Muse

Have you ever had a dream that you, um, you had, you, you, you could, you do, you, you want, you, you could do so, you, you do, you could, you, you, you want, you want him to do you so much you could do anything?

TBTL!

Well, more bodily functions in the news this morning. The next time you pass gas, make sure no police are around. hey guys you ready to let the dogs out what do what let the dogs out you know like who let the

dogs out who who so i was like of course dogs are mammals right yeah dogs are mammals they're humans or no they're not human they're part of the animal kingdom but dogs can't talk so do they

have brains if you want to pick a fight with your body's sexual chi it's just going to drive it

inwards. And that invites disease and death. For one thing, I have no shame before another mortal. All my shame is between myself and Christ. I'll never drop my eyes to another

human being. Let's get one thing straight. I'm the funny guy around here.

All right. Hello. Good morning and welcome everyone to a Tuesday edition of TBTL, the show that just might be too beautiful to live. That's a tuna, bro. My name is Luke Burbank. I am your host. I just want you to be normal, and clearly you're not. Coming to you from the Ness Broadcast Center, high in the sky, above Portland, Oregon, where we're looking at just an absolute gorgeous day.

Oh, ma, pa, it's just beautiful.

We've been starting each show talking about how fall is here for the last couple of weeks. Turns out rumors of the nice weather being all done were greatly overstated. On this program, by me. Lying is like 95% of what I do. Although folks up in Seattle, I believe, are due for some sort of super soaker event, according to the Seattle Times. So we'll see what happens up there, and we'll see what happens here on episode 3,510 in a collector series.

Let the fun begin.

Where the internet is having a lot of fun regarding... You gotta laugh so you don't cry. Regarding a anti-vax tweet put out by Nicki Minaj involving her cousin's friend and a canceled wedding and swollen testicles. Beautiful purple balls. We will look into what's going on with that. Also, our friend and colleague, Christina Lopez, a.k.a. Kiki Lolo. So she's shaking the dust of this crummy little podcasting concern off of her boots and moving on to bigger and better things. But before she does that, she's going to help us cope with saying goodbye to her by telling us the ways in which rom-coms can help us dealing or deal with saying goodbye.

Love is wearing makeup to bed and going downstairs to the Burger King to poop.

we will check in with Christina coming up in just a bit plus emails and vmails and this dude longest running co-bro of the show maybe best known for his depictions of the tall ships he was at the Mariners game into the wee-ish hours of the morning last night but he lives by a very simple code and I respect that

listen if you don't love me at my gaba you don't deserve me at my goal

he is Andrew Walsh and he's joining me right now from the roosevelt neighborhood of seattle washington good morning my friend someone's

been on tiktok is that a tiki talk i'm gonna be a sit-down comedian on tiki talky i feel like you need to workshop a joke about the browns player talky talky every time i saw talky talky on the field i great names in nfl football i think nfl football history yeah i uh i feel like there's some sort of a tick i want to be a sit-down comedian with talky talky i don't know there's

a joke in there there's also hot takis which are like oh yeah do you like a snack i haven't had them but they are they're they're sort of the uh natural rival to flaming hot cheetos i think yeah um also i just realized how redundant it is when i say nfl football that's saying national football

league football well you know like have i talked to you about this i was just bringing this up with our friend ron last night making conversation during the baseball game um it's a pet peeve of mine, when people in sports radio are, you know, in one of their diatribes, and they refer to it as the National Football League, to me this is going to be really rude here if we have anybody listening who is a sports radio host, and you do this, I apologize for being rude but, like, that is a way of sounding like you have more to say than you really do, or that what you're saying is more important than it actually is

Do you know what I'm talking about? It's so rude, I can't believe that that's, it's so Thank you.

And if you can't take that kind of pressure, you're not going to make it in the National Football League. You know what I mean? Whenever somebody says the National Football League, it always makes me cringe. Like, come on, man. It's the NFL. You can say in the sport. Like, whatever. It's just the NFL. Everybody just calm down.

Speaking of sports and the business of sports, not really. But speaking of sports, so we were texting away last night because you were at the Mariners game. It was a tight one. The Mariners managed to beat the Boston Red Sox. And were you serious when you said that there were actually TBTL listeners sitting behind you, one of them dressed in Red Sox regalia?

Yeah, well, there are a lot of Red Sox fans at that game. That part doesn't surprise me.

The fact that one of them was a self-identified TBTL listener does surprise me.

I'm a little confused on that point. I'm not sure if both people were listeners or not. I know that the person who is wearing the proper gear, Becky, maybe Becca, But I'm pretty sure Becky was wearing a Mariners jersey. Ah, got it. And then her friend was sitting there. This is like, I don't know, five rows behind me, basically, in the end seats. Me and my buddy Ron were sitting at the aisle, I guess, and they were right behind us by five rows or so. The person all the way sitting at the end was wearing, and I didn't catch their name, I apologize, but was wearing Red Sox gear. I said a quick hello. I shook their hands, which was a mistake because it's COVID time. I got to get out of that habit. But I'm not sure. I'm not sure if the person on the end, they're the person who like flagged me down and said like, hey, are you the podcast guy? But I got the impression that it's Becky who's the listener. But I'm not sure if the other person knows who I am. I don't know. It was unclear.

That's but that. OK, fine. Putting all that aside. That's not your point, I guess. I guess. Well, the nature of my question is, were you just like walking down to your seat and somebody flagged you and said,

hey are you the podcaster of note yes up i was walking up to get a beer yes that's kind of cool right yeah of course goodness gracious yeah especially i mean that's very like that's

that has happened to me in a long time yeah say i don't know man ron was there with me i don't know

if there are any ron and don nation people there but he didn't get probably but let's not let's he had his moment i'm just saying like nobody asked i mean that must have really like there's

It's very nice when you're with someone, I mean, with whomever, but, like, it's sort of fun when you're with somebody and then on the rare occasion that somebody recognizes you as being from TBTL, in the early days, I think in the early days of me and Carrie dating, I was on a hot streak. I got recognized, like, five times in, like, ten days. And then also never again for the following ten years. But for those days, she was like, wow, this TBTL thing must really be something. Yeah. So that had to feel kind of cool, and Ron saw that and was probably, like, impressed.

Ron didn't see it because it happened behind him, but I told him. I'll call him and tell him about it. Yeah, no, I definitely told him. I didn't ask him if there's any Ron and Don nation there, but it was implied. Yeah. Because the answer was no.

Well, that's kind of cool. It's fun to get recognized And it's also fun when the Mariners win

It's so fun when the Mariners win It's just like those games where another team's fans Take over the stadium I haven't been to a lot of them I know that the Blue Jays That's a common thing here in Seattle Because of course Canada basically only has one

It's the only reason I stand by Us not letting Canadians into the country I know

So that always irks me When I see it on TV or hear the crowd on the radio It also just makes the game harder to follow on the radio because you forget when you're listening to a horn.

When you hear a cheer going up, usually that tells you the Mariners did something good. But if it's the Yankees, the Cubs, the Red Sox, or the Blue Jays, the chances are you have at least as many, if not more, of the opposing fans there.

Exactly. So it's really good to get that win, especially an important win as we chase down that wild card, which we won't get, but it doesn't matter. I'm just glad because my guess is they won't win. And I don't know, there's two more games in the series. My hopes of the Mariners taking either one of them are very low, so I'm glad I was there for the win. But we don't have to get into sports, but it was a very, very fun night. Shout out to Becky and her friend. And, yes, we will also give a shout out to the Seattle Storm. They asked me to do that because I guess they're in fourth place and also making a playoff push. Right.

Okay, I hope that they can recover from the Brianna Stewart injury. Oh, I didn't know about that. She's out for the regular season, but she may play in the postseason. So shout out to the Storm. Shout out. And Storm fans the world over Speaking of sports That we're trying to move off of I was telling you this before the show But I was dealing with a You know, what do you call a multiple A group of people named Hunter Renfro What do you call multiple Hunter Renfro Yeah, a Renfro of Hunters Like a fraternity of Hunters A fraternity of Renfros There's a guy that plays for the Las Vegas Raiders Named Hunter Renfro I had a bet going last night. I want to assure everyone, I'm talking about sports betting a lot just because I've been kind of doing it. But we're talking about tens of dollars here. So your boy Luke has not fallen down some hole of – although I do sometimes when I win, I do want to watch uncut gems.

I was going to say, you're kind of like cut gems. Like what version of gems are you? I am.

The gems are pretty cut. The gems are very cut and of the not very valuable variety. I'm talking about betting $5, $10 here. But I had a bet going on the football game, and it was that this dude named Sammy Watkins was going to get more than 75 yards receiving and that the Baltimore Ravens were going to win because I just thought that that was what was going to happen. And a guy named Hunter Renfro had some really key catches for the Las Vegas Raiders and thwarted my winning of my little money on that bet. And then I'm toggling between the football game and the baseball game And in the baseball game, there's a guy named Hunter Renfro Who's playing for the Boston Red Sox He didn't do much that game, but every time he came up I thought, wouldn't it be hilarious if he hits a home run That makes me also not win my bet that's on the Mariners And I'm basically hoisted by two Hunter Renfros

Has anybody written about the fact that there are two Hunter Renfros In major league sports?

I mean, slightly different name spelling, like the last name, one has an E and one doesn't. But still, still, it's kind of a weird thing. And it was weird that both of them were playing for the teams that I was sort of rooting against last night.

You know, this you talking about betting, not that we have to get into this too much now, but I find it kind of interesting, but also somewhat mind boggling. I don't understand exactly what's going on, but is it that most states have now or states are continuing to legalize online sports betting? Because I feel like, you know, we see these sportsbook commercials like this, the Caesars sportsbook.

With like J.B. Smoove wearing a Caesars crown.

Yeah, I really don't like those commercials, even though I.

Yeah, I keep waiting for something good to happen.

I'm like, you're really under, you're under utilizing J.B. Smoove with those commercials. And Patton Oswalt is in those. I mean, I like both of those comedians a great deal, especially JB. But, like, those commercials are – they just don't know what they're doing with them. I think they're terribly written. Yeah, they're a mess. Just a goddarn mess. But anyway, yeah, so, you know, you've got DraftKings, Sportbook, and, like, I just – so, basically, sports is changing, like, right before our eyes pretty significantly, right?

Yeah, well, there was a Supreme Court ruling a number of years ago that changed this and the the the ruling was or the case was brought by i forget the um the the the states but basically for a long time sports betting was only legal in a few places i think it was like nevada and new jersey and maybe one other place or maybe on some native american reservations but uh there was a there was a lawsuit that went to the supreme court that basically said no fairsies this should be something that if states want to do it they should be allowed to have legal sports betting and uh the the case went in in that direction and so for a few years it's just been a matter of these states figuring out how do we want to monetize this what do we want to make legal and right now i don't know the exact number it's funny because i did a tv story on this with our buddy john where we went and went down to vegas actually um but i forget a lot of the salient uh details but anyway yeah it's now legal uh for any state to have sports betting and you know there's a lot of money there there's a lot of revenue so So a lot of states are now availing themselves of it. So like Washington just opened or just – well, this is kind of – it's a little confusing because I think there is a – there's legal sports betting in Washington, but it might only be on Native American reservations, which I feel like is usually its own category of gaming because they're sovereign nations. But here in Oregon, it's legal. It's run by the Oregon Lottery, and they have this extremely kludgy app called like Scorebook or something. And what I've found myself doing Because I'm not doing fantasy sports this year I'm not doing fantasy football

Well, you are doing fantasy baseball, Luke

Well, you're doing fantasy baseball, my friend And you're doing a great job at it, I want to mention But I'm just a very I went out for a pack of cigarettes On our fantasy baseball team And no one's seen me in years So because I'm not doing that Normally what it would be The reason I would sort of care about a Monday night football game involving two teams I don't really have interest in would be I have a tight end that's on my fantasy team that I'm hoping gets like 11 catches and somehow salvages my weekend. Because I don't have that going. Instead, what I'll do is throw $5 down on Sammy Watkins catching over 75 yards and the Ravens winning that little parlay, which would have paid me a tidy like 300 bucks or something. But anyway, I find myself doing that now to just generate interest. For me in these games, which is the weirdest thing, because if I'm not interested in the game, that's probably my brain telling me something, which is go read a book, you know, go volunteer somewhere like go like, you know, like, why is it that I have to make myself watch a thing that's a waste of time and involves, you know, CTE and the like, why am I why am I making it so that I want to watch that more when if I'm not interested in it, just go do something else. Go plant a garden, Burbs.

Did my laugh just sound as bad to you as it felt to me? I think I just, like, I was, I think I just, I think something died in my throat last night. I apologize. Oh, my God.

Did you come home? That was awful. I don't want to put your personal life in any way on blast or make you answer a question you don't want to answer, but you were watching the game. You said you're moving a little slow this morning. Did you then, did you have Andy times when you got home? What was going on? The game was actually over by, like, probably 1030.

Yeah, something like that. Yeah, I actually had to have a meeting when I got home with somebody named Teddy. So I had to go to Teddy. Oh, sure, yeah.

That's the worst email when Teddy says, hey, can I talk to you? Like, just leaves you a message. Hey, I need to talk to you when you get a chance.

Yeah, so I headed over there for a little bit. You got to do what you got to do when you're a responsible adult after the game. I was pretty hyped up, man. I mean, I was very hyped up leaving that game.

As well you should have been. It's always fun to get a W against a good team, and the Boston Red Sox are a good team. Did you – you spend less time, I think, in the Twitter sphere than I do, but I started seeing this – I started seeing people referencing this tweet yesterday before I ever saw the tweet. Do you ever have that experience? Yes, yes. Where you're like, what's everyone talking about? Everybody who I follow was talking about swollen testicles on Twitter, and i had no idea what the piece of dirt at the middle of that snowball was and then i finally figured it out it was a tweet that nikki minaj put out uh i guess explaining why she wasn't going to the met gala or in some way it was related to the met gala well that's what i saw this morning that's what they said on ask jeeves um so this was the tweet though from nikki minaj my cousin in Trinidad won't get the vaccine because his friend got it and became impotent his testicles became swollen his friend was weeks away from getting married now the girl called off the wedding so just pray on it and make sure you're comfortable with your decision comma not bullied that was that was the tweet that launched a thousand sub tweets uh yesterday and I don't know why I'm surprised that Nicki Minaj has a bad take on the vaccine but I am kind of surprised I'm bummed out because I love Nicki Minaj.

Yeah, this is a real bummer. And, of course, I'm kind of scrolling through the replies now, too, and it's all these other people trying to get famous. I'm so rarely in really famous people's Twitter. Like comedians and stuff I follow, but just international huge stars like Nicki Minaj, I'm not usually looking at their replies, right? And you have all these people. They're like a giant.

They're like a whale. And then there's all these other tiny microorganisms that live in their biome that are feeding off of like the krill that falls out of their mouth and stuff like that. You know, you don't normally I don't swim in those waters either, but it's crazy because if you're the first person to clap back at Nicki Minaj over this tweet, you then get 80,000 likes and retweets because you're just in the kind of, you know, the orbit. I'm going to keep shifting my metaphors here.

Yeah. And of course, you know, everybody's just pointing out like, so your cousin's friend got an STD, right? Like, and obviously that's what happened here. If there's any truth to the story, if there's even a cousin or a friend, exactly. Right. Right. This is like somebody wrote somewhere on Twitter, like, like my cousin's friend is the beginning of every not actual real story. Oh, I saw – you know what? I'm sorry. I saw that tweet yesterday because I think Chris Hayes retweeted it, and I just thought it was a general observation. It wasn't until this morning that I knew about this tweet that, of course, that makes more sense in context. You're right.

But, I mean, yeah, it's funny because it's like, first of all, this doesn't even rise to the level of a rumor, this story. My cousin's friend in Trinidad. We're getting pretty far afield right there, but let's just go with the idea that this is all true. Right. dude has an std obvs right exactly also like so in this like can we break this down for a minute so this person's fiance is so shallow that she canceled the wedding because his testicles got swollen from the vaccine or because he couldn't make sweet love to her

for the two weeks like think about just the deposits on this just the like silverware and like the tent the outdoor tent that they're going to dance under like all these things so this so this possibly not real but we're going to say she exists this the woman at the crux of this story is like okay uh i uh i'm engaged i found the love of my life and we're going to spend the rest of our lives together and i am going to finally have this magical day of our wedding he got the vaccine uh-oh wait he won't hump me for six days uh-oh his testicles are swollen this is over like let's just drill down on her behavior that doesn't even make sense to me would it make sense if he got an

std from cheating and that would be a much more legitimate reason to break the call off the wedding that is not actually a health thing but the way the right thing was contracted maybe would that make more sense for your cousin's friend in trinidad again i don't like it's weird because

i think the story is totally not a real thing but i also think if it's real it's obvious that

she broke up with him because the dude had an sd right exactly right uh my cousin's friend in trinidad got the uh shot and now he has this condition where he keeps waking up next to beautiful women in bed and so uh his his uh his fiancee had to leave him like my uncle's friend

in tobago got the vaccine and now girls keep sexting him on his phone which his fiancee saw

i'm going to say something a little bit blue here okay i think i don't even know if this is worth like using my blue card here we should have blue cards where you and i get to say one kind of edgy sexualized thing per show but i saw a reply from someone who said okay kids earmuffs uh who said something like oh explicit well my grandpa died of covid but he went out with a beautiful set of

balls so i get it i don't know why that made me laugh so hard beautiful purple balls i wish i had that was actually pretty tame yeah it was relatively tame did you modify that for the

no i think it was that i was just trying to do it off the top of my head but i'm pretty sure that's what it was it's not even that funny i just kind of this morning i'm just like i'm kind of this was one of the first things i saw this morning and like i say i'm a little bit draggled i'm like kind of scrolling through them possible rolling away yeah and it just sort of hit me it just sort of hit me in that way that i just i don't know i couldn't stop thinking about it but now i'm embarrassed because like you know kiki lila is going to be on the show here in a little bit like what if she has you know family members who are listening for her for her um great segment and

now can we do a thing i don't know anything about the technical side of the posting of tbtl anymore But is there a way to put a bookmark in? Can we just give people the option of skipping right to the good stuff, which is Kiki Lolo, and skipping over all of this dribble-drabble?

I don't think so, but I'll look into it. Let's put our resources into that.

You know who would actually know the answer to that? Kiki Lolo. I know, Luke. Ironically.

We've got to talk about this with her. I literally don't. I think today is her last day at work, and I literally don't know. I don't know how to do anything. I'm not joking.

like there is no i don't know how i don't know if there's send off to christina really just a download for you it's the only way i can get cody and how to do it's the only way i can get her on

the phone man i'm like i don't know how do you do a newsletter she's like i don't know i'm like will you come on the show and we can say goodbye to you there and she said yes i'm like okay well then this is how i'm going to get my answers okay well we're gonna we're gonna do some important

And we're basically just going to have like an APM Studios meeting, a handoff, right after this quick break here on TBTL. All right, let's thank some donors of the day. These are the wonderful, generous types that are making TBTL possible here on episode 3510 in a collector series. Folks like Megan Hamilton out there in St. Louis, Missouri. Louis! I knew it. St. Louis, Missouri. Thank you, Megan. I was, the other day, Andrew, I was, well, last week or whatever the Labor Day weekend was, whenever that was, I was hanging out with a fella who said, oh, I work in advertising in Seattle. I was like, well, what have you worked on? He said, well, did you ever hear those Alaska Airlines ads where it's like Lewis and Clark? And I was like, have I? I can't say the word. I can't say any version of Lewis without saying it like Richard Kine.

Lewis. I would say that's like your second biggest personality trait at this point. Like you've infected me with that. Like I cannot, my middle. name is lewis luke my middle name is lewis yes yet now after knowing you for 10 years i can't hear the word lewis without repeating lewis because of your memory of a commercial that aired in the 90s

and people are donating money for this andrew what a world hey look who it is lisa lee in oceanside california there to oceanside i've been to a parking lot adjacent to lisa lee's place and we've done the show from there uh and uh in fact so has our friend kiki lola who we're going to talk to in a minute here uh karen meeker is in everett washington thank you karen for the support amy rubel is in tacoma washington thank you amy jennifer strom is in saint charles illinois

and then jesse wesson sorry i tried to do it in the lewis voice it doesn't work as well charles Charles.

You know what's weird is that that guy, Richard Kine, a.k.a. I think, oh, Phooey, I forget what his name was on Mad About You. I can't remember. But he was on that show Mad About You. He was kind of like Paul Reiser's buddy. He is, Richard Kine is apparently lifelong dear friends with George Clooney.

Oh, okay. Oh, oh, they used to play. Oh, that's right, because Clooney used to play pranks on him all the time. Were they like college roommates or something or roommates at some point?

clune dog which is what i call him because we've never met i wouldn't ever do that to his face but cluny uh was crashing on on lois on richard kind's couch for years not years but for some period of time while he was trying to make it as an actor this is probably around the time that richard kind was like on mad about you or whatever but um cluny would play these pranks on him like he was scooping richard kind's cat's litter well like you know the the cat would go to the bathroom And he would take it out every day And Richard Kine thought the cat wasn't going to the bathroom And he was really freaked out And he was giving the cat all these laxatives And every day George Clooney would just like Surreptitiously clean the litter box As pranks go a pretty good prank

Because the litter box is getting cleaned Until the medicine kicks in though Now the cat is the recipient Of the prank Spoken as a guy with a cat on his lap Probably right now

Well the real kicker was That apparently what happened And after weeks and weeks was George Clooney then, just he went number two in the kiddie litter box. Oh, I didn't know about that. And Richard Kind just came home and was absolutely perplexed by the whole situation. Anyway, thanks to Megan in St. Louis for sending us on that tangent. And also thanks to Jesse Wesson in Burlington, Washington, home of the Burlington Tigers. That would be the high school there. And that would be the town of Burlington, which is a cool place that I like to go to sometimes. So thanks, Jesse, for supporting the program. Thanks to all of our donors for keeping TBTL going. We would not be here without you. Hello and welcome to Top Story. Well, our top story here in TBTL land today is the departure of our friend and colleague, one Christina Lopez, a.k.a. Kiki Lolo, who is moving on to greener pastures but is not going to leave us in the lurch. Christina, congratulations on the new gig. We are very sad you're leaving, and Andrew needs a lot of advice on how to post videos into the newsletter.

christina i invited you on here under the pretense of saying goodbye to you and having a nice tbtl send-off but really i just have a lot of questions about um how you do your job and and how i'm going to go forward without you so where do we begin should we start with the newsletter download or

what yeah i think you're gonna want to uh have to get yourself set up on adobe premiere pro

and then we can talk okay sounds good jeez congratulations i know that we're not saying specifically because you haven't started your new gig yet we're not saying specifically where you're going but it's a great job and i think the most shocking thing is it's it's not with the new york times which is where it seems all of our colleagues are going these days

yeah they actually turned me down but it's okay oh their loss yeah blue sounds like you got a

better job anyway though is today actually your last day uh yes today is my last day on earth

no it's my last day at 8 p.m uh i am like kind of you know on call for some things if y'all need help because i don't want to leave anybody in their lurch but you know uh yeah effectively today is my last day of kind of doing all the beep boops uh behind your favorite show

Do you get to have A few days off Between your gigs

Yes I purposely built that in I know it takes Three to five years to recover from burnout But I'm trying to do

it in three to five days oh sure yeah just compress that down to three to five days i feel like when you get when you land a new kind of cool gig you're excited about i feel like the time between when you leave your existing gig and start that's the best time off ever because you're excited about the new thing also no one expects you to know anything like when you go on vacation from your real job when you you still have to go back to your real job and you still have all the emails that are piling up but like going on a little mini vacation before starting a new endeavor i feel like that's the best time off you can possibly have yeah it's kind of great i mean

like knowing that you're going into another gig i've i've been in situations where i was laid off and i wasn't no that's not great yeah it's overwhelming but this is like this is something different for me to experience as a millennial because i think a lot of us are used to getting laid off and like struggling to find work but this is a nice little like i don't know gap time and uh i always look at phases of life changes as like a new album era so i'm trying to figure out what my new album era uh look is going to be uh i need a haircut i need to figure out you know what what what new christina is going to be um uh evolving like a pokemon

this is a critical question though for our show and let's center ourselves in this conversation Me and Andrew Are you allowed to still come on TVTL Under the terms of your new gig Is that something that's even crossed your mind Have you even thought about us for one minute

Did you negotiate that into your contract

I have thought about it And I'm looking to get some clarity once I'm there I am hoping that I can

We keep working with these professionals like you and Phyllis Who actually respect their new employers And I don't like it one bit I would like you to just continue to come on this show And talk shit about people And organizations because that's kind of what we like to do here.

How are you feeling? Oh, sorry. Go ahead, Christina.

No, I'm feeling great, but also anxious. I just want to make sure, like I said, that my team members, because I love working with the creators of the shows, and all of you are great. And I just want to make sure y'all are in a great place when I leave. It's an amicable breakup.

God, I'm lighting this place on fire now. And the sad thing is it's your own apartment. I'm actively sabotaging things. It's your own apartment, Luke. I know, but it's a rental, and I don't have renter's insurance. This is a terrible plan.

Take that, APM. Oh, no.

Lily's like, why did Luke burn his rental apartment down? To send a message.

Hey, Christina, this is a little bit of a shift in conversation, but I know that a lot of 10s were following your adventures on Instagram. You're a bit of an Instagram star, of course, and you recently got to travel with your family, who I believe, not to spill too much of your personal details, but you got to see family that you hadn't seen since the beginning of the pandemic and you got to have a great reunion and you were putting, I believe your nieces, right? Or nibblings. I don't know if it was nieces in your Instagram stories and the tens were going bananas over this content. I have never seen, I mean, listen, I get it. Kids are cute. Christina says she has a cute niece. Those are some really fricking cute kids. Those are incredibly cute children. Are you just like, first of all, Are you still drafting off of all of the new follows after that primo content for two weeks?

You know, it's so great. I actually get to know the attention a little bit more, which I didn't know was possible, but it is. Like, it's just, it's really good. I feel really good about, you know, the reception that I've gotten from this audience. And, yeah, my niece does love the attention because she does send me videos. Like, oh, you know, if you want me to give them a little update, I can. I should ask her because she started first grade this week.

Oh, wow.

Maybe I'll ask her.

Be careful, though, Christina, be careful because it's addictive. Like, I used to just put Rudy in all of my posts, and then I'd get all the people would smash the like and the retweet. And now since Rudy lives up in Bellingham and I live down here, I get no retweets and like smash because I don't have a cute dog. So just, you know, don't get addicted to that attention from those cute kids, man.

Oh, man, you know, see, the older niece is born the day before J-Lo's birthday. so she is just like a natural wants to be like in a spotlight but I'm trying to just temper that as much as possible

I saw that playing out on the gram over the course of your guys' hang time

she is a natural host

yes she is you're leaving APM to co-host a podcast with her is what I'm doing that's what I'm reading in the trades well Christina we are like so excited for you but also of course selfishly very sad because we love you and it's super fun to work with you and have you on the show but to help us deal with this loss i understand that you have uh prepared uh a little um a sort of a tutorial on on on rom-coms something you know a lot about

and what we can learn from rom-coms about saying goodbye to people.

Yes. So I've just prepared a couple lists of some of my favorites, but also ones that just really deal with loss, kind of. So I'm going to go with number five is Something's Gotta Give. So Jack Nicholson plays a kind of older playboy guy that's...

Oh, he finally was able to do that role.

Yeah, right? Jack Nicholson plays himself, and he starts dating this younger woman, played by Amanda Peet, and they go up to her mom's house in the Hamptons for the weekend, and the mom's there, and Jack Nicholson's character has a heart attack, and he recovers in the Hamptons with the mom watching him, and then the mom and Jack Nicholson fall in love, but then she's dating Keanu Reeves, who's a young, hot doctor that's very intimate.

her because she's a playwright she's like a famous playwright got it so diane keaton is dating keanu reeves but she's falling for jack nicholson and jack nicholson is dating amanda pete who's diana uh diane keaton's daughter and and something's got to give is what i would say yeah it sounds

like something really has to give in this situation yes and there's a beautiful beach house that's there because nancy myers loves a beautiful interior shot of a kitchen and yeah it's it's

just a nice movie that i don't know i enjoy it okay now i want to watch it also i just i will watch an entire film i watch pretty little liars just for the architecture like i just i just was like so into those homes everyone was living in in uh you know big sir wherever they are like i will totally watch a show for a beach house or watch a movie uh by the way that's when you know you're getting old you start calling movies shows like my my uh my my former mother-in-law uh would always say oh that's a pretty good show and i was like you're talking about nightmare on elm street that's a pretty good show i like that show all right i was like that's a film but anyway shows become stories yes right there you go movies become shows and tv shows become stories all right so something's got to give all right we're gonna watch that and we're gonna process this um this saying goodbye what's what's number four on the list for you so number four is a

netflix rom-com which i really enjoyed called set it up and it you know it has like the main cast are young actors that probably no one really recognizes but lucy lu and tate diggs are also in it and they play these terrible bosses whose assistants um you know set up uh so that their lives are easier but then the assistants start falling in love oh i see i'm looking at the um

the the netflix page for this so it's lucy lu and tay diggs are somebody sets them up as like

a blind date or what happened yeah so their two their two assistants you know come up with a plan to set them up so that they are busy outside of work so that they don't have to be there to work

late but then the assistants start falling in love with each other i see glenn powell and zoe Deutsch never saw it coming, basically. They're the assistants. I just have their names because it's on the page, not because I actually could pick Glenn Powell out of a lineup, but it looks like they're the assistants in this.

I feel like I'm being a little bit thick here, but where's the goodbye aspect to this? How is this going to help us grieve?

Andrew needs help processing, Christina. He needs to find out what is the nugget of learning how to cope with saying goodbye to somebody that we can get from Set It Up. From Set It Up, exactly.

Somebody's relationship falls apart.

Oh, no spoilers. I'm taping that.

Yes. And also the job situation might change for one of the characters.

Okay. Ah, okay, good. Is the breakup caused because of a vaccination gone wrong? No. Okay.

Anyone that suffers from a testicular situation that causes the end, causes someone to lose their deposit on the wedding DJ. By the way, this movie is described by Netflix as being swoon-worthy, witty, intimate, and romantic. Swoon-worthy. Also, a Pete Davidson appearance is listed.

Yes, he has a very small cameo.

Okay. All right, so set it up. That's the number four movie, the number four rom-com to help people process saying goodbye or loss or what have you. What's the number three?

Last Holiday, starring Queen Latifah and LL Cool J and Gérard Depardieu.

That guy's bad news, by the way.

Yeah, I know.

I mean, I'm not trying to call you out on this. We can still enjoy Last Holiday.

He doesn't have that big of a role in it. Okay, good. I'm not trying to question your choices at all, Christina.

The problem is that dude, when someone says his name, all I can think of is his bad behavior on a flight. That was so epic. I don't know if you guys saw this story, but it's like he was on an airplane that was just sitting on the on the tarmac for a long time. And he was very drunk, allegedly. He just got up and just started peeing in the aisle, which that's that now in my mind has sort of replaced anything he could ever do on film. Like this is a guy who's a beloved French actor. He's been in a ton of movies. He's a famous all this stuff. But him, that four minutes of his life now replaces everything in my mind regarding Gerard Depardieu. But anyway, sorry, let's not focus on the bad guy. Let's focus on the good person, Queen Latifah, who is having her last holiday. What happens in this film?

Well, she thinks she's dying, and so she – well, she is – well, yeah, she thinks she's dying, and so she wants to use all her savings. She's like a chef that does demos in – what do you call those? Like Macy's? What are those called?

Oh, yeah, yeah, sure. A department store? Like a department store.

A department store, yes.

You're from a different generation.

No, you shouldn't know what a department store is.

What do they used to call that place that people would go to buy things at Christmas?

She is a chef at a department store who does demos at department stores. She finds out that she is dying. So she uses her life savings to really, like, live it up and have, you know, the best, you know, go out with a bang kind of life that she deserves. And so she meets her, like, ideal chef, who is Gerard Depadu. There's another cameo that if I say who it is, it's kind of a spoiler, so I'm not going to spoil it. But the dish, chicken chattazzini, plays a key role in the movie, and I think that was fun. But it really is just like – it's more about saying goodbye to life and what life is about and important things of life. And there's a little romance between LL Cool J and Queen Latifah, but I'm not going to go into it.

I love a movie about someone who's trying to just burn through their money because they think that they're on borrowed time. Like that movie Brewster's Millions where there's some kind of bet like can you spend a million dollars a day? like movies where people are just like their problem is they have to figure out how to get rid of all their money go through all their money it usually seems like it involves a bubble bath with champagne and maybe the bath is filled with diamonds people just get really crazy in those movies and I love that because you know I'm very fortunate that my health is pretty decent right now but you know I'm just saying if I was told I don't have much time left I'm taking a bubble bath with champagne and I'm spending my Brewster's millions

are you taking a bubble bath in champagne or you're taking a bubble bath and you're drinking champagne?

I'm taking a bubble bath in champagne and I'm drinking my way to the bottom and then I'm making chicken tetrazzini because, by the way, I'm eating meat again. Sorry, animals. If Burbs is not long for this world, you're back on the menu.

You're not going to answer this question, Christina, because you're already avoiding spoilers. But I'll tell you the question I want to ask. Does she actually die at the end? Or is it one of those things where it's like...

I'm not going to tell you that.

What's that?

I'm not going to tell you that.

See, I feel like movies very rarely, I feel like, follow through with that. I mean, listen, fool me once with Joe vs. the Volcano. Sorry, spoilers. You're not going to fool me twice. Does she have brain cloud?

Just enjoy the charm of Queen Latifah.

Thank you. The queen is hyped up. Okay, so last holiday, rom-com numero tres to help us learn about saying goodbye. What's the second one on your list?

So this is debatable. If it's a rom-com, it's more of like a rom-dramedy.

Ooh.

Rom-dramed. Obvious Child.

Oh, how have I not seen Obvious Child? It's so in my wheelhouse of things that I love. Everyone who has seen this movie says it's really great. This is Jenny Slate, right?

Mm-hmm. Yeah, it's a nice 90-minute movie. Jenny Slate and Jack Lacey Who played that jerk on

The White Lotus

Oh wow

We hate him

He's quite charming in this movie

I need to watch this by the way I haven't gotten to the end of The White Lotus So also please don't spoil that for me I don't know who's in that coffin But I need to watch this just to kind of like Get a new opinion of that dude Because I currently hates him Oh my god yes

It didn't even occur to me that that's a real person. It didn't even occur to me that I would have to confront this person in other movies. Oh, no.

What happens in Obvious Child, Christina?

Well, she has what was like a one-night stand with a man that she, you know, she's a stand-up comedian. She has a one-night stand with somebody she meets, and she gets pregnant, and, you know, she doesn't want that to happen anymore. so um you know it's a journey about making a decision and, you know, not the typical thing that you've seen, I think, portrayed for that particular situation.

I find Jenny Slate's existence to be, like, deeply inspiring, and this is why, because Jenny Slate was on SNL, I think, for, like, maybe one season, and famously, I think it was, like, literally in her first show she was on, she accidentally dropped the F-bomb.

Yeah.

Yeah. And then she, you know, ended up, I think, you know, I think they didn't bring her back. I don't think because of that, necessarily. But they sort of didn't bring her back after her season. And if I were in that position, if I were a, you know, a comic actor, and I got on SNL, and then SNL was like, after one season, they're like, no, thanks, I would be so devastated. I would just think my life and career was over. But then she's just gone on to be a national treasure. and it makes me feel like when bad stuff happens, it doesn't mean your life or career or whatever, your dreams are over like every time I see Jenny Slate killing it in something, I'm like, yes, that means when I get fired from TBTL, I still might have a second act

and you might date a Hemsworth was she dating a Hemsworth? I believe she was I was so close I was so close to flexing a little bit of celebrity knowledge and I face planted I like this version of you, Andrew Dang it. Reading the tabs. All right. Sounds good. Sounds like I'm really going to be crying if I watch all of these this weekend.

Obvious Child, a Rom-Drom. Okay. That's number two. Well, hold on. I got my drum roll here. What is, Christina, the number one rom-com film that you want to recommend for dealing with saying goodbye?

When Harry Met Sally. Oh, of course.

Of course. when you realize the person you want to spend the rest of your life with you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible sorry i really like that movie i think you hit a nerve oh yeah it's probably my favorite rom-com uh i like i feel for klempf just even thinking about the movie when harry met sally and that's nora efron i was gonna say that's a double efron list Well, no, because Nancy Meyers was the first.

Oh, oh, right, right, sorry.

Right, but this is, I mean, I think probably the, I mean, can we say, like, maybe the greatest rom-com of all time? Which also, side note, holds up. I watched it during the holidays, and I was shocked at how much I was still legit lolling. I just don't think there are that many comedies like that that you can watch 30 years later, 40 years later, whatever it is. And they're like, the jokes still work. That stupid Roy Rogers wagon wheel table, like everything, like at least most of the stuff. Of course, everything from a long time ago is, you know, viewed through the lens of what were we, how are we talking about people and gender and everything in those days. But I, you know, I don't know if there's too much stuff there that like is, we wouldn't say today or we wouldn't talk about in the same way. But as far as the jokes go, the jokes are solid.

yeah i mean i think a lot of that was also due to carrie fisher and like carrie fisher's character is incredible in that she has incredible lines in that movie and i think like i think about how women driven that rom-com is even though it was directed by rob reiner um and it is it's talking about like an evolution in your relationship right they they go through so much together within the theme of their friendship lovers you know not talking and it's it's it's about like dealing with

transition oh what a good call kiki that's like total now i want to go sometimes andrew will be talking about a sandwich on the show and then i want to go eat a sandwich after the program now i want to go watch when harry met sally again yes everybody should i'll be honest a big chunk

of the show has been me talking about sandwiches lately um i am i gotta say i'm a little surprised that you don't have any woody allen on this list christina

that really does suck though right because i have to say like those movies like those woody allen movies some of them from a comic standpoint are genius it's just it's too it's too polluted now for me anyway i don't want to tell other people how to what to do but like i can't watch a woody allen movie anymore but it's a bummer because the jokes are the jokes are pretty good but it's just too it's just too gross now yeah yeah no yeah especially since like knowing

what you know and then like even just like watching Manhattan is impossible right now it feels like

yeah you know totally and that was my favorite one too I mean also not just the jokes and the comedy but the way he made movies right like just cinematography yeah cinematographically yeah which

is not a word I wish he wouldn't also beautiful to look at it doesn't help that yeah he's you know the the way that he casts himself in a lot of these films and the dynamic between him and the people he's

pursuing you know sexually and romantically it's like could you not also rip that from the headlines of what we now realize was your actual life yeah like yeah couldn't you just couldn't it be where how about you're just not in the movie and how about it's other people being funny and interesting

but anyway because i am the one who brought up uh the awkward conversation of woody allen i feel like i should pull us out of the woody allen conversation as well christina um to uh go back to talking about the newsletter for a second it just occurred to me i should include all of these movies in the newsletter and we can share them with listeners. In fact, did you have another? It sounded like you had multiple

lists. Christina, could you publish one last newsletter for us?

That actually is what I was planning to do this week, but yeah. Yes, okay,

great. So let's do that so everybody can... I just need like 10

edits in the Hey Dummies video. I want it to look like a Marvel film. Can you make it so that I'm like levitating on a ball of fire?

Yes.

This week, I just asked you the biggest ask of all time for the Hey Dummies video.

Can we shoot it in space like Tom Cruise?

Yeah, exactly. Well, Christina, again, we're very happy for you, but also very sad that we'll be seeing you a little less or talking to you a little less. But honestly, if your new workplace is cool with it, we would love to have you back on TBTL now and again just because we're going to miss you.

Yeah, I would love that.

Thank you for everything for real, Christina. I just don't know that we've had a colleague. I mean, I guess the Stubat, too. And we've worked with some really, really wonderful people at American Public Media. Dubot picked some really shitty rom-coms for his last day, by the way. His rom-com list sucked. You did a way better job. But honestly, you have become such a part of what we do. I mean, both on-air and off-air, you're the person I've worked with the closest at APM in my entire tenure there, and it's been great. And I find you to be, in some ways, don't blush, but an inspiration. Like, honestly, I think that, like, I try to work up to you and your standards. So thank you for everything that you've done, and we're really going to miss you. And also, I don't know how to do the newsletter. No, actually, can we get Cody Login?

I did record a video of me doing it so that you could, you know, have some insight. Oh, seriously? Yes, I did.

God, you are such a pro. That's so smart. Thank you again. Yeah, Christina, thanks for everything that you've done for our show. We really appreciate you and we love you.

Yeah, I really appreciate that you let me into your world. And, you know, I so appreciate, like, you know, the opportunities that you've given me on your platform and, you know, the fun that we had. I loved being on the road trip with you guys. That was super fun. Yeah, it was so much fun. And I really appreciate you and Andrew and the 10s.

All right. Well, don't be a stranger, okay? And also, if you hear about any positions at your new job.

Oh, yeah, I'm still going to be on the Slack. Yeah, we'll see you on the Slack.

And like if, you know, if you're new, the new place you're working is looking for like a couple of middle-aged white dudes to co-host a podcast, you know, just hit us up because I don't know how long they're going to keep us around 8 p.m. So, you know, just keep an ear out for us. All right. Thanks, Christina. Bye, Kiki.

All right. Bye. Here I go once again with the email. Every week, I hope that it's from a female. No, man. It's not from a female.

All right.

Emails or V-mails? Yes, I have one email that I would love to share with you, Luke Burbank. D-mails? We have no D-mails, actually. Oh, good. Actually, it's better that way. We don't have the rights to those, unfortunately. But just quick aside on that, I'll just speak in code here so that you'll understand me and probably, you know, maybe a handful of other people. Aren't the Seahawks pre- and post-game radio shows so much better these days for some reason?

Ah, I can't put my finger on it, but there's just something different

There's less D-mails, there's less D

Yeah, there's just something listenable about those shows

Okay, so anyway, I did get a somewhat puzzling, to me, email from our dear friend Barbara, a.k.a. San Jose Barbie I don't even know if she lives in San Jose anymore. She didn't sign her email that, but I really like sticking with that nickname. San Jose Barbie has been a part of the TBTL universe long before I ever was. Before I was even on the show.

She was just sending – I don't know what to actually paint her with this brush. She was just sending emails into Cairo in like 2007, and everyone was like, what is she talking about?

And she said, build the radio show, and they will come. She says, hello, imaginary friendos. I'm just sitting here drinking a glass of Chateau San Michel Riesling and I'm suddenly overwhelmed with nostalgia I know that feeling Both of drinking and being overwhelmed with nostalgia. Of course, for me, every minute of TBTL is wonderful, and the show I'm listening to is always the one I want to be listening to because I love hearing what's up in your lives. However, this glass of wine really took me back to one of the most magical times in TBTL history, the Chateau Saint-Michel years. I don't know if you can easily find this. Now, Luke, I have no idea what this is. I don't know if you can easily find this, but one of our Northern California tens wrote a hilarious song called Don't Kill No Salmon about Chateau Salmon Shell. Any chance you could find that and play it, it was pretty good stuff and it brings me back to some pretty good TBTL memories.

I think I may have this here. I think this is listener it says listener Steve maybe in Chicago. So I think one of the things that we were highlighting about the wine or something was maybe it had to do with some sort of the way that it was being produced or created maybe was ecologically more friendly or something and so somebody wrote a song about the fact that it was not going to be as harmful to the salmon as it might have otherwise been let's see oh no winery in woodenville they're awesome wines chateau on the shelves on the shelves on the shelves on the shelves on the shelves on the shelves fancy fancy fancy what is this great for date night so i decided to have a glass of well this is not that i'm kind of intrigued by that though i would have i know it was kind of a oh oh uh here

we go i got i got the real thing yeah here it is meals like seared salmon with preserved lemon

and quinoa no actually i really do have a song here why what was i know right why was i not searching under Salmon. Here we go. This is the real thing. This is listener Alec, by the way. Listener Alec doing the song Don't Kill No Salmon.

Don't kill no salmon when you're drinking your wine. Juice and Michelle and the fish will be fine. Don't kill no salmon. Don't kill no salmon Cause you drink like a fish Doesn't mean you gotta kill em

That's pretty good, right?

That's a tuna, bro! Don't kill fish when you drink They're gonna call you a villain So don't kill salmon No, don't kill salmon Don't kill salmon Yeah, don't kill salmon

Pretty good, man.

Right?

It's pretty catchy. Yes. You're talented listeners.

We really do. God, between the listeners and Kiki Lolo, we've really got a magical formula here on the show.

And we just lost Kiki Lolo. Yeah, very little of it involves us.

And we're losing listeners every single day. By the hour.

By the hour, exactly. So I don't know where that leaves us.

Not in a great spot, unfortunately. But luckily I have my budding sports betting empire to fall back on now. Right, yeah. As long as I don't get Hunter Renfro'd again, I should be all right.

Renfro is a scary name to begin with, right? That's one comment I made at the game last night that was a really interesting comment. No, it wasn't. But isn't Renfro the name of, like, wasn't that like Dracula's Familiar or something like that? What? Renfro? Hold on. Can I just do a quick look? Interesting. I bet you're right, by the way. You mean like from the book. I think so. And I think from the movies. When I type in Renfro, I get Hunter Renfro.

You know, it's very weird. I have a very kind of limited relationship with all things Dracula. Oh, that's Renfield. I'm sorry. Renfield. Not Renfro. But isn't there? Okay, I'm sorry. A lot of money riding on a college game tonight. If Renfield takes me down, I don't know. I'm in a really tight spot.

Okay, here. Now I'm confused. I'm just going to air out my confusion and hope that it makes for a dollop of content that we can get the hell out of here. But now I'm really confused because I always thought that – and I don't know if he's really a familiar. I'm looking at this now. He's – I don't know exactly what the relationship is with Dracula or Dracula. But I always thought it was Renfro, number one. And number two, that's why I thought, is there a salsa named Mrs. Renfro's? And I thought it was named – is it Renfro? or Renfield so that's

Renfro so that salsa has

nothing to do with Dracula in my head every time I saw that salsa I thought oh that's a scary name it's like it's like Dracula's familiar's wife has the scary hot salsa

when I made this entire web of confusing references that don't even really make sense now that I air it all out.

I think you got more than a dollop of interesting content out of that. Also, people who have played Renfield include Tom Waits, the singer.

Yes, he's in Bram Stoker's Dracula, the one that came out in the 90s, right?

Yes, I believe so. Also, Klaus Kinski.

Oh, my gosh.

Although they're saying Klaus Kinski played Dracula. I don't see Klaus Kinski ever taking second billing on anything. And then Peter McNichol, who was – he's a kind of character actor. I remember him being in Ally McBeal. He was apparently in some kind of Dracula movie called Dracula Dead and Loving It. He might have played Redfield. I love that name.

Dracula Dead and Loving It. Right? I want to watch that. Was that on Kiki's list?

It's on Let's see Oh you know what Was he on Ally McBeal I don't know Sorry We had We were at a Perfect end point To the show And now I'm going Down the rabbit hole Of Peter McNichols IMDB page Which Absolutely nobody Asked me To do today So anyway We'll just I guess we'll wrap it up there Yeah But by the way Barbara in San Jose Thanks for checking in Yes We appreciate your Long suffering Also thank you for protecting our delicate egos by saying any show you're listening to is the show you want to be listening to before saying but remember that one time something good happened let's do more of that remember that one time you stopped talking about Peter McNichol for five minutes and played an awesome song by a listener I'm gonna

I'm gonna play this song bye bye baby baby goodbye by the four seasons I feel like I know that song I feel like that's something I've heard on kick see radio before but I can't quite place it but it seems like a good thing to go out with unless i'm open to other suggestions

if you have any but no i'm into it that sounds good man okay cool all right uh thanks for listening everybody we're gonna be back here tomorrow with more imaginary radio for you until then have a great tuesday take care of yourselves go mariners uh and uh and please remember no mountain too tall and good luck to all i just gotta tell you anyway

Bye-bye, baby, baby, bye-bye Bye-bye, baby, don't make me cry Bye-bye, baby, baby, bye-bye You're the one girl in town I'd marry Girl, I'd marry you now if I were free

I wish it would be I could love you, but why begin it? Cause there ain't any future in it She's got me and I'm not free, so I'll Bye-bye, baby, baby, goodbye

Why, baby, baby, why, why, why, why, why, baby, don't make me cry.

Greg Turkington has brought in a VHS tape from his vast collection. And, Greg, what have you brought in to recommend this week?

Today on my segment, we're looking at Multiplicity, starring Andy McDowell and Michael Keaton. Now, this film is interesting in that they have cloned Michael Keaton. And for anyone who's ever seen Michael Keaton and knows what a national treasure he is, you would have to agree that having 100 Michael Keatons is not just a great idea for a movie, but it would be a great idea for Hollywood, because then we could have him in a lot of movies at once, and that would be a treat.

Right. Well, I wish they had cloned 100 Annie McDowells.

Annie McDowells? Well, I think 50 would be plenty for her. She hasn't had quite the career that Michael Keaton has. But the film's great, and I'd like to clone 100 copies of this and give one to everyone I know so that they could have a nice summer weekend at home.

Power out.