. They're our age. But wait, are we old? I can only speak for myself and say that I'm not young. God, I felt young last night, Andrew. I was feeling surprisingly spry, and I wanted to go just have an adult beverage. And so, even though I said this is a busy week for me and I'm not going to do that, so I was going to walk down to my father's place, which is not an Amy Grant song, even though it sounds like it. It's actually my favorite little hang in my neighborhood. And I saw one of those... some.

one of those like scooters those lime scooter thingies and i was like yeah why not it was a beautiful warm night i'd say that place is maybe a half a mile from my house or something scanned the scooter jumped on it had my airpods with me i was listening for some random reason i've been really into the song stepping out by joe jackson and so i was just pumping joe jackson in my earphones and uh and zooming around and i just had such a nice little trip it was so fun i

felt felt like a kid again i am having so many thoughts about these scooters luke i've been waiting for so long for these scooters to come to seattle they finally did they were being like kind of tested and and the city was reluctant to have these scooters all over the place but i've had some experience with them in other cities and i love them so much and i couldn't way for them to come to seattle they come to seattle finally during the period where i had a broken finger and was feeling very insecure about myself vis-a-vis clumsiness and i still had that like kind of metal contraption going through my hand i was like i'm not getting on those like the thought of those seemed very scary to me and i thought well someday though i'm going to get back on those and then i've been feeling good lately the hands getting ever better and better um and the scooters are more and more omnipresent and i guess if it's omnipresence You can't be more and more omnipresent. There's no degrees there. Yeah, they're just ubiquitous. So anyway, and so I've been thinking like, yeah, I almost I was looking for one the other day. I needed to get from the train station back home. The same train station, by the way, that I left when I did break my finger those months ago. I couldn't find one. So I took a car. Anyway, all of that is to say I've been feeling good. I've been thinking next time I see one, I'm going to get on one until two days ago when Genevieve and I were sitting at Teddy's. And our friend, the bartender who was coming to take over the shift at 7 p.m., came in in so much pain because he took a huge spill on one of those things. He was trying to work and ice up his wrist the whole time. He's not sure if he definitely sprained it, not sure if he did something worse. And now I'm just like, maybe I'm too old now. Maybe I'm too scared for the scooters that I love.

Oh, let me tell you what. my life flashed before my eyes the entire time like all I could think the whole time was how is this legal how am I allowed to operate this without a helmet on the streets of Portland and I was going down I think the street is MLK and there's trolley tracks that are kind of embedded in the street and that's something that's hung me up when I was skateboarding around this town before because it's obviously a change in the in the pattern of the road and i'm i'm bombing down mlk and i'm feeling both very invigorated because i'm going fast and i'm listening to my joe jackson on my way home i was in a semi-term kind of life by the way which was really good um but uh i'm also thinking oh man if the wheel of this goes in that that rut where the trolley tracks are i'm dead i will like literally die from this maybe that was why it was so exciting because i i stared death in the eye and uh like mcgruff i said not today what do we say to death mcgruff that's right not today you got any coke i wonder how mcgruff is you got any toot um but um you know like uh so i i can't i honestly cannot this is my riff i always say when this uh when this topic comes up but i really cannot believe these things are legal and i can't believe because i think of myself as being a fairly coordinated person i have pretty decent balance um and i grew up you know riding bikes and skateboards and jumping bikes off of things i think of myself as as as fairly qualified to operate something like this and i could see about four different points where it was very close to me just absolutely eating shit on this thing like you put somebody who's a little less experienced with you know wheeled transit and uh and also alcohol you know like that was your thing i think I was less scared on the way home because I was mildly

inebriated. Yeah, yeah. I've done that in St. Paul, too. Don't tell anybody. Don't tell the listeners. They'll worry about me. But, yeah, no, I've taken one of those coming back from the bar. The thing is, Luke, believe it or not, because I don't think this goes with my personality very well because I am a very timid person. I am what, on my Tinder profile, it says, scared of life. What about you? But for some reason, the scooter, except for the very first time I was on one of those things, which was actually in the morning on my way into minnesota public radio to record a show with you i wanted to try one out i think i went like a full two blocks or something that was a little shaky a little nervous but once i you know once i got that out of my system i have i'm not nervous about scooters like that i don't know i don't know why maybe it's because i i don't know why But I'm just not. I'm not intimidated by them. And I really enjoy those things. I loved zipping around St. Paul in them. And that's what really bums me out is I still and I'm sorry, I'm turning this all about me and I'm being way overly dramatic about one small, you know, injury that I've had. But I think maybe because I haven't had any injuries like this in my life before, I've never broken a bone, never even sprained anything, I don't think. I just feel like it did something to me. I think I told you this. If I'm walking down the street, especially in shorts, and I look down at a curb or I hop up on a curb for a second, I get that tingly – I don't want to call it PTSD because that's a very specific, intense thing. But there's something about – I'm having some physiological reaction to looking down at concrete now. Like, or when I'm walking, I can be overcome with a sensation if I just think about falling for a second. So that did something to me. But I want to get back on the scooter life. I mean, I'm 44. I can't give up on life already.

No, I think, again, this is the antithesis of what McGruff would tell you.

Yeah, good.

But I think you just need to, one day there's going to be one of those, I think, maybe near the Eagles. And you need to just take it home. maybe when you've got a couple of drinks in you, which I know sounds like a restaurant.

I'm not even fighting with you on this, but the listeners are so mad at you. Complete your thoughts so that they can finish throwing their phone.

Wait, they're supposed to be mad at you about something you said earlier.

Yeah, wait. My children in Seattle and my lovers in Minnesota would never be mad at me, Luke.

I'm not saying you should be wasted. I'm just saying maybe a drink that will take a little, will tamp down that nervousness that you're feeling, which makes perfect sense, by the way. you've been through a lot with that finger and that's going to live kind of at the tip of your brain for a while but i'm i bet you after let me put it this way taking alcohol out of the conversation i think after the first time you get back on one of those and you yeah you realize that you're okay i think it'll it'll be fine you'll have broken the uh the curse if you will yeah but

you just have to figure out how to do that yeah i'm gonna i'm gonna do it eventually and i also should get back on the rollerblades too i mean we should move on to the donors but one thing that i've been thinking about is because i know my friend nicky wants to get back in the rollerblading thing i've heard rumors that she's now blading with other people and it's you know you guys had an open we didn't really um our nicknames by the way she's bladen and i'm blades but anyway um you know what i've been seriously thinking about i'm not this sounds ridiculous like i'm making a joke but i'm being dead serious luke i'm sorry i'm being fed serious luke you know those things that i started seeing in baseball a few years ago when uh a hitter gets on base then they're on base and And then to maybe help them steal and protect their hand, they put a big kind of oversized oven mitt-looking protector on their hand. I was thinking about getting one of those for my left hand just to get me over the – it still leaves my right hand vulnerable. I can't have two of those things. I'll be out there like – I was going to say Squidward, but I don't think I know who that is. I'd be out there like the crustacean character from Futurama. But I just it might just help me mentally to have like some sort of big protection on these on the left hand.

Yeah. I don't think there's anything wrong with that, particularly if it helps you get back out there on the blades.

I just want to talk. There's nothing to do with mating. Why am I blanking on his name? Zoidberg. Zoidberg. Thank you.

But Squidward is a thing. So I was confusing Zoidberg, Squidward. Yeah. Ironically, all Squidward wants to talk about is mating.

That is true. That is true.

All right, back to our donors of the day. Of course, we've been talking about the Stubot and Mandy. Thank you so much for your support of the program. Oh, you know what I was starting to say was they did such a smart thing, which was they lived kind of far out of the Twin Cities, and then they moved into the Twin Cities, and they are absolutely, by all accounts, just delighted. Yeah. To just be able to walk to things and just have that great life that they're having, so we're stoked for them.

Yeah, absolutely. It literally fills my heart. Well, maybe not literally, but it does fill my heart with happiness when I see how happy they are via Instagram or whatever. Great move, guys.

And who's also very happy, Joe Fulcher of Snohomish, Washington, because he's part of the TBTL community of donors. Joe, thank you very much. Also, thanks to Sarah Garaton Wilcox of Tacoma, Washington. And then another Sarah, back-to-back Sarahs, Sarah Valoria is in Auburn, Washington. And then Matt Lendway and Rachel Howell are out there in beautiful Broomfield, Colorado. Thank you, Matt and Rachel. Thanks to all of our donors of the day for making the show possible. Thank you, baby. If you had seen the way to my heart.

here I go once again with the email every week I hope that it's from a female no man it's not from a female All right, we've got some e-mails and V-mails that we want to do today on the show. Where do you want to start, Mr. Walsh? Sir Walsh. Oh, I like that.

Any chance you want to stick with that? Hey, I got a voicemail here from our pal, Rodin. Oh, Rodin. I used to romp with him. You still romp with him. And this is in reaction to the story that we were talking about the other day, where a fella in, again, this was Michigan, right, where he found 160 bowling balls underneath his house. Do I have all those details right? It turns out that back in the day, people would use old bowling balls as filler in the earth, and he discovered this. Anyway, that reminded Roden of an experience he had at work. And what I'm going to do here is I'm going to turn off, if I may, that music and play this.

Hey, dudes, it's your pal Roden. I was just listening to the episode where you guys were talking about the use of bowling balls as backfill. underneath a staircase or something like that. And I had a funny story that happened to me about 10 years back. As both of you know, I work as a geologist and site inspector for a local municipality, and I was on this job site where they were tearing down this house up on this big bluff above Lake Washington. And as they tore up this backyard patio, we were looking down into the sand, and saw all sorts of, like, human teeth popping out of the dirt. And I had these guys stop, and we were trying to do an investigation on it, and, I mean, we were all thinking it was like a mass grave site, and we had just uncovered this, like, extraordinary crime scene. Well, what it turned out to be is that the guy who built the house before us was a dentist, and he had just all sorts of these old teeth molds these mouth molds from dating like back to like the 40s the 1940s and he just used them as backfill and put them in underneath this patio and when we tore it up it was just it was a horrifying scene anyway kind of a funny story i kept one uh like the worst one that i could find and it's really gross looking it's up in my office so if you want a picture just let me know uh dazzling deet to end out this story is that that house the new house that was built on top of it 10 years ago is now owned by

one mr russell wilson and sierra what right but consider me dazzle that is not a bad dazzling deet or a power out right there that's great thanks rodent for checking by the way you can also catch rodent on the stack of dimes network he and camaro kev do a show you blew it where they go back and watch blu-rays of old films and review them and it's great it's a great show i don't know if air raid if you can still catch air raid episodes uh on the internet somewhere but that's all the same guy our buddy rodent um that is that's so weird to me because it doesn't seem like those teeth or those molds would take up very much room like there's not a lot of volume to them like the bowling balls kind of made sense because they're fairly voluminous right they're fairly large if you put a bunch of them together you've taken up some real space it's like saying somebody had a paperclip factory and they were using paperclips as backfill in their yard just seems like that wouldn't take up enough room to be useful and in both of these cases the idea of

it being a stabilizing presence that you can build on top of is confusing to me you know like i understand like if you have all these molds and you're gonna you're like well it's gonna cost me money to take it to the dump but I could like create a little you know if you had some property and say well I could go bury this back in my property and it just becomes a little mound that eventually you know it kind of just becomes one with the earth or whatever and it's your property probably not the best thing in the world to do that environmentally speaking but now that I say it out loud but it does seem like wouldn't these things kind of generally speaking kind of shift it just seems like it'd be very it seems like the ground would literally shift around these yeah and also you're just going to be terrifying rodent 40 years later yeah exactly well that's the upshot right I mean that's the good part um let's see here can I read to you an email Luke please please say yes thank you Stacy from really channeling your inner

what's her name from Bob's Burgers

this is from Stacy from Montana and this was sent in a little bit ago when we were going through our extreme heat wave here in the pacific northwest and stacy says this heat wave reminded me of a trip i thought y'all would like to hear this was several years back i had planned a trip to seattle for myself and my kiddos 8 12 and 16 at the time it was blazing hot then 95 plus for the whole time we were there we did

Did some super fun things. The aquarium, a Mariner's game. Let's see. Mariner's game. What year is this? Hard to say. Well, we went down. I just want to know if I was at that game. Well, we went down to the pier to catch some sights. And one of our stops included, Luke, the gum wall. Now, most people know about Seattle's gum wall, right? It's disgusting.

It's like this little. It really is. I am less sensitive about those kinds of things, I think, than you are. But even I'm like, that's a, I mean, that's a pretty gross thing.

There's this little, there's this little old, old alleyway, like cobblestone and brick alleyway just outside Pike Place Market here in Seattle. Huge tourist area where, I don't know, years and years ago, somebody just started sticking their gum to the walls of this alleyway. Where, by the way, I was just there like two weeks ago. I was eating in that, what's that little restaurant there, Luke? I feel like I'm always there when I have guests in from out of town because you find yourself down by the alibi room. Is it the alibi room?

Oh, that's still happening.

That's still happening. You can always find a seat in there. Well, you could until I said this on our super popular podcast. Anyway, so you have to walk through that area, and it's just like now just this whole – it's just like for years and years and years people have stuck their used gum there so the walls are coated with it. In fact, about four years ago, Luke, five, I'm sure we talked about it on the show, they cleaned it all off, right? The city or somebody went in there with some steam machines, just blasted it all off. But now it's sort of rebuilding again. And it's almost grosser now. It's in some sort of state of in-between. Anyway, point is. It's like a teenager.

Yeah, right. It's just like, it's like in that kind of awkward phase right now where it's like not full gum wall. But it's, it's, yeah, anyway.

Sir, don't harass the gum wall. So Stacy from Montana decide that they're going to stop at the gum wall. So we get our obligatory gumballs, and we start chewing as we walk towards the alley. We should have known something was up when we saw people leaving in droves, but I thought, this is an experience I want the kids to see. We might never come back, or might we ever come back? Well, the answer is never, ever again. We walked in that alley in 95-degree heat, and all of the gum was melting off the wall, all over the ground, in thick, melted gum strings. There is no place to walk that you weren't walking in years of other people's already chewed up, melted, disgusting gum. And the smell, an overwhelming humid stench of bubble yum and spit. The four of us ran out of there the best we could, threw our gum in the proper receptacle and scraped our sandals on stairs and sidewalks as we walked to the mystery Coke machine to cleanse our brain and sinuses. That's the one that was on the hill, right? The mystery Coke machine. Is that still there? You know about that? I don't think I know about that what was that I think it even might still be there it's on I want to say John I'm sure everybody in the country will enjoy this conversation it's on Capitol Hill it's an old-fashioned coke machine that has been sitting there and I think somebody had been restocking it for a long time that is just sitting on a sidewalk I guess it's next to a building because it must have power but it's like nobody knows who maintains it and like some of the buttons are just question marks but it doesn't seem to be an art project i don't think anyway

you can look it up it sounds like something greg lundgren would have done he is the guy that um ran this gallery called vital five what is that bar that's on uh phooey i'm so bad with i'm just bad with locations anyway and now i'm especially bad because seattle stuff has kind of evaporated from my brain there was a bar that i used to really like to go to oh the hideaway i don't know the hideaway it is uh it's on capitol hill it's really more first hill than capitol hill and it's also owned by this guy greg lundgren but he's an artist and an art a gallerist and always you know was doing lots of like sort of pop-up things and activated spaces and it sounds

like it could have been something he was working i don't think i don't i mean for just so you know this was like kind of over by where i lived on capitol hill and um it actually has its own Wikipedia page. Capitol Hill's mysterious soda machine was a coke vending machine in Capitol Hill that was in operation since at least the early 1990s until its disappearance in 2018. So it is gone. It is unknown who stocked the machine. A drink could be chosen using one of the question mark mystery buttons and the dispensed drinks were rare cans that were either ordinarily unavailable in the U.S. or had not been in circulation since the 1980s such as Mountain Dew Whiteout, a A raspberry-flavored Nesty Brisk, a Hawaiian Punch, and a Grape Fanta.

I learned about two things today on the show that blew my mind. The McGruff tape and this soda machine, which I had never heard of. That sounds awesome.

Yeah, I used to pass it all the time. It never even occurred to me to try to get a Coke out of it, but I used to pass it all the time. Hey, do you know, maybe you'll learn three things on the show today. I stopped a party and it's... tracks the other day which is something i'm good at doing by mentioning tahitian treat do you know of or remember tahitian treat am i the only one was this an ohio thing i've never heard of it so you know of you know of hawaiian punch yeah hawaiian punch sure um it's basically a carbonated hawaiian punch tahitian treat i grew up drinking it red really yeah it's like and it's think about it i mean that's not the worst idea right i love hawaiian punch i think i prefer the non-carbonated one but throwing some carbonation in there every now and then is not the worst the worst idea the

worst drinking experience i'm looking at the uh box of like a you know a 12 pack of the tahitian treat i've never seen it before but it it's funny because it very clearly is is ripping off hawaiian punch i guess it's carbonated which would make it different but it just reminds me of all the ways that soda companies are basically the least apologetic about just absolutely ripping each other off. You're like, someone's like, oh, we're going to make this thing called Mountain Dew. Oh, it's really popular. Well, what we should do is something called Sierra Mist. Yeah, right, yeah. It's the mist that's on the mountains that are the Sierras. It's almost like a dew-like substance that's on a mountain. Like, I just feel like that's a real soda move. Like, oh, Hawaiian Punch, that's popular. What about Tahitian Treat?

The weird thing about that, though, is I could be wrong, but I'm pretty sure that Sierra Mist is not even really like Mountain Dew. That's Mellow Yellow. Sierra Mist is closer to a Sprite. I mean, it's not quite, but I think it's closer to like a Sprite and a 7-Up, right?

Probably is in the taste department. I just mean like my mind was blown when I realized. I mean, you're right. They're not trying to – I guess they're not trying to create the flavor of Mountain Dew, but it's just – it's so similar. It's like a mountain which has dew on it, and now we're talking about mountains, the Sierras, and the mist that's on them. It was so similar that it kind of cracked me up when I put that all together.

Classically, oh, hey, Dr. Pepper, have you met Mr. Pibb? Yes. No, he has not gotten his doctorate yet, so he's still doing Mr. Pibb. Did you ever drink Mr. Pibb? That's the Coke equivalent of Pepsi's Dr. Pepper, I think.

I did. It seemed fine to me. Yeah, me too. I don't remember it being that different than Dr. Pibb. That one, they definitely went in a different direction with the name. Yes. I wonder what the story on Mr. Pibb is.

Yeah, what's that character's background? What if every song on McGruff's tape is actually sung to Mr. Pibb? Because Mr. Pibb was just like really hitting rock bottom out on the streets. Do you want me to read this one more email here? Yes, quickly. Garbage related. This is from listener Tan Ying in Pittsburgh. I was listening to the episode where Luke tried to persuade Andrew to get a Nest camera, one of those little security cameras for your home, for his garbage situation. And I wanted to share my footage from the nest from my nest cam of a guy throwing his dog poop in my newly emptied trash can. You see him. Missing trash day is one of the biggest as an adult. Amen. You can see him cross the street in order to toss his bag of poop in my in my empty bin. I shared this on next door in an attempt to shame the person. And I got a range of responses, everything from support to people calling me a Karen. It was a surprise. This is a very divisive issue. And this is one that I have strong feelings on, but I feel like I'm trying to come around on, actually, believe it or not. Some people are saying, well, at least he's not throwing it in the street. Or other people told me what I should have done to prevent this or how to prevent it next time as if it's my responsibility. So anyway, I don't think I'm going to get one of those cameras myself, Luke. I mean, can I be honest with you? Like I, the idea of somebody throwing their dog poop, which somebody just did a couple of weeks ago in my empty bin, and then I have to live with it for a week, still personally drives me bananas. When I think about my bins being out there, potentially being used in this manner, I do not like it. But I've gone on the show and I've kind of made this a hill that I'm going to die on, and I don't know that that's a good look for me anymore. I'm trying to not be that person. I saw somebody post on some social media thing the other day, the people who won't let you – the drivers who won't let you merge in a zip merge are the same kids who wouldn't let you borrow a pencil in grade school. And I'm trying not – and by the way, I'm very good at zipper merges. You have to let people over. People should take advantage of both lanes as long as they can. That's the whole point of having those zip merges. But generally speaking, I think about my petty ways, and I don't want to be the kid who didn't let you borrow a pencil in grade school. You would have let me borrow a pencil in grade school. You would have taken my pencil in grade school.

I would have already stolen your pencil.

I wouldn't have given you the chance. You'd have been like, shit, I used to have two number two pencils here that look exactly like those ones Luke's using. That's weird. Anyway, but Tan Ying also sent in the actual video, and there's no audio, so there's no point in me.

playing it but uh the the proof is here we see video of somebody um uh using her throwing dog poop in her garbage bins and what i like about this is there was a time stamp on it somewhere i can't find it right now but she's held on to this for like a year or something this wasn't recently but she knew exactly where this file was this is living large in tanying's mind well it's

funny because i yeah i feel like what must have happened was uh tanying went out to the garbage to bring the garbage in and noticed there was a dog poop bag in there and was annoyed by that and then went back to review the footage which is where i think your true delight could come if you did set up one of those cameras i think it would just make me more frustrated honestly i don't think it would bring me peace the person is not i'll tell you this though the people on next door in tanying's neighborhood know who this person is even though nobody stepped up to id the perp because this dog that this guy has is freaking adorable looks like it could be the guy's face you can't quite make the face out but you can definitely tell the kind of dog it looks like it's probably like maybe a golden retriever a lab type and what i know about people and their dogs is that everyone's on a schedule with this stuff right walking your dog this i'm sure this guy in fact tangian could probably sit on her porch and just wait for this guy to come by again if she wanted to upbraid him because you know this guy does he goes on this walk with

this dog probably two times a day yeah and i'm watching it now that is that is a cute dog it's a really cute dog yeah um yeah and like like i say i personal like i personally still don't like the idea of people using my bins especially once they've been emptied or maybe i'll just say when they've been emptied um the thing about this is when i get into arguments with people who are on the other side of the issue i just don't like their arguments if i'm being honest and some of these are beloved listeners i believe jake in chicago uh the perfect daddy who produced half the show last year um was making the argument but the arguments are always well what do you want us to do with our poop it's better than throwing it on the ground it's like what does that what does that mean it's like it's like that doesn't address what i'm talking about like yes you should find a place to throw it away but i didn't tell you to get a dog or you know like i just don't understand

why that's my problem yeah i don't buy the amen and i love jake the perfect zaddy um he's really a key player in this show these days with all the stuff he produces but i don't buy that argument either because it's like yeah i mean back in my days of walking rudy i would now that's i will i will say this when the trash was out to be taken and was still full i was guilty of dropping a bag of rudy's poop in a couple of those trash cans but my theory was this thing's about to get dumped anyway i would not throw it in an empty garbage can for because it's making it someone else's problem um and i and and you just have to if you decide you want to have a dog you're just responsible to deal with everything related to that dog in the way that treads the lightest on

everyone else in your neighborhood basically yeah and and yeah but see that and that's the difference between me and my heart of hearts being like I don't want anybody to put their dog poop in my can but also just I don't know if I want to be associated with that argument anymore because like I feel like it's not a good look for me I mean you know what the argument is is just like Andrew just don't be a petty little creep just like it doesn't really affect you it's totally a mental thing it's a tiny little bag in the bottom of your bin like I think I've just gotten so wrapped up in the argument of it that I'm that I sort of lose perspective well part of it too

though and we should we got to get to blurs days here but part of it is you don't have a dog even though I don't know anybody whose dogological clock is clanging louder than yours is every time I see you around a dog you're just blissed out but you don't have a dog because of all of the responsibilities of having a dog that you're not sure if you want to take on also you've got cats and you know Theo's kind of uh you know takes a certain amount of care and maintenance these days but it's like you're getting the downside of a dog the dog poop and none of the upside yeah like you're you're consciously making the decision yeah not it's not the right time for us to have a dog because of x y and z and one of those letters is related to probably picking up poop yeah

actually though I'm not saying it's preventing me from getting a dog but when I think about getting a dog i do think i mean i'm sure i'll get over it there was a time before i had a cat before i had an indoor cat i was a kid we got an indoor cat and i was like oh the idea of scooping a litter box was like the idea of it made me gag and now i've been doing it for 25 years daily you know what i mean like you just get over things i'm sure picking up poop after a while is not pleasant but it's not the worst thing in the world i gotta say though the immediacy i don't even know we got to do blurs days but i think about the immediacy of that like at least if i'm scraping the litter box. The damage was done.

a while ago things have settled in dried out dried out like for the most part sometimes let me tell

you uh you'll feel the warmth yeah i don't see that's not the warmth i want to feel and i don't i mean i i think i've said this before but it's like i would pay more for uh dog poop bag dog poop bags that were a little bit thicker like i think that they want to make it so that they're very cheap and so you can have like 10 000 of them on a roll the joke i always make is it's like the pitch meeting for what should we make these bags out of these things that are what stands between your hand and a dog's freshly left uh number two and the person in the pitch meeting is like let's make them out of gossamer wing like it's just they're so so thin and it's like let's let's go let's double up on that thickness there that gauge on those poop bags and i'll pay i i will pay the iron price for that because i don't like the experience i'm not that grossed out of picking up dog poop but i don't like the experience of feeling the temperature of it yeah it does feel

like that would be like if it was coming out of a hospital it would be medical waste but it's just happening here on the street we're just picking it up basically with our bare hands with a tiny membrane

there's a right way to rock and a wrong way to roll you can't just listen to your soul Just remember that life is number one You can be having so much fun Just remember that life is much fun You can be nothing but one

Luke, would you like the honor of going first today?

I would love it. I would love to read this message from Nicky in Worcester, Ohio. I'd like to give a Blur's Day shout out to my friend, Caitlin in Eagle, Idaho. Now, does this ring any bells to you?

Last week, I believe, somebody named Caitlin in Eagle, Idaho wished a happy Blur's Day to somebody named Nicky in Worcester, Ohio. Do you think that this is a total coincidence?

Do you think we only have one listener, Caitlin, in Eagle, Idaho, and only one listener, Nicky, in Worcester, Ohio? No, that doesn't make sense. It must be different people. Totally different people. She's amazing. She's an amazing person. I miss her dearly. COVID has kept us apart for the past two years. But hopefully the third time will be the charm and we'll have our reunion finally in 2022. Happy birthday, friendo. Cute.

All right. I mentioned on the show the other day, as I discovered it, that a whole bunch of emails were going into a spam folder in my new email system. And so I missed people's blurs days. I still feel terrible about that. In fact, as well, you should. I should check. I didn't check the spam folder this morning. I'll see if there's any more blurs days in there. Can you tell it to not recognize that as spam? I'm trying to train it. I didn't look into what I just clicked on all of them. And I said, Mark is not spam. Mark is not spam. So hopefully I've trained the system. I don't know how this works, but, Nicole, my apologies to you and to Colton, the person you're sending this Blur's Day message to. This came in a few weeks ago. I am so sorry for missing this. It was already late, apparently, because Nicole says a late happy Blur's Day message to Colton in Seattle from Aunt Nicole. You are 10. Woo-hoo. Congratulations. May you one day become a real 10. It really is good to remember daily that, quote, life is number one, and you should be having so much fun. You are the coolest 10-year-old I know. Not only cool for being you, but also coming into this world on your parents' anniversary and Canada Day. Wow. When was Canada Day? That's when we'll know exactly how late I am on that. But anyway, happy Blur's Day, Colton. Sorry to bury that.

I feel like Canada Day is like, it's either the day before or the day after, the 4th of July. Yeah, I think you're right. It's close to that. Daniel was also accidentally skipped. Daniel, I'd like to apologize on behalf of Andrew to you and your family. Daniel says, happy Blur's Day to me. It's my actual Blur's Day. Or it was, anyway. It was. So, happy Blur's Day to me. Happy Blur's Day, Daniel. Happy Blur's Day, Daniel.

I'm sorry. It's Luke's fault. Yep. jeremy says happy blurs day to my tbtl daddy and all-around great guy and smitten oh david

of course david i don't usually use the last name that i can't pronounce i know i don't usually use

last names actually i don't have it in front of me but jeremy did include the last name and i believe he included a pronouncer too and if my memory serves it's zacharus oh if i'm doing that from memory though and only way i haven't tried to say david's last name but david's band is in

the song of the summer competition. That's right. The smittens. And we will find out tomorrow who moved on to the next round. Hopefully that'll be a sweet, sweet birthday gift to David. Allie in

Greenville. Happy Blur's Day to my amazing husband, Lee. Lee is a wonderful 11. He regularly asks me, how are Luke and Andrew today? That's so sweet. Yeah, you know what? I've even got a sound effect for that. Allie, I'm guessing, I'm thinking this might be our friend Allie who We met at Listener Jamie's house Maybe this is the Allie who got second place in the listener competition It is And her husband's just a wonderful person And also it's like to be married to somebody Who's as into this show as Allie is And to travel to Mississippi To be around Other people who like the show And to hear constant updates on our tedium That's a lot And we thank Lee for being that person Happy 34th birthday You're skipping around, man I'm not just skipping around I'm just wildly off It's from Lee

No, no, no

There are two in a row

We have Allie in Greenville Wishing a happy Blur's Day to Lee And we also have Lee Now, I don't know if these are the same people Wishing a happy Blur's Day to Allie Whose idea was it for us to tag team these Blur's Day messages

It was a terrible idea I don't like that idea anymore

So, why don't you finish Allie's message to Lee Then we'll move on to Lee

Also, could these people have been born further apart to keep it less confusing? That is on them. Yes. It's really on their parents. Yes. All right. Back to Allie talking about Lee. Lee's a wonderful 11. He asks, how are Luke and Andrew today? I'm so thankful for the way he loves me and my imaginary radio friends. Okay.

And now, now Lee says, there's got to be a different Lee. Lee the 11 here wishing my wife 10 of a 10. Allie from Greenville. A happy 34th Blur's Day. these are kids what would we do without her probably all shrivel up and die from the cute

lack of happiness it's morbid we're breaking this out that's cute i hope someday somebody says that they would die from an acute lack of happiness without me andrew yes i would luke we love you ali uh thanks to both ali and lee for checking in but again work on those birthdays They're too close together. Asha says, Asha is wishing, I think, Cameron a happy Blur's Day.

Wow, this might be on me. Did I, maybe the subject line had it, but yeah, it is Cameron. Sorry about that.

He is one of those college types, and he will talk your ear off, but even so, he gets to enjoy a hot air balloon ride for his Blur's Day. Happy 29th, Cameron. And now for Andrew to practice his Polish.

Oh, no. So this must be Happy Blur's Day in Polish. Barzo Che. Would you say Che there, Luke? It has an E with a tail. The E has a tail, and it's looking at me. Barzo Che Kochum. Oof. Sorry, Aisha. That was good. I thought that sounded exactly Polish. All right. Mike says, I'd like to wish my daughter Langley Grace a happy 8th Blur's Day, despite the influence of the two of you have had on my parenting and her life. She's grown into an intelligence. Yeah, I messed up that sentence. You want me to go back? Despite the influence, the two of you. I don't appreciate the tone of my message. I thought you were calling me out on my stumbling and fumbling. No. Which you don't usually do. Despite the influence, the two of you. Bartzo say, coach him. Don't upstage me on that. Despite the influence the two of you have had on my parenting and her life, she's grown into an intelligent, hilarious, adventurous daughter, and I'm so proud to have her in my life. Since you've played clips of her telling jokes, she often tells people that she's, quote, TBTL famous. Cute. Mike has another message here for another family member. I'll let you handle that one. All right.

His other daughter, Puddle the Human, just celebrated her fourth birthday. If we could feed two birds with one scone, please wish Puddle a happy Blur's Day. She's a great kid, and I bet if you ask, she'll leave some jokes on the voicemail line for you. Wow. Puddle's moving in on Langley Grace's action there.

Interesting dynamic. Actually, why don't you do the last one, Luke, and I'm going to see if there's anything hiding in my spam folder. You cool with that?

Yes, I am. It's from Laura in Tucson, who says, I'm going to go ahead and wish myself a happy Half Blurs Day. I turned 40 this year, and I couldn't celebrate with others for obvious reasons. But also, my 40th birthday was January 6th, so it wasn't a great day, to say the least. Why do you say that, Laura? Nothing comes to mind. Doesn't look like anything to me.

Yeah. It wasn't a great day, to say the least. I'm reclaiming July as my half birthday to make up for it. Yeah.

Point of order here. We support you in that. Yeah. As Lord Blur's Day over here, which is my official title, I want to say Sir Lord Blur's Day. Sir Lord Blur's Day, the first. I would usually not probably get into the half birthday or half Blur's Day business, But I think Laura made a very compelling case, not necessarily a precedent setting case, but a very compelling case. So happy half blurs day, Laura. Happy belated blurs day as well.

And sorry that that I think your birthday happens to fall on a day when there was an attempt to overthrow the United States government. I think you get to celebrate a half blurs day during a pandemic. when there was an attempt to overthrow or interfere with the peaceful transition of power in this country in the midst of a global pandemic you might get to do your half blurs day what if that's where Jeff Foxworthy ended up with that bit oh that sounded more like Larry the Cable Guy get her done

it was a combination of a lot of wonderful things

I saw Larry the Cable guy hit, like, an amazing golf shot the other day on TikTok, and I was like, wow. I'm getting into golfing, Andrew. Did I tell you this? I went to the driving range this weekend.

You feel like – well, I don't know what you feel like. You seem like a guy who has probably gone to the driving range in the past and probably even done a – what do you call it? A round of golf at some point in your life? Yeah.

I was in my 20s. My buddy Hugo got really into golf. Hugo was my friend who would get into things, and then he would facilitate those things happening for me, which was very convenient. He's into sailing.

Is he a blackjack guy, too?

No. Well, actually, I don't know. I did. Me and Hugo and Bill used to go sometimes and go to Goldie's or actually a place called Funsters by the airport. That sounds great. Dude, it was so great. Funsters was owned by Red Robin. I think it was like the guy who started Red Robin or whatever. So it was a casino that had Red Robin food. Oh, wow. It was just wonderful. And they'd give us like, you know, coupons for free food. It was as a of course, I was also gambling away, you know, $50 I could have bought a blue ribbon burger with or whatever. But my friend Hugo was really into golf. And so he would just call me up and be like, OK, I'm coming get you on Thursday at four. And we would just go golf. And so I was sort of into it in my 20s. I wasn't very good, but I have been just seeing a lot of golf courses and seeing people golf and thinking, oh, that kind of seems like a fun thing. I've been kind of getting into watching golf a little bit on the weekends. So, yeah, I went to the driving range and hit some balls.

It's funny. I was just listening yesterday. One of the producers on The Levitard Show, Mike, was trying to make the argument that golf is very kind of – it's really having a moment among the younger, hipper set. And, of course, I can – I think it is. I consider you amongst the Younger Hipper set. Well, you sat next to the Younger Hipper set on TikTok. And I studied them. But, yeah, so you're noticing that too.

Yeah, I feel like there's a lot of – maybe just because I've let some TikTok videos that have golf in them let them run. So now the algorithm thinks I like that. But, yeah, well, there's, like, that thing, Topgolf, which is like a, you know, flavor blasted driving range where there's all kinds of things you can hit the ball into. there's you know and there's a lot of drinking involved and basically it's like a big party uh where you ostensibly also hit golf balls uh that's a thing i think that young people are into and um and yeah i see a lot of videos on tiktok of of people in their 20s out there golfing and it kind of got me um thinking it would be fun so i went to the driving range and i uh you know i'm i am like a driving i'm like a driving range tiger woods like if you get me a bucket of balls i can hit the ball pretty far and pretty straight and by the end of the session i think i really got this and then i go to the real golf course and i'm just a disaster i'll bet you tiger woods is the driving range tiger woods well other than him i'm kind of considered the secondary tiger i'm

considered the tiger woods of driving you know that no that is true i have a whole different implication now doesn't it no i'm totally uh parachuting in on this because i didn't know it was a trend or whatever but i if it is i would be interested to know like how much the pandemic played into this too because if you think about it like oh yeah it's people you know one of the first things you could do is gather outside right yeah it was pretty much the well and yeah i mean

it was of the like major sports it continued and it was the least weird without oh yeah that's true yeah i mean because fans are part of the game and you know cheering and yelling baba booey and all that but it didn't like to watch a golf tournament Let's see. Sons fans was way less weird than watching a baseball game Sons fans. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Did they have cardboard cutouts of golf fans? You want to go out with your Joe Walsh song, Steppin' Out? Or Joe Jackson, rather? Joe Jackson. I don't know why I just have gotten so into this song lately. It's the weirdest thing, but I'm digging it. So, yeah, that's a good call. All right. Thanks for listening, everyone. Thanks for being part of TBTL. We're going to be back here tomorrow with more imaginary radio for you, including an appearance by the breakout star of the program, DFTB. Counting down the songs of the summer We're going to narrow it down To the final eight So please join us for that Until then have a great Thursday Stay safe Watch yourself on those scooters Them things is dangerous And please remember No mountain too tall And good luck to all

Now, the midst across the window hides the light

But nothing hides the color of the lights that shine Electricity is so fine Look and dry your eyes

Power out