Muse

I'm in a bit of a panic. I've been picked to be a caller on Way, Way, Don't Tell Me tonight, but they picked me to do the Bluff the Listener game, and you guys have been away. And so you're not feeding me all of the stories that end up being the Bluff the Listener stories. The only way I ever know the Bluff the Listener ones is because I listen to TBTL, and you guys share the things that week, and you're gone. You're not there for me.

TBTL.

let the fun begin go browns where's the freaking galagoo

jalapeno you know being in prison i have uh finally decided to start my first novel uh started it two weeks ago it is uh christine by stephen king mom it's not real it's a jib

jab. There you have it. A practical example of modern communication.

Why don't you take a picture of the lights, longer?

Well, all right. Hello. Good morning and welcome to a Monday edition of TBTL, the show that just might be too beautiful to live. Here we go again. My name is Luke Burbank. I'm your

host. Well, well, well. Luke, who's back? Coming to you from the

Nest Broadcast Center, high in the sky above Portland, Oregon. And I am so, so excited to be here for episode three thousand four hundred and seventy nine in a collector series. I'm so excited about this show. I missed all of you. Let the fun begin. I've lived like three lifetimes in the past two weeks while the TVTL summer games were happening. I went gunk-holing, a.k.a. on a sailboat trip with my buddy Evan. I joined a gym, which I went to this morning before doing the show. Really? I'm trying to build my beef castle? I got a girlfriend. Believe it or not, I'm a complete catch. Who's definitely real and does not live in Canada. And, yeah, just had all kinds of stuff happen in the last couple of weeks, which I'm excited to tell you. all about also um just kind of wondering anything happen while i was gone any kind of um totally preventable resurgence of a variant of a global pandemic you gotta be kidding me anything like that happened while we were doing the tbtl summer games that wouldn't be possible right we couldn't live in a place where we allowed something like that to occur uh we'll probably talk about the latest with all of that too plus we got some great emails and emails that have been piling up during our break oh and we've got this guy the longest running cobro of the show maybe best known for his depictions of the tall ships uh he's got a public health approach for you right here you have to kick butts to get arms sticked or um

said another way you know butts need kicked so arms get sticked he is andrew welsh and he's

joining me right now from the roosevelt neighborhood of seattle washington good morning my friend

good morning luke welcome back can we begin with some tedium i loved the voicemail that we heard in the little uh montage at the beginning of the show where it sounded to me like a group of people i don't think that was the same person maybe a group of people passing a phone around imitating various tbtl drops and i thought oh this is fun they're imitating the tbtl sound machine except i realized upon listening to it for like the fifth time as the show was actually rolling the gabagool thing is not on the sound machine let the fun begin so i wonder where's the freaking gabagool i wonder if that was just a an imitation of the sound machine and they decided that they wanted to punch it up with something that should be on the sound machine or if it's just a bunch of drops either way like i said welcome back welcome Welcome to the land of Tedious Andrew. Hey, man, I've missed you. I'm really excited to be talking to you. I'm glad to be back.

You know, every time that we're on a bit of a break, you were still working, but I was out, you know, living moss. A day or two into it, I realized, dang, I got a lot of unexpressed thoughts that I need to be sharing with Andrew. And I do not have the venue for it right now. And it feels somehow like it was, even though it was kind of the middle of summer and back when you and I worked in like real news, there were always those kind of dog days of summer where they just didn't feel like anything was happening. And it was a struggle to like fill out an hour of public radio talk or even commercial radio talk each day.

and you'd think that the end of July would be that, but it also felt like there was just stuff happening left and right. Some of it pandemic-related, a lot of it just baseball-related that I wanted to talk to you about, including the fact that you missed your chance to blow. You could have caught a Major League home run, Andrew, but you went to get a beer at exactly the worst time, And the craziest part of this is this was a moment witnessed by all of us fun-loving criminals on regional television. What the heck happened?

Yeah, let me—I'm going to tell this whole story, if you don't mind. Give me, like, I don't know, five minutes because I want to give a little bit of context for this. I went to several Mariners games. There was a long homestand while you were away, and so I was, like, taking advantage of that, going to some baseball games. There was a very, very incredibly exciting comeback win against the hated Houston Astros that many people, many people have described as one of the best like Mariners games in 10 years. And I was at that game. We were down by seven runs, just two innings in, but clawed back, including a grand slam. I believe an upper decker grand slam like and we were kind of at this point. This is just a week ago, but we were kind of chasing this wild card, this idea that the Mariners could actually possibly be in the playoffs this year if things kept on going well. And then – and you know all of this. And we can't go into detail here, but there was a –

Yes, we're not going to start, you know, after two weeks being away in the first seven minutes doing the no-point conversion. But, I mean, tomorrow will be all Mariners, by the way. Yeah, right. 100 percent, an hour of it.

But what happened was there was just some, you know, the organization decided to trade some players. And it was like such a whipsaw of attitude, not just with me and the hardcore Mariners fans, but I saw it ripple through the city. We went in a period of 24 hours from just feeling electric about baseball in the city and seeing a baseball high that I have never witnessed before as a Mariners fan to a sort of new low based on some decisions by management, which, again, we don't have to get into here. But I mean, that's that's where we are emotionally now. So I was at that first Astros game that was just phenomenal and unlike anything I'd seen before. They lose the next one. And then the third game, the third and final game in the series is a day game. It's the middle of the afternoon on a Wednesday. And of course, TBTL is pre-recorded. So I rearranged some things in my life. I might have canceled the doctor's appointment. Who knows? So I can. So now we know what it takes for you to cancel.

a doctor's appointment i wondered what it was i know i never cancel a doctor's appointment when

we need to rearrange things for tvtl but baseball game middle of the afternoon sure but the thing is um here's here's the truth and a little bit more context give me maybe seven minutes on this story one of the baseball games i went to um the previous week i was not the extraordinary one just a but just a different baseball game that i'd gone to i was there with a friend who sort of notoriously leaves games early by the way this person not with me but was also at that grand slam game but admitted to me later that he did not stick around for the comeback um but what happened was i got a taste of that feeling after my friend left uh on this previous game of what it's like to be at a ball game by myself i had not gone to a baseball game by myself in a couple of years and

while i know it's a social activity you love going to it's probably it's i was gonna say it's like me at the casino but then i was like god that's a really dark statement but like you like going to the baseball game sometimes by yourself because you have your rituals you listen to your special music you get to kind of wander the stadium before the game and you do all your things and it's fun to get to just do those and not have to keep checking in with someone else or excuse me going back to a certain section like i know this is a thing you really like yeah it is and i like going

to baseball games with people too but there is a freedom to it and so again not that i didn't have a good friend with my buddy Ron but when he left after I think the fifth inning and I had you know sixth seventh eighth and ninth to watch by myself and like you know the beer cuts off in the seventh inning so I remember he left I walked him up to the concourse and just got myself two beers and pretended I had a friend and uh and just took him down I just like parked myself at a good seat for the rest of the game and I put on my headphones I listened to a little bit of the baseball broadcast it's just a different vibe and i enjoyed it and i thought you know what there's a day game in a couple of days uh i'll go by myself to that one and i was looking forward to it um a couple of things that i didn't realize was that it was going to be a real scorcher in seattle that day it like it was you know not heat bubble levels but i was i don't pay attention to the weather

i'm an idiot um and it was like you're gonna have to start in the summertime now i mean this is something that i've noticed living in portland now is well first of all portland is

You

i think it's about 10 degrees warmer than seattle just the average i mean just it just gets warmer it's it's further inland etc but i mean with what we're seeing this summer with the effects of climate change i find myself being like is this going to be a day that's too hot for me to do x y and z like that's a that is a calculation that i've started making in the northwest that i have

never before had to make in my life and i if i had looked at the weather and just given it two seconds of thought i would have chosen different tickets because i'm almost always getting tickets that are kind of along the first base. Pardon me, I'm getting emotional thinking about this story. Along the first baseline, you know, kind of as close to home plate as I can afford. And that tends to be a shadier area. But I also, you know, I love T-Mobile Park. I feel like there's good seats all over the place. And so I thought, you know what, I haven't sat out in the outfield in a while. So I'll take one of these outfield seats and just kind of like, you know, and again, I was even just sort of thinking, I'll just sit in the sunshine. I didn't realize the sunshine was going to be brutal. So that was the first mistake I made in buying those tickets The second mistake I made, again, I'd been to the ballpark several times in the past few days, so I was like, you know what? I've had a lot of Mariner's Dogs. Usually I'm a Mariner's Dogs and Peanuts guy or Mariner's Dogs and Popcorn guy. Sometimes the hot dog comes first. Sometimes it is the main course. Spare no detail. Yes, exactly. But in this case, I was seeing all these people carrying around these little boxes of kind of like personal pan pizzas. They could probably feed two, actually.

People had recently read some books and were being rewarded by their local public school.

I don't know, and I don't think so. They had little buttons on their chest with stars on them. It said, book it, and I assumed it had something to do with booking them into jail. But anyway, I just was like, I want something other than a hot dog today. I see these little pizzas floating around, and I'm thinking, I want that. Well, I walk all the way around. It took me forever to find where they were coming from. I get this pizza, and then I take it out to the outfield, and I realize in that period that I've been gone, The sun has crested over the top of the stadium, and now I am with a hot, melty, I don't know, size medium pizza, pepperoni pizza.

They say you can cook a pizza on the sidewalk in the blazing sun in Seattle.

And I'm suddenly not that hungry for pizza anymore, but I am hungry, but just not for this. So, oh, and also by this point in the game, we are getting routed, routed by the Astros. Like, no comeback win this time. They're just racking up points on us. I think they're up again by maybe six or seven runs. It is just – and I'm in a terrible mood. Like the usher is trying to goof around with me. Like when I showed up, he's like, hey, we have a – he's one of those older guys. He's like, hey, if you come back here, we have a secret word, so I don't have to check your ticket every time. We have a secret word.

That happened to me when I was at the game a while ago. I think this is a shtick they're doing. Mine was infield. What's yours?

Well, I said to him – I kept cutting him off. I said, oh, is it DePoto better know what he's doing? And he's like, no, no, no. And I said, is it I miss Graveman? He's like, no, no, no.

Thank God this didn't turn into a sports segment.

Yeah, exactly. So anyway, so I'm just kind of in a sour mood. We're losing. I'm kind of upset about these trade things. I'm looking at this hot-ass pizza. And then I'm like, you know what? My phone is starting to die because I'm listening to the game in my headphones. They have all these portable charging stations that are in a shady area of the stadium. I'm just going to go take this pizza, get a beer and charge my phone at one of these at one of these charging stations by the bullpen, which is kind of like it's nice and cool, like somebody's basement there. Right. And I'm watching the game on the TV. I just get my beer. I go to the charging station. I plug in my phone and I look up to the TV. We have not scored any runs at this point. And all of a sudden, Kyle Seeger rockets one. He rockets a home run And I'm watching on the TV And it looks like it lands right by my seat And now keep in mind I'm thinking, Andrew, you're an idiot You're thinking that Because that seems like a real Charlie Brown move

You're looking at the moon And thinking it's following you But it's just one of those perspective things Like wherever you're standing, it looks like the ball went Kind of to where you were, but that couldn't be possible

Yeah, and I'm like, okay, obviously it was to the outfield But I don't think that was Was that really where I just was sitting? So anyway, I'm eating my pizza there, and then I'm starting to realize, oh, shit, I left my headphones over where I was sitting. I was planning on going back to my seat anyway, but now I'm suddenly like, oh, shoot, I left my headphones at my seat. So I just kind of eat some of the pizza. I throw the rest away. I take my beer, and I go back to my seat. The usher gives me a look. I think he thought that I was a Fairweather fan who was leaving because the score was so uneven. And I get back to my seat, and the people in front of me are like, I started to say, hey, did that? And then that's all I got out. And they turn around. They're like, you missed it. You would have got it. And the guy in front of me, who's a really nice guy, maybe 10 years older than me, he's like, he's standing up to show me. He's like, I'm standing up like this. And it almost touched my hand.

have gotten it. And like the guy behind me who did get the ball doesn't really say anything. I just kind of look back at him. He seems like a real cool customer. And I realized this Kyle Seeger, this Kyle Seeger home run basically came right to my seat. Now, my initial reaction about this is relatively cool because I'm like, yes, that would have been nice if I had been here, But I'm not going to live in an alternate timeline like it is what it is. I didn't get this baseball. That's OK. I really legit was not that upset about it until I remembered, oh, no, tomorrow's the trade deadline. And there's a lot of rumors that Kyle Seeger, longtime Mariner, his only known life as a Mariner and a great player, one of my favorite players. That literally might have been his last home run as a Mariner if he ends up getting traded tomorrow. And now I'm thinking, can he get into the Hall of Fame? Is there a chance that I missed a Hall of Famer's last home run as a Seattle Mariner, which has always been his team? And I was so psyched at the trade deadline when they decided not to trade him away. Because now I know that, yes, it was a Kyle Seeger home run, but it wasn't a super, super special Kyle Seeger home run. It was just a home run during a game that we got routed.

But here's what I think is the really intriguing part of all of this. It's the question of if you had still been in your seat. And this is what we were texting about because you kind of told our friend group, hey, yeah, I was in the seat that the home run went to, but I wasn't there at the moment. And then they replayed it, and then I zoomed in on the seat. I videotaped it on my phone off of the television and then forwarded the videotape to all of you as evidence. By the way, you were then in your seat again in front of the guy who got the ball, and you said, yes, I'm in the crotch of the guy who got the ball. Yeah, because he was manspreading behind me. I took a selfie. He was sitting right behind you. But I think the most interesting question is Had you been in that seat Would you have tried to catch that home run And also Did you have a mitt with you by the way No I don't So and if you had tried to catch the home run Would you have re-injured Your recently surgically repaired finger That has been the source of such consternation for you And such a topic of conversation on this program Like I think it was the best thing that could have happened to you To not be in that seat Because I think you would have instinctively reached up for the ball It would have hit you right in your finger that they just fixed, and you would have re-shattered it.

Potentially. I mean, there's no way of knowing that. I will say, and I truly believe what I texted you guys later, one of the reasons I was pretty sanguine about this is I believe that if I was in that seat, yes, I would have scrambled with everybody else to try to get that ball. But I bet you I would have screwed it up somehow. I'll bet you I wouldn't have ended up with the ball and I'll bet you that would be a much I'll bet you that would have been a much more painful alternate version of this story you know what I mean if it had glanced off my hand I'd probably be more bummed than me not being there maybe I'm wrong about that but also the finger thing is real now luckily those fingers that were broken are on my left hand so chances are what would have happened is I would have just broken some new fingers on my right hand since I right handed I mean it is hashtag content it looks like according to the video that you sent which i'm so glad you taped that off the tv and sent to me because i don't have a copy of that game anymore so that little video of you taping your tv at an angle

yeah when daddy could have been somewhere catching a home run oh also i had some kids over the break

we'll talk about that later but big developments in all of our but anyway yeah so i think i would have messed it up and i think i would have been more self-loathing if i had been there possibly i think this is a funny story i think it would be a much more tragic story if kyle seeger were no longer a mariner so i'm i'm fine with the way everything turned out and again according to that video you sent it looks like the guy who ended up with the ball did not actually catch it it does look like it ended up hitting catches it yeah so i could have potentially just grabbed it off the ground or that guy would have anyway and i would have just been sad but i think what would have

happened is there is an instinct to try to catch the baseball when it's coming towards you because it's so exciting you kind of can't believe it's happening i've never caught a home run i just once got a foul ball because my buddy peter williams kicked a businessman in the hands long enough that i could steal it off the ground at a mariners game in the kingdom they call the businessman special yes that's what it is they sure do but um i think there's an instinct to want to catch it and i think i mean you can count on one hand the number of people who catch that home run without a mitt on the fly it like i think it is moving so much faster than people realize i mean i just think it's the kind of thing where the first person to make contact with that fly ball almost always breaks their hand and that it's some other yahoo who's sitting like three seats away as the guy with the broken hand is going into shock the guy who's just been sitting there kind of placidly the ball rolls over to his foot and then he has the home run like you never want to be the first person trying to catch that and I honestly

And I get nervous thinking about you reaching up for that ball even though your fixed hand is the left one, the one that was recently repaired. I just see it pushing one of those fingers back and you – and also you not getting the ball because it's just going to shatter your hand, go through your hands as it would go through my hands and then just go to the guy behind you who's manspreading. And that's the worst of all outcomes. So I think of the sun and this questionable pizza and your cell phone that was dying. I think of all of those things conspiring to actually do you a favor.

I actually – I agree. And I think it's kind of a funny story this way. Like in a certain way, it's almost better that I didn't. And it's better that I just self-owned so hard that I was like, well, I'm going to go eat my pizza in the basement, which is basically what I did. There's no actual basement in the Alamo or – It's like the Alamo. Yeah, exactly. But yeah, I – and I was just kind of – and I was really mopey. I was just so mopey that day. It ended up being not that great of a day. Like I was blazing in the sun. I was sweating while eating, trying to eat pizza and just feeling like crappy about the Mariners and just crappy about my decisions. And so, honestly, the missed home run ball is actually the highlight of the day because I actually think it's really funny.

Yeah. Well, I hope you're in a now, you know, feeling a little better. I'm certainly feeling good. I had a very restful, very restorative couple of weeks of, well, I say having time off, but of course, I was shooting a TV story in Colorado, and then I was writing the TV story last week, and then I was trying to not be officially laid off from our company by way of not filling out my performance review, which was like a DEF CON 5 situation. Oh, did you get that figured out? I did. Anyway, it was a restful break, although there was still more work-related stuff than I probably wanted. But, yeah, I have lots to tell you about maybe right after we do this quick break and also thank some donors of the day. So stay with us here on TBTL. Hey, let's thank some donors of the day. These are the wonderful people that are making this show possible And we really do appreciate them Talking about Nicole Spich of Worcester, Ohio I've seen Nicole on this list over the course of the years And I've basically gotten no closer to knowing how to say Nicole's last name But Nicole, we sure do appreciate you supporting the program We decided, I think, before the summer games, Andrew, that that's fun for the listeners. That's part of the fun.

Yeah, I think.

Is that I have a real struggle with how to— I think it might be more— It's like you telling yourself you didn't want to catch that Kyle Seager moment.

Right, right, exactly.

Allison Wall is in Shoreline, Washington. Then we've got John Weed checking in from Mill Creek, Washington. Uh, Mary Gerlach and Nick Hamilton are in Aurora, Colorado I think I was pretty close to Aurora, Colorado When I was out there doing this, uh, story about Red Rocks recently Uh, Michelle and Larry Little Checking in from beautiful Port Angeles, Washington I miss that part of the country, you know I used to live in Port Townsend Which is kind of on the other side a little bit of the Olympic Peninsula But Port Angeles is also just a great, beautiful, cool place Where Michelle and Larry are sitting out there Supporting TVTL, we appreciate you And then, the one, the only, Sheila Reeks of Ithaca, New York Longtime associate of one Dave Ross By which I mean they knew each other as children

Is Ithaca gorgeous?

I'll never let that go It is, it is So I've been told So the bumper sticker has told me

I thought so, I just wanted to double check that You're my fact checking cuz

Yes I am And it's gorgeous So is Sheila And so is the generosity of all of these donors of the day Who Through their continued support Are making this episode possible Episode 3479 In a collector series Our return To sort of day of programming Here on old TBTL We really appreciate it

Hello and welcome to Top Story

I mean, the real top stories, Andrew, from my life involve what I've been getting up to the last couple of weeks I did go sailing in the San Juans my buddy evan uh which was uh super duper fun we did a kind of a different thing this year which is we sailed around to these different islands but then we also went on some hikes uh which was really fun like it was kind of nice to have a some time at sea and some time on land get some get our health on a little bit we went to this island called cyprus island and hiked up to something called eagle point where that doesn't sound very high yeah it was um surprisingly low it was like four steps it was called lazy buzzards plateau i went you know what i hiked i i hiked groundhog mound it was really good um yeah it wasn't it was uh well look it was kind of a little uphill-y, but my friend Evan is very fit. He's one of those naturally fit people. I felt a lot of pressure as not a naturally fit person, but someone who tries to play in that space and tries to talk a big game about my exercise and such, which you'll probably be hearing about here in a few minutes. I was trying to act like it was no big deal, that we're hiking up to something called Eagle Point and that we're now ever-ascending, ever-gaining elevation. It's getting Steeper and steeper and it's like switchbacks

And the air gets thinner Too right I'm not joking right

Yeah the oh that was something in Colorado I thought I was Honest Andrew I thought I was having a heart Some kind of a heart condition when I was in Colorado Like I was walking from the elevator To the hotel room And I found myself to be a little bit out of breath And I thought well this is how it happens Burbs and then somebody Reminded me you're in Colorado You're a mile above sea level like This is normal when you just get here Oh, thank God. I really thought I was coming or not coming down with something, but had developed something. But yeah, it's you're you know, you're the air is getting a little thinner and it's kind of steep. And I'm trying to act like I'm not even out of breath. And like, this is just not in any way challenging for me, because for some reason, my brain, that's an important thing to try to events to my actual friend who like couldn't possibly care less. You know what I mean? Like, he's like, how you doing? I'm like, I'm doing great. Meanwhile, I'm covered in sweat. Just pouring sweat Out of every pore And like it's clear that I This is not a casual thing for me But I'm trying to like you know Act like it's no thing And then of course we get to the top It's just like totally beautiful We're sitting there We're having a little lunch Hanging out And then this really Kind of interesting couple A guy named Frank And his wife Romy Who we met Who are Frank is 80? About to be 80? Romy is not super far behind him they come chugging up the hill and they are now at eagle point and that is when i started to really question my fitness in that there was someone who was 80 who seemed less out of breath

and sweaty than me well they're probably you know retired they have nothing but time on their hands

they can hike this mountain every day if they want to well i was not i was not feeling super great about my fitness which was probably part of where this kind of strategy you know me with my plans and my schemes and my strategies this is where this like seed of an idea started to sort of grow and i i mean i i feel embarrassed even talking about this because i have like in the last two months have made bold declarations about how i'm going to get my s together and start actually exercising and eating a little better and then i'll do it for like two days and then i'll just completely give up and so um once again i decided that i was going to try to just start, you know, making a little better decisions around the foods that I choose to eat. And if I get out there to exercise, I had, I was, when I moved to Portland, I was pretty regular about my running. And then it sort of went from being, you know, maybe four or five days a week to being like a few days a week to being like when I had time. And then it was just down to, uh, you know, I'm having a heart attack walking from the elevator to the hotel room in Red Rocks so I um I decided that when I got back to Portland I was going to join a gym which I did now a proud member of a 24-hour fitness oh my brother or as you call it 20-hour

fitness I am shocked I thought I mean I knew that you had said that you joined a gym but I um figured you would have joined a bit of a nicer gym I didn't think that I mean 24-hour fitness is what it is right but it's certainly not you know i i it's certainly not the the cleanest nicest uh environment in all cases i you know i know that there are different ones and different members of level ship uh different levels of membership um but even mine is a sport one and it's still not very nice i thought for sure you'd be like at the racquetball club or something

well there is a waiting list for the multnomah athletic club andrew i did look into it uh you have to be invited.

by someone who's already a member plus i don't know i want to see this this represents i think growth for me which is usually what i do is i feel bad and then i think the solution is something that i can acquire or become a member of so that that will then help me change and it would usually involve trying to find some bougie or what felt to me like a the cool place you can go to work out And then I join and there's like some obscene initiation fee, et cetera. And then I go two times and then over the course of three months and it's a big waste. I decided I want to just see if I can actually develop the self-discipline to go to this gym, which is like $40 to join before I splash out for whatever this fancy place is. And so that actually probably is kind of a sign that I'm at least being more realistic with myself.

Yeah, no, I like that. And by the way, now I'm – I hope everything I just said didn't make you feel bad, but I just – I was just legitimately –

You're just accurately describing how I moved through the world. It doesn't make me feel bad. But I'll tell you this. I mean I just haven't been a member of a lot of gyms, but it seems fine to me. It certainly is – yeah, I was – when I took a little tour of the place, I was like, wow, you have a lot of treadmills and weights and machines that have weights attached to them. And like it all just seemed kind of it seems certainly more than adequate for me. And I will tell you this morning. So I am a regional member, which I guess just means I pay an extra 10 bucks and I can go to any of the 24 hour fitnesses that are around here. Although, again, I know some of it's a pandemic, but this place isn't even pretending to be open 24 hours. It's like 5 a.m. to like 9 p.m. or something. I'm like, we're more than nine. I bet you it's more than nine. Might be 10 at the latest. I mean, it is not anywhere close to 24 Hours, which I think they may have to reconsider that name at some point because, you know, I guess were they originally open 24 Hours and that was their shtick? Yeah, they were. Those Anytime Fitnesses slid in. By the way, those are the most – I'm sure we have listeners that use them and have a great time, but I don't think there's anything more depressing than an Anytime Fitness.

Well, I'll tell you something that was very depressing. This is why I know for sure that they were open 24 hours. I mean, I just know that they were. That was their whole thing. But I used to go to the 24-hour fitness that was at the bottom of Denny Hill in Seattle, kind of right below Capitol Hill area, which was kind of right around the corner from where we used to do karaoke all the time, right? Seattle's best karaoke. And this is going back a long, long time now. But I was out with you and Genevieve and just the whole usual gang, you know, marauding, if I'm using that word correctly, all night. And we're at SBK probably around 3 in the morning. We show up with booze, but we don't have any mixers. And then suddenly I remember I think there are vending machines at the 24-Hour Fitness around the corner. So me and the mummy stumble. You want to talk about the most depressing time I've ever been in a 24-Hour Fitness. And it was more about my state of being. I go from just being in party mode all night to going into my gym, a gym that I was going to that gym almost every day for a couple of years at this point. So, like, this is a place that I was in a lot during the day to get my fitness on. And I'm going in there at night at 3 a.m. as a total dirtbag with my even more dirtbag friend. Sorry, Mommy. He doesn't have access to the Internet anymore. I don't think he'll hear this. To try to score some power aid so that we can use this mixers around the corner. That was my saddest journey through a gym. That's pretty, pretty dark. It was, man. It really was.

But like those anytime, there's something about those anytime fitnesses because they're usually in a strip mall. They have a pretty small footprint. I guess the idea is you're never going to have that many people in one at the same time. And they'll just be like, oddly enough, I found myself on my travels, mostly for the TV gig, staying in these real sort of like serviceable but not particularly fancy kind of business business traveler hotels that are often in kind of smaller cities smaller towns so it'd be like a holiday inn or a fairfield suites or something and it seems like those places are often in just they're not in the actual city they're kind of out in the exurbs and they're usually part of some giant sprawling parking lot that has like a dave's famous wings in it and like uh an applebee's and then some other strip mall that's got like a couple of things in it including an anytime fitness that'll just be like you look out the hotel room at one in the morning and it's just illuminating there's just one person on the elliptical which i mean again maybe i'm just yeah exactly maybe i'm just jealous that that person has the the determination to go there at one

Thank you.

in the morning but anyway i will tell you this about the old uh 24-hour fitness in uh in my neighborhood so i i went to the one that's in the neighborhood called hollywood today because they have a really great basketball court uh like a huge you know full court it's very light filled it sort of borders the freeway so you're just like you can kind of look out these big windows you can see the cars going by it's just nice like i don't know it just feels uh like a fun place to play basketball so i got there pretty early this morning and i was um just kind of warming up by shooting around doing my thing there then i went up and i ran on the treadmill oh by the way i definitely tweaked my hamstring shooting around now there weren't people there playing basketball andrew i wasn't in a game i was just practicing my shot and i was like oh huh felt something in my left hammy, but as I was on the train, although as I saw, I know we're trying to keep this show not too sports focused, but I think it's, is it Mike Vrabel? Who's the guy who's the head coach of, he used to be, I think he's a Titans head coach. There was a clip I saw on TikTok the other day. Yeah, I didn't take a break from TikTok, everyone, okay, during my vacation. I continued to study that web platform for hashtag content. I think it was Mike Vrabel who was, like, yelling at his players. I mean, kind of good-naturedly. What did he say? He goes, do you see a lion stretching before they go after a gazelle? Just get out there. That's what he was saying to his players. Anyway, maybe I should be stretching. But as I was on the treadmill then later, I was just pouring sweat. like to a degree that i felt was upsetting to the other people not unlike when i was trying to hike eagle point with evan and um i was like god i gotta get like a towel or something so when i was done with my little treadmill sesh i went looking around and there were like no towels anywhere like usually there's just you know in most gyms that i've been a part of there's just a bunch of of like towels you can grab one and and towel off and toss it in the uh like hamper or whatever So I'm like just using my shirt Which is troubling for everyone Because when I'm using my shirt to wipe my brow That means my stomach is exposed Which I'm not really in my moment with that these days So I get down to the front desk And this is actually ultimately going to be a positive Andrew For the 24 hour fitness chain Or at least this one guy at the front desk I said do you guys have like Towels or something And what do you think I expected him to say

You expected him To say Let's see No we don't do that here

I expected him to say Because of the pandemic Oh right of course And in fact as I was walking down the three flights of stairs From the cardio deck Because this also is a sport Andrew Now I know all the terminology

Yeah I'm a sport

Well they have parking which is nice So as I'm walking down the three floors From the cardio deck Of the 24 hour fitness sport In the Hollywood area I'm rehearsing how mad I'm going to be that they're claiming that the pandemic is the reason they can't give us towels. And I'm thinking this through. I'm like, yeah, but you know what? If you're going to wash them, it doesn't matter. So just spend the money to wash towels. So I get to the front desk. I go, you guys don't have towels? And he goes, yeah, they used to, but they got rid of that. And I go, why? He goes, well, because they realized that people were rampantly stealing the towels.

Yeah, that makes sense.

And I was like, okay, I can work with that explanation. Because guess what? I probably would, too. I probably still have towels from every gym I've been a part of because I was like, who doesn't need a couple of extra little sweat towels? And I've got my Sonics athletic bag with me that I can just throw a few in. Listen, this is the thing. I am fine with that place not offering me towels as long as they're giving me the straight story.

Yeah, no, that's smart. I'm trying to think if our gym, because I also go to a sport, but not because, I mean, they have these designations.

I heard the parking there is very chill, and everyone is extremely rule-following with it.

But 24-Hour Fitness does have this thing where they have their regular gyms, and then they supposedly have these sport gyms that are supposed to be nicer. Although I don't know that the one I go to is really nicer than the one I used to go to in Capitol Hill. I guess the showers are marginally better, but I don't really have a choice. This is the closest one, and so I'll sign up for the sport membership, and that way I can go to, like you said, any gym that I want to. I have the same membership when I was in L.A. and Seattle and everything, and some of them definitely are nicer than others, and some have towels and some don't. I feel like the one I go to now used to have a bunch of towels at the front desk that they would hand you one as you came in, and they have stopped doing that. I don't know if it's because of the theft or the COVID or what have you.

yeah i mean i'm just going to now have to buy some towels which is fine in fact it gives me another little mission to go on somewhere and, you know, get myself a few of these so that I can have one or two in my bag. And then like the one I just used, I'll toss it in the in the laundry, et cetera. Again, I just I really appreciated that explanation. I feel like that's what I want more of in my life. Like if I'm staying at a hotel and they're like, please reuse, speaking of towels, this is the thing I'm always on about on this show. If they're like, hey, could you please try to reuse your towel? Because let's be honest, it's not that dirty and we don't want to wash all these towels. I'd be like, no problemo. It's just when the cover story I feel is a bit Disingenuous from the company So I am cool with this 24 hour fitness Not having towels because people were Rampantly stealing the towels that just feels You know That feels like that kind of makes sense to me

I don't know why I would raise this but I For a second when you said he started to give This answer that people were rampantly I don't know why but my brain went to a dark place I thought people were doing something really Disgusting with the towels I'm so glad I'm so glad they were just stealing them. That word rampantly really got you. I don't know what it was. It's like, oh, what are they rampantly doing with these towels?

Well, that was the specific word he used, which I thought was so funny. Like, I actually made a note of it. I was like, that's an interesting and very specific kind of word, but that's what he said was happening. So there you go. So I had a chance to show off my – what I would consider for me my not-so-beach body in front of some total strangers during the vacation, Andrew, because I rented by the hour a swimming pool at someone's house here in Portland. Actually, technically in Tigard. At someone's house.

So it's almost like an Airbnb situation for pools now?

Yes, and it is called Swimply, which I think is a bad name for what is a kind of intriguing idea. I think they're trying to say it's simple to swim, but it sounds like wimpy to me. Like, I mean, I would have even gone with Swimple.

Yeah, I like Swimple. That sounds like early era internet business, Swimple.

But like Swimply, I don't like the name, but this – look for it, particularly if you're in a city that's very warm, which is – it turns out every city in America. Swimpletons? I'm a Swimpleton. But I just found out about this website that, yeah, basically like if you have a swimming pool and you're in a town and you're not using it all the time, you can kind of like offer it up on this like Airbnb for pools and then people can rent it by the hour. And I was very apprehensive going in. By the way, this was a project I did with my girlfriend, Becca, by the way, just so you know. Yes, I do have a girlfriend now who is a peach. I'm extremely excited that she is deigning to spend time with me despite all of my quirks. I'm confused.

You've been dating her for like three years now, right? Yes. Or wait, no, I said that. Oh, shoot. I said the quiet part.

I've been trying to low-key it, and actually, Andrew, you've hit on something there. If I am a little low-key around this stuff these days, it's only because what I have learned from the last 12 years of hosting this program is, you know, sharing your romantic ups and downs with however many people, 40,000 or so people, is, you know, can be complicated. So anyway, but I do have a girlfriend now.

And obviously I was joking, in case there's any confusion about that. It's been two years.

yeah right exactly but anyway uh so uh we by the way i can't i weep i weep for her having to listen to my stories because we go to this swimming pool because it was like a hundred degrees as i was still on vacation but back in portland it was going to be like a hundred degrees so we thought oh it would be fun to go to a swimming pool or rent a swimming pool so we find this pool at this person's house and rent it for a couple of hours but of course as i'm there I can't stop being like, well, the pool I used to have, better diving board. Like, I can't turn it off, Andrew. I'm trying. I've told myself going in. Don't get into that. Also, you know what people love? Hearing about your old life. I mean, that's one of the top things a person you're dating loves hearing is about how great everything used to be when you were a totally different version of your life.

Right. And also, yeah, I mean, I mean, we'll listen. We should just move on. But like, listen, you put a lot of work into that home and and and that environment and you spent a lot of time creating what was to you a very I mean, we talked about it before, you know, as you were going through a lot of renovations with that home. I don't think it is. I think it's very relatable that. That it's, you know, part of the breakup process is also breaking up with this thing that you put a lot of work and emotional energy in to make it something that felt very special to you. Right, Rudy. So I understand that. I definitely do. When you talk, I know this sounds weird because we're talking about objects here and not human beings, but I feel it. When you talk about the pool, that's not my scene, but I feel it. And I think listeners can associate with that with various things in their life.

Well, and I think in particular, I was, I mean, I had a really lovely time. It turned out to be kind of great. But I think the idea that one year ago, I was the co-owner of a swimming pool that I could go jump in. And then you fast forward a year and I'm renting a swimming pool from someone. For some reason, that dynamic just kind of like crystallized in the moment. A lot of feelings about the ways my life has changed around stuff. You're right. It's just around possessions and real estate and things like that. So the idea that I was renting something that I used to have, you know, unlike 24-hour fitness, which is about 16-hour fitness, I had 24-hour access to one of these things, and now I have to ask a lady named Melanie through Swimply if it would be okay if I came and lounge in her pool. It actually turned out to be fine mostly because the people in the house were not there, I don't think, or they were hiding, which is exactly what I wanted them to be doing. like what i was i was going through the list of these swimming pools and i was like trying to find the one that looked like it was the farthest away from the house oh interesting yeah because i didn't want to be like i just thought this is going to be super weird because i'm going to be like lounging next to a swimming pool and someone's just going to be doing their laundry or even worse trying to talk to me this is why i don't like bed and breakfasts yeah i don't like any kind of thing where you're supposed to be relaxing but there's even a whiff of a possible awkward social interaction with the person who owns the thing that you're using you know so I will give huge props to Melanie um you know there was nobody in the house or if they were there they were absolutely not visible and so it was fun it was relaxing and um and and it was kind of uh it was kind of nice then I started to be like maybe this is the you know the big joke around having a boat is you don't want to have a boat you want to have a friend with a boat yeah I was like, well, maybe this is the new, you know, this is the new way that it can work is like, because really it's like one day every couple of weeks of lounging by a pool is it's pretty sufficient. And, you know, now I assume Melanie at Al over there in Tigard, they're doing whatever they have to do that pool. They're getting the leaves out of it. They're checking the pH balance, et cetera. And I'm just over here chatting with my buddy, Andrew, not a care in the world. I mean, that might actually be kind of the way to go.

Do not drive that pool more than 65 miles an hour. That's all I'm saying. It will break down.

I wrote a review, by the way. I wrote a review for the Delica kind of based on your advice, which was just emphasizing the parts. Yeah, I remember the van that we took on the TBTL-a-thon that ran into some trouble down in Arizona. It was still a great experience, and the people who own it are just, like, awesome people. So I didn't want to like, you know, and we're nice enough to, you know, not force us through legal action to drive the van home. And so anyway, I did write a review for it, which is all very accurate. We had a great time and they were very nice.

I'm a little I'm a little obsessed with this Swimply thing. Now I'm on the website and I'm scrolling through. I just typed in Portland. I'm just like scrolling through just kind of get a sense. And I'm kind of obsessed with the photos and kind of how they're staged because some it's very clear. Like they're just like this is this is what it is. Some look very nice. Others you can just sort of see like, oh, come on, that angle on that pool, you're not showing me shit here. I can tell the way you're cropping this thing that you don't really want to show me what we're working with.

and i i hesitate to sound super duper classist but there's a real difference between a kind of a large in-ground pool that's set up for you know a bunch of people to be bobbing in it and or maybe jumping off the diving board or going off the slide and like a pretty small costco above ground pool that you set up on a saturday afternoon and you will see both of those situations represented on this thing you'll also see some people andrew that don't even have a pool or a hot tub they

were calling it a backyard spa i saw that like out of here with that shit well one i saw had a hot tub but it said no pool but it had like ping pong and a hot tub and it looked really cool i

mean that sounds super fun to me like if i came over to your house and there was a hot tub and ping pong i'd be like this is dope but if the website is called swimply you better let me do

some swimping don't be a swim um i um i i am astounded here i know we probably have other to check check in on but so i'm looking at one i don't even mind calling this out called exotic southeast portland oasis uh with heart emojis on either side of it and it is you're 100 that's not a strip club and by the way i grew up with an above ground pool out i'm not snobby about above ground pools now ours had like a deck built all the way around it all the way around it every now and then i feel like i sound like patty harris or is it petty harrison um like i can't i got sewed

into the pants of the big charlie brown i can't stop drinking wine do you know what i can't say

anymore this came up a couple of times in the past couple of weeks i can't say the word early anymore because it comes out early oh santa came early anyway um i'm looking at this pool this is like an above ground pool that as you mentioned it looks like i mean there's not much to this at all it looks like just like white um kind of plastic tubing i mean this looks like the most temporary janky ass pool that is going for $90 an hour I scroll down to and I see something called paradise now this is a little bit outside of Oregon this is about six miles further away but it looks beautiful it almost looks like kind of an it almost has an infinity pool vibe with hot tub kind of built in built in and just separated by a wall from the rest of the swimming area it looks so gorgeous and it looks like the house is pretty far away it's got masonry it's 75 an hour right is it because of location location location i think it's probably here's

i mean let's just do this um andrew life is never as swimple as you think i think probably what's going on we can just get into the nitty-gritty here i think that okay so what this app i think they do is they handle all the insurance implications uh-huh which are i would imagine a lot uh when you're letting strangers come over and dunk their heads below water in your backyard yeah and so i bet you that this app takes a really large percentage of the money that you're getting paid by the people using your your your pool and i so some people because they're like gosh i would like to get it's only worth it for me if i'm getting 25 an hour off of this right once like Like once Swimpley takes their cut, these people are like – they're sort of – they're raising their price beyond what is probably a very realistic number because they have a number in their head of what they're hoping to clear at the end of this because people get to set their own price. My point is just I think some people are a little unrealistic about how much somebody wants to come to their otherwise non-spa-like backyard and sort of wade in their above-ground recently assembled pool. Let me also say, just if I can for the last time, I have nothing against above-ground pools. When I was a kid, my aunt had an above-ground pool in Philly, and some of the most fun summers of my life were playing in that pool. Like, I love pools of any kind, and I don't want anyone who has an above-ground pool to think that I'm saying that that's not a fun thing to have. But $75 an hour for something that you could buy for $75 seems like a bit of a stretch for whoever's offering that as their so-called oasis.

And I want to be very clear. This particular oasis, what I'm talking about, this is not your kind of basic above-ground pool, which, again, I spent a lot of time in. And that's fine. i see one of those just kind of basic above ground pools here that's going for 35 an hour and it's like a very you know it's kind of a modest backyard with a fence and it's like yes that is priced appropriately we all know that various things and experiences are priced appropriately and i think 35 an hour for this rather large above ground pool that isn't especially fancy but it's probably a nice afternoon is very that makes a lot of sense this other one i've never seen a pool like this before it looks like they just bought it and assembled it like it is right looks very temporary and it's the most expensive one i can find on here

right now anyway yeah um i yeah i i think that the my guess would be that those folks are being a little bit unrealistic with with what the you know uh demand is going to be for that particular space i will tell you though if they do get someone who signs up at that level please hear me now and believe me later just hide in your house or go somewhere else because that's almost more than the pool that's the number one thing the person can do in my opinion because again i'm just saying the same thing twice but it was just i was a little nervous because i was like what is this is the person going to come outside and greet us and then go back inside are they going to be coming out and saying uh don't you know like don't sit on that floaty because it you know it's it's fragile and you might pop it i don't know i just i wanted to have minimal interaction with the person who i was using their pool and that was how it worked and that is how it should be uh so i i mean i don't know if i will use that service again although i had an overall really positive experience um but but yeah so that was yeah

Another thing I did during the break that was completely new territory.

Yeah, the house thing is definitely what – because I'm looking at this. This seems very tempting. And, like, it's making me – and, you know, me. I'm not somebody who, I think, craves that as much as you do. Vives and I do have a vacation coming up where I'm sure I'll be spending a lot of time in – I think we're renting a condo. I'll probably spend a lot of time in the condo's pool. I like that. But, yeah, if you just told me I can rent a pool for me and my friends or, you know, me, like going to a baseball game, it's always better to do it yourself. Just lone Andrew Renting a pool by himself for the day I do think there's that intimacy Of being connected to somebody's house That well that also probably ties in Especially for me Of just like I don't like to You know like I'm always a little uncomfortable Going to people's houses I usually avoid sleeping at people's houses Like I always just like a little separation I think in situations like this

Yeah Should we Should we take like one to 74 minutes to talk about just the latest kind of in the world of the delta uh you know variant and i guess what i mean is this morning got back online and guess what i did i ordered a new bag of like 50 of these masks that i've been using they're made by a company called evolve and it was funny because i had bought a bunch of these at the when i moved to portland kind of i don't know i guess i was the middle of the panda i don't know anymore but i bought a bunch of these and i thought well i you know i want to have i want to have masks on hand that are i can use them maybe three or four times and then you toss them out um just because i like that better i guess i don't know the cloth mask after and these are very you know they're carefully constructed so that they have all of the filtration and stuff so you know it's not like one of those bs bandanas that people are trying to do but anyway i bought these and then i just as the mask mandate was starting to go away i use the last one and then this company because i was on their mailing list kept emailing me and i remember having the thought listen it's like when you're driving somewhere and you get to the place you're going and ways keeps talking to you and you're like i have no use for you shut up i really was seeing those emails and i was thinking oh you poor company you thought we were all going to keep wearing masks indefinitely how dumb are you and i unsubscribed from these emails andrew and then guess what i was doing this morning going back into my emails finding an old email from them going to it and buying a bunch more masks because i guess i'm gonna start wearing a mask indoors again now i mean it just seems probably like the prudent thing to do and

also i think the regulation i think that the mandates are not far behind i think for probably i don't know man states you think that you think they're gonna hold off on that i just think i

I think it's going to be really, really hard to, as you say, put the toothpaste back in the tube on that, like because one of the things is the places where the virus, the Delta is is is is being transmitted most quickly are places that have lowest vaccination levels. And you can assume that those places are places where people are generally suspicious about the government telling them what to do. I don't know how you enforce that. I mean, a place like Portland, my guess is that it's this is not a hot spot in the state of Oregon because the vaccination levels are probably relatively high. So I guess I'm thinking if I'm Kate Brown, the governor of Oregon, and I sell I tell Malheur County, which is where that like standoff was where those folks took over like a kind of a natural like bird sanctuary place.

Wait, was it because the BLM? I mean, the Bureau of Land Management takeover.

Exactly. So like that's a place that, you know, I'm sure has very low vaccination rates and has very high Delta transmission rates. If you're Cape Brown and you tell the folks in that town, you got to start wearing a mask. I just don't see anyone complying. If you tell the people of Portland, I think they will comply with a certain amount of frustration. I mean, this is all just me kind of shooting from the hip here. I don't know. I just I they keep saying it's highly recommended. No one's saying it's the rules yet. I mean, outside of like federal workers and hospitals and public transportation, et cetera. But I don't know. I mean, do you think that Inslee in Washington State, where you are, is going to – is in the near future going to say, look, it's just the rule again?

If I were betting on this, I'm very much shooting. I have an app for that, by the way.

It's like my sports betting app, but it's my COVID betting app. And I'll tell you, I've been making a killing lately.

Poor choice of words. Poor choice of words indeed. I was about to say that. But I wonder if – for some reason I feel like it might become a county mandate first, at least where I live. I could see – if I had to bet on that, I would say that if we're seeing any mandate that hits me specifically, I could see the county saying – because I think the county can enforce that, right, to the degree that you can enforce any mask law. I think the county could because right now the county has King County here has, you know, recommend. amended indoor face mask wearing and i could see them making it an actual policy as well that would then affect businesses who would then have to enforce it but i don't know i haven't heard anything about that but it is you know it's scary i was thinking and without getting into all the details because there's so much news to cover regarding this and we're not the right place to cover it but you know i at first i really did believe that these um what do they call the breakthrough cases the ones where people who are vaccinated are carrying the virus and and giving it to other people i thought that the in testing positive even though they um even though they're vaccinated i thought that those were much more rare and the severe cases are but that's the why am i getting into all this but that's the kind of the the the reason it's tough to track this right because the cdc is only counting the severe breakthrough cases not every breakthrough case and so it's a little bit and so i assumed that it wasn't really that big of a concern people were just like erring on the side of caution as far as health officials but in my life i just had two conversations this weekend with people who say they know people directly who are vaccinated and did test positive they don't have you know they don't have a lot of symptoms but they definitely tested positive in one of the cases after a gathering and so it is real and it is scary I was thinking and this is really the point I think I want to make and something I wanted to talk to you about Luke is it's when all of this was going down and you and I kept talking you know when we're in the heart of the pandemic and we're talking about the moment that it's over and then realizing there isn't going to be a moment that it's over but we kind of came close to that a couple of months ago as things reopened um individually in cities and communities and you and i i think went out for a really special night it was a mariners game when things were really starting to open up again and it sort of had that energy but i always sort of felt like i just don't think and maybe this is just the charlie brownness in me i always thought uh i'll bet you i'll bet you there's going to be some kind of rollback. I just don't know how severe it's going to be. I just always had this. Maybe it wasn't a suspicion. Maybe it was just a fear. Maybe it was just my anxiety that made me negative like that. And we're seeing this. And I'm thinking about the mask. I got so used to wearing masks that it really wasn't a thing for me. And I was reluctant. I don't like wearing masks. I was very reluctant to come to mask wearing. I did it because they told me to but i didn't like it i actively disliked it and then i got to like whatever every

time i leave my house i just put a mask on and it didn't even didn't even strike me that this was an uncomfortable thing or just life right but it was the taste of masklessness again like if they hadn't rolled it back at all right then i don't think if everything had reopened up but the mask mandate um remained like for me i love being able to sit at counters again counters and bars at restaurants and bars if you could do all of that but you had to wear your mask when you get up to go to the restroom that was kind of annoying but I was just so used to it I think I would have just been so psyched that things were back at capacity and you can sit at the rail again but it's like the fact that they gave us this freedom that now I feel I feel like mask wearing to get back into it feels a little bit more onerous and we got a bunch of voicemails and emails from people the last time we talked about this who were kind of really really upset about some of the things that we kind of just glanced on about saying hey listen i i lost somebody due to this virus and wearing a mask isn't a big deal and we're not out of this and be more responsible but i mean we're just being really honest here and being human and you just said like yeah you're getting masks like we're not we're not giving up on this but if i'm being honest about my emotions it bums me out it bums me out and it bums me out to think that you know the next time i go into a restaurant i probably should have the mask on at all times when i'm not uh when i'm not at my table now listen i'm going to a restaurant that's great that's good that's positive but you know it's hard not to feel a little bummed and i'm like i'm also i'm taking a even more selfish approach

like i have a friend who uh knows someone uh this is somebody who uh my friend shares a child with although they're not together anymore and um their their child uh had it and and their child is is is pretty young i think like 11 maybe and it was really pretty serious for the kid and and then this person who who they share custody of the child with got it and that person was vaccinated and it was a by the accounts of the person that i know it was really not it was it was not a minor case for this person so this was an example of a breakthrough this is here in portland a breakthrough case that was really serious wow and my thought because i center myself in every story was damn i don't want to have that happen and i know we've been telling everyone you wear the mask to protect everyone else and that is true but i'm coming at it from the angle of like i'm starting to wear the mask again to protect myself because i ain't trying to have covid like i don't need i'm not telling the listeners anything they don't know at this point a year plus a year and a half into this but like it doesn't sound like a picnic and i don't they don't know the long-term implications i mean i hear these stories on npr about about some really just troubling stuff um that that they just don't have enough data yet to figure out what are the long-term effects of having had covid and i just would really rather not have to worry about that for myself and so again it's kind of selfish but i i feel like i mean i'm also going to start wearing the mask again because i don't want to unwittingly transmit it if i if i have it i don't know i have it or something um but but it's also just kind of selfishly motivated like i just am really not i would really rather not get covid you know yeah i mean whatever it takes whether

it's selfishly motivated or not i mean it's a public health crisis and so you know taking in all those factors it's just good that we're all taking the the right steps you know i was talking to somebody this weekend she caught she caught covid i think it was before the vaccine was available so this is not a breakthrough case but um you know how you hear the stories about people who lose their sense of taste or their sense of smell or it's diminished even after they're recovered i had not heard this before maybe you have she didn't lose it it just has messed with her taste of smell so that things taste like garbage to her uh her boyfriend went to get her something to drink and he's like anything you want she said just something that isn't going to taste like garbage like she and i think it applies to what she's smelling as well but certainly taste but like it's one thing to kind of say hey i'm not getting as much flavor out of this burger or beyond a burger as i would like to pizza at a baseball or pizza or sweaty pizza the baseball game but like to bite into something and actually have it taste like garbage like i had never heard

of that before had you no and and yeah i'm with you like that's so much more that seems like that Would be so much worse than losing your sense of taste Although fortunately I haven't had to deal with either thing Obviously or the listeners would have heard About it endlessly I mean if you got 20 minutes on the towel situation At 24 hour fitness Can you imagine if I actually got COVID I mean really I need to mask up for the listeners I need to mask up so that I don't get COVID Because the listeners would never hear the end of it If I had even one minute of suffering

Now you're starting to make it sound like We could use that content though But no let's find other healthier ways to keep the needles moving.

Here I go once again with the email. Every week, I hope that it's from a female. No, man, it's not from a female.

All right. I would imagine that there have been... I didn't check the emails. I should have. I was really on top of it today, Andrew. I just want to tell you. Because I had this day circled on the calendar. I was like, it's our first day back after the break. Before you and I were doing this, I was doing some Livewire stuff, was interviewing my new best friend, old Wayne Coyne from the Flaming Lips for the radio show. I was like, I just wanted to be on my A game today, but I forgot to check the emails and see if there was anything specific to me maybe that I could have brought to the table. I did not do that, so I'm hoping you have a couple emails or V-mails that you think are interesting.

I have not had time to check emails and V-mails, Luke. I've been watching the Mariners lose in the blazing sun. I have two related things because I have a voicemail I want to play for you. But first, I'm going to read this email from listener Hunter. They're both related to goldfish. If everybody can remember, long before the break, we did some story about a goldfish that survived for a really long time, right? You and I were both surprised. We always think of goldfish as sort of fleeting because we get them from the fair and we put them in a bowl and they die in a week or two. But do you remember the story that prompted all the goldfish?

Yeah, people were throwing them into lakes in Minnesota. Right. And they were thriving. Unlike you and I during our performance reviews, they were thriving. And we found out that a goldfish can live for 25 years. That's right. And so we have two mess.

Well, we actually had several messages about this. I'm going to share two with you. Hunter says, as discussed, goldfish are a lot tougher than you might think. I grew up in a farm and we used an old bathtub as a water trough for horses. Remember that dazzling detail, Luke, for later. This sounds quirky, but it's actually pretty common based on my observations. At some point, us kids had goldfish, and I guess we tired of them because they ended up getting moved to the horse trough. I suspect my parents assumed they'd die quietly there, but in fact, the goldfish survived for at least a decade, weathering winters that sometimes froze the trough over. We never fed the fish. As far as we could tell, they lived off of bits of grain that fell out of the horse's mouths as they drank. We heard others— Owen Wilson wow voice.

Wow.

We heard—I'm so bad at that, too. I'm saying that I'm trying to like, you know, it's like when you have a problem, it's best to like sort of try to name it or talk about it so that you kind of take away its power. Yeah. I'm trying to just call it Owen Wilson Wow Voice so that I can stop my brain from wanting to just say it like Owen Wilson.

Yes. Let's see here. So Hunter says, we heard other similar stories from neighbors and wild goldfish in backyard ponds and other spots, although I never heard of them moving into rivers and lakes here in Oregon. Often what killed them was raccoons that would come along, but I think our bathtub was too tall for a raccoon to get at easily. I don't remember what ultimately killed our goldfish, but power out. Okay, so that's from Listener Hunter, and I have a very similar story, only even more Owen Wilson saying, wow, this is from Listener Brant.

Hey, Luke and Andrew, this is a relatively new Listener Brant, and I live in Moraga, California, which is out in the San Francisco East Bay area. But I grew up up in Hillsborough, Oregon. I would have never called in except today's topic of goldfish sparked a great family memory for me. Again, grew up out in Hillsborough, pretty rural. For a long time, we had a pasture that we rented near us but not on our property, and we would graze cattle there. We'd go check on them like once a week, and we had an old bathtub of their watering trough. It had an automatic float that was supposed to keep the water filled, whatever, but it notoriously didn't work. Well, when you have a bathtub like that, you'll oftentimes get mosquitoes that lay eggs in there, and you get these little larvae. You don't want that problem. So we would get goldfish from just, you know, the pet store for $0.20 a piece or something, put in there. And we had this one goldfish that one time, get over there to check the water. There's nothing but, you know, a small puddle of mud because the float wasn't working. And the guy's on his side breathing, and we fill it back up, and he survives that. Another time, we went over there in the winter, and the float had stopped working. He's frozen solid in ice. We thaw him out. He survives that. So after a couple years of this amazing goldfish that could not be killed no matter what, But we brought him home, put him in a bowl. He lived in that bowl for about a year before, right between my junior year and senior year in high school. Our house burned down. Not totally, but the goldfish bowl was in a zone where by the time the firefighters put it out, it was in just a charred bowl of dark water that was still warm to the touch hours after the fire was sort of done. We went in there. The fish survived that too. So we put him in a special bowl, protected him as best we could. He lived like another 10 years. So 25 years doesn't surprise me. And the fact that these things just are so hardy is evidenced by the story of my family. Anyway, enjoy you guys a ton. Love listening to you. Thanks a lot. See you.

Is that not amazing? That's amazing. I did not expect the part where the fish survived the fire. I know.

It sounds like a joke from a cartoon or something.

Well, it reminds me. This is not a joke that I would normally tell because, you know, me and not wanting to feed fed horses or thrill birds with one scone but this was a joke that i grew up hearing and telling which is that like a a guy uh is looking for a place to stay one night and he rolls up to this farm and the uh the farmer says yeah you can stay here uh and i guess like this pig walks out and the pig has like two kind of like wooden legs and the guy says what's going on with that pig and the farmer says oh that uh pig uh pig saved uh my life during a fire there was a fire he came he scratched on the door and got our whole family out and and we we lived because of him and and then he's like oh that's also the pig that saved us from an attack from a bobcat the bobcat was prowling around and the pig started you know making a bunch of noise and i came out with my shotgun and saved my family that goes on with all these stories of how the pig just was amazing and then he goes what's with the um the wood legs was well a pig that good you don't eat them all at

once oh god right i know dark right i know i the whole time i'm like i haven't heard this until right before you said that and then i was like oh i know where this is going and this is from the guy

who's like got intrusive animal empathy i don't know why i'm still actually repeating that joke around but i don't think it will literally uh lead to pigs with wooden legs but there was something about that story amazing if it did i also was that listener was named brent i believe brent i

thought it was maybe maybe i misheard it it sounded like brant probably brant i want to know

what relative new relatively new listener means six years i'm trying to think there sometimes i

trim these down and i'm trying to think if i trimmed that down and he might have said in the past year or so i might be thinking of a different voicemail though but um yeah i mean i could i could keep going here luke or i mean how are you on time you want to do one more i've missed this

whole thing i mean tomorrow is just going to be a grind i'm already dreading tomorrow's show but Today, I'm like, this is, you know, I've missed this.

Hey, is your brother coming? We've got to figure out. We might be doing an update on the Song of the Summer tomorrow. So get your votes in. Go to tbtl.net slash songofthesummer if you want to vote. Because at some point in the next couple of days, we should be having a sighting from David from the basement who will be coming on the show. That'll be fun. That'll make it feel like a slightly less of a grind, I suppose. But speaking of not being a grind, let's go. I don't like to usually play voicemails that are just kind of like, yay, TBTL, and patting ourselves on the back. But I just thought this was a very, very sweet voicemail from a listener who is graduating high school. All right.

Hi, Luke and Andrew. This is listener Hannah in Massachusetts calling. I hope you guys are enjoying your summer vacation. We're certainly enjoying our summer games. um so I started listening to TBTL when I was a freshman in high school and I actually just graduated in June um and I'm leaving for college now and I had this sort of realization I guess that I can probably credit TBTL um with a lot of helping me get through high school And so as I've started to freak out about college-related things, I'm sort of so grateful to have TBTL to help me get through this next four years, too. So thank you so much. Power out. That's really sweet.

I mean, let me get this. Sorry, I was just trying to dial up the proper sound effect there because that warms my heart. I know. Me too. Thank you, Hannah. That's why I wanted to share it. That's, oh boy, that feels really good to hear that. Like I'm glad, and I'm glad also that I thought maybe the end of the message was going to be Hannah like saying, and so we've had a great run, but now I'm going off to college and I will, I no longer need these, you know, when I was a child, I spake as a child and listened to TBTL, but now that I'm going off to college, I'm doing college-y things. Right. And that doesn't include bringing Luke and Andrew along. It doesn't involve bringing Johnny and Bobo along.

I can't tell my new friends about DBTL.

I would not. Listen, Hannah, you don't have to. If we see you somewhere, Hannah, and you pretend like you don't know us, I will not be offended. I totally get it. Yeah. But hopefully we can still be something that, you know, late at night when your dorm mate has fallen asleep, you can listen to the show under your blanket very quietly for a little, you know, kind of nostalgia and a little reminder of, you know, of life at home.

And also, you know, good luck in college. You're going to love it. I'm excited for you. Yeah.

it's a it's a it's a very uh it's a fun exciting time i i i had a even though i was kind of speeding through college in a way that i wish i wouldn't have i don't mean i was doing so well at it that i was being promoted uh you know quickly i was just sort of like my mind was always elsewhere because of my life situation of having a kid and being broke and i was always just kind of like how do i like pick classes that are not going to tax me my time very much so that I can continue my real passion, which is working at Storable's Extra Space in University Village. But even so, even with that being the case, I, gosh, there are some moments from my college experience and classes and friendships I had and just moments of walking through the campus that I just like really to this day treasure and think of some of the best times of my life. So Hannah, I hope you're going to have the same kind of experience. I bet you will.

And I will also say that like what you described, Luke, is also, I think, part of the college experience and also like keep in mind not everybody does go to college too and i realize that but for those of us who who did and who are going to college like i'm i'm kind of in a similar place luke i remember saying often i think even when i was in college what i'm learning mostly is how to survive college what i'm learning is how to pass these classes i i don't know how well you know me luke but i'm not really an a go-getter an extra achiever you know and i think that i don't agree with that but i'll allow it because well maybe especially for school deconstruct i i wasn't like i'm not somebody who loves school and going to class i i know people like that genevieve is like that genevieve if there is a way that she could go to school all the time and just continue to you know amass knowledge and through projects and writing and and and sitting through lectures and all of those things she would do that for me this was a means to an end right which was to get a degree and move on with my life and so you know a lot of the things I was doing was I was learning okay well for this class I can I can get away with this basically not cheating but just realizing this is the bare minimum of what I need to get a decent grade in this class and I did graduate with decent grades for what that's worth magma cum laude one of the most loud how'd he do it one of the most proud and embarrassing moments of my life was when I was on the phone with somebody from the I don't know not admissions whatever department it would be telling me that I have to pick up my gold rope because i'm graduating magna cum laude and me having to ask them what that means because i i was so dumb i didn't know what magna cum laude was but i graduated i know i literally i was like what are you talking about but anyway it was kent state so you know again it wasn't it wasn't hey i'm not trying to bury kent state i'm glad i got what i got but it also wasn't we come here not to bury kent state exactly so anyway point out that you're in the hall of fame yes and magna cum laude but anyway yeah so i mean i do think that that is part of the college it's it's part of it is learning how to get done what absolutely needs to get done while you're doing other things you had a kid and you were working at storables and i was working at a at a um i was a telemarketer and i was working in a fiberglass factory two of my greatest passions uh during that time as well so you know you just you're

kind of learning how to be an adult that's a huge part of it obviously like everything you're saying just navigating it and kind of having to do a number of things that aren't particularly fun but you just sort of like well i gotta do this i gotta go to this class i gotta write this paper etc there's the social aspect of it you're you know you're meeting a lot of new people you're learning kind of how you're going to be in the world as it relates to friends and romantic partners um but then there's always that one class that you do remember for me it was music 162 literally the only class i remember from college and literally the thing that has launched me on more boring conversations at parties than anything else oh hound dog you mean originally by big mama thornton let me just take a few minutes to tell you about broadside ballads or uh louis armstrong inventing or at least popularizing scat singing on heebie jeebies like for all of the the talk around how I retained nothing from college I retained everything from that class and I won't

stop talking about it I refuse to I don't retain things as you also know but like I have flashes of memories of classes and the feeling of being in them and one of them was the um I took an ethnomusicology class and I still have the double disc cds that um I had to buy to accompany that class and it begins with you know I can't remember what some of the earliest instances of music are And then it goes through the classical era. And then I think it even does get into some, you know, quasi modern music, maybe maybe going through the jazz age or something. But I never was able to part with those CDs. Next time you come over, Luke, maybe we can listen to it.

Put those on, bro. All right. Speaking of music, what should we go out with?

I have no reason for this other than I was scrolling through Instagram the other day and I saw a picture of I don't even know his name. The lead singer and bassist of Thin Lizzy And all these people were like I love Thin Lizzy so much Roland Boland? No, that's T-Rex Oh yeah, and that's the son It's Mark Boland was T-Rex But anyway, so I was like You know, I should listen to Thin Lizzy A lot of people I know like Thin Lizzy So I just have been dipping my toes a little bit Into this classic record from the year I was born 1976 Jailbreak, the first song is Jailbreak Would you be interested in going out with this today? I am not married to it

i just gave you the reason i'm now we've set it up i'm into it i want to hear it tomorrow remind me that there was a song that uh when my buddy evan and i were out on his beautiful sailboat seabird uh we were looking for music to listen to and so what i did what i always do which is i just was stealing addy's uh spotify playlists and uh happened upon a song that i've become obsessed with and nick normally i'd break it out for music for your weekend but i feel like are we doing music-free weekend this week? I think so. Oh, okay. Well, I'll just save it for that. Actually, this is great because now that's one less thing for me to do this week because I have my song chosen, so we will not play it tomorrow.

We're already just doing the bare minimum just like college. I told you.

I told you. This is the afterglow or the beforeglow. And the rest of the week will be the grim business of making sweet, sweet podcast love. Let's just try to get through it, everyone. Let's just close our eyes and get through it. The swim business?

what'd you come up with the show title i assume i just wrote down swimply the best but we had a

lot of other swim that's good really a swimple plan do you want to do that instead i don't i mean i think swimply the best is pretty good though i actually think it's like if i'm just

scrolling through i don't know a swimple plan makes me giggle a little bit more let's go with

that all right cool all right thanks for listening everyone um um again all joking aside, very excited to be back and very excited to get to do this for our job. And so we will be here tomorrow with more of this imaginary radio for you. Until then, please have a great Monday. Stay cool. And please remember, no mountain too tall. And good luck to all.

Tonight there's gonna be a jailbreak Somewhere in this town See me and the boys we don't like it So we're getting up and going down Hiding low, looking right to left If you see us coming, I think it's best To move away, do you hear what I say From under my breath Tonight there's gonna be a jailbreak Somewhere in the town Tonight

There's gonna be a jailbreak So don't you be around Don't you be around

Power out